Archive for November 2014
November 29, 2014
A communications director for Tennessee Rep. Stephen Fincher has apologized after posting on Facebook some criticism of Malia and Sasha Obama’s outfits when their dad pardoned a turkey “Try showing a little class. At least respect the part you play. Dress like you deserve respect, not a spot at a bar.”
Leaving aside the fact that children in the White House are traditionally off limits, many parents saw the picture and thought “I wish my daughters dressed that modestly.”
Apparently a new study has found that marijuana could help in treating Alzheimer’s. So it still might be “Dude, where’s my car?” But at least you’ll remember you have one.
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Happy birthday to LA Dodgers’ announcer Vin Scully, 87. Or as Jamie Moyer refers to him “that nice young man.”
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If #Auburn held on, #SEC powers might have had to have an emergency meeting to develop rationales for 2 loss team in #CollegeFootballPlayoff #AUBvsBAMA
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But the final score was Alabama 55, Auburn 44, So when did they change the #IronBowl into a flag football game?
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Western Kentucky upset previously undefeated #24 Marshall in OT, 67-66. The WKU Hilltoppers may not have earned a bowl bid, but perhaps at least a small bouquet from the BCS powers-that-be?
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The Philadelphia 76ers are 0-16. At this point even the Washington Generals want to play them.
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Many SF Giants fans are unhappy about a favorite player leaving as a free agent. Oakland A’s GM Billy Beane seems bound and determined not to let star players stay around long enough to be favorites and/or free agents.
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For the uninitiated, George Gipp. aka “the Gipper”, died almost 96 years ago this week. Good thing. #NotreDame‘s play today might have killed him.
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Most Americans are agreed in hoping that #ESPN‘s #MikeGolic, a #NotreDame alum, didn’t make a bet involving a photo over #USC game #NDvsUSC
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FSU hung on to beat Florida 24-19, despite Jameis Winston throwing four interceptions so far today. Who knew the Heisman winner’s ambition was to be drafted by the #NYJets?
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A story is going viral about a US Airways passenger who brought a pig on board last week as an emotional-support animal. Wonder how many women are thinking “how different is that from with my ex?”
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From Alex Kaseberg “In Connecticut, a pig was kicked off a flight for being disruptive. This inability to have a pig fly does not bode well for the Chicago Cubs’ season.”
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In a retrial, a Cairo judge dismissed all murder charges against former Egyptian leader Hosni Mubarak. Wow, did Egypt import a judge from Los Angeles?
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A 25 year-old Central Florida high school band teacher has been arrested and charged with having sex with two of his students. One relationship started last year but the girl kept it a secret until last week, when she found out about the new girl. #Stayclassy
(this is one of those moments when you almost wish the students HAD been armed.)
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 76er jokes, elizabeth lauten, Iron bowl jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, Notre Dame jokes, SEC jokes. Cubs jokes
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November 28, 2014
This is a picture of a mostly sold-out Rose Bowl in the 4th quarter of today’s UCLA-Stanford game.
To be fair, wonder how many Stanford fans were not only happily watching the game, but wondering, Who is this football team and where have they been all year? #nerdnation #stanvsucla
Stanford’s David Shaw was like a different coach today. Almost like he’s auditioning for a hypothetical open local #NFL job. #stanvsucla #fearthetree
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Got to wonder, if the elevator “incident” happened after one of his Pro Bowl seasons, would he have been signed by now?
#JedYork tweeted at the end of the SF-Seattle game “Thank you #49ersfaithful for coming out strong tonight. This performance wasn’t acceptable. I apologize for that.” Wonder how the tweet was received by both fans left in the stadium.
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Retailers in Denver had shoppers lining up for “Green Friday” marijuana sales. Of course, wonder how many folks will show for those sales Saturday, or Sunday, or next week….
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Black Friday crowds were apparently thinner than average today.. Which might mean Americans weren’t shopping as seriously as usual. Or might mean more of us were sitting home today, drinking, eating leftovers, watching TV and shopping online.
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So SF Giants fans are all whining about their rough week because Pablo Sandoval left. And SF 49ers fans are just thinking “Oh, STFU.”
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British Airways is going to try to save money by standardizing lavatories in their fleet. Wonder how long it will take U.S. airlines to try to save money by just replacing lavatories with disposable plastic bottles.
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Apparently HealthCare.gov got off to a much better start in the first week of its second year, with 220,000 new signups. Which means the GOP will be in even a bigger rush to repeal Obamacare now that it looks like it’s working.
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Thanksgiving is over for another year. And pretty amazing job in retrospect by the NFL. Three games, three turkeys.
Okay, you think you had a tense Thanksgiving with your loved ones. In Pennsylvania a man is recovering in the hospital after his girlfriend woke up from a nap to discover he had started eating dinner without her. So she stabbed him in the chest. (Of course, in Florida or Texas she’d have probably shot him. #smallmercies)
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If the #SEC is that good in football why has the team they added from #Big12 made it to the championship game 2 years in a row? #Mizzou
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, black friday jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, ray rice jokes, Stanford jokes, UCLA jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
November 28, 2014
The three NFL games on Thanksgiving were all bad enough some people found themselves forced to actually talk to their relatives.
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FOX is advertising a post-game “Cause for Paws” tonight – “An All-Star Dog Spectacular.”. So are they doing a show on the #NFCSouth
Were the #49ers tonight trying to earn a transfer to the #NFCSouth?
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49ers coach Jim Harbaugh at halftime. “We’re going to show up this half.”. So no one told San Francisco they needed to show up in the first half?
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49ers owner Jed York tweeted out at the end of the game “Thank you #49ersfaithful for coming out strong tonight. This performance wasn’t acceptable. I apologize for that.” Wonder if both fans left in the stands appreciated the sentiment?
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As for the middle game, it would have taken a lot more than one #buttfumble today to save the #Cowboys. #PHIvsDAL
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There are moments when I think it would have been nice to have a daughter. Then I watch the #Dallascowboys cheerleaders. And think – their parents must be so proud.
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In Siberia, when an airplane’s brakes froze, passengers helped push their own plane on a snow-covered runway. And in the U.S., airlines thought… hmm, how can we use this idea to cut costs this winter?
Oil prices fell to under $70 a barrel today. Which means somehow airlines will find a way to spin that to increase fuel surcharges.
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Just a thought. Many people are upset about the idea of Thanksgiving shopping because it means others are working on the holiday. But no one’s been screaming about folks working at airlines, hotels, restaurants, and, if you’ve forgotten something for dinner, grocery stores.
