Archive for the ‘sports jokes’ category
December 10, 2015
There’s a three-way tie atop NFC East at 5-7. Call me old-fashioned, but it would be nice for NFL division winners at least to have records that make them bowl eligible.
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Goldstar is offering discount rates for William Shatner’s one-man show in San Francisco, “Shatner’s World.” But really, shouldn’t we be able to name our own price?
MLB is now recommending that for safety reasons teams install protective netting in front of lower level seats inside the baselines. And in Boston presumably a bit further out into left field in case a certain third baseman going for a ball tumbles into the stands.
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Reports are that if Marissa Mayer is fired by Yahoo, her severance package could reach $110 million. Wow. That’s enough money that in a few years Mayer can use the money to run for President touting her leadership ability.
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Phrase on a local radio station many San Francisco fans thought they’d never hear at the beginning of the season – “the 49ers can build around Blaine Gabbert.”
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Well, apparently this is probably a hoax. But most media picked up the story today of Mexican Drug Lord “El Chapo” being upset at ISIS – telling them they “made a mistake” in destroying one of his shipments. And emailing their leader “I pity the next son of a whore who tries to interfere with the business of the Sinaloa cartel. I will have their hearts and tongues torn from them.”
If it IS a hoax, setting El Chapo after ISIS actually isn’t that bad an idea.
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Some have opined that Donald Trump’s candidacy is a plot to help Hillary Clinton. I just hope it’s not a plot to make the rest of the GOP look reasonable by comparison.
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Many conservatives were happy with Antonin Scalia’s comments about affirmative action. Well, if he feels so strongly about not admitting kids who can’t keep pace academically, wonder what the reaction would be if instead of going after African-Americans, the Justice had just called to dismantle college football?
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United Airlines is apparently thinking of offering pyjamas to their international business class passengers. That’s in business class. In coach presumably they are thinking about charging passengers who are wearing extra clothes.
Russell Taylor, the former head of Jared Fogle’s charity was sentenced to 27 years in prison for making child porn, after begging the judge for a light sentence and “not allow me to rot in the landfill of lost souls.”
Got news for the guy, a lot of the convicts are upset about the thought of having to rot with HIM.
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Sad sign of the times: The local news is reporting on a lock down at a San Jose school – an “active shooter drill.”
There’s something that doesn’t quite make sense when we have Americans who for “safety” reasons want to register Muslims but not register guns.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Janice Hough, NFC east jokes, NFL jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 12, 2015
In an effort to conserve water, Los Angeles poured almost 100,000 four-inch black plastic “shade” balls over their reservoir. So the city doesn’t have the Raiders yet, but the “black hole” is ready
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This Donald Trump-Megyn Kelly back and forth bickering is getting so bad, you’d think they used to be married to each other.
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So since Fox News got such kudos for the tough questions at the first GOP debate, clearly the pressure is on CNN for October with the Democrats. And since he’s not doing anything, can I suggest as a moderator Jon Stewart?
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Billy Joel, 66, and his wife Alexa, 33, have welcomed their first child, Della Rose. Wonder how long until Billy and Della can compete in their first father-daughter diaper derby.
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Uzbekistan Airways says they will start weighing passengers at the airport, and on some flights they may need to “exclude” larger passengers. U.S airlines are no doubt studying the idea, not to exclude heavier travelers but to charge them extra.
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Not that it affects me anymore, but what is this “back-to-school” crap in mid-August? Used to be Labor Day. Seems un-American to make kids go to class in the summer. #justsayin
Donald Trump said that when Bernie Sanders let #BlackLivesMatter protesters take his microphone that Sanders “showed that he’s weak.” As opposed to the Donald himself whose mantra is simply #MyLifeMatters.
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The Buffalo Bills have claimed IK Enemkpali off waivers after he was released by the Jets for punching Geno Smith. Guess coach Rex Ryan just wants to make sure he has one defender who can hit?
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An ESPN poll of more than 100 currently players found that 72% believe that Brady and the Patriots deflated footballs, but only 58% DON’T believe the Patriots cheat. Translation, sounds like there are a lot of teams messing with balls.
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An SF 49ers season ticket holder is suing the team over a new policy which makes it harder on fans trying to sell unused tickets by requiring most sales to go through Ticketmaster.
Wonder how long it might take for 49ers season ticket holder to sue the team over it being harder to sell unused tickets because of the product on the field.
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Major layoffs have started with the Kraft-Heinz merger. Hope Heinz 57 isn’t a goal for remaining number of employees.
Seriously hoping for the best for #JimmyCarter.. Absolutely our best ex-president. No joke.
Lots of accolades for former President Jimmy Carter today after his cancer announcement. But for those who just think Habitat for Humanity and vague do-good human rights stuff, four words – google “Carter guinea worm.”
From Bill Littlejohn, “So now, we have a wild controversy involving Donald Trump and Megyn Kelly of Fox News.With all of that hairspray involved, shouldn’t the NFL also be investigating a helmet-to-helmet collision.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Billy joel jokes, Fox News jokes, Janice Hough, Los Angeles jokes, Megyn Kelly jokes, NFL jokes, Trump jokes
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July 30, 2015
The New York Mets‘ Wilmer Flores cried on the field Thursday night thinking he was traded. But social media turned out to be wrong. Wonder how many Phillies will cry Friday night realizing they HAVEN’T been traded.
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A day after they had their shortstop in tears over a trade that didn’t happen, the Mets blew a 6 run lead and had to sit through four hours of rain delays in losing to the Padres 8-7. Maybe God doesn’t like crying in baseball.
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Money money money money….. From the LA Times, with the trade of Hector Olivera, in 2015 alone, “the Dodgers would pay seven players — Olivera, Matt Kemp, Dan Haren, Dee Gordon, Brian Wilson, Brandon League and Ryan Webb — $80 million not to play for them. The Tampa Bay Rays had an opening-day payroll of $76 million”
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The LA Dodgers did get Mat Latos. Well, it’s a good fit. He will show up for his first pitching appearance at AT&T Park with a ready made booing section. #IhateSF #Theyhateyoutoo
Waiting for Mat Latos to say about his new team, we “went and changed our whole lineup, put guys with ‘Dodgers’ across their jerseys. Yeah, we did.”
(for those who don’t follow baseball, Latos complained loudly in 2010 that the SF Giants had made too many trades in their pursuit of his Padres. With almost the exact same words above. And then he went out and lost some very big games to SF.)
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Urban Meyer has suspended four players, including star DE Joey Bosa, for Ohio State’s first game against Virginia Tech, due to “violations of athletic department policy,” Wow. So Meyer figure out a way to wait to suspend them until the Buckeyes’ second game against Hawaii? The Hokies must not have much of a team this year.
