Posted tagged ‘airline jokes’
September 17, 2015
We don’t need no stinkin’ DH. #SFGiants
–
Leaving aside the illegality of it, does Jeb Bush’s response of “Maggie Thatcher” for a woman to be on the $10 bill mean he can’t think of ONE worthy American woman? #andhessupposedtobethesmartone
–
Jeb Bush tonight admitted to smoking marijuana 40 years ago, “other people might have done it but may not want to say it in front of 25 million people. My mom’s not happy that I just did.” Wow. Jeb smoked pot. And somewhere Barbara is thinking of his brother and just giggling.
–
Over 22 million people tuned into CNN’s debate last night. Well, if all it takes is an outspoken entertainer as part of the show to get people’s attention, can we include Jon Stewart or Bill Maher in the Democratic debate?
–
My friend Michael Powers noted this quote from Marco Rubio during the GOP debate: “These problems cannot be solved by intellect.”
Well, then that’s not an issue for most anyone who was on that stage.
–
Apparently Kobe Bryant’s torn rotator cuff has healed enough so that he has been cleared to participate in basketball activities. Well, and it’s not like he’ll need to use the shoulder to pass or anything.
–
American Airlines had a “technical issue” today that halted flights for about an hour at DFW, Miami, and O’Hare., their three main hubs.
How come it’s a “technical issue” when they have a problem, and at least a $200 change fee when YOU have a problem?
–
Bengals kicker Mike Nugent is upset about the NFL making the PAT attempt longer.: “I don’t like the rule because — I could be wrong — but I don’t know of any rules that have been changed to make guys fail more.”
Well, two things. 1. Making “guys fail more” IS exactly the point. 2. Any rules, well, let’s start with lowering the MLB mound in 1969. And then there’s moving the kickoff, and the goalposts, and, well, I am sure my friends and readers have a long list.
—
Anthony Weiner has lost his job he started in July at that fancy PR firm. So congrats to all those who had Sept 16 in the pool.
–
Ann Coulter is facing more than the usual bipartisan criticism after she tweeted during the GOP debate “How many f–ing Jews do these people think there are in the United States?” Maybe she forgot that one of those Jews is Sheldon Adelson?
–
Defensive lineman Jonathan Taylor has been dismissed from both Alabama and Georgia for a total of three arrests, two for domestic violence, Now Taylor has enrolled at Southeastern Louisiana and joined the football team. Well, a guy’s got to do something before he joins the NFL.
–
The Coolidge, AZ, City Council voted Monday to allow prayers before council meetings, including a stipulation that they be Christian. Where are the GOP defenders of freedom of religion on this one?
–
Pitcher Mat #Latos made much of hating #SF. Can’t wait to hear what he says about LA, now that the #Dodgers have DFA’ed him.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Ann Coulter jokes, Bush jokes, debate jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
September 13, 2015
–
In Denver, a popular park and trail,, which is currently home to many foraging bears and their cubs, has been closed for two weeks because of too many people trying to take selfies with the animals.
Really?! Can’t we just open it again with the goal of culling the herd? #cantfixstupid
–
A 29 year old man is in jail for possession of cocaine with intent to sell after he mistakenly started a weeks-long texting conversation with a police captain about drugs instead of his dealer. Do I even have to say this was Florida?
–
Drug experts say the number of meth labs in the Midwest is decreasing, but the void is being filled with an influx of cheap Mexican imports, according to experts. Waiting for GOP candidates to trump this as yet another example of immigrants taking high-paying American jobs.
–
Floyd Mayweather says after last night’s fight that he is retired. Maybe because after the last two lackluster fights, it’s unlikely that he’ll be offered millions rea$on$ to change his mind.
–
Vanessa Williams returned to Miss America as head judge Sunday night. Williams had won in 1984, then resigned after nude pictures of her were published in Penthouse. And these days people are thinking “naked photos in a magazine, how quaint.”
–
A small Alabama town is considering banning saggy pants, miniskirts and short shorts in public. Is that really necessary? A possible ban on spandex at Disney World…. now we’re talking.
–
#Trump continues personal insults to every other GOP candidate. Has he realized if he gets the nomination he does need a running mate?
–
Two of the Rams, Chargers and Raiders may end up in Los Angeles. Today Oakland played as if their defense against such a move was being a team no other city wants.
Raiders Coach Jack Del Rio “At some point you’ve just got to start playing good football.” And Redskins fans are just giggling.
–
#SFGiants probably won’t make the playoffs. But betting they’re now glad they didn’t give away the store for Johnny #Cueto.
–
Even though the number of police who have been shot is actually down 26% this year, Scott Walker is blaming President Obama: “I think his absence of leadership… not speaking out about this rhetoric out there…” has contributed to police being killed.
Just wondering, why don’t Walker, and others, blame an absence of leadership from say, gun rights activists and conservatives, in contributing to hate crimes against minorities?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Miss America jokes, Raiders jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
September 9, 2015
Donald Trump, Ted Cruz and Sarah Palin hold anti-Iran deal rally in DC. Good thing there wasn’t a bomb or drone strike or any natural disaster that happened while they were together. If they were all killed it would put half the comedy writers in the country out of business.
–
Trump, Cruz and Palin walk into a bar. Okay friends and readers, I am soliciting punchlines! Have at it.
–
George Takei today – “In our country we obey civil laws, not religious laws.” Exactly. And for our forefathers, wasn’t that the whole point?
–
Love British understatement: In an email to travel agents, British Airways says of yesterday’s scheduled BA 2276 – “the aircraft, a 777-200, experienced a technical issue as it was preparing for take-off from McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas.”
–
Bishop’s Vineyard, a new winery in California, is growing grapes in cemeteries. Guessing the Chardonnay is bone-dry..
–
In Connecticut, police pulled over a man allegedly going 112 mph. The driver was heading to court for a speeding ticket. This BOGO craze has clearly gone too far.
–
–
Congrats to Queen Elizabeth 2, who today surpassed Queen Victoria as England’s longest reigning monarch. Assuming her plan at this point is simply to outlive her son.
–
Bruno Mars has been invited back for a second Super Bowl halftime performance. But Mars has a long way to go to catch up with those legendary five-time performers, “Up with People.”
–
The New England Patriots have asked the NFL to reinstate “Deflategate” clubhouse attendants John Jastremski and Jim McNally. In other words, the balls just deflated themselves. #patriotscandonowrong
–
Richard Sherman, on ESPN reports of the Patriots’ systemic cheating. “Like they say, if you didn’t get caught, then it wasn’t cheating.”
