Posted tagged ‘SF Giants jokes’
June 1, 2016
In an interview, Barry Bonds said “I’m to blame for the way I was [portrayed], because I was a dumbass. I was straight stupid, and I’ll be the first to admit it.”
Not sure what’s weirder. Hearing him apologize, or hearing Bonds’ referred to as “the Miami Marlins’ hitting coach?” #SFGiants
In Switzerland, they just had the grand opening of a railway tunnel through the Alps dubbed “the longest tunnel in the world” at 35.5 miles. And down in Mexico they’re just giggling.
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#StephCurry let slip in a news conference that he uses Uber in the SF Bay Area. Wonder if they give him 3.0 pricing? #Warriors
Is there a more annoying sound in sports than the tomahawk chop? #Braves #SFGiants #Stopthechop
Santiago #Casilla has now blown 4 of 16 saves. So he’s right about as often as an NBA referee? #damningbyfaintphrase
#Casilla lost composure & blew lead so fast tonight you’d wonder if underneath his #SFGiants jersey he was wearing a #OKC #Thunder t-shirt.
No, I don’t play fantasy baseball. But saw this on Rotoballer.com, talking about closers in the NL West and their “status” (from a few days ago.)
: Stability Rating – Team Name – Current Closer
Solid – Diamondbacks – Brad Ziegler
Solid Rockies – Jake McGee
Solid Dodgers – Kenley Jansen
Solid Padres – Fernando Rodney
Questionable – Giants – Santiago Casilla
yeah, we know
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Anyone else feeling like an old baseball fan in remembering when players didn’t have hamstrings?
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Last night #JakePeavy pitched 1 hit ball for 7 innings, singled and scored the go-ahead run for the #SFGiants to win on his 35th birthday. “It couldn’t have happened to a nicer young man” said Jamie Moyer.
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First #BernieSanders got #Hamilton tickets. Then court side seats for #OKCvsGSW #Game7. Guessing his own private plane can’t be far behind?
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Former Baylor president Kenneth Starr, who so zealously prosecuted Bill Clinton, and who was reassigned as chancellor after the school’s sexual assault scandals, is now resigning that new post. Starr will, however, continue to teach in the law school.
What’s his first course this fall – “The law and people who think they are above it?”
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A Seattle burlesque dancer returning home from a Boston performance was told by a JetBlue crew the shorts and thigh-highs she was wearing were “inappropriate.” She had to buy pajama pants to get on the plane.
This would not have happened on United. They’d have let her board and just charged other passengers an entertainment fee.
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A USA Today article shows that Donald Trump “and his businesses have been involved in at least 3,500 legal actions in federal and state courts during the past 30 years. Ranging from skirmishes with casino patrons to million-dollar real estate suits to personal defamation lawsuits.”
Are we sure the Trump campaign didn’t leak the information in a shameless push to get more endorsements from lawyers?
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The PGA Tour is moving their Cadillac World Golf Championship from the Trump Doral course to Mexico City. Trump’s gracious response “I hope they have kidnapping insurance.”
I am beginning to see the Donald’s plan to have Mexico pay for that wall…. in order to keep him out.
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Hillary Clinton with Cory Booker in New Jersey: Hmm, could think of a lot worse tickets for November. #GoStanford
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Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baylor jokes, Bernie Sanders jokes, Bonds jokes, casilla jokes, golf jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes
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May 29, 2016
Alexander Rossi, who won the Indianapolis 500, decided not to pit late, so was running on fumes and literally coasting as he finished the race. So how many men will start explaining running out of gas to their wives and girlfriends – “Really, I was just trying to emulate an Indy driver.”
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Auto racing is weird. How many other sports have the “highlights” later basically be a blooper tape? #crashes #Indy500
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Ah for the good old days, when on Memorial Day weekend Americans who liked to watch complete wrecks could watch the Indy 500, instead of our Presidential race.
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Really? The #Indy500 is now being marketed as part of the “Verizon IndyCar series?” #howthemightyhavefallen
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So the #Dodgers are coming to SF to play the #SFGiants in 2 weeks. Is it too late to organize a #Giants laser pointer giveaway? #LaserGate
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Lost in yesterday’s #SFGiants 10-5 win vs #Rockies: Winning pitcher Cory Gearrin also got his 1st at bat. And 1st hit. #PitchersWhoRake
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Donald Trump has apparently narrowed his potential running mates to a “very small” list. Because there are only a “very small” number of people who will run with him?
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Bernie Sanders today on “Meet the Press” said that while he thinks Donald Trump would be a “disaster” as President, it is “the candidate’s job,” to draw voters in — not the second-place finisher’s job to instruct them on how to vote.
For all Bernie’s talk about changing the Democratic party, that was sure spoken like a man who is planning to switch his registration back to Independent after the election is over.
Shouldn’t an 8-3 lead in the 9th inning at #CoorsField be counted as a save situation? #SFGiants #Rockies
Wow. The Mets’ Asdrúbal Cabrera a home run hard off #Kershaw. Who does he think he is? Madison Bumgarner?
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Meanwhile, Kershaw has more than 200 million reasons to get over it. But as much as I dislike the Dodgers, have to admit, manager Davy Roberts pulls him in the 8th with two outs and a runner on first. The reliever promptly gives up the tying run, and get the win when the Dodgers come back in the 9th. #baseballisacruelgame
From T.C. “I know nusink about US politics, but I used to play ‘Bridge’. “3 No Trump” sounds like it may be a rallying slogan for his opposition?”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, holiday jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Dodgers jokes, Indy 500 jokes, Janice Hough, laser jokes, sanders jokes, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes
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May 25, 2016
Many Millennials may not remember Ken Starr’s relentless pursuit of Bill Clinton over his affair with Monica Lewinsky. Now Starr has reportedly been fired as President of Baylor University, over sexual assault allegations involving the football team.
Mean bitch karma for yet another win.
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Understand the frustration of Sanders supporters with the Democratic primary process and rules. But on the other hand, Bernie became a Democrat less than a year ago. It’s kind of like starting to play a sport for the first time and then complaining that you are being penalized or getting fouls called on you because you didn’t read the rule book. #stopwhining
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NFL chose #Atlanta over #NewOrleans for 2019 #SuperBowl. “Because we’d all so much rather spend #SuperBowlWeek in Atlanta” said nobody.
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The #SFGiants placed Angel #Pagan on the DL for the first time in 2016. So congrats to all those who had May 14 in the pool.
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So now it’s #VinceFoster. Can we start a poll on which ancient Clinton conspiracy theory #Trump will bring up next?
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Stephen A. Smith apologized to “all Canada, Canadians everywhere” for predicting that the Raptors would lose Monday. Now, when is he going to apologize to Americans everywhere for being Stephen A. Smith?
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The TSA has fired their director. Wonder how long he’ll have to wait for his severance check.
