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Is it safe?

May 21, 2014

EBay admitted today that hackers broke into their site two months ago, and stole a database full of user information – including customer names, account passwords, email addresses, physical addresses, phone numbers and birth dates. Why worry about government intrusion on our privacy when we have the private sector doing such a spectacular job of it?

 

San Antonio 112, Oklahoma City 77? An advantage to being old? The Spurs played like they had to get home on time for their bedtimes.

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France’s national rail company SNCF admitted yesterday it had ordered 2,000 new trains that are too wide for many station platforms. Well, our citizens may be too wide but our trains at least are skinny enough. USA! USA! USA!

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You just cannot make this “stuff” up. In Arkansas, GOP gubernatorial candidate Asa Hutchinson, who backs the state’s new voter ID law, was originally turned away at the polls because he forgot his ID. He had one of his staff go get the ID, and was then able to vote. Well, of course, and don’t we all have staff for things like that?

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Pat Sajak tweeted “I now believe global warming alarmists are unpatriotic racists knowingly misleading for their own ends. Good night.” Note to Pat, get some vowels and – B_Y   _    CL__.

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There’s been some controversy over the September 11 Memorial and Museum having a gift shop. (9-11 mugs, anyone? Seriously.) But the museum may have gotten that story off the front page, by having a fancy cocktail party at the site last night for big donors. #beyondtonedeaf

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Some think the NFL chose Minneapolis over New Orleans for the 2018 Super Bowl because of the power failure during the 2013 Super Bowl. Right, because everyone would rather spend a week in Minnesota in February rather than spending 20 minutes of that week in the semi-dark in New Orleans.

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A new NBA report says that Donald Sterling and his wife, Rochelle, are not estranged as she now says. The L.A. Times reports the couple is “inextricably intertwined.” Translation, no one else would want either of them.

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Bruce Jenner is going to Paris to give his stepdaughter Kim Kardashian away, again. Wonder what his dress will look like?

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The SF Giants’ Santiago Casilla, who was told not to swing during an 8th inning at-bat, fell while trying to beat out an infield hit and may have to go on the DL. So how long until Giants manager Bruce Bochy sends his relief pitchers at least up to the plate without bats?

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So who besides me really wanted to hear #PresidentObama ask #RichardSherman at the White House today what he thinks of #VladmirPutin?

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Cold comfort?

May 20, 2014

The NFL has awarded the 2018 Super Bowl to… Minneapolis. For all those who thought spending the first week in February in New York wasn’t cold enough.

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Jon Bon Jovi is apparently part of a group that wants to buy the Buffalo Bills. Well, if any franchise knows about “Livin’ on a Prayer.”

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California golfer Lucy Li, 11, has qualified for the U.S. Women’s Open. Quite an achievement. It gives all those Chinese women gymnasts a goal to shoot for when they grow up.

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Swiss bank Credit Suisse has pleaded guilty to running “an illegal cross-border banking business” to help thousands of Americans conceal their income from the IRS. The bank will pay a $2.6 billion fine, but will not have to provide names of their U.S. clients who they helped cheat on taxes. So wonder how many of those clients will be subsidizing the “settlement” with a silence fee?

 

Halle Berry on “Ellen” today talking about getting pregnant at 47, which is considered a “geriatric pregnancy.” If Berry thinks it was a “geriatric” pregnancy, wait until she gets to applying for Medicare at the same time her son is applying to college.

 

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Judge just declared PA’s #gaymarriage ban unconstitutional. Will last state to keep gay marriage banned please keep the lights turned off?

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Cleveland has the top NBA lottery pick for the second straight years. Who says the Cavaliers will never win anything?

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As far as Cleveland getting the top pick in 2015?  Probably at least as good a chance as a Miami Heat “three-peat”

 

NBA playoffs are down to San Antonio, Indianapolis, Oklahoma City and Miami. Three team from cities most Americans can’t find on a map and one they can’t stand.

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A 19 year old Texas man in facing five years to life in prison for allegedly baking and selling pot brownies made with hash oil. If he’d only shot and killed someone he’d be facing 10 years max.

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At Allen High School, near Dallas, they will have to close their new $60 million new football stadium this fall due to cracking concrete. This is the biggest disappointment in North Texas since the Cowboys.

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On a brighter note, the stadium is a $48 million cheaper disappointment than Tony Romo.

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The NY Racing Stewards have approved California Chrome to race with a nasal strip. If he wins will Roger Goodell add nasal strips to the NFL’s list of banned performance enhancers?

 

Congrats to Meryl Davis, who with her partner won Dancing with the Stars tonight. With that kind of dancing talent maybe she could do something big on an international stage…. .Oops, never mind.

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Follow the money

May 19, 2014

The NY Racing Association stewards today unanimously approved equine nasal strips. Which means California Chrome can wear one during the Belmont. Translation, “we want people to watch the race.”

 

Disney is hiking prices for its one-day “Parkhopper” pass to both Disneyland and California Adventure Park over 10% to $150. For that amount of money people who want to see a high-priced Mickey Mouse organization can buy Lakers tickets

 

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Gender equality “crooks are stupid” moment. Danielle Shea, 22, had dropped out of Quinnipiac University in Connecticut. But she hadn’t told her parents, who were still sending money for tuition. So, as she admitted to police, she made bomb threats before the graduation ceremony so her parents wouldn’t find out. (Police caught Ms. Shea because she made the threats from her own phone.)

 

Kudos to Brandon Marshall, who signed his 3 year, $31 million contract extension with the Chicago Bears today on “The View.” Marshall, who has said he has a Borderline Personality Disorder, also said he would donate $1 million to mental health services. Nice move, and guessing Bears fans who might have a problem with it weren’t likely to be watching “The View” anyway.

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A European cruise ship, the Saga Sapphire, was temporarily stranded off the coast of Scotland when a fire caused the vessel to lose power. But the crew was able to quickly contain the blaze and restore power so the Sapphire will return to port and its regular schedule as normal. The passengers were relieved. CNN is disappointed.