Kind of makes you wonder what the Seahawks are up to.
–
#TimHudson, 40. despite last night’s great performance, still plans to retire at end of year. “So young?” responded #JamieMoyer. #SFGiants
–
Meanwhile, this #SFGiants road trip, especially their hitting, turned into a series of remakes of “Night of the Living Dead.”
–
Jeb Bush on the new Late Night with Stephen Colbert said “we have to restore a degree of civility in Washington.” And somewhere Obama is thinking “been there, tried that, want the bloody t-shirt?”
–
Fortunately, there were no injuries when a fire broke out today at Walt Disney World’s EPCOT. On the bright side, it’s the hottest EPCOT has been in years.
–
-Just a thought about Donald Trump’s telling CNN to donate their debate profits to veterans. Veterans?! . Ok, so for Trump does that include alums of his prep school?
(earlier this week Trump basically compared his expensive military prep school to military service.)
–
Donald Trump wants CNN to donate $10 million to charity for his participation in the debates. I think all the networks should get together and demand $100 million from Trump for giving him more publicity these days than his “Apprentice” show ever did.
–
Now Entertainment Weekly is reporting that Josh Duggar also had accounts on Facebook, Twitter and OK Cupid for meeting women. So now that Kim Davis is “free”, really looking forward to hearing from Mike Huckabee on this one.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Patriots jokes, Queen Elizabeth 2 jokes, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
August 21, 2015
And the first nomination for the best creative excuse for an Ashley Madison account goes to Jason Dore, who is the GOP Executive Director in Louisiana. He told a New Orleans paper he created this account to do “opposition research.”
–
“#Madbum to #MarlonByrd. “Welcome to San Francisco, just don’t get any ideas about being the #1 power hitter in the clubhouse #SFGiants
–
The oldest ever message in a bottle, tossed into the water in the early 1900s, has finally washed up on a German Island. Along with the message the bottle contained a Jamie Moyer rookie card.
–
Chase Utley, Starlin Castro, Yadier Molina.. three of a long list of MLB players this year who have fewer home runs than Madison Bumgarner. (#Madbum tonight hit his 5th.)
–
So for all the expensive contracts the LA Dodgers picked up in trade this season, apparently one they missed for was for a guy making the $512.500 MLB minimum – Mike Fiers. #nohitter
–
Megan Fox has filed for divorce. Women think – “that’s sad.” Men think – “she’s available!”
–
Increasing controversy over the topless painted women in Times Square. Not sure what will happen in the long term. But short term… guessing a lot more visitors to Times Square.
–
North Korea says “We’re in a ‘quasi-state of war’ .” Makes sense, North Korea is kind of a “quasi-state.”
Oops, Netflix announced that workers were going to get up to a year of paid maternity-paternity leave. Now it comes out that the 450 employees in their DVD division are excluded. Shocking. Netflix still HAS a DVD division?!
–
And airlines wonder why we don’t trust them. A 11ami flight from SF to Honolulu is over an hour late today because of a “late arriving aircraft.” Fair enough. Except that late flight, from Chicago, was DUE to arrive at SFO at 1134am.
United couldn’t just say, “we swapped planes because something broke or we needed a plane elsewhere?” Nah, that would be too straightforward.
–
Former USC QB Ricky Town, who has chosen to transfer to Arkansas, told ESPN he left in part because of the Trojans’ “offensive system.” Probably more precisely because he wasn’t a part of it.
–
Bill Littlejohn, regarding Bengals DB Pacman Jones saying he’d have $100 million if not for suspensions: “He’d have $200 million if not for strip clubs.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Ashley madison jokes, Dodgers jokes, Janice Hough, times square jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
August 12, 2015
In an effort to conserve water, Los Angeles poured almost 100,000 four-inch black plastic “shade” balls over their reservoir. So the city doesn’t have the Raiders yet, but the “black hole” is ready
–
This Donald Trump-Megyn Kelly back and forth bickering is getting so bad, you’d think they used to be married to each other.
–
So since Fox News got such kudos for the tough questions at the first GOP debate, clearly the pressure is on CNN for October with the Democrats. And since he’s not doing anything, can I suggest as a moderator Jon Stewart?
–
Billy Joel, 66, and his wife Alexa, 33, have welcomed their first child, Della Rose. Wonder how long until Billy and Della can compete in their first father-daughter diaper derby.
–
Uzbekistan Airways says they will start weighing passengers at the airport, and on some flights they may need to “exclude” larger passengers. U.S airlines are no doubt studying the idea, not to exclude heavier travelers but to charge them extra.
–
Not that it affects me anymore, but what is this “back-to-school” crap in mid-August? Used to be Labor Day. Seems un-American to make kids go to class in the summer. #justsayin
Donald Trump said that when Bernie Sanders let #BlackLivesMatter protesters take his microphone that Sanders “showed that he’s weak.” As opposed to the Donald himself whose mantra is simply #MyLifeMatters.
–
–
The Buffalo Bills have claimed IK Enemkpali off waivers after he was released by the Jets for punching Geno Smith. Guess coach Rex Ryan just wants to make sure he has one defender who can hit?
–
An ESPN poll of more than 100 currently players found that 72% believe that Brady and the Patriots deflated footballs, but only 58% DON’T believe the Patriots cheat. Translation, sounds like there are a lot of teams messing with balls.
–
An SF 49ers season ticket holder is suing the team over a new policy which makes it harder on fans trying to sell unused tickets by requiring most sales to go through Ticketmaster.
Wonder how long it might take for 49ers season ticket holder to sue the team over it being harder to sell unused tickets because of the product on the field.
–
Major layoffs have started with the Kraft-Heinz merger. Hope Heinz 57 isn’t a goal for remaining number of employees.
Seriously hoping for the best for #JimmyCarter.. Absolutely our best ex-president. No joke.
Lots of accolades for former President Jimmy Carter today after his cancer announcement. But for those who just think Habitat for Humanity and vague do-good human rights stuff, four words – google “Carter guinea worm.”
From Bill Littlejohn, “So now, we have a wild controversy involving Donald Trump and Megyn Kelly of Fox News.With all of that hairspray involved, shouldn’t the NFL also be investigating a helmet-to-helmet collision.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Billy joel jokes, Fox News jokes, Janice Hough, Los Angeles jokes, Megyn Kelly jokes, NFL jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
June 27, 2015
A crowd of over 70,000 turned up for the Grateful Dead concert tonight in Santa Clara, California, including many original “Deadhead” fans from the 60s, 70s and 80s, Hope these graying fans weren’t too disappointed when they finally hear how bad the band sounded without benefit of drugs.
