Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category
November 23, 2014
Hillary Clinton said Obama’s executive action on immigration is an “historic step” and that she supports it. Wow. A Democrat these days daring to say she supports the President on anything!
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Apparently ESPN baseball writer Keith Law has been suspended from Twitter for tweeting an argument with Curt Schilling who was defending the theory of creationism. Well, to be fair, some athletes’ behavior does rather challenge the theory of evolution.
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Boston Red Sox reportedly offering 5 years, $95 million to Pablo Sandoval, while the SF GIants reportedly offering 5 years $90 million. So after taxes, that’s about $2.5 million over 5 years difference. Heck, that might barely cover the heating and air conditioning bills.
Several officiating experts say Jameis Winston should have been ejected for his contact with a referee today as the FSU QB was trying to do a quick snap. But really, why should Jameis be treated any differently for his conduct on the field than off it?
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So then FSU takes advantage of a stalled Boston College drive and missed FG to drive for a FG of their own with 3 seconds left to win 20-17. Ought to do wonders for the Seminoles’ “game control” points with the College Football Playoff committee.
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Bill Cosby’s lawyer called all the sexual assault claims “ridiculous” and “unsubstantiated, fantastical stories.” Uh, and then there’s the Yiddish proverb “If one man calls you an ass, pay him no mind. If five men call you an ass, go buy a saddle.”
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From Alex Kaseberg “The accusations of sexual assault continue against Bill Cosby. On the bright side, he has been named an honorary member of the Baltimore Ravens.”
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Kentucky basketball coach John Calipari wished his daughter Megan a happy birthday today, but he had the date wrong. Give Calipari credit. At least he remembered he had a daughter. And he got her name right.
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#TigerWoods has hired a new swing consultant. Or did he say a new swinging consultant? Not sure.
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Regarding this #ThanksMichelleObama students tweeting pictures of nasty but healthy school lunches, two thoughts. 1. Does anyone really have fond memories of great school lunches? 2. So if it’s what kids want let’s just serve candy and cookies that need no refrigeration or cooking and be done with it?
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Five turnovers for #Cal in a 38-17 #BigGame loss to #Stanford. Just as well the Bears didn’t get the Axe. They’d probably have dropped it.
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SF Giants have sent out Season Ticket Invoices. Inflation is flat but prices have gone up 8%. They’d better be spending the money on raises for employees and player contracts….
#8 Ole Miss was the highest ranked 2-loss team in college football. After this shutout loss to Arkansas will they be the highest 3-loss team? #SECbias
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bill Cosby jokes, Calipari jokes, ESPN jokes, FSU jokes, Jameis Winston jokes, Janice Hough, Obama jokes, Pablo Sandoval jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 21, 2014
Mike Golic of ESPN’s “Mike and Mike” recreated the nearly nude Kim Kardashian pose after he lost a bet when Northwestern beat Notre Dame. For the sake of humanity, nobody make that same bet with John Madden.
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Two male Country Music stars announced they were gay yesterday. Of course, we’ll know this is REALLY a trend when a closeted gay man dates Taylor Swift, then comes out, and she writes a song about it.
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A new small town playground was going to have Winnie the Pooh as a mascot until some conservative council members said Pooh was a bad choice because he’s of of ”dubious sexuality”, “half naked” and ”inappropriately dressed.” And proving we don’t have a monopoly on such stupidity in the the U.S., this was in Poland.
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Charles Woodson was ready to come to blows with at least one of his own teammates after their celebrations late in the 4th quarter cost the Raiders a time out and could have cost them the game. Fortunately for the future HOF safety, a 4th quarter lead for Oakland isn’t likely to come again this season.
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John Boehner plans to sue President Obama’s, nominally over Obamacare, but really over his executive order on immigration. So where was this GOP outrage when George W. Bush issued 291 of the things? And when Reagan issued 372?
A man is reported he got hit with a $1,171 Internet bill on a Singapore Airlines flight from London to Singapore. Travelers reading this story are appalled. U.S. Airlines reading it are thinking “How do we do that?”
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Mississippi State safety Justin Cox has apparently been suspended following an “incident” – i.e.an arrest for aggravated domestic violence and burglary Friday morning. Who says the Bulldogs aren’t in the ranks of elite college programs?
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Kobe Bryant says stars signing hometown-discount contracts are “a big coup” for owners, and “absolutely brilliant, but I’m not going for it.” And then Kobe presumably went back to bitching about how jealous he is off Tim Duncan for the Spurs’ team continuity…..
Al Qaeda says that ISIS is “spilling inviolable blood under the excuse of expanding the Islamic State.” and “going too far.” You know, when Al Qaeda says you’re going too far, you probably REALLY are going too far.
The NFL is making tickets for Monday night’s game in Detroit between the NY Jets and Buffalo Bills available free. Wonder how many sports fans are holding out to see what the league might pay them.
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T.C. riding the bus to hell. “Authorities in Thailand intercepted a courier package containing human parts that was destined for the United States. It contained a head, heart and a foot. An anonymous spokesperson for the Washington Redskins said they would be interested if an arm was included.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, country music jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Mike Golic jokes, Raiders jokes
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November 21, 2014
Scary thing, if a couple conceived a child celebrating the Oakland Raiders’ last win, that baby would be 3 months old now.
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Derek Carr praising Jesus and God after the Oakland Raiders’ win tonight. And God is thinking “Ah, you’re now 1 and 10. Don’t blame anything about this season on me.”
Jesus on the other hand, might be comparing tonight to his work with Lazarus.
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Mike Nichols, 82, director of “The Graduate,” has died. Will his coffin be made of “Plastics”?
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Stanford QB Kevin Hogan, who will graduate in June, but could stay for Master’s degree, says he is considering foregoing his final year of eligibility to enter the NFL draft. And Cardinal fans are thinking, “ah, you could get that graduate degree anytime…”
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The NFL moved the Jets vs. Bills game from Buffalo this weekend, and postponed it to Monday in Detroit. The Meadowlands in East Rutherford might have been available after the Giants game Sunday. But local fans are probably thinking “Thank goodness they didn’t foist that crappy match-up on us.”
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The Buffalo Bills were offering $10 an hour and free tickets to their Sunday game against the Jets for fans willing to shovel snow. New York fans were hoping that show could be shoveled on to the Jets?
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In Buffalo, Mario Williams apparently used a snow plow to help dig retired QB Jim Kelly out of the snowstorm. If the storm moves down to New York City, hope Geno Smith is well stocked with emergency supplies.
