Lies and omissions.

Posted February 23, 2015 by left coast sports babe
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Many of my generation asked “Who’s Lady Gaga?” Many of her generation asked “What’s ‘The Sound of Music.;”? And both generations tonight were probably pleasantly surprised.

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And the ‪#‎Oscar‬ for best use of tape goes, again, to Jennifer Lopez.

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So there have apparently been major protests outside the Oscars over the exclusion of “Selma.” But hey, the Academy is 92% white, 77% male, and average age 62. ‪#‎whatdidweexpect‬ ‪#‎itsallabouttheclothesanyway‬

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Julianne Moore wins a well-deserved Best Actress for “Still Alice.” And many of her contemporaries are thinking. Well, except for that better performance, if we could remember who she was….

 

So the Academy decides to make up for leaving ‪#‎Selma‬ out of major awards by taking Oscar for “Best Song” away from the heartbreaking “I’m not going to miss you” by Alzheimer’s patient Glen Campbell. ‪#‎fiftyshadesofguilt‬

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Neil Patrick Harris is better than most hosts. But once again recall the great Johnny Carson, who noted that tonight we celebrate movies. By having millions of people watching the Oscars. And a few thousand for some reason tonight still in movie theaters.

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So how did Rudy Giuliani not get nominated for his performance as a politician struggling to pretend he is still relevant? ‪

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For that matter, how about the Knicks being nominated for best performance pretending to be an NBA team?

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A video purporting to be from an Al-Qaida linked group in Somalia calls for attacks on shopping malls and singles out Minnesota’s Mall of America. I can hear men now “Of course I’m not against shopping with you or having you go shopping alone. I just want you to be safe.”

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Most Americans who watch the ‪#‎Daytona500‬ do so for the same reason we watch reality TV. We like watching wrecks.

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Turned on car radio this afternoon  and KNBR has the Daytona 500. NASCAR racing on radio?! ‪#‎andtheysaybaseballisboring

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The cold wave has even spread to the Lone Star state. The Dallas area is expecting 2 inches of sleet in the next two days. Cue the “Hell freezing over jokes.”

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As ‪#‎Giuliani‬ keeps doubling down on anti-Obama comments, how long until even Sarah Palin accuses Rudy of being an irrelevant media whore?

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Interesting that many of these Republicans who are accusing of President Obama of not loving America because he isn’t 100% uncritical of the country, are also the same ones who rail against the “everybody gets a trophy”, uncritical parents who believe the children they love can do no wrong.

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Ronna Romney McDaniel, 41, Mitt Romney’s niece, was chosen as chair of the Michigan GOP. So is this the first step towards Ronna’s running against Chelsea Clinton for President in 2032?

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And the winner should have been….

Posted February 22, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
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Security at this year’s Academy Awards will be tight. Especially since they need half a dozen or so men just to keep Kanye West from rushing the stage.

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As we approach the Oscars, the snubs are often as much a source of discussion as the nominees. For example, how did “Frozen” not get nominated this year for “Best Documentary”?

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Prince Harry and Emma Watson are dating. Could be some of the best pillow-talk ever: “You’re a wizard, Harry.”

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Chris Bosh will be out for the season at least with blood clots in his lungs. His long-term prognosis is good. But what a bummer for Heat fans who were counting on the team’s .434 winning percentage getting them into the Eastern Conference playoffs.

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On the bright side for San Jose Sharks fans, at least this year the team isn’t likely to break their hearts in the playoffs.

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Tickets for this year’s Comic-Con in San Diego this July sold out in less than an hour. On the bright side for hopeful attendees, most of those who bought 2 tickets probably don’t yet have dates.

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American Airlines says that due to a “technical glitch” with a conveyor belt they couldn’t load checked baggage on planes for eight hours on Friday. And not only did planes depart without luggage, passengers weren’t notified and found out only after they waited, in many cases over an hour at empty carousels.   So what, the travelers hadn’t paid their “communication” fees?

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Fox News has reported that the West Coast dock labor dispute finally is over after 9 months. Without the mentioning the reason – that the President sent Labor Secretary Perez to Oakland with an order to end it. (An agreement was done in 3 days.) So where’s the fury over Obama’s “Imperial Presidency” on this one?

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Kris Jenner is apparently claiming someone has extorted her over a nude video hack. Well, at least Kris doesn’t have to pay. Even if the hacker posts the video, no one will watch it.

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A florist in Washington is refusing to settle a discrimination case over providing flowers for the gay wedding of a longtime customer, because she says “her ‘relationship with Jesus Christ’ won’t allow it. So presume she also doesn’t do flowers for couples who have had pre-marital or extra-marital sex before THEIR weddings?

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Wis. Gov. Scott Walker said today “I’ve never asked him, I don’t know” when asked whether President Barack Obama loves America. Well to be fair, Walker said he didn’t know about evolution either. ‪#‎doublingdownonstupid‬

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Something new, something old.

Posted February 20, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

So let me get this straight, the same Americans who are so into novelty that they can’t exist without the absolutely newest iPhones are thinking of choosing a new President between Clinton and Bush?

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A government panel says drinking three to FIVE cups of coffee a day will help prevent heart disease, liver cancer, Parkinson and type 2 diabetes. Of course, there may be a heightened risk of injury from bouncing off of walls.

 

Jack Nicklaus on Tiger Woods, “I think he’s struggling more between his ears than he is anyplace else.” Oddly enough, Woods seemed to start going downhill when he started focusing more between his ears than between his legs.

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Rudy Giuliani, not backing down, now says ““You know, President Obama didn’t live through September 11, I did.” Shocking. Mostly shocking that Rudy didn’t somehow use 9-11 in his original “Obama doesn’t love America” statement.

 

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More from  Giuliani. ““What I don’t find with Obama is a really deep knowledge of history. I think it’s a dilettante’s knowledge of history.” So has anyone asked Rudy what he thinks of, for starters, Oklahoma Republicans trying to ban AP US History classes in schools?

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Another reason why good manners are important. Karma can be one mean impressive b*tch sometimes. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/…/Commuter-swears-man-way-interv…

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MLB and the players unions have agreed to changes to speed up the game – enforcement of the rule that players keep one foot in the batter’s box, and stadium clocks for pitching changes and inning breaks. So who knows, maybe this year they can get an average Red Sox-Yankees game down to four hours.

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Pablo Sandoval dismissed criticism over his weight in a Spanish interview with ESPNDeportes, saying “Let them talk… It will never change me or the player I am.” Actually with this winter in Boston Panda could have just said he was storing up fat for hibernation.

