Archive for the ‘sports jokes’ category
January 5, 2014
1 and 5 on the road in the playoffs never felt so good. #GeauxSaints! #coolBrees
New Orleans would like to thank the SF 49ers again for beating the Arizona Cardinals and sending the Saints to Philadelphia.
–
Only a playoff game in Green Bay tomorrow could get announcers to refer to 20 degree weather in Philadelphia as “balmy.”
–
Darren Sproles does pretty well for a guy who makes Tim Lincecum look like a real Giant. #Geauxsaints
–
Watching the Saints play well against a red-hot Eagles outdoors in Philadelphia, maybe Kyle Orton with that last interception last weekend just saved Cowboys fans an expensive and painful game today.
–
Think I speak for a lot of women, especially moms, in America when I say “Awesome comeback Andrew #Luck,” now can you go shave?
–
But watching that Immaculate Recovery – the fumble Andrew Luck recovered for a TD, have to wonder, did God get tired of waiting for some team to sign Tebow, and decide to become a Colts fan?
–
Three interceptions and four touchdowns. Andrew Luck basically had the NFL equivalent of Bob Brenly’s September 14, 1986 game at Candlestick.
–
So when the Colts won, did the 1993 Houston Oilers pop champagne?’
–
–
Kirk Cousins said that RGIII will have input into choosing the next Washingon Redskins coach. Sounds like good news. For the rest of the the NFC East.
–
Amazon.com founder Jeff Bezos was evacuated from the Galapagos Islands by an Ecuadorian navy helicopter due to kidney stones. Wonder if this was covered with Amazon Prime?
–
Go figure. the NFL has assigned Jeff Triplette to be the referee for the Chargers-Bengals playoff game. This after a year where Triplette messed up the downs in the Dec. 1 Giants-Redskins game, and incorrectly called a touchdown for Cincinnati – upon review – against the Colts the following week. Maybe the league figures the game won’t be close without a few missed calls?
–
Jameis Winston has designs on being another Bo Jackson “if I can convince those guys I can be your quarterback and still go play baseball for the Atlanta Braves or New York Yankees” Uh, leaving the difficulty of two sports aside, does Winston have any idea he might be the QB of say, the Buccaneers, and have his only chance to play baseball for say, the Astros?
–
NY Gov. Andrew Cuomo apparently will legalize medical marijuana by executive order. This should be great news for 7-11.
–
Steven Seagal says he is considering a run for Arizona governor. Your move, Florida.
–
Great joke from my friend Gary Bachman: “It’s so cold that a woman went into labor while jogging and her ice broke.”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #GeauxSaints, Andrew Luck jokes, Geaux Saints jokes, Janice Hough, playoff jokes, Saints jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
January 2, 2014
Kate Winslet will not give her baby son “Bear” her husband’s last name, which is (legally) “RocknRoll. He will be known as Bear Winslet “Of course we’re not going to call (him) RocknRoll. People might judge all they like, but I’m a (bleeping) grown-up.” And she said it with a (bearly?) straight face
–
“Gosh it’s so sad seeing Nick Saban lose” said no one in 49 states. (And in Alabama, no one in Auburn.).
–
ESPN headline “Jadeveon Clowney ready to make impact in the NFL.”. Considering his being caught twice over 100 mph let’s hope that impact isn’t in a vehicle.
–
Can’t imagine how airlines get the reputation for unfriendly pricing. United Airlines has started offering “Premium Wines” by the glass in their United Club at the airport. Like Mark West Pinot Noir at $13. Average retail price for a BOTTLE of the wine as of today – $10, discounted as low as $6.99.
–
On Monday, Vikings LB Erin Henderson talked about his DUI arrest Nov. 19 and said “You start to learn a lot about yourself when things can go wrong or bad, if you’re willing to try to learn, if you’re willing to look in the mirror and figure things out. And I think I was able to do that.” On Wednesday, Henderson was arrested again for DUI. Even Lindsay Lohan is thinking that’s a slow learning curve.
–
Disappointing to fly back from the Rose Bowl after a Stanford loss. On the other hand, Palo Alto, sunny today with a high of 70. East Lansing, snowy today with a high of 14.
–
Maybe just maybe David Shaw kept running up the middle in yesterday’s Rose Bowl because he figured MSU would think Stanford couldn’t possibly be crazy enough to keep doing it and would guess “pass”?
–
Over 90,000 attendees at the 2014 Rose Bowl. And only one of them thought Stanford would eventually succeed running up the middle. Unfortunately for Cardinal fans, that one was their coach.
–
Mayor Rob Ford has filed papers to run for re-election. Not sure about the citizens of Toronto, but this is excellent news for comedy writers.
–
Why there is no satire: A man who won a contest last year to meet the cast of “Breaking Bad” back in September has been arrested on drug charges. (Yeah, you guessed the state. And no, not New Mexico.)
–
–
The next GOP strategy to overturn Obamacare will apparently be to focus on potential security issues with the website. Eric Cantor is saying that Americans shouldn’t have to worry “if they can trust the government to inform them when their personal information — entered into a government mandated website — has been compromised.” Right, on the other hand if banks, stores or social media compromise personal data, well, that’s just a risk of capitalism.
–
And in the comedy comes from pain department, Dwight Perry liked one of yesterday’s Rose Bowl jokes. It’s a great Seattle Times sports humor column. http://seattletimes.com/html/sidelinechatter/2022586190_chatter03xml.html
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clowney jokes, Janice Hough, rose bowl jokes, Stanford jokes, Sugar Bowl jokes, United jokes, Vikings jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
December 24, 2013
Mike Tirico’s ESPN sign off after MNF tonight “What a great night to say farewell to Candlestick Park, perhaps the last game played at this great stadium.” At this great stadium? Uh, did someone check the brownies in the SF press box?
–
Boise State QB Joe Southwick, dismissed from the team and sent home before the Hawaii Bowl, took a polygraph test to prove he was unfairly accused of peeing off a hotel balcony. He says he only watched others do it. (Of course, considering the probable amount of alcohol involved, is it possible Southwick just doesn’t remember?)
(and just imagine how thrilled folks were who spent a lot of money on a Hawaii vacation must have been to stay in that same hotel.)
Uh oh. Steve Martin sent out a racially offensive joke on Twitter.com Although he has apologized. Should we boycott SNL reruns? I don’t think they sell his merchandise at Cracker Barrel….
–
Here’s a bipartisan simple idea for solving the whole offensive comment issue. If an ENTERTAINER says something that really offends you – don’t watch their show. And if you are really unhappy, don’t patronize their advertisers. But doesn’t living in a free country mean that people are free to be idiots?