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Looks like there may finally be some sad closure for MH 370. Over at CNN they’re trying not to be too gleeful over the possibility of another month at least of “Special Reports.”
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Jose Canseco says that to show his support for Caitlyn Jenner he “will be dressing up and living as a woman for a week,” And he will feature his week as a woman on his new internet show “Spend a Day with Jose.”
Canseco is not trying to be Caitlyn Jenner, he’s trying to be a Kardashian. #publicitywhore
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Many people are still stunned by the news that Patriots Tom Brady actually thought it was a good idea to destroy his phone. Of course, Brady didn’t have the option to hand it off to Marshawn Lynch.
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A new Presidential election poll says Bernie Sanders would beat Donald Trump. Heck, Jed Bartlett would beat Trump. Come to think of it, what is Martin Sheen doing these days?
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Now the U.S. Government is getting involved. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service tweeted today – “We’re investigating the killing of #CecilTheLion. Will go where facts lead. We ask Dr. Palmer or his rep to contact USFWS immediately.”
As awful as the story is, maybe it will lead to changes. Certainly it’s got to be one of the few times when the Obama administration has at least 80% bipartisan agreement in this country.
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Okay, leaving aside the serious larger issues, have to wonder, how were the University of Cincinnati cops dumb enough both to KNOW the shooting of Samuel DuBose was on video tape with an audio, and still to think they’d get away with lying? #cantfixstupid
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Canseco jokes, cecilthelion, Dodgers jokes, Janice Hough, Mets jokes, MH370 jokes, SFGiants jokes, trade deadline jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 16, 2015
President Obama will be in New York City Friday night, and the FAA has issued a no fly zone over Manhattan. Which won’t affect commercial flights, but will force wealthy folks heading to the Hamptons to take ground transportation instead of private helicopters. “I feel so sorry for them,” said no one in 99.9% of the population.
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Interesting, all the talk about Caitlyn Jenner. But if we’re talking LGBT acceptance, the U.S. women’s soccer team has both gay and straight players, and it doesn’t seem to affect their chemistry OR performance.
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Apparently this season has seen a big increase in the number of NL managers who are batting their pitcher 8th in the lineup. The SF Giants’ Madison Bumgarner is not pleased with this trend. He thinks he should bat at least 6th.
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Here’s a serious idea for a change. Let’s change the MLB trade deadline to during the All-Star break. Would make it easier for players to get to their new teams. And would give sports fans something more interesting to follow during the break than NBA summer league scores.
Mark Cuban is now proposing that the NBA playoffs be expanded to 10 teams per conference. Right, so teams like the Indiana Pacers would be spared the heartache of just missing the playoffs with a 38-44 record.
Josh Smith has left the Rockets for the Clippers, signing for $1.5 million, the veteran minimum, and reportedly told a source he chose “winning over money?” So Smith is bad at history, statistics AND math?
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The Tennessee Highway Safety Office is pulling the “100 Days of Summer Heat Booze It and Lose It Campaign” which was intended to keep young men from drinking too much, with had posters and coasters with messages like this
“After a few drinks the girls look hotter and the music sounds better. Just remember: If your judgment is impaired, so is your driving.”
“Buy a drink for a marginally good looking girl only to find out she’s chatty, clingy and your boss’s daughter. If this sounds like something you would do, your judgment is impaired and so is your driving.”
The only question. Who thought this was a good idea in the first place?
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New Jersey is considering a lottery, open only to state college students and alumni, where the winner would get all their student loan debt paid off. Great, so if they don’t know enough already, students can go further into debt buying lottery tickets.
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As we approach the 2nd half of the MLB season, Vegas has updated their odds for this years World Series winner- with the favorites being the Royals, Cardinals, Nationals and Dodgers. The Phillies are last 5000-1.
Note to anything thinking of betting on the Phillies. try something with better odds. Like buying a Powerball lottery ticket.
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But really, a 5,000 to 1 bet on the Phillies now to win the World Series? Or for that matter 250 to 1 on the Brewers, or even 50-1 on the Red Sox? In all of these and more case, when they’re saying “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” clearly they’re talking about your money.
Apparently Vegas sports books are quite worried about the Royals and Astros, as they stand to pay out big bucks if either team, lightly regarded in the preseason, wins the World Series. But on the other hand, MGM properties report 4,000 bets placed on the Cubs, more than double that on any other team. #youlosesomeyouwinsome
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TLC has officially cancelled “19 kids and counting.” Anybody here actually watch the show in the first place?
From T.C. Russell Wilson’s new sweetie, Ciara, sang the anthem at All Star game. It was suggested that he could hand off the microphone to her.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #Caitlyn Jenner jokes, baseball jokes, betting jokes, Cubs jokes, Duggars jokes, Janice Hough, jersey jokes, NBA jokes, trade deadline jokes, Vegas jokes
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July 15, 2015
All those Los Angeles fans who were originally claiming that Clayton Kershaw wasn’t on the NL All Star team. Who knew, most of them were Angels fans with delusions of World Series /home field advantage grandeur?
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Now there’s no Major League Baseball for two more days. So the whole country gets to see what it’s like to be Phillies fans.
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Tiger Woods, rejecting retirement rumors at a news confererence at St. Andrews: “I know some of you guys think I’m buried and done, but I’m still right here in front of you.” Well, through Friday anyhow.
After Brittney Griner filed for annulment 28 days after their marriage, fellow WNBA player and soon to be ex-wife Glory Johnson is now asking for $20,000 a month in spousal support.
So yeah, who’s to say gay marriages aren’t equal to “straight” marriages? #messy
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There were fortunately no injuries when a British woman crashed her car into the back of a van while, as the Daily Mail put it, “pleasuring herself with a vibrator.” Hmm, seems like maybe there’s a potential extra-cost option to be added to those self-driving cars.
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Another rant: After the tragic murder of a young woman in SF, GOP House members are blasting the Obama administration. And they are working on legislation to prevent detained illegal immigrants with criminal records from being released in future.
Okay, fine. Now, while they’re at it, Kathryn Steinle was shot with a gun that had been stolen from a Federal agent earlier in the week. How about legislation to require tracking devices in guns similar to cellphones, which would also prevent murders from happening.
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Scott Walker – “The left claims that they’re for American workers and they’ve just got just really lame ideas — things like the minimum wage.”
Well, yeah, if Americans would just start out for say, $1 an hour, there’d be no problem with unemployment or off-shoring jobs….
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How bad does it have to be with Bill Cosby when his wife Camille is DEFENDING him by saying his alleged victims “consented” to taking drugs and having sex with him.
The Oklahoma GOP posted this on their FB page Tuesday..