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Buffalo Bills general manager Doug Whaley said in a radio interview about football “Injuries are part of it. It’s a violent game that I personally don’t think humans are supposed to play.”
Waiting to see how much Roger Goodell fines him for this
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NPR is reporting that because Uber’s app goes into power saving mode when you are running low on battery, they can tell when your phone is about to die, and they know you are then more likely to accept surge pricing. But of course the ride-sharing company would never raise prices in such a situation, said no one.
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Presidential comment – Donald Trump has succeeded because he “tapped a waiting reservoir there of inherent racism.” Well, of course that’s what a black man like Obama would say. Except the comment is from Jimmy Carter. #southernman
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A new report says that Donald Trump sued Deutsche Bank to try to get out of $40 million in personal loans he’d used to build the Chicago Trump International Hotel. Trump claimed he couldn’t repay those loans because the 2008 financial collapse was an act of God. Huh…an “act of God?” Well, surely now he will claim it was Hillary’s fault.
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Playoffs ended too soon for Tim Duncan but Spurs maybe feeling a little less humiliated losing to 3 seed #Thunder. #GSWvsOKC #buzzsaw
#MattHarvey is still strugging for the #NYMets. Maybe #Mets should consider a straight up trade for #JakePeavy with #SFGiants?
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Rick #Santorum has endorsed #DonaldTrump. Well the Donald should be thrilled to pick up both Santorum supporters.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, ken starr jokes, NFL jokes, raptors jokes, sanders jokes, SF Giants jokes, TSA jokes
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May 11, 2016
For all those who have wondered how Heidi Cruz could possibly put up with Ted, this is Heidi yesterday, saying the campaign was not in vain “God does not work in four-year segments.”Be full of faith and so full of joy that this team was chosen to fight a long battle Think that slavery — it took 25 years to defeat slavery. That is a lot longer than four years.”
And just think, she could have been First Lady. #madeforeachother
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Donald Trump is still stonewalling on calls to release his tax returns, saying in an AP interview. “there’s nothing to learn from them.”
“Nothing to learn…” Am sure the Donald will say the same thing about Hillary’s emails and Goldman Sachs speeches..
#MaxScherzer had 20 strikeouts today. Wonder how many frustrated fans had 1st reaction “Didn’t even know #Nats were playing the #SFGiants
When you are 4 for 43 with RISP shouldn’t it be RIBSP? “Runners in Being Stranded Position.”. #SFGiants
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Figures after a week where the #SFGiants seem to have forgotten they have bats, they win in the 13th without a hit and walk-off walk.
Just when you think humanity can’t go any lower, here’s breaking news out of Florida: “George Zimmerman auctioning off gun that he used in Trayvon Martin shooting.”
Not sure which is lower though about this auction, George or the bidders. #WishthisweretheOnion
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Gwyneth Paltrow has a “lifestyle” site, “Goop,” with various items for sale. Including now a $15,000 24-karat gold plated dildo, which includes “free discreet shipping, A PDF manual, and a 10-year warranty. But it’s not as if Paltrow is out of touch with ordinary people – the site sells a silver model for only $7,900.
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Way to get that sponsor love – Former MLBer Brandon Laird, now playing in Japan, hit a home run off a Kirin beer sign and won $10,000 plus a year’s worth of beer. When asked what he would do with the prize, Laird responded “Definitely not drink it. Maybe give some to the batting practice pitchers or whoever wants it.”
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The NBA has acknowledged they made two mistakes against the Spurs in the end of last night’s loss, first, a non-call when Kawhi Leonard tried to foul Kevin Durant at the end of the game, second a foul called against Danny Green when he was tripped by Steven Adams and fell into Durant.
Well, this ought to do wonders to reassure people who think the league is fixed.
In Massachusetts, a man who was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts and told staffers the “devil was playing tricks on his mind,” was released the same day/ He then went on a stabbing rampage, killing two people and injuring two others before he was himself fatally shot by an off-duty deputy. #Ifonlyhewerearmed
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Cruz jokes, Janice Hough, scherzer jokes, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes, Zimmerman jokes
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May 8, 2016
It takes some work to make Canadians angry. But Dwyane Wade managed to do it, by taking warm up shots during the Canadian national anthem. On the other hand, the Raptors, who sometimes seem to have trouble getting fired up, won the game. So maybe Wade should keep up the “Oh Canada” shooting.
Major league teams are selling today’s Mother’s Day equipment and uniforms to raise money for breast cancer research. Although the SFGiants. who lost 2-0, and were 0-6 with runners in scoring position, won’t be able to market them as actual “game-used” bats.
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An unknown person in New Jersey has won the $429 million Powerball lottery. His or her first act with the winnings will no doubt be to move out of New Jersey.
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Americans apparently spend over $21 billion on Mother’s Day. Wow. To be fair, at least $1 billion of that must be spent by players in the NBA.
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#Hawks have now joined the #Braves in making #Atlanta fans really look forward to the #Falcons.
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The Yankees are in last place and worse, ticket sales are way down. Not sure what the team will do. Maybe they can sign Kobe Bryant for a one year contract so he can sit the bench and do a baseball version of his farewell tour?
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Ted Cruz apparently feels now that he could have stopped Donald Trump, if Marco Rubio had only agreed to become his running mate in March. Got news for Ted, the bottom half of the ticket wasn’t why Americans “Just Said No” to him.
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Former Arizona Governor Jan Brewer said she’d be willing to be Donald Trump’s running mate. Waiting for Hillary Clinton to second that choice in female solidarity.
Sarah Palin on Paul Ryan “His political career is over.” Well, #takesonetoknowone
Mississippi State has confirmed that a student died when he fell off of the football stadium Jumbotron at 1:30am Saturday morning. Sad, but just guessing alcohol gets an assist on this Darwin award.
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To save money, Dropbox is apparently cutting back on some of its perks. The company is pushing free dinner from 6pm to 7pm, and limiting guests to five a month. #Getouttheviolins
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David Maloney is an Alabama attorney who has run commercials talking about how he turns out down drunk drivers as clients. ” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you drink and you drive and you hurt someone, don’t call me. I’m not going to represent you, I’m not going to help you. If anything, I’m going to be the lawyer going after you.”
Maloney was arrested this weekend in Florida. For alleged DUI. Well, guess he won’t be one of those fools who has himself for a client. #meanbitchkarmahasacousinhubris
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Atlanta jokes, Canada jokes, hba jokes, Janice Hough, mothers day jokes, Powerball jokes, SF Giants jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 27, 2016
Okay, if you had someone who had never watched baseball before last night’s SF Giants’ 1-0 win, a Johnny Cueto complete game gem. And then they watched today’s 13-9 game…. well, it would be very hard to explain to them that it’s the same sport.