–
In Las Vegas this morning the longest odds on any baseball team winning today was for the Miami Marlins without Giancarlo Stanton against the Los Angeles Dodgers with Clayton Kershaw on the mound #thatswhytheyplaythegame. (final score, 3-2 Marlins)
–
But really? One of the “top stories” headlines on USAToday.com today is “Stanton injury a crushing blow for fantasy owners.” As opposed to a blow to the Marlins, Marlins fans, or baseball fans in general who just like to watch a great player?
–
Meanwhile, there needs to be a constitutional amendment banning the wave at A T and T Park. #sfgiants. #thehorror
A Kuwait Airlines plane from New York to Kuwait was forced to make an emergency landing at Heathrow this morning, allegedly because passengers on board had food poisoning. Surely this can’t be serious. It is serious, and don’t call me Shirley…..
–
I wanted the Confederate flag down at the South Carolina statehouse as much as anyone. But removing Civil War games because they have images of the flag? Seems a bit too uncomfortably close to banning the “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” because of the language.
–
Bill Cosby’s lawyer is arguing that it would be “terribly embarrassing” for the comedian if documents from a 2005 sex-assault lawsuit were unsealed. And his point is?
–
And of course Donald Trump had to weigh in on the SCOTUS gay marriage decision – “Once again the Bush appointed Supreme Court Justice John Roberts has let us down. Jeb pushed him hard! Remember!” Well, yeah, because the Donald believes in traditional marriage so much he’s had three of them.
(as a few friends pointed out… Roberts dissented. It’s this kind of attention to detail that should make Trump such a formidable candidate…. for comedy writers at least.)
–
30 years later there’s going to be a “Top Gun 2,” with Tom Cruise reprising his role as “Maverick.” So now he’ll be “ridin’ into the danger zone” with his left blinker on.
Bristol Palin’s ex-fiance, Dakota Meyer, had a rhetorical post asking why with three deadly ISIS/ISIL terrorist attacks this week, people are so interested in a “dog and pony show” that is “inconsequential compared to that which is truly relevant.”
Unfortunately for Mr. Meyer, it may be precisely because the “real” news is so awful sometimes, that people are interested in something ridiculous, even if it isn’t amusing to the parties involved. And also in Bristol’s case, because we like seeing Karma in mean bitch mode.
From my SF Giants fan friend Mike Pettengill: “After 76 games:
Pablo Sandoval – 24R + 65H + 6HR + 24RBI + .270Avg + 10E = $17.6m
Matt Duffy – 27R + 63H + 7HR + 36RBI + .294Avg + 6E = $509,000”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Confederate flag jokes, Dodgers jokes, Grateful dead jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, Top gun 2 jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
May 18, 2015
Sarah Palin just announced today that her daughter Bristol’s May 23 wedding to Dakota Meyer “will not be held.” Amazed she didn’t blame the break-up on all these gay marriages.
(Or maybe someone didn’t want to make a cake for an unwed mother?)
–
Generalissmo Francisco Franco and the Clippers are still dead.
–
Lindsey Graham says he will announce his 2016 Presidential plans on June 1. As soon as he finds an appropriate closet from which to make the announcement?
–
The Miami Marlins fired their manager Mike Redmond and hired GM Dan Jennings for the job. Who last coached 30 years ago- and it was a high school team.. Makes some sense. The Marlins are a pretty sophomoric franchise.
–
That biker bar shootout in Waco alas proved once again, that as much as we may fear outside terrorists, we Americans are pretty good at killing each other.
(and if we’re going to really profile people in Texas. Almost all those 170 mugshots were… white men.)
Charlie Weis, who was fired from both Notre Dame and Kansas, is in line to make more than $24 million from both schools AFTER he was terminated. Hmm, well, if this football thing doesn’t work out maybe Weis would be a good fit as Carly Fiorina’s campaign manager?
–
So I would take the defenders of religious freedom much more seriously if some of them would start defending the right of bakery owners not to make wedding cakes for ANY winners of #TheBachelor or #TheBachelorette.
–
Some people seem to have a problem with Ruth Bader Ginsburg exercising her beliefs by performing same sex marriages. Wonder where they were when Antonin Scalia spoke at Colorado Christian University and said the separation of church and state doesn’t mean “the government cannot favor religion over non-religion…”
–
Justin Smith is the latest 49er to retire. Will the last SF star to leave Levi’s Stadium please turn out the lights?
Cincinnati RB Jeremy Hillatch on the Bengals’ need to get to the next round of the playoffs “It’s been four years in a row and if it doesn’t happen this year then it’s probably never going to happen.” Or maybe the team will have to change their name to the Cincinnati Cubs.
–
A report says the Buffalo Bills may cut QB EJ Manuel if he doesn’t improve. So sounds like another potential rider on the Jets’ clown car.
–
Spectacular. Mailed a small first class package from Los Altos, CA to Winter Park, FL last Monday. It got to San Francisco on Tuesday, left SF on Wednesday, and arrived into ANCHORAGE, AK on Sunday. It apparently left Anchorage today, bound for who knows where.
Who knew the U.S. Post Office was hiring former airline baggage handlers?
–
Two more BASE jumpers were unfortunately killed after attempting an illegal jump last weekend at Yosemite. Now, I’m not and have never been an “extreme athlete” and not even sure what the acronym “BASE” stands for. But it seems reasonable that the “S’ is for “Stupid.”
–
And in case you’re a regular reader and wondering, or you’ve stumbled on this blog with Google. Yep, Jerry Hough is my dad. I learned to drive the “bus to hell” by myself. But now you probably know where I got the un-PC gene. 🙂
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: 49ers jokes, airline jokes, Bristol Palin jokes, clipper jokes, Janice Hough, jerry hough, Lindsay Grahams jokes, Marlins jokes, the Bachelorette jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
May 9, 2015
The Washingon Wizards won Saturday despite squandering a bigger lead today faster than Hillary Clinton in the 2008 Presidential Primaries. #WizHawks
–
The VTA (Valley Transportation Authority) in Santa Clara County, Northern California, claims that they are having to spend $3 million extra on extra trains and buses for events at Levi’s Stadium, especially 49ers games, which have had huge lines going home.
Maybe one bright side of the upcoming season will be less crowding since a lot more SF fans will be probably leaving in the 3rd quarter.
The Alabama House passed the “Tim Tebow Act” this week, which allows home-schooled children to play sports at public schools.
“We are a group of citizens of the great state of Alabama lobbying for our state public education establishment to allow homeschooled students equal access to sports and extracurricular activities.”
