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Not quite all wet.

October 9, 2015

General Motors is telling owners of some SUVs not to use their windshield wipers because an electrical short could cause the motor to catch fire. ‘Scary” said most Americans. “What are windshield wipers?” said Californians?”

It’s only the first week of the postseason, and I am so over playoff beards. ‪#‎MLBPostseason‬

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Shocked at how many empty seats there were in 5th inning at ‪#‎Dodgers‬ Stadium. Were fans late for the 3rd or early for the 7th?

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Bob Costas today during extra innings of the Rangers Blue Jays game “I’m hearing the rumor that Albert Belle may be going all Kirk Gibson on us.”– (Belle retired in 2000, so he meant injured Texas slugger Adrian Beltre)
To be fair, maybe seeing LaTroy Hawkins on the mound was giving Costas flashbacks.

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Not true that ‪#‎LaTroyHawkins‬ was in majors the last time ‪#‎BlueJays‬ were in playoffs. (1993). But he was pitching for ‪#‎Twins‬ single A team.

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Add Johnny ‪#‎Cueto‬ to the list of pitchers ‪#‎SFGiants‬ are now glad they didn’t give away the farm to get at the trade deadline ‪#‎HOUvsKC‬

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MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred said yesterday it’s “not appropriate” to enforce pace-of-play rules as strictly during the playoffs. Well, of course, longer games mean more commercials. ‪#‎followthemoney‬

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Ted Cruz just said that Trump won’t be the GOP nominee, and that he will pick up most of the Donald’s voters. So Cruz vs. Trump. Get some popcorn and pull up a chair, this could be fun.

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Donald Trump today says Bowe Bergdahl should have been executed. Hey, can someone ask Trump about draft dodgers?

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Texas Governor Greg Abbott signed a “campus carry” bill in June. “In general, what we’ve seen in the states that have campus carry, there haven’t been any problems on those campuses. I think that the way the Legislature worked this out [that] we will see that campus carry in the state of Texas will also pose no more problems.”

Three shootings on Texas campuses since then. Maybe he meant problems with overcrowding?

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Many gun rights advocates say the Oregon shootings would not have happened if students were armed. Last night there was a fight between two groups of students near a fraternity dorm at Northern Arizona University.. An 18 year old freshman pulled out a gun, 1 student is dead, 3 injured. ‪#‎howmanymore‬ ‪#‎ifonlytheywereALLarmed‬

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Not that I expect any privacy on the internet. But sometimes these targeted ad algorithms need work. As in I just have gotten a few ads for “California’s largest hunting and fishing stores” with all kinds of guns on sale. ‪#‎notthatkindofagal‬

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The California Coastal Commission has banned SeaWorld from breeding killer whales in captivity. So what’s next,”Abstinence Only” sex education for orcas?

Chris Christie says of President Obama that he “should do all of us a favor [and] start building his library now and leave office early.” And a lot of New Jersey residents are thinking ‘Can you show him the way?”

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A UCLA walk-on punter was arrested on suspicion of rape today, the 2nd Bruins player to be arrested this year, (the first was arrested for allegedly stealing a cellphone, although prosecutors decided not to press charges.)

Maybe UCLA is trying just a little too hard to prove they can compete with SEC and ACC teams?

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John Kasich at a New Hampshire event asked those in the audience if it would both them if their future benefit were a little lower for the good of the country. When one person said it would be a problem Kasich replied “Well, you’d get over it, and you’re going to have to get over it.”
As my friend Michael Schibly says, “Keep them talking.”

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Home cooked?

October 8, 2015

What home field advantage? ‪#‎MLBPostseason‬

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A pro-White Sox bar in Chicago is offering free beer after every St. Louis Cardinals home run against the Cubs. Okay, I see a potential promotion for San Francisco area bars for the Mets-Dodgers series.

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Best wishes to Vin Scully. Los Angeles just announced that their 88-year-old announcer will miss the postseason after undergoing a “recommended medical procedure.” And SFGiants fans hope Dodgers have plenty of time starting next week to visit Vin in the hospital.

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Some complain baseball doesn’t have a national TV audience anymore. One reason that most Americans aren’t familiar with any but their local teams and a handful of big name teams. So now in the playoffs, MLB has a chance to introduce us to the Blue Jays and Rangers. And they put ALDS games 1 and 2 on weekday at 330p and 1245p EST…..

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Strangely fun to see orange in the postseason, even if it’s not Giants Orange. ‪#‎SFGiants‬.

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The Cowboys’ Greg Hardy, about his impending return from a suspension for domestic violence “”I hope I come out guns blazing,”
(Hardy was actually convicted of the 2014 assault but had his case dismissed on appeal when Nicole Holder didn’t show up He had thrown her on a pile of guns, bragged they were loaded and threatened to kill her with one of them.) ‪#‎stayclassy‬

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And maybe all you need to know about Roger Goodell and today’s NFL is that Goodell is pushing hard to make sure Tom Brady gets that full four-game suspension that matches Hardy’s.  (And I don’t even like the Patriots or Saint Brady)  #Priorities.

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A video is going viral of the Pirates’ Sean Rodriguez attacking a water cooler during yesterday’s Wild Card game. Pity Pittsburgh batters didn’t hit Arrieta as hard as Rodriguez hit the cooler.

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A frat at Indiana University has been suspended over a possible sexual assault, after they posted a video of the incident on Twitter. Not that we always didn’t have ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬, but social media has certainly expanded stupid’s reach.

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Chris Burns, an assistant coach at Bryant University, is making headlines as the first Division 1 basketball coach to come out of the closet. Uh, that was Sheri Murrell at Portland State. But good for him, each announcement makes the next one a little less of a story. And maybe someday being gay in sports won’t be a story at all. ‪#‎wecandream‬

Kevin McCarthy has just withdrawn from the House Speaker’s race. Proving again that old adage “Better to keep silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

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Injured Junior Bruins’ LB Myles Jack says he is dropping out UCLA and entering the 2016 NFL draft because he wants “compensation for what I have done.” Well, clearly Jack should have gone to USC.

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An 22 year old man called 911 to report that he was “too high on weed” and “could not feel his hands.” Police found him laying on the floor surrounded by “a plethora of Doritos, Pepperidge Farm Goldfish and Chips Ahoy cookies.”

This story is from Ohio. Your move, Florida.

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Volkswagen’s CEO, testifying before Congress, said it may take years to fix all the rigged cars. And it will take even longer to fix the company’s reputation.

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USC coach Steve Sarkisian said late August he was going to rehab. The way Trojans have played the last two games at home you’d think Sarkisian wants most USC fans to need to join him.

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Proving that it’s possible to do brain surgery without a working brain: Today’s gem from Ben Carson ” I have had a gun held on me when I was in a Popeyes [in Baltimore]. … A guy comes in, puts the gun in my ribs, and I just said, “I believe that you want the guy behind the counter.” … He said, “Oh, okay.” ‪#‎realAmericanhero‬ ‪#‎yeshesaidit‬

If this keeps up no telling what Trump will have to do to grab the headlines back. Later today on CNN Ben Carson said the holocaust would have been less likely had Jews been armed…. ‪#‎nottheOnion‬

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From Bill Littlejohn:  “Four Russian missiles fired at targets in Syria instead landed in a remote part of Iran.So, you see, Colin Kaepernick, you are not alone.”

