Archive for the ‘football jokes’ category
October 19, 2016
So a close call at the plate in the Dodgers Cubs game got millions of Americans outraged before debatenight even gets started.
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Meanwhile the debate ended up being about as close as the NLCS Game 4 final score.
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The @Indians might just be the best baseball team America has never heard of. @ALCS
All these people claiming Trump is acting like a child clearly didn’t discipline their children enough.
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Admittedly Hillary Clinton had a huge advantage tonight. As a woman she’s had years of experience keeping a straight face listening to men say crazy shit.
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A major U.S. Presidential candidate just said that he “will look at it at the time” regarding accepting the result of election. It’s about time to set up wind turbines atop the graves of our Founding Fathers.
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Okay, so who’s going to be the first to make & sell #nastywoman t-shirts?
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“Why should you vote for me for President?” Because I will accept election results & am not bat-shit crazy. Hillary Clinton .
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Does Trump realize that with all the Senators he has offended they might not want to confirm his Supreme Court nominees either?
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Trump as sure that Hillary got women to step forward to accuse him as he is sure Russia has had nothing to do with hacking.
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All across America millions of people sitting back, pouring large drinks & saying “Did he REALLY say that about election?”
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Somewhere @AlecBaldwin is getting carpal tunnel syndrome as he frantically tries to keep up taking notes for this week’s #SNL #debatenight
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Wouldn’t we all pay big $$$ to see #Wikileaks leak what #Trump‘s staff says about him behind HIS back?
“Donald thinks that belittling women makes him bigger.” Line of the night #YouGoGirl #YouGoMadamePresident
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So can we call #DonaldTrump the first true Creamsicle Presidential Candidate? Orange on the outside, really white on the inside.
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Ohio Gov. John Kasich today: “To say that elections are rigged and all these votes are stolen, that’s like saying we never landed on the moon. That’s how silly it is.” Wait for Trump tomorrow to tweet that the moon landing was a hoax.
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Condi Rice was asked in an email by CNN’s KFILE if she has a response to Donald Trump in a 2006 speech when he said “Condoleezza Rice, she’s a lovely woman, but I think she’s a bitch”
Her response: “Exactly. Can’t wait until November 9!”
Not often I say this about Rice, but #YouGoGirl.
In a recent poll, 60 percent of Americans supported the legalization of pot. And 20 percent more probably responded “Dude, what was that question again?”
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Kenyan-born #MalikObama got a front-row seat to debate. So @realDonaldTrump just using another immigrant to take something from Americans.
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NFL ratings are down over 11% this year. Owners are scrambling to explain it with things like the Presidential election being a distraction. And it’s possible the concussion issue is turning people off. Or maybe America has figured out there are just a lot of lousy teams.
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Dez Bryant says he cut two fingers on his hand slicing carrots for soup. Amazing. Who knew Dez Bryant cooked?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, Condoleezza Rice jokes, debate jokes, debate night jokes, nasty woman jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 17, 2016
The Nobel Prize committee says that five days after they awarded the Prize for literature to Bob Dylan, they have not yet heard from their newest laureate. Or maybe Dylan has responded and they had no idea what who he was or what he was saying?
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The #Big12 today decided not to expand & will stay at 10 members. Why should conference confuse players with a tough concept like math?
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Some references today to #ColinKaepernick being a “distraction” for @49ers. Because without him they would only have lost by 20 points?
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Trevor Bauer, who cut himself repairing one of his drones, was not allowed to wear even as much as a Band-Aid on his finger tonight while pitching. The stitches broke, resulting in Bauer having to leave, dripping blood, in the first inning. Cleveland used a total of 7 pitchers, and kept the Blue Jays to 2 runs.
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And that, #SFGiants fans, ladies and gentlemen, is a bullpen. #Indians #ALCS
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Wonder many MLB teams are rushing to add “no drones during the season” into their contract language..
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The Los Angeles Dodgers apparently stayed at the Trump hotel in Chicago for their regular season series against the Cubs in May. But Adrian Gonalez, who is of Mexican descent, refused, saying “I had my reasons.”
Darn, another Dodger I can’t root against.
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Anyone but me really tired of pumpkin flavored everything?
Fox News’ Shep Smith has come out as gay. Shocking millions of Americans who thought he was already out.
At a Donald Trump rally in Wisconsin tonight the crowd started chanting “Paul Ryan sucks!” So is this how the Donald would propose to start his State of the Union speech?
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Melania Trump said that Donald really didn’t mean the things he said to Billy Bush, but that Bush had “egged him on.” Well it’s a good thing that Putin, or Congress, would never egg Trump on while in office.
As an anonymous friend said ““My husband can’t throw footballs and grab pussies at the same time!”
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Donald Trump said #SNL should be cancelled & was “unfunny.” Uh, if unfunny on occasion was reason enough, SNL would have been cancelled years ago.
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Women who have come forward about #Trump‘s groping them can take comfort, he didn’t mean it, he was just trying to impress #BillyBush.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, sports jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ALCS jokes, bauer jokes, blue jays jokes, Dodgers jokes, dylan jokes, indians jokes, Janice Hough, Trump jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 16, 2016
Today Drew Brees threw for 465 YDS & 4 TD, and the @Saints barely won. Rumor has it there is part of an NFL game you can play called “defense.”
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Latest college football rankings, #Pac12 has exactly 2 teams in the top 25. Traditional powers Washington and.. Utah?
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#LARams have got to be lying awake at night wondering how they ever lost to this #49ers team. #SFvsBUF
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#RudyGuiliani today said he “would have to be a moron to say” that the election “is going to be fair.” And his point is?
Lots of verbal attacks on #ColinKaerpernick in Buffalo today. Silly Bills fans. Did they realize that Kap & the 49ers might have provided the best home game entertainment they’ll see all year?. Next visitors – the Patriots.
Hard to be an #SFGiants fan watching Puig against Chapman. No way to root for them both to fail.
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Altamonte Springs, my high-school home town: A woman was arrested this week after posting video online of her son driving her car – the boy is 7 years old. Back on your game, Florida.
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Never thought I’d say anything positive about Sarah Palin. But at least she had a sense of humor. Trump tweet of the day “Watched Saturday Night Live hit job on me.Time to retire the boring and unfunny show. Alec Baldwin portrayal stinks. Media rigging election!”
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Whatever happens in election suppose both @HillaryClinton & @realDonaldTrump can both take credit for helping to resurrect #SNL
Trump is insisting that he has lost “large numbers of women voters based on made up events THAT NEVER HAPPENED.” But those “wonderful” and “courageous” women speaking out about Bill Clinton – their stories are 100% true….
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Apparently someone threw a bottle of flammable liquid through the window of a GOP office in North Carolina. And Trump tweeted “Animals representing Hillary Clinton and Dems in North Carolina just firebombed our office in Orange County because we are winning.”
Now, Hillary decried the act, but I guess I’m missing something – if Trump’s followers are violent it’s a righteous rage, but if it’s his opponents they are animals?
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This is actually really scary, according to a poll from the Associated Press-NORC Center for Public Affairs Research. “Only about one-third of Republicans said they have a great deal or quite a bit of confidence that votes on Election Day will be counted fairly.”
But has it occurred to Trump that if Hillary really could rig an election, she’d have done it starting with the 2008 Democratic primaries?
