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What’s in a word?

March 22, 2015

So ‪#‎Wisconsin‬ survives to challenge the ‪#‎NCAA‬ stenographer for at least another day. ‪#‎MarchMadness‬ ‪#‎antidisestablishmentarianism‬

 

(And if you haven’t read aboutf the Badgers and the Stenographer, here’s the link. Might be the best non-Georgia State story of the tournament – http://espn.go.com/blog/collegebasketballnation/post/_/id/105479/nigel-hayes-and-his-wisconsin-teammates-are-fascinated-by-the-ncaa-stenographer)

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Stanford vs Rhode Island tonight in the NIT. Many Cardinal fans tuned in, if only for the memories and replays of a game that actually mattered. “And he was FOULED!”

 

 

Stanford holding up ‪#‎Pac12‬ honor in the “Not in Tournament.” So what’s better-worse? Another potential NIT banner? Or being knocked out in the first round of the NCAA’s.

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Ted Cruz apparently will announce his candidacy for the Presidency Monday, skipping the usual step of an “exploratory committee.” Well, makes sense. “Exploratory” sounds too much like science.

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Jerry Brown said today that U.S. Senator Ted Cruz’ is “unfit” to run for President. It’s actually a birther thing. Cruz was born stupid.

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A 46 year old woman was arrested after allegedly stripping on a British Airways flight from Jamaica to London, and then according to the UK Mirror “performing a solo sex act.” Men across the world have one reaction – “Where is the video?”

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NY Yankees are advertising individual game tickets against the “best of the American League”. Translation “which in 2015 will not be us.”

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In Cottonwood, Arizona, eight police officers and a Walmart employee were assaulted in the store parking lot. Two suspects were shot, one fatally, and seven others were arrested. According to a police spokesman, the suspects are all related. ‪#‎Familyvalues‬ Your move, Florida.

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Bloomsburg (Pa.) University dismissed one of their best hitters after he posted a offensive tweet about Mo’ne Davis. (He used the four letter S word that is only marginally better than the four letter C word.)

But okay, once again, the guy is not being dismissed so much for being a sexist pig, but for being idiotic enough to tweet it. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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John McCain, on CNN, dismissing what “Bibi Netanyahu said during an election campaign.” “If every politician were held to everything they say during a campaign, obviously that would be a topic of long discussion.”

Right, like saying that Sarah Palin was qualified to be President?

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Midlife madness.

March 21, 2015

Biggest surprise for casual fans who usually only watch NBA finals but tune into ‪#‎Marchmadness‬: Many white men do play basketball.

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Lots of empty seats at the UAB vs UCLA second round game in Louisville. Guess Iowa State and SMU fans tore up rather than sold their tickets

 

The SF Chronicle is reporting that the SF Giants, looking at a possible 2015 power drought, want to expand Barry Bonds’ presence with the team. Giants President Larry Baer “we’re trying to do something a little more than just coming down to spring training.” Hmm, like starting in left field?

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Regarding this “party of stupid” thing, have to wonder what the Republicans think they are doing holding up the Loretta Lynch Attorney General nomination. Because until she is confirmed, that job belongs to that GOP “favorite” Eric Holder.

 

Okay, just guessing a tweet like this has never before been sent by an NFL player. From Baltimore Ravens OL John Urshel: “My paper, A Cascadic Multigrid Algorithm for Computing the Fiedler Vector…, has been published in the Journal of Computational Mathematics.”

And in the SEC they’re thinking, “Big deal, we’ve also had a player or two major in foreign languages.”

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Say it ain’t so. So season six of Downton Abbey will be its last. On the brighter side, at least we don’t have to deal with the horror of watching Lady Mary go through menopause.

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A man was shot at New Orleans Airport yesterday after attacking TSA workers. No word on his name but can’t be a member of last year’s Saints defense – they couldn’t hurt anyone..

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Richard White, the 63 year old Louisiana taxi driver who was shot while assaulting TSA workers at New Orleans Airport, has died. He also apparently was carrying a bag filled with a half-dozen gas-filled Molotov cocktails and a barbecue lighter. Not sure White’s motive, but FOX News’s reaction will no doubt be to criticize Obama for not condemning “radical Islam.”

 

Gwyneth Paltrow, in an interview with CNN Money this week. “I’m incredibly close to the common woman…. in that I’m a woman, and a mother”. Anyone but me have this evil urge to watch “Sliding Doors” again and have her tragically caught in those closing doors?”

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Steve Nash, 41, is retiring. “So young?” asked Jamie Moyer.

 

From T.C.  “The Canadian Diving Team finished with 5 medals this week at the FINA Diving World Series in Dubai. Montreal Canadiens’ PK Subban, who was fined for his 3rd diving infraction last week by the NHL, was not part of the team in Dubai.”

(For non-Canadians and/or non-hockey fans… substitute Blake Griffin for PK Subban)

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Cinderella needs to knock off those Thursday night benders?

March 20, 2015

A 17 year old woman was bitten by an alligator in Tampa while swimming in a retention pond near a mall. When will people learn? In Florida, gators ORIGINATED the concept of “standing your ground.”

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Apparently almost 2 percent of entrants in ESPN’s tournament challenge had UCLA advancing to play UAB in the second round. Did they use one of those “quick pick” lottery machines?

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Thursday, Day 1, was wild, but Friday’s potential day 2 Cinderellas may have stayed up partying after midnight last night. ‪#‎noupsets‬ ‪#‎NCAATournament‬

 

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Happiest people about the lack of upsets on Day 2?  Las Vegas bookies who probably took in a lot of last minute upset-money.

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Donald Trump says that as President he promises to make the USA ‘so rich’ that Social Security and Medicare won’t need cuts. So is part of the Donald’s strategy for the country to follow his example and declare bankruptcy four times?

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A new poll shows 36% of adults in the Boston area support the city’s bid to host the 2016 Summer Olympics. That high?

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Eva Mendes yesterday said that the “number one cause of divorce in America” was “sweatpants.” Sweatpants? More like spandex.

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The Oklahoma Thunder are shutting Kevin Durant down indefinitely. Along with their season.

 

 

Robert Morris was up 2-0 on Duke today. So maybe we’ve already had the moment that many of the Colonials will later describe as the “one shining moment”of their lives.