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Walking the plank?

October 7, 2015

The 2015 98-win ‪#‎Pirates‬ are gone after 1 post-season game. The 1993 103-win ‪#‎Giants‬ would have liked 1 post-season game. ‪#‎Wildcard

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‪For the second year in a row, the #‎Pirates‬ are out in post-season. But Pittsburgh is well on their way to becoming official MLB team of college basketball.  ‪#‎oneanddone‬

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A new study found that Donald Trump supporters have the worst grammar on Facebook. And angry Trump fans are saying “Not true, my grammar is/was a great person, so is my grampa.”

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Colin Kaepernick – “I don’t play for job security.” Good thing, as the 49ers QB isn’t playing like he’s going to have any.

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A rainy June in Illinois wiped out a lot of this year’s U.S. pumpkin crop which may mean a canned pumpkin shortage by Thanksgiving. Stand by for Starbucks’ new “Zucchini Spice Latte.”

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Sepp Blatter will reportedly be suspended for 90 days by FIFA’s ethics committee. Shocking. FIFA HAS an ethics committee?

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The NFL is talking about playing some future games in Mexico. Talk about a way to undercut Trump’s allegations that criminals only come north across the border.

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ESPN is reporting that NY Knicks coach Derek Fisher and Grizzlies forward Matt Barnes “were involved in an physical altercation” last weekend at the home of Barnes’ ex-wife. Who says the Knicks won’t make headlines this year?

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The mother of the Oregon shooter is now saying when she was pregnant that she read “Trump’s Art of The Deal” to him as an unborn baby. Talk about a way to have a child start out thinking the world is an awful place.

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Chuck E Cheese is going to expand their alcohol selection in order to appeal more to parents. Wonder how many drinks it will take before their food actually tastes like pizza?

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Kevin McCarthy, backtracking on his comments implying that the Benghazi investigations in the House were a political weapon against Hillary Clinton: “I could have been more clear in my description of what was going forward.”
Uh, Rep. McCarthy. I think the problem was that you WERE crystal clear, and honest.

GOP House members today created a special committee on Wednesday to investigate Planned Parenthood. Could someone please ask Kevin McCarthy what the goals of the committee are?

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Rupert Murdoch tweeted today in support of Ben Carson. “What about a real black President who can properly address the racial divide? And much else.” Assume Murdoch also considers Clarence Thomas a “real black” Supreme Court judge

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Ben Carson doubling down on his Oregon shooting comments: “I was chuckling at the silly reporters, at not being able to understand such a simple concept. If you know someone is going to kill you, and they’re going to systematically kill you one by one, why would you sit there and wait for them to do it?”
Can’t wait to hear someone ask him a question about rape.

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Finally,  if you are reading this, guess the Rapture hasn’t happened yet. ‪#‎Doomsday‬

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Swimming time?

September 29, 2015

The Dodgers complained that when they clinched in Arizona the Diamondbacks got upset when players jumped in the pool to celebrate. But the Giants are classier than that. Heard SF told LA if they clinched at AT&T Park, the entire Dodgers team was invited to jump into McCovey Cove.

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Well, to be fair, this has been largely a AAA lineup lately for the ‪#‎SFGiants‬. And tonight looked like regressing to the mean.

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Think what angered ‪#‎Madbum‬ most, those last two home runs given up meant he didn’t get another AB against ‪#‎Kershaw‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

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Last week, Donald Trump said he was boycotting Fox News. Tonight, he’s appearing on the O’Reilly Factor. Guess even the Donald knows there’s no such thing as bad (free) publicity.

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A body was found wrapped in a plastic sheet on an Oakland street today. People say they have not determined a cause of death. Pretty sure we can rule out suicide. ‪#‎bustohell‬

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Four MLB games tonight delayed or postponed due to rain. Well, cheer up baseball fans, due to the late start of the season to humor ESPN, maybe for this year’s World Series we could have games delayed by snow.

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WTF? Jeb Bush says his tax plan will save middle-class Americans $2,000 a year, and “if a family were to invest the $2,000 they would save annually over a 20-year period and at compounded interest rate of 8%, they would accumulate a nest egg of $108,000 to help better prepare them for a comfortable retirement.”

8% compounded interest rate? Maybe Jeb hasn’t actually stopped smoking marijuana. ‪#‎andhessupposedtobethesmartone‬

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More Jeb Bush, writing in USA today on his proposed $2,000 tax cut for the middle class: “Two thousand dollars is four mortgage payments for the median American household.” ‪#‎Yeshesaidit‬

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QB Michael Vick, on starting Thursday in place of injured Ben Rothlisberger “This is a great opportunity for me because I don’t know if I’m going to have this opportunity ever again. ” Well, at least Vick didn’t say he felt like he was on a short leash.

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Twitter is apparently working on a way for users to compose Tweets of longer than 140 characters. Joe Biden reportedly has just activated his account.

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Carly Fiorina is already attacking the “liberal media” for accusing her of lying about Planned Parenthood and talking about an image that did not exist – “They’re trying to have a conversation about a TECHNICALITY (caps mine) about a video tape.”
Sarah Palin must be so proud. (Although she’s thinking, Carly, it’s “lamestream media.” )

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A data scientist says he has found proof that Ashley Madison created 40,000 fake women’s profiles to get users into joining and paying for its website. And thousands of guys are now trying to convince their wives they faked men’s profiles too.

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SMU’s men’s basketball team has been declared ineligible for the 2016 postseason and coach Larry Brown has been suspended 9 games for “multiple violations.” What’s Brown trying to prove at this point, that he can compete with John Calipari? .

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Utah Rep Jason Chaffetz today went after Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards about her $500,000 salary. Funny, never heard him complain about the $174,000 salary plus travel and other expenses that members of Congress get, or that $21 million (plus $19 million in stock) golden parachute Carly Fiorina got from HP.

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If he can make it there, he’ll make it anywhere?

September 25, 2015

The Pope celebrated Mass at Madison Square Garden. And possibly broke the record for the most people praying in that august arena, previously set by the Knicks.

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So what kind of a world do we live in when John Boehner is too moderate to lead Congress?

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Not questioning John Boehner’s decision to resign. But wouldn’t you think as a good Catholic the Speaker would have picked a day to do it where he didn’t take headlines from the Pope?

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A man was arrested after he stole a lottery ticket dispenser at 1a and later that morning tried to cash one of the tickets at the SAME STORE. — Do I even need to stay this was Florida?

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Jeb Bush yesterday talking about African-Americans to a Republican group. “Our message is one of hope and aspiration. It isn’t one of division and ‘Get in line and we’ll take care of you with free stuff.” So Jeb said it because that message worked so well for Mitt Romney .

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Jeb Bush says Pope Francis shouldn’t be talking about fighting climate change he “is not a scientist, he’s a religious leader.” Fine, so can we await Jeb’s statement that he and other candidates shouldn’t talk about climate change and other scientific issues because they are political leaders?

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So in the NY Giants finally won their first game of the season Thursday night. Who says no good ever comes from dealings with Washington?

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October will be “Breast Cancer Awareness” month. Wouldn’t it be nice if the only cancerous boob we worried about getting rid of was Ted Cruz?