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A bipartisan group in Congress is working on legislation to require Amtrak to allow small pets (under 20 pounds) on train trips of less than 750 miles. Let’s hope they’re specific. Cats and dogs make sense. But not sure we want “motherf***ing snakes on motherf***ing trains.”

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No deaths or injuries thankfully from a major fire at a luxury skyscraper in Dubai. But maybe it’s tempting fate a bit much to name a building “The Torch.”

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Pete Carroll said he’ll miss competing against Jim Harbaugh now that Harbaugh’s returned to the college game. Well a few more calls like the end of the Super Bowl and Pete might be back with Jim.

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Can you see me now?

Posted February 19, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

A Canadian PhD student says he has developed a topical cream that can remove tattoos easily and without pain. If this cream actually ends up available to for sale I think we’ve just figured the answer to an often pressing question. “What do I buy for a college graduation present?”

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Roger Goodell, 56, ran the 40 yard dash this week, in a very respectable 5.53 seconds. Assume Goodell did it by imagining he was running away from tough questions.

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The San Diego Chargers and Oakland Raiders are talking about building a joint stadium together in Los Angeles. Makes some sense. And it’s not like the new stadium would need to set aside much space for future Super Bowl trophies.

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Police who have accused Warren Sapp of soliciting prostitution and assault say that the former NFL star not only paid for oral sex, he filmed it on his cellphone. Nice of Sapp to do their evidence gathering for them. ‪#‎cantfixstupid

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So now FIFA has decided that the 2022 World Cup in Qatar will be played in November-December, right in the middle of the European Cup Season. But hey, the weather should only be in the 80s. And why should FIFA care about European soccer anyway, Qatar should have the World Cup they bought and paid for.

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Tiger Woods has decided he will not play in next week’s Honda Classic at PGA National.    Tiger must really need some time away from the game – it would only be two rounds of golf.

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Former NBA star Jerome Kersey passed away today way too young at the age of 52. Kersey won a single championship, with the San Antonio Spurs in 1999. How long ago and yet how recent was that? One of his teammates was Steve Kerr.  And the MVP of the finals was Tim Duncan.

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Rudy Giuliani, speaking at a dinner for Scott Walker with about 60 wealthy Republican executives and conservative media. “I do not believe that the president loves America. He doesn’t love you. And he doesn’t love me.” Well Giuliani got two out of three right.

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The Big Ten says they are looking into the idea of making freshmen athletes ineligible for competition. The idea being to give them “a year of readiness” to adjust to college life. So is the conference also presumably thinking of giving up on D1 college basketball?

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The NBA season resumed post-All Star break tonight. Which means we only have about two months until the two-month postseason starts.

 

From T.C.  “Memo to all players at Yankee Spring Training: Since we are running out of traditional numbers, please submit a request for a “letter or double letter” uniform in case the number you want is unavailable. The letters BB (bat boy); DD (our well endowed left field foul line girl) and FU (in case Randy Johnson comes out of retirement) are already taken.”

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One direction?

Posted February 18, 2015 by left coast sports babe
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GM Trent Baalke on Jim Harbaugh: “We’ve moved on…. I feel very good about the direction we’re headed and I’m sure he does as well.” Yeah, actually it wouldn’t surprise me if Harbaugh feels VERY good about the direction in which the 49ers are headed…..

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So in Boston, they are offering free Red Sox tickets to residents who help shovel show away from fire hydrants. If New York gets another storm they are thinking of a different strategy, anyone who doesn’t help with the snow will get free Knicks tickets.

 

The beagle that won “Best in Show” at the Westminster Dog Show, and thus became “America’s Dog”, is actually Canadian. Another immigrant taking something away from Americans. I blame Obama.

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A New Jersey high school teacher has been indicted by a grand jury for allegedly having for sex with 6 different students. 6 students?! So clearly we do have a serious problem in our schools with overcrowding.

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Browns coach Mike Pettine just said of Johnny Manziel’s issues, that “we had the same information everyone else in the league had. It turns out to be a deeper-rooted thing than we thought.” Is Cleveland planning on changing their mascot to an ostrich?

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Mississippi just passed the “Jesus Take the Wheel” act, which would exempt drivers of mid-sized church buses (up to 30 passengers) from having a commercial driver’s license. Well, this is one way to get more people praying on the road.

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Pamela Anderson has filed for divorce from Rick Salomon for the THIRD time. And this is the type of marriage some conservatives are working so hard to defend?

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United Airlines plans to slightly increase capacity this year. And apparently 50% of the growth will come from the installation of “slim line” seats on 450 planes. Will United be installing these additional seats on their aircraft with a shoehorn?

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Some are criticizing Joe Biden for putting his hands on Ash Carter’s wife’s shoulders. And really, it wasn’t very Presidential of him. Clearly Joe should have also given her a neck massage.

 

In Orlando, a woman was arrested when she walked naked down a residential street and stopped traffic by masturbating in public. Some Americans responded to this story with shock, others with “that’s Florida,” and Bostonians with “You can walk outside without a coat on?”

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Scott Walker says that criticizing him for dropping out of college during his senior year is “elitist.” I think I like Sarah Palin’s “higher calling” better.

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Little Caesar’s is offering a new deep dish pizza which is not just topped with pepperoni and back, its crust is wrapped in bacon. Does it come with free sides of statins and beta-blockers?

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From Marc Ragovin. “I would put more stock in A-Rod’s letter of apology to Yankees fans if he hadn’t written it in disappearing ink.

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From T.C.  Handwriting experts have analyed A-Rod’s written apology and concluded that he writes like a girl and has a massive ego. So does this mean he had his ex-squeeze Madonna pen his apology for him?

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Mount MIT

Posted February 18, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

mit

The California drought and warm weather means U.S. Ski and Snowboard Association has had to cancel a World Cup competition that was to be held in March at Squaw Valley.. Maybe they can move it to Boston?

 

The above photo is for real, built by MIT students.

 

In Washington, snow has shut the federal government, and according to a headline “330,000 are without power.” 330,001 if you count Joe Biden.

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This weekend in Lake Placid all living members of the 1980 U.S. Olympic hockey team will reunite for the 35th anniversary of the “Miracle on Ice.” Meanwhile, in Boston, they are hoping for a “Miracle to get rid of the Ice.”

 

ESPN reports that investigators have found that a Patriots locker-room attendant tried to insert an unapproved football into their playoff game against the Colts. So have they also found how much New England might be paying this guy for throwing himself under the bus?

