Archive for April 2016
April 30, 2016
43 points in the first quarter for the #Spurs. San Antonio was playing like a team of men possessed to get game one done in time to make it home for the “Early bird special.”
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Hasn’t been such a one-sided contest in #SanAntonio since the #Alamo. #Spurs #Thunder
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OKC coach Billy Donovan has seen games like #Spurs #Thunder before. When he was with Florida against some of those double-digit seeds in the NCAA first round.
The NY Jets have now drafted 11 quarterbacks since 2000. So guess 11 wrongs also don’t make a right.
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A Chicago woman has filed a $5 million lawsuit against Starbucks for putting too many ice cubes in their cold drinks, saying customers aren’t getting all they are paying for. Uh, waiting for a court to throw it out saying, if you really care about getting what you’re paying for, you won’t be going to Starbucks.
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Actor Kirk Cameron “Wives are to honor and respect and follow their husband’s lead, not to tell their husband how he ought to be a better husband,” Hmm, another two-bit actor who hopes to follow Ronald Reagan into politics?
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A high school near Houston is planning to open a $62 million football stadium. This after a Dallas area school spent $60 million on their stadium. Reaction outside of Texas “That’s obscene.” Reaction within Texas “How do we top that?”.
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A high school near Houston is planning to open a $62 million football stadium. This after a Dallas area school spent $60 million on their stadium. Reaction outside of Texas “That’s obscene.” Reaction within Texas “How do we top that?”
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A new poll says Ted Cruz has a “significant” lead in Indiana. So how much do Indiana voters hate Donald Trump to vote for a guy who refers to a “basketball ring?”
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President Obama tonight at the White House Correspondents’ dinner: “Next year at this time someone else will be standing here in this very spot, and it’s anyone’s guess who she will be.”
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John Kasich in San Francisco yesterday said that people are “probably” born gay. Not sure what’s scarier, that the statement is still so tentative, or that even so it puts him onto the liberal fringe of the GOP.
Categories: Uncategorized
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April 29, 2016
Former NFL star Ray Lewis’s son has been arrested for sexual assault. Can’t imagine how the young man grew up thinking he could get away with a serious crime.
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Leremy Tunsil’s draft night nightmare is over, as he was finally picked by the Miami Dolphins. But it does remind many of us old farts again, how lucky we were not to grow up in a social media age.
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In somewhat of a surprise move, the Cleveland Browns drafted USC QB Cody Kessler. Well, makes sense. Both the Browns and Trojans quarterbacks have had such impressive results in the NFL…. #sarcasm
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Dee Gordon suspended 80 games for PEDS. So much for all those Bonds-bashers who “knew” he was dirty because of his size.
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#LukeWalton is going to be new coach of #Lakers. Presume good $$ Well, at least he won’t have to deal with all this playoff pressure.
#LukeWalton, 36, is new #Lakers coach. Well, Luke was at that awkward age, too old to still be an assistant, too young to play for #Spurs
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A New York pizzeria has introduces a pizza box made out of pizza, with a second pizza inside. Now THIS is a challenge for Pizza Rat.
A new ad in California goes after Cruz and Trump for being dangerous on climate change. Fine, except most potential Cruz and Trump voters don’t believe in climate change.
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John Boehner called Ted Cruz a “miserable son of a bitch” and “Lucifer.” Can just imagine what Boehner would say if he had a chance to get to know Carly Fiorina.
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Loved the Kevin Costner movie “Draft Day,” though it was no doubt unrealistic. On the other hand, if someone had submitted a script including this Laremy Tunsil story….it would have been rejected as completely unbelievable.
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Roger Goodell on radio with Mike and Mike this morning on ESPN about the Tunsil situation. “I think it’s all part of what makes the draft so exciting.” Is the NFL commissioner trying to so be likable that Ted Cruz wants him on his campaign team?
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Apparently protestors surrounded the hotel near San Francisco Airport where Donald Trump is speaking and disrupting traffic. Because making people miss planes is always a good way to get them on your side.
Poor Marissa Mayer. The Yahoo GEO got a $6 million pay cut last year. Although she still made $36 million. Sounds like Mayer is right on track to be fired and then run for office touting her Silicon Valley record of achievement.
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from Marc Ragovin “After being slammed for calling a basketball hoop a “ring,” Ted Cruz said he would atone his mistake the way people do in his birth country, by spending two minutes in the penalty crate.”
As Dee Gordon’s suspension puts the shadow of steroids on baseball again, can we have a moment of reality? The difference between AAA ball, where a player probably won’t make $50k, and major league minimum of about $500,000, is huge. And that’s not even talking about the veteran multi-million dollar contracts.
So let’s see, a whole lot of scientists trying to make undetectable PEDs for the big bucks, and drug testers who probably make closer to minor league money. Who would you bet on?
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: dee gordon jokes, draft jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, luke walton jokes, tunsil jokes
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April 29, 2016
So after interminable hype, the 2016 NFL Draft began tonight. The hype for the 2017 Draft begins next week.
Just wondering, why does team with #1 draft pick need to be on the clock at all. Shouldn’t they have decided by now? #LARams #NFLDraft2016
A pre-draft Change.org petition was circulating asking the Denver Broncos to bring back Tim Tebow. Well, he’d be cheap, he won’t get arrested, and the Broncos did prove they could win a Super Bowl without a QB.
Five Ohio State players picked in the first draft round. After years with Urban Meyer hope they don’t find the NFL too much of a pay cut.
@Saints had drafted #Tunsil @nflcommish Roger Goodell would have suspended the kid for the season on principle.
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President Obama has invited the 1983 NC State NCAA tournament championship team to the White House for a visit. Wonder if they will play a little hoops. Although at this point those guys are almost old enough to play for the Spurs.
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Congrats Paxton Lynch & his agent Leigh Steinberg for the first round pick by the Broncos. Looking like Colin Kaepernick, who remains with the 49ers, is about to discover if money can buy happiness. Because it sure won’t buy him being on a good team.
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Raiders owner Mark Davis said today that he wants to move the team from Oakland to Las Vegas. Of course Roger Goodell has always claimed that the NFL is against gambling. Wonder what the odds on the move are?
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Come on John Boehner, tell us how you really feel. The former Speaker during a talk at Stanford yesterday, about Ted Cruz – “I have Democrat friends and Republican friends. I get along with almost everyone, but I have never worked with a more miserable son of a b—h in my life.”
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John Boehner also referred to Ted Cruz as “Lucifer in the flesh.” Lucifier demands an apology.
Caitlyn Jenner took Donald Trump up on his suggestion, used the women’s room at the Trump hotel on the west side of Manhattan, and posted a video about it on FB. The video has received about a million views. Isn’t it great to know Americans are focused on the issues that really matter?
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A USA Today headline “Ted Cruz lays groundwork for last stand in California.” So this is why he chose Carly Fiorina as his potential v.p., because she is so beloved in the state?
