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This could go on all day and night….

October 27, 2015

Thanks to ESPN’s insisting that the MLB season start on a Sunday night, and in 2015, April 5, the World Series just got started tonight. Finally.  Millions of Americans have been eagerly awaiting the November Classic.

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The World Series was actually delayed tonight over Fox’s unexplained technical difficulties. Maybe even God has had enough of Joe Buck.

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But really, Fox having broadcast outage at ‪the #‎WorldSeries‬?   Well, maybe if the network had actually practiced by regularly showing baseball this season?

During the postgame show Joe Buck talked about  ‪#‎WorldSeries‬ game 2 “tomorrow in Kansas City.”  Uh, Joe, after 14 innings, more like tonight.

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First time I’ve seen even a little bat flip on a sacrifice fly. ‪#‎Hosmer‬ ‪#‎WorldSeries‬ ‪#‎Royals‬

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But give Hosmer credit, that sacrifice fly must have felt really good after he picked a really bad time to channel Bill Buckner.

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So do the ‪#‎Mets‬ have a special voodoo doll they bury near first base during the ‪#‎WorldSeries‬?

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Harold Reynolds, doing his best to match Joe Buck on the stupid scale. “this is about as evenly matched a World Series as I’ve heard people talk about in years.” Uh, except for last year that came down to one-run in game 7?

The NY Daily News reported Tuesday night that Derek Jeter is engaged. Apparently the Yankees really really don’t like being out of the October spotlight.

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When  ‪#‎WorldSeries‬ game one started Bartolo Colon had barely started shaving.

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An injured deer walked into a Rochester, NY, emergency room. Assume the staff fawned over him.

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REI says it will close all stores on Black Friday and pay their employees to be outside that day. Hope not too many of those employees decide “outside’ means waiting outside other stores

Taco Bell has introduced new croissant breakfast tacos. Yet another consequence of states legalizing marijuana?

-The Texans have released QB Ryan Mallett after he was late for meetings Saturday and missed the team’s charter flight to Miami. I can hear the cries from Houston now “Tebow, Tebow, Tebow.!!!”

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Oracle announced they will build a public charter “Design Tech” high school on its Redwood City, California campus. The idea presumably being to hire some of these kids before they do something silly like go to college.

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Walgreen’s is acquiring Rite Aid. Another step on the path to one national drug store change and one airline.

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Charles Koch is bemoaning a lack of substance and civility in the 2016 Presidential race “It’s mainly about personalities, and ‘your mother sucked rotten eggs.” Yeah, well, Dr. Frankenstein also ended up not being thrilled with his monster.

Donald Trump’s response to his drop in the polls. “I don’t get it.”   Hey, when he’s right, he’s right.

John Kasich talking about his GOP competition on the eve of the next debate. “I’ve about had it with these people. I want you to know I’m fed up. I’m sick and tired of listening to this nonsense and I’m going to have to call it like it is in this race.”
With all due respect, so until now he’s not been “calling it like it is” why?

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Is it too soon to start a pool on the next arrest date for Greg Hardy? ‪#‎Cowboys‬ ‪#‎NFL‬

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Alex Kaseberg, co-piloting me on the bus-to-hell tonight.  “After sustaining a serious 4th-of-July fireworks hand injury, Jason Pierre-Paul agreed to terms with New York Giants. Jason was so happy, he gave the Giants a high-three.”

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Be afraid, be very afraid.

October 25, 2015

A Clear Food report found that 10% of vegetarian hot dogs contained meat. Hmm, that might be a higher percentage than regular hot dogs.

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As we move into Halloween week give NBC the early lead for the scariest statement of the week. During a Sunday Night Football commercial they just referred to “Republican front runner Donald Trump.”

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A new AP poll says that Republican voters view Donald Trump as their most electable candidate in 2016. ‪#‎beammeupScottietheresnointelligentlifeonthisplanet‬

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The new president of Guatemala is former TV comedian Jimmy Morales, who has no experience in government, but won tonight in a landslide. ‪#‎PagingJonStewart‬

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The LA Times reports that a survey found 39% of L.A. millennials ‘chronically stressed’ about money. Presumably the other 61% are living with their parents.

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Jimmy Fallon, who badly injured his left hand in a fall at home earlier this year, apparently fell at a Harvard award event yesterday and injured his OTHER hand. Was he chewing gum at the time?

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UCF football coach George O’Leary, whose Golden Knights are 0-8, is retiring effective immediately. Making him luckier than UCF season ticket holders.

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As if I didn’t have enough reasons to hate FOX – First time in California we had the Saints on TV for a Sunday day game in the SF Bay Area, they have a 27-0 lead, and they just came on and said “unless you’re a fantasy owner or a Saints fan that doesn’t live in New Orleans you’re not interested in this game anymore so we are switching to another game”-  Humbug.

(and the Saints almost blew the game. Paging Heidi.)

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Chris Christie was kicked out of an Amtrak “quiet car” this morning. I am sure that has nothing to with what will be a number of unexpected New Jersey rail bridge closures tomorrow.

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Houston Texans QB Ryan Mallett, who said he bought an alarm clock after he said he overslept a training camp practice, missed the team plane to Miami and had to fly commercial for today’s game against the Dolphins. Apparently there is a difference between buying a clock and using a clock.

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The Dallas Cowboys have lost four in a row. No punchline, I just liked writing that.

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Greg Hardy, convicted of domestic violence before his ex-girlfriend didn’t show up for the appeal, apparently he shoved and yelled at teammates on the field in today’s Dallas loss.
Owner Jerry Jones’s response: “He’s, of course, one of the real leaders on this team and he earns it and he earns it with respect from all of his teammates and that’s the kind of thing that inspires a football team.”
Yeah, that’s the kind of attitude that has the Cowboys so beloved outside Texas.

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Former Majority Leader Tom DeLay said that if President Barack Obama issues an executive order to require background checks on some gun sales , the House should consider impeachment proceedings.
Is Delay nuts? Of course the House should not impeach Obama over such an action – now, another Congressional committee to investigate Hillary over her potential involvement, sure, why not?

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Joe Biden said tonight he didn’t run for President simply because at this point he “couldn’t win.” Uh, that hasn’t stopped most of the GOP field.

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Ben Carson said today he is against abortion in all cases, and cited “the many stories of people who have led very useful lives who were the result of rape or incest.” Of course, this is the same Dr. Carson who is against welfare because he thinks it says ‘You can’t take care of yourself and I’m going to give you food stamps, a housing subsidy and free health care….”
So, basically Carson is telling poor girls and women who are victims of rape and incest that they are f*cked twice over.

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Hot and cold

October 18, 2015

So the temperature in New York is under 40 degrees at game time tonight. Maybe they were right when they said hell would freeze over before the Cubs got close to another World Series again.

If this keeps up even LGBT New Yorkers will be hugging Daniel Murphy ‪#‎NLDS‬ ‪#‎Cubs‬ ‪#‎Mets‬

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The Detroit Lions won their first game today. So presumably the 1976 Tampa Bay Buccaneers and 2008 Detroit Lions Teams broke open a case of generic beer.

