Posted tagged ‘Dodgers jokes’
August 9, 2015
After the Pittsburgh Pirates scored 9 runs in the 7th inning against the Dodgers bullpen, beginning to look like biggest competition between SF and LA in October might be over best airline/hotel rates for a vacation in Hawaii.
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Seventeen GOP candidates running for President. And after last Thursday’s debates a lot of Americans are thinking “can’t we have a few more choices?”
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Carly Fiorina talking about being a supporter of women’s rights makes as much sense as Bristol Palin being an abstinence spokeswoman.
And Carly Fiorina said today she opposes mandatory paid maternity leave. Proving again that the only women’s rights Fiorina really supports are her own.
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Thinking if Donald Trump really wants to attract independent voters, he’d lay off Megyn Kelly and start going after Ann Coulter.
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New NBC GOP Presidential primary poll: Trump – 23%, Carson – 11%, Fiorina and Rubio 8% each. I’ll take “Four people who will never be President for $800, Alex.”
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#WrigleyField was just evacuated after a bomb threat. Fortunately the threat turned out to be as nonexistent as today’s #SFGiants offense.
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At Yankee Stadium, a fan threw a home run ball from Toronto’s Jose Bautista back onto the field and it hit NY outfielder Brett Gardner. Gardner was uninjured. These days the way things are going for SF Giants – three starters injured on a 10 game road trip, had one of their fans done the same thing, they’d have hit Pence and put him on the DL.
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#SFGiants didn’t get all the players they wanted at the trade deadline, and this odd year doesn’t look like their year. On the other ,hand, watching the Pirates score 9 runs in the 7th inning, 8 against Jim Johnson who the #Dodgers basically bought from the Braves by taking on contracts.. ah, #schadenfreude.
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But, Duane Kuiper saying that the #SFGiants caught a break with the weather on this Chicago trip. Thinking more of a break might have been to have had the entire series rained out.
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The Redskins and Texans ended up in a brawl after their three-day joint practice. Shame most Washington fans didn’t see it, might be the best hits their team will get in all year.
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So a #BlackLivesMatter group disrupted a Bernie Sanders event. Isn’t that like a White Supremacist group disrupting a GOP Presidential Debate? Or an anti-abortion group doing the same thing?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Dodgers jokes, Fiorina jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes, Yankees jokes
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July 30, 2015
The New York Mets‘ Wilmer Flores cried on the field Thursday night thinking he was traded. But social media turned out to be wrong. Wonder how many Phillies will cry Friday night realizing they HAVEN’T been traded.
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A day after they had their shortstop in tears over a trade that didn’t happen, the Mets blew a 6 run lead and had to sit through four hours of rain delays in losing to the Padres 8-7. Maybe God doesn’t like crying in baseball.
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Money money money money….. From the LA Times, with the trade of Hector Olivera, in 2015 alone, “the Dodgers would pay seven players — Olivera, Matt Kemp, Dan Haren, Dee Gordon, Brian Wilson, Brandon League and Ryan Webb — $80 million not to play for them. The Tampa Bay Rays had an opening-day payroll of $76 million”
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The LA Dodgers did get Mat Latos. Well, it’s a good fit. He will show up for his first pitching appearance at AT&T Park with a ready made booing section. #IhateSF #Theyhateyoutoo
Waiting for Mat Latos to say about his new team, we “went and changed our whole lineup, put guys with ‘Dodgers’ across their jerseys. Yeah, we did.”
(for those who don’t follow baseball, Latos complained loudly in 2010 that the SF Giants had made too many trades in their pursuit of his Padres. With almost the exact same words above. And then he went out and lost some very big games to SF.)
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Urban Meyer has suspended four players, including star DE Joey Bosa, for Ohio State’s first game against Virginia Tech, due to “violations of athletic department policy,” Wow. So Meyer figure out a way to wait to suspend them until the Buckeyes’ second game against Hawaii? The Hokies must not have much of a team this year.
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Looks like there may finally be some sad closure for MH 370. Over at CNN they’re trying not to be too gleeful over the possibility of another month at least of “Special Reports.”
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Jose Canseco says that to show his support for Caitlyn Jenner he “will be dressing up and living as a woman for a week,” And he will feature his week as a woman on his new internet show “Spend a Day with Jose.”
Canseco is not trying to be Caitlyn Jenner, he’s trying to be a Kardashian. #publicitywhore
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Many people are still stunned by the news that Patriots Tom Brady actually thought it was a good idea to destroy his phone. Of course, Brady didn’t have the option to hand it off to Marshawn Lynch.
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A new Presidential election poll says Bernie Sanders would beat Donald Trump. Heck, Jed Bartlett would beat Trump. Come to think of it, what is Martin Sheen doing these days?
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Now the U.S. Government is getting involved. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service tweeted today – “We’re investigating the killing of #CecilTheLion. Will go where facts lead. We ask Dr. Palmer or his rep to contact USFWS immediately.”
As awful as the story is, maybe it will lead to changes. Certainly it’s got to be one of the few times when the Obama administration has at least 80% bipartisan agreement in this country.
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Okay, leaving aside the serious larger issues, have to wonder, how were the University of Cincinnati cops dumb enough both to KNOW the shooting of Samuel DuBose was on video tape with an audio, and still to think they’d get away with lying? #cantfixstupid
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Canseco jokes, cecilthelion, Dodgers jokes, Janice Hough, Mets jokes, MH370 jokes, SFGiants jokes, trade deadline jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 17, 2015
On Thursday, Obama became the first sitting president to visit a federal prison, a medium-security facility in Oklahoma. Probably a better idea than one in Illinois, where the President would have been too likely to run into former political colleagues.
Senator John McCain said of Donald Trump’s anti-immigration rally in Arizona – he “fired up the crazies.” Well, and if anyone knows crazy, it’s the man who wanted to give us Vice President Sarah Palin.
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Donald Trump’s polling numbers are so good that the GOP may start to take him seriously. In fact, in hopes of giving him some idea of what it actually might like to be President many Republicans want to send Trump on a weekend hunting trip with Dick Cheney.
Florida State says they will require student-athletes to be required to take a course in social responsibilities, one that “would give them some additional background in consequences of actions.” And I’m sure Seminoles’ football players will give the course the same high standard of attention they give to all their classes.
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Dodgers Nationals were in a game delay due to a bank of lights going out at Nationals Park. Maybe teams should call Congress – they have plenty of experience working in the dark.
And then the Dodgers Nationals game was suspended in the sixth inning tonight after a third power outage. And Mets fans are thinking, haven’t we been in a power outage since the April?
