Posted tagged ‘Yankees jokes’
September 24, 2014
Apple released and pulled iOS 8.0.1 Wednesday. Apparently because the update caused dropped calls and disabled some new iPhone 6’s. The early bird may not get the worm. But they are more likely to get the bugs.
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Apparently some of the new iPhones warp. Of course, what’s really warped might be waiting hours and hours in line for a phone that will be easily available in a few months and obsolete by next year.
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When deputies pulled over a woman for driving with only one headlight late Monday night they heard crying from the trunk. Turns out she had put her 5-month-old baby into the car trunk, to avoid getting a ticket for not driving with a car seat. You guessed, it – Florida.
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A grand jury decided not to file criminal charges against Tony Stewart for hitting and killing Kevin Ward Jr.. The D.A. also said that tests revealed that Ward was under the influence of marijuana “at a high enough level to impair judgment.” Of course the drug that really impairs NASCAR drivers’ judgment is testosterone.
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#Yankees are selling #DerekJeter game-used socks for $400. Shudder to think what they are asking for his jockstraps.
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Spirit Airlines has announced “to make sure we have room for everyone’s bags” they are going to charge $2 more for checked bags for all flights between flights between Dec 18 and Jan 5. The probable reaction from other airlines? “Shocking. We should charge at least $10 more.
Bill Simmons was suspended 3 weeks for his profane rant about Roger Goodell where he called the commissioner a liar. 3 weeks. Guess he should have just taken a swing at Goodell in an elevator.
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The University of Michigan had planned to have the game ball delivered by drone last Saturday in Ann Arbor before the Wolverines’ game with Utah.. The school said they dropped the plan after consulting with the FAA, but rumor has it they didn’t want the drone to have a better completion rate than their QBs.
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The New York Yankees have been officially eliminated from the 2014 playoffs. So tonight we can expect an ESPN special on how Derek Jeter is dealing with this tragic event?
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So will #Yankees, out of the playoffs, take some comfort in #Dodgers, with the new highest MLB payroll, taking their place in postseason?
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Some rumors that the #SFGiants are boycotting a beat reporter for writing that two teammates had a “heated” argument in the clubhouse. Really? It’s not as if he wrote they had an actual physical fight. Besides, with the Giants this week no one would believe they could hit anything.
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Rep. Vance McAllister, the congressman who was caught on tape making out with a staffer, has his wife featured in his latest commercial, In the ad, Kelly McAllister says “A man’s character is based on how many times he gets up and stands again.” Considering the kissing tape, is “gets up”” the right phrase?
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A Virgin America flight from Boston to Los Angeles was diverted to Nebraska because, as the police report says, a man was “masturbating in flight and later tried to open an exit door.” This would never happen on United. The seats are too close together for anyone to masturbate.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Derek Jeter jokes, Dodgers jokes, Goodell jokes, iPhone jokes, Janice Hough, Jeter jokes, Yankees jokes
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September 23, 2014
The Yankees’ “tragic number” to be eliminated from the playoffs is 1. Although the “tragic number” for watching Jeter in uniform is 5.
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At least looks like the ship is going down with the Captain.
On Keith Olbermann’s show tonight, he rained on the farewell parade big time: “Derek Jeter is not the greatest person in human history. He did not invent baseball, he did not discover electricity, he is not the greatest shortstop who ever lived.” Wonder how long it will take the Yankees to demand ESPN fire Olbermann for heresy?
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For Derek Jeter’s final AB, the Yankees will use a recorded introduction one more time from former ballpark announcer Bob Sheppard, who passed away in 2010. Well, this ought to be good for another ESPN 1 hour special.
If Yasiel Puig played against #BobGibson, #Puig might be dead by now.
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Nebraska RB Ameer Abdullah, 21, a friend of Jameis Winston’s from Birmingham, “It’s kind of hard for me to understand what’s going on with him right now, but from a general standpoint it’s the maturity level. Think before you act. Understand the bigger picture. Everything that you do, say or how you present yourself can have dire consequences.” Hope this doesn’t convince scouts Abdullah is too intelligent to play NFL football.
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A friend forwarded a tweet reporting how FSU coach Jimbo Fisher explained why Jameis Winst0n wouldn’t be doing weekly press conferences any more… “to give him m0re time for academics.” And wow, Fisher said it with a straight face.
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Those strikes against ISIS must have gone better than expected. Because some conservative websites are in an uproar over President Obama exiting his helicopter today on his way to a speech and saluting Marines with a cup of tea in his hand. #allhateallthetime
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The Steelers have re-signed LB James Harrison, and indicated his 2008 domestic violence arrest was not an issue. Well, I suppose when you can play well behind a rapist..
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University of Texas football coach has kicked nine players of the team this year due to academic and rules violations. At this point the SEC reps will be lying in wait outside the Longhorns’ locker room with transfer papers.
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Bus to hell time: Three people are dead, including the gunman, after a former UPS employee in uniform opened fire at a warehouse in Alabama. So UPS is not only taking business from the USPS, they’re also starting to go postal.
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A drunk man jumped into the White Tiger enclosure at the Delhi zoo yesterday with predictable results. Suppose reducing the zoo’s food bill for the week at least made it a productive Darwin award.
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Former HP CEO and California gubernatorial candidate Carly Fiorina said she wouldn’t rule out a run for the White House in 2016. Who says Democrats haven’t had any good news lately?
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For a real insult to Native Americans, how about the Atlanta Braves? 1-9 in their last 10 and on a late season push to catch the Marlins for 4th place.
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#AngelPagan will undergo season ending back surgery. But #SFGiants hope he will be back & ready to be injured again in spring training.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: buss to hell jokes, Darwin Award jokes, Derek Jeter jokes, Jameis Winston jokes, Janice Hough, Yankees jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
September 8, 2014
Nice win for the #49ers over the #Cowboys. Looks like SF will be ready next week to start facing NFL competition.
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Although I have to say the 49ers game is looking good for Michael Sam. Looks like the #Cowboys defense could use help asap.
And have to wonder, how until #Cowboys fans will be rooting for Michael Sam to sack and injure Tony Romo in practice.
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Meanwhile, during the day on NFL opening Sunday, ESPN aired a Canadian Football League game. Guess they wanted to show viewers a higher quality game than the Raiders-Jets.
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Sunday was Derek Jeter Day at Yankee Stadium, with nearly an hour of pregame festivities honoring Jeter’s 20 year career. And then the 2014 Yankees went out and lost 2-0 to the Royals. #fitting
Mitt Romney said again that he would have done a better job than President Obama. Being a Mormon Mitt doesn’t drink wine. But he sure is an expert on sour grapes.
