Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category
November 10, 2014
Ted Cruz tweeted “‘Net Neutrality'” is Obamacare for the Internet; the Internet should not operate at the speed of government.” Can’t wait for Cruz to decry this year’s Thanksgiving Turkey pardon as Obamacare for birds.
AT&T announced they have abandoned their announced plan to create an air-to-ground 4G network to improve Wi-Fi service on airplanes. Maybe because the phone company figured if there was one industry they could partner with that could actually LOWER their reputation it’s the airline industry.
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A video has gone viral of Denver backup QB Brock Osweiler’s frustration when Peyton Manning’s went back in the game against the Bears up 41-10. No doubt Broncos fans find it funny, since Manning didn’t end up with an injury like Carson Palmer.
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Carson Palmer tore his ACL Sunday and is out for the season, 2 days after signing a 3-year contract extension. The Cardinals QB tore his ACL once before, in Dec, 2005, 10 days after signing a 6-year contract extension. Think next time Arizona offers Palmer an extension maybe he needs to “just say no.”
The Carolina Panthers tried Monday night to do their best Chicago Bears imitation.
ESPN Monday Night Football sign off -“Good night, from Philadelphia.” Directed to all those who tuned in hoping to see Sportscenter. And both fans who were still watching the game
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Meanwhile, the Carolina Panthers remain alive in the playoff hunt. Wonder if this year’s #NFCSouth champion might be good enough to get into the college football playoff.
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After Kentucky crushed Georgetown College in a pre season college men’s baseketball game, Tigers coach Chris Briggs called the Wildcats an NBA playoff team. John Calipari’s tweet response- “I hear Coach Briggs got excited after the game last night. Let me be clear: If we played ANY NBA team, we would get buried. ANY.”
Uh, well maybe not the 76ers.
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Tampa Bay rookie Austin Seferian-Jenkins apologized today for his “Captain Morgan” pose touchdown celebration Sunday that he both drew a penalty for, and posted on Instagram. In Seferian-Jenkins’ defense, being on the 1-8 Buccaneers, he doesn’t have much experience with touchdown celebrations.
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Cubs GM Theo Epstein, on an MLB investigation of Chicago’s possibly talking to new manager Joe Maddon while he was still under contract to Tampa Bay: “There was absolutely no tampering whatsoever.” I think I like “Wait until next year” better.
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A Montanta white supremacist, John Abarr, is attempting to start a branch of the Ku Klux Klan dubbed the “Rocky Mountain Knights,” which will allow African -Americans, Jews, homosexuals and those of Hispanic origin. The “new Klan” members wlll have to wear the white robes, masks, conical hats and take part in rituals….And presumably have to fail an IQ test.
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President Obama voiced strong support for “Net neutrality.” Waiting for Sarah Palin to chime in and complain that the government shouldn’t get involved in the fishing industry.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Bears jokes, Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, MNF jokes, NFC South jokes, Panthers jokes, Ted Cruz jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
November 10, 2014
So much for the #Lakers’ perfect season.
And Charles Barkley’s favorite restaurants are now going “Our long national nightmare is over.”
Even #Cubs fans feel sorry for #Bears fans tonight. #GBvsChi
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T.C. (from British Columbia) suggests that most Americans turned off the Packers-Bears rout at half-time. Those who didn’t, who weren’t Green Bay fans, probably thought they had accidentally turned on a replay of a SEC game vs. a nonconference opponent.
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In a crazy world small signs of stability can be a good thing. To that end the Oakland Raiders are doing their part to be the one #NFL team that consistently sucks.
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Mark Cuban mused that the Oklahoma Thunder at this point might be better off tanking the season in a “race to the bottom”. And the Raiders are thinking. “Well, that’s one NFL race we’ve won.”
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Many thought the 49ers’ Aldon Smith would have his suspension reduced. This didn’t happen, reportedly because he didn’t do all his “counseling protocol.” So much for all those who say it doesn’t matter if athletes learn to go to class. #cantfixstupid
Not sure if the SF 49ers are going to the playoffs, but after the “Hail Mary” offensive pass interference penalty he drew on Jimmy Graham, CB Perrish Cox has reportedly been offered a tryout by several professional soccer teams.
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If football games were 58 minutes long #Saints would be midseason favorites to win #superbowl. #SFvsNO #cantfinish
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Freed missionary Kenneth Bae, back in the U.S. from North Korea, said “It’s been an amazing two years, I learned a lot.” Like maybe not to lead tour groups to North Korea?
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Arctic temperature will reach across much of the U.S. this week, with even a chance of snow in D.C. Proving some were right when they said hell would freeze over before we’d see a GOP landslide this year.
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One last thought on last Tuesday’s election. Whatever you think of President Obama’s candidates from both parties tried to hard to distance themselves from him. voters may well have figured at least they’d go for the honest ones.
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Label notation of the year award: “May have been processed on equipment that was also used to process nuts.” On a jar of peanut butter.
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, NFL jokes, political jokes, Raiders jokes, Saints jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 9, 2014
Former Tarheels football player Mike McAdoo is suing UNC, claiming they had promised to give him a “legitimate education” in return for playing sports. Responded SEC players, what’s a “legitimate education?”
Lee Chong Wei,, the world’s top-ranked badminton player, has apparently failed a doping test. Badminton? Who knew, the most honest sport might turn out to be pro wrestling.
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A LivingSocial coupon offers half price LASIK. Is it just me or does surgery on your eyes at a major discount sound about as comforting as day-old sushi?
ABC has cancelled their new comedy “Selfie.” ABC had a new comedy named “Selfie?”
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Ohio State now feels they should have a chance for the college football playoff after knocking off Michigan State. Well, if so, the Buckeyes are a unanimous pick for the team everyone else wants to play in the first round.
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Seismologists say the increasing intensity of earthquake swarm in Nevada has also increased the chance of a large quake occurring. And across the state people have one major question, how do we parlay this into a football bet?
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The New York Knicks are getting their fans excited this week. Mostly about the fact that Mets and Yankees spring training starts in approximately 3 months.
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Well, at least after this week #NotreDame fans won’t be losing sleep over what might have been if not for a controversial call. #NDvsASU
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Now that Auburn has lost, will the SEC push for an instant expansion of the BCS playoff games from 4 to 8 teams this year?
