Author Archive
January 26, 2015
A small drone that crashed on the White House lawn this morning apparently belonged to a “government employee” who said was using it for fun when he lost control of the flying device. You know, they really need to find more to do for Joe Biden.
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Why there is no satire. Incoming MLB commissioner Rob Manfred said he wants to “inject more offense into the game.” Uh, been there, done that. Got the asterisk on the t-shirt.
Patriots owner Robert Kraft said today if the NFL can’t definitely determine guilt in “Deflate-gate”, that the league owes the entire team an apology. Guess that sounds better than saying the NFL would owe New England congratulations on the cover-up.
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Richard Sherman, who missed the Pro Bowl because his team has a game this weekend, has a gripe. “Only thing I’m disappointed about is that we didn’t get our gifts from the Pro Bowl. Which is kind of dumb.The NFL is only league that punishes the players who actually make the all-star game by not giving them the gift.”
Well, to be fair, Sherman only signed a 4 year $56 million extension with the Seahawks. Dude’s got to take care of his family.
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Arizona man who was hired as “assistant frequency coordinator” for the Super Bowl was fired after he posted a Facebook picture of himself wearing the security ID (The NFL forbids this because of fears the ID’s could be copied.)
His response. “When I screw up…I do it good….. They say that the hardest words in the English language to say are ‘I’m wrong.’ Well…I’m wrong.” Give the guy credit, he’s manned up better than the Patriots.
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Tom Brady this morning on a Boston radio show about “Deflate-gate,” said “my feelings got hurt.” “I feel so sorry for him,” said no one outside New England.
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What took so long? Fox Sports reports that NFL has “zeroed in” on a Patriots locker room attendant who allegedly took balls before the Patriots-Colts from the officials’ locker room to another area on the way to the field. So was it Belichick or Brady who uttered the pre-game words “Who will rid me of this meddlesome air?
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Odell Beckham Jr., he of the highlight reel catches, says that he was bothered by a hamstring this year and wasn’t at full strength all season. And a bunch of cornerbacks and safeties just threw up.
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Disney Cruise Line has announced plans to bring “Frozen” to life for cruise passengers this summer on select sailings to Europe and Alaska, with characters and music from the film. And presumably well-iced martinis to help parents survive hearing “Let it Go” one more time.
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KFC in the Philippines has a new menu item, the “Double Down Dog” sandwich. It features a cheese covered hot dog inside a bun-size piece of fried chicken. No word on if the “Double Down Dog” will ever be available in the U.S. Presumably KFC first needs to find a sponsoring team of cardiologists.
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Travel bans in effect Monday night in NY.. #NYJets & #NYGiants have done their part by not having fans need to fly to #SuperBowl #blizzardof2015
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Biden jokes, Brady jokes, deflate gate, Deflategate joke, Frozen jokes, Janice Hough, MLB jokes, Patriots jokes, PED jokes, Sherman jokes, Super Bowl Jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
January 26, 2015
President Obama and PM Narendra Modi said they have reached “a breakthrough understanding” on nuclear issues between the U.S and India. Okay, that’s a start. Now what are they going to do about deflated footballs?
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Even SNL opened with a “Deflate-Gate” sketch. Apparently it was either that or one about using guns on fish in a barrel.
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Richard Sherman, never a fan of the philosophy “when your opponent is digging himself into a ditch, stand back and watch him dig.” on Deflate-gate
““Will the (the Patriots) be punished? Probably not. Not as long as Robert Kraft and Roger Goodell are still taking pictures at their respective homes. I think it was just at Kraft’s house last week before the AFC Championship, you know. Talk about conflict of interest.”
With all due re$pect, I don’t think it matter$ who’$ playing. As Goodell has billion$ of rea$on$ not to me$$ with the ca$h cow that is the $uper Bowl.
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Miss Universe was crowned Sunday night. Not sure how many straight men in the audience but at least nice to have one competition without deflated balls.
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Ashley Wagner won her 3rd US figure skating championship yesterday. At the age of 23. Guess this makes her figure skating’s Jamie Moyer.
Ideas for Super Bowl halftime – from Bill Littlejohn “How about Air Supply?”
Or maybe all the songs should be sung in the key of B flat?
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Of course, Idina Menzel is doing the National Anthem. Maybe she should toss in a Frozen line – “My power flurries through the air into the ground.”
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While we’re all on the free speech bandwagon, the mayor of Boston signed an agreement that blocks city employees from making negative comments about the Olympics, the International Olympic Committee, or the USOC. Not exactly a profile in courage.
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Sarah Palin “the man can only ride you when your back is bent.”. And somewhere W is thinking. “And they said I couldn’t speak English?”
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The Pro Bowl final score was 32-28. And if you already knew that, you might be just beyond a football fanatic. And if you had a bet on the score, you might just have a gambling problem.
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But okay, while the Pro Bowl is a joke, caught a glimpse on ESPN pre-game of Drew Brees, Andrew Luck and John Harbaugh laughing and chatting in locker room. Now that would be a seriously fun conversation to overhear.
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New MLB commissioner Rob Manfred said in an interview that he wants to “inject additional offense into the game” and would be open to pursuing the elimination of defensive shifts, which he says give the fielders a competitive advantage. Well, while he’s at it will Manfred limit the number of innings thrown by pitchers like Kershaw and Bumgarner?
(and didn’t we already try “injecting” offense into the game?”)
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Browns WR Josh Gordon has failed another drug test, allegedly for alcohol which was forbidden as part of his probation and may now be suspended for a year by the NFL. In Gordon’s defense, will he claim that dealing with the Manziel circus is enough to drive ANYONE to drink.
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Congrats to Coach K, for being the first Men’s Division 1 basketball coach to reach 1,000 wins. For all those one-and-done current players, that’s a 1 with three zeroes after it.
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But lest we forget, Coach K is still 98 wins behind Pat Summitt. #1000Wins
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: coach k and pat summitt, coach k jokes, deflate gate, Deflate-gate jokes, Janice Hough, miss universe jokes, Pro Bowl jokes, Sherman jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
January 24, 2015
A new poll found that 1 in 4 U.S. citizens believe God plays a role in determining which team wins sports contests. The rest of us know it’s down to lucky charms, clothes, voodoo, etc.
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Fed Ex announced they have delivered the Super Bowl Lombardi trophy to Arizona, where it is now on display. If the Patriots win will they put a little dent in the football?
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The NFL has apparently warned that if Marshawn Lynch grabs his crotch again for a touchdown celebration, Seattle will be fined 15 yards. Wouldn’t it be simpler to just ask the Patriots to over-inflate the Seahawks’ footballs?
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Well, at least Brandon Bostick has to be happy no one is talking anymore about his muffed catch of the #Seahawks onside kick.
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Although just think, had the Seahawks kicked one of those Patriot balls, Bostick might have had an easier time catching it.
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And if some ways really don’t get why Deflategate is still a story. Shouldn’t the Patriots have found some lowly equipment staffer willing to fall on his sword, or rather ball, and accept responsibility by now? Or are they still working out the details of the “retirement” payout?