#NBA worried about #AllStar game in #NorthCarolina, but no one figured they’d need to worry about 2nd or 3rd round playoff games #Hornets
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#Rockets don’t just look like they don’t belong on floor with #Warriors, Houston looks like they don’t belong on floor with #Villanova.
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Justin Bieber picked the Cleveland Cavaliers to win the NBA title. That might be the best news the Warriors, Thunder and Spurs have heard all week.
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He stays, he goes, he stays, he goes…? Apparently 49ers GM Trent Baalke still won’t rule out trading Colin Kaepernick this week. Even Brett Favre is saying, “Dudes, make up your minds.”
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Emily Pitha, a fundraiser for John McCain’s Senate re-election campaign fundraiser, has been arrested in Arizona for a meth lab with LSD, cocaine, heroin, counterfeit cash and bomb-making materials. And who’d a thunk McCain would ever associate with a woman he hadn’t properly vetted.
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Donald Trump accuses Hillary of playing the “woman card.” Ted Cruz picks Carly Fiorina, thereby playing the “madwoman card.”
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Dennis Hastert has been sentenced to 15 months in prison. Yep, the same former speaker who voted with the Moral Majority and co-sponsored a bill against online predators, saying “it sends a strong message to the most heinous of criminals who prey upon our children — you will be punished to the fullest extent of the law.”
I guess preying upon children at school doesn’t count?
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Ted Cruz has apparently picked Carly Fiorina as his running mate. The only person who could make Cruz look likeable by comparison?
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So have to wonder, if Cruz wanted to add a woman to his proposed ticket, why not someone like Nikki Haley, who most people like and respect even if they don’t agree with her.
Hmm, of course maybe he did ask and Haley is smart enough to have said “NFW.”
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Ted Cruz has picked Carly Fiorina for his running mate should he win the nomination. Hmm, wonder who Ben Stiller has picked for his speechwriter should he win an Oscar for Zoolander 2?
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Ted Cruz last night, referencing Hoosiers “The amazing thing is that basketball ring here in Indiana, it’s the same height as it is in New York City and every other place in this country.”
Standby for Cruz’s next speech where he talks about getting into the boxing hoop with Donald Trump.
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Dennis Hastert has been sentenced to 15 months in prison. Yep, the same former speaker who voted with the Moral Majority and co-sponsored a bill against online predators, saying “it sends a strong message to the most heinous of criminals who prey upon our children — you will be punished to the fullest extent of the law.”
I guess preying upon children at school doesn’t count?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bieber jokes, Carly Fiorina jokes, emily pitha, hastert jokes, McCain jokes, rockets jokes, SF Giants jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
April 7, 2016
Caught a five hour case of flu today. #Giantsfever. #BeatLA
#Dodgers team ERA for year just went from zero to over three in four innings #SFGiants #SFGiantsOpeningDay
San Diego heads to Coors Field without having scored a run in any of their first three games. Are the Padres trying to be the official MLB team of Coke Zero?
(Frank. W. says, “of course the Padres haven’t scored this season. Padres are supposed to be celibate.)
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Waiting for an atheist to file a “freedom from religion” lawsuit against playing “God Bless America” at baseball games #SFGiantsOpeningDay
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20,000 of Ivanka Trump’s branded scarves are being recalled due to a “burn risk.” But that’s not the interesting part, the Donald’s daughter has her scarves made in China. #onlylittlepeoplepaytariffs?
Wynn Resorts founder Steve Wynn reportedly told investors “Rich people only like being around rich people. Nobody likes being around poor people, especially poor people.” Hmm, is Wynn angling for a position in a possible Trump cabinet?
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Whole Foods is opening “Whole Foods 365” in Los Angeles this May. They say it will be their first “budget-friendly” store. So folks, we have a new nominee for 2016’s top oxymoron.
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In London, footage is circulating of a mysterious large shape apparently swimming in the Thames river, leading some to speculate about the Loch Ness Monster. It would of course, be inappropriate to make a Chris Christie on Spring Break joke.
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A recent poll found that Donald Trump is disliked by 7 out of 10 people. And Ted Cruz is thinking “amateur.”
Ted Cruz is not backing down from his “New York values” comment. Translation, Cruz knows he’ll lose New York and figures the criticism will help him in other states.
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Actually if Cruz really had the cojones to thumb his nose at New Yorkers he’d get photographed eating pizza with a fork.
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So all these Republicans who can’t stand Ted Cruz are supporting him because they hate Donald Trump more. Now, one question if he actually gets elected – how is the GOP going to find enough people to put up with him and serve in a Cruz cabinet?
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So the latest attack on Hillary Clinton is that she needed several swipes to get her Metrocard to work on the NY subway. You mean it’s possible to get it right on the first try?
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So I would take these “religious freedom” types much more seriously if, for example, before they served heterosexual couples they would require to prove they were married, to each other. And refused to bake wedding cakes for any couple who wouldn’t swear they were both virgins.
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Must be nice to be such a special snowflake that you can not only ignore the request on the train to turn cellphones to vibrate but you can keep a phone conversation going for a good 20 to 30 minutes. #sarcasm
#AmericanIdol reminds us on #IdolFinale of one reason the show is ending. #toomanywrongchoices #toomanyforgettablewinners
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cruz jokes, Giants jokes, god bless america jokes, Janice Hough, Padres jokes, SF Giants jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
February 18, 2016
How can you not love the SF Giants’ Matt Duffy. Or at least his cat Skeeter?
the caption from duffcat35 –
“said goodbye to Matty this morning. Season, here we come! #evenyear #springtraining #arizona #duffman #duffcat
Most #SFGiants fans were unhappy to see Pablo Sandoval leave but this year they have to be thrilled to have Matt Duffy, a 3rd baseman who is not only younger and about $18.5 million a year cheaper, but whose only weight issues belong to his cat.
It just gets better. Now Yankees COO Lonn Trost says he doesn’t like fans who paid retail selling tickets cheaply on sites like Stubhub: “It’s not that we don’t want that fan to sell it, but that fan is sitting there having paid a substantial amount of money for a ticket and (another) fan picks it up for a buck-and-a-half and sits there, and it’s frustrating to the purchaser of the full amount. And quite frankly, the fan may be someone who has never sat in a premium location. So that’s a frustration to our existing fan base.”
Clearly, they need a violin section to fill those premium empty seats….#thehumanity
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Coach Mike Krzyzewski says he will still coach the U.S. Olympic team, despite planned knee replacement surgery after the NCAA season is over. Hmm, thought the only active big name in basketball old enough for knee replacement surgery was Tim Duncan.
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Colts linebacker Jonathan Newsome was arrested near Indianapolis last night and JAILED over two counts of marijuana possession. Add another to the list of potential free agents who want to sign with the Denver Broncos.
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Adele said “‘I cried pretty much all day” after the Grammys. Maybe she can write a song about the experience.
