The horror.

Posted August 26, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Now Fox News chair & CEO Roger Ailes is blasting Trump for his “surprise and unprovoked attack on Megyn Kelly.”

Oh, this awful Republican on Republican violence..

–

Donald Trump is attacking Megyn Kelly AGAIN on Twitter, saying she is “really off her game” after her vacation, and he liked “The Kelly File much better without @megynkelly. Perhaps she could take another eleven day unscheduled vacation! ”

Are we sure the Donald hasn’t confused Kelly with one of his ex-wives?

–

Benches cleared tonight in New York when the Astros’ Carlos Gomez told the Yankees’ dugout to”shut up,” Not sure how Houston might do in the post season, but Gomez might be on his way to becoming most Americans’ favorite player.

–

Sad to say but with all the expensive contracts the Dodgers picked up at the trade deadline the Giants’ would have probably been better off if they had somehow worked out a deal with LA for Matt Cain.

–

Detroit Lions’ safety, Glover Quin, when asked about the Packers’ Jordy Nelson’s season-ending injury, included in his answer “God had meant for Jordy to be hurt.”

And somewhere God is thinking “How ridiculous. As if I care about football until after the World Series.”

–

USC coach Steve Sarkasian said he had mixed alcohol and medications before his profane rant at last week’s “Salute to Troy.”

Sarkisian said he didn’t have a drinking problem but that through AD Pat Haden and “through the university, I’m going to find that out. I’m going to go to treatment. I’m going to deal with it.” Translation, it was go into treatment or be fired.

–

So ESPN’s Curt Schilling is apologizing today for a tweet he sent out this morning (and then deleted) with a meme that compared Muslims to Nazis.
Only person at the network who has to be happy about this is Cris Carter.

–

Meanwhile, here’s a thought on how to reduce injuries at MLB parks: If you want to pay more attention to your phone or your friends than the game, don’t buy seats near the field.

–

So I think I’ve got the GOP talking points straight: The more than doubling of the stock market since President Obama took office is something that had nothing to do with him, but the recent drops are all his fault….

–

South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley and Kansas Governor Sam Brownback wrote a letter to the Obama administration threatening to sue if detainees from Guantanamo Bay, are brought to military installations in their states.

Then they no doubt lambasted the President for not making good on his promise to close Guantanamo down.

–

Donald Trump says he is “never eating Oreos again” after the company announced it’s moving a factory to Mexico.

Hands up for all those who think Trump has ever eaten an Oreo in his adult life.

Comments: Be the first to comment

School daze

Posted August 24, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Apparently a number of incoming Duke freshman refused to read the graphic novel “Fun Home” which was part of their summer reading list, saying the sexuality conflicted with their Christian beliefs.

And I’m sure all of those young men and women will be home studying this fall rather than attending fraternity parties.

–

The Sigma Nu fraternity at Old Dominion has been suspended after posting banners on their house during Freshman orientation.  “ROwdy anD Fun, hope your baby girl is ready for a good time.”   “Freshman daughter drop off”  and “Go ahead and drop Mom off too.’    Are they being suspended for being offensive, or for being stupid enough to put up the banners, in a social media age, before parents had even left?

(My friend Dean Harpster comments –  “In this day and age, I think we should just be thankful they spelled everything right.”)

 –

USC has apparently just banned alcohol from their football locker room. Wait?! USC HAD alcohol in their locker room?! Your move, SEC.

–

A number of USC players are reportedly unconcerned about not having booze in the locker room any more. As they think the Trojans always played better on grass.

–

Australian former rugby star Jarryd Hayne looks likely to make the SF 49ers roster after an impressive pre-season game tonight. How long until Donald Trump complains about yet another immigrant taking a job from Americans

–

The Green Bay Packers announced that Jordy Nelson’s knee injury on Sunday will be season-ending. So who says NFL pre-season games are meaningless?

–

Consumer Reports says that tests show conventional ground beef is twice as likely as “sustainably sourced ground beef” to contain antibiotic-resistant bacteria. Well, Taco Bell patrons are safe. ‪#‎noactualbeef‬

–

So some Republicans are both mocking Obama for wasting fuel by flying 14,000 miles on a climate change tour and still saying there is no climate change problem. ‪#‎pickaside‬

–

North Korea and South Korea have reacted an agreement to de-escalate tensions and North Korea says it “regrets” that South Korean soldiers were injured by landmines. Can we blame Obama? Or Dennis Rodman?

–

The NFL and ESPN have condemned comments that just came to light from analyst Cris Carter to players at the 2014 NFL Rookie Symposium – saying to have a “fall guy in your crew” in case you get into trouble.
Because Carter was wrong, or because he should have said it to more players?.

–

American runner Emily Huddle was about to win the Bronze medal at the 10,000 metre race World Championship in Beijing, when she started celebrating one step too soon and was passed by a teammate. On the brighter side, Huddle probably got a consolation phone call from Leon Lett.

–

FSU’s Dalvin Cook, was found not guilty on a misdemeanor battery charge for allegedly punching a woman in the face outside a Tallahassee bar this June. Last October the Seminoles’ star freshman RB was charged with criminal mischief after a BB gun incident, and in November was cited by Animal Services after chaining three puppies together by the neck.

Cook remains suspended but after the acquittal coach Jimbo Fisher will no doubt try to teach the young man a lesson by reinstating him only after the first quarter against Texas State.

Comments: 1 Comment

Fight the bleep on?

Posted August 23, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Apparently at Saturday night’s “Salute to Troy” event for USC alums and donors, football coach Steve Sarkisian was drunk, and used “inappropriate” language, including dropping the F-bomb saying of other Pac-12 teams – “they all suck.”

Sarkisan has apologized, but presume he’s also been offered honorary membership in most of USC’s frats.

–

From the apology  “Pat Haden  (USC athletic director)  talked to me after the event about my actions and I assured him this will not happen again.”   Probably more like Haden saying  “this WILL not happen again.”

–

The latest high-profile Ashley Madison client to be outed is Jeff Ashton, the Florida state attorney who prosecuted Carey Anthony. Ashton claims he was just “curious” and never went through with an affair. His biography mentions three children, a wife, and “four adult children from previous marriages. (plural.)

So this is the kind of traditional marriage some are trying so hard to protect?

–

While relief pitchers are sometimes referred to as “firemen,” the ‪#‎Dodgers‬ relievers are making a strong push to be collectively known as “arsonists.”

–

In Ohio a new bill would ban abortions done because pre-natal tests show Down syndrome. And of course the bill would provide life time healthcare benefits to babies born with Down syndrome… Oops. Never mind. ‪#‎notthatprolife‬

–

The Atlanta Braves are leaving Turner Field in 2017. Braves fans are hoping they leave the current team behind too.