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Northern California’s Serra High School has been banned from post-season football for two years. Because their coach announced to their opponent, at noon on the day of a December playoff consolation game, that they were forfeiting and would not play, because he “couldn’t justify a single injured player.” So in other words, risks are fine if it’s about winning. But if the game doesn’t lead to a potential championship, there’s no point.
And this is the high school where Tom Brady played football. #lessonlearned
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Lindsay Lohan is facing jail because she is behind on her community service. But the actress is claiming she hasn’t been able to put in the hours due to a virus she contracted while vacationing in Bora Bora. Wouldn’t it have been easier to claim measles from Disneyland?
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The University of Alabama has announced that Lane Kiffin will be staying as offensive coordinator. Translation, either the SF 49ers wised up. Or didn’t offer Kiffin enough money.
Big sports news across the pond in England. BBC calling it maybe the biggest FA Cup shocker ever – Bradford City comes back from 2-0 down to beat Chelsea 4-2. And in the US people are going, “who’s Bradford, who’s Chelsea, and what the heck is the FA Cup?”
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Great oldie but goodie line on a San Francisco bar coaster. “The early bird gets the worm. But the second mouse gets the cheese.” #notamorningperson
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Sarah Palin now says she is “seriously interested” in running for President in 2016. This might be the first time Palin and “serious” have been used in the same sentence.
Ted Cruz today in Iowa. “There are 110,000 employees at the IRS. We need to padlock that building and put every one of those 110,000 on our southern border.’ What’s more ludicrous? The idea of putting all Americans on the honor system for taxes? Or putting 110,000 accountant types with guns on the Mexican border?
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Deflate-gate jokes, Deflategate, Disneyland jokes, FA Cup jokes, jancie hough, measles jokes, Palin jokes, Patriots jokes, Ted Cruz jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
January 23, 2015
As a child, it was hard to imagine a baseball world without Ernie Banks in it. It still is. RIP Mr. Cub. Hope heaven has a special shiny gold trophy for you with all those little flags on it.
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And yeah, MLB Hall of Fame is one thing. But what greater tribute to a man, #ErnieBanks , #MrCub, is that no one ever said a negative word about him.
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You cannot make this “stuff” up: Actual USAToday.com headline – “Supreme Court will rule on safety of lethal injections.”
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A Southern California TV station (KSBY) is reporting that former MLB pitcher Ted Lilly has been charged with 3 felony counts of insurance fraud for damaging his $200,000 RV and not filing a claim until he purchased insurance afterwards. But hey, the guy has to feed his family. Lilly only earned about $100 million in his career.
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Some wondered if there would be repercussions when airlines no longer required electronic devices to be turned off from the moment the door is closed. Alas, here’s one: the company behind the SkyMall catalog has declared Chapter 11. #noneedtoread
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And how many people read the above and think “Ooh, Skymall close-out sale!”
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Of course it makes sense that Tom Brady, who likes his balls “a certain way” wouldn’t have noticed that the footballs were different last week. About as much sense as David Ortiz getting confused and using Dustin Pedroia’s bat by mistake.
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How quickly things change. And here many of us thought the NFL narrative all week would be about the end of the Packers Seahawks game.
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A Southern California TV station (KSBY) is reporting that former MLB pitcher Ted Lilly has been charged with 3 felony counts of insurance fraud for damaging his $200,000 RV and not filing a claim until he purchased insurance afterwards. But hey, the guy has to feed his family. Lilly only earned about $100 million in his career.
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Kobe Bryant, 36, may soon have season-ending surgery on his torn rotator cuff. But by doing the surgery now Bryant should be healthy enough to start and be injured again next season.
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Marshawn Lynch, unhappy about recent fines, especially one on a teammate, tweeted that he was ” embarrassed to work” for the NFL. Hmm. If he wants to be really embarrassed, Lynch could sign a free agent deal with the Jets.
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Three players were ejected after a fight where punches were thrown in the Alabama-Auburn women’s basketball game last night. And a whole lot of men just put the SEC women’s final on their watch calendar.
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Seems like a lot of the people screaming at Obama for not attending the free speech #jesuisCharlie rally in Paris sure have their knickers in a knot over various free speech comments about #AmericanSniper
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And the gifts just keep on coming. Rick Santorum says he is thinking of running again for President in 2016. No word on when Santorum will decide whether or not to throw his vest into the ring.
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Measles was declared eradicated in 2000. Now, thanks to the anti-vaccine movement, the CDC says that last year doctors in the U.S. diagnosed 644 cases of measles. And some wonder how anti-science politicians get elected….
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In San Francisco today, Jeb Bush acknowledged he is “seriously” considering a run for President. And Hillary Clinton “seriously” congratulated Jeb for saying it with a straight face.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cubs jokes, deflategate jokes, Ernie Banks, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, skymall jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
January 23, 2015
Bill Belichick. “I have no explanation for what happened… I was shocked to learn of the footballs on Monday.” I presume the Patriots coach was also shocked to hear that there is gambling in Casablanca?
More from Belichick’s press conference. “Tom’s personal preferences on his footballs are something that he can talk about in much better detail and information than I could possibly provide,” Someone want to pass this quote on to Giselle?
Tom Brady – – “I wouldn’t do anything to break the rules.” Giselle – “My husband cannot f–king throw the ball and deflate it at the same time.”
So much denial out of New England. Hmm. Overheard last weekend in the Patriots’ locker room by coaches and players holding footballs “Will no one rid me of this meddlesome air?”
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First a missing elevator video, now a micro-manager of a coach who didn’t realize his team was cheating, again. Just wondering, since when did Roger Goodell decide that ignorance is only no excuse in New Orleans.
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So can we make sure all the Pro Bowl footballs are deflated? Since it’s an exhibition game, it would be fun to see Luck and Brees combine to throw for 20-30 touchdowns.
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Meanwhile, back in the NFC, the NFL has fined Marshawn Lynch $20,000 for the grabbing his crotch after scoring a TD in the Seahawks win over Green Bay. And then presumably the league will fine the Seattle RB another $50,000 for refusing to comment on the incident.
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Starbucks reported a 16% jump in quarterly profit today. Makes sense, interest rates are still low enough that consumers can get inexpensive loans to buy their coffee.
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How much more does this Disneyland measles outbreak have to spread before people start clamoring for President Obama to figure out a way to prevent the disease?
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House GOP leaders pulled a very restrictive anti-abortion bill from the floor after reports that several women Republican congressmen were going to vote against it. Presumably their next step, looking into what it would take to repeal the 19th amendment.
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Mike Huckabee, talking about how states could resist a Supreme Court decision upholding gay marriage: “Do we really surrender the entire American system of government to five people, unelected, appointed for life, with no consequences for the decisions they make? The founders never intended for there to be such incredible, almost unlimited power, put in the hands of so few people.”
Uh, wonder what President Al Gore thinks of this statement?
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As negative as this #DeflateGate coverage is #RichardSherman still probably stewing over fact that he’s out of the headlines. #SuperBowl
From Marc Ragovin. “I hear the Patriots’ Super Bowl fight song is gonna be “Under Pressure.”
