Posted tagged ‘NBA jokes’
July 13, 2016
So imagine what turnout could be in November if we put #Pokestops in voting booths. ##PokemonGO
At Stanford Shopping Center in California, a roving security robot allegedly ran over a toddler’s foot and knocked the child down. Was the robot texting at the time?
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So the MLB All-Star Game is over, and now we again realize that after a voting process many people didn’t take very seriously, the result actually counts. Sort of like the GOP primary.
Tim Duncan, in talking about his retirement from the NBA, said he could “probably still play, but “It wasn’t fun at times. And I always said when that point comes when it’s not fun anymore then I’m done.”
And many of the 76ers, Knicks and Kobe’s ex-teammates, for starters, said “You mean it’s supposed to be fun?”
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NBA commissioner Adam Silver just said that Kevin Durant going to the Warriors is “not ideal from a league standpoint.” Well, I’m sure that makes the Lakers feel so much better about their 2011 vetoed trade for Chris Paul.
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In Nashville, a man had his face covered with toilet paper while he robbed a store. Witnesses said he appeared a little flushed.
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The College Football Playoff is considering moving the semifinals from Dec. 31. “”We’re thinking about if New Year’s Eve is the way to go.”
Uh let’s see, last year’s Orange and Cotton Bowl semi-finals on Dec. 31 had 38.5 & 36.5 % drops in ratings from the year before. What was their first clue?
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Interesting to see how many Republicans are upset by GInsburg’s anti-Trump comments and want her to recuse herself in cases going forward. Of course, these are the same people who wanted Scalia to recuse himself when his son was working for the firm George W. hired for Bush vs. Gore. #sarcasm
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Forget what she thinks of Trump, now that the 2nd US Circuit Court has denied Tom Brady’s appeal, we really need to know what Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg thinks of the Patriots.
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Indiana Gov. Mike Pence is on Trump’s VP short list. Before anyone gets the sense that the Donald is considering getting off the crazy train, remember that in 2012 then congressman Pence likened the Supreme Court’s ruling upholding the Democratic health care law to 9-11.
As Trump decides on his running mate, has anyone told Donald unlike marriage, he can’t just trade his choice in later on a younger model?
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Trump apparently will announce his VP pick Friday. “It’s a little bit like ‘The Apprentice,” said Newt Gingrich, “You find out sooner or later who the last one standing is.”
Forget “The Apprentice,” isn’t it more like ‘Last Comic Standing.”?
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The GOP is reportedly $6 million short of the $64 million fundraising goal they had for the convention next week in Cleveland. Can’t Trump get Mexico to pay for it?
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Another reason Tim Duncan might have waited until this week to retire – it was too late for him to have to been “honored” at the ESPYs.
But the best of the ESPYs, if that’s not an oxymoron, was a great speech, seriously, from Craig Sager, diagnosed with terminal leukemia, “I’ve run with the bulls in Pamplona. I’ve raced with Mario Andretti in Indianapolis. I have climbed the Great Wall of China. I have jumped out of aeroplanes over Kansas. I have wrestled gators in Florida. I have sailed the ocean with Ted Turner. I swam with the oceans in the Caribbean. And I have interviewed Gregg Popovich, mid-game, Spurs down seven..
If I have learned anything through all of this, it is that each and every day is a canvas waiting to be painted, an opportunity for love, for fun, for living, for learning.”
Categories: baseball jokes, basketball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Supreme court jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: duncan jokes, ESPY jokes, ESPYS jokes, ginsburg jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, pence jokes, pokemon jokes, RBG jokes, tesla jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
July 2, 2016
Anyone but me thinking all this courting and drama around NBA free agents, with very little of importance actually happening, is not that different from watching “The Bachelor/Bachelorette – without all the televised make-out sessions?
So many mediocre players are making so much money with #NBAFreeAgency Kobe Bryant may un-retire.
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Kevin Durant was apparently “blown away” by the Clippers. “Blown away, huh?” To “a place where there isn’t any trouble?” #Somewhereovertherainbow #paynoattentiontothatmanbehindthe curtain?
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At Wimbledon, American Sam Querrey stunned top-seeded Novak Djokovic. American sports fans are stunned too – there are still U.S. men playing professional tennis?
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A new study indicates marijuana may e useful in the treatment of Alzheimers. Which could be great news, except for that little short-term memory issue – “Dude, where’s my walker?”
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Sports experts always say that the #SFGiants can’t trade for big name players because they don’t have top prospects in their farm system. But the minor leaguers they keep pulling out of their hat are a major reason the team has won over 50 games.
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Thieves near Milwaukee stole a semi-trailer full of cheese valued at $46,000. Well, clearly the cheese was not headed to Whole Foods, where $46,000 worth would have fit in an Austin Mini.
22 car wreck at the #CokeZero400: Good news, no injuries, better news, NASCAR makes the ESPN highlights show.
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Donald Trump said that the RNC has “asked him to speak all three nights (of the convention). I turned it down.” He says “I don’t want people to think I’m grandstanding.” Nope, more like people thinking the RNC couldn’t get anyone else.
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Not sure what #RNC will do for convention speakers. Even Clint’s chair says #Trump doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
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On a serious note, RIP Elie Wiesel. There are a lot of books you get assigned to read in high school and college that are forgettable. “Night” is not one of them.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: free agency jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes
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July 1, 2016
For all my Canadian friends, Happy (now belated) Canada Day. For my American friends, might be important to remember July 1 matters up north, in case you were thinking of moving if Trump wins in November.
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Bill Clinton met briefly but privately with Attorney General Loretta Lynch this week in Phoenix. And of course some allege that they might have talked about the email investigation.
So the former President was alone with a woman and the rumors aren’t about sex? How the mighty have fallen.
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#Lakers signed #TimofeyMozgov to a $64 million contract. Even the #Dodgers think that’s overspending for mediocre talent.
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OJ Mayo has been suspended from the NBA for 2 years for violating the league’s drug testing program. This is the same Mayo who played one year at USC, was ruled to have accepted improper benefits, got the school’s wins vacated and then entered the draft. Not that I am a Trojans fan but have to admire mean bitch Karma in delayed mode.
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#Iceland has become so popular with their #EURO2016 run, if this keeps up some Americans will even learn to find it on a map.
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One more thought for the day on Madison Bumgarner hitting. Now, he may not be the best hitter on the team by a longshot. But how many other pitchers do fans time their concession-bathroom-whatever breaks around making sure you don’t miss an at-bat? #SFGiants #PitcherswhoRake
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And sure, all SF Giants fans knew the team would start off July with a win thanks to Grant Green, Jarrett Parker, and Conor Gillaspie.
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Reports now indicate that Kevin Durant is “90% likely” to stay with the Thunder. So all of this media free-agent hype may be about as accurate as the supermarket tabloids regularly promising celebrity divorces.
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At Machu Picchu, a man entered a restricted area, and asked someone to take his picture leaping in the air. He then leapt, fell of a cliff, and died. Not often you get a Darwin Award and an Incan sacrifice at the same time.