–

Amazing how the New England Patriots never had a problem with Roger Goodell’s discipline before this year. I’m sure it’s just coincidence.

–

Sure looked like Terrell Suggs was trying to re-injure Sam Bradford’s knee last night. So the Ravens LB already seems to be in mid-season form. ‪#‎dirty‬

–

The National Zoo says Chinese panda Mei Xiang has had twins. How long until Donald Trump refers to them as “anchor cubs?”

–

Donald Trump, a little light on specifics on how he’s going to manage to deport millions of immigrants. “It’s called management.”
Sure, because if there’s one thing that unites working people in this country it’s such a strong respect for “management.” ‪#‎SMH‬

–

Carly Fiorina, on Meet the Press “The only people who ask me about Donald Trump are the media. I think the media’s kind of obsessed with Donald Trump honestly, and I think Donald Trump is using the media.”

With all due respect, is anybody but the media asking Fiorina anything?

–

Shirtless men and women marched in Manhattan Sunday in the “GoTopless Pride Parade” to protest potential regulations against tip-seeking women in Times Square. Clearly they feel they should have more than the right to bare arms.

Comments: 2 Comments

Good men (and women) without a gun.

Posted August 22, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Forget armed security guards. Maybe we just need to offer free train travel at all times to off-duty U.S. military members. ‪#‎Seriously‬

–

Well, at least Ted Cruz is consistent. He joked about Joe Biden a few days after his son Beau died, and attacked Jimmy Carter’s administration as “failed,” “feckless” and “naive” yesterday. Part of Cruz’s ‪#‎noshredofhumandecencyleftbehind‬ policy.

Wasn’t that long ago when Matt Cain threw a perfect game against Houston & some sniffed “Well, it’s only the ‪#‎Astros‬.” Go Stros! ‪#‎BeatLA‬

–

If Donald Trump REALLY cared about illegal immigration as opposed to just getting attention, why doesn’t he start a crackdown to find and fire undocumented workers at his hotels and construction sites? He’s as much of a hypocrite on the subject as the Duggars are about sex.

–

Donald Trump got 30,000 people to show up at a football stadium in Alabama for a speech. And they said it couldn’t be done – a whiter crowd than NASCAR.

–

A woman was taken to the hospital after being hit in the head by a foul ball yesterday at Comerica Field She is reportedly “alert and conscious.” Justin Verlander later took to Twitter to tell MLB to put up protective netting around the field “@MLB should make changes before it’s too late.”

But people get in accidents driving to the field too, and some number of them probably have heart attacks after eating ballpark food. Maybe we should just tell the fans not to come? ‪#‎fanslovecatchingballs‬

–

Adrian Peterson tonight. “I’m the LeBron” of NFL. And James is thinking, well, I CAN beat that with a stick.

–

In Petaluma, California, police say a couple used a stolen credit card to purchase 15 $1,000 gift cards at Target. So they got away with it because $16,000 worth of gift cards would have been suspicious?

–

After the sheriff’s office posted his name as one of their most-wanted, a 21-year-old man, Logan Hale, started taunting them on Facebook with a “Finally Free” screen name, and posts like “Hello, Here I am.” and “deputies continue to look for me but are frustrated that I am unable to be located.”

–

Apparently Hale should have spent less time posting and more time hiding. They caught him after less than a week. And you guessed it, Florida.

–

A high school football game in South Bend was called with 2.54 remaining in the first half following a brawl which required police intervention. So do all these kids aspire to play for the Fighting Irish?

–

So no one lives forever, but isn’t it lovely to think that Jimmy Carter has a chance of outliving the guinea worm. ‪#‎bestexpresidentever‬

(a link for the uninitiated –  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3207538/Jimmy-Carter-wants-Guinea-worm-disease-eradicated-death.html)

–

‘From T.C.   Jameis Winston says he has a photographic memory: “Guess it ran out of film the day the QB forgot to pay for his crab legs and was arrested for shoplifting.

Comments: Be the first to comment

No trophies wanted for this participation.

Posted August 21, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

And the first nomination for the best creative excuse for an Ashley Madison account goes to Jason Dore, who is the GOP Executive Director in Louisiana.  He told a New Orleans paper he created this account to do “opposition research.”

–

“#‎Madbum‬ to ‪#‎MarlonByrd‬. “Welcome to San Francisco, just don’t get any ideas about being the #1 power hitter in the clubhouse ‪#‎SFGiants‬

–

The oldest ever message in a bottle, tossed into the water in the early 1900s, has finally washed up on a German Island. Along with the message the bottle contained a Jamie Moyer rookie card.

–

Chase Utley, Starlin Castro, Yadier Molina.. three of a long list of MLB players this year who have fewer home runs than Madison Bumgarner. (‪#‎Madbum‬ tonight hit his 5th.)

–

So for all the expensive contracts the LA Dodgers picked up in trade this season, apparently one they missed for was for a guy making the $512.500 MLB minimum – Mike Fiers. ‪#‎nohitter‬

–

Megan Fox has filed for divorce. Women think – “that’s sad.” Men think – “she’s available!”

–

Increasing controversy over the topless painted women in Times Square. Not sure what will happen in the long term. But short term… guessing a lot more visitors to Times Square.

–

North Korea says “We’re in a ‘quasi-state of war’ .” Makes sense, North Korea is kind of a “quasi-state.”

Oops, Netflix announced that workers were going to get up to a year of paid maternity-paternity leave. Now it comes out that the 450 employees in their DVD division are excluded. Shocking. Netflix still HAS a DVD division?!

–

And airlines wonder why we don’t trust them. A 11ami flight from SF to Honolulu is over an hour late today because of a “late arriving aircraft.” Fair enough. Except that late flight, from Chicago, was DUE to arrive at SFO at 1134am.

United couldn’t just say, “we swapped planes because something broke or we needed a plane elsewhere?” Nah, that would be too straightforward.

–

Former USC QB Ricky Town, who has chosen to transfer to Arkansas, told ESPN he left in part because of the Trojans’ “offensive system.” Probably more precisely because he wasn’t a part of it.

–

Bill Littlejohn, regarding Bengals DB Pacman Jones saying he’d have $100 million if not for suspensions: “He’d have $200 million if not for strip clubs.”

Comments: Be the first to comment

Shotgun divorces?

Posted August 20, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Three of the top 20 cities in the world with the most Ashley Madison accounts are in Texas, (Houston, San Antonio and Dallas.) Well, this could get interesting. As most of their spouses are likely to be armed.

–

Investigators are recommending filing manslaughter charges against Caitlyn Jenner for that fatal car crash in February. Her defense no doubt – “I’m a changed person now.”

–

The Pentagon is looking for sites in U.S. to place Gitmo detainees. I guess Florida would be cruel and unusual punishment?

