Archive for February 2015
February 28, 2015
Officials say they have seized 15 tons of marijuana at a border crossing near San Diego. Okay, seems like it’s time for California Governor Jerry Brown to discuss a little trade with Colorado for water.
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AEG, who wants to build an NFL stadium next to Staples, commissioned a study by former Homeland Security Security Tom Ridge that said an Inglewood professional sports stadium would be too close to LAX, and thus a terrorism target. Except Shea Stadium and now Citi Field are right next to LaGuardia. Or are the Mets not considered a pro team.
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An LA County Sheriff’s official said that a white dress that “greatly resembles” the missing gown taken from Lupita Nyong’o’s hotel room was found yesterday under a sink in the same hotel. Or maybe the dress was found the same day as the theft, but the finder thought it was blue.
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You can’t make this “stuff” up dept: Richard Mack, a former Arizona sheriff, who founded the anti-Federal government “Constitutional Sheriff and Peace Officer Association” and fought Obamacare, has now started a GoFundMe campaign to cover his and his wife’s medical care. Because Mack had a heart attack, his wife is ill, and they are uninsured.
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Two volleyball players at Erskine College in South Carolina came out as gay. And the school reacted by banning homosexuality, saying in a statement that members of their “community are expected to follow the teachings of scripture concerning matters of human sexuality.” Okay, then, so like Abraham, David, Solomon etc, how many wives and concubines are men at the college allowed?
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A new app will allow people to upload pictures of their pets, and let others rate them as “cute or not.” This is probably not what Al Gore had in mind when he invented the internet.
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A police chief has been arrested and fired after he ordered a “two-girl special” in an undercover prostitution sting. Yep, Florida. (Miami Gardens)
William Shatner says he has to miss Leonard Nimoy’s funeral due to a commitment tonight to attend a Red Cross Charity ball in Florida. What, Shatner couldn’t somehow find a late-night or early morning flight on Priceline?
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Worst thing about that American Airlines flight from Dallas to Oklahoma City where passengers were stuck on the plane for 9 hours at DFW Airport. The DRIVE time from Dallas to Oklahoma City is about 3 1/2 hours.
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White Sox ace Chris Sale fractured his right foot yesterday, apparently from jumping off of his truck. Was he washing it at the time?
(from my friend Tom D. “I kent believe it.”)
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Russian President Vladimir Putin has taken “personal control” of the investigation into the murder of his political opponent Boris Nemtsov, who was shot yesterday near the Kremlin. And no doubt he will find an investigator who will work tirelessly to blame the killing on anyone but Mr. Putin.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #thedress jokes, airline jokes, Arizona jokes, dress jokes, Janice Hough, LA jokes, marijuana jokes, NFL jokes, Shatner jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
February 28, 2015
Note to men, it doesn’t matter what color you say the dress is, as long as you don’t say it makes her look fat.
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“He’s dead, Jim” End of an era. Leonard Nimoy has passed away at the age of 83. He prospered but seems like he did not live long enough..
With all that is going on in the world, this week Americans seem most focused on a dress and runaway llamas?! . Now we know what REALLY killed Leonard Nimoy. #beammeupScottytheresnointelligentlifeonthisplanet
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Most upset person in the US over #theDress” has to be Kim Kardashian. Americans are actually ignoring her pictures in favor of a body that is fully clothed? #thenerve
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#whythereisnosatire. Gov. Scott Walker said this week that his experience taking on thousands of protestors in Wisconsin has helped prepare him to take on international terrorists. #facepalm
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Illinois GOP Rep. Aaron Schock has personally repaid $40,000 this month, after he was accused of spending taxpayer money to decorate his congressional office in the style of the TV show “Downton Abbey.” “Downton Abbey?” Really? How shocking! A Republican watches PBS?
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Marco Rubio today at CPAC said “Hillary Clinton” is “Yesterday.” So if it’s Clinton-Bush in 2016 can we count on Rubio for a rousing chorus of “Yesterday Once More?”
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The NBA says that on Monday and throughout the playoffs, the league will now publicly release internal reports on all calls and relevant no-calls in the final minutes of close games. Not that they will change such calls after the fact. Maybe they can start by retroactively apologizing to the 2002 Sacramento Kings.
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So there are rumors that the NFL is sitting on a video regarding a 2011 incident where Dez Bryant’s girlfriend was apparently dragged around a Wal-Mart parking lot by an unidentified black man. (She and Bryant have denied the two were in an argument.) But hey, it’s all good. If it’s the NFL I am sure no one’s actually looked at the tape.
The House voted down a stopgap funding measure for the Department of Homeland Security today., resulting in this comment “There are terrorist attacks all over world and we’re talking about closing down Homeland Security. This is like living in world of crazy people.” And this is not Nancy Pelosi. It’s GOP Rep. Peter King.
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Meanwhile, though the bill finally passed, So when can we expect #RudyGiuliani to start screaming about GOP House members who voted down #HomelandSecurity $$$ not loving America.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #thedress, Congress jokes, Janice Hough, Rubio jokes, the dress jokes
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February 27, 2015
Oops. Someone at JetBlue Airways decided it was a good idea to tweet out “Oh, the Bluemanity” to their almost 2 million followers. (“Oh, the humanity!” was the radio announcer’s cry when the Hindenberg crashed and killed 36 people.). The tweet has been removed.
To paraphrase, those who cannot remember the past are condemned to make fools of themselves on social media? #cantfixstupid
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A California judge ruled that Lindsay Lohan’s self-selected “community service” in London doesn’t count, and she still has over 100 hours to complete if she doesn’t want to go to jail. PEOPLE magazine reported Lohan was trying to include things like having young people “shadow” her and hang out while she was performing in a play. Can’t imagine how celebrities get the reputation for being out of touch..
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KNBR radio reports that ESPN has their “Sunday Night Baseball” schedule out. Through July 19, the Red Sox and Yankees are on 7 times. The World Champion SF Giants zero. Ditto the Dodgers. The only team west of the Mississippi on at all are the Angels, twice. And they wonder why baseball doesn’t have a national audience.
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In Tennessee, two high school girls basketball coaches were suspended for this season and next year. This after a game where both teams tried to lose to get a better tournament position. Amongst numerous violations were deliberate attempts at turnovers and one attempted own-goal. Wouldn’t it have been easier for one coach just to tell his girls to play like the Knicks?
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Headline “MLBer shagging flies steps on sprinkler, tears knee cartilage.” Turns out of be bad news for the Blue Jays’ Michael Saunders. But most Giants fans seeing that story were sure it was Jeremy Affeldt.