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The Tampa Bay Buccaneers apparently served colored water masquerading as tequila. Makes sense. The Bucs are also masquerading as an NFL team.
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But really? What were they thinking? If someone wants to drink colored water there’s always Bud Light.
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The Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade was a success today with no balloon malfunctions. And on a holiday it would be uncharitable to make a Chris Christie joke here.
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P.D.James, 94 has passed away. If you’re a mystery reader who knows her books, you know how sad this is. If you’re a mystery reader who hasn’t read her books… you have a lot of potential treats in store. #AdamDagliesh
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Bus to hell time. A man hiking in New Jersey took a series of five pictures on his cellphone of a black bear before the bear attacked and mauled him to death. Guess he should have stopped at four?
(my friend Marty B. calls it “a Kodiak moment.”)
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, airline jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Thanksgiving jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 26, 2014
This afternoon, most media outlets covered President Obama’s executive order pardoning two turkeys. So where’s the coverage of Ted Cruz’s opposing filibuster?
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Although Britain doesn’t celebrate Thanksgiving, stores and websites across the pond have started offering “Black Friday” sales. Good to know that the U.S.A. is exporting our traditional values around the world.
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So far, while hundreds of flights were cancelled, air travel was not as awful as expected with the today’s east coast storm. Making many travelers happy, while seriously disappointing others who were all ready to try not to giggle while telling relatives “sorry, just can’t make it this year.”
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Hmm, Stanford coach David Shaw thinks his team is “still an attractive team to a bowl”, because “fans have traveled to the last four bowl games.” True enough, but those were big BCS bowls. Wonder how many alums have the Cactus Bowl on their holiday wish list.
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A British man on a way to his honeymoon in Cuba got drunk enough on the plane that he first fought with his bride, then threatened the flight crew. So the flight landed in Bermuda, he was arrested, and his wife and the rest of the plane went on without him. Well, that’s getting the “for worse” out of the way in a hurry..
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Musical QB chairs time. The Jets are moving back to starting Geno Smith this Sunday. It’s all part of a complicated process for NY to aim for the #1 draft pick?
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A new billboard in Denver warns parents to keep marijuana candy and alcohol away from kids. Cool But can they add guns to the list?
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If the NFL REALLY wanted to give Americans a Thanksgiving turkey, wouldn’t the league have figured out a way to have a team from the NFL South play Thursday?
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Saints and Falcons tied for NFC South lead at 4 and 7. Could be first NFL division champion this year who wouldn’t be NCAA bowl eligible.
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Now there are rumors that RGIII is done as the Redskins’ QB. If true, how long until Washington gets a trade offer from the Jets?
A man whose backpack was stolen Sunday night in Berkeley discovered his credit card was being used to order a pizza a few hours later. He called the cops, the cops called the pizza place, delivered the pizza, arrested three men, and recovered the stolen property. #crooksreallyarestupid
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From Alex Kaseberg: “A woman in the crowd before last weekend’s Tennessee football game wept when Tim Tebow presented her with a piece of cake. Unfortunately for her, the cake was then intercepted and returned for a touchdown.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: bowl game jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, NFC South jokes, Thanksgiving jokes, turkey jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 26, 2014
Mark Whitaker, who wrote the latest biography of Bill Cosby, tweeted an apology for failing to discuss rape allegations in his recent book. Well, of course, because Whitaker now knows he would be selling more books.
Despite Michael Sam’s having been the SEC defensive player of the year in 2013, some questioned whether he really had NFL caliber talent. Which if so brings up another question – Why hasn’t Sam been signed by a team from the NFL South?
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In the “better to remain silent and be thought a fool..” dept, today’s nominee for the win is Adrian Peterson, who tweeted after the Ferguson decision “The GRAND JURY DECIDED NOT TO INDICT ME TOO! But that changed a week LATER! MAYBE,BUT NOT LIKELY N THIS CASE.”‘
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The Milwaukee Brewers new AA team in Mississippi will be known as the Biloxi Shuckers. If they go through a bad patch, nothing can go wrong with THAT name…
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Pablo Sandoval Tuesday on leaving San Francisco. “I need a new challenge.” Well, if Panda wanted a REAL challenge, why didn’t he sign with the Cubs?
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Many Giants fans are taking the high road saying “Well, Pablo Sandoval gave us some good years, we wish him nothing but the best.” Right. Like people do when someone breaks up with them to move on to a different guy or gal. Of course you want them to be happy…..#sarcasm
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After two of players were ejected in the 2013 OSU-Michigan game, Urban Meyer has warned his Buckeyes to behave this year, or he may impose further penalties. Guess the former Florida coach wants players to keep their bad behavior off the field.
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You can’t make this “stuff” up.. CFO Anthony Noto accidentally tweeted what he thought was a private message saying “I still think we should buy them.” And it went out publicly. Ok, this stuff happens. Especially to executives who may not get social media. Except Noto is the CFO of Twitter. ….
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The Seahawks’ Richard Sherman and Doug Baldwin did a little comedy routine for reporters today, which included lampooning the NFL’s sponsorship rules and $100,000 fine to Marshalll Lynch for not talking. Wonder how much Roger Goodell will fine them for the skit?
Washington apparently will start Colt McCoy nstead of RGIII against the Colts this weekend. Uh oh, has anyone checked Redskins owner Dan Snyder for signs of sanity?
Saw a DWTS “spoiler” saying “Winner Revealed on Season 19 Finale: Is It Alfonso Ribeiro, Janel Parrish, or Sadie Robertson?” And thinking “Who, who and who?”
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From T.C. “Redskins owner Dan Snyder in an attempt to gain support for the name debate, sat with Navajo Chief Ben Skelly and his wife at the Phoenix game. Not to be outdone, new Buffalo owner Terry Pegula invited 20 guys named Bill into his private box yesterday.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bill Cosby jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, NFL South jokes, Pablo Sandoval jokes, Panda jokes, SF Giants jokes, Urban Meyer jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
November 25, 2014
A New Hampshire woman was arrested and briefly jailed when she slapped her boyfriend during a fight over a game of Monopoly. Bet she didn’t even get to collect her $200 either.
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RB Justin Forsett, released in March by the Jaguars and signed in April by the Ravens as a precautionary backup for Ray Rice, tonight ran for 182 yards. Forsett thanked God. Probably would have been tacky to have thanked whoever installed that casino elevator video camera.
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Monica Lewinsky complains that having an affair with Bill Clinton 19 years ago and the resulting scandal has made her unemployable. Really? Maybe for a few years, but Donna Rice moved on to a very successful career. Even Michael Vick has a job…. America loves second acts..