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An art teacher in Detroit claims she was fired for using the word “vagina” in talking about Georgia O’Keefe’s paintings. So, she should have used a cruder word?
Melania Trump, posting Friday about a GC artilcle about her life claimed the piece was “yet another example of the dishonest media and their disingenuous reporting. Well, and if there’s any way to make sure that a GQ article will be read…
Categories: Uncategorized
Comments: 4 Comments
April 27, 2016
Okay, if you had someone who had never watched baseball before last night’s SF Giants’ 1-0 win, a Johnny Cueto complete game gem. And then they watched today’s 13-9 game…. well, it would be very hard to explain to them that it’s the same sport.
#NBA worried about #AllStar game in #NorthCarolina, but no one figured they’d need to worry about 2nd or 3rd round playoff games #Hornets
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#Rockets don’t just look like they don’t belong on floor with #Warriors, Houston looks like they don’t belong on floor with #Villanova.
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Justin Bieber picked the Cleveland Cavaliers to win the NBA title. That might be the best news the Warriors, Thunder and Spurs have heard all week.
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He stays, he goes, he stays, he goes…? Apparently 49ers GM Trent Baalke still won’t rule out trading Colin Kaepernick this week. Even Brett Favre is saying, “Dudes, make up your minds.”
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Emily Pitha, a fundraiser for John McCain’s Senate re-election campaign fundraiser, has been arrested in Arizona for a meth lab with LSD, cocaine, heroin, counterfeit cash and bomb-making materials. And who’d a thunk McCain would ever associate with a woman he hadn’t properly vetted.
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Donald Trump accuses Hillary of playing the “woman card.” Ted Cruz picks Carly Fiorina, thereby playing the “madwoman card.”
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Dennis Hastert has been sentenced to 15 months in prison. Yep, the same former speaker who voted with the Moral Majority and co-sponsored a bill against online predators, saying “it sends a strong message to the most heinous of criminals who prey upon our children — you will be punished to the fullest extent of the law.”
I guess preying upon children at school doesn’t count?
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Ted Cruz has apparently picked Carly Fiorina as his running mate. The only person who could make Cruz look likeable by comparison?
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So have to wonder, if Cruz wanted to add a woman to his proposed ticket, why not someone like Nikki Haley, who most people like and respect even if they don’t agree with her.
Hmm, of course maybe he did ask and Haley is smart enough to have said “NFW.”
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Ted Cruz has picked Carly Fiorina for his running mate should he win the nomination. Hmm, wonder who Ben Stiller has picked for his speechwriter should he win an Oscar for Zoolander 2?
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Ted Cruz last night, referencing Hoosiers “The amazing thing is that basketball ring here in Indiana, it’s the same height as it is in New York City and every other place in this country.”
Standby for Cruz’s next speech where he talks about getting into the boxing hoop with Donald Trump.
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Dennis Hastert has been sentenced to 15 months in prison. Yep, the same former speaker who voted with the Moral Majority and co-sponsored a bill against online predators, saying “it sends a strong message to the most heinous of criminals who prey upon our children — you will be punished to the fullest extent of the law.”
I guess preying upon children at school doesn’t count?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bieber jokes, Carly Fiorina jokes, emily pitha, hastert jokes, McCain jokes, rockets jokes, SF Giants jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
April 26, 2016
CNN.com headline “Tiger feels good after first holes of year.” So are we talking golf?
Giancarlo #Stanton just hit a three-run home run off of Clayton #Kershaw. Who does Stanton think he is? Madison #Bumgarner?
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Uh oh, Drew Brees on Roger Goodell. “I think we would all agree that [he] definitely has too much power. He is judge, jury and executioner when it comes to all the discipline. I’m not going to trust any league-led investigation, when it comes to anything.”
So wonder what Goodell is going to do to the Saints this year?
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The Los Angeles #Clippers announced Blake Griffin will be out the rest of the postseason, and Chris Paul will be out, “indefinitely.” Okay, so they’ll both miss two games.
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DeAndre Jordan, with a lifetime 42% FT percentage, managed to shoot 2 consecutive air balls from the line yesterday. Heck I could probably at least hit the rim.
Changing the “hack” rule for people like him is like giving baseball’s free swingers 4 strikes, or giving last year’s 49ers five downs.
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Johnny Manziel has been indicted by a Texas grand jury on an assault charge. Hmm. Maybe Johnny Football REALLY wanted to be picked up by the Cowboys or 49ers.
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#NottheOnion Andrew Luck has started an online book club. And down in the SEC they’re asking “What’s a book?”
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Skip Bayless is leaving ESPN after the NBA finals. So the position of “Most Obnoxious Man” on the network is open.
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Think the only way #KellyRipa could have gotten more media attention lately is if she had started a #Twitter war with #DonaldTrump
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Not sure, but just guessing before round 2 that if asked anyone connected with the San Antonio Spurs will say of course Durant and Westbrook are both superstars. #MarkCuban #hesaindiot
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Apparently a new and successful form of medical marijuana for women with PMS and gynecological pain issues is marijuana suppositories. Kind of puts a whole new slant on “up yours.”
Donald Trump tonight tweeted “Bernie Sanders has been treated terribly by the Democrats—both with delegates & otherwise. He should show them, and run as an Independent!”
Uh, Donald, speaking of feeling badly treated by a party, why don’t YOU run as an independent?”
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Donald Trump tonight said the only thing Hillary has is “the woman’s card” but “women DON’T like her.” Got news for the Donald. women like him less.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Andrew Luck jokes, hack jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, NBA playoffs jokes, NFL jokes, skip bayless jokes, Tiger Woods jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
April 25, 2016
Oops, this one didn’t get posted yesterday . So a bit out of order…. I blame Obama.
Steph Curry’s MRI has worst case looking 3-5 weeks. The good news for Warriors fans, that’s only about another round of the NBA playoffs.
The #Lakers have fired coach #ByronScott. Who’s to say #KobeBryant didn’t get any results his farewell season?
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This week in England they honored Shakespeare on the 400th anniversary of his death in 1616. Curiously enough wasn’t that also Tim Duncan’s rookie year?
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Although in truth, LaMarcus Aldridge giving post-game interview after #Spurs sweep, said “Tim’s 100 years old, he needs the rest.”
Thinking it’s a really good thing San Antonio won today and has a week off, from games and interviews. Because if any reporter made some comment to Popovich about the #Spurs being happy to see Curry hurt it would be ugly.
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When the Grizzlies were trying to avoid sweep by the Spurs, FedEx Forum had an 18 minute power outage. Usually it isn’t literal to say “Turn out the lights, the party’s over.”
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Congrats to the Charlotte Hornets for their first playoff win since 2002. To put that in perspective, in 2002 Warriors coach Steve Kerr was still playing for the Spurs. Along with Tim Duncan, Tony Parker and Manu Ginoboli….
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#Yankees are featured on Monday, Wednesday and #Sundaynightbaseball this week. Good to know #ESPN is already in midseason form.