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At Austin Peay State, in Tennessee, a giant 40 foot sinkhole has opened up in one end zone. And the Washington Redskins are thinking “Hmm, potentially one way to keep opposing offenses from scoring?”

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About 1.8 million pounds of ground beef in the U.S. is being recalled for possible E. coli contamination. Which means Taco Bell customers are safe as they never use any actual beef anyway.

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All of this speculation over who will and will not run for President in 2016, even though the primaries are almost two years away…. The process is becoming almost as over-hyped as the NFL draft.

 

The FAA is apparently investigating an April incident where a United Airlines flight from SFO landing at Newark apparently came within 400 feet of an ExpressJet United Express flight taking off. See, there are potentially worse things that can happen than just ending up in New Jersey.

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So the problem a lot of people have with the San Antonio Spurs is that they are “boring?” Meaning they play team basketball without a lot of showboating and their stars generally stay on the sports page instead of the front page? And the NBA wonders sometimes why they have an image problem.

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Researchers at the University of Sydney examined seven sets of data involving more than 1.25 million children and concluded that there was NO evidence to support a relationship between common vaccines for measles, mumps, rubella, diphtheria, tetanus and whooping cough and the development of autism. Which will convince exactly no one who believes otherwise because it involves commie-pinko science and numbers.

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Lance Armstrong apparently tweeted a picture while he was playing “Cards Against Humanity,” and got the card saying “Lance Armstrong’s missing testicle.” But the real question, which card did Lance use to answer?

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Ups and downs.

May 18, 2014

Michael Bloomberg said today he would run for President, except he doesn’t think he can win. Well, that never stopped a whole lot of other people.

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The Giant Dipper roller coaster in Santa Cruz is now 90 years old. The ride is in great shape, except that it has started going around the track with its left blinker on.

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There is a chance that California Chrome might not run in the Belmont if New York racing officials, known for being stricter than other states, do not allow him to wear his customary nasal strip, which helps with the colt’s breathing when he races. Even Roger Goodell might think that’s a ticky-tack ruling.

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Of course, to be fair, hard to imagine Roger Goodell would have let California Chrome run with the label of “Dumb Ass Partners.”

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So #PabloSandoval hits his first home run in over a month on the same day that #TimLincecum shaved his mustache. Coincidence? #SFGiants

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Karl Rove continues to insist that Hillary Clinton’s brain injury will keep her from running in 2016, saying it is “far more serious’” than many currently realize. Except if anyone knows that a working brain is not required for being President…

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Miss Beazley, one of George W. and Laura Bush’s beloved Scottish Terriers, has passed away at the age of 9. Clearly this is Obama’s fault.

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North Korea is reporting that an apartment building in Pyongyang has collapsed in a “serious accident” that caused an unspecified number of casualties. Further details will follow as soon as they figure out a way to blame this on the U.S.

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Miguel Tejada has signed a minor league deal with the Miami Marlins and will work out at the club’s spring training headquarters while he serves the last few weeks of a 105 game suspension for his third failed drug test. It’s all part of Bud Selig’s strict “three strikes and you’re almost out, maybe…” policy.

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The U.S. government is trying to help farmers in Central America fight a coffee fungus that is especially deadly to Arabica coffee, a bean that makes up a lot of high-end coffee. It’s about the livelihoods of the farmers as well as the price of coffee. Although Starbucks is no doubt considering helping consumers with an installment plan.

 

 

There’s been another call for the resignation of the NH Police Chief who used the N word to refer to Obama. From that commie-pinko Mitt Romney. Is Mitt trying to get back to the days when people said he was too reasonable to be the GOP nominee for President?

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A horse is a horse….

May 17, 2014
horse

 

 

The Preakness is just under a 2 minute race.   But a better proportion of action to hype than the #NFLDraft.

 

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And there’s more time between the Preakness and the Belmont than between the NFC/AFC finals and the Super Bowl.  But at least we know none of the athletes are likely to get arrested.

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California Chrome owner Steve Coburn, while hardly politically correct,  seems like the anti- Donald Sterling. #Preakness

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Looking at #ESPN I’m a bit confused. Did anyone get chosen in the #NFLDraft this year besides #JohnnyManziel and #MichaelSam?

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Amazing. The Bakersfield dog who attacked the young boy before he was fought off by Tara the cat, is scheduled to be euthanized. And in the meantime he is trying to bite workers who are feeding him. But the dog also now has people calling the shelter and begging to adopt him. The answer is no. And got to love the shelter director’s response. “I have 200 other dogs that need a home, who haven’t bit anyone and make great family pets.”

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The SF Giants’ Brandon Hicks was called out on instant replay for missing first base on a ball that missed being a home run by less than 2 feet. Your basic 1-3 off the wall put out.

 

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A woman threatened to shoot everyone inside a South Carolina Burger King after she complained that her cinnamon bun wasn’t fresh enough. Was she a tourist from Florida?

 

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Love it. Sarah Palin, mocking Michelle Obama’s for using “hashtagging tweets” as foreign policy,: “Diplomacy via Twitter is the lazy, ineffectual, naive and insulting way for America’s leaders to deal with major national and international issues. It’s embarrassing,” Sarah posted this rant on Facebook.

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Actual warning on a bottle of Korbel sparkling wine – “NEVER open using a corkscrew.” Must have been a lawyer and/or an interesting story behind that one.

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Hyon Song-Wol, said to be Kim Jong-Un’s ex-lover who he ordered to be executed, has apparently appeared alive and well on state television. Will North Korea now announce their Supreme Leader has the ability for resurrection?

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Apparently in 2013, 63 parents in the U.S. named their daughter “Vanellope.” The scariest thing, these people are Darwin ineligible because they have already bred.

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Sometimes change is just a matter of moving to the next generation. A story that is both depressing and gives hope for the future. A Catholic school in San Francisco chose to keep a girl’s senior picture out of the yearbook because she was wearing a tux. But her classmates, boys and girls, are overwhelmingly supporting her.

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125 degrees of separation?

May 16, 2014

FIFA’s president says the Qatar World Cup was a mistake. What was his first clue?

