Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category

Once and future king.

December 14, 2014

george

Many think Prince Charles should have just married Camilla in the beginning, and saved himself and others much grief. On the other hand, his otherwise disastrous marriage to Diana does appear to have improved the gene pool. (And the look of the future British currency and stamps.)

 

Bryce Harper didn’t show up today at the NatsFest fan festival, apparently because of a grievance over a dispute over the Nationals star wanting to opt-out in 2015, the last year of the 5-yr $9.9 million contract he signed as a rookie. Harper, who is represented by Scott Boras, said he was “was unable to attend this year’s event due to matters out of my control.” Uh, that’s a clown statement, bro.

 

 

 

On Saturday night, the Senate approved a $1.1 trillion spending bill and sent it to the President for his signature. Because heaven forbid differences large and small should stand in the way of what’s really important – getting Congress home for their Christmas vacations.

#Whythereisnosatire. Ted Cruz wants to shut down the government again over immigration and Obama’s “illegal amnesty.” And yet, this is a man who was born in Canada and whose Cuban father made it to the U.S. when “a lawyer friend of my father basically bribed a Batista official to stamp my passport with an exit permit.”

In New York, 10 people were indicted over selling bogus airline tickets to about 200 people, and leaving many of them stranded at airports. Really, what were they thinking? Stranding people at the airport is the airlines’ job.

Looks the the people who are happiest about the new “Exodus: Gods and Kings” moves may be anyone involved with either “Ishtar” or “Gigli.” ‪#‎newworstmovieever‬?

 

As the unveiled Sony emails become more and more embarrassing, one good thing is no doubt Americans in future will be much more careful about what they type and post. ‪#‎notachance‬ ‪#‎slowlearners‬

Will Muschamp, less than two weeks after being fired at Florida, accepted a job as defensive coordinator at Auburn, and said “I’m just a ball coach.” And Gator fans said “Don’t flatter yourselves.”

No serious football Saturday except the Heisman trophy presentation. Which means ESPN et al could focus on the countdown to Johnny Manziel’s start tomorrow.

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You know it’s been a down year for the ‪#‎SEC‬ when a ‪#‎Pac12‬ player actually wins the ‪#‎Heisman‬

Pigs are flying. This quote tonight on the spending bill “Before Congress starts handing out Christmas presents to the megabanks and Wall Street…., we need to remove these risky derivatives that aren’t even necessary for normal banking purposes and would only make future taxpayer funded bailouts more likely.” Elizabeth Warren? Nope,  GOP Louisiana Senator  David Vitter.

Surprise package.

December 13, 2014

Give this woman a medal: Thieves stealing packages off doorsteps is an increasing problem in the US. And a D.C. woman got fed up with things she had ordered for the holidays being swiped, so she filled a box with poop from her two dogs and left it on her porch. And yes, a surveillance camera shows a man taking it. Alas no camera shows him opening it.

What a country. Our newest tourist attraction opening December 20? “Machine Gun America.” It will feature 50 different firearms and 10 fire lanes, Open to customers who are 13 and over. And yeah, you guessed it, Florida.

Well, then, what’s the problem? Justice Antonin Scalia, when asked about the Citizens United decision: “the amount of money that is spent on all elections — state, local and federal — in the United States, is less than what women spend on cosmetics for a year, OK?” ‪#‎sohowdowegetSupremeCourttermlimit

Hawaii is trying to lure the Obama Presidential Library with the offer of a location on the beach. Some Republicans are appalled, saying it would be just like President Obama to build his library in a foreign location

#‎Lakers‬ upset ‪#‎Spurs‬. I think I see a new marketing campaign ahead for ‪#‎Charmin‬. ‪#‎KobeBryant‬

Bears offensive coordinator Aaron Kromer apologized for being the source behind a negative story about Jay Cutler, but denied telling the NFL Network that Chicago had “buyer’s remorse” about the QB’s $126 million contract. Gosh, Kromer sounds so credible you have to wonder if he’s angling to someday be NFL commissioner.

Junior Kentucky forward Alex Poythress tore an ACL in practice yesterday and will miss the rest of the season. Sad and a bit shocking, Kentucky had an actual junior on its team?

 

Some media experts are conceding 2015 World Series title to ‪#‎Dodgers‬. Guess they figure LA will be defending their predicted 2014 title?

Regarding those leaked emails between the Sony co-chairs, surely they are firing offenses. Not even for the racism. But for being stupid enough to say those sorts of things in written emails.

Oklahoma State dismissed WR Tyreek Hill from the football team following his arrest for allegedly chocking and punching his pregnant girlfriend. Hill, a junior, ranked 2nd nationally with 996 combined kick return yards. and 11th with 150.9 all-purpose yards per game. So wonder how long before he is offered a second chance with FSU or an SEC team?

I’m sure all the lower and middle-class voters who elected a GOP Congress this month will be heartened to see that one of the first ways they flexed their new muscles was a rider on a spending bill to lessen the regulatory burdens on our nation’s long suffering banks. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

Over the line.

December 11, 2014

Amongst the methods of torture used by the CIA was playing the same song over and over and over. One of the songs was “I Love You” from Barney the Dinosaur. As all moms of a certain age know, whoever was responsible for that should be locked up without a key. And with that song playing.

As some San Francisco area roads flood, the National Weather Service is using their usual warning “Turn Around Don’t Drown.” Maybe we need to be a little more graphic with a subtitle: “Drive Through Water – Qualify for Darwin Award.”

Retired Wisconsin football coach Barry Alvarez, currently the school’s AD, will be coaching his second bowl game in three years after his second coach in three years left unexpectedly for another job.    Have to wonder, is Alvarez’s strategy to be enough of an a**hole that his coaches leave in time for him to get these bowl games?

The Arizona Cardinals are 9-3, a lock for the playoffs, and now their backup QB is injured. Wonder if Cardinals GM Steve Keim has sent a one word text – “No” to Brett Favre.

For Dec. 20, the ‪#‎NFL‬ is advertising “Thursday Night Football – Saturday Edition.” Uh, why not just “Saturday Night Football”? ‪#‎TNF‬

Oceania Cruise Lines’ ship “Insignia” had an engine room fire in St. Lucia. Passengers were disembarked and are safe, but sadly three crew members died. And shockingly, this isn’t the lead story on CNN.

A new study indicates sleep problems may result in an increased risk of dementia. Great, one more thing to lie awake worrying about.