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Already seeing some conservative media criticism over Michelle Obama’s wearing a $2,300 dress to meet the Pope, who has spoken against materialism. Right. And had she shown up in a $23 Target dress it would have been criticized as showing a lack of respect. ‪#‎cantwin‬

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17 second stare down between umpire Joe West & ‪#‎MadBum‬ during Thursday night’s Padres-Giants game.   Don’t blame West. After all 31,000 paid their way in to see him call balls & strikes.

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Paul Pierce, about to start his 18th season in the NBA, says he will probably retire if the Clippers win the championship. So wonder where Pierce hopes to play in 2016-17?

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Pete Rose met with Rob Manfred yesterday and the MLB commissioner reportedly told baseball’s all-time hits leader he will make a decision on reinstatement by the end of the year. Hope Rose didn’t ask “Can you give me odds on that?”

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A baby boy was born at Petco Field during the third inning of Thursday night’s Padres-Giants game. This would never have happened in Los Angeles, in the third inning Dodgers fans are still in the car on the way to the stadium.

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Donald Trump said at the Value Voters Summit “I brought my Bible. You know, it’s the First Presbyterian Church, Jamaica (Queens) and this was written by my mother, with my name, with my address, with everything.”
He didn’t add, “and maybe someday I’ll read beyond the inscription.”

Former Astros star Lance Berkman in a radio ad against the “Houston Equal Rights Ordinance,” which provides protection for LGBTs. “I played professional baseball for 15 years, but family is more important. My wife and I have four daughters. Proposition 1, the bathroom ordinance, would allow troubled men to enter women’s public bathrooms, showers and locker rooms….”
Right, as opposed to fine upstanding heterosexual men like Ben Rothlisberger?

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Kim Davis announced she is becoming a Republican. “I’ve always been a Democrat, but the party left me.” And Democrats are thinking “Not only left but shut the door and changed the locks. Amen.”

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Any given Saturday?

September 19, 2015

Stanford’s road to the Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl might have hit a  speed bump tonight.

‪#‎Fearthetree‬ ‪#‎Nerdnation‬ ‪#‎GoStanford‬. “Saw this coming” said NOBODY. ‪#‎STANvsUSC‬

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Headline you didn’t expect to see- “Ohio State holds off Northern Illinois, 20-13.” Sounds like the Buckeyes’ players took this game about as seriously as they take their classes.

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Notre Dame won today but safety Drue Tranquill injured his right knee chest-bumping a teammate after breaking up a pass in the first half. So Touchdown Jesus may be backing the Fighting Irish, but Mean Bitch Karma still doesn’t like showboating.

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Author Jackie Collins has passed away at 77. And millions of women are thinking, “How sad.” Millions of men are going “Who?”

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Marshawn Lynch filmed an entire Pepsi ad without speaking. Out of habit Roger Goodell fined him.

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In New York City, authorities have closed a child-care center after staff members were accused of accidentally leaving a 2-year-old-boy at a playground. Apparently they just miscounted the children. Yeah, who really needs math anyway?

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Donald Trump just released a policy paper saying he wants to end bans on certain gun types, and that he supports nationwide concealed carry permits. Fine. Can the Donald start by allowing concealed carry at all his campaign events?

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A 91-year-old Florida man, Max Horton, was arrested for allegedly shooting at his neighbors’ landscapers because they got lawn clippings on his caregivers car. In 2013, he was accused of threatening Florida Hospital staffers, telling them he had a gun in his car and they’d be sorry if he went to get it. And this time police said, while being taken to jail, Horton also allegedly threatened to get “payback” on his neighbors.
Thinking this is not what our forefathers meant by a well-regulated militia

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Guess Sarah Palin couldn’t let her daughter have all the headlines, so she too is ranting over Ahmed Mohamed, saying the boy is an “obstinate-answering student” (say what?) , and that his device “obviously could be seen by conscientious teachers as a dangerous wired-up bomb-looking contraption.” Adding “Right, if that’s a clock, I’m the Queen of England.”
So in addition to everything else Sarah has delusions of royalty?

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Trump says “I am not morally obligated” to correct a man who claimed Obama was a Muslim. Uh, Trump was correct after the first 11 letters.

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A shocking upset in the rugby World Cup, as Japan upset South Africa. Shocking the Japanese especially. “We have a rugby team?

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A new iiPhone app will tell users how much time they have wasted playing games and checking social media. So will the app also have the ability to check how much time you waste checking it?

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My friend Owen Byrd shares this tweet from @JaymayAllDay – ‪#‎wishIhadsaidthis‬ : “If Carly Fiorina really wants to destroy Planned Parenthood, she should become its CEO.”

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Unreality TV

September 16, 2015
Tonight was the second GOP debate. Otherwise known as “Dancing with the Questions.”
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Joe Biden says that Donald Trump has a “sick” message, and is “appealing to the baser side of human nature, working on this notion of xenophobia in a way that hasn’t occurred in a long time.”
Wonder how many Trump supporters are thinking “What’s xenophobia? Trump’s just against all these damn foreigners.”
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Lots of candidate talk about Ronald Reagan. Not much talk about Reagan’s tax hikes, increased budget deficit, and signing an immigration act in 1986 that which granted amnesty to almost 3 million undocumented immigrants. Am sure it’s just coincidence. ‪#‎GOPdebate

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All these candidates who want to defund ‪#‎PlannedParenthood‬ and talk about family planning alternatives. Would one of them like to name one such alternative. And their plan to fund welfare for children born from unplanned pregnancies?
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All this discussion of “judicial tyranny” with the Supreme Court on the subject of gay marriage. Where were all these clowns when the Supreme Court declared George W. Bush President?
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Donald Trump on tonight’s debate: ‘I think I could tone it down a little”: Right, he could, but he didn’t..

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Donald Trump during the debate – I was for a flat tax before I was against it. I was for the rich paying more before I was against it. This is so confusing.
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Carly Fiorina goes back to the marijuana gateway drug line. Cue ‪#‎DemonSheep‬.  Cue ‪#‎ReeferMadness  ‬ ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

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Jeb Bush – ‬ “My brother kept us safe.” Well, except for that little 9/11 thing. ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

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Lindsey Graham says it doesn’t make sense to deport millions of undocumented immigrants, but they should learn to speak English. Well sure, but so should millions of people born in the U.S.

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I’d take these GOP candidates calling for war with Iran more seriously if they’d call for a draft to get people to fight it, and a way to pay for it.

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The NFL has granted permission for New England clubhouse attendants John Jastremski and Jim McNally, who were suspended over Deflategate, to return, and the Patriots will reinstate them.
So yeah, guess those footballs were so in awe of Brady’s brilliance that they just deflated themselves.

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More debate.  A real question “If you’re elected President, how would the world look different after you lead office?”  Waiting for the honest answer from someone: “Well, Hell would host an awesome Winter Olympics.” ‪#‎GOPdebate‬

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Rutgers football coach Kyle Flood has been suspended three games and fined $50,000 for allegedly emailing a lecturer inquiring about a grade for one of his potentially failing players. What Flood is really being suspended and fined for? A). being too stupid to have one of his staff do the the dirty work, and B) putting it in an email..