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John Kasich says his campaign is vetting possible vice presidential running mates. In related news, the Houston Rockets are looking at possible dates for a NBA championship parade.
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Apparently more than 340,000 people have signed a pledge to boycott Target because the store says it will allow customers to use restrooms and fitting rooms matching their gender identity. But wonder how many more millions are now MORE likely to shop there
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Applebee’s is advertising their “2 for $20” menu featuring a burger quesadilla. The sandwich clocks in at about 1,400 calories and over 100 grams of fat. So it’s a good thing it’s a bargain, you need to save the money for a cardiologist.
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Seriously, so glad that the #Nationals were smart enough to give Dusty Baker another chance. Even if it took Bud Black turning the job down first. Bryce Harper post game today – “To be able to have the opportunity to play for Dusty, that desire and that mentality that he brings every single day to let us just have fun to let us enjoy this game,…”
Donald Trump says “I don’t think I’m going to lose, but if I do, I don’t think you’re ever going to see me again.” Wow. Promise?! #Hillaryjustpickedupalotmoresupporters
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: applebees jokes, baseball jokes, Spurs jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
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April 25, 2016
Just thinking, if Moses tried to lead his people out of Egypt today how many would have had to be left behind bitching about food allergies?
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Happy 40th Birthday to Tim Duncan. If the Spurs manage to win him one more ring, San Antonio will have the first NBA championship parade to do the entire route with their left blinkers on.
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Mark Cuban today before game 5 made a comment that Kevin Duran was the “one superstar” on the OKC Thunder, but that Russell Westbrook was ” an All-Star but not a superstar.”
Yeah, that worked out well.
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Grade 1 sprain for Steph Curry. Which means that millions of Warriors fans are suddenly going to become amateur knee doctors for the next few weeks.
ESPN reports that the NFL says no player tested positive for drugs during February’s scouting combine. Meaning either that this year’s draft class is clean, or that they were smart enough not to do anything until AFTER the combine.
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Yeah, professional athletes aren’t quite like the rest of us. Sunday’s “Style” section of the SF Chronicle focused on “FashionWarriors,” Golden State players and their post game looks. Andre Iguodola looked sharp in a sweater pants combination with some expensive jewelry but noted “it’s just an old Gucci sweater, a couple of seasons at least.”
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Panthers RB Cameron Artis-Payne was reportedly arrested for driving 102 in a 65 mph zone in rural North Carolina. Hmm, with that kind of speed maybe Artis-Payne should consider a career change to NASCAR..
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A federal appeals court has ruled in favor of the NFL in the “deflategate” case, and reinstated New England Patriots Tom Brady’s original suspension. Your tax dollars at work.
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Donald Trump is now referring to Ohio’s governor as “1 for 38 Kasich,” based on the 1 state Kasich won. Maybe the Donald isn’t really running for President – he’s trying to be “Triumph, the Insult Dog.”
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Megyn Kelly has announced that Donald Trump has agreed to sit down with her for an interview to air next month. Proving once again, that we CAN all get along – especially when rating$$$$$ are involved.
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Another thought on this bathroom craziness. The talk is mostly of men in women’s rooms. But leaving aside the fact that it isn’t always obvious, do all these alarmists want, for example, a big burly transgender with facial hair who was born female forced to use the ladies’ room?
Karma in mean bitch mode again. Some users want to sue Ashley Madison for revealing their personal information. Except a judge has ruled that to go forward with the lawsuit, they must reveal their real names.
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Sam Bradford has now demanded a trade because he figures the Eagles will draft a better QB. Hmm, sounds like the guy might be a perfect fit for the 49ers.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: curry jokes, duncan jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, NFL draft jokes, Passover jokes, Spurs jokes, Thunder jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
April 23, 2016
So if it’s a felony to use a bathroom that isn’t your birth gender’s then I and a lot of women who have gotten impatient at sporting events and restaurants etc.are multiple felons.
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#SFGiants get big win, #Duffy gets 3 hits on his bobblehead night. Imagine what they could do with #Skeeter bobblehead night. #duffcat35
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Gregor #Blanco in one game has become #SFGiants leader in triples. #baseballisaweirdgame
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#SFGiants #PitchersWhoRake #wedontneednostinkinDH Peavy joins the party tonight. A friend pointed out that SF Giants pitchers have as many hits – nine – as Albert Pujols.
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So as the NBA considers outlawing the “hack” strategy of intentionally fouling bad free-throw shooters, here’s another idea: Why doesn’t the league require anyone shooting under 50-60% percent from the line to start shooting free throws underhanded?
Apparently NHL postseason viewership is down nearly two-thirds across Canada since no Canadian teams are in the playoffs. And in the U.S. many sports fans are going “the NHL is having playoffs?
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ESPN reported that after the University of Miami’s spring game last week, Hurricanes coach Mark Richt urged his players to help each other stay out of trouble and avoid negative headlines. Today the team suspended RB Mark Walton for a DUI arrest last night. Imagine what he might have done without the warning.
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Marco Rubio now says he’s going to return to the “private sector,” and as to politics “we’ll see if God offers us another opportunity in the future.” And God is thinking “Uh, let’s see, I gave you looks, charm, endorsements and weak competition the first time.. what more do you want?”
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Really? And we wonder why politics are so negative. The U.S. Labor Secretary apparently was one of the DOJ officials involved in mishandling a police shooting case after Katrina that led to the cops’ original conviction being overturned. Fair enough. But the Daily News headline “Hillary Clinton’s potential veep pick, U.S. Labor Secretary Thomas Perez, caught up in bungled case…. “#shehasntevenpickedanyoneyet
Leaving insulting no ethnic group unturned, Trump in a speech yesterday went after outsourcing and used a fake Indian accent in talking about credit card call centers. Some might wonder why he didn’t use the far more annoying airline call center, but of course Trump has never needed to call a commercial airline.
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Hell freezes over alert: Charles Koch,today said Hillary Clinton might make a better president than the candidates in the Republican field. So is this Koch’s way of saying, “I’m rich, conservative but not bat-shit crazy?”
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Regarding Curt Schilling’s mouthing off Twitter and subsequent firing, from Marc Ragovin “Guess ESPN told him to put a bloody sock in it.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: football jokes, hockey jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Rubio jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
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April 22, 2016
#HappyPassover. You know you’re in California when a woman in checkout line is whining about not being able to find gluten-free Matzoh.
Toronto Blue Jays Chris Colabello has been suspended 80 games for PED’s. Uh, considering Colabello was batting .069 this year, it’s hard to see how his performance was enhanced.
In Tennessee, the wife of a high school football coach has been arrested for allegedly sleeping with an underage player. Hmm, did she aspire to be a teacher?
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Commissioner Adam Silver said that a “change in the law” would be necessary for the NBA to keep the 2017 All-Star game in North Carolina. Just wondering, leaving the advertising $$$ out of it, wonder if another factor was players and celebrities not exactly clamoring to spend All-Star week in Charlotte.