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Over 23 million people watched NBC’s SNL’s 40th anniversary special Sunday night. Wonder how many of them had to first find out what channel NBC is these days?

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Pablo Sandoval has shown up to spring training looking, well, large.  Guess the Panda hasn’t had any problems finding the bakeries and restaurants in Boston’s North End.

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Several hundred teenagers in Ococee, FL stormed a movie theater after employees said they were not accompanied by adults, and refused to sell them tickets to “Fifty Shades of Grey,” If only they had been armed.

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Ahmad Bradshaw was cited for possession of a small amount of marijuana by the Ohio Highway Patrol. But he wasn’t arrested, and the citation is payable without a court appearance. So basically, Ohio  just has a marijuana tax?

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Kobe Bryant says he isn’t retiring. “I thought the Spurs were done 20 years ago. Those guys are still winning. … I’m hoping I can have the same rebirth.” Uh, except, Kobe, San Antonio doesn’t need an expensive backup shooting guard.

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A 92 year-old-driver lost control of his minivan outside a Piggly Wiggly in Wisconsin, then panicked and hit a total of 9 other cars in the parking lot. Police say the man will not be ticketed, but he’s presumably been offered a spot in the next “Senior Demolition Derby.”

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If you can ice break it there, you’ll make it anywhere…..

Posted February 17, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: , , , , , ,

New York’s East River is clogged with ice flows. How long until the Circle Line starts trying to make extra money by doing Titanic-themed cruises?

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We’re already up to Winter storms Neptune and Octavia. So what happens in another few weeks… do they start with Roman numbers?

 

The Yankees today announced that not only will they retire Andy Pettitte’s #46, they will also retire Bernie Williams’s #51 and Jorge Posada’s #20. So who will be the first Bronx Bomber to wear triple digits?

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When the Yankees announced they were retiring  Andy Petitte’s number, it prompted this tweet “”Congrats to 46. Yankees retiring his number. Hopefully they don’t retire it like his HGH testimony,” This from Petitte’s former teammate Chuck Knoblauch. So just guessing those two won’t be on the same team for the next Yankees’ old-timers game?

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A 20-year-old American man is out of intensive care after being repeatedly gored during a bull-running festival in Spain, including a major wound in his thigh area. So just MAYBE Darwin’s mission has been accomplished here.

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Sorry to hear of the death of former SF Giants coach Wendell Kim, only 64. But thinking that in a softball game in Heaven, Kim’s already waving Ernie Banks around third.

 

Barry Zito has signed a minor-league trade deadline with the As. Makes sense. He has a comfortable history with the team. And if Barry does well, presumably he can count on Oakland trading him to a contender mid-season.

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Lesley Gore, 68, who sang the hit “It’s my party,” has passed away. Presumably attendees at her funeral will be told they can “cry if they want to.”

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#‎JasonGiambi‬, 44, is retiring. “So young?” asked Jamie Moyer.

 

When a 20 yr-old New Jersey man who’d been drinking crashed a car, he returned in another car with a friend, also allegedly drunk, to pour water on the road. The idea being to make it look like he’d spun out on black ice.

A policeman saw them, along with the empty buckets, and both men were arrested. You’d think if the guy could think of something this creatively weird, he’d have been able to think to call a cab?

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The weather has been so bad back East that most Americans trying to honor our Presidents Monday had to resort to shopping online.

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Sarah Palin last night on SNL40 to Jerry Seinfeld –
“Just curious, Jerry, how much do you think Lorne Michaels would pay me if I were to run in 2016?”
“Run for president? Sarah, I don’t think there’s a number too big.”
“OK, just hypothetically then, what if I were to choose Donald Trump as my running mate?”

So does Palin actually have a sense of humor, or a fundraising strategy?

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Still sleepless after all these years.

Posted February 16, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

SNL’s first ever episode from 1975 last night. Of course anyone old enough to have seen the original probably is too old to stay up for it.

 

Oregon has the nation’s first bi-sexual governor. As opposed to all the governors over the years who would just buy sex.

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As we approach spring training, some wonder how Alex Rodriguez will be received by the fans this year. Fortunately A-Rod can always count on the support of his biggest fan, the man in the mirror.

 

The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile was damaged in a crash this weekend in Pennsylvania. Hope the driver wasn’t hot-dogging it.

 

It may not always have been funny. And sometimes you watch and wonder if any part of a given night be funny. But it’s not just that SNL has lasted for 40 years. But that almost every American adult can almost instantly rattle off their 5, 10, 20 or more favorite sketches.

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#‎Bassomatic‬. SNL reminds us once again that there was actually a drink that sounded worse than a kale smoothie. ‪#‎SNL40‬

 

Who knew ‪#‎MileyCyrus‬ could perform with all her clothes on? ‪#‎SNL40‬

 

 

Why oh why couldn’t ‪#‎SNL40‬ have had one or more people storm the stage to interrupt ‪#‎KanyeWest‬ tonight?

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Louis Jourdan, Gaston in Gigi, has died at the age of 93. One of my all-time favorite movies. Even if these days Gaston might have been arrested as a sex offender because Gigi was underage.

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As we approach spring training, some wonder how Alex Rodriguez will be received by the fans this year. Fortunately A-Rod can always count on the support of his biggest fan, the man in the mirror.

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The Oscar Mayer Wienermobile was damaged in a crash this weekend in Pennsylvania. Hope the driver wasn’t hot-dogging it.

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Oregon State’s men’s basketball team had their Alaska Airlines flight home from Los Angeles delayed yesterday after a scorpion stung a woman onboard. Wonder who was the first to say “I’ve had it with these motherf***ing scorpions on this motherf***king plane.”

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In Vegas, the Chicago Cubs are only 6 to 1 to win the pennant and 10 to 1 to win the World Series. “And you think I have problems with reality?” asks Brian Williams.

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Kim Kardashian has apparently told friends she feels neglected by the media because they are all focused on her stepfather/stepmother Bruce Jenner. “I feel so sorry for her” said absolutely, positively nobody.

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Shifty story for the day. In Concord, CA, a would-be carjacker forced a man out of his car this morning at gunpoint, but couldn’t drive off because he didn’t know how to operate a manual transmission. (And most of my younger FB friends are probably thinking, what’s a manual transmission?)

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7 people were injured and 5 were taken to a hospital when a United flight from Newark to Honolulu experienced turbulence. It could have been worse. At least they’re not back in New Jersey.

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Kim Kardashian has apparently told friends she feels neglected by the media because they are all focused on her stepfather/stepmother Bruce Jenner. “I feel so sorry for her” said absolutely, positively nobody.

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Over an $81 million box office gross for “Fifty Shades of Grey” so far. Right, because how many men are on Valentine’s weekend are going to tell their wives/girlfriends -“Oh, a flimsy romantic story that’s really more like soft-core porn, nah, I’ll pass.”.

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Judgment day?

Posted February 14, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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The NY Yankees apparently have told Alex Rodriguez he could use Yankee Stadium as a location to make a public apology. What, along the lines of “Today I consider myself the scuzziest man in America.”?

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Apparently some people are more upset than usual that they didn’t win the Powerball lottery. Because one of three winners was from Puerto Rico – – and you know, damn foreigners…. No joke. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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So cold in New York All-Star game weekend that the players won’t even be able to hit the streets looking for their future baby-mamas.

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Jeb Bush, when asked Friday about the Iraq and Afghanistan wars his brother started – “I won’t talk about the past.” Does Jeb want to be President, or Mark McGwire?

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Major League Baseball is thinking of shrinking the strike zone to attract younger fans. Of course, maybe if the sport REALLY wanted younger fans maybe they would have not scheduled all the World Series games for the past several years to start after 830p Eastern time and finish around midnight.‪#‎pastbedtimes‬

 

I know the San Francisco Bay Area is experiencing near record high temperatures while the Midwest and East Coast freeze. But the SF Chronicle running an online article today about the best outdoor bars in town is probably adding insult to injury.

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In Fresno, an 8-yr-old girl is recovering after being shot by her 10-yr-old sister with a handgun that their father had left on a bed in their home. Dad’s job? He’s a county sheriff’s deputy. ‪#‎howdoyoustopastupidgoodguywithagun‬?

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#‎ValentinesDay‬ is a tough day for many people. On the other hand it’s followed by ‪#‎HalfPriceCandy‬ day!

 

 

Bad news for Dodgers fans, the 2015 season may still be in a TV blackout. Worse news for Lakers fans. The rest of their 2015 season won’t be.

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Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker was asked in London whether he believes in the theory of evolution, and responded. “I’m going to punt on that one…. That’s a question a politician shouldn’t be involved in one way or the other.” Evolution is a “question”? We’ve had stupid in politics for a while, but when did it become a virtue?

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Free space?

Posted February 13, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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Ruth Bader Ginsburg said she dozed off during the President’s SOTU because she “was not 100% sober.” Cool. So even Supreme Court members play that drinking game!

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Unluckiest men on ‪#‎Fridaythe13th‬?. Those who have forgotten ‪#‎ValentinesDay‬ is  #Saturdaythe14th

 

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With Boston snowed in for the foreseeable future, and another storm on the way, have to wonder. Is this going to result in an increase in Massachusetts birth rates, or murders? Or both?

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A poll shows that for the first time, a majority of New Jersey voters view Chris Christie unfavorably. So does that mean the Governor is starting to look presidential?

 

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman,  who is against legalized sports betting. “Do you want people at football and basketball games rooting for the spread or rooting for their favorite team?” Spoken like a man who hasn’t been to very many football and basketball games.

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Ray Rice sent an apology letter to Baltimore Ravens fans: “To all the kids who looked up to me, I’m truly sorry for letting you down, but I hope it’s helped you learn that one bad decision can turn your dream into a nightmare. There is no excuse for domestic violence.” Who knows if Rice will play in the NFL again though. Now had he only been involved in a murder, instead….

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Miami has been picked to host the 2017 MLB All-Star Game. They had been scheduled to host in 2000, but were stripped of the game after their 1997 World Series win and fire sale. So if the Marlins win in 2015 and then repeat the dismantling has baseball threatened to strip them again?

 

 

 

All this scare mongering about illegal immigrants who might be bringing diseases into the U.S.   Wonder how long it will take for the rest of the world, including Europe, to start tightening entry rules for American tourists, since they have no way of knowing which of us are unvaccinated.

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Oregon Gov. John Kitzhaber has resigned. Saying he has become “a liability to his state.” Well, if that were the criteria there’d be a lot of empty governor’s mansions.

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A few years ago who had John Daly making more cuts so far in 2015 than Tiger Woods?

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Singapore Airlines said yesterday it will reduce its fuel surcharges later this month. U.S. Airlines are thinking of doing the same, as soon as they can figure out new fees to offset the reduction.

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Okay, really? The The Philadelphia Eagles issued a statement saying they are not responsible for Riley Cooper being the featured player for February in the team’s official 2015 calendar. Cooper was seen on video in 2013 using racial slurs at a concert. And February is Black History Month. ‪#‎canwealllightenup‬? (no racial slur intended.)

 

From Bill Littletjohn.  “Riley Cooper was the featured player for the Eagles’ Black History Month. Isn’t that like featuring the Patriots’ ball boy in an ad for Big O Tires?”

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Tortured thoughts?

Posted February 13, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Reviews of “50 Shades of Grey” aren’t great. But in New York, anyone wanting to see some real torture can always buy Knicks tickets.

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So the reason the Chicago Little League team had to forfeit their U.S. championship is that they had gerrymandered the borders of where players needed to live. Idiots. That’s no way to win in baseball. It, is, however, a good way to get elected to Congress.

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Jimmy Buffett, 68, is touring again. Only now he doesn’t need margaritas to forget where he put that shaker of salt.

 

NBC now says they are investigating Brian Williams’ claims that he was a witness to the fall of the Berlin Wall and met Pope John Paul II in 1979. Not sure if Williams will ever get his anchor job back, but he may well be on the short list to star in a Forrest Gump remake.

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Gatorade is bringing the 1991 “Be Like Mike” jingle for an ad during the NBA All-Star Game. Which will be great for long-time sports fans. Have to wonder if the younger generation’s response will be “Who’s Mike?”

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An ESPN poll of 500 college coaches found almost 60% would like to change the men’s basketball shot clock changing from the current 35 seconds to 30 seconds. Well, makes sense, with all these one-and-dones, it’s tough to expect all these kids to be able to count that high.

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The NYPD confirmed today that the driver of the livery cab who crashed and killed “60 Minutes” reporter Bob Simon had two traffic convictions and his license had been suspended at least 6 times. And some people are worried about UberX drivers?

 

 

From T.C.  “Tiger Woods is leaving the  PGA Tour until he gets his game back together. Johnny Manziel says, “you can do that?”

and T.C. and I with a combined joke:  “The Atlanta Falcons have pleaded guilty to pumping in fake crowd noise during their home games.  Wonder what this means for the NY Jets’ plans to pump in a fake laugh track?”

