Archive for the ‘GOP jokes’ category
February 21, 2017
Lakers President #JeannieBuss fired her brother today. Well, at least they have 9 months to get over it before Thanksgiving.
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Magic Johnson has now been promoted to president of basketball operations for the Lakers. Of course what the team really needs is a vintage Magic PLAYING for the Lakers.
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Don’t get me wrong, I love Magic Johnson. But how about all those those NBA titles Michael Jordan won as an owner?
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MLB may change the intentional walk rule for 2017 to allow for a dugout signal instead of four actual pitches out of the strike zone So if a manager changes pitchers, then a pinch-hitter results in the decision for an IBB a relief pitcher could lose the game without throwing the ball once.
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Sammy Sosa, who still denies taking PEDs, told a Cubs employee in an interview ““It’s like Jesus Christ when he came to Jerusalem. Everybody thought Jesus Christ was a witch, and he was our savior. So if they talk s–t about Jesus Christ, what about me? Are you kidding me?”
Uh, if Sosa’s mentioning Jesus shouldn’t it be less a comparison and more like “Jesus wept?”
A-Rod says there is a “zero percent” chance he will play major league baseball again. “So you are saying there’s a chance?”
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A hearing underway to determine if a then 71-year old man can use the “Stand Your Ground” defense for fatally shooting a 43-year old man 3 years ago in a movie theater. Apparently the shooter, a retired cop, had told the younger man to stop texting, and during the argument the victim threw popcorn at him.
Yeah, did you have to ask? Florida.
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My friend Pat found this quote during a Parliamentary debate on whether or not to allow Trump a State visit to England, Paul Flynn of the Labour Party said ” the President’s intelligence level is protozoan”.
Only problem, Trump probably thinks “protozoan” is a compliment.
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Clearly what Trump meant to say when he criticized Obama is that a President should only play golf on courses he owns.
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#ChrisBrown‘s latest ex has had restraining order filed against him for alleged abuse. Congrats to all those who had 2/21/2017 in the pool.
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Milo Yiannopoulos has “resigned” from Breitbart, “effective immediately.” So guess there really was a floor after all on “How low can you go?
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The DOJ reports a Missouri man, Robert Hester, was charged after allegedly trying to launch a terrorist attack in the U.S. supporting ISIS (Fortunately, he was working with undercover law enforcement personnel instead of real terrorists.
Hester is a U.S. Citizen, born in Missouri. Yeah, those refugee and other visa bans are really going to keep us safe….
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“When he said that the fake news media is not my enemy, it’s the enemy of the American people, I believe that crosses an important line. It’s a different thing when it’s a president — because if it’s a president you like trying to talk about the press being the enemy of the people, then it’s going to be a president you don’t like saying the same thing. And that’s very dangerous.”
Another commie-pinko attacking Trump? Nope. Chris Wallace of Fox News.’
So Trump is now tweeting angrily that “The so-called angry crowds in home districts of some Republicans are actually, in numerous cases, planned out by liberal activists. Sad!”
But everyone who shows up at his rallies is a hard-working decent American patriot. Got it.
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In all seriousness, if one of the best ways to fight terrorism is for members of the community to come forward – “If you see something say something” – but coming forward might now get you deported, isn’t Trump working on making America much LESS safe?
Same people accusing media of inciting fear among immigrants and foreign-looking Americans with random stories of deportation seem to have no problem with Trump and company inciting fear with random and often fake stories of terrorism
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: immigrant jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Magic johnson jokes, media jokes, trumo jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
February 15, 2017
Tiger Woods is 20-1 in Las Vegas to win a major in 2017. A major what?
Texas Gov. Greg Abbott is upset that the NFL might not award future Super Bowls to the state if an anti-transgender bathroom bill passes: “The NFL needs to concentrate on playing football and get the heck out of politics.”
Uh huh. Just guessing most Texans would go for rainbow pins and unisex bathrooms if the alternative is giving up any football.
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At a Louisiana high school, Alabama has been banned from campus because of “unethical football recruiting practices.” I’m sure it’s just coincidence that the school is in Baton Rouge. (home of LSU)
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Trump says that unlike President Obama he is not going to publicly fill out a March Madness bracket. But no doubt he will tell us after the tournament that of course he picked all the winners. A perfect score, the best ever.
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Apparently quite a number of celebrities have volunteered to play Trump aides on SNL. The show is getting to be almost as cool again for a cameo as the Simpsons. (or decades ago, Batman.)
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Senate voted to block Obama rule prohibiting people w/ serious mental disorders from buying guns. What could go wrong?
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All these headlines “Andrew Puzder withdraws” Too bad Frederick Trump didn’t.
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Andrew Puzder, who according to CBS News told friends he was “very tired of the abuse” he was getting, is withdrawing his nomination as Labor Secretary. Great choice of words for a man who admitted to employing an undocumented housekeeper and has been accused of domestic violence against his ex-wife.
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Who knew an act of resistance might become simply buying a copy of the @NYTimes or @washingtonpost?
Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria is being considered for ambassador to France. Tonight Jared Kushner’s father Charles, a convicted felon who’s served prison time, said his family has decided not to try to buy the team.
So at least for now, MLB remains a Trump-free zone. #smallmercies
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Trump is now tweeting that NSA &d FBI are “just like Russia.” Well that ought to improve his relations with the intelligence community.
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Well, well, well… someone finally remembered where he put his backbone – John McCain says he will oppose confirmation of Trump budget nominee Mick Mulvaney
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As of Oct. 2015, there were 8 investigations into Benghazi. Led by same people who don’t think it’s worth spending time on Russia & election
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GOP Reps. Jason Chaffetz and Bob Goodlatte today asked the Inspector General to “begin an immediate investigation into whether classified information was mishandled” with the leaks that led to Michael Flynn’s resignation.
Funny, I missed their outrage when Trump asked Russia to find Hillary’s missing emails.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Janice Hough, March madness jokes, puzder jokes, SNL jokes, Tiger jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
February 8, 2017
Patriots RB James White says he doesn’t know what happened to the football he scored the winning touchdown with in Super Bowl 51. “I actually don’t know what I did with it. I left it on the ground and started running.”
Well, at least there’s no way for the NFL to check if the ball was deflated.
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Falcons have picked interim Crimson Tide offensive coordinator Steve Sarkisian as their new OC. Does Atlanta know Alabama was winless in the Sarkisian area?
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Golden State Warriors are rewarding their loyal season ticket holders with a 15-25% price increase next season. But just imagine how inexpensive 2017-2018 tickets will seem compared to those in the new SF arena.
A United Airlines flight from San Francisco to Kauai today developed autopilot problems and circled for hours before landing back at SFO more than 3 hours after takeoff. Now for the really important question, did passengers get extra miles for all that circling?
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Hate to say it but #DeVos incompetency might limit her damage. What if Trump replaced her w/ smarter person w/ same view
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While we’re changing all the rules in this country can we eliminate the 22nd amendment?