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With this Apple/San Bernadino thing I think I’ve figured out many Americans’ approach to privacy – the government should do everything necessary to keep me safe, as long as it doesn’t involve my own personal information.
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The Tax Policy Center analyzed Ted Cruz’s proposed 10% flat tax and said not only would it favor the wealthy, but it would cost the country $8.6 trillion over a decade. Waiting for Cruz to respond that numbers have a liberal bias.
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Thinking Will Rogers never met #DonaldTrump or #TedCruz.
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Pope Francis on Trump. “A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not building bridges, is not Christian,” Going to be fun now to see the Donald attack the Pope.
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Walmart is giving all their employees pay raises this year, so the average full-time worker will make $13.38. (about $25,000 a year.) Part-timers will get an an average hourly wage of $10.58. They say it will cost them $1.6 billion for their 1.4 million workers.
By comparison Walmart’s top 6 executives make a combined total of $76 million….
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After a DNA test, Bristol Palin has apparently conceded in a custody and support battle that former fiance Dakota Meyer is the father of her 2 month old daughter. So how many options were there? #abstinenceambassador
Sandra Day O’Connor, who thinks Obama should nominate a new Supreme Court judge, and the Senate confirm him or her. “We need somebody in there to do the job and just get on with it.”
Three words “You go girl.”
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As the conspiracy theories fly on Scalia, the Borowitz Report once again has it right: “The only suspect I have definitively ruled out is Mitch McConnell,” a leading conspiracy theorist said. “No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t imagine a scenario where he accomplished something.”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Apple jokes, Cruz jokes, Janice Hough, Pope jokes, SF Giants jokes, spring training jokes, Trump jokes, Walmart jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
December 5, 2015
Zack Greinke signed a 6 year, $206 million deal with the…. Arizona Diamondbacks? Well, maybe Greinke figured he would do better without all that post-season pressure.
#SFGiants might have done just fine with Greinke deal: They don’t risk $200 million on a 32 yr-old pitcher & Zack’s no longer with the Dodgers.
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So Trump has backed down from his demand that CNN donate $5 million for him to participate in the next GOP debate. And the Donald expects us to think he can take on, China, Putin, ISIS….. he can’t even stand tough with a measly cable network.
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Aaron Hernandez has reportedly now been moved to a segregated unit at his maximum security prison, after he was found with a prison-made shank in his cell Thursday. You really do wonder how the former Gators/Patriots star has managed to stay alive to the age of 26. #cantfixstupid
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LSU’s AD said that the school had made “inquiries” about possible replacements for their football coach, but decided that Les Miles “was the right man for the job. Partial translation, “nobody we thought was better was interested.
A new report found that 1 in 4 U.S. bridges is “structurally deficient,” meaning some part of the bridge’s core structure needs repair or complete replacement. And the rest no doubt are in danger with a potential Chris Christie presidency.
#SFGiants have signed #JeffSamardzija to a 5 yr deal. Too soon to tell but so far only really unhappy people have to be SF copy editors.
A Seattle policeman who pulled a 73 year-old man over for driving without headlights was going to let him off with a warning, when the officer saw the driver allegedly attempting to snort cocaine DURING THE TRAFFIC STOP. Your move, Florida. #cantfixstupid
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Budapest tour guide talks about history and says Hungary has alas chosen the wrong side in all wars. Points out that the country is now part of NATO. And she adds thus NATO cannot start any future wars – because with Hungary involved, they will lose
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From T.C. “Kobe Bryant has announced that he will retire after this season. I wonder how much collectors will pay for his last “air ball””
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Categories: baseball jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Dodger jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes
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October 4, 2015
Giants left-handed reliever Jeremy Affeldt gave a great emotional retirement speech at AT&T Park today. And amazingly he didn’t injure himself doing it.
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Ichiro Suzuki pitched an inning during the Marlins final game of 2015, a 7-2 loss to the Phillies. He faced 5 batters, and gave up one earned run. After the game, Philadelphia reportedly offered him a chance to try out for their bullpen.
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Another thought about that Philadelphia loss to Washington today: Help could be available – tanned, rested and ready – Tim Tebow.
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The award for interesting sense of proportion for the day goes to the Bears’ Martellus Bennett, asked after Chicago’s first win “Is Jay Cutler too often criticized?” His response “They threw rocks at Jesus, & Jesus was an excellent guy who did a lot of awesome stuff.”caped up pretty hard for him after the game.”
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Probably not their year, but the Saints are probably the happiest 1-3 team in the NFL tonight.
Meanwhile the Redskins and Bears both won. Hope this is not a sign of the apocalypse.
#IblameObama–
In London, the Jets and Dolphins both had double-digit penalties, And Ndamukong Suh was caught on video today kicking Jets’ QB Ryan Fitzpatrick in the head. Is this part of the NFL’s mission to make Brits feel better about their soccer hooligans?
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Clay Matthews taunted Colin Kaepernick: “You ain’t Russell Wilson, bro.” Well to be fair, so far this year, even Russell Wilson ain’t Russell Wilson.
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#Stanford and
#Michigan. “I’ll take two college football teams that look a lot better than we thought they were after the first week, Alex”
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Jeb Bush’s Presidential campaign is going so badly, they are thinking of bringing his brother George W. to help. Some statements don’t even need a punchline. #nottheOnion
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New Mexico Secretary of State Dianna K. Duran is now facing 65 corruption charges including identity theft. She allegedly used her election fund for many personal uses, including jewelry purchases and casino visits. As Secretary of State Duran oversees campaign finance reporting…. #youcannotmakethisstuffup
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Utah Rep.Jason Chaffetz has announced he would like to succeed House Speaker John Boehner. Chaffetz is mostly known now for going after Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards in her testimony before Congress. Makes sense, to lead today’s GOP you’ve got to show you can “Get Tough on Women.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, Affeldt jokes, Bears jokes, Janice Hough, Jay Cutler jokes, MLB jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
September 23, 2015
Martin Shkreli, who announced plans to raise the price of an AIDS drug from $13,50 to $750 a pill, is CEO of Turing Technologies. Not sure how he named the company, but oddly enough, the “Turing test” is a test of a machine’s ability to exhibit intelligent behavior equivalent to, or indistinguishable from, that of a human.
Shkreli failed.
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The CEO of Volkswagen has resigned. Guessing soon he’ll have the rare opportunity to be making license plates for his own cars.
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A DC man has started a Change.org petition “Dear Pope Francis. Our Metro system is having some troubles. All of DC would be grateful if you could find the time to bless it during your upcoming stay. Maybe a Papal Blessing is just what it needs.”
Hmm, any chance he could also have the Pope bless Congress?
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The Blue Jays won tonight to push their AL East lead over the Yankees to 3.5 game. So how long until some GOP candidate blames a potential Toronto win on Obama’s failure to maintain American supremacy?