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Well, this should dispel all rumors that Jeb Bush is too old and out of touch to run for president. He posted all his personal emails from when he was governor. Except that apparently some of those emails had the names, birthdates and Social Security numbers of about 12,000 people. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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Rush Limbaugh has decided that Jon Stewart is leaving the “The Daily Show” is that the Democratic Party’s future is so grim and “Stewart has blamed everything gone wrong on the Republicans. After 16 years, what is there left for (him) to blame on the Republicans?”
Okay, it’s an opinion. But does this also mean that after 2016 Limbaugh is sure there won’t be another Republican in the White House to blame things on…?

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Can you hear me now?

Posted February 12, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Kanye West told Ryan Seacrest that “voices in my head” told him to go on stage at the Grammys and rant against Beck. How come these “voices’ in people’s heads never tell them to sit down and shut up?

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Ice is being trucked into Levi’s Stadium for an outdoor NHL game between the San Jose Sharks and LA Kings, Feb 21. So for one night the place will be almost as cold as the last meeting between Jim Harbaugh and Jed York.

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Jerry Tarkanian, 84, has passed away. Out of habit the NCAA has launched an investigation.

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In France, “Fifty Shades Of Grey” has been given the second lowest age rating, so children 12 and up will be able to see the film in theaters. In related news, millions of American kids have suddenly asked their parents about a family spring break in Paris.

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U.S. Little League champions Jackie Robinson West have been stripped of their wins for cheating. Alas, looks like these kids (or at least their parents and coaches)  are indeed ready for the big leagues.

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Oregon’s governor John Kitzhaber is facing calls for his resignation over him using his fiancee as an advisor, and paying her $118,000. And in Illinois and Louisiana they’re sniffing “Amateurs!”

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A young woman who was hired at a Texas pizza restaurant tweeted out “Ew I start this **** *** job tomorrow.” When another employee saw it, he told the owner who tweeted back “And….no you don’t start that ** job today! I just fired you! Good luck with your no money, no job life!” Ah for the good old days when to be that foolishly indiscreet you had to have someone actually overhear your complaining. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

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NBA analyst Greg Anthony has a plea deal where his soliciting prostitution charge will be dropped in exchange for 32 hours of community service and stays out of trouble for four months.” Four months. Hmm. Might be good news for escort services working the NBA finals.

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Montana State Rep David Moore today introduced a bill to expand the state’s indecent exposure rule to include both male and female nipple exposure, and  “any device, costume, or covering that gives the appearance of or simulates the genitals, pubic hair, anus region, or pubic hair region.” Moore added “Yoga pants should be illegal in public anyway.” Just guessing this is a man who never wants to take his family on vacation to Florida.

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Picked up a little pot of tulips. Small stick with care instructions in the soil. Ending with “For decoration only. Do not consume.” And they assume anyone dumb enough to eat tulips is smart enough to read instructions? ‪#‎cantfixstupid

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Three “contestants” from Juan Pablo Galavis’s 2013 stint on “The Bachelor” have gotten engaged or married since the show was over. Well, the “reality” show probably did perform those women a service. After time with Juan Pablo, most other men look pretty good by comparison.

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The Costa Concordia captain was sentenced today to 16 years. Only 6 months for each life that was lost.   But some satisfaction for victims’ families at least in knowing he will be “pushed into” a cell.

 

From Chaunce Ball.  “Have to admire Bruce Jenner’s timing. He waited to start the transition until he was too old to go through menopause.”

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Approaching our last moment of zen?

Posted February 10, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Say it ain’t so, Jon. Jon Stewart announced today that he is stepping down as host of The Daily Show. Has he decided that yes, indeed, these days there really is no satire?

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And this after Stewart may have the best comment on this whole Brian Williams mess: “Finally, someone is being held to account for misleading America about the Iraq war.”

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NBC suspended Brian Williams for 6 months, saying his lies had “jeopardized” the network’s credibility. Wait, NBC had credibility?

 

On a brighter note for NBC,  the NBC Nightly News had its largest total viewership in four weeks.  Maybe other networks will start trying to dig up dirt on their own anchors?

 

Richie Incognito has agreed to a deal with the Buffalo Bills. Wait, I thought Rex Ryan said “we’re going to build a bully,” not sign one.

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ESPN reported that of Gregg Popovich’s 1,000 wins, 921 have been with Tim Duncan. To put that bromance in perspective, 921 is more wins than the Miami Heat have EVER in their history.  (805 as of today.)

 

As a result of a lawsuit filed against him by his daughter, a New Orleans judge ruled that Saints & Pelicans owner Tom Benson, 87, will be required to undergo a psychiatric evaluation to determine mental competency. Now, clearly Benson is old. But if mental competency was required for an NFL or NBA owner, there would be a lot of vacant chairs at those owner’s meetings.

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Security researcher Mark Burnett this week posted a database containing 10 million usernames and passwords. So were at least 9 million of them 123456789?

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Alex Rodriguez, 39, reportedly told Barry Bonds “l want to take your (home run) record..” Not exactly sure he could get over 100 more home runs without a supplement made from flying pigs, but A-Rod might be one of the few active sluggers who could make Bonds look lovable by comparison.

 

Today in a meeting at Yankee Stadium, A-Rod apparently apologized to the team for his PED suspension. So did he just read from a copy of the same apology speech he gave in 2009?  (“It was very loose. I was young. I was stupid. I was naive. And I wanted to prove to everyone that I was worth being one of the greatest players of all time. I did take a banned substance. And for that, I am very sorry and deeply regretful.”)

 

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Marilyn Hartman, 63, was arrested repeatedly at SFO for trying to sneak onto planes, and at LAX after flying from San Jose without a ticket. Now she’s been arrested in Florida after flying ticket-free from Minneapolis to Jacksonville, where she checked in under another guest’s name. Kind of makes you feel real warm and fuzzy about TSA, doesn’t it.

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Ethan Czahor, founder of “Hipster.com“, and the new chief technology officer for Jeb Bush’s PAC,  “resigned” tonight, after removing “inappropriate” tweets from his personal account.
Those tweets, dating from 2009-10, included a number of racist and homophobic jokes, along with others that referred to women as sluts. But maybe the real recent Bush let him go?   That Czahor, who is YOUNG enough to know better, didn’t know enough not to post this sort of stuff in the first place.