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Trump this morning starts out a tweet with “I don’t know Putin, have no deals in Russia….” Does he type these with a straight face?
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Trump tweeted today that he doesn’t know Putin. But in a 2013 MSNBC interview he said “I do have a relationship” with Putin.
No wonder Trump hates the media; they have this bad habit of reporting on what he says.
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So Betsy Devos is now our Secretary of Education. Yeah, maybe our schools have been wrong in teaching children about the value of study and hard work as far as getting ahead. They should be teaching “How to marry a billionaire.”
Would be interesting to see how many Senators actually went or sent their children to public schools. #DeVosvote
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Don’t just get mad, VOTE. Especially in school board elections. #DeVosvote
This, ladies and gentlemen, is what happens when you elect a reality TV star to Congress. Wisconsin Rep. Sean Duffy (The Real Life: Boston, & Road Rules): “Look at Gabby Giffords. The Marxist, who took her life, a leftist guy, and now you see violence and terror in the streets all across America.
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So Green Eggs and Ham is acceptable reading on the Senate floor but a letter from Coretta Scott King is not? #WTF?
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Trump thinks “California is out of control.” Where do I get the “Out of Control Nasty California Woman T-Shirt”?
Or – “She was warned. She was given an explanation. Nevertheless, she persisted,” Where’s the t-shirt? I want one of those too.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Trump jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, devos, devos jokes, Janice Hough, nasty woman, Patriots jokes, Warren jokes, Warriors jokes
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February 6, 2017
Another reason baseball is the best sport. When the World Series game 7 was tied after regulation, both teams got a turn to bat.
SF 49ers fans should relax w/ Kyle Shanahan. Not like the 2017 team is going to have many 25 point leads to blow.
Clydesdales were originally bred in Scotland. Maybe that’s why there was no “aww” story this year. Budweiser was afraid they’d be accused of taking jobs away from real American horses.
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Wonder how many craft-beer liberals are buying Budweiser & Bud Light for the first time ever this week? #boycottbudweiser
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Tom Brady still can’t find his Super Bowl jersey. Anyone asked Putin?
Now the lieutenant governor of Texas has asked the Texas Rangers to join in Houston PD to help find Tom Brady’s missing Super Bowl jersey. How long until this gets blamed on a member of the liberal media?
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If Tom Brady really is GOAT can we give an assist to Pete Carroll and Kyle Shanahan’s 4th quarter Super Bowl play calling?
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On a brighter note, some children in Africa this am can trade in their Indians World Champions shirts for some shiny new Falcons ones.
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MLB is proposing to raise lower part of strike zone to the top of the hitter’s knees, from its current “the hollow beneath the kneecap.” Pitchers are thinking fine, if they actually start calling strikes above the waist.
We learned one thing this weekend. Sean Spicer can take a joke a lot better than his boss.
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George H.W. Bush got a standing ovation today before #SuperBowl. But heck, compared to the current White House occupant, George W. would get a standing ovation.
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A Jacksonville woman is being sought by police for performing oral sex on a man and posting it to social media. The alleged act took place at the county courthouse. Back on your game, Florida.
Americans have to be wishing Trump was half as focused on Serious issues facing this country as he is on the NY Times.
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In a 2004 book called “The Librarian,” by Larry Beinhart, author of “Wag the Dog,” there’s a right-wing conspiracy backing an ineffectual president. They try to create a terrorist act to keep him in power for a 2nd term. Scary book. Glad it’s only fiction….
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Rep. Matt Gaetz from Ft. Walton Beach, introduced a bill to dissolve the EPA. I trust Gaetz also feels it would be a waste of money for the Feds to spend any money the next time Florida has any oil spills or other environmental disasters.
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Obama – Christians did bad things “in the name of Christ.” GOP outrage. Trump-“You think our country’s so innocent.” GOP crickets #WTF?.
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Trump terrorism speech “All over Europe it’s happening. It’s gotten to point where it’s not even being reported. Like #BowlingGreenMassacre?
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Some of this stuff you just can’t make up. Melania Trump has a lawsuit against the UK Daily Mail for libel, and the paper has published a retraction of rumors that she worked as an escort. Okay, so far so good, and it’s understandable the First Lady would be upset.
BUT, her lawyer claims “plaintiff had the unique, once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, as an extremely famous and well-known person … to launch a broad-based commercial brand in multiple product categories, each of which could have garnered multi-million dollar business relationships for a multi-year term during which plaintiff is one of the most photographed women in the world.”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Brady jokes, Budweiser jokes, clydesdale jokes, Florida jokes, melania jokes, shanahan jokes, Super Bowl Jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
February 5, 2017
So did that extra month of rest Roger Goodell gave Tom Brady this year make a difference down the stretch of #SB51?
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In the 4th quarter Brady and the Patriots went through Atlanta faster than anyone not named Sherman.
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At least @warriors fans can rest easy knowing their team will no longer win the ESPY for greatest postseason choke job in the last year.
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But really, what’s with these collapses, the Warriors, the Indians, the Falcons. At this point maybe we should all plan to bet on whoever goes down 3-0 in this year’s Stanley Cup Finals.
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You’d think after watching Pete Carroll that the Falcons would have learned the lesson, when you’ve got the game won late, run the damn ball.
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Wonder how long it took Matt Ryan to realize that a couple V for Victory formations and a field goal would have iced this game? #Superbowl
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Avocados from Mexico commercial. Waiting for the Trump rebuttal.
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But where were the Clydesdales tonight? I blame Trump
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Cant wait for Sean Spicer to congratulate the Patriots tomorrow on the largest margin of victory in Super Bowl history.
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Really? Trump’s latest tweet “Just cannot believe a judge would put our country in such peril. If something happens blame him and court system. People pouring in. Bad!”
So who do we blame for Quebec City, (yes, I know that’s Canada) Charleston, Aurora? And the other over 12,000 Americans killed last year by gun violence?
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VP Pence said today White House considering removing sanctions against Russia. Congrats to all those who had Feb 5 in the pool.
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As some attacked idea of liberals rooting for a team from a Red State, can we remember that #JimmyCarter is from Georgia. #Falcons #Superbowl
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Just guessing we can add #MelissaMcCarthy to list of actors who won’t be invited to any Trump state dinners.
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No tweets from the President over last night’s @SNL. Is @realDonaldTrump sick? Or did someone hide his phone?
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Protest in Palm Beach last night were nonviolent but apparently disturbing to Trump at his Florida gala tonight titled “Vienna to Versailles’
Not perhaps as disturbing as it might have been had the President read his history on Versailles.
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From Marc Ragovin “President Trump just congratulated the New Jersey Generals on winning their eighth Super Bowl.”
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Brady jokes, choke jokes, sb51 jokes, Super Bowl, super bowl commercial jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
January 30, 2017
That moment when you turn on sports talk radio for comparatively calm and reasonable conversation. #trumpweek1
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OKC’s Enes Kanter says he apologized to his teammates after breaking his arm by punching a chair during a game with Dallas last week. But did he apologize to the chair?