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Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah, 91, has died. The scary thing…. he’s supposed to have made the country more modern and reasonable. #howcouldyoutell
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A 50-year-old Irish grandmother received no jail time when she pleaded guilty to possession of a small amount of cocaine at a Cork bingo hall. Apparently police first became suspicious when they heard her yelling “BINGO” from the next county.
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Email ad today for the Westminster Kennel show “See your favorite dogs for this February only $30.” Of course New York bargain hunters can wait six weeks and get cheap seats for the Mets.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Belichick jokes, Deflate-gate jokes, Huckabee jokes, Janice Hough, measles jokes, Patriots jokes, Richard Sherman jokes, Tom Brady jokes
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January 22, 2015
The “deflate-gate” story is getting more and more media coverage. If this keeps up, God may not be rooting for the Seahawks, but Roger Goodell and the NFL sure will.
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Andrew Luck, asked about losing the AFC Championship game. “You do feel deflated.” Now Andrew is a nice young man and apparently felt embarrassed when he realized what he said. But Luck does have a free pass on the bus to hell if he wants one.
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So deflated footballs are easier for quarterbacks to handle? Maybe this explains why Jerry Jones wanted Chris Christie as a lucky charm at Dallas games…. he just wanted the NJ Governor to sit on the team’s balls.
As if most Americans weren’t already sad to see Seattle instead of Green Bay in the Super Bowl, here’s Aaron Rodgers, when asked if losing a game like last week’s shakes his faith: “I don’t think God cares a whole lot about the outcome. He cares about the people involved, but I don’t think he’s a big football fan.”
(besides, we all know, God prefers baseball.)
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Even casual football fans now know that the amount of air in a ball makes a difference. One of the few deflating offenders caught in the past? USC , who was fined $25,000, under then coach Lane Kiffin in 2012. Yep, the same Kiffin who is now under consideration to be the 49ers offensive coordinator. So the circus may really be coming to San Francisco.
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A new study has found that people of drink four or more cups of coffee a day have a 20 percent less chance of getting malignant melanoma skin cancer. Maybe due to the antioxidants. Or maybe due to the fact that anyone drinking that much coffee won’t be able to sit still in the sun for long.
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Now Joe Biden says he might run for President in 2016. Seems reasonable. Why should late-night talk show hosts just have fun with the GOP side?
Chelsea Clinton, talking about her baby girl – “I read her the world news every morning.” Well, of course, how else will Charlotte be prepared in 2060 to run for President?
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Former NY Jets QB coach David Lee said that Geno Smith’s inconsistency “is what killed us.” Right, because the Jets did so much better with Mark Sanchez and Tim Tebow.
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A password management company has found that Americans have wised up and that “password” is no longer the most commonly used password in the U.S. It has, however, been replaced by “123456.” Maybe such users should consider another six character password – “Darwin.”
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PGA golfer Robert Allenby said he was kidnapped, beaten and robbed in Honolulu. But now witnesses say they just saw him passed out drunk on a sidewalk. Even Tiger Woods is thinking, “Dude, you couldn’t come up with a better story?”
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Why there is no satire. Thanks to my friend Laura for this line from the AP, note, not the Onion, the AP: “ORLANDO, Florida — A trial to determine whether U.S. Rep. Alan Grayson’s wife committed bigamy when she wed the congressman has been delayed because she required emergency surgery to remove breast implants.”
From T.C. Mah husband cannot throw the f***ing ball and blow it up too – Gisele Bundchen
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: belicheat jokes, Christie jokes, coffee jokes, deflategate jokes, Janice Hough, Patriots jokes, Super Bowl Jokes
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January 20, 2015
ESPN reports that 11 of 12 game balls allotted to the Patriots for the AFC Championship game were found to be underinflated by two pounds of air (PSI) Out of a required 12.5-13.5 pounds. The report adds that the league is “disappointed … angry … distraught.” So that makes the entire NFL honorary Packers fans?
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Many think “deflate-gate” is ludicrous because the Patriots wouldn’t need to have cheated to beat the Colts. Of course, Nixon sure didn’t need to cheat to beat McGovern.
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Seahawks vs Patriots. A lot of people just really don’t care who wins the Super Bowl. At least Katy Perry will give millions of men two reasons to watch.
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Jim Harbaugh has hired his son, 25, as a coach. Of course Michigan fans don’t care if Harbaugh puts his dog on the payroll, as long as he can beat Ohio State.
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From Bill Littlejohn: “A large number of Seahawk fans left the stadium and were not around for Sunday’s wild finish.Thus, only 775,000 will claim that they were there to see it.”
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68 Stanford students shut down the San Mateo bridge during Monday’s commute. They were protesting Ferguson, as well as “state-sponsored and U.S.-sponsored violence in Mexico and Palestine.” Have no problem with their free speech in tying all those diverse things together, but thinking if you want to win people to your side, keeping them stuck in their cars after a long day of work doesn’t seem to be the best way to do it.
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Donald Trump says he is giving “serious thought” to another Presidential run. This may be the first time that “Donald Trump” and “serious thought” have been used in the same sentence.
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What’s the point of a long rebuttal to the #SOTU? When the basic message is simply. “What he said was all wrong”?
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So apparently some people are doing a “Nationwide Boycott of the SOTU” where they will take pictures of themselves turning their back on President Obama. Aren’t some of these the same people who are unhappy that we no longer do the Pledge of Allegiance each morning in school? – “One nation, INDIVISIBLE…..”
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Hope Solo just had domestic violence charges dropped against her, now allegedly she was almost arrested again for being “belligerent” when her former NFL player husband Jerramy Stevens was arrested for DUI in L.A. Who says female athletes will never be the equal of men?
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Why there is no satire. MLB just put Fred Wilpon in charge of the MLB finance committee. For the uninitiated, he is the owner of the Mets, whose performance should in and of itself question his ability to manage money, but he also lost about $700 million investing in a Ponzi scheme run by Bernie Madoff. And Wilpon’s defense to avoid criminal charges himself…. he had no clue what was going on…. #facepalm
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Kim Kardashian has a book coming out in May, titled “Selfish.” Does this really even need a punchline?
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MLB is proposing that pitchers now be ready to throw a pitch 30 seconds before all between-inning commercial breaks end. Hitters would need to be ready 20 seconds in advance. This would supposedly shorten all games that are not nationally televised by at least 10-15 minutes. Which means Yankees-Red Sox games will still last four hours.
Sad news Tuesday night, that a heart surgeon at Boston’s Brigham and Women’s Hospital has passed away after being shot this Tuesday morning, apparently by a disgruntled son of a former patient, who then turned the gun on himself. A sad remember that for all we worry about foreign terrorists, we have plenty of crazy dangerous people right in here in the USA.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: delflate-gate jokes, Harbaugh jokes, Janice Hough, Patriots jokes, Seahawks jokes, Super Bowl Jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
January 19, 2015
So Brandon Bostick didn’t lose that game for the Packers all by himself. But when he let that onside kick go through his hands, the fat lady was so upset she dropped her sheet music.