 

Buffalo lost today to West Virginia. Thereby ending a mini-controversy over the team having “New York” on its jersey, even though the state school is a long way from New York City. Wonder how many of the complainers were Jets-Giants fans.

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Wonder if all those people who thought Kentucky was invincible are getting nervous. That 79-56 win over Hampton yesterday didn’t even cover the 33 point spread. ‪#‎Marchmadness‬

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The Oklahoma Thunder announced Kevin Durant has been “removed from basketball activities.” Does that mean they traded him to the Knicks?

 

From Bill Littlejohn “Johnny Manziel is reportedly doing ‘fantastic’ in rehab. Meanwhile, flags are flying at half-staff on the Las Vegas strip.”

 

From Gary Bachman.  “Barack Obama has made his March Madness picks. Unfortunately, they are unlikely to be confirmed by the Senate.”

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For those with busted NCAA brackets – World Country/Leader Brackets

March 19, 2015

This started with a Facebook post. Maybe Americans would pay more attention to world affairs if we put world leaders into brackets.

And since everyone’s brackets are busted anyway. Why not?

Jeff Klein suggests for #1 seeds, “Obviously Obama. Probably Xi Jinping of China, Putin, and maybe Angela Merkel of Germany. Merkel would probably be the #1 everyone would say shouldn’t be there.”

But hey, okay, Israel-Palestine for a hotly contested #8 vs. #9 seed.

England with a mid-level seed, feeling like they should move up. Because they expect a new royal baby player coming in off the bench.

India as a high seed facing Pakistan?

Bruce N. suggests “China would just go into “Hack-A-Barack” mode earlyon since they’ve got a deep bench.”
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Trump of course would be angling for a play-in game. Etc.

Okay, anyone reading this. Have fun. And good luck with Friday’s brackets.

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It’s clearly his fault….

March 19, 2015

Texas Southern – gone, SMU – gone, Texas – gone, Baylor – gone. Last time the state of Texas had a day this bad, the Alamo was involved.

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Stephen F. Austin makes a strong showing but joins Thursday’s Texas ‪#‎MarchMadness‬ loss parade. How long will it take Ted Cruz to blame Obama?

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So many upsets and busted brackets that with their lack of  productivity today, American office workers are being named honorary members of Congress. ‪#‎MarchMadness‬

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That stampeding sound you hear is every potential GOP Presidential candidate rushing to tell Iowans “I feel your pain.” ‪

(UAB over Iowa State.)

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Looking good for cat brackets. Georgia State is the Panthers. (Two most common reactions across America – “Georgia State has a Panther mascot?” “Georgia State has a team?”)

 

How many of their nine lives did ‪#Bearcats‬ use in beating ‪#‎Purdue‬?    And thus earning a beat down by Kentucky.

 

But really, Bearcats are  not real cats. But that last Cincinnati shot at the buzzer in regulation sure looked like voodoo was involved. ‪#‎Marchmadness‬

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It has been an absolute consensus that ‪#‎UCLA‬ did not belong in the ‪#‎NCAATournament‬. Apparently neither did ‪#‎SMU‬
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Getting into the NCAA tournament when with their record they belonged in the NIT, then winning on a disputed goal tending call on a 3-point shot. Well, maybe God IS a UCLA Bruin. Or maybe he/she REALLY doesn’t like that east coast bias.
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Larry Brown says Kentucky could make the playoffs in the NBA East. Coach John Calipari is thinking “Make the playoffs in the East? That’s absurd. We should be at least a five seed.”
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Liza Minnelli is back in rehab. At this point is she getting a frequent stay discount?
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The SF Giants announced that Angel Pagan is having back issues, will need an injection, and will miss at least another three games. So congrats to everyone who had March 19 in the pool.
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President Obama yesterday publicly mulled the idea of mandatory voting. Why go to the trouble of making it the law? Just give everyone who votes a lottery ticket…. The USA would be at 90% turnout in no time.
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Israel PM Benjamin Netanyahu, after promising during his campaign that there would be no Palestinian state, today said “I don’t want a one-state solution. I want a sustainable, peaceful two-state solution…” So I guess he has more in common with American politicians than many of us thought.

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If you’re reading this…. shouldn’t you be working on your brackets?

March 18, 2015

Wonder what the once-again revamped Oakland As with all their new players will choose for their 2015 slogan. Think the NCAA may have already trademarked “One-and-done.”

 

Syracuse has announced men’s basketball coach Jim Boeheim will retire in three years. Interesting. Does this mean the Orangemen will make a “whatever it takes” push for the tournament in 2018, and then Boeheim will leave before they have to vacate the wins?

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President Obama picked undefeated Kentucky to win the NCAA men’s basketball tournament. Out of habit many in the GOP were about to disagree with him then stopped thinking “We’re crazy but we’re not THAT stupid.”

 

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#‎ESPN‬ headline: “President Obama: Cats wear crown.” Narrows it down to about six teams. ‪#‎Kentucky‬ ‪#‎Villanova‬ ‪#‎Arizona‬ etc. ‪#‎MarchMadness‬

 

SMU coach Larry Brown said today the thought Kentucky would make the NBA playoffs in the East. And John Calipari no doubt is thinking, “That’s absurd. Make the playoffs?! We should be at least a 4 seed in the East? ”

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Starbucks says it will start a delivery service in some parts of New York City later this year. For all those customers who can’t cross the street to get to the nearest branch?

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Baltimore RB Bernard Pierce has become the third Raven arrested this off-season, in his case for DUI. Looking good for all those who bet the “over.”

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Dallas has signed DE Greg Hardy to a one-year deal, although Hardy is still waiting for the NFL’s decision on a possible suspension for violating the league’s domestic conduct policy. Guess the Cowboys’ hating season is starting early this year.

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Donald Trump has formed a Presidential Exploratory Committee for 2016 saying “I am the only one who can make America truly great again!” Make America “truly great?” Trump can’t even do a great job with that furry thing that lives on his head.

 

From Alex Kaseberg ” the NCAA men’s college basketball tournament are set. The general consensus is Kentucky will win unless, in the last two minutes of the championship game, they are coached by Pete Carroll.

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The body of a man who was seen falling off the Carnival Triumph on Tuesday, the last night of a 5-day cruise, was found this morning. On the bright side, at least he didn’t have to pay his St. Patrick’s Day bar bill.