Carmelo Anthony reportedly threatened to beat up teammate Tim Hardaway Jr. following another loss last week. Give the Knicks credit. They are giving the Jets a serious run for the title “most dysfunctional team in New York.”

From Alex Kaseberg: “Time” magazine names Ebola Fighter man of the year. This will mark first time the “Man of the year” award ceremony will be held on Skype.”

Well, there’s sure not going to be any congratulatory handshakes.

#‎RickPerry‬ “Running for the presidency is not an IQ test.” Uh, I think we’ve already proved that in this country.

Actual serious thought about Cam Newton’s crash, where the Carolina QB has relatively minor injuries after his truck rolled a few times: As invulnerable as a lot of people, especially young men, think they are, it sure does increase your odds to wear a seat belt. (Which Cam did.)

Followup to the Cam Newton story, this true story from an old coworker who was a flight attendant decades ago. She had Muhammad Ali in first class in his glory days, and he was in a fine expansive mood upon boarding. When it came time to leave the gate, she told him “Sir, you need to put on your seat belt.” He looked at her and beamed “Baby, I’m Superman, Superman don’t need no seat belt.” She responded “Superman don’t need no plane. Buckle up.” Apparently he did and was an angel for the rest of the flight.

One of my new favorite baseball players has to be pitcher Andrew Heaney. Traded from Miami to the Dodgers, he was then immediately flipped in trade to the Angels. And promptly tweeted “Well, @Dodgers we had a good run! Great to be a part of such a storied franchise. ‪#‎thanksforthememories‬

Storm Watch?

December 10, 2014

A storm expected to wreak havoc in California is dubbed the “Pineapple Express” , because the rain comes directly from Hawaii to the West Coast. Okay, so clearly this one we can blame on Obama.

 

Schools in San Francisco, Marin and Oakland are closing tomorrow in anticipation of a big rain storm. Well, this should do wonders for the West Coast’s “soft” reputation.

Got to love this factoid from the SF Chronicle’s John Shea about Madison Bumgarner going to New York to accept the SI “Sportsman of the Year” award: He went out and got a suit for the occasion.

The House and Senate are about to approve multiplying by 10 the amount of money a person can contribute to a national political party from $32,400 to $324,000, and up to $648,000 in two years. Great, because that’s a major problem in Washington D.C., not enough money in elections….

 

Kate and William dazzled in New York this week. I know we got our independence and all that from Britain, but just imagine getting our regular celebrity fix from them instead of the Kardashians.

The NFL’s new personal conduct policy says “A suspension of six games without pay for violations involving assault, sexual assault, battery, domestic violence, child abuse and other forms of family violence will be in effect, but with consideration given to mitigating or aggravating circumstances.” “Mitigating circumstances” like being a superstar on a playoff bound team or being an owner?

The ‪#‎LADodgers‬ have acquired ‪#‎JimmyRollins‬ in a trade to be their starting shortstop. Even Vin Scully is saying “Isn’t he a bit old?”

So many players and front office staff think they can break the Cubs 106 year old jinx? Female sports fans aren’t surprised – these same men probably think they can win an argument with a woman.

Scott Boras said he would love for the SF Giants to enter the bidding for Max Scherzer. With all due respect, is there any team Boras wouldn’t want to enter the bidding, as long as they bring plenty of $$$?

ESPN headline “Transcript shows inconsistencies in Goodell’s testimony on Rice matter.” I’m shocked, said absolutely positively no one.

From my funny friend Jim Barach “Oklahoma Senator Tom Coburn says that athletes and rock stars are exploiting loopholes to avoid paying taxes. Apparently the Senator is upset that those loopholes were intended to be used only by business people who donate the money they save to their congressmen.”

A Harvard professor is demanding the town of Brookline intervene in his fight with a local Chinese restaurant who he claims charged him $1 too much on each of 4 items. Yes, a $4 overcharge. The restaurant said their website was out of date.) Thereby proving Kissinger right again about academics.

Some wonder why big-name free agents don’t want to sign with the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ after three World Series rings. One thought, a lot of stars want to be legendary heroes. On the Giants, first it’s all about team, second you have to stand in line for the hero title.

Rick Perry said today “People expect me to run for President.” Not sure about that. But comedy writers are praying for it.

Message from Stanford about the Foster Farms Bowl. ” Fans who buy tickets through Stanford Athletics will be seated in the designated Stanford section and helps support 900+ student-athletes.” Translation, we expect about 500 folks from Maryland to show up and so the bowl will probably be discounting tickets on Groupon, but please help us fill our allotment.

Value for money.

December 10, 2014

Magic Johnson says he hopes the Lakers lose every game for the rest of the year so the team can get a high draft pick. “”Because if you’re going to lose, lose. I’m serious.” What a nice warm fuzzy message for this year’s season ticket holders.

 

Pitcher Jon Lester says he chose the Chicago Cubs over the SF Giants because the income tax rate in Illinois is 5%, and it’s $13.3% in California. Well, makes sense. On only $155 million over 6 years he really needs to feed his family.

(And his children’s family, and his grand-children’s family, and his great-grandchildren’s family.)

And of course, in Chicago, Lester won’t have to pay taxes on playoff winnings.

Jon Lester may be reunited with his friend Jake Peavy in Chicago.  Peavy has a duck boat and cable car from his last two World Series wins, apparently if the Cubs win the World Series he and Lester both plan to buy flying pigs.

Meanwhile in SF,  Giants fans’ attitude will be going from “wow, how cool would he look with Madbum in the rotation?” to “Just as well, it’s insane to pay any 31 year old pitcher $155 million for six years.”

And in Oakland,  the Athletics have now traded Jeff Samardzija to the White Sox. How are the As ever going to decide on bobbleheads for 2014-15 when there’s a good chance any “name” player they have will be gone before his giveaway day?

Weather forecasters in the SF Bay project over 20 foot waves during a “storm of the decade” that is supposed to hit this Thursday and Friday, Suppose it would be tacky to start a pool on the number of potential Darwin Award winners.

A woman flying on Southwest from San Francisco to Phoenix went into labor and gave birth on the plane, which was then diverted to Los Angeles. Good thing it was Southwest, United, American and Delta would all have charged her for another seat.