Translation, religion/schmelgion, if it leads to potential championships and Heisman winners, we don’t even care if athletes are raised by Wiccans.
–
–
Yasiel Puig, due to come off the DL this week, has apparently reaggravated his hamstring injury. The Dodgers play the Giants starting May 19. Which could set up a quandry for SF fans. Who do we most boo?
–
As we await Roger Goodell’s decision on Tom Brady, anyone doubt if this had been say, the Raiders, there wouldn’t have been multiple suspensions by now?
–
Yahoo is suing an ex-employee for allegedly revealing company secrets last year to a writer for his book. This is really shocking. Yahoo has any worthwhile secrets?!
–
A spoof news site, Newslo, ran a story on that Baltimore mom who grabbed her son and pulled him out of the riots, title “Child Protective Services Launch Investigation on Baltimore Mom Who Hit Son,” with the fake quote “although her actions are somewhat understandable, we cannot allow a young man to suffer such violence and abuse, regardless of the cause.”
And some regular media picked the story up as true. The scary thing, these days it wouldn’t be that surprising if it WERE true.
–
San Francisco has banned chewing tobacco in sports venues starting Jan 1, 2016. John Shea in the SF Chronicle quotes one anonymous Giant as asking “But you can smoke weed?”
–
The USGS says the Dallas, TX area has has over 40 small earthquakes (magnitude 2.0 or higher) in 2015. How long until Ted Cruz blames this on Obama?
–
Jeb Bush at Liberty University blasted the Obama administration’s “use of coercive federal power” to limit religious freedom. I’d take him a lot more seriously if Jeb was also okay with defending religious freedom for non-Christians….
–
Congrats to Bryce Harper, who has hit 6 home runs in 3 days. Although this does bring up the question, why the heck is anyone throwing him strikes?
–
Paul Pierce wins a game at the buzzer that the Wizards had done their best to squander. Impressive. Given his age and skills Pierce is almost old enough to be offered a free agent contract by the Spurs.
–
A NJ woman has filed a $5 million class-action lawsuit against United Airlines, saying she was misled when she paid $7.99 for four hours for DirectTV-wifi service that only worked for 10 minutes. But the airline says the service only works over the continental U.S. and she was flying to Puerto Rico. Maybe the one she should be suing is her geography teacher.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Bush jokes, Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, New Jersey jokes, San Francisco jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
April 27, 2015
While MLB is focusing on pace-of-game issues, maybe they should consider also fining National Anthem singers who add several syllables to one-syllable words?
–
The NFL draft is Thursday. DE Shane Ray, a probable first round pick, was cited early this morning in Missouri for a traffic violation and marijuana possession. So should part of the job for a really good sports agent be to lock these kids in a room for the week prior to the draft? #cantfixstupid
–
A Fox News poll found that 51% of Americans say to legalize marijuana, and 48% say to legalize gay marriage. Of course, with legalized marijuana the same-sex marriage tolerance might go up “Whatever, dude, will they offer me some of their wedding cake?”
–
Having this sense that had Bruce Jenner gone to Nepal for a spiritual retreat before his sex-change operation that the Internet would have exploded by now….
–
Kim Kardashian said in a “Today” interview that while she doesn’t fully understand her stepfather, she supports him “100%” in his plan to transition to a woman soon. Preferably no doubt as soon as possible so Bruce stops taking headlines from her and Kanye?
–
Apparently DUI charges against former Seminole P.J. Williams, who is projected to go early in next month’s NFL draft, have been dropped. The Florida D.A. has decided there was insufficient evidence to charge him. Am sure the fact Williams was arrested by the FSU Police Department has nothing to do with this.
–
Jeb Bush told donors that his Super PAC could hit the $100 million mark in fundraising this month. And told reporters on the same day “I don’t think you need to spend $1 billion to be elected President of the U.S. in 2016.” What, so Jeb thinks you need to spend $2 billion?
–
Both the Kentucky Derby and Wimbledon have banned selfie sticks this year. Or they could just allow the sticks, and ban the people carrying them. #enoughalready
The NCAA is apparently leaning towards reducing the shot clock from 35 to 30 seconds for men’s basketball. Maybe because they don’t want to confuse all these “one-and-dones” with higher math?
–
So what was the difference between the Toronto Raptors and the Toronto Maple Leafs this year? About a week.
–
Apparently a brawl, with punches thrown, broke out on a flight from Heathrow last night over legroom. It was on a flight to Muscat, Oman, and a man was arrested upon landing. Surprised it didn’t happen on a flight to the U.S. Of course American carriers would have charged another passengers an entertainment fee to watch.
(From my friend Matt Goldberg, “No Muscat Love on that flight.” )
–
Apparently representatives from Nevada have been to Colorado to see how recreational marijuana legalization is going. I can see that. Vegas needs more ways to loosen people’s inhibitions.
From Alex Kaseberg “A headline reads ‘Bush leads Clinton in Polls.’ What was the headline below that? ‘E-mails might replace Faxes’?”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Bruce Jenner jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, jeb bush jokes, Kentucky Derby jokes, marijuana jokes, MLB jokes, NFL draft jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
April 16, 2015
Too easy but someone’s got to do it. The Apple Watch, scheduled to be in stores April 24, now won’t be there until June. Isn’t the first function of a watch to be on time?
–
Chris Christie Tuesday said if elected President that he would enforce federal law against states that have legalized marijuana. “I will crack down and not permit it.” Whatever happened to small government “states’ rights” conservatism?
Guessing whatever electoral map the New Jersey Governor has in his head never included California, Washington and Colorado?
–
A West Virginia woman is suing Walt Disney Corporation, claiming that the company somehow inserted a rubber chip in her body without her consent. Really, does she expect to convince a judge or jury that Disney does ANYTHING for free?
–
So last year United Airlines took away free alcohol on international flights in coach Now they’re announcing that as of June 1 they’re offering free beer and wine to international economy class passengers. Kind of the airline equivalent of doubling prices before a “Buy one get one free” sale.
–
Washington State Auditor Troy Kelley has been indicted on tax-evasion charges. You’d think if nothing else he’d have been smart enough not to get caught.
–
So with the Warriors having the best record in the NBA, and the Spurs having the best record over the past few weeks, Vegas has of course made the favorite to win the championship – the Cavaliers. Well, makes sense, they are the closest team to the East Coast.
–
Toronto-based Ashley Madison is going public but in England. Going to to be interesting to see how many people buy stock who will swear they never use the website.