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Donald Trump said yesterday that he is “more serious” than ever about running for President in 2016. And Jon Stewart is thinking “well, maybe I can delay that retirement just a bit….”
Anyone but me beginning to wonder how Aaron Hernandez, 25, managed to stay out of prison for as long as he did? #thanksurbanmeyer
A new British study has found that adults who sleep more than 8 hours a day have a significantly higher risk of strokes. Which is finally some really good health news for working mothers.
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NJ Gov. Chris Christie, speaking to conservative group CPAC, “Sometimes people need to be told to sit down and shut up.” Yep, including at times, Chris Christie.
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Regarding Chris Christie’s comment that “Sometimes people need to be told to sit down and shut up.” If the NJ Governor REALLY wants a boost to his Presidential prospects can he direct that statement to Kanye West?
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From T.C. “At the NFL combine, Jameis Winston ran the 40 in 4.97 sec. Rumor has it he improved his time to 4.55 when a scout handed him a bag of crab legs.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Aaron Hernandez jokes, baseball jokes, Chris Christie jokes, ESPN jokes, Janice Hough, JetBlue jokes, Lindsay Lohan jokes, Trump jokes
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February 26, 2015
Marijuana, in small quantities, became legal tonight in Washington, D.C. But some Republicans are upset. Rep. Jason Chaffetz, a Tea Partier from Utah wrote in a letter to the mayor. “If you decide to move forward … you will be doing so in knowing and willful violation of the law.” Whatever happened to the mantra of “Government out of our lives”?
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David Ortiz is not happy about the new pace rules saying a hitter has to keep one foot in the box “I call that bulls—” And Ortiz also indicated he needs the time to strategize so he’ll just pay the fines. Well, maybe Big Papi can call Marshawn Lynch for advice about setting up one of those automatic payment plans.
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The way his trial is going, looks like only thing that could get #AaronHernandez an acquittal is a change of venue to Los Angeles.
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Lebron James is complaining that colleges are already offering his young son basketball scholarships “It’s pretty crazy. It should be a violation. You shouldn’t be recruiting 10-year-old kids.” And Les Miles is thinking, yeah, if we thought he might play football we should have started at least 8 years earlier.
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The Chicago Cubs announced that they now have a new mental skills program, run by sports psychologist Dr. Ken Ravizza. Will Dr. Ravizza also be setting up depression clinics for Cubs fans?
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Carly Fiorina, trashing Hillary Clinton’s touting of all the hundreds of thousands of miles she travelled as Secetary of State: “But unlike Hillary Clinton, I know that flying is an activity, not an accomplishment.” Spoken like someone who has her choice of private planes.
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The Ohio news anchor who used a racial slur to describe Lady Gaga’s music, saying afterwards she didn’t even know the slur was a word, is off the air for three days. Presume when she returns it will be with a dictionary?
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Federal prosecutors have decided there is insufficient evidence to prosecute George Zimmerman for a hate crime against Trayvon Martin. Or maybe they figured they could save the expense of a trial since this guy seems well on his way to a Darwin award.
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Jason Jones has announced he will follow Jon Stewart in leaving “The Daily Show.” Wonder why the mass exodus. Maybe all these comics are beginning to think, that as crazy as the world is becoming, there really IS no satire.
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The state of Texas is warning college kids on spring break to avoid Mexico because of the danger of drug cartel violence. Right, go somewhere like Florida with all-American gun violence.
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A New York councilman will introduce a bill tomorrow to require the NYPD to become completely digital, and get rid of their typewriters. Responded most millennials “What are typewriters?”
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Mark Beckner, the former Boulder, CO police chief who led the 1996 Jon Benet Ramsey murder investigation acknowledged today in a Reddit session that many mistakes were made, for starters, he wished “we would have done a much better job of securing and controlling the crime scene on day one” and the “DA involvement in this case was inappropriate.”
Anyone who followed the case wonders, in his next interview, will Beckner give his opinion that water is wet?
A lawyer for the Southern California trucker who abandoned his vehicle on the tracks before a Metrolink train crashed into it said the trucker was “running for his life” and not abandoning the scene of an accident. Police found the guy 45 min later, 1.5 miles away…… Was he afraid the train was going to push him into a lifeboat?
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From Bill Littlejohn. “Joba Chamberlain’s new contract includes a Cy Young bonus.Isn’t that like Vin Diesel’s new contract including an Oscar bonus?”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Aaron Hernandez jokes, Big Papi jokes, Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, Lady Gaga jokes, marijuana jokes, Texas jokes, The Daily Show jokes
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February 25, 2015
The Cleveland Browns have announced a new tweaked helmet with a brighter orange color, and will unveil a new uniform this spring. Unfortunately for Browns fans, the uniforms will still have the same players in them.
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Hank Aaron says he is rooting for A-Rod to have a “great year.” Well, getting paid $22 million for sitting in the dugout sounds like a pretty great year to most people.
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The “Dancing with the Stars” list for this season is out. Increasingly watching the show is like watching actual stars in the sky. Most of us can’t name any of them either..
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Idaho State Rep. Vito Barbieri asked in a committee hearing if, before an abortion, women could swallow a small camera so that doctors could conduct a gynecological exam remotely. So all doctors should now know never to prescribe Barbieri a suppository. Because this man couldn’t find where to put it with two hands and a hunting dog.
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David Ortiz, on his first day of Spring Training “Thank God my belly hasn’t grown like Panda.” Is it too soon to start the “Inflategate” jokes?
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Nebraska men’s basketball coach Tim Miles got so upset about his team’s performance that he locked the players out of their own locker room. Hmm, in drought-stricken California this could be a great way to save on water for the Lakers.
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Baltimore GM Ozzie Newsome said the Ray Rice scandal will affect this year’s draft: “Someone who has domestic abuse in their background, it’s going to be tough for them to be considered a Raven.” Okay, so before the elevator video someone with domestic abuse in their background would have been an easy choice for the Ravens?
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Outside the White House today, Bobby Jindal declared that President Obama was “unfit to be commander in chief.” Curiously enough, the last poll taken in Louisiana showed Jindal with a 34% approval rating, basically saying residents think HE’s unfit to be Governor.
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More Jindal. He gave his little “Obama is unfit to be commander in chief” speech today in Washington, D.C. outside, in 20 degree weather, wearing only a suit. Uh, whatever you say about our President, he’s smart to know when to put a coat on.
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Deep breaths everyone. Headline in Britain’s Daily Mail “Terror fears over sophisticated mystery tunnel found yards from Toronto stadium that hosts Canada’s biggest sporting events.” And the tunnel is elaborate. But amongst things found inside…. a rosary.