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Country star Ty Herndon singer has come out of the closet, or the barn as the case may be. Good for him. But really, most country songs work fine for gay or straight relationships. Just change the pronoun of who did you wrong.
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A list made by an Australian man on why he ended a relationship with his girlfriend has gone viral. One reason he listed was that she was rude to his cat. Millions of women are now trying to find his number.
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Britain is about to lift their ban on women in combat, prompting a warning from retired army colonel Richard Kemp, that this would put lives in danger because women lack “the killer instinct.” Clearly this is a man who has never ventured into the first day of a major pre or post Christmas sale.
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Barry Manilow is having a “ONE LAST TIME!” Tour. And many Americans, especially men, are thinking “Promise?”
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Ted Cruz criticized President Obama’s executive order on immigration by adapting “The words of Cicero — powerfully relevant 2,077 years later,” Uh, did Cruz really want to reference a man most of his supporters have never heard of and think must have lived with dinosaurs?
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There’s a petition to cancel the TLC reality show “19 Kids and Counting”, because of the Duggars’ anti-LGBT stance, and Michelle’s referring to transgenders as “child predators.” Of course, there’s another way that doesn’t interfere with their rights for free speech, however ignorant it may be. – “Just don’t watch.”
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At least 10 people have died in the massive winter storm that has blanked Buffalo. We can tell the midterm elections are over though, the GOP is not blaming it on Obama.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Buffalo Bills jokes, country music jokes, Duggars jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, NFL jokes, Stanford jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Ty Herndon jokes
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November 19, 2014
You know you’re getting older when People Magazine names their #SexiestManAlive and your first reaction is “Who?” #ChrisHemsworth
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Cadillac now says they have created their fastest car ever, the 2016 ATS-V is capable of 185 miles per hour, 0 to 60 mph in 3.9 seconds. And it can presumably do all this with its left blinker on
A 58 year old West Virginia woman and her husband have five biological children and 29 adopted ones, many with health problems or disabilities She said it’s what they “feel called to do by our faith,” and they may adopt more. And somewhere maybe God is thinking, “hey Duggars, this is how it’s done.”
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Tiger Woods is lashing out at a parody interview titled ‘My (Fake) Interview with Tiger” in Golf Digest, saying the piece was “below the belt.” Two things. Tiger should know about “below the belt.”. And is Golf Digest giving him a cut of the extra magazine sales?
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United Airlines is trying a pilot program where travelers can use miles for food and drink at Newark Airport. But it’s not a great exchange rate, a cocktail at one bistro is 2,000 miles. Maybe United is banking on the fact that after passengers get off one of their flights, they’ll be thinking they’re in no hurry to fly again, and they’ll pay anything for a drink.
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Alabama and Mississippi State didn’t play particularly well in the Tides’ 25-20 win last Saturday. But it was enough to move Alabama to #1 in the College Football Playoff rankings, and only drop MSU to #4. No, the committee isn’t biased. Not one bit.
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Ray Sadecki died at the age of 73. The former SF Giants pitcher apparently had a successful 18-year career,. But alas even his obituary leads with being part of one bad trade.
Oakland may not have to worry about losing the Raiders to Texas. San Antonio will probably phone Raiders owner Mark Davis any day now to say. “Sorry, we were in the market for an NFL team.
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Delta Airlines has changed their frequent flier program to disallow stopovers on award tickets, and to make open-jaw tickets more “expensive.” Did someone ever tell airlines these are theoretically LOYALTY programs? More like they are aiming to be disloyalty programs.
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-Tickets for Cal’s last football game of the season are on sale for 66% off on Groupon. So the Golden Bears couldn’t drum up much excitement for a game one week AFTER the “Big Game” with Stanford. Against BYU. On Thanksgiving weekend…. I’m shocked, shocked.
Convicted mass murderer Charlie Manson, 80 and his 26 year old girlfriend have been granted a marriage license and could marry next month. Where’s the sanctity of marriage crowd on this one?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cadillac jokes, chris hemsworth jokes, Janice Hough, Manson jokes, NCAA jokes, people magazine jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
November 18, 2014
Got an invitation for a pre-sale for “Hello Kitty’s Supercute Friendship Festival” at Oracle Arena. Anyone but me think that sounds like a violation of the Geneva Convention?
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RB LeGarrette Blount is with his 4th team in 5 years, and was suspended most of a year at Oregon for punching another player. Now he was released for apparently leaving the field before the end of the MNF game. Congrats to all those who had November 18 in the pool.
Almost 100 years ago, an exchange that perhaps might have anticipated the gay men in the locker room shower silliness: Winston Churchill said to Lady Astor that having a woman in Parliament was like having one “intrude on you in the bathroom.” Her response “You are not handsome enough to have such fears.”
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To put Giancarlo Stanton’s contract in absurd perspective. $325 million is more than half what it cost to build Marlins Park. ($515 million.)
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Buzzfeed quoted a senior Uber exec at a dinner suggesting the company should consider hiring opposition researchers to dig up dirt about journalists who criticize them. Emil Michael, the exec in question says he wasn’t serious and he thought he was off the record anyway. Proving again that testosterone poisoning makes you stupid. Who in high tech thinks ANYTHING is off the record?
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A controversy has erupted over about 1,000 autographed items allegedly signed by Jameis Winston. Part of it is that the authenticator wasn’t allowed to witness the signings. And part of it is that many doubt an FSU athlete could count to 1000.
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FIFA today logged a criminal complaint against the bidding process for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups. Isn’t that like the pot suing the kettle?
The SF Giants’ Tim Hudson. 39, says he will probably retire after the 2015 season? “So young?” responded birthday boy Jamie Moyer, 52..
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Starting in early 2015, tourists with a medical marijuana card from their home state can buy pot in Las Vegas. I can see it now “Dude, where’s my slots?”
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But really, is this a good idea? Medical marijuana and buffet restaurants?
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#BigPapi took #PabloSandoval to dinner in Boston. No word on whether or not #Panda will sign with the #RedSox. But they may have at least temporarily shut down an all-you-can-buffet.
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From Marc Ragovin “Peyton Manning threw two interception this past weekend in the Broncos loss. “Amateur,” said brother Eli.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Hello Kitty jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Sandoval jokes, Stanton jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 18, 2014
Rumor has it that the Padres are actually interested in Pablo Sandoval. Talk about a potential waste. Has someone told San Diego ownership that the Panda only hits well in the postseason?
MLB’s collective bargaining agreement states teams cannot penalize a team for weight. But a new report says the Boston Red Sox would offer Pablo Sandoval a contract with bonuses for keeping his weight down. Because that worked so well with Big Papi?
