Archive for the ‘sports jokes’ category
September 28, 2016
Colin Kaepernick after Monday’s Presidential debate said “Both are proven liars and it almost seems like they’re trying to debate who’s less racist.”
Well, suppose it’s a good thing there’s no chance the SF 49ers will be making a White House visit any time soon.
Could someone inform the #SFGiants that if you score 12 runs in 2 games it’s not a bad idea to split them up?
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Matt Duffy apparently stopped by the #SFGiants clubhouse today. Could he lend the team #Skeeter?
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Interesting point on bullpens in the postseason made by Tom Verducci in SI.com today – the percentage games won by relief pitchers in the regular season and then in post season: 1965-68 – 26.8% and 8%. 1995-98 – 30.0% and 35.4%. 2012-2015 – 30.4% and 41.3%.
Of course Madbum in 2014 was both a starter AND a reliever. #SFGiants
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Arguing that being banned from baseball didn’t mean its Hall of Fame, Pete Rose apparently has made a direct appeal to the Hall to restore his eligibility. Wonder what his odds are?
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A fan who proposed to his girlfriend at Yankee Stadium during a Red Sox Yankees game had to hunt in the seats for the ring which he dropped as he dropped to a knee. Fortunately the ring was found and she said yes. Did the happy couple get an autographed ball from Starlin Castro?
(for those going, huh?, Castro is not known for his defense.)
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If @realDonaldTrump bails on the next two debates will @HillaryClinton try to borrow Clint Eastwood’s chair?
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Some say that @realDonaldTrump will learn from his mistakes in 1st debate. That assumes that Trump actually ever thinks he makes mistakes.
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Now Donald Trump, Jr. is praising his father’s “courage” for not mentioning Bill Clinton’s cheating on Monday night “out of respect for Chelsea.”
Right, so anyone want to start a pool on how many times the thrice-married Trump and his family will congratulate themselves for not mentioning infidelity?
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Gary Johnson was asked today to name his favorite foreign leader, and he couldn’t do it, finally admitting “I’m having a brain freeze.” So what’s Johnson’s plan after the election, running for Governor of Texas?
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It’s too easy as a U.S.woman to criticize Gary Johnson for not being able to name his favorite foreign leader Justin Trudeau. Next question?
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So with Arizona Republic, the Dallas Morning News and the CIncinnati Enquirer breaking with long tradition and joining more liberal papers to endorse a Democrat for President, wonder if Trump’s plan if elected will be to eliminate all press credentials.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, gary johnson, gary johnson jokes, Giants jokes, janice hough jokes, Kaepernick jokes, pete rose jokes, Trump jokes
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September 21, 2016
So Colin Kaepernick was just voted the most disliked player in the NFL. Because kneeling during the National Anthem is so much worse than assault, domestic violence, rape….
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Miami Dolphins safety Michael Thomas, who has been kneeling during the national anthem for the first two games of the NFL season, says he has been receiving death threats via social media. Okay, outrage and upset I get, but death threats? Seems like some Americans are bent on proving his and Kaepernick’s etc. point.
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On a brighter note for #SFGiants fans, tonight’s 9-3 loss to the Dodgers wasn’t a heart-breaking 9th inning.
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Interesting for SF Giants fans. If it comes down to the last day of the season and Giants are tied with the Cardinals – look at the expected pitching match-up for St. Louis and Pittsburgh:
Cards: Weaver (1-4) Pirates: Vogelsong (3-5)
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Story today in the SF Chronicle that BART’s fare machines are running on Windows 2000, 17 year-old software. By airline standards, cutting-edge technology.
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In Norway, 126 owners of Tesla Model S P85D are suing the company, saying their cars’ with “insane mode” acceleration only reached 496 horsepower instead of a pledged 700.
So too soon to start a pool on how many of those 126 drivers will end up getting Darwin awards?
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The FBI has released pictures of the two men who allegedly stole a suitcase in NY last Saturday night, dumping and disabling the bomb in side. The bureau says they want to talk to them. Maybe the guys could help start a new division for Homeland Security “Hertz Rent-A-Thief?”
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Imagine @RealDonaldTrump’s response if #DonKing was supporting and had introduced @HillaryClinton
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So if we’re worried about dangerous Skittles can we start a petition to take the orange ones out?
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Former Trump campaign manager, Corey Lewandowski, who was fired in June, now works for CNN as an on-air political contributor. But Trump paid him $20,000 in both July and August. A Trump spokeswoman called “monthly severance” and in no way a conflict of interest.
And I am sure the Donald would be just as understanding if Hillary were paying a former staff now working for the national media.
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So Jimmy Fallon may have rolled over for the Donald. But kudos to Seth Meyers: “You don’t get to peddle racist rhetoric for five years and decide when it’s over. The bottom line is this, Trump built his career on a racist lie because he’s a racist and a liar, and instead of denouncing that lie, the GOP doubled down on it completely.”
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From T.C. “Colin Kaepernick says he is protesting for all the black people that are subjected to oppression and abuse on a weekly basis. What about all the white people who have 49ers seasons tickets?”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: don king jokes, football jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, tesla jokes, Trump jokes
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September 19, 2016
The NY Mets have started selling Tim Tebow #15 jerseys. Well, as if anyone wondered what $ome of the rea$on$ are that the Met$ $igned him?
Number of times #SFGiants have lost w/ lead in 9th- 9. Number of times #SFGiants have won when trailing in 9th- 0. #2016seasoninanutshell
Shame of it all, tonight’s blown save wasted a great pitching performance from #Madbum, not to mention a run scored on an infield hit, stolen base, error & wild pitch. #SFGiants offensive explosion!
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A #LADodgers fan friend asked me who I thought was the #SFGiants MVP. Told him the #Dodgers MVP should be #Casilla. (or maybe they should just vote a playoff share to the entire bullpen?”)
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Apparently a second bomb didn’t go off in Manhattan because thieves stole the suitcase in which it was placed, and accidentally disabled the device. #GodBlessNewYorkers.
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Washington coach Jay Gruden “We have total faith that Kirk (Cousins) will get it done, and he will get it done.” Translation, we haven’t found a team willing to trade us any better option.
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Donald Trump, whose arm must be really tired for all the pats he gives himself on the back, boasted “I should be a newscaster because I called it (the NY explosion being a bomb) before the news.”
Who says there’s no bipartisan agreement in this country? I would be just fine with Trump being a newscaster, after Nov. 8. When he has nothing better to do.
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As of today, Ivanka Trump is getting Secret Service protection. Wait. What? Why would the Donald risk his precious daughter?. Because surely Trump’s own personal security staff is the greatest, bestest security ever.
