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Sunday night

July 24, 2016

So we don’t have a woman president, yet but we do have @jessmendoza on @ESPN Sunday Night Baseball. It’s a start!

 

‪#‎SFGiants‬ don’t really want Aroldis Chapman  (cost and last year’s domestic violence arrest.)  But they’d be fine with the ‪#‎Yankees‬ not trading him to ‪#‎Nationals‬ before next weekend’s series.

 

#‎MikeMayers‬, MLB debut, 1.1 inning, 9 runs, 60.75 ERA. I feel for his mother. ‪#‎LAvsSTL‬

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Chris Sale has been suspended five games for destroying his team’s throwback uniforms, which he didn’t want to wear,  before Saturday’s game.   On the other hand, he’s been offered freelance contracts by a lot of college football fans.

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While ‪#‎ChrisSale‬ is serving that 5 game suspension could he come to ‪#‎SF‬ & cut up ‪#‎SFGiants‬ road uniforms? They don’t apparently work anymore.

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Australian athletes are not moving into the Olympic village because they say it’s “uninhabitable,” with numerous safety issues. And Rio’s mayor responded “I almost feel like putting a kangaroo in front of their building to make them feel at home.” ‪#‎whatiftheyhadanOlympicsandnobodycame‬?

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The ‪#‎IOC‬ will not completely ban ‪#‎Russia‬ from the ‪#‎RioOlympics‬. And many Russian athletes are thinking now “Damn, so this means we have to go?

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#‎Trump‬, disbelieving Roger Ailes charge “because he’s a very good person,” & because ‪#‎theDonald‬ never considered that behavior harassment?

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Oxymoron online ad of the day – “Upgrade to Yahoo search.”

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Business Insider reports that many Kmart employees expect the company soon to close all their stores. And many Americans are going “Kmart still has stores?”

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Donald Trump now proposes stop immigration “from any nation that has been compromised by terrorism,” and wouldn’t rule out France and Germany. Uh, actually would the Donald like to find ONE country that doesn’t have terrorism, including the USA?

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But if ‪#‎Trump‬‘s idea of banning immigrants from countries “compromised by terrorism” catches on around the world, it could be rough for Americans trying to move to Canada

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Have no problem with removing Debbie Wasserman Schultz as head of the DNC for the convention and beyond. But anyone want to hazard a guess what the RNC internal emails might look like about Trump and others in the GOP primaries?

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Critics are saying ‪#‎HillaryClinton‬ should have had ‪#‎DebbieWassermanSchultz‬ fired. Uh, and who’s to say she didn’t?

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V.P. note for grouchy Dems who wanted someone other than Tim Kaine: Cory Booker, Sherrod Brown & Elizabeth  Warren, all would’ve had their Senate seats filled by GOP governors.

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Would have loved Clinton to take Booker. But Kaine ups her likability quotient. And I could get used to hearing “Senate Majority Leader Warren.”

 

Don’t get me wrong, I love Republican chaos.   But some of same Democrats who are gleefully looking forward to November with the GOP not rallying behind Trump are also saying that Sanders shouldn’t throw his support to Clinton.

Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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You unlock this door with a key…..

July 23, 2016

So will the video highlights and lowlights of the #SFGiants week since the the All-Star break be narrated by Rod Serling?

(younger friends readers can ignore this Twilight Zone reference.)

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SF Giants not only got their first win in a week, they had their first lead in a game in a week.  They have now held a lead for exactly one inning since the All-Star break.

 

Pitcher Chris Sale was scratched and sent home from his star today following that the White Sox said was “a “non-physical clubhouse incident.”
Hmm, if they they trade Sales to the Nationals who have Papelbon will Washington become the first clubhouse with thermo-nuclear capability?

 

You really cannot make this “stuff” up. Chris Sale apparently was scratched from tonight’s start because he decided he didn’t like the throwback uniforms, and cut them up, with a knife. ‪#‎Ifonlyhewasarmed‬

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An Oklahoma City Store is selling Kevin Durant jerseys for 48 cents. Are they selling them in the BBQ section as kindling?

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Trump’s original statement on Munich shootings: “This cannot continue. The rise of terrorism threatens the way of life for all civilized people, and we must do everything in our power to keep it from our shores.”
Uh, what about mental illness, and guns? Or for that matter bullying? Those aren’t in his platform.

 

‎HillaryClinton‬‘s pick of ‪#‎TimKaine‬ must have been pretty good, ‪#‎Trump‬ is back to tweeting about ‪#‎Pocahontas‬ again.

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Forget to the “right” or “left,” ‪#‎TimKaine‬ pushes ‪#‎Hillary‬ ticket to more “likable. ‪#‎ClintonKaine‬

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Thinking a lot of people are going to go from “Tim who?” to “Smart choice” really fast in this election. ‪#‎ClintonKaine‬

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#‎Trump‬ loves ‪#‎Sanders‬ since he’s not on the ticket, if ‪#‎Hillary‬ had chosen ‪#‎Bernie‬ the Donald would be tweeting today about communism

 

 

 

 

So DNC emails to my mind reveal more political infighting than any real difference making in the 2016 Primaries. But putting that sort of stuff in writing? Have no problem if Debbie Wasserman Schultz ends up being told to fall on her sword for this one. ‪#‎couldbeawinwin‬ ‪#‎cantfixstupid

 

17 people were injured when a ferry from the World Financial Center made a rough landing in Jersey City tonight. Most of the injuries were minor, at least compared to being stuck in New Jersey.

 

 

 

from JD – singalong  time?

 

Oloompa, doompadee doo:
I’ve got a brand-new puzzle for you.
Oompa, loompa, doompadah dee:
if you are wise, you’ll listen to me.

What do you get with a Trump and a Pence?
Lies and resentment and sound without sense.
Staying up late just to vent all that hate
won’t help to make our country great.
(Shouldn’t this be obvious?)

Oompa loompa doompadee damn:
most of us know that it’s all a scam.
Want to help our country improve?
Dumping Donald Trump should be your first move.

Categories: Uncategorized

Comments: 4 Comments

KaineTouchThis?

July 22, 2016

Hillary Clinton has selected Tim Kaine as her running mate. #YesWeKaine

 

Donald Trump “Tim Kaine may be fluent in Spanish but he can’t make a taco bowl as good as the one in Trump Tower.”

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So ‪#‎Panik‬ on DL, ‪#‎Duffy‬ on DL, and the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ gold-glove winning shortstop is the one who makes 3 errors in game….‪#‎WTF‬ #SFGiants

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If Bochy had resisted the urge to use DH, ‪#‎Madbum‬ would have been up in bottom of 4th with bases loaded instead of Blanco. ‪#‎SFGiants‬.

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Fortunately since he is not pitching Saturday Madison Bumgarner is available to pinch hit.

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‎RIP‬ ‪#‎DennisGreen‬. Stanford fans remember him for the important things – he went 3-0 in Big Games, and his 1990 team upset #1 Notre Dame.

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Many Americans are unaware that ‪#‎HillaryClinton‬ is a year younger than ‪#‎DonaldTrump‬. Maybe because she has an age appropriate spouse?

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Alas, it’s been almost 10 years since we lost the woman who really should have been commenting on Trump’s speech, but her comment on Pat Buchanan’s speech from 1992 will do just fine: “It probably sounded better in the original German.” ‪#‎MollyIvins‬

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But here’s the 2016 quote:  “I’m overjoyed to see Donald Trump and most Americans embrace most of the issues that I’ve championed for years. My slogan remains America first.” David Duke

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Yep, she’s the Donald’s daughter alright. After her speech last night, Ivanka Trump posted a tweet. About her policies, promises, politics.. ? Nope.
“Shop Ivanka’s look from her ‪#‎RNC‬ speech” with a link where to buy the dress at Macy’s.