Amazing, almost two days of nonstop coverage of the death of #Prince, and no one has yet blamed it on Obama.
When President Obama and Michelle met the Queen and Prince Phillip at Windsor Castle, Philip drove the foursome 400 yards from the helicopter landing pad to the castle itself. Presumably the whole way with his left blinker on?
A Palm Beach zoo is defending itself against some who say they should have fatally shot the tiger who killed a zookeeper instead of tranquilizing it. But come on, the tiger was just standing its ground.
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McDonald’s sales are way up this year after the introduction of all-day breakfast. And I’m sure it’s just coincidence that this coincides with some states legalizing marijuana.
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Who says I never say anything nice about a Dodger? Brandon McCarthy has been in a Twitter argument with Curt Schilling over the bathroom issue, pointing out “What is stopping any pervert from already going into a bathroom not designated for them and doing what they want? Nothing,” And “Curt we’re talking about human beings with emotions and a desire to be accepted in normal society. Lumping them in w/ molesters and abusers is offensive to not only them but to a reasonable argument.” #wellplayed
So while Curt Schilling is going off on the danger of transgenders in women’s bathrooms has he forgotten that the highest profile sports-related (alleged) bathroom sexual assault upon a woman involved Ben Roethlisberger?
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Meanwhile, across the pond, the British Foreign Office is warning gay travelers about the U.S., and “legislation passed recently in North Carolina and Mississippi” “Before traveling please read our general travel advice for the LGBT community. You can find more detail on LGBT issues in the U.S. on the website of the Human Rights Campaign.” #GodBlessMurica #sigh
London Mayor Boris Johnson has gone after President Obama again after Obama wrote an op-ed in the U.K. Telegraph supporting Britain staying in the EU, saying the “part-Kenyan” President had an “ancestral dislike of the British Empire.”
Hmm, maybe Johnson doesn’t want to be Prime Minister, maybe Boris wants to come over here and work for Donald Trump.
Donald Trump’s campaign manager to the RNC “The part that he’s been playing is evolving into the part that now you’ve been expecting, but he wasn’t ready for, because he had first to complete the first phase…”
Right, the “part he’s been playing,” okay, and then the Donald will be out on the campaign trail accusing Hillary of being dishonest.
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Yuck, an asymptomatic pregnant woman in San Francisco who had been to Central America has tested positive for the Zika virus. Now, I would never presume to make this choice for her, but if she chooses to carry the pregnancy to term will the pro-birth crowd be okay with indefinite government funding if the baby is born with microcephaly?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: england jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, McDonalds jokes, NBA jokes, Passover jokes, prince jokes, Queen Elizabeth jokes, schilling jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
April 21, 2016
Wolf Blitzer just referred to #Prince‘s most famous song “Purple Haze.” If #Prince wasn’t dead this might have killed him.
Justin Bieber on Prince “He’s not the last greatest living performer.” As if that might be true of Bieber if he were last man on earth?
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Trying to wrap my head around if Elvis had died during our social media era. Would have really truly broken the internet.
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Next year’s Grammy’s “In Memoriam” segment has been extended by at least an hour.
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Donald Trump is against the decision to put Harriet Tubman on the $20. Well, yeah, the Donald was expecting someday that Andrew Jackson would be replaced with him.
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My friend Rich de Give points out that “in Canada, they’ve already named the $1 coin in honor of native son Ted Cruz.”
So has the #SFGiants offense decided to sit games out in sympathy with an injured #StephCurry?
OK, #Warriors fans, does tonight really mean anything other than a little good news for game 5 ticket holders at #Oracle next week?
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#DwightHoward is likely to leave the #Rockets in free agency. So #Knicks, #Bulls, #Lakers, what team will Dwight underachieve at next?
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Donald Trump is against the decision to put Harriet Tubman on the $20. Well, yeah, the Donald was expecting someday that Andrew Jackson would be replaced with him.
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Donald Trump said if he is elected and the DOJ decides not to prosecute Hillary Clinton over her emails, he would instigate another probe “You have to do it. You have to take a second look,’ Right, because Trump did so well with Obama’s birth certificate?
A #Prince may have died today but Britain’s #Queen celebrated a 90th birthday. Congrats to her Majesty. & no we aren’t taking Elton John.
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When you give Jake #Arrieta 16 runs he is pretty much unstoppable. #Cubs
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Regarding the Curt Schilling ESPN firing, sounds like the former Red Sox star pitcher has a lot in common with Pablo Sandoval – both would have longer careers if they could only keep their mouths shut.Regarding the Curt Schilling ESPN firing, sounds like the former Red Sox star pitcher has a lot in common with Pablo Sandoval – both would have longer careers if they could only keep their mouths shut.
Sears Holdings just announced that it will close 68 Kmart and 10 Sears stores. Shocking. Sears and Kmart still have stores?
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Apparently new bills authorizing FAA require airlines to refund checked baggage fees if bags are delayed 6-24 hours. (House and Senate versions differ.) Well, who says there is no bipartisan agreement in this country? #everybodyhatesairlines
Okay, hope this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse: “Leave it the way it is…..There have been very few complaints the way it is. People go, they use the bathroom that they feel is appropriate — there has been so little trouble.” This sane comment actually brought to you by Donald Trump?!
Can we have a moment of realism with all this bathroom insanity? I remember some horrific bathroom crimes, a rape and murder of a teacher in Massachusetts, a little girl killed in a Nevada casino…. no doubt there are others. Don’t remember ANY of the bad guys being transgender.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bieber jokes, jancie hough, NBA jokes, prince dead, prince jokes, queen jokes, schilling jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
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April 20, 2016
Former slave #HarrietTubman replaces slave owner #AndrewJackson on the $20. Mean bitch karma for the much delayed win!
So at this point in #NBAPlayoffs is the question less if there will be an upset than if one first round matchup will actually go 6 games?
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Although it’s April 20. So guess what folks? We’re exactly only 60 days from a possible game 7 in the #NBAFinals #NBAPlayoffs
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ESPN just fired #CurtSchilling. Too soon to start a pool as to when he might be hired by #FoxNews?
Marc Ragovin suggested last night that after Schilling included an offensive cartoon in a Twitter post defending North Carolina’s anti-LGBT law. “Hey Curt, put a bloody sock in it.”
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Border agents just discovered a 2,600 ft tunnel from Tijuana to San Diego, with ventilation, a rail system and an elevator. Uh, Trump, about that wall…..
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Nike has ended its contract with Johnny Manziel. Alas, the QB couldn’t seem to figure out the slogan wasn’t “Just OverDo It.”
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Ted Cruz wrote a whining fundraising email about the sacrifices he is making to run for President – no sleep, no personal time, no family time…. And somewhere God is thinking. “Take a hint Ted, and go home.”
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Bernie Sanders was complaining tonight that “about 3 million” New Yorkers “were unable to vote today because they had registered as Independents, not Democrats or Republicans.” Uh yes, that’s why they call them party primaries.
