Archive for the ‘political jokes’ category
May 31, 2016
Police near Fort Lauderdale discovered some alligators eating a human body in a canal. Bringing up one of those famous Florida puzzles – suicide, homicide or Darwin winner?
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Ronnie Wood, 68, of the Rolling Stones, has just become the father of twins. So now when he sings “Has Anyone Seen My Baby?” it might be because he literally won’t be able to remember where one of them is.
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One again, as the early MLB All-Star voting totals have been released, Royals fans are apparently doing a great job of stuffing the ballot box for their players. Well, guessing there’s not that much to do in Kansas City in the spring.
But not like this charade really matters. I mean the All-Star game only determines home field advantage for the Major League Baseball championship.
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Cal. Gov #JerryBrown, 78, endorsed Hillary Clinton, because “she knows how to get things done.” No doubt also because of her youth.& vigor.
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#SFGiants 1st run today vs #Braves scored by #Peavy who had singled & was running on #Span‘s triple. Well, of course it was #Pitcherswhorake
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A last #Game7 Western Conference Finals thought: Nothing is certain but death, taxes, & the #Thunder eventually forgetting they have 5 men on the court. #OKCvsGSW
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#BernieSanders had tickets to the #Thunder #Warriors #Game7 last night?! Even #DonaldTrump knows that takes real $$$$$$
Another twist to the sad story of the fatal shooting of former Saints’ star Will Smith – his blood alcohol level at the time of the road rage incident that led to his death was .24. Now, Smith was 6’3″, 283 lb. At that size, how do you physically drink enough to get to .24?
Richard Dreyfuss tweeted that “Donald Trump’s celebrity supporters who are whores.” Prompting immediate demands for an apology, from whores.
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Martin Shkreli, the price-gouging former pharmaceutical CEO, now says his endorsement of Donald Trump was an “ironic joke” Actually “ironic joke” isn’t a bad metaphor for Trump’s campaign.
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The North Korean state-run newspaper has endorsed “wise” Donald Trump over “dull” Hillary. So is this a shameless attempt by Kim Jong Un to get his pal Dennis Rodman considered as Trump’s running mate?
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Ben Carson says the U.S. is a “cruise ship that is about to go off of Niagara Falls.” Uh, got news for Dr. Carson, cruise ships don’t sail anywhere NEAR Niagara Falls. Not only Ben not smart enough to be President, he’s not smart enough to be a travel agent.
(there are, for the picky, very small ships that sail on Lake Ontario. But there are locks involved, none of them sails any where near the edge. And then there are little boats that do sightseeing trips at the bottom of the falls – like “The Maid of the Mist.”)
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A different thought on the Cincinnati Zoo gorilla controversy. Some blame the zoo, because, while there had been no problems for 38 years, the child was able to get into the enclosure and was at risk.
So if the kid had wandered away from his parents in the parking lot and been hit by a car, would they condemn the zoo for allowing people to drive in that parking lot?
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Khloe Kardashian is reportedly now dating Odell Beckham Jr. So she’s graduated from NBA players who should know better, to NFL players who should know better?
In San Francisco, an FBI agent apparently left his gun, ID and his credentials in his car, and all of them were stolen when the car was broken into. Bringing up another question “How do you stop a stupid good guy with a gun?
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Political fundraiser email of the evening. Headlined “we keep emailing.” And it starts out “We emailed you this morning, we emailed you this afternoon…..”
So what is that old definition of insanity?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cincinnati jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, korea jokes., MLB jokes, ronnie wood jokes, Trump jokes
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May 30, 2016
Watching Oklahoma Thunder with a 13 point lead just made many of us curious how they would choke it away this time.
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Why do I get the feeling the #Cleveland #Cavaliers enjoyed the heck out of this #Game7?
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Although in Cleveland they were really rooting for at least triple-overtime with #OKCvsGSW game 7. That and one more flagrant foul from Draymond Green to get him suspended.
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#Spurs have to be wondering, with all their teamwork, how did they ever lose to this bunch of talented selfish clowns. #Thunder #Game7
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Spurs also have to wonder if it’s too soon to send Kevin Durant a first date rose.
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Two floor seats for tonight’s game 7 between Golden State and Oklahoma City went for $29K each. $29 thousand just to watch a game? Most of the Thunder late in the 4th quarter of game 6 got paid for that.
#SJSharks made a valiant effort tying things up in the 2nd period. But they did their best late in 1st to make it easier on SF Bay Area fans deciding whether to watch #StanleyCup or #OKCvsGSW #Game7
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Demar DeRozan says he wants to stay, and Bismack Biyombo is apparently open to taking ‘hometown discount’ to stay in Toronto. The question is whether the Raptors can get another star.
Of course, with the US election Canada might be looking better and better…
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Donald Trump attacked New Mexico Gov, Susana Martinez for “not doing her job.” Well, that’s just because she’s a Democrat. Oh wait, never mind…
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According to the Washington Post, Texas has sued the Federal Government 41 times since Obama took office. So here’s a solution to a lot of things -let them secede, and let Trump bury the hatchet with Ted Cruz so they can run for president and VP of the new country. #Madematchinheaven …. or somewhere.
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The Marlins’ Derek Dietrich apparently escaped serious injury when he was struck in the head by a foul ball while sitting in the dugout. Hope he wasn’t texting at the time.
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Former MLB pitcher Spaceman Lee is running for Gov. of Vermont, on the Liberty Union (socialist) Party ticket. Lee’s issues – marijuana legalization and single-payer healthcare. And bringing the Expos back to Montreal. Well, that’s a whole lot more of a coherent platform than Trump started out with. Or still has.
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So is there a Prius ad in #AlexanderRossi‘s future? #whoneedsgas? #Indy500
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Have to love rookie #Indy500 winner Alexander Rossi who won the race on fumes. “I have no idea how we pulled this off.”. #honesty
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Lots of ads and emails – “Last Day of Memorial Day Sale.”. To be followed Tuesday by “First Day of Fourth of July Sale?”
A eight-hour internet server failure at JFK Terminal 7 meant that thousands of people had to be manually checked in yesterday, and many were stranded for hours. Terminal 7 was shared between British Airways and United until United moved to Newark last year.
So, yes, they said it couldn’t be done. But there are worse things than flying out of Newark..
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: game 7, Thunder jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
May 29, 2016
Alexander Rossi, who won the Indianapolis 500, decided not to pit late, so was running on fumes and literally coasting as he finished the race. So how many men will start explaining running out of gas to their wives and girlfriends – “Really, I was just trying to emulate an Indy driver.”
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Auto racing is weird. How many other sports have the “highlights” later basically be a blooper tape? #crashes #Indy500
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Ah for the good old days, when on Memorial Day weekend Americans who liked to watch complete wrecks could watch the Indy 500, instead of our Presidential race.
