Close but no Chrome

Posted June 8, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

secretariat

Once again, a picture though to remind us  of maybe the greatest athlete ever. And a win that will never be equaled.

 

Saturday might have been the only time New Yorkers have been sorry to see a Californian lose.

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The stars looked like they might have been aligning for California Chrome for a Triple Crown. Another miraculous event occurred Saturday – the Cubs were on a five-game winning streak.

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Carolina Panthers Coach Ron Rivera says he voted against his QB Cam Newton for the cover of ‘Madden 15’ because of the curse. So somewhere in a closet is there a dusty copy of “Madden 1909” featuring the Cubs?

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North Korea says they have detained a U.S. tourist. Wonder what the alleged crime is? Being stupid enough to be a U.S. Tourist in Korea?

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Hertz says they have to review and correct financial statements from the past three years after an internal audit found accounting errors. “I’m shocked.” said no one who regularly reviews their own car rental bills.

 

 

Sacramento guard Jason Terry said today he thought Spurs coach Gregg Popovich had something to do with the broken air conditioning during San Antonio’s Game 1 win. Of course, because everyone knows that it’s being overheated that helps age and treachery overcome youth and skill

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Bartolo Colon, 41 against Tim Hudson, 38.. A battle for the aged. #SFGiants #Mets

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Two words guaranteed to strike fear in the hearts of New Yorkers: “Mets Bullpen.”

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You know it’s going well when you win a game where tying run in the bottom of the 9th gets on base via a strikeout. #SFGiants #walkoff

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Best thing for #NYMets fans Saturday night. The #SFGiants game ended past their bedtimes.

 

 

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Continuing Heat wave?

Posted June 6, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

San Antonio says they have fixed the air conditioning after a sweltering game 1 at A T & T Center. Considering the result, have they fixed it at a constant 90 degrees? #Spurs

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Lebron James says “I know I’m the easiest target that we have in sports, I’m aware of it.” And A-Rod responded “Who am I, chopped liver?”

 

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Bud Selig twice referred yesterday to the of the 20014 MLB Draft. 20014? Maybe the commissioner was confused. That’s when his Blue Ribbon Committee will make a decision on the proposed move of the Oakland As..

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Rashad McCants, who as a junior was a member of UNC’s championship men’s basketball team, says that tutors wrote his papers and he took ‘bogus” classes to stay eligible during his three years at the university. Gosh,at least Calipari’s “one-and-dones’ only fake their way through one semester.

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J.Lo and Casper Smart have split up. Wonder if she left him for a younger man?

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John McCain is loudly criticizing President Obama’s deal to release Bowe Bergdahl. Which is particularly interesting considering that Senator McCain himself was part of a POW swap by Richard Nixon. #memoryisthefirstthingtogo

 

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Friday was the 70th anniversary of #DDay, the invasion of Normandy. For many college football players not to be confused with days when they found they barely avoided “F”s in class.

 

An analyst says the New York Knicks could now be worth $3 billion. Could you imagine how much the team might be worth if they could actually make the playoffs?

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A Ghana witch doctor says he put a spell on Portugal star Cristiano Ronaldo and caused his thigh injury. Yeah, well if the witch doctor is really good let’s see if he can get Ghana out of the World Cup first round…..

 

 

The first tweet from @CIA -“We can neither confirm nor deny that this is our first tweet.” Waiting for some GOP House member to call this a time wasting exercise and blame it on Obama.

 

A San Antonio area school district is upsetting some parents by banning children from bringing sunscreen to school or on field trips. Sunscreen is considered a toxic substance. Wonder if it’s okay if kids bring something harmless instead, like guns.

(My friend Jeff Klein adds “Tan your Ground.”)

 

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Richard Sherman beat out Cam Newton in online voting at ESPN.com and so will be on the cover of the new “Madden NFL 15” video game. Which could be good news, for Panthers and 49ers fans.

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A Seattle Pacific University student monitor who pepper-sprayed the gunman and tackled him is being hailed as a hero. Out of habit the NRA responded, “if only he had been armed.”

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Regarding this Super Bowl Arabic-Roman numbering issue, Marty says he’s looking forward to  “World Series CVIII.”

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The Heat is really on

Posted June 5, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

The air conditioning broke down at A T & T Center during game 1 of the NBA Finals between the San Antonio and Miami, resulting in temperatures inside the arena topping 90 degrees. And over in New Orleans they’re thinking. “Hah, all we had was a little Super Bowl temporary power blackout.”

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So isn’t it supposed to be the old folks who can’t handle the heat? #MIAvsSA #Spurs #Heat.

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Who knew the Heat couldn’t handle the Heat?

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So the Seattle Pacific University gunman was apparently subdued by pepper-spraying students as he stopped to reload. So the only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a non-automatic gun and good guys with pepper spray?

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South Carolina police are investigating how a loaded gun wound up among children’s toys at a Myrtle Beach Target store. Guns in the toy department are only supposed to be found at Walmart.

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A Crowne Plaza in Mexico City is advertising a room as “2 DBL BEDS WITH JACUZZI TUB. VACATION WITH YOUR SWEETIE IN THIS COZY JUNIOR SUITE.” Uh, two double beds? Reminds me of the Cialis ad with two tubs.

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The #HoustonAstros once again had today’s first draft pick. They’re now the #ClevelandCavaliers of MLB.

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Go figure. Hockey-mad Canada has the best team in the AL East, and baseball-mad New York has the best NHL team in the East. Wonder how many Torontonians can name three Blue Jays and how many New Yorkers can name three Rangers.

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A court has suspended Jim Irsay’s driver’s license for one year following his DUI arrest. Guess Roger Goodell will bring the hammer down and punish the Indianapolis Colts’ owner as severely as a player who does something really egregious, like wearing unauthorized socks.

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Understated corporate comment of the month. “You have successfully reset your password. eBay is not requesting that you take any further action at this time. If you would like to call us, please know our colleagues are especially busy right now assisting other customers and we apologize in advance for making you wait.”