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Apparently fire alarms were pulled around 530a on the two floors of the Seattle hotel where the Carolina Panthers were staying. So sounds like the 13th man might be a hotel employee?

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Not that it worked to help the Hawks though. Seattle may well not get back to the postseason with their fourth loss and late-blown lead of the season. But they are looking like the undisputed “winner” to fill in the blank of an old joke.
“Whats the difference between the ‘blank’ and a dollar? You can get four quarters out of a dollar.”

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Hard to believe watching their game that the ‪#‎Ravens‬ & ‪#‎49ers‬ were in the Super Bowl against each other only three years ago.

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The Steelers’ Cam Heyward was fined $5,787 for wearing eye black to honor his late father Craig “Ironhead” Heyward last week, but he chose to wear it again. No doubt the league will fine him again, this sort of thing distracts from all their official approved uniforms available for sale on NFL.com

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In Australia, a man went one year without sex to raise money for charity. Hmm, this could make Silicon Valley the philanthropy capital of the world.

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The Orlando Sentinel is reporting on a “marijuana epidemic” in college football. Uh, one, if it’s an epidemic, it’s been going on for decades. And two, “epidemic” generally means those who have symptoms want to be cured.

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Michigan’s AD is calling for fans to lay off the punter who fumbled at the end of the game yesterday resulting in a last second MSU game. Makes sense, one, he’s a kid, two, he’s not the one who called plays that in 4 downs couldn’t run 1 minute and 47 seconds off the clock. (Spartans had and used only 1 time out.)

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In Chicago, a 6-year-old boy fatally shot his 3-year-old brother playing “cops and robbers.” The father told police he bought the gun to protect his family. So I guess he should have armed the toddler too?

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From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg.   “Donald Trump claims he would have stopped 9/11. Apparently he would have hired the terrorists and then they would have had to declare bankruptcy.

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Numbers game?

September 17, 2015

We don’t need no stinkin’ DH.  #SFGiants

powers

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Leaving aside the illegality of it, does Jeb Bush’s response of “Maggie Thatcher” for a woman to be on the $10 bill mean he can’t think of ONE worthy American woman? ‪#‎andhessupposedtobethesmartone

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Jeb Bush tonight admitted to smoking marijuana 40 years ago, “other people might have done it but may not want to say it in front of 25 million people. My mom’s not happy that I just did.” Wow. Jeb smoked pot. And somewhere Barbara is thinking of his brother and just giggling.

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Over 22 million people tuned into CNN’s debate last night. Well, if all it takes is an outspoken entertainer as part of the show to get people’s attention, can we include Jon Stewart or Bill Maher in the Democratic debate?

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My friend Michael Powers noted this quote from Marco Rubio during the GOP debate: “These problems cannot be solved by intellect.”

Well, then that’s not an issue for most anyone who was on that stage.

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Apparently Kobe Bryant’s torn rotator cuff has healed enough so that he has been cleared to participate in basketball activities. Well, and it’s not like he’ll need to use the shoulder to pass or anything.

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American Airlines had a “technical issue” today that halted flights for about an hour at DFW, Miami, and O’Hare., their three main hubs.
How come it’s a “technical issue” when they have a problem, and at least a $200 change fee when YOU have a problem?

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Bengals kicker Mike Nugent is upset about the NFL making the PAT attempt longer.: “I don’t like the rule because — I could be wrong — but I don’t know of any rules that have been changed to make guys fail more.”

Well, two things. 1. Making “guys fail more” IS exactly the point. 2. Any rules, well, let’s start with lowering the MLB mound in 1969. And then there’s moving the kickoff, and the goalposts, and, well, I am sure my friends and readers have a long list.

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Anthony Weiner has lost his job he started in July at that fancy PR firm. So congrats to all those who had Sept 16 in the pool.
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Ann Coulter is facing more than the usual bipartisan criticism after she tweeted during the GOP debate “How many f–ing Jews do these people think there are in the United States?” Maybe she forgot that one of those Jews is Sheldon Adelson?

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Defensive lineman Jonathan Taylor has been dismissed from both Alabama and Georgia for a total of three arrests, two for domestic violence, Now Taylor has enrolled at Southeastern Louisiana and joined the football team. Well, a guy’s got to do something before he joins the NFL.

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The Coolidge, AZ, City Council voted Monday to allow prayers before council meetings, including a stipulation that they be Christian. Where are the GOP defenders of freedom of religion on this one?

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Pitcher Mat ‪#‎Latos‬ made much of hating ‪#‎SF‬. Can’t wait to hear what he says about LA, now that the ‪#‎Dodgers‬ have DFA’ed him.

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Excuses, excuses

September 10, 2015

You know, Hillary Clinton might have done a lot better with this whole email server thing if she said she had just done it to see if Bill was trying to sign up for an Ashley Madison account.

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Bobby Jindal has said a lot of dumb things. But his comment today about Trump isn’t one of them ‪#‎creditwherecreditisdue‬

“But you know why he hasn’t read the Bible? Because he’s not in it.”

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Former NBC News anchor Brian Williams will be back on the air with MSNBC Sept. 22. Can’t wait to hear about what exciting things Williams has been doing during his six-month suspension.

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Little League is changing their age determination to Aug. 31, from the April 30 date it has been since 2005. (Before that it was Aug 1.) Which means kids must be 12 in August to play in the LLWS.

So wonder how many baseball parents will suddenly change their family planning to aim for July and August rather than March and April babies. ‪#‎youthinkiamkidding‬? ‪#‎nojoke‬

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Opening NFL night, So let’s see, we had the Patriots QB who started dating his model wife around the time he got his ex-girlfriend pregnant with their child, and the Steelers QB who has twice been accused of rape. Who was a woman to root against?

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The Warriors’ Draymond Green just donated $3.1 million to his alma mater, Michigan State. $3.1 million?!! At some universities that’s enough to cover a whole year’s salary to all the football team.

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Recently released emails show the Bush White House response to 9-11. Including one just after the first plane hit the North Tower. “Turn on CNN …”

So even Bush and company knew not to turn to Fox for real news.

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Memphis today announced a benefit dinner Dec. 28 to honor former men’s basketball coach John Calipari, then hours later announced they would not be recognizing him. Wouldn’t it have been more apt to say the honors would be vacated?

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R.E.M lead singer Michael Stipe, angry that Trump used the band’s “End of the World” song without permission, referred to the Donald as a “sad, attention grabbing, power-hungry little man.” Wow. If Stipe gets tired of music, he might have a real future in political speech writing.

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Fox just bought a majority stake in National Geographic. Is it more shocking that Fox might believe in the magazine. Or that they might believe in science?