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Really? The #Indy500 is now being marketed as part of the “Verizon IndyCar series?” #howthemightyhavefallen
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So the #Dodgers are coming to SF to play the #SFGiants in 2 weeks. Is it too late to organize a #Giants laser pointer giveaway? #LaserGate
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Lost in yesterday’s #SFGiants 10-5 win vs #Rockies: Winning pitcher Cory Gearrin also got his 1st at bat. And 1st hit. #PitchersWhoRake
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Donald Trump has apparently narrowed his potential running mates to a “very small” list. Because there are only a “very small” number of people who will run with him?
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Bernie Sanders today on “Meet the Press” said that while he thinks Donald Trump would be a “disaster” as President, it is “the candidate’s job,” to draw voters in — not the second-place finisher’s job to instruct them on how to vote.
For all Bernie’s talk about changing the Democratic party, that was sure spoken like a man who is planning to switch his registration back to Independent after the election is over.
Shouldn’t an 8-3 lead in the 9th inning at #CoorsField be counted as a save situation? #SFGiants #Rockies
Wow. The Mets’ Asdrúbal Cabrera a home run hard off #Kershaw. Who does he think he is? Madison Bumgarner?
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Meanwhile, Kershaw has more than 200 million reasons to get over it. But as much as I dislike the Dodgers, have to admit, manager Davy Roberts pulls him in the 8th with two outs and a runner on first. The reliever promptly gives up the tying run, and get the win when the Dodgers come back in the 9th. #baseballisacruelgame
From T.C. “I know nusink about US politics, but I used to play ‘Bridge’. “3 No Trump” sounds like it may be a rallying slogan for his opposition?”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, holiday jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Dodgers jokes, Indy 500 jokes, Janice Hough, laser jokes, sanders jokes, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes
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May 27, 2016
Virginia McLaurin, 107, went to her first MLB game this week at Nationals Park. 107. Wow. To put this in perspective, Ms. McLaurin was born only two years after the Cubs won their last World Series.
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Mets jump on Dodgers phenom Julio #Urias, 19, for 3 runs in 2.2 innings. So is that considered child abuse?
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SF Giants pitchers have had an incredible run over the past two weeks. Then a day off. Now a series at Coors Field. So it must sort of have felt like the victorious Christians felt before they had to face the Lions.
#MattCain is apparently hurt. Is it too soon for the #SFGiants to talk to the #Angels about a trade for Timmy? #Lincecum.
Albert Suarez may or may not have a long career for #SFGiants. But he’s already joined club of #Giants pitchers with RBIs. #PitchersWhoRake
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Jackie Bradley Jr. went 0-4 last night, snapping his hit streak at 29 games. So he was only a little over a month away from potentially catching Dimaggio.
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At the San Francisco Museum of Modern Art, someone left a pair of glasses on the floor, and museum goers figured they were art. Well, at least SFMOMA didn’t charge a special exhibition fee for them.
Link below. #nottheOnion
http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/art/news/a-pair-of-glasses-were-left-on-the-floor-at-museum-and-everyone-mistook-it-for-art-a7049551.html
Apparently Texas’s Nihar Janga, 11, one of the Scripps National Spelling Bee co-champions, has his own “X’ celebration display that mimicks Dez Bryant’s. And Janga went through the ritual while ignoring his co-champions attempt at a high-five.
Bryant wants to take the kid to a game. But isn’t it nice to know that in this country, now even nerds can be hot dogs. Sigh.
A new study shows a possible link between cell phone use and brain cancer. The survey could be flawed. Or it could be mean bitch karma being really tired of almost running into or being run into by all these idiots focused on their phones while walking, driving etc.
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Marco Rubio confirmed his decision not to run for re-election to the Senate, citing the fact that he wouldn’t challenge his friend the GOP lieutenant governor who is already running. So Rubio doesn’t also want to challenge Rick Santorum’s record of losing his seat by 18 points?
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Donald Trump now says he won’t debate Bernie Sanders because it would be “inappropriate.” Uh, can anyone remember a time when the Donald gave a rat’s ass about anything being “inappropriate?”
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Trump is going to spend part of Sunday at the “Rolling Thunder” motorcycle rally in D.C. Hmm, this inspires a new potential nickname for the Donald – “Trolling Blunder.”
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Donald Trump, in Fresno, patting himself on the back for coming to California ““No other Republican would come here for dinner.”
Surprised he didn’t add, “Not that we don’t have better restaurants at Trump Tower.”
Trump’s latest in California “There is no drought.” So is he going to have Mexico build walls to keep the rain in too?
Categories: baseball jokes, debate jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: art jokes, Cubs jokes, Dodgers jokes, Janice Hough, Rubio jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 25, 2016
Open note to SF Bay Area fans unused to this sort of thing — the #StanleyCup is not something you wear for protection from #DraymondGreen
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So who’d a thunk that at this point the #SJSharks would be looking better in the playoffs than the #GoldenState #Warriors?
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Watching Steph Curry this year in the playoffs reminds me now a bit of Chris Paul last year. Curry had that super-human effort his first game back, especially in overtime against the Blazers when he was supposed to be on a minutes count. Paul, who was also hurt, had a super-human effort to knock the Spurs out. But then he wasn’t the same afterwards.. Wonder if both games took it out of them long term.
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Mets pitcher Bartolo Colon apparently won over some Nationals hecklers who were taunting him about having two families, by joking that he actually has three. Well, or at least we THOUGHT he was joking.
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Major power outage Wednesday in downtown #Seattle. Normally this only happens to opposing teams’ hitters who come into town to face the #Mariners.
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Massachusetts Governor Charlie Baker says on election day that he will vote, but “I just don’t plan to vote for president.”
Once again, such a profile in courage from one of these clowns who wants voters to elect him to make tough choices.
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Apparently after leaving office President Obama and his family are renting a $6.4 million dollar house in a nice DC neighborhood. Good thing they didn’t decide on relocating in San Francisco, for that price they’d have gotten about a two-bedroom apartment.
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Bills GM Doug Whaley said today he “used a poor choice of words” when he said yesterday that football was a game humans were not designed to play.
“Poor choice” indeed. He violated the #1 rule of NFL ownership: “Thou shalt not be honest.”
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Frontier Airlines removed a woman from one of their planes in Denver before takeoff when she threw a tantrum and then stripped naked. This would not have happened on United. They would have charged the other passengers an entertainment fee.
Texas, Alabama, Wisconsin, West Virginia, Tennessee, Maine, Oklahoma, Louisiana, Utah and Georgia are suing the Obama administration over their new transgender school directive. So good to know those states have no more serious problems to spend their tax dollars on….