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Just a few days after Cleveland coach Mike Pettine said of QB Brian Hoyer “we have his back…. it’s not going to be a quick hook.”, he told ESPN the Browns have prepared Johnny Manziel to play in the season opener against the Steelers, but it would be a “feel thing.” Right, so they have Hoyer’s back, except it might have a knife in it.
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ESPN Sunday Night Baseball announcers said last night that the #SFGiants had a couple “mediocre” months. “Mediocre? In June and July they well and truly s*cked.
My friend Michael D. has the winning comment on yesterday’s Stanford-USC football game” “It’s just a crying shame the game did not end in a tie so Stanford could have become the first NCAA school to punt in overtime.”
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The saddest thing about Joan Rivers’ funeral:. We didn’t get to hear her say a very funny but completely un-PC and inappropriate comment about the deceased.
From T.C “According to ESPN, the highest price for a family of four to attend an NFL game is the new Santa Clara stadium of the SF 49ers at $641. The cheapest NFL tickets can be found at Buffalo, where the team might pay you $641 to tell your friends that you were at the game.” . . .
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, Dallas jokes, Janice Hough, Jeter jokes, Mitt Romney jokes, NFL jokes, Romo jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 15, 2014
Texas Governor Rick Perry, was indicted on two charges relating to his efforts to force the resignation of a local district attorney. Wonder if the prosecutor couldn’t think of a third charge?
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Mo’Ne Davis threw a two-hit shutout for Philadelphia at Little League World Series today. Wonder how long it will take her to get a try-out with the Phillies.
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Police at Madrid’s airport arrested a 43-year-old woman for allegedly trying to smuggle to 3.7 pounds of cocaine in her breast implants. What was their first clue? Really REALLY perky breasts?
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Notre Dame says they expect to suspend four football players, who allegedly violated the university’s honor code by receiving improper help on classwork. Many other college football players are shocked. Notre Dame players have classwork?
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Apparently Roger Goodell is now claiming he wanted to suspend Ray Rice for more than two games but didn’t feel he could do so due to precedent. I think I like “tainted supplement” better.
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NY Mets manager Terry Collins says he told Matt Harvey, who he thought was working too hard on his rehab, to “back off” and that Harvey’s season is over. Makes sense. So is the Mets’.
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The man who invented the “pop-up” ad in the 90s has now apologized for creating it. Shouldn’t we blame Al Gore too, since he invented the internet?
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Saints’ tight end Jimmy Graham was flagged twice tonight for dunking over the goalposts after a touchdown. Maybe New Orleans should just practice kickoffs from the 20 yard line. #nofunleague
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Johnny Manziel was “a few minutes” late to a team meeting Monday morning. Wonder what his excuse was. Hard to believe Johnny found something to keep him up late Sunday night in Cleveland.
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From Bill Littlejohn “On Browns’ management saying they will handle Manziel’s tardiness internally ‘In other words, next time he’ll have to produce a note from his bartender.'”
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#NYYankees have lost 5 games in a row. Stand by for the #ESPN special on how #DerekJeter is coping through this difficult time.
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KC Chiefs WR Dwayne Bowe has been suspended one game for a violation of the NFL’s substance abuse policy. One game. This after a November marijuana arrest that was dismissed after Bowe pleaded guilty to littering and “defective equipment.” So he tossed away a lousy joint and didn’t inhale?
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Paul McCartney played the last concert at Candlestick Park last night. Although many of the nearly 50,000 with tickets couldn’t even get into the old stadium due to traffic, and it took fans hours to get out. So yes, memories of the Beatles and memories of why blowing the place up is overdue.
In San Jose, officers fatally shot a bipolar 19-year- old woman who had called police saying she was armed with “an Uzi” and would shoot her family if the cops didn’t come. The woman turned out to be carrying… a cordless power drill. Now, I’m sure we’ll learn more about this incident, but have to wonder, with all the stories about the easy availability of guns, doesn’t this make police- and everyone else- more likely to shoot because we believe everyone, even the crazies, are armed?
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Little League World Series jokes, NFL jokes, Notre Dame jokes, Rick Perry jokes, Roger Goodell jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 13, 2014
Two things that might be all the younger generation needs to know about Lauren Bacall who passed away today at 89. She was considered one of the sexiest women alive, without selfies, wardrobe malfunctions or sex tapes. And she was on People Magazine’s 50 most beautiful list. At the age of 72.
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And yes, youngsters, “just like Bogie and Bacall” was a real thing. Not just a song verse. #LaurenBacall. And they both were hot.
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Kate Upton used to be a NY Yankees fan, now she is dating Justin Verlander. But the Yankees are telling her she can’t wear any Tigers gear in the stadium. It’s that kind of generosity of spirit that has made the Yankees so beloved outside the Bronx.
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Great line from Alex Kaseberg “Well, the good news, amid the interminable sadness, is no comedian is going to die for a long time. Nobody in their right mind would try to follow Robin Williams.”
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So maybe after an open mike night in Heaven, Robin Williams is looking down and thinking about some of the things he will miss in San Francisco. The Giants seem to be trying hard not to be one of them.
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But on a brief serious note, this is originally a friend’s idea but the #SFGiants should have an annual #RobinWilliams mental health day at AT&T.
The Giants could fundraise with silent auctions of autographed stuff, and requests for donations. And in general try also to raise awareness. Like they do for other diseases. I think Robin would approve.
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Back to snark. Because doesn’t comedy come from pain. It’s not that the #SFGiants looked bad against Chris Sale, an All-Star. It’s them making any rookie or journeyman pitcher look like an All-Star
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#SFGiants are 7-22 in their last 29 home games but San Francisco still has the longest sell-out streak still in Major League Baseball. Well, not hard to guess where #50ShadesofGrey will have its biggest opening weekend.
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Shares of King Digital, the publisher of the Candy Crush mobile game, are down 20% after missing revenue projections. Wonder how big that fall is in “Level” terms.
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The Secret Service says it finally caught the gang behind the most convincing U.S. counterfeit dollars in the world. Well, the most convincing dollars that we KNOW are counterfeit.
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NASCAR driver Brad Keselowski said it would be almost impossible for NASCAR to keep drivers from exiting their cars on the track, even with a new rule forbidding it except in case of possible fire. Uh, suspension for the next race? Problem solved.
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The NFL gave Cowboys CB Orlando Scandrick a 4 game suspension for testing positive for Ecstasy. Scandrick’s defense is that his ex-girlfriend persuaded him to add something he didn’t realize was on the banned list into a cocktail. Amazing. All these guys somehow manage to memorize a playbook, but they can’t keep track of a simple list of drugs
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Facebook message. “add your phone number to help secure your account.” Right, and of course FB would never use your phone number in any way for marketing etc…..