–
Former Dallas WR Michael Irvin said yesterday “I don’t know if anybody has less talent than the Dallas Cowboys, now.” And both the Houston Texans and Washington Redskins responded, “Who are we, chopped liver?”
–
Lions head coach Jim Schwartz was unhappy hearing boos from the Detroit fans towards the end of yesterday’s game. Well, he probably won’t be hearing them next year.
–
Junior Jerian Grant, Notre Dame’s leading men’s basketball scorer, had to leave the school and the team for the rest of the season “due to an academic manner that [he] did not handle properly.” At Kentucky they are asking “What is an “academic matter?”
–
Kate Winslet named her newborn son “Bear.” Well, either she wants him to grow up and coach at Alabama, or the actress believes in full employment for child psychologists.
–
According to ESPN Dallas Cowboys QB Tony Romo will miss the rest of the season with a back injury. Bummer. This is the equivalent of Santa giving a lump of coal to comedy writers.
–
If they’re going to have challenges and instant replay in the NFL, why not allow a challenge as to whether or not a penalty should have been called. Seen way too many games this year turn on either a bad call or a bad non-call. #Missingreplacementrefs
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Candlestick park jokes, Cowboys jokes, Janice Hough, Jim Schwartz jokes, SF 49ers jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
December 19, 2013
President Obama has chosen Billie Jean King as a leader of the U.S. delegation to the Olympic games in Sochi. The decision has to be tough for some conservatives who normally oppose gay rights. Because it’s also giving the finger to Putin.
–
Keith Richards turned 70 Wednesday. “I’ll take – ‘Celebrities we never expected to make it to 40 for $600, Alex.'”
A Kansas news anchor who was heard at the end of a live broadcast saying “let’s get the f— out of here” was fired by his station. Well, that’s one way to get the “f— out of there.”
One of the problems in this country is that most Americans think they have a better chance of winning the Mega Millions than being killed in an car accident while they check the winning numbers on their phones.
–
On the other hand, it’s not just Americans, A Taiwanese tourist in Melbourne, Australia walked off a pier and fell into the bay. She told police who rescued her “I was checking my Facebook page on the phone and I’ve fallen in.'” And somewhere Darwin again is updating his status “Missed it by THAT much.”
–
The NY Yankees have been fined $28 million in luxury tax. $28 million? That’s barely enough to cover a utility infielder.
–
A now former Walmart employee was so unhappy he didn’t win “Employee of the Month” that he fired a gunshot at the car of the co-worker who did. Do we really need to ask in what state?
–
Washington LB London Fletcher said today he’s “99% sure” he’ll retire from professional football after this season. Which means he could be back in 2014 with the Redskins.
–
Richard Sherman says it’s a bad idea to host the Super Bowl in a cold weather city. Though he added “Seattle’s stadium has been around since 2002 and we’d be a great host.” Tomorrow’s forecast for Seattle? 2-5 inches of snow….
–
New SF Giants left fielder Michael Morse, who seems like a nice guy, was asked about A T & T’s less than hitting- friendly reputation. “If you hit one, you hit one. It doesn’t matter what park you’re at.” And some of his new teammates just giggled.
Starbucks expects to break last year’s single day record, and sell more than 2 million gift cards today – the Thursday before Christmas – at an average cost of about $35 a card. Which is enough to buy the lucky recipients at least four cups of coffee.
–
NFL Senior VP of Events Frank Supovitz “I think it would be better if it snowed a little bit during the game. I think it’ll just make it more memorable.” Spoken by a man who never played football, who will have private transportation to MetLife Stadium and who will watch the game from an indoor luxury suite.
–
We have a budget deal and the Fed said the economy is so strong it doesn’t need as much stimulus. Plus the Obamacare website is improving. You know what means… time for more GOP hearings on Benghazi.
–
Khloe Kardashian has tweeted about her split from Lamar Odom – “this is Torture to My Soul.” Shocking! A Kardashian has a soul?
From Jim Barach: “Doctors in Brazil performed a C-Section on a woman who wasn’t pregnant. That would be like scheduling brain surgery on Donald Trump.”
Or I am thinking, heart surgery on Dick Cheney.
–
Pippa Middleton is engaged to be married. No word on a date but might be the first time in history millions of men turn in to see the wedding dress…preferably from the back.
–
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Keith Richards jokes, Olympics jokes, Pippa Middleton jokes, Super Bowl Jokes, Walmart jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
December 11, 2013
The “sense of perspective” award for the day goes to #RGIII, who said of his benching: “It’s a tough time, and God’s testing me.”
–
The Giants are reportedly considering a long term contract with Pablo Sandoval based on him losing weight. Maybe it will become a thing in SF – their top sluggers not ending their careers at the same size they started out.
Inspired by my friend Jeff Klein. So what will Fox News and Rush Limbaugh make of it when President Obama shakes hands with that “Marxist” “Person of the Year” Pope Francis?
Florida prosecutors just announce they will not file domestic violence charges against George Zimmerman after his girlfriend submitted an affidavit from Samantha Scheibe saying she did not want “my boyfriend” charged. Is it too soon to start a pool on the date of George’s next arrest?
–
Pope Francis is Time’s “Person of the Year.” What’s more surprising? That he’s made the Papacy relevant? Or that Time is still around?
Interesting sidebar to the whole Obama-Castro handshake brouhaha. In 2012, the UN voted on a resolution to end the Cuban Embargo. The vote was 188 in favour to 3 against (United States, Israel, Palau) with 2 abstentions (Marshall Islands, the Federated States of Micronesia).
No more Sriracha can be shipped until next month because the California Dept. of Public Health is now enforcing stricter guidelines that require a 30-day hold on the product. Uh, as if any bacteria could survive a bath in the hot sauce….
–
The lawyer for #JameisWinston‘s accuser is apparently going to hold a press conference Friday. Guessing not a #Heisman pep rally?
–
NCAA President Mark Emmert said schools are still against the idea of “pay-for-play” for athletes: “There’s certainly no interest in turning college sports into the professional or semi-professional.” And Emmert said it with a straight face.
And follow up from last night. As of tonight, Texas football coach Mack Brown is still leaving. But stay tuned.
–
If it’s really about being the most valuable to your team, this year’s #NFL MVP alas should probably be Aaron Rodgers.