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So has a team from #Cleveland lost since game 4 of the #NBAfinals? #Indians #Cavs
(my friend Richard Rothschild tells me, well, actually since before game 6.)
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On Delta’s website today, fares from San Francisco to Detroit were apparently showing up for over $13,000 roundtrip, in coach. Well, that’s absurd. Who would ever think it would cost that much for a domestic airfare. Now by the time you add fees….maybe.
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Trump spoke today in Denver following Sarah Palin. So he did that because after Palin there’s a CHANCE the Donald looks sane by comparison?
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A Miami strip club bartender wanted to spend some time with a man who wasn’t her husband, so she told hubby she had been kidnapped. He called the cops, she got arrested. Uh, she couldn’t have found ONE friend to say it was a girls’ weekend? #Cantfixstupid #Butyoucanarreststupid
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Now Al Qaeda and ISIS are both claiming credit for a hostage situation in Bangladesh. I do suppose it’s too much to hope that they might get mad enough to start shooting and bombing each other.
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Donald Trump, on the Supreme Court’s 5-3 Texas abortion clinic ruling: “Now if we had—Scalia was living, or if Scalia was replaced by me, you wouldn’t have had that, OK? It would’ve been the opposite.”
Because 5-4 is the opposite of 5-3? The Donald is not only not qualified to be President, he’s not qualified to teach 2nd grade math.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: bumgarner jokes, Canada jokes, Clinton jokes, Darwin Award jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, mayo jokes, NBA jokes
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June 23, 2016
History books teach us that Henry VIII united England with Ireland and Wales, and James I/VI united England with Scotland. And now they may well teach us David Cameron and his referendum was the one who dissolved the UK. #cantfixstupid #Brexit
Many Tory MP’s in Britain signed letter saying Cameron had “a duty to stay on” after #Brexit. Right, like captain of Titanic after iceberg.
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#DonaldTrump has traveled to the UK at this time of #Brexit turmol, to visit…. his golf courses? #priorities #clueless
Donald Trump & many of his supporters have been in favor of #Brexit. As the UK economy already is taking a hit before daybreak, #becarefulwhatyouwishfor
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#DonaldTrump due to arrive in #Scotland this am after #Brexit. Too much to hope that he praises vote? (Scots voted strongly for #Remain)
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Gibraltar did vote to stay in the EU. Shocking many Americans who didn’t realize they were part of Britain. #Brexit.
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San Diego came in 2nd (to Buffalo) in a list of the 40 most depressing cities for sports fans. Most San Diegans didn’t notice though, as they were outside on yet another 72 degree sunny day.
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Posted last weekend that Tim Lincecum hadn’t shown he could pitch against major league hitters, but he did show he could pitch against the As. Well, let me revise that, Timmy showed could pitch against the As ONCE. #secondtimenotthecharm
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Kawhi Leonard is the latest NBA player to say he will not play in Rio in 2016. It’s tough to have a Dream Team when it’s looking like a Nightmare Olympics.
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Carmelo Anthony has announced he WILL actually play for Team USA in the Olympics. Makes sense, even with the depleted roster, Carmelo still has a better chance of winning something than while he’s on the Knicks.
Elizabeth Warren showed up last night on the House floor with several boxes of Dunkin’ Donuts. A blatant but futile attempt to elicit #NoBillNoBreak support from Chris Christie.
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Many people were injured and the gunman shot dead by police in a theater attack in Germany today. No definite word on who the man was, if he were Muslim so conservatives can blame “radical Islam,” or neo-Nazi so they can blame mental illness.
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Just to prove that the US doesn’t have a monopoly on a paranoid electorate, there was a hashtag #usepens trending in Britain Thursday. Because of “warnings” that pencil-written ballots may be erased as part of an government conspiracy to remain in the EU.
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So Paul Ryan calls the Democratic sit-in over gun control a “publicity stunt” and “fundraising stunt.” As opposed to the over 60 times the GOP House has voted to repeal Obama…?.
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Jerry Falwell, Jr, the president of Liberty University, posted a picture of himself and his wife with Donald Trump, in front of a framed Playboy magazine with Trump on the cover.
Falwell has angrily responded to critics saying it’s a “decades-old” cover. Next presume Jerry will be attacking the Clintons over Whitewater and Monica Lewinsky.
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A friend whose dog just died is trying to adopt a rescue dog and jumping through all kinds of hoops to prove she is worthy. Probably would be faster if she just bought a gun online and walked into the shelter with it demanding that they give her the dog. #sarcasm #mostly
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From Marc Ragovin, since Rory McIlroy is bailing on Rio over the Zika virus. “I guess we can say that McIlroy is bugging out on the Olympics.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: brexit jokes, britain jokes, cameron jokes, Janice Hough, Lincecum jokes, NBA jokes, Scotland jokes, Team USA jokes, Trump jokes
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June 20, 2016
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SF Giants looking like they’re the Bay Area team hungover after the Warriors loss.
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President Obama waited with his family on Air Force One after the plane landed on Sunday at Andrews so he could watch the last two minutes of the NBA Finals game 7. And during that time the President scored exactly as many points as the Warriors.
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So if you count end of #Game7 the #Warriors & #SFGiants have now been held scoreless for 4 minutes, 39 seconds & 9 innings.
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On the subject of “best ever seasons,” the SF Giants have won 100 games or more three times, in 1962, 1993 and 2003. The first time they lost in 7 to the Yankees, the second time they didn’t make the playoffs, the third time they were bounced in the first round.
As a Giants fan I’ll take the more plebian 2010, 2012 and 2014 seasons.
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Hard morning for #Warriors fans. But it’s got to hurt a little less when your last championship t-shirt doesn’t even have stains on it yet..
Although it didn’t work out with an RBI for the SFGiants, the Pirates pulled their starter in the 7th, because they didn’t want him to face Madison Bumgarner. No joke. #Pitcherswhorake.
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Yuck. Four hikers died this weekend in Arizona, as Phoenix reached 118 degrees and Tucson reached 115. Awful, but isn’t hiking when the temperature is at oven temperature levels basically going for a Darwin award?
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A Louisiana prosecutor has declined to charge two Alabama football players who were arrested last month on charges of possession of a controlled dangerous substance and illegal possession of a stolen firearm. D.A. Jerry Jones. “I want to emphasize once again that the main reason I’m doing this is that I refuse to ruin the lives of two young men who have spent their adolescence and teenage years, working and sweating, while we were all in the air conditioning.”
Who says there’s no compensation for playing college football?
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A SF judge has ruled that two Starbucks customers can pursue their lawsuit claiming that the chain underfills their lattes. The plaintiffs say the chain currently considers the top layer of foamed milk as part of the total volume of the latte.
And of course if Starbucks did fill drinks to the brim without foam, someone would have sued over being burned by overflowing coffee.
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Both Scottie Pippin and Dennis Rodman have just said that the Warriors loss makes the 1995-96 Bulls the NBA’s best ever team. So are they planning to get together with the 1972 Miami Dolphins to crack open some champagne?