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, lauren bacall jokes, NFL jokes, RIP Robin Williams, Robin Williams jokes, SFGiants jokes, Yankees jokes
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July 19, 2014
Bud Selig is actually supposed to retire in six months. He and baseball owners want former MLB deputy commissioner Steve Greenberg to be his replacement. But Greenberg says he doesn’t want the job, though he would be honored to follow Selig, who he calls “easily baseball’s greatest commissioner since Judge Landis.” Well, wishes aside, shouldn’t that statement disqualify Greenberg by reason of insanity?
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Only 30% of Los Angeles area residents can see Dodgers games on TV due to a cable dispute. And David Rone, president of Time Warner Cable Sports, which distributes the games, says “It is unlikely that we are going to get a deal done. Suffering Midwest fans are thinking “why couldn’t this happen with the Cubs?”
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Anyone else think Vladimir Putin is more likely to officiate at a gay wedding than he is to determine that MH17 was shot down by pro Russian-separatists?
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The Federal Government has charged FedEx with drug trafficking for delivering illegal prescription drugs, allegedly for over a decade. What took the Government this long? Maybe they figured FedEx is taking profitable business from the post office?
Lebron James announced his return to Cleveland last week, but still hasn’t chosen if he will wear #6 or #23. How long until ESPN dedicates a special edition of Sports Center to the decision?
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For all those who think the SFGiants have a problem at 2nd base, it could be worse. Dan Uggla, released by the Atlanta Braves, hit .162 with 2 home runs and is still owed over $18 million.
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Red Sox GM Ben Cherington says the last-place team is not giving up on 2014 yet. And even Cubs fans are thinking “I want some of what you’re smoking.”
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CNN had Michele Bachmann commented that Hillary Clinton “should be worried” about Elizabeth Warren in 2016. Michele Bachmann as a political prognosticator? Well, maybe since Paul the Octopus is no longer with us.
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From Jim Barach ” Downtown Los Angeles is at its driest since record-keeping began in 1877. Which means at least there is something in L.A. with a longer dry spell than the one that takes the Dodgers back to 1988.”
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A Supreme Court injunction means that Utah has won at least a temporary delay in recognizing same-sex marriages. Guess the state figures if a man isn’t happy marrying a woman, he should just marry more women.
In Los Angeles, a man robbing a liquor store apparently accidentally shot and killed his accomplice. So sometimes the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is another bad guy with a gun.
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The NY Yankees announced there will be a Derek Jeter retirement ceremony on Sept 7. #FarewellCaptain Except that I thought the whole 2014 season was a Jeter retirement ceremony.
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And finally. Aldon Smith, after a D.A. decided not to press charges for alleged LAX bomb threats, was sentenced Friday for possessing illegal fire arms. Along with a separate case of DUI and marijuana possession after driving and hitting a tree.
Smith got 3 years of probation, and 12 days of work crew on Mondays. Which will end before the 49ers first Monday night game.
So let this be a lesson to the youth of America. Behave yourselves. Unless you are SURE you have NFL level talent.
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: 49ers jokes, CNN jokes, Dodgers jokes, gay marriage jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, Selig jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 17, 2014
CBS News reports that tourists are regularly leaving their leftover marijuana purchases inside rental cars at Denver International Airport, because they don’t want to be arrested when they head home. In related news, Hertz and Avis just reported a 1,000% increase in Colorado job applications..
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Chris Christie says that on a “case by case” basis, his state may consider housing some of the detained immigrant children. Makes sense, have them spend some time in New Jersey and they may go racing back home.
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So the MH17 black box has been sent to Moscow for Investigation. Great. Now we will get the real story because as Edward Snowden tells us, Russia is a great and open country and a champion of human rights….’
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We often ridicule U.S. government agencies over their rules and regulations. But it appears that they got this one right: In April, on the “Special Rules” section of its site, the U.S. Federal Aviation Administration put out an order prohibiting American pilots, airlines, charter carriers, and everyone else over whom the FAA has direct jurisdiction, from flying over southern parts of Ukraine.
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John McCain is already talking about “profound repercussions” against whoever shot down MH17. Surely we should be able to invade somebody….
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The finger pointing has begun between Russia and the Ukraine over MH17. It may take longer to figure out who’s really to blame than it does to find MH370.
(The GOP already no doubt – has it figured out, it’s Obama’s fault.)
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Microsoft has announced they are cutting 18,000 jobs. Of course, the tech giant doesn’t “fire” people, they just tell them they are performing an illegal operation and will be shut down.
Cheerful story on a bad news day. My friend Linda M. Wilson reminds me that Disneyland opened 59 years ago on July 17.. Although there’s a whole generation of Americans growing up with no concept of the phrase “E ticket ride.”
Okay, how slow a day was Thursday in the sports world? ESPN has the headline that the 2015 NFL draft location has been narrowed down to Los Angeles and Chicago.
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You can’t make this “stuff” up. MLB and FOX’s excuse for not paying tribute to Tony Gwynn during the All Star Game- is that the “baseball family” had lost a “number of people” this year and they “did not want to slight anyone by singling out one individual.” Well, and that and it would have interrupted the flow of the Derek Jeter show.
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To be fair, maybe MLB and FOX made such of a big deal out of Derek Jeter’s farewell All-Star game because they knew he’d already played his last postseason game.
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But maybe all of the hype is getting to be overkill. From Bill Littlejohn: “A Yankee Stadium suite for Derek Jeter’s final home game is going for $244,000. Why the discount?”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star jokes, Chris Christie jokes, Janice Hough, Jeter jokes, marijuana jokes, MH17, Microsoft jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
July 7, 2014
A Yankees fan who was seen sleeping during a Red Sox-Yankees Sunday night game has now filed a $10 million defamation suit again ESPN and its announcers, largely due to some of the comments posted online after his picture went viral. $10 million! That’s almost enough to buy season tickets for a whole year at Yankee Stadium.
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Andrew Rector, the “Sleeping Yankees fan”, says the reason for his $10 million lawsuit is that John Kruk and Dan Shulman unleashed an “avalanche of disparaging words.” But okay, so the guy was briefly the butt of some internet jokes amongst some sports fans (personally, I missed it), until they moved on to the next thing. Now millions of Americans not only know Rector fell asleep at a game, they will think he’s an a**hole.
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At Target Field in Minneapolis, they’ve installed self-serve beer stands. What could possibly go wrong?
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So who needs a show titled “The Decision.” This time Lebron’s choice of teams appears to be a months long ESPN miniseries.