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The Seattle Seahawks deleted their MLK day tweet saying “We shall overcome” with an MLK quote about faith and a picture of a crying Russell Wilson. Good thing it wasn’t Easter…. wonder what they would have tweeted about resurrection.
So lots of potential bets on the Super Bowl. One of the more intriguing… what’s the over-under on the size of the fine the NFL will levy on Marshawn Lynch for not talking during media week?
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Seattle police let Seahawks DE Michael Bennett commandeer one of their bicycles for a joy ride around the field after yesterday’s game. And somewhere Madison Bumgarner saw that and said, “Alright, next time no one’s telling ME I can’t ride a police horse in a parade.”
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Happy MLK day. And a weird trivia apropos of nothing, well, except that it’s almost Spring Training. Had Martin Luther King lived, he would still be younger than Vin Scully.
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A college intern working for the Cincinnati Bengals’ was arrested and is facing felony fraud charges after allegedly stealing more than 100 items, including shoes and other gear from the team’s locker room. The items were valued at a total of about $3,500. What an idiot. You’d think he’d at least work for a team where the stolen stuff would be worth more.
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Chicago GM Ryan Pace called new coach John Fox “a game-changer” for the team. Cool, but it will take more than changing one-game to make the Bears a serious postseason contender in 2015.
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Bud Selig this weekend in St. Louis, “I visit all 30 cities, and you are the best baseball city.” Now, Cardinals fans are great. But no respect for the city that has sold out every game for the past three years? (San Francisco)
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The measles outbreak that started at Disneyland over the holidays is now up to at least 51 cases in California, a few other states, and Mexico. And it is expected to get much worse. The L.A.Times reports “the wealthy area of southern Orange County has particularly low vaccination levels among kindergartners compared to the state average.” #Moneycantfixstupid
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Pope Francis, who has come out against artificial birth control, did just say. “Some people think that – excuse my expression here – that in order to be good Catholics we have to be like rabbits.” and added that he knew many ways allowed by the Church to limit family size. Right. Brings to mind the old joke, “What do you call people who practice the rhythm method?” “Parents.”
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A new poll shows President Obama’s approval rating back up to 50%. Makes sense. The economy is getting better. And maybe Americans are starting to look ahead to the alternatives.
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Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal today reiterated his claim that Muslim immigrants have created “no-go zones” in Europe where non-Muslims are not welcome. Although he can’t name one such zone. Apparently Jindal’s prior comment that the GOP must “stop being the stupid party” doesn’t extend to pesky things like facts.
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Okay, Billy Crystal has been taking heat for saying he thought some gay sex scenes on TV went “a little too far. ” But it’s gotten less attention when he added “What I meant was that whenever sex or graphic nudity of any kind (gay or straight) is gratuitous to the plot or story, it becomes a little too much for my taste.” Actually agree with him. Hard to believe it was scandalous when I was a kid that Mike and Carol Brady shared a bed.
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Here we go again. In Missouri a 9-month-old boy has died after being shot in the head by his 5-year-old brother. Stand by for the NRA campaign to arm babies at birth.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Bostick jokes, Janice Hough, Jindal jokes, Lynch jokes, NFL jokes, Pope jokes, Seahawks jokes, Super Bowl Jokes, vaccine jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
January 19, 2015
Some say God wanted the Seahawks to win. But isn’t it as likely that God was rooting for the Packers and just turned to the Colts-Patriots figuring the game was over?
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The ending of the NFC championship was bad enough Packers fans are getting sympathy cards from Cubs fans.
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Quite a number of Seahawks fans actually left with a few minutes left in the game. Suppose that’s better than all the Packers who didn’t show up in the fourth quarter.
Considering how popular both the #Patriots and #Seahawks are wonder how many Americans will fast-forward through #SuperBowl to get to commercials
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Will the #Seahawks vote #Bostick a #SuperBowl playoff share?
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In “prop bets” though, who had Russell Wilson getting his first completion of the day with less than four minutes less in the second quarter? And who had him completing more passes in the first half to the Packers than the Seahawks?
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The NFL warned Marshawn Lynch that if he had worn gold cleats Sunday as he planned, he would have been ejected from the NFC championship game. Good to see the league once again focusing on what’s important.
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Not a Seahawks fan, but if the problem with Lynch’s gold cleats was that they might have been a distraction, why weren’t the Oregon Ducks’ uniforms declared illegal most weeks.
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Meanwhile, TC asks “Did anyone notice that Jim Nantz and Phil Simms were not wearing “Bose” headsets? That has to be a $50,000 fine at least from the NFL! EACH!!!!!”
Indianapolis reporter Bob Kravitz tweeted “Breaking: A league source tells me the NFL is investigating the possibility the Patriots deflated footballs Sunday night. More to come.” He added that “no one is suggesting this is why Colts lost” but if true the story will just add to New England’s lovable reputation.
On a brighter note, at least the Colts didn’t break their fans’ hearts in the 4th quarter.
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First Jim Tomsula. Now rumors have the 49ers looking at Lane Kiffin as an offensive coordinator. And in from Ann Arbor you can almost hear a new resident giggling.
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And one thing about Lane Kiffin, he’ll have the “offensive” part down pat.
Tony Verna, 81, the inventor of instant replay for sports on TV, has passed away. At his funeral, wonder how many times they will review his life?
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FOX News apologized four times Saturday for recent incorrect information about Muslims in Europe- things like more than half the Muslims in France supporting ISIS, Sharia law superseding local law, there being “no-go” zones etc. Less shocking that people on FOX said these things perhaps, then that they apologized for them.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Green Bay jokes, Janice Hough, Lane Kiffin jokes, Marshawn Lynch jokes, NFC Championship jokes, Packers jokes, Seahawks jokes, Seattle jokes, Super Bowl Jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
January 18, 2015
The bleachers at Wrigley Field won’t be ready by Opening Day, and due to renovations will be closed at least all of April, and possibly May. Longtime Cubs bleacher bums are upset, they already know they’ll miss October.
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Yes, the Oscars this year are very white. But while we’re screaming about lack of diversity, once again, where are the nominees for comic movies and “chick flicks”? #grumpyoldacademymen
The surviving members of the Grateful Dead have announced a 50th anniversary reunion show this July. Good news for many of those who saw the band in its “smoky” heyday. It will be an actual concert they can remember.
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Jennifer Aniston, being asked again about a rivalry with Angelina Jolie. “I think it’s time people stop with that petty B.S. and just start celebrating great work and stop with the petty kind of silliness.” What, and put all those tabloid writers out of business?
President Obama apparently will propose raising the capital gains tax on on couples making more than $500,000 per year to 28 percent, the same level as under Reagan. Have to wonder how many younger GOP legislators are thinking “yeah, that commie pinko… oh wait, never mind.”
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The Power 5 NCAA conferences approved a measure 79-1 saying that schools must pay athletes a stipend (a few thousand a year) to cover the actual cost of attendance besides room, board and books. One ACC school dissented. Wonder if it was FSU. That stipend probably wouldn’t cover crab legs.