–
At Fenway Park they have constructed a 20-ft high sledding and tubing ramp called “Monster Sled”, with five separate paths. Sounds like fun. But actually wouldn’t this make more sense at Wrigley? Because who better than the Cubs for
cold play with steep dropoffs
–
From Bill Littlejohn: At the end of one play on Sunday, Cardinal DT Darnell Dockett deliberately stomped on the hand of Rams OT Chris Williams .Later, Darnell reportedly told a sportswriter, ‘So, Suh me'”
And the “aww” story of the day. In the U.S. passengers might just have asked for their plane to be on time: http://www.sfgate.com/technology/businessinsider/article/An-Airline-And-Santa-Claus-Gave-These-Passengers-5054800.php
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, NCAA jokes, Person of the Year jokes, Pope Francis jokes, RGIII jokes, Sriracha jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
December 9, 2013
NFL powers that be have to be wincing at all these awful games played in wintry weather today. Good thing it never snows in New Jersey in February.
Urban Meyer and his Ohio State Buckeyes have to be really disappointed that they aren’t heading to Pasadena. That Alamo Bowl swag just doesn’t sell for as high a price as the Rose Bowl stuff does.
After some of these calls recently, thinking maybe they fired the replacement refs because they were too good.
–
For those asking, how can that be pass interference on the #Browns? Easy, they violated 11th commandment. Thou shalt not stop St. Brady.
–
A near miracle in Pittsburgh. Had the Stanford band only been around to keep Antonio Brown in bounds.
–
Washington coach Mike Shanahan apparently quit at the end of the 2012 season. As opposed to his team who apparently quit soon after the beginning of this one.
The Redskins are becoming the NFL equivalent of one of those Big 10 or SEC scheduled cupcakes.
(Dinur Blum comments that Tennessee Chattanooga resents the comparison to the Redskins.)
–
Drew Brees has just gone over 50,000 yards with the #Saints. And in San Diego some Chargers fans are just sobbing.
(for non-NFL fans, the Chargers had Brees, but let him go in 2005 in favor of Philip Rivers. And for that matter the Miami Dolphins passed on Drew too, thinking he wouldn’t come back from shoulder surgery.)
–
On a positive note…. assuming this little thing called New Jersey weather cooperates, a Super Bowl featuring Peyton Manning and Drew Brees would be really fun to watch. Two of the best and classiest QBs in football.
–
The 35 bowl matchups are out. But it’s just not the same without the Poulan Weed-Eater Independence Bowl.
–
USC will play Fresno State in the Royal Purple Las Vegas Bowl. SC Offensive coordinator Clay Helton will coach, since interim coach Ed Orgeron quit after Steve Sarkisian was chosen to coach next year.
So if USC wins, Helton might go down in Trojan history as the program’s only undefeated coach.
–
A man trying to fly from Lafayette, Louisiana to California with a layover in Houston fell asleep on the first United Express flight, and woke up on a locked, empty plane after the flight crew had disembarked. Maybe he didn’t pay his “deboarding announcement” fee?
–
It was cold enough that the were expecting snow in Las Vegas this weekend. Maybe proving the rightness of those in the GOP who said Hell would freeze over before the Obamacare website started working.
–
Brett Favre’s been offensive coordinator for Oak Grove High School in Mississippi this year. And last night his team won the state title. So suppose we only have to wait about six months for Brett to decide if he’s coming back to coach next year.
–
Sad, but sounds like he’s in contention for a Darwin: 23 year-old college student in San Antonio Texas was fatally shot by a campus cop after he was pulled over for erratic driving and an altercation ensued. A witness said his last words were a sarcastic “Oh, you’re gonna shoot me?’ (Open note. Do not say those words in Texas, Florida, etc….)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: BCS jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Redskins jokes, referee jokes, snow jokes, Urban Meyer jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
December 8, 2013
My son points out: “Only one current group of seniors in the country will never know what it’s like to not play in a BCS bowl…and every one is going to graduate…from Stanford.”
–
Question of the night: How the heck did this #Stanford team manage to lose to Utah?
–
A gay teacher Catholic high school teacher near Philadelphia was fired Friday when he applied for a license to marry his male partner in New Jersey. Now had the guy been married 30 years and dumped his wife for a girl his daughter’s age, they’d have thrown him an engagement party.
–
December 7, 1941, “A Day that will live in infamy.” Wonder how Americans in the 40s would have felt had NSA been able to spy on phone calls in Japan?
–
David Ortiz says the Yankees lost “the face” of their ballclub when Cano signed with the Mariners. Leaving aside the insult to Jeter I would think the “face” of the Yankees would be more likely to be a George Washington or Ben Franklin, or someone else whose face is on money.
–
Yankees fans are apparently burning Robinson Cano jerseys after he signed with Seattle. Whereas presumably they think Jacoby Ellsbury and Carlos Beltran just made smart decisions to feed their families.
–
So Auburn ends up in the National Championship? After today’s game with Missouri a better fit for either team might have been the Arena Football League.
–
So Nick Saban said today Auburn should play for National Championship because they beat Alabama. Uh, okay, but how about LSU, who beat Auburn. And then Ole Miss, who beat LSU, and Mississippi State who beat Ole Miss. Poor Bowling Green, they knocked off undefeated NIU and lost to Mississippi State by 1 or they’d be in the equation.
–
And a moment for brief comparison of conference strength: Auburn beat Washington State 31-24. That same WSU Cougars team against the Pac 12? Lost 55-21 to ASU, 62-38 to Oregon, 52-24 to Oregon State, and 55-17 to Stanford. Just saying….
–
The NFL has to be “thrilled” about their upcoming Super Bowl. 29 degree weather in New Jersey. On the other hand, the weather isn’t that much better today in say, Texas.
As someone who hates the SEC, I hate them even more that they made me root for Ohio State and Urban Meyer on principle.
–
–Ah yes, football is different in the South. At a press conference a reporter asked the lawyer for the woman who accused FSU QB Jameis Winston of rape if her family was affiliated with the University of Alabama.
Bus to hell time: Guess as an anti-SEC fan it would be tacky to post “Rah rah rapist.”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Auburn jokes, BCS jokes, FSU jokes, Janice Hough, SEC jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
December 4, 2013
The San Antonio Spurs and Minnesota Timberwolves were to play a game in Mexico City Wednesday night, but the arena was evacuated before tipoff because of smoke inside the arena. This would never happen if the Knicks and Nets were playing. Neither team is hot enough to generate smoke.
The Knicks and Nets are playing Thursday night. Do NBA rules require that someone really has to win?
–
Carmelo Anthony says the NY Knicks are the “laughingstock of the league” right now. And the Milwaukee Bucks are thinking “Who are we, chopped liver?”
–
The Raptors blew a 27 point third-quarter lead last night in losing to the Golden State Warriors. It was the most embarrassing thing to happen to Toronto recently not involving Rob Ford.
–
Krispy Kreme shares fell 20% yesterday after disappointing earnings. Maybe analysts got a little too over-optimistic with those new marijuana legalization laws.