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In Fort Wayne, Indiana, a bird was killed when it was hit by a pitch thrown by Detroit Tigers’ minor league prospect Jon Maciel. Wonder if the poor bird had a mistaken sense of invincibility from surviving an earlier HBP from Barry Zito?
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Some teaser trailers have been released for “Gone Girl,” the new Ben Affleck thriller that will debut October 3. Of course, for anyone who really can’t wait to know what happens there’s always… reading the book.
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Two Mets prospects from Venezuela without U.S. drivers’ licenses were arrested for racing and driving over 100 mph on July 4 in Kingsport, TN. The young men were charged this morning with drag racing, presumably since Tennessee doesn’t have a statute on criminal stupidity?
( Presumably if they could THROW as well as drive over 100 MPH, they would have gotten better signing offers than the Mets.)
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Apparently a new danger at the Tour de France is people with their back to the riders, taking selfies while the race goes by. Said one rider “Everyone is out there having fun and a lot of people don’t realize we’re coming past at 37 mph and we use every inch of the roads.” Darwin would be so proud.
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#SFGiants All-Star Madison Bumgarner, with two home runs, says he has reached out to captain Troy Tulowitzki about joining the NL HR Derby team. Well, Madbum only has one home run less than both Hector Sanchez and Gregor Blanco.
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A ticket vendor who has won FIFA ticket contracts for 20 years was arrested in a World Cup scalping investigation. A remember of the FIFA team might be corrupt? Next someone will try to tell us there is gambling in Casablana.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: FIFA jokes, Janice Hough, Mets jokes, self-serve beer jokes, Sleeping Yankees fan jokes, Tour de France jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
July 3, 2014
Today, U.S. coach Jurgen Klinsmann now says he believed team USA could have won the World Cup — even though he said the exact opposite before they started playing. So maybe Klinsmann’s goal isn’t to be a winning coach, but a politician.
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The Yankees were swept by the Rays and have now joined the Red Sox in having sub .500 records. Stand by for Bud Selig and MLB to implement emergency 16 team NBA-type playoffs..
Okay, maybe your baseball team is suffering. But I think Boston “wins” the week by being swept by the Chicago Cubs. Capped off by a 16-9 loss tonight. Talk about “50 Shades of Red Sox.”
But as T.C. says “Cubs 16; Red Sox 9. Boston doesn’t need hitting, they need Tom Brady!!!!”
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Toronto mayor Rob Ford, just out of rehab, says “he can’t imagine” saying the things he said about black people, Jews and Italians. “When you have this disease, you say things, do things that aren’t you.” And Donald Sterling said “Why didn’t I think of that?
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In England, the lawyer for ex-“News of the World” editor Andy Coulson, convicted of phone hacking, is pleading for a reduced sentence. The claim, that no one in the newspaper industry “realized that interception of voicemail messages was illegal, in the sense of criminal.” Ah, what, Coulson thought it was only immoral?
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Target is asking customers, even those in “open carry” states, to leave their firearms at home. And really, who needs a gun while shopping anyway? Well, outside the first hour or so of a “Black Friday” sale.
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At a Starbucks with line out the door, young woman is not only ordering for herself, but texting back and forth with a friend as to what kind of iced tea the friend wants. When she has finally paid, and line has grown, gal then pulls two Starbucks gift cards from her wallet and says “Can you verify the balances on these for me?” Beginning to see there just MIGHT be a reason for “open carry.”
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Car in front of me on way to work had a “student driver” sign on it. Of course, it might have been obvious, the driver was actually using turn signals.
Protesters this week blocked buses containing undocumented immigrants from entering the Southern California town of Murrieta. Said one woman “”I just wish America would be America again.” “Amen,” responded Native Americans.
Rick Perry has given up wearing cowboy boots. Allegedly as a way to soften his Texas image as he runs for President again in 2016. Amazing. For appealing to a national audience, guns aren’t dangerous but boots are?
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Louisiana Rep. Vance McAllister, elected on a “Christian Family Values” platform, became known as the “kissing congressman” when he was seen on video making out with a staffer, McAllister said he would step down but now says he will seek re-election in November. Well, makes sense. He changed his mind about “forsaking all others” too.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Congress jokes, Janice Hough, Louisiana jokes, open carry jokes, Red Sox jokes, Starbucks jokes, World Cup jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
June 9, 2014
Seattle Seahawks coach Pete Carroll just told the L.A. Times he wouldn’t have left USC in 2010 if he knew the NCAA was going to sanction the Trojans. I think I liked “pushed into a lifeboat” better.
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There is now a drive to legalize marijuana in…. Jamaica?!! Does this even need a punchline?
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California Chrome owner Steve Coburn’s rant after the #BelmontStakes may have cost him and the colt some endorsement. But maybe they’re still in line for a deal with California wine.
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Don’t get me wrong, Steve Coburn was a poor sport yesterday. But as the NY Times points out, the last NINE Belmont winners have skipped the Preakness. #TripleCrown
(T.C wonders, “So if Maria Sharapova wins the French Open and doesn’t have to play against the Williams sisters or Li Na; she’s a coward, right? ”
It’s approaching mid-June, and as most experts predicted, the Los Angeles Dodgers and NY Yankees have very similar records. (Okay, so maybe they didn’t predict those records would be basically .500.)
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Even FIFA is impressed with the flopping levels in the #NBAFinals.
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So next year, how many #NBA teams will choose their home games against the #Heat to give free fans to fans and turn off the a/c?
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On a sweltering day in Paris, Rafael Nadal won his 9th French Open. Imagine what he could do if Roland Garros had air conditioning.
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A Northern California high school basketball player is in jail on suspicion of using stolen credit cards to pay $13,000 to rent a McLaren car and $27,000 to rent a vacation home. Guess he wasn’t good enough to get those perks playing college basketball?
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Former “Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” contestant Emily Maynard, who was engaged twice on the show, has just gotten married. And she told People magazine in an “exclusive”. “For so long I felt so embarrassed and ashamed about that TV stuff The grace that my faith has given me to wipe that all away and not find worth in that and find it through God.” Guess “magazine stuff” is different from “TV stuff.”
Two police officers in Las Vegas, plus another bystander, were shot and killed today, And then the suspects killed themselves. Once again, wishing these folks with murder-suicide plans could take take care of the second part first.
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Do wish Fox News and the GOP would grieve as much for all those lives that have been lost in the Iraq war, as they do for those four Americans lost in in Benghazi and however many soldiers were lost looking for Bowe Bergdahl.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Dodgers jokes, Janice Hough, NBA finals jokes, Steve Coburn jokes, Triple Crown jokes, USC jokes, Yankees jokes
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April 23, 2014
Michael Pineda was ejected today when the umpire found pine tar on his neck. Really? Pine tar to pitch against the hitting-challenged Red Sox? That’s worse than stealing a base with a 7 run lead.
