Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ category
June 19, 2016
Best thing about #NBAFinals game 7. Tomorrow morning we wake up to nothing but baseball for a while.
Last time #Cleveland won a championship, forget the cellphones, fans had to share their enthusiasm by telegraph. #NBAFinals
Maybe #Cavs win is God’s way of apologizing to #Cleveland for inflicting #DonaldTrump on the city next month with #GOPConvention #NBAFinals
“The great, great venture capitalists who built company after company, that’s not an accident. And none of this is an accident, either. .. We’ve crushed them on the basketball court, and we’re going to for years because of the way we’ve built this team. We’re light-years ahead of probably every other team in structure, in planning, in how we’re going to go about things.”
Maybe mean bitch karma didn’t like Warriors’ owner Joe Lacob’s March 30, 2016 interview with the NY Times
Vegas has already set 2017 NBA Championshp odds. #Warriors #Cavs then #Spurs as favorites. They couldn’t even have waited until #NBADraft?
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Rays fans were booing the loud chants of #LetsGoGiants in Tropicana Field. Of course one solution for teams who don’t like all the visiting #SFGiants fans would be to sell out their own ballparks.
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In the first two innings of today’s #SFGiants #Rays game, Jake Peavy allowed 3 hits and hit one batter. He also pitched through 3 errors, one of them his own. Anyone who figured he would pitch six innings with only 1 run allowed is someone I want on my team for Liar’s Dice.
For non golf fans, Dustin Johnson put ice-water in his veins, or something, and won the U.S. Open by 3 strokes. But the short version is that USGA officials determined a possible one-stroke penalty wouldl be assessed against him for accidentally moving a ball on the 5th hold of the final round. . And they advised all players of this. Johnson found out when he was on the 12th tee… But said they wouldn’t decided until after play was over if it was a penalty. Soe for the last several holes of the US Open no one on the leader board had any idea what the real score was. Seriously. There have been a lot of contenders for the title “worst officiating ever in sports” But the USGA is now winning.
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Actor Scott Baio (who?) , on President Obama ” I can’t tell if he’s dumb, he’s a Muslim or he’s a Muslim sympathizer, and I don’t think he’s dumb.”
Another graduate of the Palin “stupidity to pretend you’re still relevant” school.
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Ouch, Actor Anton Yelchin was killed last night when for some reason he got out of his car in his own driveway and it slid backward, pinning him against a brick mailbox and security fence. Clearly he should have been armed.
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In Ohio, a gun shop owner was accidentally shot dead by one of his students during a “conceal and carry class.” The student was doing a “weapon malfunctions” drill. #youcannotmakethisstuffup
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Trump today said that we “really need to look at profiling” Muslims in this country. At the same time he wants Muslim-Americans to report if their neighbors, family and friends are acting suspiciously. Yeah, this is going to work out well.
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Steven Spielberg is planning a remake of West Side Story. Maybe for fun he might want to set it in Italy, as a family drama?
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baio jokes, Cavs jokes, Cleveland jokes, Janice Hough, lacob jokes, NBA finals jokes, NBA jokes, Trump jokes, US open jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
June 18, 2016
Ratings have been so high for #NBAFinals waiting for the first conspiracy theorist to suggest #NBA & officials will somehow try to get a game 8.
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Some question as to whether or not Tim #Lincecum was ready to face major league hitting. Looks like he was at least ready to face the Oakland As.
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Vin Scully last night, in talking about a player from Venezuela, said “socialism failing to work, as it always does.” To be fair, maybe Vin is upset about the Dodgers with MLB’s luxury tax and revenue sharing.
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Major difference between the #MEXvCHI rout Saturday in Levi’s Stadium and most #49ers games? Mexico fans filled the stadium and stayed longer.
And at 7-0 at least Chile scored a touchdown.
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Among many ideas for redeveloping Penn Station in New York City, is a proposed thrill ride that would charge $35 for a free fall experience. Uh, okay, but for locals who really enjoy free-falling, aren’t they already satisfied with the Knicks?
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#ChelseaClinton has announced the birth of a baby boy, #HillaryClinton‘s 2nd grandchild. Waiting for the #GOP rebuttal.
Billionaire Charles Koch has not endorsed in the presidential race, but last month he contributed $3 million to “Freedom Partners” a super PAC supporting GOP senators. Maybe the PAC should rename itself honestly – “Republicans Surviving Hillary Because We Won’t Survive Trump.
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A frustrated Donald Trump “It would be helpful if the Republicans could help us a little bit.” The GOP to Trump “Back at ya.”
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The Trump campaign sent out an email “Right now we’re facing an emergency goal of $100,000 to help get our ads on the air. We need your contribution by 11:59 P.M. Tonight.”
Finally, Trump is acting like a real candidate.
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Sarah Palin posted a rant today on Facebook starting out “President Obama is a Special Kind of Stupid.” Does this even need a punchline?
#MSN poll: 74% in US think #Game7 will be close. (34% #Cavs, 40% #Warriors.) Shocking, 74% think any 2016 #NBAFinals game will be close?
Categories: basketball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: chile jokes, copa jokes, Janice Hough, Lincecum jokes, mexico jokes, NBA jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
June 17, 2016
Blue Jays’ slugger Jose Bautista is on the DL after a collision with the wall today. Wonder if the wall says Bautista flipped his bat at it?
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After last night forget the Warriors and Cavs; Many Americans would like to see a match between Gisele Bundchen and Ayesha Curry. #standbyyourman
The Oakland Police Department has lost its third chief in nine days (all through firings or forced resignations.). Wow. The Bay Area may have finally found a job that makes being coach of the SF 49ers look secure by comparison.
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Oops. While performing in Canada last night, Justin Bieber disappeared from stage when he fell through a trap door. Even worse, he came back.
The Westboro Baptist Church is planning to picket some of the funerals of Orlando shooting victims. Can’t someone tell ISIL that the WBC church is decorated with pictures of Mohammad?
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Suggestion from a friend, while the Westboro Baptist Church is in Orlando picketing funerals, maybe they can do some baptisms in Disney lagoons. #bustohell.
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Wells Fargo, UPS, Motorola, JPMorgan Chase, Ford and Walgreens have all opted out of sponsoring the GOP convention. Maybe because Donald Trump is over-the-top even for some corporations, or maybe because they figure they’ll get more good free publicity for opting out than they would paid publicity for staying in.
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Vladimir Putin was asked by CNN about his reportedly calling Donald Trump “brilliant,” “outstanding” and “talented.” Putin responded “I only said he was a bright person. Isn’t he bright?”
Next expect the Russian leader to claim he only meant the the furry thing that lives on Trump’s head is bright and shiny.