This just in. Utah announces all football players will be required to complete enough math classes to count to 100.
It was really a Rough week for with their goal line “fumble” & TD return. But at least they can count on sympathy next week from the band?
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After posting an Instagram pictures of him playing golf despite a back injury, Steve Nash wrote a letter to fans starting “I definitely don’t want to be a distraction.” And most Lakers fans are thinking, are you kidding, we need every distraction we can get?
From Bill Littlejohn: “First it was Nate Burleson who broke his arm while reaching for pizza as he drove. Now DeAngelo Hall has re-torn his Achilles whhile grabbing a slice of pizza from his kitchen. Looks like Nate may have started a Domino's effect.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Auburn jokes, ESPN jokes, Janice Hough, Knicks jokes, Notre Dame jokes, SEC jokes, UNC jokes
Comments: 8 Comments
November 8, 2014
The stars of “The Love Boat” got together for a 30 year reunion to christen some of Princess’s new ships. After the photo, Gavin McLeod then reportedly told everyone “You punks get off my promenade deck.”
Apparently Oakland Raiders owner Mark Davis is considering moving the team to San Antonio. Responded the Spurs, “There goes the neighborhood.”
RNC chair Reince Priebus said of the upcoming 2016 US Presidential campaign “If we have a candidate on the ballot who someone actually wants to have a beer with, we can win.” Right, because that worked out so well for our country in 2000.
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From Alex Kaseberg. “Nike has cancelled their contract with Adrian Peterson who pled no contest to whipping his 4-year-old son. “Sure, we exploit children as slaves in factories,” said Nike, “but whipping them is going too far.”
Holland America Line has announced that they will add six special theme cruises in 2015 highlighting “Dancing with the Stars.” Well, that ought to do wonders for all the wives trying to persuade their husbands to take their first cruise.
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Mark Zuckerberg was asked wh he wears “the same T-shirt every day.” His response “I really want to clear my life to make as few decisions as possible. I’m not doing my job if I spend any of my energy on anything that is silly or frivolous.” And millions of men across America just found their new hero.
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Spectacular. In Palo Alto, close to the epicenter of Silicon Valley, the races for City Council and School Board are still too close to call, because the Santa Clara County Registrar of Voters is still counting vote-by-mail ballots turned in on Tuesday – they still have about 75,000 of maybe 140,000 to go. But hey, write an email about something and Facebook has an ad for it in about 10 minutes.
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Carton Ashton of the Toronto Maple Leafs was suspended 20 games by the NHL for a failed drug test Ashton claims he accidentally must have ingested a banned substance when he borrowed another athlete’s inhaler. Who says hockey isn’t a major sport. That’s truly a major league level creative excuse
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So now we have an argument over which SEAL in a supposedly covert mission actually shot Bin Laden? Does it matter? Guessing most of the GOP is okay with it being anyone as long as they don’t blame Obama.
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A black and white picture from 1838 is has emerged that is believed to be the earliest known photograph featuring a person. Wonder if was it taken at a high school football practice of Adam Vinatieri?
From T.C. ” A Denver Broncos fans went to a game and disappeared at half time. Two days later, he was found 100 miles away. The man said that for no explainable reason, he had the urge to start walking towards Omaha. ”
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The fourth student shot by a high school classmate in Marysville, WA in what basically was an execution-style killing this October, has died. And sadly, many Americans’ response is probably “If only the victims were armed.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: cruise jokes, election jokes, facebook jokes, Janice Hough, palo alto jokes, Raiders jokes
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November 7, 2014
Star Wars VII now has a title “The Force Awakens.” And given the age of many in the cast, presume the subtitle is “Every Few Hours in the Middle of the Night to Pee.”
Madison Bumgarner just won the “Silver Slugger” award for being the best offensive player at his position. But the SF Giants lefty didn’t get a hit in the postseason, including the World Series. What a disappointment.
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San Diego shortstop Everth Cabrera was stopped for allegedly driving under the influence of marijuana, and ultimately charged with resisting arrest. Of course, being a Padre, if he pulled the “Do you know who I am?” card, the answer might have honestly been. “No.”
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A-Rod reportedly admitted to using PEDS during a meeting with the DEA earlier this year. Yep, baseball normalcy has returned: The World Series is over and the Yankees are back in the headlines.
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The first NFL 2015 “International Series” game at Wembley will be the Miami Dolphins vs. the NY Jets. And Jets fans are thinking, “Can London just keep them?”
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John Boehner said that executive actions by Obama on immigration would “poison the well” for legislation. As opposed to that great bipartisan effort Congress has made with the President so far?
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A court today upheld gay marriage bans in Michigan, Ohio, Kentucky and Tennessee. So in those last two states, men can still marry their sisters, just not their brothers?
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On Fox News, Condoleezza Rice criticized Democratic campaign ads aimed at African Americans in the South that featured Ferguson and the death of Michael Brown. She said she found the fear mongering “appalling” and “insulting.” Uh, okay Condi, but what about fear mongering in GOP ads aimed at whites about crime and immigration featuring minorities?
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Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski said of freshman Jahlil Okafor “We won’t have him long. We’ll have him this year and then he’ll be one of the top [NBA] picks.” In other words, Okafor’s second semester professors might as well forget about getting those papers turned in.
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Wonder if Okafor will stick around long enough to learn to spell “Krzyewski?”
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Let the fun begin. Sources told ESPN that Ravens GM Ozzie Newsome testified under oath Thursday that he heard Ray Rice in June tell Roger Goodell that he hit Janay in a casino hotel elevator. So let’s see, does the NFL commissioner claims amnesia or a concussion.
Jennifer Aniston apparently goes without makeup in her new film “Cake,” and called it “dreamy and empowering and liberating.” And yes, imagine what a shocking change it must have been – relying only on her personal assistants, trainer and esthetician.
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Lebron James is apparently “concerned” about the Cavaliers 1-3 start. Did he think it would be easy for the team to improve enough to be knocked off by the Spurs in the NBA finals?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #theforceawakens, A-Rod jokes, Congress jokes, election jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, Star Wars jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 6, 2014
Mitch McConnell claims that after last night’s election “The Senate is going to go back to work and actually pass legislation.” And somewhere Ted Cruz is just giggling.