Maybe six months ago the campaign should have thought of getting people to register as Democrats if Sanders wanted to run as a Democrat….
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While some Democrats are battling over admittedly at times complicated primary rules, have to think some in the GOP are just laughing as they tighten voting rules for the general election. #theREALthreattodemocracy
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Is it wrong that I’ve never watched #LiveWithKellyandMichael, have no idea who’s in the right, and don’t really give a damn? .
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Is this really the best marketing line? A Sephora email says “Glow like you just came back from Rio.” Uh, with the Zika and the toxins in the water etc., have to think, could you come back radioactive too?
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Chicago Blackhawks forward Andrew Shaw, who at first claimed he didn’t “know what’s said” has now apologized for a gay slur directed at a referee Tuesday night “When I got home and saw the video, it was evident that what I did was wrong, no matter the circumstances.”
So he needed to see the video to know what he said? Does Shaw aspire to a career in politics?
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Uh oh, Ben Carson’s been on the Daily Show and now he thinks he’s relevant again…..”I think Andrew Jackson was a tremendous secretary. I mean a tremendous president…. I love Harriet Tubman,” said Carson. “I love what she did. But we can find another way to honor her. Maybe a $2 bill.”
At least he didn’t say $3 bill.
Just wondering, since inflation has hit everything else in the SF Bay Area, why does Facebook still cap you at 5,000 friends?
(and no, I don’t have 5,000 FB friends. But people who I know do, and they can’t add me. #reflectedglory)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: $20 bill jokes, Andrew Jackson jokes, Cruz jokes, Curt Schilling jokes, Janice Hough, NBA playoffs jokes, Nike jokes, sanders jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
April 19, 2016
#Spurs tonight honored a couple celebrating 75th wedding anniversary at game. Fitting as their honeymoon was during Duncan’s rookie year.
Johnny Manziel, dropped by his agent, said in a statement he’s hoping to “take care of issues” and “play in 2016,”
Alas for Manziel, “play” hasn’t been the problem, “work” has.
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Pat Boone is saying that SNL is in league with Satan after a skit where a baker refused to bake wedding cake for a gay couple, titled “God is a boob man.” Of course, these days that seems increasingly true, He/She has certainly created a lot of boobs. Including Pat Boone.
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Whole Foods is opening two “affordable” 365 stores in the SF Bay Area. So will they be nicknamed “Half paycheck?”
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The British Government has indicated they will not be going for the public’s choice for their new research vessel – “Boaty McBoatface” Ah, come on, they don’t want to have the popular research boat in the world. #BoatyMcBoatface would probably end up with its own social media accounts and fan clubs….. #nofun
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If the Brits don’t want “Boaty McBoatface” can the U.S. borrow it?. Surely there is a Navy boat worthy of the name?
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One bit of bipartisan good news ahead. After tonight we won’t have to hear 24-7 about the New York primary.
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Donald Trump has now confused 9-11 with 7-Eleven. And the convenience store says “Don’t blame us, not even our Slurpees give you that much of a brain freeze.”
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NY Rep. Peter King before the primary “I hate Ted Cruz, and I think I’ll take cyanide if he ever got the nomination.” And no doubt at least some New Yorkers were thinking “promise?”
What’s more surprising, the size of #Trump‘s margin, or fact that 15% of New Yorkers actually voted for a Texan who trashed NY values? #NYPrimary
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#Trump says #Cruz just about “mathematically eliminated.” Which would mean something if #GOP paid attention to liberal concepts like math
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The Houston Chronicle reports at that “at least 22” local GOP conventions passed “secession items”, which could be brought up at the state conference in May. Now, there are hundreds of local conventions. But it could be fun. And would secession make Ted Cruz ineligible to run for President? #wecandream
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Utah’s governor is about to sign a bill saying that pornography is “a public health hazard leading to a broad spectrum of individual and public health impacts and societal harms.”
So when men feel the urge to look at porn they should just go look for another wife?
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Ted Cruz today “America has always been best when she is lying down with her back on the mat.” Uh, WTF? Is Ted trying to be banned from from Utah under their new porn law?
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Tennessee majority leader Gerald McCormick is upset with businesses spoke out about the proposed LGBT bathroom law. “these companies who tried to blackmail us for this thing, when they come for their corporate welfare checks next year, we need to have a list out and keep an eye on them.”
But for the others, those corporate welfare checks will just keep on coming. Glad McCormick cleared that up.
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: boaty mcboatface jokes, Cruz jokes, Janice Hough, ny primary jokes, Pat Boone jokes, Trump jokes, utah jokes, Whole Foods jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
April 19, 2016
San Jose Sharks seem bent on proving there is such a thing as home ice disadvantage.
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Meanwhile the Warriors faced the Rockets without Steph Curry. With a few more starters out it actually might have been a tight game.
Although as the Thunder faced the depleted Mavericks, once again OKC reminded NBA fans, seldom has a team done so little with so much.
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#SFGiants had #KevinHogan throw out the first pitch on #Stanford night. They clearly should have signed him for the bullpen.
3 thoughts after #SFGiants loss tonight: 1. Casilla may be done as a closer. 2. Heston should not be a reliever. 3. Where is Timmy?
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Alas Hunter Strickland tonight reminded #SFGiants fans why he is the closer of the “future.” #didntthinkIwouldmissRomo
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Meanwhile, the Arizona #Diamondbacks road uniforms remind many of us of that day we put a black shirt or jeans in the wash on hot with our whites.
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A diagnosis on Pablo Sandoval’s injury has apparently been delayed by swelling in his shoulder. Thinking actually the Panda’s shoulder has not been where the problem swelling has occurred.
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#Ethiopians won both the men’s & women’s #BostonMarathon today. Now #Kenyans know how we #Americans usually feel.
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Ebay actually pulled an auction for a Ziplock bag of AIR from inside Staples Center for Kobe Bryant’s last game. The bidding had reached over $15,000. Not sure what the bigger #cantfixstupid is, the bidder, or Ebay in giving up those 10% seller fees.
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Ted Cruz apparently reiterated his position last week that he wants to return America back to the gold standard. So it’s not just women he wants to return to the 19th century.
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Michigan Governor Rick Snyder says he will drink water from Flint for “at least a month” to show support for the city, and to show that the water is safe to use with a filter. Your move, mean bitch Karma.
Just thinking, if other GOP candidates want to show solidarity on the subject of excessive government regulation, maybe they could call Mich. Gov. Rick Snyder and ask him to ship them some of that Flint drinking water. #isitsafe?
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A video has gone viral of a woman in Toronto who scaled the fence to a tiger enclosure in order to retrieve her hat. She and the hat escaped unharmed. Another Darwin #misseditbythatmuch
20 inches of rain or more and massive flooding in Houston. Awful, but now waiting for some of these politicians who want to secede from the U.S. to ask for federal disaster relief.