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T.J. Maxx has pulled a T-shirt from its stores when a customer in Florida complained. The shirt featured the phrase “Hang Loose,” along with a noose. The question here isn’t why they pulled the shirt, but who was stupid enough to try to sell it in the first place?

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Louisiana Rep. John Fleming just said Obama’s executive action on immigration is part of a “grand plan” to fix elections.

Because undocumented immigrants will have driver’s licenses, and in “many states, the only thing that are (sic) required to vote is simply an ID, well they’ll have one….. this is a part of a grand plan for the Democrat Party to make this nation into a single party state, as they have already accomplished in California, and you see the devastating impact it’s having there.”

‪#‎cantfixstupid‬, on so many levels.

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Beating the odds?

March 17, 2015

Hampton beat Manhattan Tuesday night in the “First Four” to get into the NCAA men’s basketball tournament. Where they will play Kentucky. Sort of like winning a competition between two Christians to meet the lions.

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Stanford beat UC Davis in tonight’s first round of the NIT. And yeah, it’s not exactly a great accomplishment. But but it’s a heck of a lot better than losing in the first round of the NIT. Or losing to UC Davis, anytime.  (As former Stanford football coach Walt Harris would tell you – 20-17 in 2005)

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Pete Rose has submitted a new request to be reinstated to baseball. Rose is optimistic this time, figuring his odds are 2 to 1.

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After ‪#‎ChrisBorland‬ leaving the SF 49ers, who’s next? Presumably some player who’s afraid of drowning inside the sinking ship?

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Chris Borland, 24, is ending his NFL career because of worries about brain damage. Why so young? Maybe only young players still have brains working well enough to think about it.

 

The Kappa Delta Rho frat at Penn State fraternity has been suspended over allegedly having a “secret Facebook page showing mostly nude women who were ‘sleeping or passed out.'” Wonder how many people at the University are thinking “Thank God they were at least adult women”?

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Passengers on a United flight from Dulles tackled and subdued a possibly drunk or drugged man who was rushing the cockpit soon after takeoff last night. United may or may not reward the passengers, but the Washington Redskins are interested in talking to the men for a tryout on defense.

 

The Secret Service said a letter mailed to the White House tested “presumptive positive” for cyanide. What was the first clue that made them suspicious? That someone actually mailed a real paper letter to the White House?

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Toronto Blue Jays OF Kevin Pillar apparently injured his oblique while sneezing last weekend. The SF Giants just ordered Jeremy Affeldt to start taking preventive Benadryl.

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Kanye West tweeted nude pictures of Kim Kardashian when she reached 30 million Twitter followers. With all due respect are there any of those 30 million who haven’t already seen her naked?

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Ryanair says their long range plans include transatlantic flights, with fares as low as1 10 pounds. (about $15 USD.) Of course the fees for boarding passes, carry-on bags, checked bags, credit card usage, oxygen masks, seat belts, seat cushions and lavatories etc will push the ticket price up several hundred dollars.

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#‎StPatricksDay‬ toast: May your troubles last as long as your perfect brackets. ‪#‎HappyStPatricksDay‬

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So St. Patrick’s Day in America has become green beer day. Lading to March 18 being “green after too much beer day.”

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House Republicans have introduced another budget with massive spending cuts and yet another proposed repeal of Obamacare. If they really want to make their point, why don’t GOP members in the House offer to give up their own expensive healthcare and shop for alternatives on the open market?

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Illinois Rep. Aaron Schock is resigning his seat over allegations of improper spending, including real estate deals, and using congressional money to redecorate his office in “Downton Abbey” style. Buzzfeed had just reported he also spent $5,000 for a portable podium that looks like the current presidential podium. So clearly this is Obama’s fault.

(My friend Richard Rothschild says “Yet another example of why Illinois consistently is the No. 1 Midwest seed in the National Corruption Tournament.”)

 

 

From Marc Ragovin   “I’m not saying that Robert Durst is guilty, but he just demanded that a Las Vegas sports memorabilia dealer give him back his stuff.”

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Bad seeds?

March 16, 2015

The “Academic politics is the most vicious and bitter form of politics, because the stakes are so low.” award for the week goes to Yale. The University is upset because they feel they were snubbed for the NIT Tournament…..

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Most bracket challenges don’t close until Wednesday night. After Tuesday and Wednesday’s “First Four games.”  What a downer for four of the eight play-in teams. Not only will they not be Cinderellas, they won’t even get those millions of temporary fans who picked them for their colors, mascots, etc…

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SF 49ers LB Chris Borland, 24, said today he is retiring after his rookie year over concerns about the long-term effects of repetitive head trauma. Maybe the standard NFL concussion worries, but perhaps Borland also feels that being part of the 49ers will result in him repeatedly banging his head against the wall?

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Former SF 49er Ray McDonald, who had charges dropped against him for assaulting his fiancee in August, is now apparently going to sue a woman who accused him of sexual assault in December. (His lawyer says security video says the sex, in a hot-tub was consensual.) Just thinking, whether or not McDonald is guilty of any type of assault, he does seem to be guilty of stupidity. ‪#‎keepitzipped‬

 

Paul McCartney’s ex-wife Heather Mills said in an interview “When I go down the street, I get kids coming up to me… half of them don’t even know who he (McCartney) is. That’s why he has to do songs with Rihanna and Kanye West, so people remember.” Hmm, wonder if “kids” come up to Heather, 47, on the street because they think she’s working on it?

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He thought the mattress would stand its ground? A Florida man was killed when he tried to ride in the back of a pickup truck while sitting on an unsecured mattress and was flung onto the ground. Police reported that “an autopsy is being conducted to determine his cause of death.” How about terminal stupidity?

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ESPN’s Adam Schefter just reported that QB Tim Tebow worked out today for Chip Kelly and the Eagles. ‘Oh please, oh please” said every comedy writer in America.

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SI is reporting that Jameis Winston will stay home with family and friends and will not attend the NFL draft in Chicago. Did they not offer him enough crab legs?

 

The US HHS Dept says the uninsured rate of American adults fell from 20.3% five years ago before Obamacare , to 13.2%. The largest drop – 35% and over 16 million people – in four decades. The GOP no doubt used this occasion to rail against commie pinko concepts like math.