“The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing this year the greatest amount of free Meals and Food Stamps ever, to 46 million people.
Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S. Department of the Interior, asks us “Please Do Not Feed the Animals.” Their stated reason for the policy is because “The animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves.”
Thus ends today’s lesson in irony ?#OKGOP”
Wednesday the post was taken down. Thus ends today’s lesson in thinking before you post on social media. #cantfixmean #cantfixstupid
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And back to the sport rants.
An Oakland As season ticket holder has filed a class-action lawsuit to force Major League Baseball to extend the safety netting at its ballparks the entire length of the foul lines, saying there are 1,750 injuries a year now at games.
Okay, 162 times 15 (30 teams playing each other) is 2,430 games. Plus an large number of playoff games. So less than an injury a game. But how many fans now enjoy getting foul balls at games? How many of those injuries are serious? How many involve cellphones? And last but not least, how much do the fan’s lawyers hope to make out of this?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, baseball jokes, cosby jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
July 12, 2015
Lebron James says he still has “nightmares” over Cleveland’s loss to Golden State ” I can never get away from losing in the Finals.” Don’t they say practice makes perfect?
Bruce Bochy has added Clayton Kershaw to the NL All-Star SF Giants fans have no problem with this. Maybe Bochy can pitch him for 8 innings?
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Max Scherzer is pitching today and so will miss the All-Star game. And the Nationals, who saw Madison Bumgarner last year, are thinking, “If we win the NL and have Max Scherzer, we don’t need no stinking home field advantage.”
The Knicks beat the Spurs, 78-73 in their first Summer League game in Las Vegas yesterday. The game was also the head coaching debut of Becky Hammon. And everyone survived just fine. #Thetimestheyareachangin
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Buffalo Bills OL coach Aaron Kromer was arrested this morning in Florida for allegedly punching a boy in the face. And at NFL headquarters they’re thinking “At least it wasn’t a girl.”
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Jayson Tatum, the #2 ranked 2016 basketball recruit, has committed to join the Blue Devils, saying “I love the way the program is run and I love the way the academics are set up.” So Tatum is thinking Duke has the best 1 year high school post-graduate program in the country?
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NY Rep. Carolyn Maloney today cited the World Cup in calling for gender pay equality. “Women are being short-changed in soccer. We need to step up and work for equal pay.” The U.S. women’s national team received $2 million, whereas the men got $8 million for losing in the round of 16.
Well, and no doubt that’s because of TV ratings. The Women’s final had 25.4 million viewers, only about 2 million more than this year’s NBA finals game 6 and 2014’s World Series game 7. Oops, never mind.
Donald Trump is bragging that 15,000 supporters came to watch his Phoenix speech, and that tickets to ‘free’ event sold online for as much as $100. Right. But what’s more American than turning out for a really spectacular circus?
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Joaquin Guzman, “El Chapo”, who was the most wanted drug lord in the world until his 2014 arrest, apparently escaped from a Mexican maximum security prison for the second time.
Maybe they ought to rethink that “maximum security” part? #Whatsminimumsecurity?
Donald Trump, surprise, is seizing on the escape of drug lord “El Chapo” from a Mexican maximum security as proof of that country’s corruption. So what was the escape of two murderers from a U.S. maximum security prison proof of…?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, baseball jokes, Bills jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, soccer jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
July 10, 2015
An arbitrator has reduced the Cowboys’ Greg Hardy suspension from 10 to four games. This for assaulting his girlfriend and threatening to kill her. Well, not like Hardy did anything serious like smoking marijuana.
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Miss Nevada USA 2007 was arrested for alleged possession and sale of meth this week. Hmm, wonder if she told pageant officials that her career goal was to teach science?
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Ohio State QB Braxton Miller “As it stands right now, I know I am the best athlete in college football.” Uh, he might not even be the best athlete at OSU.
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A warrant has been issued for the arrest of FSU RB Dalvin Cook, 19, who is accused of repeatedly punching a 21-year-old woman in the face outside a bar in June. This after he completed pre-trial intervention for a bb-gun battle last June and was investigated for allegedly waving a gun at a neighbor in July of 2014.
Cook was the Seminoles’ leading rusher last season, gaining 1,008 yards with 8 TDs. Guessing he’ll be dismissed from the team. But is it too soon to start a pool on which SEC team will announce he’s a nice young man who deserves a second chance?
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RB Dalvin Cook, facing arrest for assault, has been cut from the Seminoles football team. FSU coach Jimbo Fisher – “It is important to me that our fans and the public be aware that I do not tolerate the type of behavior that was captured on video and that was most recently alleged.”
Well, at least he’s honest about the “captured on video” part”
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Happiest baseball people who are not #SFGiants fans tonight. Anyone whose team was hoping to trade for Cole Hamels and wanted a lower price. (Final score -SF 15- PHL 2.)
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#SFGiants are undefeated in 2015 when they score 15 runs.
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The Confederate flag has been removed from the South Carolina capitol. Let’s hope not too many people fired guns in the air to celebrate.
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Many men don’t get the fascination with “The Bachelorette,” especially this year where a woman tells a guy he is “the one,” then goes and sleeps with someone else, and may yet go back to the first guy. They’d rather deal with watching serious stuff like NFL free agency……
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A new study says that 10% of Americans take fish oil pills, but that the omega-3s in the pills may not be beneficial at all for heart health. Of course, have to wonder how many people take them along with meals featuring double-bacon-cheeseburgers….
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Today’s bus to hell moment courtesy of T. C. “Michael Sam is back with the Montreal Alouettes CFL team. He returned without much fanfare. It’s almost like he snuck in the back door.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: dalvin cook jokes, FSU jokes, Greg Hardy jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Phillies jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 9, 2015
Okay, Greece needs about a $53 billion dollar bailout. Here’s a way to kill two birds with one stone. Let’s move the U.S. Presidential Primary to Greece, along with all the consultants, media, etc. That should be well over a $53 billion injection of money into their economy. And we in America will only have to watch “plausibly live” highlights on tape delay..
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Reince Priebus, chair of the RNC, reportedly called Donald Trump and told him to “tone it down” on immigration. Wonder if DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz called Trump to remind him of his first amendment right to free speech.
Donald Trump just said in a CNN interview “I don’t know. I really don’t know,” when asked about President Obama being born in this country. “I don’t know why he wouldn’t release his records.”
At this point many people are beginning to wonder if Trump was born on this planet.
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And Geoffrey Zakarian is the latest chef to drop out of Trump’s new hotel in Washington, D.C.. over those immigration comments. When Trump sorts out his restaurants, thinking he may have some REAL issues getting housekeeping staff.