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Next promotion for the Lakers? A giveaway of Jack Nicholson style sunglasses. To enhance the experience for fans the glasses will reportedly be opaque.
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An Australian news show host decided to prove a point about the way his female colleagues were treated over their clothes and appearance, and decided to wear the same suit every day until someone noticed.. After a year Stefanovic has not only proved his point, – no one noticed – millions of men no doubt consider him a hero.
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A beagle in Texas saw his owner being taken away in an ambulance, and jumped aboard, riding on the side step for 25 miles to the hospital. Meanwhile no doubt the house cat used the opportunity to snag some extra food.
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The Crown Princess has had their second outbreak of Norovirus in six months, bringing the total number of sickened passengers over 300. Wonder how many thousands of Americans may be so upset by the news that they postpone their flu shots?
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After Sunday’s 5 interceptions that gave the game to the #49ers, should the #NYGiants Eli Manning register as a 501 (c) (3) charity?
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Will Muschamp apparently has been told he will not return as Florida’s coach next season. Well, Muschamp did accomplish one notable thing in his tenure, he made Gator fans miss Ron Zook.
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The DEA did surprise inspections yesterday of the 49ers, Seahawks and Buccaneers for possible prescription drug abuse. In the last case, was this the first time ever someone thought it might have required drugs to beat the Redskins?
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When Candlestick Park is demolished, the area will house a 500,000-square-foot “urban outlet” shopping center. Presume it will be a great place to buy warm coats?
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The Sacramento Kings filed a protest over a last second 111-110 loss to the Grizzlies on a buzzer beater last week, saying the clock had run out. This in a game where the Kings blew a 26 point lead. Two things. 1- Who really thinks a single regular season NBA game matters? 2. Does Sacramento really want to do anything to remind fans of blowing a 26 point lead?
Bus to hell moment from Bill Littlejohn “Jose Canseco wants to sell the finger that he blew off with a gun.John Wayne Bobbitt commented, ‘Don’t ask.'”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Manning jokes, Muschamp jokes, norovirus jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 16, 2014
Best thing about only one SEC team in the top four of the college football rankings? Increases the chances of getting the playoff from 4 to 8 games sooner rather than later.
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Although with all these upsets and near upsets, have to wonder, is college football trying to match the NFL for parity?
Original mantra from naysayers on climate change. “Well, China isn’t involved anyway, so what difference does it make?” New mantra “Well, it’s not like you could trust the Chinese anyway.”
Sad to say, but in the US more people are dying from frat parties than Ebola
The Charlotte Hornets’ Lance Stephenson drew a foul by hitting himself in the fact and flopping. Let’s hope Chris Paul and Blake Griffin didn’t see it.
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#21 Duke was upset by Virginia Tech today 17-16, despite the Blue Devils’ having had several late scoring opportunities. So is Duke really trying to be the “Stanford of the East?”
Meanwhile Bruce Jenkins of the SF Chronicle on the Stanford-Utah game “Apathy met irrelevance at Stanford Stadium on Saturday, and by the finish, it didn’t seem to matter whether Utah or the Cardinal prevailed.” Yeah, just about sums it up.
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So much for all those worries about Stanford coach David Shaw leaving for the NFL.
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The Marlins signed Giancarlo Stanton to a 13 year $325 million contract. Presumably the idea is to win another World Series and then trade him and his contract to the Yankees?
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Jose Canseco tweeted that he was playing in a poker tournament and “and something crazy happened to my finger that I shot off and they put back on….” Apparently it fell off. As Alex Kaseberg said “Talk about a bad hand.”
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California’s Santa Clara County has only a few more thousand ballots to count, and they hope to be done by the weekend. Almost two weeks after the election. Ah, it’s good to live in the birthplace of the high tech industry.
From T.C. “The world’s top ranked badminton player has failed a doping test. Badminton World Federation officials finally had to confront him when his serves reached speeds of 400 mph.”
T.C also passes this on, “Heard on the radio, Charles Barkley can chow down now after saying he wouldn’t eat another meal until the Lakers won. I bet he wouldn’t dare try that with the Oakland Raiders.”
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Canseco jokes, climate change jokes, college football jokes, Janice Hough, SEC jokes
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November 14, 2014
Why there is no satire, NBA division. Kobe Bryant on the Spurs. “I don’t know if I can express to you how jealous I am of the fact that Tim, Tony Manu and Pop have been together for all those years”. Bryant’s salary for 2014 – $23 million. Duncan $10 million, Parker $12 million.
#iwoulddoanythingforlovebutiwontdothat
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Prince WIlliam and Kate are coming to the U.S. for a three day visit December. Some Americans don’t see all the fuss over a couple people who just happen to be part of a Royal family. Wonder if the dignitaries meeting their Highnesses will include Bill and Hillary Clinton, and both former President Bushes?
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The Department of Energy loan guarantee program, famous for the Solyndra default, has actually started turning a PROFIT on its $34.2 billion in loans, as some companies are becoming successful and paying money back. So where’s all the GOP blame for Obama?
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The 0-8 Philadelphia 76ers,, who just lost by 53 to the Dallas Maverickst, are making a strong bid to become the worst NBA team ever. Sadly, even if they run the table, this team probably couldn’t even win the draft lottery.
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Dick Vitale, 75, said “My goal is to be the first broadcaster in the history of broadcasting to work at a game when I’m 100 years old.” And somewhere Vin Scully just giggled.
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The NBA has released pictures of this year’s Christmas uniforms, which will feature team logos on the front, first names of players on the back, and will be sold by Adidas for $110. Except presumably for the Lakers jerseys, which will cost twice as much and break down after a few wearings.
The NFL fined NY Jets coach Rex Ryan $100,000 for profanity after his team beat the Steelers. Well, if winning generates that kind of outburst at least Rex won’t be out of pocket too much the rest of this season.
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There’s going to be a musical based on the reality show “Duck Dynasty.” “The Duck Commander Family Musical” will open in Las Vegas next February. Just the thing for those straight male rednecks who have been waiting for THEIR Broadway show. Both of them.
And have to wonder, will the Robertson’s put a “morality” clause on sexual orientation for actors…? If so, hope they’re planning on a one or two man show.
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Former Chicago Mayor Jane Byrne has passed away. She leaves quite a legacy – the first woman mayor of the city, and one of the few Illinois leaders never to have been arrested.
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Starting to get emails and banner ads about “The 117th Big Game between Stanford and Cal” on November 22.” Of course, the time isn’t set yet. Because nothing says how important a rivalry game is like a “TBA” on the schedule for television. Sigh.