Another thought about Pineda. He had to know they were watching him after the alleged pine-tar on the glove earlier this year. And he puts it on his neck?! I don’t know if Jesus wept, but Gaylord Perry certainly did.
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The Chicago Cubs celebrated the 100th anniversary of the first game at Wrigley Field. With a 3-run lead in the 9th, and a 1-run lead with 1 out to go. And they lost, 7-5. Well, at least they honored their legacy appropriately.
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Sammy Sosa was absent from today’s ceremony commemorating the 100th anniversary of Wrigley Field. Supposedly he wasn’t invited. But maybe the Cubs just sent him an invitation in English?
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-From Nick Coombs “Both Wrigley Field and Shakespeare are having their birthdays celebrated today. One crafts tragedies that echo throughout the ages, the other is a playwright.”-
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Men must have kidnapped #SFGiants and put imposters in their uniforms. But don’t call the police, the imposters can hit. #Byebyebaby
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#SF wins 12-10 on a safety over #Denver today This was a 49ers – Broncos game, right? #SFGiants
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Doctors say the Hawaii teen stowaway was probably saved by hypothermia. So why implode it? We could keep SF’s Candlestick Park as a medical facility.
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RIP Connie Marrero, 102, a former pitcher for the Washington Senators, who was the oldest living former MLB player. And one of the first to play with Jamie Moyer.
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The original Joe Paterno statue at Penn State has been torn down, but alums have raised money and hope to install a new statue downtown, which will feature Paterno sitting on a bench reading Virgil’s “Aeneid.” Would it be more appropriate to have the legendary coach with his hands covering his eyes?
(my friend Augie said he should have been reading Dante’s Inferno.)
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This tweet yesterday from Donald Trump: “Interesting how President Obama is flying around in a Boeing 747 on so-called Earth Day!” Even more interesting, this tweet from someone who a) doesn’t believe in climate change, and b) has his own personal 757
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From Garry Weiler, reminding us that the Giants and Red Sox are not the only hitting challenged teams in MLB “the Seattle Mariners have scored 10 fewer runs than the Giants. Last night they had to leave the roof open at Safeco even though the weather was bad because they were afraid if they closed it that it would implode due to the Mariners sucking so badly.”
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Connie Marrero, Janice Hough, Michael Pineda jokes, pine-tar jokes, Red Sox jokes, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
April 12, 2014
The woman who killed her boyfriend with a stiletto heel has been sentenced to life in prison. Any possibility of parole will no doubt contain the condition of wearing flats.
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Notre Dame has finally decided to install artificial Fieldturf in their football stadium for the upcoming season.. Standby for alums writing op-eds about how the Fighting Irish now have the best artificial turf ever.
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The Tampa Bay Lightning’s Ryan Malone was arrested early Saturday morning on charges of DUI and possession of cocaine. Who says hockey players aren’t big time pro athletes?
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The Texas judge who decided to put the “affluenza” teen in rehab instead of jail, decided his parents should pay $1170 a month for his treatment at a state hospital, using the hospital’s sliding scale. The actual cost, $715 a day. The state will pay the rest. Where’s Ted Cruz screaming about healthcare costs to taxpayers on this one?
Chad Johnson is working out for the CFL Montreal Alouettes. Will he change his name to “Quatre-vingt cinq?”
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Although the Boston Red Sox challenged a call Saturday, and multiple replays showed the NY runner had taken his foot off second base and should have been out, the umps did not overturn it. MLB’s response “The conclusive angle was not immediately available.” Uh, two thoughts. 1. What’s the point if you DON’T have the “conclusive angle available.” 2. Suppose it’s better than saying. “You REALLY expect us to overturn a call against the Yankees?”
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Sylvia Mathews Burwell was approved by a 96-0 vote in the Senate last year as the Office of Management and Budget director. But now many in the GOP are talking about a contentious confirmation process for her as HHS Secretary. Why? Because Obama chose her, of course. Isn’t that reason enough?
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Ted Cruz said Sylvia Mathews Burwell’s confirmation hearing “presents an ideal opportunity to examine the failures that are Obamacare.” With all due respect, Senator Cruz thinks getting up in the morning presents an ideal opportunity to example the “failures” that are Obamacare.
The search goes on, but the pings have apparently faded in the Indian Ocean as the search for MH 370. Which is probably why amongst the CNN headlines today was “Hundreds sickened on cruise ships .”
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From Bill Littlejohn: “One man at the Masters saw Rory McIlroy’s face in a pastry and bet $1,600 on the golfer. It’s also one of the few times John Daly’s face wasn’t seen in a pastry”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Notre Dame jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Texas jokes, Yankees jokes
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April 11, 2014
Rush Limbaugh is attacking CBS for hiring Stephen Colbert to host “The Late Show, saying the network is “blowing up the 11:30 format under the guise that the world’s changing…..They’ve hired a partisan, so-called comedian, to run a comedy show.” Uh, just guessing that Rush has never watched Letterman?
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Tiger Woods isn’t at the Masters. Phil Mickelson missed the cut. But the Red Sox are playing the Yankees this weekend. And over at ESPN they’re thinking “Thank you, Jesus.”
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Missouri just dismissed their star WR Dorial Green-Beckman. He already had two marijuana arrests, and last weekend police reported a woman student said he forced open her door and pushed her down four stairs while trying to see his girlfriend. Green-Beckman has been projected as a possible 1st round NFL pick. Wonder how long it will take some kind coach to offer him a second chance?
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A shoe was tossed at Hillary Clinton during a speech? Really? She hasn’t even been elected President yet.
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Michael Pineda was seen pitching today with a brown substance on his throwing hand, setting off speculation that he was using pine tar. But hey, it’s the Yankees, so Bud Selig will no doubt proclaim that the steroid era is over.
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#GaylordPerry has to be shaking his head over this #MichaelPineda alleged pine-tar controversy. As in, “Dude, Vaseline is colorless.”
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A 52 year old woman has been charged with felony counts of solicitation of rape after what she calls a childish “prank that got out of control.” Unhappy at losing her “dream house” to a higher bid, she put ads online pretending to be the new woman owner and claiming she had a rape fantasy. No, not Florida. San Diego.
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Kathleen Sibelius apparently was missing a page of her farewell speech today. The GOP immediately set upon this as reason for another vote to repeal Obamacare.
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Coldwater Creek has filed for bankruptcy and will liquidate stores. Response from most Americans, who or what is “Coldwater Creek?” #Ithinkiseetheproblem
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The Australian Prime Minister says he is “confident” that signals heard are from MH370’s black box. And if a politician says it, it must be true.