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Meanwhile, the University of California will tie pay for newly hired coaches and athletic directors to their athletes’ performance in the classroom. Which is a good thing. Unless it means more athletes majoring in underwater basket weaving.
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According to the NY Times, a U.S congressional delegation is in Havana this weekend to meet with Cuban officials “to discuss greater cooperation and remaining areas of disagreement.” And maybe to do a little cigar shopping.
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Bill Cosby’s lawyer says he has proof the comedian was not in Los Angeles the night a model accuses him of drugging and sexually assaulting her at the Playboy Mansion. If true, that’s one “she said” down, and about 99 to go.
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Fox is considering bringing back “24” without Kiefer Sutherland/Jack Bauer. #whatsthepoint
Free pass on the bus to hell for my funny friend Jerry Perisho: “‘There’s an easier way.’ – Bill Cosby to Greg Anthony”
The Colts’ Trent Richardson didn’t travel with his team to Sunday’s AFC championship game against the Patriots because of “personal reasons” As in “personally” everyone else on the team is sick of him?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bill Cosby jokes, Cuba jokes, Janice Hough, NCAA jokes, Oscars jokes, playoffs jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
January 17, 2015
In Arizona, high school seniors will have to pass a 100 question civics test to graduate from high school. Wonder how many legislators could pass it.
Not to say the mostly old white male voters in the Academy don’t get it, but when the uproar began about this year’s Oscars being too white, they suggested giving all nominees a gift certificate to a tanning salon.
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Now that the Supreme Court is going to rule on the subject, am sure advocates of same-sex marriage have to feel confident about Clarence Thomas’s vote. Since his marriage to a white woman would have been against the law in some states until the Court ruled miscegenation laws unconstitutional in 1967.
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New Oakland Raiders coach Jack Del Rio was optimistic in a press conference today but said the team needs “some work.” Yep, like Joan Rivers had had “some work” done.
#NBC says they won’t work with #BillCosby again. Which would be big news, if anyone still watched NBC.
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Urban Meyer on the Late Show talked about how J.T. Barrett “broke his ankle against the team up north.” Letterman asked “When you say ‘team up north?’” Meyer replied “That’s our rival. Can’t say the word.” Right, and some wonder how kids get the idea that there’s no life outside football.
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Is no sport sacred? Former world champion Carolina Kostner of Italy has been banned for 16 months for a doping case involving her ex-boyfriend, Olympic race walking gold medalist Alex Schwazer. It’s all enough to make you long for the purity of professional wrestling.
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Randy Johnson has announced that he will go into the Hall of Fame wearing an Arizona Diamondbacks cap. So guess those 7 months he was with the SF Giants didn’t mean that much to him?
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John Boehner is using 13 gifs of Taylor Swift to take President Obama’s plan to offer free community college tuition. Who knew the Speaker knew what a “gif” was? Who knew the Speaker knew who Taylor Swift was?
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Just wondering, what would happen if terrorists threatened the creators of “South Park”? Would the people who are getting hysterical over Obama not going to Paris also say the President should strongly defend their right to cartoon free speech?
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Amnesty International reported Saudi authorities today postponed the second round of public flogging of a blogger sentenced to 1,000 lashes for insulting Islam. Only because a doctor said the wounds from the first hadn’t healed and “he would not be able to withstand another round of lashes at this time.” The floggings will thus resume late – he still has 950 lashes to go.
It’s okay though, Saudi officials marched in the Paris demonstration last week.
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After having 20 debates before the 2012 election, the Republican National Committee has cut the 2016 Presidential debates down to nine. Great news for Rick Perry, whose theory is “the smaller the better” when it comes to numbers.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Oscars jokes, paris jokes, Raiders jokes, South park jokes, Supreme Court jokes
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January 15, 2015
A 23 year old woman who was a Wall Street intern apparently quit and is embarking on a new career in porn. Well, many would say she has chosen a more honorable profession.
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OSU QB Cardale Jones “My decision was very simple. I had to talk it over with my family, my friends, my coaching staff… At my point in my career, I feel like it’s best for me to go back to school. One of the most important things for me to do is graduate.” Have to wish the guy the best; sounds like Jones is already more mature than Johnny Manziel.
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Darrell Winfield, one of the original “Marlboro men” in cigarette ads, died this week at the age of 85. The rancher no doubt attributed his long life to not actually smoking those Marlboros.
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Two parents in Silver Spring, MD, a nice suburb outside DC, are being investigated by Child Protective Services for allowing their 10 and 6 year old children to walk a mile home from the park by themselves. And we are supposed to be raising a generation that can stand up to terrorists? #facepalm
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Your “awwww” story of the day. A cat in Russia is being called a hero for climbing into a box with an abandoned baby and keeping him warm, then meowing until she got a passerby’s attention. Of course, the meows might have been to say “Get this thing out of MY box.” #cattrap
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Really? Former congressman Joe Walsh tweeted “Let’s hope that when the Islamists next strike they first behead the appeasing cowards at CNN, MSNBC, etal who refused to show the cartoons.” Uh, Mr. Walsh, why don’t YOU show the Charlie Hebdo cartoons in a tweet yourself?
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Former Dallas Cowboys offensive coordinator/offensive line coach Bill Callahan has taken a new job as offensive line coach for Washington. How awful does Jerry Jones have to be to make Dan Snyder look like a better alternative as an boss?
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From T.C. “Even former SF 49ers Head Coach Jim Harbaugh was Googling Tom Sula to find out who this guy is.”
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In Pennsylvania, 62-year-old woman says she found a python on her bathroom floor when she went to take an overnight “potty break.” Assume it scared the sh*t out if her.
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A 132-year-old Winchester rifle was just found in a remote part of the Great Basin National Park in Nevada. Very cool. Wonder if it’s the one that was lost after being bought new as a Christmas present for a young Larry King?
At the Republican National Committee winter meeting, hundreds of activists said they hoped Mitt Romney didn’t run for President for a third time. On the other hand, millions of people do hope Mitt runs again. They’re called Democrats.
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On a serious note, over 20 years ago I was lucky enough to meet and talk with Molly Ivins in a small group setting. Molly was famous as a liberal, but what she cared most about was free speech. While I can’t remember her exact words, what she said was that free speech was hard, and messy. That it didn’t just mean letting people you agreed with speak freely. And that if you truly supported free speech you would hear some pretty awful things.
I would have loved to read a column of Molly’s on Charlie Hebdo. No doubt she would have agreed some of their cartoons were disgusting. But she would have defended their right to print them.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: bathroom python jokes, Cardale Jones jokes, cat jokes, Charlie Hebdo jokes, Joe Walsh jokes, NFL jokes, Wall Street intern porn star jokes
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January 15, 2015
Rex Ryan, in his introductory press conference as coach of the Buffalo Bills, told fans “it’s been 15 years” since the playoffs. “Well, get ready. We’re going.” So does Rex have a special contact to help with tickets?