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It’s a free country. So while Colin Kaepernick has a right to protest, Americans have a right to be upset at him. But I hope some of those same Americans are also upset about Terence Crutcher
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Would @realDonaldTrump explain how profiling all #Muslims helps w/ millions of law-abiding Muslims who now do assist and support police?
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Now, who the heck knows what really turns someone into a potential terrorist. But the family of alleged NY bombing suspect Ahmad Rahami had sued the city of Elizabeth, NJ, arguing that they were targeted by the city, police and their neighbors because they were Muslim.
Not that Trump’s plan to get police to profile all Muslims will make anyone else angry….
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NY GOP Rep. Lee Zeldin today, after Ahmad Rahami’s arrest today, tweeted out “Suspect in custody. You are welcome Colin Kaepernick” #WTF? Is Zeldin angling for a job in a potential Trump administration?
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Reports from Politico & the Guardian are that George H.W. Bush told Kathleen Kennedy Townsend he’s “voting for Hillary.” Looks like the really smart Bush was always Poppy.
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Note to Donald Trump, now THIS is a Presidential response: “I think it is important to remember what terrorists and violent extremists are trying to do. They are trying to hurt innocent people, but they also want to inspire fear in all of us, and disrupt the way we live to undermine our values “We all have a role to play as citizens in making sure that we don’t succumb to that fear. And there is no better example of that than the people of New York and New Jersey.”
Folks around here, you know, they don’t get scared. They are tough, they are resilient, they go about their business every single day. And that kind of toughness and resoluteness and a recognition that neither individuals nor organizations like ISIL can ultimately undermine our way of life, that’s the kind of strength that makes me so proud to be an American.” #DamnIwillmissObama
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Mets jokes, New York jokes, rahami jokes, Trump jokes
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September 14, 2016
Steph Curry was asked as part of a longer interview who he was supporting for President. He simply answered “Hillary” and moved on. And some people are actually complaining that athletes shouldn’t get involved in politics? #Onewordistoomany? #WTF?
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Another #Padres pitcher coming in with an ERA of around 6. And of course the #SFGiants scored one run. At some point the team should charge a fee for giving all these pitchers the best outing of their careers.
If by chance the #SFGiants stagger into the playoffs, no one will accuse them of peaking too soon in September.
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Hillary Clinton had to cancel San Francisco fundraisers early this week over her pneumonia. Shame. She could have used that “basket of deplorables” line to great effect about the SF Giants bullpen.
(or in some cases, like today, their hitters.)
Major league baseball has announced their 2017 schedule, with both the Twins and Red Sox opening at home April 3. Too soon to bet on which game is most likely to be snowed out?
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Several Washington State players have been arrested this year, and coach Mike Leach, formerly at Texas Tech, is blaming the police and media for unfairly focusing on football players. Toto, we’re not in Texas any more….
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In New York, an assemblyman who fatally shot himself last week won his primary today. So voters not paying attention? Or voters deciding that a dead man could do less damage than the live alternative?
In Austria, an 18-year-old girl is suing her parents because she said the Facebook pictures they posted of her as a child have made her life miserable. Ah, for the good old days when your parents could only embarrass you with scrapbooks.
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Proving it’s not just U.S. airports and airlines who are fond of euphemisms – a travel agent bulletin says the runway at Aberdeen Airport in Scotland is currently out of service, due to a technical issue.”
The issue, they discovered an actual hole in the runway.
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Mike Pence this week refused to call David Duke “deplorable.” Just one question for Governor Pence, who WOULD he call deplorable?
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Last year, Donald Trump was listed as 6’2″ and 198 pounds. Today he told Dr. Oz he was 6’3″ and 236 pounds. Time for a congressional investigation?
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So @realDonaldTrump says he “feels as good as when I was 30.” If any 70 year-old really believes that, he’s too delusional to be President.
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Hillary Clinton today released detailed medical information. The report said she has “mild, non-contagious bacterial” pneumonia. It also has details about blood cholesterol levels, allergies, her annual mammogram, etc.
Wonder how long before Donald Trump announces again he is the very healthiest but he won’t release his records because we just wouldn’t understand.
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Donald Trump has said “I will end forever the use of the H-1B as a cheap labor program, and institute an absolute requirement to hire American workers for every visa and immigration program. No exceptions.”
Today, Melania Trump tweeted a letter from her lawyer defending her immigration status. The lawyer said Melania told him she “remained in the United States on five one-year H-1B visas before obtaining a green card,”
#Youcantmakethisstuffup
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, curry jokes, election jokes, facebook jokes, Janice Hough, SFGiants jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
September 13, 2016
Vin Scully said today he won’t broadcast the postseason so that his last game will be the Dodgers-Giants in SF Oct. 2. So maybe he has less faith in how LA will do in the playoffs than even Giants fans.
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So it’s only one game, but wonder if #LosAngeles is thinking of suing #StLouis under the “Lemon Law.” #Rams #49ers
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Trent Dilfer said before MNF that Colin Kaepernick had caused “friction” that had “torn at the fabric of the team” by becoming the “center of attention.”
Uh, looking at the 49ers-Rams final score guessing a lot of NFL teams will be trying to figure out how to tear fabric this week in practice
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So while we are into conspiracy theories, what about the possibility of a #TrumpBodyDouble. Would explain that inhuman shade of orange and some of the wild statements- especially if the body double was a giant Furby.
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Just when you think you’ve heard every airline excuse under the sun, and the moon, now I have a client on a delayed United flight in Denver because “they dented the plane with a baggage loader.”
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After reports of phantom donations, House Democrats now seeking a Justice Department investigation of Trump Foundation, #sauceforthegoose
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Donald Trump, attacking Hillary Clinton for her “basket of deplorables” line: “You can’t lead this nation if you have such a low opinion of its citizens.” Can a statement have an asterisk?
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A 21 year-old California man in Hawaii decided to make an illegal, nearly 200 ft jump off Kauai’s Wailua Falls. He was knocked unconscious, had to be rescued by other tourists, and called it ‘spiritual’, I call it ‘Almost a Darwin.” #misseditbythatmuch
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The U.S. Census Bureau said median income in the US rose over 5% to $56,516, the first increase since 2007. #IblameObama
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Edward Snowden says now he thinks President Obama should pardon him, saying his actions “may seem unlawful in letters on a page but when we look at them morally, when we look at them ethically, and when we look at the results, it seems obvious that these were necessary things.”
And then does Snowden expect Obama will bring him home from Russia on a flying pig?