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From Sarah Palin’s Wednesday speech, as noted by Rachel Maddow,

So up there in Alaska, across the way Russia. You know there is a name for this taking advantage of America. There is a Russian name for that. And it is called ‘fortushka.’ And that means Obama’s window of opportunity. So as Obama leads from behind the skirt of his right-hand man, Valerie Jarrett, then it’s up to Congress to close that window. He may propose. You dispose, Congress. You gotta be in it to win it because we want peace. With unapologetic mighty red, white, and blue, will have peace.”

Is this what Sarah meant about “speaking American?”

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From T.C.  “McDonald’s has announced they will be serving eggs from cage-free chickens in the future. However, the workers in the drive-thru lines still have to remain in their cages except for two 15 minute breaks.”

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Trifecta?

September 9, 2015

Donald Trump, Ted Cruz and Sarah Palin hold anti-Iran deal rally in DC. Good thing there wasn’t a bomb or drone strike or any natural disaster that happened while they were together. If they were all killed it would put half the comedy writers in the country out of business.

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Trump, Cruz and Palin walk into a bar.    Okay friends and readers, I am soliciting punchlines!   Have at it.

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George Takei today – “In our country we obey civil laws, not religious laws.” Exactly. And for our forefathers, wasn’t that the whole point?

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Love British understatement: In an email to travel agents, British Airways says of yesterday’s scheduled BA 2276 – “the aircraft, a 777-200, experienced a technical issue as it was preparing for take-off from McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas.”

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Bishop’s Vineyard, a new winery in California, is growing grapes in cemeteries. Guessing the Chardonnay is bone-dry..

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In Connecticut, police pulled over a man allegedly going 112 mph. The driver was heading to court for a speeding ticket. This BOGO craze has clearly gone too far.

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Congrats to Queen Elizabeth 2, who today surpassed Queen Victoria as England’s longest reigning monarch. Assuming her plan at this point is simply to outlive her son.

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Bruno Mars has been invited back for a second Super Bowl halftime performance. But Mars has a long way to go to catch up with those legendary five-time performers, “Up with People.”

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The New England Patriots have asked the NFL to reinstate “Deflategate” clubhouse attendants John Jastremski and Jim McNally. In other words, the balls just deflated themselves. #patriotscandonowrong

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Richard Sherman, on ESPN reports of the Patriots’ systemic cheating. “Like they say, if you didn’t get caught, then it wasn’t cheating.”
Kind of makes you wonder what the Seahawks are up to.

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#‎TimHudson‬, 40. despite last night’s great performance, still plans to retire at end of year. “So young?” responded ‪#‎JamieMoyer‬. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

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Meanwhile, this ‪#‎SFGiants‬ road trip, especially their hitting, turned into a series of remakes of “Night of the Living Dead.”

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Jeb Bush on the new Late Night with Stephen Colbert said “we have to restore a degree of civility in Washington.” And somewhere Obama is thinking “been there, tried that, want the bloody t-shirt?”

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Fortunately, there were no injuries when a fire broke out today at Walt Disney World’s EPCOT. On the bright side, it’s the hottest EPCOT has been in years.

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-Just a thought about Donald Trump’s telling CNN to donate their debate profits to veterans. Veterans?! . Ok, so for Trump does that include alums of his prep school?

(earlier this week Trump basically compared his expensive military prep school to military service.)

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Donald Trump wants CNN to donate $10 million to charity for his participation in the debates. I think all the networks should get together and demand $100 million from Trump for giving him more publicity these days than his “Apprentice” show ever did.

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Now Entertainment Weekly is reporting that Josh Duggar also had accounts on Facebook, Twitter and OK Cupid for meeting women. So now that Kim Davis is “free”, really looking forward to hearing from Mike Huckabee on this one.

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Not working

September 7, 2015

Labor Day brings another threatened government shutdown. So on a day we honor work, we get another reminder from Congress that they don’t.

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A “TipsforJesus” group gave a Utah waitress a $3,000 tip on a $505 bill.  Thinking Jesus would approve a lot more of this sort of thing than protesting other people’s happiness in His name.

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R.I.P. Judy Carne. One of the very best comics I grew up watching. It’s definitely “Sock-it-to-me” time tonight in heaven.

Best Laugh-in Judy Carne skit from my memory as a twisted youth. The show had a constant war with censors. One episode had someone offscreen throwing a ball (don’t remember exact details), let’s say a basketball at her.Then a little later, someone throwing a football at her, then a soccer ball, then a baseball,. And finally after the last time she says to the camera “That’s the fifth time I’ve been balled on this show this week.”
Censors missed it, show got fined. A lot of pre-teens were delighted. ‪#‎thosewerethedays‬

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Just saw a trailer for “Suffragette” So now we know the the answer to the question. “For what film this year will Meryl Streep be nominated for an Oscar?

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Dentist Walter Palmer has emerged from hiding, “If I had known (Cecil) had a name and was important to the country or a study, obviously I wouldn’t have taken it.” And he denied Cecil was dying for 40 hours and was shot to death, saying he tracked the lion “the next day” and killed him with an arrow. So that’s all right then? ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎douchebag‬

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The Cleveland Browns have suspended offense line coach Andy Moeller for his role in an “unspecified incident.” Who does Moeller think he is? A player?

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A fire has been extinguished in the engine room aboard the Carnival Cruise Line Liberty while it was docked in St. Thomas. No injuries but passengers will not be allowed back on board until tonight. Stand by for the CNN miniseries.

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QB Geno Smith says he won’t file charges against ex-Jets teammate IK Enemkpali for breakjoNing his jaw. Maybe because in a trial the world would find out what Smith did to provoke the punch?

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About 40 people were reportedly injured when a Qatar flight hit turbulence about an hour outside of Manila. So sounds like it’s not just Americans who zone out on the flight attendant request to “when seated keep your seat belt fastened at all times.”

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In Quebec, Canada, doctors can now give prescriptions to patients that are direct instructions on physical activity. In related news, Big Pharma has announced plans to patent exercise.

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Trying to catch the crazy train?

September 3, 2015

John Kasich, who has a reputation for sanity: – “If I become president, I’m going to name it back to Mt. McKinley. This is not something we appreciate or agree with in Ohio.”
Then the Ohio governor added “The reason the mountain was named that way in my understanding is a guy was out there climbing, he saw this big peak, and he wanted to celebrate the achievements of President McKinley, so he named it Mt. McKinley.”
Uh, the guy who named it did so in 1896. When McKinley hadn’t even been ELECTED President yet. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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So in today’s ruling Judge Berman wrote that “Brady had no notice that such conduct was prohibited, or any reasonable certainty of potential discipline stemming from such conduct The Court concludes that, as a matter of law, no NFL policy or precedent notifies players that they may be disciplined (much less suspended) for general awareness of misconduct by others.”

The Saints called.. They want 2012 back.

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A British study found that cats didn’t suffer from separation anxiety when their owners are gone. Not only that,, the felines didn’t feel the need to post cute human pictures on social media.

(And of course maybe it has nothing to do with separation anxiety.  Maybe cats just don’t like being studied.)