Johnny Manziel will start at QB Sunday for Cleveland. The rookie QB may not get the team to the playoffs, but he will make the Browns a top story on Sportcenter…

Prince William, who is 6’3″, flew on a commercial US Airways shuttle from NY to DC Monday. He did, however, fly first class. Perhaps having told his staff, “I may be the ‘people’s prince’ but I’m not crazy.”

Korean Air announced that their chairman’s daughter, an executive with the airline, has resigned after ordering a senior flight attendant off the plane for serving her macadamia nuts in a bag, not on a plate. Americans are stunned by this story… an airline actually serves expensive macadamia nuts?

Cam Newton sustained back fractures but apparently escaped serious injury when his car was hit Tuesday in Charlotte. No word on the other driver, but certainly wasn’t a Saints player. Last week they proved they couldn’t hit anyone

Facebook is working on an AI digital assistant that will warn people posting “questionable” photo uploads, it would say something like “Uh, this is being posted publicly. Are you sure you want your boss and your mother to see this?” Of course, if a “friend”, relative or colleague is posting a such picture of you, this might encourage them to post more.

What matters most.

December 8, 2014

The Browns may start Johnny Manziel at QB Sunday over Brian Hoyer against Cincinnati. Makes some sense. If Cleveland can’t make the playoffs, they’ll be at least more likely to make ESPN headlines.

 

 

William and Kate are on their first visit to New York City. Wonder if the Prince at some point has leaned over to his wife and whispered “Thank God this all isn’t our problem anymore.”

Damn. Apparently a security guard was shot and seriously wounded during an post-game argument between 49ers and Raiders fans outside a San Jose bar. Well, it’s a good thing for public safety neither team’s fans will have anything to argue about during the playoffs.

 

Well, all he did was basically show you can win a World Series with one starting pitcher.  Even if he didn’t get a hit himself.  Congrats Madison Bumgarner, Sports Illustrated’s Sportsman of the Year.

 

At time of posting, reportedly Jon Lester is deciding between offers from the Chicago Cubs and the SF Giants. Wonder if the Giants would do something dastardly, like sending Lester videos of games when the wind is blowing out at Wrigley Field?

 

34 years ago tonight was really the day “the music died”, as John Lennon was fatally shot in New York. Harder to believe for many of us, people who were born after Lennon’s murder, are old enough to have children who know the Beatles music. ‪#‎Timeswingedchariot‬

After Oakland’s upset 23-14 win over SF, Raiders LB Sio Moore took to Instagram to refer to Colin Kaepernick as a “Freakin chump.” Not a huge Kap fan, but maybe Moore should be a little more restrained with his trash talking, considering his team is still 2-11.

Not that I’m generally a soccer fan, but congratulations to the LA Galaxy on winning the MLS Cup. Guess having Robbie Rogers, who is openly gay, on the team, didn’t hurt the locker room too much.

 

A massive fire in a residential complex under construction basically shut down the 101 and 110 in Los Angeles  Monday morning. So for commuters on those freeways it was basically a Monday commute as usual.

Ralph Baer,,92, who invented the world’s first video game console, has died. In his honor, mourners at his funeral will spend the entire service playing on their smartphones.

Baylor coach Art Briles is complaining about no Big 12 team in the College Football Playoff. And five power conferences, four playoff teams was always going to be a problem. But just maybe the Bears might want to up their non-conference schedule from Buffalo, SMU and Northwestern State. (The NY Jets might be available.)

Questions and answers?

December 7, 2014

So the answer to ‘Who’s got it better than us?” is now “Even the Raiders?” ‪#‎SFvsOAK‬

 

Bright spot Sunday for Jim Harbaugh. He had to like the looks of the team he’ll probably be coaching next year. ‪#‎SFvsOAK‬

After Sunday’s shut out loss, finally an appropriate new name for D.C.s ‪#‎NFL‬ team – the Washington Trainwrecks. ‪#‎Redskins‬

TCU beat Iowa State 55-3, and fell out of the College Football Playoffs. A joint crying-towel party will no doubt be arranged for Horned Frogs fans along with fans of whichever NFL team has to go on the road to face the eventual winner of the NFL South.

Another game with last-minute heroics from Andrew Luck. Although it’s not impossible to stop him from winning a game late – just ask David Shaw. (Fiesta Bowl, 2012. No, Stanford fans aren’t bitter….)

LeBron James, on his Cavs playing tonight in front of Prince William and Kate. “The stuff that you read about, people like them are only in books growing up. And to hear that they’re coming to town to see me play and they want to see me do what I do best, it’s a huge honor.” Shocking statement to many – NBA players read books growing up?

The supposed reason the BCS has a four-team playoff instead of eight is that extending the season would interfere with studies. Yes, and they said this with a straight face.

The Times (UK) will apparently publish a full report Friday of a passenger plane in July nearly being hit by a drone at Heathrow airport. In Europe, this might lead to restrictions on buying drones in shops. In the U.S. airlines may use it to institute a “drone-avoidance” fee.

 

A Las Vegas officer fatally shot a robbery suspect Sunday morning inside the Rio Hotel and Casino after he allegedly didn’t comply with their commands and reached for his waist. In good news for police around the country, the suspect had a gun and was white.

Defeated Louisiana senator Mary Landrieu, in her concession speech, said she didn’t regret her vote for Obamacare, which the GOP attacked her on. “This is something to be proud of, and I’m glad we fought for it.” Maybe if Landrieu had been defending her votes and her President all along, the outcome might have been different.

With all the controversy about the ACA – aka Obamacare – many Americans lose sight of the fact that before this bill, most Presidents since Truman had tried and failed to enact healthcare legislation. And the GOP sure didn’t have an alternative. ‪#‎sourgrape

Not quite crystal?

December 7, 2014

The BCS thought the new College Football Playoff would make things more clear. And what it’s made most clear – they need at least an eight-team playoff.

 

The Golden State Warriors have started December with a bang, following a great October-November. The question now, how will they do during NBA playoffs crunch time  – next June. #andtheysaythebaseballseasonislong

Thousands attended a memorial for former D.C. mayor Marion Barry. Of course the real prized invitation had to be the after-pary.

Now that we’ve made it through Black Friday, Small Business Saturday, Cyber Monday, Giving Tuesday, and various extensions of all of the above, who’s going to be the first with an Early Bird After Christmas sale?

In Virginia, a high-school team football team thought they had won the 4A South Region title when they were leading 14-12 with 14 seconds left, and blocked their opponent’s field goal. Except that they started celebrating and, didn’t realize the ball was still live.