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While I know as a Giants fans that the Dodgers could go on a tear any minute, Don Mattingly just said that L.A. “hasn’t felt like a true team at this point.” Gosh, wonder what the rea$on$ for that could be?

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Hillary Clinton in March criticized Vladimir Putin “a tough guy with a thin skin.” Putin’s reply in an interview aired yesterday: “It’s better not to argue with a woman. But Ms. Clinton has never been too graceful in her statements.” Well, at least he proved the second part of her statement.

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Sarah Palin is bashing Obama for releasing prisoners to free a soldier with “Anti-American views.” So I guess in future our armed forces members should fill out a political questionnaire before going to war so we can decide if they are worth saving?

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Bowe Bergdahl may be a young man with some serious issues, but what would Sarah Palin and other GOP politicians be saying if he were one of THEIR sons?

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A new Houston spa, called “Float Baby,” offers babies (with moms nearby) a 1 hour water floatation and infant massage for $65. This is why other countries hate us.

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From T.C.  “Following Super Bowl XLIX, the following year will be marketed as Super Bowl 50, using standard numerals. Why did it take them XVIII weeks to come up with this change?   Btw, The NFL has announced that Super Bowl 50 will be played in the year MMXVI.”

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Time passages.

Posted June 4, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

As of yesterday Donald Sterling is being sued by another ex-employee who claims she was his mistress. The woman is represented by Gloria Allred.   So congrats to all those who had June 3 in the pool.

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Almost as soon as the polls closed in the California primary, the media could report that Governor Jerry Brown looks like a runaway winner this November. It’s a far cry from Brown’s first election, when the results had to come in by telegraph

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After 90 years, WGN radio has decided not to carry the Chicago Cubs anymore. So have they decided to go with programming that’s more likely to have a happy ending, like opera?

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Who says Sarah Palin and Democrats never agree on anything? Apparently last week at the Republican Leadership Conference, Palin suggested that “Duck Dynasty” patriarch Phil Robertson should run for president.

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The NFL is ditching Roman numerals for their Super Bowl in Santa Clara, and instead of “L” will go with the Arabic number 50. Clearly this is Obama’s fault.

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When the totals are in, perhaps 300,000 Californians will have voted for Leland Yee for secretary of state. Now, not only has Yee been indicted on money laundering and weapons charges, he dropped out of the race over two months ago. Maybe this really does prove, there’s no such thing as bad publicity.

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“Breathe Right” nasal strips will co-sponsor Saturday’s Belmont Stakes, and hand out at least 50,000 of its nasal strips to fans at the race. If California Chrome wins will the NFL and MLB add the strips to their lists of banned performance enhancers?

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Donald Sterling on the $2 billion sale of the Clippers, “I feel fabulous, I feel very good.” Wonder how many other professional team owners are wondering how they can get taped making bigoted remarks and get a similar price.

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#SFGiants get game-winning home run from a guy in starting lineup hitting .048 #JuanPerez. So who’s #Bochy betting on for #BelmontStakes?

 

A 20 year veteran of the San Jose, CA police force was arrested after managers of a Public Storage started clearing out his storage space because of overdue rental payments and found perhaps 20 pounds of marijuana. Title this “Dude, when was my rent due?”

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So I think I understand. According to Republicans, President Obama was wrong before in not doing “everything possible” to secure POW’s Bowe Bergdahl’s release, and he is wrong now for actually doing it. Well, at least they’re consistent.

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Well, of course it makes sense that the GOP is angry Congress wasn’t consulted about the hostage deal. Because Reagan always made sure Congress knew about all the hostage deals he made… Oops. Never mind.

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So I think I understand. According to Republicans, President Obama was wrong before in not doing “everything possible” to secure POW’s Bergdahl’s release, and he is wrong now for actually doing it. Well, at least they’re consistent.

(My friend Linda points out that Oliver North said it was OK that Reagan negotiated with the Iranians because he never admitted it. …)

 

Don ZImmer has passed away at the age of 83. Guessing they won’t let Pedro Martinez anywhere near his coffin.

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From Marc Ragovin  “For all those who beliieve that Bowe Bergdahl is being overly glorified after willingly abandoning his unit , bear in mind that he is now entitled to medical care through the VA system.

Upon  being told that he is now eligible for medical care through tthe VA system, Bowe Bergdahl immediately requested to be sent back. “

Comments: 3 Comments

Decision time

Posted June 3, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

Today was Primary voting day in California.  Where a relatively small minority of registered made decison that all Californians need to live with. #voteordontbitch –

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You know you’re getting out of the “cool” generation when you see a sign in a foreign city advertising “Arctic Monkeys” and your first thought is “oh, a zoo”

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Apparently the Cleveland Indians are charging $3.50 for a cup of ice water at Progressive Field. The general reaction – “That’s appalling.” The Yankees’ reaction -“Why didn’t we think of that?”

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– Buffalo Bills DT Marcell Dareus was arrested for the second time in a month, (the first for alleged drug possession), after he was involved in a car accident stemming from an apparent drag race. At one point does the NFL start instituting suspensions for pure stupidity?

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#DanMarino withdrewg his name from a lawsuit against the NFL over concussions. Wonder how many potential rea$on$ the #NFLNetwork gave him?

 

Jack Phillips, a Colorado bakery owner, who says he is a devout Christian, says he will no longer make ANY wedding cakes after his state’s Civil Rights Commission ordered him to start baking for same-sex couple, saying “We would close down the bakery before we would complicate our beliefs,”

Well I hope before this gay marriage issue came up that Phillips was only making wedding cakes for couples who weren’t having premarital sex and hadn’t been divorced. –

 

V. Stiviano apparently told police she was assaulted after an exchange of words at a New York hotel, but has not yet filed a complaint and the security video of the incident has not been released. Isn’t Stiviano a few hours past her 15 minutes?

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– Stanford’s relatively low-ranked baseball team upset top-seed Indiana with a two-run walk-off home run in the Regionals for the College World Series. After allowing an unearned-run  to fall behind. Maybe this “Torture” stuff in the SF Bay Area is catching.