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A poisonous 8 foot long King Cobra snake has escaped from a house in Orlando near Disney World. So all you thrill-seeking tourists, no need to wait in line for the Indiana Jones ride.

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The wife of Redskins GM Scot McCloughan has apologized for tweets implying that an ESPN reporter had exchanged sexual favors for scoops. Well, give Washington credit, they never stop at just being embarrassing ON the field.

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A judge has ordered Kentucky clerk Kim Davis to jail for refusing to issue gay marriage licenses. And the price for Davis’s future speaking fees to conservative groups keeps going up.

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Whatever happens in the GOP primary this Donald Trump-Jeb Bush feud is entertaining.  And so mature.  Too soon to start a pool, on the first to accuse the other with “Liar, liar, pants on fire?”

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Five Rutgers football players were charged yesterday for allegedly assaulting another student in April. They have been suspended from the program. So does it mean the Scarlet Knights are recruiting more than the average number of thugs? Or are the New Brunswick police less accommodating than those, in say, Tallahassee?

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Now Donald Trump has indeed signed a pledge saying he would not run as a third party candidate. But no doubt Trump is thinking “Well, with the Greens, the Libertarians, etc, it would be at least a fifth or sixth party.”

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It’s a funny game. Tonight the San Diego Padres scored as many runs in FIVE innings against the Dodgers bullpen (6), as the SF Giants did this week against the entire Los Angeles pitching staff in 3 games and 32 innings

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Are these people trying to put the Onion out of business? The lawyer for Kim Davis: “Does that mean that if you’re Christian, don’t apply here; if you’re a Jew, you gotta get — what happened in Nazi Germany, what happened there first, they removed the Jews from government public employment, then they stopped patronizing them in their private businesses, then they continued to stigmatize them, then they were the ‘problems,’ then they killed them.” Yes, he said it.

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from T.C.  “UCLA has suspended Ishmael Adams from the football team as he was arrested for robbing a Uber driver. He must be majoring in Rocket Science as Uber only takes payments via credit and debit cards.”

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Blowing in the wind.

August 26, 2015

Seriously, it is getting REALLY old in this country when the response is “Did you hear about the mass shooting? And the response is “Which one?”

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Can we make a deal here with some of the Presidential candidates? We will considering tweaking the 14th Amendment if they will consider tweaking the 2nd.

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The man who shot and killed a Virginia news crew on air has died of his self-inflicted gunshot injuries. Once again, why can’t these a**holes who plan a murder-suicide reverse the order?

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#‎JoshDuggar‬ has announced he has checked into rehab. So congrats to all those who had August 26 in the pool.

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Bruce Springsteen’s “Born to Run” is now celebrating its 40th anniversary. So now they’re riding “through the mansions of glory in suicide machines” with their left blinker on.

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The musical “Rent:” will return to New York City this fall for it’s 20th anniversary. Not sure of ticket prices but still might be the only Rent most young people in NY can now afford.

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The Steelers have signed Michael Vick as a backup QB to Ben Rothlisberger. Wow. Dog killing and alleged rape. Where’s a good NFL bounty program when you really need one?

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#‎USC‬ coach ‪#‎SteveSarkisian‬ has banned parents from practice. What, is he afraid they will make him wash his mouth out with soap?

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President Obama will be in New Orleans tomorrow, near the anniversary of Katrina. Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal – “I understand that your emphasis in New Orleans will – rightly – be an economic development, the temptation to stray into climate change politics should be resisted.”

Right, because no one in the city cares about weather.

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Junior Gallette, released by the New Orleans Saints after two alleged domestic violence incidents, and signed by Washington, has apparently torn his Achilles tendon. Sometimes Roger Goodell has nothing on that mean bitch, karma.

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Some stories almost don’t need a punchline. The NYPD is looking for officers to volunteer for their “newly formed Times Square unit,” in large part because of the increasing numbers of topless women there. Chief James O’Neil – “Times Square is an important piece of real estate in New York City. We have to pay attention to what goes on there.”

Hope the number of volunteers didn’t crash the NYPD server.

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When ball hit straight in air up falls between home & pitcher’s mound for 2B hit time for ‪#‎MLB‬ to introduce a “team error” ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎Cubs‬

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Meanwhile, SF Giants have starting shortstop (Crawford), second baseman (Panik)) both centerfielder (Pagan-Blanco) and right fielder(Pence) injured. The Chicago Cubs have been batting their pitcher 8th. With Madison Bumgarner pitching tomorrow have to figure he should bat at least 5th.

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So Wednesday in Santa Clara SF 49ers LB Ahmad Brooks was charged with misdemeanor sexual battery at the same time Ray McDonald was indicted for rape. Since 2012, the Niners now have had 7 players with a NFL-high total of 12 arrests. Well, at least they lead the league in something.

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The horror.

August 26, 2015

Now Fox News chair & CEO Roger Ailes is blasting Trump for his “surprise and unprovoked attack on Megyn Kelly.”

Oh, this awful Republican on Republican violence..

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Donald Trump is attacking Megyn Kelly AGAIN on Twitter, saying she is “really off her game” after her vacation, and he liked “The Kelly File much better without @megynkelly. Perhaps she could take another eleven day unscheduled vacation! ”

Are we sure the Donald hasn’t confused Kelly with one of his ex-wives?

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Benches cleared tonight in New York when the Astros’ Carlos Gomez told the Yankees’ dugout to”shut up,” Not sure how Houston might do in the post season, but Gomez might be on his way to becoming most Americans’ favorite player.

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Sad to say but with all the expensive contracts the Dodgers picked up at the trade deadline the Giants’ would have probably been better off if they had somehow worked out a deal with LA for Matt Cain.

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Detroit Lions’ safety, Glover Quin, when asked about the Packers’ Jordy Nelson’s season-ending injury, included in his answer “God had meant for Jordy to be hurt.”

And somewhere God is thinking “How ridiculous. As if I care about football until after the World Series.”

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USC coach Steve Sarkasian said he had mixed alcohol and medications before his profane rant at last week’s “Salute to Troy.”

Sarkisian said he didn’t have a drinking problem but that through AD Pat Haden and “through the university, I’m going to find that out. I’m going to go to treatment. I’m going to deal with it.” Translation, it was go into treatment or be fired.

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So ESPN’s Curt Schilling is apologizing today for a tweet he sent out this morning (and then deleted) with a meme that compared Muslims to Nazis.
Only person at the network who has to be happy about this is Cris Carter.

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Meanwhile, here’s a thought on how to reduce injuries at MLB parks: If you want to pay more attention to your phone or your friends than the game, don’t buy seats near the field.

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So I think I’ve got the GOP talking points straight: The more than doubling of the stock market since President Obama took office is something that had nothing to do with him, but the recent drops are all his fault….

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South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley and Kansas Governor Sam Brownback wrote a letter to the Obama administration threatening to sue if detainees from Guantanamo Bay, are brought to military installations in their states.

Then they no doubt lambasted the President for not making good on his promise to close Guantanamo down.

