Posted tagged ‘Valentine’s Day jokes’

Free space?

February 13, 2015

Ruth Bader Ginsburg said she dozed off during the President’s SOTU because she “was not 100% sober.” Cool. So even Supreme Court members play that drinking game!


Unluckiest men on ‪#‎Fridaythe13th‬?. Those who have forgotten ‪#‎ValentinesDay‬ is  #Saturdaythe14th


With Boston snowed in for the foreseeable future, and another storm on the way, have to wonder. Is this going to result in an increase in Massachusetts birth rates, or murders? Or both?

A poll shows that for the first time, a majority of New Jersey voters view Chris Christie unfavorably. So does that mean the Governor is starting to look presidential?


NHL commissioner Gary Bettman,  who is against legalized sports betting. “Do you want people at football and basketball games rooting for the spread or rooting for their favorite team?” Spoken like a man who hasn’t been to very many football and basketball games.


Ray Rice sent an apology letter to Baltimore Ravens fans: “To all the kids who looked up to me, I’m truly sorry for letting you down, but I hope it’s helped you learn that one bad decision can turn your dream into a nightmare. There is no excuse for domestic violence.” Who knows if Rice will play in the NFL again though. Now had he only been involved in a murder, instead….


Miami has been picked to host the 2017 MLB All-Star Game. They had been scheduled to host in 2000, but were stripped of the game after their 1997 World Series win and fire sale. So if the Marlins win in 2015 and then repeat the dismantling has baseball threatened to strip them again?




All this scare mongering about illegal immigrants who might be bringing diseases into the U.S.   Wonder how long it will take for the rest of the world, including Europe, to start tightening entry rules for American tourists, since they have no way of knowing which of us are unvaccinated.

Oregon Gov. John Kitzhaber has resigned. Saying he has become “a liability to his state.” Well, if that were the criteria there’d be a lot of empty governor’s mansions.


A few years ago who had John Daly making more cuts so far in 2015 than Tiger Woods?

Singapore Airlines said yesterday it will reduce its fuel surcharges later this month. U.S. Airlines are thinking of doing the same, as soon as they can figure out new fees to offset the reduction.

Okay, really? The The Philadelphia Eagles issued a statement saying they are not responsible for Riley Cooper being the featured player for February in the team’s official 2015 calendar. Cooper was seen on video in 2013 using racial slurs at a concert. And February is Black History Month. ‪#‎canwealllightenup‬? (no racial slur intended.)


From Bill Littletjohn.  “Riley Cooper was the featured player for the Eagles’ Black History Month. Isn’t that like featuring the Patriots’ ball boy in an ad for Big O Tires?”

Highfaluting’ heifers?

February 14, 2012

A Texas high school cheerleader coach was fired after one of the cheerleaders recorded her yelling at the young women “Who do you think you all are? Highfalutin heifers. You just come and go as you please…” “Highfalutin’ heifers?” Heck, I give her points for creative alliteration.

Fox New’s Liz Trotta, on rapes in the military: “The report says that there has been, since 2006, a 64% increase in violent sexual assaults. Now, what did they expect? These people are in close contact.” Can’t wait to see what Trotta would say if asked about co-ed college dorms.

Today is Valentine’s Day. All over the NBA players are sending members of their posse out to buy a dozen cards – “To my one and only.”

Leave what he feels out of this, how stupid is it to say it? Floyd Mayweather just posted: “Jeremy Lin is a good player but all the hype is because he’s Asian. Black players do what he does every night and don’t get the same praise.” Just another piece of evidence that boxers should be required to wear helmets.

Carmelo Anthony is telling the media that when he returns he can co-exist with Jeremy Lin. These days Knicks fans are more worried whether or not Jeremy Lin can co-exist with him.

Lin-sanity continues. Have the offensively challenged SF Giants checked on the availability of undrafted former Harvard baseball power hitters.

Jeremy Lin jerseys are the #1 seller in the NBA right now. How cool is this? And nice for the people making the jerseys to see a name they actually might recognize.

(Bus to hell version of this joke: It’s good for all those Chinese factory workers to have a hero they can actually aspire to grow up to be.)

So all these folks wondering what Tiger Woods is missing lately…. Well, Phil Mickelson did give much of the credit to his wife.

David Ortiz and the Red Sox have agreed to a $14.575 million one year contract, up from the $12.6 million Boston had originally offered. Guess the Sox figured, it’s not just his family, Ortiz needs to feed himself.

Best line from “The Bachelor” tonight: “If only my boyfriend didn’t have five other girlfriends.” If this gal doesn’t win she’s set up for dating a professional athlete. Or becoming the fourth Mrs. Newt Gingrich.

Some wonder how Mitt Romney can keep it up as the front-runner when nobody seems to actually like him. Wonder how many Bachelor fans are privately referring to him as the Courtney of the Republican party?

A judge ruled the Jerry Sandusky trial will be in State College. WTF? They stand about as much chance of getting an unbiased jury in his home town as Newt Gingrich has of being picked as Mitt Romney’s running mate.

Not making this up, from the Rick Santorum website: Extended by Popular Demand….Donate $100 or more, and we will send you an official Rick Santorum For President sweater vest.” (Gray, 100% cotton, made in America.) “Extended by Popular Demand?” That translates to either a- we ordered too many, or b- even Santorum fans don’t want to look THAT dorky.