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Tara the cat, the internet sensation who saved a little boy from a dog attack, will now throw out the ceremonial first pitch at a Bakersfield Blaze minor league baseball game. Hey, don’t laugh. The cat probably has a better chance of throwing a decent pitch than the Mets bullpen.

 

A NY Mets employee trying to get “Lion King” tickets for Sandy Alderson’s family accidentally sent the GM’s credit card info in a group email to the NY media today. And as far as embarrassment, this episode will still probably be topped this month by something the Mets do on the field.

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Former Nixon White House aide, Jeb Magruder, 78, who served timed in prison for Watergate, has died. Before sentencing, Magruder had told the judge he had lost his “ethical compass.” And many of the post-Watergate generations reading that now are thinking -“people in politics HAVE ‘ethical compasses’?”

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Barbara Walters said goodbye to “The View.” Friday morning. And most men responded “Barbara Walters was still on TV?”

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A lawyer for supermodel Tyler Beckford’s nephew, who allegedly killed a bus driver after stealing a car and speeding through New York City, said murder charges should be dismissed because the 23 year old was too drunk to know what he was doing. What, the defendant couldn’t afford an “affluenza” defense?

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Lots of excitement over the hiring of new Golden State Warriors coach Steve Kerr. Wonder how long it will be before it’s all his fault.

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Video footage has been released of Heisman winner Jameis Winston allegedly shoplifting crab legs. Maybe the footage can serve as an audition for an endorsement contract with Red Lobster?

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Thursday, May 15, was “National Chocolate Chip Cookie Day.” Which means Friday, May 16 was “The Bleeping Scale Must Be Broken Day.”

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Julio Franco, 55, has signed a contract to be the player-coach for the Fort Worth Cats of the United Baseball League. What’s next for the Cats, trying to sign that nice young man, Jamie Moyer?

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From Marc Ragovin ” 55-year old Julio Franco has signed with the Fort Worth Cats of the Independent League. At his age it should be the Independent Living League.”

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The RNC is selling “I’ll be damned, I’m a Republican” t-shirts. And somewhere Jesus is thinking about his message of tolerance, peace and helping the poor, and thinking “You may be right.”

 

Mixed reviews on the new Godzilla movie, many centering on weaknesses in the plot. And most monster movie fans are thinking “Plot?”

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Rocky Mountain High.

May 15, 2014

In the first quarter of 2014, the fastest-growing U.S. hotel market in terms of room demand was…. Denver. Would we call this a high occupancy rate

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A 17-year-old girl was kicked out of her senior prom in Virginia last weekend, because some of the fathers chaperoning said her dress was too short, her dancing was “too provocative” and she was going to “cause the young men at the prom to think impure thoughts.” I’ve got news for them, getting up in the morning causes young men to think impure thoughts.

 

Donald Sterling’s lawyer has told the NBA that the Clippers’ owner won’t pay his fine and will sue the league if he isn’t afforded “due process.” So okay, did anyone expect this guy to accept his punishment with grace and go away quietly?

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MLB has announced they have formed a committee to replace retiring commissioner Bud Selig. Well, considering how that “Blue Ribbon” committee to look into moving the Oakland A’s is working out, Selig apparently has plans to be around for at least another decade.

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The Montreal Canadiens and Boston Bruins played their NINTH game 7 last night. A pro sports record. And Chicago Cubs fans responded “What’s a game 7”

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In Canada, the FCC equivalent reprimanded three porn broadcast stations, not for obscenity, but because they felt short of the country’s rules requiring at least 35% of content be of Canadian origin. Ah, the things you have time to worry about when you have healthcare and strict gun laws.

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Aaron Hernandez has now been indicted on murder charges for allegedly shooting two men dead in Boston in 2012. Just wondering, if Hernandez wasn’t a star for the New England Patriots might police have arrested him a lot sooner, and maybe prevented another murder?

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Now the Montreal Canadiens’ Dale Weise said the Boston Bruins’ Milan Lucic “threatened” him during their postgame handshake (Something along the lines of “I’ll bleeping kill you next year.) Wow, a little more public animosity and a few bench-clearing brawls and ESPN might put these two teams on for Americans to watch in prime-time next year.

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A tornado was seen just west of the Miami airport. And the National Weather Service Miami posted. “Take cover now.” So did sympathetic airlines respond by posting discount tornado shelter fees?

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Robert Copeland, an 82 year-old police commissioner from Wolfeboro, NH, admits to calling President Obama the N-word, and says he won’t apologize. What’s next, Copeland offering the keys to the city to Donald Sterling?

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A 31-year-old Texas woman was arrested after posing as a high school student for 8 months. In her defense will she say she was just auditioning for “Glee”?

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From Bill Littlejohn:  “City officials say that New York City could survive a Godzilla attack.But, they added, it may not survive this year’s Mets bullpen”

 

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Lost and Found.

May 14, 2014

An underwater explorer believes he has found and identified the wreck of Christopher Columbus’ flagship, the Santa Maria. And CNN responded “How are you on planes?”

 

The Los Angeles Clippers played that last minute of their playoff game like they just want to go home and stop dealing with basketball. Can’t imagine why.

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Donald Sterling’s most recent interview talking about Magic Johnson is a perfect paraphrase for an old adage. Better to be thought an ignorant a**hole, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

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The #Pacers are playing some of these NBA playoff games like a team with nonrefundable vacation plans for Memorial Day weekend. #Wizards

 

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The widow of the driver in the crash that killed Paul Walker is suing Porsche. Guess she thinks they should have built something into the car to keep it from going 94 MPH on city streets?

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Phillies manager Ryne Sandberg and Mets 1b Lucas Duda said they think a hamburger from Shake Shack at Citi Field gave them food poisoning this weekend. Is that going to be the Yankees’ excuse?.

 

Justin Bieber now being investigated for attempted robbery? So is it robbery when you sell CD’s and downloads that are allegedly music?

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A thought about some of these people who were uncomfortable with Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend. Have to wonder if there would have been the same reaction had say, a very attractive WNBA draftee kissed her equally attractive girlfriend?