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The dress ‪#‎IvankaTrump‬ wore for her speech last night, from her own clothing line, was made in China. ‪#‎MakeAmericaFakeAgain‬

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#‎IvankaTrump‬ did look pretty in dress at ‪#‎RNC‬ from her own clothing line Wonder if she looked like fairy princess to children who made it?

 

How often do I say this, but well played ‪#‎STLCards‬, well played! ‪#‎silverlining‬ in a tough week. 16 innings against ‪#‎Dodg-ers‬. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

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Knicks point guard Derrick Rose “With these teams right now, they’re saying us and Golden State are the super teams, and they’re trying not to build that many super teams.”
Uh, is Rose daring the NBA to drug test him?

 

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One of ‪#‎Trump‬‘s tweets last night – “This is a movement.” Yes, a bowel movement. ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

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So in all seriousness, we heard a lot last night about how much Trump’s employees adored him. But I’ve been in the travel industry a long time, never heard any of the love – have gotten things like this direct quote from an unidentified employee at an unidentified Trump hotel – back in 2012 -“Just so you know he does not own the hotel – we all hate his policies!!!!”

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And a contender for airline euphemism for the day, from Southwest. “We continue to manage through lingering disruptions following performance issues across multiple technology systems Wednesday,”
Translation, “We’re still cleaning up from our complete bleeping computer crash.”

Categories: airline jokes, baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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Not a dream

July 21, 2016

 

“I gratefully accept your nomination for President of United States”. So okay, who was holding out a shred of hope ‪#‎Trump‬ might say “Just kidding? ‪

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So regarding the hashtag ‪#‎TrumpIsWithYou‬. Can America get a restraining order?

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So somehow I missed the part about poor young American women having modeling jobs taken from them by immigrants. ‪#‎TrumpSpeech‬

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Just guessing during this campaign that ‪#‎Trump‬ is not going to be plagiarizing Teddy Roosevelt on that “speak softly” part. ‪

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If ‪#‎Trump‬ is half as wonderful a boss to little people as his daughter claims wonder why 1 or 2 of them aren’t speaking at ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ ?

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Tom Barrack, about Trump “You learn how to be a man by watching your father.” So does that mean Donald Jr, and Eric will soon be trading in their wives for younger models?

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“When you have my father in your corner you will never have to worry about being let down”. Unless you married him. ‪#‎Ivanka

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If America really wants an orange president is it too late to draft an oompa loompa? ‪

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If America was half as bad as ‪#‎Trump‬ is saying tonight why are all these immigrants trying to come here?

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Now I understand why ‪#‎Trump‬ is so orange. Because it makes it impossible to tell how red he is in the face.

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So wonder how many of those ‪#‎RNC‬ delegates who actually cheered Trump talking about ‪#‎LGBTQ‬ community knew he was talking about gay people?

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Trump Campaign chief Paul Manafort on sexism allegations, some women will vote Trump because their HUSBANDS “have trouble paying for family bills,”

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Wonder how many reasonable Republicans are wondering how quickly we could repeal the 22nd amendment? ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ ‪#‎Trump‬ ‪#‎Obama3rdterm‬

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Uh, does ‪#‎Trump‬ know that ‪#‎MikePence‬ did such a good job in Indiana that he might not have been re-elected this November?

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So ‪#‎Ivanka‬ takes about “affordable and accessible child care.” Uh, has she listened to her father about that wall? ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

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Is this what it felt like to be watching in early 1930s Germany? ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

 

#‎SFGiants‬ had night off. Fans who turned in to ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ discovered there are scarier things than Casilla coming in with a 1 run lead.

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To extend her 15 minutes, ‪#‎RielleHunter‬ brings 8-yr-old daughter w/ ‪#‎JohnEdwards‬ on ‪#‎GMA‬. Reminds us both ‪#‎Dems‬ & ‪#‎GOP‬ make bad VP choices.

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Rielle Hunter, John Edwards’ former mistress, has written a book children’s book, let their 8-yr-old daughter illustrate it, and has now given an interview with Good Morning America, along with the kid by her side, on what “great co-parents” she and her ex-lover are.
Uh, just thinking even a semi-great parent wouldn’t throw a poor little girl who was born into pretty embarrassing circumstances, into the public eye. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎cantfixnarcissisticeither‬.

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Many RNC delegates thought ‪#‎TedCruz‬ was condescending, and that’s before they had to look up “servile.” ‪#‎servilepuppydog‬ ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

 

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Now it looks like not only does Melania Trump not have a college degree in design and architecture as claimed, she may not even have attended university. So maybe she didn’t even learn there was a thing called “plagiarism.”

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Silly commotion over ‪#‎MegynKelly‬‘s top at ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ yesterday. Could have been worse, person in skimpy outfit could’ve been ‪#‎ChrisChristie‬

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Ted Cruz is being attacked by many at the RNC for saying last night to “vote your conscience.” For implying that most of them HAVE a conscience?

 

Reports are that the NBA is moving the 2017 All-Star game from Charlotte to New Orleans over North Carolina’s anti-LGBT law. And guessing players are thrilled over this display of progressive values- who wouldn’t prefer to spend the week in New Orleans?

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MLB commissioner Rob Manfred talked today about limiting the use of relievers “Our relief pitchers have become so dominate at the back end that they actually rob action out of the end of the game, the last few innings of the game.”
Uh, clearly Manfred hasn’t been staying up late enough to watch many SF Giants games.

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Today is ‪#‎NationalJunkFoodDay‬ Come on, this is America, EVERY day is National Junk Food Day.

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A new company has developed, “Modobag,” which they say is the world’s first rideable motorized luggage And you think travelers rushing through the airports while looking at their phones are a menace now

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Dreaming?

July 20, 2016

Right about now after the last week both the SF Giants and GOP have to be hoping to see Bobby come out of that shower.  #Dallas

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#‎SFGiants‬ have had the lead in exactly one inning since the All-Star break.

 

#‎SFGiants‬ feeling sorry for ‪#‎Dodgers‬ with ‪#‎Kershaw‬ potentially needing back surgery. Maybe they can ship ‪#‎Cain‬ to ‪#‎LA‬ as a replacement.

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#‎SFGiants‬ have had the lead in exactly one inning since the All-Star break.

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The Big 12 is thinking of expanding in football, from 10 teams to 12. Arithmetic, what a concept.

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Paul Ryan, at a meeting of the Texas GOP, talked about the football rivalries like A&M and Texas, “When one of the teams advances to a big bowl game or a national championship, don’t you root for the Aggies if you are a Longhorn?”
The speaker got booed. Good thing Ryan didn’t try that in the Florida delegation with the Gators and Seminoles. He might still be in intensive care.

 

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Paul Ryan also talked about Ohio State and Michigan rooting for each other in bowl games because they were in the same conference. Does the man realize that Ohio is in an open-carry state?

 

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Well, not sure what @realDonaldTrump might plagiarize on Thursday, but just guessing it won’t be Reagan’s “tear down that wall.” ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

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Reports are that John ‪#‎Kasich‬ turned down an offer to be “most powerful VP in history.” So was @HillaryClinton reaching across the aisle?

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So wait, if ‪#‎MeredithMcIver‬ wrote speech what about lie Melania told about writing it herself. ‪#‎IOYIYR‬ ‪#‎IOKIYT‬ (It’s OK if you’re Republican, or Trump.)