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Miami Marlins have signed Casey McGehee after the SF Giants released him yesterday. Well, maybe with all their injuries the Marlins figure they won’t have many opportunities with runners on base for McGehee to hit into a double play.
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Clayton Kershaw hasn’t had a great 2015. But Wednesday night he threw a complete game shutout against Philadelphia. Good for him, but does pitching against the Phillies count as a rehab assignment?
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Thursday morning
#LeBron has to be reading news & thinking “And they thought my ESPN show was the worst way to handle a decision.”
#DeAndreJordan
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U.S. officials say now that they thwarted “a number” of terror plots timed to July 4. Can we blame Obama?
Wow, just wow. Jeb Bush on fixing the economy: “People need to work longer hours and through their productivity gain more income for their families. That’s the only way we are going to get out of this rut that we’re in.”
And they thought Jeb’s brother was out of touch?
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If Jeb Bush’s “work longer hours” comment is really aimed at all the people who want to work full-time but are stuck in part-time jobs, then where is his statement condemning big corporations who DELIBERATELY schedule as many workers as possible just under the full-time threshold to avoid paying benefits?
While he’s at it, Jeb can decry all the corporations, hotels and airlines for example, who fire full-time employees and replace them with low priced hourly contract workers who also don’t get full-time work and benefits.
#crickets
Taco Bell is testing home delivery in 200 locations in California and Texas. Wouldn’t it make more sense to try the idea out in say, Washington and Colorado?
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From Bill Littlejohn . “The Spurs’ Matt Bonner says that tennis elbow caused by his iPhone led to his poor shooting.Tennis elbow from an iPhone–is that a case of ‘server error'”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: DeAndre Jordan jokes, Donald Trump jokes, greece jokes, Janice Hough, jeb bush jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 7, 2015
At the Minnesota Zoo, a grizzly bear threw a rock into a five-layer barrier hard enough to shatter the glass. Fortunately, there were no injuries. And the bear has been offered a tryout to pitch for the Red Sox.
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Seahawks QB Russell Wilson says he and his singer girlfriend Ciara are following “Jesus’s playbook” and not having pre-martial sex. So even God is telling Wilson not to attempt a pass?
Coral Springs, Florida police say they have dropped an investigation into the NY Giants’ Jason Pierre-Paulafter, who badly injured his hands with illegal fireworks, because it was “outside their jurisdiction.”
Possible translation. “With all the crap going in this state, you think we have time to worry about some idiot who’s already punished himself more than our judicial system ever could?”
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The PGA said today that this year’s PGA Grand Slam tournament will be moved from Los Angeles’s Trump National Golf Club. Amazing. Who knew it was possible to be un-PC enough to upset an organization run primarily by and for rich white men?
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Paula Deen is back in the headlines, this time for tweeting an four-year-old picture with her son Bobby in “brownface”, dressed up as Ricky Ricardo. Well, it’s not as if Deen has had any experience with social media before… #cantfixstupid
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Donovan McNabb, 38, was arrested last night for his 2nd DUI in 2 years. Sounds like the former Eagles, Redskins and Vikings’ QB is trying just a bit too hard to act like he still belongs in the NFL
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From Marc Ragovin “One of the Mets’ upcoming promotions is “Emoji Tee Shirt Night.” With their offense I assume all the emojis will be frowny faces
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Rant time. Okay, again, the random shooting of a young woman on a San Francisco pier was awful. No question. But one woman is killed by a disturbed man who should have been deported and the GOP calls for a massive overhaul of immigration procedures.
Whereas nine people are killed in church by a disturbed man who should never have had a firearm, and the GOP sees no need to revisit gun control laws….
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Boston Red Sox jokes, Florida jokes, golf jokes, Janice Hough, Paula Deen jokes, Russell Wilson jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
June 23, 2015
Now Rand Paul and Donald Trump have joined the call to take Confederate flags down and put them “in a museum” Guess it’s hard to ignore the way the wind’s blowing when it becomes a full-fledged hurricane.
Gamecocks coach Steve Spurrier, who has indicated his distaste for that “damn Confederate flag” before, today tweeted “The South Carolina football team, players and coaches strongly support Governor Haley’s decision to remove the flag from the capitol.”
Well, so now we’ve finally got a statement from one of the REALLY powerful men in the state.
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Regarding Trump’s decision to speak up against the Confederate flag, did that furry thing that lives on his head whisper in his ear? #combingaround?
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Virginia Governor Terry McAuliffe says he is also immediately taking steps tio remove the Confederate flag from state specialty license plates. Don’t get me wrong, I think all this getting rid of the flags is a good idea. But it is also all a lot easier than dealing with the gun problem.
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Rush Limbaugh is now proclaiming that removing the Confederate flag is about “destroying the south” Actually Limbaugh should be sending flowers to the politicians in South Carolina as no doubt their actions will increase the number of angry white men who listen to him.
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Rapper Diddy (Sean Combs), whose son plays football at UCLA, was arrested for attacking a coach with a kettlebell weight. Talk about helicopter parents, this guy was trying to be more of a bomber plane parent.
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Gmail has a new feature, “undo send,” which allows users to delay emails 5-30 seconds so they can be canceled and retrieved, Of course, if you’re mad (or drunk) enough to send an email you’ll later regret, hard to imagine calming down (or sobering up) enough in 30 seconds to change your mind.
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Okay, clearly there are more important issues in the world. But regarding these pleas from teams to vote for their potential All-Star players “Vote 35 times right now.”
So how in the world did they come up with 35 as the magic number. Even in Chicago folks are thinking that’s excessive.
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The Minnesota State Fair has released its list of new foods for 2015. Including caramel chocolate-dipped bacon ice cream bars, mac and cheese cupcakes, and a burger dog with hot dogs, hamburger meat, bacon, cheese and peppers on a bun. And no doubt ticket stubs from the fair will be good for a discount at your friendly cardiologist.
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Iowa is granting permits to acquire or carry guns in public to people who are legally or completely blind. Texas and Florida are thinking “Why didn’t we think of that?”
New York City is apparently probing Whole Foods Markets over allegedly overcharging customers for the last five years. Uh, isn’t overcharging customers part of Whole Foods’ mission statement?
Oops, Russell Athletic apparently accidentally produced some maroon and white jerseys with both Mississippi State and Texas A&M logos on them. Were they counting on fans at each school not being able to read?
This bus-to-hell moment brought to you by Marc Ragovin: “Dick Van Patten (1928-2015) has passed away. I guess 86 was enough. “
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Confederate flag jokes, flag jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Limbaugh jokes, South Carolina jokes, Trump jokes, voting jokes, Whole Foods jokes
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June 22, 2015
Former player, current MLB analyst and all around nice guy Darryl Hamilton is dead, apparently by the hand of his soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend in a murder suicide.. There are no printable words.