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Microsoft is adding Kind Financial, a cannabis-focused data management company onto its specialized Azure cloud platform. Makes sense. the more marijuana people smoke or otherwise imbibe, the mellower they will be about Microsoft’s computer issues.
Donald Trump, on the #Orlando killings, if “one of the people in that room happened to have (a gun) and goes boom. You know what, that would have been a beautiful, beautiful sight, folks.”
Uh, except that the club had armed security, and the guard’s gun DID go “boom” and it didn’t matter.
So the Donald is proposing that people should all be armed with at least semi-automatic weapons?
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Finally.
Reasonable gun control will not stop reasonable people from having reasonable guns. That is all.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers joke, Bieber jokes, Janice Hough, Oakland jokes, Warriors jokes, Westboro Baptist jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
June 16, 2016
Another reason baseball is the best sport. While there may be strike zone issues, at least you don’t hear on a regular basis “the officials just handed that game to fill-in-the-blank winning team”
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Announcers say it’s going to be an “awesome game 7?” Why, when we haven’t had an awesome game in 1 through 6? #blowouts #NBAFinals
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So if someone had never seen #NBAFinals before they’d probably say “Oh, I get it, they play games & during each game only 1 team shows up.
Well this ought to help the #NBA‘s image. Ayesha Curry’s tweet, now deleted, after her husband was ejected: “I’ve lost all respect sorry this is absolutely rigged for money… Or ratings in not sure which. I won’t be silent . Just saw it live sry.”
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Imagine how good the #Cavs could be if they had an actual coach. #NBAFinals #Game6
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#TimDonaghy said NBA suspended #DraymondGreen to extend #NBAFinals If that were true wouldn’t @NBA have suspended #KevinLove for #Game6?
So who’s going to be the first sports expert to hype #Game7 as “Win or go home?” #NBAFinals
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#RexRyan says that the #Bills “won the offseason.” Can’t wait to see their “NFL Offseason Championship Rings.”
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Disney just opened its Shanghai theme park, the company’s first in mainland China. Hope that many local children can attend and in Disney’s gift shops actually see the fruits of their labor.
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Now it’s John McCain’s turn, saying that the President “directly responsible” for the Orlando shootings, because when he pulled everybody out of Iraq, al-Qaeda went to Syria, became ISIS, and ISIS is what it is today thanks to Barack Obama’s failures.”
And going into Iraq in the first place didn’t have a thing to do with it….. #sarcasm
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In London, a new pop-up restaurant called “The Bunyadi” will feature naked dining. Yep, no clothing allowed. “The Bunyadi” will not allow cameras nor cellphones. Presumably also forbidden – hot coffee and soup.
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In Yellowstone, a tourist was fined $1,000 for walking off the boardwalk at a Hot Springs area, he said he wanted to collect thermal water for “medicinal purposes.” This a month after another tourist did something similar and park officials only didn’t fine him because they couldn’t recover his body. #Darwinwouldbesoproud
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Trump backer Sarah Palin, talking about getting “the right person” elected in order to simply force government to do what it is obligated to do, and that’s not much. That’s basically safety, and it’s some, uh, economic parity.”
“Economic parity.” Sarah, I don’t think those words mean what you think they mean.
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At Walt Disney World, signs will be put up warning of alligators (uh, what about snakes?), in their lagoons. Which might or might not have saved the little boy. But I would bet large amounts of money that such signs will also bring camera-touting tourists with cellphone cameras to the water’s edge. Some even with “alligator food.”
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From Bill Littlejohn “Ichiro dethrones Pete Rose as ‘hit’ king—in baseball or black jack?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: alligator jokes, ayesha curry jokes, cavs, curry jokes, Disney jokes, game 6 jokes, Janice Hough, McCain jokes, NBA jokes
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June 15, 2016
Notre Dame WR Corey Robinson, son of “The Admiral” David Robinson, is retiring from football, citing multiple concussions. Sounds like in Corey’s case that brains as well as athletic ability were inherited.
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Johnny #Cueto now 10-1. Watching him pitch today kind of hard to imagine how he lost that one. #SFGiants
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Lost in last night’s 3-2 #SFGiants win was the fact that the winning run scored on a wild pitch with Madison Bumgarner up at the plate, one of two wild pitches in that at-bat. Thrown in part because the Brewers pitcher didn’t want to throw Madbum a fast ball with runners on base. #pitcherswhorake #pitcherswhoscareotherpitchers
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So quaint #stayclassy moment from the NFL: Bills coach Rex Ryan is reportedly not happy about Bills RB Karlos Williams being overweight in training camp.
Williams blames his fiance: “I like to eat and then her being pregnant gave me an excuse to eat. She’d wake up, one or two o’clock, ‘I want a snack.’ Well I’m not going to sit here and watch you eat because I don’t want you to feel bad.”
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Kentucky’s John Calipari “Coaches always know about scandals that occur on their campuses and they should be held accountable.
Wonder if Calipari knows everything he says stays on the internet forever.
Story now that maybe Dallas RB Darren McFadden didn’t injure himself trying to catch his cell phone. Hmm, was he washing Jeff Kent’s truck?
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A South African appeals court upheld Oscar Pistorius’s conviction for murder today. The former Olympian had even appeared in his stumps in an attempt for sympathy. “I feel so sorry for him, ” said nobody.”
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Pat Robertson on the Orlando shootings, talking about Muslims and gays “I think for those of us who disagree with some of their policies, the best thing to do is to sit on the sidelines and let them kill themselves.”
You know, I wouldn’t wish terrorism on anyone but…..it is surprising that none of these fanatics have ended up on ISIS’s radar.
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Sad story this morning with a bit of #cantfixstupid from Disney World with the little boy snatched by an alligator. He was wading in a hotel lagoon, where his parents were ignoring clearly marked “No swimming signs.” If only that were the most awful story out of Orlando this week.
Leaving alligators and terrorists aside: From CDC – Between 2005-2014, there were an average of 3,536 fatal unintentional drownings (non-boating related) a year in U.S. 1 in 5 were children under 14. (332 people a year drown in boating-related incidents.)
And apparently over 3,000 kids a year end up in the ER for near-drowning incidents. Somehow I am sure this is Obama’s fault.
So I’m waiting for #Trump to say that if the parents at #DisneyWorld were armed they could have shot the gator. #bustohell
A Philadelphia columnist, Helen Ubinas, wrote on Philly.com how she was able to buy an AR-15 in seven minutes. Seven minutes? It took me longer than than when Walgreens had a 2 for 1 sale on all house-brand medications, and I decided to try to buy two packages of their equivalent to Sudafed.
