Posted tagged ‘Montana jokes’

Greg, we’re not in New Jersey anymore.

May 24, 2017

Montana new special election slogan?   “And the hits just keep on coming.”

 

 

If Montana congressional candidate Gianforte had to body-slam someone couldn’t it have been whoever came up with the idea for  the Dirty Dancing remake?

 

Just think, before tonight it was only political junkies who were really focused on special election in #Montana #MTAL #Gianforte

Maybe after tonight even if elected Giaforte won’t vote for Trumpcare. Pretty sure it classifies anger issues as pre-existing conditions.

Think White House staff is probably REALLY happy Trump is either jetlagged or asleep & thus not tweeting about Gianforte & the reporter?

Cav’s coach Tyronn Lue, asked about the Warriors “We’re just focused on Boston. The stuff they’re running, it’s harder to defend than Golden State’s [offense] for me….”
And here they tell PLAYERS that “less is more.”

A Fed Exp contract employee in Northern California was arrested for allegedly burglarizing houses while on the job. And many people feel guilty about wasting time on social media at work.

Brock Osweiler, newly with Cleveland, believes he is an NFL starting QB: “I think the proof is in the film for the past two years.”
Hmm, the film on him, or the film on the Browns?

CNN reports “Sessions did not disclose (last year’s)  Russia meetings in security clearance form.” I’m sure it’s just a coincidence. #alternativememory

Pope Francis apparently asked Melania, “What do you feed him?” Can’t wait for #failing tweets when Trump realizes Pope called him “fat”

Sean Spicer, a devout Catholic, wasn’t allowed to attend Trump’s audience with the Pope today.  They couldn’t have even let him watch from outside in the Vatican bushes?  #Sad

 

Ben Carson says living in poverty is a “state of mind.’ But stupidity is forever.

Now President Trump reportedly told Philippine President Duterte that US sent 2 nuclear subs to waters off Korean peninsula. Not sure what reality show Donald wants post-presidency, but it sure won’t be “I’ve got a secret.”

CBO prediction on Trumpcare shows 23 million uninsured by 2026. Trump projections show far fewer as millions of them will die before then.

Can you hear me now?

February 12, 2015

Kanye West told Ryan Seacrest that “voices in my head” told him to go on stage at the Grammys and rant against Beck. How come these “voices’ in people’s heads never tell them to sit down and shut up?

Ice is being trucked into Levi’s Stadium for an outdoor NHL game between the San Jose Sharks and LA Kings, Feb 21. So for one night the place will be almost as cold as the last meeting between Jim Harbaugh and Jed York.

Jerry Tarkanian, 84, has passed away. Out of habit the NCAA has launched an investigation.

In France, “Fifty Shades Of Grey” has been given the second lowest age rating, so children 12 and up will be able to see the film in theaters. In related news, millions of American kids have suddenly asked their parents about a family spring break in Paris.

U.S. Little League champions Jackie Robinson West have been stripped of their wins for cheating. Alas, looks like these kids (or at least their parents and coaches)  are indeed ready for the big leagues.

Oregon’s governor John Kitzhaber is facing calls for his resignation over him using his fiancee as an advisor, and paying her $118,000. And in Illinois and Louisiana they’re sniffing “Amateurs!”

A young woman who was hired at a Texas pizza restaurant tweeted out “Ew I start this **** *** job tomorrow.” When another employee saw it, he told the owner who tweeted back “And….no you don’t start that ** job today! I just fired you! Good luck with your no money, no job life!” Ah for the good old days when to be that foolishly indiscreet you had to have someone actually overhear your complaining. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

NBA analyst Greg Anthony has a plea deal where his soliciting prostitution charge will be dropped in exchange for 32 hours of community service and stays out of trouble for four months.” Four months. Hmm. Might be good news for escort services working the NBA finals.

 

Montana State Rep David Moore today introduced a bill to expand the state’s indecent exposure rule to include both male and female nipple exposure, and  “any device, costume, or covering that gives the appearance of or simulates the genitals, pubic hair, anus region, or pubic hair region.” Moore added “Yoga pants should be illegal in public anyway.” Just guessing this is a man who never wants to take his family on vacation to Florida.

Picked up a little pot of tulips. Small stick with care instructions in the soil. Ending with “For decoration only. Do not consume.” And they assume anyone dumb enough to eat tulips is smart enough to read instructions? ‪#‎cantfixstupid

Three “contestants” from Juan Pablo Galavis’s 2013 stint on “The Bachelor” have gotten engaged or married since the show was over. Well, the “reality” show probably did perform those women a service. After time with Juan Pablo, most other men look pretty good by comparison.

The Costa Concordia captain was sentenced today to 16 years. Only 6 months for each life that was lost.   But some satisfaction for victims’ families at least in knowing he will be “pushed into” a cell.

 

From Chaunce Ball.  “Have to admire Bruce Jenner’s timing. He waited to start the transition until he was too old to go through menopause.”