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Rutgers dismissed incoming QB Philip Nelson, who has been charged with assault for allegedly critically injuring another man by kicking him in the head. Wonder how good a QB Nelson is, which might determine how quickly some other team will call him a “troubled young man” and give him another chance

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The latest rumor on Stan Van Gundy is that he may take the Pistons job, and that he will get a fair amount of operations and personnel control. The most disappointed people? Comedy writers who were hoping he’d sign on with the Golden State Warriors and Joe Lacob with that expectation.

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Fox News reports that a UCLA professor is alleging racial bias in admissions in favor of African-Americans. The current enrollment at the university is 1,082 African-American/Black, or 3.8% of the total. Counting athletes. If admissions is really trying to be biased they’re not doing much of a job.

 

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Fortunately, there were no injuries Tuesday at the Seattle Airport when passengers were deplaning a Southwest flight and a jet bridge dropped several feet. United would have charged them a “thrill ride” fee.

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Teddy Bridgewater, who seems like a nice young man, is now saying he didn’t want to be drafted by the Browns. What’s the point of that statement? Just gives another team a reason to try to pound you into the ground. At least the Vikings don’t play Cleveland this year.

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Alec Baldwin was cited for riding his bike the wrong way on a New York City street, and then arrested when he allegedly became belligerent and abusive with the police. Then he ranted “How old are these officers? They don’t even know who I am.” Guessing the cops knew EXACTLY who Baldwin was…and that might have been why they arrested him when he played the DYKWIA card

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At #ATTPark workers wear gloves to make giant hot fudge ice cream sundaes. Because the #SFGiants would hate for those sundaes to be unhealthy for you?

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Mike Minor comes into game with 6.75 era. So of course #SFGiants can’t hit him. #turningbadpitchersintoCyYoung.

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A kiss is still a kiss?

May 12, 2014

Okay, I get it, gay relationships make some people uncomfortable. But those who think ESPN showing Michael Sam kissing his BOYFRIEND sets a bad example for children seem to have no problem with pictures of Johnny Manziel partying with several scantily clad women.

 

In an effort to mock Michelle Obama’s #Bringbackourgirls campaign Ann Coulter tweeted a photo of herself holding a #Bringbackourcountry sign. And photoshoppers are proving that it is possible for a 52 year old woman to underestimate technology as badly as an 80 year old NBA owner.

 

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Clay AIken was leading his Democratic Congressional primary opponent by a few hundred votes and the race was heading for a recount. But Keith Crisco, 71, died after a fall at his home. Does this mean God is a member of the gay mafia?

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Oscar Pistorius’s defense team is now arguing that the former Olympic star has “anxiety issues” Right, like Pistorius is anxious now that he may spend the rest of his life in jail.

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So who’s going to fix #SolangeKnowles up on a blind date with #ChrisBrown?

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A Mankato, Minnesota man is in critical condition after a alleged assault by former Minnesota QB Philip Nelson, who just had transferred to Rutgers. Sounds like Nelson’s next transfer will be from the Scarlet Knights to the Mean Machine (the team in the Longest Yard.)

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The Cleveland Browns owner Jimmy Haslam says the team has told Johnny Manziel to start acting “like a backup quarterback.” So will Manziel now seek to trademark “Johnny Clipboard?”

 

How many people heard that #TylerColvin hit a home run and wondered “For which team?” #SFGiants

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Donald Sterling, on the apology trail – “Am I entitled to one mistake?” One mistake, maybe. One mistake on top of several racial discrimination lawsuits…. not so much.

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#DonaldSterling “I am not a racist.” I think I like “I was pushed into a lifeboat” better.

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The #SFGiants, who were going to miss Jose Fernandez during the Marlins visit to SF, were sorry to hear the young Miami ace has been placed on the 15-day DL with a sprained elbow. Especially since Fernandez’s next start was against the Dodgers.

 

Move over Matt Cain. Jeff Samardzija has you beat. The Chicago Cubs beat the St. Louis Cardinals tonight 17-5. Samardzija, 0-3, has a 1.45 ERA. In his 8 starts, the Cubs have scored 15 runs.

 

Great quote from  #SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy about Pablo Sandoval, who he batted in the cleanup sport Sunday despite a .173 average.  “He asked me how much I had to drink last night.”

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To tweet or not to tweet?

May 11, 2014

The Dolphins said they will “sit down” with player Don Jones after he tweeted a negative reaction when the Rams drafted Michael Sam. Okay, I get that people have feelings and prejudices. But how in this day and age is an NFL player stupid enough to put it out on social media?

 

 

How much trouble could be avoided with pro athletes if Twitter had an app saying “Would your mother approve of this tweet? #HappyMothersDay

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Apparently some people did have a problem with ESPN showing Michael Sam kissing his boyfriend. Maybe they were disappointed the network didn’t show A.J. McCarron kissing Katherine Webb?

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NFL players have the right to believe whatever they want about sex and sexual orientation. But can’t remember any of them making a negative public statement about a teammate who was accused of rape or domestic violence

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From Alex Kaseberg “Happy Mother’s Day. Today hundreds of NBA players look at their ringing phones and mutter; “I’m not gonna take this one.” #MothersDay

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Walgreen’s today had a large display of Mother’s Day bouquets for $9.99 by the cash register. Which presumably went perfectly with that card you forgot and also stopped into Walgreen’s to buy.

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Anyone who says baseball players aren’t manly men, I give you Aroldis Chapman, back on the mound less than 2 months after being struck in the face by one of his 100 mph fastballs lined back at him. And he got the save for the Reds.

 

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Wonder how many people turned off the Clippers game when the Thunder had a huge lead and the Dodgers-Giants game when Kershaw had a one-run lead?

 

#SFGIants. Until further notice, #Pablosandoval is only allowed to hit with a pink bat.

(Until today, this from Andrew Baggerly on Sandoval “He has come to bat with 86 runners on base and driven in four of them.”   The Panda drove in 2 with his pink bat.)

 

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Although original rumors said Shane Skov was going to the Oakland Raiders, Skov himself tweeted that he signed as an undrafted free agent with the 49ers instead. Makes sense, he IS from Stanford, the guy is supposed to be smart.