As Trump talks about the election ” absolutely being rigged,” including at many polling placs, have to ask…. has the Donald actually BEEN to a polling place? Last time before I gave up and decided to vote by mail, the average poll workers were “mature” to say the least, and having a hard time just matching voters to their lists. Not exactly the folks you’d enlist in a complicated conspiracy.
This morning on “Meet the Press” Mike Pence ” We will absolutely accept the result of the election.” So with all the people Trump has attacked on Twitter, how long until he adds his running mate to the list?
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From my friend TC, sent to him by Berney: 
Categories: football jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, NFL jokes, SNL jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 13, 2016
I missed it, when did “pressure” in baseball become a “high-leverage” situation? #DodgersvsNats #NLDS #MLBPlayoffs
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Congrats to Bob Dylan. Who knew, for all the Nobel Prize winning literature I had to read in college, I was actually voluntarily listening to it in my dorm room.
With Cleveland in the ALCS the talk has begun again but them needing to change their mascot name as being denigrating to Indians. But while we’re at it, is the SF Giants name somehow indicative of a bias against more vertically-challenged people?
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The Nationals had said Stephen Strasburg, who missed the NLDS, would not be ready to return if Washington made it into the NLCS. So this is one of the postseasons they shut him down for in 2012?
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Love #DustyBaker but as #SFGiants fan still get knot in stomach watching him manage late innings bullpen. #DodgersvsNats
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When Dusty Baker moved to his fifth pitcher in an inning, SFGiants fans were thinking , “we’ve have seen this script before, and it wasn’t a good one.
4 1/2 hours and it didn’t even go extras. Even #RedSox & #Yankees are thinking this is a LONG game. #NLDSGame5 #DodgersvsNats
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Congrats to the Dodgers.But maybe Daniel Murphy’s infield fly with the winning run on base is God’s way of saying He/She is okay with the “gay lifestyle.”
Slam magazine rated Carmelo Anthony the 15th-best player in the NBA. Melo said it was “disrespectful.” Maybe to the people ranked 16 through 30?
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We interrupt the snark for a NICE off-field NFL story: Eagles QB Carson Wentz, 23, who played at North Dakota State, went back during Philly’s bye week to a local bar in Fargo, ran up a $1,000 tab with friends, and left a $500 tip.
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At this point no way of knowing which recently leaked emails involving Hillary are real and which are fake. But okay folks, how many of us really want our friends, family, coworkers etc to know everything we’ve ever said about them in “private”?
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Chris Christie has been given a criminal summons to appear at a Bridgegate hearing later this month. Maybe Trump should have chosen the NJ governor as a running mate. Would distract attention now from some of these tapes, etc.
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Michele Bachmann says that Hillary Clinton has an “anti-biblical” agenda. As opposed to Donald Trump “Grope forth and multiply?
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Rush Limbaugh, railing about the “Donald Trump sex-talk scandal” “If the left ever senses and smells that there’s no consent in part of the equation, then here come the rape police.”
Uh, yeah… and his point is?
Just imagine if one of #BillClinton‘s accusers also said she was treated inappropriately by #DonaldTrump
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Donald Trump’s response to a People Magazine reporter who said he had attacked her “Take a look, you take a look, look at her, look at her words — you tell me what you think. I don’t think so.”
Okay, time to open the pool on the gender gap in this years election? About 50 points seems a good start….
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Interesting, got a travel agent survey asking if I am more or less likely to recommend Trump properties since he became a candidate, if my clients are more or less likely to ask for Trump properties, if clients have refused to stay in a Trump property…… and if any of this has changed since the “Access Hollywood” tapes….
If this was campaign was a build-a-brand exercise for the Donald, it’s not working.
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The NY Times, in response to a demand by Trump to retract its groping story or be sued “We decline to do so.” And then “the essence of a libel claim, of course, is the protection of one’s reputation…. Nothing in our article has had the slightest effect on the reputation that Mr. Trump, through his own words and actions, has already created for himself.”
Categories: Uncategorized, political jokes, baseball jokes, GOP jokes, football jokes, holiday jokes, Hillary jokes
Tags: Nationals jokes, Dodgers jokes, Janice Hough, Trump jokes, email jokes, dusty baker jokes
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October 4, 2016
Whatever happens in NL Wild Card game, unlike Buck Showalter, Bruce Bochy won’t face questions about not using his superstar reliever; SF Giants don’t have one
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In WS game 7, #Bochy used his best starter to relieve for 5 innings, in do-or-die WC game #Showalter didn’t use best reliever for 1.
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Somewhere #JoeCarter is smiling #ALWildCard #BlueJays
Open note to @orioles fans. Watching a reliever in orange & black give up game-winning homer, we #SFGiants fans feel your pain. #ALWildcard
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Fans in Canada watching tonight’s AL Wild Card game had to be almost as happy as Canadians enjoying watching the U.S. Election. #notourproblem
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Kaine-Pence VP debate tonight “I’ll take two men who most Americans had never heard of and wouldn’t recognize on the street for $500, Alex.”
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Well, the VP candidates did accomplish one thing jointly -finishing up in time for us to see the end of #ALWildCard #VPDebate
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“A knockout blow in VP debate can make a major difference in the Presidential election” Former Vice President Lloyd Bentsen. #VPdebate
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One sure thing about tonight’s debate, if #MIkePence & #TimKaine were their party’s nominees, many comedy writers would be out of business.
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Who but me was waiting for #ElaineQuijano to go all Sister Mary Elephant in this debate? “Class. Class Class….” #VPDebate
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Has anyone checked Mike Pence’s hearing lately? He clearly hasn’t heard a word his running mate has said. #VPDebate
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Trump supporters are furious that Julian Assange didn’t release information today to damage Hillary Clinton’s campaign. So they were hoping that for a few days Wikileaks could offset Trump’s 3:00am tweets?
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Mike Pence sounded tonight like he’s been paying as much attention to what Trump says you’d think Pence might be married to him.
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Pence just said of 16 million deportation plan, “that’s nonsense.” Yep, it is, & it was when your running mate @realDonaldTrump said it.
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Mike Pence “A society can be judged by how it deals with its most vulnerable.” Unless they are undocumented immigrants, women with unwanted pregnancies or LGBTs.
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Pence talked about the sanctity of life. So if you’re absolutely pro-life how are you also pro-death penalty? #VPDebate
“He’s not a polished politician” Is that #MikePence‘s Trump “Get out of jail free” card? #VPDebate
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Odell Beckham Jr , complaining about being targeted by the league, “I just gotta know that it’s all against me.” Of course it might help if the Giants’ WR didn’t spend so much time and effort painting the bulls eye on his own back.
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While campaigning for Hillary, Bill Clinton referred to Obamacare as the “the craziest thing in the world.” So for all those comedy writers fearing that the end of the Trump campaign in November could mean a dearth of material, remember, Bill could be the gift that keeps on giving.
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So Americans who have quit following the election because it was all too over the top and absurd can now focus on more important things, like what Kim Kardashian was doing in Paris with $10 million in jewelry and minimal security.
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So since Kanye West is a self-proclaimed “genius” I presume he and Kim will be writing at least $10 million in losses off their future taxes?