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A post-debate thought. Talking about the general election Chris Christie said he would prosecute “Mrs. Clinton in those debates.” That is, if Christie is not defending himself in a courtroom over the backroom deals that led to the resignation of the CEO of United Airlines.

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#‎Peavy‬ gets his first home run of the year. 9th for ‪#‎SFGiants‬ pitchers in 2015. One behind Pablo Sandoval. ‪#‎byebyebaby‬

#‎ChrisHeston‬ and ‪#‎MattCain‬ do not have home runs for the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ this year yet. Time to get them some ABs.

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Amazing story about the Muslim student who was accused of building a bomb when he had only built a clock. Have to wonder these days how many students can even read a clock?

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In a few cities, 7-11 is offering delivery service of a “Date Night Pack”, which includes ice cream, candy, Red Bull and condoms. Thinking if your idea of a Date Night is 7-11, you’re not likely to need the pack.

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Actor Stephen Rannazzisi, who said he escaped from the World Trade Center on 9-11 and then quit his desk job to become a comedian, now says he made the story up. Stand by for his interview with Brian Williams.

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The ‪#‎SFGiants‬ are on a mission to singlehandedly destroy the DH. Now Madison Bumgarner was the first pitcher ever to reach base against Aroldis Chapman. But the Reds’ closer had gotten to an 0-2 count vs. 57 hitters this year. He struck out 41 of them, and none of them walked. Until Madbum.

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Qualified?

September 12, 2015

Apparently Nobel Peace Prize winner Malala Yousafzai has to take SATs before she applies to U.S. colleges. Well, duh, not like Malala is something important like a football or basketball player.

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Donald Trump is unhappy about Ben Carson questioning his “fear of the Lord,” and said “you don’t hit a person on faith.” Uh, okay, would the Donald like to tell that to his supporters? A recent PPP poll found 66% of respondents who support Trump believe that Obama is Muslim.

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It’s been since 1993 since a Canadian team won the NHL Stanley Cup. And since a Canadian team won the World Series. Who’d a thunk that the most likely drought to be over soon would be in baseball? ‪#‎BlueJays‬

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There were chants of USA! USA! USA! during game one of the Yankee-Blue Jays doubleheader at Yankee Stadium. Maybe Toronto’s sweep was karma’s way of saying “Stay classy, New York.”

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Sadly fitting. Nationals reliever Drew Storen ended his season by breaking his thumb slamming his locker in frustration after a loss Wednesday. Washington season-ticket holders have to wish they had the same option.

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Wait a minute. Jacksonville State isn’t even in Florida but in Alabama? This geography stuff is so confusing. ‪#‎JaxState‬ ‪#‎Auburn‬

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Apparently Aldon Smith turned down more money from other teams to stay in the SF Bay Area with the Raiders. Because Smith is already on a first name basis with most of the local police?

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Do they award Darwin awards to businesses? If so, Zales Jewelers just locked up the award for the year. With a 9/11 sale. No joke. And they even instead of “Remember, Rebuild, Renew” used “Renew, Reset, Restyle” on their brochures. ‪ #‎youreallycannotmakethisstuffup‬

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Now departed United Airlines CEO Jeff Smisek has a golden parachute of that could top $20 million, including $5 million in cash. Along with free first class travel for life on United. Too late to start a petition to United to demand he fly coach?

Can we at least hope all flight attendants recognize him and give Smisek the fine service he so richly deserves?

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A Catholic woman wanted Office Depot to print 500 copies of an anti-abortion flier that talked about the “evil that has been exposed in Planned Parenthood and in the entire abortion industry.” They refused and invited her to use the self-serve copy machines.
Now she’s claiming religious discrimination. Once again, it’s only discrimination when they disagree with YOUR religion

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Stanford-UCF started at 730p Pacific Time. 1030pm Eastern. Forget the fact that the Golden Knights were probably tired, we’re talking University of Central FLORIDA. Figure most of the UCF alums were in bed by kick off.

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Apparently Jason Pierre-Paul’s injury in a fireworks accident is worse than originally thought. The NY Giants’ DE lost not only his right index finger, but also fractured his thumb, needed skin grafts and is missing part of another finger. And he may be out for the entire season, or more. So not only ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬, you can’t always surgically repair it either.

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Guess he didn’t get a rose?

September 11, 2015

Texas Governor Rick Perry has dropped out of the 2016 Presidential Race. Thereby shocking millions of Americans who didn’t realize he was still in it.

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Steelers coach Mike Tomlin was upset about only being able to hear the Patriots radio broadcast over the team’s headsets. The NFL said New England was not to blame. Lather, rinse, repeat. ‪#‎thePatriotscandonowrong‬

Pittsburgh thought about filing a formal complaint then backed down.  Perhaps because they figured it would just get a couple New England clubhouse attendants fired, or perhaps because they figured the NFL would just fine them for annoying the Patriots.

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A Virginia woman was arrested for having sex with her unconscious boyfriend in a parking lot in broad daylight. She claims it was a combination of alcohol and being “in the mood.” And considering he was unconscious, maybe some seriously good Viagra?

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U.C. Berkeley, in their estimated costs to students, says the cost for rent off-campus is $7184 for the academic year. Of course what they don’t say is that the figure means living about 100 miles off campus.

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MLB suspended Joey Votto, 32, two games for his major tantrum Wednesday when the Reds first baseman was denied a time out. He’s appealing the suspension. But. hey, a tantrum?  Maybe Votto should just think of it as a time out.

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Now Gregor ‪#‎Blanco‬ has been diagnosed with a concussion. The 2015 ‪#‎SFGiants‬ at this point don’t need a trainer, they need a witch doctor.

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Meanwhile,Jake ‪#‎Peavy‬ and the Sacramento ‪#‎RiverCats‬ had a really good night against the ‪#‎Padres‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

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The Phillies have dismissed GM Ruben Amaro Jr.: Five words: What took them so long?

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Donald Trump now says his insults, this time directed at Carly Fiorina, were made “as an entertainer, because I did the ‘Apprentice.'” So maybe Trump thinks this whole campaign is his new show – “Political Apprentice”?

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Regarding all this controversy on Trump’s purported jab at Carly Fiorina’s looks, guess Carly and her supporters have forgotten her off-mike comment in 2010 about her rival Barbara Boxer – “God what is that hair?’ So yesterday!’

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So amongst the various over-under bets on opening week of the ‪#‎NFL‬ season can you make an over-under on player arrests? ‪#‎NFLKickoff‬

So Aldon Smith, one of the the best pass rushers in the NFL, who’s been arrested 5 times in 3 years, was signed today by the Oakland Raiders. Is anyone surprised?

If Ray Rice hadn’t lost a few steps as an RB he’d surely have offers. Heck, of O.J. Simpson were still a Pro-Bowler HE’D have offers.

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Serious bus to hell time, but hey, if we stop laughing the bad guys win.    And this one could alas be true::

On this awful anniversary of September 11, have to wonder how many more deaths there would have been had it happened now…. as hundreds of people running away from the collapsing towers would have stopped to take selfies.

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Excuses, excuses

September 10, 2015

You know, Hillary Clinton might have done a lot better with this whole email server thing if she said she had just done it to see if Bill was trying to sign up for an Ashley Madison account.

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Bobby Jindal has said a lot of dumb things. But his comment today about Trump isn’t one of them ‪#‎creditwherecreditisdue‬

“But you know why he hasn’t read the Bible? Because he’s not in it.”