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On the subject of state’s rights etc, just found this quote from “West Wing” President Jed Bartlet. And what a shame he isn’t running in 2016:
“You think states should do the governing wall-to-wall. That’s a perfectly valid opinion. But your state of Florida got $12.6 billion in federal money last year – from Nebraskans, and Virginians, and New Yorkers, and Alaskans, with their Eskimo poetry. 12.6 out of a state budget of $50 billion. I’m supposed to be using this time for a question, so here it is: Can we have it back, please?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: flint jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Sharks jokes, snyder jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
April 17, 2016
Pennsylvania Gov. Tom Wolf signed a bill legalizing medical marijuana. Does being sick of watching the Phillies lose count?
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Charlotte’s loss today to Miami extended their postseason losing streak to 11 games, third longest in NBA history. Almost a shame the Hornets couldn’t have a first round matchup with the Raptors. #somethingsgottogive
Vince Carter had a good game for #Grizzlies. For 2016-7 maybe he’s old enough to sign a free agent contract with the #Spurs?
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Two Syracuse football players are recovering with non life-threatening injuries after they were allegedly stabbed by a former teammate. #ifonlyhehadbeenarmed
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Pablo Sandoval is flying to Alabama for a 2nd opinion on his injured shoulder from Dr. James Andrews. Either that or the trip is for the pulled pork and pecan pie.
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#LukeWalton has apparently turned down head coaching job with #Knicks. Guess he’s holding out for an offer from an #NBA professional team
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McDonald’s is opening a new restaurant in Missouri that will feature “all-you-can-eat” French Fries. So Missouri can now be the “Show Me How Fat We Can Get” state?
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The Treasury has announced Andrew Jackson will be replaced on the $20 bill by an unnamed woman. But Alexander Hamilton is staying on the $10. It’s about time for a woman on our currency. But poor Jackson, had they only written an “Old Hickory” hit Broadway musical….
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While some voters on both sides scream about free trade, a new Associated Press-GfK poll.poll shows that while Americans say they would like to buy things made in the US, 67% of them would buy the exact same thing made overseas if it were less expensive….
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A Nashville mom and her friend are facing charges after they left her 13-month-old daughter in a hot car while auditioning at a strip club. Apparently the friend was supposed to be watching the girl but went inside to watch the audition. The child is okay, and yes, it could have been a horrible story. But wonder how many people who are condemning the mom are both pro-life and against subsidized child care?
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Donald Trump on a possible contested GOP convention: “I hope it doesn’t involve violence. I hope it doesn’t. I’m not suggesting that.”
Why doesn’t Trump just say “It’s a nice little convention you’ve got planned. It would be a shame if something happened to it.
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Some angry voters are threatening to sue over New York’s closed primary, which requires them to have chosen a party affiliation 6 months before the primary. You think if they care enough to sue, they’d have cared enough to get their registration right.
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Let’s see, many who support Donald Trump do so because he’s rich and “successful.” But then some of those same people are against Hillary Clinton because of the money she has made. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, Knicks jokes, NBA playoff jokes, NBA playoffs jokes, New York jokes, Pablo Sandoval jokes, Trump jokes
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April 16, 2016
Most worried #Warriors fans after the first day of the postseason. Those who finally scored playoff tickets, and they’re for game 5 at Oracle.
Since #Raptors are now 0-8 in #NBA playoff openers, wouldn’t it be more efficient & save wear on players just to forfeit game 1 next time?
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If you didn’t recognize #DodgerStadium you’d know the #SFGiants #Dodgers game is in Los Angeles. All those empty seats behind home plate.
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Right about now the #Jazz must be SO disappointed they missed the playoffs and a chance to take on the #Warriors. #NBAPlayoffs #sarcasm
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Nothing is certain but death, taxes and the #Raptors losing in game one of the #NBAPlayoffs
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Hard to believe it was not much more than a year ago that many #SFGiants fans were crushed when #PabloSandoval left to sign with #RedSox
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Lakers head coach Byron Scott said that he “absolutely” expects that he will not be fired for next season. Translation, Los Angeles isn’t sure they can get anyone else to take on their mess.
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Ohio State held their Spring football game today, 100,189 people showed up. Guess there must not be a lot to do in Columbus on a weekend.
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McDonald’s CEO Steve Easterbrook made $7.91 million last year, up from $1.69 million in 2014. But it’s okay, executive compensation, unlike the pay of minimum wage employees, doesn’t affect the price of hamburgers….
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Okay this is just piling on, as if Americans are jealous enough of Canada already: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3543380/Not-just-pretty-face-Justin-Trudeau-stuns-room-reporters-scientists-perfect-answer-quantum-computing-question.html
Snow in Denver has cancelled 70% of flights and also postponed Saturday’s annual “420” marijuana festival. Well, most attendees probably weren’t going to show up until at least Sunday anyway. #Dudewhensmyfestival?
A Muslim woman wearing a hijab was apparently kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight after she asked to change from a middle seat to an aisle because she was uncomfortable sitting between two men for religious reasons. Two responses – 1. Southwest probably over-reacted. 2. Not a bad idea. Especially when you’re a woman in a middle seat the men take the arm rests too.
If Bernie Sanders wants to attack Hillary Clinton for paid speeches that is his right.. But, not as if Bernie has been turning down the big bucks – from Ethics.senate.gov: “Anyone earning a Senate rate of pay at or above $123,175 may not earn more than $27,495 from all combined outside sources, including campaign work.”
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So while we’re all ragging on Hillary Clinton for accepting Wall Street money, and yes, we need campaign finance reform, just wondering, who paid for Bernie Sanders’ private jet to meet the Pope in Rome?
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Ted Cruz had a clean sweep of GOP delegates in Wyoming, all 14 of them. 14? Isn’t that about as many voters as there are in the state?
In Philadelphia, a 4-year-old girl was fatally shot by her 5-year-old brother with their father’s gun. If only the girl had been armed.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, marijuana jokes, McDonalds jokes, NBA jokes, raptors jokes, Warriors jokes
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April 15, 2016
The #Braves have won! Finally. Last week #Atlanta had a couple weeks that went this badly, Sherman was involved.
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After the NY Daily News printed a story that the Mets had sold most of the jerseys from the team’s first game in NY after 9/11, the team issued a statement “We admit that we made a mistake, and have instituted a new process with internal controls to prevent something like this from happening again in the future.”
So was the mistake profiting over the jerseys, or getting caught?
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John Kasich, in response to a woman student at a town hall in St. Lawrence University in NY saying she saying she worries about harassment on campus said “I’d also give you one bit of advice, don’t go to parties where there is a lot of alcohol.”
Can’t imagine how the GOP gets the reputation of being clueless on women’s issues. #andKasichissupposedtobethereasonableone
With all the attacks on Hillary over taking money from Wall Street for speeches, maybe it’s time for her to requote the line “If you can’t drink their whiskey, take their money, screw their women and still vote against him in the morning, you don’t belong in politics.”