So the kicker picked it up, and walked in for a game-winning TD. Who says education isn’t important? At least as far as reading the rule book.

 

Okay, who thought the New Jersey Institute of Technology men’s basketball team would upset #17 Michigan. Okay, who knew NJIT HAD a men’s basketball team?

In the same vein –  Yale hit a 3-point shot with less than 2 seconds remaining to upset national champion UConn tonight. Many college basketball fans were shocked: “Yale plays basketball?”

Kendra Wilkinson said on a British reality TV show “I earned $500,000 in six months as a stripper.” Right, and I’m sure she reported it all to the IRS. Good thing they don’t read the papers.

Arizona benched both their starting and backup QBs for being ineffectual in their 13-51 loss to Oregon Friday night, finishing with a third. Who do they think they are? The ‪#‎NYJets‬?

-The US economy added 321,000 jobs last month and had the biggest gain in average hourly earnings since 2013. Yeah, I can see why all those Democrats wanted to repudiate Obama. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

Not so good tidings…..

December 5, 2014

NPR is reporting that due to intelligence about a possible planned terrorist attack on a passenger plane to Europe around Christmas, airlines are considering banning carry-on luggage on such flights. Of course, even if they determine the threat isn’t serious, airlines could do that anyway to get more checked baggage fees.

A Nebraska Cornhuskers football player tried to take a selfie with a raccoon, which then bit him. So he killed the animal to have it tested for rabies. Shame he hadn’t tried a selfie with a bear. Would be one more live animal and one more Darwin winner.

Ah technology. Since negotiations between Dish Network and CBS broke down, Dish subscribers abruptly were blacked out from all CBS programming, including non-cable shows. No doubt setting off an “Amazing Race” to the phones to complain to customer service.

Rumors have it that ‪#‎TimTebow‬ is now “dating” one of the ‪#‎Duggars‬  (19  kids and counting) daughters. Which means the former NFL QB still isn’t scoring.

Nationals OF Jayson Werth was found guilty of reckless driving and sentenced to 10 days in jail for driving 105 mph on the Capital Beltway. Washingtonians are stunned, when can you find space to get up to 105 mph on the Beltway?

Sounds like last night’s show should have been titled ‪#‎PeterPanDead‬ ‪#‎PeterPanLive‬

The Columbia Lions have lost 21 straight football games. Today coach Pete Mangurian, who has been accused both of being abusive and of ignoring head injuries by 25 of his players, has resigned. Wonder if he was forced out for the alleged abuse, or for losing 21 straight games?

 

On Friday, Starbucks is opening their first “Reserve Roastery and Tasting Room” in Seattle, a 15,000 sq ft showplace where customers can watch “Reserve” beans being roasted, take classes, and of course, purchase premium beans, food and drinks. Translation, the perfect place for those who don’t think they are overpaying enough already for coffee.

 

Headline “FSU loses RB Williams for ACC title game.” Apparently he hasn’t been cleared after a concussion last week. Well, we knew it wasn’t academics or off-field antics. Then Williams would have been suspended for something like the first series of downs.

A back to back item from Canadian comic Torben Rolfsen and Bill Littlejohn,, on Mickey Rourke, 62, making a pro boxing comeback in Russia by beating an opponent 33 years his junior:

 

Rolfsen “Don’t the San Antonio Spurs do that every week?”   Littlejohn “I heard Mickey’s prize move was the Ali Shuffleboard.”

Let the fun begin, (for SFGiants fans) the Los Angeles Times reported that Andre Ethier told the Dodgers he wanted to play every day in the outbound, and not go back to a 5-6 man rotation. But Either said this wasn’t a “play-me-or-trade-me ultimatum.” Sounds like same circus, same monkeys.

 

Commie pinko time:

Two SF police officers were convicted today of several felony counts each of stealing from criminal suspects. They had been charged with taking thousands of dollars found in searches of drug dealers. Of course, had they just shot the suspects….

Yet more accusers coming forward about Bill Cosby. Although apparently these allegations have been around for quite a while. But it took a bit by a young black male comedian, Hannibal Burress, to really break the story. So maybe what we’re talking here isn’t so much racism, as sexism.

 

 

 

Behaving badly?

December 5, 2014

George W.s’ daughter Jenna Bush Hager said in response to a question about her possibly fooling around in the White House: “You know maybe there was a little hanky-panky. There was like maybe a kiss on the roof.” Just guessing there won’t be any congressional aides telling Jenna to “show a little class.”

ESPN headline “Tiger 11 behind leader Spieth.” 11 behind doesn’t sound great. But guess it’s better than saying it another way, that Tiger Woods is last in an 18 man field.

 

Eagles coach Chip Kelly, dismissing rumors he might jump back to the NCAA. “I don’t think our pro offense would work at the college level.”. So how much did his Oregon Ducks get paid anyway?

A baby was born in Colorado that weighed 13 lbs, 13 oz. LSU coach Les Miles was about to offer the kid a scholarship until he learned it was a girl.

It’s been reported that Warren Buffett donated $25,000 to Ready for Hillary, a Super PAC supporting Clinton for President. With all due respect, isn’t that about Buffet’s average income from a single one of his accounts for 15 seconds?

 

Rand Paul is blaming Eric Garner’s death on the high NYC cigarette tax, because he says it’s driven cigarettes underground and “put our police in a dangerous situation with bad laws.” By that token how many deaths is he going to blame on drug and prostitution laws?

 

 

Ryan Leaf has just been released from a Montana prison after two years. Over-under on how long it takes him to get a call from the ‪#‎NYJets‬?

 

 

The Washington Post is reporting that coach Jay Gruden is “done” with RG3. Still another option for the ‪#‎NYJets‬?

 

UAB – (University of Alabama – Birmingham), is eliminating football. Because we all know the state of Alabama doesn’t have enough money to waste on the sport….

The Florida Gators have hired Jim McElwain from Colorado State with a reported 6 year contract. The deal includes a $7.5 million buyout, and $2 million for a future game that CSU will play in Gainesville. Given Gator fans’ expectations let’s hope McElwain is around long enough for that game.

Rumor has it that the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ are interested again in Melky Cabrera. So guess they’re done crying over spilled melk?