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And back to sports with Bill Littlejohn, on Peyton Manning tobogganing down The Great Wall of China: “Are they opening a new Papa John’s in Inner Mongolia?”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: janice hough jokes, jeopardy joke, kaine jokes, pence jokes, Trump jokes, vp debate jokes, wild card jokes, zach britton jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 3, 2016
The Atlanta Braves played their last game at Turner Field yesterday. Next year they will have a beautiful new stadium in the suburbs for fans not to show up to.
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The home-plate umpire for Wednesdays Giants-Mets wild-card game is Mike Winters. SF fans might remember Winters as the ump who ejected Bruce Bochy in consecutive games last season.
East Coast bias conspiracy theories in 3….2…1…..
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SF 49ers announced today that LB NaVorro Bowman injured his Achilles and will be out for the season. Is it too soon to be thinking about that #1 draft pick?
So @Vikings who’ve lost #TeddyBridgewater & #AdrianPeterson are 4-0. A few more injuries & they could be Super Bowl contenders? #NYGvsMIN
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#VinScully may have been a #Dodgers announcer but he knows his #SFGiants. Yesterday Vin said of @hunterpence “He would make coffee nervous.”
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#JohnnyManziel has filed to extend the trademark on “Johnny Football.” Can you trademark an oxymoron?
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Trump’s campaign so far is turning us all into a nation with temporary ADD…. No sooner do we start focusing on one unbelievable statement than he says something else and we forget how ludicrous the last one was.
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So we can argue over whether or not either Trump or Clinton truly believe they have the U.S.’s best interests at heart. But pretty damn sure Julian Assange doesn’t.
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#NobelPrize winners will be announced this week. Wonder which one Donald Trump expects to get?
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A Bloomberg poll shows Trump trailing but +13 with whites. If true this election is not doing much for the theory of white supremacy.
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Donald Trump, speaking to veterans today “When people come back from war and combat, and they see things that maybe a lot of the folks in this room have seen many times over, and you’re strong and you can handle it, but a lot of people can’t handle it.”
So strong people don’t get PTSD the same as only losers get captured? WTF?
Maybe @realDonaldTrump didn’t mean to imply that strong vets don’t get PTSD, but how do you know? ” This is the guy who said about John McCain “I like people that weren’t captured”
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Everyone should have the genius to lose a billion dollars in a year so they can avoid taxes for the next decades. #TrumpFinancialTips.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Braves jokes, Janice Hough, nobel prize jokes, Trump jokes, Vikings jokes, Vin Scully jokes, wild card jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
October 1, 2016
Seems like old times – #RyanVogelsong starting tomorrow against #Cardinals tomorrow and a win puts the #SFGiants in playoffs..
As expected, #TyBlach vs #ClaytonKershaw was no contest, really. #SFGiants #Dodgers
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One thing you can say about #TyBlach, he’s no #SalomonTorres. #SFGiants
Heaven knows the SF Giants have had some horrible losses this year. But when the playoffs are on the line & you lose to the Braves and the As, well, then maybe you really shouldn’t be in the postseason. #Tigers #Mariners
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By my count, #SFGiants pitchers have 48 hits & 33 RBI’s this year. #WedontneednostinkinDH #PitchersWhoRake
Alabama coach Nick Saban says of star LB Tim Williams, arrested this week on gun charges, that he will face “internal” discipline, which will not involve a loss of playing time. So what will Williams have to do – go to a class? #suspensionsareforbenchplayers
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Tomorrow morning’s game – try to tell the difference between whatever lines are uttered by Alec Baldwin tonight on SNL pretending to be Trump. and lines from the real Donald.
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Trump tweeted last night “For those few people knocking me for tweeting at three o’clock in the morning, at least you know I will be there, awake, to answer the call!”
True, but maybe we don’t want the call answered by someone in the midst of the Twitter equivalent of drunk-dialing?.
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Flipping through Glamour magazine at the nail salon I saw some interviews with women saying who they were voting for and why. About 2/3 were for Clinton, but one Trump gal starts out her statement “When I was little I was for Hillary….” She is 18 years old.
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The Seahawks’ Doug Baldwin, a Stanford graduate whose father is a police officer, says he has received death threats because he called for law enforcement “to eliminate militaristic cultures while putting a higher emphasis on de-escalation tactics and crisis management measures.”
Got to wonder if some of the threats are from people who couldn’t even translate what he said.
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Friday’s top quote: I’m “not sure anybody is more qualified than Hillary Clinton to be president of the United States.” The speaker, Bill Weld – former governor of Massachusetts and Gary Johnson’s running mate.
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So by comparison was Leona Helmsley one of the “little people” who paid taxes?
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#LastTimeTrumpPaidTaxes #HillaryClinton was just signing up for a newfangled AOL email account.
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Jacob Hall, the 6 year-old boy shot at his South Carolina elementary school this week has died. His alleged 14-year old killer had been home-schooled since he was been expelled for bringing a gun to class. So are we going to build walls around schools or make sure all children are armed?
From Marc Ragovin. “no bigger joke than the way mlb handled the end of thursday’s Cards/Reds game.”
(for anyone who didn’t watch or didn’t read about it later, the umpires somehow missed the fact that a ball bounced out of play over the fence and then bounced back, which was a ground rule double, and not a ball that would have let the Cardinals runner score from first.)
From Neal , post Friday night. “Tonight’s #SFGiants game & his body slam of a fan running on the field, free agent #AngelPagan may be offered a contract by the #SF49ers?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, political jokes. election jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: gary johnson jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, tax jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 29, 2016
In New York tonight before the game with the Red Sox the Yankees announced that they “would like to put the rivalry aside for a few minutes and honor David Ortiz.” A nice gesture, even if what they are really honoring is Big Papi’s decision to retire.
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Forget Tim Tebow, the guy who may have a real future in baseball is John Kilichowski. a minor league pitcher from Vanderbilt who gave up Tebow’s first AB home run – this was his tweet: “I thought we agreed you were taking first pitch @TimTebow”
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Knott’s Berry Farm and California’s Great America pulled the plug on their new FearVR experience. The attraction had people wear virtual reality googles that made them feel like they were in a mental hospital along with a dangerous fellow patient.
The real question – who thought this was a good idea???
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Alabama senior LB Tim Williams, a top draft prospect who has started every game, was arrested this morning for allegedly carrying a pistol without a permit. What a shame this didn’t happen last week, so Nick Saban could have suspended Williams for the first half of the Kent State game.
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USA Today has never endorsed a candidate for President in their history. Today they wrote an editorial “Don’t vote for Trump.” So let’s see, the Donald will be revoking their press credentials for his events in 3.2.1….
So is #GaryJohnson trying to prove he’s the reincarnation of Admiral Stockdale running for President?
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At the University of Missouri, the Delta Upsilon frat has been suspended after individuals inside their house were allegedly shouting out the windows at members of the Legion of Black Collegians” with taunts, obscenities and racial slurs.
Once again, in the U.S. people are free to think bigoted thoughts, but how could they be so clueless these days to think publicizing it was a good idea. #educationmightfixsomeprejudices but #cantfixstupid
Clearly election is over w/ news that Bill & Hillary after they left the White House spent money to set up illegal business in #Cuba. Oh wait, never mind.