 

“Nashville” has been renewed by ABC.  Yes!  Yes! Yes!  #Guiltypleasures

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Sam I Ram.

May 10, 2014

Sign of progress, it seemed absolutely irrelevant today that Michael Sam’s boyfriend is white. #Thetimestheyareachanging #MichaelSa

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A thought about Michael Sam being drafted. Yeah, maybe some in the media are making too much of it. But changes don’t get to be small deals without the first ones being big deals.

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CNN commentator Margaret Hoover, on the Rams’ drafting Michael Sam, that she hopes the message will be for high school kids that “they don’t have to be afraid of choosing to be gay or choosing their dream in sportsmanship and professional sports.”   Just like Jackie Robinson helped kids not be afraid of choosing to be black.

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A.J. McCarron, who is now engaged to Katherine Webb, has been chosen in the NFL draft by Cincinnati. And Brent Musberger has already inquired about broadcasting Bengals games.

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Today is Mother’s Day. Or as they say in the NBA “So many women, so little time.”

 

–It may be “No Country for Old Men” but it sure is a Western Conference Semifinals for old men. #Spurs

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#SFGiants Pablo Sandoval has as much a chance of getting a hit w/ 2 strikes now as Donald Sterling does of getting another NAACP award.

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For the second time in 3 days, planes have hit birds at LaGuardia Airport. No injuries were reported. “Speak for yourselves,” say relatives of the birds.

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Elin Nordegren, speaking at her Rollins College graduation, mentioned that her divorce “was right after I had taken communication and the media… I probably should have taken more notes in that class.” Tiger is just glad Elin wasn’t taking lessons in how to swing a golf club.

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A South Carolina high school teacher has been accused of having sex with three different students in one day. Clearly these budget cutbacks have our educators stretched too thin.

 

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Headline “IndyCar Grand Prix of Indianapolis Marred by Huge Crash.” And a lot of casual racing fans are thinking “Marred?”

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The NBA apparently believes it can also remove Donald Sterling’s estranged wife Shelly from ownership of the Los Angeles Clippers. If private phone conversations are a problem, how much more slippery a slope is being married to an a**hole?

 

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Reefer and other madness?

May 10, 2014

Just wondering, if you are an NFL player and live in Colorado or Washington, shouldn’t you be able to follow the laws of your state during the offseason?

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Cleveland Browns WR Josh Gordon may be suspended for the season after failing a drug test, allegedly for marijuana . If true this would be Gordon’s FOURTH failed drug test. This ought to do wonders for the rumors that marijuana is bad for your memory…..

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Johnny Manziel‬ at least consoled himself when he was drafted by the ‪Cleveland Browns‬ that he would have the best WR in the game. Oops. .‪#‎JoshGordon‬

 

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The Cleveland Browns hope  #JohnnyFootball finally is their dream QB.   Or else a new generation of Cleveland fans will learn the term “mistake by the lake.”

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The D.A. assigned to the Justin Bieber egging case apparently wants to charge it as a felony. Sounds like a waste of taxpayer dollars, but one question, is a felony conviction enough to get him deported?

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After all the hoopla regarding the first round of the NFL Draft yesterday,  NFL fans had to wait for the second round until 8pm Friday night. They are dragging this thing out worse than the last minute of an NBA playoff game.

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The FAA said an American Airlines plane almost collided with a drone earlier this year. Standby for CNN to devote several hours to a possible new theory for MH370….

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The University of Oregon has announced three men’s basketball players involved in a sexual assault investigation have been dismissed from the program. Wonder how fast the now former Ducks can apply for the NBA draft?

 

Ha Ha Clinton-Dix was selected in the first round of the NFL draft by Green Bay. It had to be the Packers. Just guessing security for their away games may also include a sign censor.

 

–Shame that #Alabama and Ha Ha #ClintonDix never played #Stanford.The LSJUMB band would have had great fun before they ended up on probation.

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At this point all the #SFGiants need to make a run at another World Series title is one or two more Brandons.

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Mitt Romney today, “I part company with many of the conservatives in my party on the issue of the minimum wage. I think we ought to raise it.” What, now that Mitt is not running for President he’s allowed to make occasional sense? Wonder how long it will take him to support Romney-Obamacare.

 

Ha Ha Clinton-Dix was selected in the first round of the NFL draft by Green Bay. It had to be the Packers. Just guessing security for their away games may also include a sign censor.

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A judge struck down the Arkansas gay marriage ban. Great news, now residents of the state don’t have to be limited by gender when they marry a relative.

 

Story is that after the NFL draft, Johnny Manziel was partying until 5am in New York with women, shots and champagne. Wouldn’t it have been a bigger story if Manziel WASN’T partying until 5am with women, shots and champagne?

 

 

Police charged a woman with felony criminal mischief. Because she didn’t like the people living next door and allegedly tricked a contractor into bulldozing their mobile home. Back on your game, Florida.

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Do you feel a draft?

May 8, 2014

The NFL Draft coverage almost, repeat almost, made me feel sorry for Johnny Manziel.

 

And now the question of the night regarding Johnny Manziel. Is there anywhere to get into trouble in Cleveland?

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The Houston Texans drafted Jadeveon Clowney #1 Could be a good fit. Texas doesn’t really have a speed limit. #NFLDraft

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All these coaches and GMs post-draft.  “We got the player we valued/wanted…”  As if any of them will say “Actually the guy we really bleeping wanted was taken just before our pick but we did the best we could….

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From Bill Littlejohn   “Three players from Texas A&M were drafted in the first round.So Aggie recruiters should have plenty of salary cap room for the next class”

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A Seattle radio station will now start referring to the Santa Clara 49ers. Assume they will also refer to the East Rutherford Jets and Giants, and the Arlington Cowboys?

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Charles Krauthammer said climate change is a “superstition,” and dismissed the scientific consensus – “I’m not impressed by numbers.” Ah yeah, math, along with science, one of those commie pinko concepts.