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Anne Hathaway says now that it was hard to be taken seriously as an actress after “The Princess Diaries.” Just thinking she’s not going to get too much sympathy from her co-star Julie Andrews.
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Donald Trump says Fox News has been treating him “very unfairly”, and he’s done appearing on Fox News shows for the “foreseeable future.” Well, to be fair, the Donald is really a better fit for Comedy Central.
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Mike Huckabee said today that President Obama is just “pretending to be a Christian. I’m thinking at this point that Huckabee is just pretending to be a plausible human being.
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Now it’s #Adrianza who joins #Belt and #Aoki on the #SFGiants concussion list. Who expected #Giants to have more concussions than #49ers?
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Well, at this point if the #SFGIants ended up in the post season they probably couldn’t field a healthy 25 man roster.
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The SF Chronicle is reporting that the SF Board of Supervisors is about to pass an ordinance that would make “strict enforcement of stop signs for cyclists the lowest priority for the SFPD”
And many cyclists in San Francisco are thinking “What stop signs?”
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QB Colin Kaepernick, praising new SF coach Tomsula, says that this year is “a comfort zone for me. It’s a situation where I’m not being asked to do things outside of my character.”
Because Jim is a nice guy, or because the 49ers have designs on drafting high enough to get Jared Goff?
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A terminal in Amsterdam’s Schiphol airport was evacuated over what turned out to be an iPhone in a gun shaped case. Not sure what the owner of the phone will be charged with, but assume included will be felony criminal stupidity.
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R.I.P Yogi Berra. Nobody goes to heaven anymore, it’s too crowded.
Another sad thing for some about the death of #YogiBerra. We can probably retire the phrase “Beloved #Yankee.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: blue jays jokes, Huckabee jokes, Janice Hough, Pope jokes, SF Giants jokes, Yankees jokes, Yogi berra jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 11, 2015
Texas Governor Rick Perry has dropped out of the 2016 Presidential Race. Thereby shocking millions of Americans who didn’t realize he was still in it.
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Steelers coach Mike Tomlin was upset about only being able to hear the Patriots radio broadcast over the team’s headsets. The NFL said New England was not to blame. Lather, rinse, repeat. #thePatriotscandonowrong
Pittsburgh thought about filing a formal complaint then backed down. Perhaps because they figured it would just get a couple New England clubhouse attendants fired, or perhaps because they figured the NFL would just fine them for annoying the Patriots.
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A Virginia woman was arrested for having sex with her unconscious boyfriend in a parking lot in broad daylight. She claims it was a combination of alcohol and being “in the mood.” And considering he was unconscious, maybe some seriously good Viagra?
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U.C. Berkeley, in their estimated costs to students, says the cost for rent off-campus is $7184 for the academic year. Of course what they don’t say is that the figure means living about 100 miles off campus.
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MLB suspended Joey Votto, 32, two games for his major tantrum Wednesday when the Reds first baseman was denied a time out. He’s appealing the suspension. But. hey, a tantrum? Maybe Votto should just think of it as a time out.
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Now Gregor #Blanco has been diagnosed with a concussion. The 2015 #SFGiants at this point don’t need a trainer, they need a witch doctor.
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Meanwhile,Jake #Peavy and the Sacramento #RiverCats had a really good night against the #Padres #SFGiants
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The Phillies have dismissed GM Ruben Amaro Jr.: Five words: What took them so long?
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Donald Trump now says his insults, this time directed at Carly Fiorina, were made “as an entertainer, because I did the ‘Apprentice.'” So maybe Trump thinks this whole campaign is his new show – “Political Apprentice”?
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Regarding all this controversy on Trump’s purported jab at Carly Fiorina’s looks, guess Carly and her supporters have forgotten her off-mike comment in 2010 about her rival Barbara Boxer – “God what is that hair?’ So yesterday!’
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So amongst the various over-under bets on opening week of the #NFL season can you make an over-under on player arrests? #NFLKickoff
So Aldon Smith, one of the the best pass rushers in the NFL, who’s been arrested 5 times in 3 years, was signed today by the Oakland Raiders. Is anyone surprised?
If Ray Rice hadn’t lost a few steps as an RB he’d surely have offers. Heck, of O.J. Simpson were still a Pro-Bowler HE’D have offers.
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Serious bus to hell time, but hey, if we stop laughing the bad guys win. And this one could alas be true::
On this awful anniversary of September 11, have to wonder how many more deaths there would have been had it happened now…. as hundreds of people running away from the collapsing towers would have stopped to take selfies.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: election jokes, Fiorina jokes, GOP primary jokes, Janice Hough, Patriot jokes, Perry jokes, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 9, 2015
Donald Trump, Ted Cruz and Sarah Palin hold anti-Iran deal rally in DC. Good thing there wasn’t a bomb or drone strike or any natural disaster that happened while they were together. If they were all killed it would put half the comedy writers in the country out of business.
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Trump, Cruz and Palin walk into a bar. Okay friends and readers, I am soliciting punchlines! Have at it.
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George Takei today – “In our country we obey civil laws, not religious laws.” Exactly. And for our forefathers, wasn’t that the whole point?
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Love British understatement: In an email to travel agents, British Airways says of yesterday’s scheduled BA 2276 – “the aircraft, a 777-200, experienced a technical issue as it was preparing for take-off from McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas.”
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Bishop’s Vineyard, a new winery in California, is growing grapes in cemeteries. Guessing the Chardonnay is bone-dry..
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In Connecticut, police pulled over a man allegedly going 112 mph. The driver was heading to court for a speeding ticket. This BOGO craze has clearly gone too far.
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Congrats to Queen Elizabeth 2, who today surpassed Queen Victoria as England’s longest reigning monarch. Assuming her plan at this point is simply to outlive her son.
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Bruno Mars has been invited back for a second Super Bowl halftime performance. But Mars has a long way to go to catch up with those legendary five-time performers, “Up with People.”
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The New England Patriots have asked the NFL to reinstate “Deflategate” clubhouse attendants John Jastremski and Jim McNally. In other words, the balls just deflated themselves. #patriotscandonowrong
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Richard Sherman, on ESPN reports of the Patriots’ systemic cheating. “Like they say, if you didn’t get caught, then it wasn’t cheating.”
Kind of makes you wonder what the Seahawks are up to.
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#TimHudson, 40. despite last night’s great performance, still plans to retire at end of year. “So young?” responded #JamieMoyer. #SFGiants
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Meanwhile, this #SFGiants road trip, especially their hitting, turned into a series of remakes of “Night of the Living Dead.”
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Jeb Bush on the new Late Night with Stephen Colbert said “we have to restore a degree of civility in Washington.” And somewhere Obama is thinking “been there, tried that, want the bloody t-shirt?”