–

Jimmy Carter announced he will undergo radiation treatment after cancer spots were found on his brain, but he is optimistic will extend his life. Carter didn’t have the option some other politicians do, which is to tell doctors to remove their brain because they aren’t using it.

–

Apparently tens of thousands of Ashley Madison accounts are .gov addresses. Who knew so many government workers were capable of multitasking?

–

Josh Duggar: “I have been the biggest hypocrite ever. While espousing faith and family values, I have secretly over the last several years been viewing pornography on the internet and this became a secret addiction and I became unfaithful to my wife.”

A hypocrite yes. Biggest ever? Once again Josh is guilty of extreme narcissism. ‪#‎hesgotsomecompetitioninWashington‬

=

Josh Duggar posted an open apology online and then edited it to take out mention of a porn addiction and his apology for molesting girls as a teenager. Guess Josh REALLY hasn’t learned yet, what’s on the internet stays FOREVER on the internet.

–

A federal appeals court ruled that former Virginia governor Bob McDonnell must report to prison while he asks the U.S. Supreme Court to reverse his convictions. And McDonnell is thinking “Damn, I should have run for office in Louisiana.”

–

As Jared Fogle awaits sentencing for his child porn plea bargain he been banned from computers with internet, must stay away from children, and is not allowed to own a gun. Waiting for the NRA to protest over that last one.

–

Aaron Hernandez has been involved in another prison fight. Forget whether the former Patriots star will ever get out of jail or not, the bus to hell question of the night is, “so would he be a good pick for a 2016 death lotto?”

–

New Red Sox GM “Dave Dombrowski – “I’m not here to blow up the operation.” And Boston fans are thinking “Hasn’t the current team accomplished that already?”

–

RGIII looked overwhelmed today and ended up with a concussion. But sports and politics often have a lot in common – as in do we really expect any better from any much touted young man who goes to Washington?.

Comments: Be the first to comment

What’s in a name?

Posted August 19, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

My best startup idea of the month. (If only I could code) : A company that can fabricate “proof’ of identify theft that resulted in a hacker signing up under your name at Ashley Madison.

–

So the first big name in the Ashley Madison breach is….. Josh Duggar?!   Karma is not only a mean bitch, she apparently really doesn’t like hypocrites.

–

Mike Huckabee, May 22, “No one needs to defend Josh’s actions as a teenager, but the fact that he confessed his sins to those he harmed, sought help, and has gone forward to live a responsible and circumspect life as an adult is testament to his family’s authenticity and humility.”
Any fellow bus-to-hell riders looking forward to Huckabee’s next statement on the Duggars?

–
In Oklahoma, a member of a self-appointed group of men  guarding a “Muslim-free” gun shop and range accidentally shot himself  in the arm Tuesday.  Once again Darwin is thinking “missed it by THAT much.”
—

As the Dodgers’ payroll continues to sky rocket this season, have to wonder, does ownership have enough money in reserve to give all the players participation trophies?

–

Regarding the ‪#‎Dodgers‬‘ acquisition of ‪#‎ChaseUtley‬? Are they hoping he can help out their bullpen?
–
And with Utley, who has a $15 million contract, the Dodgers will pay about $2 million just to rent him for six weeks.. Even the Yankees are thinking “Jeez, show a little financial restraint.”
–

–

In Florida, authorities say a large sinkhole that swallowed a man in 2013 has reopened. Can we send George Zimmerman to investigate?

–

A Massachusetts employee of Wild Oaks Markets, a smaller Whole Foods competitor, is charged with calling in a fake bomb threat so she could leave work early. A bomb threat?! Was that really necessary? At these places she might have been able to close down the store by alleging something like an excess of gluten.

–

New York City mayor Bill De Blasio says that topless Times Square performers need to go. Some of the mayor’s opponents will no doubt say it’s because De Blasio doesn’t want any competition as the biggest boob in New York.

–

Finally, actual practical advice instead of a joke: Took me too long to learn this, but when you get a really stupid airline, hotel, or other customer service representative on the phone, better not to argue with them, simply say “sorry, I have to take this other call” and hang up.

–

In the “cheer up, it could be worse” department; a few months ago executives at Subway figured their worst problem was declining sales because of decreased customer satisfaction with their food.

–

Police were called to a Niagara Falls hotel yesterday morning when a baby ended up locked in the hotel safe. The baby was freed and was “alert and crying.” Maybe that’s the last time the family takes advantage of a discounted babysitting offer?

–

From Gary M.  after I made fun of worries about Madison Bumgarner getting hurt pinch hitting “As long as he doesn’t wash Jeff Kent’s truck, he should be OK.”

Comments: Be the first to comment

Beyond borders.

Posted August 18, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

So Donald Trump’s latest complaint is about H-1B visas, which he claims result in foreigners taking jobs away from minorities and women. Kind of a ballsy statement from someone who couldn’t find someone American-born for two of his three marriages.

–

Yes, Donald Trump seems to be doing well But not a single GOP primary vote has been cast. So all of this circus is basically based on a relatively small number of people who don’t feel like hanging up on pollsters?

–

The SF 49ers will lower beer prices from $10.25 to $10 this year, largely to save the time required for workers to dispense change in quarters. And then no doubt next year they will raise the price to at least $12.

The FDA has approved the world’s first pill to boost women’s libido. Is it covered in diamonds?

–

Apparently hackers have posted stolen data from ‪#‎AshleyMadison‬. Wonder what the objective of their plan was? ‪#‎nodivorcelawyerleftbehind‬?

–

So with the release of the Ashley Madison data, is it too soon to start a pool on the over-under of politicians who may suddenly resign to spend time with their families?

–

SF Giants have a number of pitchers on the DL, plus starting CF Pagan, LF Aoki, and 2nd baseman Panik. Now Hunter Pence is going on the DL for a strained oblique.

The team recently did a promo spoofing Full House. Maybe the House they should have been referencing was Gregory.

#‎Madbum‬ for ‪#‎SFGIants‬ DH. That is all.

(he pinch hit in the 7th, got a single, scored the Giants 2nd run in a 2-0 games.  After apparently blowing the opposing pitcher’s mind.)

–

Give me a break, commentators talking about the injury risk Bruce Bochy shouldn’t have taken by letting Madison Bumgarner pinch hit. Uh, as we have seen, pitchers get hurt throwing, fielding, falling down steps, falling out of bed, getting sandwiches, etc….

–

49ers wide receiver Jerome Simpson’s has now been suspended six game for violating the league’s substance abuse policy, his third suspension since 2012. It’s all part of the NFL’s “10 strikes and you’re out policy.”

–

Tom Brady will attend a second hearing on his suspension. If he can’t get the number of games reduced the Patriots QB is at least hoping for a better sketch?

–

Oops, now Brady will not attended the hearings in New York after talks stalled between him and the NFL. Both sides are reportedly feeling a bit deflated.