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In South Carolina, Gov. Nikki Haley signed a bill into law on that makes abortions illegal after 20 weeks unless the mother’s life is in jeopardy. Just guessing, if you’re a wealthy woman in the state needing an abortion, won’t be hard to afford a doctor to say that your life is in jeopardy.
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TC reminds us “The NFL Pro Bowl will be moving to Orlando from Honolulu this year. Wallet Disney World, get ready for a true Mickey Mouse operation to compete for your Florida tourist dollars.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: colon jokes, Janice Hough, SFGiants jokes, Sharks jokes, Stanley Cup jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
May 23, 2016
#NBA had to decide whether or not to suspend #DraymondGreen over groin kick of #StevenAdams. So once again a playoff game could have turned on deflated balls
New #Warriors cheer? – “Raa Raa REE! Kick ’em in the knee! Raa Raa RASS! Kick ’em in the other knee!” #DraymondGreen
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With the NBA upgrading Green’s kicking Adams to a Flagrant 2 foul, since Draymond also had a flagrant 1 vs. the Rockets, he is now one more flagrant foul of any kind away from suspension. But I am sure the Thunder won’t try to provoke him
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As #Spurs fan, have no dog in this fight, or rather in this kick. But does anyone really expect #DraymondGreen to say ” Of course I meant to kick him in the nuts.”
I guess someone forgot to tell the Toronto Raptors that the Eastern Conference NBA finals were over after game 2.
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But uh oh, tonight refs called a foul on #LeBronJames. Time for a congressional investigation? #CAVSvRAPTORS
Can only imagine how much the #NBA and its advertisers love the possibility of #Raptors vs #Thunder in the finals.
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Donald Trump says climate change is a “con job” and a “hoax.” But as reported by Politico, in Ireland, he wants to build a “nearly two-mile-long” stone wall to protect his golf course and hotel, citing “rising sea levels and increased storm frequency and wave energy associated with global warming.” #nowallleftunbuilt #NottheOnion
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Former Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell is still free on bail while appealing his felony convictions. Now current Gov. Terry McAuliffe is apparently being investigated by the FBI over possible illegal donations to his campaign. Who does the state think it is? Illinois?
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Your US post office in action. Mailing a first class 2 ounce parcel is $2.45 with tracking. Took a letter to the post office and asked if that was the cheapest way to get tracking. Nope. Must be first class certified for $3.77. Asked why I couldn’t do it as a parcel. Because it’s not in a big enough envelope. #cantfixstupid
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United Airlines is having a sale on miles. Not buying them, but simply transferring miles you have paid for and earned to another person as a gift. It’s 30% off the normal price of $15 per 1,000 miles. And airlines wonder why we hate them.
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Tom Brady’s 4-game “deflategate” suspension has already been revoked by the U.S. District Court, then reinstated, and now the Patriots’ QB and his team of laywers want the case heard “by a full panel of 13 judges on the U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals.” If they reject it, the appeal could go all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court.
Forget deflating footballs, can we suspend Brady for criminal waste of taxpayer money?
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Apparently one of the excuses for killing those Santiago zoo lions when a man jumped into their enclosure was that since the lions had tasted a human, they’d look at humans as a food source in the future. Got news for these folks, if you jump into a lion’s home, you ARE a food source.
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From Marc Ragovin “A 54-year old custodian at Wooster Polytechnic Institute graduated from the school this past week with a degree in mechanical engineering. And after reading about the job prospects for 54-year old mechanical engineers, he returned to his job as custodian..
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cavaliers jokes, draymond green jokes, flagrant foul jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Thunder jokes, Tom Brady jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
May 22, 2016
Thousands of San Francisco fans who went to the Giants Cubs game and felt bad about missing the #Warriors vs #Thunder are feeling a lot better about their decision
And a national #ESPN audience just found out why #SFGiants mantra is #WedontneednostinkinDH #Madbum #Pitcherswhorake
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Meanwhile, Buster Olney reported on ESPN that today was the latest date in the MLB season since 1947 for the Cubs and Giants to play each other with both teams in first place. Once again, hope this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse.
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But Billy Donovan works all year to get the Thunder focused. And looks like – for now – what it really took was Draymond Green’s kick to Steven Adam’s groin.
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Dodgers win 9-5 in 17 innings over the Padres. San Diego then gets on a plane to San Francisco, where they play the Giants tomorrow. Pitcher Drew Pomeranz is starting. Assume he’s been told he’s pitching a complete game.
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So is there a 17th inning stretch? #Dodgers #Padres
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Not to say Lebron flopped Saturday night, but he fell faster and harder without a serious hit than Jeb Bush’s one-time poll numbers.
Still kind of a surfeit of riches in the SF Bay Area, with the Warriors and Sharks in the playoff semi-finals, and the Giants in first place. Fortunately for fans of humility, the 49ers’ training camp is right around the corner.
When I see all these #GameofThrones posts I understand how my non-sports fan friends must feel about all my sports posts.
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A two-day sting in Simpsonville, S.C., netted 54 arrests, 28 accused prostitutes and 26 men accused of soliciting them. Simpsonsville has a population of about 20,000. There really must not be much to do in town.
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Two Tennessee pastors were arrested this weekend for answering an online ad to have sex with an underage girl. So add another category to those we want to keep out of public bathrooms?
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From T.C. “Phil Mickelson is planning to change that KPMG hat that he wears to KMPG – Keep My Personal Gains.”
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Okay, time for one of those serious snarky posts again. Americans are nervous about terrorism, and we give up a lot of our liberties and spend billions for safety. Yet, in the U.S. last year, over 1,000 women were killed as a result of domestic violence. Where’s the fear, outrage, and $$$$?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: bumgarner jokes, Cubs jokes, Dodgers jokes, groingate, Janice Hough, kickgate, NBA jokes, Thunder jokes, Warriors jokes
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May 21, 2016
Today was the #Preakness. Otherwise known to millions as the race that answers the question. “Do we care about the #Belmont this year?”
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#Exaggerator wins the #Preakness. Hope this isn’t an omen about #DonaldTrump
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Saturday’s rainy #Preakness Stakes had almost as much mud flying around as the Presidential race.
Now that #Exaggerator has won the #Preakness is he telling other horses about the #Belmont and his potential #TripleCrown win?
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While the Preakness was a good race, the sad story at Pimlico was that two other horse died earlier at the track today, one from a heart attack after winning a race, one after falling and breaking her leg. But wonder how many people are decrying horse racing while taking another bite of their hamburger or hot dog.
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The Oklahoma legislature is calling for the impeachment of President Obama over his bathroom rights directive, which they say is “biblically wrong.” Fine then, if it’s all about morals, shouldn’t they also be trying to get that “I’m just a girl who can’t say no” song out of their state musical? #OklahomanotOK
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Apparently some Americans are rethinking travel to Europe in the wake of 66 people being killed in the Egypt Air crash. So they’ll stay home and drive this summer, where about 3,000 of us will get killed each month on the roads.