The Senate failed to pass four gun control measures today, including one that would simply expand background checks from brick and mortar gun stores to gun shows and online purchases. Well, sure, because no one with “issues” thinking of committing a gun crime would ever think of going to a show or online.
#Profilesnotincourage #whollyownedsubsidiaryoftheNRA–
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So I think I’ve got this straight, GOP thinks it’s okay to profile Muslims in US but not to the extent of forbidding them to buy guns.
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Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski has been fired. Shocking many who didn’t realize Trump had anybody running his campaign.
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Wonder if Trump filmed the firing for a future segment of “The Apprentice?”
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Donald Trump is now accusing Jeb Bush of working to try to oust him as the GOP nominee. Uh, leaving the paranoia aside, based on “Jeb!”s campaign, why would the Donald be worried about Bush actually accomplishing anything?
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Somewhere even Richard Nixon has to be thinking that Donald Trump is more than a bit paranoid.
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From TC ” Singer Don MacLean and his wife have finalized their divorce and a settlement of $10M has been agreed upon. So… “Bye Bye to a 10 million dollar piece of pie….”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cavs jokes, finals jokes, hot weather jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Starbucks jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
June 19, 2016
Best thing about #NBAFinals game 7. Tomorrow morning we wake up to nothing but baseball for a while.
Last time #Cleveland won a championship, forget the cellphones, fans had to share their enthusiasm by telegraph. #NBAFinals
Maybe #Cavs win is God’s way of apologizing to #Cleveland for inflicting #DonaldTrump on the city next month with #GOPConvention #NBAFinals
“The great, great venture capitalists who built company after company, that’s not an accident. And none of this is an accident, either. .. We’ve crushed them on the basketball court, and we’re going to for years because of the way we’ve built this team. We’re light-years ahead of probably every other team in structure, in planning, in how we’re going to go about things.”
Maybe mean bitch karma didn’t like Warriors’ owner Joe Lacob’s March 30, 2016 interview with the NY Times
Vegas has already set 2017 NBA Championshp odds. #Warriors #Cavs then #Spurs as favorites. They couldn’t even have waited until #NBADraft?
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Rays fans were booing the loud chants of #LetsGoGiants in Tropicana Field. Of course one solution for teams who don’t like all the visiting #SFGiants fans would be to sell out their own ballparks.
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In the first two innings of today’s #SFGiants #Rays game, Jake Peavy allowed 3 hits and hit one batter. He also pitched through 3 errors, one of them his own. Anyone who figured he would pitch six innings with only 1 run allowed is someone I want on my team for Liar’s Dice.
For non golf fans, Dustin Johnson put ice-water in his veins, or something, and won the U.S. Open by 3 strokes. But the short version is that USGA officials determined a possible one-stroke penalty wouldl be assessed against him for accidentally moving a ball on the 5th hold of the final round. . And they advised all players of this. Johnson found out when he was on the 12th tee… But said they wouldn’t decided until after play was over if it was a penalty. Soe for the last several holes of the US Open no one on the leader board had any idea what the real score was. Seriously. There have been a lot of contenders for the title “worst officiating ever in sports” But the USGA is now winning.
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Actor Scott Baio (who?) , on President Obama ” I can’t tell if he’s dumb, he’s a Muslim or he’s a Muslim sympathizer, and I don’t think he’s dumb.”
Another graduate of the Palin “stupidity to pretend you’re still relevant” school.
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Ouch, Actor Anton Yelchin was killed last night when for some reason he got out of his car in his own driveway and it slid backward, pinning him against a brick mailbox and security fence. Clearly he should have been armed.
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In Ohio, a gun shop owner was accidentally shot dead by one of his students during a “conceal and carry class.” The student was doing a “weapon malfunctions” drill. #youcannotmakethisstuffup
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Trump today said that we “really need to look at profiling” Muslims in this country. At the same time he wants Muslim-Americans to report if their neighbors, family and friends are acting suspiciously. Yeah, this is going to work out well.
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Steven Spielberg is planning a remake of West Side Story. Maybe for fun he might want to set it in Italy, as a family drama?
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baio jokes, Cavs jokes, Cleveland jokes, Janice Hough, lacob jokes, NBA finals jokes, NBA jokes, Trump jokes, US open jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
June 18, 2016
Ratings have been so high for #NBAFinals waiting for the first conspiracy theorist to suggest #NBA & officials will somehow try to get a game 8.
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Some question as to whether or not Tim #Lincecum was ready to face major league hitting. Looks like he was at least ready to face the Oakland As.
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Vin Scully last night, in talking about a player from Venezuela, said “socialism failing to work, as it always does.” To be fair, maybe Vin is upset about the Dodgers with MLB’s luxury tax and revenue sharing.
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Major difference between the #MEXvCHI rout Saturday in Levi’s Stadium and most #49ers games? Mexico fans filled the stadium and stayed longer.
And at 7-0 at least Chile scored a touchdown.
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Among many ideas for redeveloping Penn Station in New York City, is a proposed thrill ride that would charge $35 for a free fall experience. Uh, okay, but for locals who really enjoy free-falling, aren’t they already satisfied with the Knicks?
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#ChelseaClinton has announced the birth of a baby boy, #HillaryClinton‘s 2nd grandchild. Waiting for the #GOP rebuttal.
Billionaire Charles Koch has not endorsed in the presidential race, but last month he contributed $3 million to “Freedom Partners” a super PAC supporting GOP senators. Maybe the PAC should rename itself honestly – “Republicans Surviving Hillary Because We Won’t Survive Trump.
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A frustrated Donald Trump “It would be helpful if the Republicans could help us a little bit.” The GOP to Trump “Back at ya.”
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The Trump campaign sent out an email “Right now we’re facing an emergency goal of $100,000 to help get our ads on the air. We need your contribution by 11:59 P.M. Tonight.”
Finally, Trump is acting like a real candidate.
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Sarah Palin posted a rant today on Facebook starting out “President Obama is a Special Kind of Stupid.” Does this even need a punchline?
#MSN poll: 74% in US think #Game7 will be close. (34% #Cavs, 40% #Warriors.) Shocking, 74% think any 2016 #NBAFinals game will be close?
Categories: basketball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: chile jokes, copa jokes, Janice Hough, Lincecum jokes, mexico jokes, NBA jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
June 16, 2016
Another reason baseball is the best sport. While there may be strike zone issues, at least you don’t hear on a regular basis “the officials just handed that game to fill-in-the-blank winning team”
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Announcers say it’s going to be an “awesome game 7?” Why, when we haven’t had an awesome game in 1 through 6? #blowouts #NBAFinals
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So if someone had never seen #NBAFinals before they’d probably say “Oh, I get it, they play games & during each game only 1 team shows up.
Well this ought to help the #NBA‘s image. Ayesha Curry’s tweet, now deleted, after her husband was ejected: “I’ve lost all respect sorry this is absolutely rigged for money… Or ratings in not sure which. I won’t be silent . Just saw it live sry.”