–

George Zimmerman is selling $50 prints of a Confederate flag painting he did at ‘Muslim free’ gun store in Florida. Where’s a hunting dentist when you really need one?

–

The mayor of Venice, Italy, ban children’s books featuring gay couples from local schools, sparking a social media war with Elton John, who called him “boorishly bigoted. The mayor has retweeted messages from supporters attacking Elton, like “we’re protecting our children from people like you.”

Well, I sure hope these protective parents make sure their kids NEVER see the “Lion King.”

Comments: 2 Comments

Best of the best?

Posted August 17, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Robert Griffin III just said, “I feel like I’m the best quarterback in the league, and I have to go out and show that.” With all due respect, RGIII first needs to show he’s the best QB on the Redskins.

–

New description of the GOP primary, as most of the candidates, including Carly Fiorina, seem to be trying to out macho each other – “Running of the Bullsh*t.”

–

KFC is switching the actor playing Colonel Sanders from SNL alum Darrell Hammond to SNL alum Norm Macdonald. Uh, just my opinion, it’s not the actor that’s the problem. ‪#‎ColonelSandersandGeneralissmoFrancisoFrancoarestilldead‬

–

Jon Stewart will apparently be the host of Sunday’s WWE SummerSlam. If this goes well, maybe Stewart take on some REAL spectacle fighting, like one of the Presidential debates.

–

United Airlines is going to change their United Club policy next year so that passengers can only enter with same-day boarding passes. Wonderful news for all those who have meetings with colleagues who have taken red-eye flights and will no longer be able to shower on arrival.

–

Even if it makes it harder to build a potential new stadium, Washington Redskins president Bruce Allen said that the team will not change its name. Many are wondering, could they at least take “Washington” off?

–

Todd Courser, the Michigan lawmaker who faked allegations of gay sex with a prostitute to cover up an affair with colleague, has posted a nearly 2000 word scripture-filled statement on his FB page.

And he talks about how men have come forward to confess their own “failures in fidelity” to him, adding ‘several have come forward to share their pain for participating in/and addicted to pornography and what that has wrought in themselves and their families. And finally a couple have come forward to express their guilt and shame for being faith filled but struggling with how to reconcile that with having homosexual tendencies and trying to reconcile that with their faith”

At this point even God somewhere is thinking “Just STFU.”

–

Christine Ouzounian, the ex-nanny whose rumored affair with Ben Affleck reportedly was the final straw in his marriage to Jennifer Garner , apparently is interested in becoming the next “Bachelorette.” Is her goal to prove a woman can end up as universally disliked as Juan Pablo. ‪#‎itsokay‬

–

Greg Oden, the 2007 #1 NBA draft pick, has signed with the Jiangsu Dragons of Chinese league. Could be a good fit. The Chinese are taught to respect their elders.

–

‎MadisonBumgarner‬ at the plate at AT&T Park in 2014-15. .304 batting average, .714 slugging percentage, 7 home runs. ‪#‎DHmyass‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

–

My friend Scott Russell forwarded me this from Boston: Pablo Sandoval sat out Sunday’s game with a sore elbow after he was hit by a pitch Saturday. Acting Red Sox manager Torey Lovullo: “He’s such a finely tuned athete. Those are the types of bodies we’re dealing with here. When something is a little off, we’re making sure he takes his time to get it OK before he gets back in there.”

And Lovullo said it with a straight face.

–

Tennis champ Novak Djokovic won the Montreal Masters despite complaining to the umpire “Someone is smoking weed, I can smell it, I’m getting dizzy.” Well, as great a player as Djokovic is, he has never been at his very best on grass.

Comments: 1 Comment

“DH, we don’t need no stinkin’ DH”

Posted August 16, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Biggest problem right now for SF Giants manager with Madison Bumgarner?  Getting his ace left hander to shut up about possibly pinch hitting.

–

Yeah, so  Zack Greinke‬ pitched 7 innings of 1 run baseball w/ home run. Madison Bumgarner‬ just called & raised him. Shutout, home run & RBI double.

–

So Madison Bumgarner’s worst outing of the year was in Washington, D.C., July 4, when he allowed six runs in five innings against the Nats. Think Madbum was just a bit p*ssed off when he took the mound today?

–

Madison Bumgarner has four home runs for the year. And in the SF Giants broadcast booth Duane Kuiper is trying not to cry.

(for non baseball fans. Kuiper had a 12 year career in MLB – one home run. Total.)

–

Costumed characters hustling for tips in Times Square have become a New York tradition. The newest trend, near-naked women wearing only thongs and red, white and blue body paint. Wonder how many fathers are volunteering to do reconnaissance missions to make sure the area hasn’t become too inappropriate for children

–

Oscar Pistorius will be released from jail this week after serving 10 months for killing his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp. Even Los Angeles juries are thinking he got off easy.

–

Tim Tebow is back. But don’t laugh. At this point he’s still a more realistic potential NFL quarterback than Donald Trump is a realistic potential President.

–

So Trump is going to pay for a border wall by taxing all Mexican visitors to the U.S.? And what exactly is he going to do with all those crazies from Canada, eh?

–

Freshman QB Ricky Town. who had verbally committed to Alabama but decided to go to USC after the Trojans hired Steve Sarkisian, is transferring to another school. Apparently ,while highly touted, Town didn’t turn out to be the best freshman QB in spring camp.

So Karma is either a Crimson Tide fan, or just in mean bitch mode.

–

The Cubs lost today. But before the game Chicago manager Joe Maddon said he wasn’t changing his socks during the team’s 9 game win streak. Maybe the superstition helped. But at least it probably assured Maddon had a row to himself on the team plane

–

How often does a golfer go -17 for a major tournament and end up in 2nd place? ‪#‎JordanSpieth‬ ‪#‎JasonDay‬ ‪#‎PGA‬

–

Donald Trump said that illegal immigrants in this country “have to go.” Wait…. does Trump have a visa for that furry thing that lives on his head?

–

Brewers manager Craig Counsell and players told a Milwaukee paper that if now openly gay David Denson, now playing for the team’s rookie league, makes it to the big leagues, he will be welcome.

Bringing to mind the great quote from Willie Mays, who when asked a few years ago if a gay player would be welcome in a major league clubhouse, simply responded “Can he hit?”

–

San Diego gave QB Philip Rivers a $65 million guaranteed contract. The Chargers are throwing money around like they’re a Los Angeles team already.

–

–

Mike Huckabee says he supports Paraguay’s decision to deny a 10 year old rape victim an abortion. “Let’s not compound a tragedy by taking yet another life.” And of course that poor girl should have government assistance and health care including mental health care so her own life isn’t ruined…. Oh wait, government dependency should end at birth.
I believe the British have the correct term here – “f*ckwit.”