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Sad story from New Jersey with the train crash. Officials say “after an initial evaluation of the scene, it appears that the event may have been accidental and not related to terrorism.”
Reminding us again, that as much as we fear terrorists sometimes, our real risks are more often mundane things like infrastructure failure and human error.
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Hillary Clinton tweeted out a sympathy message to those affected by the New Jersey train crash this morning, Donald Trump followed about an hour later. Was that how long it took for him to decide it wasn’t terrorism
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Last night in Iowa, Donald Trump “Raise your hand if you’re not a Christian conservative. I want to see this, right? Oh there’s a a couple people, that’s all right. I think we’ll keep them, right? Should we keep them in the room, yes? I think so.”
New hashtag #ifyouarenotscaredyouarenotpayingattention
Rumors are that #DonaldTrump might ask #ChrisChristie to help him before the 2nd debate. So are there bridges to be closed in St. Louis?
Trump campaign manager KellyAnne Conway complained to Megyn Kelly that Hillary Clinton was targeting Trump with negative ads and using comments he made about women ‘25 years ago’.
But of course it’s perfectly acceptable for Trump to talk about Bill Clinton’s behavior with women 25-35 years ago.
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Alex Kaseberg, after New Englands QB Tom Brady was spotted sunbathing nude in Italy with Giselle while serving his Deflategate suspension: “In a related story, players all over the league began deflating footballs.”
From T.C. “The Donald says that he won the debate on Monday night. That coincides with the Falcons and Saints claiming that “Defense” was the difference on their football game.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Alabama jokes, amusement park jokes, Cuba jokes, gary johnson jokes, Janice Hough, ortz jokes, Tebow jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 28, 2016
Colin Kaepernick after Monday’s Presidential debate said “Both are proven liars and it almost seems like they’re trying to debate who’s less racist.”
Well, suppose it’s a good thing there’s no chance the SF 49ers will be making a White House visit any time soon.
Could someone inform the #SFGiants that if you score 12 runs in 2 games it’s not a bad idea to split them up?
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Matt Duffy apparently stopped by the #SFGiants clubhouse today. Could he lend the team #Skeeter?
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Interesting point on bullpens in the postseason made by Tom Verducci in SI.com today – the percentage games won by relief pitchers in the regular season and then in post season: 1965-68 – 26.8% and 8%. 1995-98 – 30.0% and 35.4%. 2012-2015 – 30.4% and 41.3%.
Of course Madbum in 2014 was both a starter AND a reliever. #SFGiants
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Arguing that being banned from baseball didn’t mean its Hall of Fame, Pete Rose apparently has made a direct appeal to the Hall to restore his eligibility. Wonder what his odds are?
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A fan who proposed to his girlfriend at Yankee Stadium during a Red Sox Yankees game had to hunt in the seats for the ring which he dropped as he dropped to a knee. Fortunately the ring was found and she said yes. Did the happy couple get an autographed ball from Starlin Castro?
(for those going, huh?, Castro is not known for his defense.)
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If @realDonaldTrump bails on the next two debates will @HillaryClinton try to borrow Clint Eastwood’s chair?
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Some say that @realDonaldTrump will learn from his mistakes in 1st debate. That assumes that Trump actually ever thinks he makes mistakes.
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Now Donald Trump, Jr. is praising his father’s “courage” for not mentioning Bill Clinton’s cheating on Monday night “out of respect for Chelsea.”
Right, so anyone want to start a pool on how many times the thrice-married Trump and his family will congratulate themselves for not mentioning infidelity?
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Gary Johnson was asked today to name his favorite foreign leader, and he couldn’t do it, finally admitting “I’m having a brain freeze.” So what’s Johnson’s plan after the election, running for Governor of Texas?
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It’s too easy as a U.S.woman to criticize Gary Johnson for not being able to name his favorite foreign leader Justin Trudeau. Next question?
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So with Arizona Republic, the Dallas Morning News and the CIncinnati Enquirer breaking with long tradition and joining more liberal papers to endorse a Democrat for President, wonder if Trump’s plan if elected will be to eliminate all press credentials.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, gary johnson, gary johnson jokes, Giants jokes, janice hough jokes, Kaepernick jokes, pete rose jokes, Trump jokes
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September 23, 2016
Whatever you think of Wild Cards in #MLB, without them there might not be a single game that would matter for last week of the season.
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Okay, the #SFGiants have about 100 pitchers in their bullpen and in a one-run game in the 5th they turn it over to Matt Reynolds? #WTF?
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New England QB Jacoby Brissett has a thumb injury. Gosh, hope the #Patriots have someone in mind as a long-term possible replacement.
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The Raiders’ Marquette King was fined over $18K for horse collar tackle last week. King is the team’s PUNTER. Wonder if he’s going to frame the NFL fine notice?
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#KevinGarnett announced his retirement today. “The first time is the hardest” said Brett Favre.
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Colin Kaepernick is on the cover of Time Magazine. Whatever you think of his protest nice to see an NFL player getting this much off-field media attention without his own arrest being involved.
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Backup Seattle catcher Steve Clevenger has been suspended for tweeting about Charlotte: “BLM is pathetic once again! Obama you are pathetic! Everyone involved should be behind bars like animals!”
Clevenger has apologized and said he is not racist. But have to think the Mariners suspended him not just for racism but stupidity.
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The Ohio county chair for Donald Trump’s who said “I don’t think there was any racism until Obama got elected” has resigned. Wonder if she’s already gotten a job offer from Fox News?
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Does the #Patriots 3-0 start officially eliminate #TomBrady from this year’s NFL MVP competition?
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So Ted Cruz has now endorsed Donald Trump and Kim Kardashian says after a long talk with Caitlyn that she’s on the fence. #Wearegoingtoneedabiggerbasket
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#TedCruz thought that Americans would elect him to stand up to our enemies? In the end, he couldn’t even stand up to #Trump
Bruce Springsteen called Donald Trump “a moron.” Chris Christie hasn’t felt so conflicted since he had to choose between the last two doughnuts on a plate.
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#Trump tweeted out today “This is more than a campaign- it is a movement.” Uh, yeah, he left out a word – bowel.
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A thought about tweets that get people in trouble. Yes, I get that it’s hard to say exactly what you mean in 140 characters. But if you’re a public figure without the gift of being succinct, maybe stick to Facebook?
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#DonaldTrump called #TedCruz “the worst liar he’s ever known.” #Cruz called #Trump a “pathological liar.” Credit where credit is due.
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To put this in sports terms, this is like them deciding to root for the Browns over the Bengals:
“The Cincinnati Enquirer has supported Republicans for president for almost a century — a tradition this editorial board doesn’t take lightly. But this is not a traditional race, and these are not traditional times.
Our country needs calm, thoughtful leadership to deal with the challenges we face at home and abroad. We need a leader who will bring out the best in all Americans, not the worst.
That’s why there is only one choice when we elect a president in November: Hillary Clinton.”
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Here we go again. Another mass shooting, this time at a mall in the state of Washington. The alleged suspect is a reportedly a Hispanic male. So if true he’s mentally ill, not a terrorist. Unless he is an immigrant….. Sigh.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Brady jokes, Cruz jokes, garnett jokes, Janice Hough, Patriots jokes, Raider jokes, Trump jokes, wild card jokes
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September 22, 2016
Phillies came from behind and took two-run leads into the bottom of the 9th and the bottom of the 11th against the Mets. They blew both leads and lost 9-8. So were the Phils trying to get the Philadelphia fans in an early booing holiday spirit by the relievers playing Santa Claus?