 

 

So Anna Duggar, 26, “reality show star”, is pregnant with her fourth child in 6 years of marriage and it is “trending.” This is news because the young woman herself is famous for no other reason than that she married into a family with 19 children…. ‪#‎Beammeupscottythereisnointelligentlifeonthisplanet‬

From T.C.  – one for my male readers –  “Pizza Hut is testing digital technology with an app that can predict what you will order by scanning where your eyes are looking at when you analyze their ‘electronic tablet menu’. Of course, it would always conclude that I want the waitress with the biggest boobs.”

A sight to behold?

December 3, 2014

In England, George Clooney made an appearance on Downton Abbey for charity.

Women get it. To explain this concept to men, this is the equivalent of NFL football with naked cheerleaders.

 

Boston’s Mass General Hospital is treating a possible Ebola patient. But of course, this isn’t making major headlines – since the November election is over.

 

Go figure this targeted FB ad, from Walmart, suggesting that you “not miss a minute of the 49ers game” with Walmart grocery delivery. What do they target supposed Oakland fans with? “Come stand in line at our stores and you don’t have to watch the Raiders game.”?

#‎BlackFriday‬ sales were down, ‪#‎CyberMonday‬ sales weren’t up as much as expected. Uh, maybe because the ‪#‎smallbusinessSaturday‬ and ‪#‎GivingTuesday‬ and the extended everything sales have made Americans think they’d be idiots to buy early?

The NFL is not apologizing for the St. Louis Rams players who came out with their hands up before Sunday’s game. The league presumably is still deciding whether they need to apologize for the play of the Raiders.

The underachieving ‪#‎SF49ers‬ are playing the simply awful ‪#‎oaklandraiders‬ this Sunday. Can we dub this the Grumpy Bowl?

Michigan is apparently firing coach Brady Hoke after a 5-7 season. The Wolverines really now might be a particularly good fit for Jim Harbaugh. If the situation you’re coming into is bad enough, no one cares if you’re an a**hole.

After security lines at Chicago’s Midway Airport stretched over a mile Sunday morning, TSA now said they made a mistake. They opened checkpoints at 4:00am, but due to the holiday, ticket counters had opened at 3:30am. Sort of makes you feel real warm and fuzzy about their ability to catch bad guys.

Veteran MLB umpire Dale Scott just revealed that he is gay and married to his partner of 28 years. Who knew, an ump turns out to be braver than the players.

NY Jets WR Eric Decker’s wife Jessie says her husband has been “depressed about the team’s season. And season ticket holders are thinking “HE’S depressed? We’re the ones paying to watch this sh*t.”

Rain has hit the San Francisco Bay Area so hard and fast that most networks have barely had time to have their reporters covering the drought over to “Stormwatch.”

Senator Rob Portman said yesterday he will not run for President in 2016. And most Americans said “Who?”

Youthful follies.

December 2, 2014

Elizabeth Lauten, who posted that rant on FB about the Obama girls and their clothes, resigned today as communications director for a GOP congressman from Tennessee. Well, at least she won’t have to deal with that interview question “why did you leave your last job?”.

Some wonder where Elizabeth Lauten will end up next. I got dibs on FOX News in the pool.

Madonna, 56, is topless in a new photo spread in “Interview” magazine. And you think you embarrass YOUR children.

 

Cleveland QB Brian Hoyer, defending his role as the team’s starter. “We’re 7-5. That just doesn’t happen by luck.” No, but getting to have played Tennessee, Jacksonville, Oakland, Atlanta, New Orleans and Tampa Bay doesn’t hurt either.

Some tickets for tonight’s Miami-NY ‪#‎MNF‬ game were going for $15. But many Jets fans were holding out to be paid more.

It’s getting bad. At this point the only halfway decent team playing football in New Jersey might be 7-5 ‪#‎Rutgers‬. ‪#‎NYJets‬ #nyjets

The Washington Redskins had a “Cyber Monday” deal for season tickets. “By Telephone Only.” Sounds like Dan Snyder and company get the concept of “Cyber Monday” about as well as they get the idea of putting together a decent football team.

 

 

Cyber Monday is over. The one day of the year when average American women are as focused on their jobs as most men are during the first day of March Madness.

Lindsey Vonn says her boyfriend Tiger Woods is an “inspiration”. “You’re just figuring that out now?” responded comedy writers.

The NFL has decided not to fine the St. Louis Rams players who made the “hands up don’t shoot” gesture before yesterday’s game with Oakland. Nor are they fining the Raiders who looked like they were REALLY surrendering.

TC says  “The Raiders played the entire game with their hands up also. Did you know their “Challenge Flag” is white?”

House Speaker John Boehner has indicated another government shutdown could be possible when a temporary funding measure expires Dec. 11. Here’s a simple solution – NO ONE from Congress goes home for the holidays until they have a deal, period..

The winner of Uruguay’s presidential election, Tabare Vazques, has promised to create the first state-run marijuana marketplace. In related news, travel agents report a sudden jump in calls asking to visit Uruguay.

The price of everything?

December 1, 2014

Here we go, ‪#‎CyberMonday‬. Where merchants offer X% off on items they may or may not have raised by X or X plus Y % last week.

The airport security line at Midway Airport  reportedly was over 1.2 miles long Sunday am. Let’s hope the airlines at least gave passengers that extra frequent flier mile.

Some of the St. Louis Rams are being criticized for walking out before their game against Oakland in the “hands up, don’t shoot” position used by Ferguson protesters.

Two questions. 1. Where’s the “free speech” crowd who defended the “Duck Dynasty” patriarch and others on this one?    2. Wonder how many of these players have been pulled over for “driving while black?”

Personally, while I decry looting and property destruction, I don’t have a problem with this peaceful protest.    And then as my friend Mary S said “They had the right to make a peaceful statement, then proceeded to beat the holy crap out of the Raiders…”

All these interesting early games in the NFL Sunday, and Northern California got to see the 52-0 Rams-Raiders game….. Can TV ratings be negative numbers?

#‎Raiders‬ today made a strong case for the ‪#‎NFL‬ instituting a mercy rule. ‪#‎OAKvsSTL‬

Have to wonder how did these Raiders ever beat the Chiefs? Heck, they aren’t looking like they could beat Alabama. ‪#‎OAKvsSTL‬

 

Los Angeles fans don’t have an NFL team. After today, New York fans don’t think they have one either.