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An Alabama high school teacher has been arrested and charged with three sexual incidents with students in six months. Think she took being a physically education teacher a bit too seriously?
From Alex Kaseberg “Chicago Bear receiver, Brandon Marshall, upset by a remark made about his mother, challenged one of his twitter followers $25,000 to fight him. Bears QB Jay Cutler threw out the same challenge, but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: age jokes, Bears jokes, Dick Vitale jokes, Jets jokes, Lakers jokes, NBA jokes, NFL jokes, Princess William jokes, Vin Scully jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 13, 2014
A new report says a Secret Service agent was chatting on his cellphone while an intruder scaled the White House fence in September. Maybe it’s time to get men out of the Secret Service. Not that women don’t chat. But we can multitask.
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Most Americans don’t seem to know or care about the “Net Neutrality” issue. Maybe they’d take more of an interest if proponents explained it might affect their ability to see Kim Kardashian naked?
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A plastic surgeon claims that by 2016, he’ll have FDA approval and be able to market “Vacation Breasts.” An injectable saline solution with added chemicals to increase women’s breast sizes for 2-3 weeks. Wow. A whole new opportunity for women to attract men who they can then claim don’t appreciate them for who they really are……
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Evangelical actor Kirk Cameron has a film “Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas,” which attacks the idea that some Christmas traditions actually have pagan roots. So this means Cameron’s found the part in the Bible where Jesus said to go out and look for Black Friday sales?
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The fiancée of Thomas Eric Duncan, the Liberian man who died of Ebola in Dallas, apparently has a book deal.. Wonder how many potential buyers are afraid you might get Ebola from reading it.
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#WeCanLandOnACometButWeCant answer the question “What is a comet?”
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Qatar’s sports minister was asked how gay people will be welcomed at the 2022 World Cup, and gave a vague answer starting with “It’s exactly like the alcohol question…” Which is not great news for LGBT sports fans who want to watch soccer in 122 degree weather, both of them.
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Uruguayan soccer star Luis Suarez on his bad habit. “Biting scares a lot of people. But it’s relatively harmless.” Well that should make competing players feel all warm and fuzzy.
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Some airports, including Phoenix Sky Harbor, Boston Logan, and Dallas Fort Worth DFW, now have walking paths for travelers. Denver and O’Hare are sticking with the old model – gates as far apart as possible that usually require a good run to make a flight.
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Scott Ostler has the right solution to this joke of a College Football Playoff committee. Put the real impartial experts in charge – a panel of the best oddsmakers in Las Vegas.
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USC CB Josh Davis, explaining why he fabricated a story about jumping into a pool to save his nephew, said he was arguing with his girlfriend, and leaped from the balcony because he thought she called the authorities, and as a “black man with dreadlocks” he was afraid.
He added “I didn’t think it could be proved that story was not true. My sister was having a party … my cousin does have a balcony over his pool. … It involved only myself, my sister, two or three little kids, and my cousin.”
Another reason why football players should go to class, in Creative Writing he’d learn how to make up a better story.
It’s early in the NBA season, but so far two of the top teams are Toronto and Memphis. Now that’s a potential Finals matchup that would make the networks long for the ratings lure of a Kansas City-SF World Series.
ESPN announcers talking earlier tonight about how close USC was to having a chance for the College Football Playoffs, with late losses to ASU and Utah. Uh, yeah, and then there was that 13-10 win in Palo Alto that they only got when Stanford flubbed most of their EIGHT trips to the Red Zone.
NBA commissioner Adam Silver wrote in a NY Times op-ed that Congress “should adopt a federal framework that allows states to authorize betting on professional sports” Translation, maybe if more Americans can legally bet on the NBA they might actually pay attention to the 82 game regular season.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Ebola jokes, Janice Hough, josh davis jokes, Net Neutrality jokes, plastic surgery jokes, secret service jokes, soccer jokes
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November 13, 2014
The college bowl game formerly known as the “Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl,” now scheduled for Dec. 30 at Levi’s Stadium, has been renamed and will now be the “Foster Farms Bowl.” So how long until it gets named the “Chicken Sh*t Bowl”?
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A tractor-trailer overturned and spilled about 25,000 pounds of frozen boxed turkeys onto I-680 in Northern California today. So forget free range, this year expect to see ads for freeway turkeys.
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One rumor has the Red Sox flying Pablo Sandoval out to Boston for a visit next week. Considering that the Boston weather is expected to have a high in the 30s, the SF Giants might be good with that.
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Tom Brady on Andrew Luck. “He does a lot of things I wish I could do.” Starting with turning back the clock to being 25 again?
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Blake Griffin has been charged with one count of misdemeanor battery for an October incident in a Las Vegas nightclub. Shocking. Mostly that when the police charged the Clippers’ forward, that Griffin didn’t immediately flop.
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KNBR’s Gary Radnich has noticed it too. For those going through SF baseball withdrawal, the San Antonio Spurs are kind of like the Giants. Not particularly flashy, not much attention on the highlight shows, but they play like a team and just keep winning. Although the Spurs don’t have any cool animal nicknames.
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Undefeated Florida State was dropped in the College Football Rankings, in large part because they haven’t had big enough margins of victory. Coach Jimbo Fisher shrugged it off and “I’m hoping to hold the integrity of the game higher than everybody else.” “Integrity of the game!” In college football?. And Fisher said it with a straight face.
Florida State officials apparently have agreed to postpone Jameis Winston’s upcoming student conduct code hearing until Dec.1, because the QB’s attorney told them he hadn’t had “sufficient time to review the evidence.” So on Nov. 30 presume they will ask for one more extension until say, Jan. 13? (The day after the College Football Championship game)
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KOMO-4 TV in Seattle discovered that beer at CenturyLink Field is watered down. Wow. Imagine how loud Seahawks fans would be if they were drinking the regular stuff.
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Marijuana sales actually fell for the first time in September since it became legal in January 2014. People saving up to buy extra for the holidays? Or new college students who didn’t realize it was a good idea to write down the addresses after their first purchase? (“Dude, where’s my pot store?”)
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Ted Cruz’s supporters have started a ‘Stand for Principle’ PAC to support him in 2016. Which means the Texas senator is probably running for President. Great news. For comedy writers.
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On a serious note, the attorney general’s office in the Dominican Republic reported that the Cardinals’ star rookie propect Oscar Taveras’s blood alcohol level was “five times the legal limit” when he crashed his car and died last month. Sadly proving once again that it’s not just the illegal drugs that can cause a problem in professional sports.