Talking about the #SFGiants needing to find their mojo. Anyway just for a few weeks to lure former third base coach @TimFlannery2 out of retirement?
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The Panthers and VIkings plan still to play this weekend in Charlotte, despite the protests. Panthers LB Thomas Davis: “I look at football as a way to bring people together…I hope people know that violence is not the answer.” Well, off-field violence anyway.
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Hear that the Baltimore Orioles are unhappy with average attendance of 19,422 fans in two games against the Boston Red Sox. And the Tampa Bay Rays are thinking “what, did those crowds overwhelm the concessions?”
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San Francisco streets were shut for hours this morning over a “suspicious” object that turned out to be an abandoned empty rice cooker. #fearitselfiswinning
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Open note to Americans thinking of dropping off their old crockpots, rice or pressure cookers at Goodwill, maybe now is not the best time.
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And while we debate ways to keep America safer, a 24 year-old U of Iowa student, Megan Sloss, was fatally shot this weekend. By her older brother, who police say was showing her how to clean a gun when it accidentally discharged. #ifonlyshewasarmed
#MarissaMayer knew for some time about a about a 2 yr-old data breach affecting 500 million #Yahoo users. And she’s probably be terminated soon and get a $44 million severance package . What’s next, running for office on her record of corporate experience?
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Wonder how many #Yahoo users today are changing their passwords to “YahooSucks?”
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In his first speech to the UN this week, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau talked about politicians exploiting anxiety. but in Canadia, “by appealing to people’s better angels, by drawing people together rather than stoking fears and anxieties, we were actually able to create a government that is focused on strengthening the middle class, to allay those fears and anxieties and demonstrate a positive engagement with the world.”
Waiting for Trump to demand a wall on our Northern border, and saying Canada will pay for it.
More Justin Trudeau “The point that is so important to emphasize is that what we found in Canada was that people are better than divisive politicians think they are.”
Your move, America.
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Remember when Monday Night Football was a big deal? Now we have Thursday night, along with the weekend. Who’s going to be first with Tuesday or Wednesday Night Football?
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Donald Rumsfeld, 84, says of George H.W. Bush, 92, backing Clinton “He’s up in years.” So what is any serious former defense secretary’s excuse for backing Trump?
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Kathy Miller, one of Donald Trump’s Ohio campaign chairs, in an interview with the Guardian, “If you’re black and you haven’t been successful in the last 50 years, it’s your own fault. You’ve had every opportunity, it was given to you…I don’t think there was any racism until Obama got elected.”
#wearegoingtoneedabiggerbasket
Regarding Hillary Clinton on “Between Two Ferns,” I thought she did a good job. Hillary was never going to be the cool mom down drinking with your friends in the basement. But she was going to be the mom who cleaned up the mess and made sure no one ended up in the hospital or arrested.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Orioles jokes, pressure cooker jokes, Trump jokes, Yahoo jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 19, 2016
The NY Mets have started selling Tim Tebow #15 jerseys. Well, as if anyone wondered what $ome of the rea$on$ are that the Met$ $igned him?
Number of times #SFGiants have lost w/ lead in 9th- 9. Number of times #SFGiants have won when trailing in 9th- 0. #2016seasoninanutshell
Shame of it all, tonight’s blown save wasted a great pitching performance from #Madbum, not to mention a run scored on an infield hit, stolen base, error & wild pitch. #SFGiants offensive explosion!
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A #LADodgers fan friend asked me who I thought was the #SFGiants MVP. Told him the #Dodgers MVP should be #Casilla. (or maybe they should just vote a playoff share to the entire bullpen?”)
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Apparently a second bomb didn’t go off in Manhattan because thieves stole the suitcase in which it was placed, and accidentally disabled the device. #GodBlessNewYorkers.
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Washington coach Jay Gruden “We have total faith that Kirk (Cousins) will get it done, and he will get it done.” Translation, we haven’t found a team willing to trade us any better option.
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Donald Trump, whose arm must be really tired for all the pats he gives himself on the back, boasted “I should be a newscaster because I called it (the NY explosion being a bomb) before the news.”
Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement in this country? I would be just fine with Trump being a newscaster, after Nov. 8. When he has nothing better to do.
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As of today, Ivanka Trump is getting Secret Service protection. Wait. What? Why would the Donald risk his precious daughter?. Because surely Trump’s own personal security staff is the greatest, bestest security ever.
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It’s a free country. So while Colin Kaepernick has a right to protest, Americans have a right to be upset at him. But I hope some of those same Americans are also upset about Terence Crutcher
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Would @realDonaldTrump explain how profiling all #Muslims helps w/ millions of law-abiding Muslims who now do assist and support police?
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Now, who the heck knows what really turns someone into a potential terrorist. But the family of alleged NY bombing suspect Ahmad Rahami had sued the city of Elizabeth, NJ, arguing that they were targeted by the city, police and their neighbors because they were Muslim.
Not that Trump’s plan to get police to profile all Muslims will make anyone else angry….
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NY GOP Rep. Lee Zeldin today, after Ahmad Rahami’s arrest today, tweeted out “Suspect in custody. You are welcome Colin Kaepernick” #WTF? Is Zeldin angling for a job in a potential Trump administration?
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Reports from Politico & the Guardian are that George H.W. Bush told Kathleen Kennedy Townsend he’s “voting for Hillary.” Looks like the really smart Bush was always Poppy.
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Note to Donald Trump, now THIS is a Presidential response: “I think it is important to remember what terrorists and violent extremists are trying to do. They are trying to hurt innocent people, but they also want to inspire fear in all of us, and disrupt the way we live to undermine our values “We all have a role to play as citizens in making sure that we don’t succumb to that fear. And there is no better example of that than the people of New York and New Jersey.”
Folks around here, you know, they don’t get scared. They are tough, they are resilient, they go about their business every single day. And that kind of toughness and resoluteness and a recognition that neither individuals nor organizations like ISIL can ultimately undermine our way of life, that’s the kind of strength that makes me so proud to be an American.” #DamnIwillmissObama
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Mets jokes, New York jokes, rahami jokes, Trump jokes
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September 18, 2016
Inspired by an anonymous friend. Several people were trapped last night in an Outback Steakhouse after the Chelsea explosion. Must have been horrifying. Almost as horrifying as being in New York City and choosing to eat at Outback Steakhouse.
Washington CB Josh Norman was upset after being drug tested after today’s loss to Dallas. He has a point, who would ever think based on the Redskins’ play that they use PEDs?
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Well, at least the #SFGiants didn’t have another blown save today. #smallmercies
Roger Goodell today “As I’ve said before, I truly respect our players wanting to speak out and change the community. We don’t live in a perfect society. We want them to use that voice.”
So does the NFL actually have a conscience? Or is Goodell counting $$$ from extra Kaepernick jersey sales?
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ESPN reporting that that the NFL is admitting to 16 missed calls against the Jaguars in their loss against the Packers last week. 16? You’d think if the league have time and money to do that much analysis, they’d have time and money for full time officials.