Newt Gingrich wants to re-create the “House Un-American Activities Committee.” Well, okay then, since religion and “traditional family values” seem still to be such a priority for the GOP these days, can that committee investigate Americans who’ve been married more than twice?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Calipari jokes, Gingrich jokes, Janice Hough, mcfadden jokes, NFL jokes, Pat Robertson jokes, Pistorius jokes, SFGiants jokes
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June 14, 2016
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Has there ever been an #NBAFinals with more schizophrenic reporting. After each game a different team can’t lose. #Warriors #Cavs
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SF Giants winning run Tuesday night scored on a wild pitch with Madison Bumgarner up at the plate, one of two wild pitches in that at-bat. Thrown in part because the Brewers pitcher didn’t want to throw Madbum a fast ball. #pitcherswhorake #pitcherswhoscareotherpitchers
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#SFGiants went 112 games without a splash hit. Then four games until next one. Guess they didn’t like seeing that 69 up there? #belt #span
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Apparently last month Cowboys’ RB Darren McFadden dropped his cell phone, tried to grab the phone before it hit the ground, and broke a bone in his elbow. Worse yet, the NFL refused to rule it a catch.
Apparently more money is stored on Starbucks cards – currently $1.2 billion, than is at some banks. Of course, with the near zero rates most banks have on their accounts these days, Americans are making out better with Starbucks rewards than with interest on their savings.
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Got to love United. They announce a flight delay until 1215p, but with the caveat “Please be at the gate prior to the scheduled departure time of 1025a as the departure time could be revised again.” Right, even though the plane isn’t arriving until 1000a. #airlinemath
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Hillary Clinton has won the Washington, DC primary. So who even knew Washington DC had a presidential primary?
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Donald Trump is revoking press credentials for the Washington Post. Amazing how a man who now so strongly defends the second amendment seems to have forgotten about the first.
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California Senator Dianne Feinstein released data today showing that 2477 people on the FBI terrorist watch list attempted to buy weapons between 2004-15, and 2265 were approved. Well, that ought to get even GOP members of Congress appalled enough to do something. #sarcasm #wecandream
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If #ISIS put a message out on social media thanking #NRA for their help in #SanBernandino & #Orlando mass shootings would it even matter?
Categories: Uncategorized
Comments: 5 Comments
June 14, 2016
Madbum wants to be in the Home Run Derby, Then Jake Arrieta says “If he’s in it, I want to be in it.” And now Adam Wainwright wants in too. So admit it, we’re all really waiting now for Bartolo Colon.
Former Giants and currently Indians third baseman Juan Uribe left the game on a cart yesterday after a ground ball gave him a “testicular contusion.” Women are thinking “That sounds painful.” Men are thinking, well, they don’t even want to think about it.
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Not sure how many games this #NBAFinals will go. But are ANY of them going to be close?
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Broncos defensive coordinator Wade Phillips said his Super Bowl ring had the wrong name on it. Oops, if they were going to forgot a name it should have been Denver’s offensive coordinator. Does Denver HAVE an offensive coordinator.
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Airport security guy at Heathrow asks me about U.S. election. Says he hopes HIllary will win. Because Trump is crazy and because “Hillary will have Bill to help her run things.” #thetimestheyareachangin #sortof
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Donald Trump, lowering the facts bar again in yet another inflammatory speech post #Orlando. “Remember this, radical Islam is anti-woman, anti-gay and anti- American.” And many of Trump’s supporters are now thinking “well, they’re actually right two out of three.”
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Trump is calling again for a ban on Muslims entering the U.S. So considering the Orlando killer was American born is the Donald proposing this ban to be in utero?
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“Orlando Police Chief John Mina said the tragedy began unfolding at 2:02 a.m., when three police officers engaged the suspect in a gun battle outside the club.” So even THREE good guys with a gun couldn’t stop this a**hole. #moregunsnottheanswer
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Islamic State radio today called the U.S. born killer “one of the soldiers of the caliphate in America.” In some ways though it doesn’t matter, if the shooting was mostly about ISIL, or hatred of gays, or if he was just a nasty unstable man (his ex-wife said he beat her.) ISIL still has limited power in the U.S…. unless they can help ignite a race-religion war.
Categories: Uncategorized
Comments: 3 Comments
June 13, 2016
Would sure be nice to wake up the morning and have the headlines and controversy be back to Draymond Green’s suspension for his crotch hit to Lebron James. #Orlando
Would love to think #Orlando might actually result in changes in gun laws. But if 20 dead little children don’t matter, hard to imagine 50 plus gay nightclub goers will make a difference. #whenwillweeverlearn
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Clay Aiken tweeted out, this, which is sad but true ” A gay man who survived hate crime can STILL show up to work in FL tomorrow and have his boss fire him simply because he is gay.”
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So why is it so easy for some in the GOP to instantly say “Islamic terrorist” and so hard to say “gay victims?”
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Wow. Trump’s tweet in response to the Orlando shootings: “Horrific incident in FL. Praying for all the victims & their families. When will this stop? When will we get tough, smart & vigilant?
Uh, tough and smart about gun control? Vigilant about people who are hateful? Is that what you mean, sir?
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We all want news on #Orlando. Understandable. But can media stop mentioning this asshole’s name & showing his picture? #nomorefame
Meanwhile, a man was caught in Santa Monica with three assault rifles, along with explosives, saying he wanted to “harm people” at the Gay Pride Parade. He is a young Caucasian guy from Indiana. So that doesn’t count, right?
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And since if we stop laughing the bad guys win: the Los Angeles Lakers said they have eliminated Magic Johnson’s honorary title of vice president, to “clarify confusion about his involvement with the club.” Translation, while Magic is okay with owning the Dodgers, he draws the line at an association with a semi-pro team.
Ben Roethlisberger says reports are wrong and he will not endorse Donald Trump. So taking underage girls into bathrooms for what he said was consensual sex is okay, but good to know Big Ben has some standards.
Oklahoma Gov. Mary Fallin on Kevin Durant, If he “thinks about leaving, which I hope he doesn’t — Oklahoma loves Kevin Durant, and Kevin Durant loves Oklahoma. But if he’ll stay, I’ll make him a Cabinet person for health and fitness on my Cabinet.”
Uh, did Fallin ask if Durant has any deal-breaking history or beliefs because she made that promise – like being a Democrat?
Big night for #Hamilton at the #TonyAwards. Let’s hope this doesn’t make tickets too hard to get.
Congrats to the #Penguins, sad for the #Sharks. Once again, San Jose suffers with home ice disadvantage. #StanleyCup
Categories: Uncategorized
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June 12, 2016
In Neon Green.
Even Elton John is impressed with this outfit.
Happy 90th official birthday to Queen Elizabeth II. So when the British national anthem is sung, does she sing “God Save Me?”
