Posted tagged ‘Kanye West proposal jokes’

World not so Serious?

October 23, 2013

If the Boston Red Sox win the World Series will their MVP turn out to be the most famous beard since Katie Holmes?

 

Are the Cardinals trying to vie with the SF 49ers this week in appealing to British fans who normally follow soccer? This might explain the “no hands” defense.

#SFGiants in the news: Team re-signs Lincecum and Kanye proposes to Kim at A T & T. Wonder which relationship will last longer.

The World Series is supposed to be the best two teams in baseball playing each other? Tonight looks more like the baseball equivalent of one of those great SEC-cupcake matchups.

And somewhere scattered across the U.S. Pirates and Dodgers players watched WS game 1, and thought “How the bleep did we lose to these guys?”

Many Americans profess complete disinterest in the christening of Prince George, because they can’t imagine caring about someone who will only rule due to an accident of birth. They’d much prefer to speculate over whether Jeb Bush might run in 2016 against Hillary Clinton.

The SF Giants aren’t saying exactly how much Kanye West paid to rent A T and T Park for his proposal. I’m just wondering, how many celebrity proposals and weddings will it take to pay for a power hitting left fielder?

The NBA owners has decided to change their playoff Finals format from 2-3-2 to 2-2-1-1-1, with an extra day off between Games 6 and 7. Another small step on the way to making the Finals “The Summer Classic.”

The Cleveland Browns are the latest NFL team to bench their starting QB for poor performance. And several others are barely hanging on. Starting to think maybe God really wants to see the return of Tim Tebow.

You can’t make this “stuff” up dept: Three elementary children were treated for minor injuries sustained during a school safety demonstration in Southern California – the injuries apparently resulted from a panic when a police officer’s gun discharged.

McDonald’s is rebranding ther “Dollar Menu” to the “Dollar Menu & More” items at $1, $2 and up to $5. Guess the chain is hoping Americans are as good at math as they are at making healthy food choices.

Oops. A University of Iowa math T.A.meant to email students some math problem answers, but instead accidentally sent nude photos of herself and her boyfriend. Once again prompting millions of men to ask “where were these teachers when I was in college?”

From Gary M.  “Apparently Kanye West proposed to Kim Kardashian Monday night at A T and T Park.  One of the few ‘locals’ to score at AT&T this year.

Doh – ritos

October 22, 2013

A new Gallup poll says 58% of Americans now support legalizing marijuana, the highest percentage ever. And no doubt that doesn’t count another 5-10% who responded, “uh, sure, maybe, I don’t know, what was that question again, man?

n an effort to combat drug-trafficking, Uruguay will start selling legal marijuana for $1 a gram. In related news, expect travel agents soon to report a huge surge in vacation requests for Montevideo.

Why punctuation and careful typing matters, sports version. A fan purchased a World Series ticket on Stubhub for $3.00 (plus a $3 service fee). After the seller apparently left out a comma and/or a couple zeros.

Temperatures in Boston are supposed to dip down to near freezing Wednesday night for the opening of the World Series. Guess that’s why they call it the “Winter Classic.”

The NFL continues their Europe marketing plan with SF-Jacksonsville in London this weekend. And the Brits are thinking “Okay, thanks for sending the 49ers over, don’t we get a second professional team?”

Apparently Kanye West proposed to Kim Kardashian Monday night at A T and T Park. So SF fans, yes, the park has finally seen something scarier than the 2013 Giants’ hitting with runners in scoring position….

(alternate punchline “scarier than Brian Wilson in a Dodgers uniform.”    Other suggestions encouraged.)

Tim Lincecum signed a new contract with the SF Giants for two years, $35 million. Guess we know a reason why they were willing to take Kanye West’s money.

John McCain is thinking of running for re-election to the Senate in 2016, when he will be 80. And Hillary Clinton is thrilled- McCain will make her look young and vigorous!

Why men should not do wedding planning. A British groom was sentenced to a year in jail after he admitted to calling in a bomb hoax for St. George’s Hall in Liverpool. He was trying to cover up the fact he had forgotten to book the hall for his own wedding…..

Apparently the NY Jets knew the Patriots might try the illegal pushing play during field goals, and alerted the refs to watch for it. And the Sunday before, the Patriots had allegedly tried it against New Orleans, whose defensive coordinator is… Rob Ryan. Oh brother.

Regarding the Obamacare website and the idea that it would be up and running without bugs on schedule: these folks may know how to reform healthcare, but they sure don’t know software engineers.

Despite polls showing the voters overwhelmingly blaming the GOP for the government shutdown, Ted Cruz said he’ll try to do it again in January. At this rate the Texas senator stands to get a lot of donations – from Democrats.

Just proving that when it comes to crazy, your state may matter more than your political party. Democratic congressman Alan Grayson, who is white, sent a fundraising email which equated the Tea Party to the Ku Klux Klan, and had a burning cross for the letter “T.” Yes, he’s from Florida.

Truth from Jim Barach:  A poll says that nearly half of all Americans say that everyone in Congress should be replaced. All that needs to happen is for those people to tell that to the quarter of Americans who actually vote in congressional elections.