–
Steelers coach Mike Tomlin has been fined $100,000 for his sideline interference with Jacoby Jones. Hmm, sounds like Tomlin could have saved $50,000 by just spilling a drink on him.
–
Kim Kardashian and Kanye West may have their wedding at the Palace of Versailles. Thinking of what happened to the couple who last used the place… And just guessing the Kim and Kanye weren’t big history students?
(maybe they’ll be married in the Petit Trianon. With lots of cake?)
–
Scientists are working on developing an artificial heart without a pulse. Big deal. Dick Cheney has lived 72 years having a pulse without a heart.
–
Willie Meggs, the State Attorney handling the sexual assault investigation of Florida State QB Jameis Winston said he will announce the investigation results tomorrow at 2 pm. Meggs added that the investigation was “not based on a football schedule or anyone else’s calendar.” And he said it with a straight face.
–
San Francisco area news stations are making much of the fact that the weather is expected to be near freezing tonight. And on the East Coast they are thinking “Just STFU.”
–
From Alex Kaseberg: “Dennis Rodman has launched his own line of vodka. Which is pretty much like a fire launching its own line of gasoline.”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cheney jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, Knicks jokes, NBA jokes, Net jokes, Tomlin jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
November 14, 2013
A thought about all these stores opening Thanksgiving night. Let’s see…take millions of Americans, add family stress, plus alcohol, and put them on the road to the mall. What could POSSIBLY go wrong?
Random baseball thought, none of the 2014 CY Young nor MVP winners played in the World Series. Coincidence? Or is there something about having a superstar on the team that makes others feel less urgency about performing?
–
Chris Brown checked out of rehab, about two weeks after he checked in following his latest arrest in Washington, D.C. Too soon to start a pool on the next “incident?”
–
In a recent poll, Congress was viewed less favorably than hemorrhoids or toenail fungus. Well, makes sense. There are cures for hemorrhoids and toenail fungus.
–
MLB owners today approved funding to expand instant replay in 2014. You know what this means – beer prices are going up.
–
Apparently the $10 million annual jeweled “Fantasy Bra” created by Victoria’s Secret isn’t very comfortable. Uh, thinking anyone buying such a bra for a present wouldn’t expect it to stay on very long.
–
A blind man was kicked off a US Airways flight because his service dog wouldn’t sit still for takeoff. The flight was then cancelled when so many other passengers protested. Wonder how many of them were protesting that airlines don’t do that with parents and children.
–
Just when you think the Toronto mayor story can’t get any weirder. Today Rob Ford, denying an affair with a former staffer. “It says I wanted to eat her (fill in the blank) and I have never said that in my life to her. I would never do that. I’m happily married and I’ve got more than enough to eat at home.” Is Ford angling for a post with the Clinton Global Initiative.
–
On thing about Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, perhaps he puts to rest the image of Canadian politics being boring to rest once and for all. (for those who don’t remember Pierre Trudeau.)
–
Not sure how long this Rob Ford saga will continue. But if there’s a silver lining for anyone, at least the 2013-14 Maple Leafs are just about guaranteed not to be the biggest target of jokes in Toronto.
–
A woman on a Southwest plane that made a rapid descent and then made a safe emergency landing at Raleigh-Durham airport, claims the pilot told passengers “We’re in trouble; we’re going down.'” No word on any possible compensation. But wonder if another carrier might have added a “thrill-ride” surcharge.
–
Miami Dolphins guard Richie Incognito has now filed a grievance against the team over his suspension. This might be the biggest mess ever in Florida football not involving Urban Meyer..
–
Once again proving that Twitter is a great way to prove you’re an idiot in only 140 characters: The Clippers’ Matt Barnes, DURING last night’s game, after he was ejected , tweeted, “I love my teammates like family, but I’m DONE standing up for these n—as! All this s— does is cost me money. …” The tweet was later deleted.
–
Just a hunch that a year from now the GOP will be back to Benghazi as an anti-Obama theme. Because as much of a mess as the Obamacare rollout has been in some ways, is it that different than a lot of big high-tech rollouts? Or say, airline mergers? The biggest mistake made may have been the assumption this was going to be smooth from the get go.
–
Bill Littlejohn: USC coach Ed Orgeron’s handwritten thank-you letters to each member of the Trojan marching band defied school tradition–every word in each note was spelled correctly”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Miami Dolphins jokes, Rob Ford jokes, Thanksgiving jokes, Toronto mayor jokes, Victoria's secret jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 14, 2013
Police in Sweden were called to a potential “domestic incident”, when a neighbor heard “banging and screaming.” It turned out to simply be a couple trying to assemble IKEA furniture. Although I have to wonder….how many domestic incidents have started over trying to assemble IKEA furniture.
–
In San Francisco a Muni train left the station without an operator after the driver got out to check a door and forgot to set the emergency break. Well, it could have been worse.. could have happened to an airline pilot.
–
The 9-0 Kansas City Chiefs said WR Dwayne Bowe, who was arrested for marijuana possession this week will start Sunday night against the Broncos. (Bowe is 2nd on the team in catches.) It’s all about that Golden Rule. Bring in the Gold, you don’t need to follow the Rules.
–
Anyone else find it just a bit ironic that the party complaining about how all Obamacare policies must cover maternity, is the party that also usually makes a big show of being pro-life?
–
The University of Florida president and AD have both expressed confidence in embattled coach Will Muschamp, despite the Gators 4-5 record. Well, they have about 15 million reasons, as Mushamp has five years left on his contract at an average salary of $2,928,791.
–
The Secret Service is under investigation again for sexual misconduct, this time stemming from an alleged incident where a supervisor met a woman in the Hay-Adams hotel, and accidentally left a bullet in her D.C. hotel room. Former President Bill Clinton no doubt has already volunteered to investigate.
–
Contradicting a statement he made after the 2012 election, John Boehner now says the House will not take up immigration reform this year, saying it’s “too complicated to rush.” So is the Speaker angling for a post-politics job of serving on one of Bud Selig’s “blue ribbon committees?”
–
Mariah Carey on her American Idol experience with an unnamed co-judge. “It was like going to work every day in hell with Satan.” And somewhere Simon Cowell is thinking “Who am I, chopped liver?”
–
Ben Roethlisberger, on Detroit Lions DTs Nadmukong Suh and Nick Fairley “You’ve got to be careful. You’ll end up dead if you’re not careful.” Suh’s response “I’m not a killer.. I guess I can take that somewhat as a compliment.” Wonder if he thought of adding “And I’m not a rapist either.”
–
Lululemon founder Chip Wilson is apologizing for offending customers by saying their brand’s yoga pants just don’t work for “some women’s bodies.” Although no doubt Wilson is being secretly cheered by people who have been at restaurants, stores, etc where some of lululemon’s customers have proved his point.