(my friend Tom Dodd says ” I would have thought that she demonstrated that she had a marketable skill.”)
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Maybe #PabloSandoval decided to sign with #Boston because he wanted to play on national television every week instead of just during the postseason. #RedSoxYankees #ESPN
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Boston now has Big Papi and Pablo Sandoval on their team. Does this give the Red Sox the first dugout that will register on the Richter scale?
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Not that most Giants fans would trade this year’s World Series to keep one player. But my friend Alex P. makes a good point. “Alternate reality: Let’s say the Giants lost the Wildcard game to the Pirates.” (or for that matter the Brewers didn’t collapse down the stretch and give SF the second wild card. Then “what contract would Sandoval get?”
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Guessing this year the SF Giants Dugout Stores will be shipping children in Africa a lot of Panda hats?
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John McCain wants Lindsey Graham to run for President. Democrats are thrilled. Republicans want Senator McCain checked for other signs of dementia.
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Budweiser has apparently dropped the Clydesdales from their holiday advertising for new campaign aimed at 21-27 year-olds who have been drinking craft beers. Uh, have news for them, if Bud wants millennials, forget spending money on ads, spend it on improving the beer.
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Chuck Hagel has resigned as Secretary of Defense. The GOP is eagerly awaiting President Obama’s pick for a replacement so they can say why he/she is the worst possible choice.
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QB Johnny Manziel was reportedly at the center of a 20-person brawl in Cleveland last Friday. Belated congrats to all those who had Nov. 20 in the most recent pool.
Sports anchor Mike Lynch tweeted that he heard the #SFGiants matched the #RedSox offer for Sandoval but that Pablo left because he felt “disrepected.” Well, then it’s a good thing the Panda is going to such a gentle, warm and fuzzy market as Boston.
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Sad to watch the rioting in Ferguson. But okay, if you WANTED to create a riot, could you do any more than say 10 hours in advance that a verdict had been reached, a verdict that many people expected to be a non-indictment, and then wait until several hours into the evening actually to announce it
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Boston jokes, Janice Hough, Lewinsky jokes, Lindsey Graham jokes, Pablo Sandoval jokes, Panda jokes, Ravens jokes, Red Sox jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
November 24, 2014
StubHub is not allowing sales of tickets given away for the Monday night Bills-Jets game, saying their policy is often not to allow sales of tickets the seller has obtained for free. Well, that and Stubhub doesn’t think they’ll make much money on the game anyway.
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But meanwhile, scalpers are reportedly asking up to $125 for “free tickets” to the Buffalo-NY game in Detroit Monday night. And Jets fans are thinking “clearly buyers haven’t seen our team play.”
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Joey Chestnut has won a turkey-eating contest in Connecticut, eating 9.5 pounds of meat off a 20 pound turkey in 10 minutes. Wonder what Chestnut then did for a main course.
Lindsey Graham said of the GOP-led EIGHTH Benghazi House investigation findings, “I think the report is full of crap,” A new definition of infinity might be how many investigations it would take to convince Senator Graham that the Obama administration really didn’t lie to cover up what happened.
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#SF49ers both won and accomplished the near impossible Sunday. They made the Washington #Redskins look like a decent #NFL team.
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A student organizing protests against a proposed UC Berkeley tuition hike was quoted as saying that “the public university will be more expensive than Ivy League for out-of-state students. What will be the incentive for out-of-state students to come here if it’s more expensive than a private school?” Uh, leaving football out of it, maybe if they get admitted to Cal and not an Ivy League?
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If the Saints can beat the Ravens on MNF they will take control of the NFL South with an impressive record of 5-6.
Or there’s this tweet from @NOTSportsCenter):
NFC South Week 12 results-
Falcons: Lost to Browns
Bucs: Lost to Bears
Panthers: Lost to Bye week
Saints: Waiting till tomorrow to lose
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Tough question of the day. If you saw both Cowboys’ owner Jerry Jones and Redskins’ owner Dan Snyder both about to be set upon by a pack of starving wolves, which man would you point the wolves to first?
Be careful what you wish for. Stanford became bowl eligible by beating Cal yesterday in the Big Game. And could be headed to the Cactus Bowl. The #6 choice from the Pac 12 vs the #5 choice from the Big 12. In Glendale, AZ, on January 2. So their reward could be a “who-cares” game, which would require practicing all the way through the holiday season…..
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Trader Joe’s $8.99 potted Amaryllis bulb LITERALLY grows enough that you can see a difference overnight. Are we sure that the store isn’t using something illegal and performance enhancing? #simplepleasures
From T.C. “NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell says that he is not out of touch with player Personal Conduct policies. Goodell then announced that he was suspending Bill Cosby indefinitely.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Janice Hough, Lindsay Graham jokes, MNF jokes, NFL South jokes, redkskins jokes, Thanksgiving jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 23, 2014
Hillary Clinton said Obama’s executive action on immigration is an “historic step” and that she supports it. Wow. A Democrat these days daring to say she supports the President on anything!
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Apparently ESPN baseball writer Keith Law has been suspended from Twitter for tweeting an argument with Curt Schilling who was defending the theory of creationism. Well, to be fair, some athletes’ behavior does rather challenge the theory of evolution.
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Boston Red Sox reportedly offering 5 years, $95 million to Pablo Sandoval, while the SF GIants reportedly offering 5 years $90 million. So after taxes, that’s about $2.5 million over 5 years difference. Heck, that might barely cover the heating and air conditioning bills.
Several officiating experts say Jameis Winston should have been ejected for his contact with a referee today as the FSU QB was trying to do a quick snap. But really, why should Jameis be treated any differently for his conduct on the field than off it?
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So then FSU takes advantage of a stalled Boston College drive and missed FG to drive for a FG of their own with 3 seconds left to win 20-17. Ought to do wonders for the Seminoles’ “game control” points with the College Football Playoff committee.
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Bill Cosby’s lawyer called all the sexual assault claims “ridiculous” and “unsubstantiated, fantastical stories.” Uh, and then there’s the Yiddish proverb “If one man calls you an ass, pay him no mind. If five men call you an ass, go buy a saddle.”
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From Alex Kaseberg “The accusations of sexual assault continue against Bill Cosby. On the bright side, he has been named an honorary member of the Baltimore Ravens.”
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Kentucky basketball coach John Calipari wished his daughter Megan a happy birthday today, but he had the date wrong. Give Calipari credit. At least he remembered he had a daughter. And he got her name right.
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#TigerWoods has hired a new swing consultant. Or did he say a new swinging consultant? Not sure.