Less than enthusiastic reaction for a potential third run: “If Mitt Romney is the answer, what is the question? And “Romney is a man of admirable personal character, but his political profile is, well, protean.” This from an editorial in that wacky leftist publication, the Wall Street Journal.
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Actor Jeff Goldblum, 62, will become a first-time dad, as his wife, Emilie Livingston, 31, is pregnant. These things do make some sense, the baby’s feedings should coincide nicely with Goldblum’s middle of the night bathroom runs.
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Why there is no satire. Ted Cruz has been named chair of the House Subcommittee on “Space, Science and Competitiveness.” Having Ted Cruz chair a Science committee is like having Bill Clinton chair a committee on Abstinence.
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Oregon’s #MarcusMariota has declared for the draft. Good news for #NFL teams, and for the rest of the #Pac12 .
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Ah, who says the San Antonio Spurs aren’t a wild and crazy bunch. Why, they visited the White House today, and Tim Duncan showed up WITHOUT A TIE.
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A South Carolina mother reported her son missing this week. She last saw him in June 1995 when he went “to follow the Grateful Dead.” Sounds like the son wasn’t the only “Dead Head” in the family.
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Rosie Perez is out as co-host of “The View.”. Wow, “The View” is still on?
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Two men have become the first in history to reach the top of El Capitan’s Dawn Wall without bolts or climbing tools. It took them over two weeks. A lot of men read this and think “Awesome.” And a lot of women think “Why?”
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The SF 49ers will apparently hire defensive line coach Jim Tomsula as their new coach, over a host of other candidates including defensive coordinator Vic Fangio, who has been Tomsula’s superior. Looks like the circus is coming to town early this year.
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So two questions on the 49ers hiring Jim Tomsula as head coach: How many years is the contract. And how many years into the contract will this new Jim coach until he and the team “decide to go in different directions?”
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So a new marijuana spray will be on sale in Colorado this week, that claims to help women have better sex. Well, maybe, or maybe the sex stays mediocre but women then eat enough chocolate that they don’t care.
Alternative Monday headline “Obama blows off Cybersecurity Summit preparation for expensive and disruptive selfie opportunity in Paris.” Which is of course what Fox News would have written had the President taken Air Force One and his massive security detail to France for the Unity march this weekend.
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From Marc Ragovin “Several NY TV stations are not showing the cover of the current issue of Charlie Hebdo, citing their policies of not airing material that some viewers might find offensive. And yet they continue to show Knicks’ games highlights.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Charlie Hebdo jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, Rex Ryan jokes, Romney jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, tomsula jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
January 13, 2015
In D.C. one woman has died, two are in critical condition, and 81 others were injured when smoke filled a DC Metro station. And apparently this was caused by an electrical fault. Who needs terrorists when we have an aging and underfunded infrastructure?
Well, now that the Oregon-Ohio State game is over, we don’t have to see ESPN’s silly countdown clock to the National Championship. ESPN’s countdown clock to the Super Bowl no doubt starts tomorrow.
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When asked if he would ever consider moving to the NFL, Urban Meyer said, “Not right now. I’ve got a commitment to Ohio State.” Translation, ‘no ones offered me enough money, and none of my players here have yet been arrested for a felony.”
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Caradle Jones, the third-string QB who led OSU to the National Championship, when asked about leaving early for the NFL – “In my personal opinion, I’m not ready for that level yet.” Well, maybe, but Jones might be at least ready for the level of the Jets.
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Apparently Urban Meyer promised his team if they won the national championship he’d get a tattoo. And unlike his players, the OSU coach won’t get in trouble if he doesn’t pay for it.
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Stay classy, Texas congressman Randy Weber tweeted, “Even Adolph Hitler thought it more important than Obama to get to Paris. (For all the wrong reasons.) Obama couldn’t do it for right reasons.” Just guessing Rep. Weber, who crusades against gay marriage and immigration, “our traditional family values are under attack,” isn’t even likely to pick up a copy of Charlie Hebdo.
Mike Huckabee criticizes the Obamas in an interview with PEOPLE magazine because they “on one hand they can be such doting parents and so careful,” but they let their daughters listen to Beyonce. Yep, clearly a major lapse in parental judgment, and the President and First Lady might even let the girls read stuff like PEOPLE magazine.
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Jason Garrett signed a new five year contract with the Dallas Cowboys. The deal was based on Garrett’s loyalty, success on the field, and ability to tolerate Jerry Jones.
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Dianne Feinstein says the Justice Dept erred in recommending charges against General Petraeus over him giving his mistress access to some classified government documents. “It’s done, it’s over. He’s retired. He’s lost his job. How much does government want.” Besides, Petraeus probably didn’t leak as much as any two-bit college hacker can find in a day.
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Rep. Randy Weber has apologized for his recent tweet, saying it “It was not my intention to trivialize the Holocaust nor to compare the President to Adolf Hitler.” Considering the way that the Texas GOP demonizes Obama was Weber apologizing to the President or to Hitler?
Donald Trump is suing Palm Beach County because he says the airport is deliberately routing flights over his mansion – and causing “excessive, unreasonable, unwarranted and uninvited noise. The alleged motivation? Revenge for Trump’s blocking the airport expansion in the 1990s.
Well, if they weren’t doing it on purpose before, no doubt the airport director appreciates the idea.
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United Airlines has warned 2,000 workers that they may outsource gate agents and baggage handlers at 28 non-hub airports.. So you think their customer service is bad now? Cheer up, it may get worse.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Charlie Hebdo jokes, Cowboys jokes, DC jokes, Huckabee jokes, Janice Hough, Petraeus jokes, Randy Weber jokes, terrorism jokes, Trump jokes, United jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
January 13, 2015
Maybe it was the white uniforms? #Itsnoteasynotbeinggreen?
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Ohio State beat Oregon handily, despite a steady stream of turnovers. Good thing the National championship trophy has been changed from crystal to metal, in case the Buckeyes drop it.
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Okay, the question of the night. How did Ohio State lose, to Virginia Tech, by 14, at home? (35-21)
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At least Children in Africa should be getting some really colorful “#Oregon National Championship” shirts later this week.
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Lots of experts opining pre-game on whether Oregon or Ohio State would win the national championship tonight. Of course, most of these experts predicted the game would be between Florida State and Alabama.
Who’d a thunk it? The happiest and most productive recent Heisman winner in this postseason might well be Tim Tebow. #NationalChampionship
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Wonder if suspended #OregonDucks players might be planning a party to console teammates when they get home? #brownies? #CFBChampionship
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Once again, a big game ended after midnight on the East Coast. No complaints out in California, but pretty clear ESPN and NCAA don’t really give a damn about anyone who has work or school tomorrow
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Yesterday was the 14th annual “No Pants Subway Ride” day in New York City. And presumably today is the 14th annual “Celebrate Handi Wipes” day.
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Sad news from Texas. Two people who entered a pen containing two female camels and a male camel in rut were trampled to death this weekend by the male camel. Rut ro.
A Disney Cruise ship rescued a Royal Caribbean passenger who fell overboard off the coast of Mexico. Of course, after hearing “Let it Go” for the 100th time, the man probably had to be restrained by Disney crew from jumping back over the rails.