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So how long until Mitch McConnell figures out that it is now his circus AND his monkeys? #Election2014
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Sounds like I posted too soon on the 2014 election fundraising emails ending. Just got the first asking for money for a recount. #itneverends
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Chris Christie says he will make a decision “sometime next year” on running for President. Well, not sure if he can beat Hillary Clinton. But Christie is proving to be her equal in being disingenuous.
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You think it didn’t matter if you voted? Right now the candidates vying for the last seat on Palo Alto City Council, candidates with very different views and “slates”, are separated by about 30 votes. In a city of almost 60,000 people.
Alex Rodriguez reportedly paid a cousin $1 million to keep quiet about his PED use. Well, that money worked out to be as good a value as the last few years of A-Rod’s own Yankees contract.
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Alfonso Soriano says he is retiring from major league baseball. Most fans are shocked. Soriano hadn’t ALREADY retired?
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November 5 was one of TWO National Doughnut Days. The other is the first Friday in June. Figures, not like Americans could stop at just one doughnut anything.
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A small plane with the banner “Fire John Idzik!” circled the NY Jets’ practice field for a short time this morning. Then the plane was presumably intercepted by another plane.
Ah, the holiday season is upon us. A Nebraska woman was arrested and charged with two felonies for allegedly hitting a fellow Wal-Mart shopper with her PT Cruiser last weekend, because the person took her parking spot in the lot.
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And no doubt many of these parents voted. A Louisville TV station is reporting a local teacher resigned when her Catholic school requested she take a precautionary 21-day leave AND produce a health note from her doctor, because parents raised concerns about her mission trip to Kenya. (Kenya is 3000 miles from West Africa)
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So according to her attorney the mother of Adrian Peterson’s son is happy with the plea deal and doesn’t want his career to be harmed by the child abuse case. Well, yeah, if for no other reason than she wants her child support.
The CMA awards tonight pre-empted ABC’s comedy “Blackish.” And co-host Brad Paisley said “If you were looking for Black-ish tonight, yeah, this ain’t it. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy White-ish.” African Americans might have been offended. IF any of them had been watching the CMAs.
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Mark Sanchez says he is excited about his first start for the Eagles, which will be on next week’s MNF. Many Americans are excited too, some to see the Panthers win big, some to see Sanchez lead Philadelphia to a big win, and most just hoping to see another butt fumble.
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Newly elected Utah congresswoman Mia Love is a major rising star in the Republican party. with her anti-immigrant, anti-birthright citizenship and anti-welfare stances. The daughter of Haitian immigrants, however, also said in 2011, “My parents have always told me I was a miracle and our family’s ticket to America.” Love has also said her parents came on a tourist visa and stayed.
Makes sense she’s a GOP star. She’s proving a woman of color can be as much a hypocrite as a white man.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, CMA jokes, election jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, Mitch McConnell jokes, NY Jets jokes, Republican jokes
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November 5, 2014
A very low turnout in this year’s midterm elections. Which must on some level make all the winners and incumbents very happy. Since all those people who didn’t vote have forfeited their bitching rights.
The polls are closed across the U.S. So finally the emails requesting money for the 2014 election will stop. The emails requesting money for 2016 start this morning.
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Not that I’m wishing harm on anyone, but it will be interesting to see what happens this winter the first time some natural disaster hits some state where a GOP leader has won election campaigning against the federal government.
What a country. Kim Kardashian Monday night posted “‘I’m standing w Obama in the midterm election 2morrow!’ Of course, since Kim probably didn’t take time to vote she probably didn’t even notice the President not being on the ballot.
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Not sure what Iowa’s Joni Ernst, who’s been downplaying her ties to Sarah Palin, might be like in the Senate. But her husband Gail at least looks like a gift for the comedy industry. This from his FB page last year: “What do you do if you see your ex running around in your front yard screaming and bloody? Stay calm. Reload. And try again.”
In Florida, Democrats had hoped a medical marijuana initiative would help Charlie Crist in Tuesday’s election. Alas wonder how many supporters of the amendment will show up to vote Wednesday.
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A statement that kind of sums up American priorities. This from Kristin Mavromatis with the Mecklenburg County Board of Elections in North Carolina: “There are lines all over the place Not quite as long as the line at the Cheesecake Factory but there are lines.”
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Wonder how many people who didn’t think they have time to vote had time to update their fantasy football teams. #ElectionDay
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Fox News’ Tucker Carlson. “We need, I think, an older white guy appreciation day, I think they have done a lot for this country.” With all due respect, in the U.S. EVERY day is “older white guy appreciation day.”
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A Virgin Australia flight bound for Sydney had to return to Los Angeles because of a plumbing problem that resulting in a nauseating smell on board. Ah for the good old days, when the most nauseating thing on a plane was the free food.
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President Obama just declared the lava flow from Hawaii’s Kilauea volcano to be a major disaster, which frees up federal money to help. Wonder how many people are thinking.”Yeah, just like Obama to send U.S. money overseas.”
Tony Romo says he is optimistic about Sunday’s game in London. Well, of course, who wouldn’t be optimistic with the prospect of playing the Jacksonville Jaguars?
Another why there is no satire: Dallas Cowboys hashtag for their London game is #CowboysUK Yes, they do.-
The LA Dodgers have hired Oakland A’s assistant GM Farhan Zaidi as their next GM. Right, okay, because the Athletics lasted so much longer than the Dodgers in recent playoffs.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, democrat jokes, election jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Obama jokes, Republican jokes, voting jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 4, 2014
An increasing number of #NFL teams seem to be playing like they’re auditioning for #TheWalkingDead
#NYGiants new slogan? “We s*ck less than the #NYJets.
Interesting matchup next Sunday. The #SF49ers, who after their start are furious at now being 4-4. Against the #Saints, who after their start are thrilled to be 4-4.
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#NYJets have a bye week. Which means that #GenoSmith will be about as productive as usual on fantasy teams.
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A last thought about #SF49ers goal line debacle yesterday. Some wonder why Harbaugh didn’t give the ball to Frank Gore. And Stanford fans remember Big Game 2009 and the Cardinal having a Heisman level RB and a chance to win at the end. Harbaugh didn’t give it to Gerhart either. #whatmebitter
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Carmelo Anthony says that the Knicks are over last year’s “bad energy.” So that means NY is ready to create some new bad energy.?