After Charleston, this seemed like it might be the week to move on from gun violence issues to regular snark. And all I can think of now is the online discussions, over the years and after the church shooting, with Darryl Hamilton. One of the best people I’ve been privileged to meet on Facebook . I’d wish as a SF Giants fan for the Dodgers to win the World Series in a minute if it would bring him back. No joke.
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Darryl Hamilton would at least have liked, and been amused to see this, Lindsey Graham on Monday today rethought his positions and called for the Confederate flag’s removal from the South Carolina Capitol grounds. #thetimestheyareeversoslowlychanging
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Mark Sanford, on the Confederate Flag controversy – “That’s opening up Pandora’s box.” Surprised Sanford didn’t have a staffer say the S.C. Rep was unavailable for comment because he was hiking the Appalachian Trail.
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Maybe she wanted to think about it, maybe she wanted to see which way the wind was blowing. But kudos to S.C. Gov Nikki Haley for coming to the right decision.
“It’s time to move the flag from the Capitol grounds. On matters of race, South Carolina has a tough history. We don’t need reminders.”
She added that if the legislature didn’t debate removing the flag this summer, she would call them back for a special session.
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Regarding Pete Rose, the OTL timing is odd, just before the All-Star game in Cincinnati. But for all those who say, it didn’t matter if he only bet on his team to win. So imagine you’re a bookie, and Pete bets on the Reds for Friday, and Sunday, but doesn’t bet on Saturday… He doesn’t have to give a reason..
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#Followthemoney Walmart announced Monday that it will remove all Confederate flag merchandise from its stores. One of those few moments I am glad the Charleston terrorist is still alive to see what he has accomplished.
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So baseball/softball are on the short list for being added to the 2020 Olympics in Tokyo. Other sports on the list include karate, squash, roller sports, wushu (martial art), sport climbing, surfing and bowling. No this list was not compiled by the Onion.
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Categories: sports jokes
Tags: Darryl Hamilton, gun control, Janice Hough, Olympics jokes, Walmart jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
June 21, 2015
Goldman Sachs has announced that they will tell banking interns to leave the office by midnight and not return before 7 a.m., and to take Saturdays off. By high-tech startup standards that’s practically turning them into slackers.
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Dr. John Hagee, a San Antonio pastor, said there ‘there is no greater sin in terms of wrongly using God’s name than women who use it during sex. .That is one of the filthiest, most derogatory and sinful uses of the Lord’s name I can think of. If it were up to me, I would put every single woman or girl who does that in jail,’ Leaving aside the fact that he didn’t mention men, just guessing Hagee has no personal experience of a woman crying out anything while having sex with him.
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Finally, a weekend without professional basketball. Makes sense though, the NBA had to finish before Father’s Day. #somanychildrensolittletime
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Greg Oden is attempting another NBA comeback. Might be worth the risk for more than a few teams. And, hey, his health insurance will be covered by Medicare.
Have to think that non-golf fans who turned into the #USOpen2015 & heard comments about “greens” were thinking “what exactly was “green” about them?”
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Is there any stupider thing in sports for spectators to yell than “Get in the hole?” #USOpen2015
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Hard to believe, but Jordan Spieth is young enough that actually he could be Tiger Woods’ son. (He’s 21 to Tiger’s 39.) #theygrowupsofast
From T.C. “Somebody hired a plane that sported a banner “CHEATER” to follow Tiger’s group at the US Open. A fan thought he saw two blond women flying the aircraft. ”
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Judy Shalom Nir-Mozas, the of Israel’s Interior Minister tweeted an “inappropriate joke” Sunday about Barack Obama, then deleted it and apologized. One thing about social media, if you’re an idiot, instead of that knowledge being confined to your family and friends, you can tell the whole world in a matter of minutes.
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Just making it clear. I have and will continue to make posts referring to the “Charleston terrorist.” I am not going to give the SOB any more of the notoriety he clearly sought by using his given name. If we’re going to use names at all it should be the names of the victims.
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Lastly, Happy Father’s Day to my dad, Jerry Hough. He once gave me a lecture because my 2nd grade teacher said I was too quiet and never spoke up in class. Who said kids never learn from their parents?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Goldman Sachs jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Twitter jokes, US open jokes
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June 12, 2015
A new “soda” law in San Francisco will require this warning label “WARNING: Drinking beverages with added sugar(s) contributes to obesity. diabetes and tooth decay.” And apparently Starbucks’ Frappucino’s are sugary enough for the label. So what’s next? Requiring the warnings on the sugar packets you put into your coffee?
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In Texas, the two little girls whose lemonade stand was shut down for not having a permit are reopening after discovering a loophole: They can give the lemonade away free and just ask for donations. I think we may have found two future leaders of the state.
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Actual sign out front of an Arkansas liquor store. “School’s out. Welcome parents!”
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University of Missouri fraternities are planning to ban hard liquor starting in the fall. So is this policy change sponsored by Anheuser Busch?
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Apparently ABC cameras caught LeBron James accidentally exposing himself while he adjusted his shorts just before Game 4 of the NBA Finals. Hmm, so it’s not enough to be a basketball star, James is angling to be part of a future Super Bowl halftime show?
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96 years ago on Friday Congress passed the 19th amendment giving women the right to vote. Wonder given some of the rhetoric from conservative men in the U.S. If you could get that amendment ratified today?
The Indianapolis Colts have been taking some heat for the new “2014 AFC Finalist” banner they just hung at Lucas Oil Stadium. Even though the team lost 45-7 to the Patriots. Waiting for someone from the Colts to respond “Our pride is undeflated.”
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An Ohio man is planning to challenge the St. Louis Zoo’s no weapons policy by carrying a gun into the zoo Saturday. Can someone please hide a few of those “trespassers will be eaten” signs?
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The President of an NAACP chapter in Spokane has been outed by her parents as Caucasian. So will this start a debate about people’s right to be “trans-race?”
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I wish this were the Onion. It’s now come out that Marco Rubio was one of five current members of Congress who voted for a 2001 Florida bill, signed by Jeb Bush, that required any single mother trying to put their babies up for adoption to post details about their recent sex partners. (The idea being to support the rights of potential biological fathers.) #Prolifemyass
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, nanny law jokes, sugar jokes, Texas jokes
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June 10, 2015
Rumor has it that Homer and Marge Simpson will “legally separate” in this season’s premier of the long running cartoon show. Wow. The damage that legalizing gay marriage does to traditional marriage knows no bounds.
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The South’s Royal palace. Home of “the King.”. (No, it’s not Lebron.)
