Posted tagged ‘Eagles jokes’

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Bowl’ed over

February 4, 2018

Happy Super Bowl Sunday.  Along with 4/20 the favorite American day for the makers of Doritos.

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Best Super Bowl commercial should remind millennials. or inform them if they haven’t seen it,  that #DirtyDancing was one of best movies of all time.

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Dodge Ram Super Bowl commercials makes many of us long for the simpler days when Martin Luther King, Jr, was only used on his birthday to sell mattresses.

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On the bright side, kids in Africa are going to be getting some really good looking “Patriots Super Bowl 52” champions t-shirts

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Happiest people not in Philadelphia right now are those who bet the over.

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But how much would you have gotten on the prop bet in Vegas on two missed PATs in the first half?

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Meanwhile, the Patriots are already the favorites to win Super Bowl 53 at 9-2.    While the Bears, Jets, and Browns are 100-1.

Wonder what the odds are on the Browns winning a game?

 

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But when did the Super Bowl turn into arena football?

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Drew Brees apparently sent Nick Foles good luck wishes before the game. Did Saints coach Sean Payton send the Eagles that trick TD play?

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So which comes first, #Eagles saying they don’t want to visit White House or Trump saying he wouldn’t have invited them anyway?

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In Philadelphia cops put hydraulic fluid on poles to prevent climbing after #SuperBowl Really? And they took  away all those potential Darwin Award winners & organ donors?

 

February 2012 – Gisele Bundchen “My husband cannot fucking throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time.” Unfortunately for her & Patriots, Nick Foles CAN. #SuperBowl

 

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First  Super Bowl with winning TD from an Arizona Quarterback, Nick Foles, to a Stanford tight end, Zack Ertz.   So who needs a stinkin’ bowl game win?  #pac12pride

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Super Bowl 52 is over.    The Super Bowl 53 pre-game show starts tomorrow.

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SNL skit had Trump getting his daily intelligence briefing from “Fox & Friends.” White House may sue NBC for giving away state secrets.

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The mighty, fallen and almost fallen.

November 4, 2013

After today’s Nick Foles performance, Michael Vick has to be very glad the NFL doesn’t treat QB’s who no longer are top dog, the way he used to treat his pit bulls who were no longer top dog….

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Cowboys, at home, barely escape a 1-6 Vikings team. Going to go out on a limb here and say the 2014 Super Bowl winner is not going to come from the NFC East.

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Good thing the NFL doesn’t use strength of schedule in playoff seeding. Because a come-from-behind win at home against a winless team probably wouldn’t have earned the Seattle Seahawks any computer ranking points.

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You do think editors could have safely gone to bed last night having already posted the headline “Kenyans win NYC Marathon.”

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A 7 year-old Virginia boy wore a KKK costume for Halloween. His mom actually made the costume for him, said he understood the risk of wearing it, and that it’s a “family tradition.” What’s scarier, that these people breed, or that they can vote?

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Former Speaker of the House Jim Wright, 90, was denied a voter ID card because he only had a TCU faculty ID and an expired driver’s license. Sounds like the new Texas law is doing exactly what it’s supposed to be doing, making it harder for Democrats to vote.

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As Sarah Palin continues to make headlines, it’s enough to make you long for the days of comparative oblivion of failed running mates like Lloyd Bentsen and even by comparison Joe Lieberman and John Edwards.

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Embattled Toronto mayor Rob Ford, seen on video apparently smoking crack, now is apologizing for being “hammered” in public. And Bill Clinton is thinking, “I got harassed for my definition of what ‘is’ is?”

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So the alleged LAX shooter, a young man who was apparently anti-government, is getting the best free government medical care now, and will have healthcare in prison for the rest of his life….

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Charlie Crist, the former Republican Governor of Florida, will on Monday formally announce his candidacy to run again for the job. As a Democrat. Some criticize him leaving the GOP. But thinking, Crist, a moderate, has to feel the GOP left him.

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From Gary Bachman  “Justin Bieber was allegedly seen sneaking out of a brothel in Brazil. With all the money Bieber makes, why would he feel the need to sell his body.”

 

Mitt Romney is now saying “They don’t come better than Chris Christie.”  Well, except Paul Ryan and all the others I put in front of Christie on my short list for a running mate.

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Mitt Romney left Ted Cruz off his list of electable Republicans in 2016. Well, if anyone knows about unelectable….

 

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Okay, creative readers,  this should be fun. Apparently Mitt Romney and his campaign internally referred to Chris Christie as “pufferfish.” Any guesses as to what nickname Christie might have for Romney?

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Rough night

October 5, 2011

For comedy writers. The Yankees avoided choking and Chris Christie announced he will not run for President.

But ever onward.

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Watching the Yankees win big is like watching Microsoft put another moderately funded start-up out of business.

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This afternoon the Tampa Bay Rays became the first team eliminated with the baseball playoffs. When asked their reaction, most sports fans in Tampa responded “We have a baseball team?”

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MLB fined St. Louis manager Tony La Russa for complaining on television about “two different strike zones” in Sunday’s game. But Yankees manager Joe Girardi also complained publicly about the strike zone for Sabathia last night. Well, not sure about two different strike zones, but where the Yankees are concerned MLB has two different rule books.

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New drugs for PTSD have the effect in some cases of wiping out memories. Although some scientists worry that such medications could also change people’s biographies and thus identities. Of course, there is a way for some men to take the drugs and still have total recall with details available – it’s called a wife.

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Note for women who are hoping to get a new iPhone 5 or 4s for Christmas. Most of the guys who will be first in line to get one are single.

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A Michigan high school girl , Brianna Amat, was named homecoming queen, and then that same evening went out and kicked the winning field goal for her school. She was immediately offered a tryout with the Philadelphia Eagles.

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So the NBA has now cancelled the pre-season, and is threatening to cancel the regular season. Which means that fans of professional basketball will be stuck watching John Calipari coach at Kentucky.

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Ralph Nader spoke at UC Berkeley today saying major universities should eliminate athletic scholarships or risk losing their “academic luster.” Of course, in the SEC their idea of “academic luster” means shiny bowl championship rings.
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Hank Williams Jr. is apologizing for comparing President Obama to Hitler. But the singer’s’ views are so conservative, you have to wonder, was he apologizing to fans of Obama or fans of Hitler?

Now for the anti-Hank Williams Jr.: Garth Brooks’ lyrics to “We shall be free: “When the last thing we notice is the color of skin. And the first thing we look for is the beauty within. When the skies and the oceans are clean again. We shall be free.” “When we’re free to love anyone we choose. When this world’s big enough for all different views…. We shall be free.” (Google the whole song if you like country music at all.)

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Today, October 4, United Airlines sent out a message to their frequent fliers saying that it was “Time to book Thanksgiving travel.” Although of course discount fares for peak days were sold out a couple months ago. Means their marketing department is as on time as many of their planes.

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Chris Christie says “Now is not my time.” And says unequivocally that he will not run for President in 2012. This might be the strongest sign yet that despite his poll numbers, Barack Obama is poised to win re-election.

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The Almighty works in strange and magical ways. LSU QB Jordan Jefferson, speaking out for the first time since his suspension said “God puts people in certain situations. I don’t regret anything. Everything happened for a reason. I’ve learned a lot from this.” Hmm, missed the part in the Bible where God puts people in bar fights.

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From Bill Littlejohn: A video is making the rounds in which a Cowboys fan and his son take three attempts to burn a Tony Romo jersey.In the wake of this, Cleveland Cavaliers fans have announced an instructional video”

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Monday mourning quarterbacking….

October 3, 2011

The Eagles blew a big second half lead against the 49ers, the Phillies blew a 4-0 lead against the Cardinals. Well, at least for one day no one can say that Philadelphia fans didn’t have plenty to boo about.

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Lions 34-Cowboys 30, Tigers 5-Yankees 3. Best day for Detroit in recent memory not involving a government bailout.

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And let’s see, the Lions won, the Tigers won, and Michael Vick lost. Not a bad afternoon for the cat lobby.

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Song for Monday on Philadelphia radio “Cry like an Eagle?”

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From Gary. M. “With the stock market on a continuous death drop, I’ve renamed my retirement fund the Boston Dead Stocks.”

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But who says there’s no bi-partisan agreement in this country? Lions 34, Cowboys 30. My guess is that in 49 of 50 states, people are reacting to this news with smirks, smiles or outright laughter. (And maybe in Austin too.)

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For SF Giants fans going through Brian Wilson “torture” withdrawal, may I suggest watching a replay of the Tigers’ Jose Valverde’s ninth inning performance against the Yankees. All that was missing was the beard.

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Dick Cheney said Sunday “I think the decision that’s been made with respect to allowing gays to serve openly in the military is a good one.” Well, good for him. Shame considering that Cheney feels this way about “DADT” that he was never in a position of power with the ability to do something about it.

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John McCain says he “admires” N.J. Governor Chris Christie, but as far as entering the Presidential race, he warned that “the swimming pool looks a lot better until you jump right in.” Translation, just wait they remember you support civil unions, have been at times supportive of illegal immigrants, and actually believe in science.

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Interesting, WordPress advises bloggers what terms people who found your blog were searching for. The number one, two and three searches Sunday all related to the Red Sox choking. Well, Red Sox fans, maybe next week we can add “Yankees choke jokes” to the list.

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Interesting also watching the Tigers-Yankees on TNT Sunday. Many fans, including SF Giants fans believe the national media is prejudiced against their team. Beginning to think it’s actually quite simple, the media is prejudiced against anyone who isn’t the Yankees.

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Actual serious comment for a change:

Barack Obama at the Human Rights Campaign Dinner: “We don’t believe in being silent when an American soldier is booed… You want to be commander in chief? You can start by standing up for the men and women who wear the uniform of the United States, even when it’s not politically convenient.” Nice to see lately that the President seems to have rediscovered his cajones

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