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New Orleans Saints have lost two games by a total of 4 points. Three words. “Moral victories suck.”
If the #SFGiants just miss the playoffs will the video of the 2016 season be titled “Groundhog Day?” #Casilla #Bochy
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Another piece of my childhood gone. So, long, Farewell. Charmian Carr, Liesl, in “The Sound of Music” has passed away. She was 73 going on 74.
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Fortunately no fatalities other than the alleged attacker in the Minnesota mall stabbings. But do all these folks who think 2nd amendment rights trump all ever consider fewer restrictions also would make it even easier for nut jobs to get guns?
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Mike Pence today said Dick Cheney is his VP role model. Does this mean Donald Trump has told his running mate that if elected, Trump will let Pence actually run the country for him?
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Clinton after New York explosion “I think it’s always wiser to wait until you have information before making conclusions, because we are just in the beginning stages of trying to determine what happened.”. Trump “Nobody knows what’s going on. But boy are we living in a time – we better get very tough, folks.”. Right. Because why should facts matter with a good narrative?
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One of the scariest things about Donald Trump is you just know he is rooting for a terrorist act on U.S. soil in October.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Chelsea jokes, ESPN jokes, Goodell jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
September 14, 2016
Steph Curry was asked as part of a longer interview who he was supporting for President. He simply answered “Hillary” and moved on. And some people are actually complaining that athletes shouldn’t get involved in politics? #Onewordistoomany? #WTF?
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Another #Padres pitcher coming in with an ERA of around 6. And of course the #SFGiants scored one run. At some point the team should charge a fee for giving all these pitchers the best outing of their careers.
If by chance the #SFGiants stagger into the playoffs, no one will accuse them of peaking too soon in September.
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Hillary Clinton had to cancel San Francisco fundraisers early this week over her pneumonia. Shame. She could have used that “basket of deplorables” line to great effect about the SF Giants bullpen.
(or in some cases, like today, their hitters.)
Major league baseball has announced their 2017 schedule, with both the Twins and Red Sox opening at home April 3. Too soon to bet on which game is most likely to be snowed out?
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Several Washington State players have been arrested this year, and coach Mike Leach, formerly at Texas Tech, is blaming the police and media for unfairly focusing on football players. Toto, we’re not in Texas any more….
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In New York, an assemblyman who fatally shot himself last week won his primary today. So voters not paying attention? Or voters deciding that a dead man could do less damage than the live alternative?
In Austria, an 18-year-old girl is suing her parents because she said the Facebook pictures they posted of her as a child have made her life miserable. Ah, for the good old days when your parents could only embarrass you with scrapbooks.
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Proving it’s not just U.S. airports and airlines who are fond of euphemisms – a travel agent bulletin says the runway at Aberdeen Airport in Scotland is currently out of service, due to a technical issue.”
The issue, they discovered an actual hole in the runway.
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Mike Pence this week refused to call David Duke “deplorable.” Just one question for Governor Pence, who WOULD he call deplorable?
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Last year, Donald Trump was listed as 6’2″ and 198 pounds. Today he told Dr. Oz he was 6’3″ and 236 pounds. Time for a congressional investigation?
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So @realDonaldTrump says he “feels as good as when I was 30.” If any 70 year-old really believes that, he’s too delusional to be President.
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Hillary Clinton today released detailed medical information. The report said she has “mild, non-contagious bacterial” pneumonia. It also has details about blood cholesterol levels, allergies, her annual mammogram, etc.
Wonder how long before Donald Trump announces again he is the very healthiest but he won’t release his records because we just wouldn’t understand.
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Donald Trump has said “I will end forever the use of the H-1B as a cheap labor program, and institute an absolute requirement to hire American workers for every visa and immigration program. No exceptions.”
Today, Melania Trump tweeted a letter from her lawyer defending her immigration status. The lawyer said Melania told him she “remained in the United States on five one-year H-1B visas before obtaining a green card,”
#Youcantmakethisstuffup
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, curry jokes, election jokes, facebook jokes, Janice Hough, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
September 8, 2016
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The New York Mets actually have signed Tim Tebow to a minor league contract. Is it for his baseball ability? Or are they hoping to get God on their side for a potential playoff run?
What’s all the #CARvsDEN stress, unlike in college football the first game doesn’t really matter as to making the playoffs.
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CEO Jed York, said today that the SF 49ers will give $1 million to two local groups to “help bridge the gap and create better collaboration between law enforcement and local communities.”
So who knew, maybe Colin Kaepernick could actually lead the team after all?
Ray Lewis, going after Colin Kaepenick on his protest. “I think Colin just needs to step back.” Although some might say if Ray had just stepped back in 2000, maybe Jacinth Baker and Richard Lollar might be alive today.
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So maybe Matt Lauer’s real goal is to become the first anchor on the Trump News Network?
If #MattLauer asks #TimTebow about #Aleppo it could break the internet.
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Somewhere #SarahPalin is really upset she got interviewed by #KatieCouric instead of #MattLauer #LaueringTheBar
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Embarrassing interview for Libertarian Presidential candidate Gary Johnson. But what are the odds that Donald Trump knows what Aleppo is either?
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So does #GaryJohnson‘s interview last night make him wish he had chosen #AdmiralStockdale as a running mate? #Aleppo
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A CNN report says an NBC executive “speaking anonymously” said the “Commander-in-chief” forum was a “disaster.” Wow. Usually disasters at NBC are with their prime-time fall lineup.
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Trump supporters are calling for a boycott of Starbucks after CEO Howard Schultz endorsed Hillary and slammed the Donald’s “vitriolic display of bigotry and hate and divisiveness.”
Well, it’s a free country, but weren’t many Trump supporters already boycotting Starbucks over things like LGBT rights? – or as my friend Erin says, the Christmas cups?
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Wells Fargo fired approx 5,300 employees for allegedly opening up additional accounts without their customers’ permission. Uh, over 5,000 people isn’t rogue employees, that’s company practice.
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Trump said last night that he was “pretty good with the body language,” in his supposedly top-secret intelligence briefing and “what I did learn is that our leadership, Barack Obama, did not follow what our experts, and our — truly, when they call it intelligence, it’s there for a reason — what our experts said to do,”
Uh, and we’re worried about Hillary’s email server compromising secrets and national security? #WTF?
Trump last night praised Vladimir Putin and talked of the Russan President’s “82 percent approval rating.” Well, by that token the Donald should be a really big fan of Kim Jong Un -whose approval rating is about 100%. Of living North Koreans polled.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: aleppo jokes, gary johnson jokes, Janice Hough, kaerpernick jokes, matt lauer jokes, NFL jokes, Palin jokes
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September 8, 2016
Good news for San Francisco Bay Area sports fan. Soon with the 49ers season starting they’ll only expect to see one ugly loss a week.
When Posey got a two-out double after first two SF Giants made outs on the first pitch in 9th, Kruk said that we didn’t have to worry about Casilla because he was “now back in his regular rhythm.”
Uh, that’s what Giants fans were afraid of.
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Announced today #MattDuffy to have season-ending surgery with #Rays. Tonight’s #Casilla-started 9th sure felt season-ending for #SFGiants
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Atlanta Braves manager John Coppolella said there was “no risk” in signing Tim Tebow::”It’s similar to when Michael Jordan or others have wanted to play. It’s positive to draw this kind of interest to the game and make it a story because it’s good for baseball.”