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A last thought about #SF49ers goal line debacle yesterday. Some wonder why Harbaugh didn’t give the ball to Frank Gore. And Stanford fans remember Big Game 2009 and the Cardinal having a Heisman level RB and a chance to win at the end. Harbaugh didn’t give it to Gerhart either. #whatmebitter
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Berkeley students are circulating a petition to get the university to cancel Bill Maher’s appearance at commencement. And somewhere the 1964 founders of the “Free Speech Movement” are weeping. Or they should be.
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A couple was actually married on a Southwest flight from Nashville to Dallas this weekend. Wonder if all was well until the bride reclined her seat into his and the groom filed for divorce?
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Red Lobster, which had added non-seafood items in hopes of attracting customers who didn’t like fish, is jettisoning some of those new dishes and adding more lobster. Makes sense. Because for those wanting mediocre chain food that isn’t seafood, the market is pretty saturated.
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Governor Jerry Brown is expected to win re-election handily tomorrow, despite having barely campaigned at all. Of course, one reason Brown might be so popular as that Californians haven’t seen him nonstop campaigning and running television ads.
From Marc Ragovin – ” Kenyan runners Wilson Kipsang and Mary Keitany won the NYC marathon. Upon crossing the finish line, Chris Christie ordered them to shut up as he and Andrew Cuomo threw them into quarantine tents.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, NY Giants jokes, NY Jets jokes, Red Lobster jokes, Southwest jokes
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November 3, 2014
As reported by the the SF Chronicle, apparently before the Giants World Series Parade the SF Police were chatting with Madison Bumgarner and along with all the congrats someone said “If there is anything we can do for you.” Madbum’s response, “Anything? Can I ride one of y’alls horses in the parade? After some discussion and risk assessment, the answer was something, well, not exactly DURING the parade.”
Meanwhile, the #SF49ers clearly needed #MadBum
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Small silver lining for #49ers fans? At least #Kaepernick ‘s last play wasn’t a butt fumble.
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Saddest thing for #NYJets fans about a sad season? That win against the #Raiders may have cost them #1 draft pick. Either that, or watching Mark Sanchez win in Philly?
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Washington coach Jay Gruden blasted an ESPN report today that said RG III has teammates who seem to disrespect him, saying it was “amateurish.” Well, if anyone should know about amateurish, it’s the coach of the Redskins.
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Silver lining with Stanford’s underwhelming football season. Players, coaches and fans get to celebrate New Year’s Eve at home.
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So one might think Oregon’s rout of Stanford might propel the Ducks into the top four for a projected BCS playoff spot. Nope, they’re still behind idle Alabama. #nopac12respect
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Clocks turned back last night. Meaning hard-core #Lakers fans had another hour to not sleep.
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Breaking news, a Kenyan has won the New York City Marathon” Wouldn’t it be more news if a Kenyan DIDN’T win the New York City Marathon?
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Not the Onion. A Tucson pastor was woken up by police at 2am because a member of his congregation said she thought she had Ebola and her pastor had returned from Africa in September. He had been to Zambia, which is further from West Africa than San Francisco is from Washington, D.C. #cantfixstupid
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Yet another example of why Trader Joe’s leaves other grocery stores in the dust. Saw a package of “Iced Cranberry Orange Scone Cookies” near the checkout. Told the cashier, those sound good. She said, “They are, want to try one?” Opened a box, gave me one, and offered them to anyone in the area. Sold about five boxes of cookies on the spot.
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Maybe there was too much hype for the #DENvsNE game? Peyton Manning might have thought he was back in the #SuperBowl?
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A new poll shows Charlie Crist 7 points ahead of Gov. Rick Scott in Florida. Wow. Might have to retire half my Florida jokes.
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From Jerry Perisho: Asked if she was going to the polls on Tuesday, Kim Kardashian said, “No, but I’m opening a new store in Warsaw, next spring.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, college football jokes, ESPN jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, madbum jokes, Stanford jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 1, 2014
Lots of happy #SFGiants fans were taking pictures in the rain at #SFGiantsParade Over-under on folks needing new cellphones today?
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So many people think newspapers are irrelevant these days. But wonder how many are saving screen shots of the SF Giants World Series victory for their children and grandchildren.
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SF mayor Ed Lee, speaking at a post-parade ceremony “Panda, you own the postseason.” And the SFGiants are thinking, “Great, you just maybe cost us another $10-20 million?”
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Great post parade line from Buster Posey to #HunterPence “See those cameras back there? That means live TV.” #SFGiants
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The SF Giants used pictures from their last World Series Parade to advertise yesterday’s parade. If new manager Joe Maddon leads the Cubs to a title, they’ll need to find someone who’s an expert in reproducing cave paintings.
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Today, November 1. is “Day of the Dead.” This is a holiday in Mexico. Not the Michigan football homecoming.
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The Los Angeles Dodgers have 7 free agents. Hanley Ramirez,Chris Perez, Jamey Wright, Paul Maholm, Roberto Hernandez, Kevin Correia and Josh Beckett. “Gosh, I really really hope we can keep them” said no Dodgers fans
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Pablo Sandoval says he wants to remain a Giant, though the Red Sox are interested. So what will it take? Maybe $100 million over 5 years. And a copy of Boston’s weather report. (Freezing temperatures this weekend.)
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This would be funnier if it weren’t sad for the pilots. Still, euphemism of the year perhaps, Virgin Galactic’s SpaceShipTwo space tourism rocket crashing in Mojave desert. And Virgin Galactic reported it as an “in-flight anomaly.”
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Former Florida congressman Trey Radel, who pleaded guilty to cocaine possession in 2013, has had his criminal record expunged after completing “all conditions of his probation.” Expunged. Does this make him an honorary football player?
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If they gave away free candy at polling place would people make as much effort to vote as they do to trick or treat? #Halloween #Electionday
How scary was this on Halloween? A senator spoke honestly in public: Mary Landrieu, asked why Obama has such low approval ratings in Louisiana. “I’ll be very, very honest with you. The South has not always been the friendliest place for African-Americans. It’s been a difficult time for the president to present himself in a very positive light as a leader.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Florida jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, Michigan jokes, Panda jokes, parade jokes, SFGiants jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 30, 2014
So what time do the SF Giants play today? Oh, wait…. never mind. #missingbaseballalready
Amazing how people who complain that the World Series was a game between two Wild Cards and thus a devaluation of the regular season seem to have had no problem with, say, the 2007 Super Bowl Champion NY Giants. Or the 2010 Packers. #NFLcandonowrong
Ok, who had the #NewOrleansSaints, starting 2-4, in 1st place in the AFC South after week 8? #WhoDat
Oops. Jets WR Eric Decker tweeted out “”tell me why you love the @nyjets using #jetsdiehardfan and I’ll send a signed prize to my favorite.” And with the team 1-7 he got a predictable result. Though have to figure a sincere response would have been “when OUR team has them on the schedule.”