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Regarding this #ThanksMichelleObama students tweeting pictures of nasty but healthy school lunches, two thoughts. 1. Does anyone really have fond memories of great school lunches? 2. So if it’s what kids want let’s just serve candy and cookies that need no refrigeration or cooking and be done with it?
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Five turnovers for #Cal in a 38-17 #BigGame loss to #Stanford. Just as well the Bears didn’t get the Axe. They’d probably have dropped it.
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SF Giants have sent out Season Ticket Invoices. Inflation is flat but prices have gone up 8%. They’d better be spending the money on raises for employees and player contracts….
#8 Ole Miss was the highest ranked 2-loss team in college football. After this shutout loss to Arkansas will they be the highest 3-loss team? #SECbias
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bill Cosby jokes, Calipari jokes, ESPN jokes, FSU jokes, Jameis Winston jokes, Janice Hough, Obama jokes, Pablo Sandoval jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 21, 2014
Mike Golic of ESPN’s “Mike and Mike” recreated the nearly nude Kim Kardashian pose after he lost a bet when Northwestern beat Notre Dame. For the sake of humanity, nobody make that same bet with John Madden.
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Two male Country Music stars announced they were gay yesterday. Of course, we’ll know this is REALLY a trend when a closeted gay man dates Taylor Swift, then comes out, and she writes a song about it.
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A new small town playground was going to have Winnie the Pooh as a mascot until some conservative council members said Pooh was a bad choice because he’s of of ”dubious sexuality”, “half naked” and ”inappropriately dressed.” And proving we don’t have a monopoly on such stupidity in the the U.S., this was in Poland.
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Charles Woodson was ready to come to blows with at least one of his own teammates after their celebrations late in the 4th quarter cost the Raiders a time out and could have cost them the game. Fortunately for the future HOF safety, a 4th quarter lead for Oakland isn’t likely to come again this season.
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John Boehner plans to sue President Obama’s, nominally over Obamacare, but really over his executive order on immigration. So where was this GOP outrage when George W. Bush issued 291 of the things? And when Reagan issued 372?
A man is reported he got hit with a $1,171 Internet bill on a Singapore Airlines flight from London to Singapore. Travelers reading this story are appalled. U.S. Airlines reading it are thinking “How do we do that?”
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Mississippi State safety Justin Cox has apparently been suspended following an “incident” – i.e.an arrest for aggravated domestic violence and burglary Friday morning. Who says the Bulldogs aren’t in the ranks of elite college programs?
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Kobe Bryant says stars signing hometown-discount contracts are “a big coup” for owners, and “absolutely brilliant, but I’m not going for it.” And then Kobe presumably went back to bitching about how jealous he is off Tim Duncan for the Spurs’ team continuity…..
Al Qaeda says that ISIS is “spilling inviolable blood under the excuse of expanding the Islamic State.” and “going too far.” You know, when Al Qaeda says you’re going too far, you probably REALLY are going too far.
The NFL is making tickets for Monday night’s game in Detroit between the NY Jets and Buffalo Bills available free. Wonder how many sports fans are holding out to see what the league might pay them.
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T.C. riding the bus to hell. “Authorities in Thailand intercepted a courier package containing human parts that was destined for the United States. It contained a head, heart and a foot. An anonymous spokesperson for the Washington Redskins said they would be interested if an arm was included.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, country music jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Mike Golic jokes, Raiders jokes
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November 21, 2014
Scary thing, if a couple conceived a child celebrating the Oakland Raiders’ last win, that baby would be 3 months old now.
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Derek Carr praising Jesus and God after the Oakland Raiders’ win tonight. And God is thinking “Ah, you’re now 1 and 10. Don’t blame anything about this season on me.”
Jesus on the other hand, might be comparing tonight to his work with Lazarus.
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Mike Nichols, 82, director of “The Graduate,” has died. Will his coffin be made of “Plastics”?
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Stanford QB Kevin Hogan, who will graduate in June, but could stay for Master’s degree, says he is considering foregoing his final year of eligibility to enter the NFL draft. And Cardinal fans are thinking, “ah, you could get that graduate degree anytime…”
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The NFL moved the Jets vs. Bills game from Buffalo this weekend, and postponed it to Monday in Detroit. The Meadowlands in East Rutherford might have been available after the Giants game Sunday. But local fans are probably thinking “Thank goodness they didn’t foist that crappy match-up on us.”
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The Buffalo Bills were offering $10 an hour and free tickets to their Sunday game against the Jets for fans willing to shovel snow. New York fans were hoping that show could be shoveled on to the Jets?
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In Buffalo, Mario Williams apparently used a snow plow to help dig retired QB Jim Kelly out of the snowstorm. If the storm moves down to New York City, hope Geno Smith is well stocked with emergency supplies.
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Country star Ty Herndon singer has come out of the closet, or the barn as the case may be. Good for him. But really, most country songs work fine for gay or straight relationships. Just change the pronoun of who did you wrong.
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A list made by an Australian man on why he ended a relationship with his girlfriend has gone viral. One reason he listed was that she was rude to his cat. Millions of women are now trying to find his number.
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Britain is about to lift their ban on women in combat, prompting a warning from retired army colonel Richard Kemp, that this would put lives in danger because women lack “the killer instinct.” Clearly this is a man who has never ventured into the first day of a major pre or post Christmas sale.
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Barry Manilow is having a “ONE LAST TIME!” Tour. And many Americans, especially men, are thinking “Promise?”
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Ted Cruz criticized President Obama’s executive order on immigration by adapting “The words of Cicero — powerfully relevant 2,077 years later,” Uh, did Cruz really want to reference a man most of his supporters have never heard of and think must have lived with dinosaurs?
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There’s a petition to cancel the TLC reality show “19 Kids and Counting”, because of the Duggars’ anti-LGBT stance, and Michelle’s referring to transgenders as “child predators.” Of course, there’s another way that doesn’t interfere with their rights for free speech, however ignorant it may be. – “Just don’t watch.”
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At least 10 people have died in the massive winter storm that has blanked Buffalo. We can tell the midterm elections are over though, the GOP is not blaming it on Obama.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Buffalo Bills jokes, country music jokes, Duggars jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, NFL jokes, Stanford jokes, Ted Cruz jokes, Ty Herndon jokes
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November 19, 2014
You know you’re getting older when People Magazine names their #SexiestManAlive and your first reaction is “Who?” #ChrisHemsworth
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Cadillac now says they have created their fastest car ever, the 2016 ATS-V is capable of 185 miles per hour, 0 to 60 mph in 3.9 seconds. And it can presumably do all this with its left blinker on
A 58 year old West Virginia woman and her husband have five biological children and 29 adopted ones, many with health problems or disabilities She said it’s what they “feel called to do by our faith,” and they may adopt more. And somewhere maybe God is thinking, “hey Duggars, this is how it’s done.”