–
Toronto mayor Rob Ford’s latest admission, that he did purchase illegal drugs. Well, it could be worse, at least Ford didn’t get in a drunken stupor and text pictures of his junk.
–
The Toronto City Council voted 37-5 to ask Mayor Rob Ford to take a leave of absence. Wow. Those 5 must really love to watch train wrecks.The Toronto City Council voted 37-5 to ask Mayor Rob Ford to take a leave of absence. Wow. Those 5 must really love to watch train wrecks.
–
From Alex Kaseberg: Toronto mayor, Rob Ford, admits to buying illegal drugs. Of course we Americans are shocked. A politician who paid for something out of their own pocket? Never happens here.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Ben Roethlisberger jokes, Clinton jokes, IKEA jokes, Janice Hough, muni jokes, NFL jokes, Toronto mayor jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
November 12, 2013
Today was Veteran’s Day. When we honor those who have served our country by going to the mall to buy stuff made in countries we have fought against.
–
President Obama honored a 107 year old WWII veteran at a D.C. Veteran’s Day ceremony. Guess John McCain was unavailable?
–
Downton Abbey has been renewed for a fifth season. Glad they have the $$$, or rather pounds. But since the fourth season started in Sept. in England and won’t start in the U.S. until Jan 5. 11 days after the season four finale, American fans are thinking, how much more to get us on the same schedule?
–
Amazon is teaming up with the U.S. Postal Service to deliver packages on Sundays. Procrastinators of the world, rejoice!
–
Proof, again, that God does have a twisted sense of humor: A white supremacist trying to establish an all-white enclave in North Dakota found out during the taping of the “Trisha Show” that he is 14% “sub-Saharan African.”
–
“Who’d a thunk a couple weeks ago looking at this Dolphins vs. Buccaneers game that Tampa Bay’s coach might be the one least considered to have totally lost is locker room.–
–
And when the previously winless Buccaneers actually beat the Miami Dolphins tonight, did the 0-14 1976 Tampa Bay Bucs crack open a case of generic beer?
–
Maybe it’s because I am a woman but somehow I’ve never thought female athletes were any less tough because they don’t threaten to kill each other in the locker room.
–
–
From T.C. on the Red Sox’s top offseason targets: “Free agents Jacoby Ellsbury, Mike Napoli, Stephen Drew and the two guitarists from ZZ Top.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: age jokes, facebook jokes, Janice Hough, John McCain jokes, locker room jokes, NFL jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
November 8, 2013
Big nerd party. In Palo Alto. And please note, the band is NOT on the field. Guess they learned with the 1982 Big Game with John Elway.
–
You do get the sense more than a few Stanford players got really tired of being referred to as “nice” and “soft” this week. #fearthetree
–
Well, many expected the Stanford Oregon game would be a shutout at halftime. They were right.
–
And before tonight, for anyone who was buying the b.s. narrative that Stanford football players are overly nice and soft, I have two words for you – “Richard Sherman.”
–
–
The SF 49ers expect Aldon Smith to play Sunday against the Panthers, less than two weeks out of rehab and after both a DUI and being arrested on felony weapons charges earlier this year. I’m sure the fact that he is a star has NOTHING to do with it….
–
The FDA is trying now eventually to remove all artificial trans fats – like shortening and margarine, out of the food supply, because they are too dangerous to people’s health. Vindication for all of us who never gave up butter!
–
Steve Patterson, the new University of Texas AD, says he doesn’t expect major changes. And alums are thinking, well, we were kind of hoping the football team starts actually winning….
–
Charming. Dolphins GM Jeff Ireland, the one who asked Dez Bryant if his mom was a prostitute, apparently that suggested that Jonathan Martin “punch” Incognito. And the New Orleans Saints are thinking “Hey at least we went after people who weren’t on our own team?”
–
NY Yankees manager Joe Girardi says that Alex Rodriguez’s hearing is “complicating” things for the team this offseason. With all due respect, hasn’t A-Rod complicated things for the team since the day he arrived?
–
The NY Times reports that CIA is paying AT&T more than $10 million per year for “limited access” to the company’s of phone records. Actually AT&T only was probably officially charging them $50,000 – the rest is overage charges.
–
John Boehner will not bring ENDA to the House floor, because he “believes this legislation will increase frivolous litigation and cost American jobs.” Well, and if anyone is an expert on frivolity and costing American jobs, it’s the man who had Government workers stay home for 2 weeks over not voting on a spending bill..
–
A California man went skydiving for the first time on his 100th birthday. Guess he wanted to wait until his great-grandchildren were old enough to cosign his liability waiver?
–
From Gary Bachman “The Chicago Cubs hired Padres bench coach Rick Renteria as their new manager. Renteria hopes this experience will someday enable him to land a job as a major league manager.”
–
A new video has emerged showing Toronto Mayor Rob Ford in an apparent drunken rage threatening to “murder” someone and “poke his eyes out.” This man doesn’t want to be mayor, he wants to join the Miami Dolphins.
–
Roger Goodell had to be wishing for anything to change the NFL headlines this week with the Dolphins mess. So now we have Tony Dorsett along with other former stars announcing they have been diagnosed with CTE.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Boehner jokes, FDA jokes, Janice Hough, Miami Dolphins jokes, Rob Ford jokes, Stanford jokes, Stanford Oregon jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 4, 2013
In a recent survey, only 9.1% of men said they have ever paid for or received payment for sex, down from 17% in the 1990s. Which means either men have found alternatives to prostitution, or they think the NSA might be monitoring their phone calls.
–
U.S. Rep Mike Michaud of Maine, who is running for Governor, announced Monday he’s gay. The coolest thing, it wasn’t even much of a national headline. #progress
–
So why do stores have Christmas merchandise up as soon as Halloween is over? Presumably because people don’t buy much Thanksgiving merchandise.
–
Just maybe a sign that we have too many lawyers? A sign on Starbucks’ Banana Pecan Walnut Cake: “These products may contain nuts and other allergens.”
–
John Boehner says he opposes ENDA, which would prohibit discrimination against gay and lesbian employees in the workplace, saying it possibly could put a financial burden on businesses. Which means the bill may never see the House floor. Maybe supporters could get the speaker to put it to a vote if they added a provision prohibiting discrimination against orange people.
–
Despite Nick Foles’ 7 TD performance against the Oakland Raiders, Eagles coach Chip Kelly will not name him the team’s #1 QB. Guess Kelly wants to see how Foles performs against a professional defense?
