Posted tagged ‘Boston Red Sox jokes’

Get in the game?

July 7, 2015

At the Minnesota Zoo, a grizzly bear threw a rock into a five-layer barrier hard enough to shatter the glass. Fortunately, there were no injuries. And the bear has been offered a tryout to pitch for the Red Sox.

 

Seahawks QB Russell Wilson says he and his singer girlfriend Ciara are following “Jesus’s playbook” and not having pre-martial sex. So even God is telling Wilson not to attempt a pass?

 

 

Coral Springs, Florida police say they have dropped an investigation into the NY Giants’ Jason Pierre-Paulafter, who badly injured his hands with illegal fireworks, because it was “outside their jurisdiction.”
Possible translation. “With all the crap going in this state, you think we have time to worry about some idiot who’s already punished himself more than our judicial system ever could?”

 

The PGA said today that this year’s PGA Grand Slam tournament will be moved from Los Angeles’s Trump National Golf Club. Amazing. Who knew it was possible to be un-PC enough to upset an organization run primarily by and for rich white men?

Paula Deen is back in the headlines, this time for tweeting an four-year-old picture with her son Bobby in “brownface”, dressed up as Ricky Ricardo. Well, it’s not as if Deen has had any experience with social media before… ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

 

Donovan McNabb, 38, was arrested last night for his 2nd DUI in 2 years. Sounds like the former Eagles, Redskins and Vikings’ QB is trying just a bit too hard to act like he still belongs in the NFL

 

From Marc Ragovin  “One of the Mets’ upcoming promotions is “Emoji Tee Shirt Night.”  With their offense I assume all the emojis will be frowny faces

Rant time. Okay, again, the random shooting of a young woman on a San Francisco pier was awful. No question. But one woman is killed by a disturbed man who should have been deported and the GOP calls for a massive overhaul of immigration procedures.

Whereas nine people are killed in church by a disturbed man who should never have had a firearm, and the GOP sees no need to revisit gun control laws….

D-Red-ful Sox?

September 27, 2011

First announced promotions of 2012 for MLB. The Boston Red Sox and Atlanta Braves plan to offer their fans free lessons in the Heimlich maneuver.

Another possible giveaway deal next year at Fenway Park. Free Red Sox neckties to the first 20,000 adults. Pre-shrunk.

How bad is the Red Sox collapse looking? Even Babe Ruth is watching from somewhere thinking “Dudes, don’t put this mess on me.”


And for all those people thinking that extra wild cards would make the game more interesting, think about this. If MLB had two wild cards in each league, the Red Sox and Braves could have it on cruise control. (Of course, they have have done that regardless.)

Rex Grossman’s fumble with 28 seconds left sealed the Redskins loss 18-16 Monday night against the Cowboys. On the other hand, for the first time in months, he did give Washingtonians a serious bipartisan target.

My friend Lindol pointed out that the Winklevoss twins now have a gig as spokesmen for pistachios. Is this really wise? Does the pistachio industry really want to reinforce their image as expensive and overvalued nuts?

Ozzie Guillen announced that tonight was his last game managing the White Sox. Not sure how the team took it, but Chicago beat writers who are always in search of good quotes are said to be inconsolable.

Marlins manager Jack McKeon, 80, says he will retire again after the end of the season. He did say that maybe he will come back in a few years, to go after Connie Mack’s record of managing at the age of 87. McKeon especially hopes he has another chance to manage that “nice young man, Jamie Moyer.”

Meanwhile, the Marlins are finally playing their last games in Sun Life stadium. Wednesday will be Fan Appreciation day.And the team will apparently have nice prizes for both of them.

Sesame Street is planning to include science lessons in their upcoming season. Or as Rick Perry would call that “more liberal theories.”

Tea Party Nation founder Judson Phillips has endorsed Newt Gingrich for President. Guess he figures who better to defend marriage than someone who’s had three of them.


The power of incumbency. No one knows for sure if President Obama will be re-elected. But stranger things have happened. Today SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy announced the team planned to re-sign their hitting coach.

Magazine subscription offer from Vanity Fair (no joke) $12 for 12 issues. Plus $3 shipping. Really.

Uh, isn’t the point of a subcription getting magazines mailed to you? Wonder what would happen if you offered to come pick each issue up?

C.C. Sabathia is 19-8, with an ERA of 3.00. The SF Giants have three starters with lower ERA’s, and none with more than 13 wins. Lincecum, 2.74, 13-14, Vogelsong, 2.81, 13-7, and Cain, 2.88, and 12-11.

So yes, good pitching may beat good hitting. But good pitching is wasted with zero hitting.

The Senate just reached a bipartisan agreement to end a dispute over disaster relief spending. Translation, sounds like they figured out that despite the best efforts of some to interpret God’s will, natural disasters this year have happened in both red and blue states.