–

From T.C  “The Guinness Book of World Records is reporting that the world’s oldest cat is age 26, named Corduroy and lives in Sisters, Oregon. Skeptics call BS, and say it’s all just a ploy to get a dentist out of hiding.”

Comments: 2 Comments

So you had a bad day….

Posted August 15, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

If you ever doubted that even those who are really good at their jobs can have a bad day at work, I give you this pitching line: 2.1 innings, 12 hits, 10 earned runs.-

the stats are Saturday’s from Seattle’s Felix Hernandez.

–

Oops. A New York thief got the idea to sneak under the electronic security gate as the owner was closing a liquor store. He got a couple thousand dollars, some booze, and locked in until cops showed up as the door didn’t open from the inside.‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

–

The Yankees-Blue Jays have 9 more meetings down the stretch. But who expected the winner of the AL East might be decided by which one of them is lucky enough to have more games against the Red Sox.

–

A Missouri couple brought a boa constrictor into a restaurant and claimed it was a service animal. Although the law is very clear, service animals can be dogs only. Bad news for some Floridians with service gators?

–

Donald Trump arrived today at the Iowa State Fair. Brave of him. You never know a that fair when someone might try to fry that furry thing that lives on his head and put it on a stick.

–

Trump also says he is willing to spend’ $1 billion on his presidential campaign. Is this all part of Trump’s full employment program – no campaign consultant left behind?

–

In Sunnyvale, California, police shot and killed a man, who was allegedly carrying guns  tonight outside a Motel Six. The Motel has been offering nightly rates of $99.  Guessing that fewer locals are shocked by the shooting than the fact that in Silicon Valley there are places you can stay for under $100 a night.

–

Saw that Saints RB C.J.Spiller had knee surgery Friday. Then “He is expected to be back for the New Orleans season opener Sept 13.  Knee surgery. Less than a month. #thetimestheyareachangin

–

Dan Uggla got his SF Giants World Series ring last night. In four 2014 games, Uggla went 0 for 12 with six strikeouts, a run scored and a walk, plus three errors at second.  On the other hand, Uggla made one very big contribution to the Giants; he sucked enough that they gave a chance to Joe Panik.

,

Comments: 1 Comment

Laudable goals.

Posted August 14, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

John Kerry, at a ceremony raising the U.S. flag in Havana. “We remain convinced the people of Cuba would be best served by a genuine democracy,” Great, and if it works out in Cuba, maybe we can aim for that in the USA?

–

Central New Jersey was hit by a 2.7 earthquake this morning. It would, of course, be uncharitable to suggest the quake was caused by Governor Chris Christie rushing to a campaign event.

–

Sources are apparently telling the media that Geno Smith was taunting his now ex-teammate before Enemkpali punched him. “I am shocked,” said no one who follows the Jets. ‪#‎samecircusdifferentmonkeys‬

–

Marcus Mariota had an interception and fumble in his first two drives in the NFL pre-season. Is he angling to get traded to the Jets?

–

Summer in New York, when many, including the media, have left the city for at least the weekend. So if Trump speaks and there is no one around to hear him, is he still wrong?

–

A dad is in jail after taking his 16-year old daughter and her 17-year-old friend to a strip club, where apparently they drank, snorted coke and pole-danced. Do I even need to say this happened in Florida?

–

Florida State is implementing a mandatory course in social responsibilities for the school’s student-athletes. Next, will the school figure out how to make attendance any more mandatory than for other student-athlete courses?

–

Boston Red Sox manager John Farrell announced today will take a medical leave because he has Hodgkin’s lymphoma, but that it is “very treatable and curable.” Unlike the play of his team.

(seriously, all best wishes to Farrell. Fortunately they do appear to have caught the cancer at stage 1.)

–

Hillary Clinton has a plan to make college more affordable. Not surprisingly the GOP is against it. Why, the plan might result in more people being able to read.

–

At Cedar Point amusement park in Ohio, a man was killed by a roller coaster after he lost his cellphone on the ride and jumped a fence into a restricted area to retrieve it. New warning signs coming “Don’t text and ride.” ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬ ‪#‎butyoucanburystupid‬

(and the thing that solidifies this guy’s Darwin award, he was a teacher.)

–

A gun store and shooting range in a small Oklahoma town has started advertising themselves as “Muslim-free.” Well, makes some sense because we all remember the worst terrorist in Oklahoma history was a Muslim…. Oh wait, never mind.

–

#‎Apple‬ is reportedly working on a self-driving car. As long as it doesn’t use Apple maps.

–

Donald Trump will report for jury duty next week. But the Donald will probably be dismissed when he claims he is the sole caretaker for that fuzzy thing who lives on his head.

Comments: 3 Comments

$unny day.

Posted August 13, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Sesame Street is moving to HBO. So the show will now be brought to you by the letter $.

–

The outlet mall in Livermore, California is expanding and has renamed itself “San Francisco Premium Outlets.” Well, at about 45 miles from the city it’s no further away than the “SF” 49ers.

–

Carly Fiorina is going to solve the maternity leave problem in the U.S! In her own words by making the economy “so strong that employers are forced to compete for workers by offering better salaries, better leave policies, more time off, and good benefits.”
And no doubt many of those workers will be with military contractors developing flying pigs.

–

The A’s are having Mark McGwire bobblehead night next Tuesday. Does it come in two sizes, “before” and “after”?

–

Vernon Adams finally completed his undergraduate degree from Eastern Washington so he can play this fall for Oregon. The Ducks’ expected starting QB passed the final exam today on his second attempt for a math class.

And down in the SEC they’re going “math class?”

–

IK Enemkpali has a job in the NFL, Junior Galette has a job in the NFL Greg Hardy has a job in the NFL… Anyone but me thinking that with Ray Rice, who at least does appear to have learned something, the issue isn’t that elevator punch but the step or two he’s lost as a running back?

–

The court sketch artist who drew an unflattering picture of Tom Brady now says she is being “cyber-bullied” by Patriots fans. Okay, if you REALLY care about a courtroom sketch to the point of harassing the artist, you probably have too much time on your hands.

–

Frontier Airlines is getting rid of their toll-free numbers. Wonder which airline will decide to go them one better by getting rid of phone numbers period?

–

Uh, ‪#‎ESPN‬, at this point isn’t “Tiger Struggling” redundant? ‪#‎TigerWoods‬ ‪#‎PGA‬

–

A NASA climatologist says that this winter “has the potential of being the Godzilla El Niño,” Bill Patzert, a climatologist with NASA’s Jet Propulsion Laboratory.” Great, so Californians can deal with a drought and flooding at the same time.

–

So Buzzfeed is reporting that Al Gore is at least thinking of entering the 2016 Presidential race now. Well, heck, let’s run him against Mitt Romney. “I’ll take two politicians most people just want to go away for $1000, Alex.”