–
Baja Fresh says they are celebrating “Men’s Health Month” with a coupon for free guacamole and chips with any order in November. Right, because nothing says “Men’s Health” like eating an entire order of guacamole and chips with your tacos or burritos.
–
I admired Charlie Crist when he was a Republican, now he’s running for for Governor as a Democrat, with the slogan “Together, we can get Florida back to common sense.” And they say politicians don’t dream really big anymore.
–
In California, the Tea Party’s Tim Donnelly will announce his run for Governor tomorrow. And Jerry Brown is thinking “Christmas is coming early.”
(Donnelly btw, originally founded the Minutemen Party in California, and was caught last year at TSA with a gun in his carry-on. For which he did not have a permit…)
–
A Michigan woman who dressed up as a Boston Marathon bombing victim on Halloween, posted the picture online and wore it TO WORK, has apparently lost her job. Presumably not just for her tastelessness but her stupidity.
–
Another day, another QB injury, this time Aaron Rodgers…. And yes, Tim Tebow, apparently you ARE chopped liver.
–
So we may not ever know exactly what happened, but now the Miami Dolphins have suspended guard Richie Incognito late Sunday over “misconduct”related to the treatment of teammate Jonathan Martin. Great, as if concussions aren’t enough, another reason not to want your kids to play football.
–
Glad the Miami Dolphins finally took a belated stand against what appears to have been over-the-top behavior by Incognito. Scary thing, is that just as with the Saints and the bounty program, do we really think that football just had one bad actor?
–
Keep thinking about this Richie Incognito case. If he was that abusive to a 300 lb teammate, how did he treat, for example, the women in his life?
–
And while bullying isn’t really funny, couldn’t resist this from my Chicago-born friend Alex Kaseberg: “Apparently bullying is not unusual in pro sports. Just in the World Series, the Boston Red Sox taunted the St. Louis Cardinals from the dugout by saying they played like a bunch of Chicago Cubs.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Boehner jokes, ENDA jokes, Incognito jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, political jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 4, 2013
After today’s Nick Foles performance, Michael Vick has to be very glad the NFL doesn’t treat QB’s who no longer are top dog, the way he used to treat his pit bulls who were no longer top dog….
–
Cowboys, at home, barely escape a 1-6 Vikings team. Going to go out on a limb here and say the 2014 Super Bowl winner is not going to come from the NFC East.
–
Good thing the NFL doesn’t use strength of schedule in playoff seeding. Because a come-from-behind win at home against a winless team probably wouldn’t have earned the Seattle Seahawks any computer ranking points.
–
You do think editors could have safely gone to bed last night having already posted the headline “Kenyans win NYC Marathon.”
–
A 7 year-old Virginia boy wore a KKK costume for Halloween. His mom actually made the costume for him, said he understood the risk of wearing it, and that it’s a “family tradition.” What’s scarier, that these people breed, or that they can vote?
–
Former Speaker of the House Jim Wright, 90, was denied a voter ID card because he only had a TCU faculty ID and an expired driver’s license. Sounds like the new Texas law is doing exactly what it’s supposed to be doing, making it harder for Democrats to vote.
–
As Sarah Palin continues to make headlines, it’s enough to make you long for the days of comparative oblivion of failed running mates like Lloyd Bentsen and even by comparison Joe Lieberman and John Edwards.
–
Embattled Toronto mayor Rob Ford, seen on video apparently smoking crack, now is apologizing for being “hammered” in public. And Bill Clinton is thinking, “I got harassed for my definition of what ‘is’ is?”
–
So the alleged LAX shooter, a young man who was apparently anti-government, is getting the best free government medical care now, and will have healthcare in prison for the rest of his life….
–
Charlie Crist, the former Republican Governor of Florida, will on Monday formally announce his candidacy to run again for the job. As a Democrat. Some criticize him leaving the GOP. But thinking, Crist, a moderate, has to feel the GOP left him.
–
From Gary Bachman “Justin Bieber was allegedly seen sneaking out of a brothel in Brazil. With all the money Bieber makes, why would he feel the need to sell his body.”
Mitt Romney is now saying “They don’t come better than Chris Christie.” Well, except Paul Ryan and all the others I put in front of Christie on my short list for a running mate.
–
Mitt Romney left Ted Cruz off his list of electable Republicans in 2016. Well, if anyone knows about unelectable….
–
Okay, creative readers, this should be fun. Apparently Mitt Romney and his campaign internally referred to Chris Christie as “pufferfish.” Any guesses as to what nickname Christie might have for Romney?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Eagles jokes, Janice Hough, Michael Vick jokes, Mitt Romney jokess, NFL jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 31, 2013
Scariest thing for many of us on Halloween. No more MLB baseball games this season. But only 104 days until pitchers and catchers report.
–
In Mexico, November 1 is known as “Day of the Dead.” In the U.S., it’s “National Half-Price Candy Day.”
–
All the talk about Halloween being such an unhealthy holiday because of kids going out to get and eat bags full of candy. So what’s the most popular pre-Trick-or-treating meal in the U.S?’ Pizza
–
Google says they are “outraged” by alleged NSA snooping. They say if anyone is snooping on their customers it should be Google themselves.
–
Some people say we have children as an excuse to buy toys at Christmas/Hanukkah. Looking at pictures today I’d say there’s an equally good chance some people have children just to come up with adorable Halloween costumes.
–
Hallmark has changed an “ugly sweater” Christmas ornament they were selling from saying “Don we now our gay apparel,” to “Don we now our fun apparel.” Reportedly due to consumer backlash. But was it homophobic backlash, or backlash from gays who said they would never be caught dead in an ugly sweater?
–
Dell Computers is admitting that some of its new laptops smell like a cat litter box. Are they sure it’s the machine and not the latest version of Windows.
–
An NFL game ended Thursday night in overtime on a safety? That’s almost as unbelievable as a baseball game ending on an obstruction call.
–
Kim Kardashian told Jay Leno her selfie in a skimpy swimsuit was her “big, like, middle finger to the world.” I thought the Kardashians themselves were a big middle finger to the world.,
–
So the new FAA regulations say passengers will be able to use their cellphones on planes with the doors closed, but not for phone calls nor text or email. And of course all passengers will obey that directive….
–
A number of media outlets are trying to make something out of the fact that Pamela Anderson cut her long blonde hair into a pixie cut. Perhaps they are oblivious to the fact that most men don’t pay attention to Pamela for her hair….?
–
Now there’s medical marijuana for pets. So what’s the next product, cat and dog food flavored like Doritos?
–
From T.C. “Last night, the Red Sox won the World Series at home in Boston for the first time since 1918 vs the Cubs. Baseball fans were shocked, the Cubs were in a World Series?”
.