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On a lighter note, because we need some of those these days, Serena Williams is a damn good tennis player.
On another lighter note, who did the Clippers think they are tonight, the Lakers?
And he’s adorable too. So jealous.
Nikki Haley, saying that at the UN, we will “show our strength, show our voice, have the backs of our allies and make sure that our allies have our back as well, For those that don’t have our back, we’re taking names…”
Of course, the way things are going, the US could have a lot fewer allies to worry about.
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Yeah, there are some truly terrifying men in the world today. How long until some country decides to put in an American ban? Or specifically orange Americans?
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Dr Gholam A. Peyman, born in Iran, US resident since 1970s, invented LASIK. Can we ban Trump supporters from having the surgery? #Muslimban
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A Thailand court sentenced man to 11 yrs in prison for posting material online judged “insulting” to monarchy. Scary. Hope Trump didn’t see it.
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Iran’s Asghar Farhadi is nominated for best foreign film, now may not be able to attend Oscars until he gets some sort of a waiver, fast. Can Meryl Streep accept for him, with speech time?
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Trump has given Steve Bannon of Breitbart News a seat on the National Security Council. I’m ready for Bobby to come out of the shower now.
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Federal Judge Ann Donnelly temporarily blocked President Trump’s Executive Order on refugees with an emergency ruling that applies to detainees already in the United States, or those mid-flight. She said that sending the refugees home now could cause them “irreparable harm.”
Standby for Trump’s tweet calling for removing Donnelly from the bench in 3.2.1….
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Just wondering, what happens with flight attendants from the 7 banned countries? #malicewithoutaforethought
A rare serious thought for a change. Ok, I understand that there are threats that many US civilians don’t understand and so there may be more reasons we don’t know behind Trump’s executive order about citizens of some Muslim countries.
On the other hand, when we live in difficult and nuanced times, what stands out to me is that this EO was dashed off with all the calm reasoned well-thought-out logic of a 3 am Twitter post.
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Categories: airline jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: breitbart jokes, Janice Hough, muslim ban jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
January 11, 2017
Cavaliers put up as much a fight against Trailblazers tonight as media did today against President-Elect in Trump Press Conference.
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So apparently the Chargers are planning to move to Los Angeles. Sad for San Diego. But LA’s best chance for serious post-season football will still be the USC Trojans.
#LAChargers haven’t even started playing yet and already on their way to giving #Cowboys run for their money as America’s most hated team.
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Just before last year’s Fiesta Bowl, Ezekiel Elliott was cited for three misdemeanor traffic charges in Ohio including driving with a suspended license after his car hit another vehicle, resulting in minor injuries to one passenger. This after several speeding tickets. And today no one was injured after he apparently ran into another car near Dallas.
Thinking just maybe the Cowboys might want to invest in a car and driver?
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Former SF Giants closer Santiago Casilla is apparently nearing a deal with the Oakland As. Good for him. At least he won’t have to deal with any postseason pressure.
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Taco Bell this month is rolling out their fried chicken taco nationwide – the taco shell is made out of fried chicken, then it’s filled with lettuce, tomatoes, cheddar cheese and avocado ranch sauce.
So for all those fearing the end of the world, here’s one more option to decrease your chances of being around to see it.
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Donald Trump on Twitter today “Russia has never tried to use leverage over me. I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH RUSSIA – NO DEALS, NO LOANS, NO NOTHING!”
He’s going to break his keyboard hitting the “CapsLock” so hard:
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Hell is freezing over: “Though we at Fox News cannot confirm CNN’s report, it is our observation that its correspondents followed journalistic standards Neither they, nor any other journalists, should be subjected to belittling and delegitimizing by the president-elect of the United States.”
Standing up for journalists in general? Or are the folks at Fox just worried that they will be the next as seen to be too liberal for Trump?
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Unreal. From the sooner to be Tweeter-in-Chief : “Intelligence agencies should never have allowed this fake news to “leak” into the public. One last shot at me.Are we living in Nazi Germany?
Right, because the worst thing about living Nazi Germany was being accused of cavorting with prostitutes. Not to mention that he is complaining about a story involving showers.
Even the bus to hell breaks down on this one.
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Would be truly Machiavellian to come up and leak an over-the-top faked story that could be easily disproved, and use that as an excuse to discredit ALL the rest of the bad stories, many of which are actually true. But can’t imagine that a President and his team would stoop so low…… #goldenshowers #sarcasm
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A BBC correspondent now says there are “multiple intelligence sources” alleging Russia has potentially embarrassing or compromising material on Trump.
Standby for tweets comparing the “over-rated” BBC to Buzzfeed in 3.2.1…..
That moment when you realize #MarcoRubio is now the conscience of the GOP?!!
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He’s comedy gold every day, but I’d rather be struggling to write pantsuits jokes. #TrumpPressConference
Categories: GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #trumppressconference, Chargers jokes, CNN jokes, golden shower jokes, Janice Hough
Comments: 2 Comments
January 9, 2017
Only bad thing about Clemson’s amazing win is that somewhere Lane Kiffin is smirking.
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At the end, only thing that could have saved #Alabama & #NickSaban was the #Stanford band. #NationalChampionship
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The National Championship was close to 4 hours long with over 4 minutes left in 4th. Even Yankees and Red Sox were saying “guys, speed it up already.”
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Steelers assistant coach Joey Porter was arrested last night outside a Pittsburgh bar after allegedly assaulting the doorman. Porter is charged with aggravated assault, simple assault, resisting arrest, public drunkenness and disorderly conduct.
Wow.. Imagine what might have happened if Pittsburgh actually lost.
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On a brighter note for the #Raiders, their 13 point loss to the #Texans was the closest game of Wild Card weekend. @espn
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Tom Brady about the upcoming game with the Texans “There is nothing easy about this game for our offense.” He had the grace not to add “our defense, however, is salivating.”
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Early this morning @realDonaldTrump called #MerylStreep “over-rated.” So congratulations to all those who had “about 8 hours” in the pool.
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So if any country wants to launch attack on USA during Trump’s presidency, guess they just need the distraction of a celebrity insulting him.
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Marissa Mayer apparently will resign from Yahoo when the sale to Verizon is finalized. Will Mayer then run for office in California touting her business experience?
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John Kerry issued a formal State Department apology today for “decades of discrimination against LGBT employees and job applicants.”
Waiting for the House GOP rebuttal.
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Donald Trump has fired Charlie Brotman, 88, the Inaugural parade announcer for every President back to Eisenhower in 1957, and replaced him with a 58-year-old volunteer.
Anyone known one of those male cats who gets introduced to a new home and has to urinate in EVERY single corner to mark his territory?
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Trump hurting a lot of feelings w/ his inaugural parade. He fires 88-year-old announcer, then tells Chris Christie he can’t be a float.