He didn’t add “and how long has it been since ANYONE showed any interest in the Braves?
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Colin Kaepernick today said he would donate all the money he gets from his now-top selling NFL jersey “back into the communities.”
Is it just me or has the 49ers backup QB appeared to have grown up in a hurry after that first protest?
Roger Goodell on Kaerpernick: “we believe very strongly in patriotism in the NFL.. I think it’s important to have respect for our country, for our flag, for the people who make our country better; for law enforcement..,”
“For law enforcement.” That’s why so many players work so hard at keeping so many police officers busy?
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Art Briles, after being fired as football coach of Baylor over several sexual assault scandals involving players. “Hey, I made some mistakes. I was wrong. I’m sorry. I’m gonna learn. I’m gonna do better.”
Better at disciplining his players or better at keeping them from getting caught?
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Ryan Lochte, who already lost his four endorsement contracts, has now been suspended by USA swimming for 10 months. Talk about a high-priced pay toilet.
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Tiger Woods says he will return to competitive golf in October at the Safeway Open in Napa. Makes sense, then Tiger can go wine-tasting on his weekend off.
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So why did #Apple get rid of their iPhone jack? Might be 3 words – “cordless $159 earphones. #AppleEvent
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President Obama apparently met informally with Philippine President Duterte today, despite Duterte’s earlier disrespectful insults. Well, guess Obama has had plenty of practice with this sort of thing with Congress.
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A 17-year old Louisiana girl vented on social media “‘Just left albertsons. The woman behind the cake counter just refused to make me a birthday cake because I wanted “Trump 2016″ on it…” The store said it wasn’t about politics but for fear of being sued for copyright infringement with the logo.
Inclined to believe Albertson’s, Louisiana is not exactly a blue state. But allowing for the possibility of the decorator think that Trump is not a good Christian and she didn’t want to make the cake, where are the defenders of religious freedom on this one?
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Donald Trump on Phyllis Schlafly “She was a patriot, a champion for women…” Some statements can’t possibly be topped with a punchline.
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Donald Trump tonight “Under the leadership of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton the generals have been reduced to rubble, reduced to a point where it is embarrassing for our country.”
But earlier today the Donald said that on day one of his Presidency, ““We are going to convey my top generals and give them a simple instruction They will have 30 days to submit to the Oval Office a plan for soundly and quickly defeating ISIS. We have no choice.”
These quotes are verbatim – so just wondering, how does Trump plan to FIND top generals out of the rubble?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: casilla jokes, debate jokes, duffy jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 1, 2016
Facebook just changed their relationship status with SpaceX to “it’s complicated.”
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At Cape Canaveral, a SpaceX rocket exploded on the launch pad this morning. SpaceX described the explosion as an “anomaly.” Fortunately there were no injuries. And airline spokespersons immediately filed “anomaly” away for future use.
Pamela Anderson, 49, has become an anti-porn crusader. Maybe because no one wants to see her sex tapes anymore?
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As Colin Kaepernick doubles down on his anthem protest, angering many other NFL players, here’s an interesting side note: Right now the 49ers only have to pay him guaranteed salary for 2016. But if Kaepernick suffers a career-ending injury, he also gets $14.5 million guaranteed in 2017 and $5.2 million in 2018.
So if Kap plays this year, he’s one good hit away from a long paid vacation.
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Would have been ironic tonight if angry fans went after #Kaepernick in San Diego & he needed a police escort to get out of stadium safely. #SFvsSD
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Angry Mexican news anchor about Trump’s visit “The humiliation is now complete.” Which is the same sentiment felt by many rational members of the GOP.
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NY Jets WR Brandon Marshall said he believes the Chicago Bears traded him after the 2014 season because of his in-season television work on Showtime’s “Inside the NFL” Well, that and Marshall’s receiving stats falling off almost 50% from the 2013 season.
All this talk about scary clowns in #SouthCarolina. Weren’t the presidential primaries months ago?
Appalachian State had a chance to beat Tennessee in regulation, but neglected to call their 3rd and last time out when they might have been in field goal range. Sounds like they spend as much time in math class as members of top NCAA programs.
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Governor RIck Scott has issued a hurricane warning for Florida, saying that Hermine could be “life-threatening.” Surprised he didn’t add a warning to President Obama to stay out of the state’s business.
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Donald Trump believes that American-born children of illegals should be deported. So what does that mean IF it turns out Melania skirted immigration law with her visa?
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United Airlines says that 12 passengers were injured by “severe and unexpected turbulence” on an overnight flight to London while most were asleep. So what part of “keep your seatbelt fastened while you sleep” do most people not understand? #cantfixstupid #butyoucaninjurestupid
“Business Insider’ reports that Marco Gutierrez, who founded “Latinos for Trump’ said there could be “taco trucks on every corner” if the Donald isn’t elected.
Taco trucks? Hmm…Gutierrez might have just given a lot of Americans reasons to vote for Hillary.
From my friend Tony Alan Banks, who just may have solved one of the mysteries of the universe: I’m 100% convinced that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, appalachian state, clown jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, Trump jokes, United jokes
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August 31, 2016
Twitter just gave me the “Who to follow” suggestion of @NBCOlympics Makes sense, the suggestion is as delayed as everything else about this summer’s games.
#Rockies can’t hold 6 run lead after 8 innings against #Dodgers. On brighter note #SFGiants next week at Coors should never feel out of a game.
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Congrats to #TyBlach, the newest pitcher promoted to #SFGiants, leads PCL w/ 14 wins. May or may not have major league stuff. But now neither do Cain & Peavy
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A’s traded #CocoCrisp to #Indians. Proving again most appropriate @Athletics bobblehead would have blank uniform & come with erasable pen.
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Some talk that Colin Kaepernick is being attacked for his sitting down during the National Anthem because he is black, or at least bi-racial. Though have to think if Russell Wilson did it we’d be having a very different discussion.
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Bleacher Report reporting that Colin Kaepernick has become persona non grata in the NFL.. One executive “In my career, I have never seen a guy so hated by front office guys as Kaepernick.”
Right, because he disrespected the flag. Murder, domestic violence, sexual assault, animal cruelty, those are all forgivable. #WTF?
On the other hand, just guessing #MuhammadAli and #JackieRobinson would not wear socks featuring caps wearing police caps. #ColinKaepernick #WTF?
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Congratulations to Rockies rookie Stephen Cardullo, who today on his 29th birthday got his 1st major league home run against the Dodgers in game 1, and a grand slam in game 2.
But maybe SFGiants pitchers might want to get some tape on him before heading to Coors next week.
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Loved Dallas Braden on KNBR this morning, talking about Tebow trying to play MLB. He was talking about strength and size really not mattering in baseball – said Jose Altuve is a likely MVP and “he couldn’t get on rides at Disneyland.”
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All of this outrage that donors to the Clinton Foundation might have done it to get access to the Clintons. As opposed to big campaign donors who give money to candidates out of the goodness of their hearts?
Yet another August 31 political fundraising email starting “I’m sorry to bother you twice on the same day…” Uh, no you aren’t, or you wouldn’t do it. #Justsayno
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Donald Trump was off to Mexico before a speech tonight on immigration. And Hillary Clinton today is tweeting about the mental health crisis in America. Coincidence?