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The NY Mets apparently managed to eat 103 cheesesteaks on their last visit to Philadelphia, a new record for visiting teams. Finally a chance to play “We are the Champions” in the Mets clubhouse. –

 

 

If the MLB season ended today, the division champions would be San Francisco, Atlanta, Milwaukee,Toronto, Detroit and Oakland. Meaning the reaction for television executives would be “Thank God for the Wild Cards.”

 

Regarding the President’s hostage deal, it must kill some Republicans to think of Obama as Reaganesque –

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Shoe company Skechers has signed a sponsorship deal with California Chrome. Well, the horse may not have all the qualities of say, an NBA star, but he is likely to have plenty of out-of-wedlock offspring. –

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NASCAR driver Joey Logano says he feels “my sport’s a lot safer” than the NFL. Well, not only may Logano be right in term of life or death,, retired NASCAR drivers are a lot likelier to be able to remember being athletes.

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Madison Bumgarner was the NL pitcher of the month for May with a 2.08 ERA. You know this year’s SF Giants team is different than recent squads. Because the response upon hearing that ERA would have been “Did he win any games?”

 

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Tweet from Stanford football coach David Shaw. “Facts>Hype Back2Back Pac12 Champs & 100% grad, 4 straight BCS, most 2014 NFL Draft picks in Pac12, most wins vs FBS since 2010. #gostanford” And in the SEC they are thinking “Coach can tweet?”

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Lawyers in action? On the back of a Philosophy disposable one-step cleansing cloth (basically a facial wipe) “for external use only.” At least he’s consistent.

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Yasiel Puig celebrated his one-year anniversary of joining the LA Dodgers by being late to batting practice. –

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Rolling in the deep.

Posted June 2, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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Jacques Cousteau’s grandson is going underwater for 31 days starting next week. It will be a record for the longest time anyone has spent down in the depths. Well, other than the Chicago Cubs.

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A $40 million settlement has been reached for college athletes with NCAA branded video-games. So basketball and football players will receive from between $48 to $951 per year for each year they were on rosters. And presumably the lawyers receive $20 million.

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RIP Ann B. Davis, Alice on the Brady Bunch, who passed away at the age of 88. And this probably has a bigger emotional effect on many late baby-boomers than the death of Maya Angelou.

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For Americans confused and unsure about the negotiations that led to Sgt. Bowe Bergdahl’s release, the GOP has simplified things: “Obama did it, it was wrong.”

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Joe Biden gave the commencement address at the University of Delaware. The speech presumably took place on Saturday and Sunday.

 

Juan Carlos I of Spain will abdicate and hand the crown to his son. And in England the British are telling Queen Elizabeth II “don’t even think of it.”

 

Some in the GOP are demanding hearings into Bowe Bergdahl’s release. Exactly. How dare he not stay in Afghan custody until a Republican is President.

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From Bill Littlejohn  “MLB and Joe Torre have warned Dodger pitchers to pick up their pace, as their games are getting too long. They first became aware when arriving fans at Dodger Stadium started getting there in the first inning instead of the usual third”

 

The NRA said last Friday that Open Carry Texas has gone too far in bringing their guns to restaurants: “‘A small number (of Texans) have recently crossed the line from enthusiasm to downright foolishness.”‘ Wow. The NRA believes there IS a line to cross?

 

 

From T.C. Re: Sofia  Vergara and her fiance have split up. And millions of men around the world are thinking “There’s hope!”  And Marc Ragovin’s “The Mets have fired their hitting coach, Dave Hudgens. We had a hitting coach? asked every member of the team.

TC wants to hire a hitting coach for tips on hitting on Sofiia Vergara.

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Sometimes baseball is hell too, but.

Posted June 1, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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David Price in response to David Ortiz. “We are not soldiers. This is not war.”. This is what comes of having college educated players in baseball.David Price in response to David Ortiz. ” You’re not a soldier. This is not war. We have troops fighting for us that are in a war. It’s not a good comparison.” This is what comes of having college educated players in baseball.

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Now that #Google has #driverlesscars how long until environmentalists push for driverless bikes?

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Proving that US companies do not have a monopoly on cluelessness, the British supermarket chain Asda is selling a “wearable English flag” for the World Cup. It’s white with a red flag and a white hood. #oops. #notokkk

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So after about 100 NBA games, we are back to- the same teams we had in last year’s NBA finals. The aging San Antonio Spurs are trying to avoid another heartbreaking loss, but fortunately of them probably can’t remember it.

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But hey, today is June 1. Which means only about a month left in the NBA season.

There are now “Bring it home, Chrome” shirts and decals etc that fans can buy for California Chrome in the Belmont. Yep, for this week, many Americans care about horse racing. About as long as they will care about the World Cup. #Triplecrown.

Did someone not tell the 2014 #SFGiants they are supposed to be offensively challenged?

(Forget a long-term contract with Pablo Sandoval. Maybe the Giants need to renegotiate with their hitting coach?   Or bring that guy named Bonds around EVERY spring training)

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Donald Sterling was deemed to be suffering from dementia because he showed “an inability to conduct business affairs in a reasonable and normal manner.” So does that mean dementia has affected most CEO’s in the airline industry?

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Valeant Pharmaceuticals keeps sweetening their offer for Botox maker Allergan, Inc, up to about $54.1 billion. Not sure how Allergan executives feel, for some reason they all have poker faces.

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Ted Cruz won the GOP straw poll for President at the Republican Leadership Conference. Which is great news, for Hillary Clinton.

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Herman Cain, at the Republican Leadership Conference, arguing against the idea that the GOP doesn’t reach out to minorities. “What am I, chopped liver?” he exclaimed. Cain then brushed aside people who ran up to him with sliced bread and crackers.

 

The ‪#‎SFGiants‬ would like to thank the ‪#‎AtlantaBraves‬ for not offering free agent ‪#‎TimHudson‬ a contract after last season.

 

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From Gary Bachman,  ” A sinkhole opened up at a Florida Shopping Center. Talk about ‘shop until you drop ‘.”

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What’s not in a name?