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Trump’s now to officially name son-in-law Jared Kushner as a senior White House advisor per @NBCNews “#IfthePresidentdoesititisnotillegal
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An Emirates Air flight from from Muscat, Oman to Dubai was cancelled yesterday after baggage handlers found a loose snake on board. Wonder how they decided the snake was loose – if it was female maybe it wasn’t wearing a hijab?.
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Trump met today with the chair of Alibaba. The Chinese company was placed back last month on a list of counterfeit marketplaces by the United States Trade Representative over selling fake and pirated goods. But maybe Trump isn’t worried, figuring no one would want to make knock-off Trump branded merchandise.
Monica Crowley, Trump’s choice for director of communications for the National Security Council, was recently accused of many instances of plagiarism in her 2012 book, and in a 1999 Wall Street Journal article. Now Politico says they have found several more instances of plagiarism in her dissertation.
Maybe Crowley doesn’t want to the NSC job, but rather to be Melania’s speechwriter.
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Kellyanne Conway complained today about Democrats calling for an independent bipartisan commission to investigate election allegations about Russa. “It’s curious and a little bit humorous that Democrats would talk about anything bipartisan … given how they have vowed to obstruct everything we do.”
Just wondering, where was Kellyanne’s outrage when Mitch McConnell in January 2009 vowed to make Obama a one-term president?
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The convicted Charleston mass murderer (yes, I am deliberately not using his name), asked the judge in his death penalty trial not to allow the prosecution to use words like “evil.”
Uh, actually while the word is overused, seems like this is one of those times “evil” is completely appropriate.
Categories: GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: clemson jokes, inaugural jokes, Janice Hough, Kiffin jokes, meryl streep jokes, national championship jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
December 17, 2016
Looking at US weather this weekend makes me wish not quite so many people would have said “Hell will freeze over before Trump is elected.”
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Trump tweeted China’s seizure of U.S. research drone was #unpresidented. Actually #Unpresidented is what Dems would like to make Trump
A video of Oklahoma Joe Mixon hitting a woman in 2014 has been released. The running back is the top rusher on the team and a projected top draft pick. But guessing Mixon won’t get the Ray Rice treatment. Because while both apologized, Joe, 20, is still heading for the top of his game, and Rice was already on the downside.
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#Minnesota players ended boycott & so the team will play in #HolidayBowl. Wonder what persuasion school used? Average Dec. temp in San Diego vs Minn?
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Trump tweeted China’s seizure of U.S. research drone was #unpresidented. Actually #Unpresidented is what Dems would like to make Trump
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China says they will return the U.S. Navy underwater drone it captured in the South China Sea. Just as soon as they figure out how to copy it and make the drone for 1/10 the price.
Vanity Fair says they sold a record 13,000 subscriptions the day after Trump said the magazine was “dead” after they slammed his restaurant.
In related news, dozens of U.S. newspapers made plans to send their snarkiest reporters to review Trump Grill.
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In Corpus Christi, at least 4 people are sick probably because of exposure to contaminated water But hey, who needs the EPA going forward.
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RIP Henry Heimlich. Sad, but he did make it to 96. So hope his friends and family aren’t too choked up about it.
Among many reasons to live on West Coast is ability with social media to know in advance whether @SNL is worth staying up for..
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Many Americans voted against Hillary & Jeb because they were against political dynasties. Now w/ Trump’s kids we get dynasty in real time.
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Depending on location, journalists average $24-70,000 yearly salary. Trump & most of Cabinet are millionaires & billionaires. So who’s the elite here?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: china jokes, drone jokes, epa jokes, Janice Hough, mixon jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
November 7, 2016
Some bipartisan good news on this pre-election weekend. It is now less than 100 days until pitchers & catchers report. #SpringTraining #MLB
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The over-under on @Saints @49ers today was 53. Has anyone in Vegas watched New Orleans offense AND defense play?
Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce was ejected today after throwing a towel at an officlal. Had Kelce hit the guy he might have received an offer to QB the Browns.
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Former SF 49ers coach Mike Nolan “You could do a lot worse” than Trent Baalke in picking players. Even Cleveland Browns fans are going “Really?”
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A Swiss chocolate maker has created a new “Frauenmond” bar with herbs that is supposed to help with menstrual cramps and lift women’s moods during their periods. Well, chocolate has long been known to help at “that time of month.” As long as men get out of the way and let women have it.
Apparently the protestor who so scared everyone at the Trump rally in Reno had broken a “no private signs” rule. Figures. Trump is a huge defender of the 2nd amendment. But he’s not so big on the 1st.
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Nancy Pelosi came out today in favor of a California proposition to legalize marijuana. And a lot of regular users are thinking, isn’t this a bit late for next month’s election?
I liked Gilda Radner’s Roseanne Roseannadana’s act much better than #FBI director Jim #Comey‘s. #NeverMind
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Even though the gun rumor was quickly debunked, Donald Trump Jr and Trump’s social media director tweeted last night about an assassination attempt. Because maybe they thought everyone at a Trump rally SHOULD have a gun?
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Lots of last minute political fundraising emails, as if there’s time for mailers, hiring staff or even finding 30 seconds of air time to buy?
With this email mess, #JimComey might have gotten more hatred from Democrats AND Republicans in D.C. than anyone not named Dan Snyder.
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Trump’s aides have apparently taken away his Twitter access until Tuesday. And now the Twitter site was down Sunday night. Coincidence? “If I can’t tweet, nobody tweets”
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Re Trump ban on private signs at rallies: could anyone write anything more offensive than some of the things he actually says?
Donald Trump has done a faster 180 degree turn around on how he feels about FBI Director Jim Comey than about anyone he hasn’t married.
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With all talk about #DNCLeak2 good time for #RNC to release their emails, prove how honorable they are by comparison?
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and a post World Series comment from Marc Ragovin: “World Chess Federation officials are concerned about a possible lack of interest in the upcoming championship tournament because a typical game can take up to six hours to complete. “Amateurs,” said Major League Baseball.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, chocolate jokes, election jokes, fbi jokes, Janice Hough, Saints jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 5, 2016
#Washington played well against #Cal, but not sure how many East Coast media saw as the 2nd half started at 1250a East Coast time. On the night Daylight Saving Time ends. Should they have promoted it as “Turn Back the Clock Night?”
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Oregon’s football program has fallen so far so fast that they may change their mascot from Donald Duck to Mickey Mouse. #Pac12 @espn
Cubs backup catcher Miguel Montero, complaining about the World Series: “It was different for me. It was a different emotion because I didn’t get a chance to play. I was a little disappointed, to be honest, because I felt like I did a good job in the regular season but was left out a little bit.”
Thinking maybe Chicago should trade Montero to say, San Diego or Minnesota where the regular season is all he’ll have to worry about.
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ESPN reports that in Oregon Phil Knight might pay over $10 million a year for a football coach, in the hopes of finally winning the College Football Championship. Well, former Ducks coach Chip Kelly is almost certainly available.