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Tiger Woods is lashing out at a parody interview titled ‘My (Fake) Interview with Tiger” in Golf Digest, saying the piece was “below the belt.” Two things. Tiger should know about “below the belt.”. And is Golf Digest giving him a cut of the extra magazine sales?
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United Airlines is trying a pilot program where travelers can use miles for food and drink at Newark Airport. But it’s not a great exchange rate, a cocktail at one bistro is 2,000 miles. Maybe United is banking on the fact that after passengers get off one of their flights, they’ll be thinking they’re in no hurry to fly again, and they’ll pay anything for a drink.
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Alabama and Mississippi State didn’t play particularly well in the Tides’ 25-20 win last Saturday. But it was enough to move Alabama to #1 in the College Football Playoff rankings, and only drop MSU to #4. No, the committee isn’t biased. Not one bit.
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Ray Sadecki died at the age of 73. The former SF Giants pitcher apparently had a successful 18-year career,. But alas even his obituary leads with being part of one bad trade.
Oakland may not have to worry about losing the Raiders to Texas. San Antonio will probably phone Raiders owner Mark Davis any day now to say. “Sorry, we were in the market for an NFL team.
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Delta Airlines has changed their frequent flier program to disallow stopovers on award tickets, and to make open-jaw tickets more “expensive.” Did someone ever tell airlines these are theoretically LOYALTY programs? More like they are aiming to be disloyalty programs.
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-Tickets for Cal’s last football game of the season are on sale for 66% off on Groupon. So the Golden Bears couldn’t drum up much excitement for a game one week AFTER the “Big Game” with Stanford. Against BYU. On Thanksgiving weekend…. I’m shocked, shocked.
Convicted mass murderer Charlie Manson, 80 and his 26 year old girlfriend have been granted a marriage license and could marry next month. Where’s the sanctity of marriage crowd on this one?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cadillac jokes, chris hemsworth jokes, Janice Hough, Manson jokes, NCAA jokes, people magazine jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
November 18, 2014
Got an invitation for a pre-sale for “Hello Kitty’s Supercute Friendship Festival” at Oracle Arena. Anyone but me think that sounds like a violation of the Geneva Convention?
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RB LeGarrette Blount is with his 4th team in 5 years, and was suspended most of a year at Oregon for punching another player. Now he was released for apparently leaving the field before the end of the MNF game. Congrats to all those who had November 18 in the pool.
Almost 100 years ago, an exchange that perhaps might have anticipated the gay men in the locker room shower silliness: Winston Churchill said to Lady Astor that having a woman in Parliament was like having one “intrude on you in the bathroom.” Her response “You are not handsome enough to have such fears.”
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To put Giancarlo Stanton’s contract in absurd perspective. $325 million is more than half what it cost to build Marlins Park. ($515 million.)
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Buzzfeed quoted a senior Uber exec at a dinner suggesting the company should consider hiring opposition researchers to dig up dirt about journalists who criticize them. Emil Michael, the exec in question says he wasn’t serious and he thought he was off the record anyway. Proving again that testosterone poisoning makes you stupid. Who in high tech thinks ANYTHING is off the record?
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A controversy has erupted over about 1,000 autographed items allegedly signed by Jameis Winston. Part of it is that the authenticator wasn’t allowed to witness the signings. And part of it is that many doubt an FSU athlete could count to 1000.
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FIFA today logged a criminal complaint against the bidding process for the 2018 and 2022 World Cups. Isn’t that like the pot suing the kettle?
The SF Giants’ Tim Hudson. 39, says he will probably retire after the 2015 season? “So young?” responded birthday boy Jamie Moyer, 52..
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Starting in early 2015, tourists with a medical marijuana card from their home state can buy pot in Las Vegas. I can see it now “Dude, where’s my slots?”
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But really, is this a good idea? Medical marijuana and buffet restaurants?
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#BigPapi took #PabloSandoval to dinner in Boston. No word on whether or not #Panda will sign with the #RedSox. But they may have at least temporarily shut down an all-you-can-buffet.
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From Marc Ragovin “Peyton Manning threw two interception this past weekend in the Broncos loss. “Amateur,” said brother Eli.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Hello Kitty jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Sandoval jokes, Stanton jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 18, 2014
Rumor has it that the Padres are actually interested in Pablo Sandoval. Talk about a potential waste. Has someone told San Diego ownership that the Panda only hits well in the postseason?
MLB’s collective bargaining agreement states teams cannot penalize a team for weight. But a new report says the Boston Red Sox would offer Pablo Sandoval a contract with bonuses for keeping his weight down. Because that worked so well with Big Papi?
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Next promotion for the Lakers? A giveaway of Jack Nicholson style sunglasses. To enhance the experience for fans the glasses will reportedly be opaque.
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An Australian news show host decided to prove a point about the way his female colleagues were treated over their clothes and appearance, and decided to wear the same suit every day until someone noticed.. After a year Stefanovic has not only proved his point, – no one noticed – millions of men no doubt consider him a hero.
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A beagle in Texas saw his owner being taken away in an ambulance, and jumped aboard, riding on the side step for 25 miles to the hospital. Meanwhile no doubt the house cat used the opportunity to snag some extra food.
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The Crown Princess has had their second outbreak of Norovirus in six months, bringing the total number of sickened passengers over 300. Wonder how many thousands of Americans may be so upset by the news that they postpone their flu shots?
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After Sunday’s 5 interceptions that gave the game to the #49ers, should the #NYGiants Eli Manning register as a 501 (c) (3) charity?
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Will Muschamp apparently has been told he will not return as Florida’s coach next season. Well, Muschamp did accomplish one notable thing in his tenure, he made Gator fans miss Ron Zook.
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The DEA did surprise inspections yesterday of the 49ers, Seahawks and Buccaneers for possible prescription drug abuse. In the last case, was this the first time ever someone thought it might have required drugs to beat the Redskins?
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When Candlestick Park is demolished, the area will house a 500,000-square-foot “urban outlet” shopping center. Presume it will be a great place to buy warm coats?
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The Sacramento Kings filed a protest over a last second 111-110 loss to the Grizzlies on a buzzer beater last week, saying the clock had run out. This in a game where the Kings blew a 26 point lead. Two things. 1- Who really thinks a single regular season NBA game matters? 2. Does Sacramento really want to do anything to remind fans of blowing a 26 point lead?