Posted May 31, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , ,

The “American Family Association,” an anti-gay “Christian” group, wants members to make they don’t accept anything with Harvey Milk stamps, as they don’t want Harvey Milk’s name on their mail. And somewhere Jesus is thinking “how do I get my name “Christian” off this group?”

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A US Airways cross country fight had to make an unscheduled landing when a service dog pooped twice in the.aisle It was the worst smell most passengers could remember since the days of free meals in coach.

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Not only could most Americans not be able to match the Scripps Spelling Bee champions Sriram Hathwar and Ansun Sujoe, most of us couldn’t even spell their names.

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If it’s true that Phil Mickelson is guilty of insider trading even Martha Stewart will be thinking “How could you be so stupid?”

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Boston Red Sox are undefeated when using four managers.

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From Alex Kaseberg.  “The hockey playoffs are great, the Preakness created a Triple Crown contender, and Kyle Busch is tearing up NASCAR. Greatest time for really white people in sports since the Polka Band showed up at the Curling venue at the Sochi games.”
(And Tiger Woods just withdrew from the U.S. Open?  Coincidence?)
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An NFL official just said the “Redskins name is not a slur.” But presume if pressed he’d have to admit the way the Redskins have been playing is a slur.

 

Some Republicans are upset that President Obama interrupted “The Price is Right.” Why do I get the sense few in the GOP would notice if he interrupted “Jeopardy?”

 

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Malia Obama has attended her first prom. Where she was no doubt the young woman least likely to be harassed by her date.

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Cleveland offensive coordinator Kyle Shanahan says so far that Johnny Manziel reminds him of Robert Griffin III. That may be what some Browns fans are afraid of….

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David Ortiz, angry at David Price hitting him last night with a pitch, now says “It’s a war.” And ESPN executives are looking to see what Red Sox-Rays games they can add to their prime-time schedule.

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Is age just an expensive number?

Posted May 30, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

Just thinking, while the NBA owners may say they are upset at Donald Sterling, could any of them have imagined they’d be getting $2 billion offers for their teams?

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So Donald Sterling is “mentally incapacitated?” Maybe not so much if he managed to get $2 billion for the L.A. Clippers?

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Police evacuated part of LAX after a Stanford political science professor tried to bring a WW2 era grenade through security. Apparently it was his late father’s – but proving again, smart people are not always smart.

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The Spurs rolled again last night at home. Makes sense, the San Antonio players are old enough they are really most comfortable near their own Barcaloungers.

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The National Spelling Bee has ended in a tie. Was Bud Selig somehow involved?

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Much ado in England re photo of wind gust exposing #KateMiddleton‘s bum. But bipartisan US gladness this didn’t happen to Hillary or Bill Clinton.

Mark Zuckerberg and his wife just gave $120 million to California public schools. Makes a certain amount of enlightened sense, he wants California kids to learn enough that when they grow up he’ll have people to hire them at Facebook.

 

As scary as Google’s driver-less cars might be, are they really any scarier than cars with human drivers texting?

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The Wonder Years cast had a reunion. These days the biggest wonder for some of them is remembering each other’s names.

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Corrections.

Posted May 29, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

CNN now says the pings that have been the focus of the MH370 search for the past seven weeks, are no longer believed to be from the plane’s black boxes. So standby for seven weeks of coverage on the waste of the past seven weeks.

 

 

Manhattan men’s basketball coach Steve Masiello has been reinstated, after he completed his bachelor’s degree from Kentucky. Masiello was on unpaid leave after he announced he was leaving to coach South Florida, until it came to light that he hadn’t himself graduated, Who says a college degree isn’t worth anything these days?

 

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A white British woman, 47, who grabbed her 17 year-old mixed-race daughter’s passport by mistake, was able to fly to Alicante for the weekend, and was only stopped by Spanish passport control when she tried to get home. So in fairness was the original British passport officer trying to get a job with TSA?

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Queen will release new tracks featuring Freddie Mercury that were just unearthed from the 1980s. Or as the Rolling Stones would say “Only yesterday.”

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Michelle Obama is sparring with House Republicans who want to weaken new healthier school lunch standards. Of course these same GOP folks also want to cut healthcare funding for diabetes.

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A German newspaper showed a picture from behind when a gust of wind blew Kate Middleton’s skirt up. Reminding Brits again that whatever advantages their former colonies may have, England still has William and Kate, while America has the Kardashians.

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Our long California nightmare is over. The #SFPD has apparently manage to find and return Hunter Pence’s scooter.

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The Tea Party did very well in the Texas primaries. Are we sure we don’t want the Lone Star state to secede?

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Tiger Woods will miss the U.S. Open. So instead of covering the tournament will ESPN show a weekend of past Tiger highlights?

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Hayden Panettiere is pregnant. So “Nashville” scriptwriters get to have fun with Juliette Barnes’ next potential bad choice.

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From Alex Kaseberg ”  Gwenyth Paltrow compared getting online criticism to being in war. Upon hearing this, Gwenyth’s publicist said;“Remember that whole not talking thing we agreed on? What happened?””

 

 

From Bill Littlejohn:  ” Graduating seniors at Ridgewood High in Illinois have been denied their diplomas for tossing their caps in the graduation ceremony. “What’s a graduation ceremony?” asked football players in the SEC”

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Is there a plane or a cruise ship around?

Posted May 28, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

Over 100 people are sick with norovirus at the Royal Hawaiian hotel in Waikiki.    A team of  CNN reporters are no doubt on the way.

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Donald Sterling says he will fight being forced to sell the Clippers “until the bloody end.” And millions of Americans just got a reason to pay attention to the NBA.

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Our men’s occer team beat Azerbaijan. USA USA USA! Who cares if most Americans are thinking “Who or what is Azerbaijan?”

(Scott Russell “I thought Azerbaijan was a utility infielder on the Houston Astros.”)

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The premier of Turks and Caicos says he is open to the possibility of joining Canada. Which would raise the average temperature of the country about 10 degrees.

 

#50Cent threw a first pitch that was so bad, he’s received an offer to join the #Mets bullpen.