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#YoenisCespedes is opting for free agency. So wonder which jersey he’ll temporarily wear this year?
Texas A&M lost to Mississippi State. Could be tough for the College Football Playoff committee – Which one-loss SEC team will they put ahead of Washington this week?
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Election night may set record for US alcohol consumption. Only ? for most Americans -what they will drink @HillaryClinton @realDonaldTrump
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The Associated Press reported yesterday that Melania Trump was paid for 10 modeling jobs in the U.S. before she was legally able to work in the U.S.
So guess the AP’s now on the Donald’s list. Another reason not to put Trump in the White House, he’s running out of press that he’d be willing to give credentials to….
If @realDonaldTrump really wants to attack @HillaryClinton on leaked emails he should release his own emails to show how pure HIS campaign is.
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For all that @realDonaldTrump likes to rag on @HillaryClinton as a Senator, easy to forget she was re-elected with 67 percent of vote.
A man with a “Republicans Against Trump” sign was handcuffed and taken away from a Reno Trump rally today. No weapon was found. Already the Donald’s supporters are painting him as a Hillary supporter bent on assassination. Waiting for the morning when no doubt it will alleged be that Hillary paid him herself to shoot Trump.
Swing state voters who NEED to protest vote: please do it on Dancing w/ the Stars or something. Only 2 real choices for President & it matters.
From T.C. M GM Theo Epstein has now guided the Red Sox and Cubs to World Series wins, snapping the 2 longest droughts in baseball championship history. In related news, the Toronto Maple Leafs are trying to hire him.
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: election jokes, election night jokes, Janice Hough, Oregon jokes, protest vote jokes, reno jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 3, 2016
World Series Game 7 was moved up 8 minutes from a 5:08pm to a 5:00pm start, ostensibly to try to get it over before the rain came. Had it started at the scheduled time, that rain delay, instead of giving the Cubs a chance to regroup, would have happened before the bottom of the 9th, possibly meaning Chapman could not have pitched, certainly giving him more time to stew about the blown save.
Hmm, Hillary Clinton is a Cubs fan, where’s the Congressional investigation?
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So if #SFGiants really want to win #WorldSeries again in 2017, maybe they don’t need to sign a closer, just another ex -Oakland A or two..
Time to start a pool on how much Roger Goodell fines Richard Sherman for this one? “The league isn’t fun anymore….they say we’re trying to influence kids, and that’s their biggest thing. That’s their biggest ploy is you don’t want to be a bad influence to kids. You don’t want to be a bad role model. And I can agree with that. But in the same breath, you can’t say Budweiser is the official sponsor of the NFL, and we’re trying to influence kids. ”
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And on the league talking about player safety “That’s for public perception. They don’t care about player safety. But they do care about paying the quarterback $20 million and him missing a season. They do care about that.” #whenShermanisrightheisright
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Lots of outrage on the internet because Neiman Marcus is selling precooked, ready-to-heat-and-serve collard greens for $66. Even Whole Foods is stunned. They would have charged $99.
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A Mississippi lawyer is suing Popeyes after he says he choked on a piece of fried chicken. His claim is that because the restaurant didn’t give him a knife, he had to eat the chicken with his hands instead of cutting it into bite-size pieces.
Uh, how about suing his parents, who didn’t teach him how to chew?
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#MelaniaTrump gave a speech today about cyber bullying. This is like #BillClinton giving a speech on marital fidelity.
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#MelaniaTrump today “Our culture has gotten too mean.” Sounds like she pays as much attention to what her husband says as #MikePence does.
Ted Cruz, who famously said at the RNC convention “Vote your conscience,” is now stumping for Donald Trump. But it’s not as Ted is contradicting himself on conscience – he doesn’t have one.
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Interesting election side note: Both Hillary Clinton nor Donald Trump have detractors, and neither are beloved in their own parties, But while many big names in the GOP have publicly turned on Trump, no major Democrat that I can think of has turned on Hillary. And as a life-long Democrat, I can tell you, it’s NOT because we’re the organized party.
From an anonymous friend about bipartisan pre-election “inner peace..
“A doctor on TV said that in order to have inner peace in our lives during this political season, we should always finish things that we start. Since we all could use more calm in our lives, I looked around my house to find things I’d started & hadn’t finished.
I finished a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, tha mainder of Valiuminun scriptins, an a box a choclutz. Yu hav no idr how fablus I feel rite now.
Sned this to all ur frenz who need inner piss. An telum u luvum.”
From Bill Littlejohn: “In the wake of the Cubs’ World Series title, scholars say that at least 45% of the prophecies of Nastrodamus will have to be researched and re-interpreted”
Categories: football jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: election jokes, Goodell jokes, Janice Hough, melania jokes, Oakland As jokes, SF Giants jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
October 25, 2016
So maybe Golden State Warriors don’t want pressure of an undefeated season? Or maybe Greg Popovich is a very very good coach
And maybe Spurs assistant coach Becky Hammon, who was head coach of the Spurs D-league in 2014 when Jonathan Simmons took MVP honors 2014, is also a pretty good coach.
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Big night in sports. #WorldSeries began for MLB. And the NBA started the 82-game second phase of their preseason.
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World Series started tonight. Maybe if MLB actually showed some regular season games and put the playoffs on network television, millions of Americans might be able to name at least one Cleveland Indian.
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#CarlosSantana starting at DH for @Indians. Casual fans thinking shouldn’t he play anthem instead & isn’t he kind of old. #WorldSeries
So for a while tonight it was looking like it was not just Bruce Bochy who might have pulled a star starter in playoffs too early.
But reliever Andrew Miller, with a 3 run lead, got the tying run to the plate in the 7th and 8th innings… and got out of it both times. What a concept. #SFGiants #Sigh
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The NY Giants have released kicker Josh Brown, saying that “Our beliefs, our judgments and our decisions were misguided.”
Translation, we never believed those documents would be made public.
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In select markets, #Arby’s announced they will begin testing venison sandwiches in select markets. Oh, deer.
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Tuesday was #NationalPassiveAggressive day. Fine, whatever.
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Barack Obama on Jimmy Kimmel last night “What I don’t do is at 3 a.m. I don’t tweet about people who insulted me. I try to sleep so that in the morning I’m actually ready for a crisis.”
Waiting for the Donald tonight at 3 a.m. to insult the President’s stamina.
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Glenn Beck just said he thinks Donald Trump is a sociopath. Well, the pot SHOULD be a kettle expert.
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A new White House executive action will require airlines to refund baggage fees for delayed baggage. Seems reasonable. Wonder how much airlines will raise fees to cover it.
A British Airways flight from San Francisco to London made an emergency landing in Vancouver after the entire crew, including the pilot, became ill. Did they all have the fish? #Ahospitalwhatisit? #surelyyoucantbeserious
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Justin Timberlake posted a selfie of himself doing early voting wth a covered up ballot, urging people to vote. But pictures in polling places are illegal in Tennessee. The horror. Trump claiming election fraud in 3.2.1…..