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Imagine how good the #Cavs could be if they had an actual coach. #NBAFinals #Game6
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#TimDonaghy said NBA suspended #DraymondGreen to extend #NBAFinals If that were true wouldn’t @NBA have suspended #KevinLove for #Game6?
So who’s going to be the first sports expert to hype #Game7 as “Win or go home?” #NBAFinals
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#RexRyan says that the #Bills “won the offseason.” Can’t wait to see their “NFL Offseason Championship Rings.”
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Disney just opened its Shanghai theme park, the company’s first in mainland China. Hope that many local children can attend and in Disney’s gift shops actually see the fruits of their labor.
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Now it’s John McCain’s turn, saying that the President “directly responsible” for the Orlando shootings, because when he pulled everybody out of Iraq, al-Qaeda went to Syria, became ISIS, and ISIS is what it is today thanks to Barack Obama’s failures.”
And going into Iraq in the first place didn’t have a thing to do with it….. #sarcasm
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In London, a new pop-up restaurant called “The Bunyadi” will feature naked dining. Yep, no clothing allowed. “The Bunyadi” will not allow cameras nor cellphones. Presumably also forbidden – hot coffee and soup.
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In Yellowstone, a tourist was fined $1,000 for walking off the boardwalk at a Hot Springs area, he said he wanted to collect thermal water for “medicinal purposes.” This a month after another tourist did something similar and park officials only didn’t fine him because they couldn’t recover his body. #Darwinwouldbesoproud
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Trump backer Sarah Palin, talking about getting “the right person” elected in order to simply force government to do what it is obligated to do, and that’s not much. That’s basically safety, and it’s some, uh, economic parity.”
“Economic parity.” Sarah, I don’t think those words mean what you think they mean.
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At Walt Disney World, signs will be put up warning of alligators (uh, what about snakes?), in their lagoons. Which might or might not have saved the little boy. But I would bet large amounts of money that such signs will also bring camera-touting tourists with cellphone cameras to the water’s edge. Some even with “alligator food.”
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From Bill Littlejohn “Ichiro dethrones Pete Rose as ‘hit’ king—in baseball or black jack?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: alligator jokes, ayesha curry jokes, cavs, curry jokes, Disney jokes, game 6 jokes, Janice Hough, McCain jokes, NBA jokes
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June 2, 2016
Lebron James called the 2014 San Antonio Spurs the best team he’d ever faced. After NBA Finals game 1, where Cleveland was beaten by the Golden State bench, looking like the Cavs couldn’t even come close to beating the 2016 Spurs.
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Some of these officiating delays in the #NBAFinals make you long for the quick decisions of #MLB instant replay. #sarcasm
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In the Barry Bonds days, no one wanted to leave their seat at home or in front of the TV when he was due up to bat. Not that he’s THAT good, but it’s beginning to feel the same way when you know Madison Bumgarner will have an AB. #anythingcanhappen #SFGiants #Pitcherswhorake
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SFGiants have a message for all #DH fans who say no one wants to watch a pitcher hit. #STFU #PitchersWhoRake #PitchersWhoReallyRake #Madbum
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Starbucks is teaming up with Anheuser-Busch for a bottled version of their “Teavana” tea. The product, however, won’t have any actual beer in it. Just like Bud Light.
A Crimson Tide coach, Bo Davis, resigned this spring over illegal contact with a recruit. But Nick Saban has been complaining about the Wolverines’ satellite camps. Jim Harbaugh’s Twitter response “‘Amazing’ to me – Alabama broke NCAA rules & now their HC is lecturing us on the possibility of rules being broken at camps. Truly ‘amazing.’
How much do we want to see Michigan-Alabama in college football now? #whatsyourdeal
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Jeffery Simmons, the 12th ranked DE recruit in the US, was arrested and charged with assault and disturbing the peace this March. A video showed him hitting a woman several times. Mississippi State said Simmons will be given a one-game suspension and allowed to play football, but with “conditions attached.”
The number one condition being that he play well on the field?
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Sad. Prince apparently died of a opiod overdose. So Jehovah’s Witnesses can’t have surgery, but they can drug themselves to death?
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Bernard Marcus, the founder of Home Depot, has endorsed Donald Trump for President. Presumably because he hopes Trump will need to shop at Home Depot to built that wall.
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Taylor Swift’s boyfriend of 15 month, Calvin Harris, apparently just broke up with HER. Well, at least the song should be different this time.
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The graduate student who fatally shot a UCLA professor had accused the professor of stealing his work. So yeah, what we need in a high-stress college environment is for all students and professors to be armed.
#sarcasm
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Paul Ryan said he’ll vote for Donald Trump in November. Did they legalize marijuana in Wisconsin and not tell us?
The AP reports that after Texas Gov. Greg Abbott dropped a state probe into Trump University, the Donald gave Abbott a $35,000 donation to his campaign. Five words: “Damn, I miss Molly Ivins.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cavs jokes, DH jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, madison bumgarner jokes, NBA jokes, prince jokes, SFGiants jokes, Texas jokes, Trump jokes
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May 28, 2016
If the Oklahoma City Thunder played a three period game instead of four, they’d have been awaiting the Cleveland Cavaliers for a while now.
#Westbrook & #Durant asked about leaning on teammates in gm. 7 of Western Conf.Finals. Response from both “we have teammates? #OKCvsGSW
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Christmas present idea for #NBA fans. #Thunder neckties. Just sized tight enough to choke? #GSWvsOKC
Durant and Westbrook were both sort of dissing Steph Curry. Now I’m no NBA psychology expert but wouldn’t it be smarter to trash talk the guy who was one flagrant foul away from suspension #DraymondGreen
Forget the idea of a #SandersTrumpDebate debate. If it’s all about ratings and with all the hoopla over #Hamilton, why don’t the two men meet in a real duel?
If mean bitch karma got really mad at pitchers she would have invented #CoorsField. #Rockies #SFGiants
And after Madison Bumgarner lost a win over a bullpen malfunction, at least the SF Giants won, and hey, it was a real #Madbum start because he got an RBI. #Pitcherswhorake #SFGiants-
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One of the Washington Wizards was detained and then released by TSA at an airport. Means Lakers players better not fly commercial this summer – they could be arrested and charged with impersonating professional athletes.
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#LebronJames gave major respect to #Toronto #Raptors fans & to Canada after the NBA finals game 6. Maybe knowing many of his US fans might want to emigrate after November?
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A toddler has been hospitalized in Cincinnati with non-life threatening injuries after falling into the gorilla enclosure. And a 17-year old gorilla was shot and killed. Maybe her parents might want to do a stint in with the lions? #cantfixstupid #butyoucanfeedstupidtocats
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Lionfish, with their venomous spines, were first imported into the U.S. for aquariums. Now they have become an invasive species. But Whole Foods has started selling their meat in stores, and says they will take care of the poison parts.
Talk about a win-win. Get some nasty fish out of the ecosystem, and if Whole Foods is wrong, well, it’s not the underprivileged who will suffer.