And for that matter, doesn’t Jeb have anyone on his staff who knows how to use Google on potential new hires?”

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Iowa’s Joni Ernst, who calls herself the Senate’s first female “combat veteran”, is defending herself after it’s been pointed out she was a National Guard Company commander for 13 months. But her unit was never attacked nor in a firefight. Well cut her some slack, maybe Ernst’s real dream job isn’t in Washington, but in network news.

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50 Shades of Red-faced?

Posted February 9, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

As we approach the premiere of “Fifty Shades of Gray,” expect all sorts of potentially embarrassing moments at the theater. For #1 may I suggest, bringing a date and running into your parents.

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Michelle Obama says that the former White House chef banned boxed macaroni and cheese and told them “cheese dust is not food.” Stand by for a rebuttal from John Boehner and the orange lobby.

 

Open note to any young person thinking of a career in television news. Maybe us grownups might have been able to get away with a tall tale or two. But these days it doesn’t matter how trivial the lie, even if it’s not bothering to wash your hands in a public restroom.. Someone will have seen it, and they probably have cellphone video.

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At the University of Texas, a frat house is facing criticism for an alleged “border patrol” party last weekend near campus. Really? They couldn’t have just done something classier like “Pimps and prostitutes?”

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Alabama today became the 37th state to allow same-sex marriage. In some ways am amazed more conservatives aren’t applauded. Not only is it less government intrusion into private lives, same-sex couples mean less dealing with that abortion issue.

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Three major snowstorms in Boston in three weeks. Is this the moment where a house-hunting Pablo Sandoval looks at his agent and says “Uh, why didn’t you tell me about this?” ‪#‎70inSFthisweek‬

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So a guy pays a prostitute $70, then falls asleep afterwards and she steals his gun from the hotel room. Florida? Nope, Reno, Nevada. And the man in question is a policeman. Who has now been suspended. Sometimes its not just crooks who are stupid.

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Brett Favre posted today on his website: “I’m pleased to announce that I will be returning to Green Bay, Wisconsin in 2015 for induction into the Green Bay Packers Hall of Fame and retirement of my jersey.” How much do we want the Packers to issue their own statement “Uh, Brett, we’re thinking we might want to hold the ceremony in 2016, or 2017. Can you hold on while we decide?”

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Yahoo mail has been running an ad lately. “Girlfriend needed. No games, Just real guys looking for a faithful women (sic.)” Gotcha, so nothing about the guy being faithful. And clearly a woman who isn’t too picky about grammar.

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NBA Commissioner Adam Silver said today that Knicks owner Jamesm Dolan won’t be fined for an angry email in response to a fan, saying “Jim is a consummate New Yorker. Jim got an unkind email and responded with an unkind email.” So this mean Silver can still fine owners from places like Charlotte and New Orleans because Southerners are supposed to be more gracious?

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The Daily Mail is reporting that Charles Manson’s fiancée “only wanted to marry him so she could put his corpse on display in a glass coffin after he died.” Who knew it was possible Charlie might get a run for his money on being the creepiest one in a relationship?

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Parenthood isn’t what it used to be. From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg:

“Me: Ann Caroline, come down here and listen to AC/DC on the GRAMMYs.
AC: Dad, I’m doing my homework.
Me: YOU STOP THAT HOMEWORK AND COME AND LISTEN TO “HIGHWAY TO HELL,” YOUNG LADY.

What has happened to my world?”

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Wow, just wow. Not sure what I could possibly add to this. FOX’s Eric Bolling, upset about Obama’s prayer breakfast speech: “Reports say radical Muslim jihadists killed thousands of people in the past few months alone. And yet when you take Christianity, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, whatever, their combined killings in the name of religion––well, that would be zero.”

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Do you hear what I hear?

Posted February 9, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

The Grammys were tonight. For many of us a chance to really feel old. As not in “I don’t like that music” but “who is that anyway”?

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Confused though.   Were the ‪#‎GRAMMYs‬ honoring ‪#‎SamSmith‬ tonight, or ‪#‎TomPetty‬?

 

Apparently climbers in the Andes say have found the wreck of a LAN Chile plane that disappeared in April, 1961 with 34 people on board. Stay tuned for the CNN special on what this may mean about the disappearance of MH 370.

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The NBA has fined Clippers point guard Chris Paul $25,000 for his comments about referee Lauren Holtkamp. Sounds like one commissioner at least remembers that his sport has female fans.

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Random sidelight to this Chris Paul comments controversy, it’s worth nothing that having a female assistant coach, Becky Hammon, doesn’t seem to have hurt the Spurs too much this year. ‪#‎girlpower‬

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The Powerball jackpot is up to $450 million. And alas in America more people probably think they’re going to win it than think they have a chance of getting sick without being vaccinated.

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It just gets worse for Brian Williams, today, the embattled NBC anchor was alleged to have referred to the NY Knicks as a professional basketball team

 

Brian Williams has backed out of a scheduled appearance on David Letterman Thursday. Okay,  friends and readers, shall we start a “Top Ten Reasons Why?”

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Dean Smith, 83, has passed away. He wasn’t the father of the shot clock. But he created the need for one. ‪

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At Dean Smith’s funeral, will programs be passed slowly around the church for an hour before the ceremony starts?

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Left-handed pitcher, Sarah Hudek, who throws in the mid 80s, just signed a letter of intent for a scholarship at Louisiana’s Bossier Parish Community College. Good luck to the young woman, and hey, she’s already 20 mph or so ahead of Barry Zito.

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Bill Cosby had scheduled shows in Boston tonight. After the rape allegations became public, the theater originally offered upset ticket holders who called their money back, but later announced no further refunds would be given. Now with the latest storm, the shows have been cancelled. Game, set and match to Mother Nature.

 

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NASA has released a video of the far side of the moon. Is it set to a Pink Floyd soundtrack?

 

As if we needed proof, again, that being a star athlete has nothing to do with intelligence, common sense, or even at times decency…. Chipper Jones apologized for tweeting Friday “So the FBI comes out and confirms that Sandy Hook was a hoax! Where’s the outrage? What else are we being lied to about? Waco? JFK? Pfff…”

Jones apologized yesterday, said he was “irresponsible,” but had “heard something from someone which I thought to be credible and tweeted w/out researching.” Notes to Chipper. 1. Use the internet. 2. Use your head. 3. Drop that “someone” as a source. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

Comments: 2 Comments

And that’s the way it is. Well, kinda, sorta….

Posted February 7, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: , , , , , ,

Note to Brian Williams. Forrest Gump was a fantasy movie, not a mission statement.