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Ted Cruz is the latest to jump on the “We needed to show more solidarity with France by being at the rally” bandwagon, and he wrote an op-ed about it for Time. Feel that strongly about it, Senator? Post some of those Charlie Hebdo cartoons on your website.
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Bills owner Terry Pegula said that new coach Rex Ryan is “the best fit for our team,” Cue the Cinderella shoe/foot jokes….
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Gavin Newsom says he won’t run for Barbara Boxer’s Senate seat in 2016. Translation, he’s running for Governor in 2018.
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A woman from Seneca Falls, New York was arrested last November for DUI with a blood alcohol level of .26. And apparently she had been drinking… vanilla extract. Which is .41% alcohol. And millions of teenagers are thinking “you can do that?”
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Okay, we’re all about free speech these days, even when we think it’s obnoxious. Well, kinda sorta. Apparently Margaret Cho’s North Korean general portrayal on the Golden Globes has already generated outrage. (And she is Korean-American). Personally, I thought it was funny. But we can not “suis Charlie” if we can’t also at times “suis” un-PC..
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: cruise jokes, golden globes jokes, Janice Hough, national championship jokes, No Pants Subway jokes, Oregon jokes, OSU jokes, Texas jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
January 12, 2015
Tina Fey at the Golden Globes: “George Clooney married Amal Alamuddin this year. Amal is a human rights lawyer who worked on the Enron case, was an advisor to Kofi Annan regarding Syria and was selected for a three-person UN commission investigating rules of war violations in the Gaza strip. So tonight, her husband is getting a lifetime achievement award.”
Hey, I thought Amal WAS Clooney’s lifetime achievement award.
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With #jesuisCharlie trending, it’s the first time most Americans have learned a French phrase since Lady Marmalade and #voulezvouscouchezavecmoi.
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Aaron Rodgers was calling “New York Bozo” at the line during the Green Bay -Dallas game. Silly man. Chris Christie is from New Jersey.
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Cowboys fans are still upset about the refs overturning Dez Bryant’s catch. Understandable. It might have been the most controversial reversed NFL call in the past… week.
And who knows, some Dallas fans were perhaps unhappy to discover that paying off referees left then open in future to a higher bidder.
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So now that the #Cowboys have lost, Chris Christie can stop ignoring New Jersey on weekends for football and get back to ignoring the state for the important business of running for President.
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Although if I’m a referee from today’s Green Bay – Dallas game, I maybe allow a little extra time for future bridge crossings.
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A second Ducks star has been suspended for smoking pot. So who knew the NCAA national championship could come down to Oregon legalizing marijuana before Ohio?
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Rex Ryan is going to coach the Buffalo Bills. The NY Daily reports that he preferred the Falcons, but Atlanta was ‘dragging their feet’ on the process. And we all know how Rex feels about feet.
The 49ers’ offensive coordinator Greg Roman is apparently leaving to follow Rex Ryan to the Bills. So just how toxic does owner Jed York have to be to make moving to Buffalo an upgrade over staying in San Francisco?
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Rutgers just upset #4 Wisconsin in college basketball. Which means Chris Christie should be happy. Except that since he apparently started rooting for the #Cowboys when local teams s*cked, Christie probably cheers for Kentucky or Arizona.
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All aboard the bus to hell. Who knew it would be more dangerous to attend a Chris Brown concert than a Paris anti-terror rally?
FOX News etc criticizing President Obama for only sending U.S. Ambassador to France Jane Hartley to the Unity rally in Paris. Uh, Obama also didn’t forbid any members of Congress from going over to join the rally.
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My friend Gib. W. says “Fox was just upset because they’d already worked up a chart on the cost of Obama going.”
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Most of these women on the #GoldenGlobes look like they spent a lot of time and effort to have smooth faces that look like they came from the same doll mold. #Plasticisntsexy
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bills jokes, Chris Christie jokes, Clooney jokes, Cowboys jokes, Green Bay jokes, Janice Hough, jesuischarlie jokes, Oregon jokes, playoff jokes, refs jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
January 11, 2015
In 2011, stomping Seattle Seahawks’ fans caused vibrations that were picked up by an earthquake sensor. So this weekend, scientists placed monitors at Century Link Field to test new earthquake alert technology.. They would have done the same thing at Lambeau Field had they known Chris Christie would be in the owners box.
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NY Jets RB Chris Johnson was arrested last night in Orlando and charged with open carry of a firearm. This may not be what the Jets had in mind for having higher caliber players in the offseason.
So George Zimmerman’s latest arrest was allegedly for throwing a wine bottle at his girlfriend. Shocking. With wine involved, I would have expected a box.
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A new study indicates fish oil “really can help boost our memory.” Okay, so why do “catch and release” fishermen keep catching the same fish?
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The NY Knicks have now lost 15 in a row. At this point the team would be underdogs against the Washington Generals.
Lebron James “helped facilitate” a gift of Beats by Dre headphones to all Ohio State players before Monday’s college football championship. But the school says the headphones were “donated” and not a violation of NCAA rules. And some former Buckeyes are thinking “he couldn’t have ‘helped facilitate” those tattoos?
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Apparently Oregon’s Darren Carrington failed his drug test BEFORE the Rose Bowl, but the test results didn’t come back until this week. Gosh. If the lab had been quicker FSU might have only lost by 30.
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Although, let’s see, marijuana…? With the Ducks’ speed have to wonder if the Buckeyes have petitioned the NCAA to let the entire Oregon team have a medical marijuana exemption before the game.
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One thing we learned during the Patriots-Ravens game – so the refs CAN call a penalty for leaving the sideline to run onto the field. And that giant howl you may have heard came from all #Lions fans & #Cowboys haters. #BALvsNE
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Chris Christie jokes, George Zimmerman jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, NFL playoff jokes, Ohio State jokes, Oregon jokes, Seahawks jokes
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January 10, 2015
In an upcoming book, apparently Mike Huckabee rips Jay Z and Beyonce. When asked about the comments, Jay Z and Beyonce presumably responded “Who’s Mike Huckabee?”
Dear gawd. Darren Carrington, one of Oregon’s top wide receivers, has been suspended for the national championship because he allegedly failed a drug test. The week before the game. I’m sorry, Carrington didn’t fail a drug test, he passed a stupidity test.
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Apparently someone tried to shoplift at a Versace store in Los Angeles, when Jonathan Martin was nearby. The man was “larger than the security guard” but the 49ers’ OT punched him “five to eight times” until he went down. Nice change to see an NFL player make police blotter news for a good reason.
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The Wall Street Journal reported that Mitt Romney told a meeting of donors today that he is considering running for the White House again in 2016. So congrats to all those who had Jan 9 in the pool.
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A couple was arrested earlier this week for having sex on top of a used-car at a dealership. The car involved was a 2004 Kia Sedona. Just guessing that’s not what Kia had in mind with their slogan “The Power to Surprise.” (And you guessed it, Florida.) #stayclassy
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You can’t make this “stuff” up. Dartmouth has apparently suspended most of 64 students they had charged with cheating. In an ethics class.