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For #TBT, Kim Kardashian decided to repost a 2010 magazine picture of herself nude in a pool of silver paint. It’s going to be so much fun when North West his puberty. #youregoingoutlookinglikethat? #karmaisameanbitch
J.J. Watt, in an interview cautioning high school athletes, “Read each tweet about 95 times before sending it Look at every Instagram post about 95 times before you send it. A reputation takes years and years and years to build, and it takes one press of a button to ruin. So don’t let that happen to you. Just be very smart about it.”
All good advice, assuming these athletes can count to 95.
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Australian tennis player Bernard Tomic, 22, was arrested at the W Hotel in Miami Beach, after there were multiple complaints about a raucous party in his penthouse suite, and he ignored police requests to turn down the music. Uh, just how loud do you have to be to be too loud for South Beach?
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A police raid Friday at a home of an Orlando city commissioner has apparently found both drugs and guns. Your move, Louisiana.
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A rain delay means that Tiger Woods did not complete his second round Friday and will have to finish up Saturday morning. So even God decided He/She really wanted to see Tiger play on the weekend?
From Bill Littlejohn, “In 1930, Clayton Kershaw’s great-uncle, Clyde Tombaugh, discovered Pluto. Fitting, because that’s where Kershaw’s curveball disappears to in the post-season.”
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While the vast majority of American Muslims are good law-abiding citizens, some people are calling for increased surveillance and profiling of Muslims because individuals have committed horrific crimes. So if the object is to prevent crimes, then presumably those same people should be calling for increased surveillance and profiling of gun owners…?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes
Tags: Dodgers jokes, Donald Trump jokes, Florida State jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, McCain jokes, Obama jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 13, 2015
Congrats to Todd Frazier, who defeated Joc Pederson 14-13 to win the All-Star Home Run Derby. MLB next year may shoot for even higher totals. So instead of players inviting friends and relatives to throw potential home run balls to them, the league may give the job to the Red Sox pitching staff.
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There were actually worries that severe thunderstorms might have rained tonight out. So maybe even God was thinking He/She was getting a bit tired of the Home Run Derby.
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Even Gregg Popovich is impressed with this exchange between a FoxSports reporter and Zack Greinke.
“Matt Vasgergian: “Zack, you want to say a few words?”
Zack Greinke: “No.”
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Some SF Giants fans are unhappy that Bruce Bochy is starting Zack Greinke over Madison Bumgarner in the All-Star Game. But really, Greinke IS having a better year. Must have helped to have had most of last October off.
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All-Star Game starting pitchers, the Dodgers’ Zack Greinke and the Astros’ Dallas Keuchel. Top two questions from casual baseball fans: 1. Aren’t the Astros in the NL? and 2. Dallas who?
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Open note to Bruce Bochy. If the All-Star game is down to the bottom of the ninth and the NL is behind, save one of those Pirate players to pinch hit. #backtobackextrainningwalkoffs
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What’s a bigger sign of the apocalypse? That the AL All-Star game has no starters from either the Yankees or the Red Sox? Or that the Cubs are over .500 at the All-Star break?
(thanks to Neal for the idea that got the above started.)
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Not only did Mexican drug lord El Chapo escape, he did so via a lighted and ventilated tunnel, over a mile long, which he somehow had built while inside a maximum security prison. It’s a shame this guy is such a bad dude, Caltrans could use him to oversee some of their building projects.
FSU president John E. Thrasher met with the Semnoles’ football team today, and apparently gave them a lecture to remind them that playing for Florida State is a “privilege, not a right.”
Seems like three words would have done it. “Don’t get arrested.”
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This week is the SEC media days for football. Over 1,200 (not a typo) members of the media requested credentials. And some people really wonder why these players have trouble with the student-athlete concept….
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Fortunately there were no injuries when a 19 year-old-old crashed his car in Atherton, California Saturday night, totaling the car and wiping out fences and shubbery. He was allegedly drunk. The car was a 2014 Tesla. Another possible affluenza defense?
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Scott Walker officially announced he was running for President. Thereby surprising most people who figured he was already running for President.
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Joys of the modern age. When you need to change a password. And it’s got to be complicated with different cases, punctuation marks and numbers. And while you’re typing that new password it has to be encrypted so you can’t see what you’re typing.
THEN it asks you to confirm the new password. And says the confirmation doesn’t match, please correct. Except you have no idea if the error was in the first or the second typing because of the encryption. Okay I am done now. #therehastobeaneasierway
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Now it’s Marco Rubio reporting his fundraising – $12 million in the last 3 months. You know, if you’re someone who makes GOP commercials and campaign material, and you’re still unemployed at this point, you just might want to find another line of work.
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From T.C. “Russell Wilson’s new sweetie is singing the anthem at All Star game tomorrow. Wonder if he’ll show up to hand her the microphone.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, Allstar jokes, baseball jokes, Bochy jokes, Cincinnati jokes, Dodgers jokes, El Chapo jokes, home run derby jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 27, 2015
A crowd of over 70,000 turned up for the Grateful Dead concert tonight in Santa Clara, California, including many original “Deadhead” fans from the 60s, 70s and 80s, Hope these graying fans weren’t too disappointed when they finally hear how bad the band sounded without benefit of drugs.
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In Las Vegas this morning the longest odds on any baseball team winning today was for the Miami Marlins without Giancarlo Stanton against the Los Angeles Dodgers with Clayton Kershaw on the mound #thatswhytheyplaythegame. (final score, 3-2 Marlins)
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But really? One of the “top stories” headlines on USAToday.com today is “Stanton injury a crushing blow for fantasy owners.” As opposed to a blow to the Marlins, Marlins fans, or baseball fans in general who just like to watch a great player?
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Meanwhile, there needs to be a constitutional amendment banning the wave at A T and T Park. #sfgiants. #thehorror
A Kuwait Airlines plane from New York to Kuwait was forced to make an emergency landing at Heathrow this morning, allegedly because passengers on board had food poisoning. Surely this can’t be serious. It is serious, and don’t call me Shirley…..
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I wanted the Confederate flag down at the South Carolina statehouse as much as anyone. But removing Civil War games because they have images of the flag? Seems a bit too uncomfortably close to banning the “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” because of the language.
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Bill Cosby’s lawyer is arguing that it would be “terribly embarrassing” for the comedian if documents from a 2005 sex-assault lawsuit were unsealed. And his point is?
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And of course Donald Trump had to weigh in on the SCOTUS gay marriage decision – “Once again the Bush appointed Supreme Court Justice John Roberts has let us down. Jeb pushed him hard! Remember!” Well, yeah, because the Donald believes in traditional marriage so much he’s had three of them.
(as a few friends pointed out… Roberts dissented. It’s this kind of attention to detail that should make Trump such a formidable candidate…. for comedy writers at least.)