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Elvis Presley was 25 when he met and started hanging out with his future wife. She was 14. #differenttimes
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So the way the Cleveland Cavaliers are dropping like flies how long until Lebron James puts an ad on Craigslist for potential game 6 or 7 teammates?
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Elon Musk says that Tesla will have self-driving cars within 3 years. Wonder if the more you pay for the model the more the car will act like it’s being driven by an a**hole?
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Torii Hunter, who was thrown out of the Twins-Royals game for arguing a called third, apparently threw his batting gloves, elbow pad, shin guard AND jersey on the field after his ejection. And here some tantrum fans worried instant replay would do away with such exhibitions.
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R.I.P Vincent Musetto, 74. Who? Musetto was a retired NY Post editor. Who might have written the best headline of all time – “Headless body in topless bar.”
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Four tourists, including a brother and sister from Canada, have been arrested for stripping naked on a Malaysian mountain. Locals they say they angered the tribal spirits and caused a recent deadly earthquake, Wow. How often do you hear “Ah those ugly Canadians!”?”
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Pat Robertson, when asked why God would allow a baby to die in the hospital responded. “As far as God’s concerned, he knows the answer from the beginning. And he sees the little baby, and that little baby could grow up to be Adolf Hitler… . He could grow up to be some serial killer. Or he could grow up to die of a hideous disease. God sees all that. And for that life to be terminated when he’s still a baby, he’s going to be with God forever in heaven. And that isn’t a bad thing.”
How come people like Robertson never use that line of reasoning with abortions?
No Panda, no Morse. No power free agent signing. Did someone forget to tell the SF Giants that they were supposed to play small ball?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, NBA finals jokes, Pat Robertson jokes, SF Giants jokes, Simpsons jokes, tesla jokes
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June 2, 2015
The Stanley Cup Finals between the Blackhawks and the Lightning start Wednesday night in Tampa. Scalpers should have a field day. If for no other reason than when it’s 90 degrees and 90 percent humidity, ANY excuse to sit inside with ice should be a hot ticket.
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Not saying Florida isn’t exactly a hockey mecca. But when random Floridians were asked if they were watching the Lightning, most of them responded “I didn’t even hear the thunder.”
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Sepp Blatter is retiring as President of FIFA, Translation, one of the officials arrested has made an immunity plea deal.
June 5 is National Doughnut Day, so Dunkin’ Donuts and Krispy Kreme will give away freebies on Friday. Wonder how much of the cost will be underwritten by Weight Watchers?
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As this FIFA mess expands, you’d think that if they really wanted to do corruption on a grand scale and not be caught, these international football types would have hired someone from America’s NCAA.
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So is everyone at FIFA in Sepp-tic shock? #Blatter
Two months into a seven month abalone season, the sixth person this year has died while diving for the precious mollusk off the Northern California coast, How long until the NRA calls for divers to be armed?
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Now Ohio governor John Kasich is heading to Iowa to make a speech to an economic development group in Des Moines At this point if all those ballplayers tried to come out of the cornfields they’d trip over presidential candidates.
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Mike Huckabee, dismissing trangenders. “Now, I wish that someone told me that when I was in high school that I could have felt like a woman when it came time to take showers in PE. I’m pretty sure that I would have found my feminine side and said, ‘Coach, I think I’d rather shower with the girls today.'”
Kind of makes sense that some of these clowns don’t believe in evolution. Because they are their own best argument against it. #cantfixstupid
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So the Duggars are apparently TLC’s 5th reality show hild molestation scandal, following issues with “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo,” “Sons of Guns,” “Cheer Perfection,”, and “Cake Boss.” Who knew that TLC stood for “Touching Little Children?”
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An official at Poly Prep, an expensive private NYC school, has been placed on indefinite leave after reports that he included alcohol, cigars and hookers on a trip to Cuba for students. Meanwhile, have to wonder how many boys have been pleading with their parents to let them apply to the school.
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So the American tourist killed by a lion in the South African Safari Park was taking pictures with all the windows down when she was attacked. Wonder if the lion was hungry, or if big cats too have had enough of selfie sticks?
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Another thought on the woman mauled to death by a lion at a Safari Park. Sad that she died just for rolling down a window. On the other hand, as anyone who has cats knows, you can store their favorite food indefinitely in the house…but open a can where they can smell it, and it’s all over.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, Blatter jokes, Duggars jokes, FIFA jokes, Florida jokes, hockey jokes, Huckabee jokes, Janice Hough, lion jokes, Stanley Cup jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 1, 2015
Donald Trump, who is expected to formally announce later this month that he is running for President, told an interviewer “I have an absolute way of defeating ISIS, and it would be decisive and quick and it would be very beautiful. Very surgical.”
When asked what it was, the Donald replied. “If I tell you right now, everyone else is going to say: “Wow, what a great idea.” You’re going to have 10 candidates going to use it and they’re going to forget where it came from. Which is me.”
So if Trump doesn’t get elected he’s not going to tell the world ever as punishment for regretting him?
Bruce Jenner has announced that as a woman she will be known as Caitlyn, and appeared on the cover of Vanity Fair with gorgeous auburn tresses. Well, fortunately there’s enough money in the family Caitlyn will never need to have a bad hair day.
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Have to root for #CaitlynJenner if for no other reason than she appears to be knocking Kim Kardashian’s latest pregnancy out of the headlines.
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The Surpreme Court rules in favor of a young Muslim woman who sued Abercrombie and Fitch when they didn’t hire her because she said she had to wear a head scarf. Good for the Court. But have to wonder, if you are religious enough to wear a hijab, why would you want to work at Abercrombie and Fitch?
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An American woman was killed at a South African Safari Park when she and her husband ignored signs and written instructions NOT to drive through with their car windows open, and she was bitten by a lion. An Australian man survived a lion bite in March when he too drove through with a window open.
Perhaps the Safari Park needs to change their strategy. Instead of warnings, just post “Visitors who drive through with open windows will reduce our lion food bill.” #cantfixstupid
CNN points out that Lindsey Graham would be the first bachelor elected President since 1886. And that Grover Cleveland was accused of having a “love child.” Actually might help Graham to have rumors of an illegitimate kid.
KFC is suing some Chinese companies and demanding an apology over a social media campaign against KFC food, including a rumor that their chickens are genetically modified to have six wings and eight legs. But really, who would believe that KFC uses actual chicken?
After TSA agents failed to detect fake bombs in 67 out of 70 test cases, the acting head of the agency was reassigned. Homeland Security officials said in a statement – “The numbers in these reports never look good out of context.” Uh, is there a context in which a 95% failure rate looks good?