(My friend Jon N. adds, “Unless he agrees with the numbers, in which case they’re irrefutable.)

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In the Single A Midwest League, the Burlington Bees were leading the Clinton LumberKings after five innings. Clinton won 20-17 in 12. On a brighter note assume some of those Burlington relievers have already been offered jobs in the Mets bullpen.

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Crooks are stupid item of the day: An Oregon bank robber was arrested after police traced him from the note he had written on the back of a grocery receipt, which had four digits of his food stamp account on it. Well, the guy will be off food stamps, but still living off government funds for a while…

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President Obama on a trip to Silicon Valley has one event at…. Walmart? Maybe it’s just a plot to make heads at Fox News explode.

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Lee Marshall, one of the voices of Tony the Tiger, has died at the age of 64. So assume somewhere near the pearly gates St. Peter is practicing his “GRRRR-EAT to see you?”

 

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A bill to require anti-theft “kill switches” on cellphones sold in California just passed the state Senate. Of course, a sure anti-theft precaution remains “Carry a Blackberry.” (No one but us dinosaurs want them )

 

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So the Republicans want to have yet another committee investigate Benghazi. While we’re on the subject of past American deaths, how about convening something to investigate what happened to all those 2001 CIA warnings in 2001 including the memo saying “Bin Laden determined to strike in United States.”?

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In California, a former Assemblywoman named Mary Hiyashi is running for State Senate, although she is still on probation after pleading no contest to shoplifting $2400 worth of clothes in 2011. Well, maybe there’s something to getting your convictions out of the way BEFORE being elected.

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Richard Sherman says he doesn’t think NFL commissioner Roger Goodell would have banned an owner for the kind of comments Donald Sterling made. But hey, Goodell surely would have been sure to fine the Clippers for their inside-out uniform violation.

 

In a newly released audio recording, Donald Sterling is heard yelling “You know I’m not a racist!” to an unidentified listener. Wonder how much he had to pay last week to find someone to make the tape?

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Time passages.

May 8, 2014

NBC announced Wednesday morning they have extended their Olympics TV deal through 2032. What? They didn’t tape the announcement and show it in prime time?

 

Caleb Johnson on American Idol Wednesday did a great job on “Maybe I’m Amazed.” And wonder how many younger viewers are thinking “Cool. Isn’t that a hit from the guy who used to be with Wings?”

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Charlie Crist said he left the GOP because it is now seen as “anti-women, anti-minority, anti-women, anti-gay, anti-education, anti-environment,” and because leadership “went off a cliff.” Crist better watch it, he might be making way too much sense to be elected in Florida.

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CNN is reporting that Sarah Palin says Hillary Clinton will likely reconsider her position on abortion rights now that her daughter is pregnant. And many Americans seeing another Sarah Palin story are thinking, “Can’t you go back to coverage of MH370?”

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Bizarre factoid of the day. Most Americans probably don’t know the Prime Minister of Canada. But they know the Mayor of Toronto.

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Johnny Manziel is saying that teams who pass on him in the draft will regret it. Even Richard Sherman is saying, “Dude, less is more.”

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Target’s interim CEO John Mulligan “Our guests can shop with confidence at Target.” Wonder if he added under his breath “If they pay cash.”

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Venture capitalist Tim Draper “When you work for your government, when your government forces you to do something, it’s slavery. We need to take it back.” Right, because if he didn’t live in California, instead of ending up a billionaire, Tim feels he might be a trillionaire by now?

 

Male whine of the day. .MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough,”This is not about Bill Clinton This is about the women who were eviscerating Monica Lewinsky, who for 18 years was quiet and, by the way, lived a life of shame and her entire existence reduced to a punchline,” Well, no one is claiming Bill is a saint. But it’s wrong to say that a 22 year old woman was capable of making her own bad choices?

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Tim Lincecum is doing a great job of pitching to contact. Unfortunately the contact he is pitching to is the wall.  #SFGiants.

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Hillary Clinton, when asked today if she is running for President in 2016. “I am somebody who really has to mull things over. Stay tuned. When I know, you’ll know.” Even Brett Favre is thinking “Jeez, lady, make up your mind.”

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A dinosaur threw out the first pitch at today’s Padres game. Saw that headline and thought “But Jamie Moyer didn’t even play for San Diego.”

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Stay classy. Former Dodgers’ manager Tommy Lasorda, a friend of Donald Sterling, said of V. Stiviano “I don’t wish that girl any bad luck, but I hope she gets hit with a car.” Hate to hear what Tommy hoped about any of the SF Giants when they won the World Series in recent years.

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Not quite a Virgin flight…

May 7, 2014

A woman was detained and then released by Las Vegas police after she apparently got drunk on board a Virgin Atlantic flight from London and noisily joined the Mile High Club,with a man she had just met on board. The best part – she was traveling with her PARENTS. And you think some of your family vacations have been awkward.

 

 

The NFL Draft is coming Thursday. For the uninitiated, that means for a few days ESPN will be only slightly less fixated on the draft than CNN has been on MH370.

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After a social media storm,  Eric LeGrand is again speaking at Rutgers’ commencement. “I’ll take ‘Damage Control’ for $1000, Alex.”

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Apparently Toronto mayor Rob Ford may have disappeared on his way to rehab in Chicago. You actually kind of hope he’s hiking the Appalachian Trail

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Golden State Warriors have fired coach Mark Jackson, saying they think “it’s time to move in a different direction.” Like back out of the playoffs?

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SFGiants are getting about as much production out of Pablo Sandoval as they would if he were on the DL.

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Many frustrated #SFGiants fans want Bruce Bochy to bat Pablo Sandoval 8th. Although there are others who disagree and think the Panda should bat 9th.

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Anyone who needs a reason to root for the San Antonio Spurs, I give you coach Gregg Popovich. He’s been having WNBA star Becky Hammon, who wants to coach someday, attend practices. And Popovich says about a female NBA coach someday – “I don’t see why not. There shouldn’t be any limitations. It’s about talent and the ability to do things. It’s not about what your sex is or your race is or anything else

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The Spurs were on a roll. Tonight looked like one of the most uneven matchups in San Antonio since the Alamo.