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Who says I never have a kind word to say about Sarah Palin. She just called Donald Trump “a golden wrecking ball.”
Trump staffers are now apparently afraid their offices have been bugged. Come on, really? What could possibly leak that is more embarrassing than anything the Donald says himself?
Weekend thought: Unisex restrooms are a bad idea. Said no woman who has ever waited in a long women’s room line ever.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, NBA jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 23, 2016
#NBA had to decide whether or not to suspend #DraymondGreen over groin kick of #StevenAdams. So once again a playoff game could have turned on deflated balls
New #Warriors cheer? – “Raa Raa REE! Kick ’em in the knee! Raa Raa RASS! Kick ’em in the other knee!” #DraymondGreen
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With the NBA upgrading Green’s kicking Adams to a Flagrant 2 foul, since Draymond also had a flagrant 1 vs. the Rockets, he is now one more flagrant foul of any kind away from suspension. But I am sure the Thunder won’t try to provoke him
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As #Spurs fan, have no dog in this fight, or rather in this kick. But does anyone really expect #DraymondGreen to say ” Of course I meant to kick him in the nuts.”
I guess someone forgot to tell the Toronto Raptors that the Eastern Conference NBA finals were over after game 2.
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But uh oh, tonight refs called a foul on #LeBronJames. Time for a congressional investigation? #CAVSvRAPTORS
Can only imagine how much the #NBA and its advertisers love the possibility of #Raptors vs #Thunder in the finals.
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Donald Trump says climate change is a “con job” and a “hoax.” But as reported by Politico, in Ireland, he wants to build a “nearly two-mile-long” stone wall to protect his golf course and hotel, citing “rising sea levels and increased storm frequency and wave energy associated with global warming.” #nowallleftunbuilt #NottheOnion
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Former Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell is still free on bail while appealing his felony convictions. Now current Gov. Terry McAuliffe is apparently being investigated by the FBI over possible illegal donations to his campaign. Who does the state think it is? Illinois?
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Your US post office in action. Mailing a first class 2 ounce parcel is $2.45 with tracking. Took a letter to the post office and asked if that was the cheapest way to get tracking. Nope. Must be first class certified for $3.77. Asked why I couldn’t do it as a parcel. Because it’s not in a big enough envelope. #cantfixstupid
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United Airlines is having a sale on miles. Not buying them, but simply transferring miles you have paid for and earned to another person as a gift. It’s 30% off the normal price of $15 per 1,000 miles. And airlines wonder why we hate them.
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Tom Brady’s 4-game “deflategate” suspension has already been revoked by the U.S. District Court, then reinstated, and now the Patriots’ QB and his team of laywers want the case heard “by a full panel of 13 judges on the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.” If they reject it, the appeal could go all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court.
Forget deflating footballs, can we suspend Brady for criminal waste of taxpayer money?
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Apparently one of the excuses for killing those Santiago zoo lions when a man jumped into their enclosure was that since the lions had tasted a human, they’d look at humans as a food source in the future. Got news for these folks, if you jump into a lion’s home, you ARE a food source.
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From Marc Ragovin “A 54-year old custodian at Wooster Polytechnic Institute graduated from the school this past week with a degree in mechanical engineering. And after reading about the job prospects for 54-year old mechanical engineers, he returned to his job as custodian..
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cavaliers jokes, draymond green jokes, flagrant foul jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Thunder jokes, Tom Brady jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
May 22, 2016
Thousands of San Francisco fans who went to the Giants Cubs game and felt bad about missing the #Warriors vs #Thunder are feeling a lot better about their decision
And a national #ESPN audience just found out why #SFGiants mantra is #WedontneednostinkinDH #Madbum #Pitcherswhorake
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Meanwhile, Buster Olney reported on ESPN that today was the latest date in the MLB season since 1947 for the Cubs and Giants to play each other with both teams in first place. Once again, hope this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse.
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But Billy Donovan works all year to get the Thunder focused. And looks like – for now – what it really took was Draymond Green’s kick to Steven Adam’s groin.
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Dodgers win 9-5 in 17 innings over the Padres. San Diego then gets on a plane to San Francisco, where they play the Giants tomorrow. Pitcher Drew Pomeranz is starting. Assume he’s been told he’s pitching a complete game.
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So is there a 17th inning stretch? #Dodgers #Padres
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Not to say Lebron flopped Saturday night, but he fell faster and harder without a serious hit than Jeb Bush’s one-time poll numbers.
Still kind of a surfeit of riches in the SF Bay Area, with the Warriors and Sharks in the playoff semi-finals, and the Giants in first place. Fortunately for fans of humility, the 49ers’ training camp is right around the corner.
When I see all these #GameofThrones posts I understand how my non-sports fan friends must feel about all my sports posts.
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A two-day sting in Simpsonville, S.C., netted 54 arrests, 28 accused prostitutes and 26 men accused of soliciting them. Simpsonsville has a population of about 20,000. There really must not be much to do in town.
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Two Tennessee pastors were arrested this weekend for answering an online ad to have sex with an underage girl. So add another category to those we want to keep out of public bathrooms?
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From T.C. “Phil Mickelson is planning to change that KPMG hat that he wears to KMPG – Keep My Personal Gains.”
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Okay, time for one of those serious snarky posts again. Americans are nervous about terrorism, and we give up a lot of our liberties and spend billions for safety. Yet, in the U.S. last year, over 1,000 women were killed as a result of domestic violence. Where’s the fear, outrage, and $$$$?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: bumgarner jokes, Cubs jokes, Dodgers jokes, groingate, Janice Hough, kickgate, NBA jokes, Thunder jokes, Warriors jokes
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April 26, 2016
CNN.com headline “Tiger feels good after first holes of year.” So are we talking golf?
Giancarlo #Stanton just hit a three-run home run off of Clayton #Kershaw. Who does Stanton think he is? Madison #Bumgarner?
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Uh oh, Drew Brees on Roger Goodell. “I think we would all agree that [he] definitely has too much power. He is judge, jury and executioner when it comes to all the discipline. I’m not going to trust any league-led investigation, when it comes to anything.”
So wonder what Goodell is going to do to the Saints this year?
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The Los Angeles #Clippers announced Blake Griffin will be out the rest of the postseason, and Chris Paul will be out, “indefinitely.” Okay, so they’ll both miss two games.
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DeAndre Jordan, with a lifetime 42% FT percentage, managed to shoot 2 consecutive air balls from the line yesterday. Heck I could probably at least hit the rim.
Changing the “hack” rule for people like him is like giving baseball’s free swingers 4 strikes, or giving last year’s 49ers five downs.
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Johnny Manziel has been indicted by a Texas grand jury on an assault charge. Hmm. Maybe Johnny Football REALLY wanted to be picked up by the Cowboys or 49ers.
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#NottheOnion Andrew Luck has started an online book club. And down in the SEC they’re asking “What’s a book?”
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Skip Bayless is leaving ESPN after the NBA finals. So the position of “Most Obnoxious Man” on the network is open.