A 4.8 earthquake today hit Kansas, Oklahoma and Arkansas. Not sure, but maybe Mother Nature wasn’t very happy with last week’s election results.
What’s wrong with MLB’s TV & marketing focus on a few teams? #CoreyKluber just won the AL #CYYoung award. And many baseball fans are thinking “Who?”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Blake Griffin jokes, college football jokes, FSU jokes, Jameis Winston jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, Thanksgiving jokes
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November 12, 2014
Wonder how the East Coast gets that reputation about being clueless about West Coast baseball. In an ESPN thread about the Red Sox trying to sign Pablo Sandoval, a “top commenter” complains Panda has “NO power..he hit 14 homers last year in a friendly park….” Right. All the free agents sluggers want to come to AT&T because it’s such a hitters’ park…..-
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Apparently Mark Sanchez, who has a reputation for being kind of a sensitive guy, is quite happy with the adulation from Eagles fans after his game last night. Next week’s game though, is in Green Bay. Good thing Philly fans are so loving and loyal toward their players.
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Megyn Kelly introduced Mike Huckabee today and replaced the “H” in his name with a “F.” An accident? Or a shameless attempt by Fox News to go after that all important pre-teen boy viewer demographic?
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Fox announced that Randy Jackson is leaving “American Idol.” And a lot of Americans responded “American Idol is still on?”
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OF Michael Cuddyer has left Colorado to sign with the NY Mets. What Cuddyer is about to find out… it’s not like the Mets are really better than the Rockies. But in New York, when a team sucks, people actually notice.
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The Mormon church just admitted that founder Joseph Smith had 40 wives. One as young as 14. But note here. 40 wives. Not a single husband. The man took the sanctity of marriage seriously.
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Bears coach Marc Trestman said Jay Cutler “didn’t play very well,” Sunday night and wants him “to play better.” Because had Cutler had a good game Chicago might have only lost 55-35?
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In a Hollywood movie theater, a woman reportedly used mace on a man who asked her to put her cellphone away. And Floridians are thinking, “Lucky guy, she didn’t shoot him.”
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And you think you might need a life? Two women in Beaumont, California, have been camping since Nov 5. in front of a Best Buy so they can be first in line for the Black Friday sale, which begins Nov. 27 at 5pm .
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So some in the media were up in arms over New Orleans at 4-5 potentially hosting a playoff game. Where was this outrage when the 7-9 Seahawks hosted and beat the 10-6 Saints.
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George W. Bush has a new book out – “41. Portrait of my Father,” about George H.W. Bush. Impressive. So the former President has now written two books before he’s read one.
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The Chinese have censored an internet photo showing Vladimir Putin wrapping a shawl around the wife of the president of China. Wonder what they would have done if W. had been around to give her a shoulder rub?
Louisville football coach Bobby Petrino is getting a $500,000 bonus for keeping his players academically eligible. Wonder if the Cardinals borrowed course syllabi from UNC?
There are many good reasons to choose MLB awards before the postseason. On the other hand, the #SFGiants Bruce Bochy has one “Manager of the Year” award. And it’s from 1996 with the San Diego Padres.
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Watching the #Spurs in action you have to wonder how #SanAntonio would ever stoop so low as to recruit the #Raiders.
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Tags: ESPN jokes, Fox jokes, Huckabee jokes, Janice Hough, Mark Sanchez jokes, MLB jokes, Petrino jokes, Philadelphia jokes, Putin jokes
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November 10, 2014
Ted Cruz tweeted “‘Net Neutrality'” is Obamacare for the Internet; the Internet should not operate at the speed of government.” Can’t wait for Cruz to decry this year’s Thanksgiving Turkey pardon as Obamacare for birds.
AT&T announced they have abandoned their announced plan to create an air-to-ground 4G network to improve Wi-Fi service on airplanes. Maybe because the phone company figured if there was one industry they could partner with that could actually LOWER their reputation it’s the airline industry.
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A video has gone viral of Denver backup QB Brock Osweiler’s frustration when Peyton Manning’s went back in the game against the Bears up 41-10. No doubt Broncos fans find it funny, since Manning didn’t end up with an injury like Carson Palmer.
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Carson Palmer tore his ACL Sunday and is out for the season, 2 days after signing a 3-year contract extension. The Cardinals QB tore his ACL once before, in Dec, 2005, 10 days after signing a 6-year contract extension. Think next time Arizona offers Palmer an extension maybe he needs to “just say no.”
The Carolina Panthers tried Monday night to do their best Chicago Bears imitation.
ESPN Monday Night Football sign off -“Good night, from Philadelphia.” Directed to all those who tuned in hoping to see Sportscenter. And both fans who were still watching the game
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Meanwhile, the Carolina Panthers remain alive in the playoff hunt. Wonder if this year’s #NFCSouth champion might be good enough to get into the college football playoff.
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After Kentucky crushed Georgetown College in a pre season college men’s baseketball game, Tigers coach Chris Briggs called the Wildcats an NBA playoff team. John Calipari’s tweet response- “I hear Coach Briggs got excited after the game last night. Let me be clear: If we played ANY NBA team, we would get buried. ANY.”
Uh, well maybe not the 76ers.
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Tampa Bay rookie Austin Seferian-Jenkins apologized today for his “Captain Morgan” pose touchdown celebration Sunday that he both drew a penalty for, and posted on Instagram. In Seferian-Jenkins’ defense, being on the 1-8 Buccaneers, he doesn’t have much experience with touchdown celebrations.
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Cubs GM Theo Epstein, on an MLB investigation of Chicago’s possibly talking to new manager Joe Maddon while he was still under contract to Tampa Bay: “There was absolutely no tampering whatsoever.” I think I like “Wait until next year” better.
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A Montanta white supremacist, John Abarr, is attempting to start a branch of the Ku Klux Klan dubbed the “Rocky Mountain Knights,” which will allow African -Americans, Jews, homosexuals and those of Hispanic origin. The “new Klan” members wlll have to wear the white robes, masks, conical hats and take part in rituals….And presumably have to fail an IQ test.
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President Obama voiced strong support for “Net neutrality.” Waiting for Sarah Palin to chime in and complain that the government shouldn’t get involved in the fishing industry.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Bears jokes, Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, MNF jokes, NFC South jokes, Panthers jokes, Ted Cruz jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
November 10, 2014
So much for the #Lakers’ perfect season.
And Charles Barkley’s favorite restaurants are now going “Our long national nightmare is over.”