“Did you see that photo finish in #BelmontStakes? Said none of the millions of Americans who quit watching after #Nyquist lost #Preakness.
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CBS has apparently fired former referee analyst Mike Carey. So now NFL fans will be reduced to complaining and getting upset about officials who are still on the field.
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So let’s see, if that “alleged” rape didn’t make us love Ben Roethlisberger enough already, now apparently he (and Tom Brady) will speak on behalf of Donald Trump at the GOP convention. #sarcasm
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A 79 year old London woman was arrested having sex in a public park with her 54-year-old boyfriend, and pleaded guilty to “outraging public decency. She was given a 30 months conditional sentice and had her name added to the sex offenders’ register. Okay, the couple should have gotten a room. But hard not to think “You go girl.”
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Will be honest, I didn’t know who Christina Grimmie was until I heard the news of her shooting and death. But do we have to post the picture of the man who killed her?
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Meg Whitman now is comparing Donald Trump to Mussolini and Hitler. And it’s still easier to say that as a GOP woman than to say “Okay, it kills me but I’m voting for Hillary Clinton?
We’re all really going to need extra-large popcorn to pass around with Trump vs. Warren on Twitter: The Donald’s latest “Goofy Elizabeth Warren, sometimes referred to as Pocahontas, pretended to be a Native American in order to advance her career. Very racist!”
Waiting for Warren to respond something like “Trump is pretending to be a plausible human being to advance his…”
Categories: Uncategorized
Comments: 2 Comments
June 11, 2016
Porn star Mia Khalifa, a Nationals fan, offered to streak the field if she got 50,000 retweets. Alas she came up just short. Wonder how many players offered to help her out next time.
Worst thing about #Casilla‘s recent meltdowns for #SFGiants fans? He comes in in the 9th and they stop serving beer after 7.
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Two losses in his last three appearances and a near-blown save in the third. If Bruce Bochy brings Casilla in again this weekend at AT&T Park the loudest cheers will be from Dodgers fans.
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Will the last #NBA player to leave Olympic #TeamUSA basketball please turn out the lights?
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When asked if Kevin Love will play in game 4, Lebron James deferred “I have an opinion on who’s our general, and that’s Coach Lue. Interesting choice of words, since generals answer to Kings.
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Of course, given Love’s performance, some might say he didn’t play after all.
#Eagles WR #NelsonAgholor being questioned about an alleged sexual assault at 3pm at strip club he & teammates visited after practice ended at 1pm. #stayclassy
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Regarding that Austin valedictorian who tweeted out that she was undocumented, a FOX Sports Florida reporter, Emily Austin, commented on air “I didn’t even know Mexicans were that smart.” #Cantfixstupid
So while we’re in the realm of un-PC, yes, Austen is blond.
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So was that really an earthquake in California? Or Bernie fans throwing one last primary tantrum? #joke #holdthehatetweetsplease
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That moment when you get the notice from #UnitedAirlines that your flight is delayed and will leave at 130p. At 145pm
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Airlines are one of the few industries in the US that make politicians look honest by comparison. #lyingUnited
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Bob Dole, “I have an obligation to the party. I mean, what am I going to do? I can’t vote for George Washington. So I’m supporting Donald Trump,” Uh, what’s wrong with George other than him being long dead?
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Georgia Sen David Perdue at the “Faith and Freedom” coalition suggested his audience pray for Pres Obama. With Psalm 109:8 starting “Let his days be few.” He didn’t finish the psalm “Let his children be fatherless and his wife a widow.”
And this is one of those guys who wants to defend ” Christian family values.”
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Mitt Romney on Trump “I don’t want to see trickle down racism.” Never a Mitt fan as far as him being president. but guessing a lot of people, especially Republicans, wonder where this man was in 2012.
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Ann Coulter has written an editorial saying Donald Trump is not a racist. Hmm, is she angling to get on the Donald’s V.P short list?
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A serious thought going forward for all the Sanders supporters who got into politics for the first time this year. If you REALLY want to change the system, stay involved, and start getting ready for future elections. #changetakestime #changetakescommitment
Categories: Uncategorized
Comments: 2 Comments
June 9, 2016
Justin Bieber apparently lost when he got in a fistfight with another fan after game 3 of the NBA Finals. On the brighter side, he reportedly put up a better fight than the Warriors.
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When you’re down 3 to 1 in #StanleyCupFinals isn’t calling it a “must win game” redundant? #Sharks
The way the #SJSharks play on the road vs. at home might they request the #NHL to play #StanleyCup game six in Pittsburgh?
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Mac Williamson hit his first home run for the SF Giants last night. Reports were he traded a signed ball and bat for the ball. Wonder if the signed items had Posey and Bumgarner’s names on them?
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My friend Darren forwards the information that the SF 49ers are favored in ZERO of their 2016 season games.. And somewhere in Ann Arbor you can hear the giggling
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Colin Kaerpernick says that while he and his “team” were looking at “different opportunities”, now “I’m a 49er and excited to work with Chip and his coaching staff. ” Translation, not as if anyone else really wanted me anyway.
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According to Philadelphia Magazine, 46% of voters said that the Phillie Phanatic would make a more qualified President than Donald Trump. Well, and on top of that, who doesn’t love the Phanatic?
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Apparently after NBA Finals game 2, assistant coach Phil Handy went off on the Cavs with a tirade about their performance and questioned the team’s toughness. Maybe Cleveland hired the wrong coach.
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#DraymondGreen did have best line from game 3: “They came out like their season was on the line, & we came out like it was peaches & cream.”
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Headline in Cleveland today? “All you don’t need is Love? #Cavs #KevinLove #NBAFinals
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Apparently three women are trying to raise $30 million for a super PAC titled “Women Vote Trump” So is this to support the Donald or to provide those women with mental health support?
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#PresidentObama is endorsing #HillaryClinton today. Wonder if he told her in a 3 a.m. phone call?
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But really, in 2007 what was less likely, that Obama would be elected, or that he would end up endorsing Hillary?
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#HillaryClinton says #DonaldTrump should delete his #Twitter account. Why? His tweets have to be one of the best things for her campaign.
Elizabeth Warren tonight “Donald Trump is a loud, nasty, thin-skinned fraud who has never risked anything for anyone and serves nobody but himself.” You know, Senator Warren could be really impressive if she would just stop sugarcoating things.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Cavs jokes, Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, Sharks jokes, Trump jokes, Warren jokes, Warriors jokes
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June 8, 2016
Kentucky coach John Calipari said the Philadelphia 76ers should select the Wildcats’ Jamal Murray as the No. 1 pick in the June 23 NBA draft. So what did Murray ever do to him?