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Think the only way #KellyRipa could have gotten more media attention lately is if she had started a #Twitter war with #DonaldTrump
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Not sure, but just guessing before round 2 that if asked anyone connected with the San Antonio Spurs will say of course Durant and Westbrook are both superstars. #MarkCuban #hesaindiot
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Apparently a new and successful form of medical marijuana for women with PMS and gynecological pain issues is marijuana suppositories. Kind of puts a whole new slant on “up yours.”
Donald Trump tonight tweeted “Bernie Sanders has been treated terribly by the Democrats—both with delegates & otherwise. He should show them, and run as an Independent!”
Uh, Donald, speaking of feeling badly treated by a party, why don’t YOU run as an independent?”
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Donald Trump tonight said the only thing Hillary has is “the woman’s card” but “women DON’T like her.” Got news for the Donald. women like him less.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Andrew Luck jokes, hack jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, NBA playoffs jokes, NFL jokes, skip bayless jokes, Tiger Woods jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
April 25, 2016
Just thinking, if Moses tried to lead his people out of Egypt today how many would have had to be left behind bitching about food allergies?
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Happy 40th Birthday to Tim Duncan. If the Spurs manage to win him one more ring, San Antonio will have the first NBA championship parade to do the entire route with their left blinkers on.
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Mark Cuban today before game 5 made a comment that Kevin Duran was the “one superstar” on the OKC Thunder, but that Russell Westbrook was ” an All-Star but not a superstar.”
Yeah, that worked out well.
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Grade 1 sprain for Steph Curry. Which means that millions of Warriors fans are suddenly going to become amateur knee doctors for the next few weeks.
ESPN reports that the NFL says no player tested positive for drugs during February’s scouting combine. Meaning either that this year’s draft class is clean, or that they were smart enough not to do anything until AFTER the combine.
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Yeah, professional athletes aren’t quite like the rest of us. Sunday’s “Style” section of the SF Chronicle focused on “FashionWarriors,” Golden State players and their post game looks. Andre Iguodola looked sharp in a sweater pants combination with some expensive jewelry but noted “it’s just an old Gucci sweater, a couple of seasons at least.”
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Panthers RB Cameron Artis-Payne was reportedly arrested for driving 102 in a 65 mph zone in rural North Carolina. Hmm, with that kind of speed maybe Artis-Payne should consider a career change to NASCAR..
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A federal appeals court has ruled in favor of the NFL in the “deflategate” case, and reinstated New England Patriots Tom Brady’s original suspension. Your tax dollars at work.
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Donald Trump is now referring to Ohio’s governor as “1 for 38 Kasich,” based on the 1 state Kasich won. Maybe the Donald isn’t really running for President – he’s trying to be “Triumph, the Insult Dog.”
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Megyn Kelly has announced that Donald Trump has agreed to sit down with her for an interview to air next month. Proving once again, that we CAN all get along – especially when rating$$$$$ are involved.
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Another thought on this bathroom craziness. The talk is mostly of men in women’s rooms. But leaving aside the fact that it isn’t always obvious, do all these alarmists want, for example, a big burly transgender with facial hair who was born female forced to use the ladies’ room?
Karma in mean bitch mode again. Some users want to sue Ashley Madison for revealing their personal information. Except a judge has ruled that to go forward with the lawsuit, they must reveal their real names.
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Sam Bradford has now demanded a trade because he figures the Eagles will draft a better QB. Hmm, sounds like the guy might be a perfect fit for the 49ers.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: curry jokes, duncan jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, NFL draft jokes, Passover jokes, Spurs jokes, Thunder jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
April 23, 2016
So if it’s a felony to use a bathroom that isn’t your birth gender’s then I and a lot of women who have gotten impatient at sporting events and restaurants etc.are multiple felons.
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#SFGiants get big win, #Duffy gets 3 hits on his bobblehead night. Imagine what they could do with #Skeeter bobblehead night. #duffcat35
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Gregor #Blanco in one game has become #SFGiants leader in triples. #baseballisaweirdgame
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#SFGiants #PitchersWhoRake #wedontneednostinkinDH Peavy joins the party tonight. A friend pointed out that SF Giants pitchers have as many hits – nine – as Albert Pujols.
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So as the NBA considers outlawing the “hack” strategy of intentionally fouling bad free-throw shooters, here’s another idea: Why doesn’t the league require anyone shooting under 50-60% percent from the line to start shooting free throws underhanded?
Apparently NHL postseason viewership is down nearly two-thirds across Canada since no Canadian teams are in the playoffs. And in the U.S. many sports fans are going “the NHL is having playoffs?
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ESPN reported that after the University of Miami’s spring game last week, Hurricanes coach Mark Richt urged his players to help each other stay out of trouble and avoid negative headlines. Today the team suspended RB Mark Walton for a DUI arrest last night. Imagine what he might have done without the warning.
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Marco Rubio now says he’s going to return to the “private sector,” and as to politics “we’ll see if God offers us another opportunity in the future.” And God is thinking “Uh, let’s see, I gave you looks, charm, endorsements and weak competition the first time.. what more do you want?”
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Really? And we wonder why politics are so negative. The U.S. Labor Secretary apparently was one of the DOJ officials involved in mishandling a police shooting case after Katrina that led to the cops’ original conviction being overturned. Fair enough. But the Daily News headline “Hillary Clinton’s potential veep pick, U.S. Labor Secretary Thomas Perez, caught up in bungled case…. “#shehasntevenpickedanyoneyet
Leaving insulting no ethnic group unturned, Trump in a speech yesterday went after outsourcing and used a fake Indian accent in talking about credit card call centers. Some might wonder why he didn’t use the far more annoying airline call center, but of course Trump has never needed to call a commercial airline.
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Hell freezes over alert: Charles Koch,today said Hillary Clinton might make a better president than the candidates in the Republican field. So is this Koch’s way of saying, “I’m rich, conservative but not bat-shit crazy?”
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Regarding Curt Schilling’s mouthing off Twitter and subsequent firing, from Marc Ragovin “Guess ESPN told him to put a bloody sock in it.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: football jokes, hockey jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Rubio jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
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April 22, 2016
#HappyPassover. You know you’re in California when a woman in checkout line is whining about not being able to find gluten-free Matzoh.
Toronto Blue Jays Chris Colabello has been suspended 80 games for PED’s. Uh, considering Colabello was batting .069 this year, it’s hard to see how his performance was enhanced.
In Tennessee, the wife of a high school football coach has been arrested for allegedly sleeping with an underage player. Hmm, did she aspire to be a teacher?
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Commissioner Adam Silver said that a “change in the law” would be necessary for the NBA to keep the 2017 All-Star game in North Carolina. Just wondering, leaving the advertising $$$ out of it, wonder if another factor was players and celebrities not exactly clamoring to spend All-Star week in Charlotte.
Amazing, almost two days of nonstop coverage of the death of #Prince, and no one has yet blamed it on Obama.