“Islam is a vibrant faith. Millions of our fellow citizens are Muslim. We respect the faith. We honor its traditions. Our enemy does not. Our enemy doesn’t follow the great traditions of Islam. They’ve hijacked a great religion.” George W. Bush, October, 2002. #nocomment
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, Browns jokes, DWTS stars, Janice Hough, Jindal jokes, Red Sox jokes, spring training jokes, Vito Barbieri
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February 24, 2015
The Atlanta Braves’ B.J. Upton now wants to be known as Melvin Upton, Jr. Talk about a player to be named later.
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Yep, cigarettes can kill you. But usually not this quickly. A man driving along the Columbia River in Oregon stopped to smoke and take a selfie while a train passed. He didn’t see another train coming from the other direction. #Darwinawardoftheweek
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It’s really a shame we don’t have Joan Rivers around to dish on how tacky it was to exclude her from the “In Memoriam” Oscars segment.
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Okay, so maybe you shouldn’t bring your mom as your Oscar date when you’ve just starred in a soft-core porn flick. But just imagine how awkward the interview might have been if instead of bringing Melanie Griffith, Dakota Johnson had brought her father….
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The Oscar ratings fell to a four-year low last night. Not sure what the Academy could do about the trend. Maybe something heretical like nominate more movies people have actually seen?
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So we’re looking at a Homeland Security Department shutdown because the GOP is trying to tie a funding bill to a rollback of Obama’s executive actions on immigration. So where’s Giuliani’s rant on ‘loving your country” now?
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Kristi Capel,, a Fox news anchor in Ohio referred to Lady Gaga’s performance as “jigaboo” music, and then in her apology said “I had no idea it was a word or what it meant. ” Uh, Kristi, here’s a hint, if you don’t know what a word means, don’t use it.
New MLB commissioner Rob Manfred has said a return to a 154 game schedule is “not impossible.” And ESPN responded “As long as it doesn’t cut down on Yankees-Red Sox games.”
KC #Royals manager Ned Yost: “I think without Madison we would be champions.” #ThatswhytheycallittheMVPaward
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Phil Jackson actually called out his Knicks team on Twitter last night. What’s more surprising. That the Knicks are this bad, or that Jackson knows how to use Twitter?
Louisville dismissed men’s basketball starting guard Chris Jones after campus police released a report that says he texted a woman who had “messed up his room” that he would “smack TF out of” her.” So maybe Jones is violent, maybe he isn’t. But if nothing else the man should be dismissed for being stupid enough to put a threat in a text.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Dakota johnson jokes, Darwin Award jokes, Darwin jokes, Janice Hough, Lady Gaga jokes, Oscars jokes
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February 23, 2015
Many of my generation asked “Who’s Lady Gaga?” Many of her generation asked “What’s ‘The Sound of Music.;”? And both generations tonight were probably pleasantly surprised.
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And the #Oscar for best use of tape goes, again, to Jennifer Lopez.
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So there have apparently been major protests outside the Oscars over the exclusion of “Selma.” But hey, the Academy is 92% white, 77% male, and average age 62. #whatdidweexpect #itsallabouttheclothesanyway
Julianne Moore wins a well-deserved Best Actress for “Still Alice.” And many of her contemporaries are thinking. Well, except for that better performance, if we could remember who she was….
So the Academy decides to make up for leaving #Selma out of major awards by taking Oscar for “Best Song” away from the heartbreaking “I’m not going to miss you” by Alzheimer’s patient Glen Campbell. #fiftyshadesofguilt
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Neil Patrick Harris is better than most hosts. But once again recall the great Johnny Carson, who noted that tonight we celebrate movies. By having millions of people watching the Oscars. And a few thousand for some reason tonight still in movie theaters.
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So how did Rudy Giuliani not get nominated for his performance as a politician struggling to pretend he is still relevant?
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For that matter, how about the Knicks being nominated for best performance pretending to be an NBA team?
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A video purporting to be from an Al-Qaida linked group in Somalia calls for attacks on shopping malls and singles out Minnesota’s Mall of America. I can hear men now “Of course I’m not against shopping with you or having you go shopping alone. I just want you to be safe.”
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Most Americans who watch the #Daytona500 do so for the same reason we watch reality TV. We like watching wrecks.
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Turned on car radio this afternoon and KNBR has the Daytona 500. NASCAR racing on radio?! #andtheysaybaseballisboring
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The cold wave has even spread to the Lone Star state. The Dallas area is expecting 2 inches of sleet in the next two days. Cue the “Hell freezing over jokes.”
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As #Giuliani keeps doubling down on anti-Obama comments, how long until even Sarah Palin accuses Rudy of being an irrelevant media whore?
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Interesting that many of these Republicans who are accusing of President Obama of not loving America because he isn’t 100% uncritical of the country, are also the same ones who rail against the “everybody gets a trophy”, uncritical parents who believe the children they love can do no wrong.
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Ronna Romney McDaniel, 41, Mitt Romney’s niece, was chosen as chair of the Michigan GOP. So is this the first step towards Ronna’s running against Chelsea Clinton for President in 2032?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Oscars jokes
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February 22, 2015
Security at this year’s Academy Awards will be tight. Especially since they need half a dozen or so men just to keep Kanye West from rushing the stage.
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As we approach the Oscars, the snubs are often as much a source of discussion as the nominees. For example, how did “Frozen” not get nominated this year for “Best Documentary”?
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Prince Harry and Emma Watson are dating. Could be some of the best pillow-talk ever: “You’re a wizard, Harry.”
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Chris Bosh will be out for the season at least with blood clots in his lungs. His long-term prognosis is good. But what a bummer for Heat fans who were counting on the team’s .434 winning percentage getting them into the Eastern Conference playoffs.
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On the bright side for San Jose Sharks fans, at least this year the team isn’t likely to break their hearts in the playoffs.
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Tickets for this year’s Comic-Con in San Diego this July sold out in less than an hour. On the bright side for hopeful attendees, most of those who bought 2 tickets probably don’t yet have dates.
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American Airlines says that due to a “technical glitch” with a conveyor belt they couldn’t load checked baggage on planes for eight hours on Friday. And not only did planes depart without luggage, passengers weren’t notified and found out only after they waited, in many cases over an hour at empty carousels. So what, the travelers hadn’t paid their “communication” fees?
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Fox News has reported that the West Coast dock labor dispute finally is over after 9 months. Without the mentioning the reason – that the President sent Labor Secretary Perez to Oakland with an order to end it. (An agreement was done in 3 days.) So where’s the fury over Obama’s “Imperial Presidency” on this one?