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Former NBC News anchor Brian Williams will be back on the air with MSNBC Sept. 22. Can’t wait to hear about what exciting things Williams has been doing during his six-month suspension.

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Little League is changing their age determination to Aug. 31, from the April 30 date it has been since 2005. (Before that it was Aug 1.) Which means kids must be 12 in August to play in the LLWS.

So wonder how many baseball parents will suddenly change their family planning to aim for July and August rather than March and April babies. ‪#‎youthinkiamkidding‬? ‪#‎nojoke‬

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Opening NFL night, So let’s see, we had the Patriots QB who started dating his model wife around the time he got his ex-girlfriend pregnant with their child, and the Steelers QB who has twice been accused of rape. Who was a woman to root against?

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The Warriors’ Draymond Green just donated $3.1 million to his alma mater, Michigan State. $3.1 million?!! At some universities that’s enough to cover a whole year’s salary to all the football team.

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Recently released emails show the Bush White House response to 9-11. Including one just after the first plane hit the North Tower. “Turn on CNN …”

So even Bush and company knew not to turn to Fox for real news.

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Memphis today announced a benefit dinner Dec. 28 to honor former men’s basketball coach John Calipari, then hours later announced they would not be recognizing him. Wouldn’t it have been more apt to say the honors would be vacated?

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R.E.M lead singer Michael Stipe, angry that Trump used the band’s “End of the World” song without permission, referred to the Donald as a “sad, attention grabbing, power-hungry little man.” Wow. If Stipe gets tired of music, he might have a real future in political speech writing.

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Fox just bought a majority stake in National Geographic. Is it more shocking that Fox might believe in the magazine. Or that they might believe in science?

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From Sarah Palin’s Wednesday speech, as noted by Rachel Maddow,

So up there in Alaska, across the way Russia. You know there is a name for this taking advantage of America. There is a Russian name for that. And it is called ‘fortushka.’ And that means Obama’s window of opportunity. So as Obama leads from behind the skirt of his right-hand man, Valerie Jarrett, then it’s up to Congress to close that window. He may propose. You dispose, Congress. You gotta be in it to win it because we want peace. With unapologetic mighty red, white, and blue, will have peace.”

Is this what Sarah meant about “speaking American?”

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From T.C.  “McDonald’s has announced they will be serving eggs from cage-free chickens in the future. However, the workers in the drive-thru lines still have to remain in their cages except for two 15 minute breaks.”

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Trifecta?

September 9, 2015

Donald Trump, Ted Cruz and Sarah Palin hold anti-Iran deal rally in DC. Good thing there wasn’t a bomb or drone strike or any natural disaster that happened while they were together. If they were all killed it would put half the comedy writers in the country out of business.

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Trump, Cruz and Palin walk into a bar.    Okay friends and readers, I am soliciting punchlines!   Have at it.

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George Takei today – “In our country we obey civil laws, not religious laws.” Exactly. And for our forefathers, wasn’t that the whole point?

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Love British understatement: In an email to travel agents, British Airways says of yesterday’s scheduled BA 2276 – “the aircraft, a 777-200, experienced a technical issue as it was preparing for take-off from McCarran International Airport in Las Vegas.”

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Bishop’s Vineyard, a new winery in California, is growing grapes in cemeteries. Guessing the Chardonnay is bone-dry..

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In Connecticut, police pulled over a man allegedly going 112 mph. The driver was heading to court for a speeding ticket. This BOGO craze has clearly gone too far.

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Congrats to Queen Elizabeth 2, who today surpassed Queen Victoria as England’s longest reigning monarch. Assuming her plan at this point is simply to outlive her son.

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Bruno Mars has been invited back for a second Super Bowl halftime performance. But Mars has a long way to go to catch up with those legendary five-time performers, “Up with People.”

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The New England Patriots have asked the NFL to reinstate “Deflategate” clubhouse attendants John Jastremski and Jim McNally. In other words, the balls just deflated themselves. #patriotscandonowrong

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Richard Sherman, on ESPN reports of the Patriots’ systemic cheating. “Like they say, if you didn’t get caught, then it wasn’t cheating.”
Kind of makes you wonder what the Seahawks are up to.

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#‎TimHudson‬, 40. despite last night’s great performance, still plans to retire at end of year. “So young?” responded ‪#‎JamieMoyer‬. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

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Meanwhile, this ‪#‎SFGiants‬ road trip, especially their hitting, turned into a series of remakes of “Night of the Living Dead.”

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Jeb Bush on the new Late Night with Stephen Colbert said “we have to restore a degree of civility in Washington.” And somewhere Obama is thinking “been there, tried that, want the bloody t-shirt?”

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Fortunately, there were no injuries when a fire broke out today at Walt Disney World’s EPCOT. On the bright side, it’s the hottest EPCOT has been in years.

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-Just a thought about Donald Trump’s telling CNN to donate their debate profits to veterans. Veterans?! . Ok, so for Trump does that include alums of his prep school?

(earlier this week Trump basically compared his expensive military prep school to military service.)

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Donald Trump wants CNN to donate $10 million to charity for his participation in the debates. I think all the networks should get together and demand $100 million from Trump for giving him more publicity these days than his “Apprentice” show ever did.

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Now Entertainment Weekly is reporting that Josh Duggar also had accounts on Facebook, Twitter and OK Cupid for meeting women. So now that Kim Davis is “free”, really looking forward to hearing from Mike Huckabee on this one.

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Missed connections?

September 8, 2015

(belated post from last week that somehow didn’t post.)

A New Jersey man who butt-dialed 911 and let police listen in on his plans has been indicted on burglary charges. Once again proving that smart phones are no match for stupid people

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Hillary Clinton accused Donald Trump of ‘innuendo, conspiracy theories and defaming people’ And then Trump accused Hillary of hacking to find his secret mission statement.

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The lawyer for Kim Davis is now comparing the Kentucky clerk to Martin Luther King, Jr. and his letter from the Birmingham jail. Uh, except MLK wasn’t about getting more civil rights by denying other people their rights.

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While there have been no major college football upsets in the first weekend, (so far,) it’s alas true for of most of these lightly ranked teams with playoff aspirations that their opening loss will make them “one and done.”

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Some economists believe that this year’s El Niño might cause coffee prices to rise by up to 107 percent. To help consumers, Starbucks is considering a layaway plan.

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Tim Tebow said after the Eagles’ last preseason game “I’m not going to worry about what I can’t control.” Like most of his passes?

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Looks like ‪#‎TimTebow‬ has made the Eagles roster. So maybe God really is a Tebow fan. Either that or He/She really loves comedy writers.

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Donald Trump said that Jeb Bush “should lead by speaking English while in the United States.” And Jeb’s thinking – “Uh, it was never necessary for my brother?”

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An Oregon judge is apparently being investigated by a judicial fitness commission for refusing to perform same-sex marriages on religious grounds. Hmm, since Oregon just legalized marijuana, maybe they should consider simply trying to relax the judge.

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Tom Brady, on the judge’s decision to overturn his suspension, said that while he is happy to be playing ” II am sorry our league had to endure this. I don’t think it has been good for our sport — to a large degree, we have all lost.”