 

Now that ‪#‎BrianWilliams‬ has stepped down most the trusted newscaster in America might well be ‪#‎JonStewart‬

 

A serious thought about Brian Williams, as Dr. Gregory House once said, “Everybody lies.” And most parents have a version of the “walking to school three miles in the snow, uphill both ways” story for their kids. But when your entire career is based on trustworthiness, thinking he should have stepped down maybe less for the lie, than his stupidity in thinking that he was always going to get away with it.

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Bruce Jenner was involved in a multi-vehicle accident in Southern California. And of course it would be inappropriate for anyone to make women driver jokes.

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Browns QB Brian Hoyer said today that the NFL’s investigation of text-messages from the Cleveland front office could affect his thinking if he becomes a free agent. Well, or at least it sounds classier than saying “I don’t want to work for any team that thought it was a good idea to draft Johnny Train Wreck.”

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A GOP congressman from Maine is being criticized by many conservatives for his vote this week against a proposal to repeal Obamacare. But Bruce Poliquin says that while he is against the ACA, he thinks a replacement plan should be ready first, and besides, the House has already voted against it many times. “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.”

Is this guy trying to be drummed out of the Republican party for excessive common sense?

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Chevrolet has decided that per Tom Brady’s wishes, they will give the truck he won as Super Bowl MVP directly to Malcolm Butler instead. The only thing, instead of Brady, the rookie will now have to pay the income taxes on the $35,000 the company says the Chevy Colorado is worth. You’d think they would have at least tried to underinflate the truck’s value.

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San Francisco Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone wants to put morals clauses in Catholic school teacher contracts, whereby they could be punished or dismissed for (his quote) “escorting a woman into an abortion clinic, handing out contraception to students, or for being a member of a white supremacist group.” Right, because whatever your beliefs, those three things are SO equivalent.

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But hey, pedophilia?  Crickets.  Everything that is not forbidden…

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A Florida woman just gave birth to a 14 pound baby boy. FSU immediately offered the child a football scholarship.

 

Increasingly the ‪#‎Knicks‬ at Madison Square Garden are less a road game for most ‪#‎NBA‬ teams than an expense paid vacation to New York

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New commissioner Rob Manfred says MLB will start awarding the All-Star games by a Super Bowl-type bidding process. And the Yankees and Dodgers are thinking, “Great, can we just doing the World Series the same way?”

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Didn’t see it coming.

Posted February 7, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

After a disappointing season, the Tennessee Titans released OT Michael Oher. Hope he wasn’t blindsided by the news.

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Aaron Hernandez’s lawyer in his murder trial was jokingly asked a state police trooper if he had “training in football deflation devices.” Sounds like the former Patriot actually found a lawyer as dumb as he is.

 

The NFL fined 4 players from $8268 to $10,000 for their roles in the brawl at the end of the Super Bowl. Good to see the league has its priorities in order. Hitting people is almost as bad as wearing the wrong brand of clothing.

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NY Yankees officials says they have now agreed to a sit-down meeting with A-Rod. Ah yes, an early sign that spring is approaching. The circus is coming to town.

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For all those who think they might be the most insane baseball fans they know, San Francisco has finally gotten their first storm of 2015. Serious rain and wind. But some hardcore folks are already camping outside AT&T Park for tomorrow morning’s SF Giants “FanFest.”

 

Open note to Chris Paul, who has always seemed like an enlightened and decent guy, and I am sure didn’t meant to start a firestorm by criticizing one of the two NBA’s female refs: (“We try to get the ball out fast every time down the court, and when we did that, she said, ‘Uh-uh.’ I said, ‘Why, uh-uh?’ And she gave me a tech. That’s ridiculous. If that’s the case, this might not be for her.” )

It’s time for a simple statement, “I was criticizing an official because I didn’t like the calls. I thought and think they were wrong. It had NOTHING to do with her gender. I fully support the NBA’s hiring of female officials. Now let’s move on.”

 

 

 

In Northern California television news stations have put their drought stories on hold for a few days to be replaced by “Stormwatch.”

 

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Occasional disclaimer. If you’ve found my blog because of the sports jokes,   I do jokes about both sports and politics. And I realize that half the country won’t agree with my views.  Though I like to consider myself a moderate, and try to pick on both sides, even  if I pick on one side more than others….  (more material)  In any case, if  you don’t like the political jokes, please feel free to ignore. Or comment. Even criticize n comments.. Just please keep it civil.

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Former Miss. GOP state Sen Tim Johnson announced yesterday he is switching parties. “Why join the Democratic Party and run for lieutenant governor? I’ll tell you: We are all Mississippians first. Elected officials should be in the business of helping all Mississippians, not picking out who to hurt.

“The Republican Party leaders’ actions against supporting Medicaid expansion and threatening our local hospitals was the final, deciding factor for me.”

This is Mississippi, folks. Will Johnson’s campaign mascot be a flying pig?.

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Note to GOP men: On the subject of rape, STFU.

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Horrible indeed. After being made to watch his friends burned alive, he recanted his religion in writing. When he later felt ashamed, and publicly denied the conversion, he was himself publicly burned alive, but put his right hand, which had written the recantation, first into the flame, saying, “this hand has offended.”

Another Mideast horror story? Nope, Archbishop Thomas Cranmer. And these burnings all done by order of Queen Mary 1 of England, 1555-56

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Mistakes were made, but maybe by me?

Posted February 5, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Maybe we should cut Brian Williams some slack. After all, he still may be dealing with PTSD from his near drowning as a young man on the Titanic.

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Anyone but me want to see ‪#‎LanceArmstrong‬ vs. ‪#‎BrianWilliams‬ in a rousing game of Liar’s Dice?

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Putting their names to paper on signing day is a big deal for top high school football recruits. For many of them it is the only time in their college careers they will actually have to write.

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Kyle Kendrick just signed a $5.5 million contract with the Rockies. Last year he had a 10-13 record with a 4.61 ERA with the Phillies. Well, guess Colorado figures Kendrick will perform better in a pitcher’s park?

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Tiger Woods has withdrawn from the PGA Tour’s Farmers Insurance Open, leaving midway through the first round with a back injury. So over at ESPN, they no longer have to worry this weekend about covering golf.

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Sarah Palin has apparently accepted an invitation to appear on “Saturday Night Live”‘s 40th anniversary special Feb 16.. Well, kudos to Sarah for being a good sport. But wonder if she or SNL are trying harder to prove they are still relevant?