–

Wisconsin men’s basketball coach Bo Ryan announced in June that he would retire after the 2015-16 season. Now he says “I’m not totally sure, ” and adds that the AD “said I could change my mind at any time.”

“Atta boy,” said Brett Favre.

–

Next stop, the Supremes? A Colorado court has ruled that a baker who refused to make a wedding cake for a gay couple cannot use his Christian beliefs as a defense. You know, I would have a lot more sympathy for these religious folks if they also made an effort not to bake cakes for couples who live together before marriage, or who met while one was already married, etc.

From T.C. “MetLife Stadium has gone totally wireless, except one QB’s jaw.”

Comments: 2 Comments

Troubled water?

Posted August 12, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

In an effort to conserve water, Los Angeles poured almost 100,000 four-inch black plastic “shade” balls over their reservoir. So the city doesn’t have the Raiders yet, but the “black hole” is ready

–

This Donald Trump-Megyn Kelly back and forth bickering is getting so bad, you’d think they used to be married to each other.

–

So since Fox News got such kudos for the tough questions at the first GOP debate, clearly the pressure is on CNN for October with the Democrats. And since he’s not doing anything, can I suggest as a moderator Jon Stewart?

–

Billy Joel, 66, and his wife Alexa, 33, have welcomed their first child, Della Rose. Wonder how long until Billy and Della can compete in their first father-daughter diaper derby.

–

Uzbekistan Airways says they will start weighing passengers at the airport, and on some flights they may need to “exclude” larger passengers. U.S airlines are no doubt studying the idea, not to exclude heavier travelers but to charge them extra.

–

Not that it affects me anymore, but what is this “back-to-school” crap in mid-August? Used to be Labor Day. Seems un-American to make kids go to class in the summer. ‪#‎justsayin‬

 

Donald Trump said that when Bernie Sanders let ‪#‎BlackLivesMatter‬ protesters take his microphone that Sanders “showed that he’s weak.” As opposed to the Donald himself whose mantra is simply ‪#‎MyLifeMatters‬.

–

–

The Buffalo Bills have claimed IK Enemkpali off waivers after he was released by the Jets for punching Geno Smith. Guess coach Rex Ryan just wants to make sure he has one defender who can hit?

 

–

An ESPN poll of more than 100 currently players found that 72% believe that Brady and the Patriots deflated footballs, but only 58% DON’T believe the Patriots cheat. Translation, sounds like there are a lot of teams messing with balls.

–

An SF 49ers season ticket holder is suing the team over a new policy which makes it harder on fans trying to sell unused tickets by requiring most sales to go through Ticketmaster.

Wonder how long it might take for 49ers season ticket holder to sue the team over it being harder to sell unused  tickets because of the product on the field.

–

Major layoffs have started with the Kraft-Heinz merger. Hope Heinz 57 isn’t a goal for remaining number of employees.

 

Seriously hoping for the best for ‪#‎JimmyCarter‬.. Absolutely our best ex-president. No joke.

 

Lots of accolades for former President Jimmy Carter today after his cancer announcement. But for those who just think Habitat for Humanity and vague do-good human rights stuff, four words – google “Carter guinea worm.”

 

From Bill Littlejohn, “So now, we have a wild controversy involving Donald Trump and Megyn Kelly of Fox News.With all of that hairspray involved, shouldn’t the NFL also be investigating a helmet-to-helmet collision.”

Comments: Be the first to comment

High crimes and misdemeanors?

Posted August 11, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Scientists have found possible marijuana residue in William Shakespeare’s pipes. So maybe what the playwright meant to write was “Doobie or not doobie?”

–

You REALLY cannot make this “stuff” up: Geno Smith will be out 10 weeks with a broken jaw after he was punched by a NY Jets teammate?! ‪#‎thecircushascometotown‬

–

Ah nostalgia. Remember the days when NY Jets fans were worried that Tim Tebow was going to be their biggest quarterback distraction?

Happiest people over the Jets’ releasing Ikemefuna Enemkpali for breaking Geno Smith’s jaw? New York copy editors who no longer have to spell Ikemefuna Enemkpali

–

Could have been worse ‪#‎49ers‬ fans, at least ‪#‎AldonSmith‬ didn’t punch ‪#‎ColinKaepernick‬ on his way out.

–

Bus to hell time. SF Chronicle headline “Homicide eyed in mysterious San Francisco dismembered body case.” Well, sure doesn’t seem likely it was suicide.

–

Eagles fans have started a petition for the Pope to bless Sam Bradford’s knees when he visits Philadelphia this September. Because asking for a miracle cure for the Phillies is above even a Papal pay grade?

–

The DOT says that passengers have filed 20% more complaints against U.S. airlines in 2015. The numbers might be higher if travelers were able to access the internet while they are in their seats stuck on the tarmac.

–

Give Donald Trump credit for one huge achievement. He made a blonde woman from Fox one of the most respected news people in the country.

–

A young Trump supporter in Texas referred to the Donald as “the Kanye West of politics.” More like “the Kimye of politics”.  With Trump you get both Kanye’s ego along with a big ass.

–

A mother was arrested for allegedly leaving her kids in car while she drank in a bar. Now police say she had her son, 4, blow into the breathalyzer to start the car. Thinking enough to be that creative but not thinking enough to call a babysitter and a cab? Even by Florida standards this is impressive. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

–

The DOT says that passengers have filed 20% more complaints against U.S. airlines in 2015. The numbers might be higher if travelers were able to access the internet while they are in their seats stuck on the tarmac.

–

11pm on a weeknight. Time to switch to Comedy Cellar for my Jon Stewart fix…… ‪#‎sayitaintso‬

Comments: 2 Comments

Stupid is as stupid does….. and you can’t fix it.

Posted August 10, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

You REALLY cannot make this “stuff” up. Now Michigan State Rep. Todd Courser, who allegedly tried to cover up an affair by sending a fake email accusing himself of paying a male prostitute, is saying he will not resign. Courser says he will stay on to expose “political shenanigans” in the Capitol, that he only sent the email because he was being blackmailed, and that the Lansing “mafia” establishment is out to get him.

This guy is delusional enough you have to wonder if his next step is to declare for the 2016 GOP Presidential nomination.

–

A man who was arrested 2 weeks ago for joy-riding on a jail lawn was arrested again today, for doing the same thing, on the same lawn. Do I even have to write that this is a Florida story? ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

–

Meanwhile, a reporter asked Andrew Luck who his fastest teammate was, and the Colts QB responded “That’s like asking a parent who their favorite kid is.”   These Stanford kids aren’t stupid.

–

Leaving aside issues like actually running the country, anyone but me think you could make serious pay-per-view money on a Bernie Sanders-Donald Trump debate?