Although to be completely accurate, it was a sports ethics class. So maybe the students WERE demonstrating sports ethics.
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Apparently during Bill Cosby’s first show back in Canada a woman got up and he asked where she was going. When she said for a drink, his response was “you have to be careful about drinking around me.” #hejustdoesntgetit
Three people were shot and critically wounded at a suburban Kansas City gun shop. If only the employees had been armed?
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With everything going on in France, the number #1 story trending on Facebook Friday am was the Bachelorette breakup. #GodblessAmerica #priorities
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The NY Times reports that the Justice Dept is recommending felony charges be filed against former CIA Director David Petraeus for disclosure of classified information to Paula Broadwell, his former mistress and biographer. Well, loose lips may not sink ships, but they sure can sink careers.
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Drew Brees has been named to the 2015 Pro Bowl. Should be fun for the New Orleans star, getting to throw without any defenders in his face. Sort of like the experience opposing QBs have had all year against the Saints.
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From T.C. “How cold will it be this weekend in Green Bay? It’s so cold that Jerry Jones and Chris Christie will be hugging each other to keep warm right from the National Anthem.“
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bill Cosby jokes, gun jokes, Huckabee jokes, Janice Hough, Petraeus jokes, playoff jokes, Romney jokes
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January 9, 2015
The president of a U.S. group known as the Catholic league, Bill Donohue, yesterday issued a statement titled “Muslims are right to be angry.” Saying that Charlie Hedbo had “provoked” terrorists, and had their editor “not been so narcissistic, he may still be alive.”
Of course, Donohue may feel that he has the moral high ground, because Catholics have never murdered anyone they felt didn’t respect their religion. #nobodyexpectsthespanishinquisition
Just thinking, it’s a good thing females in general have a sense of humor, and are not likely to turn into crazy, vengeful mass murderers. Because the depiction of women at times in the media would have resulted in a whole lot more dead men.
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Donald Trump took to Twitter after the Charlie Hedbo massacre to say “If the people shot down in Paris had guns at least they would have had a fighting chance” and the old “when guns are outlawed, only outlaws will have guns.” Right, because in the US with our liberal gun laws we never have mass shootings….
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Senator Barbara Boxer says she will retire and not seek re-election in 2016. That stampeding sound you’re about to hear is about 100 politicians in California rushing to congratulate Boxer on her service, at the same time saying why they should have her seat.
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Curt Schilling, who was not elected to the Hall of Fame this year, suggested that it might be because “I know that as a Republican that there’s some people that really don’t like that.” Has someone given this man a post-career test for concussions?
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Just because the season is over, doesn’t mean the fun has stopped for Chicago Bears fans: CB Jennings was arrested for DUI and speeding (99 in a 65 zone) yesterday. At 12noon. On his way to a parent-teacher conference. #cantfixstupid
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Seahawks RB Marshawn Lynch lost his appeal for his $100,000 fine for not speaking to the media. Wonder how much the NFL will fine Lynch for responding “no comment” to the decision.
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J.C.Penney announced they will close 40 stores. J.C.Penney still has stores?
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Former FBI Director Robert Mueller released a report saying there was ” no evidence that anyone at the NFL saw the Ray Rice elevator video before it was made public. So wonder whose luxury box Mueller will be in for the next several Super Bowls?
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Boston beat out San Francisco as the U.S representative amongst bids to host the 2024 Olympic Games. So they have the Olympic bid and Pablo Sandoval. Wonder which one will give Boston buyer’s remorse first?
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Three days after appearing together live on the premiere of this season’s “The Bachelor,”, last season’s “Bachelorette” Andi Dorfman and Josh Murray announced they have ended their engagement. Go$h, what rea$on$ would they have had for $taying together until the fir$t epi$ode?
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Bus, or rather, truck to hell from Alex Kaseberg: “In Michigan, a family of four rear-ended a truck and then their mini-van was dragged by the truck for 16 miles by the oblivious truck driver. On the bright side, their gas mileage for that trip was outstanding.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Charlie Hedbo jokes, hall of fame jokes, Janice Hough, Marshawn Lynch jokes, Mueller report jokes, NFL jokes, terrorist jokes, Trump jokes
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January 7, 2015
Such horrible news out of France with Charlie Hebdo. And over cartoons? I don’t care what religion you are, I’ll take the bus to hell any day over people who believe in a God with no sense of humor.
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This picture from a gathering in France in support of Charlie Hebdo – guess it’s time to give the French surrender jokes a rest for a while:
w
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And back on the bus to hell.
A TLC new show titled “My Husband’s Not Gay” will focus on four men who admit to being attracted to men, but are married to women. Wonder if the show will be narrated by Michele Bachmann?
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#JameisWinston will apparently declare for the NFL draft. With luck he’ll be drafted by the NY Jets. #Iloveagoodcircus
The #NYKnicks have lost their 13th game in a row and are 5-33. Rather shocking. How did they ever win 5 games?
The Detroit Pistons have won seven games in a row since they released Josh Smith, who was in year 2 of a 4 year, $54 million contract. Wonder how many more games the Philadelphia 76ers could win if they released the entire team?
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#StLouis leaders say the #Rams officials are not returning their calls. I think this is now #NFL version of “He’s just not that into you.”
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Jerry Jones, on why he had Chris Christie in his box “Whenever I can get around important or exciting people, I want to do it…I’ve got a nice little list of sitting with some pretty big winners at some of these key games.. I knew Nelson Mandela, I got to sit with him, and took him to the dressing room, and you can imagine how the players went crazy and coaches, just to meet Nelson Mandela.”
Yeah, when I think of people to compare to Nelson Mandela, Chris Christie comes right to mind.
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Justin Bieber is the new “face” of Calvin Klein. Well, that ought to help the brand with Bieber’s adult fans, both of them..
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Ah, here we go. Potential liberal on liberal violence ahead. Or at least a war of words. A judge today struck down California’s foie gras ban.
A least nine cases of measles have been reported with children visiting Disneyland and California Adventure over the holidays. Wonder how many of the idiots who didn’t vaccinate their kids were screaming last year that the U.S. should have done more to protect them from Ebola.
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Father of the year award: Police were called to a party near San Diego, where they found about 200 teenagers drinking alcohol, and girls dressed in Playboy bunny outfits. It was a birthday party for an 18 year old girl. hosted by her dad.
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The fun is starting early in the House. After saying months ago he would not retaliate against dissenters, John Boehner kicked two Republicans who voted against him for Speaker off the House Rules Committee. One said it was “something I would assume Vladimir Putin would do.”
And somewhere, President Obama is giggling.
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From Marc Ragovin: “Responding to his critics, Chris Christie said that he has always been a Cowboys fan and that he did not just jump on the bandwagon. “Thank god,” said the bandwagon.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: cartoon jokes, Charlie Hebdo jokes, Chris Christie jokes, Cowboys jokes, foie gras jokes, Janice Hough, Jerry Jones jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 