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Kris Jenner is apparently claiming someone has extorted her over a nude video hack. Well, at least Kris doesn’t have to pay. Even if the hacker posts the video, no one will watch it.
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A florist in Washington is refusing to settle a discrimination case over providing flowers for the gay wedding of a longtime customer, because she says “her ‘relationship with Jesus Christ’ won’t allow it. So presume she also doesn’t do flowers for couples who have had pre-marital or extra-marital sex before THEIR weddings?
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Wis. Gov. Scott Walker said today “I’ve never asked him, I don’t know” when asked whether President Barack Obama loves America. Well to be fair, Walker said he didn’t know about evolution either. #doublingdownonstupid
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Academy Awards jokes, airline jokes, comic con jokes, Janice Hough, Kanye West jokes, Kardashian jokes, Oscars jokes, Prince Harry jokes, Sharks jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
February 20, 2015
So let me get this straight, the same Americans who are so into novelty that they can’t exist without the absolutely newest iPhones are thinking of choosing a new President between Clinton and Bush?
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A government panel says drinking three to FIVE cups of coffee a day will help prevent heart disease, liver cancer, Parkinson and type 2 diabetes. Of course, there may be a heightened risk of injury from bouncing off of walls.
Jack Nicklaus on Tiger Woods, “I think he’s struggling more between his ears than he is anyplace else.” Oddly enough, Woods seemed to start going downhill when he started focusing more between his ears than between his legs.
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Rudy Giuliani, not backing down, now says ““You know, President Obama didn’t live through September 11, I did.” Shocking. Mostly shocking that Rudy didn’t somehow use 9-11 in his original “Obama doesn’t love America” statement.
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More from Giuliani. ““What I don’t find with Obama is a really deep knowledge of history. I think it’s a dilettante’s knowledge of history.” So has anyone asked Rudy what he thinks of, for starters, Oklahoma Republicans trying to ban AP US History classes in schools?
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Another reason why good manners are important. Karma can be one mean impressive b*tch sometimes. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/…/Commuter-swears-man-way-interv…
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MLB and the players unions have agreed to changes to speed up the game – enforcement of the rule that players keep one foot in the batter’s box, and stadium clocks for pitching changes and inning breaks. So who knows, maybe this year they can get an average Red Sox-Yankees game down to four hours.
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Pablo Sandoval dismissed criticism over his weight in a Spanish interview with ESPNDeportes, saying “Let them talk… It will never change me or the player I am.” Actually with this winter in Boston Panda could have just said he was storing up fat for hibernation.
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A bipartisan group in Congress is working on legislation to require Amtrak to allow small pets (under 20 pounds) on train trips of less than 750 miles. Let’s hope they’re specific. Cats and dogs make sense. But not sure we want “motherf***ing snakes on motherf***ing trains.”
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No deaths or injuries thankfully from a major fire at a luxury skyscraper in Dubai. But maybe it’s tempting fate a bit much to name a building “The Torch.”
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Pete Carroll said he’ll miss competing against Jim Harbaugh now that Harbaugh’s returned to the college game. Well a few more calls like the end of the Super Bowl and Pete might be back with Jim.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton Bush jokes, Guiliani jokes, Janice Hough, karma jokes, MLB jokes, Red Sox jokes, Rudy Giuliani jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
February 19, 2015
A Canadian PhD student says he has developed a topical cream that can remove tattoos easily and without pain. If this cream actually ends up available to for sale I think we’ve just figured the answer to an often pressing question. “What do I buy for a college graduation present?”
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Roger Goodell, 56, ran the 40 yard dash this week, in a very respectable 5.53 seconds. Assume Goodell did it by imagining he was running away from tough questions.
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The San Diego Chargers and Oakland Raiders are talking about building a joint stadium together in Los Angeles. Makes some sense. And it’s not like the new stadium would need to set aside much space for future Super Bowl trophies.
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Police who have accused Warren Sapp of soliciting prostitution and assault say that the former NFL star not only paid for oral sex, he filmed it on his cellphone. Nice of Sapp to do their evidence gathering for them. #cantfixstupid
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So now FIFA has decided that the 2022 World Cup in Qatar will be played in November-December, right in the middle of the European Cup Season. But hey, the weather should only be in the 80s. And why should FIFA care about European soccer anyway, Qatar should have the World Cup they bought and paid for.
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Tiger Woods has decided he will not play in next week’s Honda Classic at PGA National. Tiger must really need some time away from the game – it would only be two rounds of golf.
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Former NBA star Jerome Kersey passed away today way too young at the age of 52. Kersey won a single championship, with the San Antonio Spurs in 1999. How long ago and yet how recent was that? One of his teammates was Steve Kerr. And the MVP of the finals was Tim Duncan.
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Rudy Giuliani, speaking at a dinner for Scott Walker with about 60 wealthy Republican executives and conservative media. “I do not believe that the president loves America. He doesn’t love you. And he doesn’t love me.” Well Giuliani got two out of three right.
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The Big Ten says they are looking into the idea of making freshmen athletes ineligible for competition. The idea being to give them “a year of readiness” to adjust to college life. So is the conference also presumably thinking of giving up on D1 college basketball?
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The NBA season resumed post-All Star break tonight. Which means we only have about two months until the two-month postseason starts.
From T.C. “Memo to all players at Yankee Spring Training: Since we are running out of traditional numbers, please submit a request for a “letter or double letter” uniform in case the number you want is unavailable. The letters BB (bat boy); DD (our well endowed left field foul line girl) and FU (in case Randy Johnson comes out of retirement) are already taken.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Giuliani jokes, Goodell jokes, Janice Hough, Raiders jokes, Sapp jokes World cup jokes, tattoo jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
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February 18, 2015
GM Trent Baalke on Jim Harbaugh: “We’ve moved on…. I feel very good about the direction we’re headed and I’m sure he does as well.” Yeah, actually it wouldn’t surprise me if Harbaugh feels VERY good about the direction in which the 49ers are headed…..
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So in Boston, they are offering free Red Sox tickets to residents who help shovel show away from fire hydrants. If New York gets another storm they are thinking of a different strategy, anyone who doesn’t help with the snow will get free Knicks tickets.
The beagle that won “Best in Show” at the Westminster Dog Show, and thus became “America’s Dog”, is actually Canadian. Another immigrant taking something away from Americans. I blame Obama.
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A New Jersey high school teacher has been indicted by a grand jury for allegedly having for sex with 6 different students. 6 students?! So clearly we do have a serious problem in our schools with overcrowding.