 

 

The #SFGiants Tim Hudson, 38, now has an ERA of 1.92, 5 wins and he has gone at least 7 innings in 8 of his 10 starts. Not bad for someone signed perhaps mostly as adult supervision.

 

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Both Serena and Venus WIlliam lost in the second round today. This French Open has seen more quick surrenders than…. oh does this really even need a punchline?

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From Alex Kaseberg:  Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are on their honeymoon in Ireland, to which Ireland said;  “We had the potato famine, haven’t we suffered enough?”

 

I’m thinking it’s bad enough I heard Ireland offered if the newlyweds would just leave the country would host a Justin Bieber concert.

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John Kerry says Edward Snowden should “man up” and come home . But why would Snowden want to tell his case to a judge and jury when he can be a media celebrity speaking from Russia?

 

Nicole Kidman says she is not “responsible” for the critics panning her new movie “Grace of Monaco,” because she did not have “any control” over how the film turned out. So does that mean she was not responsible in the past when any of her films were successful?

 

 

Wonder if Nicole Kidman will also claim she was personally disappointed in “Grace of Monaco” as soon as she saw a first cut of the film, but these days, looking at her face the director couldn’t tell….

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A bush league of his own?

Posted May 27, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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The Cubs have given Manny Ramirez a job with their Iowa affiliate. Well, okay this might be bad. But it’s the Chicago Cubs. Not like Manny has a chance to associate with a major league team.

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At a British music festival, Macaulay Kulkin’s band the “Pizza Underground” was booed off the stage and pelted with beer. Maybe his band needs to play a gig at Yankee Stadium. Where beer is far to expensive to throw at anyone.

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Alex Schubert says they “should have a gig at Wrigley Field..  Where the thrown beer will miss the band by 20 feet.”

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The median pay for a CEO of a public company in the US is now over $10 million a year. Yep, I can see why we can’t afford to raise the minimum wage.

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Dodgers catcher A.J. Ellis, who was hitting .170, is on the DL after spraining his ankle celebrating Josh Beckett’s no-hitter. Which means Ellis will be contributing about as much for the next two weeks as he has for the last two.

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One game after Josh Beckett’s no-hitter, the Dodgers” Hyun-Jin Ryu took a perfect game into the 8th. He left after allowing a double and two singles. But the final score ended up 4-3. What happened? Brian Wilson in the 8th. Giants fans are thinking “Now it’s LA’s turn to enjoy the torture.”

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Malaysian authorities published a 47-page document with raw data from communications between satellites and MH370. Will it help find the plane? Quite possibly not. But it will keep CNN busy for at least a week.

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Texas Congressman Ralph Hall, 91, is running for re-election. Saying he wants to fix Obamacare. Although a bit disingenuous for a man who’s been eligible for Medicare for over a quarter century.

The new U.S. men’s national soccer team will debut at Candlestick Park in an exhibition against Azerbaijan tonight. Many Americans are thinking one of two questions – “We haven’t already torn down Candlestick Park?” And “We have a new national men’s soccer team?

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Li Na, the #2 women’s tennis player in the world, was upset in the first round of the French Open. And most Americans responded “Who?”

 

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Revenge?

Posted May 26, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

Most women have a story about being harassed or humiliated by a man. But women don’t get even by deciding to shoot all men. #YesAllWomen

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The teams have been announced for the D1 #RoadtoOmaha – the tournament that leads to the College World Series. Alas the Houston #Astros  didn’t make the cut. (Nor the Arizona Diamondbacks.)

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Oscar Pistorius’ murder trial has been postponed until late June as the Olympic athlete will now have a month long mental evaluation. Pistorius must be at the hospital at 9pm until 4pm Monday through Friday, with weekends off. Even LA celebrities accused of murder are thinking that’s a cushy deal

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Wasn’t #HappyMemorialDay an oxymoron?

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What’s more surprising, that the first no-hitter of the year was thrown by Josh Beckett, or that it wasn’t thrown against the Red Sox?

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Boston Red Sox have lost 10 in a row. Are they trying to set some kind of record for going worst to first back to worst?

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But what a difference a tradition of winning and losing make. Going into today, the Mets and the Cubs both had a -6 run differential for the year. The Yankees were 26-23, the Cubs 18-30

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#SofiaVergara and her fiance have split up. And millions of men around the world are thinking “There’s hope!”

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From Marc Ragovin:  “The Mets have fired their hitting coach, Dave Hudgens. We had a hitting coach? asked every member of the team.”

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Back to the serious stuff.  A couple questions, since this crazy guy in Santa Barbara even scared his parents, wouldn’t you think the police might have been able to do a quick check to see if he’d purchased weapons? And would the police have been more likely to search his apartment if he didn’t seem like a nice white boy?

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The pain, the pain.

Posted May 25, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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Really? AP story starts out “Rory McIlroy put aside the anguish in his private life to win the European Tour’s flagship BMW PGA Championship.” Anguish? Uh, HE broke off the engagement, and after sending out wedding invitations. “I feel so sorry for him,” said no women.

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Landon Donovan today told the media he thought he should be going to his fourth World Cup. And many Americans responded “So when’s this World Cup? “

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New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie inaugurated the Memorial Day Weekend at Jersey Shore and did shots with Ashbury Park Mayor Matthew J. Doherty. If it was Obama, the Fox headline would be “Is the President an alcoholic?”

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Ebay just sent out an email FRIDAY NIGHT to all users saying they must change their passwords due to a data breach. Gosh, how did Ebay hear about this problem, on CNN?

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A NY Jets fan in California has purchased the “Butt Fumble” jersey worn by Mark Sanchez. He says he will likely frame it and hang it on his wall, “until we win a Super Bowl or I can get together enough money to put it on a rocket ship and shoot it to outer space because I don’t think it belongs on this planet anymore,” Wonder how much he’ll have to save for that rocket ship.

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Amazon is trying to increase profits and is being accused in some cases of pushing e-books over physical books. Awfully hard though to have a collection of autographed e-books.

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Tampa Bay Rays beat the Boston Red Sox in 15 innings. Game lasted almost as long as a typical Red Sox Yankees game.