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Johnny Manziel is allegedly still holding out hope for a return to football in 2016. “Give it up already,” responded Tim Tebow.
#SteveKerr asked about #Cavs aggressive start after the first quarter of game 3.. “What did you see in response from your guys?” “Not a whole lot.” #Popwouldbepround #GSWvsCLE
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But so what #Cavs needed to compete with #Warriors was for #KevinLove to get a concussion? Heck, a Cleveland teammate might have clocked him sooner.
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“The Greatest” wanted his funeral to be free and so 15,000 tickets were given away in Louisville. Now of course, people are trying to sell the free tickets on Ebay etc. Ali family spokesman Bob Gunnell said “I’m personally disgusted and amazed that someone would try to profit off of Muhammad Ali’s memorial service.”
“Disgusted,” I get. “Amazed….?” Someone hasn’t been paying attention.
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#BristolPalin has married her baby daddy. And millions of Americans are asking “Which one?”
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Guess resort fees aren’t enough. MGM Resorts International in Las Vegas is now charging for parking at all their properties. Ah, for the days when the only bandits in town were the one-armed variety.
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Maria Sharipova has been banned from tennis for two years for using PEDs. And at the same time Hillary wins the Democratic nomination we are reminded it’s not always a good thing when women prove they can be equal to men.
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Bill Nye “the Science Guy” says that conservatives need an “epiphany” to attract younger voters. Okay, “science” is one strike against him, does Nye really think it will help his cause to use high-faluting words like “epiphany?”
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#Kasich is holding steady at about 11% in #CaliforniaPrimary . That’s about as high as he got in most states when he was still campaigning.
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Despite Hillary Clinton’s winning California by about 13%, the networks didn’t call the primary win for her until about 4a. In related news, the same networks are saying the Golden State Warriors still have a pretty good chance to win the NBA championship.
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Email from Bernie Sanders today “The struggle continues.” Yes, it does. But the arithmetic does not.
Convicted rapist and former Stanford swimmer Brock Turner is apparently filing an appeal, even with his slap-on-the-wrist sentence. Hmm, can someone make up some #20minutesofaction” t-shirts for Turner to give to his future wife and/or daughters?
The Guardian has leaked a letter that convicted rapist Brock Turner sent to the judge in his case “I’ve been shattered by the party culture and risk taking behavior that I briefly experienced in my four months at school. I’ve lost my ability to obtain a Stanford degree. I’ve lost employment opportunity, my reputation and most of all, my life.” #getouttheviolins
Stuart Anderson, founder of the Black Angus Steakhouse chain, has passed away at the age of 93. No details on services yet, but no doubt coupon discounts will be available.
Categories: baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ali jokes, brock turner jokes, Cavs jokes, Clinton jokes, Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, Manziel jokes, NBA finals jokes, sharipova jokes, Vegas jokes, Warriors jokes
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June 8, 2016
Today Californians went to the polls. And readers who don’t like my political stuff might want to skip down several items, or until the next post.
And for those of us who live in the state, all those annoying primary election ads will finally be over with. The general election ads start tomorrow.
You can call #HillaryClinton a lot of things. But especially given the alternative, people need to get used to the idea of calling her #MadamPresident.
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Absolutely amazing, my California Assembly district 24 is in the middle of Silicon Valley, has been home to Hewlett, Packard, Jobs, Ellison, Zuckerberg etc. And it’s MIDNIGHT election night and we still don’t have more than 71% of the vote counted. Ah technology….
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No network yet calling #CaliforniaPrimary for #Hillary or #Bernie, at 1230a June 8. Maybe they’ll go out on a limb before #Dem convention.
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Would support #Obama for 3rd term if there weren’t an amendment, but time for #Sanders to do as #Hillary did in 2008 #begracious #getonboard
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Really? Now today’s anti-Hillary social media rant is that she was wearing an expensive Armani jacket during a speech on inequality. And if she just wore mass-market clothes she’d be accused of being dowdy and not supporting retailers.
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Donald Trump said tonight he will deliver a “major speech” on the Clintons next week. Like Trump’s “major announcement” in 2012 on Obama’s birth certificate?
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Trump says now his comments about judges were “misconstrued.” Is that the Donald’s way of saying “Oops, even I might have gone too far this time?”
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Lindsey Graham is urging Republicans to rescind their endorsements of Donald Trump after the Donald’s racist comments about judges. Nice start, Senator Graham. Now how about going the next step – as in “We can survive four years of Hillary Clinton, we may not survive four years of Donald Trump.” #justsaynotoTrump
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Albert Suarez has had two starts in the major leagues. Both for the SF Giants. Both times he left with a lead. The first save was blown by Santiago Casilla, tonight’s game was lost in the 10th by Casilla. Maybe the next time Bochy has to get Suarez out of a game, he can promise to keep Casilla out too?
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Madison Bumgarner said in an interview that he isn’t much for souvenir baseballs, but he wishes he had the one he threw to Perez for the last pitch in the 2014 World Series. The ball was popped up for a foul out and was last seen in the possession of Pablo Sandoval. Let’s hope Panda didn’t eat it.
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Someone hacked #NFL twitter feed to announce falsely that #RogerGoodell had died. Out of habit, Goodell will be punishing the #Saints.
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In Missouri, a 15 year old boy apparently accidentally shot himself taking a selfie. Sad, because he was just a kid. But definitely a Darwin award junior division. #Ifonlyhewasarmed. Oh, wait, never mind.
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United Airlines has a new program called “Celebrate by United” where you can order something Duty-Free and have it delivered to a friend or colleague on-board an international flight. Flight attendants must be so thrilled. #whatcouldpossiblygowrong?
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Amazing sidebar to the #BrockTurnerRapist story. He has a sister. Just wondering if father #DanTurner would be so sympathetic to a young man if she had been raped in college. #20minutesofaction
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Plenty of good guys at Stanford too: http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/hero-grad-student-describes-catching-stanford-rapist-article-1.2664718
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: bernie jokes, California jokes, Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, primary jokes, Red Sox jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
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June 6, 2016
#VinScully was apparently telling #DDay stories tonight during #Dodgers loss. Wonder they included seeing #JamieMoyer pitch that day?
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Steph Curry is bowing out of the Olympics. Makes sense. If he wants the experience against playing against a team of mixed amateurs and professionals, the Warriors have plenty of games next year against the Lakers.
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Madison Bumgarner wants to participate in the All-Star Game Home Run Derby. Now, that would probably be too dangerous with the injury risk of swinging that many times. But since the game “counts” maybe Bochy could let #Madbum pinch hit? #pitcherswhorake
Looking like #LebronJames is about 2 games, and one 2013 miracle Ray Allen shot, away from going 1-6 in #NBAFinals.