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Browns coach Mike Pettine just said of Johnny Manziel’s issues, that “we had the same information everyone else in the league had. It turns out to be a deeper-rooted thing than we thought.” Is Cleveland planning on changing their mascot to an ostrich?
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Mississippi just passed the “Jesus Take the Wheel” act, which would exempt drivers of mid-sized church buses (up to 30 passengers) from having a commercial driver’s license. Well, this is one way to get more people praying on the road.
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Pamela Anderson has filed for divorce from Rick Salomon for the THIRD time. And this is the type of marriage some conservatives are working so hard to defend?
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United Airlines plans to slightly increase capacity this year. And apparently 50% of the growth will come from the installation of “slim line” seats on 450 planes. Will United be installing these additional seats on their aircraft with a shoehorn?
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Some are criticizing Joe Biden for putting his hands on Ash Carter’s wife’s shoulders. And really, it wasn’t very Presidential of him. Clearly Joe should have also given her a neck massage.
In Orlando, a woman was arrested when she walked naked down a residential street and stopped traffic by masturbating in public. Some Americans responded to this story with shock, others with “that’s Florida,” and Bostonians with “You can walk outside without a coat on?”
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Scott Walker says that criticizing him for dropping out of college during his senior year is “elitist.” I think I like Sarah Palin’s “higher calling” better.
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Little Caesar’s is offering a new deep dish pizza which is not just topped with pepperoni and back, its crust is wrapped in bacon. Does it come with free sides of statins and beta-blockers?
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From Marc Ragovin. “I would put more stock in A-Rod’s letter of apology to Yankees fans if he hadn’t written it in disappearing ink.
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From T.C. Handwriting experts have analyed A-Rod’s written apology and concluded that he writes like a girl and has a massive ego. So does this mean he had his ex-squeeze Madonna pen his apology for him?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Boston jokes, Florida jokes, Harbaugh jokes, Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, Mississippi jokes, New Jersey jokes, snow jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
February 18, 2015
The California drought and warm weather means U.S. Ski and Snowboard Association has had to cancel a World Cup competition that was to be held in March at Squaw Valley.. Maybe they can move it to Boston?
The above photo is for real, built by MIT students.
In Washington, snow has shut the federal government, and according to a headline “330,000 are without power.” 330,001 if you count Joe Biden.
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This weekend in Lake Placid all living members of the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team will reunite for the 35th anniversary of the “Miracle on Ice.” Meanwhile, in Boston, they are hoping for a “Miracle to get rid of the Ice.”
ESPN reports that investigators have found that a Patriots locker-room attendant tried to insert an unapproved football into their playoff game against the Colts. So have they also found how much New England might be paying this guy for throwing himself under the bus?
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Over 23 million people watched NBC’s SNL’s 40th anniversary special Sunday night. Wonder how many of them had to first find out what channel NBC is these days?
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Pablo Sandoval has shown up to spring training looking, well, large. Guess the Panda hasn’t had any problems finding the bakeries and restaurants in Boston’s North End.
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Several hundred teenagers in Ococee, FL stormed a movie theater after employees said they were not accompanied by adults, and refused to sell them tickets to “Fifty Shades of Grey,” If only they had been armed.
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Ahmad Bradshaw was cited for possession of a small amount of marijuana by the Ohio Highway Patrol. But he wasn’t arrested, and the citation is payable without a court appearance. So basically, Ohio just has a marijuana tax?
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Kobe Bryant says he isn’t retiring. “I thought the Spurs were done 20 years ago. Those guys are still winning. … I’m hoping I can have the same rebirth.” Uh, except, Kobe, San Antonio doesn’t need an expensive backup shooting guard.
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A 92 year-old-driver lost control of his minivan outside a Piggly Wiggly in Wisconsin, then panicked and hit a total of 9 other cars in the parking lot. Police say the man will not be ticketed, but he’s presumably been offered a spot in the next “Senior Demolition Derby.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Biden jokes, Boston jokes, Fifty shades jokes, Janice Hough, Kobe jokes, Patriots jokes, SNL jokes, snow jokes, storm jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
February 17, 2015
New York’s East River is clogged with ice flows. How long until the Circle Line starts trying to make extra money by doing Titanic-themed cruises?
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We’re already up to Winter storms Neptune and Octavia. So what happens in another few weeks… do they start with Roman numbers?
The Yankees today announced that not only will they retire Andy Pettitte’s #46, they will also retire Bernie Williams’s #51 and Jorge Posada’s #20. So who will be the first Bronx Bomber to wear triple digits?
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When the Yankees announced they were retiring Andy Petitte’s number, it prompted this tweet “”Congrats to 46. Yankees retiring his number. Hopefully they don’t retire it like his HGH testimony,” This from Petitte’s former teammate Chuck Knoblauch. So just guessing those two won’t be on the same team for the next Yankees’ old-timers game?
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A 20-year-old American man is out of intensive care after being repeatedly gored during a bull-running festival in Spain, including a major wound in his thigh area. So just MAYBE Darwin’s mission has been accomplished here.
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Sorry to hear of the death of former SF Giants coach Wendell Kim, only 64. But thinking that in a softball game in Heaven, Kim’s already waving Ernie Banks around third.
Barry Zito has signed a minor-league trade deadline with the As. Makes sense. He has a comfortable history with the team. And if Barry does well, presumably he can count on Oakland trading him to a contender mid-season.
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Lesley Gore, 68, who sang the hit “It’s my party,” has passed away. Presumably attendees at her funeral will be told they can “cry if they want to.”
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#JasonGiambi, 44, is retiring. “So young?” asked Jamie Moyer.
When a 20 yr-old New Jersey man who’d been drinking crashed a car, he returned in another car with a friend, also allegedly drunk, to pour water on the road. The idea being to make it look like he’d spun out on black ice.
A policeman saw them, along with the empty buckets, and both men were arrested. You’d think if the guy could think of something this creatively weird, he’d have been able to think to call a cab?
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The weather has been so bad back East that most Americans trying to honor our Presidents Monday had to resort to shopping online.
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Sarah Palin last night on SNL40 to Jerry Seinfeld –
“Just curious, Jerry, how much do you think Lorne Michaels would pay me if I were to run in 2016?”
“Run for president? Sarah, I don’t think there’s a number too big.”
“OK, just hypothetically then, what if I were to choose Donald Trump as my running mate?”
So does Palin actually have a sense of humor, or a fundraising strategy?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Boston storm jokes, Janice Hough, New York jokes, SNL jokes, snow jokes, storm jokes, Yankees jokes
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February 16, 2015
SNL’s first ever episode from 1975 last night. Of course anyone old enough to have seen the original probably is too old to stay up for it.