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Question, who was the umpire at first base for game seven of the World Series? As my son points out, few people know the answer to that question, and thanks to instant replay, he won’t become as infamous as Don Denkinger.
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After Game 5 of the World Series, the Royals’ Jarrod Dyson said “One good thing for us, we don’t have to worry about Bumgarner no more.” Not exactly.
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Babies in San Jose.
From Alex Kaseberg “In San Francisco’s Castro district last night, men were ripping off their clothes, swilling champagne and dancing in the street. When asked how long they would celebrate the Giants win, they said; ‘What Giants win?”
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Now that the World Series is over, ESPN can get back to the news they really care about, like this headline story today: “A-Rod’s suspension ends. Back in play for Yanks.”
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And then all these ESPN headlines about LeBron James returning to Cleveland. Score of the game? Oh, you mean there’s a game?
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RG III will start for Washington this weekend against the Vikings. Good thing the game will be played in Minnesota. The boos from the stands will be less embarrassing than they would be at Fed Ex Field.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, baseball jokes, bumgarner jokes, ESPN jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, SF Giants jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
October 30, 2014
After the SF Giants win, the folks at Kaufmann stadium turned the fountains to orange. And hey, since the Giants are an even year team, happy to root for the KC Royals in 2015.
If poetry is “emotion recollected in tranquility,” then these World Series post game shows are indeed poetry. #SFGiants
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Doesn’t it seem sometimes like Joe #Panik has always been at 2nd for the #SFGiants? #realbaseballplayer
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But breathing plan for Game 7. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Ah screw it, so how long can you hold your breath anyway? #SFGiants #Game7 #WorldSeries
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Chicks dig the small ball #sfgiants #WorldSeries
SF Giants have accomplished a double mission. First, winning the World Series. Second, giving all their fans a free cardiac stress test.
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And yet, win or lose, Giamatti was right about baseball. Nonetheless, Go Giants.
“It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone. ”
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Joe Maddon is the new manager of the Chicago Cubs, reportedly for about a 5 year, $25 million contract. Which might work out to over $8 million a year. #tradition #waituntilnextyear
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Jeb Bush has hit the metaphorical campaign trail, assailing Obama for his Ebola response, saying it “fueled fears that may not be justified.”So what the President really should have done to calm Americans was start shutting down the media? Starting with FOX News.
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Harold Reynolds last night during the World Series telecast called Bud Selig “the greatest (MLB) commissioner of all time.” Hard to imagine but someone did it. Proved they could be worse about baseball than Joe Buck,
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Not alas, the Onion. In Arizona, the Senate Judiciary Committee endorsed a bill that would allow employers to ask employees for proof that they are seeking contraceptives for purposes other than sex. (like acne, or hormone issues) and deny them coverage if they don’t comply. Where’s the bill to ban coverage for Viagra?
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Jerry Jones on whether Tony Romo will play next week. “This is a function of pain tolerance. And Cowboys fans during the Romo years are rolling their eyes and thinking “we know all about pain tolerance.”
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Poor Julius Randle. The Lakers rookie, who broke his leg in the season opener, will probably be out for the year. On a brighter note, next year Randle has a good chance of playing with a #1 draft pick.
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Bill Littlejohn, on Florida football coach Will Muschamp saying he’s adopting a bunker mentality: “Which one, Archie or Edith?”
Categories: baseball jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, janice houghgarner jokes, Lakers jokes, madison bumgarner jokes, Royals jokes, SF Giants jokes, World Series jokes
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October 28, 2014
This just in. ESPN experts predict winner of Wednesday’s SF Giants KC Royals game will win the World Series.
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SF Giants game 7 strategy? Wear out KC Royals bats in game 6?
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So ESPN wanted Derek Jeter to matter in the postseason. And who knows, the SF Giants, baseball’s most consistent unkillable cockroaches, may well win tomorrow. But home field advantage for this World Series was probably decided by Wainwright deciding to groove that farewell All-Star pitch….
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Only fun San Francisco fans are having tonight with #WorldSeries so far is thinking how dismal the ratings must be for #FOX at this point in Game 6. .#SFGiants
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Saddest story of this MLB postseason is of course Oscar Tavares. But his death apparently inspired two friends, Juan Perez and Yordano Ventura, to have the games of their lives. #WorldSeries
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Bus to hell time. TMZ is reporting that Jose Canseco blew his middle finger off his right hand while cleaning his handgun at home in Las Vegas. Well, not like he used it for fielding or anything.
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Taking time out from the World Series, send good wishes to Gordie Howe. Mr. Hockey, who at 86 is apparently recovering from a “serious stroke.” He was a dominant player in his sport longer than almost anyone. Yes, including Derek Jeter.-
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First NCAA playoff rankings out. 3 #SEC teams out of 4. Shocking to many. They expected 4 #SEC teams. #Collegefootballplayoff
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If NY & NJ really want to beat #Ebola, forget quarantine. Have folks returning from Africa join the #NYJets. None of them can catch anything.
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Dunkin’ Donuts is introducing a croissant-donut. But the chain maintains it is NOT a “Cronut.” Why? Because their lawyers said so.
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Sarah Palin “Those haters out there, they don’t understand that it invigorates me…. the more they’re pouring on the more I’m going to bug the crap out of them by being out there with a voice, with the message, hopefully running for office in the future, too.” Palin “haters” and comedy writers alike heard the last part and are thinking, “Promise?”
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At a Southern Baptist conference titled “The Gospel, Homosexuality and the Future of Marriage,” some speakers talked about being the voice of a moral minority because gay marriage is a “rejection of God’s law.” Wonder why some of these folks don’t also have conferences against heterosexual adultery and divorce?
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The #NBA season started Tuesday night. The Philadelphia #76ers will be eliminated from playoff contention tomorrow.