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Marshawn Lynch confirmed his retirement on a 60 Minutes Sports/Sports Illustrated segment “No I’m done. I’m done. I enjoyed my time playing, now it’s time to watch my cousins do their thing.”
Wow, retirement has made Lynch positively loquacious.
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Hillary’s bro-in-law #RogerClinton was just arrested for his 2nd DUI. Clearly that makes him unfit to be related to a President. On the other hand, does that qualify him to run for V.P.? #Cheney
Got an email today saying that “Even if Clinton’s already won, a vote for Sanders will help defeat Trump.” Because the more delegates Bernie gets, the more supportive he’s going to be of Hillary in November? Yeah. Right.
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A former Secret Service agent has an anti-Clinton book due out this month. Gary Bryne says he has “no animosity” towards the former First Family: “But I could not keep from asking myself how our nation’s leaders could be so reckless, so volatile, and so dangerous to themselves and to our nation.” And I am sure Bryne has no other rea$on$$$$$$..
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More on the Stanford rape case, and what feels like a sentencing debacle – the convicted rapist said he thought the sex was consensual, but when two other students happened upon him with the young woman, he ran away. Uh, if he was with a consensual partner, the natural impulse might be to cover up, or to shield her, or just to tell the others “go away and give us some privacy.” Not to run.
Mean bitch karma had to be disappointed with the sentencing in the Stanford rape case. On the other hand, had the rapist. Brock Turner, been given a reasonable sentence, it might have been a 24 hour story and maybe he gets out of prison and rebuilds a life in anonymity. Not a chance now. So not a win, but not a complete loss either. #Neverdismissmeanbirthkarma-
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #meanbitchkarma, bernie jokes, california primary jokes, Clinton jokes, curry jokes, dday jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron James jokes, madbum jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
June 5, 2016
Refs in Oakland did call travelling tonight on Lebron James. Time for a congressional investigation? #NBAFinals
#Lebron & #Cavs in game 2 of #NBAFinals were so bad #ESPN might air new special #TheDecision – on where #Cleveland plans to go for vacation.
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Denver Broncos CB Aqib Talib was treated and released from a Dallas hospital after being shot in the leg at a Dallas nightclub. This is the same Talib who was indicted for allegedly pistol-whipping and shooting at his sister’s boyfriend in 2011, and questioned last year at the scene of an aggravated assault also at a Dallas nightclub.
Even Johnny Manziel is thinking this guy needs to get a grip.
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Police in Vacaville, California arrested five people for allegedly stealing $4,700 of Red Bull from local stores. Hmm, if the stuff really does give you wings wouldn’t they have flown the coup?
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They are now selling “Golden Grahams” cereal in boxes that feature Jose Bautista’s bat flip on the front. Wonder if kids who eat it are likely to get punched at school?
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Former George W. Bush Attorney General Alberto Gonzales defending Donald Trump for calling out a Hispanic judge: “If judges are not perceived as being impartial, the public will quickly lose confidence in the rule of law upon which our nation is based.”
Oh, I don’t know, Americans recovered pretty quickly after the 2000 election.
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ESPN just reported that #MadisonBumgarner has more career grand-slam home runs than #DerekJeter
Ryan Howard says a fan at his home Citizens Bank Ballpark threw a beer bottle at him. Not good. But really, isn’t selling beer in bottles in Philadelphia like selling arms to militants?
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Gary Byrne, a former Secret Service agent in the Clinton White House, is releasing a “tell-all: book next month about his time there and how the culture “sickened” him. And of course the fact that a book anytime in the last 8 years before the election cycle would have received little notice has nothing to with it. #money
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Donald Trump is doubling down on criticism on the Hispanic judge overseeing the Trump University trial, and says now he thinks he wouldn’t get a fair trial from a Muslim judge either. Time to start the pool on when he adds women judges to the list?
Waiting for #DonaldTrump to say no one can judge him. Because really he has no peers.
The father of the former Stanford swimmer convicted of rape and sentenced to 6 months in jall has written an open letter talking about how his son’s “life has been deeply altered forever…. he will never be his happy go lucky self…his life will never be the one he dreamed about and worked so hard to achieve. That is a steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 years of life,”
Well, yeah, and can’t imagine how all that apple and tree theory got started.
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From Marc Ragovin “The Yankees are holding their Old Timers game this upcoming Sunday. Or as its otherwise known, a split-squad scrimmage.”
Categories: baseball jokes, basketball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cavs jokes, donaldtrump jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, Red Bull jokes, SFGiants jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
June 5, 2016
Nice statement from President Obama today: ‘Muhammad Ali was The Greatest. Period. If you just asked him, he’d tell you.
But what made The Champ the greatest – what truly separated him from everyone else – is that everyone else would tell you pretty much the same thing.”
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So maybe if Trump isn’t a a complete fraud it’s time to test the man for severe memory impairment. The Donald quickly praised Ali last night, but in December after the President criticized his proposed ban Trump tweeted out “Obama said in his speech that Muslims are our sports heroes. What sport is he talking about, and who?”.
Here’s a thought about Trump’s praise of Ali after saying there were no Muslim sports stars. Maybe he doesn’t know Muhammad Ali was a Muslim. #heswrongaboutmosteverythingelse
Really boggles the mind to imagine what it would have been like if #MuhammadAli at his peak in a social media age? #mostfollowersofalltime
Ads on the #MLB “Game of the Week” telling us to go to Hooters for the food. Like old days of reading Playboy for the articles. #SFvsSTL
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You start seeing one of the problems for the Cavaliers. A SF Chronicle headline “Kerr has the magic touch; James searching.” The Warriors have a good team AND a real coach
Jeff Samardzija didn’t end up having a good day for the SF Giants, giving up 4 home runs in what seemed like about two minutes. But he did get a single and an RBI. Fox announcers seemed shocked. Clearly they aren’t paying attention. #Pitcherswhorake
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James Shields was traded to the White Sox. He was a disappointment with the Padres.But being fair, it’s hard to live up to the nickname “Big Game Shields” when your team has no big games.
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Canada is changing a line in their national anthem from “in all thy sons command” to “in all of us command.” Why? As Justin Trudeau recently said, “It’s 2016.” #IblameObama #IblameTrudeau
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Southwest. already the largest airline in terms of passengers beginning or ending their trip in the SF Bay Area, is adding nine more Oakland flights tomorrow. You know you’re getting old when you can remember when Southwest was the no-frills cattle call airline.
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Got to love marketing. On “Shout” stain remover it trumpets “Removes stains the 1st time or it’s free.” So since it’s not working on a stain (ink) I read the bottle carefully, find tiny print directing me to a website. A few more clicks, and ALL they need to send me $3.99 besides a lot of info is the cash register receipt from up to a year ago. Right, because we all save every receipt for potential under $4 windfalls….