–

The younger generation may not understand all the tributes pouring in for Frank Gifford, who started with Howard Cosell and Don Meredith on Monday Night Football in 1971. Mostly because these days it’s hard to imagine only one night a week for NFL football.

–

Yellowstone rangers have captured a bear that allegedly killed a hiker Friday. They will do DNA tests, and if they get positive identification, “she will be euthanized because of the facts that she was feeding on the person.”

Makes some sense as a predatory bear is dangerous, but, hey, unlike some human hunters at least she was actually eating what she killed.

–

The Red Sox have announced that closer Koji Uehara has fractured his wrist and will miss the rest of the season. Well, not like Boston was giving him many games to close anyway.

–

Okay, Donald Trump is an ass, and insults women. Got it. Meanwhile other GOP candidates, yes, I am talking about you Scott Walker and Marco Rubio, won’t even declare they would allow abortions to save the life of the mother. ‪#‎priorities‬?

–

Oops, Disney Japan attempted to send out a “Merry Unbirthday” tweet from Alice in Wonderland, and managed to translate it as “Congratulations on your not special day.” This on the anniversary of the atom bomb being dropped on Nagasaki.

Sounds like a Mickey Mouse translating operation.

#Cantfixstupid, California division.

The SF Chronicle reported San Francisco Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi’s driver’s license has been suspended since February after he didn’t notify the DMV about a non-injury car accident he was involved in last October. And the newspaper says as of today, he “Mirkarami still had neither filed the required accident report nor provided proof of insurance as required under law, state records show. He had also not paid the $55 fee to regain his full driving privileges, the records show.”

And why should he know the laws? He’s only the sheriff.

Comments: 2 Comments

Reservations?

Posted August 9, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

After the Pittsburgh Pirates scored 9 runs in the 7th inning against the Dodgers bullpen, beginning to look like biggest competition between SF and LA in October might be over best airline/hotel rates for a vacation in Hawaii.

–

Seventeen GOP candidates running for President. And after last Thursday’s debates a lot of Americans are thinking “can’t we have a few more choices?”

–

Carly Fiorina talking about being a supporter of women’s rights makes as much sense as Bristol Palin being an abstinence spokeswoman.

And Carly Fiorina said today she opposes mandatory paid maternity leave. Proving again that the only women’s rights Fiorina really supports are her own.

–

Thinking if Donald Trump really wants to attract independent voters, he’d lay off Megyn Kelly and start going after Ann Coulter.

–

New NBC GOP Presidential primary poll: Trump – 23%, Carson – 11%, Fiorina and Rubio 8% each. I’ll take “Four people who will never be President for $800, Alex.”

–

#‎WrigleyField‬ was just evacuated after a bomb threat. Fortunately the threat turned out to be as nonexistent as today’s ‪#‎SFGiants‬ offense.

–

At Yankee Stadium, a fan threw a home run ball from Toronto’s Jose Bautista back onto the field and it hit NY outfielder Brett Gardner. Gardner was uninjured. These days the way things are going for SF Giants – three starters injured on a 10 game road trip,  had one of their fans done the same thing, they’d have hit Pence and put him on the DL.

–

#SFGiants didn’t get all the players they wanted at the trade deadline, and this odd year doesn’t look like their year. On the other ,hand, watching the Pirates score 9 runs in the 7th inning, 8 against Jim Johnson who the #Dodgers basically bought from the Braves by taking on contracts.. ah, #schadenfreude.

–

But, Duane Kuiper saying that the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ caught a break with the weather on this Chicago trip. Thinking more of a break might have been to have had the entire series rained out.

–

The Redskins and Texans ended up in a brawl after their three-day joint practice. Shame most Washington fans didn’t see it, might be the best hits their team will get in all year.

–

So a ‪#‎BlackLivesMatter‬ group disrupted a Bernie Sanders event. Isn’t that like a White Supremacist group disrupting a GOP Presidential Debate?  Or an anti-abortion group doing the same thing?

Comments: Be the first to comment

Trumped up?

Posted August 9, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

Donald Trump’s top advisor, Roger Stone, either has quit or been fired, and is saying Trump is ‘losing grip on reality.” Really?! Donald Trump ever had a grip on reality?

–

Some in the GOP are furious about Donald Trump’s crude comments about Megyn Kelly. Thinking if Trump really wants the Republican nomination that he should know better – such comments should be about Hillary.

–

QB Geno Smith, booed by NY fans at the Jets’ first publlc scrimmage, says he “thrives on adversity.”. If true Smith should have been the NFL MVP by now.

–

Saturday was ‪#‎InternationalCatDay‬ And cats are sniffing “Isn’t EVERY day #InternationalCatDay ?

–

Texas pastor Joel Osteen  apparently sold out AT&T Park Saturday nightA. Well, good for him, but these days any SF Giants pitcher besides Madison Bumgarner can get 40,000 plus people there praying.

–

Obama just arrived for his vacation on Martha’s Vineyard. Cue the outrage. How dare the President and his family vacation on a small mostly upscale island? They should go somewhere like Disney World or San Diego or Virginia Beach and ruin the vacations of millions of average Americans.

–

The Houston Texans’ Arian Foster says he doesn’t believe in God. Seems fair, given their 88-120 lifetime record, God doesn’t probably believe in the Texans either.

–

B/E Aerospace has developed a new airline seat that can be adjusted to roll forward or back depending on passengers’ height, so say, someone sitting in front of a child could have their seat moved back for more leg room. Wonder which airline might try it first, along with the “sit-in-front-of-a-short-person” fee.

–

If the ‪#‎BlueJays‬ can somehow catch the ‪#‎Yankees‬ will they become the first Canadian ‪#‎AmericasTeam‬?

–

In Yakima, Washington, officials want a former city employee to pay back $757.40 she spent on gourmet cupcakes for her own farewell party. $757.40?! In some fancy SF cafes that’s almost a dozen cupcakes.

–

Rough week for ‪#‎SFGiants‬, but just think how much different things might be if the team had been able to retain ‪#‎PabloSandoval‬…

–

Time for the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ to start kangaroo court fines for all pitchers who throw 0-2 pitches in the strike zone?

–

One of the great things about baseball, is that even when your team is s*cking up the place, you can usually find pleasure in watching at least one team you dislike lose. ‪#‎BeatLA‬ ‪#‎BeattheYankees

–

Add Pittsburgh Pirates pitcher Francisco Liriano to the list of MLB players with more home runs than Angel Pagan. ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎Poweroutage‬

–

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell says there will be no government shutdown this September over Planned Parenthood. Wonder if it’s just a coincidence that McConnell has two daughters

Comments: Be the first to comment

Missing Jon already

Posted August 7, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Perhaps the highest tribute I can pay to Jon Stewart is that it is now hard to imagine the news without Jon Stewart.