The latest, however, from the Australian Prime Minister , is that the search for Flight 370 is “a massive task, and it is likely to continue for a long time.” Which could mean one of the world’s easiest jobs for a while could be “CNN Programming Director.”
Madison Bumgarner, 5 RBIs including a grand slam. The DH is SO overrated. #Pitchtomadbum #SFGiants
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Colin Kaepernick tweeted “The charges made in the TMZ story and other stories I’ve seen are completely wrong. They make things up about me that never happened.” He may be right about TMZ but just maybe Colin should also think about not giving them anything to work with?
(as in, dude, you’re not in college anymore, you’re the face of a NFL franchise….)
From Marc Ragovin “Fox News Anchor Heather Childers congratulated the UConn men’s basketball team on winning the NAACP championship. Proving once again that a mind is a terrible thing to waste.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Hillary Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, mh 370 jokes, Rush Limbaugh jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
April 3, 2014
An idea after the latest Supreme Court decision abolishing individual limits on giving to campaigns. Since the idea with all this money is to buy politicians, why can’t states start charging sales tax on donations?
Two straight wins to open the season for the Houston Astros. How long until Mayor De Blasio gets blamed for the NY Yankees?
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The Phillies’ Ben Revere now owns the MLB record for 1,410 career plate appearances without a single home run. But he’s still two away from passing Duane Kuiper.
Stay classy, Arizona. Some SF fans rented the box behind home plate at last night’s Giants-D’backs game. Rather than having them show up in orange and black on TV, the Diamondbacks moved them all another box behind the dugout. Kind of makes you want some group to rent the pool, come in wearing nondescript clothes, then put on TONS of Giants stuff in the 1st inning,
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The Diamondbacks also apparently can’t keep their new $25 corn dog, dubbed the “D’bat” in stock at their concession stands. The 18 inch hot dog filled with cheddar and jalapeno, then wrapped in bacon, battered and deep fried. And it’s been a huge seller. Upon reading this at least 100 cardiologists made plans to move to Arizona.
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Alabama RB Altee Tenpenny has been charged with marijuana possession. Am sure coach Nick Saban will come up with some stern punishment like making Tenpenny sit through three quarters of the Tide’s game against Florida Atlantic.
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A couple will stand trial for an alleged unspecified sex act aboard an Air Canada plane this January. That’s Canada. In the U.S. the airline would probably have levied an inflight entertainment charge.
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Former S & L executive and convicted felon Charles Keating has died at 90. Suppose it would make sense for taxpayers to pay for his funeral, heck, we’ve already covered over $3 billion for his financial house of cards.
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Breaking television news “A microclimate weather alert” with rainstorms in Northern California. Rainstorms. And back east they are just giggling.
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Vladimir Putin has divorced his wife. Last year Russian leader said “It was a joint decision: we hardly see each other, each of us has our own life.” Responded Bill Clinton “And your point is?”
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These instant replay reviews are taking 2-3 minutes. Meaning that each of them takes almost as long as Mike Hargrove’s or Nomar Garciaparra’s batting box routines.
Mississippi just passed a new “religious freedom” law, similar to the one vetoed by Gov. Jan Brewer in Arizona, that would allow hotels, restaurants and pharmacies to refuse to serve gays. Guess the state doesn’t think they have enough tourist business to threaten.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Arizona jokes, baseball jokes, Janice Hough, Supreme Court jokes, Yankees jokes
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December 13, 2013
Megyn Kelly missed her own show last night after ‘white’ Santa and Jesus comments. Thinking maybe somebody got put on the cosmic “naughty’ list.
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Regarding Megyn Kelly’s “Santa is white” line, hard to top Jon Stewart’s analysis: “And who are you actually talking to?” Children who are sophisticated enough to be watching a news channel at 10 o’clock at night, yet innocent enough to still believe Santa Claus is real — yet racist enough to be freaked out if he isn’t white?”
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Even if “affluenza” is a description, it’s no excuse for spoiled entitled behavior by the rich. But the diagnosis also might be a good way to describe when wealthy people have a complete aversion to any sort of tax hike.
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Ted Cruz is apparently running for President in 2016. This is great news, for comedy writers.
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So in North Korea would the Army Navy game be a version of the Hunger Games?
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MLB will ban home-plate collisions when runners are trying to score. And the Chicago Cubs are thinking “what are they talking about?”
Move over “God is Testing Me” RGIII, there’s a new winner in the perspective bowl: Kanye West – “I’m just giving of my body on the stage and putting my life at risk, literally. And if I slipped … You never know. And I think about it. I think about my family and I’m like ‘Wow, this is like being a police officer or something, in war or something.’”
Robinson Cano said he left NY because “I didn’t feel respect. I didn’t get respect from them and I didn’t see any effort.” The Yankees offer, $175 million over seven years. How do I get disrespected like that?
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Strange to have some bipartisan accord this Christmas in Washington. But for fans of train wrecks, at least there’s still the Redskins.-
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According to FlightStats, more than 9% of arrivals from January through November of this year for American, JetBlue and United were more than 45 minutes late. Shocking. Over 90% of flights were allegedly LESS than 45 minutes late.
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Apparently only the shooter himself is dead in a Colorado High School shooting this morning, following upon several stabbings in the parking lot after the Broncos game last night. But what’s going on? Is Colorado making a last minute push to beat out Florida, Arizona or Texas for “Crazy State of the Year??
Notre Dame has readmitted Everett Golson, and he will be able to play next year. The QB was suspended from the school this fall for “poor academic judgment” (i.e. cheating on a test.) No doubt the Fighting Irish took Golson’s admission of guilt and contrition into account, that and the team’s four loss season.
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From Bill Littlejohn: “A U.S. Congress bipartisan agreement on the budget has been reached,preventing a shutdown of everything signifigant in Washington, D.C. except Robert Griffin III”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: affluenza jokes, Janice Hough, Megyn Kelly jokes, North Korea jokes, Redskins jokes, RG3 jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
December 8, 2013
My son points out: “Only one current group of seniors in the country will never know what it’s like to not play in a BCS bowl…and every one is going to graduate…from Stanford.”
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Question of the night: How the heck did this #Stanford team manage to lose to Utah?
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A gay teacher Catholic high school teacher near Philadelphia was fired Friday when he applied for a license to marry his male partner in New Jersey. Now had the guy been married 30 years and dumped his wife for a girl his daughter’s age, they’d have thrown him an engagement party.
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December 7, 1941, “A Day that will live in infamy.” Wonder how Americans in the 40s would have felt had NSA been able to spy on phone calls in Japan?