Bill would certainly volunteer to help with the “women” part.
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Starting for the 2017-18 season, the NBA announced that companies can buy a 2.5-by-2.5-inch advertising space on game-day jerseys. So that means by about 2020 those jerseys will resemble those worn by NASCAR.
The Minnesota Twins came back and beat the Angels tonight, following upon the Braves’ first win. So ten games into the season, nobody’s perfect.
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AMC says they are scraping a plan to allow texting in theaters after saying they have heard “loud and clear” that it “is a concept our audience does not want.”
D’uh…. even people who text in theaters do not want other people texting in theaters.
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Kim Davis’s lawyer is now apparently helping Kentucky leglislators draft a bill to restrict bathroom access for LGBTs. Hmm, presumably after the Kentucky Derby so everyone doesn’t boycott that too?
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Sarah Palin says “Bill Nye is as much a scientist as I am.” Shocking! Palin acknowledges the concept of scientists?
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Hillary Clinton last night in the debate “It’s easy to diagnose a problem. It’s harder to do something about a problem.” And many Americans on both sides of the aisle are thinking “No, just tell us you’ll fix it, don’t confuse us with facts.”
Jason Whitlock, not joining in the Kobe Bryant lovefest, said that Kobe’s narcissism and selfishness ruined the Lakers. Strikes me that he’s both right and wrong. In his prime, Bryant helped lead Los Angeles to five rings with that narcissism and selfishness. When his skills decreased and his demands, on and off the court, remained the same – well, yes, then, Kobe helped make sure the Lakers became, and stayed, a lousy basketball team.
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T.C. on reports that Kim Jong Un now weighs over 300 pounds. “If this dictator thing doesn’t work out he can try out for the Boston Red Sox.”
Categories: baseball jokes, debate jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Braves jokes, Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, kasich jokes, Kobe jokes, Mets jokes, NBA jokes, texting jokes, Twins jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 14, 2016
Lots of uproar over a Sanders supporter using the term #Democraticwhores. Hillary fans are outraged. Meanwhile Bill is going “whores? where?
Really? A Rockies fan was kicked out of Coors Field for throwing a home run ball (hit by the Giants Trevor Brown) back onto the field. Good thing they don’t have that silly rule at Dodger Stadium. Madbum is hitting (and pitching) tomorrow night.
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Rough couple days for #SFGiants pitchers at Coors Field, giving up 21 runs in two days. But it could be worse, they could have given up all those runs interspersed with snow delays. (And yes, it is going to snow this weekend in Denver. Happy Spring.)
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Lots of attention on the Warriors winning 73 games. And over in Oakland the As are thinking “With luck we can do that this year too.”
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Meanwhile, in the NFL, Oakland and SF may combine to honor Golden State: this year’s Raiders are likely to win 7 games, while the 49ers are likely to win 3.
So what’s going to happen next? The Golden State Warriors lose a game? Or the Minnesota Twins or Atlanta Braves win a game?
So with this the 9th Democratic debate was there any point other than both sides hoping for a “gotcha” moment? #sanders #clinton
American Airlines has complained that TSA lines meant 6,800 of their passengers missed flights in just one week from March 14-20. Of course American is not complaining about all the change fees they were able to charge those passengers.
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Microsoft is suing the DOJ to prevent the government from going through users’ personal emails without notice. The company feels strongly that such an invasion of privacy should not be allowed, except by Microsoft and their advertisers.
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Canada is looking into passing an assisted suicide bill for terminally ill patients, but will not allow “suicide tourism” for Americans. Especially presumably after the November elections.
In Wisconsin a high school teacher who has been charged with having sex with her 16-year old student allegedly slept with him the night of her husband’s bachelor party and sent him selfies from her honeymoon. Your move, Florida.
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Al Sharpton, after Bill de Blasio and Hillary Clinton used a reference to “C.P” time in a skit – “Y’all got to leave all these jokes alone. Just, don’t even talk about race for a while.” Does it count as a joke to reference black pots and kettles?
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All this commotion over the phrase “C.P. time” when used by NY Mayor DeBlasio, who is married to a black woman. Now, maybe in a P.C. age it wasn’t the best joke. But while we’re at it, I’ve heard in Hawaii and Jamaica and much of the Caribbean “Island time,” in Mexico “Mexican minutes,” from a lot of men “girl time” or “girl ready” and from someone married to a woman from Delhi “Indian Standard time.” So maybe we should all lighten up?
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The Lakers apparently sold $1.2 million in Kobe Bryant merchandise yesterday. Although just think about how much the team might have made had they released Bryant a few years ago and built a team that could reach the playoffs.
From Alex Kaseberg “In his last game, the Lakers’ Kobe Bryant scored 60 points to beat the Utah Jazz. Now, I don’t want to say Utah rigged the game for Kobe, but Custer played better defense against Sitting Bull.”
Categories: debate jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Braves jokes, democratic whores jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Raiders jokes, Twins jokes, Warriors jokes
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April 13, 2016
Congrats to the Warriors on 73 wins. Klay Thompson was asked yesterday if the team would celebrate with champagne “Absolutely not You’ve got to save that till June, man. I mean, you might have a glass of wine after the game, but that’s about it.”
And the rest of the teams in the Western Conference playoffs are thinking, “Are you kidding, a week-long all-night party would be more appropriate.”
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Open note to #Warriors fans, the wave is for when team sucks & there’s nothing better to do. Or when you’re #Dodgers or #As fans #stayclassy
Kobe Bryant, 20 years with the Lakers. Impressive. Tim Duncan, 19 years with the Spurs – impressive. More impressive, Duncan has structured his contract and play to help his team still be relevant. #thequietfarewelltourkeepsontouring
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Warriors set record for NBA regular season wins. Many casual sports fans thinking “The NBA HAS a regular season?” #only2monthsuntilfinals
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Lots of fanfare for Kobe Bryant’s last game tonight. Probably just as well Bryant doesn’t have an heir apparent on the Lakers – might be too much to expect Kobe to pass anything, let along a torch.
#JakePeavy started off the Giants game like a man who doesn’t want #SF Bay Area fans to have to decide between watching the #SFGiants & #Warriors
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Boston #RedSox placed #PabloSandoval on the #DL with a left shoulder sprain. Possibly caused by too much repetitive motion with a fork?
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#Braves & #Twins play interleague games in July. So one of those teams will actually have to win games this #MLB season.
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Not a good April to be an Braves fan. The team is winless, and for those who say, “cheer up, it could be worse,” Atlanta outfielder Hector Olivera was arrested after a woman at the Ritz Carlton just outside D.C. called 911 to say he had assaulted her. Yeah, it just got worse.
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The Sacramento Kings will apparently fire George Karl as the 33-48 team will miss the playoffs again. Their next coach will be their 10th since 2006-07. Somewhere even George Steinbrenner is thinking “Jeez, show a little patience.”