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The Presidential election is distracting us from interesting state contests, but Lousiana’s Senate race deserves more attention. Not only is David Duke running, but a new book out “Murder on the Bayou” has allegations against one candidate, Rep. Charles Boustany, that prompted this verbatim statement from fellow candidate GOP Treasurer John Kennedy:
“I want to be very clear that my campaign played absolutely no role in creating this story alleging Congressman Boustany’s sexual relationships with prostitutes that were later murdered, his staff’s alleged involvement in running the bar and hotel where this illicit behavior took place, or publishing the book,”
#nottheOnion #Youcantmakethisstuffup
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Darwin jokes, Janice Hough, Rams jokes, Snowden jokes, Trump jokes, Vin Scully jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
September 12, 2016
If this keeps up Los Angeles is going to ask St. Louis if they would would take the Rams back.
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And the 49ers wonder why they can’t get fans to games, besides having a lousy team. ESPN’s Darren Rovell -“Two and half hours before Rams at 49ers, cheapest get-in ticket on StubHub is $35. Cheapest team parking spot? $69!”
Oakland 16, KC 3 on Monday. Wait, didn’t the Raiders play yesterday?
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After Saturday’s loss to CMU, Okla State coach Mike Gundy says he only wants to play nonconference home games with Big 12 officiating crews. Because his own conference refs NEVER make mistakes…? Or because they understand the importance of avoiding upsets of top teams who bring the conference money for bowl games.
Hope no #Samsung executive ever prayed for their #GalaxyNote7 to be the hottest phone in the world?
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Carrie Tolstedt, the woman who oversaw the Wells Fargo community banking unit where the fake account scam happened left the bank in July. She got a $124.6 million golden parachute.
“I am shocked” said nobody.
An Indiana fertility doctor has been charged with obstruction of justice. Prosecutors said the 1970s and 80s, he allegedly impregnated perhaps 50 women, who thought they were using medical school donors, with his own sperm. So will his defense be he wanted to be the next father of our country?
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Donald Trump says he will release his medical records “soon.” Like he released his tax returns “soon” after he promised them this January?
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Trump today said “this last week I took a physical I’ll be releasing – when the numbers come in, hopefully they’re gonna be good, I think they’re gonna be good.” Well of course, the bestest greatest numbers, they’re going to be huge.
No joke. Conspiracy theorists are now opining that Hillary Clinton is seriously ill or worse and has been replaced by a body-double. #BeammeupScottietheresnointelligentlifeonthisplanet
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As Trump and Clinton battle hard for the swing state of Virginia, thinking after tonight’s MNF game either of them would get a major boost if they promised on their first day in office to ban Dan Snyder from owning an NFL team.
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Think I’ve got it: Professional athletes regularly have illnesses and injuries. When they pretend they are fine and play through them for big games it’s proof of what heroic men they are. When a woman presidential candidate pretends she’s fine and shows up at an important event when she has pneumonia, it’s more proof of her duplicitous nature.
ESP from TC?
“Kaepernick will be the backup for tonight’s game. His role is to enter the game if it’s a blowout, take snaps and go down on one knee.”
Pay no attention to the man behind or in front of the curtain?
From Marc Ragovin “So Donald Trump is going to discuss his medical records this week with Dr. Oz. Trump and Oz is a very appropriate coupling.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: election jokes, Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, Trump jokes, wells fargo jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
September 11, 2016
ESPN’s fantasy football app was down today. The horror. Many viewers were left with only being able to care about whoever actually won the game.
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Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and the #Browns losing on #NFL opening week
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So as we honored all those who perished on September 11, and all of the first responders, etc, with ceremonies in MLB, perhaps we could make the date more significant going forward by having it be the ONLY time in the year teams play “God Bless America” during the 7th inning?
After watching #SFGiants revival in Arizona, looks like there’s at least one SF Bay Area team with chance of winning Monday night.
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Just maybe #SFGiants have decided to eliminate #Casilla discussions by not taking 1 run leads to the 9th? #HunterPence
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So Oklahoma State fell out of the top 25 after losing to Central Michigan even though officials admitted the game should have been over before the winning play. On the other hand, OSU shouldn’t have been that close to CMU at the end of the 4th quarter.
(ditto Clemson w/ Troy and Georgia with Nicholls.)
Kim Jong-Un has banned sarcasm. Yeah, right.
So @HillaryClinton has pneumonia. Waiting for @realDonaldTrump to say when he is President he will build a wall to keep out pneumonia.
Just imagine what would have happened if @HillaryClinton had followed her doctor’s advice & stayed home from 9/11 memorial service. #cantwin
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Meanwhile, Martin Shkreli showed up outside Chelsea’s Clinton’s apartment and actually heckled Hillary as she left after going there after the service. Very little bipartisan agreement in this country, but can we agree that Shkreli is a poor excuse for a human being?
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All of us are just guessing, really. But interesting how the same people who are positive Hillary is hiding something in her medical records are convinced there’s nothing to see in Trump’s tax returns.
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In Tampa, a man tried on a bulletproof vest last night while his cousin fired a shot to see if it worked. It didn’t. One Darwin, one manslaughter charge. #ifonlytheywerearmed No wait… back on your game, Florida.
My writing is mostly about sports and politics, and I don’t like playing the woman card. But give me a break, folks. Of course Hillary went to the 9/11 memorial today when she was sick. She’s a woman and a mom. Women go to important things when we are sick. We take care of our kids, significant others, we go to work if work needs to be done. Whereas men, at the risk of being “grossly generalistic….” Okay, rant’s over.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ESPN jokes, fantasy football jokes, hilary health jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, Shkreli jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
September 1, 2016
Facebook just changed their relationship status with SpaceX to “it’s complicated.”
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At Cape Canaveral, a SpaceX rocket exploded on the launch pad this morning. SpaceX described the explosion as an “anomaly.” Fortunately there were no injuries. And airline spokespersons immediately filed “anomaly” away for future use.
Pamela Anderson, 49, has become an anti-porn crusader. Maybe because no one wants to see her sex tapes anymore?
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As Colin Kaepernick doubles down on his anthem protest, angering many other NFL players, here’s an interesting side note: Right now the 49ers only have to pay him guaranteed salary for 2016. But if Kaepernick suffers a career-ending injury, he also gets $14.5 million guaranteed in 2017 and $5.2 million in 2018.
So if Kap plays this year, he’s one good hit away from a long paid vacation.
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Would have been ironic tonight if angry fans went after #Kaepernick in San Diego & he needed a police escort to get out of stadium safely. #SFvsSD
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Angry Mexican news anchor about Trump’s visit “The humiliation is now complete.” Which is the same sentiment felt by many rational members of the GOP.
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NY Jets WR Brandon Marshall said he believes the Chicago Bears traded him after the 2014 season because of his in-season television work on Showtime’s “Inside the NFL” Well, that and Marshall’s receiving stats falling off almost 50% from the 2013 season.
All this talk about scary clowns in #SouthCarolina. Weren’t the presidential primaries months ago?
Appalachian State had a chance to beat Tennessee in regulation, but neglected to call their 3rd and last time out when they might have been in field goal range. Sounds like they spend as much time in math class as members of top NCAA programs.