Bus to hell moment from Bill Littlejohn “Jose Canseco wants to sell the finger that he blew off with a gun.John Wayne Bobbitt commented, ‘Don’t ask.'”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Manning jokes, Muschamp jokes, norovirus jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 16, 2014
Best thing about only one SEC team in the top four of the college football rankings? Increases the chances of getting the playoff from 4 to 8 games sooner rather than later.
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Although with all these upsets and near upsets, have to wonder, is college football trying to match the NFL for parity?
Original mantra from naysayers on climate change. “Well, China isn’t involved anyway, so what difference does it make?” New mantra “Well, it’s not like you could trust the Chinese anyway.”
Sad to say, but in the US more people are dying from frat parties than Ebola
The Charlotte Hornets’ Lance Stephenson drew a foul by hitting himself in the fact and flopping. Let’s hope Chris Paul and Blake Griffin didn’t see it.
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#21 Duke was upset by Virginia Tech today 17-16, despite the Blue Devils’ having had several late scoring opportunities. So is Duke really trying to be the “Stanford of the East?”
Meanwhile Bruce Jenkins of the SF Chronicle on the Stanford-Utah game “Apathy met irrelevance at Stanford Stadium on Saturday, and by the finish, it didn’t seem to matter whether Utah or the Cardinal prevailed.” Yeah, just about sums it up.
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So much for all those worries about Stanford coach David Shaw leaving for the NFL.
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The Marlins signed Giancarlo Stanton to a 13 year $325 million contract. Presumably the idea is to win another World Series and then trade him and his contract to the Yankees?
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Jose Canseco tweeted that he was playing in a poker tournament and “and something crazy happened to my finger that I shot off and they put back on….” Apparently it fell off. As Alex Kaseberg said “Talk about a bad hand.”
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California’s Santa Clara County has only a few more thousand ballots to count, and they hope to be done by the weekend. Almost two weeks after the election. Ah, it’s good to live in the birthplace of the high tech industry.
From T.C. “The world’s top ranked badminton player has failed a doping test. Badminton World Federation officials finally had to confront him when his serves reached speeds of 400 mph.”
T.C also passes this on, “Heard on the radio, Charles Barkley can chow down now after saying he wouldn’t eat another meal until the Lakers won. I bet he wouldn’t dare try that with the Oakland Raiders.”
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Canseco jokes, climate change jokes, college football jokes, Janice Hough, SEC jokes
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November 14, 2014
Why there is no satire, NBA division. Kobe Bryant on the Spurs. “I don’t know if I can express to you how jealous I am of the fact that Tim, Tony Manu and Pop have been together for all those years”. Bryant’s salary for 2014 – $23 million. Duncan $10 million, Parker $12 million.
#iwoulddoanythingforlovebutiwontdothat
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Prince WIlliam and Kate are coming to the U.S. for a three day visit December. Some Americans don’t see all the fuss over a couple people who just happen to be part of a Royal family. Wonder if the dignitaries meeting their Highnesses will include Bill and Hillary Clinton, and both former President Bushes?
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The Department of Energy loan guarantee program, famous for the Solyndra default, has actually started turning a PROFIT on its $34.2 billion in loans, as some companies are becoming successful and paying money back. So where’s all the GOP blame for Obama?
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The 0-8 Philadelphia 76ers,, who just lost by 53 to the Dallas Maverickst, are making a strong bid to become the worst NBA team ever. Sadly, even if they run the table, this team probably couldn’t even win the draft lottery.
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Dick Vitale, 75, said “My goal is to be the first broadcaster in the history of broadcasting to work at a game when I’m 100 years old.” And somewhere Vin Scully just giggled.
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The NBA has released pictures of this year’s Christmas uniforms, which will feature team logos on the front, first names of players on the back, and will be sold by Adidas for $110. Except presumably for the Lakers jerseys, which will cost twice as much and break down after a few wearings.
The NFL fined NY Jets coach Rex Ryan $100,000 for profanity after his team beat the Steelers. Well, if winning generates that kind of outburst at least Rex won’t be out of pocket too much the rest of this season.
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There’s going to be a musical based on the reality show “Duck Dynasty.” “The Duck Commander Family Musical” will open in Las Vegas next February. Just the thing for those straight male rednecks who have been waiting for THEIR Broadway show. Both of them.
And have to wonder, will the Robertson’s put a “morality” clause on sexual orientation for actors…? If so, hope they’re planning on a one or two man show.
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Former Chicago Mayor Jane Byrne has passed away. She leaves quite a legacy – the first woman mayor of the city, and one of the few Illinois leaders never to have been arrested.
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Starting to get emails and banner ads about “The 117th Big Game between Stanford and Cal” on November 22.” Of course, the time isn’t set yet. Because nothing says how important a rivalry game is like a “TBA” on the schedule for television. Sigh.
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An Alabama high school teacher has been arrested and charged with three sexual incidents with students in six months. Think she took being a physically education teacher a bit too seriously?
From Alex Kaseberg “Chicago Bear receiver, Brandon Marshall, upset by a remark made about his mother, challenged one of his twitter followers $25,000 to fight him. Bears QB Jay Cutler threw out the same challenge, but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: age jokes, Bears jokes, Dick Vitale jokes, Jets jokes, Lakers jokes, NBA jokes, NFL jokes, Princess William jokes, Vin Scully jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 13, 2014
A new report says a Secret Service agent was chatting on his cellphone while an intruder scaled the White House fence in September. Maybe it’s time to get men out of the Secret Service. Not that women don’t chat. But we can multitask.
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Most Americans don’t seem to know or care about the “Net Neutrality” issue. Maybe they’d take more of an interest if proponents explained it might affect their ability to see Kim Kardashian naked?
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A plastic surgeon claims that by 2016, he’ll have FDA approval and be able to market “Vacation Breasts.” An injectable saline solution with added chemicals to increase women’s breast sizes for 2-3 weeks. Wow. A whole new opportunity for women to attract men who they can then claim don’t appreciate them for who they really are……
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Evangelical actor Kirk Cameron has a film “Kirk Cameron’s Saving Christmas,” which attacks the idea that some Christmas traditions actually have pagan roots. So this means Cameron’s found the part in the Bible where Jesus said to go out and look for Black Friday sales?
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The fiancée of Thomas Eric Duncan, the Liberian man who died of Ebola in Dallas, apparently has a book deal.. Wonder how many potential buyers are afraid you might get Ebola from reading it.
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#WeCanLandOnACometButWeCant answer the question “What is a comet?”