Right, so Brady will just have to console himself with his Super Bowl rings, long-term multi-million dollar contract and super model wife. ‪#‎wehavealllostmyass‬

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ESPN has announced Jessica Mendoza will be replacing Curt Schilling on Sunday Night Baseball for the last weeks of the MLB season. Not actually sure how I feel about this from a free-speech perspective. Never watched Schilling for his politics.

But, for ESPN it’s all about the $$$$. And clearly Mendoza, who is extremely knowledgeable, has been well-received enough that despite misogyny in the sports world and with some sports fans, the network thinks having her on is good for ratings. ‪#‎thetimestheyareachangin‬ ‪#‎yougogirl‬

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From Bill Littlejohn:    “Waze Navigation has signed Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski to be the voice of a GPS app: ‘Customers report, however, that they always seem to end up at a bar or a hospital.’”

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A mountain of troubles?

September 1, 2015

Donald Trump is now saying he’ll rename “Denali’ back to Mt. McKinley if he’s elected president. And then presumably six months later rename it Mt. Trump.

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So if the appeal of Donald Trump is that he is amusing, not absolutely beholden to a particular party ideology and not afraid to be outspoken, why for President in 2016 can’t we draft Jon Stewart?

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On the subject of netting at ballparks. As best as I can research, there are 30-40 foul balls hit into the stands in MLB per game. And 2430 games a year. (162 times 15.) Total about 73,000-109,000 balls a year. Bloomberg estimates 1700 injuries from foul balls a year, counting anything that needs first aid..

73,000-109,000 – that’s a lot of childhood and adult ball catching potentially dashed because people don’t pay attention….

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So the latest uproar over Hillary’s emails is that her friend Sidney Blumenthal apparently called John Boehner, “lazy, “alcoholic,” “banal and hollow..” Would some of the GOP who are upset about this care to share what they’ve called Clinton and Obama in THEIR emails?”

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#‎Youcannotmakethisstuffup‬ item of the month: In SF, police are still searching for a cyclist who during last week’s Critical Mass smashed a Zipcar driver’s window with a metal bike lock. The suspect was wearing a shirt saying “Non-violence is our strength.”

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The judge in Brady’s Deflategate appeal hearing ‘anticipates’ decision by end of week. “I can’t wait.” Said at this point nobody. ‪#‎enoughalready‬

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So have to wonder, just how low is the unemployment rate in Kentucky that they can’t find a county clerk who actually wants to do their job?

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Matt Bevin, Kentucky’s GOP nominee for Governor, says “I absolutely support her (clerk Kim Davis) willingness to stand on her First Amendment rights” and deny gay couples marriage licenses.
So okay, what happens when some other clerk decides to deny licenses to couples where one or both parties are divorced, or too old to have children, or of different religions?

And what about those who have religious feelings against killing animals with hunting licenses?

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The latest #youcannotmakethisstuff up: Ms. Davis has not only been married four times, she committed adultery – the proof being twins conceived out of wedlock.

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Pope Francis is granting Catholic priests the right to forgive women who have had abortions. Waiting to see the first GOP Presidential candidate to condemn him for being ungodly.

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Chris Christie said last night on The Tonight Show that he is going to “go nuclear” in the next Presidential debate. So let’s see, A “nuclear” Christie vs Trump. The winner? CNN with ratings.

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Jerry Brown signed a bill today that raised the fee for filing a California ballot initiative from $200 to $2,000. The idea is to discourage using the process for making outrageous statements, like proposals for executing gays, or banning the sale of shellfish.
With all due respect, they’re going to need a higher fee..

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From Alex Kaseberg.  “Chicago Cubs’ Jake Arrieta tossed a no-hitter Sunday against the Dodgers. Best no-hitter I’ve seen since the Mayweather-Pacquiao fight.”

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Let’s stay together.

August 31, 2015

I think I’ve got another GOP talking point down: Any Democrat who stays with a cheating husband – like Weiner or Clinton, is involved in a sham marriage for political purposes. Any Republican who stays in such a marriage is just espousing traditional family values.

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If Ohio politicians, including John Boehner, are that upset about President Obama’s renaming of Denali, why don’t they just name the tallest mountain in Ohio after McKinley?

Or failing that, a roller coaster at Cedar Point?

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Donald Trump again has called Anthony Weiner a ‘perv sleazebag’ And who better to know what the term means than a man who has cheated on at least two wives with a succession of increasingly younger women.

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Best airport announcement of the year? From a friend who is flying Southwest via Hobby Airport and waiting for her flight. “Joe Smith, You are in Houston not Dallas. Please get back on the plane.” ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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Two Southwest Airlines planes clipped wings on the tarmac at Oakland International Airport. Minor damage. No injuries. But Happy Hour for pilots has been canceled. ‪#‎wannagetaway‬

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Ashley Madison says that despite their recent massive hack their number is users is still growing. Maybe they should rename the site “Death Wish.”

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Everett Golson, who transferred from Notre Dame this spring, has now been named the Seminole’s starting quarterback over Sean Maguire. There’s still hope for Maguire to get the job back, although with FSU he can’t expect that Golson would get another suspension for academic reasons

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So a lot of media outlets who won’t show Miley Cyrus’s nipple flash last night at the VMAs had no problem showing the murder of two journalists on air. ‪#‎whatacountry‬ ‪#‎priorities

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Jean Machi got a save for the Red Sox tonight in a 4-3 win over the Yankees. He walked in a run, and left the bases loaded after Gregorius hit a fly ball to the warning trackl in the bottom of the 9th. So Machi may not bring Boston to the playoffs, but he has brought over some good old-fashioned SF Giants torture.

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Ted Cruz is now blaming Obama for the murder of a sheriff’s deputy in Texas. As he’s blamed Obama for the Baltimore riots, encouraging radical Islam, not stopping the shooting at the Muhammad cartoon etc, the 2008 financial crisis, etc.

Maybe it would be quicker for Senator Cruz to come up with a list of things he doesn’t think are the President’s fault?

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Obama apparently will appear on a special episode of the NBC outdoor adventure show Running Wild with Bear Grylls, The President figures drinking his own urine and eating ants has to be more fun than trying to work with Congress.

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Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker, who has slashed social services in the state, says that his plan to plan to invest $250 million in taxpayer dollars in a new basketball arena for the Milwaukee Bucks is “fiscally responsible.”
Maybe Walker has a plan to rent out the arena after the end of the regular season, since the Bucks never use it then.

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The U.S. Supreme Court today ruled against Kim Davis, the Kentucky county clerk who won’t issue same-sex marriage licenses. Wonder if the fact that Clark has allegedly been married four times herself had anything to do with it.

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Girls just wanna have fun?

August 30, 2015

Caitlyn Jenner is interested in dating a man to help her feel like a “normal woman.” Have news for her, in the Kardashian-Jenner clan, there are no normal women.

So will all those in the GOP trying to defund Planned Parenthood also sign a waiver that in case of illness they refuse to be treated with any vaccines or medicines that have come about as a result of fetal tissue research?

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Josh Duggar will now apparently spend six months in a Christian rehab treatment program. Because that worked so well when he was a teenager?

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“Butt dial” has been added to the OED. Some of us are old enough to remember that phrase might just have been an awkward synonym for “booty call.”