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30 years later there’s going to be a “Top Gun 2,” with Tom Cruise reprising his role as “Maverick.” So now he’ll be “ridin’ into the danger zone” with his left blinker on.
Bristol Palin’s ex-fiance, Dakota Meyer, had a rhetorical post asking why with three deadly ISIS/ISIL terrorist attacks this week, people are so interested in a “dog and pony show” that is “inconsequential compared to that which is truly relevant.”
Unfortunately for Mr. Meyer, it may be precisely because the “real” news is so awful sometimes, that people are interested in something ridiculous, even if it isn’t amusing to the parties involved. And also in Bristol’s case, because we like seeing Karma in mean bitch mode.
From my SF Giants fan friend Mike Pettengill: “After 76 games:
Pablo Sandoval – 24R + 65H + 6HR + 24RBI + .270Avg + 10E = $17.6m
Matt Duffy – 27R + 63H + 7HR + 36RBI + .294Avg + 6E = $509,000”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Confederate flag jokes, Dodgers jokes, Grateful dead jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, Top gun 2 jokes, Trump jokes
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May 21, 2015
Okay, this is a bit harsh. And the SF Giants know as well as any team how meaningless the regular season can be when you get to the playoffs. But who says American ingenuity is dead? From the Los Angeles Dodgers’ Wikipedia page:
Clayton Kershaw on the pitch that Madison Bumgarner hit for a home run. “It was a fastball right down the middle. I should have respected him a little more.” Well, since Madbum hit four last year, maybe Kershaw should have just watched a little tape.
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There are only 18 players in MLB who have homered off of both Clayton Kershaw and Zack Greinke. One of them is Madison “Babe” Bumgarner.
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Well, on the bright side for the #LADodgers, they had no wear-and-tear on their bats in 3 games at AT&T Park. #sweep #3shutouts #SFGiants
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Aaron Hernandez, serving a life sentence and now on trial for witness intimidation, apparently has a new tattoo and will “face discipline” for it. So what, they are going to lock the former Patriot away for two lifetimes?
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Brewers’ relief pitcher Will Smith was ejected tonight for allegedly having pine tar on his arm. He said it was a mixture of rosin and sunscreen that he forgot to remove before coming in. Once again I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.
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Many complain that raising minimum wage will result in higher costs. But as USA TODAY reports, while McDonalds’ workers are pushing for a $15 hourly minimum wage, top executives at the company average $1220 an hour. Where’s the outrage over what THAT adds to the cost of a hamburger
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The Duggar parents from “19 Kids and Counting” are rallying behind their son Josh, 27, after it has come out that he molested several girls when he was a teenager: “Even though we would never choose to go through something so terrible, each one of our family members drew closer to God.” Wonder if they’d be as supportive if one of their children simply came out as gay?
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Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf has come out in favor of decriminalizing marijuana. Well, leaving aside the taxation and use-of- police-time issues, Philly fans need all the ways to mellow out they can get.
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Kobe Bryant’s tweet on the Laker’s good luck in the NBA lottery. “We played like crap all season so it’s only right we get the #2 pick HA #lakerluck #goodday” Well, and if the team only wasn’t paying $24 million to one over-the-hill player…..
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Bus to hell time. The world’s largest Disney Store opened in Shanghai and shoppers lined up for over a mile to get in. Sort of the Chinese equivalent of a school crafts fair where adults rush to buy what their children have made?
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The FCC apparently has gotten 22 complaints from viewers watching golf on TV over bad language. And 15 of those involved Tiger Woods. Well, this might mean Tiger’s outbursts are in a different league. Or it might mean he’s the only golfer most people watch.
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At Charlotte’s airport. a man who was angry about his flight being overbooked stripped naked in protest. And airlines are thinking, hmm… less weight, less fuel issues. Can we start having a clothing surcharge?
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Citicorp, Barclays, JPMorgan Chase and the Royal Bank of Scotland have pleaded guilty to rigging the currency markets in 2008 and will pay collectively more than $5 billion in penalties. And you thought your banking fees were high NOW.
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So apparently that shoot out in Waco, Texas started over a parking dispute. Many women heard that and are thinking “And they weren’t even Christmas shopping?
From T.C. “NFL.com is refusing to take orders for personalized jerseys with the name “DEFLATOR” on the back. How about “SSSSSSSSSSS””
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Aaron Hernandez jokes, airport jokes, Disney jokes, Dodgers jokes, Duggar jokes, Janice Hough, Kershaw jokes, Lakers jokes, marijuana jokes, SF Giants jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
December 16, 2014
Jeb Bush says he is “actively exploring” a presidential bid after talking with his family over Thanksgiving. So is he serious about running, or just trying to prove he can use bigger words than his brother?
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A source says Sen. Marco Rubio will run for President in 2016, even if Jeb Bush also runs. Two candidates from Florida in one national election. Even Jewish late-night talk show hosts are thinking “Thank you, Jesus.”
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Some stories almost don’t need a punchline, but… NY Jets CB Josh Thomas tweeted that his playbook has been stolen. 1. The Jets HAVE a playbook? 2. The thief when caught will be tested for insanity.
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The Chargers decided they will not relocate in 2015. In a statement “The team will not be exercising the lease termination clause and will keep working to find a publicly acceptable way to build a Super Bowl-quality stadium in San Diego.” Of course, what fans really want is a Super Bowl-quality TEAM in San Diego.
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Meanwhile, once again, rumors are that Sunday could be the Raiders last game in Oakland. And many fans are thinking “Promise?”
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A new poll by Men’s and Women’s Health found that only 37% of men and 48% of women think it’s cheating to have a Tinder account. So your chance of accidentally finding your significant other also online are better than you think.
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It is wrong to take pleasure in the suffering of others. Nonetheless, this one’s for my fellow #SFGiants fans: The LA #Dodgers DFA Brian Wilson, and will eat his $9.5 million contract.
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Jay Gruden has been told he will return as Washington’s coach next year. Translation, Dan Snyder can’t find anyone else to take over that mess.
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The newest Heisman winner appeared on David Letterman last night and read “Top 10 thoughts that went through Marcus Mariota’s mind when he won the Heisman Trophy.” You can tell the Oregon QB is from the Pac 12. He can count to 10.
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Yankees GM Brian Cashman, lowering expectations for A-Rod during an interview today “I can’t expect Alex to be anything.” Oh, I don’t know. A magnet for tabloid headlines seems a pretty sure bet.
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In New Jersey, three elementary school teachers have been suspended and will probably be fired for having what they thought was a private email chat where they referred to their “moron” special needs students. Seems like the real morons here are any adults, not only for their insensitivity, but for thinking that in this day and age any emails are truly private.
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Larry J. Cano, 90, has died,He founded El Torito restaurant, the first big U.S. Mexican food chain. In his honor, millions of Americans will toast with a sugary slushy margarita that few people in Mexico would recognize..