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Qatar’s sports minister was asked how gay people will be welcomed at the 2022 World Cup, and gave a vague answer starting with “It’s exactly like the alcohol question…” Which is not great news for LGBT sports fans who want to watch soccer in 122 degree weather, both of them.
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Uruguayan soccer star Luis Suarez on his bad habit. “Biting scares a lot of people. But it’s relatively harmless.” Well that should make competing players feel all warm and fuzzy.
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Some airports, including Phoenix Sky Harbor, Boston Logan, and Dallas Fort Worth DFW, now have walking paths for travelers. Denver and O’Hare are sticking with the old model – gates as far apart as possible that usually require a good run to make a flight.
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Scott Ostler has the right solution to this joke of a College Football Playoff committee. Put the real impartial experts in charge – a panel of the best oddsmakers in Las Vegas.
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USC CB Josh Davis, explaining why he fabricated a story about jumping into a pool to save his nephew, said he was arguing with his girlfriend, and leaped from the balcony because he thought she called the authorities, and as a “black man with dreadlocks” he was afraid.
He added “I didn’t think it could be proved that story was not true. My sister was having a party … my cousin does have a balcony over his pool. … It involved only myself, my sister, two or three little kids, and my cousin.”
Another reason why football players should go to class, in Creative Writing he’d learn how to make up a better story.
It’s early in the NBA season, but so far two of the top teams are Toronto and Memphis. Now that’s a potential Finals matchup that would make the networks long for the ratings lure of a Kansas City-SF World Series.
ESPN announcers talking earlier tonight about how close USC was to having a chance for the College Football Playoffs, with late losses to ASU and Utah. Uh, yeah, and then there was that 13-10 win in Palo Alto that they only got when Stanford flubbed most of their EIGHT trips to the Red Zone.
NBA commissioner Adam Silver wrote in a NY Times op-ed that Congress “should adopt a federal framework that allows states to authorize betting on professional sports” Translation, maybe if more Americans can legally bet on the NBA they might actually pay attention to the 82 game regular season.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Ebola jokes, Janice Hough, josh davis jokes, Net Neutrality jokes, plastic surgery jokes, secret service jokes, soccer jokes
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November 13, 2014
The college bowl game formerly known as the “Kraft Fight Hunger Bowl,” now scheduled for Dec. 30 at Levi’s Stadium, has been renamed and will now be the “Foster Farms Bowl.” So how long until it gets named the “Chicken Sh*t Bowl”?
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A tractor-trailer overturned and spilled about 25,000 pounds of frozen boxed turkeys onto I-680 in Northern California today. So forget free range, this year expect to see ads for freeway turkeys.
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One rumor has the Red Sox flying Pablo Sandoval out to Boston for a visit next week. Considering that the Boston weather is expected to have a high in the 30s, the SF Giants might be good with that.
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Tom Brady on Andrew Luck. “He does a lot of things I wish I could do.” Starting with turning back the clock to being 25 again?
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Blake Griffin has been charged with one count of misdemeanor battery for an October incident in a Las Vegas nightclub. Shocking. Mostly that when the police charged the Clippers’ forward, that Griffin didn’t immediately flop.
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KNBR’s Gary Radnich has noticed it too. For those going through SF baseball withdrawal, the San Antonio Spurs are kind of like the Giants. Not particularly flashy, not much attention on the highlight shows, but they play like a team and just keep winning. Although the Spurs don’t have any cool animal nicknames.
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Undefeated Florida State was dropped in the College Football Rankings, in large part because they haven’t had big enough margins of victory. Coach Jimbo Fisher shrugged it off and “I’m hoping to hold the integrity of the game higher than everybody else.” “Integrity of the game!” In college football?. And Fisher said it with a straight face.
Florida State officials apparently have agreed to postpone Jameis Winston’s upcoming student conduct code hearing until Dec.1, because the QB’s attorney told them he hadn’t had “sufficient time to review the evidence.” So on Nov. 30 presume they will ask for one more extension until say, Jan. 13? (The day after the College Football Championship game)
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KOMO-4 TV in Seattle discovered that beer at CenturyLink Field is watered down. Wow. Imagine how loud Seahawks fans would be if they were drinking the regular stuff.
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Marijuana sales actually fell for the first time in September since it became legal in January 2014. People saving up to buy extra for the holidays? Or new college students who didn’t realize it was a good idea to write down the addresses after their first purchase? (“Dude, where’s my pot store?”)
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Ted Cruz’s supporters have started a ‘Stand for Principle’ PAC to support him in 2016. Which means the Texas senator is probably running for President. Great news. For comedy writers.
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On a serious note, the attorney general’s office in the Dominican Republic reported that the Cardinals’ star rookie propect Oscar Taveras’s blood alcohol level was “five times the legal limit” when he crashed his car and died last month. Sadly proving once again that it’s not just the illegal drugs that can cause a problem in professional sports.
A 4.8 earthquake today hit Kansas, Oklahoma and Arkansas. Not sure, but maybe Mother Nature wasn’t very happy with last week’s election results.
What’s wrong with MLB’s TV & marketing focus on a few teams? #CoreyKluber just won the AL #CYYoung award. And many baseball fans are thinking “Who?”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Blake Griffin jokes, college football jokes, FSU jokes, Jameis Winston jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, Thanksgiving jokes
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November 12, 2014
Wonder how the East Coast gets that reputation about being clueless about West Coast baseball. In an ESPN thread about the Red Sox trying to sign Pablo Sandoval, a “top commenter” complains Panda has “NO power..he hit 14 homers last year in a friendly park….” Right. All the free agents sluggers want to come to AT&T because it’s such a hitters’ park…..-
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Apparently Mark Sanchez, who has a reputation for being kind of a sensitive guy, is quite happy with the adulation from Eagles fans after his game last night. Next week’s game though, is in Green Bay. Good thing Philly fans are so loving and loyal toward their players.
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Megyn Kelly introduced Mike Huckabee today and replaced the “H” in his name with a “F.” An accident? Or a shameless attempt by Fox News to go after that all important pre-teen boy viewer demographic?
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Fox announced that Randy Jackson is leaving “American Idol.” And a lot of Americans responded “American Idol is still on?”
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OF Michael Cuddyer has left Colorado to sign with the NY Mets. What Cuddyer is about to find out… it’s not like the Mets are really better than the Rockies. But in New York, when a team sucks, people actually notice.
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The Mormon church just admitted that founder Joseph Smith had 40 wives. One as young as 14. But note here. 40 wives. Not a single husband. The man took the sanctity of marriage seriously.