Even #Cubs fans feel sorry for #Bears fans tonight. #GBvsChi
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T.C. (from British Columbia) suggests that most Americans turned off the Packers-Bears rout at half-time. Those who didn’t, who weren’t Green Bay fans, probably thought they had accidentally turned on a replay of a SEC game vs. a nonconference opponent.
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In a crazy world small signs of stability can be a good thing. To that end the Oakland Raiders are doing their part to be the one #NFL team that consistently sucks.
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Mark Cuban mused that the Oklahoma Thunder at this point might be better off tanking the season in a “race to the bottom”. And the Raiders are thinking. “Well, that’s one NFL race we’ve won.”
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Many thought the 49ers’ Aldon Smith would have his suspension reduced. This didn’t happen, reportedly because he didn’t do all his “counseling protocol.” So much for all those who say it doesn’t matter if athletes learn to go to class. #cantfixstupid
Not sure if the SF 49ers are going to the playoffs, but after the “Hail Mary” offensive pass interference penalty he drew on Jimmy Graham, CB Perrish Cox has reportedly been offered a tryout by several professional soccer teams.
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If football games were 58 minutes long #Saints would be midseason favorites to win #superbowl. #SFvsNO #cantfinish
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Freed missionary Kenneth Bae, back in the U.S. from North Korea, said “It’s been an amazing two years, I learned a lot.” Like maybe not to lead tour groups to North Korea?
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Arctic temperature will reach across much of the U.S. this week, with even a chance of snow in D.C. Proving some were right when they said hell would freeze over before we’d see a GOP landslide this year.
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One last thought on last Tuesday’s election. Whatever you think of President Obama’s candidates from both parties tried to hard to distance themselves from him. voters may well have figured at least they’d go for the honest ones.
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Label notation of the year award: “May have been processed on equipment that was also used to process nuts.” On a jar of peanut butter.
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Tags: 49ers jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, NFL jokes, political jokes, Raiders jokes, Saints jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 9, 2014
Former Tarheels football player Mike McAdoo is suing UNC, claiming they had promised to give him a “legitimate education” in return for playing sports. Responded SEC players, what’s a “legitimate education?”
Lee Chong Wei,, the world’s top-ranked badminton player, has apparently failed a doping test. Badminton? Who knew, the most honest sport might turn out to be pro wrestling.
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A LivingSocial coupon offers half price LASIK. Is it just me or does surgery on your eyes at a major discount sound about as comforting as day-old sushi?
ABC has cancelled their new comedy “Selfie.” ABC had a new comedy named “Selfie?”
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Ohio State now feels they should have a chance for the college football playoff after knocking off Michigan State. Well, if so, the Buckeyes are a unanimous pick for the team everyone else wants to play in the first round.
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Seismologists say the increasing intensity of earthquake swarm in Nevada has also increased the chance of a large quake occurring. And across the state people have one major question, how do we parlay this into a football bet?
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The New York Knicks are getting their fans excited this week. Mostly about the fact that Mets and Yankees spring training starts in approximately 3 months.
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Well, at least after this week #NotreDame fans won’t be losing sleep over what might have been if not for a controversial call. #NDvsASU
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Now that Auburn has lost, will the SEC push for an instant expansion of the BCS playoff games from 4 to 8 teams this year?
This just in. Utah announces all football players will be required to complete enough math classes to count to 100.
It was really a Rough week for with their goal line “fumble” & TD return. But at least they can count on sympathy next week from the band?
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After posting an Instagram pictures of him playing golf despite a back injury, Steve Nash wrote a letter to fans starting “I definitely don’t want to be a distraction.” And most Lakers fans are thinking, are you kidding, we need every distraction we can get?
From Bill Littlejohn: “First it was Nate Burleson who broke his arm while reaching for pizza as he drove. Now DeAngelo Hall has re-torn his Achilles whhile grabbing a slice of pizza from his kitchen. Looks like Nate may have started a Domino's effect.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Auburn jokes, ESPN jokes, Janice Hough, Knicks jokes, Notre Dame jokes, SEC jokes, UNC jokes
Comments: 8 Comments
November 8, 2014
The stars of “The Love Boat” got together for a 30 year reunion to christen some of Princess’s new ships. After the photo, Gavin McLeod then reportedly told everyone “You punks get off my promenade deck.”
Apparently Oakland Raiders owner Mark Davis is considering moving the team to San Antonio. Responded the Spurs, “There goes the neighborhood.”
RNC chair Reince Priebus said of the upcoming 2016 US Presidential campaign “If we have a candidate on the ballot who someone actually wants to have a beer with, we can win.” Right, because that worked out so well for our country in 2000.
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From Alex Kaseberg. “Nike has cancelled their contract with Adrian Peterson who pled no contest to whipping his 4-year-old son. “Sure, we exploit children as slaves in factories,” said Nike, “but whipping them is going too far.”
Holland America Line has announced that they will add six special theme cruises in 2015 highlighting “Dancing with the Stars.” Well, that ought to do wonders for all the wives trying to persuade their husbands to take their first cruise.
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Mark Zuckerberg was asked wh he wears “the same T-shirt every day.” His response “I really want to clear my life to make as few decisions as possible. I’m not doing my job if I spend any of my energy on anything that is silly or frivolous.” And millions of men across America just found their new hero.
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Spectacular. In Palo Alto, close to the epicenter of Silicon Valley, the races for City Council and School Board are still too close to call, because the Santa Clara County Registrar of Voters is still counting vote-by-mail ballots turned in on Tuesday – they still have about 75,000 of maybe 140,000 to go. But hey, write an email about something and Facebook has an ad for it in about 10 minutes.
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Carton Ashton of the Toronto Maple Leafs was suspended 20 games by the NHL for a failed drug test Ashton claims he accidentally must have ingested a banned substance when he borrowed another athlete’s inhaler. Who says hockey isn’t a major sport. That’s truly a major league level creative excuse
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So now we have an argument over which SEAL in a supposedly covert mission actually shot Bin Laden? Does it matter? Guessing most of the GOP is okay with it being anyone as long as they don’t blame Obama.
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A black and white picture from 1838 is has emerged that is believed to be the earliest known photograph featuring a person. Wonder if was it taken at a high school football practice of Adam Vinatieri?
From T.C. ” A Denver Broncos fans went to a game and disappeared at half time. Two days later, he was found 100 miles away. The man said that for no explainable reason, he had the urge to start walking towards Omaha. ”
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The fourth student shot by a high school classmate in Marysville, WA in what basically was an execution-style killing this October, has died. And sadly, many Americans’ response is probably “If only the victims were armed.”