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Now Jon Voight is saying that President Obama “does not love Israel.” All these people talking about the President and who he loves. It’s like we’re back to having Clinton in office.

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The UK Daily Mail is reporting that Stefano Gabbana of Dolce & Gabbana, who criticized gay parents for having “synthetic children,” was quoted in an Italian newspaper in 2006 as having asked a women friend to have his baby via IVF. Wow. This guy is a big enough hypocrite you wonder if his dream is to leave the fashion world for politics.

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Two former Justice Department lawyers, one from the Obama administration, one from the Bush administration, have written in a Harvard Law Review that Ted Cruz is a “natural born Citizen,” and that “an individual born to a U.S. citizen parent — whether in California or Canada or the Canal Zone — is a U.S. citizen from birth and is fully eligible to serve as President if the people so choose.”

Waiting for some in the GOP to try to add “except if that individual is born in Kenya, or Hawaii.”

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Throwing darts?

March 15, 2015

Amazing how many people who will wait until April 14, or file for extensions. with their taxes because they don’t have time, will spend most of this evening on their ‪#‎MarchMadness‬ brackets.

 

 

It’s late night on Selection Sunday and most Americans are hard at working trying to predict who’s going to end up in the finals losing to Kentucky.

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As if we didn’t need more proof that sports is a young and fit person’s game, Georgia State won the Sun Belt championship today, which got them into the NCAA tournament. And coach Ron Hunter, while celebrating the win on the court, tore his ACL. (Somebody at the SF Giants guard Jeremy Affeldt if one of his underdog bracket teams wins.)

 

There were lots of disappointed bubble teams today on March Madness Selection Sunday. But based on their record, it should have been at least a ten seed for the NY Knicks

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Almost as much of a tradition as the ‪#‎MarchMadness‬ selection, is the bitching from teams who think they were one of the “first four out.” Right. Because they were denied a chance to get destroyed in the first round.

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While much of the country is concerned about their ‪#‎MarchMadness‬ seeding, here in the SF Bay Area fans of local teams were wondering if Stanford and Cal had a chance to meet in the ‪#‎NIT‬ finals.

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(Alas, Cal ended up on the wrong side of the NIT bubble, and turned down a CBI bid. )

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The ‪#‎NIT‬ selection committee has a sick sense of humor. #Stanford‬, the #2 seed, opens against ‪#‎UCDavis‬.

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Blake Griffin is back after missing most of the last month with a right elbow injury. Although presumably the Clippers center will be careful now and only flop on his left side.

 

 

Al Rosen had a third of a page obituary in today’s NY Times. About half dedicated to his time with the Indians, most of the rest to his time as President of the Yankees, and two short lines total to his time as GM of the Astros and SF Giants. ‪#‎whateastcoastbias‬?

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So now it comes out that Jeb Bush used personal email to discuss security and Middle East military issues while governor of Florida. And no doubt back and forth allegations will continue. At least we can all be grateful that neither JFK or Bill Clinton had the ability to email, nor worse, text, while in office….

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Designers Dolce & Gabbana, said in an interview that they were against gay adoptions, but also “‘No chemical offsprings and rented uterus… And Dolce added “it must be an act of love… I call children of chemistry, synthetic children.”

Elton John has angrily called for a boycott of the brand. But leaving gay parenting out, guess D & G are so ignorant they don’t realize that the same heterosexual couples who can afford to buy their stuff are the same couples who can afford IVF and other high-priced fertility treatments. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬, designer division.

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Okay, I’ve got it, we can’t have a vote on attorney general nominee Loretta Lynch because Mitch McConnell won’t allow it. Until and unless the Senate passes a human trafficking bill, where the GOP has inserted anti-abortion language that Democrats act like they finally just read….And we wonder why Americans are turned off by politics.

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Higher math?

March 14, 2015

In India, a bride left her husband to be at the altar after testing him on his math skills. She asked “How much is 15 plus six?” He answered, 17. Just guessing that’s not going to be part of Bristol Palin’s wedding ceremony.

 

 

Since their performances in Chicago on July 4 weekend sold out so quickly, the surviving members of the Grateful Dead are reportedly thinking about adding shows at Levi’s Stadium or AT&T Park. Now, I know a lot of Deadheads are in the SF Bay Area. But really, for real authenticity, shouldn’t the band now consider a show in Colorado?

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Vladimir Putin has not been seen in public for over a week. Yesterday Swiss paper Bilk reported that the Russian leader, 62, was in Switzerland with his rumored girlfriend, Alina Kabayeva, 31, a former gold-medal gymnast, for the birth of their daughter. Hmm. wonder if Putin will return saying he was hiking the Alpine trail.

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RIP Al Rosen, 91.. Seems sadly fitting that he and Candlestick Park would not outlive each other. ‪#‎Yougottalikethiskids‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

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Who says geeks have no sense of humor? MIT issued its admissions decisions Saturday night at 9:26pm ‪#‎PiDay‬

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Amazing some of the “stupid-is-a-virtue” types in this country weren’t screaming about “Happy Pi Day” being elitist. But to be fair, they probably thought it only refers to dessert.

 

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Groupon is selling tickets to see Chicago and Earth, Wind & Fire this July. Is this a good idea now? The bands’ targeted demographic may not be able to remember anything they book that far ahead.

 

The Toronto Raptors just ended a 16-game losing streak tonight against the Miami Heat. And the Philadelphia 76ers sniffed “amateurs!”

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The San Jose Sharks may not make the playoffs, but they’re making headlines. On Thursday, GM Doug Wilson told a group of season holders that the team took the captain’s “C” from Joe Thornton because the pressure and stress were getting to him. And on Friday, Thornton told the Mercury News, Doug “just needs to stop lying, shut his mouth.” Who do the Sharks think they are? The 49ers?

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Jeb Bush refused to say whether he would have signed the letter the 47 Senators wrote to Iran, saying they did it out of “frustration” and “that I do think that we need to get back to a bipartisan consensus on foreign policy.” Translation, I want to be President and I don’t want the Democrats doing the same thing to me.

 

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As Americans prepare for selection Sunday, perhaps a way we could get people to focus on their vote for 2016 is to start a Presidential Bracket. 64 picks, presumably with Bush and Clinton as one seeds, maybe Walker and Warren next. Plenty of trendy picks like Christie, Paul, etc. And enough potential Cinderellas to fill out the rest. (Not like say, Harvard, has any more chance than some political unknowns.)