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Now Matt Cain will miss another start with a sore hamstring. The #SFGiants keep getting injured, and keep winning. Wonder how many more players they will need to spend time on the DL to have a chance of winning it all this year

 

Ryan Hunter-Reayw won his first Indianapolis 500 today. And the reaction from most Americans. a. Who? and b.. How many crashes?

 

 

–Congrats to the #Dodgers Josh Beckett for the first no-hitter of 2014. Beer and fried chicken in the clubhouse on him?

 

 

And okay, the young man in Santa Barbara who allegedly killed 6 people besides himself was seeing therapists. His own parents called the police because they were worried he was dangerous. And he bought all three guns he used legally…. How many more?

 

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Until something do us part.

Posted May 24, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Apparently costumed employees at Kim Kardashian and Kanye West’s pre-wedding party at Versailles were instructed not to talk to the guests. Wonder if they did allow them to eat leftover cake.

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Kanye West said Kim Kardashian is “more beautiful than I am talented.” And those of us who aren’t fans of either are thinking “Well, that could be right.” #damningwithfaintpraise

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The wedding ceremony presumably went smoothly, after all Kim should have those vows memorized by now.

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Got to wonder, where are all those “sanctity of marriage” types complaining about the “Kimye” wedding?   (It is her third.)

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Ah, Memorial Day weekend. The beginning of summer, when women can wear white and Cubs fans can put up the white flag.

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At this point the only U.S. state where anti-gay marriage laws are not being challenged is North Dakota. Guess the state’s not too worried about losing potential tourism from gay weddings?

 

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The Univ. of Tennessee’s chapter of the Alpha Phi Alpha fraternity has been suspended after students admitted to hazing pledges by pouring hot sauce on their genitals. Once again, proving that one of the all-time oxymoron phrases is “Fraternity Men.”

 

ESPN asks the question “Do the Heat really have another gear they reserve for the playoffs?”. Sounds better than “Do they lollygag through the regular season?”

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Former Cubs pitcher Andrew Cashner, now with the San Diego Padres, says that Wrigley Field may be great for the fans, but for players “it’s a dump.” Well, at least Cubs players don’t have to play in the dump when it gets cold in October.

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Thursday’s suspended Giants Rockies game, game 47 on the schedule, will be made up in September, starting in the 6th inning, tied 2-2. Wonder if Santiago Casilla, who injured his hamstring Wednesday, will be the first pitcher to spend 4 weeks on the DL, and play, in the same season, in his team’s very next game….

 

Asian TSA agent cheerfully pushing a big cart of tubs back up to the front of the line at SFO. Calls out “Careful, Asian driver coming through.” A lot of people – including me – look to see his ethnicity before laughing.

 

Could be worse, #SFGiants fans, Sergio Romo has looked a bit shaky lately. But then there’s the White Sox closer Ronald Belisario, who has allowed a run during each of his last three outings, and blew a 3-0 lead with two out in the 9th inning.

 

 

 

Matt Cain may or may not make his next start for the San Francisco Giants after he strained his hamstring Wednesday. Bummer as Cain finally seemed recovered after he sliced his finger while trying to cut a sandwich.     As Hartley Miller said “Presumably when he returns to the lineup Cain started using his forkball.”

 

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So how long until the NRA issues a statement on the mass shooting near UC Santa Barbara saying “if only the students had all been armed.”

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Not so fast times.

Posted May 23, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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Yu Darvish threw a 55 MPH pitch yesterday to Torii Hunter. The commentators referred to it as an eephus pitch. SF Giants fans saw it and thought more “Barry Zito fastball.”

 

Do get the feeling that the only way most Americans would know about the coup in Thailand is if Kim Kardashian and Kanye West were planning their wedding there and the ceremony was postponed….

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Chipotle has asked customers not to bring guns into their restaurants. And in some “open carry” states, people are asking, “Wait, but how else are we going to get the morons in front of us to hurry up and order?”

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Landon Donovan has been left off the U.S. World Cup team. Well, at least America’s possible best soccer player ever is likely to miss only one round.

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Donald Sterling apparently will allow his wife Shelley to sell the Clippers. Guess he figured out they had about a billion reasons to do so?

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Why education really SHOULD matter to student athletes. As the SF Chronicle reports, on May 3, Cal safety Damariay Drew went with his teammates to San Quentin. The idea being to show the players the consequences of bad decisions. On May 6, in Berkeley, Drew was arrested for alleged felony battery….

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The Baltimore Ravens had a press conference with Ray Rice and his now wife. And the Ravens TWEETED this out “Janay Rice says she deeply regrets the role that she played the night of the incident.” Even Chris Brown is thinking this is f**ked up

 

The Washington Redskins responded to the letter sent by 50 U.S. Senators asking them to change their name. Saying that the team is “a positive, unifying force for our community in a city and region that is divided on so many levels.” Not sure about “positive” but “unifying” for sure. Who else but the Redskins can get the whole city together screaming “Dan Snyder s*cks!”

 

Colin Kaepernick and Richard Sherman are apparently the finalists for the cover of “Madden 15.” Based on the video game’s history, maybe 49ers fans should all be rooting for Sherman.

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Colts owner Robert Irsay will only face two misdemeanor charges resulting from his March DUI arrest, where he was also caught with $29,000 in cash in the car and “numerous” prescription bottles. So he probably won’t do jail time but is expected to face discipline from the NFL. Probably almost as severe a punishment as Roger Goodell doles out for players with the wrong socks.

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Angelina Jolie, saying that she doesn’t have it that hard as a working mom “I actually feel that women in my position, when we have all at our disposal to help us, shouldn’t complain “Consider all the people who really struggle and don’t have the financial means, don’t have the support, and many people are single raising children. That’s hard.” Who knew? Self-awareness? This could get her drummed out of Hollywood.

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As tough as it is for writers out there, you’d think NFL players could hire one cheaply to edit their statements to the press. Ray Rice, talking about his domestic violence episode. “”I won’t call myself a failure. Failure is not getting knocked down. It’s not getting up.”