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Governor RIck Scott has issued a hurricane warning for Florida, saying that Hermine could be “life-threatening.” Surprised he didn’t add a warning to President Obama to stay out of the state’s business.
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Donald Trump believes that American-born children of illegals should be deported. So what does that mean IF it turns out Melania skirted immigration law with her visa?
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United Airlines says that 12 passengers were injured by “severe and unexpected turbulence” on an overnight flight to London while most were asleep. So what part of “keep your seatbelt fastened while you sleep” do most people not understand? #cantfixstupid #butyoucaninjurestupid
“Business Insider’ reports that Marco Gutierrez, who founded “Latinos for Trump’ said there could be “taco trucks on every corner” if the Donald isn’t elected.
Taco trucks? Hmm…Gutierrez might have just given a lot of Americans reasons to vote for Hillary.
From my friend Tony Alan Banks, who just may have solved one of the mysteries of the universe: I’m 100% convinced that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, appalachian state, clown jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, Trump jokes, United jokes
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August 31, 2016
Twitter just gave me the “Who to follow” suggestion of @NBCOlympics Makes sense, the suggestion is as delayed as everything else about this summer’s games.
#Rockies can’t hold 6 run lead after 8 innings against #Dodgers. On brighter note #SFGiants next week at Coors should never feel out of a game.
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Congrats to #TyBlach, the newest pitcher promoted to #SFGiants, leads PCL w/ 14 wins. May or may not have major league stuff. But now neither do Cain & Peavy
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A’s traded #CocoCrisp to #Indians. Proving again most appropriate @Athletics bobblehead would have blank uniform & come with erasable pen.
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Some talk that Colin Kaepernick is being attacked for his sitting down during the National Anthem because he is black, or at least bi-racial. Though have to think if Russell Wilson did it we’d be having a very different discussion.
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Bleacher Report reporting that Colin Kaepernick has become persona non grata in the NFL.. One executive “In my career, I have never seen a guy so hated by front office guys as Kaepernick.”
Right, because he disrespected the flag. Murder, domestic violence, sexual assault, animal cruelty, those are all forgivable. #WTF?
On the other hand, just guessing #MuhammadAli and #JackieRobinson would not wear socks featuring caps wearing police caps. #ColinKaepernick #WTF?
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Congratulations to Rockies rookie Stephen Cardullo, who today on his 29th birthday got his 1st major league home run against the Dodgers in game 1, and a grand slam in game 2.
But maybe SFGiants pitchers might want to get some tape on him before heading to Coors next week.
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Loved Dallas Braden on KNBR this morning, talking about Tebow trying to play MLB. He was talking about strength and size really not mattering in baseball – said Jose Altuve is a likely MVP and “he couldn’t get on rides at Disneyland.”
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All of this outrage that donors to the Clinton Foundation might have done it to get access to the Clintons. As opposed to big campaign donors who give money to candidates out of the goodness of their hearts?
Yet another August 31 political fundraising email starting “I’m sorry to bother you twice on the same day…” Uh, no you aren’t, or you wouldn’t do it. #Justsayno
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Donald Trump was off to Mexico before a speech tonight on immigration. And Hillary Clinton today is tweeting about the mental health crisis in America. Coincidence?
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So while @realDonaldTrump was in Mexico did he try to teach them to make taco bowls as good as the ones in Trump Tower?
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Why does everyone care so much about what Donald Trump said tonight about immigration. No doubt he will probably will deny saying it tomorrow.
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Trump on his meeting with Mexico’s President Nieto “We did discuss the wall. We didn’t discuss payment of the wall.” Well, with all those corporate bankruptcies this is probably the way the Donald is used to doing business.
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Donald Trump “It’s our right as a sovereign nation to choose immigrants that we think are the likeliest to thrive and flourish and love us.” Spoken by a man who has chosen immigrants for two of his three wives.
Today Trump said “we discussed the wall, we did not discuss who would pay for the wall.” Then Nieto said “I made it clear that Mexico will not pay for the wall” Then Trump gave a speech saying Mexico would pay for the wall.
Maybe this is all preparation for the Donald’s next reality show “Dancing with the Truth.”
So is there a world leader @realDonaldTrump hasn’t insulted or accused of lying, besides #Putin?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: A's jokes, colinkaepernick jokes, flag jokes, fundraising jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, Rockies jokes, wall jokes
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August 30, 2016
Increasing social media support for #ColinKaepernick. Wonder how many are #LARams fans wanting to make sure he starts season opener. #SFvsLA
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Okay, on some level isn’t the most shocking thing about the controversy that #ColinKaepernick is actually relevant again? #SF49ers
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#ColinKaepernick controversy was about him sitting during national anthem: The way he’s looked in preseason he was going to be sitting after it.
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Happiest people about this Kaepernick controversy have to be TV advertisers who have bought space for upcoming games right before the National Anthem.
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Tony Stewart now has called Colin Kaepernick an “idiot.” Right, because Kap shouldn’t have sat down to protest, he should have run someone over with his car?
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You know you’re having a bad week when you replaced #TonyRomo on your #FantasyFootball team with #TeddyBridgewater
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Senator #MarcoRubio, who is running for re-election, has refused to commit to serving a full six-year term. “Atta boy!” said #SarahPalin
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Sarah Palin gashed her forehead while running when she fell on a rock. No word on the condition of the rock.
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Bruce Bochy indicates that Joe Nathan might be a September call-up for SFGiants. Bonus is any medical costs would be covered by Medicare.
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Tim Tebow has been offered a baseball contract to play winter ball in Venezuela. No interest yet from any major league team. But maybe Tebow hasn’t heard from the Braves yet?
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Chris Brown has surrendered to police after an 11-hour standoff at his Southern California home. 11-hours? That’s probably longer than it will take Brown to write a song about it.
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#ChrisBrown in 2013 “I finally learned that hitting a woman is wrong.” #ChrisBrown in 2016 “Pulling a gun on her, on the other hand….
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An inmate at a Northern California jail for petty theft, was scheduled to be released today, but he tried to escape over a fence yesterday, was caught, and now faces additional charges. #Crooksarestupid
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Another candidate for the “crooks are stupid” award of the week: A woman was arrested after she bailed her friend out of jail. With a stolen credit card. Back on your game, Florida.
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ISIS second-in-command and spokesman Abu Muhammad al-Adnani has been killed. #IblameObama
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As Trump criticizes Hillary Clinton over the Anthony Weiner mess, have to wonder, how happy is the Donald now that they didn’t have cellphones with cameras when he himself was in his younger days?
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Donald Trump is heading to Mexico for meeting with President Nieto Wednesday. Quick, can we get that wall built while he’s gone?
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From Marc Ragovin “Iowa Senator Jodi Ernst recently said that both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton should stop their nasty personal attacks and civilly and rationally address the important issues facing America. She then excused herself to film a commercial in which she castrates President Obama.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Colin Kaepernick jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, kap jokes, Palin jokes, Rubio jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 29, 2016
Bummer, Gene Wilder, 83, has passed away. Although between him and Gilda Radnerthere should be some un-PC side-splitting shows in heaven coming up.
Hope it didn’t kill Wilder to face the possibility of an Oompa Loompa being elected president.
Interesting to hear commentators talk about how Colin Kaepernick’s protest might keep the suddenly desperate Dallas Cowboys from trading for him. Right, this is the same team that had no problem signing Greg Hardy. #priorities.
If #SF49ers want a less controversial backup QB than #ColinKaepernick, #MichaelVick is available. Or hey, so is #TimTebow.
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Sigh. Wasn’t that long ago that SF Giants thought Barry Bonds’ recliner was the biggest problem team could have with one of their players sitting.
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Absolutely respect #ColinKaepernick‘s views & desire to speak up. But think his execution has been as good his handling of #49ers offense.
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Figure @realDonaldTrump will soon go after #ColinKaepernick soon. Less for #49ers QB’s protest than for fact he’s stealing Trump’s headlines
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At the U.S. Open, tennis player CoCo Vandeweghe, who lost in 3 sets, refused to shake the official’s hand: “I’m frickin’ pissed. It sucks.”
Vandeweghe isn’t leaving the tournament yet: “I have doubles Doubles and mixed, that’s where I’m heading next.”
And after today I’m sure she’ll have no problems with officials going forward…..
#RickPerry is going to be on #DWTS?! Did someone warn him he will have to count steps?
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Ohio State suspended highly-recruited WR Torrance Gibson for the season “due to a violation of the school’s student code of conduct.” Urban Meyer says “I disagree” and adds that it was not a football or athletic dept decision.
Guess it’s time to open the pool on when Gibson will apply to transfer to an SEC school.
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Former Stanford student and convicted rapist Brock Turner will be released from prison Friday after 3 months. No word on where he will go.
Hmm, India might be a good fit, this from their tourism minister, while promoting a welcome kit to be handed out on arrival “There’s a card in there listing the do’s and don’ts. Basic things like, ‘Don’t go out at night alone.’ ‘Don’t wear skirts.'”
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The Princeton Review named University of Wisconsin-Madison the #1 party school in the USA. Well, no doubt that calls for an all-campus party tonight.
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Last Saturday night, the 911 system in Washington D.C. was down for two hours, when a contractor working on a water leak accidentally turned the master switch off. Proving again, sometimes terrorism is no match for good old fashioned stupidity.
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#AnthonyWeiner and #HumaAbedin are separating. Five words: What took her so long?
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Sure hope the people who have been attacking Hillary Clinton for not leaving Bill are nothing but supportive of Huma Abedin’s split from Anthony Weiner. #wecandream
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Donald Trump this morning “Huma is making a very wise decision. I know Anthony Weiner well, and she will be far better off without him.”
But then added “Hillary Clinton was careless and negligent in allowing Weiner to have such close proximity to highly classified information. Who knows what he learned and who he told? It’s just another example of Hillary Clinton’s bad judgment. It is possible that our country and its security have been greatly compromised by this.”
So for those who wondered how long the Donald could stay on the high road, the answer, about 15 seconds.
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So Donald Trump attacks Hillary Clinton over national security because of Huma Abedin & Anthony Weiner: Clearly a rant from a man who has no idea women can keep secrets from their husbands.
Categories: football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Cowboys jokes, gene wilder jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, Trump jokes, US open jokes, Weiner jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
August 28, 2016
Now 49ers fans are apparently burning Colin Kaepernick jerseys. Okay, but is this really for his not standing for the anthem, or for his play since signing that big contract?
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CNN.com headline “Star QB won’t stand for anthem.” And thinking “did someone else follow Kaepernick’s lead?” #49ers
Some are saying that Colin Kaepernick’s anthem protest could be a distraction from the 49ers play on the field this year. After a few games SF fans may be thinking “Promise?”
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Wonder what it would take for #TomBrady to do or say before #Patriots fans would burn his jersey?
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Maybe this was Kap’s way of making sure he wouldn’t be traded to Dallas.
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And what’s next for Chip Kelly? Trying to get the team to sign a less controversial backup QB? Like Michael Vick? And there’s always Tebow.
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Four home runs and four triples Sunday? Who are these players in #SFGiants uniforms?
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Somebody wasn’t in their happy place. Umpire Mike Everitt ejected four Detroit Tigers Saturday night during their game against the Angels. Wonder what happens if an ump ejects enough people that a team runs out of players.
Imagine what kind of a year the #Yankees might have had if they kicked #ARod to the curb earlier?
After today’s 13-3 game, maybe someone from #SFGiants organization needs to lie down in front of #Braves plane and keep them from leaving town.
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At least one terminal at LAX was evacuated after reports of a shooter tonight, which turned out to be a false alarm. If only other travelers at the airport were armed.
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The latest from #LAX is that panic & evacuation tonight was caused by someone in a Zorro costume with a plastic sword. #Fearitselfiswinning.
In New Mexico, a police officer wearing a lapel camera apparently accidentally filled himself stealing confiscated marijuana from his own office. Is there such a thing as a career Darwin?
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Two United Airlines pilots yesterday were arrested at Glasgow airport for allegedly being too drunk to fly their schedule flight to Newark. Will their defense be you need to be drunk to want to fly from Scotland to New Jersey?
Trump spokeswoman Katrina Pierson “He hasn’t changed his position on immigration. He’s changed the words that he is saying,”
And what are words anyway, except, for example, the U.S. Constitution.
Monday @realDonaldTrump has $25,000 fundraiser at undisclosed SF Peninsula location. Undisclosed because no one wants to be seen attending?
Categories: football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, airline jokes, Chip Kelly jokes, Colin Kaepernick jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, kap jokes, lax jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 27, 2016
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times…it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything….” Who knew Dickens was an #SFGiants fan?
#SFGiants congratulate #Cubs on extra innings win against #Dodgers. Hope for more wins & longer games before Giants go to #Wrigley next week
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Meanwhile, Atlanta Braves put on a good clinic to explain why they have worst record in MLB. SFGiants say thank you.
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Texas Rangers reliever Jeremy Jeffress was arrested in Dallas last night for alleged DUI. Okay, the guy is only making $519,000 this year, but shouldn’t that at least cover UberX?
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A professor at Iowa is complaining that the school’s “Herky the Hawk” mascot is too angry looking and is an invitation to “aggressivity and even violence.” WTF? This gal better never get a job with Notre Dame and their Fighting Irish.