Then simply say the brackets could not be used for real betting purposes and let the fun begin.

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Out of place.

March 13, 2015

John Madden was upset about Will Ferrell’s spring training escapades, feeling that the aging comic actor had no place on a baseball field with real players. Wait until someone tells Madden that A-Rod’s back in Yankees camp.

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A meth lab was found inside a backpack in a Muncie, Indiana Wal-Mart bathroom. Police presumably are looking at surveillance videos for anyone who bought all five seasons of the “Breaking Bad” DVDs.

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SF 49ers CB Chris Culliver has now signed with Washington. Now, I know Culliver has issues, but how much of a train wreck does your team have to be before the Redskins look like a better option?

 

Dear gawd. As Candlestick Park is being demolished now even more memorabilia is being sold online. Not just seats, but parking lot signs, lockers, traffic cones, and, no joke, the IV holder from the home team locker room. What’s next? Urinals?

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Capital New York is reporting that Wikipedia pages about alleged police brutality, like the Eric Garner case, have been altered from NYPD computers at 1 Police Plaza. Not only are crooks stupid, but also sometimes so are the people chasing them…. ‪#‎IPaddresswhatIPaddress‬?

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So keeping her emails on a private server may confirm to many Americans that Hillary Clinton is secretive, calculating and not always 100% honest. Which actually might be qualities many people want in a President.

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Why there is no satire, from a new paper on “Attention decay in science” by researchers in Finland and Palo Alto, California: “The exponential growth in the number of scientific papers makes it increasingly difficult for researchers to keep track of all the publications relevant to their work. Consequently, the attention that can be devoted to individual papers, measured by their citation counts, is bound to decay rapidly”

Translation, this study has found there are too many studies.

 

 

Pablo Sandoval, in response to a former teammate calling him out over his ego on a Facebook post. “Who is Aubrey Huff?” Apparently no one ever taught the Panda, who has three World Series rings despite playing in only two of them, and who signed a $95 million contract with Boston, that no one likes a sore winner.

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So two judges have ruled that the difficult question of whether Uber and Lyft are employees or independent contractors must go to juries. Great, so a difficult legal decision that will affect the livelihoods of tens of thousands of people may well be made by 12 people who aren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Univision fired talk show host Rodner Figueroa after he said that first lady Michelle Obama “looks like she’s from the cast of Planet of the Apes.” Was Figueroa angling to get a job at FOX News?

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So safety Antrel Rolle signed with the Chicago Bears because of what he said was a “sign from God”, an Orbitz ad on his phone with discount fares to Chicago. Does that mean Rolle would have signed with the SF 49ers if his phone had an ad for RIngling Brothers?

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St Petersburg police determined that a 25 year old man who was fatally shot on a bicycle died because a gun he was carrying in his jacket pocket accidentally went off. Back on your game, Florida. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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Check, please.

March 12, 2015

Apparently a payment is due this month for SF 49ers fans who bought PSL’s at Levi’s Stadium. After this month writing that check has to feel like paying alimony

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Will Ferrell today played for 10 teams in five games during Spring Training in Arizona, and played all nine positions. Who does he think he is? Bugs Bunny?

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Now that Will Ferrell, 47, has played during Spring Training for 10 teams in the Cactus League, some wonder if he might repeat the stunt for teams in Florida’s Grapefruit League. Probably not, as Ferrell is much too young for the Yankees.

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Rudy Giuliani is now blaming Obama and the “tone set by the President” for the McDonald’s brawl and the Ferguson shooting. He also said Obama should be “more like Bill Cosby.” Hey, wasn’t that Bill Clinton’s job?

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Cal DE Brennan Scarlett is transferring to Stanford for his final year and will play football for the Cardinal in 2015. And apparently his car was vandalized after news of the move broke. Well, at least Scarlett wasn’t transferring between SEC rivals… he might have been shot at.

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Disney has announced plans for a “Frozen 2”, albeit with no announced date for the movie’s release. Many parents are just hoping the sequel takes long enough to produce that their children will have gotten too old to want to see it again, and again, and again. ‪#‎letitgo‬

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And the hits just keep on coming. Today in the Aaron Hernandez trial, the former player was shown on his own surveillance video walking in his house with what looked like a Glock gun, minutes after Odin Lloyd was shot. Now you have to wonder how Hernandez ever was smart enough to learn the Patriots’ (and Gators’) playbooks.

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Jimmy Kimmel introduced President Obama as the “first Kenyan-born Muslim Socialist ever elected president.” And over at FOX they’re saying “Finally, someone in the liberal media admits it.”

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Darrelle Revis said he followed his heart to return to the NY Jets from the New England Patriots. And nothing says love like $39 million of a $70 million NFL contract guaranteed.

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Ah, those targeted ads. Was reading the story about the Canadian woman who was killed in Cabo when a whale breached and landed on her tour boat. And now I’m getting ads for United’s discount airfares to Cabo San Lucas.

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United Airlines has sent out an email to their elite members talking about an improved Premium Cabin experience that includes “enhanced” amenity kits. Maybe the kits, in addition to the usual socks, eye shade, moisturizer etc, now include a shoe horn so you can get into your seat when you travel economy?

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So the Hillary Clinton email controversy continues. But apparently she has not been the only one to combine government and personal communications. Will we next find out that John McCain used the same blanket to send both official and personal smoke signals?

 

 

 

 

From T.C.  “A picture of a massive alligator taken by a member of Florida’s Myakka Pines Golf Course has gone viral. The club’s Facebook page has generated thousands of hits a day. The club invites visitors play the course but reminds you that it’s 400 399 members have priority for times.”

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Send in the clowns.

March 12, 2015

The Houston Texans just traded QB Ryan Fitzpatrick to the NY Jets. Not sure how Fitzpatrick feels about the deal. But isn’t it many little boys’ dream to grow up and join the circus?

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The construction of a large telescope on Mauna Kea in Hawaii has been temporaily been delayed by a blizzard warning, which is forecast to drop 5-8 inches of snow on the mountain. 5-8 inches?! In Boston they are just weeping.

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The Iditarod Trail Sled Dog Race, which started Monday, had to move 600 miles north due to a lack of snow. Hmm, maybe they should have just moved it to Boston.