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Michael Jordan, majority owner of the Charlotte Hornets, says he is “dreaming” of a seventh NBA ring. Yep, “dreaming” is absolutely the correct word.
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Dwight Howard said today “I didn’t leave L.A. because I was afraid of Kobe Bryant.” More like Dwight was afraid of not making the playoffs.
Meanwhile, Lakers rookie Julius Randle, the team’s #1 pick, broke his right tibia during an opening night loss. Meaning alas Randle will likely be as helpful to this year’s team as Steve Nash.
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RG III might be ready to go back in as Washington’s quarterback for their next game as the team has a bye week coming up. And fans are now thinking, take a little more time to heal your ankle. A year or two to be safe.
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Dolly Parton, on her support of gay rights: “But as far as the Christians, if people want to pass judgment, they’re already sinning. The sin of judging is just as bad as any other sin they might say somebody else is committing. I try to love everybody.” As Dolly has also said, “I know I’m not dumb, and I know I’m not blonde.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: cronut jokes, Ebola jokes, Game 7 jokes, gay marriage jokes, Janice Hough, Jeter jokes, NBA jokes, Royals jokes, SEC jokes, SF Giants jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 28, 2014
American Airlines cancelled a Los Angeles to London flight Sunday and passengers were kept onboard for hours when someone on board picked up a wi-fi hot sport named “Al-Quida Free Terror Nettwork.” Police said today that “no crime was committed.” Shouldn’t someone be charged with felony stupidity?
So as we approach game six of the #WorldSeries, it makes so much sense that home field advantage was decided by a midsummer exhibition game where the only Royals and Giants involved were Salvador Perez and Hunter Pence, with one AB each, and Greg Holland who pitched one inning.
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Oops, country singer Aaron Lewis, who as Deadspin noted criticized Christina Aguilera’s version of the Star Spangled Banner (“I don’t understand how people that sing the national anthem can be so f— self-obsessed that they would try to change that f— song.”), forgot the words last night at A T& T Park, singing the second line as “What so proudly we hailed were so gallantly streaming.”
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And apologies to my Dodgers fan friends for this. But it was too funny to resist.
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“Bachelor” Juan Pablo and his girlfriend Nikki have broken up. “I’m shocked,” said none of the three people who cared.
A recent CNN poll found that 53% disapprove of President Obama’s performance. Which puts him well ahead of Congress, which has an 85% disapproval rating.
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Some think Chris Christie’s tough guy style might be just what America needs against the Russians etc. But as of today it’s Nurse 1, Governor 0.
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The Crimson Tide Foundation, Alabama boosters, paid off Nick Saban’s $3.1 million home last year and are paying property taxes each year. Of course if the NONPROFIT foundation bought dinner for some players the kids would be suspended.
University of Florida coach Will Muschamp complained today. “Well, you’ve got to get home and explain to your 9-year-old why they’re chanting to fire your dad.” So guess Muschamp’s 9-year-old doesn’t watch the games?
NY Jets GM John Idzik said in rambling press conference he is not concerned about his job security. That’s it. Forget the team’s record, that statement alone says that Idzik is too dumb to be GM.
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Meanwhile, add Colt McCoy to a long list of QBs who appear to be better than Geno Smith.
#Cowboys release #MichaelSam and promptly lose to #Washington? Maybe God isn’t that upset with gays in the locker room? #Rainbowkarma
Who says #Dodgers & #SFGiants fans can’t get along?. I think we all were thrilled tonight to see the #Cowboys lose.
So if we’re quarantining threats to the public, when can we start quarantining firearms owners who haven’t taken classes in gun safety?
So you think your parents messed you up. An unidentified person posted an Instagram photo this weekend of a small child wearing a Ray Rice costume and dragging a doll. The caption “Greatest costume ever.” The picture has been taken down.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Alabama jokes, Chris Christie jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, SEC jokes, The Bachelor jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 27, 2014
The Reverend Hunter Pence, giving the field his pre-game blessing before World Series Game 5.
What was all this MVP chant late in game 5? Madison Bumgarner did go 0-4 tonight at the plate And he was not happy about it.
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And at one point tonight there was a nice play by Brandon Belt when Bumgarner forgot to cover first. Wonder if Madbum, a rancher in the off season, will offer Belt a cow as a thank you. #SFGiants. #WorldSeries
As a child fell seriously in love with baseball as #Detroit Tigers fan in 1968. So good to see #MADBUM channel #mickeylolich #WorldSeries
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Personally retired the “Automatic Out” nickname for #juanperez after the #NLDS. That nickname is now permanently retired. #Sfgiants #worldseries
Country singer Aaron Lewis forgot the words to the National Anthem tonight at A T& T Park, singing the second line as , “What so proudly we hailed were so gallantly streaming.” Jeff Passan of Yahoo Sports nailed this one. “For someone who has DON’T TREAD ON ME tattooed on his neck, Aaron Lewis might want to learn his national anthem before he tries it again.”
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Chicago DE Lamarr Houston injured himself celebrating a sack of New England’s backup QB in the 4th quarter of the Patriots’ rout of the Bears Sometimes the universe itself provides the best penalty for excessive celebration.
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The NFL has announced there will be 5 games in London next year. But NY Jets fans are asking if London will take all their remaining home games THIS year.
Michigan players put a spear into the field at Spartan Stadium before their 35-11 loss to MSU. Seems like the Wolverines might be better served by learning how to put the ball into the end zone.
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Breaking news, #NYJets fans ask Gov. Cuomo and Gov. Christie if they can quarantine #GenoSmith
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Jeb Bush’s son said today now it’s “more than likely” that his father will run for president in 2016. God Bless America. Thank goodness we don’t live in a banana republic where power is only in the hands of a few families.
Meanwhile, the New Orleans Saints staked their claim to be the best 3-4 team in the NFL, beating Green Bay 43-22. Though apparently both defenses took the night off – there were no punts by either team, the third time that’s happened in NFL history
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And now for a little sad perspective on the fact that it is after all just a game. St. Louis star rookie Oscar Taveras, dead in a car accident. Only 22 years old. He hit a game tying home run against the Giants in an NLCS game that the Cardinals ended up winning. His only postseason home run as it turned out. He and Juan Perez were good friends. Nice story here from Newsday.
http://www.newsday.com/sports/columnists/david-lennon/oscar-taveras-death-lessens-joy-of-world-series-1.9549640
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: bumgarner jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, madbum jokes, NFL jokes, World Series jokes
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October 26, 2014
SF Giants are undefeated in games in which Mo’Ne Davis throws out the first pitch.