After Megyn Kelly told Newt Gingrich people have a right to hear reporting on women accusing Trump of being a “sexual predator, ” Gingrich actually shouted “You are fascinated with sex and you don’t care about public policy!”
Well, that should help with the women’s vote.
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Trump told Reuters today as President he would not put any Democrats in his cabinet. Which could be tough. Not sure the Donald could find enough Republicans he hasn’t mortally offended.
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Colin Powell today announced ““I am voting for Hillary Clinton.” Waiting for attack tweets from #DonaldTrump against Powell in 3.2.1….
My boat would have been huge, the best, that shark would have been sushi. Only losers get eaten. #TrumpaHorrorMovie
He had very small hands. I ate them with fava beans & the bestest Chianti. #TrumpAHorrorMovie.
From Mark Ricklis “Have you seen the new Trump website? Grope-on.”
Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: andrew miller jokes, arby's jokes, indians jokes, Janice Hough, josh brown jokes, Popovich jokes, Spurs jokes, Warriors jokes, World Series joke
Comments: 1 Comment
October 19, 2016
So a close call at the plate in the Dodgers Cubs game got millions of Americans outraged before debatenight even gets started.
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Meanwhile the debate ended up being about as close as the NLCS Game 4 final score.
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The @Indians might just be the best baseball team America has never heard of. @ALCS
All these people claiming Trump is acting like a child clearly didn’t discipline their children enough.
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Admittedly Hillary Clinton had a huge advantage tonight. As a woman she’s had years of experience keeping a straight face listening to men say crazy shit.
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A major U.S. Presidential candidate just said that he “will look at it at the time” regarding accepting the result of election. It’s about time to set up wind turbines atop the graves of our Founding Fathers.
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Okay, so who’s going to be the first to make & sell #nastywoman t-shirts?
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“Why should you vote for me for President?” Because I will accept election results & am not bat-shit crazy. Hillary Clinton .
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Does Trump realize that with all the Senators he has offended they might not want to confirm his Supreme Court nominees either?
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Trump as sure that Hillary got women to step forward to accuse him as he is sure Russia has had nothing to do with hacking.
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All across America millions of people sitting back, pouring large drinks & saying “Did he REALLY say that about election?”
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Somewhere @AlecBaldwin is getting carpal tunnel syndrome as he frantically tries to keep up taking notes for this week’s #SNL #debatenight
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Wouldn’t we all pay big $$$ to see #Wikileaks leak what #Trump‘s staff says about him behind HIS back?
“Donald thinks that belittling women makes him bigger.” Line of the night #YouGoGirl #YouGoMadamePresident
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So can we call #DonaldTrump the first true Creamsicle Presidential Candidate? Orange on the outside, really white on the inside.
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Ohio Gov. John Kasich today: “To say that elections are rigged and all these votes are stolen, that’s like saying we never landed on the moon. That’s how silly it is.” Wait for Trump tomorrow to tweet that the moon landing was a hoax.
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Condi Rice was asked in an email by CNN’s KFILE if she has a response to Donald Trump in a 2006 speech when he said “Condoleezza Rice, she’s a lovely woman, but I think she’s a bitch”
Her response: “Exactly. Can’t wait until November 9!”
Not often I say this about Rice, but #YouGoGirl.
In a recent poll, 60 percent of Americans supported the legalization of pot. And 20 percent more probably responded “Dude, what was that question again?”
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Kenyan-born #MalikObama got a front-row seat to debate. So @realDonaldTrump just using another immigrant to take something from Americans.
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NFL ratings are down over 11% this year. Owners are scrambling to explain it with things like the Presidential election being a distraction. And it’s possible the concussion issue is turning people off. Or maybe America has figured out there are just a lot of lousy teams.
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Dez Bryant says he cut two fingers on his hand slicing carrots for soup. Amazing. Who knew Dez Bryant cooked?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, Condoleezza Rice jokes, debate jokes, debate night jokes, nasty woman jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 18, 2016
Cubs looking tonight like this may not be their century either.
At Dodger Stadium tonight Cubs fans were chanting “We don’t quit.” I think they meant to replace the “Qu” with an “H.”
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#Cubs hitters looked so lost wonder if to get in sync they’ll offer to pay #SFGiants bullpen to fly in & pitch batting practice?
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Way to grow the Major League Baseball. The ALCS with Cleveland vs. Toronto is on during the day when many are at work. And the NLCS with the Cubs vs LA is on FS1, a channel many people, and most hotels, don’t get.
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Saddest thing about #NLDS is that 1 inning from #SF bullpen might have kept us from a great #Dodgers #Giants series for pennant. @MLB
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About time to put pictures of the #Cubs‘ bats on milk cartons. #NLCS
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If Donald Trump was a baseball coach he’d have been thrown out of the game by now.
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How statesmanlike of him: John McCain “”I promise you that we will be united against any Supreme Court nominee that Hillary Clinton, if she were president, would put up.”
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Scary Trump tweet of the morning. “41% of American voters believe the election could be “stolen” from DonaldTrump due to widespread voter fraud. – Politico”
What’s scariest is that Trump’s antics have convinced enough people that the tweet is accurate.
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So Donald Trump is bringing President Obama’s half-brother Malik to tomorrow’s debate. Malik, 58, while still a U.S.citizen, is a Muslim who lives mostly in Kenya, has been accused of domestic violence, and has at least 3 current wives, the last who he married in 2011 when she was a teenager. Just the kind of man the Donald thinks we need more of in this country….
Bill Clinton’s accusers, Barack Obama’s half-brother…. who’s next for @realDonaldTrump to bring to debates. Anyone seen Tipper Gore lately?
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Curt Schilling, upset at comparisons to his bloody sock game “Please don’t tweet at me about Bauer.He cost himself a start, likely more, AND his teammates, and fans, dicking around with a drone. #stupid”
Of course there’s no comparison. Nor is there any comparison to costing the state of Rhode Island $50 million by “dicking around” with a video game company. #38Studios #stupid
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For all those comedy writers worried about going through withdrawal for material after November 8; Curt Schilling announced today on Twitter he is going to run for the Senate in 2018 against Elizabeth Warren. #passthepopcorn
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If #CurtSchilling runs for Senate in Massachusetts, how long until #ElizabethWarren tells him to put a bloody sock in it?
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Now Wikileaks’ Julian Assange is claiming that John Kerry cut off his internet at the Ecuadorian Embassy in London. And Kerry is thinking, if we had that power don’t you think we would have done it a long time ago?
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Actually it turns out Ecuador temporarily restricted Julian Assange’s internet access at their embassy. Might have been easier just to switch him to Windows 2000
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So tired of “urgent” fundraising emails ” Like this one “don’t abandon Hillary, please when she needs us most” (before the last debate.)
Right about now what Hillary really needs is for Donald just to keep talking.