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Chris Christie today said we can curb illegal immigration by tracking anyone who enters the country from the time they receive their visa, like a FedEx package.
Spoken like someone who’s never tried to track a lost FedEx package.

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In Chatham, NJ, Jets center Nick Mangold quickly called 911 when he Iheard his car alarm and saw his garage door open. Police were able to get there in time to apprehend suspects thought to be responsible for almost 50 burglaries.
Posting this mostly because it’s nice to see an NFL player featured on the “good” side of an arrest story.

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Sarah Palin and Donald Trump had a love fest interview. Makes sense. Each of them probably thinks the other makes them look a little less crazy.

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A California couple got married in Oregon and had a smoke tent at their wedding, where a “budtender” offered guests a choice of 13 kinds of marijuana. Wonder if the wedding cake was topped with Doritos?

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Rowan County Kentucky Clerk Kim Davis has been refusing to issuing marriage licenses to gay couples and says she objects to same-sex marriage for religious reasons. Now she wants the U.S. Supreme Court to grant her “asylum for her conscience.”
So, okay, if she’s that religious about marriage presume Ms. Clark also refuses licenses to couples sharing the same address (living in sin), those who have been married before, and those won’t swear an oath attesting to virginity?

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The Raiders waived safety Jonathan Dowling today, for what they say were “maturity issues.’ Over-under on how long until Dowling gets offered a contract by the Redskins?

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The horror.

August 26, 2015

Now Fox News chair & CEO Roger Ailes is blasting Trump for his “surprise and unprovoked attack on Megyn Kelly.”

Oh, this awful Republican on Republican violence..

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Donald Trump is attacking Megyn Kelly AGAIN on Twitter, saying she is “really off her game” after her vacation, and he liked “The Kelly File much better without @megynkelly. Perhaps she could take another eleven day unscheduled vacation! ”

Are we sure the Donald hasn’t confused Kelly with one of his ex-wives?

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Benches cleared tonight in New York when the Astros’ Carlos Gomez told the Yankees’ dugout to”shut up,” Not sure how Houston might do in the post season, but Gomez might be on his way to becoming most Americans’ favorite player.

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Sad to say but with all the expensive contracts the Dodgers picked up at the trade deadline the Giants’ would have probably been better off if they had somehow worked out a deal with LA for Matt Cain.

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Detroit Lions’ safety, Glover Quin, when asked about the Packers’ Jordy Nelson’s season-ending injury, included in his answer “God had meant for Jordy to be hurt.”

And somewhere God is thinking “How ridiculous. As if I care about football until after the World Series.”

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USC coach Steve Sarkasian said he had mixed alcohol and medications before his profane rant at last week’s “Salute to Troy.”

Sarkisian said he didn’t have a drinking problem but that through AD Pat Haden and “through the university, I’m going to find that out. I’m going to go to treatment. I’m going to deal with it.” Translation, it was go into treatment or be fired.

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So ESPN’s Curt Schilling is apologizing today for a tweet he sent out this morning (and then deleted) with a meme that compared Muslims to Nazis.
Only person at the network who has to be happy about this is Cris Carter.

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Meanwhile, here’s a thought on how to reduce injuries at MLB parks: If you want to pay more attention to your phone or your friends than the game, don’t buy seats near the field.

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So I think I’ve got the GOP talking points straight: The more than doubling of the stock market since President Obama took office is something that had nothing to do with him, but the recent drops are all his fault….

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South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley and Kansas Governor Sam Brownback wrote a letter to the Obama administration threatening to sue if detainees from Guantanamo Bay, are brought to military installations in their states.

Then they no doubt lambasted the President for not making good on his promise to close Guantanamo down.

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Donald Trump says he is “never eating Oreos again” after the company announced it’s moving a factory to Mexico.

Hands up for all those who think Trump has ever eaten an Oreo in his adult life.

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School daze

August 24, 2015

Apparently a number of incoming Duke freshman refused to read the graphic novel “Fun Home” which was part of their summer reading list, saying the sexuality conflicted with their Christian beliefs.

And I’m sure all of those young men and women will be home studying this fall rather than attending fraternity parties.

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The Sigma Nu fraternity at Old Dominion has been suspended after posting banners on their house during Freshman orientation.  “ROwdy anD Fun, hope your baby girl is ready for a good time.”   “Freshman daughter drop off”  and “Go ahead and drop Mom off too.’    Are they being suspended for being offensive, or for being stupid enough to put up the banners, in a social media age, before parents had even left?

(My friend Dean Harpster comments –  “In this day and age, I think we should just be thankful they spelled everything right.”)

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USC has apparently just banned alcohol from their football locker room. Wait?! USC HAD alcohol in their locker room?! Your move, SEC.

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A number of USC players are reportedly unconcerned about not having booze in the locker room any more. As they think the Trojans always played better on grass.

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Australian former rugby star Jarryd Hayne looks likely to make the SF 49ers roster after an impressive pre-season game tonight. How long until Donald Trump complains about yet another immigrant taking a job from Americans

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The Green Bay Packers announced that Jordy Nelson’s knee injury on Sunday will be season-ending. So who says NFL pre-season games are meaningless?

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Consumer Reports says that tests show conventional ground beef is twice as likely as “sustainably sourced ground beef” to contain antibiotic-resistant bacteria. Well, Taco Bell patrons are safe. ‪#‎noactualbeef‬

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So some Republicans are both mocking Obama for wasting fuel by flying 14,000 miles on a climate change tour and still saying there is no climate change problem. ‪#‎pickaside‬

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North Korea and South Korea have reacted an agreement to de-escalate tensions and North Korea says it “regrets” that South Korean soldiers were injured by landmines. Can we blame Obama? Or Dennis Rodman?

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The NFL and ESPN have condemned comments that just came to light from analyst Cris Carter to players at the 2014 NFL Rookie Symposium – saying to have a “fall guy in your crew” in case you get into trouble.
Because Carter was wrong, or because he should have said it to more players?.

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American runner Emily Huddle was about to win the Bronze medal at the 10,000 metre race World Championship in Beijing, when she started celebrating one step too soon and was passed by a teammate. On the brighter side, Huddle probably got a consolation phone call from Leon Lett.

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FSU’s Dalvin Cook, was found not guilty on a misdemeanor battery charge for allegedly punching a woman in the face outside a Tallahassee bar this June. Last October the Seminoles’ star freshman RB was charged with criminal mischief after a BB gun incident, and in November was cited by Animal Services after chaining three puppies together by the neck.

Cook remains suspended but after the acquittal coach Jimbo Fisher will no doubt try to teach the young man a lesson by reinstating him only after the first quarter against Texas State.

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Fight the bleep on?

August 23, 2015

Apparently at Saturday night’s “Salute to Troy” event for USC alums and donors, football coach Steve Sarkisian was drunk, and used “inappropriate” language, including dropping the F-bomb saying of other Pac-12 teams – “they all suck.”

Sarkisan has apologized, but presume he’s also been offered honorary membership in most of USC’s frats.

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From the apology  “Pat Haden  (USC athletic director)  talked to me after the event about my actions and I assured him this will not happen again.”   Probably more like Haden saying  “this WILL not happen again.”