 

‪#‎MeredithMcIver‬ to take blame. Will Trump fire her? Not for plagiarizing but for saying for saying Melania always admired ‪#‎MichelleObama‬

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Donald Trump “Good news is Melania’s speech got more publicity than any in the history of politics especially if you believe that all press is good press!”
So how is the Donald going to start his speech Thursday? “Four score and seven years ago, all we had to fear was fear itself, but I have a HUGE dream that it’s time for Americans to ask what they can do for their country….”

 

After watching ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ a lot of people are thinking by comparison that ‪#‎OscarsNotSoWhite‬

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So, okay, I think I’ve got this straight: The GOP wants Loretta Lynch to be disqualified as U.S. Attorney General for prejudice after her meeting with Bill Clinton. But it’s okay for Chris Christie to have the role after saying Hillary should be locked up. ‪#‎SMH‬

 

N.H. GOP state rep and Trump advisor Al Baldasaro said Hillary Clinton “should be put in the firing line and shot for treason.” Uh, speaking of treason, doesn’t threatening a potential President fall into that category?

 

So @realDonaldTrump says ‪#‎TedCruz‬ didn’t “honor his pledge” And who should be more expert on not honoring pledges than man married 3 times.

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Not that I quote Caitlyn Jenner almost ever, but on the bathroom issue, she noted that former Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, former Mississippi Rep. Jon Hinson & former Florida state Rep. Bob Allen had all been arrested for “lewd behavior” in men’s restrooms,
“Maybe what we should do is ban Republican representatives at a state level from being in the men’s room.

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A Florida girl not chosen to be a cheerleader has threatened to sue if she isn’t named to the high school team. ‪#‎ifonlyshewerearmed‬

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Apparently many Twitter users were incensed that Megyn Kelly was wearing a spaghetti strap form-fitting top today to cover the RNC for Fox. Probably all Republicans. Democratic women would support Megyn’s right to dress as she pleases, and men would think the incident deserves a longer investigation.

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How often does @HillaryClinton applaud ‪#‎TedCruz‬? ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

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Did ‪#‎Trump‬ give ‪#‎TedCruz‬ an ‪#‎RNC‬ speaking slot because Cruz’s dad still might know some of those assassins? ‪#‎Fearfactor‬ ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

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‎MikePence‬, “I’m a Christian, a conservative and a Republican, in that order.” Just like it says in the U.S. Constitution…. ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ ‪#‎WTF‬?

Categories: baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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Running jokes?

July 19, 2016

Many in the California delegation at ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ have gotten norovirus. Talk about a sh*tty convention.

 

With many in California delegation felled by norovirus at ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ good thing they have TP.

 

If norovirus spreads throughout ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ guessing delegates will decide which gender sign is on NEAREST bathroom will not be a priority.

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Many in GOP loved ‪#‎MelaniaTrump‬‘s ‪#‎RNC‬ speech. African-Americans just sigh “Another white woman getting credit for a black woman’s work”

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Trump campaign on ‪#‎MalaniaTrump‬ ‪#‎speechgate‬ “When Hillary Clinton is threatened by a female, the first thing she does is try to destroy the person.” So “Blame Hillary.”
Congrats to all those who had “Tuesday morning in the pool.

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Paul Manafort, Trump’s new campaign manager “These were common words and values. To think that she would be cribbing Michelle Obama’s words is crazy.”
Uh, does Manafort think the American public is crazy?

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Question of the convention for Thursday night now, WWDP – “Who Will Donald plagiarize?” ‪#‎MakeAmericaDuplicateAgain‬.

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Trump seems obsessed with the idea of ‪#‎CrookedHillary‬..  Maybe Freud was right about projection. ‪#‎CrookedDonald‬ ‪#‎CrookedMelania‬?

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So why did ‪#‎KimberlinBrown‬ speak tonight? Was she turned down by ‪#‎DWTS‬? ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

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The founder of “American Muslims for Trump” delivered tonight’s ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ benediction. Founder and only member?

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Traffic over the Hudson is a “nightmare” after a construction crane on the Tappan Zee Bridge collapsed this morning. Hoping this wasn’t caused by a Chris Christie jumping up and down tantrum over not being named Trump’s running mate.

Chris Christie defending Melania Trump’s speech, said that 93%  of it was original.  So open note to students. Try this excuse next time you’re about to be tossed out of a class or flunked for plagiarism. I’m sure the teacher or professor will understand. ‪#‎SMH‬

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That’s it, next year the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ need to cancel ‪#‎AllStar‬ break for all players.  Simulated games every day to keep fresh.

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Who’d a thunk seven years ago that would be a lot more relevant on the than ?

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Clayton Kershaw apparently felt discomfort in his back after simulated start this weekend, and his return is uncertain. SFGiants fans wish him the best, maybe a relaxing vacation on a beach until sometime in November.

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This spring in talking before a small group of advisors, George W. Bush allegedly worried that he “would be the last Republican president.”
And somewhere Dick Cheney just giggled.

 

The NY Daily News is reporting that Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly and others are considering walking out if Roger Ailes leaves the network. Promise?

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What was real point of ‪#‎Trump‬‘s scripted ‪#‎RNC‬ convention tonight, that he chose ex-wives who at least did good job of raising his children?

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Donald Trump’s campaign will not fire anyone over ‪#‎Melaniasspeech‬. Translation, maybe Donald wrote it for her. ‪#‎speechgate‬

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RIP Garry Marshall, 81, who created “Happy Days”” and directed “Pretty Woman.” Let’s hope it wasn’t the reviews from “Mother’s Day ” that killed him.

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Trump goes after Bill over women when the Donald has had multiple affairs and marriages, he goes after Hillary for being crooked when he has had many of his own shady deals, and now it turns out after going after Biden for plagiarism, his wife Melania helps herself to Michelle’s speech.
Since Trump also seems obsessed with attacking Elizabeth Warren maybe time to check his family’s past resumes for requests for affirmation action?

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So here’s what I don’t get. Nothing against Melania who presumably didn’t figure on a presidential campaign in her “for better or worse” vows. Still how easy to come up with a semi-apology, saying either that she must have read Michelle’s speech or that was part of her speech where she had help, whatever. …
And then Melania could have added something gracious like “We have very different ideas about how this country should be run, but we both want the best for our children and for our country’s future.” .But would that have been too reasonable for today’s GOP?

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It must be Hillary’s fault

July 18, 2016

Now she’s rubbed off on the latest Mrs. Trump.   #plagiarism #crookedmelania?

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To be fair someone who’s repeated same marriage vows 3 times probably doesn’t have a real problem with plagiarism. ‪#‎Melania‬ ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

 

 

So which is better, admitting she lied about writing the speech, or admitting she plagiarized? ‪#‎CrookedMelania‬ ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬

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Before the plagiarism allegation popped up, that moment when a Presidential candidate’s third wife talks about how loyal he is. ‪#‎whythereisnosatire‬ ‪#‎MelaniaTrump‬ ‪#‎RNC2016‬

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#‎RNCinCLE‬ is so backwards we could be watching in black and white. Except that there is almost no black and too much white.

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So far ‪#‎Trump‬‘s ‪#‎RNCinCLE‬ is proving you can’t have a circus without elephants.

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Leborn James today officially told the Cavs that he is returning to Cleveland. But not presumably this week during the convention.

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#‎Melania‬ Trump, “Donald gets things done.” She should know; including the divorces from his first two wives.

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This Republican convention makes you long for the comparative sanity of ‪#‎TheBachelorette‬

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Another reason to dislike Trump in Northern California. By his VP choices he has sullied the name of the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ beloved right fielder. ‪#‎Pence‬

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The GOP managed to stop an attempted voice vote today over convention rules. The anti-Trump people clearly erred, they should have tied their protest to defunding Obamacare.

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Trump on Obama’s response to the latest police shootings: “sometimes the words are OK, but you just look at the body language, there’s something going on. Look, there’s something going on, and the words are not often OK, by the way.”
Again, this is the Donald trying to be in Presidential mode.

Although Trump does seem a bit obsessed with Obama’s body language. Maybe he’s getting old. Used to be the Donald only cared about body language in a swimsuit competition.

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Paul Ryan is being mocked for a large selfie with GOP interns that was whiter than a picture of polar bears in winter. Forget the open carry of guns, clearly some people cannot be trusted with selfie sticks.

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Christopher Correa, the former Cardinals scouting director, was sentenced to 46 months in prison Monday for hacking the Houston Astros’ player personnel database and email system. Correa was the only person charged in the case.
St. Louis chairman Bill DeWitt Jr, had said it was “roguish behavior” by a handful of individuals.
Didn’t they say the same thing at first about Watergate?

(and as a number of friends pointed out, 46 months is longer than some people get for rape and DUI murders in this country.  #priorities)

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In Chicopee, Massachusetts, a 15 year old boy was killed after, while looking for a friend in the afternoon, he knocked on the side door of the wrong house, and the homeowner shot him. ‪#‎ifonlytheboyhadbeenarmed‬

(and for the record, both the boy and the homeowner were white.)

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TC brings up the next worry facing Americans – and Canadians-  let’s hope Melania does not steal our jokes.

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Missed calls?

July 18, 2016

 

MLB’s Joe Torre sent a memo to managers and GMs telling them to stop arguing balls and strikes “This highly inappropriate conduct is detrimental to the game and must stop immediately.”
Uh, Joe, what about the “highly inappropriate conduct” of so many missed calls?

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Alphonse Taylor, Alabama’s starting right guard and a pre-season All-SEC pick was arrested for alleged DUI Sunday am. Well, no doubt Nick Saban will suspend him for at least a quarter of the season-opener, which is against…. USC.
Never mind, I am sure Saban will take care of matters internally.

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Two Florida teens were playing “Pokemon Go” in a car outside a house at 130am when the homeowner, hearing a noise, fired several shots at them. The kids were uninjured but found several bullet holes in the car in the morning. So what’s next for players, Pokeguns? ‪#‎ifonlytheywerearmed‬

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So when Scotland leaves after Brexit will it no longer be the British Open? ‪#‎TheOpen‬

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Although, seriously on a lighter note has there ever been a more riveting sports competition between two men over 40?  #Hoorayforoldfarts

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More sad news this morning, this time out of ‪#‎BatonRouge‬ . Seriously this ‪#‎goodguywithagun‬ idea is not working in the US.

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Trump today – “How many law enforcement and people have to die because of a lack of leadership in our country? We demand law and order.”
So if the Donald gets elected he’s just going to demand people stop shooting each other? If only there wasn’t that pesky 2nd amendment.

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The president of the Cleveland Police Patrolmen’s Association wants Gov. Kasich to temporarily suspend “open carry” for the sake of security during the RNC convention.
So where is Trump’s reply telling the police how much safer they will be with all those “good guys with guns?”

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Actor Antonio Sabàto Jr.will apparently now speak at the ‪#‎RNCConvention‬ for Trump. Even ‪#‎DWTS‬ is going, “who?”

 

So Mike Pence in a joint “60 Minutes” appearance with Donald Trump spent much of his time trying to explain the Donald’s positions in a more measured way. So will Pence be known as “The Trump Whisperer?”

–

 

 

 

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Not so friendly skies?

July 16, 2016

Michael Folk, a United pilot who serves in West Virginia House of Delegates tweeted: “@HillaryClinton You should be tried for treason, murder, and crimes against the US Constitution… then hung on the Mall in Washington, DC”
And here United thought their worst PR nightmare this week was a $2.25 million fine for creating a new flight just  for the head of the Newark airport agency.

 

Donald Trump unveiled a new “Trump Pence” logo where the T and P that looked they were “hugging” were removed. Was Trump afraid the logo wouldn’t be allowed in religious businesses in Indiana?

 

And in case anyone despaired of American ingenuity, well, there was the now deleted Trump-Pence logo, and then the “safer” version put out by Planned Parenthood:

pp.jpg

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Why Sarah Palin isn’t speaking at GOP convention next week. According to Trump “She was asked. It’s a little bit difficult because of where she is. We love Sarah. Little bit difficult because of, you know, it’s a long ways away.”
So Palin can see Russia from her house, but she can’t see her way to Cleveland?

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So many skipping ‪#‎RioOlympics‬. What a shame fans can’t watch world’s best golfers compete in international location ‪#‎sarcasm‬ ‪#‎BritishOpen‬

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Heard ‪#‎BritishOpen‬ commentator Saturday morning  describe ‪#‎PhilMickelson‬ in tough spot after tee-shot, “He’s going to have to hit the ball lefthanded

You can tell after ‪#‎AllStarGame‬ ‪#‎MLB‬ has reached serious part of TV season: Saturday game of the week & ESPN games both ‪#‎RedSox‬ ‪#‎Yankees‬

 

Here’s the thing with the ‪#‎RedSox‬ ‪#‎Yankees‬ TV saturation: Sure, they are big market teams with followings. But then it gets to the postseason and there are all these teams doing well that no one has seen, and then MLB wonders why ratings aren’t higher.

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Trump says running mate Mike Pence was his “first choice from the start.” And then the Donald wants us to believe Hillary is the dishonest candidate.

 

Trump introduced Mike Pence. touting the Indiana Gov’s supposed economic successes in Indiana. “This is the primary reason I wanted Mike — other than that he looks very good….”
So Pence is a consolation prize since Trump couldn’t pick his daughter?

 

Back to baseball detour:  Let’s put this in perspective. Santiago Casilla has blown 5 for an 80% save rate. There are only 8 closers who are having worse seasons by percentage, and only 7 by OBA. Time for a change? ‪#‎SFGIants‬.

 

The Cleveland Indians sacrificed a chicken to help catcher Yan Gomes out of a season long slump. It was, however, a chicken they bought at Target. So cancel the ‪#‎PETA‬ protests.

 

It’s been a rough year for Turkey, and the tourism industry is also now really suffering. Not sure what the country can do to entice visitors back – maybe they can quickly create a lot of Pokestops and gyms?

–

And maybe they could give free smart phones with PokemonGo to those on watch-lists. Can just see all these completely distracted would-be jihadists “Allahu Akbar…I just got to level 12….”

 

 

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Under pressure?

July 15, 2016

 

ESPN reports that the Yankees, at 44-44, are 38 losses away from their first under .500 season since 1992.
(No punchline, just with all the crap going on in the world I felt like sharing it.  And after tonight, 37.)

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Roger Goodell “I think all of us have evolved a little bit on the gambling. To me, where I cross the line is anything that can impact that integrity of the game.” “Integrity of the game?!” And Goodell said it with a straight face.

–

Our long national nightmare is over: Tom Brady has announced he will “no longer proceed with the legal process,” and serve his four-game Deflategate suspension.

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‎GOP‬ ‪#‎TrumpPence‬ ticket has ‪#‎TP‬ logo. If some creative ‪#‎Dem‬ isn’t selling bathroom tissue by Monday, will be very disappointed in America

New slogan for @HillaryClinton – “Clinton 2016, because TP will just take America down the toilet.”

–

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Will ‪#‎MikePence‬ support right of Indiana businesses not to display that tightly interwoven TP logo on religious freedom grounds? ‪#‎TrumpPence‬

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With Mick Jagger having another child at the age of 72, how long before some company comes up with a combo pack of father-baby diapers?

–

There has been an attempted military coup going on in Turkey and apparently at the moment “it is unclear who is in charge.”
Well, the same can often be said of Washington, D.C.

 

This is not a good weekend for Europe. But have to wonder, just how upset is Donald Trump that events have overtaken his VP selection for headline news?

 

–

Looking at the Emmy nominations makes me feel old- I remember when network shows actually got nominated.

–

So now we have this new summer “Black Friday” and all these announced sales? For what reason, because somehow Americans don’t have enough stuff? ‪#‎sarcasm‬

–

Newt Gingrich, in a last ditch attempt to overtake Mike Pence on the crazy train to be Trump’s running mate: We should “test every person here who is of a Muslim background, and if they believe in Sharia, they should be deported,”
Of course, those who are anti-minority, anti-gay and/or anti-women for “Western” reasons, well, not only should they not be deported but heaven forbid we stop them being armed.

 

 

Jeb Bush, in an op-ed today in the Washington Post said some in the GOP were “making us seem anti-immigrant, anti-woman, anti-science, anti-gay, anti-worker and anti-common-sense.”
SEEM????!

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Allons enfants de la patrie

July 15, 2016

Got busy and was late to post a ‪#‎BastilleDay‬ message. And then it was no longer a “Happy Bastille Day.” On the other hand, if terrorists take the joy from celebratory holidays then the bad guys have truly won. So, here’s an early wish – “Happy 2017 Bastille Day.”

 

It’s getting really tiring to say, if we stop laughing, the bad guys win. But here, on Bastille Day,  “Quand tu regarderas le ciel, la nuit, puisque j’habiterai dans l’une d’elles, puisque je rirai dans l’une d’elles, alors ce sera pour toi comme si riaient toutes les etoiles. Tu auras, toi, des etoiles qui savent rire.”  From Le Petit Prince, for Nice.

En Anglaise,  “The Little Prince,”  “In one of those stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night.”

Too many laughing stars tonight.

 

Forget wars & bombings, if we really want to stop ISIL introduce them to ‪#‎PokemonGo‬ They’ll be too distracted to plan any real damage.

 

–

Of course sports is insignificant compared to the killings in Nice. But it sure would be nice to have the distraction Thursday night  of a baseball game.

–

Some mixed stories about the robot at Stanford Shopping Center that allegedly ran over the foot of a small child. Including that the child may have gotten a bit away from his parents and approached the robot on his own.
Now, it’s too soon to know the exact details, and presumably there is surveillance video, but robots, dogs, fountains…. shouldn’t parents at the mall also be responsible enough to keep a close eye on their young children?

 

–

Tim Tebow posted tonight saying his appearance at the GOP National Convention is “just a rumor.” Maybe because WWJD means even Jesus would say “Are you nuts?”

–

List of speakers is out for the GOP convention. Even Dancing with the Stars ‪#‎DWTS‬ is thinking “Couldn’t they get any real celebrities?”

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Bill O’Reilly “I stand by Roger Ailes 100 percent,” saying he’s the “best boss” he’s ever had. Uh, yeah, well while I have never been an Ailes fan, pretty sure Roger never hit on O’Reilly.

–

The Log Cabin Republicans have complained that the GOP passed most anti-LGBT platform in history. Well, they should be just thrilled about Trump’s pick of Indiana Gov. Mike Pence, who originally signed into law one of the more anti-LGBT bills in recent history.

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Upscale cruise line Seabourn is collaborating with Molton Brown tor “Signature Scents” to remind “guests of the experience of their Seabourn cruise long after they’ve returned home – “Immersive Samphire & Eucalyptus, and “Inspiring Basil & Vetiver.”

Now that’s Seabourn. I shudder to think if Carnival Cruise Lines follows suit

 

 

Mick Jagger, 72, is reportedly expecting his eighth child, with current Melanie Hamrick, 29. Of course this time, late night feedings will be no problem. Jack Flash will be jumping up to pee.

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A solution to voter apathy?

July 13, 2016

So imagine what turnout could be in November if we put ‪#‎Pokestops‬ in voting booths. #‪#‎PokemonGO‬

 

At Stanford Shopping Center in California, a roving security robot allegedly ran over a toddler’s foot and knocked the child down. Was the robot texting at the time?

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So the MLB All-Star Game is over, and now we again realize that after a voting process many people didn’t take very seriously, the result actually counts. Sort of like the GOP primary.

 

Tim Duncan, in talking about his retirement from the NBA, said he could “probably still play, but “It wasn’t fun at times. And I always said when that point comes when it’s not fun anymore then I’m done.”
And many of the 76ers, Knicks and Kobe’s ex-teammates,  for starters,  said “You mean it’s supposed to be fun?”

–

NBA commissioner Adam Silver just said that Kevin Durant going to the Warriors is “not ideal from a league standpoint.” Well, I’m sure that makes the Lakers feel so much better about their 2011 vetoed trade for Chris Paul.

–

In Nashville, a man had his face covered with toilet paper while he robbed a store. Witnesses said he appeared a little flushed.

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The College Football Playoff is considering moving the semifinals from Dec. 31. “”We’re thinking about if New Year’s Eve is the way to go.”
Uh let’s see, last year’s Orange and Cotton Bowl semi-finals on Dec. 31 had 38.5 & 36.5 % drops in ratings from the year before. What was their first clue?

–

Interesting to see how many Republicans are upset by GInsburg’s anti-Trump comments and want her to recuse herself in cases going forward. Of course, these are the same people who wanted Scalia to recuse himself when his son was working for the firm George W. hired for Bush vs. Gore. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

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Forget what she thinks of Trump, now that the 2nd US Circuit Court has denied Tom Brady’s appeal, we really need to know what Supreme Court justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg thinks of the Patriots.

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Indiana Gov. Mike Pence is on Trump’s VP short list. Before anyone gets the sense that the Donald is considering getting off the crazy train, remember that in 2012 then congressman Pence likened the Supreme Court’s ruling upholding the Democratic health care law to 9-11.

 

As Trump decides on  his running mate, has anyone told Donald unlike marriage, he can’t just trade his choice in later on a younger model?

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Trump apparently will announce his VP pick Friday. “It’s a little bit like ‘The Apprentice,” said Newt Gingrich, “You find out sooner or later who the last one standing is.”
Forget “The Apprentice,” isn’t it more like ‘Last Comic Standing.”?

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The GOP is reportedly $6 million short of the $64 million fundraising goal they had for the convention next week in Cleveland. Can’t Trump get Mexico to pay for it?

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Another reason Tim Duncan might have waited until this week to retire – it was too late for him to have to been “honored” at the ESPYs.

 

 

But the best of the ESPYs, if that’s not an oxymoron, was a great speech, seriously, from Craig Sager, diagnosed with terminal leukemia, “I’ve run with the bulls in Pamplona. I’ve raced with Mario Andretti in Indianapolis. I have climbed the Great Wall of China. I have jumped out of aeroplanes over Kansas. I have wrestled gators in Florida. I have sailed the ocean with Ted Turner. I swam with the oceans in the Caribbean. And I have interviewed Gregg Popovich, mid-game, Spurs down seven..
If I have learned anything through all of this, it is that each and every day is a canvas waiting to be painted, an opportunity for love, for fun, for living, for learning.”

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Midsummer almost-classic?

July 12, 2016

Tonight was David Ortiz’s last All-Star game as Big Papi is retiring. The Red Sox slugger could become even more beloved if he takes Joe Buck with him.

 

NL loses ‪#‎AllStarGame‬ again, along with home field advantage for ‪#‎WorldSeries‬, after stranding 10. Clearly ‪#‎Madbum‬ should have pinch hit.

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Just thinking ‪#‎JohnnyCueto‬ may be regretting how well he bonded with his ‪#‎KCRoyals‬ teammates last year. ‪#‎AllStarGame‬

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Marlins pitcher Jose Fernandez said  tonight he’d groove fastballs to David Ortiz in All-Star Game because “I want to see him hit a home run.”
Well, not like the game means anything… other than home field advantage in the World Series. ‪#‎SMH‬

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Tim Duncan skipped his own retirement news conference today. But no doubt Kobe Bryant will soon call a press conference to discuss how it felt for him to play with Duncan.

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So now the Holocaust Museum in Washington D.C. has had to ask PokemonGO players to stop playing the game – in their museum. Maybe some of these idiots should be playing it instead in traffic.

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Another Tesla autopilot crash this weekend, this time nonfatal. The driver apparently reported that he did not have his hands on the wheel, and he did not hear warnings. But the car’s warnings are in English and he speaks Mandarin.
Beginning to think these cars should come with copies of the latest Darwin awards.

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The Black Panther Party says they are going to protest at the GOP convention, and “if it is an open state to carry we will exercise our Second Amendment rights because there are other groups threatening to be there that are threatening to do harm to us.”
Can’t wait for the NRA’s defense of gun rights on this one.

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#‎BernieSanders‬ today “I have come here today not to talk about the past…” Who wrote his speech, Mark McGwire?

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A man identified only as “John Doe 150” said when he was 14 he told Joe Paterno about abuse by Jerry Sandusky and that the Penn State coach responded “‘I don’t want to hear about any of that kind of stuff, I have a football season to worry about?'”
Would be less awful if that hasn’t been the response of big-time college football and the NFL to most off-field issues..

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Fox News has suspended Newt Gingrich’s contract. “Due to the intense media speculation about Gingrich’s potential selection as Donald Trump’s V.P candidate, we felt it best to half his contributor role on the network to avoid all conflicts of interest that may arise.”

But until now, Newt has been “fair and balanced?” ‪#‎SMH‬

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In Florida a woman was taken to the hospital for evaluation after she drove into a house and told police she was praying with her eyes closed. This is not I think what Carrie Underwood meant with ‪#‎Jesustakethewheel‬.

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#‎BernieSanders‬ didn’t exactly look thrilled to be on stage today with ‪#‎HillaryClinton‬ Maybe he and ‪#‎ChrisChristie‬ can form a support group.

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Donald Trump, upset about Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s negative comments about him, says she should leave the bench “as soon as possible.” Uh, if the Donald thinks Elizabeth Warren is aggravating wait until he starts really jousting with Notorious RBG. ‪#‎passthepopcorn‬

 

 

Donald Trump on RBG “I think it’s highly inappropriate that a United States Supreme Court judge gets involved in a political campaign, frankly.” Right, they should wait until after the vote and then determine the result.

 

 

 

During a memorial for the slain Dallas police offices, which was also attended by George W. and Laura Bush, President Obama stated at one point ‘We flood communities with so many guns that it is easier for a teenager to buy a Glock than to get his hands on a computer.’

Obama was criticized by many conservative for being political. But none of them said he was wrong.

(maybe the President should have said, any teenager with a gun who wants a computer could easily steal one?)

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Not with a bang nor a whimper

July 11, 2016

No farewell tour for Tim Duncan,  unless you say it was the same quiet tour he was on for almost two decades.

Of course unlike Kobe, Duncan figured his last season would extend beyond the regular season.

 

#‎TimDuncan‬ will be in Hall of Fame for many reasons. But this stat will probably never be matched again. He played 19 years, for ONE coach.

 

Draymond Green was arrested on assault charges in Michigan after what a police source called “basically an altercation between two guys.” And at this point, the Warriors and NBA have to be thinking “Well, at least it wasn’t a woman.”

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Congrats to ‪#‎JohnnyCueto‬ for being named NL All-Star game starting pitcher. Not a bad consolation prize for ‪#‎SFGiants‬ not getting Zack Greinke

 

You could have actually bet on the Home Run Derby winner tonight in Las Vegas. And if you seriously bet, and care, you just MIGHT have a gambling problem.

(But if you bet on Celebrity Softball you DEFINITELY have a problem.)

 

 

Ok, probably didn’t want to see him risk injury with 50 plus swings. But would have been fun to see a ‪#‎MadBum‬ cameo in ‪#‎HomeRunDerby‬

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San Diego Padres All-Star Wil Myers today told the media “East Coast Mexican food is better than West Coast Mexican food.” Has someone checked Myers for concussions?

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So many top ‪#‎NL‬ pitchers won’t be playing in this year’s All-Star game you’d almost think it was an Olympic event.

(or as my friend Steve L. says “or the GOP convention.)

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Jordan Spieth is the latest golfer to withdraw from the Olympics. If this keeps up maybe Tiger Woods should consider going to Rio – he could win by attrition.

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United flight from San Francisco to Frankfurt delayed almost two hours due to “catering difficulties.” Wouldn’t it have been faster to call Domino’s?

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Starbucks is giving all US store employees and managers at least a 5% raise this year, plus improved stock benefits. And soon no doubt a generous low-interest loan payment plan for their regular customers.

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#‎PokemonGO‬, the hottest new app in years, but it has security risks. As in players are likely to walk into trees. other people, & traffic.

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Donald Trump today called himself the “law and order candidate.” As in “I make my own laws and don’t follow orders.”

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GOP now pushing for a perjury probe against Hillary Clinton over her emails. Because of course they wanted the same probe with the Bush administration over those alleged WMDs. Oh, wait, never mind.

 

Got a free sample of Eye Repair Cream today, a solid white cream that claims to “reduce the look of dark circles and puffiness.” On the back – “For external use only.” ‪#‎beammeupScottietheresnointelligentlifeonthisplanet‬

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As ‪#‎BernieSanders‬ prepares to endorse ‪#‎HillaryClinton‬ anyone but me half expect him to say at the last minute “Just kidding”?

 

With joke writing, you never know in advance about getting material, except this week – when Donald Trump will announce his running mate

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Midseason form

July 10, 2016

Sophomore Georgia DE Jonathan Ledbetter was arrested for the 2nd time this year over alcohol, this time for a DUI, in March it was for a fake ID and underage possession.
Shame Ledbetter couldn’t have declared for this year’s draft, he sure seems NFL ready.

 

 

Donald Trump’s son says his dad is looking for a VP who is “immensely capable, immensely competent, garners respect … ” And Republicans are going…hmm, can we get someone like that at the top of the ticket?

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Texas Gov. Greg Abbott reportedly sustained “extensive second- and third-degree burns” on both legs below the knees and both feet.”” and may miss the GOP convention. Sounds painful, bul less so than showing up and pretending to support Trump.

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In Vacaville, California, an alleged drunk driver crashed into a house, then the homeowner went after the driver with a baseball bat. Both men were arrested. ‪#‎ifonlytheywerearmed‬.

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Rudy Giuliani said today that black children have “a 99% chance” of killing each other — so they shouldn’t worry so much about police brutality. Dear gawd. So can he go back to just talking about 9-11?

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Clayton Kershaw threw a light bullpen session today, but the Dodgers say he is not ready to return yet. San Francisco fans wish Kershaw the best, maybe he can pace himself, take care of his back, come back after the next series with the Giants?

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Meanwhile beginning to think @bcraw35 will be added to NL ‪#‎AllStar‬ team as soon as every other infielder is injured. ‪#‎SFGiants‬

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Retired general Michael Flynn, who’s been listed as a possible running mate for Donald Trump, today said about abortion – women “are the ones that have to make the decision” because they are the ones who have to “decide to bring up that child or not.”
Well, that’s one way to recuse yourself from consideration.

 

A group of South Carolina secessionists flew the Confederate flag for several hours at the statehouse today, saying the flag’s take down was the “greatest treason” in the state’s history. Uh…. right. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

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From TC  “Many top rated basketball players and golfers have decided not to participate in this year’s Olympics due to the Zika virus threat. “You know there are drugs available for that” said the Russian track and field team.

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A VERY few good men.

July 10, 2016

Caitlyn Jenner is going to Cleveland for the convention: “I want to support courageous Republicans who advocate for LGBT freedom.” Well, this should be a quick trip.

 

Yeah, all ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans figured going into the All-Star game they’d be getting big game winning hits from Green, Williamson and Tejada

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Javier Lopez fell out of the dugout today on his way to warm up. The SF Giants lefty was unhurt and retired the only batter he faced. Had it been Affeldt last year, Jeremy would have landed on the DL for three weeks.

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Golf has been absent from the Olympics for 112 years. Today, Dustin Johnson became the latest top golfer say he won’t play due to Zika worries. So would it hurt that much to make the absence 116 years? ‪#‎Tokyo2020‬

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#‎NottheOnion‬ Tubby Reddy, CEO of the South African Sports Confederation and Olympic Committee says of the 2020 Tokyo Games, if Oscar Pistorus “is out on parole, as it seems he will be before then, and qualifies for selection, then I don’t see how there can be a problem.”
An actual killer returning to sports? Isn’t that the NFL’s province?

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The NRA finally came out with a statement about the Dallas killings, expressing “deep anguish” and offering “deepest condolences” etc, but saying nothing about guns
What, no railing about gun-free zones? Or the usual ‪#‎ifonlytheywerearmed‬? Oh, wait….never mind.

Okay, anyone else feel ‪#‎UFC200‬ is the sports equivalent of ‪#‎GameofThrones‬ – one of those “important” things I care and know nothing about.

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In Aragon, a bullfighter has been gored to death during a tournament, which is supposedly the first fatality for the sport since 1987. Well, except for the bulls.

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6 more women are accusing ‪#‎RogerAiles‬ of sexual harassment. So it’s going to be another of those He said, she she she she said situations.

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So are they going to retitle the show ‪#‎FoxandFriendswithBenefits‬?

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Fox News anchor Greta Van Susteren is defending Roger Ailes, saying she’s even been alone with him and “nothing happened.” So maybe Greta’s just not his type?

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Mike Huckabee, criticizing President Obama “I think this is a time when real leaders bring people together, he doesn’t split them apart. He doesn’t need to inject the divisive arguments like gun control at a time of great grief for the nation. And he ought to do for us what Ronald Reagan did after the Challenger disaster.”

Because a sniper ambushing police is the same kind of tragedy as the shuttle blowing up. And I guess Huckabee forgot Reagan was for banning assault weapons. ‪#‎SMH‬

 

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s there really a reason to keep showing the picture of the Dallas police killer? ‪#‎enoughalready‬ ‪#‎justshowpicturesofthemenhekilled‬.

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Now much is being made of how the Dallas police killer sexually harassed at least one woman while he was in the military. Hmm. sexual harassment allegations as way to make it harder for men from getting guns….I could handle that. Not sure the NRA would agree.

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Over armed?

July 8, 2016

When we are still literally cleaning up the site of the last US mass shooting, in Orlando, and now there is another horrible one in Dallas, think it’s pretty safe to say this country has a gun problem.

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Sadly,  anyone but me in the “old enough/young enough” demographic to have (barely) remembered another terrible shooting day in Dallas?   And to have figured that would have been the only actual killing day the city was known for?

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On a lighter note, who knew Canada had professional tennis players? ‪#‎MilosRaonic‬ ‪#‎RogerFederer‬ ‪#‎Wimbledon‬

 

A Delta Air Lines flight carrying 130 passengers landed at the wrong airport in South Dakota last night. Shocking. There is more than one airport in South Dakota?

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Mets manager Terry Collins has replaced Madison Bumgarner, who is starting Sunday with Bartolo Colon on the All-Star team.
So did Collins pick Colon for his arm or his bat?

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Brandon Crawford may not be an All-Star. But he just showed Dbacks why you don’t throw at Buster Posey. Twice. ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎byebyebaby‬

(for non-baseball fans, Crawford hit a home run, after the “incident.”)

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The A’s Coco Crisp was suspended one game for tossing his bat in the direction of the home plate umpire last night, and he’s not appealing: “You never want to make contact with the umpire..It came too close. I deserved it.” Responsibility, what a concept.

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A fan climbing on the bleachers at Wrigley Field during a rain delay was taken to the hospital last night when he fell and landed on the warning track. His condition and name are unknown. But I might hazard a guess as to whether alcohol was involved. ‪#‎Darwin‬

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Taj Hotels are advertising free wifi on up to four devices. Scary thing is that there are travelers who probably think that isn’t enough.

follow up joke from my funny friend Alex Kaseberg. “Taj Hotels are advertising free wifi on up to four devices. Scary thing is that there are travelers who probably think that isn’t enough.”

 

 

So whatever “side” you’re on, not exactly fair to claim that killers of other races, political persuasion or religion are inflamed by angry rhetoric, but killers of your own demographic are mentally ill.

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Corey Stewart, Donald Trump’s Virginia campaign chairman, and a GOP gubernatorial candidate “Liberal politicians who label police as racists — specifically Hillary Clinton and Virginia Lt. Governor Ralph Northam — are to blame for essentially encouraging the murder of these police officers tonight.”
But of course Trump’s rhetoric doesn’t encourage anyone to do bad things. ‪#‎sarcasm‬

 

Apparently the single winning ticket for the $450 million Mega Millions jackpot tonight was sold in Indiana. No word on the lucky guy or gal, who presumably will be using the winnings to move out of Indiana.

 

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Newt Gingrich tonight to CNN: “It took me a long time, and a number of people talking to me through the years to get a sense of this, if you are a normal white American, the truth is you don’t understand being black in America.”
So is this Newt’s way of taking himself out of Trump’s potential VP consideration?

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Donald Trump said today our nation has become too divided.” Waiting for tomorrow’s speech when he returns to attacking the media, liberals, immigrants, Muslims, etc. and insulting anyone else who doesn’t agree with him.

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As scary as Donald Trump is, some of the comments on his FB page are much worse: Many blame ALL of the killings on President Obama., some even saying Dallas was orchestrated by the CIA or the administration or liberals to stir up unrest and/or impose martial law.
John McCain had a great moment in his campaign where he corrected a woman who went over the edge on Obama. Guessing we can wait a long while before the Donald might do that with some of his followers.

 

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Enough already

July 7, 2016

Most people are good, most police are good.  Guns make it too easy for the assholes.

 

dallas

(picture taken earlier tonight during the protest.)

 

It really is awful news out of ‪#‎Dallas‬. Not even sure what questions to ask. But more and bigger guns are NOT the answer.

 

 

So every time we see a terrorist attack anywhere around the world many want to make America a lot less of a free country. And yet, when we have shootings, even mass shootings, here at home, those same people wouldn’t dream of making it even a little harder to get guns.

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Not that the jokes are more important, but laughter does beat crying….So back to the attempts at humor:

 

#‎KevinDurant‬ on meeting ‪#‎Warriors‬ “It was organic. It was authentic.” Is ‪#‎KD‬ talking basketball or becoming a spokesman for ‪#‎WholeFoods‬?

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Lots of emails from the SF Giants about voting often for Brandon Belt for the All-Star Team, and no doubt other teams are doing the same for their players. So here we have a game that “counts” for home field advantage during the World Series, and the teams are partly filled by good old-fashioned ballot box stuffing. God Bless America.

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Johnny Cueto leads ‪#‎MLB‬ in complete games. ‪#‎Cueto‬ has had an up-close view of the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ bullpen this season. ‪#‎coincidence‬?

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Matt Harvey, 4-10 with a 4.86 ERA, is considering season-ending surgery. Of course, the way he’s been pitching, his season as a Mets starter could be ending soon anyway.

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Cardinals placed Matt Carpenter on 15-day disabled list with a right oblique strain. Starting to feel old, I remember before players had obliques.

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Amazing, the same House that couldn’t find time for votes on gun control can find time for hearings on Hillary Clinton’s emails. I sure hope this doesn’t distract them from their important business of trying to repeal Obamacare again.

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Bernie Sanders is reportedly going to endorse Hillary Clinton next Tuesday. Waiting for some of his supporters to claim the endorsement was rigged.

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Tom Brady has just declined Donald Trump’s invitation to speak at the GOP convention. Did someone inform the Patriots QB that Democrats and moderates buy his jerseys too?

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Bill O’Reilly showed old pictures yesterday of Barack Obama at a Muslim wedding, as some sort of proof of the President’s real identity. So when will O’Reilly start in with these GOP candidates who insist, despite their voting records, that they are not homophobic because they have attended a gay wedding?

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Hillary Clinton is a long way from perfect. But just guessing, if she had used a government server for her email Republicans would now be after her claiming she had illegally sent personal or campaign emails with the account, or something. Because when it comes to the GOP and Hillary, as Roseanne Rosannadanna said “It’s always something.”

 

Hardest thing about writing ‪#‎DonaldTrump‬ posts, having to double check all his statements to make sure they’re ‪#‎NottheOnion‬

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Ted Cruz announced he has accepted Donald Trump’s invitation to speak at the GOP convention. Guess the Donald figured he didn’t have time to start a reality show to find speakers?

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Britain’s Conservative Party chose Theresa May and Andrea Leadsom as the final two candidates in the race to succeed David Cameron, meaning the next Prime Minister WILL be a woman.
So shall we start a pool in how long it takes Trump to insult one or both of them?

 

‪#‎Trump‬ leaning towards ‪#‎Gingrich‬ as his V.P. choice? So six wives worked for Henry VIII, the Donald thinks it will work for his ticket?

 

 

 

Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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Leaving on a private jet plane?

July 6, 2016

Oklahoma City Mayor Mick Cornett, on Durant’s departure “We’re stunned…. We’ve been spurned by someone we cared deeply about.” “Tell us about it,” said every basketball fan in Seattle.

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What’s more surprising at this point? That the SF Giants at 54-33 have the best record in MLB? Or that they have done it while blowing 17 saves.

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Charles Barkley is now saying that Kevin Durant is jumping on the Golden State “gravy train” to win a ring. Hmm, so did the Warriors turn down Sir Charles’ offer to ride their bench to get himself a title?

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This upcoming Summer Olympics has an official bug spray company. (OFF) Which kind of tells you all you need to know about Rio now.

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Ashley Madison has now admitted that some women on its site were actually virtual computer programs. Who’d a thunk it – a website designed for cheaters, was operated by cheaters.

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Bernie Sanders in a meeting with House Democrats today allegedly said “the goal is not to win elections.” Even Dennis Kucinich is thinking this guy may not quite be in touch with reality.

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Ben Carson tweeted “Social media provides a great platform for discourse, but we must be careful with the messages we send out.” Yep, someone’s definitely not on Trump’s VP list….

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Tennessee Sen. Bob Corker took himself off Trump’s VP short list today. This is like “the Bachelor-Bachelorette”, but with many of the contestants just saying no to the rose.

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Former Fox News host Gretchen Carlson is suing Roger Ailes for sexual harassment. So how long until they make fun of her on Fox and Friends

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In the UK they have spent 7 years and millions of pounds on the “Chilcot” report, probing the reasons that Britain joined the US in the Iraq war. The 2.6 million word report found that Tony Blair used “exaggerated” evidence to convince the British public that Saddam Hussein had WMDs, evidence that was “presented with a certainty that was not justified.”
But of course none of this is an important as Hillary’s emails.

 

Hour long delay for thousands of passengers on trains in and out of San Francisco due to moron in car trying to beat train across tracks.  He lost. But only damaged car. Alas, no Darwin.

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Bob Corker, who still supports Trump but withdrew from V.P consideration “His best running mate, by the way, would be Ivanka.”
So is it required for a Trump supporter to be creepy?

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You really cannot make this “stuff” up. Paul Ryan says Hillary Clinton was “reckless” in handling classified materials, so she should be denied access to classified materials during the general election.
Right, as opposed to the completely un-reckless GOP nominee?

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From Bill Littlejohn “With the signing of Kevin Durant, the Warriors have more expectations than anything outside of a fertility clinic..”

Categories: baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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USA, USA, USA!

July 4, 2016

Joey Chestnut won the Nathan’s contest with a record of 70 hot dogs today. Who says we need to “Make America Great” again? We still rule in our national sport – eating.

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Kevin Durant’s statement says he is “moving out of my comfort zone to a new city and community which offers the greatest potential for my contribution and personal growth.” Because, gosh, without me the franchise hasn’t won a title in 13 months.

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If ‪#‎Warriors‬ fans are the happiest in the NBA, old Seattle Sonics fans are close behind. ‪#‎Durant‬

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Convenient for Kevin Durant that he announced his decision to leave the Thunder on July 4. Instead of just burning his jerseys folks in Oklahoma City can just tie them to fireworks and blow them up.

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Stephen A. Smith was so upset about ‪#‎KevinDurant‬ signing with the ‪#‎Warriors‬ you almost wonder if he had $$$ on the ‪#‎Cavs‬ to repeat?

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So is the over-under for projected ‪#‎Warriors‬ wins in 2016-7 now somewhere around 77? ‪#‎Durant‬

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Ryan Braun was called out for batting out of order today after Milwaukee manager Craig Counsell submitted an incorrect lineup card. And things for the Brewers this year have otherwise gone so well. ‪#‎sarcasm‬ ‪#‎howhardisittocounttonine‬?

 

 

Pau Gasol, 36, is signing with ‪#‎SanAntonio‬ Part of the ‪#‎Spurs‬ youth movement?

 

Worst thing about 2 1/2 hour rain delay in Cleveland & game starting at 930pm? It  was postgame ‪#‎FourthofJuly‬ fireworks.

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Seems just a little weird to get Happy ‪#‎FourthofJuly‬ message from hotel in London. Maybe watching our election they’re glad to be rid of us.

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Nigel Farage, who as head of UKIP fought hard for Brexit, and who has been accused of racism and xenophobia, especially with anti-EU ads, announced today he would step down: “I’ve done my bit” to get Britain out of the European Union.
Another who doesn’t want to follow the rule – “You break it, you buy it.”

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CNN headline “Trump and Clinton to announce VP picks soon.”. Well, considering both conventions are in a few weeks, that seems like a good bet.

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Donald Trump tweeted: “The only people who are not interested in being the V.P. pick are the people who have not been asked!” Wouldn’t it have been more accurate to say “I’ve only asked the only people who were interested?” (Both of them?)

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Trump said yesterday that speaking slots for the upcoming GOP convention in Cleveland are “totally filled,” and there’s a “long” waiting list of more speakers. Hmm, did the Donald go through a list of Bachelor/Bachelorette/Apprentice and other reality TV show applicants?

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