Colin Kaepernick’s accomplishment tonight – giving local sports fans reason to turn the channel to a fun #SFGiants game. #GBvsSF
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Hawaii vs.Cal down under tonight. Aussies really enjoyed the game: “We get it, in American college football you don’t play defense.”
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Dallas owner Jerry Jones said “it’s not good” about a TMZ video showing rookie Ezekiel Elliott at a marijuana dispensary the day of the Cowboys-Seahawks preseason game.
And really, what was Elliott thinking? You are supposed to send your posse to buy your pot.
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Some talk that if Hunter Pence was still in right field last night in the 9th inning of the SF Giants Dodgers game, he might have dove for Corey Seager’s bloop single and saved Matt Moore’s no hitter. Or, the way this season has gone for the Giants lately, Pence might have landed on his collarbone, broken it, and been out for the year.
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In Toronto, a man has been arrested for murder after allegedly killing 3 people- and injuring a 4th, in a seeming random rampage with a crossbow. Awful, but it WAS Canada. hence the crossbow.. Imagine if he lived in the US. #ifonlyhewasarmed
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North Korea says it has successfully tested a submarine-launched missile, and Kim Jong Un says the U.S. mainland is now within striking range of his nuclear weapons. Meanwhile Dennis Rodman says he could still play in the NBA.
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NJ Governor Chris Christie fired staffer Bill Stepien over Bridgegate, calling him “deceitful,” Now NBC reports Donald Trump has hired Stepien as his national field director “with a focus on voter turnout in the final months of the campaign.”
What does this really translate to, closing a few bridges in Democratic precincts?
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Give the devil his due. I can’t stand Julian Assange of Wikileaks. But he has a point “‘from the point of view of an investigative journalist organization like WikiLeaks, the problem with the Trump campaign is that it’s actually hard for us to publish much more controversial material than what comes out of Donald Trump’s mouth every second day,”
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Harold Bornstein, Trump’s doctor, wrote a note last fall declaring the Donald to be the “healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency.” Today Bornstein said he wrote the note in 5 minutes.
Well, of course, because Trump has the bestest doctor ever, the fastest and bestest.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: assange jokes, Cubs jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, NFL jokes, North Korea jokes
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August 26, 2016
The Oakland Raiders have filed to trademark the name “Las Vegas Raiders.” If they move will the team’s new motto be “Against all odds?”
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Now that the Olympics is over, NBC’s next big televised event is the first Presidential debate on September 26. Wonder if the network will show it some time before the actual election?
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Anyone who thinks baseball is boring wasn’t watching Thursday night’s Giants Dodgers game and Matt Moore’s near no-hitter.
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Former MLB pitcher David Aardsma said Tim Tebow impressed him in practice sessions, and made a lot of progress with his hitting and adjusments: “It actually really pissed me off.”
Of course, Tebow still may not be anywhere close to a major league hitter. Which means these days he’d fit right in on the SF Giants.
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Silver lining to the #SFGIants recent free fall? #Dodgers can no longer block any trades they make on the waiver wire.
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Ryan Lochte has a new sponsorship deal with Pine Brothers for throat lozenges – “Forgiving on your throat.”
What about Depends “When you gotta go…”
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Martin Shkreli is speaking out on behalf of Mylan, the company that raised EpiPens prices by over 500%, saying “Can’t someone succeed and not be shamed anymore?” #MakeAmericaIrateAgain
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All flights in and out of Ft. Lauderdale and Miami were halted today due to a power outrage at the Miami Terminal Radar Approach Control center. Standby for airlines instituting a new “back up battery fee.”
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A 59 year old woman who died falling from a Delaware zip line platform had apparently “disconnected herself from the safety system.” Sad, and her adult daughter posted a nice tribute online. But having a daughter means alas the woman was too late for a true Darwin award.
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It took a last minute scramble to get Donald Trump on the ballot in Minnesota as the party hadn’t submitted the required names of electors who officially cast the state’s votes. Even in his SNL days, Al Franken couldn’t make this “stuff” up.
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After a new ad was released with KKK images, a Trump spokesman said “Hillary Clinton and her campaign went to a disgusting new low today as they released a video tying the Trump Campaign with horrific racial images.”
Right, but videos demonizing refugees and immigrants, those are all just part of how we make America great again. #sarcasm
Donald Trump said tonight his great wall at the Mexican border will be 35-45 feet tall, it could be higher. The Great Wall of China, btw, averages 26 feet tall. Wonder how much of Trump’s wall height will be his name in neon?
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Trump tweet. “Hillary Clinton’s short speech is pandering to the worst instincts in our society. She should be ashamed of herself!”
Guess he didn’t have enough characters also to tweet “That’s MY job.”
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Bill Littlejohn on the Raiders potential move – “Two Las Vegas sites are preferred for NFL stadiums—but first, infared cameras had to make sure there weren’t any bodies buried in them.”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, lochte jokes, Raiders jokes, Tebow jokes
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August 21, 2016
The closing ceremony of #Rio2016 was tonight. Or if you are watching NBC, sometime next week.
Ryan Lochte said he “over-exaggerated” his robbery story. “Over-exaggerated?” Seven syllables to say “I lied?”
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On the other hand, for all the earlier worries about contamination, organizers of the Rio Games have to be happy that the biggest piece of trash in the water turned out to be an American swimmer.
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SF Chronicle reporting the Oakland A’s Billy Butler apparently missed games this weekend because he was injured in a fight with teammate Danny Valencia, This would never happen in the SF Giants clubhouse. These days none of them can hit anyone.
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Six Notre Dame players were arrested. Coach Brian Kelly kicked senior Max Redfield off the team, this after Redfield was sent home from last year’s Fiesta Bowl for a “failure to be punctual.” Senior Devon Butler was suspended “indefinitely,” although he was supposed to miss the beginning of the season with a broken foot. The other four will be subject to “internal discipline.”
Well, the Catholic God is all about confession and forgiveness. Especially if you can play football.
A young woman who had just moved from Nevada became the third person in a week to die falling from a cliff in San Pedro, near Los Angeles. She hopped a wall for a “better view” and tripped on her flip flops. Apparently about a dozen people die at the cliff each year.
Maybe they need to change the warning sign, simply to say “x number of Darwin Award winners made here in 2016.”
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So regarding the new “focused and consistent” Trump, I think no one can top the late great Maya Angelou “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”
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New Trump campaign manager KellyAnne Conway says he “doesn’t hurl insults.”. Of course not. The insults spring fully formed from his mouth, and they are the bestest greatest insults.
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Will @realDonaldTrump take opportunity to be less controversial starting Mon, not having to work so hard to take headlines from #RyanLochte
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A NY Times report found that Donald Trump companies owe at least $650 million in debt. Waiting for the Donald to reply that the Times “doesn’t count good.”