There are rumors that the 49ers might trade Jim Harbaugh to another NFL team for a draft pick – and the top two teams and the Raiders and the Jets!? And comedy writers are thinking “Christmas is coming early.

 

Mike Golic was one of only 3 of 14 ESPN experts to pick the Eagles over the Cowboys, and the ONLY one to pick the Saints over the Steelers. Maybe a karmic reward from the football gods for enough of a sense of humor to do that semi-nude picture?

Janay Rice who attended her husband’s June meetings with Roger Goodell, says of the NFL commissioner, “I can’t say he’s telling the truth.” Give Goodell credit, it really takes talent to come out of a situation like this looking worse than the guy who knocked out a woman.

Meanwhile, in Canada, the CFL Grey Cup was Sunday night. Hamilton vs. Calgary. Many Americans are thinking “what’s the Grey Cup?” Still others are thinking “Where’s Hamilton?

 

UAB – the .University of Alabama at Birmingham -may be about to shut down their football program. And after the last month, have to wonder how many Notre Dame alums are saying “want our team instead?

Pardon me?

November 29, 2014

A communications director for Tennessee Rep. Stephen Fincher has apologized after posting on Facebook some criticism of Malia and Sasha Obama’s outfits when their dad pardoned a turkey “Try showing a little class. At least respect the part you play. Dress like you deserve respect, not a spot at a bar.”

Leaving aside the fact that children in the White House are traditionally off limits, many parents saw the picture and thought “I wish my daughters dressed that modestly.”

sasha

 

 

 

Apparently a new study has found that marijuana could help in treating Alzheimer’s. So it still might be “Dude, where’s my car?” But at least you’ll remember you have one.

Happy birthday to LA Dodgers’ announcer Vin Scully, 87.  Or as Jamie Moyer refers to him “that nice young man.”

If ‪#‎Auburn‬ held on,  ‪#‎SEC‬ powers might have had to have an emergency meeting to develop rationales for 2 loss team in ‪#‎CollegeFootballPlayoff‬ ‪#‎AUBvsBAMA‬

But the final score was Alabama 55,  Auburn 44, So when did they change the ‪#‎IronBowl‬ into a flag football game?

Western Kentucky upset previously undefeated #24 Marshall in OT, 67-66. The WKU Hilltoppers may not have earned a bowl bid, but perhaps at least a small bouquet from the BCS powers-that-be?

The Philadelphia 76ers are 0-16. At this point even the Washington Generals want to play them.

Many SF Giants fans are unhappy about a favorite player leaving as a free agent. Oakland A’s GM Billy Beane seems bound and determined not to let star players stay around long enough to be favorites and/or free agents.

For the uninitiated, George Gipp. aka “the Gipper”, died almost 96 years ago this week. Good thing. ‪#‎NotreDame‬‘s play today might have killed him.

Most Americans are agreed in hoping that ‪#‎ESPN‬‘s ‪#‎MikeGolic‬, a ‪#‎NotreDame‬ alum, didn’t make a bet involving a photo over ‪#‎USC‬ game ‪#‎NDvsUSC‬

FSU hung on to beat Florida 24-19, despite Jameis Winston throwing four interceptions so far today. Who knew the Heisman winner’s ambition was to be drafted by the ‪#‎NYJets‬?

A story is going viral about a US Airways passenger who brought a pig on board last week as an emotional-support animal. Wonder how many women are thinking “how different is that from with my ex?”

From Alex Kaseberg  “In Connecticut, a pig was kicked off a flight for being disruptive. This inability to have a pig fly does not bode well for the Chicago Cubs’ season.”

In a retrial, a Cairo judge dismissed all murder charges against former Egyptian leader Hosni Mubarak. Wow, did Egypt import a judge from Los Angeles?

 

A 25 year-old Central Florida high school band teacher has been arrested and charged with having sex with two of his students. One relationship started last year but the girl kept it a secret until last week, when she found out about the new girl. ‪#‎Stayclassy‬

(this is one of those moments when you almost wish the students HAD been armed.)

Where did all the blue people go?

November 28, 2014

This is a picture of a mostly sold-out Rose Bowl in the 4th quarter of today’s UCLA-Stanford game.

 

ucla

 

To be fair,  wonder how many Stanford fans were not only happily watching the game, but wondering, Who is this football team and where have they been all year? ‪#‎nerdnation‬ ‪#‎stanvsucla‬

 

Stanford’s David Shaw was like a different coach today. Almost like he’s auditioning for a hypothetical open local ‪#‎NFL‬ job. ‪#‎stanvsucla‬ ‪#‎fearthetree‬

Got to wonder, if the elevator “incident” happened after one of his Pro Bowl seasons, would he have been signed by now?

 

#‎JedYork‬ tweeted at the end of the SF-Seattle game “Thank you ‪#‎49ersfaithful‬ for coming out strong tonight. This performance wasn’t acceptable. I apologize for that.” Wonder how the tweet was received by both fans left in the stadium.

Retailers in Denver had shoppers lining up for “Green Friday” marijuana sales. Of course, wonder how many folks will show for those sales Saturday, or Sunday, or next week….

 

Black Friday crowds were apparently thinner than average today.. Which might mean Americans weren’t shopping as seriously as usual. Or might mean more of us were sitting home today, drinking, eating leftovers, watching TV and shopping online.

So SF Giants fans are all whining about their rough week because Pablo Sandoval left. And SF 49ers fans are just thinking “Oh, STFU.”

British Airways is going to try to save money by standardizing lavatories in their fleet. Wonder how long it will take U.S. airlines to try to save money by just replacing lavatories with disposable plastic bottles.

Apparently HealthCare.gov got off to a much better start in the first week of its second year, with 220,000 new signups. Which means the GOP will be in even a bigger rush to repeal Obamacare now that it looks like it’s working.

Thanksgiving is over for another year. And pretty amazing job in retrospect by the NFL. Three games, three turkeys.

 

Okay, you think you had a tense Thanksgiving with your loved ones. In Pennsylvania a man is recovering in the hospital after his girlfriend woke up from a nap to discover he had started eating dinner without her. So she stabbed him in the chest. (Of course, in Florida or Texas she’d have probably shot him. ‪#‎smallmercies‬)

If the ‪#‎SEC‬ is that good in football why has the team they added from ‪#‎Big12‬ made it to the championship game 2 years in a row? ‪#‎Mizzou‬

 

Turkey day and night

November 28, 2014

The three NFL games on Thanksgiving were all bad enough some people found themselves forced to actually talk to their relatives.