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Donald Trump says he is “never eating Oreos again” after the company announced it’s moving a factory to Mexico.

Hands up for all those who think Trump has ever eaten an Oreo in his adult life.

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School daze

August 24, 2015

Apparently a number of incoming Duke freshman refused to read the graphic novel “Fun Home” which was part of their summer reading list, saying the sexuality conflicted with their Christian beliefs.

And I’m sure all of those young men and women will be home studying this fall rather than attending fraternity parties.

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The Sigma Nu fraternity at Old Dominion has been suspended after posting banners on their house during Freshman orientation.  “ROwdy anD Fun, hope your baby girl is ready for a good time.”   “Freshman daughter drop off”  and “Go ahead and drop Mom off too.’    Are they being suspended for being offensive, or for being stupid enough to put up the banners, in a social media age, before parents had even left?

(My friend Dean Harpster comments –  “In this day and age, I think we should just be thankful they spelled everything right.”)

 –

USC has apparently just banned alcohol from their football locker room. Wait?! USC HAD alcohol in their locker room?! Your move, SEC.

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A number of USC players are reportedly unconcerned about not having booze in the locker room any more. As they think the Trojans always played better on grass.

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Australian former rugby star Jarryd Hayne looks likely to make the SF 49ers roster after an impressive pre-season game tonight. How long until Donald Trump complains about yet another immigrant taking a job from Americans

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The Green Bay Packers announced that Jordy Nelson’s knee injury on Sunday will be season-ending. So who says NFL pre-season games are meaningless?

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Consumer Reports says that tests show conventional ground beef is twice as likely as “sustainably sourced ground beef” to contain antibiotic-resistant bacteria. Well, Taco Bell patrons are safe. ‪#‎noactualbeef‬

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So some Republicans are both mocking Obama for wasting fuel by flying 14,000 miles on a climate change tour and still saying there is no climate change problem. ‪#‎pickaside‬

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North Korea and South Korea have reacted an agreement to de-escalate tensions and North Korea says it “regrets” that South Korean soldiers were injured by landmines. Can we blame Obama? Or Dennis Rodman?

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The NFL and ESPN have condemned comments that just came to light from analyst Cris Carter to players at the 2014 NFL Rookie Symposium – saying to have a “fall guy in your crew” in case you get into trouble.
Because Carter was wrong, or because he should have said it to more players?.

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American runner Emily Huddle was about to win the Bronze medal at the 10,000 metre race World Championship in Beijing, when she started celebrating one step too soon and was passed by a teammate. On the brighter side, Huddle probably got a consolation phone call from Leon Lett.

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FSU’s Dalvin Cook, was found not guilty on a misdemeanor battery charge for allegedly punching a woman in the face outside a Tallahassee bar this June. Last October the Seminoles’ star freshman RB was charged with criminal mischief after a BB gun incident, and in November was cited by Animal Services after chaining three puppies together by the neck.

Cook remains suspended but after the acquittal coach Jimbo Fisher will no doubt try to teach the young man a lesson by reinstating him only after the first quarter against Texas State.

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Fight the bleep on?

August 23, 2015

Apparently at Saturday night’s “Salute to Troy” event for USC alums and donors, football coach Steve Sarkisian was drunk, and used “inappropriate” language, including dropping the F-bomb saying of other Pac-12 teams – “they all suck.”

Sarkisan has apologized, but presume he’s also been offered honorary membership in most of USC’s frats.

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From the apology  “Pat Haden  (USC athletic director)  talked to me after the event about my actions and I assured him this will not happen again.”   Probably more like Haden saying  “this WILL not happen again.”

–

The latest high-profile Ashley Madison client to be outed is Jeff Ashton, the Florida state attorney who prosecuted Carey Anthony. Ashton claims he was just “curious” and never went through with an affair. His biography mentions three children, a wife, and “four adult children from previous marriages. (plural.)

So this is the kind of traditional marriage some are trying so hard to protect?

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While relief pitchers are sometimes referred to as “firemen,” the ‪#‎Dodgers‬ relievers are making a strong push to be collectively known as “arsonists.”

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In Ohio a new bill would ban abortions done because pre-natal tests show Down syndrome. And of course the bill would provide life time healthcare benefits to babies born with Down syndrome… Oops. Never mind. ‪#‎notthatprolife‬

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The Atlanta Braves are leaving Turner Field in 2017. Braves fans are hoping they leave the current team behind too.

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Amazing how the New England Patriots never had a problem with Roger Goodell’s discipline before this year. I’m sure it’s just coincidence.

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Sure looked like Terrell Suggs was trying to re-injure Sam Bradford’s knee last night. So the Ravens LB already seems to be in mid-season form. ‪#‎dirty‬

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The National Zoo says Chinese panda Mei Xiang has had twins. How long until Donald Trump refers to them as “anchor cubs?”

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Donald Trump, a little light on specifics on how he’s going to manage to deport millions of immigrants. “It’s called management.”
Sure, because if there’s one thing that unites working people in this country it’s such a strong respect for “management.” ‪#‎SMH‬

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Carly Fiorina, on Meet the Press “The only people who ask me about Donald Trump are the media. I think the media’s kind of obsessed with Donald Trump honestly, and I think Donald Trump is using the media.”

With all due respect, is anybody but the media asking Fiorina anything?

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Shirtless men and women marched in Manhattan Sunday in the “GoTopless Pride Parade” to protest potential regulations against tip-seeking women in Times Square. Clearly they feel they should have more than the right to bare arms.

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Troubled water?

August 12, 2015

In an effort to conserve water, Los Angeles poured almost 100,000 four-inch black plastic “shade” balls over their reservoir. So the city doesn’t have the Raiders yet, but the “black hole” is ready

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This Donald Trump-Megyn Kelly back and forth bickering is getting so bad, you’d think they used to be married to each other.

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So since Fox News got such kudos for the tough questions at the first GOP debate, clearly the pressure is on CNN for October with the Democrats. And since he’s not doing anything, can I suggest as a moderator Jon Stewart?

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Billy Joel, 66, and his wife Alexa, 33, have welcomed their first child, Della Rose. Wonder how long until Billy and Della can compete in their first father-daughter diaper derby.

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Uzbekistan Airways says they will start weighing passengers at the airport, and on some flights they may need to “exclude” larger passengers. U.S airlines are no doubt studying the idea, not to exclude heavier travelers but to charge them extra.

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Not that it affects me anymore, but what is this “back-to-school” crap in mid-August? Used to be Labor Day. Seems un-American to make kids go to class in the summer. ‪#‎justsayin‬

 

Donald Trump said that when Bernie Sanders let ‪#‎BlackLivesMatter‬ protesters take his microphone that Sanders “showed that he’s weak.” As opposed to the Donald himself whose mantra is simply ‪#‎MyLifeMatters‬.

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The Buffalo Bills have claimed IK Enemkpali off waivers after he was released by the Jets for punching Geno Smith. Guess coach Rex Ryan just wants to make sure he has one defender who can hit?