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Tags: cruise jokes, election jokes, facebook jokes, Janice Hough, palo alto jokes, Raiders jokes
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November 7, 2014
Star Wars VII now has a title “The Force Awakens.” And given the age of many in the cast, presume the subtitle is “Every Few Hours in the Middle of the Night to Pee.”
Madison Bumgarner just won the “Silver Slugger” award for being the best offensive player at his position. But the SF Giants lefty didn’t get a hit in the postseason, including the World Series. What a disappointment.
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San Diego shortstop Everth Cabrera was stopped for allegedly driving under the influence of marijuana, and ultimately charged with resisting arrest. Of course, being a Padre, if he pulled the “Do you know who I am?” card, the answer might have honestly been. “No.”
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A-Rod reportedly admitted to using PEDS during a meeting with the DEA earlier this year. Yep, baseball normalcy has returned: The World Series is over and the Yankees are back in the headlines.
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The first NFL 2015 “International Series” game at Wembley will be the Miami Dolphins vs. the NY Jets. And Jets fans are thinking, “Can London just keep them?”
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John Boehner said that executive actions by Obama on immigration would “poison the well” for legislation. As opposed to that great bipartisan effort Congress has made with the President so far?
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A court today upheld gay marriage bans in Michigan, Ohio, Kentucky and Tennessee. So in those last two states, men can still marry their sisters, just not their brothers?
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On Fox News, Condoleezza Rice criticized Democratic campaign ads aimed at African Americans in the South that featured Ferguson and the death of Michael Brown. She said she found the fear mongering “appalling” and “insulting.” Uh, okay Condi, but what about fear mongering in GOP ads aimed at whites about crime and immigration featuring minorities?
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Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski said of freshman Jahlil Okafor “We won’t have him long. We’ll have him this year and then he’ll be one of the top [NBA] picks.” In other words, Okafor’s second semester professors might as well forget about getting those papers turned in.
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Wonder if Okafor will stick around long enough to learn to spell “Krzyewski?”
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Let the fun begin. Sources told ESPN that Ravens GM Ozzie Newsome testified under oath Thursday that he heard Ray Rice in June tell Roger Goodell that he hit Janay in a casino hotel elevator. So let’s see, does the NFL commissioner claims amnesia or a concussion.
Jennifer Aniston apparently goes without makeup in her new film “Cake,” and called it “dreamy and empowering and liberating.” And yes, imagine what a shocking change it must have been – relying only on her personal assistants, trainer and esthetician.
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Lebron James is apparently “concerned” about the Cavaliers 1-3 start. Did he think it would be easy for the team to improve enough to be knocked off by the Spurs in the NBA finals?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #theforceawakens, A-Rod jokes, Congress jokes, election jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, Star Wars jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 6, 2014
Mitch McConnell claims that after last night’s election “The Senate is going to go back to work and actually pass legislation.” And somewhere Ted Cruz is just giggling.
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So how long until Mitch McConnell figures out that it is now his circus AND his monkeys? #Election2014
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Sounds like I posted too soon on the 2014 election fundraising emails ending. Just got the first asking for money for a recount. #itneverends
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Chris Christie says he will make a decision “sometime next year” on running for President. Well, not sure if he can beat Hillary Clinton. But Christie is proving to be her equal in being disingenuous.
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You think it didn’t matter if you voted? Right now the candidates vying for the last seat on Palo Alto City Council, candidates with very different views and “slates”, are separated by about 30 votes. In a city of almost 60,000 people.
Alex Rodriguez reportedly paid a cousin $1 million to keep quiet about his PED use. Well, that money worked out to be as good a value as the last few years of A-Rod’s own Yankees contract.
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Alfonso Soriano says he is retiring from major league baseball. Most fans are shocked. Soriano hadn’t ALREADY retired?
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November 5 was one of TWO National Doughnut Days. The other is the first Friday in June. Figures, not like Americans could stop at just one doughnut anything.
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A small plane with the banner “Fire John Idzik!” circled the NY Jets’ practice field for a short time this morning. Then the plane was presumably intercepted by another plane.
Ah, the holiday season is upon us. A Nebraska woman was arrested and charged with two felonies for allegedly hitting a fellow Wal-Mart shopper with her PT Cruiser last weekend, because the person took her parking spot in the lot.
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And no doubt many of these parents voted. A Louisville TV station is reporting a local teacher resigned when her Catholic school requested she take a precautionary 21-day leave AND produce a health note from her doctor, because parents raised concerns about her mission trip to Kenya. (Kenya is 3000 miles from West Africa)
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So according to her attorney the mother of Adrian Peterson’s son is happy with the plea deal and doesn’t want his career to be harmed by the child abuse case. Well, yeah, if for no other reason than she wants her child support.
The CMA awards tonight pre-empted ABC’s comedy “Blackish.” And co-host Brad Paisley said “If you were looking for Black-ish tonight, yeah, this ain’t it. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy White-ish.” African Americans might have been offended. IF any of them had been watching the CMAs.
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Mark Sanchez says he is excited about his first start for the Eagles, which will be on next week’s MNF. Many Americans are excited too, some to see the Panthers win big, some to see Sanchez lead Philadelphia to a big win, and most just hoping to see another butt fumble.
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Newly elected Utah congresswoman Mia Love is a major rising star in the Republican party. with her anti-immigrant, anti-birthright citizenship and anti-welfare stances. The daughter of Haitian immigrants, however, also said in 2011, “My parents have always told me I was a miracle and our family’s ticket to America.” Love has also said her parents came on a tourist visa and stayed.
Makes sense she’s a GOP star. She’s proving a woman of color can be as much a hypocrite as a white man.
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Tags: A-Rod jokes, CMA jokes, election jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, Mitch McConnell jokes, NY Jets jokes, Republican jokes
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November 5, 2014
A very low turnout in this year’s midterm elections. Which must on some level make all the winners and incumbents very happy. Since all those people who didn’t vote have forfeited their bitching rights.
The polls are closed across the U.S. So finally the emails requesting money for the 2014 election will stop. The emails requesting money for 2016 start this morning.
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Not that I’m wishing harm on anyone, but it will be interesting to see what happens this winter the first time some natural disaster hits some state where a GOP leader has won election campaigning against the federal government.
What a country. Kim Kardashian Monday night posted “‘I’m standing w Obama in the midterm election 2morrow!’ Of course, since Kim probably didn’t take time to vote she probably didn’t even notice the President not being on the ballot.