–

We opine about who might be the next Jon Stewart. But before Jon Stewart we didn’t know there was that position to be filled.

–

Tuesday – SF 49ers GM Trent Baalke “Aldon’s like any young player, he’s growing up, he’s maturing. You see that with a lot of these guys…” Friday – Aldon Smith has been arrested for a third DUI in four years, along with alleged hit and run and vandalism. So how about those Raiders?

–

The SF 49ers have now released their All-Pro pash rusher Aldon Smith. Too soon to start a pool on what defensively-challenged team will decide this young man deserves a fifth or sixth chance?

–

The San Francisco 49ers have canceled plans to allow 20,000 fans to watch the team practice at Levi’s Stadium Sunday, due to poor turf conditions and thus the field not being ready. And 40 miles north, it might be the wind, or you might hear the ghost of Candlestick Park laughing.

–

The turf at Levi’s Stadium is looking like a serious long-term problem. Fortunately the 49ers seem certain to give the field a long break from usage in the playoff weeks leading up to the 2016 Super Bowl.

–

Vanderbilt University has pulled a tweet with the football slogan “We Don’t Need Your Permission.” And they’re supposed to be the smart ones in the SEC?

–

Kim Kardashian and Kanye West plan to name their new son “Easton.” I see a new marketing opportunity with Southwest Airlines. ‪#‎wannagetaway‬

–

So last night’s GOP debate was the most watched primary debate ever. Now it’s making sense; more people tuned in to see Trump than were probably watching his “Apprentice” TV shows.

–

Who won the first ‪#‎GOPDebate‬ debate? Answer seems pretty obvious – advertisers on FOX News. ‪#‎ratings‬

–

John Kasich said last night that while he believes in “traditional marriage” he accepts the Supreme Court decision, and actually recently went to the wedding of a gay friend. Is Kasich trying hard to prove he is too reasonable to get the GOP nomination?

–

For anyone who didn’t know Carly Fiorina before yesterday and was impressed by her debate performance, three words: Google “demon sheep”

–

#‎UniversityofMinnesota‬ AD resigned after being accused by co-workers of groping and sexting them. Cue “Golden Groper” jokes. ‪#‎goldengophers‬

–

A belated suggestion for Chris Christie when Rand Paul slammed him for giving Obama a “big hug.” So why didn’t  the NJ Governor turn around and answer “Senator, when the President of the United States shows up in your state after a major natural disaster, bringing money and the Federal government’s resources to help, the question should be, why DON’T you hug him or her. Because that is no time for partisan politics.”

The US Coast Guard caught a semi-submersible vessel and seized six tons of cocaine off the coast of Mexico. Although they admittedly lost two more tons of the coke while trying to tow the sub ashore. Sounds like it’s going to be a high tide.

–

Donald Trump’s campaign now says they believe Fox News is part of ‘an organized attack’ designed to stop his ‘movement.’ Oh, this awful GOP on GOP violence. (No, I can’t quite say that with a straight face. )

–

In Michigan.  State Rep. Todd Courser was allegedly having an affair with Rep. Cindy Gamrat. Both are “family values” Republicans married to other people. So just your average political hypocrisy.

But now Mr .Courser is alleged to used taxpayer money to have come up with a fake email alleging he had sex with a male prostitute. The idea being to create a “complete smear campaign”, which could be debunked, and would then make the actual affair seem “mild by comparison.” ‪#‎youREALLYcannotmakethisstuffup‬

From my funny friend, Alex Kaseberg,   “A new poll has Eleanor Roosevelt as the top choice to be the woman on the $10. Of course Kanye West thinks it should be Beyonce.”

Comments: 5 Comments

Up for debate

Posted August 6, 2015 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes
Tags: , , , , , , ,

For television viewers, Wednesday night on NBC was “America’s Got Talent.” Thursday night the debate on Fox was the rebuttal.

The Fox News GOP debate was at Quicken Loans Arena, home of the Cleveland Cavaliers.  And much of it was as painful to watch as Lebron’s “The Decision.”

–

To be fair, Donald Trump says he wanted the GOP debate tonight to be on a “high level.” As in you needed to be high to watch it?

–

Carly Fiorina, at the “kid’s table” debate. “. “[T]he potential of this nation and too many Americans is being crushed by the weight, the power, the cost, the complexity, the ineptitude, the corruption of the federal government.” And if elected I promise to do for America what I did for Hewlett Packard…. Oh wait, never mind.

–

A few of the exchanges between, for example, Chris Christie‬ and Rand #‎Paul‬ made me almost sorry that this ‪#‎GOPDebate‬ was probably a gun-free zone.

–

Wonder how many GOP voters watched the debate and were wishing they could vote for ‪#‎MegynKelly‬. ‪

–

#‎Trump‬ invokes ‪#‎RonaldReagan‬. Is ‪#‎Reagan‬ rolling over in grave or laughing becuz he knows he was much less conservative than his disciples

–

Scott Walker talking about unborn children needing to be protected. And of course the Wisconsin governor has fought his own party over cutting $238,000 million for child advocacy centers. Oh wait, the GOP over-ruled him, they REINSTATED money Walker wanted to cut. ‪#‎nevermind‬

Mike Huckabee “The purpose of the military is kill people and break things.” Somewhere Teddy Roosevelt IS rolling over in his grave. ‪#‎speaksoftlykillpeopleandbreakthings‬? ‪#‎GOPDebate‬

–

Boston mayor Martin J. Walsh wants to ban chewing tobacco from all ballparks in the city, amateur and professional. Well, with this year’s Red Sox team Walsh doesn’t need to add that “professional” part.

–

Two men were arrested at an Iowa Taco Bell and charged with allegedly manufacturing methamphetamine in the restaurant. Stand by for the AMC sequel “Breaking Wind.”

–

President Obama today warned it’s either the Iran deal, or “some sort of war.” And many Republicans responded “You say ‘war” like it’s a bad thing.”

–

Arby’s ran ads on the penultimate “Daily Show with Jon Stewart,” despite all the knocks the comedian has given them over the years. Well, makes a certain about of sense, with Stewart everyone knew Arby’s was still in business.

–

A Regent Seven Seas 128 day around-the-world cruise, costing more than $100,000 a couple, had 70% percent of the cabins booked on the first day of sales. The company president stated this was a testament to their belief that “guests … want unique, different, and rich destination experiences.” Well, “rich” for sure.

–

Now it’s come out that Russians apparently hacked some Pentagon emails. Hillary Clinton might be looking smarter and smarter with that private server.

–

No lyin -Great thought from Paul Chessin, brother of my FB friend Steve: “So, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service wants to talk to Dr. Walter Palmer but can’t find him because he’s “hiding”? Maybe they should get a trophy game animal, put it in a car, and, you know, lure him out.”

Comments: 2 Comments

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »