Posted tagged ‘Janice Hough’
September 29, 2016
In New York tonight before the game with the Red Sox the Yankees announced that they “would like to put the rivalry aside for a few minutes and honor David Ortiz.” A nice gesture, even if what they are really honoring is Big Papi’s decision to retire.
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Forget Tim Tebow, the guy who may have a real future in baseball is John Kilichowski. a minor league pitcher from Vanderbilt who gave up Tebow’s first AB home run – this was his tweet: “I thought we agreed you were taking first pitch @TimTebow”
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Knott’s Berry Farm and California’s Great America pulled the plug on their new FearVR experience. The attraction had people wear virtual reality googles that made them feel like they were in a mental hospital along with a dangerous fellow patient.
The real question – who thought this was a good idea???
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Alabama senior LB Tim Williams, a top draft prospect who has started every game, was arrested this morning for allegedly carrying a pistol without a permit. What a shame this didn’t happen last week, so Nick Saban could have suspended Williams for the first half of the Kent State game.
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USA Today has never endorsed a candidate for President in their history. Today they wrote an editorial “Don’t vote for Trump.” So let’s see, the Donald will be revoking their press credentials for his events in 3.2.1….
So is #GaryJohnson trying to prove he’s the reincarnation of Admiral Stockdale running for President?
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At the University of Missouri, the Delta Upsilon frat has been suspended after individuals inside their house were allegedly shouting out the windows at members of the Legion of Black Collegians” with taunts, obscenities and racial slurs.
Once again, in the U.S. people are free to think bigoted thoughts, but how could they be so clueless these days to think publicizing it was a good idea. #educationmightfixsomeprejudices but #cantfixstupid
Clearly election is over w/ news that Bill & Hillary after they left the White House spent money to set up illegal business in #Cuba. Oh wait, never mind.
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Sad story from New Jersey with the train crash. Officials say “after an initial evaluation of the scene, it appears that the event may have been accidental and not related to terrorism.”
Reminding us again, that as much as we fear terrorists sometimes, our real risks are more often mundane things like infrastructure failure and human error.
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Hillary Clinton tweeted out a sympathy message to those affected by the New Jersey train crash this morning, Donald Trump followed about an hour later. Was that how long it took for him to decide it wasn’t terrorism
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Last night in Iowa, Donald Trump “Raise your hand if you’re not a Christian conservative. I want to see this, right? Oh there’s a a couple people, that’s all right. I think we’ll keep them, right? Should we keep them in the room, yes? I think so.”
New hashtag #ifyouarenotscaredyouarenotpayingattention
Rumors are that #DonaldTrump might ask #ChrisChristie to help him before the 2nd debate. So are there bridges to be closed in St. Louis?
Trump campaign manager KellyAnne Conway complained to Megyn Kelly that Hillary Clinton was targeting Trump with negative ads and using comments he made about women ‘25 years ago’.
But of course it’s perfectly acceptable for Trump to talk about Bill Clinton’s behavior with women 25-35 years ago.
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Alex Kaseberg, after New Englands QB Tom Brady was spotted sunbathing nude in Italy with Giselle while serving his Deflategate suspension: “In a related story, players all over the league began deflating footballs.”
From T.C. “The Donald says that he won the debate on Monday night. That coincides with the Falcons and Saints claiming that “Defense” was the difference on their football game.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Alabama jokes, amusement park jokes, Cuba jokes, gary johnson jokes, Janice Hough, ortz jokes, Tebow jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 23, 2016
Whatever you think of Wild Cards in #MLB, without them there might not be a single game that would matter for last week of the season.
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Okay, the #SFGiants have about 100 pitchers in their bullpen and in a one-run game in the 5th they turn it over to Matt Reynolds? #WTF?
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New England QB Jacoby Brissett has a thumb injury. Gosh, hope the #Patriots have someone in mind as a long-term possible replacement.
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The Raiders’ Marquette King was fined over $18K for horse collar tackle last week. King is the team’s PUNTER. Wonder if he’s going to frame the NFL fine notice?
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#KevinGarnett announced his retirement today. “The first time is the hardest” said Brett Favre.
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Colin Kaepernick is on the cover of Time Magazine. Whatever you think of his protest nice to see an NFL player getting this much off-field media attention without his own arrest being involved.
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Backup Seattle catcher Steve Clevenger has been suspended for tweeting about Charlotte: “BLM is pathetic once again! Obama you are pathetic! Everyone involved should be behind bars like animals!”
Clevenger has apologized and said he is not racist. But have to think the Mariners suspended him not just for racism but stupidity.
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The Ohio county chair for Donald Trump’s who said “I don’t think there was any racism until Obama got elected” has resigned. Wonder if she’s already gotten a job offer from Fox News?
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Does the #Patriots 3-0 start officially eliminate #TomBrady from this year’s NFL MVP competition?
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So Ted Cruz has now endorsed Donald Trump and Kim Kardashian says after a long talk with Caitlyn that she’s on the fence. #Wearegoingtoneedabiggerbasket
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#TedCruz thought that Americans would elect him to stand up to our enemies? In the end, he couldn’t even stand up to #Trump
Bruce Springsteen called Donald Trump “a moron.” Chris Christie hasn’t felt so conflicted since he had to choose between the last two doughnuts on a plate.
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#Trump tweeted out today “This is more than a campaign- it is a movement.” Uh, yeah, he left out a word – bowel.
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A thought about tweets that get people in trouble. Yes, I get that it’s hard to say exactly what you mean in 140 characters. But if you’re a public figure without the gift of being succinct, maybe stick to Facebook?
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#DonaldTrump called #TedCruz “the worst liar he’s ever known.” #Cruz called #Trump a “pathological liar.” Credit where credit is due.
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To put this in sports terms, this is like them deciding to root for the Browns over the Bengals:
“The Cincinnati Enquirer has supported Republicans for president for almost a century — a tradition this editorial board doesn’t take lightly. But this is not a traditional race, and these are not traditional times.
Our country needs calm, thoughtful leadership to deal with the challenges we face at home and abroad. We need a leader who will bring out the best in all Americans, not the worst.
That’s why there is only one choice when we elect a president in November: Hillary Clinton.”
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Here we go again. Another mass shooting, this time at a mall in the state of Washington. The alleged suspect is a reportedly a Hispanic male. So if true he’s mentally ill, not a terrorist. Unless he is an immigrant….. Sigh.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Brady jokes, Cruz jokes, garnett jokes, Janice Hough, Patriots jokes, Raider jokes, Trump jokes, wild card jokes
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September 22, 2016
Phillies came from behind and took two-run leads into the bottom of the 9th and the bottom of the 11th against the Mets. They blew both leads and lost 9-8. So were the Phils trying to get the Philadelphia fans in an early booing holiday spirit by the relievers playing Santa Claus?
Talking about the #SFGiants needing to find their mojo. Anyway just for a few weeks to lure former third base coach @TimFlannery2 out of retirement?
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The Panthers and VIkings plan still to play this weekend in Charlotte, despite the protests. Panthers LB Thomas Davis: “I look at football as a way to bring people together…I hope people know that violence is not the answer.” Well, off-field violence anyway.
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Hear that the Baltimore Orioles are unhappy with average attendance of 19,422 fans in two games against the Boston Red Sox. And the Tampa Bay Rays are thinking “what, did those crowds overwhelm the concessions?”
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San Francisco streets were shut for hours this morning over a “suspicious” object that turned out to be an abandoned empty rice cooker. #fearitselfiswinning
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Open note to Americans thinking of dropping off their old crockpots, rice or pressure cookers at Goodwill, maybe now is not the best time.
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And while we debate ways to keep America safer, a 24 year-old U of Iowa student, Megan Sloss, was fatally shot this weekend. By her older brother, who police say was showing her how to clean a gun when it accidentally discharged. #ifonlyshewasarmed
#MarissaMayer knew for some time about a about a 2 yr-old data breach affecting 500 million #Yahoo users. And she’s probably be terminated soon and get a $44 million severance package . What’s next, running for office on her record of corporate experience?
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Wonder how many #Yahoo users today are changing their passwords to “YahooSucks?”
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In his first speech to the UN this week, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau talked about politicians exploiting anxiety. but in Canadia, “by appealing to people’s better angels, by drawing people together rather than stoking fears and anxieties, we were actually able to create a government that is focused on strengthening the middle class, to allay those fears and anxieties and demonstrate a positive engagement with the world.”
Waiting for Trump to demand a wall on our Northern border, and saying Canada will pay for it.
More Justin Trudeau “The point that is so important to emphasize is that what we found in Canada was that people are better than divisive politicians think they are.”
Your move, America.
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Remember when Monday Night Football was a big deal? Now we have Thursday night, along with the weekend. Who’s going to be first with Tuesday or Wednesday Night Football?
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Donald Rumsfeld, 84, says of George H.W. Bush, 92, backing Clinton “He’s up in years.” So what is any serious former defense secretary’s excuse for backing Trump?
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Kathy Miller, one of Donald Trump’s Ohio campaign chairs, in an interview with the Guardian, “If you’re black and you haven’t been successful in the last 50 years, it’s your own fault. You’ve had every opportunity, it was given to you…I don’t think there was any racism until Obama got elected.”
#wearegoingtoneedabiggerbasket
Regarding Hillary Clinton on “Between Two Ferns,” I thought she did a good job. Hillary was never going to be the cool mom down drinking with your friends in the basement. But she was going to be the mom who cleaned up the mess and made sure no one ended up in the hospital or arrested.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Orioles jokes, pressure cooker jokes, Trump jokes, Yahoo jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 21, 2016
So Colin Kaepernick was just voted the most disliked player in the NFL. Because kneeling during the National Anthem is so much worse than assault, domestic violence, rape….
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Miami Dolphins safety Michael Thomas, who has been kneeling during the national anthem for the first two games of the NFL season, says he has been receiving death threats via social media. Okay, outrage and upset I get, but death threats? Seems like some Americans are bent on proving his and Kaepernick’s etc. point.
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On a brighter note for #SFGiants fans, tonight’s 9-3 loss to the Dodgers wasn’t a heart-breaking 9th inning.
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Interesting for SF Giants fans. If it comes down to the last day of the season and Giants are tied with the Cardinals – look at the expected pitching match-up for St. Louis and Pittsburgh:
Cards: Weaver (1-4) Pirates: Vogelsong (3-5)
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Story today in the SF Chronicle that BART’s fare machines are running on Windows 2000, 17 year-old software. By airline standards, cutting-edge technology.
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In Norway, 126 owners of Tesla Model S P85D are suing the company, saying their cars’ with “insane mode” acceleration only reached 496 horsepower instead of a pledged 700.
So too soon to start a pool on how many of those 126 drivers will end up getting Darwin awards?
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The FBI has released pictures of the two men who allegedly stole a suitcase in NY last Saturday night, dumping and disabling the bomb in side. The bureau says they want to talk to them. Maybe the guys could help start a new division for Homeland Security “Hertz Rent-A-Thief?”
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Imagine @RealDonaldTrump’s response if #DonKing was supporting and had introduced @HillaryClinton
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So if we’re worried about dangerous Skittles can we start a petition to take the orange ones out?
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Former Trump campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, who was fired in June, now works for CNN as an on-air political contributor. But Trump paid him $20,000 in both July and August. A Trump spokeswoman called “monthly severance” and in no way a conflict of interest.
And I am sure the Donald would be just as understanding if Hillary were paying a former staff now working for the national media.
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So Jimmy Fallon may have rolled over for the Donald. But kudos to Seth Meyers: “You don’t get to peddle racist rhetoric for five years and decide when it’s over. The bottom line is this, Trump built his career on a racist lie because he’s a racist and a liar, and instead of denouncing that lie, the GOP doubled down on it completely.”
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From T.C. “Colin Kaepernick says he is protesting for all the black people that are subjected to oppression and abuse on a weekly basis. What about all the white people who have 49ers seasons tickets?”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: don king jokes, football jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, tesla jokes, Trump jokes
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September 20, 2016
Angelina Jolie has filed for divorce from Brad Pitt. Waiting for Trump to blame it on a Clinton plot to take him out of the headlines.
Can we blame the #Brangelina breakup on gay marriage?
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So what time is the party at #JenniferAnniston‘s house?
Since I’ve been talking about definition of insanity, guess I must ask myself, what is being an #SFGiants fan this September still watching the 9th inning?
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Tim Tebow apparently hit a home run in minor league BP. The question is, can he pitch? #SFGiants are desperate enough in 9th inning they might want someone with God on his side.
The Lakers have 500 to 1 odds to win their NBA division. Amazing. So wonder how much those odds got lowered by Vegas’s proximity to Los Angeles?
Some question why since the FBI looked into the alleged NYC bomber 2 years ago they didn’t figure out he might be a terrorist. The more that comes out about why and how much the plot failed, maybe they figured the guy was too STUPID to be a terrorist.
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The Washington Post is reporting that Donald Trump spent more than $250,000 from his foundation to settle lawsuits involving his businesses. I am sure this is somehow Hillary Clinton’s fault.
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One of today’s tweets. Once again, how Presidential of him. @realDonaldTrump – “Do people notice Hillary is copying my airplane rallies – she puts the plane behind her like I have been doing from the beginning.”
Trump taunted Hillary today on Twitter because Clinton had no public events scheduled: “Hillary Clinton is taking the day off again, she needs the rest. Sleep well Hillary — see you at the debate!”
Of course if Hillary were campaigning nonstop this week he’d taunt her with something about either not listening to her doctors or having faked pneumonia. #bewarethenastyOrangeSkittle
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Another Trump tweet “Once again someone we were told is ok turns out to be a terrorist who wants to destroy our country & its people- how did he get thru system?” – Uh, alleged bomber Rahami moved here when he was seven years old.
And if we are talking system failures how did the Charleston and Sandy Hook killers get guns? For starters.
Donald Trump is already complaining about, the moderator of the 1st Presidential debate, By the way, “Lester (Holt) is a Democrat They’re all Democrats.”
Time magazine looked at NY voter registration, and Holt has been a registered Republican since 2003.
#Whyconfuseagoodstrategywiththefacts?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: angelina jolie jokes, brad pitt jokes, brangelina, brangelina jokes, Janice Hough, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes, Twitter jokes
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September 19, 2016
The NY Mets have started selling Tim Tebow #15 jerseys. Well, as if anyone wondered what $ome of the rea$on$ are that the Met$ $igned him?
Number of times #SFGiants have lost w/ lead in 9th- 9. Number of times #SFGiants have won when trailing in 9th- 0. #2016seasoninanutshell
Shame of it all, tonight’s blown save wasted a great pitching performance from #Madbum, not to mention a run scored on an infield hit, stolen base, error & wild pitch. #SFGiants offensive explosion!
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A #LADodgers fan friend asked me who I thought was the #SFGiants MVP. Told him the #Dodgers MVP should be #Casilla. (or maybe they should just vote a playoff share to the entire bullpen?”)
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Apparently a second bomb didn’t go off in Manhattan because thieves stole the suitcase in which it was placed, and accidentally disabled the device. #GodBlessNewYorkers.
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Washington coach Jay Gruden “We have total faith that Kirk (Cousins) will get it done, and he will get it done.” Translation, we haven’t found a team willing to trade us any better option.
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Donald Trump, whose arm must be really tired for all the pats he gives himself on the back, boasted “I should be a newscaster because I called it (the NY explosion being a bomb) before the news.”
Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement in this country? I would be just fine with Trump being a newscaster, after Nov. 8. When he has nothing better to do.
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As of today, Ivanka Trump is getting Secret Service protection. Wait. What? Why would the Donald risk his precious daughter?. Because surely Trump’s own personal security staff is the greatest, bestest security ever.
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It’s a free country. So while Colin Kaepernick has a right to protest, Americans have a right to be upset at him. But I hope some of those same Americans are also upset about Terence Crutcher
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Would @realDonaldTrump explain how profiling all #Muslims helps w/ millions of law-abiding Muslims who now do assist and support police?
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Now, who the heck knows what really turns someone into a potential terrorist. But the family of alleged NY bombing suspect Ahmad Rahami had sued the city of Elizabeth, NJ, arguing that they were targeted by the city, police and their neighbors because they were Muslim.
Not that Trump’s plan to get police to profile all Muslims will make anyone else angry….
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NY GOP Rep. Lee Zeldin today, after Ahmad Rahami’s arrest today, tweeted out “Suspect in custody. You are welcome Colin Kaepernick” #WTF? Is Zeldin angling for a job in a potential Trump administration?
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Reports from Politico & the Guardian are that George H.W. Bush told Kathleen Kennedy Townsend he’s “voting for Hillary.” Looks like the really smart Bush was always Poppy.
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Note to Donald Trump, now THIS is a Presidential response: “I think it is important to remember what terrorists and violent extremists are trying to do. They are trying to hurt innocent people, but they also want to inspire fear in all of us, and disrupt the way we live to undermine our values “We all have a role to play as citizens in making sure that we don’t succumb to that fear. And there is no better example of that than the people of New York and New Jersey.”
Folks around here, you know, they don’t get scared. They are tough, they are resilient, they go about their business every single day. And that kind of toughness and resoluteness and a recognition that neither individuals nor organizations like ISIL can ultimately undermine our way of life, that’s the kind of strength that makes me so proud to be an American.” #DamnIwillmissObama
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Mets jokes, New York jokes, rahami jokes, Trump jokes
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September 18, 2016
Inspired by an anonymous friend. Several people were trapped last night in an Outback Steakhouse after the Chelsea explosion. Must have been horrifying. Almost as horrifying as being in New York City and choosing to eat at Outback Steakhouse.
Washington CB Josh Norman was upset after being drug tested after today’s loss to Dallas. He has a point, who would ever think based on the Redskins’ play that they use PEDs?
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Well, at least the #SFGiants didn’t have another blown save today. #smallmercies
Roger Goodell today “As I’ve said before, I truly respect our players wanting to speak out and change the community. We don’t live in a perfect society. We want them to use that voice.”
So does the NFL actually have a conscience? Or is Goodell counting $$$ from extra Kaepernick jersey sales?
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ESPN reporting that that the NFL is admitting to 16 missed calls against the Jaguars in their loss against the Packers last week. 16? You’d think if the league have time and money to do that much analysis, they’d have time and money for full time officials.
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New Orleans Saints have lost two games by a total of 4 points. Three words. “Moral victories suck.”
If the #SFGiants just miss the playoffs will the video of the 2016 season be titled “Groundhog Day?” #Casilla #Bochy
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Another piece of my childhood gone. So, long, Farewell. Charmian Carr, Liesl, in “The Sound of Music” has passed away. She was 73 going on 74.
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Fortunately no fatalities other than the alleged attacker in the Minnesota mall stabbings. But do all these folks who think 2nd amendment rights trump all ever consider fewer restrictions also would make it even easier for nut jobs to get guns?
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Mike Pence today said Dick Cheney is his VP role model. Does this mean Donald Trump has told his running mate that if elected, Trump will let Pence actually run the country for him?
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Clinton after New York explosion “I think it’s always wiser to wait until you have information before making conclusions, because we are just in the beginning stages of trying to determine what happened.”. Trump “Nobody knows what’s going on. But boy are we living in a time – we better get very tough, folks.”. Right. Because why should facts matter with a good narrative?
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One of the scariest things about Donald Trump is you just know he is rooting for a terrorist act on U.S. soil in October.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Chelsea jokes, ESPN jokes, Goodell jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
September 14, 2016
Steph Curry was asked as part of a longer interview who he was supporting for President. He simply answered “Hillary” and moved on. And some people are actually complaining that athletes shouldn’t get involved in politics? #Onewordistoomany? #WTF?
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Another #Padres pitcher coming in with an ERA of around 6. And of course the #SFGiants scored one run. At some point the team should charge a fee for giving all these pitchers the best outing of their careers.
If by chance the #SFGiants stagger into the playoffs, no one will accuse them of peaking too soon in September.
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Hillary Clinton had to cancel San Francisco fundraisers early this week over her pneumonia. Shame. She could have used that “basket of deplorables” line to great effect about the SF Giants bullpen.
(or in some cases, like today, their hitters.)
Major league baseball has announced their 2017 schedule, with both the Twins and Red Sox opening at home April 3. Too soon to bet on which game is most likely to be snowed out?
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Several Washington State players have been arrested this year, and coach Mike Leach, formerly at Texas Tech, is blaming the police and media for unfairly focusing on football players. Toto, we’re not in Texas any more….
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In New York, an assemblyman who fatally shot himself last week won his primary today. So voters not paying attention? Or voters deciding that a dead man could do less damage than the live alternative?
In Austria, an 18-year-old girl is suing her parents because she said the Facebook pictures they posted of her as a child have made her life miserable. Ah, for the good old days when your parents could only embarrass you with scrapbooks.
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Proving it’s not just U.S. airports and airlines who are fond of euphemisms – a travel agent bulletin says the runway at Aberdeen Airport in Scotland is currently out of service, due to a technical issue.”
The issue, they discovered an actual hole in the runway.
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Mike Pence this week refused to call David Duke “deplorable.” Just one question for Governor Pence, who WOULD he call deplorable?
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Last year, Donald Trump was listed as 6’2″ and 198 pounds. Today he told Dr. Oz he was 6’3″ and 236 pounds. Time for a congressional investigation?
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So @realDonaldTrump says he “feels as good as when I was 30.” If any 70 year-old really believes that, he’s too delusional to be President.
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Hillary Clinton today released detailed medical information. The report said she has “mild, non-contagious bacterial” pneumonia. It also has details about blood cholesterol levels, allergies, her annual mammogram, etc.
Wonder how long before Donald Trump announces again he is the very healthiest but he won’t release his records because we just wouldn’t understand.
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Donald Trump has said “I will end forever the use of the H-1B as a cheap labor program, and institute an absolute requirement to hire American workers for every visa and immigration program. No exceptions.”
Today, Melania Trump tweeted a letter from her lawyer defending her immigration status. The lawyer said Melania told him she “remained in the United States on five one-year H-1B visas before obtaining a green card,”
#Youcantmakethisstuffup
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, curry jokes, election jokes, facebook jokes, Janice Hough, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
September 13, 2016
Vin Scully said today he won’t broadcast the postseason so that his last game will be the Dodgers-Giants in SF Oct. 2. So maybe he has less faith in how LA will do in the playoffs than even Giants fans.
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So it’s only one game, but wonder if #LosAngeles is thinking of suing #StLouis under the “Lemon Law.” #Rams #49ers
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Trent Dilfer said before MNF that Colin Kaepernick had caused “friction” that had “torn at the fabric of the team” by becoming the “center of attention.”
Uh, looking at the 49ers-Rams final score guessing a lot of NFL teams will be trying to figure out how to tear fabric this week in practice
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So while we are into conspiracy theories, what about the possibility of a #TrumpBodyDouble. Would explain that inhuman shade of orange and some of the wild statements- especially if the body double was a giant Furby.
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Just when you think you’ve heard every airline excuse under the sun, and the moon, now I have a client on a delayed United flight in Denver because “they dented the plane with a baggage loader.”
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After reports of phantom donations, House Democrats now seeking a Justice Department investigation of Trump Foundation, #sauceforthegoose
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Donald Trump, attacking Hillary Clinton for her “basket of deplorables” line: “You can’t lead this nation if you have such a low opinion of its citizens.” Can a statement have an asterisk?
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A 21 year-old California man in Hawaii decided to make an illegal, nearly 200 ft jump off Kauai’s Wailua Falls. He was knocked unconscious, had to be rescued by other tourists, and called it ‘spiritual’, I call it ‘Almost a Darwin.” #misseditbythatmuch
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The U.S. Census Bureau said median income in the US rose over 5% to $56,516, the first increase since 2007. #IblameObama
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Edward Snowden says now he thinks President Obama should pardon him, saying his actions “may seem unlawful in letters on a page but when we look at them morally, when we look at them ethically, and when we look at the results, it seems obvious that these were necessary things.”
And then does Snowden expect Obama will bring him home from Russia on a flying pig?
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The Presidential election is distracting us from interesting state contests, but Lousiana’s Senate race deserves more attention. Not only is David Duke running, but a new book out “Murder on the Bayou” has allegations against one candidate, Rep. Charles Boustany, that prompted this verbatim statement from fellow candidate GOP Treasurer John Kennedy:
“I want to be very clear that my campaign played absolutely no role in creating this story alleging Congressman Boustany’s sexual relationships with prostitutes that were later murdered, his staff’s alleged involvement in running the bar and hotel where this illicit behavior took place, or publishing the book,”
#nottheOnion #Youcantmakethisstuffup
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Darwin jokes, Janice Hough, Rams jokes, Snowden jokes, Trump jokes, Vin Scully jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
September 12, 2016
If this keeps up Los Angeles is going to ask St. Louis if they would would take the Rams back.
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And the 49ers wonder why they can’t get fans to games, besides having a lousy team. ESPN’s Darren Rovell -“Two and half hours before Rams at 49ers, cheapest get-in ticket on StubHub is $35. Cheapest team parking spot? $69!”
Oakland 16, KC 3 on Monday. Wait, didn’t the Raiders play yesterday?
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After Saturday’s loss to CMU, Okla State coach Mike Gundy says he only wants to play nonconference home games with Big 12 officiating crews. Because his own conference refs NEVER make mistakes…? Or because they understand the importance of avoiding upsets of top teams who bring the conference money for bowl games.
Hope no #Samsung executive ever prayed for their #GalaxyNote7 to be the hottest phone in the world?
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Carrie Tolstedt, the woman who oversaw the Wells Fargo community banking unit where the fake account scam happened left the bank in July. She got a $124.6 million golden parachute.
“I am shocked” said nobody.
An Indiana fertility doctor has been charged with obstruction of justice. Prosecutors said the 1970s and 80s, he allegedly impregnated perhaps 50 women, who thought they were using medical school donors, with his own sperm. So will his defense be he wanted to be the next father of our country?
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Donald Trump says he will release his medical records “soon.” Like he released his tax returns “soon” after he promised them this January?
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Trump today said “this last week I took a physical I’ll be releasing – when the numbers come in, hopefully they’re gonna be good, I think they’re gonna be good.” Well of course, the bestest greatest numbers, they’re going to be huge.
No joke. Conspiracy theorists are now opining that Hillary Clinton is seriously ill or worse and has been replaced by a body-double. #BeammeupScottietheresnointelligentlifeonthisplanet
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As Trump and Clinton battle hard for the swing state of Virginia, thinking after tonight’s MNF game either of them would get a major boost if they promised on their first day in office to ban Dan Snyder from owning an NFL team.
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Think I’ve got it: Professional athletes regularly have illnesses and injuries. When they pretend they are fine and play through them for big games it’s proof of what heroic men they are. When a woman presidential candidate pretends she’s fine and shows up at an important event when she has pneumonia, it’s more proof of her duplicitous nature.
ESP from TC?
“Kaepernick will be the backup for tonight’s game. His role is to enter the game if it’s a blowout, take snaps and go down on one knee.”
Pay no attention to the man behind or in front of the curtain?
From Marc Ragovin “So Donald Trump is going to discuss his medical records this week with Dr. Oz. Trump and Oz is a very appropriate coupling.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: election jokes, Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, Trump jokes, wells fargo jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
September 11, 2016
ESPN’s fantasy football app was down today. The horror. Many viewers were left with only being able to care about whoever actually won the game.
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Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and the #Browns losing on #NFL opening week
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So as we honored all those who perished on September 11, and all of the first responders, etc, with ceremonies in MLB, perhaps we could make the date more significant going forward by having it be the ONLY time in the year teams play “God Bless America” during the 7th inning?
After watching #SFGiants revival in Arizona, looks like there’s at least one SF Bay Area team with chance of winning Monday night.
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Just maybe #SFGiants have decided to eliminate #Casilla discussions by not taking 1 run leads to the 9th? #HunterPence
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So Oklahoma State fell out of the top 25 after losing to Central Michigan even though officials admitted the game should have been over before the winning play. On the other hand, OSU shouldn’t have been that close to CMU at the end of the 4th quarter.
(ditto Clemson w/ Troy and Georgia with Nicholls.)
Kim Jong-Un has banned sarcasm. Yeah, right.
So @HillaryClinton has pneumonia. Waiting for @realDonaldTrump to say when he is President he will build a wall to keep out pneumonia.
Just imagine what would have happened if @HillaryClinton had followed her doctor’s advice & stayed home from 9/11 memorial service. #cantwin
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Meanwhile, Martin Shkreli showed up outside Chelsea’s Clinton’s apartment and actually heckled Hillary as she left after going there after the service. Very little bipartisan agreement in this country, but can we agree that Shkreli is a poor excuse for a human being?
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All of us are just guessing, really. But interesting how the same people who are positive Hillary is hiding something in her medical records are convinced there’s nothing to see in Trump’s tax returns.
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In Tampa, a man tried on a bulletproof vest last night while his cousin fired a shot to see if it worked. It didn’t. One Darwin, one manslaughter charge. #ifonlytheywerearmed No wait… back on your game, Florida.
My writing is mostly about sports and politics, and I don’t like playing the woman card. But give me a break, folks. Of course Hillary went to the 9/11 memorial today when she was sick. She’s a woman and a mom. Women go to important things when we are sick. We take care of our kids, significant others, we go to work if work needs to be done. Whereas men, at the risk of being “grossly generalistic….” Okay, rant’s over.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ESPN jokes, fantasy football jokes, hilary health jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, Shkreli jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
September 10, 2016
Many SF Giants were shocked to see an unaccustomed sight in the dugout tonight during the team’s 11-3 win over the Arizona Diamondbacks – smiles.
Did #Northwestern decide to stop playing Division 1 #FBS football last offseason and just not tell anyone?
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Millions of Americans dislike both #Trump & #Clinton & think choosing the lesser evil is tough – what about when #Yankees play #Dodgers?
ESPN commenting on how old US Open women’s champion @AngeliqueKerber is…. she is 28 years old.
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Not sure who will with the Willie Mac award for this year’s most inspirational SF Giant. But the award for the Giant most likely to drive fans to scream, cry and/or drink has to go either to Santiago Casilla or the manager who keeps putting him out there.
Two games for USC, two players ejected in 1st half each game: LT Chuma Edoga today for pushing an official, LB Jabari Ruffin last week for stomping on an opponent’s groin.
So maybe coaches Sarkasian & Kiffin weren’t solely responsibly for all that Trojan embarrassment after all?
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Many of Hillary Clinton’s fundraisers are closed to the press, last night’s LGBT event WAS open to some media. And she said this – “To just be grossly generalistic, you could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables. Right? The racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamaphobic — you name it,”
So was it a gaffe by a very cautious politician? Or a deliberate hand grenade tossed to set off an carefully-timed explosion?
Hillary has backed off the “half” of Trump’s supporters on the “basket of deplorables” line, but not the concept. As the old joke goes “We’ve already established that, now we’re haggling price.
Guessing @realDonaldTrump is furious at @HillaryClinton over #BasketofDeplorables – insulting millions of Americans is HIS job.
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Donald Trump yesterday “With Iran, when they circle our beautiful destroyers with their little boats and they make gestures at our people that they shouldn’t be allowed to make, they will be shot out of the water.” How Presidential of him.
Mike Pence “I think it’s inarguable that Vladimir Putin has been a stronger leader in his country than Barack Obama has been in this country. And that’s going to change the day that Donald Trump becomes president.”
So Trump’s first act is going to be to disband Congress?
Categories: political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baskets of deplorables jokes, battle at bristol jokes, ESPN jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, pence jokes, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes
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September 8, 2016
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The New York Mets actually have signed Tim Tebow to a minor league contract. Is it for his baseball ability? Or are they hoping to get God on their side for a potential playoff run?
What’s all the #CARvsDEN stress, unlike in college football the first game doesn’t really matter as to making the playoffs.
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CEO Jed York, said today that the SF 49ers will give $1 million to two local groups to “help bridge the gap and create better collaboration between law enforcement and local communities.”
So who knew, maybe Colin Kaepernick could actually lead the team after all?
Ray Lewis, going after Colin Kaepenick on his protest. “I think Colin just needs to step back.” Although some might say if Ray had just stepped back in 2000, maybe Jacinth Baker and Richard Lollar might be alive today.
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So maybe Matt Lauer’s real goal is to become the first anchor on the Trump News Network?
If #MattLauer asks #TimTebow about #Aleppo it could break the internet.
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Somewhere #SarahPalin is really upset she got interviewed by #KatieCouric instead of #MattLauer #LaueringTheBar
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Embarrassing interview for Libertarian Presidential candidate Gary Johnson. But what are the odds that Donald Trump knows what Aleppo is either?
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So does #GaryJohnson‘s interview last night make him wish he had chosen #AdmiralStockdale as a running mate? #Aleppo
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A CNN report says an NBC executive “speaking anonymously” said the “Commander-in-chief” forum was a “disaster.” Wow. Usually disasters at NBC are with their prime-time fall lineup.
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Trump supporters are calling for a boycott of Starbucks after CEO Howard Schultz endorsed Hillary and slammed the Donald’s “vitriolic display of bigotry and hate and divisiveness.”
Well, it’s a free country, but weren’t many Trump supporters already boycotting Starbucks over things like LGBT rights? – or as my friend Erin says, the Christmas cups?
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Wells Fargo fired approx 5,300 employees for allegedly opening up additional accounts without their customers’ permission. Uh, over 5,000 people isn’t rogue employees, that’s company practice.
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Trump said last night that he was “pretty good with the body language,” in his supposedly top-secret intelligence briefing and “what I did learn is that our leadership, Barack Obama, did not follow what our experts, and our — truly, when they call it intelligence, it’s there for a reason — what our experts said to do,”
Uh, and we’re worried about Hillary’s email server compromising secrets and national security? #WTF?
Trump last night praised Vladimir Putin and talked of the Russan President’s “82 percent approval rating.” Well, by that token the Donald should be a really big fan of Kim Jong Un -whose approval rating is about 100%. Of living North Koreans polled.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: aleppo jokes, gary johnson jokes, Janice Hough, kaerpernick jokes, matt lauer jokes, NFL jokes, Palin jokes
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September 8, 2016
Good news for San Francisco Bay Area sports fan. Soon with the 49ers season starting they’ll only expect to see one ugly loss a week.
When Posey got a two-out double after first two SF Giants made outs on the first pitch in 9th, Kruk said that we didn’t have to worry about Casilla because he was “now back in his regular rhythm.”
Uh, that’s what Giants fans were afraid of.
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Announced today #MattDuffy to have season-ending surgery with #Rays. Tonight’s #Casilla-started 9th sure felt season-ending for #SFGiants
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Atlanta Braves manager John Coppolella said there was “no risk” in signing Tim Tebow::”It’s similar to when Michael Jordan or others have wanted to play. It’s positive to draw this kind of interest to the game and make it a story because it’s good for baseball.”
He didn’t add “and how long has it been since ANYONE showed any interest in the Braves?
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Colin Kaepernick today said he would donate all the money he gets from his now-top selling NFL jersey “back into the communities.”
Is it just me or has the 49ers backup QB appeared to have grown up in a hurry after that first protest?
Roger Goodell on Kaerpernick: “we believe very strongly in patriotism in the NFL.. I think it’s important to have respect for our country, for our flag, for the people who make our country better; for law enforcement..,”
“For law enforcement.” That’s why so many players work so hard at keeping so many police officers busy?
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Art Briles, after being fired as football coach of Baylor over several sexual assault scandals involving players. “Hey, I made some mistakes. I was wrong. I’m sorry. I’m gonna learn. I’m gonna do better.”
Better at disciplining his players or better at keeping them from getting caught?
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Ryan Lochte, who already lost his four endorsement contracts, has now been suspended by USA swimming for 10 months. Talk about a high-priced pay toilet.
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Tiger Woods says he will return to competitive golf in October at the Safeway Open in Napa. Makes sense, then Tiger can go wine-tasting on his weekend off.
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So why did #Apple get rid of their iPhone jack? Might be 3 words – “cordless $159 earphones. #AppleEvent
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President Obama apparently met informally with Philippine President Duterte today, despite Duterte’s earlier disrespectful insults. Well, guess Obama has had plenty of practice with this sort of thing with Congress.
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A 17-year old Louisiana girl vented on social media “‘Just left albertsons. The woman behind the cake counter just refused to make me a birthday cake because I wanted “Trump 2016″ on it…” The store said it wasn’t about politics but for fear of being sued for copyright infringement with the logo.
Inclined to believe Albertson’s, Louisiana is not exactly a blue state. But allowing for the possibility of the decorator think that Trump is not a good Christian and she didn’t want to make the cake, where are the defenders of religious freedom on this one?
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Donald Trump on Phyllis Schlafly “She was a patriot, a champion for women…” Some statements can’t possibly be topped with a punchline.
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Donald Trump tonight “Under the leadership of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton the generals have been reduced to rubble, reduced to a point where it is embarrassing for our country.”
But earlier today the Donald said that on day one of his Presidency, ““We are going to convey my top generals and give them a simple instruction They will have 30 days to submit to the Oval Office a plan for soundly and quickly defeating ISIS. We have no choice.”
These quotes are verbatim – so just wondering, how does Trump plan to FIND top generals out of the rubble?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: casilla jokes, debate jokes, duffy jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 3, 2016
Seahawks DE Cliff Avril reached out to Tony Romo after hitting him and fracturing his back. Romo apparently texted back “You take care of the NFC West, we will see yall in the playoff.”
So will Seattle send Dallas tickets?
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SFGiants bullpen manages to hold a 1 run lead for 3 innings against Cubs. So where do we submit this to the Pope as a miracle?
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And today,Madbum walked & Cubs pitched to Nunez in front of him – resulting in a run-scoring single, rather than issuing an intentional walk. The fear of #Pitcherswhorake #SFGiants
Meanwhile, the SF Giants call up Joe Nathan. Going to party like it’s 1999!
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On a week that the University of Wisconsin was named the #1 US college party school, the Badgers upset #5 LSU. On Labor Day weekend. So have they canceled Tuesday classes yet?
As Stanford fan not fond of the SEC, I begin to understand what it must be like for my friends who hate both #Hillary & #Trump #USCvsBAMA
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And a fat lot of good it took me on the high road: But ok, since I tell people they have to chose even between “the lesser of two evils.” Gulp. #GoTrojans #FightOn #USCvsBAMA
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The #Broncos released #MarkSanchez, who’s expected to sign w/ #Cowboys. Great news for comedy writers who wonder they will do post-election.
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Chip Kelly announced today that Blaine Gabbert would be the 49ers starting QB. Wonder if the second in command on the Titanic disrespected “God Save the King.”
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So #Stanford didn’t look great in opening game. But they didn’t lose. Yes I am talking about you fill-in-the-blank team #nerdnation
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A man given nitrous oxide at a dentist in Ohio is recovering after he accidentally shot himself in the hand with his own gun. He thought he heard his cellphone ringing. #ifonlyhewasarmed. No, wait…never mind
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A 5.6 magnitude earthquake in Oklahoma this morning, also rattling
Kansas, Arkansas, Missouri, Texas, Nebraska, and Iowa. Maybe God is sending a message to red states?
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From T.C. “People in the Bay Area were outraged that Red Sox infielder Dustin Pedroia was not standing during the National Anthem at the Oakland A’s game. PeeDee said “But I am standing!”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: giants joke, Janice Hough, Romo jokes, Wisconsin jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 1, 2016
Facebook just changed their relationship status with SpaceX to “it’s complicated.”
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At Cape Canaveral, a SpaceX rocket exploded on the launch pad this morning. SpaceX described the explosion as an “anomaly.” Fortunately there were no injuries. And airline spokespersons immediately filed “anomaly” away for future use.
Pamela Anderson, 49, has become an anti-porn crusader. Maybe because no one wants to see her sex tapes anymore?
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As Colin Kaepernick doubles down on his anthem protest, angering many other NFL players, here’s an interesting side note: Right now the 49ers only have to pay him guaranteed salary for 2016. But if Kaepernick suffers a career-ending injury, he also gets $14.5 million guaranteed in 2017 and $5.2 million in 2018.
So if Kap plays this year, he’s one good hit away from a long paid vacation.
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Would have been ironic tonight if angry fans went after #Kaepernick in San Diego & he needed a police escort to get out of stadium safely. #SFvsSD
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Angry Mexican news anchor about Trump’s visit “The humiliation is now complete.” Which is the same sentiment felt by many rational members of the GOP.
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NY Jets WR Brandon Marshall said he believes the Chicago Bears traded him after the 2014 season because of his in-season television work on Showtime’s “Inside the NFL” Well, that and Marshall’s receiving stats falling off almost 50% from the 2013 season.
All this talk about scary clowns in #SouthCarolina. Weren’t the presidential primaries months ago?
Appalachian State had a chance to beat Tennessee in regulation, but neglected to call their 3rd and last time out when they might have been in field goal range. Sounds like they spend as much time in math class as members of top NCAA programs.
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Governor RIck Scott has issued a hurricane warning for Florida, saying that Hermine could be “life-threatening.” Surprised he didn’t add a warning to President Obama to stay out of the state’s business.
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Donald Trump believes that American-born children of illegals should be deported. So what does that mean IF it turns out Melania skirted immigration law with her visa?
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United Airlines says that 12 passengers were injured by “severe and unexpected turbulence” on an overnight flight to London while most were asleep. So what part of “keep your seatbelt fastened while you sleep” do most people not understand? #cantfixstupid #butyoucaninjurestupid
“Business Insider’ reports that Marco Gutierrez, who founded “Latinos for Trump’ said there could be “taco trucks on every corner” if the Donald isn’t elected.
Taco trucks? Hmm…Gutierrez might have just given a lot of Americans reasons to vote for Hillary.
From my friend Tony Alan Banks, who just may have solved one of the mysteries of the universe: I’m 100% convinced that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, appalachian state, clown jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, Trump jokes, United jokes
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August 31, 2016
Twitter just gave me the “Who to follow” suggestion of @NBCOlympics Makes sense, the suggestion is as delayed as everything else about this summer’s games.
#Rockies can’t hold 6 run lead after 8 innings against #Dodgers. On brighter note #SFGiants next week at Coors should never feel out of a game.
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Congrats to #TyBlach, the newest pitcher promoted to #SFGiants, leads PCL w/ 14 wins. May or may not have major league stuff. But now neither do Cain & Peavy
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A’s traded #CocoCrisp to #Indians. Proving again most appropriate @Athletics bobblehead would have blank uniform & come with erasable pen.
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Some talk that Colin Kaepernick is being attacked for his sitting down during the National Anthem because he is black, or at least bi-racial. Though have to think if Russell Wilson did it we’d be having a very different discussion.
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Bleacher Report reporting that Colin Kaepernick has become persona non grata in the NFL.. One executive “In my career, I have never seen a guy so hated by front office guys as Kaepernick.”
Right, because he disrespected the flag. Murder, domestic violence, sexual assault, animal cruelty, those are all forgivable. #WTF?
On the other hand, just guessing #MuhammadAli and #JackieRobinson would not wear socks featuring caps wearing police caps. #ColinKaepernick #WTF?
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Congratulations to Rockies rookie Stephen Cardullo, who today on his 29th birthday got his 1st major league home run against the Dodgers in game 1, and a grand slam in game 2.
But maybe SFGiants pitchers might want to get some tape on him before heading to Coors next week.
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Loved Dallas Braden on KNBR this morning, talking about Tebow trying to play MLB. He was talking about strength and size really not mattering in baseball – said Jose Altuve is a likely MVP and “he couldn’t get on rides at Disneyland.”
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All of this outrage that donors to the Clinton Foundation might have done it to get access to the Clintons. As opposed to big campaign donors who give money to candidates out of the goodness of their hearts?
Yet another August 31 political fundraising email starting “I’m sorry to bother you twice on the same day…” Uh, no you aren’t, or you wouldn’t do it. #Justsayno
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Donald Trump was off to Mexico before a speech tonight on immigration. And Hillary Clinton today is tweeting about the mental health crisis in America. Coincidence?
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So while @realDonaldTrump was in Mexico did he try to teach them to make taco bowls as good as the ones in Trump Tower?
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Why does everyone care so much about what Donald Trump said tonight about immigration. No doubt he will probably will deny saying it tomorrow.
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Trump on his meeting with Mexico’s President Nieto “We did discuss the wall. We didn’t discuss payment of the wall.” Well, with all those corporate bankruptcies this is probably the way the Donald is used to doing business.
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Donald Trump “It’s our right as a sovereign nation to choose immigrants that we think are the likeliest to thrive and flourish and love us.” Spoken by a man who has chosen immigrants for two of his three wives.
Today Trump said “we discussed the wall, we did not discuss who would pay for the wall.” Then Nieto said “I made it clear that Mexico will not pay for the wall” Then Trump gave a speech saying Mexico would pay for the wall.
Maybe this is all preparation for the Donald’s next reality show “Dancing with the Truth.”
So is there a world leader @realDonaldTrump hasn’t insulted or accused of lying, besides #Putin?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: A's jokes, colinkaepernick jokes, flag jokes, fundraising jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, Rockies jokes, wall jokes
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August 30, 2016
Increasing social media support for #ColinKaepernick. Wonder how many are #LARams fans wanting to make sure he starts season opener. #SFvsLA
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Okay, on some level isn’t the most shocking thing about the controversy that #ColinKaepernick is actually relevant again? #SF49ers
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#ColinKaepernick controversy was about him sitting during national anthem: The way he’s looked in preseason he was going to be sitting after it.
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Happiest people about this Kaepernick controversy have to be TV advertisers who have bought space for upcoming games right before the National Anthem.
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Tony Stewart now has called Colin Kaepernick an “idiot.” Right, because Kap shouldn’t have sat down to protest, he should have run someone over with his car?
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You know you’re having a bad week when you replaced #TonyRomo on your #FantasyFootball team with #TeddyBridgewater
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Senator #MarcoRubio, who is running for re-election, has refused to commit to serving a full six-year term. “Atta boy!” said #SarahPalin
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Sarah Palin gashed her forehead while running when she fell on a rock. No word on the condition of the rock.
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Bruce Bochy indicates that Joe Nathan might be a September call-up for SFGiants. Bonus is any medical costs would be covered by Medicare.
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Tim Tebow has been offered a baseball contract to play winter ball in Venezuela. No interest yet from any major league team. But maybe Tebow hasn’t heard from the Braves yet?
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Chris Brown has surrendered to police after an 11-hour standoff at his Southern California home. 11-hours? That’s probably longer than it will take Brown to write a song about it.
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#ChrisBrown in 2013 “I finally learned that hitting a woman is wrong.” #ChrisBrown in 2016 “Pulling a gun on her, on the other hand….
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An inmate at a Northern California jail for petty theft, was scheduled to be released today, but he tried to escape over a fence yesterday, was caught, and now faces additional charges. #Crooksarestupid
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Another candidate for the “crooks are stupid” award of the week: A woman was arrested after she bailed her friend out of jail. With a stolen credit card. Back on your game, Florida.
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ISIS second-in-command and spokesman Abu Muhammad al-Adnani has been killed. #IblameObama
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As Trump criticizes Hillary Clinton over the Anthony Weiner mess, have to wonder, how happy is the Donald now that they didn’t have cellphones with cameras when he himself was in his younger days?
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Donald Trump is heading to Mexico for meeting with President Nieto Wednesday. Quick, can we get that wall built while he’s gone?
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From Marc Ragovin “Iowa Senator Jodi Ernst recently said that both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton should stop their nasty personal attacks and civilly and rationally address the important issues facing America. She then excused herself to film a commercial in which she castrates President Obama.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Colin Kaepernick jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, kap jokes, Palin jokes, Rubio jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 29, 2016
Bummer, Gene Wilder, 83, has passed away. Although between him and Gilda Radnerthere should be some un-PC side-splitting shows in heaven coming up.
Hope it didn’t kill Wilder to face the possibility of an Oompa Loompa being elected president.
Interesting to hear commentators talk about how Colin Kaepernick’s protest might keep the suddenly desperate Dallas Cowboys from trading for him. Right, this is the same team that had no problem signing Greg Hardy. #priorities.
If #SF49ers want a less controversial backup QB than #ColinKaepernick, #MichaelVick is available. Or hey, so is #TimTebow.
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Sigh. Wasn’t that long ago that SF Giants thought Barry Bonds’ recliner was the biggest problem team could have with one of their players sitting.
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Absolutely respect #ColinKaepernick‘s views & desire to speak up. But think his execution has been as good his handling of #49ers offense.
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Figure @realDonaldTrump will soon go after #ColinKaepernick soon. Less for #49ers QB’s protest than for fact he’s stealing Trump’s headlines
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At the U.S. Open, tennis player CoCo Vandeweghe, who lost in 3 sets, refused to shake the official’s hand: “I’m frickin’ pissed. It sucks.”
Vandeweghe isn’t leaving the tournament yet: “I have doubles Doubles and mixed, that’s where I’m heading next.”
And after today I’m sure she’ll have no problems with officials going forward…..
#RickPerry is going to be on #DWTS?! Did someone warn him he will have to count steps?
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Ohio State suspended highly-recruited WR Torrance Gibson for the season “due to a violation of the school’s student code of conduct.” Urban Meyer says “I disagree” and adds that it was not a football or athletic dept decision.
Guess it’s time to open the pool on when Gibson will apply to transfer to an SEC school.
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Former Stanford student and convicted rapist Brock Turner will be released from prison Friday after 3 months. No word on where he will go.
Hmm, India might be a good fit, this from their tourism minister, while promoting a welcome kit to be handed out on arrival “There’s a card in there listing the do’s and don’ts. Basic things like, ‘Don’t go out at night alone.’ ‘Don’t wear skirts.'”
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The Princeton Review named University of Wisconsin-Madison the #1 party school in the USA. Well, no doubt that calls for an all-campus party tonight.
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Last Saturday night, the 911 system in Washington D.C. was down for two hours, when a contractor working on a water leak accidentally turned the master switch off. Proving again, sometimes terrorism is no match for good old fashioned stupidity.
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#AnthonyWeiner and #HumaAbedin are separating. Five words: What took her so long?
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Sure hope the people who have been attacking Hillary Clinton for not leaving Bill are nothing but supportive of Huma Abedin’s split from Anthony Weiner. #wecandream
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Donald Trump this morning “Huma is making a very wise decision. I know Anthony Weiner well, and she will be far better off without him.”
But then added “Hillary Clinton was careless and negligent in allowing Weiner to have such close proximity to highly classified information. Who knows what he learned and who he told? It’s just another example of Hillary Clinton’s bad judgment. It is possible that our country and its security have been greatly compromised by this.”
So for those who wondered how long the Donald could stay on the high road, the answer, about 15 seconds.
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So Donald Trump attacks Hillary Clinton over national security because of Huma Abedin & Anthony Weiner: Clearly a rant from a man who has no idea women can keep secrets from their husbands.
Categories: football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Cowboys jokes, gene wilder jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, Trump jokes, US open jokes, Weiner jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
August 28, 2016
Now 49ers fans are apparently burning Colin Kaepernick jerseys. Okay, but is this really for his not standing for the anthem, or for his play since signing that big contract?
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CNN.com headline “Star QB won’t stand for anthem.” And thinking “did someone else follow Kaepernick’s lead?” #49ers
Some are saying that Colin Kaepernick’s anthem protest could be a distraction from the 49ers play on the field this year. After a few games SF fans may be thinking “Promise?”
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Wonder what it would take for #TomBrady to do or say before #Patriots fans would burn his jersey?
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Maybe this was Kap’s way of making sure he wouldn’t be traded to Dallas.
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And what’s next for Chip Kelly? Trying to get the team to sign a less controversial backup QB? Like Michael Vick? And there’s always Tebow.
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Four home runs and four triples Sunday? Who are these players in #SFGiants uniforms?
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Somebody wasn’t in their happy place. Umpire Mike Everitt ejected four Detroit Tigers Saturday night during their game against the Angels. Wonder what happens if an ump ejects enough people that a team runs out of players.
Imagine what kind of a year the #Yankees might have had if they kicked #ARod to the curb earlier?
After today’s 13-3 game, maybe someone from #SFGiants organization needs to lie down in front of #Braves plane and keep them from leaving town.
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At least one terminal at LAX was evacuated after reports of a shooter tonight, which turned out to be a false alarm. If only other travelers at the airport were armed.
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The latest from #LAX is that panic & evacuation tonight was caused by someone in a Zorro costume with a plastic sword. #Fearitselfiswinning.
In New Mexico, a police officer wearing a lapel camera apparently accidentally filled himself stealing confiscated marijuana from his own office. Is there such a thing as a career Darwin?
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Two United Airlines pilots yesterday were arrested at Glasgow airport for allegedly being too drunk to fly their schedule flight to Newark. Will their defense be you need to be drunk to want to fly from Scotland to New Jersey?
Trump spokeswoman Katrina Pierson “He hasn’t changed his position on immigration. He’s changed the words that he is saying,”
And what are words anyway, except, for example, the U.S. Constitution.
Monday @realDonaldTrump has $25,000 fundraiser at undisclosed SF Peninsula location. Undisclosed because no one wants to be seen attending?
Categories: football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, airline jokes, Chip Kelly jokes, Colin Kaepernick jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, kap jokes, lax jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
Left Coast Sports Babe 