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David Ortiz says the Yankees lost “the face” of their ballclub when Cano signed with the Mariners. Leaving aside the insult to Jeter I would think the “face” of the Yankees would be more likely to be a George Washington or Ben Franklin, or someone else whose face is on money.
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Yankees fans are apparently burning Robinson Cano jerseys after he signed with Seattle. Whereas presumably they think Jacoby Ellsbury and Carlos Beltran just made smart decisions to feed their families.
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So Auburn ends up in the National Championship? After today’s game with Missouri a better fit for either team might have been the Arena Football League.
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So Nick Saban said today Auburn should play for National Championship because they beat Alabama. Uh, okay, but how about LSU, who beat Auburn. And then Ole Miss, who beat LSU, and Mississippi State who beat Ole Miss. Poor Bowling Green, they knocked off undefeated NIU and lost to Mississippi State by 1 or they’d be in the equation.
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And a moment for brief comparison of conference strength: Auburn beat Washington State 31-24. That same WSU Cougars team against the Pac 12? Lost 55-21 to ASU, 62-38 to Oregon, 52-24 to Oregon State, and 55-17 to Stanford. Just saying….
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The NFL has to be “thrilled” about their upcoming Super Bowl. 29 degree weather in New Jersey. On the other hand, the weather isn’t that much better today in say, Texas.
As someone who hates the SEC, I hate them even more that they made me root for Ohio State and Urban Meyer on principle.
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–Ah yes, football is different in the South. At a press conference a reporter asked the lawyer for the woman who accused FSU QB Jameis Winston of rape if her family was affiliated with the University of Alabama.
Bus to hell time: Guess as an anti-SEC fan it would be tacky to post “Rah rah rapist.”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Auburn jokes, BCS jokes, FSU jokes, Janice Hough, SEC jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
December 7, 2013
Notre Dame, 8-4, has accepted an offer to play in the Pinstripe Bowl. So Yankee Stadium will end up hosting a big name, big money team with a national reputation that has underachieved this year. Local fans should feel right at home.
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Urban Meyer says he has decided not to start Marcus Hall after he was ejected from the Michigan game and flipped off the crowd. And the OSU coach said he was “very, very disappointed” in Hall’s actions. So over-under on how many plays the offensive lineman will miss?
Sorry Northern Illinois. But you really shouldn’t be in a BCS bowl when you lose big to a school whose initials aren’t even recognizable on the ESPN feed. (BGSU — Bowling Green State University.)
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In the midst of all of the doom and gloom stories on the news, finally some good news for millions of Americans: “Family Guy”s Brian the dog is reportedly coming back from the dead.
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The U.S got Ghana, Portugal and Germany in their World Cup group draw. Which means that Americans who only pay attention to soccer every few years will probably be able to get back to ignoring the sport sooner..
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Will any country who doesn’t think they are in a World Cup “Group of Death” please stand up.
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The Texas have fired coach Gary Kubiak after an 11-game losing streak. Well, based on Houston’s level of play in 2013 maybe Kubiak can get a short-term minor bowl gig with one of these college teams whose coaches have moved on?
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Michael Mina is going to open a bar-restaurant at the new SF 49ers stadium. Makes sense. Because when you’ve paid $1000 for a pair of tickets, that $30 glass of Cabernet is going to seem like a bargain.
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Journey’s Neal Schon will marry DC ‘Real Housewife’ and White House party-crasher Michaele Salahi Dec. 15 in San Francisco on Pay-Per-View. His fifth marriage, her second. Sounds perfect for all those who find “Keeping Up with the Kardashians” just a bit too intellectual.
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Robinson Cano to the Mariners $240 million. With the added bonus of no playoff pressure.
(My friend Marty Burtwell thinks he’ll be stranded on base so often he should change his name to Robinson Crusoe.)
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Apparently there were no fatalities but 15 people were injured when an elderly woman drove her car into a Long Island, NY Trader Joe’s this afternoon. Hoping everyone recovers quickly, and if she hit any wine that it was only “Two-Buck Chuck.”
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A friend wanted to know why I didn’t make any Carlos Beltran Yankees age jokes tonight. Simple. Compared to Derek Jeter Carlos is a mere child.
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Convicted wife-killer Martin MacNeill unsuccessfully tried to commit suicide in his Utah cell. It’s a real shame that some of these a**holes who are into murder-suicide don’t reverse the order of their attempts.
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Whatever you thought of “the Sound of Music Live”, got to give Carrie Underwood props for guts, and making more headlines than most entertainers make without getting arrested.
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Got a bit confused with the Sound of Music too. I don’t remember Captain von Trapp marrying Heidi.
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This is getting to be like a limbo dance – how low can they go? Rick Santorum: “Nelson Mandela stood up against a great injustice.” And then he compared Mandela’s struggle to the GOP fight against “great injustice going on right now in this country, with an ever-increasing size of government that is taking over and controlling people’s lives. And Obamacare is front and center in that.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Notre Dame jokes, Robinson Cano jokes, Sound of Music jokes, Yankees jokes
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December 4, 2013
About $500 million spent on free agents this offseason in MLB and the Yankees have spent about half of it. 28 teams are aghast. And the Dodgers are thinking “We can top this.”
Cyber Monday, Giving Tuesday, What’s next “Back To Work Wednesday?”
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Two security guards at Houston’s Reliant Stadium were fired for having their pictures taken with Tom Brady. Maybe the team should have cut the guys a break, it’s not like any reasonable person would want a picture taken with one of this year’s Texans
The best news for t-shirt vendors near Fenway Park tonight. They can print over all the “Johnny Damon traitor/Judas” shirts and substitute “Jacoby Ellsbury.
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Jacoby Ellsbury has signed a 7 year, $153 million contract with the Yankees. This is apparently part of the new NY strategy – “Austerity as long as we are not competing with the Red Sox.”
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A new study shows U.S. students well below average compared to the rest of the world in math, particularly in their ability to apply mathematics to real world situations. No kidding. As at FedEx field Sunday where we saw issues with counting to 10 and even 4.
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Brett Favre is the offensive coordinator for Oak Grove High School in Hattiesburg, MS, and his team is playing in the state championship Friday. The real question, how does Favre make play-calling decisions in time to avoid delay of game penalties?
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Arizona coach Bruce Arians sent 15 plays to the NFL to highlighting “obvious” officiating errors during the Cardinals 24-21 loss to the Eagles. Wonder if the officials sent back a list of 15 or more “obvious” coaching errors.
The Washington, D.C. tree was formally lit Tuesday night. The way things are going in our nation’s capitol, wonder if President Obama had to threaten a nuclear option to prevent John Boehrner from subjecting the tree to a filibuster.