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Would ANYONE who hadn’t watched the regular season and just turned in for the #NBAplayoffs have guessed the #IndianaPacers were a #1 seed?

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Monica Lewinsky, in a Vanity Fair article: “I, myself, deeply regret what happened between me and President Clinton. Let me say it again: I. Myself. Deeply. Regret. What. Happened.” More like she regrets a – getting caught, and b- not having that fifteen minutes of fame turn into something lucrative?

 

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Just an open note to those in the GOP who want to use Monica Lewinsky’s book against Hillary. The American public knows Bill Clinton is a tomcat. We knew that when we elected him the first time. And we would have elected him a third time if possible. Yeah it makes for good punchlines but in the big picture nobody cares.So get over it. #puritans

 

From Marc Ragovin;  ” Willie Mays turned 83 on Tuesday. Of course he has now gone from “say hey” to “what did you say?””

 

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Something missing?

May 5, 2014

Tiger Woods said that missing the Masters wasn’t that bad. “Speak for yourself” said CBS.

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Didn’t everyone have this figured? NL pitching leaders as of May 5 with 5 wins – Greinke, Wainwright, Machi… #SFGiants

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The Supreme Court ruled today that city councils can begin their meetings with prayer, even if it plainly favors a specific religion. Okay, so let’s see what happens when some council decides to include, say, a Buddhist or Muslim prayer…

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Who says politicians are never honest? Lindsay Graham – “Our Democratic friends, for the most part, have been in the tank over Benghazi. Some guy said this about me yesterday on the left: The only reason I cared about this was because I have six tea party opponents. Well, if that’s true, I’m the biggest scumbag in America.”

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Saturday was the Kentucky Derby, Monday was Cinco de Mayo. Which for many Americans means finding out the answer to a question – do you get a worse hangover from bourbon or tequila?

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Governor Chris Christie on the Brooklyn Nets “They’re not in New Jersey anymore. They’re not my team — I’m a Knicks fan. And so the fact is, I just don’t care.” Makes sense that Christie would root for the Knicks, their year has made his look good by comparison.

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Former PayPal exec Rakesh “Rocky” Agrawal is no longer with the company after sending out late night tweets saying amongst other things that PayPal’s global communications VP was a “useless middle. manager” and a “piece of s***.” Agrawal says he quit before tweeting, but just guessing he’s not expecting a reference?

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A Hong Kong company has come up with a new “Paper Clip” armrest for planes, which has a double decker format they say will eliminate the armrest battles most fliers face regularly. Wonder which U.S. carrier will try it first, presumably as soon as they figure out how to charge an “arm room fee.”

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You really cannot make this “stuff” up: .Steve Wiles is running in the GOP primary for North Carolina state Senate, touting his support for a gay marriage ban. And the Winston-Salem Journal is reporting Wiles worked for years as a drag queen emcee known as ‘Miss Mona Sinclair’ at a Winston-Salem gay bar.

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Jameis Winston apparently was carrying crawfish, crab legs and butter when he walked out of a Florida Publix without paying. But the Heisman winner insisted he did not steal the butter, because he left it in a bin before he left the store. Maybe that explains why FSU has already reinstated him?

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Stay classy. Stacey Campfield, the Tennessee state senator who once said HIV and AIDS originated from a man having sex with a monkey, just wrote in his blog “Democrats bragging about the number of mandatory sign ups for Obamacare is like Germans bragging about the number of manditory sign ups for ‘train rides’ for Jews in the 40s.”

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From my funny friend Jerry Perisho: Oregon State fired head basketball coach Craig Robinson, the brother-in-law of Pres. Obama. Fox News said the firing was part of the Republican resurgence. MSNBC said it was due to right wing radicalism on campus. CNN said, “Oregon is nowhere near the Indian Ocean, so we don’t care.

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For some variety, Dwight Perry’s sideline chatter.  (And he included one of my jokes)

http://seattletimes.com/html/sidelinechatter/2023524610_chatter04xml.html

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Not quite slip sliding away

May 4, 2014

A Norwegian cruise ship was stuck in the Hudson River this morning. Wonder if anyone on board had annoyed Chris Christie.

 

It took less than three hours to tow the cruise ship that was stuck on the Hudson into port. Still no doubt disappointing passengers who wanted to get home earlier. And really disappointing CNN that the ship wasn’t stuck out in the Atlantic.

 

A woman was arrested at Oakland Airport when TSA found 81 POUNDS of marijuana in her three checked bags. And worse, she probably didn’t get her baggage fees back.

 

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Aww moment, and nother reason to love California Chrome. Owner Steve Coburn, about watching the Kentucky Derby – “Our dream child doing exactly what we thought he could do when he was a baby.”

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Hall of Famer Jim Brown “The NCAA is the most reprehensible organization God ever created.” And God responded “Don’t blame me, I didn’t do it.”

 

Heisman winner Jameis Winston, who has been the closer, and one of the better players on the FSU baseball team,  been reinstated to the Seminoles’ baseball team.  This after  completing his  20 hours of community service.for shoplifting crab legs just last Tuesday.  Well, if consistency is a virtue, good to know the SEC baseball teams are as much talent whores as their football equivalents.

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From TC .  “The NBA wants to punish Donald Sterling by forcing him to sell the Clippers and then use the proceeds to buy The Harlem Globetrotters. If they really wanted to punish him, they would make him purchase the Washington Generals.”

 

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Run for the roses.

May 3, 2014
Kentucky Derby day brings up again the question of whether or not a racehorse is a true professional athlete. They’re young, talented, mostly male, but they do wait until retirement before having lots of out-of-wedlock offspring.

 

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#CaliforniaChrome just gave a lot of red staters another reason to hate California. #KentuckyDerby

 

 

Kentucky Derby Day. When enough mint juleps can make any hat look good.

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California Chrome’s victory in the Kentucky Derby means that for a couple weeks at least many Californians care about horse racing. Sort of how most Americans cared about the Winter Olympics.