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#whythereisnosatire Ted Cruz apologized today to other GOP Senators for keeping them in D.C. last Saturday: “The senator acknowledged that a number of his colleagues had to unexpectedly change their weekend plans, and he apologized to them for inconveniencing their personal schedules,”
Ah, shutting down the government and, causing all kinds of people not to be paid, that’s not a problem, but “inconveniencing personal schedules” of mostly millionaires, that Cruz feels bad about. ….
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, Bush jokes, Chargers jokes, Dodgers jokes, Janice Hough, NY Jets jokes, Raiders jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Tinder jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
October 8, 2014
Brian Wilson will apparently be exercising his player option so LA will have to pay him $9.5 million in 2015. SF Giants fans, in the spirit of camaraderie, are offering to give Dodger fans their best cocktail recipes.
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Giants got 9 runs in 4 games. 1 home run. A lot of runs that weren’t even scored by hits. And they won the series 3 games to 1. #SFchicksdigthesmallball
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All of these experts predicting the #ALCS and #NLCS winners. Because they’ve done so well so far……#Giants #Cardinals #Royals #Orioles
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No baseball Tuesday night since the #ALDS and #NLDS series are all over. And no football as it’s Wednesday. So it was time for most Americans to start ignoring hockey.
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For hockey fans, the San Jose Sharks did start defending their unofficial title of of being “The Best Regular Season Team in the NHL.”
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Okay, it worked out if you are an #SFGiants fan. But Matt Williams is being lambasted for putting rookie Aaron Barrett into the game late last night with veteran pitchers in the bullpen. But Bruce Bochy put September call-up Hunter Strickland into the game late too. And Strickland did get through an inning, albeit with a home run bomb to Bryce Harper. #geniusifitworksidiocyifitdoesnt #NLDS
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So what’s the difference between the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim and the Los Angeles Dodgers? About 48 hours.
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The FTC just announced that AT&T will pay $105 million in fines for placing unauthorized charges for third-party services on customers’ cell phone bills. So now wonder what surcharge the phone company will add to cover the fines
Roger Goodell, talking to owners and defending the NFL’s player conduct policy. “I believe the vast majority of our players are great people.” Right, because in the US we’ve never needed criminal laws because the vast majority of Americans are law-abiding people.
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An American Airlines plane made an emergency landing in Midland, TX last night because a passenger was vomiting and there were Ebola fears. Despite the fact she had come from TURKEY, not Africa (She has already been released from the hospital). Here we go again…. Let’s hope no one gets the bright idea to put TSA in charge of taking temperatures and asking medical questions:
Open note to ANYONE who is anti-vaccine. Please just STFU about Ebola
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball playoff jokes, Dodgers jokes, Ebola jokes, hockey jokes, Janice Hough, Matt Williams jokes, NFL jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 8, 2014
SF Giants were 1-11 with men in scoring position tonight. Has to be voodoo.
Hunter Pence, who made an incredible catch tonight, along with a hit and a walk, was so overdue he’s been scheduled for a pitocin drip #SFGiants
(guys, ask your wives)
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Got to give props to Bryce Harper for this story relayed by a sportswriter friend. When the SF Giants Nationals game was over, apparently a Washington reporter told Harper “They stole that series from you.” And Harper responded, “No, they stole nothing. They earned this win. Write it.”
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Meanwhile, Clayton Kershaw making a strong case for the title Mr. September.
There’s a reason they vote for MVP and Cy Young at the end of the regular season.
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Meanwhile Yasiel Puig didn’t start today’s NLDS game #4 between LA and STL. Thereby disappointed Dodgers fans who were convinced he would hit a game-winning home run, and Giants fans who were convinced it would be fun to watch him strike out.
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U.N. experts of have dismissed the claim of an explorer who says he found the long-lost Santa Maria, saying that the wreck isn’t old enough to be that of a 16th century ship. What was their first clue, parts stamped “Made in China”?
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NY Jets QB Geno Smith said he was late to a team meeting in San Diego because he had confused his time zones. Yo, Geno, except that New York is three hours AHEAD of California. Not sure what Smith majored in at West Virginia, but pretty sure it wasn’t math.
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Police were called when Florida’s 2nd backup QB Skyler Mornhinweg was apparently been involved in a fight with another player. This after #1 backup QB Treon Harris was suspended after he was accused of sexual assault. Are we sure former coach Urban Meyer isn’t still somehow involved.
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Some complaints on #ESPN‘s #MLBplayoffs coverage. But we should realize by now, ESPN thinks season ended when #Jeter & #Yankees eliminated.
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U.S. Marshals found that a prisoner taken from his cell to a Washington D.C Superior court arrived at court carrying a loaded gun. Is the Secret Service in charge of D.C. jails too?
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-NY Jets coach Rex Ryan said if “we don’t get this thing – (the 2014 season) on the right track, I don’t think for a minute I’ll be here” in 2015. Not sure if Rex is more expecting to be fired or to quit in disgust.
From T.C. “”Washington Nationals coaches, managers and executives are absolutely ecstatic over losing to the SF Giants tonight. They now can rest pitcher Stephen Strasburg until next season.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Dodgers jokes, Janice Hough, Kershaw jokes, NLDS jokes, SFGiants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 7, 2014
The NFL now has a sponsorship deal with Bose which will ban players from wearing “Beats by Dre” headphones during interviews and games. Violators will be fined. Good to know Roger Goodell and the league are taking on the tough issues.
Michael Phelps was suspended from USA swimming events for six months following his DUI. Many Americans were shocked. In non-Olympic years there are swimming events?
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The conservative leaning Supreme Court Monday decided to reject requests from five states to immediately review their gay marriage bans. Maybe because now even GOP candidates told them it was a losing issue?
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Michigan State’s AD is upset with the 13,000 students who bought season tickets but mostly left early when the Spartans had a 27-3 lead in a cold wet fourth quarter against Nebraska. He said changes will be made. Right. Like selling the same tickets for a lot more money to alums who will also leave early in such conditions.
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The Jaguars apologized for their mascot mocking the Steelers’ “Terrible Towels” during yesterday’s game with a sign that said “Towels carry Ebola.” Of course the Steelers could have responded that Jacksonville was safe because the team couldn’t catch anything.
A nurse in Spain has contracted Ebola from two patients who returned from Africa. So will Rick Perry demand now that the U.S. stop all airline flights from Europe?
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Madison Bumgarner inexplicably tried to a bunt to third with runners on first and second Monday, and when the throw went wide two runs scored. Although later catcher and former high school valedictorian Buster Posey said he told him to do it. #smartmenfoolishchoices
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Monday was a painful day for #SFGiants fans. Although nice now to watch #BrianWilson and think “no longer our circus, not our monkey.” #Dodgers
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If misery loves company #SFGiants and #Dodgers are having a bromance over their 7th innings today. #NLDS
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According to the SF Chronicle, the principal of a private Marin County high school was arrested last weekend “after he was found in a Sacramento County motel room with large quantities of drugs and a passed-out woman roughly 30 years younger than him” Wonder how long it will take for the made-for-TV movie.
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So I know about the Rolaids reliever award. Are the Dodgers trying to challenge the Tigers for the Arson Squad award? #bullpenwhatbullpen?
Two men were arrested and charged with felony assault after a fight in the men’s bathroom at Levi’s Stadium before the 49ers game Sunday. Allegedly over ‘impatience for an open stall’ . Sounds like the worries over the new stadium just being filled with chardonnay swilling techies might be unfounded.
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So anyone who was surprised that Buck Showalter intentionally walked the potential winning run on base in the bottom of the 9th Sunday in Detroit clearly doesn’t remember 1998, when Buck intentionally walked Barry Bonds. With the bases loaded. (He won that game too.)
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, bullpen jokes, Dodgers jokes, Ebola jokes, Janice Hough, Michael Phelps jokes, NLDS jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
September 24, 2014
Apple released and pulled iOS 8.0.1 Wednesday. Apparently because the update caused dropped calls and disabled some new iPhone 6’s. The early bird may not get the worm. But they are more likely to get the bugs.
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Apparently some of the new iPhones warp. Of course, what’s really warped might be waiting hours and hours in line for a phone that will be easily available in a few months and obsolete by next year.
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When deputies pulled over a woman for driving with only one headlight late Monday night they heard crying from the trunk. Turns out she had put her 5-month-old baby into the car trunk, to avoid getting a ticket for not driving with a car seat. You guessed, it – Florida.
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A grand jury decided not to file criminal charges against Tony Stewart for hitting and killing Kevin Ward Jr.. The D.A. also said that tests revealed that Ward was under the influence of marijuana “at a high enough level to impair judgment.” Of course the drug that really impairs NASCAR drivers’ judgment is testosterone.
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#Yankees are selling #DerekJeter game-used socks for $400. Shudder to think what they are asking for his jockstraps.
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Spirit Airlines has announced “to make sure we have room for everyone’s bags” they are going to charge $2 more for checked bags for all flights between flights between Dec 18 and Jan 5. The probable reaction from other airlines? “Shocking. We should charge at least $10 more.
Bill Simmons was suspended 3 weeks for his profane rant about Roger Goodell where he called the commissioner a liar. 3 weeks. Guess he should have just taken a swing at Goodell in an elevator.
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The University of Michigan had planned to have the game ball delivered by drone last Saturday in Ann Arbor before the Wolverines’ game with Utah.. The school said they dropped the plan after consulting with the FAA, but rumor has it they didn’t want the drone to have a better completion rate than their QBs.
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The New York Yankees have been officially eliminated from the 2014 playoffs. So tonight we can expect an ESPN special on how Derek Jeter is dealing with this tragic event?
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So will #Yankees, out of the playoffs, take some comfort in #Dodgers, with the new highest MLB payroll, taking their place in postseason?
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Some rumors that the #SFGiants are boycotting a beat reporter for writing that two teammates had a “heated” argument in the clubhouse. Really? It’s not as if he wrote they had an actual physical fight. Besides, with the Giants this week no one would believe they could hit anything.
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Rep. Vance McAllister, the congressman who was caught on tape making out with a staffer, has his wife featured in his latest commercial, In the ad, Kelly McAllister says “A man’s character is based on how many times he gets up and stands again.” Considering the kissing tape, is “gets up”” the right phrase?
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A Virgin America flight from Boston to Los Angeles was diverted to Nebraska because, as the police report says, a man was “masturbating in flight and later tried to open an exit door.” This would never happen on United. The seats are too close together for anyone to masturbate.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Derek Jeter jokes, Dodgers jokes, Goodell jokes, iPhone jokes, Janice Hough, Jeter jokes, Yankees jokes
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July 23, 2014
So there were NYPD officers working graveyard shifts in four marked cars at the Brooklyn Bridge while the lights were dimmed and white flags were raised Monday night. None of them noticed anything. And the NY Daily news quotes a police source as saying none of them will be disciplined. Well, not like anything really bad could have happened…
A man claims he was kicked off a Southwest flight in Denver after he tweeted a complaint over a gate agent not allowing his daughters to board early with him. He claims he won’t fly the airline again. Well, and hey, why not, when he can take advantage of the great customer service at Denver from United….
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Mark McGwire says of Jose Canseco. “I don’t care to ever speak to him again.” Well, of course not, Canseco’s in the past.
St. Louis CF John Jay tonight struck out on a 4-2 count. That’s bad. What’s worse, no one in the Cardinals dugout, including the manager, noticed it. #whoneedsmath?
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18 runs given up in two days? All of a sudden #Dodgers pitching is looking like maybe Josh Beckett’s been bringing beer and chicken back into the Clubhouse #sfgiants
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Cameron Maybin has been suspended for 25 games for testing positive for amphetamines. But come on, it’s the San Diego Padres. Couldn’t Maybin have used the excuse he needed the drugs to stay awake?
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Wednesday Alabama coach Nick Saban talked about his team’s loss to Oklahoma in the Sugar Bowl and said it was a challenge to “try to play in a consolation game.” Well, that ought to do wonders for the image of college football players as egotistical babies.
(Also, for the uninitiated, please note. The Sugar Bowl, with a $17 million per team payout, is not a consolation game. Now, the “AdvoCare V100 Bowl” just might be a consolation game….)
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Eagles tackle Lane Johnson is the latest NFL player suspended four games for PED’s. Johnson said in a statement he “mistakenly and foolishly” took a prescription drug in April and failed to clear it with the Eagles’ athletic trainers or check the banned substance list. Just once would be nice to hear someone say, “Yeah, I was cheating and got busted.”
Another thought about all these NFL players who plead ignorance when they get caught for PED’s. Wouldn’t you think if they were smart enough to read their playbooks, they’d be smart enough to read the the rules and their drug labels?
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‘What if I decide to run?’: Michele Bachmann saying she might try for Presidency again in 2016. Comedy writers: “Thank you Jesus.”
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You have been warned. From Alex Kaseberg. “‘Comic Con’ begins in San Diego on Thursday, so get your computers and internet servers fixed now.”
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So what does Rick Perry have against all these kids? The Texas governor doesn’t want more people in America who can embarrass him by counting to three?
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California’s teen birthrate has fallen 63% since 1990, the biggest drop of any state in the country. Instead of “Abstinence Only” education, California has chosen comprehensive sex education, and increased access for teens to contraceptives. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.