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Bears coach Marc Trestman said Jay Cutler “didn’t play very well,” Sunday night and wants him “to play better.” Because had Cutler had a good game Chicago might have only lost 55-35?
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In a Hollywood movie theater, a woman reportedly used mace on a man who asked her to put her cellphone away. And Floridians are thinking, “Lucky guy, she didn’t shoot him.”
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And you think you might need a life? Two women in Beaumont, California, have been camping since Nov 5. in front of a Best Buy so they can be first in line for the Black Friday sale, which begins Nov. 27 at 5pm .
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So some in the media were up in arms over New Orleans at 4-5 potentially hosting a playoff game. Where was this outrage when the 7-9 Seahawks hosted and beat the 10-6 Saints.
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George W. Bush has a new book out – “41. Portrait of my Father,” about George H.W. Bush. Impressive. So the former President has now written two books before he’s read one.
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The Chinese have censored an internet photo showing Vladimir Putin wrapping a shawl around the wife of the president of China. Wonder what they would have done if W. had been around to give her a shoulder rub?
Louisville football coach Bobby Petrino is getting a $500,000 bonus for keeping his players academically eligible. Wonder if the Cardinals borrowed course syllabi from UNC?
There are many good reasons to choose MLB awards before the postseason. On the other hand, the #SFGiants Bruce Bochy has one “Manager of the Year” award. And it’s from 1996 with the San Diego Padres.
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Watching the #Spurs in action you have to wonder how #SanAntonio would ever stoop so low as to recruit the #Raiders.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ESPN jokes, Fox jokes, Huckabee jokes, Janice Hough, Mark Sanchez jokes, MLB jokes, Petrino jokes, Philadelphia jokes, Putin jokes
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November 10, 2014
Ted Cruz tweeted “‘Net Neutrality'” is Obamacare for the Internet; the Internet should not operate at the speed of government.” Can’t wait for Cruz to decry this year’s Thanksgiving Turkey pardon as Obamacare for birds.
AT&T announced they have abandoned their announced plan to create an air-to-ground 4G network to improve Wi-Fi service on airplanes. Maybe because the phone company figured if there was one industry they could partner with that could actually LOWER their reputation it’s the airline industry.
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A video has gone viral of Denver backup QB Brock Osweiler’s frustration when Peyton Manning’s went back in the game against the Bears up 41-10. No doubt Broncos fans find it funny, since Manning didn’t end up with an injury like Carson Palmer.
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Carson Palmer tore his ACL Sunday and is out for the season, 2 days after signing a 3-year contract extension. The Cardinals QB tore his ACL once before, in Dec, 2005, 10 days after signing a 6-year contract extension. Think next time Arizona offers Palmer an extension maybe he needs to “just say no.”
The Carolina Panthers tried Monday night to do their best Chicago Bears imitation.
ESPN Monday Night Football sign off -“Good night, from Philadelphia.” Directed to all those who tuned in hoping to see Sportscenter. And both fans who were still watching the game
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Meanwhile, the Carolina Panthers remain alive in the playoff hunt. Wonder if this year’s #NFCSouth champion might be good enough to get into the college football playoff.
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After Kentucky crushed Georgetown College in a pre season college men’s baseketball game, Tigers coach Chris Briggs called the Wildcats an NBA playoff team. John Calipari’s tweet response- “I hear Coach Briggs got excited after the game last night. Let me be clear: If we played ANY NBA team, we would get buried. ANY.”
Uh, well maybe not the 76ers.
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Tampa Bay rookie Austin Seferian-Jenkins apologized today for his “Captain Morgan” pose touchdown celebration Sunday that he both drew a penalty for, and posted on Instagram. In Seferian-Jenkins’ defense, being on the 1-8 Buccaneers, he doesn’t have much experience with touchdown celebrations.
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Cubs GM Theo Epstein, on an MLB investigation of Chicago’s possibly talking to new manager Joe Maddon while he was still under contract to Tampa Bay: “There was absolutely no tampering whatsoever.” I think I like “Wait until next year” better.
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A Montanta white supremacist, John Abarr, is attempting to start a branch of the Ku Klux Klan dubbed the “Rocky Mountain Knights,” which will allow African -Americans, Jews, homosexuals and those of Hispanic origin. The “new Klan” members wlll have to wear the white robes, masks, conical hats and take part in rituals….And presumably have to fail an IQ test.
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President Obama voiced strong support for “Net neutrality.” Waiting for Sarah Palin to chime in and complain that the government shouldn’t get involved in the fishing industry.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Bears jokes, Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, MNF jokes, NFC South jokes, Panthers jokes, Ted Cruz jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
November 10, 2014
So much for the #Lakers’ perfect season.
And Charles Barkley’s favorite restaurants are now going “Our long national nightmare is over.”
Even #Cubs fans feel sorry for #Bears fans tonight. #GBvsChi
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T.C. (from British Columbia) suggests that most Americans turned off the Packers-Bears rout at half-time. Those who didn’t, who weren’t Green Bay fans, probably thought they had accidentally turned on a replay of a SEC game vs. a nonconference opponent.
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In a crazy world small signs of stability can be a good thing. To that end the Oakland Raiders are doing their part to be the one #NFL team that consistently sucks.
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Mark Cuban mused that the Oklahoma Thunder at this point might be better off tanking the season in a “race to the bottom”. And the Raiders are thinking. “Well, that’s one NFL race we’ve won.”
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Many thought the 49ers’ Aldon Smith would have his suspension reduced. This didn’t happen, reportedly because he didn’t do all his “counseling protocol.” So much for all those who say it doesn’t matter if athletes learn to go to class. #cantfixstupid
Not sure if the SF 49ers are going to the playoffs, but after the “Hail Mary” offensive pass interference penalty he drew on Jimmy Graham, CB Perrish Cox has reportedly been offered a tryout by several professional soccer teams.
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If football games were 58 minutes long #Saints would be midseason favorites to win #superbowl. #SFvsNO #cantfinish
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Freed missionary Kenneth Bae, back in the U.S. from North Korea, said “It’s been an amazing two years, I learned a lot.” Like maybe not to lead tour groups to North Korea?
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Arctic temperature will reach across much of the U.S. this week, with even a chance of snow in D.C. Proving some were right when they said hell would freeze over before we’d see a GOP landslide this year.
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One last thought on last Tuesday’s election. Whatever you think of President Obama’s candidates from both parties tried to hard to distance themselves from him. voters may well have figured at least they’d go for the honest ones.
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Label notation of the year award: “May have been processed on equipment that was also used to process nuts.” On a jar of peanut butter.
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, NFL jokes, political jokes, Raiders jokes, Saints jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 