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While he declined to attend, Peyton Manning took the time to sign and return a wedding invitation sent to him by a “lifelong fan.” Nice to see an NFL player making news for signing something other than a citation or bail contract.
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The California GOP is taking some heat for a fake Obamacare website. (coveringhealthcareca.com as opposed to the real coveredca.com) Wonder how long it will take an confused out-of-state Republican to trash the site as not working correctly.
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Delta Airlines bumped 50 passengers at Gainesville Airport when they used their plane to accommodate the University of Florida men’s basketball team, whose charter had a mechanical problem. That’s the basketball team. Had it been the UF football team this year, Delta probably would have put them on a Greyhound bus.
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Paul Walker seemed like a really cool guy who did a lot of good with his stardom. And he died way too young. But as far as it being a tragedy? Mechanical or not, racing or not, that car was going really really fast. The real tragedy would have been if they spun out of control and hit another car or innocent bystanders crossing the street… IMHO
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cyber Monday jokes, Ellsbury jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Red Sox jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 2, 2013
Another day, another high-profile shooting. For all the words that have been made PC recently, there seems to be little need to change “gunman” to “gunperson.”
We know very little about the LAX shooting. But a few things we know for sure. Many will call for more stringent gun laws. And the NRA will say that whatever the gun laws were, they would not have made a difference in this case. (And someone will no doubt claim this is a reason why air travelers should be armed…)
Allegedly the LAX suspect was carrying a note saying he wanted to “kill TSA and pigs.” So what will one likely result of his shooting be? More TSA and security hired at LAX.
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LAX Gunman is reportedly Paul Anthony Ciancia, 23. And a number of liberals are probably thinking “Whew, he’s not Muslim.” And some conservatives are probably thinking “Darn, he’s not Muslm.”
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And now back to the silly stuff… Because even on bad days there is always silly stuff.
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A man is suing the KC Royals because of injuries to his eye plus pain and suffering when he was struck by a 4 ounce foil-wrapped hot dog thrown into the stands by the team’s mascot. Time for some no-texting while watching baseball laws?
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Lots of hype for next week’s Thursday night NFL – “Adrian Peterson vs. RGIII.” Alas for the NFL Network, the two will be accompanied by their respective sucky football teams.
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Honey Boo Boo’s family apparently dressed up as the Kardashian family for Halloween. Does this even need a punchline?
Michael Jordan, who now owns the Charlotte Bobcats, said “I don’t believe” in having the team deliberately tank in order to rebuild by getting a top draft pick. Besides, since the Bobcats have been 62-168 the last 3 years, losing doesn’t seem to be working anyway.
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Jacksonville Jaguars WR Justin Blackmon has been suspended indefinitely for violating the NFL’s substance abuse policy. This could really put a damper on the 0-8 team’s season.
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The NY Yankees have signed Derek Jeter to a one-year, $12 million contract. Which is less expensive than it sounds, as the Captain’s health insurance will be covered by Medicare.
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A British Labour politician, unhappy with bipartisan good wishes from his colleagues on the occasion of Prince William’s christening, complained that “valuable Parliamentary time” had been taken up to “congratulate two very wealthy aristocrats for procreating”. The English were shocked – Parliament HAS valuable time?
Delta and JetBlue are the first airlines to allow e-readers from gate to gate following the FAA’s ruling yesterday. Of course, some passengers had already discovered a way to read without interruption on a plane – printed books.
The San Antonio Spurs beat the Los Angeles Lakers Friday night 91-85 in their first meeting of the season. Otherwise known as the AARP Classic.
Iowa LB Marcus Collins was dismissed from the team after a DUI arrest. While he was driving on a suspended or cancelled license, AND while he was already suspended from football for “undisclosed reasons.” Not sure what Collins is majoring in but guessing it’s not rocket science.
Police have uncovered a 1,760-foot drug smuggling ‘super tunnel’ from Tijuana to San Diego, which has power, vents and its own rail system. The tunnel was so elaborately well-crafted, maybe the states should plea-bargain with its architects to work on California’s proposed high speed rail?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, LAX airport shooting jokes, NFL jokes, Yankees jokes
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October 16, 2013
Cory Booker won the U.S Senate seat in New Jersey tonight. Against a Republican who called him a “Hollywood stand-in” for President Obama. Alas for Steve Lonegan NJ voters apparently viewed him as a stand-in for Ted Cruz.
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A new study found that Oreos are as addictive as cocaine. The scary thing… what does that mean for treats that are made from real chocolate?
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A flight from San Jose to Honolulu made an emergency stop in Oakland after a bird was sucked into an engine. Alaska Airlines reported no injuries. The bird, however, would disagree.
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Brian Cashman’s former mistress is suing her psychiatrist for leaking medical information to the Yankees GM, which she claims to her arrest and incarceration for five months. Hmm, maybe we’ve found a possible woman who really deserves A-Rod.
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Obama met briefly today with Miss America Nina Davuluri when she visited the White House with a group from the Children’s Miracle Network Hospital Champions. Presumably the President did so despite an offer to fill in during the shutdown from former President Clinton.
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Staten Island Congressman Michael Grimm, who is single, is denying the story that he had a 17-minute sexual encounter with a woman in a wine bar bathroom. I don’t know… 17 minutes? Might raise his standing with female voters.
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Ted Cruz decided not to block a vote on the Senate shutdown-debt ceiling deal. So has he decided he likes “Green Eggs & Ham?”
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John Boehner may have accomplished the impossible – making Harry Reid and Mitch McConnell look like statesmen.
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So regarding this Redskins controversy, we used to have the Washington Senators. In light of current events and current competence levels, why don’t we rename the football team the Washington House?
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“Better to keep silent and be thought a fool” dept: Colts owner Jim Irsay said he was “frustrated” that his team won only one Super Bowl when Peyton Manning was there. Just the motivation Peyton needs for his next opponent… Indianapolis.
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Peyton Manning in response to Colts’ owner Irsay’s complaint about them only having 1 ring. “I don’t have any answer for you on that, or any comment on any of that.” Two points on that: 1. Archie raised a classy son. 2. Broncos are 6-0, and the Colts 4-2. (No comment is a bit classier than “Suck it, Irsay.”)
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What a relief for Fox announcers. With Pedroia’s single in 1st tonight, they didn’t need to spend most of #ALCS game 4 jinxing another #Tigers no-hitter.
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If any men needed more explanation as to why females still adore Robert Redford, there’s was today’s CNN interview: Where the actor said that women and young people are the answer in Washington “Give them the reins. I think they can do better than we have.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Colts jokes, Congress jokes, Irsay jokes, janice hough jokes, John Boehner jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 