 

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An ESPN poll of more than 100 currently players found that 72% believe that Brady and the Patriots deflated footballs, but only 58% DON’T believe the Patriots cheat. Translation, sounds like there are a lot of teams messing with balls.

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An SF 49ers season ticket holder is suing the team over a new policy which makes it harder on fans trying to sell unused tickets by requiring most sales to go through Ticketmaster.

Wonder how long it might take for 49ers season ticket holder to sue the team over it being harder to sell unused  tickets because of the product on the field.

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Major layoffs have started with the Kraft-Heinz merger. Hope Heinz 57 isn’t a goal for remaining number of employees.

 

Seriously hoping for the best for ‪#‎JimmyCarter‬.. Absolutely our best ex-president. No joke.

 

Lots of accolades for former President Jimmy Carter today after his cancer announcement. But for those who just think Habitat for Humanity and vague do-good human rights stuff, four words – google “Carter guinea worm.”

 

From Bill Littlejohn, “So now, we have a wild controversy involving Donald Trump and Megyn Kelly of Fox News.With all of that hairspray involved, shouldn’t the NFL also be investigating a helmet-to-helmet collision.”

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Crime and pun-ishment?

July 10, 2015

An arbitrator has reduced the Cowboys’ Greg Hardy suspension from 10 to four games. This for assaulting his girlfriend and threatening to kill her. Well, not like Hardy did anything serious like smoking marijuana.

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Miss Nevada USA 2007 was arrested for alleged possession and sale of meth this week. Hmm, wonder if she told pageant officials that her career goal was to teach science?

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Ohio State QB Braxton Miller “As it stands right now, I know I am the best athlete in college football.” Uh, he might not even be the best athlete at OSU.

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A warrant has been issued for the arrest of FSU RB Dalvin Cook, 19, who is accused of repeatedly punching a 21-year-old woman in the face outside a bar in June. This after he completed pre-trial intervention for a bb-gun battle last June and was investigated for allegedly waving a gun at a neighbor in July of 2014.

Cook was the Seminoles’ leading rusher last season, gaining 1,008 yards with 8 TDs. Guessing he’ll be dismissed from the team. But is it too soon to start a pool on which SEC team will announce he’s a nice young man who deserves a second chance?

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RB Dalvin Cook, facing arrest for assault, has been cut from the Seminoles football team. FSU coach Jimbo Fisher – “It is important to me that our fans and the public be aware that I do not tolerate the type of behavior that was captured on video and that was most recently alleged.”

Well, at least he’s honest about the “captured on video” part”

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Happiest baseball people who are not ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans tonight. Anyone whose team was hoping to trade for Cole Hamels and wanted a lower price.  (Final score  -SF 15- PHL 2.)

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#‎SFGiants‬ are undefeated in 2015 when they score 15 runs.

 .

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The Confederate flag has been removed from the South Carolina capitol. Let’s hope not too many people fired guns in the air to celebrate.

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Many men don’t get the fascination with “The Bachelorette,” especially this year where a woman tells a guy he is “the one,” then goes and sleeps with someone else, and may yet go back to the first guy. They’d rather deal with watching serious stuff like NFL free agency……

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A new study says that 10% of Americans take fish oil pills, but that the omega-3s in the pills may not be beneficial at all for heart health. Of course, have to wonder how many people take them along with meals featuring double-bacon-cheeseburgers….

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Today’s bus to hell moment courtesy of T. C.  “Michael Sam is back with the Montreal Alouettes CFL team. He returned without much fanfare. It’s almost like he snuck in the back door.”

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Mickey mouse operations

July 5, 2015

Michael Eisner, former Disney CEO, said this week to Goldie Hawn at the Aspen Ideas Festival. “Boy I’m going to get in trouble, I know this goes online. But usually, unbelievably beautiful women – you being an exception – are not funny.”

Uh, one question, if you KNOW you’re going to get in trouble for a stupid remark, why say it?

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Major League Baseball outfitted all teams in blue hats with red and white starred numbers and letters on their jerseys for the Fourth of July.  With replicas already available for sale on line.  So the league both honored our country and demonstrated a true sense of what major U.S. sports are about -the ability to sell expensive stuff.

 

Donald Trump says that running for President is “bad for my brand.” Actually this is wrong, it’s not running for President, it’s the fact that Trump is opening his mouth and people are now paying attention to what’s coming out of it.

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More Trump. He said he didn’t realize that the corporate backlash to his comments about immigrants from Mexico would be “quite this severe.” If true, then the Donald has just admitted, again, that he’s too stupid to be president.

 

Matt Stonie, who ate 62 hot dogs to upset Joey Chestnut in this year’s Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest, told ESPN “I’ve trained hard for this. And millions of Americans at 4th of July BBQ’s are going “Yeah, yeah, I’m in training.”

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#‎HappyFourthofJuly‬. Where we celebrate USA independence by waving flags and shooting off fireworks that mostly are made in China.

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GB Packers TE Andrew Quarless was arrested this am after he allegedly fired a semi-automatic handgun into the air during an argument in Miami Beach. Although in Florida, unlike many states, discharging a firearm in public is only a misdemeanor instead of a felony. Hmm, wonder if the Dolphins and Buccaneers can use that law to lure free agents.

 

Billy Joel, 66, wed his 33-yr-old girlfriend on July 4. It’s the singer’s fourth marriage. Suppose Joel still probably didn’t serenade her with “Maybe this won’t last very long, But you feel so right, And I could be wrong…..

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Donald Trump is using the awful random killing shooting in SF as fodder for his anti-immigrant stance, tweeting “what do you say to the family of Kathryn Steinle in CA who was viciously killed b/c we can’t secure our border?”

Okay, so what does he say to the families of everyone who was viciously killed in Charleston, Sandy Hook etc, because we can’t secure our guns?

 

From T.C.  “Ballot stuffing has resulted in 5 Kansas City starters voted onto the AL All Star team. As the winner of the event gets World Series home field advantage, wouldn’t it be wiser for KC fans to vote in the entire Phillies team instead?”

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Let him out.

June 8, 2015


Many of my friends and readers will be too young. But some of us will remember an old bad phone prank.

 

princealbert

 

With the votes counted as of today, seven Kansas City Royals on track to start this year’s All-Star Game. Guessing most Americans couldn’t NAME seven Kansas City Royals.

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A semi-truck carrying 2,200 piglets tipped over on an Southern Ohio highway, and while no injuries were reported, local police and fire crews are trying to corral the baby pigs running around the county. And wonder how many people are trying to option thescreenplay? ‪#‎MFpigletsonMFhighway‬?

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The New England Patriots have released LB Brandon Spikes today after his damaged and abandoned Mercedes was found about 3:30a Sunday morning in Foxborough. How long until driving your own car becomes as forbidden in the NFL as taking steroids?