Oregon has the nation’s first bi-sexual governor. As opposed to all the governors over the years who would just buy sex.
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As we approach spring training, some wonder how Alex Rodriguez will be received by the fans this year. Fortunately A-Rod can always count on the support of his biggest fan, the man in the mirror.
The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile was damaged in a crash this weekend in Pennsylvania. Hope the driver wasn’t hot-dogging it.
It may not always have been funny. And sometimes you watch and wonder if any part of a given night be funny. But it’s not just that SNL has lasted for 40 years. But that almost every American adult can almost instantly rattle off their 5, 10, 20 or more favorite sketches.
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#Bassomatic. SNL reminds us once again that there was actually a drink that sounded worse than a kale smoothie. #SNL40
Who knew #MileyCyrus could perform with all her clothes on? #SNL40
Why oh why couldn’t #SNL40 have had one or more people storm the stage to interrupt #KanyeWest tonight?
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Louis Jourdan, Gaston in Gigi, has died at the age of 93. One of my all-time favorite movies. Even if these days Gaston might have been arrested as a sex offender because Gigi was underage.
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As we approach spring training, some wonder how Alex Rodriguez will be received by the fans this year. Fortunately A-Rod can always count on the support of his biggest fan, the man in the mirror.
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The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile was damaged in a crash this weekend in Pennsylvania. Hope the driver wasn’t hot-dogging it.
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Oregon State’s men’s basketball team had their Alaska Airlines flight home from Los Angeles delayed yesterday after a scorpion stung a woman onboard. Wonder who was the first to say “I’ve had it with these motherf***ing scorpions on this motherf***king plane.”
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In Vegas, the Chicago Cubs are only 6 to 1 to win the pennant and 10 to 1 to win the World Series. “And you think I have problems with reality?” asks Brian Williams.
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Kim Kardashian has apparently told friends she feels neglected by the media because they are all focused on her stepfather/stepmother Bruce Jenner. “I feel so sorry for her” said absolutely, positively nobody.
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Shifty story for the day. In Concord, CA, a would-be carjacker forced a man out of his car this morning at gunpoint, but couldn’t drive off because he didn’t know how to operate a manual transmission. (And most of my younger FB friends are probably thinking, what’s a manual transmission?)
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7 people were injured and 5 were taken to a hospital when a United flight from Newark to Honolulu experienced turbulence. It could have been worse. At least they’re not back in New Jersey.
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Kim Kardashian has apparently told friends she feels neglected by the media because they are all focused on her stepfather/stepmother Bruce Jenner. “I feel so sorry for her” said absolutely, positively nobody.
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Over an $81 million box office gross for “Fifty Shades of Grey” so far. Right, because how many men are on Valentine’s weekend are going to tell their wives/girlfriends -“Oh, a flimsy romantic story that’s really more like soft-core porn, nah, I’ll pass.”.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: A-Rod jokes, baseball jokes, Cubs jokeses, Janice Hough, Kanye West jokes, Kardashian jokes, New Jersey jokes, Saturday Night Live jokes, SNL jokes, SNL40 jokes
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February 14, 2015
The NY Yankees apparently have told Alex Rodriguez he could use Yankee Stadium as a location to make a public apology. What, along the lines of “Today I consider myself the scuzziest man in America.”?
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Apparently some people are more upset than usual that they didn’t win the Powerball lottery. Because one of three winners was from Puerto Rico – – and you know, damn foreigners…. No joke. #cantfixstupid
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So cold in New York All-Star game weekend that the players won’t even be able to hit the streets looking for their future baby-mamas.
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Jeb Bush, when asked Friday about the Iraq and Afghanistan wars his brother started – “I won’t talk about the past.” Does Jeb want to be President, or Mark McGwire?
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Major League Baseball is thinking of shrinking the strike zone to attract younger fans. Of course, maybe if the sport REALLY wanted younger fans maybe they would have not scheduled all the World Series games for the past several years to start after 830p Eastern time and finish around midnight.#pastbedtimes
I know the San Francisco Bay Area is experiencing near record high temperatures while the Midwest and East Coast freeze. But the SF Chronicle running an online article today about the best outdoor bars in town is probably adding insult to injury.
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In Fresno, an 8-yr-old girl is recovering after being shot by her 10-yr-old sister with a handgun that their father had left on a bed in their home. Dad’s job? He’s a county sheriff’s deputy. #howdoyoustopastupidgoodguywithagun?
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#ValentinesDay is a tough day for many people. On the other hand it’s followed by #HalfPriceCandy day!
Bad news for Dodgers fans, the 2015 season may still be in a TV blackout. Worse news for Lakers fans. The rest of their 2015 season won’t be.
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Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker was asked in London whether he believes in the theory of evolution, and responded. “I’m going to punt on that one…. That’s a question a politician shouldn’t be involved in one way or the other.” Evolution is a “question”? We’ve had stupid in politics for a while, but when did it become a virtue?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, Boston jokes, Bush jokes, Janice Hough, NBA All-Star game jokes, Powerball jokes, weather jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
February 13, 2015
Ruth Bader Ginsburg said she dozed off during the President’s SOTU because she “was not 100% sober.” Cool. So even Supreme Court members play that drinking game!
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Unluckiest men on #Fridaythe13th?. Those who have forgotten #ValentinesDay is #Saturdaythe14th
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With Boston snowed in for the foreseeable future, and another storm on the way, have to wonder. Is this going to result in an increase in Massachusetts birth rates, or murders? Or both?
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A poll shows that for the first time, a majority of New Jersey voters view Chris Christie unfavorably. So does that mean the Governor is starting to look presidential?
NHL commissioner Gary Bettman, who is against legalized sports betting. “Do you want people at football and basketball games rooting for the spread or rooting for their favorite team?” Spoken like a man who hasn’t been to very many football and basketball games.
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Ray Rice sent an apology letter to Baltimore Ravens fans: “To all the kids who looked up to me, I’m truly sorry for letting you down, but I hope it’s helped you learn that one bad decision can turn your dream into a nightmare. There is no excuse for domestic violence.” Who knows if Rice will play in the NFL again though. Now had he only been involved in a murder, instead….
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Miami has been picked to host the 2017 MLB All-Star Game. They had been scheduled to host in 2000, but were stripped of the game after their 1997 World Series win and fire sale. So if the Marlins win in 2015 and then repeat the dismantling has baseball threatened to strip them again?
All this scare mongering about illegal immigrants who might be bringing diseases into the U.S. Wonder how long it will take for the rest of the world, including Europe, to start tightening entry rules for American tourists, since they have no way of knowing which of us are unvaccinated.