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Another day, more plumbing issues at O.co Coliseum before #As #Yankees game. Insert “sh*tty baseball teams” joke here”:
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A Willie Mays 1952 Topps rookie card just sold for $478,000 at auction. And millions of men thinking of their own childhood collections are silently screaming “Mom!!”
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Have many wonderful #Cubs fan friends. For some reason they are a little quieter today than yesterday. #SFGiants
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Matt Cain, who hadn’t had a win since last July, had his first win for the #SFGiants in 2016, along with his first hit, a two-run double. And the Giants hung on to win 5-3 So clearly the way Cain needs to win is simply supply his own RBIs.
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Although closer Santiago Casilla, who gave up a home run to start the 9th in a a 5-2 game, once again did his best to stimulate alcohol sales around the San Francisco Bay Area. #Torture #SFGiants
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In Santiago, two zoo lions were shot and killed after they mauled a man who jumped into their enclosure. Poor cats. And what a shame. Deprived the guy of a Darwin and the zoo of a reduced food bill.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, belmont jokes, Cubs jokes, exaggerator jokes, Janice Hough, oklahoma jokes, Preakness jokes, SFGiants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 19, 2016
It’s a strange world when the U.S. Presidential candidate who has been married three times and had countless affairs is attacking the marriage of the one who has been with the same spouse for 41 years.
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Evil thought for the night, when is someone going to ask Trump if he’s been faithful to Melania?
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Two people are recovering in Augusta, Kansas, after a shooting during a high school graduation. The “shooter” had his gun in his sock, it apparently went off accidentally when he was adjusting the weapon because it was uncomfortable. #ifonlythestudentswerearmed
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Just think, had their offers been accepted #SFGiants could have both #PabloSandoval & #ZackGreinke on this year’s payroll.
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After two complete games back to back for the SF Giants pitching staff, Jeff Samardzija goes 8 innings allowing only 1 earned run. Wimp.
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#SFGiants bullpen pitchers are a competitive group. So no doubt they are keeping focused – wonder who’s the current Angry Birds champion?
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Two SF Giants, Lopez and Span, will be serving as baristas for an hour at two Peet’s coffee locations in San Francisco on June 7. Of course, this being the high-tech community no doubt some customers will only wonder “how fast can they serve coffee?
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When the Braves fired manager Fredi Gonzalez, he found out about it mid-road trip, via an email saying he had a flight back to Atlanta the next day. Sounds like the team handled the firing about as well as they’ve handled everything else this season.
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A new poll found that 90% of Native Americans aren’t offended by the Washington Redskins’ nickname. 90% of Washingtonians, however, are offended by the team’s sh*tty play.
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#MorleySafer 84, has died. Sad. He only lasted about 60 minutes after retirement.
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Donald Trump will use lawyer A.B. Culvahouse Jr to vet his V.P. picks, the same lawyer who vetted options for John McCain in 2008. And that worked out so well….
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Donald Trump, quick to condemn the Egypt Air crash as another terrorist attack. Seems likely. But “airplane departed from Paris. When will we get tough, smart and vigilant?”
So now Trump is going to tell these other countries he insults how to run their security?
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A lawsuit claims that Facebook illegally scans private messages for marketing purposes. And this is news how? #therearenoprivatemessages
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The Oklahoma legislature has passed that would make performing an abortion, except to save the life of the mother, a felony.
Well, at least the way the Thunder played last night doesn’t look like sports fans will have to worry much longer about spending money in the state this spring.
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Well, it’s good to see Marco Rubio back working hard in the Senate. The Florida Legislature wants a new statue, replacing one of a Confederate Army general, at the U.S. Capitol building. And Rubio tweeted out ““Here’s suggestion for #Florida which looking 4 help replacing state statue in U.S. Capitol.” With a picture of Tim Tebow. #priorities
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From T.C. “Texas second baseman Rougned Odor was handed an eight game suspension for his part in the brawl vs the Blue Jays. This will give him enough time to sign an endorsement contract with Hawaiian Punch.
Not to be outdone, look for Jose Baustista to sign a contract with Odor Eaters.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Braves jokes, Clinton jokes, gun jokes, Janice Hough, morley safer jokes, Rubio jokes, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 18, 2016
MLB commissioner Rob Manfred says he is not happy with the longer length of games in 2016, about 7 minutes longer than last season, and will be looking at all kinds of ways to speed things up. Well, except possibly reducing the length of time for commercials.
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Lenny Dykstra, says now about the prevalence of HGH and competing with other players “I put (HGH) in my cereal man. It was in my cereal. We’re talking about the good stuff.”
So guess we are talking “Snap, crack and pop one out of here?”
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Watching quirky & wonderful @JohnnyCueto on the mound, doesn’t it seem like he should have always been wearing orange & black? #SFGiants
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#ESPN reporting that Jeff #Hornacek will be New York #Knicks new interim coach.
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Lebron James: “I have no idea what a common foul and flagrant foul is.” Based on this postseason, neither do NBA refs.
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#Thunder go faster than maybe any #NBA team from looking like team that could beat anyone to team who couldn’t beat the #76ers. #GSWvsOKC
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To mollify conservatives, Donald Trump has released a list of 11 possible Supreme Court appointees. Right. Note the term “possible.” Doesn’t mean he wouldn’t end up choosing Judge Judy.
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Donald Trump, comparing U.S. cities to Iraq. “There are places in America that are among the most dangerous places on earth. You go to places like Oakland…”
So here’s Oakland mayor Libby Schaff “Let me be clear, regarding @nytimes story, the most dangerous place in America is Donald Trump’s mouth.” Three word hashtag #yougogirl
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So maybe the #NeverTrump and #NeverHillary people can get together for lunch? With plenty of whine.
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Bartolo Colon is being sued for child support by a woman who alleges he has fathered two children with her, while being married to his wife for 21 years. With this and his home run, Colon seems to be trying really hard to debunk the notion that pitchers aren’t athletes.
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A Fox News poll found that voters U.S voters think that both Trump and Clinton have “flawed characters.” With all due respect, considering the insanity that is the modern electoral process, not to mention the polarization in Washington, hard to imagine anyone without a somewhat “flawed character” or at least a bit of insanity, wanting to run for President.
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from Marc Ragovin – “Donald Trump has released a list of 11 potential Supreme Court nominees if he is elected. Mitch McConnell has called for immediate confirmation hearings.”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bartolo Colon jokes, baseball jokes, fox jokes(Megy, Janice Hough, PED jokes, sanders jokes, Trump jokes
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May 16, 2016
Today’s Rangers Blue Jays brawl started by Rougned Odor and Jose Bautista lasted long enough it should have been on pay-per-view .