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A tour bus belonging to Willie Nelson’s crew is for sale. Presume it’s a vehicle that only takes the high road.

 

–The FAA has decided for safety reasons to reduce the number of departure runways at Chicago O’Hare from 3 to 2. Good thing the airport isn’t very busy.

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The surest sign that Obamacare is working? The GOP wants to start another Benghazi investigation.

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Amazing story out of Minnesota about the woman who saw a young man slip into a storage locker and called the police because of a “gut feeling.” Turns out he was planning to kill his family and stage a Columbine type massacre. Particularly amazing, the police didn’t dismiss her call as much ado about nothing from a silly woman.

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Bud Selig, again tooting his own horn as MLB commissioner, “When I took over in 1992, the gross revenue … was $1.2 billion. This year will be well over $8 billion.” But at least $1 billion of that has to be beer purchases at Yankee Stadium.

 

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A lot of husbands are alive today because they have never referred to their wives as “silly rabbits.”

 

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Anyone but me ready for V. Stiviano’s 15 minutes to be up?

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Old dog, stupid new tricks

May 2, 2014

Who says an old man can’t have a learning experience. Donald Sterling, speaking to an interviewer about the V. Stiviano tapes: “I wish I had just paid her off.”

 

 

 

Ben Affleck has apparently been banned from playing blackjack at the Hard Rock Casino because he was “too good at the game.” Well a guy’s got to be good at something….

 

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There will be 124 FBS (Division 1) college football teams in 2014. There will be 38 bowl games not counting the championship. So 76 teams will have to be chosen, and UNLV, Idaho and Penn State are ineligible….. But bank on it. some coach will whine in December that his team was overlooked.

 

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My friend Darren wanted a punchline on this “49ers exercise fifth year option on Aldon Smith per league source”

Okay,  So, what’s the difference between a troubled young man and a thug?   Talent.

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There were injuries but fortunately no fatalities today when a NY Subway train derailed today in Queens. New Yorkers were stunned, normally the only train wreck in May is the Mets.

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Sometimes no punchline can top real life: V. Stiviano’s lawyer Siamak Nehoray, on his “devastated” client. “She’s a young girl thrown in the middle of this thing, unwillingly…” Stiviano is 31.

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Here’s a serious thought on Donald Sterling. Yes, the privacy issues with the leaked tape are disturbing. But it wasn’t as if his comments seemed like an out-of-control drunken rant, or as if he had been a model citizen before. Basically Sterling has been a bad actor for years, and the NBA has just looked the other way. His taped remarks weren’t the cause of him being banned for life, they were the catalyst IMHO.

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Bruins president Cam Neely denounced fans who attacked the Canadiens’ P.K. Subban, who is black, with racial slurs on social media after Subban scored the game winning goal for Montreal over Boston last night. In related news, Donald Sterling called the Bruins to inquired about rink-side tickets.

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From T.C.  ” Ad we’d like to see:  Hey PK Subban, you just scored the winning goal of game one in double OT vs Boston – what are you going to do next? “I’m going to a LA Clippers game!!!!!”

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A 16 year old Florida girl, looking for sympathy after a breakup with her boyfriend, pretended she was kidnapped and set off an Amber Alert with a several hour search. Well, that should certainly help her future dating life, as what boy doesn’t want a girl who’s bat sh*t crazy?

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Stanford coach David Shaw, complaining about the SEC’s football schedule only having eight conference games, as opposed to most conferences who play nine. “If we’re all going to be in the same playoffs, we need to play by the same rules” And down in the SEC they’re just giggling

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Bus to hell time.   “The NY Post is reporting that Donald Sterling has cancer. “What a shame,” said nobody.”

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Oh brother.

May 1, 2014

George W. Bush said today he hopes his brother Jeb runs for President in 2016. Maybe W. misses those little White House boxes of M & Ms?

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George W. Bush, in the interview where he says he hopes his brother runs, said “Hey Jeb, if you need some advice, give me a call.” And Hillary Clinton is thinking “Why stop at a call, you brothers should campaign together…”

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All this talk about Jeb Bush being handicapped for a possible Presidential run by his name. If Jeb’s last name was Smith he’d probably be another no-name former Southern GOP governor.

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#Sharks went from looking unstoppable to dead in the water so quickly, have to wonder if Richard Dreyfuss was somehow involved. #SJSharks

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At least the San Jose Sharks are guaranteed not to disappoint their fans this May.

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Both gasoline prices and the stock market are at 2014 highs. And the GOP is trying to convince voters President Obama has everything to do with the former, and nothing to do with the latter.

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Another reason the San Antonio Spurs just don’t fit the NBA mold. Tony Parker, 31, barely made last night’s game because of the birth of his FIRST child.

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The Lakers are apparently interested in hiring John Calipari. But not sure Calipari is interested in coaching prima donnas he can’t get rid of after a year.

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After his second crack cocaine video, Toronto Mayor Rob Ford now says he will take a leave of absence to enter rehab. This should make his approval rating go up another 5-10 points.

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Aaron Hernandez has now been indicted in an alleged February assault and an alleged November threat at his jail. I know Hernandez is talented, but at this point he’s risking being kicked off the “All-Thug” NFL team.

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The head of the Los Angeles NAACP resigned over their planned lifetime achievement award to Donald Sterling. Have to wonder, who else was on that list for the award?

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An Alabama store reportedly  was selling $17.00 a pound king crab legs labeled “Jameis Winston King Crab Legs.” Of course, Cam Newton would never have been involved in such a shoplifting incident while at Auburn. Someone would have given the seafood to his father.

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Guessing SF Giants manager Bruce Bochy doesn’t cook much. Matt Cain missed a start when he cut himself making a sandwich. And Bochy said yesterday that Cain is “making us all sandwiches right now. With a real real dull butter knife.” As most women know, dull knives can be the likeliest to cut you as they stick and slip…..

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Edward Snowden expects to have his asylum renewed in Russia. But his attorney says he “misses America and would like to be able to come home. We just don’t see that happening in the near future.” Uh, not “coming home” is not the problem. Snowden not wanting to face charges when he comes home IS the problem.

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