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A new study indicates that schizophrenia is more prevalent in people who grew up with cats at home, and some scientists think this could be explained by a parasite called “toxoplasma gondi” that can be found in cat litter boxes. Or it could be explained by being raised by crazy cat ladies.

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At MetLife stadium, NJ State Police arrested a number of people and had to use tear gas after a riot broke out when they closed the gates early to a Summer Jam 2015 concert, keeping both un-ticketed and ticketed fans outside. It was a lot more action than the stadium normally sees with the Jets

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All these GOP candidates juggling potential Presidential campaign announcement dates and trying to make sure they stand out and look good. it’s almost like a bunch of girls trying to pick that singular prom dress.

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Wawrinka vs. Djokovic for the men’s French Open final was not exactly most fans’ dream. “You’re telling us,” said hundreds of copy editors.

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Triple Crown winning jockey Victor Espinoza threw out the first pitch at Yankee Stadium yesterday and got it all the way to the plate. If he were a lefty the Yanks might have signed him.

(my friend Bruce reminds me that that the Dodgers also need short relief.)

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A parole board is recommending Oscar Pistorius be released from prison in August, 10 months after he started serving a 6 year term for killing his girlfriend. 10 months?! With parole boards like this who needs Los Angeles juries?

 

 

 

From my (Jewish) friend Alex Kaseberg,    “Jerry Seinfeld told ESPN radio he thought political correctness could destroy comedy. But what does that crazy Jew know?”

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Ruled out?

May 20, 2015

The NFL is apparently about to change the Point After Touchdown (PAT) rule. Oakland Raiders fans are asking “The what?”

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Former Notre Dame quarterback Everett Golson is transferring to Florida State and will play for the Seminoles next year. Well, at least he won’t have to worry anymore about being suspended for “poor academic judgment.”

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ESPN is reporting that the NFL and New England Patriots are having “back-channel conversations” to see if they can settle Deflategate differences without an appeal or litigation. Translation, so Brady can play against the Cowboys in week 4, and Kraft and Goodell can still have dinner together….

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Patriots owner Bob Kraft said the team will not appeal the NFL fine and loss of draft picks over Deflategate. Meaning there’s probably a deal to reduce Brady’s suspension. And what’s $1 million anyway. The Pats can always raise beer prices.

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To boost sales, KFC is bringing back Colonel Sanders, and coming out with a fancier restaurant design. What’s next, actually spending money to improve the quality of their food?

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The minor league baseball Fresno Grizzlies have joined the creative ballpark food bandwagon with “Frankenslice” – a pizza with hot dogs wrapped in the crust. Does it come with a discount coupon for an EKG?

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UPS will reportedly pay $25 million in claims for falsifying “on-time” claims for ten years. And the airlines are thinking “You can do that?”

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Walmart’s income $1.03 a share in the first quarter, when analysts had expected $1.05 a share. And the company blamed it partly on higher raising worker wages to at least $9 a hour. The company ended up only making $3.1 billion. Wonder if Walmart sells violins so we can get them out and play them….

 

A Rasmussen poll says 46% of voters want George Stephanopoulos banned after t came out that he donated $75,000 to the Clinton Foundation. Okay, maybe not a smart move but did any one actually think the former Clinton staffer was unbiased before? (Maybe about as many as actually believe “Fair and balanced.”)

 

Bryce Harper has 10 home runs in the last 12 games. Even Barry Bonds is thinking “Who’d be idiotic enough to throw him a strike?”

 

So after the Waco biker shootings, Texas is moving ahead with an “Open Carry” bill that will LOOSEN handgun laws, with leglislators saying things like the law had nothing to do with the shooting and it’s not as if the current law stopped them. ‪#‎Whatcouldpossiblyhavebeenworse‬? ‪#‎Whatcouldpossiblygowrong‬

 

#‎Knicks‬ fall to #4 in the ‪#‎NBADraft‬. Karmic punishment for being stupid enough to beat the ‪#‎Hawks‬ and ‪#‎Spurs‬ down the stretch.

 

 

Of course, it’s all relative. The worst-in-the-league ‪#‎Timberwolves‬ got the 1st pick in the ‪#‎NBADraft‬ but already had Rookie of the Year Andrew Wiggins. Meanwhile the last time the ‪#‎Spurs‬ had a lottery pick they took a young man named ‪#‎TimDuncan‬. ‪#‎alonglongtimeago‬

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Drink up

May 14, 2015

 

Florida Gov. Rick Scott has signed legislation that allows the sale of “growler” beers, i.e. 64 ounce containers, in the state. “Growlers” are apparently legal already in most other states. Wonder if the hold-up was the worry that Floridians would consider them single-servings? ‪#‎staggeringyourground

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The Patriots are claiming that the locker room attendant whose texts implicated Brady in Deflategate only called himself “the deflator” because he was trying to lose weight. I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.

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Steelers FB Le’Veon Bell to ESPN on his three-game suspension over marijuana possession and DUI. “I made a mistake,” Bell said. “I’m going to just have to do my time.” Whoa. This guy sounds way too responsible to be in the NFL. ‪#‎wherestheexcuses‬?

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Fans who try to order a customized Patriots jersey from NFLshop.com with “DEFLATOR” on the back are receiving an error message: “We are unable to customize this item with the text you have entered. Please try a different entry again.”

Where are the defenders of free speech on this one?

(These jerseys are $294.99  plus tax and shipping.  My father points out, They are refusing to do “deflator” for $295?  That is a gross violation of their most sacred principles.)

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Missouri House Speaker John Diehl has resigned after texts obtained by the Kansas City Star indicated a sexual relationship between him and a college freshman intern. Well, at least the intern is female. ‪#‎Whenwilltheyeverlearn‬ ‪#‎secrettextisanoxymoron‬

(and of course, Diehl is a married -for now- father of three, virulently anti-gay marriage types, who led the fight to override Missouri Gov. Jay Nixon’s veto of a bill that would allow employers not to cover birth control because of THEIR religious views. )

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Drought math: Apparently it takes about 1,800 gallons of water to produce a pound of beef. only 32 gallons for a glass of wine. And 17 gallons for an average shower. So if Californians can just eat a little less and drink a little more, we can all be happier and cleaner.

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George Zimmerman now apparently is thinking of leaving Florida because he gets “trouble” there. Okay, who wants to volunteer here? South Carolina? Arizona, Texas…?

 

At the time of writing this, the Padres are in a RAIN delay in San Diego. Wonder how long it took the grounds crew to find the tarp? ‪#‎whatisthiswaterfallingfromthesky‬? ‪#‎wehaveatarp‬?

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Apparently the engineer of the Amtrak train that derailed was going 106 MPH when he should have been going 50 MPH. Why weren’t there safeguards in place? Why wasn’t there a second engineer maybe to tell him to slow down? Budget cuts.

But Congress is on it. Today the House voted to cut another $252 million from the Amtrak budget.