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The latest high-profile Ashley Madison client to be outed is Jeff Ashton, the Florida state attorney who prosecuted Carey Anthony. Ashton claims he was just “curious” and never went through with an affair. His biography mentions three children, a wife, and “four adult children from previous marriages. (plural.)

So this is the kind of traditional marriage some are trying so hard to protect?

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While relief pitchers are sometimes referred to as “firemen,” the ‪#‎Dodgers‬ relievers are making a strong push to be collectively known as “arsonists.”

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In Ohio a new bill would ban abortions done because pre-natal tests show Down syndrome. And of course the bill would provide life time healthcare benefits to babies born with Down syndrome… Oops. Never mind. ‪#‎notthatprolife‬

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The Atlanta Braves are leaving Turner Field in 2017. Braves fans are hoping they leave the current team behind too.

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Amazing how the New England Patriots never had a problem with Roger Goodell’s discipline before this year. I’m sure it’s just coincidence.

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Sure looked like Terrell Suggs was trying to re-injure Sam Bradford’s knee last night. So the Ravens LB already seems to be in mid-season form. ‪#‎dirty‬

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The National Zoo says Chinese panda Mei Xiang has had twins. How long until Donald Trump refers to them as “anchor cubs?”

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Donald Trump, a little light on specifics on how he’s going to manage to deport millions of immigrants. “It’s called management.”
Sure, because if there’s one thing that unites working people in this country it’s such a strong respect for “management.” ‪#‎SMH‬

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Carly Fiorina, on Meet the Press “The only people who ask me about Donald Trump are the media. I think the media’s kind of obsessed with Donald Trump honestly, and I think Donald Trump is using the media.”

With all due respect, is anybody but the media asking Fiorina anything?

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Shirtless men and women marched in Manhattan Sunday in the “GoTopless Pride Parade” to protest potential regulations against tip-seeking women in Times Square. Clearly they feel they should have more than the right to bare arms.

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Good men (and women) without a gun.

August 22, 2015

Forget armed security guards. Maybe we just need to offer free train travel at all times to off-duty U.S. military members. ‪#‎Seriously‬

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Well, at least Ted Cruz is consistent. He joked about Joe Biden a few days after his son Beau died, and attacked Jimmy Carter’s administration as “failed,” “feckless” and “naive” yesterday. Part of Cruz’s ‪#‎noshredofhumandecencyleftbehind‬ policy.

Wasn’t that long ago when Matt Cain threw a perfect game against Houston & some sniffed “Well, it’s only the ‪#‎Astros‬.” Go Stros! ‪#‎BeatLA‬

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If Donald Trump REALLY cared about illegal immigration as opposed to just getting attention, why doesn’t he start a crackdown to find and fire undocumented workers at his hotels and construction sites? He’s as much of a hypocrite on the subject as the Duggars are about sex.

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Donald Trump got 30,000 people to show up at a football stadium in Alabama for a speech. And they said it couldn’t be done – a whiter crowd than NASCAR.

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A woman was taken to the hospital after being hit in the head by a foul ball yesterday at Comerica Field She is reportedly “alert and conscious.” Justin Verlander later took to Twitter to tell MLB to put up protective netting around the field “@MLB should make changes before it’s too late.”

But people get in accidents driving to the field too, and some number of them probably have heart attacks after eating ballpark food. Maybe we should just tell the fans not to come? ‪#‎fanslovecatchingballs‬

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Adrian Peterson tonight. “I’m the LeBron” of NFL. And James is thinking, well, I CAN beat that with a stick.

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In Petaluma, California, police say a couple used a stolen credit card to purchase 15 $1,000 gift cards at Target. So they got away with it because $16,000 worth of gift cards would have been suspicious?

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After the sheriff’s office posted his name as one of their most-wanted, a 21-year-old man, Logan Hale, started taunting them on Facebook with a “Finally Free” screen name, and posts like “Hello, Here I am.” and “deputies continue to look for me but are frustrated that I am unable to be located.”

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Apparently Hale should have spent less time posting and more time hiding. They caught him after less than a week. And you guessed it, Florida.

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A high school football game in South Bend was called with 2.54 remaining in the first half following a brawl which required police intervention. So do all these kids aspire to play for the Fighting Irish?

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So no one lives forever, but isn’t it lovely to think that Jimmy Carter has a chance of outliving the guinea worm. ‪#‎bestexpresidentever‬

(a link for the uninitiated –  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3207538/Jimmy-Carter-wants-Guinea-worm-disease-eradicated-death.html)

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‘From T.C.   Jameis Winston says he has a photographic memory: “Guess it ran out of film the day the QB forgot to pay for his crab legs and was arrested for shoplifting.

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Beyond borders.

August 18, 2015

So Donald Trump’s latest complaint is about H-1B visas, which he claims result in foreigners taking jobs away from minorities and women. Kind of a ballsy statement from someone who couldn’t find someone American-born for two of his three marriages.

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Yes, Donald Trump seems to be doing well But not a single GOP primary vote has been cast. So all of this circus is basically based on a relatively small number of people who don’t feel like hanging up on pollsters?

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The SF 49ers will lower beer prices from $10.25 to $10 this year, largely to save the time required for workers to dispense change in quarters. And then no doubt next year they will raise the price to at least $12.

The FDA has approved the world’s first pill to boost women’s libido. Is it covered in diamonds?

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Apparently hackers have posted stolen data from ‪#‎AshleyMadison‬. Wonder what the objective of their plan was? ‪#‎nodivorcelawyerleftbehind‬?

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So with the release of the Ashley Madison data, is it too soon to start a pool on the over-under of politicians who may suddenly resign to spend time with their families?

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SF Giants have a number of pitchers on the DL, plus starting CF Pagan, LF Aoki, and 2nd baseman Panik. Now Hunter Pence is going on the DL for a strained oblique.

The team recently did a promo spoofing Full House. Maybe the House they should have been referencing was Gregory.

#‎Madbum‬ for ‪#‎SFGIants‬ DH. That is all.

(he pinch hit in the 7th, got a single, scored the Giants 2nd run in a 2-0 games.  After apparently blowing the opposing pitcher’s mind.)

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Give me a break, commentators talking about the injury risk Bruce Bochy shouldn’t have taken by letting Madison Bumgarner pinch hit. Uh, as we have seen, pitchers get hurt throwing, fielding, falling down steps, falling out of bed, getting sandwiches, etc….

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49ers wide receiver Jerome Simpson’s has now been suspended six game for violating the league’s substance abuse policy, his third suspension since 2012. It’s all part of the NFL’s “10 strikes and you’re out policy.”

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Tom Brady will attend a second hearing on his suspension. If he can’t get the number of games reduced the Patriots QB is at least hoping for a better sketch?

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Oops, now Brady will not attended the hearings in New York after talks stalled between him and the NFL. Both sides are reportedly feeling a bit deflated.

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George Zimmerman is selling $50 prints of a Confederate flag painting he did at ‘Muslim free’ gun store in Florida. Where’s a hunting dentist when you really need one?

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The mayor of Venice, Italy, ban children’s books featuring gay couples from local schools, sparking a social media war with Elton John, who called him “boorishly bigoted. The mayor has retweeted messages from supporters attacking Elton, like “we’re protecting our children from people like you.”

Well, I sure hope these protective parents make sure their kids NEVER see the “Lion King.”

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