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Rudy Giuliani is complaining that the media “fails to point out several signs of illness by (Hillary Clinton).” Once again, Rudy is inviting the media and psychologists to point out signs of mental illness in himself.
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New Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway said in 2005 “The fact is that Hillary Clinton could not stand up to a cheating husband, so how in the world would she stand up to North Korea and some of our other enemies around the globe?”
I must have missed when she said “Donald Trump cannot be faithful to his marriage vows, how in the world can he be faithful to the Constitution?”
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From T.C. – “The U.S. 4 x 100 men’s relay team didn’t win their appeal. On the other hand they stopped short of saying they were robbed in Rio.”
Categories: As jokes, baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, lochte jokes, Olympics jokes, rio jokes, Trump jokes
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August 20, 2016
#Brazil wins soccer gold on penalty kick. Casual fans who only watch soccer in #Olympics or #WorldCup fans thinking “Is there any other way?
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Nine Australian athletes who wanted to see their basketball team play Serbia were charged with “tampering with their credentials” to get into the area. Police fined them about $3,000 each. Would have been a lot cheaper to use a scalper.
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Two of the U.S. swimmers involved in #Lochtegate released their own statements – Gunnar Bentz is insisting guns were drawn on them. Jack Conger apologized for the “trouble and embarrassment this event has brought to the people of Brazil and Rio de Janeiro, and the distraction to my fellow Olympicians, then added he was only a witness, not a suspect and was “completely truthful.”
What part of saying “We were wrong, I am sorry” and then shutting up do these guys not get?
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Six Notre Dame football players were arrested last night, one for “battery to law enforcement and resisting law enforcement” and five when they were stopped for speeding and police allegedly found a handgun and marijuana in the car.
So let’s figure out how coach Brian Kelly manages to suspend them for the first quarter of the Nevada game.
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Right about now the #Reds should be expecting nice gift baskets from the #SFGiants. #BeatLA
A self-proclaimed white supremacist is in jail after stabbing an inter-racial couple when he saw them kissing in Olympia, Washington. #ifonlytheywerearmed
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#Zika travel advisory for pregnant women to avoid Miami Beach. What about women who go to South Beach to party etc & come back pregnant?
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Trump supporter actress Kirstie Alley is ripping President Obama for not visiting Louisiana, and when told that state Gov. John Edwards had asked him to wait, responded “that wouldn’t stop me.”
Right, because what’s more important, rescuing people and property or a photo op?
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Political consultant Bill Briggs on CNN slamming President Obama for not going to Baton Rouge. Never heard of the guy so I googled him. One of his past jobs – “VP Advance Representative
Office of the Vice President – 2004 – 2009.” Yep, a completely impartial observer….. #sarcasm
Just imagine #Trump ad if #Obama had gone to Baton Rouge. “This guy cares more about image than people, wasted responder-police time….
Credit where credit is due from T.C. ” US 4×100 relay team stops short of saying they were robbed in Rio.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, lochte jokes, Notre Dame jokes, Olympics jokes
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August 14, 2016
Thousands of passengers were evacuated at JFK airport tonight over alleged gunshots that turned out to be nonexistent. The sound may just have been cheering for Usain Bolt.
Yep, fear itself is winning.
On a more mundane note, getting really tired of saying “Well, THAT was the worst loss of the year. #SFGiants
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Apparently closer Santiago Casilla was just lulling us into a comfortable state of delusion.
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It’s a long season, but pretty sure that if #Casilla is last #SFGiants pitcher in 2016 season he will not walk off mound a winner.
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But on a brighter note, clearly Johnny Cueto, 2-3 today with an RBI, has benefited and learned from being in the same clubhouse as Madison Bumgarner.
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Ryan Lochte and three other swimmers said they were robbed at gunpoint last night by fake Brazilian police, a report confirmed by the U.S. Olympic committee. The IOC says the reports are “absolutely not true,”
Gosh, hope this one blatant lie doesn’t tarnish the IOC’s credibility.
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So does anyone really care about #Olympics medals in tennis and golf? Even tennis and golf fans?
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Wikileaks founder Julian Assange hates Hillary Clinton, in part because he says she is against the media and freedom of speech. So he wants to help Trump get elected? #unclearontheconcept
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So with a team full of #NBA starters plus luxury ship accommodations , #TeamUSA barely wins games. Will their gold medal, if they get one, have asterisk? #Rio2016
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Donald Trump used free publicity as a major tool in his fight to win #GOP primary, now complains about media. Talk about biting hand that bottle fed you.
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Trump running mate Mike Pence now said he will publicly release his tax returns but did not say when. A GOP spokesman said it would be before the November election. Not of course specifying which year.
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Fox News’ Kimberly Guilfoyle said that Clinton and Barack Obama are “constantly making comments trying to bait Trump into saying something that will sidetrack him.”
Leaving aside the fact that the Donald doesn’t need any help, and if Trump is elected no opposition politician or world leader would ever do the same thing?
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Olympics jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 9 Comments
August 12, 2016
A-Rod said today to Pedro Gomez he wants to be remembered as “someone who is madly in love with the game of baseball.”
Almost as much as he is in love with himself?!
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Katie Ledecky makes other swimmers feel like those other horses must have felt with Secretariat in the Belmont Stakes.
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Anthony Ervin, 35, won the 50M freestyle. At which point he probably turned around & said “You punks get out of my pool.” #Rio2016
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The US Women’s Soccer team has been knocked out before the medal round. Who do they think they are, the men? #USWNT #RIo2016
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Hope Solo after the US Women’s soccer team lost to Sweden – “I also think we played a bunch of cowards. But, you know, the best team did not win today.”
Once again, proving women can be the equal of men. Including in being sore losers.
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A CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) announcer called Ryan Lochte the winner of 200m medley instead of Michael Phelps. Well, that’s the trouble with Americans, we all look alike.
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So NBC decided to televise five swimming events live Friday night. Except on the West Coast. So swimming is a sport in most of the country and reality TV out west? #SMH
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#Olympics diving pool so green it was temporarily closed. At this point divers may hope worst they catch at #Rio2016 is Zika. #Poolgate
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A-Rod wanted to play 3rd base in his final game with the Yankees. Joe Girardi said no – “”We are still in the business of trying to win games.”
Right, that’s why New York traded away their star closer AND their star set-up man
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Burger King has a new “Whopperito,” basically ground beef with cheese sauce, lettuce, onion and tomato wrapped up in a tortilla. The company president said “We know Tex-Mex is growing a lot … and there are not that many national chains that sell burritos,”
Guess none of the names rang a bell?