–
Really? Rush Limbaugh and others are attacking Hillary Clinton for not tipping at Chipotle, and for not introducing herself and mingling with other customers. So a- how many of these folks tip at fast food restaurants, and b- if she HAD gone in and started talking to customers, Clinton would have been accused of disrupting normal Americans’ lunch for a photo op. #canweactuallytalkaboutissues?
If she had left a $20 she’d have been criticized for trying to buy votes. #cantwin
–
The NBA playoffs are starting. But to put in perspective how crazily long the process is, if baseball used the same format, the World Series “Fall Classic” could end in December.
–
The D.A in the Aaron Hernandez case said “the fact that he was a professional athlete meant nothing in the end.”. True, but had Hernandez not been an athlete they’d have locked him up and thrown away the key a long time ago. Instead of after a months long trial with the best defense money could buy.
#BruceBochy turned 60 today. As the #SFGiants and #DBacks game goes into the 12th, right about now he’s got to be feeling 70.
–
Some of the younger generation may find it hard to imagine travelling without cellphones. But just as hard to imagine now travelling with luggage without wheels.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Apple jokes, Chipotle jokes, Chris Christie jokes, Disney jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, rush limbauh jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
April 13, 2015
Of course, the way things went, the SF Giants might have had better luck scoring if they were playing polo.
Even though some may think that three World Series rings in five years is getting old, it’s important to remember. The Chicago Cubs won back-to-back World Championships in 1907-08. #SFGiants #carpediem
Tom Brady bounced his opening day pitch at Fenway Park today. But to be fair, the Patriots don’t have a Marshawn Lynch equivalent Brady could have handed the ball to.
–
Maybe the #SFGiants are having a hard time batting with all those rings on their fingers?
–
Meanwhile, the first Monday night baseball game of the season will feature the Yankees vs the Orioles. Guess those three nationally-televised games against the Red Sox didn’t give the Bronx Bombers enough exposure?
–
Barry Bonds has spoken up in support of A-Rod and says he doesn’t know why baseball and the Yankees aren’t celebrating his milestones. Now, I am NOT a fan of Alex Rodriguez, but baseball’s attitude to him is a bit like Dr. Frankenstein complaining about someone building a monster. #chicksdigthelongball
Yeah, I know, “Anything can happen.” But does anyone really care who gets the 8th seed in the NBA Eastern conference?
–
Marco Rubio is the latest entrant into the 2015 Presidential race. Two candidates now from Florida. Better make that clown car a convertible.
–
An Alaska Airlines flight had to make an emergency landing to rescue an employee who got stuck in in the cargo hold (which was at least pressurized.) The airline has stated this incident was a complete aberration, and not a test to see how it might work in future to transport passengers on their lowest fares.
–
So apparently that Alaska Airlines employee who was trapped in the cargo hold fell asleep in there. Asleep?! Really?! United Airlines is now trying to figure out how many “comfortable bed” tickets they can sell in cargo.
Another headline today about 100 people sick on a cruise ship, this time the Celebrity Infinity, which holds over 2,000 passengers plus over 1,000 crew. So 100 out of about 3,000 people. That’s much better odds for avoiding vomiting etc than most people get on say, spring break.
–
From Bill Littlejohn, Apparently Wisconsin basketball coach Bo Ryan caused quite a stir with his post-NCAA Tournament “rent-a-player” comment. Now the Oakland A’s are considering suing for trademark infringement.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, airline jokes, Alaska Airlines jokes, Brady jokes, clown car jokes, Janice Hough, madbum jokes, Opening day jokes, Rubio jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
March 22, 2015
So #Wisconsin survives to challenge the #NCAA stenographer for at least another day. #MarchMadness #antidisestablishmentarianism
(And if you haven’t read aboutf the Badgers and the Stenographer, here’s the link. Might be the best non-Georgia State story of the tournament – http://espn.go.com/blog/collegebasketballnation/post/_/id/105479/nigel-hayes-and-his-wisconsin-teammates-are-fascinated-by-the-ncaa-stenographer)
–
Stanford vs Rhode Island tonight in the NIT. Many Cardinal fans tuned in, if only for the memories and replays of a game that actually mattered. “And he was FOULED!”
Stanford holding up #Pac12 honor in the “Not in Tournament.” So what’s better-worse? Another potential NIT banner? Or being knocked out in the first round of the NCAA’s.
–
Ted Cruz apparently will announce his candidacy for the Presidency Monday, skipping the usual step of an “exploratory committee.” Well, makes sense. “Exploratory” sounds too much like science.
–
Jerry Brown said today that U.S. Senator Ted Cruz’ is “unfit” to run for President. It’s actually a birther thing. Cruz was born stupid.
–
A 46 year old woman was arrested after allegedly stripping on a British Airways flight from Jamaica to London, and then according to the UK Mirror “performing a solo sex act.” Men across the world have one reaction – “Where is the video?”
–
NY Yankees are advertising individual game tickets against the “best of the American League”. Translation “which in 2015 will not be us.”
–
In Cottonwood, Arizona, eight police officers and a Walmart employee were assaulted in the store parking lot. Two suspects were shot, one fatally, and seven others were arrested. According to a police spokesman, the suspects are all related. #Familyvalues Your move, Florida.
–
Bloomsburg (Pa.) University dismissed one of their best hitters after he posted a offensive tweet about Mo’ne Davis. (He used the four letter S word that is only marginally better than the four letter C word.)
But okay, once again, the guy is not being dismissed so much for being a sexist pig, but for being idiotic enough to tweet it. #cantfixstupid
–
John McCain, on CNN, dismissing what “Bibi Netanyahu said during an election campaign.” “If every politician were held to everything they say during a campaign, obviously that would be a topic of long discussion.”
Right, like saying that Sarah Palin was qualified to be President?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #Marchmadness jokes, airline jokes, Janice Hough, Jerry Brown jokes, NIT jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Walmart jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
March 17, 2015
Hampton beat Manhattan Tuesday night in the “First Four” to get into the NCAA men’s basketball tournament. Where they will play Kentucky. Sort of like winning a competition between two Christians to meet the lions.
—
Stanford beat UC Davis in tonight’s first round of the NIT. And yeah, it’s not exactly a great accomplishment. But but it’s a heck of a lot better than losing in the first round of the NIT. Or losing to UC Davis, anytime. (As former Stanford football coach Walt Harris would tell you – 20-17 in 2005)
–
Pete Rose has submitted a new request to be reinstated to baseball. Rose is optimistic this time, figuring his odds are 2 to 1.
–
After #ChrisBorland leaving the SF 49ers, who’s next? Presumably some player who’s afraid of drowning inside the sinking ship?