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So many critics of Obamacare worried about government involvement in healthcare resulting in serious privacy breaches.  This Anthem story is probably not what they mean when they said the private sector could do it better.

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In Seattle, a medical marijuana dispensary has opened a vending machine. Wonder if buyer can get their Doritos from the same machine?

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Radio Shack has filed for bankruptcy and said they will sell stores. Many Americans under 40 are thinking “What’s Radio Shack?” Still younger Americans are thinking “What’s a Radio?”

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So court papers say Conrad Hilton Jr. did not call British Airways flight attendants “f***ing peasants.” That’s what he called the other passengers. But he did accuse the attendants of “taking the peasants’ side” and bragged that he was already banned by other airlines. Well, whatever happens in the trial I think this young man can add another airline to that list.

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During a House Rules Committee argument Monday, Congressman Alcee Hastings referred to Texas as a “crazy state.” Well, Hastings should know. He’s from Florida.

 

 

 

New MLB commissioner Rob Manfred says that reinstating Pete Rose is a “conversation I’m willing to have.” This after Bud Selig had said Pete would only get back into a big-league ballpark “over my dead body.” So does this mean Selig has some terminal illness?

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That’s my story, and I’m trying not to stick to it.

Posted February 4, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Wow. NBC News anchor Brian Williams admitted today that his 2003 story of being shot down in a military helicopter down by enemy fire in Iraq was false, but “I don’t know what screwed up in my mind that caused me to conflate one aircraft with another… I feel terrible about making this mistake.” “Conflate one aircraft with another?” I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.

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Conrad Hilton Jr, 20, appeared in court and was ordered to surrender his passport during a court appearance over a meltdown on a flight from London to LA last year which including him calling flight attendants ‘f***ing peasants.” Who knew that big sister Paris would turn out to be the class of that family.’

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So on the highways in the greater Seattle area, will all “No passing lanes” be renamed in honor of Pete Carroll?”

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So the Super Bowl was only a few days ago, and already we’ve had 3 current NFL players arrested. Letroy Guion, D’Qwell Jackson, and Joseph Randle. Looking good for all those who bet the “over” in Vegas.

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Indanapolis Colts LB D’Qwell Jackson has been arrested and charged with assault for hitting a pizza deliveryman over an argument about a parking space. Isn’t it time for the NFL to welcome their new sponsor, Uber?

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In the “cheer up, things could be worse” airline division, I give you China’s Spring Airlines, which is trying to get approval for selling  discount tickets to passengers willing to stand. No joke.

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Yasiel Puig just said that the Los Angeles Dodgers real rivals are not the SF Giants, but the St. Louis Cardinals. That ought to make Puig even more popular when the Dodgers visit AT&T Park in April.

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From Alex Kaseberg.  “The Chicago Cubs’ renovation of Wrigley Field has caused a huge neighborhood rat infestation. The good news? They’re Cubs rats, so they’ll be gone by October.”

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Because of a case involving an HIV-positive man who didn’t disclose his condition to his partner, the Florida Supreme Court will now consider the definition of “sexual intercourse.” Though presumably they turned down a request to testify on the subject from Bill Clinton.

 

Anthem, the second largest health insurer in the US, said today its database has been hacked, potentially exposing personal information about 80 million customers. Anthem said that the breach exposed “names, birthdays, social security numbers, street AND email addresses, plus employment information, including income data,” But no credit card information was exposed. Well, okay, as long as the hackers didn’t get anything important. ‪#‎facepalm‬

Comments: 1 Comment

Liestrong

Posted February 3, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Class, nothing but class. Police in Aspen cited Lance Armstrong for failing to report an accident and speeding last month, after he allegedly hit two parked cars after a party, and got his girlfriend to say she was driving to avoid “a national story.” ‪#‎Liestrong‬

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You have to wonder how Armstrong thought he would get away with it.  Although if this story really starts going viral, Lance may start getting bouquets, from Pete Carroll and the Seahawks.

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Hear that Pete Carroll was supposed to throw out the first pitch at a Mariners game. But fans are asking Seattle management if Marshawn Lynch can just run the ball in instead.

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Tom Brady says he plans to give the Chevy Colorado he won as Super Bowl MVP to Malcolm Butler. A nice gesture. Though before Butler drives the truck he might want to check the pressure in the tires.

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From Marc Ragovin. Who hears Pete Carroll will be starring in a new movie – “The Wrongest Yard.”

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A truck carrying frozen chicken collided with a truck carrying bees near Palm Springs Tuesday and both vehicles caught fire. Both drivers escaped, but beware of imminent sales featuring heavily discounted honey barbequed chicken.

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Sen. Thom Tillis (R-NC), arguing against “regulatory burdens,” this week said that restaurants should be able to “opt out” of health department regulations that require employees to wash their hands after using the bathroom. Well, so much for dinner parties at HIS house

To be fair, the Senator did say they should then post a sign saying they didn’t have the rule and then the marketplace would take care of it. Okay, then, do we need a government regulation to REQUIRE such restaurants to put up a sign?

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Rep. John Boehner: “I do believe all children ought to be vaccinated.” Some in the GOP are worried. Next thing the Speaker of the House will do is make some heretical statement about believing in science.

 

Some blame the measles outbreak on undocumented immigrants. Considering that this all started from Disneyland, and a single day at the park is $400 for a family of four before parking and food (closer to $600 if you also visit California Adventure), I’m thinking the odds of the child in question being from a wealthy anti-vaccine family are more than slightly higher.

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Rand Paul, “I have heard of many tragic cases of walking, talking normal children who wound up with profound mental disorders after vaccines.” Does this explain some of his colleagues?

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Charlie Manson’s marriage license with his 26 year old girlfriend has apparently expired. So guess what. psycho ladies? He’s available.

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Browns WR Josh Gordon, who allegedly tested positive for alcohol while on probation, has been suspended for a year by the NFL. Rumor has it he was partying with Manziel. This presumably is not what Cleveland had in mind when Johnny Football said he would “wreck this league.:

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From Bill Littlejohn:  “Johnny Manziel has checked into rehab—this just in:three local Las Vegas casino workers unions have filed for bankruptcy.”

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Timing is everything…. A Royal Caribbean ship made headlines today for cutting a cruise short because over 200 people became sick with norovirus, which causes nausea and diarrhea. And just got this in my email from the cruise line “Last minute deals, going, going, gone…”

 

Yes, “an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.” But I don’t have a problem with Jordan’s revenge today. They were far more merciful than ISIS.

 

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