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My Twitter post at 430p today…. Lucky guess? .#Stanford‘s moribund offense woke up today against #oregonstate. Maybe a good omen for #SFGiants offense. #WorldSeries”
So who figured that the SF Giants would outscore both LSU and Ole Miss tonight.
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World Series game four did last four hours exactly. Hope this isn’t an omen for game five.
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USA Today’s Bob Nightengale led his game 4 World Series story about the SF Giants’ win “Those loveable little, pesky cockroaches, you just can’t kill ’em.”
How long until they start selling stuffed cockroaches at A T & T Park.?
The Kansas City Royals had them trapped
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One weird thing at #WorldSeries. The out-of-town scoreboard is blank. #SFGiants
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Need a reason to root for the #SFGiants?. Apparently their being in the World Series upset Kanye West’s plans to take over AT&T park for a private concert as a birthday present for Kim Kardashian.
(as my friend Marty B. said, then it would be T &A ballpark.)
And after a great sports day with Stanford and SF Giants both winning, saw USC lose to Utah 24-21 on a touchdown pass with 8 seconds left. #asgoodasitgets
(although, to be fair. Oregon State alums who live in Kansas City with kids going to USC were not happy today.)
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New York’s LaGuardia Airport was the only one in America to make the top ten in a list of the “World’s Worst Airports”. And LaGuardia came in at 10th. Another way in which we’re losing U.S. exceptionalism?
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Stay classy, Texas. This tweet from Ted Cruz’s Deputy Chief of Staff, Nick Muzin, tweeted Thursday “Before Obamacare there had never been a confirmed case of Ebola in the United States.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: cockroach jokes, Janice Hough, Royals jokes, SF Giants jokes, Texas jokes, World Series jokes
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October 25, 2014
Oops. Broncos practice squad player John Boyett, arrested for public intoxication in Denver, told police to “contact my boss, John Elway.” Make that “former boss.” The Broncos cut him yesterday.
If you smoke, don’t text…. A Georgia man, apparenty running low on his supply, sent a text asking “You have some weed?” He accidentally sent the text to his probation officer….. Oops. He is now back behind bars.
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As a Stanford grad, really hated to be rooting against a Cardinal pitcher in the World Series. (Jeremy Guthrie) But life is a series of tough choices. #SFGiants.
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A home run in the 6th inning for Pablo Sandoval with 1 on and San Francisco down 1 run might have priced the Panda out of the Giants league in 2015 as a free agent. But would have been okay with it. #oneyearatatime
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Tampa Bay manager Joe Maddon exercised his opt-out clause with the Rays, and is rumored to be going to the Cubs. Maybe now that he’s turned 60, Maddon just wants to be sure of having Octobers off.
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ToysRUs removes Breaking Bad Action Figures from stores. At least parents can still buy wholesome Mortal Kombat figures & video games. #WTF?
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Shocking, we’ve actually found a depth that reality TV won’t sink to….TLC has cancelled “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” because Mama June is dating a recently released convicted child molester. (Of course, there’s still time for another network to pick the show up.)
Hell is freezing over. I agree with #haroldreynolds . He said “The National League is a better game.” #WorldSeries #SFGiants
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So a health worker arriving from West Africa with no symptoms has been quarantined for 21 days under a new mandatory policy announced by Governors Andrew Cuomo and Chris Christie. Meanwhile, at least one student plus alleged shooter dead in at a high school near Seattle. Think there will be any changes with gun control?
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So while we are freaking out about Ebola, a San Diego State student died Saturday from meningitis, which is also spread by close contact. And apparently this poor young woman was in a sorority and went to two frat parties a few days before she had symptoms…. But we aren’t quarantining Southern California, yet.
T. C. on American tobacco company RJ Reynolds instituting a no-smoking policy at all its offices. “In related news, the manufacturer of ex-lax has removed all the restrooms from its buildings.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: crooks are stupid jokes, Ebola jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, NFL jokes, ToysRUs jokes, World Series jokes
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October 23, 2014
Would really be worth watching the in-game interviews if one day some ball player snaps and just says “STFU with the stupid questions and let’s just watch the game.” #WorldSeries
On a brighter note for #SFGiants #Posey wasn’t thrown out again at the plate tonight. #WorldSeries
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Giants reliever Hunter Strickland got into a shouting match with Royals catcher Santiago Perez. FOX was really disappointed. Had it escalated into a full scale brawl ratings would have been better.
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But okay, . So before game 1, the Royals seemed to be clear favorites with a bullpen that made the 7-9th innings irrelevant. Then it was going to be a Giants sweep. Tonight “the pesky Kansas City Royals fought back from a Game 1 flop to beat the San Francisco Giants’ brilliant bullpen.” ESPN and FOX analysis makes Brett Favre look decisive.
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#whythereisnosatire In 2015, Camel cigarette maker Reynolds American Inc. will start prohibiting the use of cigarettes, cigars or pipes in the company’s offices, conference rooms and elevators.
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Safari bookings in Kenya have apparently dropped up to 70% because of Ebola fears. Despite the fact that Kenya is over 3000 miles from Liberia. This is as if overseas tourists started avoiding New York because of earthquake fears in California. #lookataglobepeople!
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The new President and COO of Norwegian Cruise line came from Darden, where he was COO of Olive Garden restaurants. Well, that ought to do wonders for the image of cruise ships having mediocre food.
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Who says football isn’t educational. The Florida Gators have replaced their starting QB with a true freshman. And a number of players now may learn the historical story behind the phrase “replacing deck chairs on the Titanic.
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The NCAA just stated that the Mo’ne Davis’s Chevy commercial won’t affect her amateur status should the 13 year old want to play college sports. The statement concludes “While this situation is unusual, the flexible approach utilized in this decision is not.” In other words, we want to be at least as fair to Mo’ne as we would be to an SEC Heisman winner.
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A judge ruled that Roger Goodell must testify at the hearing on Ray Rice’s appeal of his indefinite suspension. So that will settle it, when he gets asked direct questions, why would anyone doubt Goodell’s honesty?