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Fortunately, there were no injuries when a fire broke out today at Walt Disney World’s EPCOT. On the bright side, it’s the hottest EPCOT has been in years.
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-Just a thought about Donald Trump’s telling CNN to donate their debate profits to veterans. Veterans?! . Ok, so for Trump does that include alums of his prep school?
(earlier this week Trump basically compared his expensive military prep school to military service.)
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Donald Trump wants CNN to donate $10 million to charity for his participation in the debates. I think all the networks should get together and demand $100 million from Trump for giving him more publicity these days than his “Apprentice” show ever did.
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Now Entertainment Weekly is reporting that Josh Duggar also had accounts on Facebook, Twitter and OK Cupid for meeting women. So now that Kim Davis is “free”, really looking forward to hearing from Mike Huckabee on this one.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Patriots jokes, Queen Elizabeth 2 jokes, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
September 8, 2015
United Airlines has announced that Jeff Smisek has stepped down as CEO, chairman and president effective immediately. United says this is connected to a federal investigation.involving the Port Authority of NY and NJ.
“What a shame, the man has built such a wonderful airline” said absolutely positively no frequent travelers.
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And as the United scandal involves the Port Authority and New Jersey politics, Chris Christie may soon be wishing someone would ask him about Bridgegate.
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Tom Brady in a recent interview said that Deflategate was the “hardest time of his life.” I feel so sorry for him, said nobody outside New England.
(from my friend Alex Kaseberg – “I think it was tough. He aged so much he almost looks like his courtroom sketch.”)
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Apparently plenty of seats are still available for the Mayweather/Berto fight this weekend in Vegas, even though seats are much less expensive than the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight. I think this goes down under the “Fool me once….” category..
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Macy’s says they will close 35 to 40 under-performing stores. Responded most people under 30: “Macy’s has stores?”
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A record 10 teams from the SEC are in college football’s “Top 25” this week. So 10 of the 14 teams are ranked. If nothing else this should be a chance for many players to tackle higher math. . .
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Bryce Harper ripped Nationals fans who left in the 7th inning yesterday. And Dodgers’ players are thinking “In Los Angeles we call fans like that ‘diehards.’
(tonight, as the Nats blew a 7-1 run lead after 6, the fans are thinking “we’re smarter than Harper.”)
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Might be easier, at least faster, these days during the pre-game show to list the #SFGiants who AREN’T injured.
#TimHudson was 2-3 today with a home run. So is he trying to throw down the gauntlet to #MadisonBumgarner? #SFGiants
SF Giants pitchers have hit 7 home runs this year. Only three behind Pablo Sandoval.
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If this was Tim Hudson’s last start in #MLB, great way to go out. #SFGiants #classact
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Two Texas high school football players have been suspended for hitting a referee during a game Friday night. Waiting for someone to say this wouldn’t have happened if refs were armed.
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Chelsea Clinton, asked about a potential Kanye West run for President in 2020, said it could be “awesome.” Especially if she’s hoping that her mom is running for re-election.
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A judge has ordered Kim Davis released from jail, but told her not to interfere with the granting of licenses by her deputies. Thinking Davis might be too busy anyway to interfere anyway, with all her upcoming talk show and campaign appearances.
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Somehow with all the screaming about persecution and Christianity in this country, I seem to have missed all the calls from religious conservatives for the U.S. to take in at least the Christian Syrian refugees
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Chris Christie jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, Tom Brady jokes, United Airlines jokes, United jokes
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August 16, 2015
Biggest problem right now for SF Giants manager with Madison Bumgarner? Getting his ace left hander to shut up about possibly pinch hitting.
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Yeah, so Zack Greinke pitched 7 innings of 1 run baseball w/ home run. Madison Bumgarner just called & raised him. Shutout, home run & RBI double.
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So Madison Bumgarner’s worst outing of the year was in Washington, D.C., July 4, when he allowed six runs in five innings against the Nats. Think Madbum was just a bit p*ssed off when he took the mound today?
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Madison Bumgarner has four home runs for the year. And in the SF Giants broadcast booth Duane Kuiper is trying not to cry.
(for non baseball fans. Kuiper had a 12 year career in MLB – one home run. Total.)
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Costumed characters hustling for tips in Times Square have become a New York tradition. The newest trend, near-naked women wearing only thongs and red, white and blue body paint. Wonder how many fathers are volunteering to do reconnaissance missions to make sure the area hasn’t become too inappropriate for children
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Oscar Pistorius will be released from jail this week after serving 10 months for killing his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp. Even Los Angeles juries are thinking he got off easy.
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Tim Tebow is back. But don’t laugh. At this point he’s still a more realistic potential NFL quarterback than Donald Trump is a realistic potential President.
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So Trump is going to pay for a border wall by taxing all Mexican visitors to the U.S.? And what exactly is he going to do with all those crazies from Canada, eh?
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Freshman QB Ricky Town. who had verbally committed to Alabama but decided to go to USC after the Trojans hired Steve Sarkisian, is transferring to another school. Apparently ,while highly touted, Town didn’t turn out to be the best freshman QB in spring camp.
So Karma is either a Crimson Tide fan, or just in mean bitch mode.
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The Cubs lost today. But before the game Chicago manager Joe Maddon said he wasn’t changing his socks during the team’s 9 game win streak. Maybe the superstition helped. But at least it probably assured Maddon had a row to himself on the team plane
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How often does a golfer go -17 for a major tournament and end up in 2nd place? #JordanSpieth #JasonDay #PGA
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Donald Trump said that illegal immigrants in this country “have to go.” Wait…. does Trump have a visa for that furry thing that lives on his head?
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Brewers manager Craig Counsell and players told a Milwaukee paper that if now openly gay David Denson, now playing for the team’s rookie league, makes it to the big leagues, he will be welcome.
Bringing to mind the great quote from Willie Mays, who when asked a few years ago if a gay player would be welcome in a major league clubhouse, simply responded “Can he hit?”
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San Diego gave QB Philip Rivers a $65 million guaranteed contract. The Chargers are throwing money around like they’re a Los Angeles team already.
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Mike Huckabee says he supports Paraguay’s decision to deny a 10 year old rape victim an abortion. “Let’s not compound a tragedy by taking yet another life.” And of course that poor girl should have government assistance and health care including mental health care so her own life isn’t ruined…. Oh wait, government dependency should end at birth.
I believe the British have the correct term here – “f*ckwit.”
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From T.C “The Guinness Book of World Records is reporting that the world’s oldest cat is age 26, named Corduroy and lives in Sisters, Oregon. Skeptics call BS, and say it’s all just a ploy to get a dentist out of hiding.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Los Angeles jokes, madison bumgarner jokes, SF Giants jokes, Tebow jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 9, 2015
After the Pittsburgh Pirates scored 9 runs in the 7th inning against the Dodgers bullpen, beginning to look like biggest competition between SF and LA in October might be over best airline/hotel rates for a vacation in Hawaii.