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Oregon Gov. John Kitzhaber has resigned. Saying he has become “a liability to his state.” Well, if that were the criteria there’d be a lot of empty governor’s mansions.
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A few years ago who had John Daly making more cuts so far in 2015 than Tiger Woods?
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Singapore Airlines said yesterday it will reduce its fuel surcharges later this month. U.S. Airlines are thinking of doing the same, as soon as they can figure out new fees to offset the reduction.
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Okay, really? The The Philadelphia Eagles issued a statement saying they are not responsible for Riley Cooper being the featured player for February in the team’s official 2015 calendar. Cooper was seen on video in 2013 using racial slurs at a concert. And February is Black History Month. #canwealllightenup? (no racial slur intended.)
From Bill Littletjohn. “Riley Cooper was the featured player for the Eagles’ Black History Month. Isn’t that like featuring the Patriots’ ball boy in an ad for Big O Tires?”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airlines jokes, Boston jokes, Janice Hough, ray rice jokes, riley cooper, ruth bader ginsberg, Valentine's Day jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
February 13, 2015
Reviews of “50 Shades of Grey” aren’t great. But in New York, anyone wanting to see some real torture can always buy Knicks tickets.
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So the reason the Chicago Little League team had to forfeit their U.S. championship is that they had gerrymandered the borders of where players needed to live. Idiots. That’s no way to win in baseball. It, is, however, a good way to get elected to Congress.
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Jimmy Buffett, 68, is touring again. Only now he doesn’t need margaritas to forget where he put that shaker of salt.
NBC now says they are investigating Brian Williams’ claims that he was a witness to the fall of the Berlin Wall and met Pope John Paul II in 1979. Not sure if Williams will ever get his anchor job back, but he may well be on the short list to star in a Forrest Gump remake.
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Gatorade is bringing the 1991 “Be Like Mike” jingle for an ad during the NBA All-Star Game. Which will be great for long-time sports fans. Have to wonder if the younger generation’s response will be “Who’s Mike?”
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An ESPN poll of 500 college coaches found almost 60% would like to change the men’s basketball shot clock changing from the current 35 seconds to 30 seconds. Well, makes sense, with all these one-and-dones, it’s tough to expect all these kids to be able to count that high.
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The NYPD confirmed today that the driver of the livery cab who crashed and killed “60 Minutes” reporter Bob Simon had two traffic convictions and his license had been suspended at least 6 times. And some people are worried about UberX drivers?
From T.C. “Tiger Woods is leaving the PGA Tour until he gets his game back together. Johnny Manziel says, “you can do that?”
and T.C. and I with a combined joke: “The Atlanta Falcons have pleaded guilty to pumping in fake crowd noise during their home games. Wonder what this means for the NY Jets’ plans to pump in a fake laugh track?”
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Well, this should dispel all rumors that Jeb Bush is too old and out of touch to run for president. He posted all his personal emails from when he was governor. Except that apparently some of those emails had the names, birthdates and Social Security numbers of about 12,000 people. #cantfixstupid
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Rush Limbaugh has decided that Jon Stewart is leaving the “The Daily Show” is that the Democratic Party’s future is so grim and “Stewart has blamed everything gone wrong on the Republicans. After 16 years, what is there left for (him) to blame on the Republicans?”
Okay, it’s an opinion. But does this also mean that after 2016 Limbaugh is sure there won’t be another Republican in the White House to blame things on…?
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 50 shades of grey jokes, Brian Williams jokes, chicago little league jokes, Janice Hough, jimmy buffet jokes, Jon Stewart jokes, torture jokes
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February 12, 2015
Kanye West told Ryan Seacrest that “voices in my head” told him to go on stage at the Grammys and rant against Beck. How come these “voices’ in people’s heads never tell them to sit down and shut up?
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Ice is being trucked into Levi’s Stadium for an outdoor NHL game between the San Jose Sharks and LA Kings, Feb 21. So for one night the place will be almost as cold as the last meeting between Jim Harbaugh and Jed York.
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Jerry Tarkanian, 84, has passed away. Out of habit the NCAA has launched an investigation.
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In France, “Fifty Shades Of Grey” has been given the second lowest age rating, so children 12 and up will be able to see the film in theaters. In related news, millions of American kids have suddenly asked their parents about a family spring break in Paris.
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U.S. Little League champions Jackie Robinson West have been stripped of their wins for cheating. Alas, looks like these kids (or at least their parents and coaches) are indeed ready for the big leagues.
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Oregon’s governor John Kitzhaber is facing calls for his resignation over him using his fiancee as an advisor, and paying her $118,000. And in Illinois and Louisiana they’re sniffing “Amateurs!”
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A young woman who was hired at a Texas pizza restaurant tweeted out “Ew I start this **** *** job tomorrow.” When another employee saw it, he told the owner who tweeted back “And….no you don’t start that ** job today! I just fired you! Good luck with your no money, no job life!” Ah for the good old days when to be that foolishly indiscreet you had to have someone actually overhear your complaining. #cantfixstupid
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NBA analyst Greg Anthony has a plea deal where his soliciting prostitution charge will be dropped in exchange for 32 hours of community service and stays out of trouble for four months.” Four months. Hmm. Might be good news for escort services working the NBA finals.
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Montana State Rep David Moore today introduced a bill to expand the state’s indecent exposure rule to include both male and female nipple exposure, and “any device, costume, or covering that gives the appearance of or simulates the genitals, pubic hair, anus region, or pubic hair region.” Moore added “Yoga pants should be illegal in public anyway.” Just guessing this is a man who never wants to take his family on vacation to Florida.
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Picked up a little pot of tulips. Small stick with care instructions in the soil. Ending with “For decoration only. Do not consume.” And they assume anyone dumb enough to eat tulips is smart enough to read instructions? #cantfixstupid
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Three “contestants” from Juan Pablo Galavis’s 2013 stint on “The Bachelor” have gotten engaged or married since the show was over. Well, the “reality” show probably did perform those women a service. After time with Juan Pablo, most other men look pretty good by comparison.
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The Costa Concordia captain was sentenced today to 16 years. Only 6 months for each life that was lost. But some satisfaction for victims’ families at least in knowing he will be “pushed into” a cell.
From Chaunce Ball. “Have to admire Bruce Jenner’s timing. He waited to start the transition until he was too old to go through menopause.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, Costa Concordia jokes, Fifty shades jokes, Janice Hough, Kanye West jokes, Levis stadium jokes, Montana jokes, yoga pants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
February 10, 2015
Say it ain’t so, Jon. Jon Stewart announced today that he is stepping down as host of The Daily Show. Has he decided that yes, indeed, these days there really is no satire?