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The Korean Air flight attendant who was attacked over how she served macadamia nuts has now retained two American law firms to sue the airline, claiming her career was ruined. Sounds like nut rage is contagious.

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The KC Royals minor league affiliate Wilmington (Delaware) BlueRocks now have a Krispy Kreme Donut Dog available for sale at their games. Featuring a hot dog, bacon and raspberry jelly sandwiched in a donut. Wilmington is only an hour drive from Trenton. Is this a shameless attempt by the BlueRocks to get N.J. Gov Chris Christie to attend a game?

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The crew on “Morning Joe” said today that rappers and rap music could be to blame for Sigma Alpha Epsilon’s racist chant, because that’s where the frat brothers probably learned the n-word. So how long until this is Obama’s fault?

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There are allegations that two senior Secret Service agents were out partying last week in Washington D.C. last week, and crashed their government car into the White House security barricades. Well, at least they didn’t have the car full of prostitutes.

 

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So if this letter to Iran continues to be a PR nightmare will the 47 GOP senators involved blame Democrats for requiring them to learn how to write and sign their names in school?

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From Alex Kaseberg ““2015 has started off as a wild year. Two llamas escape, nobody can agree on the colors of a dress, and Harrison Ford has hit more fairways than Tiger Woods.”

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Who knew?

March 10, 2015

Hottest accessory in ‪#‎NFL‬ locker rooms this preseason? Badges in team colors saying “Hi, my name is….”

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How many NFL teams will be playing a new theme song?    “The Who'”s  “Who Are You?”

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Jake Locker has announced his retirement from the NFL. Jake Locker was still in the NFL?

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So is ‪#‎JedYork‬ trying to change the ‪#‎49ers‬ new motto from ‪#‎Winningwithclass‬ to ‪#‎Losingwithanass‬? ‪#‎sf49ers‬

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All this controversy about a bunch of potentially embarrassing emails, and then 47 GOP senators decide to go ahead and prove you can write something absolutely embarrassing in an old-fashioned letter

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The latest Hillary Clinton email scandal, that she said her email server “contains personal communications from my husband and me.” And Bill has said he has only sent two emails in his entire life, but he loves Twitter. So maybe Hillary is lying. Or maybe she’s just another woman whose husband who responds either with silence, or 140 character or less answers.

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The Boston ‪#‎RedSox‬ have to be wondering, what will ‪#‎PabloSandoval‬ say about THEM when he moves onto his next team?

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A 27 year-old Central Florida woman was apparently so focused on her texting that she walked into a moving freight train.. While she sustained injuries to her right arm and leg, the woman was expected to survive. And somewhere again Darwin is thinking “Missed it by THAT much.”

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The Wisconsin Timber Rattlers, a minor league affiliate of the Milwaukee Brewers, are introducing a new “Funnel Cake Burger” this summer. Featuring a beef patty, bacon and cheese, sandwiched between two sugar dusted funnel cakes. The price is $20, but presume it comes with a discount coupon for an EKG.

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Woman on a bench outside our office, talking loudly on a iPhone speaker about her business deals. So tempting to ask her to speak up a bit so we can take notes.

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A 32-year-old woman was arrested for indecent exposure for sitting naked outside a Dunkin’ Donuts. She told police she did it as a dare. Well, this time it’s pretty easy to guess Florida. Sure wouldn’t happen now in Boston.

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South Dakota may join Idaho, Texas, Utah and Wyoming as states with 80 MPH speed limits. Interesting enough, they’re all states you might want to drive like a bat out of hell to get out of….

 

Apparently Tri-Delta sorority members were also on that SAE party bus where they were singing the racist chant, and some may have been involved. The National Chapter of Delta Delta Delta released a statement saying “the behavior documented in the video is deplorable and is in no way consistent with Tri Delta’s ideals and core values.” Well this is a bit of a shock. Sororities have “core values?”

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The 49ers, maybe not a train wreck, but a light rail wreck.

March 10, 2015

Who’d a thunk that the ‪#‎OaklandRaiders‬ might turn out to be the least dysfunctional NFL team in the SF Bay Area? ‪#‎SF49ers‬

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Based on this ‪#‎SF49ers‬ off season looks like ‪#‎JedYork‬ is well on his way to becoming as popular an owner as ‪#‎DanSnyder‬

 

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The 49ers’ LB Patrick Willis says he is going to retire. Well, at least he’ll be one big name SF fans won’t have to watch with another team.

 

The 49ers’ Bruce Miller has been arrested for spousal battery. If this gets much worse fans will be getting sympathy notes from Jets’ fans.

 

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Alex Kaseberg: “I’ve seen rats more loyal to sinking ships than players are to the 49ers.”

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AZ Cardinals LB Alex Okafor was arrested at 1:50 a.m. Monday morning on “suspicion of evading police.” This after Austin, TX police responded to a disturbance report, and Okafor allegedly ran from officers but was caught. Hmm, he was caught? Now we’re seeing another reason why NFL teams care about those 40 yard combine scores.

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Only Monday and we may have the week’s champion: An Idaho man, Joey Patterson, 22, was wanted for a probation violation. He was found and arrested after he posted on Facebook when he announced when and where he was going to play softball. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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All of this hype on the Apple Watch. Wonder if it can tell time?

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The SAE chapter at the University of Oklahoma has been shut down after members posted a racist video on the 50th anniversary of Selma. Once again, guys trying to prove that it’s an oxymoron to refer to “fraternity men.” ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎cantfixbeingassholeseither‬

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Simpsons’ producer Sam Simon has passed away after a long battle with cancer. At his funeral, presume they will serve, “mmmm…donuts.”

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Apparently Tim Tebow may try one more time to make an NFL roster at the veteran combine. “Attaboy!” said Brett Favre.

 

So regarding Pablo Sandoval. I think many SF Giants fans, including myself, were sympathetic to his thinking he wanted a new challenge, even if the grass didn’t turn out be as green as Fenway’s monster. But what’s surprising is the vitrol from him about his time in SF, saying he wasn’t respected just because they wouldn’t give him a big contract after a bad year, and that he doesn’t miss anyone etc.

This wasn’t a Jed York-Jim Harbaugh situation. But all Sandoval is doing is burning bridges of goodwill, and setting himself up for a rather large letdown. IMHO.