When does #BruceBochy start saying postgame “They are who we thought they were.”? #SFGiants
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JetBlue is reporting that 24 people were hospitalized due to turbulence on one of their flights. Shouldn’t they say that 24 people were hospitalized due to not wearing their seat belts?
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American Airlines for the win today “Rather than wait on hold we can call you back when it’s your turn. Between 1 hour and 2 minutes and 1 hour and 20 minutes from now.”
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Now Donald Trump tweeted “Ratings challenged @CNN reports so seriously that I call President Obama (and Clinton) “the founder” of ISIS, & MVP. THEY DON’T GET SARCASM?’
So if he were to start WW3 by threatening to bomb Russia or China the Donald’s response would be “can’t they take a joke?”
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The NY Times has filed a request to unseal the records from Donald Trump’s first divorce, saying they could speak to his “credibility and character.” So the Times may not “write good” but maybe they “revenge good.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, Janice Hough, ledecky jokes, Olympics jokes, phelps jokes, rio jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 10, 2016
And now both an Olympic diving pool and swimming pool have turned green. Maybe we could have done with Michael Phelps’ saying that everyone pees in the pool.
So today the multi-millionaire NBA superstar players living on a secured luxury ship had a somewhat close win over a team with 2-3 NBA players living in dorm conditions. Ah, the Olympic dream. USA! USA! USA! #USAvsAustralia.
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Not sure the real explanation as to why the water in #Olympics diving pool is green. But it’s one way to get divers out of the pool promptly post dive.
Nice showing by #Switzerland against #USA But really “beach volleyball” in Switzerland? Makes as much sense as #AmericasCup there. #Rio2016
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Can we stop referring to #SFGiants on 2nd & 3rd base as “Runners In Scoring Position.” It’s just getting cruel.
But today the Giants did manage to win 1-0 without a single hit with runners in scoring position. (Crawford home run)
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My day job is in the travel business. Somebody just sent me an invitation to become a Trump hotel specialist. Somebody doesn’t know me very well.
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A partial power loss on the new light-rail line to Denver International Airport is causing delays. But I am sure the airlines will be as sympathetic to passengers as they expect travelers to be when carriers themselves have delays. #Sarcasm
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Let’s put what Trump said another way. What if Hillary Clinton stood up at a rally and said, “If we elect Donald Trump he will appoint judges to overturn Roe v. Wade. nothing you can do, ladies. Although you Second Amendment women, maybe there is, I don’t know….”
I’m sure the Donald would laugh it off.
One of many criticisms of Hillary Clinton is that she made money after leaving office, and now is running for President. Especially after when Giuliani, Romney, Jeb Bush all left office they never did anything for profit before they decided to run…. #moresarcasm
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So #MaliaObama might have smoked a joint at a Chicago concert. Kudos to @POTUS & @FLOTUS for raising a normal child.
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Man arrested today for climbing #TrumpTower. Waiting for @realDonaldTrump to tweet #TweetTower has best climbers ever, better than Everest.
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Donald Trump is blaming yet another controversy, the one involving “Second Amendment people” on the media. Yep, the dastardly media, who persist in reporting exactly what he says.
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This text exchange just was revealed between two of Chris Christie’s top aides during the New Jersey Governor’s 2013 press conference about Bridgegate:
“Are you listening? He just flat out lied about senior staff and Stepien not being involved.”
“I’m listening. Gov is doing fine. Holding his own up there.”
“Yes. But he lied. And if emails are found with the subpoena or emails are uncovered in discovery if it comes to that it could be bad.”
Time for the GOP to start talking about Hillary’s emails again.
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Bill Littlejohn reports that “Tim Tebow says he doesn’t want to be a ‘sideshow’ in baseball.Right–he’s not done being one in football”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Olympics jokes, phelps jokes, rio jokes
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August 9, 2016
Has @NBC figured out w/ women’s gymnastics only people who aren’t online enough to know results will be asleep by time show airs? #Rio2016
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Wonder which will come first, the NBC tape-delayed coverage of women’s gymnastics, or the Chinese women gymnasts hitting puberty?
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Apparently there are signs at the Rio Oympics saying you cannot fish in the toilets. Organizers were worried about that possibility why? – Because it’s the cleanest water in town?
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Tim Tebow has apparently been training and now hopes to pursue a career in professional baseball.Tebow hasn’t played the sport since high school so it’s probably crazy to think he could get to a major league level at this point. Though maybe Tim has a chance to catch on with the Atlanta Braves.
#TimTebow is now hoping to play pro baseball, although he hasn’t played since high school. Even God is thinking Tim doesn’t have a prayer.
#SFGiants manager #BruceBochy was out of the hospital and back on the bench today. Unfortunately the Giants offense is back on life support.
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After 7 hits last night, the Giants’ #BrandonCrawford went 0-4 today, and struck out on his first at-bat on 3 pitches. Hope his bat didn’t have all the hits taken out of it
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A man who was afraid his girlfriend would reunite with her ex called in a fake bomb threat last week before her flight to the Caribbean. He was released on bail, and apparently the couple is back together. These two just might be stupid enough to deserve each other.
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In Florida, two wild tortoises were found with their shells completely painted in bright colors, and the state Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission had to issue a warning “While to you it may seem harmless, painting the shells of turtles and tortoises can severely compromise their health….”
If only the tortoises were armed. #cantfixstupid
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Martin Shkreli claims he has diagnosed Hillary Clinton with Parkinson’s Disease, Well, and millions of Americans have diagnosed Shkreli with antisocial personality disorder, or in the vernacular, being a sociopath.
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Forget #ManyAreSaying. What Donald Trump really needs is to start using “Everybody’s talking”:
“Everybody’s talking at me
I don’t hear a word they’re saying
Only the echoes of my mind”
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Trump is dismissing a letter written by 50 GOP national security experts, who worked for presidents from Nixon to W. which said “None of us will vote for Donald Trump.:
The Donald said the letter was “politically motivated” and that the experts “deserve the blame for making the world such a dangerous place.” Wait a minute, I thought that was Hillary and Obama’s fault?
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Donald Trump at a rally today, “Hillary wants to abolish the 2nd amendment. ..If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks — although the 2nd Amendment people, maybe there is.”
If this guy were anything other than the Presidential nominee of a major political party the Secret Service would have made sure he was locked up a long time ago.
Possible @RealDonaldTrump is tired of this president thing; just trying to see how outrageous he can be before he is forced out of race?
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Okay, I am generally liberal and proud of it. But a Muslim flight attendant is suing ExpressJet, a commuter airline that works with United Airlines and others, saying they suspended her for refusing to serve alcohol. Uh, so what’s next, she will apply for a job in a bar and then sue them too?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Janice Hough, NBC jokes, Olympics jokes, Shkreli jokes, tape delay jokes, Tebow jokes, Trump jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 