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Buster Posey was called out on a play at #AT&TPark where a Pirates fan was ruled to have interfered with a PITTSBURGH rightfielder’s attempt to catch a ball that might or might not have been catchable. Hmm… interesting potential strategy for #SFGiants fans on the road.
An optimistic note from Bill Littlejohn “Husband and wife Tony and Janet Blundy recently made back-to-back holes in one, a feat estimated at odds of 50,000,000-to-one. So, you see—there’s still hope for Tim Tebow.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: #Caitlyn Jenner jokes, #cantfixstupid, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, KFC jokes, Lindsey Graham jokes, Trump jokes, TSA jokes
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May 22, 2015
TLC has apparently cancelled “19 Kids and Counting.”
And from the Duggar family, this direct quote from Josh’s statement. “I understood that if I continued down this wrong road that I would end up ruining my life.”
HIS life? But hey, the girls he molested, they would grow up fine with enforced future purity and “side hugs” #sickpuppy
Waiting for the first owners of a small business to say it goes against their religious values to bake a cake for a Duggar family wedding. #duggars
Bus to hell moment. Wonder if the “19 kids” in the title referred to Josh’s tally.
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Some times the best quotes come from the oddest places. This is from Mama June Shannon, Honey Boo Boo’s mom, whose family TLC show was canceled last fall after reports that she was dating a convicted child molester. “”I read that the Duggar family said this happening with their son brought them closer to God and each other. So they’re saying it’s ok to have family touch time? Hell no.”
Seahawks’ DE Michael Bennett says that playing for coach Pete Carroll “is like playing for Willy Wonka.” Well, except for at the end of the movie, Willy Wonka handed off the factory.
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Michael Sam has signed with the CFL Alouettes and says he wants to bring a Grey Cup to Montreal. Give Sam credit, at least he knows what the Grey Cup is.
The San Francisco 49ers and San Diego Chargers first preseason game Sept 3 at Levi’s Stadium is now on Goldstar for half-price. But many fans may want to wait to see how much the teams will offer to pay them to show up.
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Chris Christie now says the media owes him an apology over Bridgegate. Or what, he’ll close New Jersey Transit so they can’t get to work?
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Disney World is trying to crack down on people who use selfie-sticks on rides at their theme parks. Ah, for a machine that could just randomly grab sticks while rides are in operation and throw them and their users off…
Kyrie Irving was out for Game 2 of the Eastern Conference Finals with left knee tendinitis. Sounds like we are getting ever closer to an NBA version of that baseball cartoon, with LeBron James channeling Bugs Bunny and playing all the positions.
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LA GM Mitch Kupchak says the 2015-16 season will be Bryant’s last with the Lakers “He has indicated to me that this is it.” Kobe has one year and $25 million left on his contract. So is Bryant retiring? Or just not happy with the idea of actually being paid in future for what he is now worth.
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From Marc Ragovin; “Pete Townshend turned 70 the other day. So now instead of singing “Who Are Your?” it’s “Who Am I?”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Christie jokes, Disney jokes, Duggar jokes, Duggarfamily jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, TLC
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May 21, 2015
Okay, this is a bit harsh. And the SF Giants know as well as any team how meaningless the regular season can be when you get to the playoffs. But who says American ingenuity is dead? From the Los Angeles Dodgers’ Wikipedia page:
Clayton Kershaw on the pitch that Madison Bumgarner hit for a home run. “It was a fastball right down the middle. I should have respected him a little more.” Well, since Madbum hit four last year, maybe Kershaw should have just watched a little tape.
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There are only 18 players in MLB who have homered off of both Clayton Kershaw and Zack Greinke. One of them is Madison “Babe” Bumgarner.
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Well, on the bright side for the #LADodgers, they had no wear-and-tear on their bats in 3 games at AT&T Park. #sweep #3shutouts #SFGiants
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Aaron Hernandez, serving a life sentence and now on trial for witness intimidation, apparently has a new tattoo and will “face discipline” for it. So what, they are going to lock the former Patriot away for two lifetimes?
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Brewers’ relief pitcher Will Smith was ejected tonight for allegedly having pine tar on his arm. He said it was a mixture of rosin and sunscreen that he forgot to remove before coming in. Once again I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.
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Many complain that raising minimum wage will result in higher costs. But as USA TODAY reports, while McDonalds’ workers are pushing for a $15 hourly minimum wage, top executives at the company average $1220 an hour. Where’s the outrage over what THAT adds to the cost of a hamburger
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The Duggar parents from “19 Kids and Counting” are rallying behind their son Josh, 27, after it has come out that he molested several girls when he was a teenager: “Even though we would never choose to go through something so terrible, each one of our family members drew closer to God.” Wonder if they’d be as supportive if one of their children simply came out as gay?
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Pennsylvania Governor Tom Wolf has come out in favor of decriminalizing marijuana. Well, leaving aside the taxation and use-of- police-time issues, Philly fans need all the ways to mellow out they can get.
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Kobe Bryant’s tweet on the Laker’s good luck in the NBA lottery. “We played like crap all season so it’s only right we get the #2 pick HA #lakerluck #goodday” Well, and if the team only wasn’t paying $24 million to one over-the-hill player…..
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Bus to hell time. The world’s largest Disney Store opened in Shanghai and shoppers lined up for over a mile to get in. Sort of the Chinese equivalent of a school crafts fair where adults rush to buy what their children have made?
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The FCC apparently has gotten 22 complaints from viewers watching golf on TV over bad language. And 15 of those involved Tiger Woods. Well, this might mean Tiger’s outbursts are in a different league. Or it might mean he’s the only golfer most people watch.
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At Charlotte’s airport. a man who was angry about his flight being overbooked stripped naked in protest. And airlines are thinking, hmm… less weight, less fuel issues. Can we start having a clothing surcharge?
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Citicorp, Barclays, JPMorgan Chase and the Royal Bank of Scotland have pleaded guilty to rigging the currency markets in 2008 and will pay collectively more than $5 billion in penalties. And you thought your banking fees were high NOW.
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So apparently that shoot out in Waco, Texas started over a parking dispute. Many women heard that and are thinking “And they weren’t even Christmas shopping?
From T.C. “NFL.com is refusing to take orders for personalized jerseys with the name “DEFLATOR” on the back. How about “SSSSSSSSSSS””
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Aaron Hernandez jokes, airport jokes, Disney jokes, Dodgers jokes, Duggar jokes, Janice Hough, Kershaw jokes, Lakers jokes, marijuana jokes, SF Giants jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
May 20, 2015
The last “Late Show with David Letterman” ended Wednesday, after 33 years. The most amazing thing for the younger generation, that to watch the show you once actually had to stay up “Late Night.”