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Next Toronto-Texas game may instead of a line-up card feature an under-card?
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But seriously, how long since a Blue Jays-Rangers game was the leading baseball story on Sportscenter?
Rougned Odor is likely to be suspended for his punch today. Wonder the suspension would preclude Odor from taking suspended heavyweight challenger Alexander Povetkin’s place in that WBC bout?
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First Justin Trudeau, then they get one of the four remaining teams in the NBA playoffs. Now Canada’s just piling on.
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Now that the #Raptors have finally made a conference final does that mean there’s hope for the #MapleLeafs? #Toronto #letsnotgetcarriedaway
Meanwhile, the SF Giants swept the Diamondbacks, 2-1. But considering it took instant replay to keep Casilla from blowing save #4 maybe Santiago might be done for a while from complaining about Bochy’s lack of faith in him.
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The Giants actually only scored one of their runs when Matt Cain was pitching, continuing a streak over years where Cain receives some of the least run support in the majors. Maybe next time Cain pitches, #SFGiants should start a reliever just for the 1st batter in 1st inning, just to fool the hitters into not going into ice cold mode.
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Heard announcer refer to #NYKnicks coaching job as “one of most coveted in sports. Well, many do want to grow up to be circus ringmasters
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A newly discovered sinkhole in Florida may show that humans lived there 1,500 years earlier than expected. Amongst the finds inside was reputedly a tattered Tim Duncan jersey.
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President Obama told the Rutgers Class of 2016 today, “let me be as clear as I can be: In politics and in life, ignorance is not a virtue,” Waiting for the GOP rebuttal.
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Donald Trump now called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas” in an interview. Pass the popcorn, this should be fun.
So I actually saw a serious anti-Clinton tweet saying that Hillary takes selfies and Bernie doesn’t. The rest of the world must think we have gone absolutely mad.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: blue jays jokes, Janice Hough, Odor jokes, pocahontas jokes, Rangers jokes, raptors jokes, Toronto jokes, Trump jokes
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May 14, 2016
So the Air Canada Centre in Toronto is hosting an NBA playoff game 7 on Sunday. And Maple Leafs fans are going “What’s a game 7?”
(one of myCanadian friends says they are asking “what’s a playoff?)
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The losers of the Ohio State spring football game were penalized by having to shovel mulch. Of course, if Urban Meyer really wants to motivate players, he could make the losers go to class.
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Well, if you believe in redemption, here’s your potential made-for-TV sports movie story of the day. Matt Bush was the #1 MLB draft pick in 2004, and went off the rails big time. Drunken fights, accusations of assault, and finally 3 years in jail prison a DUI causing serious injury. He was released last December. And today the Texas Rangers have called him up to the big leagues. Who knows, maybe there’s hope for Johnny Manziel.
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A New York celebrity vegan chef who ran a restaurant called Pure Food and Wine has been arrested in Tennessee after a months’ long chase after she allegedly didn’t pay wages, and cheated on taxes etc. The best part of this, she and her husband were caught after they ordered a Domino’s pizza.
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SF Giants’ closer Santiago Casilla, upset when manager Bruce Bochy pulled him in the 9th with two outs, and a 4-2 lead, after he had loaded the bases, the last on a 4 pitch walk, and was facing a batter who hit a home run against him last time. “It’s my opportunity to find out who’s who…. You have to let me try to see if I can get him out.”
Uh, or maybe you have to let Bochy try to see if the Giants could win the game?
(although curiously enough three things happened Friday. 1. Casilla apologized. 2. Bochy gave him another chance. 3. He struck out both batters.)
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If it’s all about keeping children safe from potential predators, waiting for someone to demand that priests be kept out of men’s rooms.
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Donald Trump to a reporter who asked about his tax returns: “It’s none of your business, you’ll see it when I release.”
Ah yes, only the little people answer questions about their taxes.
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Apparently a man offering “free hugs” in Times Square slugged a Canadian woman in the face after she refused to tip him. Well, or maybe that’s his idea of a New York hug.
Jose Reyes was suspended 51 days over his domestic violence arrest. Imagine if he had done something really serious, like buying an over-the-counter supplement in the Dominican Republic.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Canada jokes, Janice Hough, NBA playoff jokes, Ohio State jokes, reyes jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 11, 2016
For all those who have wondered how Heidi Cruz could possibly put up with Ted, this is Heidi yesterday, saying the campaign was not in vain “God does not work in four-year segments.”Be full of faith and so full of joy that this team was chosen to fight a long battle Think that slavery — it took 25 years to defeat slavery. That is a lot longer than four years.”
And just think, she could have been First Lady. #madeforeachother
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Donald Trump is still stonewalling on calls to release his tax returns, saying in an AP interview. “there’s nothing to learn from them.”
“Nothing to learn…” Am sure the Donald will say the same thing about Hillary’s emails and Goldman Sachs speeches..
#MaxScherzer had 20 strikeouts today. Wonder how many frustrated fans had 1st reaction “Didn’t even know #Nats were playing the #SFGiants
When you are 4 for 43 with RISP shouldn’t it be RIBSP? “Runners in Being Stranded Position.”. #SFGiants
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Figures after a week where the #SFGiants seem to have forgotten they have bats, they win in the 13th without a hit and walk-off walk.
Just when you think humanity can’t go any lower, here’s breaking news out of Florida: “George Zimmerman auctioning off gun that he used in Trayvon Martin shooting.”
Not sure which is lower though about this auction, George or the bidders. #WishthisweretheOnion
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Gwyneth Paltrow has a “lifestyle” site, “Goop,” with various items for sale. Including now a $15,000 24-karat gold plated dildo, which includes “free discreet shipping, A PDF manual, and a 10-year warranty. But it’s not as if Paltrow is out of touch with ordinary people – the site sells a silver model for only $7,900.
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Way to get that sponsor love – Former MLBer Brandon Laird, now playing in Japan, hit a home run off a Kirin beer sign and won $10,000 plus a year’s worth of beer. When asked what he would do with the prize, Laird responded “Definitely not drink it. Maybe give some to the batting practice pitchers or whoever wants it.”
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The NBA has acknowledged they made two mistakes against the Spurs in the end of last night’s loss, first, a non-call when Kawhi Leonard tried to foul Kevin Durant at the end of the game, second a foul called against Danny Green when he was tripped by Steven Adams and fell into Durant.
Well, this ought to do wonders to reassure people who think the league is fixed.