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From my friend Alex Kaseberg “ If I was a writer for the Redskins – and they thank god I am not – I would respond to the US Senators’s demand for a name change with; “You are right, our name is awful and horrific. From now on we are the District of Columbia Redskins.”

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The #SFGiants Jeremy Affeldt almost hit by a foul ball while jogging to bullpen. Giants fans amazed he didn’t end up on the DL for weeks.

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Colorado’s young star 3B Nolan Arenado is no doubt heading to the DL after breaking his finger after sliding head-first into 2nd. As an SF fan, it’s good for the Giants. As a baseball fan and a mom, guys, use your heads. And not for sliding.

 

From T.C. “Prince Charles and Camilla have arrived in Winnipeg for the final leg of their Canadian tour. For the record, Camilla is NOT wearing a nasal strip.”

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What’s in a name?

Posted May 22, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

50 U.S.Senators sent a letter to the NFL saying it was time for the league “to endorse a name change for the Washington, D.C. football team.” Of course the team could change from the derogatory “Redskins” to the even more derogatory “Senators.”

 

 

After her breakup with Rory McIlroy, Caroline Wozniacki said on Twitter today “It’s a hard time for me right now.” And around the world, millions of men are thinking “I could help.”.

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Fox News anchor Gregg Jarrett was arrested for being drunk and belligerent with police at Minneapolis-St. Paul airport bar yesterday afternoon. Will Jarrett claim it was because he had a wide drinking stance?

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Today’s #SFGiants Rockies game was suspended in the 6th due to weather. Will be made up when the Giants return to Denver in September. Since that’s after trade deadline and call-ups, will be interesting to see how many of the same players are still on the same teams…

 

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At June’s San Diego County Fair, attendees will be able to buy a Krispy Kreme triple cheeseburger. Presumably it comes with a side of Beta Blockers?

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A video has surfaced of an Easter sermon from “Duck Dynasty”‘s Phil Robertson “Neither the sexually immoral, nor the idolators, nor adulterers, nor male prostitutes, nor homosexual offenders, nor thieves, nor greedy, nor drunkards, nor slanderers, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” Can’t wait for Robertson’s next appearance with some of Louisiana’s members of Congress. Especially Senator David Vitter.

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Boston Red Sox pitcher Felix Doubront says he bruised his left shoulder by bumping into a car door. Was he on his way to wash his truck at the time?

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(My friend JL suggests  “Baseball players should have a writer they can go to to make up believable excuses when they hurt themselves doing something that would get them fined by the team.”.   I see a new business opportunity.)

 

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Mother of 19, Michelle Duggar, 47, says she has gone to a fertility doctor,if there are things physically I need to know, that I need to do, health-wise just to be ready to catch a baby if God saw fit to give us one..” And God is thinking “When I said ‘go forth and multiply’ I didn’t mean exponentially.”

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Miley Cyrus denied Jennifer Lawrence’s story that Cyrus told a very drunk Lawrence to “get it together” at a post-Oscars party. Makes sense, who would ever believe Miley Cyrus would tell ANYONE to get it together?

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In Virginia, a 2nd-grade teacher was arrested for allegedly being drunk while trying to teach his class. In his defense will he say he was pretending to be a pilot?

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Prince Fielder is now expected to have season-ending fusion surgery to repair a herniated disk in his neck. The Texas Rangers aren’t a baseball team, they’re an episode of “Survivor.”

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From Bill Litttlejohn:  “Witnesses say that Mitch ‘Wild Thing’ Williams ordered a beaning in a Little League game.The kid tried, but still threw the ball over the batter’s head and into the backstop””

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So with NBA playoffs that seems to go on forever, the next game is…Saturday night? Is the league trying to become as irrelevant as American Idol?

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There were no NBA playoff games tonight in either the Eastern or Western Conference. And the league is thinking, how many more off days do we need before we can stretch the postseason into, say, August?

 

 

What’s more surprising? That the Dodgers’ Zack Greinke’s stretch of 21 straight starts of allowing two or fewer runs ended, (a record that hasn’t been matched in 100 years)? Or that it ended against the NY Mets?

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From Marc Ragovin;  “I’m not saying the Mets are drawing small crowds this year, but the other day a few fans at Citi Field started doing “The Ripple.”

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So despite all the uproar about Mark Cuban’s comments about bigotry, this is what he actually said, “”I mean, we’re all prejudiced in one way or another. If I see a black kid in a hoodie and it’s late at night, I’m walking to the other side of the street. And if on that side of the street, there’s a guy that has tattoos all over his face — white guy, bald head, tattoos everywhere — I’m walking back to the other side of the street.” Strikes me as the most honest thing we’ve heard out of any NBA owner.

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Is it safe?

Posted May 21, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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EBay admitted today that hackers broke into their site two months ago, and stole a database full of user information – including customer names, account passwords, email addresses, physical addresses, phone numbers and birth dates. Why worry about government intrusion on our privacy when we have the private sector doing such a spectacular job of it?

 

San Antonio 112, Oklahoma City 77? An advantage to being old? The Spurs played like they had to get home on time for their bedtimes.

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France’s national rail company SNCF admitted yesterday it had ordered 2,000 new trains that are too wide for many station platforms. Well, our citizens may be too wide but our trains at least are skinny enough. USA! USA! USA!

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You just cannot make this “stuff” up. In Arkansas, GOP gubernatorial candidate Asa Hutchinson, who backs the state’s new voter ID law, was originally turned away at the polls because he forgot his ID. He had one of his staff go get the ID, and was then able to vote. Well, of course, and don’t we all have staff for things like that?

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Pat Sajak tweeted “I now believe global warming alarmists are unpatriotic racists knowingly misleading for their own ends. Good night.” Note to Pat, get some vowels and – B_Y   _    CL__.

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There’s been some controversy over the September 11 Memorial and Museum having a gift shop. (9-11 mugs, anyone? Seriously.) But the museum may have gotten that story off the front page, by having a fancy cocktail party at the site last night for big donors. #beyondtonedeaf

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Some think the NFL chose Minneapolis over New Orleans for the 2018 Super Bowl because of the power failure during the 2013 Super Bowl. Right, because everyone would rather spend a week in Minnesota in February rather than spending 20 minutes of that week in the semi-dark in New Orleans.