FOX is advertising a post-game “Cause for Paws” tonight – “An All-Star Dog Spectacular.”. So are they doing a show on the ‪#‎NFCSouth‬

 

 

Were the ‪#‎49ers‬ tonight trying to earn a transfer to the ‪#‎NFCSouth‬?

49ers coach Jim Harbaugh at halftime. “We’re going to show up this half.”. So no one told San Francisco they needed to show up in the first half?

49ers owner Jed York tweeted out at the end of the game “Thank you for coming out strong tonight. This performance wasn’t acceptable. I apologize for that.”    Wonder if both fans left in the stands appreciated the sentiment?

As for the middle game, it would have taken a lot more than one ‪#‎buttfumble‬ today to save the ‪#‎Cowboys‬. ‪#‎PHIvsDAL‬

There are moments when I think it would have been nice to have a daughter. Then I watch the ‪#‎Dallascowboys‬ cheerleaders. And think – their parents must be so proud.

In Siberia, when an airplane’s brakes froze, passengers helped push their own plane on a snow-covered runway. And in the U.S., airlines thought… hmm, how can we use this idea to cut costs this winter?

 

Oil prices fell to under $70 a barrel today. Which means somehow airlines will find a way to spin that to increase fuel surcharges.

Just a thought. Many people are upset about the idea of Thanksgiving shopping because it means others are working on the holiday. But no one’s been screaming about folks working at airlines, hotels, restaurants, and, if you’ve forgotten something for dinner, grocery stores.

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers apparently served colored water masquerading as tequila. Makes sense. The Bucs are also masquerading as an NFL team.

But really? What were they thinking? If someone wants to drink colored water there’s always Bud Light.

The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade was a success today with no balloon malfunctions. And on a holiday it would be uncharitable to make a Chris Christie joke here.

P.D.James, 94 has passed away. If you’re a mystery reader who knows her books, you know how sad this is. If you’re a mystery reader who hasn’t read her books… you have a lot of potential treats in store. ‪#‎AdamDagliesh‬

Bus to hell time. A man hiking in New Jersey took a series of five pictures on his cellphone of a black bear before the bear attacked and mauled him to death. Guess he should have stopped at four?

(my friend Marty B. calls it “a Kodiak moment.”)

 

Turkey time

November 26, 2014

This afternoon, most media outlets covered President Obama’s executive order pardoning two turkeys. So where’s the coverage of Ted Cruz’s opposing filibuster?

Although Britain doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving, stores and websites across the pond have started offering “Black Friday” sales. Good to know that the U.S.A. is exporting our traditional values around the world.

So far, while hundreds of flights were cancelled, air travel was not as awful as expected with the today’s east coast storm. Making many travelers happy, while seriously disappointing others who were all ready to try not to giggle while telling relatives “sorry, just can’t make it this year.”

Hmm, Stanford coach David Shaw thinks his team is “still an attractive team to a bowl”, because “fans have traveled to the last four bowl games.” True enough, but those were big BCS bowls. Wonder how many alums have the Cactus Bowl on their holiday wish list.

A British man on a way to his honeymoon in Cuba got drunk enough on the plane that he first fought with his bride, then threatened the flight crew. So the flight landed in Bermuda, he was arrested, and his wife and the rest of the plane went on without him. Well, that’s getting the “for worse” out of the way in a hurry..

Musical QB chairs time. The Jets are moving back to starting Geno Smith this Sunday. It’s all part of a complicated process for NY to aim for the #1 draft pick?

A new billboard in Denver warns parents to keep marijuana candy and alcohol away from kids. Cool But can they add guns to the list?

 

If the NFL REALLY wanted to give Americans a Thanksgiving turkey, wouldn’t the league have figured out a way to have a team from the NFL South play Thursday?

Saints and Falcons tied for NFC South lead at 4 and 7. Could be first NFL division champion this year who wouldn’t be NCAA bowl eligible.

Now there are rumors that RGIII is done as the Redskins’ QB. If true, how long until Washington gets a trade offer from the Jets?

 

A man whose backpack was stolen Sunday night in Berkeley discovered his credit card was being used to order a pizza a few hours later. He called the cops, the cops called the pizza place, delivered the pizza, arrested three men, and recovered the stolen property. ‪#‎crooksreallyarestupid‬

From Alex Kaseberg:   “A woman in the crowd before last weekend’s Tennessee football  game wept when Tim Tebow presented her with a piece of cake. Unfortunately for her, the cake was then intercepted and returned for a touchdown.

Crimes of omission?

November 26, 2014

Mark Whitaker, who wrote the latest biography of Bill Cosby, tweeted an apology for failing to discuss rape allegations in his recent book. Well, of course, because Whitaker now knows he would be selling more books.

 

Despite Michael Sam’s having been the SEC defensive player of the year in 2013, some questioned whether he really had NFL caliber talent. Which if so brings up another question – Why hasn’t Sam been signed by a team from the NFL South?

In the “better to remain silent and be thought a fool..” dept, today’s nominee for the win is Adrian Peterson, who tweeted after the Ferguson decision “The GRAND JURY DECIDED NOT TO INDICT ME TOO! But that changed a week LATER! MAYBE,BUT NOT LIKELY N THIS CASE.”‘

The Milwaukee Brewers new AA team in Mississippi will be known as the Biloxi Shuckers. If they go through a bad patch, nothing can go wrong with THAT name…

Pablo Sandoval Tuesday on leaving San Francisco. “I need a new challenge.” Well, if Panda wanted a REAL challenge, why didn’t he sign with the Cubs?

Many Giants fans are taking the high road saying “Well, Pablo Sandoval gave us some good years, we wish him nothing but the best.” Right. Like people do when someone breaks up with them to move on to a different guy or gal. Of course you want them to be happy…..‪#‎sarcasm‬

After two of players were ejected in the 2013 OSU-Michigan game, Urban Meyer has warned his Buckeyes to behave this year, or he may impose further penalties. Guess the former Florida coach wants players to keep their bad behavior off the field.

You can’t make this “stuff” up.. CFO Anthony Noto accidentally tweeted what he thought was a private message saying “I still think we should buy them.” And it went out publicly. Ok, this stuff happens. Especially to executives who may not get social media. Except Noto is the CFO of Twitter. ….