When President Obama and Michelle met the Queen and Prince Phillip at Windsor Castle, Philip drove the foursome 400 yards from the helicopter landing pad to the castle itself. Presumably the whole way with his left blinker on?
A Palm Beach zoo is defending itself against some who say they should have fatally shot the tiger who killed a zookeeper instead of tranquilizing it. But come on, the tiger was just standing its ground.
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McDonald’s sales are way up this year after the introduction of all-day breakfast. And I’m sure it’s just coincidence that this coincides with some states legalizing marijuana.
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Who says I never say anything nice about a Dodger? Brandon McCarthy has been in a Twitter argument with Curt Schilling over the bathroom issue, pointing out “What is stopping any pervert from already going into a bathroom not designated for them and doing what they want? Nothing,” And “Curt we’re talking about human beings with emotions and a desire to be accepted in normal society. Lumping them in w/ molesters and abusers is offensive to not only them but to a reasonable argument.” #wellplayed
So while Curt Schilling is going off on the danger of transgenders in women’s bathrooms has he forgotten that the highest profile sports-related (alleged) bathroom sexual assault upon a woman involved Ben Roethlisberger?
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Meanwhile, across the pond, the British Foreign Office is warning gay travelers about the U.S., and “legislation passed recently in North Carolina and Mississippi” “Before traveling please read our general travel advice for the LGBT community. You can find more detail on LGBT issues in the U.S. on the website of the Human Rights Campaign.” #GodBlessMurica #sigh
London Mayor Boris Johnson has gone after President Obama again after Obama wrote an op-ed in the U.K. Telegraph supporting Britain staying in the EU, saying the “part-Kenyan” President had an “ancestral dislike of the British Empire.”
Hmm, maybe Johnson doesn’t want to be Prime Minister, maybe Boris wants to come over here and work for Donald Trump.
Donald Trump’s campaign manager to the RNC “The part that he’s been playing is evolving into the part that now you’ve been expecting, but he wasn’t ready for, because he had first to complete the first phase…”
Right, the “part he’s been playing,” okay, and then the Donald will be out on the campaign trail accusing Hillary of being dishonest.
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Yuck, an asymptomatic pregnant woman in San Francisco who had been to Central America has tested positive for the Zika virus. Now, I would never presume to make this choice for her, but if she chooses to carry the pregnancy to term will the pro-birth crowd be okay with indefinite government funding if the baby is born with microcephaly?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: england jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, McDonalds jokes, NBA jokes, Passover jokes, prince jokes, Queen Elizabeth jokes, schilling jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
April 21, 2016
Wolf Blitzer just referred to #Prince‘s most famous song “Purple Haze.” If #Prince wasn’t dead this might have killed him.
Justin Bieber on Prince “He’s not the last greatest living performer.” As if that might be true of Bieber if he were last man on earth?
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Trying to wrap my head around if Elvis had died during our social media era. Would have really truly broken the internet.
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Next year’s Grammy’s “In Memoriam” segment has been extended by at least an hour.
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Donald Trump is against the decision to put Harriet Tubman on the $20. Well, yeah, the Donald was expecting someday that Andrew Jackson would be replaced with him.
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My friend Rich de Give points out that “in Canada, they’ve already named the $1 coin in honor of native son Ted Cruz.”
So has the #SFGiants offense decided to sit games out in sympathy with an injured #StephCurry?
OK, #Warriors fans, does tonight really mean anything other than a little good news for game 5 ticket holders at #Oracle next week?
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#DwightHoward is likely to leave the #Rockets in free agency. So #Knicks, #Bulls, #Lakers, what team will Dwight underachieve at next?
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Donald Trump is against the decision to put Harriet Tubman on the $20. Well, yeah, the Donald was expecting someday that Andrew Jackson would be replaced with him.
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Donald Trump said if he is elected and the DOJ decides not to prosecute Hillary Clinton over her emails, he would instigate another probe “You have to do it. You have to take a second look,’ Right, because Trump did so well with Obama’s birth certificate?
A #Prince may have died today but Britain’s #Queen celebrated a 90th birthday. Congrats to her Majesty. & no we aren’t taking Elton John.
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When you give Jake #Arrieta 16 runs he is pretty much unstoppable. #Cubs
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Regarding the Curt Schilling ESPN firing, sounds like the former Red Sox star pitcher has a lot in common with Pablo Sandoval – both would have longer careers if they could only keep their mouths shut.Regarding the Curt Schilling ESPN firing, sounds like the former Red Sox star pitcher has a lot in common with Pablo Sandoval – both would have longer careers if they could only keep their mouths shut.
Sears Holdings just announced that it will close 68 Kmart and 10 Sears stores. Shocking. Sears and Kmart still have stores?
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Apparently new bills authorizing FAA require airlines to refund checked baggage fees if bags are delayed 6-24 hours. (House and Senate versions differ.) Well, who says there is no bipartisan agreement in this country? #everybodyhatesairlines
Okay, hope this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse: “Leave it the way it is…..There have been very few complaints the way it is. People go, they use the bathroom that they feel is appropriate — there has been so little trouble.” This sane comment actually brought to you by Donald Trump?!
Can we have a moment of realism with all this bathroom insanity? I remember some horrific bathroom crimes, a rape and murder of a teacher in Massachusetts, a little girl killed in a Nevada casino…. no doubt there are others. Don’t remember ANY of the bad guys being transgender.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bieber jokes, jancie hough, NBA jokes, prince dead, prince jokes, queen jokes, schilling jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
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April 19, 2016
San Jose Sharks seem bent on proving there is such a thing as home ice disadvantage.
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Meanwhile the Warriors faced the Rockets without Steph Curry. With a few more starters out it actually might have been a tight game.
Although as the Thunder faced the depleted Mavericks, once again OKC reminded NBA fans, seldom has a team done so little with so much.
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#SFGiants had #KevinHogan throw out the first pitch on #Stanford night. They clearly should have signed him for the bullpen.
3 thoughts after #SFGiants loss tonight: 1. Casilla may be done as a closer. 2. Heston should not be a reliever. 3. Where is Timmy?
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Alas Hunter Strickland tonight reminded #SFGiants fans why he is the closer of the “future.” #didntthinkIwouldmissRomo
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Meanwhile, the Arizona #Diamondbacks road uniforms remind many of us of that day we put a black shirt or jeans in the wash on hot with our whites.
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A diagnosis on Pablo Sandoval’s injury has apparently been delayed by swelling in his shoulder. Thinking actually the Panda’s shoulder has not been where the problem swelling has occurred.
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#Ethiopians won both the men’s & women’s #BostonMarathon today. Now #Kenyans know how we #Americans usually feel.
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Ebay actually pulled an auction for a Ziplock bag of AIR from inside Staples Center for Kobe Bryant’s last game. The bidding had reached over $15,000. Not sure what the bigger #cantfixstupid is, the bidder, or Ebay in giving up those 10% seller fees.
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Ted Cruz apparently reiterated his position last week that he wants to return America back to the gold standard. So it’s not just women he wants to return to the 19th century.