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33 years ago…. to put that in perspective, half as long as Vin Scully has been announcing.
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In 1982 the Chicago Cubs were only in a 74 year World Series drought.
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Police said they found about 1,000 weapons were found at the Twin Peaks restaurant in Waco after the shootout last weekend. Well gosh, I can certainly see why Texas lawmakers are pushing to loosen the state’s gun laws…..
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George Clooney said last night on Jimmy Kimmel that his wife Amal isn’t always happy with his style of dress – “There is that moment when I’ve worn the same T-shirt like for a week that she says, ‘Really?'” Well, okay, so he’s a bit of slob. Millions of heartbroken women can now feel they’ve dodged a bullet.
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You can’t make this stuff up. Virginia State Senate candidate Joe Morrissey, 57, denied allegations of a sexual relationship with his 17 year old secretary in 2013, but accepted a plea bargain with a six-month jail sentence on a misdemeanor charge of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. He’s now been released, after being re-elected while in jail, and confirms he is the father of a 9-week-old baby with the young woman. (This makes four children by four different women.)
Well, give the guy credit, at least he’s not running on a family values platform.
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NY Daily News headline “Double-decker tour bus fatally slams into elderly woman in Morningside Heights” The woman was 68! 68?!!. Heck, had she been a man she’d be about the right age to play for the San Antonio Spurs. (and too young to play with the Rolling Stones.)
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The Warriors’ Stephen Curry has been fined $5,000 by the NBA for flopping last night against the Rockets. Actually, these fines aren’t for flopping…they’re just for flopping clumsily enough to get caught.
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Two New Jersey DEA (Drug Enforcement Agency) have been charged with illegally moonlighting by operating a strip club on the side. Maybe they had aspirations of joining the Secret Service?
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A Norwegian Cruise Line ship that ran aground in Bermuda yesterday has been refloated back into the water. No word on what NCL might do regarding compensation for the passengers. If they were an airline they’d probably charge for an extra stop.
In the NHL, the Toronto Maple Leafs lured coach Mike Babcock away from Detroit with a 8 year, $50 million contract. It might not have just been the money. Don’t disregard not having to worry about all that stressful playoff pressure.
There may be better pitchers at #ATTPark for #SFGiants, including a World Series MVP. But will any be more loved than #TimLincecum? #Timmy
A new study shows that for the past 10 years the worst airport in the summer for on-time flight arrivals is Newark, with only 64.5% of flights arriving on schedule. On the brighter side, 35.5% of passengers thus had less time than they expected in New Jersey.
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Speculation now that the Obamas may move to New York City after they leave the White House. Though wonder if the $30 million that the Clintons have earned in the last year or so would be enough these days to buy a Manhattan apartment.
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Aaron Hernandez was apparently involved in a prison fight on Monday. So congrats to all those who had May 18 in the pool.
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Former senator John Glenn, 93, saying he believes evolution should be taught in schools. “I don’t see that I’m any less religious by the fact that I can appreciate the fact that science just records that we change with evolution and time, and that’s a fact. It doesn’t mean it’s less wondrous and it doesn’t mean that there can’t be some power greater than any of us that has been behind and is behind whatever is going.”
At 93, Glenn is better on that question than many current presidential candidates….
Thought for the night forwarded by an anonymous friend “I’m not saying let’s go kill all the stupid people. I’m just saying let’s remove all the warning labels and let the problem work itself .”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Aaron Hernandez jokes, George Clooney jokes, Janice Hough, Letterman jokes, Maple Leaf jokes, Morrissey jokes, NBA jokes, Waco jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
May 18, 2015
Sarah Palin just announced today that her daughter Bristol’s May 23 wedding to Dakota Meyer “will not be held.” Amazed she didn’t blame the break-up on all these gay marriages.
(Or maybe someone didn’t want to make a cake for an unwed mother?)
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Generalissmo Francisco Franco and the Clippers are still dead.
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Lindsey Graham says he will announce his 2016 Presidential plans on June 1. As soon as he finds an appropriate closet from which to make the announcement?
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The Miami Marlins fired their manager Mike Redmond and hired GM Dan Jennings for the job. Who last coached 30 years ago- and it was a high school team.. Makes some sense. The Marlins are a pretty sophomoric franchise.
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That biker bar shootout in Waco alas proved once again, that as much as we may fear outside terrorists, we Americans are pretty good at killing each other.
(and if we’re going to really profile people in Texas. Almost all those 170 mugshots were… white men.)
Charlie Weis, who was fired from both Notre Dame and Kansas, is in line to make more than $24 million from both schools AFTER he was terminated. Hmm, well, if this football thing doesn’t work out maybe Weis would be a good fit as Carly Fiorina’s campaign manager?
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So I would take the defenders of religious freedom much more seriously if some of them would start defending the right of bakery owners not to make wedding cakes for ANY winners of #TheBachelor or #TheBachelorette.
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Some people seem to have a problem with Ruth Bader Ginsburg exercising her beliefs by performing same sex marriages. Wonder where they were when Antonin Scalia spoke at Colorado Christian University and said the separation of church and state doesn’t mean “the government cannot favor religion over non-religion…”
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Justin Smith is the latest 49er to retire. Will the last SF star to leave Levi’s Stadium please turn out the lights?
Cincinnati RB Jeremy Hillatch on the Bengals’ need to get to the next round of the playoffs “It’s been four years in a row and if it doesn’t happen this year then it’s probably never going to happen.” Or maybe the team will have to change their name to the Cincinnati Cubs.
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A report says the Buffalo Bills may cut QB EJ Manuel if he doesn’t improve. So sounds like another potential rider on the Jets’ clown car.
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Spectacular. Mailed a small first class package from Los Altos, CA to Winter Park, FL last Monday. It got to San Francisco on Tuesday, left SF on Wednesday, and arrived into ANCHORAGE, AK on Sunday. It apparently left Anchorage today, bound for who knows where.
Who knew the U.S. Post Office was hiring former airline baggage handlers?
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Two more BASE jumpers were unfortunately killed after attempting an illegal jump last weekend at Yosemite. Now, I’m not and have never been an “extreme athlete” and not even sure what the acronym “BASE” stands for. But it seems reasonable that the “S’ is for “Stupid.”
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And in case you’re a regular reader and wondering, or you’ve stumbled on this blog with Google. Yep, Jerry Hough is my dad. I learned to drive the “bus to hell” by myself. But now you probably know where I got the un-PC gene. 🙂
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: 49ers jokes, airline jokes, Bristol Palin jokes, clipper jokes, Janice Hough, jerry hough, Lindsay Grahams jokes, Marlins jokes, the Bachelorette jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 