 

Serious bus to hell time. Apparently 10 people have been killed when two helicopters carrying passengers filming a reality show TV show crashed today in Argentina. Sorry, folks, they weren’t filming “The Bachelor.”

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47 GOP senators sent an open letter to Iran, saying that any potential nuclear agreement negotiated by Iran and Obama come to is “a mere executive agreement.” And “the next president could revoke such an executive agreement with the stroke of a pen and future Congresses could modify the terms of the agreement at any time.”

Now, one of these elections we are going to have a Republican president again. I’m sure he or she will be thrilled to see this precedent.

 

 

 

 

From T.C.  World #1 golfer Rory McIlroy fired his caddy today and has hired a scuba diver to carry his bag.

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Going, gore-ing, gone…..

March 8, 2015

Apparently Frank Gore is planning to sign with the Eagles. Will the last 49ers fan favorite to leave Levi’s Stadium please turn out the lights?

 

 

You know you’re not in Kansas, or the San Francisco Bay Area, anymore, when the first sign you see at United Airlines check-in is “If you are traveling with a firearm…” (Phoenix, AZ)

 

 

Selection Sunday for March Madness is March 15. Meaning most Americans have less than one week before we can start passionately caring about teams we didn’t know existed before.

 

 

And now the latest rumor out of Santa Clara, Jayson Braddock of SportsTalk 790 in Houston says the SF 49ers are trying to trade Colin Kaepernick. “49ers” may soon refer to the price in cents people will have paid for tickets.

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So does the Dolphins’ signing of ‪#‎NdamukongSuh‬ mean they are really putting their foot down on bullying?

 

Two American tourists were arrested and charged with carving their initials into the Colesseum in Rome. And we can’t even put it down to testosterone poisoning.  They are young women, ages 21 and 25.

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The cherry on the stupid top of the tourists who carved their initials into the Colosseum: These two idiot women TOOK A SELFIE with their handiwork. That stampeding sound you hear across the ocean is prosecuting attorneys volunteering to take the case.

 

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Lindsey Graham today: “You can have every email I’ve ever sent — I’ve never sent one. I don’t know what that makes me.” So maybe Mike Huckabee is right about man co-existing with dinosaurs.

 

Not defending Hillary Clinton here, but regarding this email flap: One, so how many people on both sides of the aisle got emails from her personal address and no one felt inclined to call her on it and/or go to the media. And two, my sense is that Clinton is smart, and secretive, enough that the things we might really worry about weren’t put in an email.

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Is this heaven? No, it’s Scottsdale.

March 8, 2015

scottsdale

Winter is almost over.

 

Meanwhile, across town,  Jim Harbaugh took a turn at coaching first base for the As two innings Saturday in a spring training game. Wonder if Billy Beane showed up and out of habit tried to trade him.

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Baseball spring training for most is hope over experience. Making millions of Americans honorary Cubs fans.

 

The New Orleans Saints and Mark Ingram have apparently agreed to a four-year, $16 million deal. Shocking news for these times. There’s actually a Heisman winner some team wants to pay to keep around?!

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It’s the Chinese New Year parade in SF tonight. But no one knows if it’s the year of the Ram or the Sheep or the Goat. ‪#‎IblameObama‬

 

Regarding all those racist emails, jokes and cartoons found in Ferguson emails, anyone but me less shocked at the content, than the fact these people were idiotic enough to send them on city email accounts? ‪#‎maybecaneducateracists‬ ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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Forget those rumors of retirement, Marshawn Lynch has signed a two-year extension with the Seahawks. So I guess Lynch is going to postpone plans to star in a remake of “The Longest Yard.”

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The Justice Department is apparently going to bring criminal corruption charges against NJ Senator Bob Menendez. Menendez for his part says he has “always been honest.” And Chris Christie might be thinking “Well, then how did he get elected in New Jersey?”

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Alaska Rep. Don Young, to Interior Secretary Sally Jewell, over a letter 79 members of Congress sent urging her to protect the gray wolf population. “How many of you have got wolves in your district?” None. None. Not one.They haven’t got a damn wolf in their whole district. I’d like to introduce them in your district. If I introduced them in your district, you wouldn’t have a homeless problem anymore.”

Wolves running around Congress might solve a few problems too….

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Saturday night we turned our clocks forward an hour. Knicks fans are just hoping they could turn the clock forward to the end of the season.

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The boys of fall, winter, spring and summer?

March 6, 2015

To eliminate some of the back-to-back games and insane road trips, the NBA is thinking of lengthening the season into July. Great, so this means the playoffs would finish the week before the start of pre-season?

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In England, an 11-yr-old boy was sent home from “World Book Day,” where his choice of costume was Christian Grey (fully clothed in a suit) from “Fifty Shades.” The school had no problem with Voldemorts, Darth Vaders, and even a teacher dressed up at Dexter the serial killer. ‪#‎priorities‬ ‪#‎facepalmBritishdivision‬

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Susan Sarandon, 68, and her 37 year old boyfriend have apparently split up. Here’s hoping she left him for a younger guy.

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Friday in the Aaron Hernandez murder trial, the prosecution told jurors that a marijuana cigarette butt containing Hernandez’s DNA was found near the victim’s body. At this point even O.J. is throwing up his hands and saying there’s no need to look for the real killers.

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Two TSA screeners at SFO have been charged with taking bribes to allow methamphetamine to be smuggled in carry-on luggage. According to the SF Chronicle, authorities said the operation was planned “in part through messages on Facebook.”

Well, leaving aside how warm and secure that makes us all feel, what tipped police off? Was FB sending them ads for “Breaking Bad” DVDs or something?

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A man was arrested after he called 911 to report that his wife had stolen his cocaine. No, and it wasn’t Florida. Ohio wins this round. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

 

Got to love it. Not only does the elderly woman totter down to her exit row middle seat on United, and then totter off the plane, she has a wheelchair waiting. ‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬ airline winner for the month.

(and no, the woman who got the extra legroom, the airline that let her do it.)

One runway is still closed at LaGuardia after that Delta plane crashed into a snowbank. So will passengers who want on-time flights be asked to chip in for a “priority runway” fee?