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Michigan Governor Rick Snyder says he will drink water from Flint for “at least a month” to show support for the city, and to show that the water is safe to use with a filter. Your move, mean bitch Karma.
Just thinking, if other GOP candidates want to show solidarity on the subject of excessive government regulation, maybe they could call Mich. Gov. Rick Snyder and ask him to ship them some of that Flint drinking water. #isitsafe?
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A video has gone viral of a woman in Toronto who scaled the fence to a tiger enclosure in order to retrieve her hat. She and the hat escaped unharmed. Another Darwin #misseditbythatmuch
20 inches of rain or more and massive flooding in Houston. Awful, but now waiting for some of these politicians who want to secede from the U.S. to ask for federal disaster relief.
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On the subject of state’s rights etc, just found this quote from “West Wing” President Jed Bartlet. And what a shame he isn’t running in 2016:
“You think states should do the governing wall-to-wall. That’s a perfectly valid opinion. But your state of Florida got $12.6 billion in federal money last year – from Nebraskans, and Virginians, and New Yorkers, and Alaskans, with their Eskimo poetry. 12.6 out of a state budget of $50 billion. I’m supposed to be using this time for a question, so here it is: Can we have it back, please?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: flint jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Sharks jokes, snyder jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
April 16, 2016
Most worried #Warriors fans after the first day of the postseason. Those who finally scored playoff tickets, and they’re for game 5 at Oracle.
Since #Raptors are now 0-8 in #NBA playoff openers, wouldn’t it be more efficient & save wear on players just to forfeit game 1 next time?
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If you didn’t recognize #DodgerStadium you’d know the #SFGiants #Dodgers game is in Los Angeles. All those empty seats behind home plate.
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Right about now the #Jazz must be SO disappointed they missed the playoffs and a chance to take on the #Warriors. #NBAPlayoffs #sarcasm
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Nothing is certain but death, taxes and the #Raptors losing in game one of the #NBAPlayoffs
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Hard to believe it was not much more than a year ago that many #SFGiants fans were crushed when #PabloSandoval left to sign with #RedSox
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Lakers head coach Byron Scott said that he “absolutely” expects that he will not be fired for next season. Translation, Los Angeles isn’t sure they can get anyone else to take on their mess.
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Ohio State held their Spring football game today, 100,189 people showed up. Guess there must not be a lot to do in Columbus on a weekend.
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McDonald’s CEO Steve Easterbrook made $7.91 million last year, up from $1.69 million in 2014. But it’s okay, executive compensation, unlike the pay of minimum wage employees, doesn’t affect the price of hamburgers….
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Okay this is just piling on, as if Americans are jealous enough of Canada already: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3543380/Not-just-pretty-face-Justin-Trudeau-stuns-room-reporters-scientists-perfect-answer-quantum-computing-question.html
Snow in Denver has cancelled 70% of flights and also postponed Saturday’s annual “420” marijuana festival. Well, most attendees probably weren’t going to show up until at least Sunday anyway. #Dudewhensmyfestival?
A Muslim woman wearing a hijab was apparently kicked off a Southwest Airlines flight after she asked to change from a middle seat to an aisle because she was uncomfortable sitting between two men for religious reasons. Two responses – 1. Southwest probably over-reacted. 2. Not a bad idea. Especially when you’re a woman in a middle seat the men take the arm rests too.
If Bernie Sanders wants to attack Hillary Clinton for paid speeches that is his right.. But, not as if Bernie has been turning down the big bucks – from Ethics.senate.gov: “Anyone earning a Senate rate of pay at or above $123,175 may not earn more than $27,495 from all combined outside sources, including campaign work.”
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So while we’re all ragging on Hillary Clinton for accepting Wall Street money, and yes, we need campaign finance reform, just wondering, who paid for Bernie Sanders’ private jet to meet the Pope in Rome?
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Ted Cruz had a clean sweep of GOP delegates in Wyoming, all 14 of them. 14? Isn’t that about as many voters as there are in the state?
In Philadelphia, a 4-year-old girl was fatally shot by her 5-year-old brother with their father’s gun. If only the girl had been armed.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, marijuana jokes, McDonalds jokes, NBA jokes, raptors jokes, Warriors jokes
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April 15, 2016
The #Braves have won! Finally. Last week #Atlanta had a couple weeks that went this badly, Sherman was involved.
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After the NY Daily News printed a story that the Mets had sold most of the jerseys from the team’s first game in NY after 9/11, the team issued a statement “We admit that we made a mistake, and have instituted a new process with internal controls to prevent something like this from happening again in the future.”
So was the mistake profiting over the jerseys, or getting caught?
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John Kasich, in response to a woman student at a town hall in St. Lawrence University in NY saying she saying she worries about harassment on campus said “I’d also give you one bit of advice, don’t go to parties where there is a lot of alcohol.”
Can’t imagine how the GOP gets the reputation of being clueless on women’s issues. #andKasichissupposedtobethereasonableone
With all the attacks on Hillary over taking money from Wall Street for speeches, maybe it’s time for her to requote the line “If you can’t drink their whiskey, take their money, screw their women and still vote against him in the morning, you don’t belong in politics.”
Bill would certainly volunteer to help with the “women” part.
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Starting for the 2017-18 season, the NBA announced that companies can buy a 2.5-by-2.5-inch advertising space on game-day jerseys. So that means by about 2020 those jerseys will resemble those worn by NASCAR.
The Minnesota Twins came back and beat the Angels tonight, following upon the Braves’ first win. So ten games into the season, nobody’s perfect.
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AMC says they are scraping a plan to allow texting in theaters after saying they have heard “loud and clear” that it “is a concept our audience does not want.”
D’uh…. even people who text in theaters do not want other people texting in theaters.
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Kim Davis’s lawyer is now apparently helping Kentucky leglislators draft a bill to restrict bathroom access for LGBTs. Hmm, presumably after the Kentucky Derby so everyone doesn’t boycott that too?
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Sarah Palin says “Bill Nye is as much a scientist as I am.” Shocking! Palin acknowledges the concept of scientists?
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Hillary Clinton last night in the debate “It’s easy to diagnose a problem. It’s harder to do something about a problem.” And many Americans on both sides of the aisle are thinking “No, just tell us you’ll fix it, don’t confuse us with facts.”
Jason Whitlock, not joining in the Kobe Bryant lovefest, said that Kobe’s narcissism and selfishness ruined the Lakers. Strikes me that he’s both right and wrong. In his prime, Bryant helped lead Los Angeles to five rings with that narcissism and selfishness. When his skills decreased and his demands, on and off the court, remained the same – well, yes, then, Kobe helped make sure the Lakers became, and stayed, a lousy basketball team.
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T.C. on reports that Kim Jong Un now weighs over 300 pounds. “If this dictator thing doesn’t work out he can try out for the Boston Red Sox.”
Categories: baseball jokes, debate jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Braves jokes, Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, kasich jokes, Kobe jokes, Mets jokes, NBA jokes, texting jokes, Twins jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
Left Coast Sports Babe 