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And this after Stewart may have the best comment on this whole Brian Williams mess: “Finally, someone is being held to account for misleading America about the Iraq war.”
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NBC suspended Brian Williams for 6 months, saying his lies had “jeopardized” the network’s credibility. Wait, NBC had credibility?
On a brighter note for NBC, the NBC Nightly News had its largest total viewership in four weeks. Maybe other networks will start trying to dig up dirt on their own anchors?
Richie Incognito has agreed to a deal with the Buffalo Bills. Wait, I thought Rex Ryan said “we’re going to build a bully,” not sign one.
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ESPN reported that of Gregg Popovich’s 1,000 wins, 921 have been with Tim Duncan. To put that bromance in perspective, 921 is more wins than the Miami Heat have EVER in their history. (805 as of today.)
As a result of a lawsuit filed against him by his daughter, a New Orleans judge ruled that Saints & Pelicans owner Tom Benson, 87, will be required to undergo a psychiatric evaluation to determine mental competency. Now, clearly Benson is old. But if mental competency was required for an NFL or NBA owner, there would be a lot of vacant chairs at those owner’s meetings.
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Security researcher Mark Burnett this week posted a database containing 10 million usernames and passwords. So were at least 9 million of them 123456789?
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Alex Rodriguez, 39, reportedly told Barry Bonds “l want to take your (home run) record..” Not exactly sure he could get over 100 more home runs without a supplement made from flying pigs, but A-Rod might be one of the few active sluggers who could make Bonds look lovable by comparison.
Today in a meeting at Yankee Stadium, A-Rod apparently apologized to the team for his PED suspension. So did he just read from a copy of the same apology speech he gave in 2009? (“It was very loose. I was young. I was stupid. I was naive. And I wanted to prove to everyone that I was worth being one of the greatest players of all time. I did take a banned substance. And for that, I am very sorry and deeply regretful.”)
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Marilyn Hartman, 63, was arrested repeatedly at SFO for trying to sneak onto planes, and at LAX after flying from San Jose without a ticket. Now she’s been arrested in Florida after flying ticket-free from Minneapolis to Jacksonville, where she checked in under another guest’s name. Kind of makes you feel real warm and fuzzy about TSA, doesn’t it.
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Ethan Czahor, founder of “Hipster.com“, and the new chief technology officer for Jeb Bush’s PAC, “resigned” tonight, after removing “inappropriate” tweets from his personal account.
Those tweets, dating from 2009-10, included a number of racist and homophobic jokes, along with others that referred to women as sluts. But maybe the real recent Bush let him go? That Czahor, who is YOUNG enough to know better, didn’t know enough not to post this sort of stuff in the first place.
And for that matter, doesn’t Jeb have anyone on his staff who knows how to use Google on potential new hires?”
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Iowa’s Joni Ernst, who calls herself the Senate’s first female “combat veteran”, is defending herself after it’s been pointed out she was a National Guard Company commander for 13 months. But her unit was never attacked nor in a firefight. Well cut her some slack, maybe Ernst’s real dream job isn’t in Washington, but in network news.
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, Bonds jokes, Brian Williams jokes, Janice Hough, jeb bush jokes, Jon Stewart jokes, NBC jokes, Popovich jokes, Rex Ryan jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
February 9, 2015
As we approach the premiere of “Fifty Shades of Gray,” expect all sorts of potentially embarrassing moments at the theater. For #1 may I suggest, bringing a date and running into your parents.
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Michelle Obama says that the former White House chef banned boxed macaroni and cheese and told them “cheese dust is not food.” Stand by for a rebuttal from John Boehner and the orange lobby.
Open note to any young person thinking of a career in television news. Maybe us grownups might have been able to get away with a tall tale or two. But these days it doesn’t matter how trivial the lie, even if it’s not bothering to wash your hands in a public restroom.. Someone will have seen it, and they probably have cellphone video.
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At the University of Texas, a frat house is facing criticism for an alleged “border patrol” party last weekend near campus. Really? They couldn’t have just done something classier like “Pimps and prostitutes?”
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Alabama today became the 37th state to allow same-sex marriage. In some ways am amazed more conservatives aren’t applauded. Not only is it less government intrusion into private lives, same-sex couples mean less dealing with that abortion issue.
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Three major snowstorms in Boston in three weeks. Is this the moment where a house-hunting Pablo Sandoval looks at his agent and says “Uh, why didn’t you tell me about this?” #70inSFthisweek
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So a guy pays a prostitute $70, then falls asleep afterwards and she steals his gun from the hotel room. Florida? Nope, Reno, Nevada. And the man in question is a policeman. Who has now been suspended. Sometimes its not just crooks who are stupid.
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Brett Favre posted today on his website: “I’m pleased to announce that I will be returning to Green Bay, Wisconsin in 2015 for induction into the Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame and retirement of my jersey.” How much do we want the Packers to issue their own statement “Uh, Brett, we’re thinking we might want to hold the ceremony in 2016, or 2017. Can you hold on while we decide?”
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Yahoo mail has been running an ad lately. “Girlfriend needed. No games, Just real guys looking for a faithful women (sic.)” Gotcha, so nothing about the guy being faithful. And clearly a woman who isn’t too picky about grammar.
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NBA Commissioner Adam Silver said today that Knicks owner Jamesm Dolan won’t be fined for an angry email in response to a fan, saying “Jim is a consummate New Yorker. Jim got an unkind email and responded with an unkind email.” So this mean Silver can still fine owners from places like Charlotte and New Orleans because Southerners are supposed to be more gracious?
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The Daily Mail is reporting that Charles Manson’s fiancée “only wanted to marry him so she could put his corpse on display in a glass coffin after he died.” Who knew it was possible Charlie might get a run for his money on being the creepiest one in a relationship?
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Parenthood isn’t what it used to be. From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg:
“Me: Ann Caroline, come down here and listen to AC/DC on the GRAMMYs.
AC: Dad, I’m doing my homework.
Me: YOU STOP THAT HOMEWORK AND COME AND LISTEN TO “HIGHWAY TO HELL,” YOUNG LADY.
What has happened to my world?”
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Wow, just wow. Not sure what I could possibly add to this. FOX’s Eric Bolling, upset about Obama’s prayer breakfast speech: “Reports say radical Muslim jihadists killed thousands of people in the past few months alone. And yet when you take Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, whatever, their combined killings in the name of religion––well, that would be zero.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #cantfixstupid, 50 Shades jokes, 50 Shades of Gray jokes, Boston jokes, Brian Williams jokes, Janice Hough, Manson jokes, NBA jokes, storm jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 