–
Chris Borland, 24, is ending his NFL career because of worries about brain damage. Why so young? Maybe only young players still have brains working well enough to think about it.
The Kappa Delta Rho frat at Penn State fraternity has been suspended over allegedly having a “secret Facebook page showing mostly nude women who were ‘sleeping or passed out.'” Wonder how many people at the University are thinking “Thank God they were at least adult women”?
–
Passengers on a United flight from Dulles tackled and subdued a possibly drunk or drugged man who was rushing the cockpit soon after takeoff last night. United may or may not reward the passengers, but the Washington Redskins are interested in talking to the men for a tryout on defense.
The Secret Service said a letter mailed to the White House tested “presumptive positive” for cyanide. What was the first clue that made them suspicious? That someone actually mailed a real paper letter to the White House?
–
Toronto Blue Jays OF Kevin Pillar apparently injured his oblique while sneezing last weekend. The SF Giants just ordered Jeremy Affeldt to start taking preventive Benadryl.
–
Kanye West tweeted nude pictures of Kim Kardashian when she reached 30 million Twitter followers. With all due respect are there any of those 30 million who haven’t already seen her naked?
–
Ryanair says their long range plans include transatlantic flights, with fares as low as1 10 pounds. (about $15 USD.) Of course the fees for boarding passes, carry-on bags, checked bags, credit card usage, oxygen masks, seat belts, seat cushions and lavatories etc will push the ticket price up several hundred dollars.
–
#StPatricksDay toast: May your troubles last as long as your perfect brackets. #HappyStPatricksDay
–
So St. Patrick’s Day in America has become green beer day. Lading to March 18 being “green after too much beer day.”
–
House Republicans have introduced another budget with massive spending cuts and yet another proposed repeal of Obamacare. If they really want to make their point, why don’t GOP members in the House offer to give up their own expensive healthcare and shop for alternatives on the open market?
–
Illinois Rep. Aaron Schock is resigning his seat over allegations of improper spending, including real estate deals, and using congressional money to redecorate his office in “Downton Abbey” style. Buzzfeed had just reported he also spent $5,000 for a portable podium that looks like the current presidential podium. So clearly this is Obama’s fault.
(My friend Richard Rothschild says “Yet another example of why Illinois consistently is the No. 1 Midwest seed in the National Corruption Tournament.”)
From Marc Ragovin “I’m not saying that Robert Durst is guilty, but he just demanded that a Las Vegas sports memorabilia dealer give him back his stuff.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, airline jokes, Chris Borland jokes, Congress jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
March 5, 2015
USC researchers claim they have found a hormone – called MOTS-c – that works in mice as an alternative to exercise. And they say MOTS-c may some day allow people both to lose weight and regulate their blood sugar. Awesome. Can they put it in a pill made of chocolate?
–
The founders of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream said last month that they are open to someday making a marijuana-infused flavor. Ben Cohen on Huffington Post: “It makes sense to me. Combine your pleasures. … where it’s legal!”
Major funding for this campaign will no doubt be provided by 7-11.
–
How sweet it is in Northern California to get in your car to run an errand, and the first thing you hear from the radio is Jon Miller – “2 and 0 count, Posey on deck….” #springiscoming
–
Peyton Manning will apparently take a $4 million pay cut next season. If he’s smart presume Peyton will demand the Broncos spend the money on the O-line.
–
A California high school girls’ basketball team was kicked out of the playoffs for wearing pink and white uniforms to raise awareness for breast cancer research. They have now been reinstated. But presumably the office who booted them in the first place has been offered a job with the NFL?
Former Sony Pictures co-chair Amy Pascal transitioning to a producer,but her assigned new suite was formerly used by Seth Rogen, and apparently she says she can’t move into it because of the strong stench of marijuana smoke. So Sony is repainting the office. They couldn’t have just moved her and just offered the suite to younger producers? #EaudeColorado
–
American Airlines passengers on a flight that arrived in Denver today had to slide down off the plane on emergency chutes, after smoke was reported in the plane. Fortunately no fire was found, and American has generously offered to waive their slide ride fee.
–
Nearly 1,000 flights have already been cancelled today and tomorrow because of the latest storms in the U.S. So when we finally reach Spring which airline will be the first to institute a “Winter recovery” fee.
–
“State’s snow levels reach historic lows” Not sure who’s more upset about that SF Chronicle headline. Drought-weary Californians. Or winter-weary Bostonians.
–
Dr. Ben Carson said today that the proof homosexuality is a choice is that “a lot of people go into prison straight, and when they come out, they’re gay.” Well, looks like the good doctor is making an early play for that all important stupid vote.
Ben Carson, several hours later, upon further reflection: “I do not pretend to know how every individual came to their sexual orientation, I regret that my words to express that concept were hurtful and divisive. For that I apologize unreservedly to all that were offended.” Translation, someone just told me there are gay Republicans, and they vote.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Ben Carson jokes, Colorado jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, NFL jokes, spring jokes, winter jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
February 28, 2015
Officials say they have seized 15 tons of marijuana at a border crossing near San Diego. Okay, seems like it’s time for California Governor Jerry Brown to discuss a little trade with Colorado for water.
–
AEG, who wants to build an NFL stadium next to Staples, commissioned a study by former Homeland Security Security Tom Ridge that said an Inglewood professional sports stadium would be too close to LAX, and thus a terrorism target. Except Shea Stadium and now Citi Field are right next to LaGuardia. Or are the Mets not considered a pro team.
–
An LA County Sheriff’s official said that a white dress that “greatly resembles” the missing gown taken from Lupita Nyong’o’s hotel room was found yesterday under a sink in the same hotel. Or maybe the dress was found the same day as the theft, but the finder thought it was blue.
–
You can’t make this “stuff” up dept: Richard Mack, a former Arizona sheriff, who founded the anti-Federal government “Constitutional Sheriff and Peace Officer Association” and fought Obamacare, has now started a GoFundMe campaign to cover his and his wife’s medical care. Because Mack had a heart attack, his wife is ill, and they are uninsured.
–
Two volleyball players at Erskine College in South Carolina came out as gay. And the school reacted by banning homosexuality, saying in a statement that members of their “community are expected to follow the teachings of scripture concerning matters of human sexuality.” Okay, then, so like Abraham, David, Solomon etc, how many wives and concubines are men at the college allowed?
–
A new app will allow people to upload pictures of their pets, and let others rate them as “cute or not.” This is probably not what Al Gore had in mind when he invented the internet.