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In Saturday’s U.S. Virgin Islands, Hillary Clinton had a big win and picked up all seven pledged delegates. Wow. Okay, before this year, who even knew the U.S.V.I had a primary?
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So we’ve got hockey, basketball and baseball going on now. But as TC points out after the Padres and Mariners split a pair in San Diego, 16-6 and 16-13: “When did the NFL preseason start?”
Categories: airline jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ali jokes, Cavs jokes, Janice Hough, muhammad ali jokes, muslim jokes, primary jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
June 3, 2016
And no, Cubs fans. Not a billy goat.
For all the talk of Islam as a warlike religion, remember, Muhammad Ali lost his heavyweight title over refusing to kill people in Vietnam. “I ain’t got no quarrel with them Viet Cong. No Viet Cong ever called me nigger…..”
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No regarding Muhammad Ali. I’m not a boxing fan. But when someone says that athletes don’t have a clue about life outside their sport….. #floatlikeabutterflystinglikeabeeandwalkthewalk
Donald Trump tweeted out that Muhammad Ali was a “truly great champion and a wonderful guy.” Guess after the Donald proposed his ban in December, he didn’t read Ali’s statement that Muslims “have to stand up to those who use Islam to advance their own personal agenda.”
The Miami Marlins may have been the first to report the death of Muhammad Ali. Well, guess they wanted to be first at something. (And with their attendance this year, not like too many people would have noticed if they were wrong.)
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Hunter Pence needs hamstring surgery and will be out about 8 weeks. Re his right field replacement SF Giants’ manager Bruce Bochy has probably already has told Madison Bumgarner -“NO!”
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#SFGiants need another outfielder in a hurry. Hey, that #Marlins hitting coach has looked pretty good leading his team in batting practice.
Giants scored 3 runs in the top of the 9th tonight in a 5-1 win. Ah yes, that moment when you think that MAYBE the #SFGiants are getting enough runs that you don’t have to play the #Casilla drinking game.
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Over 1 million people have downloaded a new Chick-fil-A app since Wed. because so doing means they get a free sandwich, worth all of about $3. Amazing. Wonder what we could do in the U.S. if we offered people free food to vote.
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The San Diego Padres blew a 10 run lead after five, in just two innings, to lose 16-13 to the Mariners Thursday night. And every player who’s ever stole a base or bunted in an out-of-control game just said “See!!!”
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Delta Air Lines says starting July 1, all movies, TV shows and music available from the carrier’s “Delta Studio” offerings will be free for both economy and premium cabin passengers. And any fare increase June 30 will be strictly coincidental.
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Your “feel good” story of the day courtesy of CNN: Apparently an alleged war criminal, accused of committing atrocities as a commander during Somalia’s civil war is working as a security guard at Dulles, and passed both an FBI criminal background check and a TSA threat assessment, Well, I suppose he can take care of people who bring that dangerous bottled water.
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The San Diego Union-Tribune has urged Republican readers to write in Ronald Reagan instead of Donald Trump in the June 7 primary. Why stop there? Why not Lincoln?
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Paul Ryan slammed Donald Trump over attacking the Hispanic heritage of the judge overseeing the Trump University lawsuit. Wow. That warm fuzzy relationship lasted about as long as one of Taylor Swift’s.
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Friday was National Donut Day. So guessing Donald Trump’s campaign had to survive 24 hours without Chris Christie.
Donald Trump is continuing to insist that there’s a conflict of interest to have Judge Gonzalo Curiel handing his Trump University case because Curiel, who is U.S. born, is of Mexican descent. At this point shouldn’t it be a conflict of interest to have anyone make a decision involving Trump if they have an IQ in triple digits?
Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bonds jokes, Delta jokes, goat jokes, muhammad ali jokes, Padres jokes, SFGiants jokes, voting jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
June 2, 2016
Lebron James called the 2014 San Antonio Spurs the best team he’d ever faced. After NBA Finals game 1, where Cleveland was beaten by the Golden State bench, looking like the Cavs couldn’t even come close to beating the 2016 Spurs.
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Some of these officiating delays in the #NBAFinals make you long for the quick decisions of #MLB instant replay. #sarcasm
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In the Barry Bonds days, no one wanted to leave their seat at home or in front of the TV when he was due up to bat. Not that he’s THAT good, but it’s beginning to feel the same way when you know Madison Bumgarner will have an AB. #anythingcanhappen #SFGiants #Pitcherswhorake
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SFGiants have a message for all #DH fans who say no one wants to watch a pitcher hit. #STFU #PitchersWhoRake #PitchersWhoReallyRake #Madbum
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Starbucks is teaming up with Anheuser-Busch for a bottled version of their “Teavana” tea. The product, however, won’t have any actual beer in it. Just like Bud Light.
A Crimson Tide coach, Bo Davis, resigned this spring over illegal contact with a recruit. But Nick Saban has been complaining about the Wolverines’ satellite camps. Jim Harbaugh’s Twitter response “‘Amazing’ to me – Alabama broke NCAA rules & now their HC is lecturing us on the possibility of rules being broken at camps. Truly ‘amazing.’
How much do we want to see Michigan-Alabama in college football now? #whatsyourdeal
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Jeffery Simmons, the 12th ranked DE recruit in the US, was arrested and charged with assault and disturbing the peace this March. A video showed him hitting a woman several times. Mississippi State said Simmons will be given a one-game suspension and allowed to play football, but with “conditions attached.”
The number one condition being that he play well on the field?
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Sad. Prince apparently died of a opiod overdose. So Jehovah’s Witnesses can’t have surgery, but they can drug themselves to death?
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Bernard Marcus, the founder of Home Depot, has endorsed Donald Trump for President. Presumably because he hopes Trump will need to shop at Home Depot to built that wall.
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Taylor Swift’s boyfriend of 15 month, Calvin Harris, apparently just broke up with HER. Well, at least the song should be different this time.
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The graduate student who fatally shot a UCLA professor had accused the professor of stealing his work. So yeah, what we need in a high-stress college environment is for all students and professors to be armed.
#sarcasm
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Paul Ryan said he’ll vote for Donald Trump in November. Did they legalize marijuana in Wisconsin and not tell us?
The AP reports that after Texas Gov. Greg Abbott dropped a state probe into Trump University, the Donald gave Abbott a $35,000 donation to his campaign. Five words: “Damn, I miss Molly Ivins.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cavs jokes, DH jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, madison bumgarner jokes, NBA jokes, prince jokes, SFGiants jokes, Texas jokes, Trump jokes
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June 1, 2016
In an interview, Barry Bonds said “I’m to blame for the way I was [portrayed], because I was a dumbass. I was straight stupid, and I’ll be the first to admit it.”