From Bill Littlejohn “O.J. Simpson can still vote in Florida while thousands of others can’t—-they’re hoping that some day he can find 2000’s ‘real voters'”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Day of the Dead jokes, Google jokes, Halloween jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, NFL jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
October 30, 2013
Okay, congratulations to the Boston Red Sox. But I think I speak for mothers everywhere when I say “Can you shave now?
–
Everyone’s happy in Boston tonight. Well, except scalpers who had game seven tickets.
–
Will Tim McCarver’s next act be telling Americans how much more he knows about retirement than any of us?
–
Although the Red Sox were World Series champions in 2004 and 2007, fans in Boston are talking about what a historic occasion this is because the team hasn’t won the Series clincher AT HOME since 1918. And Cubs fans are thinking “Just STFU.”
–
Thinking if the Angels’ Mike Scioscia had pitched to Barry Bonds like the Cardinals’ Mike Matheny pitched to David Ortiz, the SF Giants would have a third trophy with little flags at A T & Park.
–
The World Series beat MNF in the ratings. Which could be a sign that Americans really do consider baseball the national pastime. Or that most of us don’t give a damn about the Seahawks and Rams.
–
Bob Barker is returning to the “Price is Right” for his 90th birthday. It will be like he never left. Especially for Bob himself, who probably won’t remember leaving.
–
The Miami Dolphins had to fix their cheerleader web site yesterday because it was sending mobile users to a pornography site. Presumably they noticed the problem when traffic to the cheerleader site went up 1000%?
–
London archaeologists just unearthed a Roman eagle statue that they believe dates from the 1st or 2nd century. Apparently the sculpture hasn’t been seen since it was featured on an early episode of “Larry King Live.”
–
A Wisconsin man was arrested after coming home drunk from a Halloween Party and dangling a child upside down from an overpass. Presume he was dressed up as Michael Jackson?
–
Kanye West, referring to Kim’s near-nude swimsuit selfie, “Michelle Obama cannot Instagram a pic like what my girl Instagrammed the other day.” “What an a**hole,” said most politicians on both sides of the aisle. “Uh, I’m willing to chair the investigation of this picture,” said Bill Clinton.
–
The last funeral home in Palo Alto, California is closing tomorrow and the property has been bought by Yahoo’s Marissa Mayer. Insert Yahoo Mail joke here:
–
A Fargo, N.D. woman named “Cheryl,” told a local radio station that when “fat” kids come by, instead of candy on Halloween she’ll hand out letters saying “Your child is, in my opinion, moderately obese and should not be consuming sugar and treats.” Why do I feel confident “Cheryl” is single?
–
Apparently in Denver authorities dealing with legalized marijuana are grappling with some who are okay with the law, but object to the smell. So they are trying to regulate smoking in open areas. Maybe when Denver figures it out they can pass the same laws about perfume.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Boston jokes, Halloween jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Red Sox jokes, Tim McCarver jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 27, 2013
The way these World Series endings are going, the fat lady won’t sing, she’ll slip on a banana peel.
–
So what will end tomorrow’s World Series game? A wild pitch, a balk, batting out of order?
–
So did the #Cardinals and #RedSox sign a secret contract promising at least one brain freeze per #WorldSeries game?
–
The theme of this year’s World Series? “It’s a simple game, you throw the ball you hit the ball, sometimes you catch the ball.”
–
The NY Jets have had a few weeks without a quarterback circus. Break time is apparently over.
–
Just how bad is the NFL Least? The 2-6 NY Giants are only two games out of first.
–
So much for another BCS title game between two SEC teams. It’s not even November and the conference only has one undefeated team and two one-loss teams left. Wonder if they’ve asked the NCAA about starting the playoff system a year early.
–
Chris Brown was arrested this morning for felony assault. So congratulations to all those who had October 27 in the pool.
–
Well, for all those tired of discussing football’s “push” rule ad infinitum, now we can discuss baseball’s obstruction rule ad infinitum….
–
A man was arrested yesterday at JFK Airport for checking three illegal weapons plus a loaded rifle in his luggage. On top of a fifth gun that was legal. Wonder if the airline refunded his baggage fee.
–
How ugly are the Red Sox playoff beards? Parents of teenagers and college students may be so relieved their children aren’t emulating the players that their reaction to another way of standing out might be “Oh, it’s only a tattoo.”
–
Dick Cheney is predicting his daughter Liz will unseat Mike Enzi, the sitting GOP Wyoming senator in next year’s primary. “The fact of the matter is, Washington is not going to elect the next senator from Wyoming, the people of Wyoming will elect the senator.” Interesting choice of words considering Liz Cheney just moved to Jackson Hole from a D.C. suburb last year.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Chris Brown jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, playoff beard jokes, Red Sox jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 24, 2013
The NFL keeps increasing the number of games in London in hopes of basing a team there someday. Might not be as hard to get players to move to England as the league might think – the country would have free healthcare for all their children and baby mamas.
–
Apparently after Sam Bradford’s season-ending injury, the St. Louis Rams reached out to… Brett Favre. But the 44-year-old said that he really is retired now. “Couldn’t you have given it one more chance?” said every comedy writer in the country?
Alabama coach Nick Saban is complaining that Crimson Tide fans are leaving at halftime. Maybe it would help if the team scheduled opponents who would keep the game competitive after the first quarter.
–
What’s scarier? That the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are now 0-7? Or that they probably aren’t the worst NFL team in Florida?
–
Former Oregon Ducks TE Colt Lyerla, who left the team Oct 6 for what he said were “personal reason”, was arrested last night for cocaine possession. When he quit, Lyerla said that he “would pursue an NFL career.” Sounds like he’s well on his way to being league ready.
–
Cal’s current football player graduation rate last in the conference and last among all BCS schools. Gosh, who’d a thunk the Bears would be the Pac 12 team to beat SEC teams at something?
–
Where’s a good tornado when you need one? The Westboro Baptist Church plans to picket the World Series because Americans “worship the false idol of baseball.” Silly silly hateful bigots. Most Americans do not worship baseball. They worship football.
Apparently a breathalyzer test is being developed that will catch stoned drivers, as opposed to those might have just smoked the day before. Of course, it might be cheaper to just hold up a bag of Doritos, and see if the suspect snatches it from the officer’s hand.
–
Why do I have a feeling this may be one of the understatements of the year. After Spirit Airlines delayed flights up to 12 hours for engine inspections, an airport spokesman said “there were several dozen people in Terminal 4 overnight. There were no arrests. Some did lose their tempers, but it was all worked out amicably.”
–
Hope game 2 of the World Series is more competitive. The way they played last night the St. Louis Cardinals won’t be able plausibly to sell “game-used” gloves.