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Seventeen GOP candidates running for President. And after last Thursday’s debates a lot of Americans are thinking “can’t we have a few more choices?”
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Carly Fiorina talking about being a supporter of women’s rights makes as much sense as Bristol Palin being an abstinence spokeswoman.
And Carly Fiorina said today she opposes mandatory paid maternity leave. Proving again that the only women’s rights Fiorina really supports are her own.
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Thinking if Donald Trump really wants to attract independent voters, he’d lay off Megyn Kelly and start going after Ann Coulter.
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New NBC GOP Presidential primary poll: Trump – 23%, Carson – 11%, Fiorina and Rubio 8% each. I’ll take “Four people who will never be President for $800, Alex.”
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#WrigleyField was just evacuated after a bomb threat. Fortunately the threat turned out to be as nonexistent as today’s #SFGiants offense.
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At Yankee Stadium, a fan threw a home run ball from Toronto’s Jose Bautista back onto the field and it hit NY outfielder Brett Gardner. Gardner was uninjured. These days the way things are going for SF Giants – three starters injured on a 10 game road trip, had one of their fans done the same thing, they’d have hit Pence and put him on the DL.
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#SFGiants didn’t get all the players they wanted at the trade deadline, and this odd year doesn’t look like their year. On the other ,hand, watching the Pirates score 9 runs in the 7th inning, 8 against Jim Johnson who the #Dodgers basically bought from the Braves by taking on contracts.. ah, #schadenfreude.
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But, Duane Kuiper saying that the #SFGiants caught a break with the weather on this Chicago trip. Thinking more of a break might have been to have had the entire series rained out.
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The Redskins and Texans ended up in a brawl after their three-day joint practice. Shame most Washington fans didn’t see it, might be the best hits their team will get in all year.
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So a #BlackLivesMatter group disrupted a Bernie Sanders event. Isn’t that like a White Supremacist group disrupting a GOP Presidential Debate? Or an anti-abortion group doing the same thing?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Dodgers jokes, Fiorina jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes, Yankees jokes
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July 13, 2015
Congrats to Todd Frazier, who defeated Joc Pederson 14-13 to win the All-Star Home Run Derby. MLB next year may shoot for even higher totals. So instead of players inviting friends and relatives to throw potential home run balls to them, the league may give the job to the Red Sox pitching staff.
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There were actually worries that severe thunderstorms might have rained tonight out. So maybe even God was thinking He/She was getting a bit tired of the Home Run Derby.
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Even Gregg Popovich is impressed with this exchange between a FoxSports reporter and Zack Greinke.
“Matt Vasgergian: “Zack, you want to say a few words?”
Zack Greinke: “No.”
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Some SF Giants fans are unhappy that Bruce Bochy is starting Zack Greinke over Madison Bumgarner in the All-Star Game. But really, Greinke IS having a better year. Must have helped to have had most of last October off.
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All-Star Game starting pitchers, the Dodgers’ Zack Greinke and the Astros’ Dallas Keuchel. Top two questions from casual baseball fans: 1. Aren’t the Astros in the NL? and 2. Dallas who?
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Open note to Bruce Bochy. If the All-Star game is down to the bottom of the ninth and the NL is behind, save one of those Pirate players to pinch hit. #backtobackextrainningwalkoffs
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What’s a bigger sign of the apocalypse? That the AL All-Star game has no starters from either the Yankees or the Red Sox? Or that the Cubs are over .500 at the All-Star break?
(thanks to Neal for the idea that got the above started.)
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Not only did Mexican drug lord El Chapo escape, he did so via a lighted and ventilated tunnel, over a mile long, which he somehow had built while inside a maximum security prison. It’s a shame this guy is such a bad dude, Caltrans could use him to oversee some of their building projects.
FSU president John E. Thrasher met with the Semnoles’ football team today, and apparently gave them a lecture to remind them that playing for Florida State is a “privilege, not a right.”
Seems like three words would have done it. “Don’t get arrested.”
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This week is the SEC media days for football. Over 1,200 (not a typo) members of the media requested credentials. And some people really wonder why these players have trouble with the student-athlete concept….
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Fortunately there were no injuries when a 19 year-old-old crashed his car in Atherton, California Saturday night, totaling the car and wiping out fences and shubbery. He was allegedly drunk. The car was a 2014 Tesla. Another possible affluenza defense?
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Scott Walker officially announced he was running for President. Thereby surprising most people who figured he was already running for President.
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Joys of the modern age. When you need to change a password. And it’s got to be complicated with different cases, punctuation marks and numbers. And while you’re typing that new password it has to be encrypted so you can’t see what you’re typing.
THEN it asks you to confirm the new password. And says the confirmation doesn’t match, please correct. Except you have no idea if the error was in the first or the second typing because of the encryption. Okay I am done now. #therehastobeaneasierway
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Now it’s Marco Rubio reporting his fundraising – $12 million in the last 3 months. You know, if you’re someone who makes GOP commercials and campaign material, and you’re still unemployed at this point, you just might want to find another line of work.
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From T.C. “Russell Wilson’s new sweetie is singing the anthem at All Star game tomorrow. Wonder if he’ll show up to hand her the microphone.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, Allstar jokes, baseball jokes, Bochy jokes, Cincinnati jokes, Dodgers jokes, El Chapo jokes, home run derby jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 27, 2015
The SF Giants posted this temporary change in their logo today. Clearly not aiming to have more games televised this season on Fox.
Think some of these GOP Presidential candidates might be thinking carefully about going off on the Supreme Court today. They never know when they might need #SCOTUS to deliver them an election.
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Scott Walker is upset about today’s Supreme Court gay marriage decision, lambasting “five unelected judges.” Right, it’s “five unelected judges,” when he doesn’t like the decision, and “defenders of our freedom” for things like Citizens United and Hobby Lobby.
Mike Huckabee “The Supreme Court can no more repeal the laws of nature and nature’s God on marriage than it can the law of gravity.” – Wait a minute, Huckabee believes in gravity?
So trying to think how this gay marriage decision really can hurt any heterosexual couples. Well, except for those procrastinators who were interested in planning last minute summer weddings at popular venues. #competition
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The latest public figure comment on the Confederate flag “I think it’s offensive to an entire race. It does nothing for anybody to be there flying, so I don’t see any reason. It belongs in the history books and that’s about it.”- Dale Earnhardt Jr.
Forget governors and senators, now we’re talking a man Southerners really respect.
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Anheuser-Busch lost a class-action lawsuit over Beck’s beer, and will have to pay customers up to $50 each. The company allegedly tricked customers into paying more for an actual import beer, because the Beck’s label says “originated in Bremen, Germany,” and only in the small print does it say brewed in the US.
Wonder how much Anheuser-Busch will have to pay when some one sues them for selling Bud Light as actual beer.