In Massachusetts, a man who was hospitalized for suicidal thoughts and told staffers the “devil was playing tricks on his mind,” was released the same day/ He then went on a stabbing rampage, killing two people and injuring two others before he was himself fatally shot by an off-duty deputy. #Ifonlyhewerearmed
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Cruz jokes, Janice Hough, scherzer jokes, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes, Zimmerman jokes
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May 10, 2016
Ray Lewis has been let go by ESPN. Wonder if he decided to cut and run?
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Rough overtime loss for #SJSharks. But at least so far they have outscored the #SFGIants
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#Raptors & #Heat are fighting very hard to see who gets the right to be swept by the #Cavaliers. #TORvsMIA
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Warriors vs Blazers was almost 3 hours before overtime. Yep, we all watch #NBAPlayoffs just to see these referees at work.
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But going to be amusing when a lot of people wake up on the East Coast and wonder, so what happened in that GS-Portland overtime?
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ESPN reported Monday morning “Breaking News” Steph #Curry will win #NBA #MVP this season. Wouldn’t it actually have been news only if he didn’t win?
#Padres apparently interested in Tim Lincecum. Presumably mostly just to make sure Timmy doesn’t pitch against them. #twonohitters #SFGiants
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So now North Carolina and the feds are suing each other over this gender-bathroom law. Good to know things are going so well in the U.S. that we don’t have any more pressing issues to worry about.
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Antonio Cromartie’s wife has just had twins, bringing the NFL cornerback’s total number of children to 12 by 8 different women. He tweeted out “Thank you to everyone with your support and kind words. God Bless you all.”
And God is thinking “uh, about that go forth and multiply. I didn’t really mean exponentially.”
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The first American cruise to Cuba in over 50 years returned with 14 passengers out of over 700 having stomach ailments which could be norovirus. Or they could be suffering from “lots of rum and cigars.”
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Adrian Peterson says the Minnesota Vikings “are going to have a good chance to win it this year — win everything.” “Everything?” Hmm, is the team buying lottery tickets?
Topps now have “Topps Now,” an on-demand business to print limited-edition cards for 24 hours. Bartolo Colon’s home run featured on such a card sold 8,826 in 24 hours, breaking the old record of 1,808 for Jake Arieta’s no-hitter card.
What a shame that “Topps Now” didn’t exist for Mickey Lolich who shared Colon’s physique and hitting ability. He also hit one home run in his life – during the 1968 World Series.
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The Social Security Administration released its list of top baby names last Friday, and said that in 2015, “Isis” has fallen out of the top 1000 US. baby names. And who saw that coming?
Paul Ryan said today that he will step down as a co-chair of the 2016 GOP convention if Donald Trump asks him to do so. Translation “oh, please, oh please.”
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All kinds of consternation over the weekend when Donald Trump talked about raising taxes on the wealthy. Of course, this is the man who said he started out with a “little loan of $1 million from his father.” So his concept of wealthy might be a little different from most the rest of ours.
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Oops, never mind. Trump today on that tax hike for the wealthy. “I could see the wealthy getting raised, but I’m not talking about getting raised from where they are now. I’m talking about getting raised from my low proposal.”
For someone who hasn’t been a politician he’s learned to flip flop faster than almost any of them.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cleveland jokes, cromartie jokes, Cuba jokes, curry jokes, Janice Hough, Ray Lewis jokes, Trump jokes, Warriors jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
May 8, 2016
It takes some work to make Canadians angry. But Dwyane Wade managed to do it, by taking warm up shots during the Canadian national anthem. On the other hand, the Raptors, who sometimes seem to have trouble getting fired up, won the game. So maybe Wade should keep up the “Oh Canada” shooting.
Major league teams are selling today’s Mother’s Day equipment and uniforms to raise money for breast cancer research. Although the SFGiants. who lost 2-0, and were 0-6 with runners in scoring position, won’t be able to market them as actual “game-used” bats.
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An unknown person in New Jersey has won the $429 million Powerball lottery. His or her first act with the winnings will no doubt be to move out of New Jersey.
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Americans apparently spend over $21 billion on Mother’s Day. Wow. To be fair, at least $1 billion of that must be spent by players in the NBA.
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#Hawks have now joined the #Braves in making #Atlanta fans really look forward to the #Falcons.
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The Yankees are in last place and worse, ticket sales are way down. Not sure what the team will do. Maybe they can sign Kobe Bryant for a one year contract so he can sit the bench and do a baseball version of his farewell tour?
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Ted Cruz apparently feels now that he could have stopped Donald Trump, if Marco Rubio had only agreed to become his running mate in March. Got news for Ted, the bottom half of the ticket wasn’t why Americans “Just Said No” to him.
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Former Arizona Governor Jan Brewer said she’d be willing to be Donald Trump’s running mate. Waiting for Hillary Clinton to second that choice in female solidarity.
Sarah Palin on Paul Ryan “His political career is over.” Well, #takesonetoknowone
Mississippi State has confirmed that a student died when he fell off of the football stadium Jumbotron at 1:30am Saturday morning. Sad, but just guessing alcohol gets an assist on this Darwin award.
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To save money, Dropbox is apparently cutting back on some of its perks. The company is pushing free dinner from 6pm to 7pm, and limiting guests to five a month. #Getouttheviolins
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David Maloney is an Alabama attorney who has run commercials talking about how he turns out down drunk drivers as clients. ” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if you drink and you drive and you hurt someone, don’t call me. I’m not going to represent you, I’m not going to help you. If anything, I’m going to be the lawyer going after you.”
Maloney was arrested this weekend in Florida. For alleged DUI. Well, guess he won’t be one of those fools who has himself for a client. #meanbitchkarmahasacousinhubris
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Atlanta jokes, Canada jokes, hba jokes, Janice Hough, mothers day jokes, Powerball jokes, SF Giants jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 7, 2016
Nyquist wins the Kentucky Derby. Hope confused fans don’t start throwing octopuses at him.
(Non-hockey fans, google “Red Wings” and “octopus.”)
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Waiting for conservatives to complain the Kentucky Derby glorifies athletes who will succeed, then go have lots of out-of-wedlock children.
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Hard to imagine sometimes we once had #KentuckyDerby telecasts without Tara Lipinski & Johnny Weir. #matchmadeinheaven?
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So many private jets at the #KentuckyDerby you’d think it was the GOP national convention.
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#Walmart says it is bringing back its “customer hosts” at the door. #MakeAmericaGreetAgain?
Who’d a thunk that #BartoloColon would be certain to end the 2016 season with more home runs than #PabloSandoval?
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SF Giants have not said publicly if they have made an offer to Tim Lincecum. Of course, the way Cain and Peavy have been pitching, and now today’s game ending in the 13th, they may sign him only if he can start Monday.
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Matt Duffy gets a walkoff hit in the 13th, as the Giants game finished 2 minutes before the NBA Western Conference semi-finals, thereby sparing millions of SF sports fans by minutes of having to decide between the SFGiants and the Warriors.
The Cubs in 2016 have a +101 run differential. To put this in perspective, the Yankees in 2016 have SCORED 100 runs.
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You really cannot make this “stuff” up. A American Airlines commuter flight was delayed two hours because a University of Pennsylvania math professor was working on a differential equation, and a woman passenger thought he might be “a terrorist because he was writing strange things on a piece of paper.”
The professor, who is Italian, was questioned and the “allegations were found to be non-credible.” #cantfixstupid
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Lauryn Hill was booed by fans in Atlanta after she showed up 2 hours late for a concert. She blamed it on her driver getting lost Gosh, if only someone could think of an invention to solve that kind of problem..
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At a high school outside of Boston, someone hacked selfies that girls sent to their boyfriends, and apparently created some additional fakes, then posted up to 50 pictures on Dropbox. Once again, so thankful to have grown up in a pre-social media age.
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Almost worth putting Elizabeth Warren on the Democratic ticket just for her comebacks. This tweet after Donald Trump said he was “driving her nuts “No, @realDonaldTrump – your racism, sexism & xenophobia doesn’t drive me nuts. It makes me sick. And I’m not alone”
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Trump is attacking Hillary over Bill’s extra-marital affairs “She’s married to a man that got impeached for lying.” Right, and the Donald would never have lied to the American people. Only Ivanka, and Marla, and…..?’
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Bartolo Colon jokes, Cubs jokes, Janice Hough, Kentucky Derby jokes, math jokes, nyquist jokes, SFGiants jokes, Walmart jokes
Comments: 7 Comments
May 4, 2016
Caitlyn Jenner, 66, reportedly will appear on an upcoming cover of SI for the 40th anniversary of her 1976 Olympic decathlon win, wearing “nothing but an American flag and her Olympic medal.”
Uh, leave the transgender stuff aside. How many people want to see a picture of ANY 66 year old person naked?
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While unemployment is down in the USA, a good thing, productivity is also down, which is disturbing. Wondering how many American workers have posted about this trend on Facebook.
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So it was only last year that the bones of Richard III were reinterred from under a carpark to Leicester Cathedral. And now Leicester City, a 5,000 to 1 shot, has won the English Premier League. #Coincidence?
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ESPN’s OTL is reporting that MLB will announce another suspension for Turinabol, which was a steroid favored by East German athletes in the 1970s. And with improved testing, no doubt other suspensions will follow.
Really, an East German drug from the 1970s? Well, baseball always has had a reputation as a sport that reveres the past.
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USA Today headline “Losing Pablo Sandoval may be best for Red Sox.” Same thing can definitely be said for #SFGiants.
OKC’s Dion Waiters, talking about San Antonio and LaMarcus Aldridge “One man can’t beat you.” Right, because the Spurs always run such a one-man offense.
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John Kasich “As I suspend my campaign today, I have renewed faith, deeper faith, that the Lord will show me the way forward.”
And God is thinking “Don’t blame me, I didn’t tell any of you clowns to run in the first place.”
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So with Kasich dropping out tonight can we officially refer to the #GOP race as “Last Comic Standing?”
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Unhappiest people in the GOP right about now have to be those in California who were counting on a contested race to help Republican turnout in June. (California has a top-two primary, so a GOP candidate is not guaranteed to get on the November ballot.)
Emma Watson said she wore a dress made of recycled plastic bottles to N.Y.s’ Met Gala. Well, that’s a change, having an actress appear publicly with plastic on the outside of her body..
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Disneyland shut down their California Screamin’ roller coaster for an hour after a passenger was spotting using a selfie stick on it. When Disney restarted the coaster, couldn’t they just let the offending guest take the first ride solo with her/her stick, and no seat belt? #Darwinwouldbesoproud
#SFGiants fans are understandably less than thrilled with Jake Peavy this year. On other hand, Zack Greinke has a 5.50 ERA #dodgedabullet?
Governor Jerry Brown has signed a bill raising the minimum smoking age in California to 21. Many teenagers shrugged – “he’s only talking about cigarettes.”
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It now looks like a choice between Hillary & Trump. And millions of Americans are wishing another choice was to repeal that 22nd amendment.
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Line of the night. The Daily Show’s Trevor Noah, who is from South Africa, on watching Trump take the GOP nomination: “I’m from a Third World country. It looks like you are headed to one.”
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Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #Caitlyn Jenner jokes, California jokes, Cruz jokes, Disney jokes, Janice Hough, kasich jokes, Leicester jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
May 3, 2016
Ted Cruz has announcing he is dropping out of the GOP race. Wow. #CarlyFiorina tanked that campaign even faster than she tanked #HP
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Maybe #CarlyFiorina did bring something to the #TedCruz campaign after all – lots of leftover staff layoff notices?
So who’d a thunk the #GOP Primary might be down to one candidate before the Democrats?
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So wonder how much we Democrats can fundraise to convince #CarlyFiorina to volunteer for #DonaldTrump‘s campaign?
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#Trump called #TedCruz tonight “a great guy with one hellava future.” Doesn’t he mean a future in hell? #Lucifer
Headline “Ted Cruz Suspends Campaign After Primary Loss in Indiana.” Wait, don’t suspensions generally follow enhanced performances?
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Donald Trump is now close to clinching the GOP nomination, so talk may soon turn to his potential running mate. The Donald has mentioned picking a woman. Well, considering his popularity within the party and the voters apparent love for a reality TV star with no political experience, maybe Trump is considering a Kardashian?
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Okay, who besides me regularly sees things that reportedly come out of #Trump‘s mouth & has to double check that it’s not #theOnion?
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Regarding the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, Eric Trump told news outlets that Obama’s jokes about his dad were “all in good fun,” but “we are going to be there next year.”
Hmm, so they’re going to accept Hillary’s invitation?
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Earlier today, Donald Trump, apparently not content with his lead over Cruz in the polls, is now onto the National Enquirer story about Cruz’s dad “His father was with Lee Harvey Oswald prior to Oswald’s being — you know, shot. That was reported, and nobody talks about it… What was he doing? What was he doing with Lee Harvey Oswald shortly before the death, before the shooting? It’s horrible”
And millions of Americans thought this race couldn’t get any crazier. #weveonlyjustbegun
It was just announced that the Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, Paul McCartney, Neil Young, Roger Waters and the Who will all perform in a 3 day-concert festival in Indio, California this October.
Maybe with all these rock and roll deaths they figured they’d better get together before it’s too late? #concertfortheages #concertfortheaged
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This mega concert with the Stones, McCartney, Dylan, etc this October should be notable in many respects. For one thing, it may be the first festival to forego portapotties in favor of Depends.
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You know Justin Verlander’s pitching has been going downhill when the CNN headline is “Model Kate Upton gets engaged.”