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From T.C. ” The #1 selling NFL jersey today is Johnny Manziel. Sitting at #5 is Michael Sam. Neither one of them has yet to play a down in the league. That should be enough to bring Brett Favre out of retirement again.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Brooklyn Bridge jokes, Dodgers jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, Michael Sam jokes, NFL jokes, PED jokes, SF Giants jokes, umpire jokes
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July 19, 2014
Bud Selig is actually supposed to retire in six months. He and baseball owners want former MLB deputy commissioner Steve Greenberg to be his replacement. But Greenberg says he doesn’t want the job, though he would be honored to follow Selig, who he calls “easily baseball’s greatest commissioner since Judge Landis.” Well, wishes aside, shouldn’t that statement disqualify Greenberg by reason of insanity?
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Only 30% of Los Angeles area residents can see Dodgers games on TV due to a cable dispute. And David Rone, president of Time Warner Cable Sports, which distributes the games, says “It is unlikely that we are going to get a deal done. Suffering Midwest fans are thinking “why couldn’t this happen with the Cubs?”
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Anyone else think Vladimir Putin is more likely to officiate at a gay wedding than he is to determine that MH17 was shot down by pro Russian-separatists?
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The Federal Government has charged FedEx with drug trafficking for delivering illegal prescription drugs, allegedly for over a decade. What took the Government this long? Maybe they figured FedEx is taking profitable business from the post office?
Lebron James announced his return to Cleveland last week, but still hasn’t chosen if he will wear #6 or #23. How long until ESPN dedicates a special edition of Sports Center to the decision?
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For all those who think the SFGiants have a problem at 2nd base, it could be worse. Dan Uggla, released by the Atlanta Braves, hit .162 with 2 home runs and is still owed over $18 million.
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Red Sox GM Ben Cherington says the last-place team is not giving up on 2014 yet. And even Cubs fans are thinking “I want some of what you’re smoking.”
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CNN had Michele Bachmann commented that Hillary Clinton “should be worried” about Elizabeth Warren in 2016. Michele Bachmann as a political prognosticator? Well, maybe since Paul the Octopus is no longer with us.
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From Jim Barach ” Downtown Los Angeles is at its driest since record-keeping began in 1877. Which means at least there is something in L.A. with a longer dry spell than the one that takes the Dodgers back to 1988.”
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A Supreme Court injunction means that Utah has won at least a temporary delay in recognizing same-sex marriages. Guess the state figures if a man isn’t happy marrying a woman, he should just marry more women.
In Los Angeles, a man robbing a liquor store apparently accidentally shot and killed his accomplice. So sometimes the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is another bad guy with a gun.
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The NY Yankees announced there will be a Derek Jeter retirement ceremony on Sept 7. #FarewellCaptain Except that I thought the whole 2014 season was a Jeter retirement ceremony.
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And finally. Aldon Smith, after a D.A. decided not to press charges for alleged LAX bomb threats, was sentenced Friday for possessing illegal fire arms. Along with a separate case of DUI and marijuana possession after driving and hitting a tree.
Smith got 3 years of probation, and 12 days of work crew on Mondays. Which will end before the 49ers first Monday night game.
So let this be a lesson to the youth of America. Behave yourselves. Unless you are SURE you have NFL level talent.
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: 49ers jokes, CNN jokes, Dodgers jokes, gay marriage jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, Selig jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 9, 2014
Seattle Seahawks coach Pete Carroll just told the L.A. Times he wouldn’t have left USC in 2010 if he knew the NCAA was going to sanction the Trojans. I think I liked “pushed into a lifeboat” better.
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There is now a drive to legalize marijuana in…. Jamaica?!! Does this even need a punchline?
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California Chrome owner Steve Coburn’s rant after the #BelmontStakes may have cost him and the colt some endorsement. But maybe they’re still in line for a deal with California wine.
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Don’t get me wrong, Steve Coburn was a poor sport yesterday. But as the NY Times points out, the last NINE Belmont winners have skipped the Preakness. #TripleCrown
(T.C wonders, “So if Maria Sharapova wins the French Open and doesn’t have to play against the Williams sisters or Li Na; she’s a coward, right? ”
It’s approaching mid-June, and as most experts predicted, the Los Angeles Dodgers and NY Yankees have very similar records. (Okay, so maybe they didn’t predict those records would be basically .500.)
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Even FIFA is impressed with the flopping levels in the #NBAFinals.
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So next year, how many #NBA teams will choose their home games against the #Heat to give free fans to fans and turn off the a/c?
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On a sweltering day in Paris, Rafael Nadal won his 9th French Open. Imagine what he could do if Roland Garros had air conditioning.
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A Northern California high school basketball player is in jail on suspicion of using stolen credit cards to pay $13,000 to rent a McLaren car and $27,000 to rent a vacation home. Guess he wasn’t good enough to get those perks playing college basketball?
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Former “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” contestant Emily Maynard, who was engaged twice on the show, has just gotten married. And she told People magazine in an “exclusive”. “For so long I felt so embarrassed and ashamed about that TV stuff The grace that my faith has given me to wipe that all away and not find worth in that and find it through God.” Guess “magazine stuff” is different from “TV stuff.”
Two police officers in Las Vegas, plus another bystander, were shot and killed today, And then the suspects killed themselves. Once again, wishing these folks with murder-suicide plans could take take care of the second part first.
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Do wish Fox News and the GOP would grieve as much for all those lives that have been lost in the Iraq war, as they do for those four Americans lost in in Benghazi and however many soldiers were lost looking for Bowe Bergdahl.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Dodgers jokes, Janice Hough, NBA finals jokes, Steve Coburn jokes, Triple Crown jokes, USC jokes, Yankees jokes
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June 2, 2014
Jacques Cousteau’s grandson is going underwater for 31 days starting next week. It will be a record for the longest time anyone has spent down in the depths. Well, other than the Chicago Cubs.
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A $40 million settlement has been reached for college athletes with NCAA branded video-games. So basketball and football players will receive from between $48 to $951 per year for each year they were on rosters. And presumably the lawyers receive $20 million.
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RIP Ann B. Davis, Alice on the Brady Bunch, who passed away at the age of 88. And this probably has a bigger emotional effect on many late baby-boomers than the death of Maya Angelou.
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For Americans confused and unsure about the negotiations that led to Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl’s release, the GOP has simplified things: “Obama did it, it was wrong.”
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Joe Biden gave the commencement address at the University of Delaware. The speech presumably took place on Saturday and Sunday.
Juan Carlos I of Spain will abdicate and hand the crown to his son. And in England the British are telling Queen Elizabeth II “don’t even think of it.”