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Donald Trump will finally report for jury duty in August, after being fined for ignoring five summonses in nine years. Only the little people serve on juries?
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A a news conference, Philadelphia Phillies’ manager, Ryne Sandberg announced he is resigning and leaving the team. And Phillies’ season ticket holders are thinking “you can do that?”
From T.C. Ballot stuffing has resulted in 8 Kansas City starters voted onto the AL All Star team. As the winner of the event gets World Series home games advantage, wouldn’t it be wiser for KC fans to vote in the entire Phillies team instead?
Scott Walker on Wednesday signed two bills, one eliminating a 48 hour waiting period for buying a gun, allowing off-duty or retired police officers to carry concealed weapons at public schools.
Alas, while Google now allows you “un-send” an email sent in anger, they haven’t figured out how to “un-fire” a bullet.
And guess Walker never heard, for one example, of the retired officer in Florida who shot and killed a man for texting in the theater?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: gay marriage jokes, Huckabee jokes, Janice Hough, marriage jokes, rainbow jokes, scalia jokes, SF Giants jokes, Supreme Court jokes
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June 24, 2015
And so in Alabama, Gov. Robert Bentley just simply ordered the Confederate flag taken down from the Capitol. The most stunning thing about this, no fuss, no muss, no drama – he just had it taken down. What a concept! .
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Who says there’s no hope for our country? The Confederate flag is coming down everywhere, and FOX News has declined to renew Sarah Palin’s $1 million-a-year contract as a contributor.
Just in case anyone thought we were having too much of a epidemic of sanity on the Confederate flag issue, I give you Ann Coulter, who is upset with Nikki Haley: “I’m appalled…though on the other hand, she is an immigrant and does not understand America’s history.” (Haley was born in Bamberg, South Carolina.)
Although suppose Coulter might be tangentially onto something. As an alien Ann herself doesn’t really understand humans.
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Apparently since no other candidate has broken out of the pack, Bobby Jindal thinks he has a chance and is going to join the 2016 Presidential race. You know, I can watch a tight cluster of people atop say, the U.S. Open leaderboard, without suddenly thinking I could win at golf.
Regarding that Whole Foods overcharging story, where NYC inspectors found EVERY label was inaccurate as to weight. So the store couldn’t have just raised prices a dollar or so a pound? Seems like their basic pricing policy already was #ifyouhavetoaskyoucantaffordit
Before tonight, the SF Giants are averaging 2.91 runs a game at AT&T Park and over 5 runs a game during away games. This is as skewed a road to home scoring ratio as we have seen since Bill Clinton first hit the campaign trail.
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So since the #SFGiants don’t seem to be able to hit at home these days, maybe they should get a certain former left fielder in for a little batting practice coaching. #25 always seemed to manage it pretty well.
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Though to be fair, the Giants now haves Nori Aoki on the DL due to a fractured fibula after being hit by a pitch, joining Hunter Pence who is on the DL due to a wrist injury resulting from HIS forearm being broken by a pitch in spring training. So is this the league’s plan to dethrone the World Champions,, take them out one player at a time?
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Amtrak apparently stranded passengers on a New York City bound train Tuesday for about five hours without food, air conditioning or working bathrooms. Are they really trying to compete with the airlines?”
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Chicago Bears QB Jay Cutler’s wife, Kristin Cavallari, apparently told ELLE Magazine earlier that the family wants to leave Chicago and move to Nashville once her husband retires. And many Bears fans are thinking, “Could this be arranged by Christmas?”
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In a Fox News poll, 18% of respondents said Donald Trump is a serious candidate; 77% said he is “a side show.” Presumably the other 5% were laughing so hard they couldn’t speak.
This ought to be entertaining. The Grateful Dead concerts this weekend at Levi’s Stadium follow NFL rules. Meaning you can bring a small clutch or wallet, but the ONLY bags you can bring in are limited-size clear plastic bags, period. Well, at least most Deadheads have years of experience going to concerts with small plastic bags.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Alabama jokes, Ann Coulter jokes, Bobby Jindal jokes, Confederate flag jokes, flag jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, Whole Foods jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 15, 2015
The Stanley Cup was late in arriving after the Blackhawks win tonight due to “weather issues.”. Rather appropriate for a team that plays in Chicago’s United Center.
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But yeah, nothing says it’s time for the NHL’s Stanley Cup Final like summer thunderstorms.
You know you’re in San Francisco when…the best part of a really bad #SFGiants game is the gay marriage proposal. #hesaidyes
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As the last sections of #Candlestickpark come down, the #SFGiants are in the midst of one of their worst home losing streaks. Coincidence?
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One of Aaron Hernandez’s lawyers says he has evidence that one of the jurors was “untruthful” during jury selection. Translation, Hernandez isn’t out of money yet.
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It’s June 15. And if it seems like you can’t remember the NBA regular season…..well, that might be because it ended TWO MONTHS AGO today. #stillnosignoflandhowlongisit
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Considering how competitive Lebron James is making the NBA finals almost all by himself, it does make the Spurs’ 2014 performance all the more amazing since they beat James when he actually had a team, and two other stars, playing with him.
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Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled not to see an AL All-Star team full of Yankees and Red Sox Players. But seven Royals starting? And fans can vote a maximum of 35 times per email address. Great to have World Series home advantage decided in part by a process with all the integrity of American Idol.
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Pope Francis apparently will be issuing an encyclical on the environment saying that climate change is the Earth’s way of protesting “irresponsible use and abuse of the goods that God placed in her.” Waiting for some religious conservatives to respond “Yeah, well what does HE know?”
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Jeb Bush’s campaign logo is going to read simply “Jeb!” Amazing, politicians come to power mostly because of their last names, and then do everything they can to hope we forget it.
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So how long until Jeb Bush starts campaigning on avoiding a return to what he says are the failed policies of the Clinton era?
So regarding that Waldorf-Astoria wedding, apparently after the shooting hotel security cancelled the “million dollar” reception because the gun had not been found, and because two of their employees had been injured. And the bride was livid. Okay, so maybe the NYPD can save money by not charging this idiot with a crime: Just put him -unarmed – and the bride in a locked room for about an hour.
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San Diego has fired manager Bud Black. Maybe a new manager will make a difference. Or maybe the Padres are just a newer Southern California version of the Cubs.
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Gap is going to close 25% of their stores, 175 in total, which will leave the company with operate about 500 specialty locations and 300 outlet stores. Uh, not that I really know retail, but maybe if you have 60% as many “outlets” as you have regular retail, you just MIGHT be diluting and damaging your brand
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Blackhawk jokes, Candlestick park jokes, gay marriage jokes, Janice Hough, jeb bush jokes, Jeb jokes, Lebron jokes, NBA finals jokes, NHL jokes, SF Giants jokes, Stanley Cup jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 