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Marc Ragovin “Melania says Donald should be excused for his crass remarks about women because he was egged on by Billy Bush. Hey, if you can get outwitted by Billy Bush, you iz too dumb to be president.”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ALCS jokes, Cubs jokes, Dodgers jokes, FS1 jokes, Janice Hough, malik obama jokes, NLCS jokes, schilling jokes, trump joke
Comments: 9 Comments
October 13, 2016
I missed it, when did “pressure” in baseball become a “high-leverage” situation? #DodgersvsNats #NLDS #MLBPlayoffs
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Congrats to Bob Dylan. Who knew, for all the Nobel Prize winning literature I had to read in college, I was actually voluntarily listening to it in my dorm room.
With Cleveland in the ALCS the talk has begun again but them needing to change their mascot name as being denigrating to Indians. But while we’re at it, is the SF Giants name somehow indicative of a bias against more vertically-challenged people?
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The Nationals had said Stephen Strasburg, who missed the NLDS, would not be ready to return if Washington made it into the NLCS. So this is one of the postseasons they shut him down for in 2012?
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Love #DustyBaker but as #SFGiants fan still get knot in stomach watching him manage late innings bullpen. #DodgersvsNats
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When Dusty Baker moved to his fifth pitcher in an inning, SFGiants fans were thinking , “we’ve have seen this script before, and it wasn’t a good one.
4 1/2 hours and it didn’t even go extras. Even #RedSox & #Yankees are thinking this is a LONG game. #NLDSGame5 #DodgersvsNats
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Congrats to the Dodgers.But maybe Daniel Murphy’s infield fly with the winning run on base is God’s way of saying He/She is okay with the “gay lifestyle.”
Slam magazine rated Carmelo Anthony the 15th-best player in the NBA. Melo said it was “disrespectful.” Maybe to the people ranked 16 through 30?
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We interrupt the snark for a NICE off-field NFL story: Eagles QB Carson Wentz, 23, who played at North Dakota State, went back during Philly’s bye week to a local bar in Fargo, ran up a $1,000 tab with friends, and left a $500 tip.
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At this point no way of knowing which recently leaked emails involving Hillary are real and which are fake. But okay folks, how many of us really want our friends, family, coworkers etc to know everything we’ve ever said about them in “private”?
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Chris Christie has been given a criminal summons to appear at a Bridgegate hearing later this month. Maybe Trump should have chosen the NJ governor as a running mate. Would distract attention now from some of these tapes, etc.
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Michele Bachmann says that Hillary Clinton has an “anti-biblical” agenda. As opposed to Donald Trump “Grope forth and multiply?
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Rush Limbaugh, railing about the “Donald Trump sex-talk scandal” “If the left ever senses and smells that there’s no consent in part of the equation, then here come the rape police.”
Uh, yeah… and his point is?
Just imagine if one of #BillClinton‘s accusers also said she was treated inappropriately by #DonaldTrump
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Donald Trump’s response to a People Magazine reporter who said he had attacked her “Take a look, you take a look, look at her, look at her words — you tell me what you think. I don’t think so.”
Okay, time to open the pool on the gender gap in this years election? About 50 points seems a good start….
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Interesting, got a travel agent survey asking if I am more or less likely to recommend Trump properties since he became a candidate, if my clients are more or less likely to ask for Trump properties, if clients have refused to stay in a Trump property…… and if any of this has changed since the “Access Hollywood” tapes….
If this was campaign was a build-a-brand exercise for the Donald, it’s not working.
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The NY Times, in response to a demand by Trump to retract its groping story or be sued “We decline to do so.” And then “the essence of a libel claim, of course, is the protection of one’s reputation…. Nothing in our article has had the slightest effect on the reputation that Mr. Trump, through his own words and actions, has already created for himself.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, holiday jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Dodgers jokes, dusty baker jokes, email jokes, Janice Hough, Nationals jokes, Trump jokes
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October 12, 2016
So denial, then anger. Is the bargaining phase when we start rooting for #DustyBaker at least to get a ring? @SFGiants
What time is the game on tomorrow? Oh wait…. Yeah, baseball is designed to break your heart. #MLB #SFGiants
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So in looking on bright side as #SFGiants fan, if #BlueJays make it to #WorldSeries we might get to watch #JustinTrudeau attend games.
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#SFGiants going into late innings with 5 runs and a big lead does not appear to be a winning strategy. #NLDSGame4 #WorldSeries2002
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Meanwhile, the San Diego Padres have fired their President after the team missed the postseason for the 10th straight year. So wonder who the next interim president will be.
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Lebron James “In our locker room, they talk about sports highlights from the previous night, family and game strategy. what that guy was saying, that’s not — I don’t know what that is. That’s trash talk.”
It’s getting harder and harder to dislike King James.
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The NFL is now penalizing players using Saints WR Brandin Cooks bow-and-arrow touchdown celebration, which he has always said was a sign of his faith in God. They say the gesture “mimics a violent act.”
A football league. “A violent act.” And they said it with a straight face.
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You can’t make this stuff up. Trump campaign manager KellyAnne Conway told GOP leaders who may be wavering in their support: “Enough of the pussyfooting around”
So was that supposed to be an attention grabbing comment?
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The SF Chronicle reported that earlier this month Alaska AIrlines removed a passenger who was harassing a female flight attendant, saying things like “oooh, sexy,” during the safety demonstration. So did the guy think he was in a locker room or something?.
So I assume Russian hackers are only leaking emails from Democrats because Republicans never have said anything untoward in an email?
At a Florida rally, Donald Trump’s response after a woman fainted: “That woman was out cold, and now she’s coming back! We don’t go by these new – and very much softer – NFL rules. Concussions ‘Oh, you’ve got a little ding on the head. No, no, you can’t play for the rest of the season.’ Our people are tough.”
So let’s add NFL players and others who have suffered serious brain injuries to the list of people the Donald has taunted. Who had October 12 in the pool?
(My friend Linda points out, but if Hillary faints, she’s unfit for the Presidency.”)
Less than noble stuff in latest #wikileaks #PodestaEmails. But I’m sure most of us never say or email anything we wouldn’t want on front page
Even #BIllCosby has to be looking at #Trump & saying “Are you kidding me?”
This Donald Trump sexual assault issue is rapidly becoming another “He said, she said, she said, she said, she said, story.:”
And no doubt the Trump campaign’s response will be to dredge up more allegations against Bill Clinton. When this election is over most of America will be ready for a good hot long shower….
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From Marc Ragovin: “Melania Trump announced today that Donald will no longer be in charge of assembling the grab bags for their son Baron’s upcoming birthday party”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Lebron James jokes, NFL jokes, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
October 6, 2016
You do have to wonder how many shut out innings Madison Bumgarner was planning on pitching last night #SFGiants
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Although, as the legend grows, Bumgarner reportedly to Gillaspie after 3-run home run top of 9th ” Conor, I appreciate the hell out of that.” #SFGiants
Nice tweet today “Baseball has a way of ripping your 
out, stabbing it, putting it back in your chest, then healing itself just in time for Spring Training.”