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All these headlines saying Hunter Pence broke his arm. Actually technically a Cubs pitcher broke Pence’s arm. With a fastball. ‪#‎grammarpolice‬
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So the NCAA has suspended Jim Boeheim for 9 games next season and will take away scholarships after finding “over the course of a decade, Syracuse University did not control and monitor its athletics programs, and its head men’s basketball coach failed to monitor his program.” And in Kentucky, John Calipari is just giggling.

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Rory McIlroy, unhappy with a shot into the water today at Doral, hurled the club in after the ball. Bad news, he’ll probably be fined. Good news, the throw was good enough the Marlins might offer him a pitching tryout.

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So the Dow fell 279 points Friday because the jobs report was 295,000 which was better than expected, and unemployment tell to 5.5% which was lower than expected. The GOP is trying to figure out how to blame Obama for the former, without giving him credit for the latter.

 

From Marc Ragovin:  “A 50-year old Oregon man claims that he is Wilt Chamberlain’s son. Vegas bookmakers have set the odds on this being legit at 20,000 to 1.”

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Busted and broken.

March 5, 2015

Hunter Pence may have a broken arm after being hit by a pitch from Chicago Cubs prospect Corey Black. So is this the Cubs’ strategy to win the NL this year? Start eliminating the competition?

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Harrison Ford has apparently been injured when a small plane he was piloted crashed onto a Southern California golf course. Was Ford trying to adjust his left blinker at the time?

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Some very smart high-energy dogs, like Border Collies and Jack Russell terriers, can be great to have around, but they are easily bored. Which means when they have nothing to do, they FIND something to do. Now, how would you like to be Bruce Bochy with a sidelined Hunter Pence hanging out in the SF Giants dugout?

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And we thought the Jeter circus was over. Today Brian Cashman said – “As far as I’m concerned, and I’m not the decision-maker on this, that captaincy should be retired with number 2. I wouldn’t give up another captain title to anybody else.” So Jeter isn’t just the most-hyped Yankee ever, he’s the most important Yankee ever? ‪#‎sowhenwillNYmakeJetersbirthdayaholiday‬?

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With all this flap over Hillary’s emails, wonder if Joe Biden is begging reporters to ask about HIS emails? Somebody, anybody want to read them? Please?

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The woman who was sexting with Anthony Weiner now is claiming that an unnamed Democratic politician from the Midwest sent her texts begging to be “to be tied up and left in a closet.” Ah for the good old days when men just picked up prostitutes in hotel bars.

 

Your daily Florida item?    A Fort Myers man is claiming he fatally shot his neighbor in self-defense. Then he put the body in his pickup and drove to his lawyer’s office. Come on, Texas and Arizona, catch up!

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So regarding Daniel Murphy and his “gay lifestyle” comment, what’s a “gay lifestyle?” Know gay working parents and couples who seem to have a lifestyle that doesn’t differ much from my heterosexual friends. Is he implying single gays hook up more often than single heterosexuals. Think the success of Tinder would indicate otherwise…..

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Meanwhile, regarding that “heterosexual lifestyle, ”  Chris Soules, the “Bachelor”, is apparently now going on “Dancing With The Stars.” Is it just me, or is it seeming increasingly likely this guy isn’t ever going back to farming in Iowa?

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The Pittsburgh ‪#‎Steelers‬ are apparently set to release ‪#‎TroyPolamalu‬. So sad, forget the face, he’s been the hair of the franchise.

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A Delta flight today landed at New York’s LaGuardia airport and skidded off the runway into a snow bank. So did they at least give passengers credit for the extra distance traveled in their frequent flier accounts?

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LaGuardia announced today their airport was is closed due to a runway “incident.” “Incident?!”. Right. Better I guess than saying “We gotta broken plane that’s stuck in a snowbank. You gotta problem with that?”

 

From T.C.  “A Delta flight skidded off the runway this morning during a steady snowfall at New York’s LaGuardia airport. Passengers evacuated safely and were bussed to a nearby Delta terminal. The ones that paid the $5 Bus Fee, that is.”

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Tastes of spring?

March 5, 2015

USC researchers claim they have found a hormone – called MOTS-c – that works in mice as an alternative to exercise. And they say MOTS-c may some day allow people both to lose weight and regulate their blood sugar. Awesome. Can they put it in a pill made of chocolate?

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The founders of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream said last month that they are open to someday making a marijuana-infused flavor. Ben Cohen on Huffington Post: “It makes sense to me. Combine your pleasures. … where it’s legal!”

Major funding for this campaign will no doubt be provided by 7-11.

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How sweet it is in Northern California to get in your car to run an errand, and the first thing you hear from the radio is Jon Miller – “2 and 0 count, Posey on deck….” ‪#‎springiscoming‬

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Peyton Manning will apparently take a $4 million pay cut next season. If he’s smart presume Peyton will demand the Broncos spend the money on the O-line.

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A California high school girls’ basketball team was kicked out of the playoffs for wearing pink and white uniforms to raise awareness for breast cancer research. They have now been reinstated. But presumably the office who booted them in the first place has been offered a job with the NFL?

 

Former Sony Pictures co-chair Amy Pascal transitioning to a producer,but her assigned new suite was formerly used by Seth Rogen, and apparently she says she can’t move into it because of the strong stench of marijuana smoke. So Sony is repainting the office. They couldn’t have just moved her and just offered the suite to younger producers? ‪#‎EaudeColorado‬

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American Airlines passengers on a flight that arrived in Denver today had to slide down off the plane on emergency chutes, after smoke was reported in the plane. Fortunately no fire was found, and American has generously offered to waive their slide ride fee.

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Nearly 1,000 flights have already been cancelled today and tomorrow because of the latest storms in the U.S. So when we finally reach Spring which airline will be the first to institute a “Winter recovery” fee.

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“State’s snow levels reach historic lows” Not sure who’s more upset about that SF Chronicle headline. Drought-weary Californians. Or winter-weary Bostonians.

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Dr. Ben Carson said today that the proof homosexuality is a choice is that “a lot of people go into prison straight, and when they come out, they’re gay.” Well, looks like the good doctor is making an early play for that all important stupid vote.

 

Ben Carson,  several hours later, upon further reflection: “I do not pretend to know how every individual came to their sexual orientation, I regret that my words to express that concept were hurtful and divisive. For that I apologize unreservedly to all that were offended.” Translation, someone just told me there are gay Republicans, and they vote.

 

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