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A new NBA report says that Donald Sterling and his wife, Rochelle, are not estranged as she now says. The L.A. Times reports the couple is “inextricably intertwined.” Translation, no one else would want either of them.

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Bruce Jenner is going to Paris to give his stepdaughter Kim Kardashian away, again. Wonder what his dress will look like?

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The SF Giants’ Santiago Casilla, who was told not to swing during an 8th inning at-bat, fell while trying to beat out an infield hit and may have to go on the DL. So how long until Giants manager Bruce Bochy sends his relief pitchers at least up to the plate without bats?

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So who besides me really wanted to hear #PresidentObama ask #RichardSherman at the White House today what he thinks of #VladmirPutin?

Comments: 4 Comments

Cold comfort?

Posted May 20, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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The NFL has awarded the 2018 Super Bowl to… Minneapolis. For all those who thought spending the first week in February in New York wasn’t cold enough.

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Jon Bon Jovi is apparently part of a group that wants to buy the Buffalo Bills. Well, if any franchise knows about “Livin’ on a Prayer.”

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California golfer Lucy Li, 11, has qualified for the U.S. Women’s Open. Quite an achievement. It gives all those Chinese women gymnasts a goal to shoot for when they grow up.

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Swiss bank Credit Suisse has pleaded guilty to running “an illegal cross-border banking business” to help thousands of Americans conceal their income from the IRS. The bank will pay a $2.6 billion fine, but will not have to provide names of their U.S. clients who they helped cheat on taxes. So wonder how many of those clients will be subsidizing the “settlement” with a silence fee?

 

Halle Berry on “Ellen” today talking about getting pregnant at 47, which is considered a “geriatric pregnancy.” If Berry thinks it was a “geriatric” pregnancy, wait until she gets to applying for Medicare at the same time her son is applying to college.

 

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Judge just declared PA’s #gaymarriage ban unconstitutional. Will last state to keep gay marriage banned please keep the lights turned off?

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Cleveland has the top NBA lottery pick for the second straight years. Who says the Cavaliers will never win anything?

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As far as Cleveland getting the top pick in 2015?  Probably at least as good a chance as a Miami Heat “three-peat”

 

NBA playoffs are down to San Antonio, Indianapolis, Oklahoma City and Miami. Three team from cities most Americans can’t find on a map and one they can’t stand.

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A 19 year old Texas man in facing five years to life in prison for allegedly baking and selling pot brownies made with hash oil. If he’d only shot and killed someone he’d be facing 10 years max.

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At Allen High School, near Dallas, they will have to close their new $60 million new football stadium this fall due to cracking concrete. This is the biggest disappointment in North Texas since the Cowboys.

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On a brighter note, the stadium is a $48 million cheaper disappointment than Tony Romo.

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The NY Racing Stewards have approved California Chrome to race with a nasal strip. If he wins will Roger Goodell add nasal strips to the NFL’s list of banned performance enhancers?

 

Congrats to Meryl Davis, who with her partner won Dancing with the Stars tonight. With that kind of dancing talent maybe she could do something big on an international stage…. .Oops, never mind.

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Follow the money

Posted May 19, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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The NY Racing Association stewards today unanimously approved equine nasal strips. Which means California Chrome can wear one during the Belmont. Translation, “we want people to watch the race.”

 

Disney is hiking prices for its one-day “Parkhopper” pass to both Disneyland and California Adventure Park over 10% to $150. For that amount of money people who want to see a high-priced Mickey Mouse organization can buy Lakers tickets

 

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Gender equality “crooks are stupid” moment. Danielle Shea, 22, had dropped out of Quinnipiac University in Connecticut. But she hadn’t told her parents, who were still sending money for tuition. So, as she admitted to police, she made bomb threats before the graduation ceremony so her parents wouldn’t find out. (Police caught Ms. Shea because she made the threats from her own phone.)

 

Kudos to Brandon Marshall, who signed his 3 year, $31 million contract extension with the Chicago Bears today on “The View.” Marshall, who has said he has a Borderline Personality Disorder, also said he would donate $1 million to mental health services. Nice move, and guessing Bears fans who might have a problem with it weren’t likely to be watching “The View” anyway.

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A European cruise ship, the Saga Sapphire, was temporarily stranded off the coast of Scotland when a fire caused the vessel to lose power. But the crew was able to quickly contain the blaze and restore power so the Sapphire will return to port and its regular schedule as normal. The passengers were relieved. CNN is disappointed.

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At Austin Peay State, in Tennessee, a giant 40 foot sinkhole has opened up in one end zone. And the Washington Redskins are thinking “Hmm, potentially one way to keep opposing offenses from scoring?”

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About 1.8 million pounds of ground beef in the U.S. is being recalled for possible E. coli contamination. Which means Taco Bell customers are safe as they never use any actual beef anyway.

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All of this speculation over who will and will not run for President in 2016, even though the primaries are almost two years away…. The process is becoming almost as over-hyped as the NFL draft.

 

The FAA is apparently investigating an April incident where a United Airlines flight from SFO landing at Newark apparently came within 400 feet of an ExpressJet United Express flight taking off. See, there are potentially worse things that can happen than just ending up in New Jersey.

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So the problem a lot of people have with the San Antonio Spurs is that they are “boring?” Meaning they play team basketball without a lot of showboating and their stars generally stay on the sports page instead of the front page? And the NBA wonders sometimes why they have an image problem.

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Researchers at the University of Sydney examined seven sets of data involving more than 1.25 million children and concluded that there was NO evidence to support a relationship between common vaccines for measles, mumps, rubella, diphtheria, tetanus and whooping cough and the development of autism. Which will convince exactly no one who believes otherwise because it involves commie-pinko science and numbers.

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Lance Armstrong apparently tweeted a picture while he was playing “Cards Against Humanity,” and got the card saying “Lance Armstrong’s missing testicle.” But the real question, which card did Lance use to answer?

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