Some in the GOP are demanding hearings into Bowe Bergdahl’s release. Exactly. How dare he not stay in Afghan custody until a Republican is President.
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From Bill Littlejohn “MLB and Joe Torre have warned Dodger pitchers to pick up their pace, as their games are getting too long. They first became aware when arriving fans at Dodger Stadium started getting there in the first inning instead of the usual third”
The NRA said last Friday that Open Carry Texas has gone too far in bringing their guns to restaurants: “‘A small number (of Texans) have recently crossed the line from enthusiasm to downright foolishness.”‘ Wow. The NRA believes there IS a line to cross?
From T.C. Re: Sofia Vergara and her fiance have split up. And millions of men around the world are thinking “There’s hope!” And Marc Ragovin’s “The Mets have fired their hitting coach, Dave Hudgens. We had a hitting coach? asked every member of the team.
TC wants to hire a hitting coach for tips on hitting on Sofiia Vergara.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Biden jokes, Brady bunch jokes, Cubs jokes, Dodgers jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, NCAA jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
May 27, 2014
The Cubs have given Manny Ramirez a job with their Iowa affiliate. Well, okay this might be bad. But it’s the Chicago Cubs. Not like Manny has a chance to associate with a major league team.
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At a British music festival, Macaulay Kulkin’s band the “Pizza Underground” was booed off the stage and pelted with beer. Maybe his band needs to play a gig at Yankee Stadium. Where beer is far to expensive to throw at anyone.
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Alex Schubert says they “should have a gig at Wrigley Field.. Where the thrown beer will miss the band by 20 feet.”
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The median pay for a CEO of a public company in the US is now over $10 million a year. Yep, I can see why we can’t afford to raise the minimum wage.
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Dodgers catcher A.J. Ellis, who was hitting .170, is on the DL after spraining his ankle celebrating Josh Beckett’s no-hitter. Which means Ellis will be contributing about as much for the next two weeks as he has for the last two.
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One game after Josh Beckett’s no-hitter, the Dodgers” Hyun-Jin Ryu took a perfect game into the 8th. He left after allowing a double and two singles. But the final score ended up 4-3. What happened? Brian Wilson in the 8th. Giants fans are thinking “Now it’s LA’s turn to enjoy the torture.”
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Malaysian authorities published a 47-page document with raw data from communications between satellites and MH370. Will it help find the plane? Quite possibly not. But it will keep CNN busy for at least a week.
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Texas Congressman Ralph Hall, 91, is running for re-election. Saying he wants to fix Obamacare. Although a bit disingenuous for a man who’s been eligible for Medicare for over a quarter century.
The new U.S. men’s national soccer team will debut at Candlestick Park in an exhibition against Azerbaijan tonight. Many Americans are thinking one of two questions – “We haven’t already torn down Candlestick Park?” And “We have a new national men’s soccer team?
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Li Na, the #2 women’s tennis player in the world, was upset in the first round of the French Open. And most Americans responded “Who?”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: CNN jokes, Cubs jokes, Dodgers jokes, Janice Hough, pizza underground jokes
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May 25, 2014
Really? AP story starts out “Rory McIlroy put aside the anguish in his private life to win the European Tour’s flagship BMW PGA Championship.” Anguish? Uh, HE broke off the engagement, and after sending out wedding invitations. “I feel so sorry for him,” said no women.
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Landon Donovan today told the media he thought he should be going to his fourth World Cup. And many Americans responded “So when’s this World Cup? “
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New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie inaugurated the Memorial Day Weekend at Jersey Shore and did shots with Ashbury Park Mayor Matthew J. Doherty. If it was Obama, the Fox headline would be “Is the President an alcoholic?”
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Ebay just sent out an email FRIDAY NIGHT to all users saying they must change their passwords due to a data breach. Gosh, how did Ebay hear about this problem, on CNN?
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A NY Jets fan in California has purchased the “Butt Fumble” jersey worn by Mark Sanchez. He says he will likely frame it and hang it on his wall, “until we win a Super Bowl or I can get together enough money to put it on a rocket ship and shoot it to outer space because I don’t think it belongs on this planet anymore,” Wonder how much he’ll have to save for that rocket ship.
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Amazon is trying to increase profits and is being accused in some cases of pushing e-books over physical books. Awfully hard though to have a collection of autographed e-books.
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Tampa Bay Rays beat the Boston Red Sox in 15 innings. Game lasted almost as long as a typical Red Sox Yankees game.
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Now Matt Cain will miss another start with a sore hamstring. The #SFGiants keep getting injured, and keep winning. Wonder how many more players they will need to spend time on the DL to have a chance of winning it all this year
Ryan Hunter-Reayw won his first Indianapolis 500 today. And the reaction from most Americans. a. Who? and b.. How many crashes?
–Congrats to the #Dodgers Josh Beckett for the first no-hitter of 2014. Beer and fried chicken in the clubhouse on him?
And okay, the young man in Santa Barbara who allegedly killed 6 people besides himself was seeing therapists. His own parents called the police because they were worried he was dangerous. And he bought all three guns he used legally…. How many more?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Christie jokes, Dodgers jokes, Jets jokes, Red Sox jokes, Rory McIlory jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 21, 2014
Kraft Foods is recalling 96,000 pounds of its Oscar Mayer wieners because they may mistakenly contain cheese. Wonder how many Kraft might have recalled if the wieners mistakenly contained meat.
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Why there is no satire. Connecticut Senator Richard Blumenthal, campaigning campaign for better safety with Metro-North trains, held a press conference, set up his easel too close to the tracks, and almost got hit by the train.
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A South African Sunday Times columnist wrote today that a “reliable source” told him that Oscar Pistorius was taking acting lessons before his trial so he could appear more sympathetic. Just when you thought Pistorius couldn’t appear any more of a scumbag….
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R.I.P. Ruben “Hurricane” Carter, 76. And if you don’t know who he is except that Dylan wrote a song about him, you might be young. And if you don’t know who Dylan is, you might be REALLY young.
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Miami needed an 18-4 run in the 4th quarter to beat Charlotte in game 1 of their NBA playoff series. Heat coach Erik Spoelstra ” We were flat to start. I think our guys were just anxious.” “Anxious” against the 43-39 Bobcats? Or worried about their ticket allocation for the Eastern conference finals?
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The NBA says now that referees made a game-changing mistake in missing a foul against Chris Paul with 20 seconds left in the Warriors-Clippers game 1. But it’s not as if the league feels it was anything really critical – the refs didn’t cost the Heat a game.
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Meanwhile, the Washington Wizards have actually won a playoff game. I blame Obama.
It will be a very long time before Easter is again on 4-20. So Frito-Lay really missed their chance to have a line of egg-shaped Doritos.