–
A police chief has been arrested and fired after he ordered a “two-girl special” in an undercover prostitution sting. Yep, Florida. (Miami Gardens)
William Shatner says he has to miss Leonard Nimoy’s funeral due to a commitment tonight to attend a Red Cross Charity ball in Florida. What, Shatner couldn’t somehow find a late-night or early morning flight on Priceline?
–
Worst thing about that American Airlines flight from Dallas to Oklahoma City where passengers were stuck on the plane for 9 hours at DFW Airport. The DRIVE time from Dallas to Oklahoma City is about 3 1/2 hours.
–
White Sox ace Chris Sale fractured his right foot yesterday, apparently from jumping off of his truck. Was he washing it at the time?
(from my friend Tom D. “I kent believe it.”)
–
Russian President Vladimir Putin has taken “personal control” of the investigation into the murder of his political opponent Boris Nemtsov, who was shot yesterday near the Kremlin. And no doubt he will find an investigator who will work tirelessly to blame the killing on anyone but Mr. Putin.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #thedress jokes, airline jokes, Arizona jokes, dress jokes, Janice Hough, LA jokes, marijuana jokes, NFL jokes, Shatner jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
February 22, 2015
Security at this year’s Academy Awards will be tight. Especially since they need half a dozen or so men just to keep Kanye West from rushing the stage.
–
As we approach the Oscars, the snubs are often as much a source of discussion as the nominees. For example, how did “Frozen” not get nominated this year for “Best Documentary”?
–
Prince Harry and Emma Watson are dating. Could be some of the best pillow-talk ever: “You’re a wizard, Harry.”
–
Chris Bosh will be out for the season at least with blood clots in his lungs. His long-term prognosis is good. But what a bummer for Heat fans who were counting on the team’s .434 winning percentage getting them into the Eastern Conference playoffs.
–
On the bright side for San Jose Sharks fans, at least this year the team isn’t likely to break their hearts in the playoffs.
–
Tickets for this year’s Comic-Con in San Diego this July sold out in less than an hour. On the bright side for hopeful attendees, most of those who bought 2 tickets probably don’t yet have dates.
–
American Airlines says that due to a “technical glitch” with a conveyor belt they couldn’t load checked baggage on planes for eight hours on Friday. And not only did planes depart without luggage, passengers weren’t notified and found out only after they waited, in many cases over an hour at empty carousels. So what, the travelers hadn’t paid their “communication” fees?
–
Fox News has reported that the West Coast dock labor dispute finally is over after 9 months. Without the mentioning the reason – that the President sent Labor Secretary Perez to Oakland with an order to end it. (An agreement was done in 3 days.) So where’s the fury over Obama’s “Imperial Presidency” on this one?
–
Kris Jenner is apparently claiming someone has extorted her over a nude video hack. Well, at least Kris doesn’t have to pay. Even if the hacker posts the video, no one will watch it.
–
A florist in Washington is refusing to settle a discrimination case over providing flowers for the gay wedding of a longtime customer, because she says “her ‘relationship with Jesus Christ’ won’t allow it. So presume she also doesn’t do flowers for couples who have had pre-marital or extra-marital sex before THEIR weddings?
–
Wis. Gov. Scott Walker said today “I’ve never asked him, I don’t know” when asked whether President Barack Obama loves America. Well to be fair, Walker said he didn’t know about evolution either. #doublingdownonstupid
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Academy Awards jokes, airline jokes, comic con jokes, Janice Hough, Kanye West jokes, Kardashian jokes, Oscars jokes, Prince Harry jokes, Sharks jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
December 14, 2014
Many think Prince Charles should have just married Camilla in the beginning, and saved himself and others much grief. On the other hand, his otherwise disastrous marriage to Diana does appear to have improved the gene pool. (And the look of the future British currency and stamps.)
–
Bryce Harper didn’t show up today at the NatsFest fan festival, apparently because of a grievance over a dispute over the Nationals star wanting to opt-out in 2015, the last year of the 5-yr $9.9 million contract he signed as a rookie. Harper, who is represented by Scott Boras, said he was “was unable to attend this year’s event due to matters out of my control.” Uh, that’s a clown statement, bro.
On Saturday night, the Senate approved a $1.1 trillion spending bill and sent it to the President for his signature. Because heaven forbid differences large and small should stand in the way of what’s really important – getting Congress home for their Christmas vacations.
–
#Whythereisnosatire. Ted Cruz wants to shut down the government again over immigration and Obama’s “illegal amnesty.” And yet, this is a man who was born in Canada and whose Cuban father made it to the U.S. when “a lawyer friend of my father basically bribed a Batista official to stamp my passport with an exit permit.”
–
In New York, 10 people were indicted over selling bogus airline tickets to about 200 people, and leaving many of them stranded at airports. Really, what were they thinking? Stranding people at the airport is the airlines’ job.
–
Looks the the people who are happiest about the new “Exodus: Gods and Kings” moves may be anyone involved with either “Ishtar” or “Gigli.” #newworstmovieever?
As the unveiled Sony emails become more and more embarrassing, one good thing is no doubt Americans in future will be much more careful about what they type and post. #notachance #slowlearners
–
Will Muschamp, less than two weeks after being fired at Florida, accepted a job as defensive coordinator at Auburn, and said “I’m just a ball coach.” And Gator fans said “Don’t flatter yourselves.”
–
No serious football Saturday except the Heisman trophy presentation. Which means ESPN et al could focus on the countdown to Johnny Manziel’s start tomorrow.
.
You know it’s been a down year for the #SEC when a #Pac12 player actually wins the #Heisman
–
Pigs are flying. This quote tonight on the spending bill “Before Congress starts handing out Christmas presents to the megabanks and Wall Street…., we need to remove these risky derivatives that aren’t even necessary for normal banking purposes and would only make future taxpayer funded bailouts more likely.” Elizabeth Warren? Nope, GOP Louisiana Senator David Vitter.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Bryce Harper jokes, Congress jokes, ESPN jokes, Heisman jokes, Janice Hough, Sony jokes, Ted Cruz jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
December 1, 2014
Here we go, #CyberMonday. Where merchants offer X% off on items they may or may not have raised by X or X plus Y % last week.
–
The airport security line at Midway Airport reportedly was over 1.2 miles long Sunday am. Let’s hope the airlines at least gave passengers that extra frequent flier mile.
–
Some of the St. Louis Rams are being criticized for walking out before their game against Oakland in the “hands up, don’t shoot” position used by Ferguson protesters.
Two questions. 1. Where’s the “free speech” crowd who defended the “Duck Dynasty” patriarch and others on this one? 2. Wonder how many of these players have been pulled over for “driving while black?”