AMC’s CEO said he is considering allow patrons to text during movies. Well, this should help speed up the process of getting EVERYONE to watch movies at home instead of in theaters.
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Harvard’s oldest exclusive club, The Porcellian, which is all-male, said in a statement to the Crimson (student newspaper):
“Forcing single gender organizations to accept members of the opposite sex could potentially increase, not decrease the potential for sexual misconduct.”
#Speechless But proving once again, IQ points are no guarantee against #Cantfixstupid
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Volvo has promised “death-proof” cars by 2020. So who needs a hospital when you’re sick – drive around in a Volvo and live forever?
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Apparently the original Santana band is reuniting for the first time since 1973. So after 43 years they’ve either decided to let bygones be bygones…or they can’t remember why they broke up in the first place?
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Ivanka Trump, blaming her inability to vote for her father on the state – “New York has one of the most onerous rules in terms of registration, and it required us to register a long time ago, almost — close to a year ago….(uh, actually you have to declare a party six months in advance.) Looks like the apple doesn’t whine far from the tree.
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Many states’ voting rules seem designed to keep poor and uneducated people from voting. Kudos to New York for bucking the trend by apparently making it harder for rich and lazy people. #Trumps
Congrats to Lynn Swann for getting the USC AD job. So what exactly are Swann’s qualifications though – he was a star Trojan football player and he hasn’t been arrested?
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“Affluenza” teen Ethan Couch has been tentatively sentenced to a two-year jail term, although the judge gave Couch’s defense two weeks to make an argument for him to reconsider. Reconsider? As in maybe give him at least four years?-
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 73 jokes, Braves jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kobe jokes, santana jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
April 12, 2016
Of course it’s only April, but the two Orange & Black teams in #MLB are a combined 14-2. #Orioles #SFGiants
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#BusterPosey might be googling #WallyPipp on his phone about now. #TrevorBrown #SFGiants
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#BruceBochy said before Monday’s #SFGiants #Rockies game he’d like #TrevorBrown to hit a home run in all of his starts. So is #Brown taking him seriously?
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#Dodgers payroll over $253,000,000. Now #MagicJohnson was 1 of greatest ever #NBA players. But did anyone tell him #MLB teams need something called a bullpen?
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Tickets to Kobe Bryant’s last game are going for at least $800. But really, if you just wanted to see Bryant play a meaningless game, for that price you could have probably bought tickets to the Lakers whole home season.
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Headline: “Lindsay Lohan is engaged. ” And most Americans no doubt are thinking “in what?”
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Popular porn site xHamster announced yesterday that when anyone with a North Carolina IP address visits the site, they will be asked if they support the new anti-LGBT law. If they say “yes,” they will be blocked. Now that’s REALLY hitting below the belt.
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John Kasich again last night in an interview said there is “zero” chance he would serve as v.p. “I would be the worst vice president the country ever saw. I’m not a vice president, I’m a president.”
Somewhere Dick Cheney is going “And your point is?”
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Paul Ryan, “Let me be clear: I do not want, nor will I accept the nomination for our party.”
Didn’t he say the same thing about becoming Speaker?
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The NFL has denied Josh Gordon’s petition for reinstatement. Of course, it doesn’t help when you petition AND fail a drug test in the same month.
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Music producer and reality tv star, David Gest, 62, known best to Americans as Liza Minnelli’s ex-husband, was found dead at a London hotel today. He had been preparing to tour with a new show “David Gest Is Not Dead But Alive With Soul.” Guess maybe it wasn’t the best choice of title. #bustohell
Donald Trump is upset about the possibility about losing the GOP nomination despite having the most delegates. “The system, folks, is rigged. It’s a rigged, disgusting, dirty system.”
Now Trump doesn’t really have a problem with a rigged system, he’s just used to being the one doing the rigging.
And btw, who says the Spurs are boring? Though just guessing none of them will get a call anytime soon from #DWTS. https://twitter.com/spurs/status/719925467042582528/photo/1
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kobe jokes, Paul Ryan jokes, SFGiants jokes, Spurs jokes, Trevor Brown jokes, Trump jokes, xhamsterjokes
Comments: 6 Comments
April 11, 2016
The NCAA reportedly approved a 3-year moratorium on new bowl games. What a disappointment for all those 6-6 teams who just missed last year’s postseason.
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That moment when even #ESPN on #BaseballTonight says “It’s an even year, don’t bet against the #SFGiants. #Hellhasfrozenover
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Jordan Spieth is still the favorite at 7-1 to win the U.S. Open in June, at the Oakmont Country Club in Pennsylvania. Assume Oakmont doesn’t have any water hazards?
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Even if you’re not a #Warriors fan have to appreciate that their quest for the record has knocked #KobeBryant farewell tour off #ESPN Wed
Urban Meyer is upset with the new NCAA rule deregulating electronic communication with potential recruits, which means coaches can now send unlimited texts to student-athletes. Translation, Urban Meyer doesn’t know how to text..
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Suppose we shouldn’t be shocked but Mr. “Make America Great” again can’t even make his children register to vote correctly? #cantfixstupid #butcanweelectstupid
Monday was #NationalPetDay. And cats are sniffing “EVERY day is National Cat Day.”
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Warriors announcer Bob Fitzgerald wasn’t very happy with Spurs fans waving thundersticks yesterday, calling them “some jerk off fans trying to screw up the telecast.” Well, if Golden State ends up playing back in San Antonio am sure those fans will go out of their way to be welcoming.
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The White House has asked Congress for $1.9 billion to fight Zika, and the CDC is saying “Everything we look at with this virus seems to be a bit scarier than we initially thought,” and that it has been linked to a “to a broader array of birth defects throughout a longer period of pregnancy…”
And the GOP in Congress is now accusing Obama of trying to “politicize” Zika. Right, because heaven forbid the US try to protect fetuses in a way that costs money
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Donald Trump says that John Brennan’s pledge not to waterboard is “ridiculous.” Right, because who knows more about effective interrogation, Trump or the director of the CIA? And who is Trump planning to appoint to the job – Jack Bauer?
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Joe Biden said in an interview that while both Democratic candidates are “totally qualified”, he would “like to see a woman elected.” Maybe especially because it would be easier for Joe to think Hillary was inevitable than to think he could have started late like Sanders and actually won.
Newly released court documents say that Robert Dear Jr., who confessed to killing three people at a Colorado Planned Parenthood clinic, told police he dreamed he’ll be met in Heaven by aborted fetuses wanting to thank him for saving unborn babies. So where are the GOP “pro-lifers” applauding him right here on Earth?
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Tim Spector, a professor at King’s College, London, said that dieting is less about calories, and more about good bacteria. So cheese, chocolate, nuts, and red wine are all smart choices for those trying to control their weight. Well, that calls for opening a bottle!
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ESPN jokes, Janice Hough, Kobe jokes, NCAA jokes, SFGiants jokes, spieth jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes, wine jokes, zika jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
Left Coast Sports Babe 