Not sure what’s weirder. Hearing him apologize, or hearing Bonds’ referred to as “the Miami Marlins’ hitting coach?” #SFGiants
In Switzerland, they just had the grand opening of a railway tunnel through the Alps dubbed “the longest tunnel in the world” at 35.5 miles. And down in Mexico they’re just giggling.
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#StephCurry let slip in a news conference that he uses Uber in the SF Bay Area. Wonder if they give him 3.0 pricing? #Warriors
Is there a more annoying sound in sports than the tomahawk chop? #Braves #SFGiants #Stopthechop
Santiago #Casilla has now blown 4 of 16 saves. So he’s right about as often as an NBA referee? #damningbyfaintphrase
#Casilla lost composure & blew lead so fast tonight you’d wonder if underneath his #SFGiants jersey he was wearing a #OKC #Thunder t-shirt.
No, I don’t play fantasy baseball. But saw this on Rotoballer.com, talking about closers in the NL West and their “status” (from a few days ago.)
: Stability Rating – Team Name – Current Closer
Solid – Diamondbacks – Brad Ziegler
Solid Rockies – Jake McGee
Solid Dodgers – Kenley Jansen
Solid Padres – Fernando Rodney
Questionable – Giants – Santiago Casilla
yeah, we know
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Anyone else feeling like an old baseball fan in remembering when players didn’t have hamstrings?
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Last night #JakePeavy pitched 1 hit ball for 7 innings, singled and scored the go-ahead run for the #SFGiants to win on his 35th birthday. “It couldn’t have happened to a nicer young man” said Jamie Moyer.
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First #BernieSanders got #Hamilton tickets. Then court side seats for #OKCvsGSW #Game7. Guessing his own private plane can’t be far behind?
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Former Baylor president Kenneth Starr, who so zealously prosecuted Bill Clinton, and who was reassigned as chancellor after the school’s sexual assault scandals, is now resigning that new post. Starr will, however, continue to teach in the law school.
What’s his first course this fall – “The law and people who think they are above it?”
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A Seattle burlesque dancer returning home from a Boston performance was told by a JetBlue crew the shorts and thigh-highs she was wearing were “inappropriate.” She had to buy pajama pants to get on the plane.
This would not have happened on United. They’d have let her board and just charged other passengers an entertainment fee.
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A USA Today article shows that Donald Trump “and his businesses have been involved in at least 3,500 legal actions in federal and state courts during the past 30 years. Ranging from skirmishes with casino patrons to million-dollar real estate suits to personal defamation lawsuits.”
Are we sure the Trump campaign didn’t leak the information in a shameless push to get more endorsements from lawyers?
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The PGA Tour is moving their Cadillac World Golf Championship from the Trump Doral course to Mexico City. Trump’s gracious response “I hope they have kidnapping insurance.”
I am beginning to see the Donald’s plan to have Mexico pay for that wall…. in order to keep him out.
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Hillary Clinton with Cory Booker in New Jersey: Hmm, could think of a lot worse tickets for November. #GoStanford
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Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baylor jokes, Bernie Sanders jokes, Bonds jokes, casilla jokes, golf jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes
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May 31, 2016
Police near Fort Lauderdale discovered some alligators eating a human body in a canal. Bringing up one of those famous Florida puzzles – suicide, homicide or Darwin winner?
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Ronnie Wood, 68, of the Rolling Stones, has just become the father of twins. So now when he sings “Has Anyone Seen My Baby?” it might be because he literally won’t be able to remember where one of them is.
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One again, as the early MLB All-Star voting totals have been released, Royals fans are apparently doing a great job of stuffing the ballot box for their players. Well, guessing there’s not that much to do in Kansas City in the spring.
But not like this charade really matters. I mean the All-Star game only determines home field advantage for the Major League Baseball championship.
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Cal. Gov #JerryBrown, 78, endorsed Hillary Clinton, because “she knows how to get things done.” No doubt also because of her youth.& vigor.
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#SFGiants 1st run today vs #Braves scored by #Peavy who had singled & was running on #Span‘s triple. Well, of course it was #Pitcherswhorake
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A last #Game7 Western Conference Finals thought: Nothing is certain but death, taxes, & the #Thunder eventually forgetting they have 5 men on the court. #OKCvsGSW
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#BernieSanders had tickets to the #Thunder #Warriors #Game7 last night?! Even #DonaldTrump knows that takes real $$$$$$
Another twist to the sad story of the fatal shooting of former Saints’ star Will Smith – his blood alcohol level at the time of the road rage incident that led to his death was .24. Now, Smith was 6’3″, 283 lb. At that size, how do you physically drink enough to get to .24?
Richard Dreyfuss tweeted that “Donald Trump’s celebrity supporters who are whores.” Prompting immediate demands for an apology, from whores.
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Martin Shkreli, the price-gouging former pharmaceutical CEO, now says his endorsement of Donald Trump was an “ironic joke” Actually “ironic joke” isn’t a bad metaphor for Trump’s campaign.
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The North Korean state-run newspaper has endorsed “wise” Donald Trump over “dull” Hillary. So is this a shameless attempt by Kim Jong Un to get his pal Dennis Rodman considered as Trump’s running mate?
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Ben Carson says the U.S. is a “cruise ship that is about to go off of Niagara Falls.” Uh, got news for Dr. Carson, cruise ships don’t sail anywhere NEAR Niagara Falls. Not only Ben not smart enough to be President, he’s not smart enough to be a travel agent.
(there are, for the picky, very small ships that sail on Lake Ontario. But there are locks involved, none of them sails any where near the edge. And then there are little boats that do sightseeing trips at the bottom of the falls – like “The Maid of the Mist.”)
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A different thought on the Cincinnati Zoo gorilla controversy. Some blame the zoo, because, while there had been no problems for 38 years, the child was able to get into the enclosure and was at risk.
So if the kid had wandered away from his parents in the parking lot and been hit by a car, would they condemn the zoo for allowing people to drive in that parking lot?
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Khloe Kardashian is reportedly now dating Odell Beckham Jr. So she’s graduated from NBA players who should know better, to NFL players who should know better?
In San Francisco, an FBI agent apparently left his gun, ID and his credentials in his car, and all of them were stolen when the car was broken into. Bringing up another question “How do you stop a stupid good guy with a gun?
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Political fundraiser email of the evening. Headlined “we keep emailing.” And it starts out “We emailed you this morning, we emailed you this afternoon…..”
So what is that old definition of insanity?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cincinnati jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, korea jokes., MLB jokes, ronnie wood jokes, Trump jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 