The Seahawks’ Richard Sherman and Doug Baldwin did a little comedy routine for reporters today, which included lampooning the NFL’s sponsorship rules and $100,000 fine to Marshalll Lynch for not talking. Wonder how much Roger Goodell will fine them for the skit?

 

Washington apparently will start Colt McCoy nstead of RGIII against the Colts this weekend. Uh oh, has anyone checked Redskins owner Dan Snyder for signs of sanity?

 

Saw a DWTS “spoiler” saying “Winner Revealed on Season 19 Finale: Is It Alfonso Ribeiro, Janel Parrish, or Sadie Robertson?” And thinking “Who, who and who?”

 

 

From T.C.  “Redskins owner Dan Snyder in an attempt to gain support for the name debate, sat with Navajo Chief Ben Skelly and his wife at the Phoenix game. Not to be outdone, new Buffalo owner Terry Pegula invited 20 guys named Bill into his private box yesterday.”

Going, going, gone,

November 25, 2014

A New Hampshire woman was arrested and briefly jailed when she slapped her boyfriend during a fight over a game of Monopoly. Bet she didn’t even get to collect her $200 either.

RB Justin Forsett, released in March by the Jaguars and signed in April by the Ravens as a precautionary backup for Ray Rice, tonight ran for 182 yards. Forsett thanked God. Probably would have been tacky to have thanked whoever installed that casino elevator video camera.

 

Monica Lewinsky complains that having an affair with Bill Clinton 19 years ago and the resulting scandal has made her unemployable. Really? Maybe for a few years, but Donna Rice moved on to a very successful career. Even Michael Vick has a job…. America loves second acts..

(my friend Tom Dodd says ” I would have thought that she demonstrated that she had a marketable skill.”)

Maybe ‪#‎PabloSandoval‬  decided to sign with ‪#‎Boston‬ because he wanted to play on national television every week instead of just during the postseason. ‪#‎RedSoxYankees‬ ‪#‎ESPN‬

Boston now has Big Papi and Pablo Sandoval on their team. Does this give the Red Sox the first dugout that will register on the Richter scale?

 

Not that most Giants fans would trade this year’s World Series to keep one player.  But my friend Alex P. makes a good point. “Alternate reality: Let’s say the Giants lost the Wildcard game to the Pirates.” (or for that matter the Brewers didn’t collapse down the stretch and give SF the second wild card.  Then “what contract would Sandoval get?”

 

Guessing this year the SF Giants Dugout Stores will be shipping children in Africa a lot of Panda hats?

John McCain wants Lindsey Graham to run for President. Democrats are thrilled. Republicans want Senator McCain checked for other signs of dementia.

Budweiser has apparently dropped the Clydesdales from their holiday advertising for new campaign aimed at 21-27 year-olds who have been drinking craft beers. Uh, have news for them, if Bud wants millennials, forget spending money on ads, spend it on improving the beer.

Chuck Hagel has resigned as Secretary of Defense. The GOP is eagerly awaiting President Obama’s pick for a replacement so they can say why he/she is the worst possible choice.

QB Johnny Manziel was reportedly at the center of a 20-person brawl in Cleveland last Friday. Belated congrats to all those who had Nov. 20 in the most recent pool.

 

 

Sports anchor Mike Lynch tweeted that he heard the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ matched the ‪#‎RedSox‬ offer for Sandoval but that Pablo left because he felt “disrepected.” Well, then it’s a good thing the Panda is going to such a gentle, warm and fuzzy market as Boston.

Sad to watch the rioting in Ferguson. But okay, if you WANTED to create a riot, could you do any more than say 10 hours in advance that a verdict had been reached, a verdict that many people expected to be a non-indictment, and then wait until several hours into the evening actually to announce it

Getting what you didn’t pay for.

November 24, 2014

StubHub is not allowing sales of tickets given away for the Monday night Bills-Jets game, saying their policy is often not to allow sales of tickets the seller has obtained for free. Well, that and Stubhub doesn’t think they’ll make much money on the game anyway.

But meanwhile, scalpers are reportedly  asking up to $125 for “free tickets” to the Buffalo-NY game in Detroit Monday night. And Jets fans are thinking “clearly buyers haven’t seen our team play.”

Joey Chestnut has won a turkey-eating contest in Connecticut, eating 9.5 pounds of meat off a 20 pound turkey in 10 minutes. Wonder what Chestnut then did for a main course.

 

Lindsey Graham said of the GOP-led EIGHTH Benghazi House investigation findings, “I think the report is full of crap,” A new definition of infinity might be how many investigations it would take to convince Senator Graham that the Obama administration really didn’t lie to cover up what happened.

#‎SF49ers‬ both won and accomplished the near impossible Sunday.   They made the Washington ‪#‎Redskins‬ look like a decent ‪#‎NFL‬ team.

A student organizing protests against a proposed UC Berkeley tuition hike was quoted as saying that “the public university will be more expensive than Ivy League for out-of-state students. What will be the incentive for out-of-state students to come here if it’s more expensive than a private school?” Uh, leaving football out of it, maybe if they get admitted to Cal and not an Ivy League?

If the Saints can beat the Ravens on MNF they will take control of the NFL South with an impressive record of 5-6.

Or there’s this tweet from @NOTSportsCenter):

NFC South Week 12 results-

Falcons: Lost to Browns
Bucs: Lost to Bears
Panthers: Lost to Bye week
Saints: Waiting till tomorrow to lose

Tough question of the day. If you saw both Cowboys’ owner Jerry Jones and Redskins’ owner Dan Snyder both about to be set upon by a pack of starving wolves, which man would you point the wolves to first?

 

Be careful what you wish for. Stanford became bowl eligible by beating Cal yesterday in the Big Game. And could be headed to the Cactus Bowl. The #6 choice from the Pac 12 vs the #5 choice from the Big 12. In Glendale, AZ, on January 2. So their reward could be a “who-cares” game, which would require practicing all the way through the holiday season…..

Trader Joe’s $8.99 potted Amaryllis bulb LITERALLY grows enough that you can see a difference overnight. Are we sure that the store isn’t using something illegal and performance enhancing? ‪#‎simplepleasures‬

 

 

 

 

 

From T.C.  “NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell says that he is not out of touch with player Personal Conduct policies. Goodell then announced that he was suspending Bill Cosby indefinitely.