The tweeter? Noah Syndergaard.
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So are the ALDS teams even playing the same sport as the #Mets & #SFGiants played last night? #TORvsTEX #BOSvsCLE #notexactlypitchersduels
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President Obama’s approval rating is up to 55%, the highest in his second term. No doubt because the longer this election season goes on, the more many Americans have decided they don’t want him to leave.
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Waiting for #Trump to say if he were President he’d have a beautiful wall to protect USA from #HurricaneMatthew & Mexico would pay for it.
Florida Governor Rick Scott, reiterating an evacuation call for the state: ‘Do not surf. Do not go on the beach. This will kill you.”
He could also add “Beachgoers and surfers will automatically qualify for a Darwin award.”
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Apparently a number of people are planning to stay put and try to ride #HurricaneMatthew out. On the brighter side for humanity, not only are they probable Darwin winners, these folks probably won’t be around to vote. #cantfixstupid
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Although it’s from October 30, 2012, this tweet is real, from Donald Trump “Hurricane is good luck for Obama again- he will buy the election by handing out billions of dollars.”
#nocomment
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Rush Limbaugh said this week of Hurricane Matthew predictions that the National Weather service, which is “part of the Obama administration.. might be playing games because it’s in the interests of the left to have destructive hurricanes because then they can blame it on climate change, which they can continue desperately continue trying to sell.”
#Wearegoingtoneedabiggerbasket
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Who says he doesn’t care about average Americans? Donald Trump at a rally today:. “I don’t care how sick you are. I don’t care if you just came back from the doctor and he gave you the worst possible prognosis, meaning it’s over, you won’t be around in two weeks. Doesn’t matter. Hang out till November 8th. Get out and vote.”
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Ok, for those who didn’t think #HurricaneMatthew was serious. The #SEC has actually cancelled the LSU Florida football game.
During a parliamentary debate in Noraway, Prime Minister Erna Solberg was reportedly seen on camera using her phone to play Pokemon Go. Well, it’s at least as productive as trying to repeal Obamacare for the 57th time.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ALDS jokes, hurricane jokes, Janice Hough, madbum jokes, Mets jokes, Obama jokes, Trump jokes, wild card jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 3, 2016
The Atlanta Braves played their last game at Turner Field yesterday. Next year they will have a beautiful new stadium in the suburbs for fans not to show up to.
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The home-plate umpire for Wednesdays Giants-Mets wild-card game is Mike Winters. SF fans might remember Winters as the ump who ejected Bruce Bochy in consecutive games last season.
East Coast bias conspiracy theories in 3….2…1…..
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SF 49ers announced today that LB NaVorro Bowman injured his Achilles and will be out for the season. Is it too soon to be thinking about that #1 draft pick?
So @Vikings who’ve lost #TeddyBridgewater & #AdrianPeterson are 4-0. A few more injuries & they could be Super Bowl contenders? #NYGvsMIN
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#VinScully may have been a #Dodgers announcer but he knows his #SFGiants. Yesterday Vin said of @hunterpence “He would make coffee nervous.”
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#JohnnyManziel has filed to extend the trademark on “Johnny Football.” Can you trademark an oxymoron?
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Trump’s campaign so far is turning us all into a nation with temporary ADD…. No sooner do we start focusing on one unbelievable statement than he says something else and we forget how ludicrous the last one was.
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So we can argue over whether or not either Trump or Clinton truly believe they have the U.S.’s best interests at heart. But pretty damn sure Julian Assange doesn’t.
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#NobelPrize winners will be announced this week. Wonder which one Donald Trump expects to get?
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A Bloomberg poll shows Trump trailing but +13 with whites. If true this election is not doing much for the theory of white supremacy.
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Donald Trump, speaking to veterans today “When people come back from war and combat, and they see things that maybe a lot of the folks in this room have seen many times over, and you’re strong and you can handle it, but a lot of people can’t handle it.”
So strong people don’t get PTSD the same as only losers get captured? WTF?
Maybe @realDonaldTrump didn’t mean to imply that strong vets don’t get PTSD, but how do you know? ” This is the guy who said about John McCain “I like people that weren’t captured”
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Everyone should have the genius to lose a billion dollars in a year so they can avoid taxes for the next decades. #TrumpFinancialTips.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Braves jokes, Janice Hough, nobel prize jokes, Trump jokes, Vikings jokes, Vin Scully jokes, wild card jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
September 30, 2016
Open note to MLB commisioner Rob Manfred. Watch replays of Friday night’s SFGiants Dodgers game. Then please never consider giving NL a DH. #pitchershwhorake
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Also after tonight’s #SFGiants game & his body slam of a fan running on the field, free agent #AngelPagan may be offered a contract by the #SF49ers
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The brightest note for #Stanford fans tonight, at least tonight’s loss won’t go in the category of heartbreaker.
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The CDC now says men who travel to Zika area should wait 6 months before unprotected sex. So much for those fun NBA road trips to Miami.
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Richard Trentlage, 87, has passed away. He was known for writing the Oscar Meyer jingle, one of the most iconic of our time. So if he gets his wish, will Trentlage be reincarnated as an Oscar Meyer Weiner?
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Former NBA commissioner David Stern says he has changed his mind and now wants expanded legal sports betting in the United States. Because that’s going to be the only way to get most Americans to care about the NBA regular season?
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Anthony Bourdain, asked if he would dine with Trump, replied “Absolutely f—ing not,” and described the Donald as “loathsome.” And this is a man who has eaten bull testicles, seal eyes and hakari (dried fermented shark.),
If @realDonaldTrump were elected President that 3:00am phone call might be from his chief of staff telling him to get off Twitter.
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But if elected will Donald Trump’s first act as President to be to close down all U.S. newspapers?
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Donald Trump and Twitter, the gift that keeps on giving: “Remember, don’t believe “sources said” by the VERY dishonest media. If they don’t name the sources, the sources don’t exist.”
Did “many people” tell Trump the sources didn’t exist?
Donald Trump, in a NY Times interview, said that infidelity was “never a problem” during his three marriages. Well, I guess it wasn’t a problem for him.
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That moment when a thrice-married overweight man calls out his former beauty pageant winner for her sexual past & her size.
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Another commie-pinko media type for Hillary:
“But most Americans will soon make their choice. It will be either Mr. Trump or Mrs. Clinton – experienced, forward-looking, indomitably determined and eminently sane. Her election alone is what stands between the American nation and the reign of the most unstable, proudly uninformed, psychologically unfit president ever to enter the White House.”
Dorothy Rabinowitz, Wall Street Journal editorial board:
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I miss Walter Cronkite. #Election2016
Categories: GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, madbum jokes, Trump jokes, Weiner jokes, zika jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
Left Coast Sports Babe 