—
A STL minor league pitcher accused Boston pitcher Jon Lester of doctoring the ball, and pictures do show something in Lester’s glove, though the Cardinals never complained during the game. But come on, the Red Sox cheating? Just who would they have to think they are? The Patriots?
The average postseason baseball game has gone 3 hrs & 22 min. And fans of #Yankees #Redsox games are thinking, how do they play that fast?
–
This Carlos Beltran is a pretty tough dude. If he were healthy all the way through 2011, would the SF Giants be sitting on a “three-peat?”
–
Just maybe it is not a good idea to throw strikes to David Ortiz with runners on base in this postseason?
–
For those who think I only pick on the SEC, Oregon and USC, this gem is from ASU via a friend ‘
“”I don’t know what that word is man. Arizona St. education, bro’. Break that one down for me.” Dustin Pedroia
What’s that? Oh, the word that confused him was “validity”.
–
A couple was fined $250 each for having oral sex on a flight from Medford to Las Vegas. No word on how much the airline charged passengers for an entertainment fee.
–
From BIll Littlejohn:
Marlins President David Samson predicts that his team will be playing October baseball next year.Boy, those Arizona Winter Leagues are starting earlier and earlier”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Buccaneers jokes, Cardinals jokes, Janice Hough, NCAA jokes, Oregon jokes, Red Sox jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: Be the first to comment
October 23, 2013
If the Boston Red Sox win the World Series will their MVP turn out to be the most famous beard since Katie Holmes?
Are the Cardinals trying to vie with the SF 49ers this week in appealing to British fans who normally follow soccer? This might explain the “no hands” defense.
–
#SFGiants in the news: Team re-signs Lincecum and Kanye proposes to Kim at A T & T. Wonder which relationship will last longer.
–
The World Series is supposed to be the best two teams in baseball playing each other? Tonight looks more like the baseball equivalent of one of those great SEC-cupcake matchups.
–
And somewhere scattered across the U.S. Pirates and Dodgers players watched WS game 1, and thought “How the bleep did we lose to these guys?”
–
Many Americans profess complete disinterest in the christening of Prince George, because they can’t imagine caring about someone who will only rule due to an accident of birth. They’d much prefer to speculate over whether Jeb Bush might run in 2016 against Hillary Clinton.
–
The SF Giants aren’t saying exactly how much Kanye West paid to rent A T and T Park for his proposal. I’m just wondering, how many celebrity proposals and weddings will it take to pay for a power hitting left fielder?
–
The NBA owners has decided to change their playoff Finals format from 2-3-2 to 2-2-1-1-1, with an extra day off between Games 6 and 7. Another small step on the way to making the Finals “The Summer Classic.”
–
The Cleveland Browns are the latest NFL team to bench their starting QB for poor performance. And several others are barely hanging on. Starting to think maybe God really wants to see the return of Tim Tebow.
–
You can’t make this “stuff” up dept: Three elementary children were treated for minor injuries sustained during a school safety demonstration in Southern California – the injuries apparently resulted from a panic when a police officer’s gun discharged.
–
McDonald’s is rebranding ther “Dollar Menu” to the “Dollar Menu & More” items at $1, $2 and up to $5. Guess the chain is hoping Americans are as good at math as they are at making healthy food choices.
–
Oops. A University of Iowa math T.A.meant to email students some math problem answers, but instead accidentally sent nude photos of herself and her boyfriend. Once again prompting millions of men to ask “where were these teachers when I was in college?”
–
From Gary M. “Apparently Kanye West proposed to Kim Kardashian Monday night at A T and T Park. One of the few ‘locals’ to score at AT&T this year.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cardinals jokes, Janice Hough, Kanye West proposal jokes, Kimye jokes, Red Sox jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 22, 2013
A new Gallup poll says 58% of Americans now support legalizing marijuana, the highest percentage ever. And no doubt that doesn’t count another 5-10% who responded, “uh, sure, maybe, I don’t know, what was that question again, man?
–
n an effort to combat drug-trafficking, Uruguay will start selling legal marijuana for $1 a gram. In related news, expect travel agents soon to report a huge surge in vacation requests for Montevideo.
–
Why punctuation and careful typing matters, sports version. A fan purchased a World Series ticket on Stubhub for $3.00 (plus a $3 service fee). After the seller apparently left out a comma and/or a couple zeros.
–
Temperatures in Boston are supposed to dip down to near freezing Wednesday night for the opening of the World Series. Guess that’s why they call it the “Winter Classic.”
–
The NFL continues their Europe marketing plan with SF-Jacksonsville in London this weekend. And the Brits are thinking “Okay, thanks for sending the 49ers over, don’t we get a second professional team?”
–
Apparently Kanye West proposed to Kim Kardashian Monday night at A T and T Park. So SF fans, yes, the park has finally seen something scarier than the 2013 Giants’ hitting with runners in scoring position….
(alternate punchline “scarier than Brian Wilson in a Dodgers uniform.” Other suggestions encouraged.)
–
Tim Lincecum signed a new contract with the SF Giants for two years, $35 million. Guess we know a reason why they were willing to take Kanye West’s money.
–
John McCain is thinking of running for re-election to the Senate in 2016, when he will be 80. And Hillary Clinton is thrilled- McCain will make her look young and vigorous!
–
–
Why men should not do wedding planning. A British groom was sentenced to a year in jail after he admitted to calling in a bomb hoax for St. George’s Hall in Liverpool. He was trying to cover up the fact he had forgotten to book the hall for his own wedding…..
–
Apparently the NY Jets knew the Patriots might try the illegal pushing play during field goals, and alerted the refs to watch for it. And the Sunday before, the Patriots had allegedly tried it against New Orleans, whose defensive coordinator is… Rob Ryan. Oh brother.
–
Regarding the Obamacare website and the idea that it would be up and running without bugs on schedule: these folks may know how to reform healthcare, but they sure don’t know software engineers.
–
Despite polls showing the voters overwhelmingly blaming the GOP for the government shutdown, Ted Cruz said he’ll try to do it again in January. At this rate the Texas senator stands to get a lot of donations – from Democrats.
–
Just proving that when it comes to crazy, your state may matter more than your political party. Democratic congressman Alan Grayson, who is white, sent a fundraising email which equated the Tea Party to the Ku Klux Klan, and had a burning cross for the letter “T.” Yes, he’s from Florida.
–
Truth from Jim Barach: A poll says that nearly half of all Americans say that everyone in Congress should be replaced. All that needs to happen is for those people to tell that to the quarter of Americans who actually vote in congressional elections.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Kanye West jokes, Kanye West proposal jokes, Kardashian jokes, marijuana jokes, NFL jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 5 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 