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Just thinking, so if PTC (Positive Train Control) is too expensive for now…. how much would it cost to have an assistant engineer also in the Amtrak engine? ‪#‎alotcheaperthananaccident‬

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So former NFL QB A.J. Feeley says Brady and the Patriots have been cheating with the footballs for years. Well, first, New England says they didn’t do it this time, and second, if they had of course it was just a one-time impulse that they had never tried before….. ‪#‎howcanyoudoubtSaintBrady‬?

 

Nick Saban on the new college football playoff system, said it was “great to be a part” of it. But he also thought “by having a playoff we would minimize the interest in other bowl games, which I think is sort of what happened and I hate to see that for college football.” Uh, does Saban think most people EVER cared about 90% of the other bowl games?

 

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After Paul Pierce hit a 3 pointer with 8.3 seconds left in the Wizards-Hawks games for the lead he looked at the Atlanta bench and called “Series.” Because it would have taken too long to say “Mission Accomplished?”

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Decisions, decisions

May 8, 2015

So let’s see, if Tom Brady gets a 3 game suspension, he misses the Steelers, Bills and Jaguars games….. if he gets a 4 game suspension, he misses the Cowboys. New England vs. Dallas. That’s a tough one. Many Americans are going to have a hard time deciding which team they would rather see lose.

 

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No other QB in the NFL so far has said anything of substance on the Tom Brady “Deflate-gate” issue. But I wonder how many of them have been on their phones deleting texts?

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Pretty clear that the Patriots didn’t need to cheat to beat the Colts in the AFC championship game. Of course, Nixon didn’t need to cheat to beat McGovern either…. ‪#‎whenwilltheyeverlearn‬ ‪#‎coverupworsethanthecrime‬

 

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Besides deflecting Deflate-gate questions, Tom Brady commented yesterday on his no-show at the White House last month, saying if the Patriots won again “there’s no doubt I’ll be there. They should just give me a little more planning in advance.” Gosh, and how could anyone think the man is disingenuous?

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The poor get poorer? Dante Fowler Jr., #3 pick in the 2015 NFL draft, tore his ACL less than an hour into the Jaguars’ rookie mini-camp. On the bright side, looking like Jacksonville should have another high draft pick next year..

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A new WSJ/NBC poll found that 52% of Americans would be comfortable with a evangelical Christian presidential candidate, but 61% would be comfortable with a gay or lesbian president. ‪#‎Fabulous‬ ‪#‎thetimestheyareachangin‬

Meanwhile, Lindsey Graham is set to announce his candidacy for 2016 on June 1. #justsayin

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A GOP state senator from Vermont was arrested on Thursday after he allegedly solicited sex from two women in exchange for overdue rent. Presumably not the way Republicans in the state wanted to stop Bernie Sanders from getting all the headlines.

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At Heathrow Airport’s Terminal 2, a misting globe will dispense fragrances through the air that represent Brazil, China, South Africa, Thailand and Japan, as those are destinations passengers can reach from Heathrow.

Hmm…. out of Terminal 2 you can also take United nonstop to Newark, New Jersey…..

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How the mighty have fallen. Today’s ESPN headline. “Tiger birdies final hole to move above cut line.”

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Apparently Texas has gotten too many of the headlines: A principal of a charter high school was arrested after she was caught with a student, partially unclothed, and allegedly smoking marijuana. Nice trifecta, Florida.

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Spanish police caught a woman trying to smuggle an eight-year-old boy across the border inside a suitcase. And U.S. airlines just got another idea for transporting discount fare passengers.

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Warning on a new SPF 30 moisturizer – For External Use Only. Well, glad they cleared that up…. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎toomanylawyers‬

 

From Bill Littlejohn  ” Leaked from Tom Brady’s appeal to Roger Goodell. ‘To air is human, to forgive is divine.”

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American heroes and zeroes.

April 30, 2015

England is all abuzz waiting for William and Kate’s second baby, which may be overdue. Americans don’t get why Brits care so much about a Royal Family. As opposed to more important things like whether Hillary can beat Jeb?

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Marcus Mariota watched the NFL draft from his home in Hawaii instead of going to Chicago. Wonder how many will criticize the decision and say the QB at least should have been watching from somewhere in the U.S.

 

 

For their 1st round pick in the NFL draft, the Denver Broncos drafted DE Shane Ray, who is already enrolled in the league’s substance abuse program after being cited this week for marijuana. Well, not sure if Ray will be a starter this year, but he’s already well on his way to some potential endorsement deals in Colorado.

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Stanford’s OT ‪#‎AndrusPeat‬ to the ‪#‎Saints‬. Talented AND smart. Somewhere ‪#‎DrewBrees‬ is smiling.

 

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Have to wonder with  NFL draft starting Thursday night, now agents have locked their clients in a room since say, Monday, to make sure they didn’t get in trouble?

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#‎JameisWinston‬ #1 to ‪#‎TampaBay‬ in the ‪#‎NFLDraft‬. Makes sense, at least Winston already has good relations with Florida cops.

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And so now as we head to round two of the ‪#‎NFLDraft‬, many questions remain. Such as, “which QB will the ‪#‎NYJets‬ make a mistake with this year?”

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The Oakland As are not off to a great start this year. If the team doesn’t look out they won’t have anyone to trade away at the deadline.

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So Billy Donovan is leaving Florida for the Oklahoma City Thunder. Makes sense, these days being in the NBA gives you more years to coach college-age players.

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Judith Miller on “The Daily Show,” defending her stories about WMD’s in Iraq. “Everyone got it wrong.” Uh, not exactly “everyone.” ‪#‎whatstoopainfultoremember‬

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The Kentucky Derby favorite is “American Pharoah”   Wonder how many Americans think that is yet another nickname for Obama.

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Meanwhile, Gary Stevens, 52,  will ride “Firing Line.”    So will Stevens’ game plan be to scream  at the other jockeys “You punks get off my racetrack”?

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A 45 year-old-man escaped with only minor injuries when he was pulling up his pants in a Chick-fil-A bathroom and accidentally shot his own leg with his Glock pistol. This happened in Hamilton, Ohio. Okay, Florida, catch up.

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Blake Lively, quoted in UK magazine “Stylist” “I have a dream to go to Harvard Business School, and one of these days I will do that… in my spare time.” Uh, so is Blake angling for a movie contract – “Corporately Blonde?

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In Oklahoma, during a debate about giving state supreme court justices a raise, Rep. Kevin Calvey argued that the court was not sufficiently anti-abortion, and stated “If I were not a Christian, and didn’t have a prohibition against suicide, I’d walk across the street and douse myself in gasoline and set myself on fire. To protest the evil that is going on over there, killing, giving the death penalty, to the will of the people and the will of this body and protecting the least among us.”

Well, in the name of consistency I say it’s his body and Calvey should be able to do what he wants with it. ‪#‎anybodygotamatch‬?

 

From T.C.  “Seahawks QB Russell Wilson upgraded a US Army passenger on an Alaska Airlines flight to 1st Class from Economy. Best part of this story was that he “handed” the serviceman the ticket.”

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