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Not sure what Iowa’s Joni Ernst, who’s been downplaying her ties to Sarah Palin, might be like in the Senate. But her husband Gail at least looks like a gift for the comedy industry. This from his FB page last year: “What do you do if you see your ex running around in your front yard screaming and bloody? Stay calm. Reload. And try again.”
In Florida, Democrats had hoped a medical marijuana initiative would help Charlie Crist in Tuesday’s election. Alas wonder how many supporters of the amendment will show up to vote Wednesday.
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A statement that kind of sums up American priorities. This from Kristin Mavromatis with the Mecklenburg County Board of Elections in North Carolina: “There are lines all over the place Not quite as long as the line at the Cheesecake Factory but there are lines.”
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Wonder how many people who didn’t think they have time to vote had time to update their fantasy football teams. #ElectionDay
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Fox News’ Tucker Carlson. “We need, I think, an older white guy appreciation day, I think they have done a lot for this country.” With all due respect, in the U.S. EVERY day is “older white guy appreciation day.”
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A Virgin Australia flight bound for Sydney had to return to Los Angeles because of a plumbing problem that resulting in a nauseating smell on board. Ah for the good old days, when the most nauseating thing on a plane was the free food.
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President Obama just declared the lava flow from Hawaii’s Kilauea volcano to be a major disaster, which frees up federal money to help. Wonder how many people are thinking.”Yeah, just like Obama to send U.S. money overseas.”
Tony Romo says he is optimistic about Sunday’s game in London. Well, of course, who wouldn’t be optimistic with the prospect of playing the Jacksonville Jaguars?
Another why there is no satire: Dallas Cowboys hashtag for their London game is #CowboysUK Yes, they do.-
The LA Dodgers have hired Oakland A’s assistant GM Farhan Zaidi as their next GM. Right, okay, because the Athletics lasted so much longer than the Dodgers in recent playoffs.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, democrat jokes, election jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Obama jokes, Republican jokes, voting jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 4, 2014
An increasing number of #NFL teams seem to be playing like they’re auditioning for #TheWalkingDead
#NYGiants new slogan? “We s*ck less than the #NYJets.
Interesting matchup next Sunday. The #SF49ers, who after their start are furious at now being 4-4. Against the #Saints, who after their start are thrilled to be 4-4.
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#NYJets have a bye week. Which means that #GenoSmith will be about as productive as usual on fantasy teams.
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A last thought about #SF49ers goal line debacle yesterday. Some wonder why Harbaugh didn’t give the ball to Frank Gore. And Stanford fans remember Big Game 2009 and the Cardinal having a Heisman level RB and a chance to win at the end. Harbaugh didn’t give it to Gerhart either. #whatmebitter
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Carmelo Anthony says that the Knicks are over last year’s “bad energy.” So that means NY is ready to create some new bad energy.?
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A last thought about #SF49ers goal line debacle yesterday. Some wonder why Harbaugh didn’t give the ball to Frank Gore. And Stanford fans remember Big Game 2009 and the Cardinal having a Heisman level RB and a chance to win at the end. Harbaugh didn’t give it to Gerhart either. #whatmebitter
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Berkeley students are circulating a petition to get the university to cancel Bill Maher’s appearance at commencement. And somewhere the 1964 founders of the “Free Speech Movement” are weeping. Or they should be.
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A couple was actually married on a Southwest flight from Nashville to Dallas this weekend. Wonder if all was well until the bride reclined her seat into his and the groom filed for divorce?
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Red Lobster, which had added non-seafood items in hopes of attracting customers who didn’t like fish, is jettisoning some of those new dishes and adding more lobster. Makes sense. Because for those wanting mediocre chain food that isn’t seafood, the market is pretty saturated.
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Governor Jerry Brown is expected to win re-election handily tomorrow, despite having barely campaigned at all. Of course, one reason Brown might be so popular as that Californians haven’t seen him nonstop campaigning and running television ads.
From Marc Ragovin – ” Kenyan runners Wilson Kipsang and Mary Keitany won the NYC marathon. Upon crossing the finish line, Chris Christie ordered them to shut up as he and Andrew Cuomo threw them into quarantine tents.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, NY Giants jokes, NY Jets jokes, Red Lobster jokes, Southwest jokes
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November 3, 2014
As reported by the the SF Chronicle, apparently before the Giants World Series Parade the SF Police were chatting with Madison Bumgarner and along with all the congrats someone said “If there is anything we can do for you.” Madbum’s response, “Anything? Can I ride one of y’alls horses in the parade? After some discussion and risk assessment, the answer was something, well, not exactly DURING the parade.”
Meanwhile, the #SF49ers clearly needed #MadBum
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Small silver lining for #49ers fans? At least #Kaepernick ‘s last play wasn’t a butt fumble.
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Saddest thing for #NYJets fans about a sad season? That win against the #Raiders may have cost them #1 draft pick. Either that, or watching Mark Sanchez win in Philly?
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Washington coach Jay Gruden blasted an ESPN report today that said RG III has teammates who seem to disrespect him, saying it was “amateurish.” Well, if anyone should know about amateurish, it’s the coach of the Redskins.
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Silver lining with Stanford’s underwhelming football season. Players, coaches and fans get to celebrate New Year’s Eve at home.
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So one might think Oregon’s rout of Stanford might propel the Ducks into the top four for a projected BCS playoff spot. Nope, they’re still behind idle Alabama. #nopac12respect
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Clocks turned back last night. Meaning hard-core #Lakers fans had another hour to not sleep.
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Breaking news, a Kenyan has won the New York City Marathon” Wouldn’t it be more news if a Kenyan DIDN’T win the New York City Marathon?
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Not the Onion. A Tucson pastor was woken up by police at 2am because a member of his congregation said she thought she had Ebola and her pastor had returned from Africa in September. He had been to Zambia, which is further from West Africa than San Francisco is from Washington, D.C. #cantfixstupid
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Yet another example of why Trader Joe’s leaves other grocery stores in the dust. Saw a package of “Iced Cranberry Orange Scone Cookies” near the checkout. Told the cashier, those sound good. She said, “They are, want to try one?” Opened a box, gave me one, and offered them to anyone in the area. Sold about five boxes of cookies on the spot.
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Maybe there was too much hype for the #DENvsNE game? Peyton Manning might have thought he was back in the #SuperBowl?
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A new poll shows Charlie Crist 7 points ahead of Gov. Rick Scott in Florida. Wow. Might have to retire half my Florida jokes.
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From Jerry Perisho: Asked if she was going to the polls on Tuesday, Kim Kardashian said, “No, but I’m opening a new store in Warsaw, next spring.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, college football jokes, ESPN jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, madbum jokes, Stanford jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 