Miss American has asked a high school to reconsider their suspension of a student for asking her to his prom during an assembly. Really?! Better that than he was dating a teacher.
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In Friday night’s game against the Rays, the Yankees’ Cesar Cabral faced six batters, allowing three hits, three hit batsmen, and three runs. All without recording an out. He was released afterwards. Cabral has to hope he gets picked up by an NL team, he could probably throw a few shutdown innings against the SF Giants.
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Apparently the Dodgers’ Clayton Kershaw felt no back pain in a simulated game. And SF Giants fans are thinking “Good for him, now let’s hope he takes the recovery nice and slow and easy. Until August or September at least..
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From Bill Littlejohn “What University of Idaho football recruiters tell prospects—that WR Dezmon Epps was the only WR in the nation to total over 100 yards receiving against eventual national champion Florida State
What University of Idaho football recruiters neglect to tell prospects–they lost that game to Florida State, 80-14
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Dodgers jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, NBA playoffs jokes, Pistorius jokes, pot jokes, SF Giants jokes
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March 29, 2014
The LA Dodgers just placed Clayton Kershaw on the 15-day disabled list. with back issues. Up in SF, sympathetic Giants fans are thinking “Bummer, but don’t rush the poor guy, let him take at least a few months off to recover.”
The most exciting two minutes in sports may be the Kentucky Derby. But the longest two minutes in sports must be the fourth quarter of an NCAA March Madness game.
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Florida Gators are surprisingly articulate in post-game interviews. Though to be fair, by college basketball standards they are mostly old men of 20-21.
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Indicted Ravens RB Ray Rice has married his fiance. Let’s hope this wasn’t so she couldn’t testify against him.
(Alex Kaseberg says he heard the reception was a knockout.)
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#AJMcCarron and #KatherineWebb are engaged. Has Brent Musberger already put in a request to cover the wedding?
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Apparently some “influential” Republicans are working to draft Jeb Bush into the 2016 presidential race. Right, because it’s not a true banana republic until you have single dynasty rule on both sides?
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Vin Scully, 86, calmly went on with the play-by-play during yesterday’s earthquake at Dodger Stadium. Although to be honest, at 86 everything usually shakes.
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A USGS seismologist said the 5.1 LA quake has a 5% chance of being a foreshock of an even larger quake. At at CNN they are thinking, well, we hope not until they’ve identified debris from the Malaysian Air plane.
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Rain and a 5.1 earthquake in California. East coast and midwest residents would call to express sympathy if they had time to put down their snow shovels.
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ESPN headline “Kevin Ware transferring from Louisville to finish his career.” Well, at least they were honest and didn’t pretend it has anything to do with education.
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So how many offers does George Takei have already for the starring role in the Leland Yee story?
(Yes, I know Takei is Japanese and Yee is Chinese. But they do look a lot a like. IMHO)
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A hearing-impaired Texas couple was incensed at a note American Airlines put on their lost luggage for the delivery person “Please text, deaf and dumb.” And okay, I get it. Not terribly sensitive in the 21st century. But must admit as a child of the last century, in elementary school, “deaf and dumb” WAS how they described Helen Keller.
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Now CNN is airing a report -“Flight 370, the final hours.” To be followed no doubt next week by a new report – “The Search for Flight 370, the interminable hours.”
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From Gary Bachman, “A travel company in Denmark is encouraging Danish couples to go on vacation and have sex to increase a shrinking population. Denmark should also consider getting an NBA team.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Dodgers jokes, earthquake jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, Opening day jokes, ray rice jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 27, 2014
Miguel Cabrera just signed a 10 year, $300 million contract with the Detroit Tigers. Wow. By current Dodgers’ standards that’s almost enough for a good utility infielder.
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The #Philadelphia #76ers , 15-57, have lost 26 straight games. The real question, how did they ever win 15?
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Some of the NCAA’s freshman basketball stars claim to be undecided about entering the NBA draft. Maybe the young men are just trying to figure out their odds of being stuck with the 76ers.
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The Milwaukee Bucks ended an eight game losing streak by beating the LA Lakers 108-105 tonight. And anyone who watched that game with the Sweet Sixteen as an alternative is probably guilty of March Madness.
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Will the video of the Stanford Cardinal’s lackluster performance in the #SweetSixteen be titled “Sleepwalking in Memphis?”
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Baltimore RB Ray Rice has been indicted for 3rd-degree aggravated assault. Maybe Rice was trying a little too hard to become a Ravens legend like Ray Lewis.
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Amazing, a sixth-grade girl in Oklahoma set a world record by selling over 18,000 box of Girl Scout cookies. What’s more amazing? She did it without living in Washington or Colorado.
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A 22 year old woman who killed her husband by pushing him over a cliff in Montana eight days after their wedding was sentenced today to 30 years in prison. Well, at least the marriage really was until “death do us part.”
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Start building that shelter in the backyard. Last year Stevie Nicks says there was “more chance of an asteroid hitting the earth” than Christine McVie rejoining Fleetwood Mac.
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Pat Robertson’s latest “Jesus wouldn’t bake a cake for a gay wedding.” As if they would have wanted Him to bake a cake. The happy couple surely would have preferred that water into wine bit.
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California State Sen. Leland Yee, who was arrested yesterday, today withdrew from the secretary of state race. His lawyer “This was a very personal decision on the part of the senator. This is what he wanted to do.” Uh, no, what Yee wanted to do was not to get caught.
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A taxpayer-funded report from a law firm hired by Chris Christie found that the NJ Govenor was not involved in the Bridgegate plot. Presumably the same firm will back up Bud Selig’s statement that steroid use in baseball is now virtually nonexistent.
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Despite an aide’s saying otherwise, Chris Christie says now he “does not recall” being informed about traffic jams near the George Washington Bridge last September. Guess the NJ Governor really does see himself as the next Ronald Reagan.
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An 18 year old Norwegian man had a McDonald’s receipt tattooed on his arm. And guess what, ladies, this guy is single.
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For all those who fly on commercial planes and think “It could be worse,” you are about to be proved right. Airbus is going to start making A380s with a 3-5-3 coach configuration.
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A number of employees at LAX have been arrested for allegedly stealing from passengers’ luggage. 25 (!?) police raids recovered belongings including clothes, electronics and jewelry. Scary, but really, why does anyone put JEWELRY in checked luggage?
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From T.C. ” The NFL will be penalizing the slam dunk celebration with the football over the goal post this year. So let’s say you celebrate your TD by taunting the defender covering you, dunk the football over the goal post and also call someone on the field the “N” word, your team will be kicking off from its own 1 yard line.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 76ers jokes, airline jokes, Chris Christie jokes, Dodgers jokes, fleetwood mac jokes, Janice Hough, Leland Yee jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 