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Kim Kardashian, in an interview with ES magazine on daughter North West ‘She will have to work for what she wants’, just like Kim herself did. And she said it with a straight face.
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-In Washington, D.C., a 22 year-old substitute teacher allegedly had sex with a football player student, 17, on her first day of school. Wow. And here some say substitutes can never match up to regular teachers.
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How can you really top some statements with a punchline? Fox News’ Kimberly Guilfoyle, saying that young women don’t have the proper “life experience” such as having kids and paying bills that allows older women to make informed decisions, whether in the voting booth or the courtroom. “They’re like healthy and hot and running around without a care in the world, so they should be “excused” so “they can go back on Tinder or Match.com.”
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From Bill Littlejohn “Report–Texas is to pay scholarship athletes 10K per year.Why the pay cut?”
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Finally on a serious note, one of those times you hope there is a hell. Because there should be a special circle of it for someone who shoots an unarmed soldier guarding a war memorial. #Ottawa.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Ebola jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, NCAA jokes. Mo'ne Davis jokes, Strickland jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 19, 2014
The Cowboys’ Joseph Randle, arrested for shoplifting underwear last week, has now signed an endorsement deal with MeUndies, an underwear company. So how long until Jameis Winston signs with Red Lobster?
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Open note to haters. If God really is anti-gay, then how to explain the team that signed Michael Sam to their practice squad having a better season than even their hard core fans could have imagined? #Cowboys
(And no, I am STILL not a Dallas fan. But credit where credit is due.)
Will all these people complaining about an 88 win team playing a 87 win team in the World Series please consider that the “better” MLB teams have a 2 and 16 record in the 2014 postseason against the Kansas City Royals and the SF Giants..
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The Keene, NH, Pumpkin Festival turned into a riot last night, and police had to use tear gas and pepper spray to disperse the crowd. So do we add pumpkin to the list of gateway drugs?.
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Peyton Manning threw his 508th career TD pass today, tying Brett Favre’s NFL record. Asked to comment, especially after watching some other QBs today, Favre responded “well, 508 is my total, so far.”
FSU coach Jimbo Fisher after beating Notre Dame. “This team has tremendous what I call ‘adversity tolerance.” Over-under on how many Seminoles players can spell “adversity tolerance”?
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On a brighter note these days, especially after last’s night debacle in Tempe, at least Stanford fans don’t have to worry any more about all those “David Shaw being lured to the NFL rumors.”
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But on the other hand, Notre Dame is upset because their game comes down to a controversial referee decision. And the rest of college football is trying not to giggle.
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Spain’s “Special Ebola Committee” says that the nurse aide who had contracted Ebola is now free of the virus. Although why should we let a little good news get in the way of serious hysteria.
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Here we go again, now it’s Rep. Peter King demanding Obama must immediately ban on anyone traveling from West African countries with Ebola to the USA. Now, first, there are visa issues. But if anyone IS in one of those countries who is either a U.S. citizen or has a green card or U.S visa, well, of course they wouldn’t think of buying two or more separate tickets to get around such a ban, would they?
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Meanwhile from Alex Kaseberg: ” The Canadian Ebola vaccine looks very promising. If Canada can rid themselves of Justin Bieber, they can get rid of anything.”
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R.I.P. Nashville songwriter Paul Craft, 76. He wrote for the Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, and Ray Stevens. And he did write the country song with perhaps the greatest title ever, “Dropkick me Jesus. (Through the Goalposts of Life.)
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, Ebola jokes, Jameis Winston jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Notre Dame joke, Peyton Manning jokes, pumpkin jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 19, 2014
And some people still think football players don’t need math skills. Tulane QB Nick Montana spiked the ball today near the end of the first half to stop the clock. On fourth down….. #Oops
Texas A&M QB Kenny Hill has filed for the trademark Kenny Trill, “Trill” apparently being a new word meaning “true and real.” So after today’s 59-0 blowout by Alabama does that mean it’s “true” that A&M is “real”ly over-rated?
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Notre Dame game winning TD against FSU called back for offensive pass interference. Guess the Fighting Irish couldn’t bring their own officiating crew from South Bend
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#WestVirginia upsets Baylor. And the Mountaineers will be getting flower deliveries from every one-loss #SEC school. #BAYvsWVU .
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Oklahoma’s star senior kicker Michael Hunnicutt missed a potential game winning 19 yd field goal, after missing a 32 yd attempt earlier, and having a extra point blocked. If the Sooners end up playing Stanford in a bowl there won’t be enough Maalox in the country for fans of both teams during place kicks.
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Although be careful what you wish for. No doubt many Stanford football fans were hoping tonight’s game against ASU wouldn’t come down to a field goal attempt by Jordan Williamson..
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Blake Griffin said he is frustrated over continued hard fouls, and “probably” will start retaliating if they continue. Could result in a big jump in Clippers’ TV ratings….
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So its now harder to vote than to buy a gun in #Texas.
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If seniors weren’t traditionally conservative voters have to figure Republicans would be trying to stop all this early voting in Florida. With the excuse that some percentage of these voters won’t still be alive on election day.
Interesting #FSUvsND matchup, One QB coming off a year’s suspension, another looking like he deserves one.
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President Obama today on Ebola “This is a serious disease, but we can’t give in to hysteria or fear — because that only makes it harder to get people the accurate information they need. We have to be guided by the science.” Science? Really? That’s it. Now FOX News is really convinced the President isn’t a real American.
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Spectacular. According to Texas’s new Voter ID laws, a veteran’s ID or student ID will NOT be acceptable as identification, even with photos on them. A concealed handgun license IS acceptable. Can we just let them secede NOW?
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For all those who think baseball is boring, thanks to Dwight Perry for this from Vox.com – The breakdown of a Cincinnati-New England televised NFL game on Oct 6::
. Players standing around between plays: 35.5 percent
• Commercials: 24.5 percent
• Replays: 10.7 percent
• Coach shots: 4.9 percent
• Referee shots: 3.2 percent
• Halftime: 3.2 percent
• Sideline player shots: 2.2 percent
• On-screen promotions: 2 percent
• Other (crowd shots, cheerleaders): 5.5 percent
Actual football being played? 8.3 percent.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: BCS jokes, college football jokes, Janice Hough, Notre Dame jokes, Obama jokes, SEC jokes, Stanford jokes, Texas jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