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A record 16 #TonyAwards nominations for #Hamilton?!. Gosh, hope this doesn’t make tickets too hard to get.
The SF Chronicle reports that Northern California’s Bitmicro Networks Inc. which manufactures flash storage systems, has agreed to pay about $161,268 in back wages to engineers from the Philippines. The company brought them here, housed them in a hotel, and illegally paid them about $2 an hour. Bitmicro claimed that the wage issue was an oversight.
Right, it was an oversight that someone didn’t do a better job of hiding the foreign workers’ pay rate.
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The Second Circuit Court of Appeals has granted Tom Brady and the NFLPA a 14-day extension on Tuesday to file for a rehearing on “Deflategate.” Right, because this whole saga hasn’t gone on for nearly long enough.
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The NBA’s last two-minute review admits five missed calls at end of last night’s Spurs-Thunder playoff game. Only five?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Carly Fiorina jokes, carly fiorinia jokes, Cruz jokes, Enquirer jokes, Janice Hough, rolling stones concert, Trump jokes
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May 2, 2016
If you had to say one good thing about NBA refs it’s that they make you appreciate MLB umpires.
Well this ought to do wonders for those who say #NBA games are fixed. #offensivefoul #OKCvsSAS #Spurs
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Not saying Ginoboli got hacked on that inbound at the end of the Oklahoma City -San Antonio game, but 7 of 10 NFL refs might have called a penalty.
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In Cincinnati, Johnny Cueto got a nice ovation from #Reds fans just by showing up. He didn’t have to thank them by pitching batting practice in the 3rd #SFGiants
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Although, while Cueto did give up six runs, he also got a couple RBI’s. The #SFGiants are leading baseball with pitchers with hits and RBI’s. 11 each. #wedontneednostinkingDH #Pitcherswhorake
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A marijuana dispensary is apparently interested in taking over the naming rights for the Denver Broncos’ Sports Authority stadium. Leaving aside the Mile High jokes, this could really be a great marketing partnership for Peyton Manning’s Papa John’s pizza.
Pablo Sandoval has had shoulder surgery and will miss the rest of the 2016 season. Maybe to improve the Panda’s chances in 2017 the Red Sox will request a two-handed sling that makes it impossible for him to hold a fork?
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Paul McCartney, The Rolling Stones, The Who, Bob Dylan and Roger Waters all posted on social media with an apparent tease for a mega concert this October. Shocking! All those old farts know how to use social media?
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Sports Authority is liquidating all its stores. Sports Authority still had stores?
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Ted Cruz on the campaign trail “we will not give into evil….” This is the man who put Carly Fiorina on his ticket?
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Carly Fiorina felt off a stage at a Cruz rally today. As opposed to Cruz’s campaign itself, which seems to have fallen off a cliff.
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Really? Now, I know there is no love lost between ESPN and Curt Schilling, and Schilling was an idiot to keep posting incendiary stuff after his employers told him to stop. But now the network aired an “30 for 30” about the Red Sox miracle ALCS comeback in 2004 against the Yankees and cut out the “bloody sock” game.
What are we, folks, ten year old boys?
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Turing Pharmaceuticals, Martin Shkreli’s former company, which raised the price of an AIDS drug 5,000% has been sued for breach of contract by the company that let it sell the drug in the first place.
Not sure which lawyers Turing might get for their defense – maybe some who find the Cruz campaign too warm and fuzzy?
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Old Navy is now getting heat from internet trolls over an ad featuring an interracial family. Ok, now as misguided as these folks are who are against transgenders in bathrooms over the fear factor, who exactly do they expect an interracial family to hurt?
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While we’re at it, assume none of these anti-interracial family trolls are sports fans….particularly of the NBA – Tony Parker, Klay Thompson, Blake Griffin…. for starters. And then there’s Derek Jeter.
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Donald Trump is criticizing Hillary Clinton for her “off the reservation” comment, saying “If I made that statement about women, then there’d be front page headlines I think it’s a very nasty statement to men…”
I think even the pot and the kettle are both giggling.
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Four Auburn sophomore football players were arrested on misdemeanor marijuana charges last weekend, three who were reserves, and one, Carlton Davis III, who was a freshman All-American. Coach Gus Malzahn said “we will handle the matter appropriately.
Translation, the three reserves might be suspended for Auburn’s opener against Clemson, and Davis III might be suspended for the Tigers’ second game against Arkansas State.
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We Americans love underdogs. So we can happily congratulate #Leicester on a great Premier League championship. Without ever watching a soccer game.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #offensivefoul, Carly Fiorina jokes, Cruz jokes, cueto jokes, SFGiants jokes, Spurs jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
May 1, 2016
Toronto Raptors’ Kyle Lowry on today’s game 7. “This is like our Super Bowl, win or go home.” Uh, so maybe Lowry isn’t a big NFL fan, but has someone told him after the Super Bowl both teams go home?
The New York Yankees, at 8-15, are in the cellar of the AL East. No punchline, I just like writing it.
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So wait a minute, there are no Canadian teams in the NHL playoffs but one in the NBA playoffs? Hope this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse.
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The White House has put forward proposals to make it easier for federal, state and local agencies to buy “smart guns” that only operate for certain users. The NRA is of course against it, saying the concept is “unproven” and “causes us great concern”. Because of course nothing ever goes wrong now with stolen law enforcement guns. #sarcasm
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Some are already grading this year’s NFL draft picks by team. Yep, the same experts who had this year’s Super Bowl between the Seahawks or Packers, and the Colts or the Patriots.
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Congrats to #MaliaObama who will be attending #Harvard. Wonder if that means she didn’t get into #Stanford?
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Donald Trump, going after Hillary last week called her “one of the all time great enablers.” Of course, Trump’s wives are never enablers, he just trades them in for younger models first.
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Justin Bieber posted a picture of himself petting a tiger while the big cat was on a leash. Ok, be honest, how many other people were hoping for an equipment malfunction?
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Another thought about this bathroom insanity. Something like 90% of children who are sexually abused, are abused by someone they know. So where are the fear mongers about friends and relatives taking children into bathrooms?
Talking with friends yesterday after the Correspondents dinner, mentioned that I once wrote a joke that made then Senator Obama laugh. They suggested I post it.
In 2007 was able to meet him briefly on a rope line.
Said, “Senator, people say you’re the rock star of the Democratic party, but you’re too young to be president. But I’m looking at these concert tours for the Who, Paul McCartney and the Rolling Stones. And thinking you’re plenty old enough to be President. But you are not old enough to be a rock star.”
(he not only laughed he said I might be right, and he had all their records.)
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, travel jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bieber jokes, Janice Hough, NHL jokes, Obama jokes, raptors jokes, Toronto jokes, Trump jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 