Personally, while I decry looting and property destruction, I don’t have a problem with this peaceful protest. And then as my friend Mary S said “They had the right to make a peaceful statement, then proceeded to beat the holy crap out of the Raiders…”
–
All these interesting early games in the NFL Sunday, and Northern California got to see the 52-0 Rams-Raiders game….. Can TV ratings be negative numbers?
–
#Raiders today made a strong case for the #NFL instituting a mercy rule. #OAKvsSTL
–
Have to wonder how did these Raiders ever beat the Chiefs? Heck, they aren’t looking like they could beat Alabama. #OAKvsSTL
Los Angeles fans don’t have an NFL team. After today, New York fans don’t think they have one either.
–
There are rumors that the 49ers might trade Jim Harbaugh to another NFL team for a draft pick – and the top two teams and the Raiders and the Jets!? And comedy writers are thinking “Christmas is coming early.
–
Mike Golic was one of only 3 of 14 ESPN experts to pick the Eagles over the Cowboys, and the ONLY one to pick the Saints over the Steelers. Maybe a karmic reward from the football gods for enough of a sense of humor to do that semi-nude picture?
–
Janay Rice who attended her husband’s June meetings with Roger Goodell, says of the NFL commissioner, “I can’t say he’s telling the truth.” Give Goodell credit, it really takes talent to come out of a situation like this looking worse than the guy who knocked out a woman.
–
Meanwhile, in Canada, the CFL Grey Cup was Sunday night. Hamilton vs. Calgary. Many Americans are thinking “what’s the Grey Cup?” Still others are thinking “Where’s Hamilton?
UAB – the .University of Alabama at Birmingham -may be about to shut down their football program. And after the last month, have to wonder how many Notre Dame alums are saying “want our team instead?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, airline jokes, Cyber Monday jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Raiders jokes, Rams jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
November 28, 2014
The three NFL games on Thanksgiving were all bad enough some people found themselves forced to actually talk to their relatives.
–
FOX is advertising a post-game “Cause for Paws” tonight – “An All-Star Dog Spectacular.”. So are they doing a show on the #NFCSouth
Were the #49ers tonight trying to earn a transfer to the #NFCSouth?
–
49ers coach Jim Harbaugh at halftime. “We’re going to show up this half.”. So no one told San Francisco they needed to show up in the first half?
–
49ers owner Jed York tweeted out at the end of the game “Thank you #49ersfaithful for coming out strong tonight. This performance wasn’t acceptable. I apologize for that.” Wonder if both fans left in the stands appreciated the sentiment?
–
As for the middle game, it would have taken a lot more than one #buttfumble today to save the #Cowboys. #PHIvsDAL
–
There are moments when I think it would have been nice to have a daughter. Then I watch the #Dallascowboys cheerleaders. And think – their parents must be so proud.
–
In Siberia, when an airplane’s brakes froze, passengers helped push their own plane on a snow-covered runway. And in the U.S., airlines thought… hmm, how can we use this idea to cut costs this winter?
Oil prices fell to under $70 a barrel today. Which means somehow airlines will find a way to spin that to increase fuel surcharges.
–
Just a thought. Many people are upset about the idea of Thanksgiving shopping because it means others are working on the holiday. But no one’s been screaming about folks working at airlines, hotels, restaurants, and, if you’ve forgotten something for dinner, grocery stores.
–
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers apparently served colored water masquerading as tequila. Makes sense. The Bucs are also masquerading as an NFL team.
–
But really? What were they thinking? If someone wants to drink colored water there’s always Bud Light.
–
The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade was a success today with no balloon malfunctions. And on a holiday it would be uncharitable to make a Chris Christie joke here.
–
P.D.James, 94 has passed away. If you’re a mystery reader who knows her books, you know how sad this is. If you’re a mystery reader who hasn’t read her books… you have a lot of potential treats in store. #AdamDagliesh
–
Bus to hell time. A man hiking in New Jersey took a series of five pictures on his cellphone of a black bear before the bear attacked and mauled him to death. Guess he should have stopped at four?
(my friend Marty B. calls it “a Kodiak moment.”)
–
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, airline jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Thanksgiving jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 21, 2014
Mike Golic of ESPN’s “Mike and Mike” recreated the nearly nude Kim Kardashian pose after he lost a bet when Northwestern beat Notre Dame. For the sake of humanity, nobody make that same bet with John Madden.
–
Two male Country Music stars announced they were gay yesterday. Of course, we’ll know this is REALLY a trend when a closeted gay man dates Taylor Swift, then comes out, and she writes a song about it.
–
A new small town playground was going to have Winnie the Pooh as a mascot until some conservative council members said Pooh was a bad choice because he’s of of ”dubious sexuality”, “half naked” and ”inappropriately dressed.” And proving we don’t have a monopoly on such stupidity in the the U.S., this was in Poland.
–
Charles Woodson was ready to come to blows with at least one of his own teammates after their celebrations late in the 4th quarter cost the Raiders a time out and could have cost them the game. Fortunately for the future HOF safety, a 4th quarter lead for Oakland isn’t likely to come again this season.
–
John Boehner plans to sue President Obama’s, nominally over Obamacare, but really over his executive order on immigration. So where was this GOP outrage when George W. Bush issued 291 of the things? And when Reagan issued 372?
A man is reported he got hit with a $1,171 Internet bill on a Singapore Airlines flight from London to Singapore. Travelers reading this story are appalled. U.S. Airlines reading it are thinking “How do we do that?”
–
Mississippi State safety Justin Cox has apparently been suspended following an “incident” – i.e.an arrest for aggravated domestic violence and burglary Friday morning. Who says the Bulldogs aren’t in the ranks of elite college programs?
–
Kobe Bryant says stars signing hometown-discount contracts are “a big coup” for owners, and “absolutely brilliant, but I’m not going for it.” And then Kobe presumably went back to bitching about how jealous he is off Tim Duncan for the Spurs’ team continuity…..
Al Qaeda says that ISIS is “spilling inviolable blood under the excuse of expanding the Islamic State.” and “going too far.” You know, when Al Qaeda says you’re going too far, you probably REALLY are going too far.
The NFL is making tickets for Monday night’s game in Detroit between the NY Jets and Buffalo Bills available free. Wonder how many sports fans are holding out to see what the league might pay them.
–
T.C. riding the bus to hell. “Authorities in Thailand intercepted a courier package containing human parts that was destined for the United States. It contained a head, heart and a foot. An anonymous spokesperson for the Washington Redskins said they would be interested if an arm was included.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, country music jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Mike Golic jokes, Raiders jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
Left Coast Sports Babe 