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So while @realDonaldTrump was in Mexico did he try to teach them to make taco bowls as good as the ones in Trump Tower?
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Why does everyone care so much about what Donald Trump said tonight about immigration. No doubt he will probably will deny saying it tomorrow.
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Trump on his meeting with Mexico’s President Nieto “We did discuss the wall. We didn’t discuss payment of the wall.” Well, with all those corporate bankruptcies this is probably the way the Donald is used to doing business.
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Donald Trump “It’s our right as a sovereign nation to choose immigrants that we think are the likeliest to thrive and flourish and love us.” Spoken by a man who has chosen immigrants for two of his three wives.
Today Trump said “we discussed the wall, we did not discuss who would pay for the wall.” Then Nieto said “I made it clear that Mexico will not pay for the wall” Then Trump gave a speech saying Mexico would pay for the wall.
Maybe this is all preparation for the Donald’s next reality show “Dancing with the Truth.”
So is there a world leader @realDonaldTrump hasn’t insulted or accused of lying, besides #Putin?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: A's jokes, colinkaepernick jokes, flag jokes, fundraising jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, Rockies jokes, wall jokes
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August 30, 2016
Increasing social media support for #ColinKaepernick. Wonder how many are #LARams fans wanting to make sure he starts season opener. #SFvsLA
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Okay, on some level isn’t the most shocking thing about the controversy that #ColinKaepernick is actually relevant again? #SF49ers
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#ColinKaepernick controversy was about him sitting during national anthem: The way he’s looked in preseason he was going to be sitting after it.
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Happiest people about this Kaepernick controversy have to be TV advertisers who have bought space for upcoming games right before the National Anthem.
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Tony Stewart now has called Colin Kaepernick an “idiot.” Right, because Kap shouldn’t have sat down to protest, he should have run someone over with his car?
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You know you’re having a bad week when you replaced #TonyRomo on your #FantasyFootball team with #TeddyBridgewater
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Senator #MarcoRubio, who is running for re-election, has refused to commit to serving a full six-year term. “Atta boy!” said #SarahPalin
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Sarah Palin gashed her forehead while running when she fell on a rock. No word on the condition of the rock.
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Bruce Bochy indicates that Joe Nathan might be a September call-up for SFGiants. Bonus is any medical costs would be covered by Medicare.
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Tim Tebow has been offered a baseball contract to play winter ball in Venezuela. No interest yet from any major league team. But maybe Tebow hasn’t heard from the Braves yet?
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Chris Brown has surrendered to police after an 11-hour standoff at his Southern California home. 11-hours? That’s probably longer than it will take Brown to write a song about it.
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#ChrisBrown in 2013 “I finally learned that hitting a woman is wrong.” #ChrisBrown in 2016 “Pulling a gun on her, on the other hand….
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An inmate at a Northern California jail for petty theft, was scheduled to be released today, but he tried to escape over a fence yesterday, was caught, and now faces additional charges. #Crooksarestupid
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Another candidate for the “crooks are stupid” award of the week: A woman was arrested after she bailed her friend out of jail. With a stolen credit card. Back on your game, Florida.
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ISIS second-in-command and spokesman Abu Muhammad al-Adnani has been killed. #IblameObama
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As Trump criticizes Hillary Clinton over the Anthony Weiner mess, have to wonder, how happy is the Donald now that they didn’t have cellphones with cameras when he himself was in his younger days?
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Donald Trump is heading to Mexico for meeting with President Nieto Wednesday. Quick, can we get that wall built while he’s gone?
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From Marc Ragovin “Iowa Senator Jodi Ernst recently said that both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton should stop their nasty personal attacks and civilly and rationally address the important issues facing America. She then excused herself to film a commercial in which she castrates President Obama.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Colin Kaepernick jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, kap jokes, Palin jokes, Rubio jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 29, 2016
Bummer, Gene Wilder, 83, has passed away. Although between him and Gilda Radnerthere should be some un-PC side-splitting shows in heaven coming up.
Hope it didn’t kill Wilder to face the possibility of an Oompa Loompa being elected president.
Interesting to hear commentators talk about how Colin Kaepernick’s protest might keep the suddenly desperate Dallas Cowboys from trading for him. Right, this is the same team that had no problem signing Greg Hardy. #priorities.
If #SF49ers want a less controversial backup QB than #ColinKaepernick, #MichaelVick is available. Or hey, so is #TimTebow.
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Sigh. Wasn’t that long ago that SF Giants thought Barry Bonds’ recliner was the biggest problem team could have with one of their players sitting.
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Absolutely respect #ColinKaepernick‘s views & desire to speak up. But think his execution has been as good his handling of #49ers offense.
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Figure @realDonaldTrump will soon go after #ColinKaepernick soon. Less for #49ers QB’s protest than for fact he’s stealing Trump’s headlines
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At the U.S. Open, tennis player CoCo Vandeweghe, who lost in 3 sets, refused to shake the official’s hand: “I’m frickin’ pissed. It sucks.”
Vandeweghe isn’t leaving the tournament yet: “I have doubles Doubles and mixed, that’s where I’m heading next.”
And after today I’m sure she’ll have no problems with officials going forward…..
#RickPerry is going to be on #DWTS?! Did someone warn him he will have to count steps?
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Ohio State suspended highly-recruited WR Torrance Gibson for the season “due to a violation of the school’s student code of conduct.” Urban Meyer says “I disagree” and adds that it was not a football or athletic dept decision.
Guess it’s time to open the pool on when Gibson will apply to transfer to an SEC school.
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Former Stanford student and convicted rapist Brock Turner will be released from prison Friday after 3 months. No word on where he will go.
Hmm, India might be a good fit, this from their tourism minister, while promoting a welcome kit to be handed out on arrival “There’s a card in there listing the do’s and don’ts. Basic things like, ‘Don’t go out at night alone.’ ‘Don’t wear skirts.'”
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The Princeton Review named University of Wisconsin-Madison the #1 party school in the USA. Well, no doubt that calls for an all-campus party tonight.
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Last Saturday night, the 911 system in Washington D.C. was down for two hours, when a contractor working on a water leak accidentally turned the master switch off. Proving again, sometimes terrorism is no match for good old fashioned stupidity.
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#AnthonyWeiner and #HumaAbedin are separating. Five words: What took her so long?
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Sure hope the people who have been attacking Hillary Clinton for not leaving Bill are nothing but supportive of Huma Abedin’s split from Anthony Weiner. #wecandream
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Donald Trump this morning “Huma is making a very wise decision. I know Anthony Weiner well, and she will be far better off without him.”
But then added “Hillary Clinton was careless and negligent in allowing Weiner to have such close proximity to highly classified information. Who knows what he learned and who he told? It’s just another example of Hillary Clinton’s bad judgment. It is possible that our country and its security have been greatly compromised by this.”
So for those who wondered how long the Donald could stay on the high road, the answer, about 15 seconds.
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So Donald Trump attacks Hillary Clinton over national security because of Huma Abedin & Anthony Weiner: Clearly a rant from a man who has no idea women can keep secrets from their husbands.
Categories: football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Cowboys jokes, gene wilder jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, Trump jokes, US open jokes, Weiner jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 