Posted tagged ‘Person of the Year jokes’

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Are you there, God? It’s me RG.

December 11, 2013

The “sense of perspective” award for the day goes to #RGIII, who said of his benching: “It’s a tough time, and God’s testing me.”

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The Giants are reportedly considering a long term contract with Pablo Sandoval based on him losing weight. Maybe it will become a thing in SF – their top sluggers not ending their careers at the same size they started out.

 

Inspired by my friend Jeff Klein. So what will Fox News and Rush Limbaugh make of it when President Obama shakes hands with that “Marxist” “Person of the Year” Pope Francis?

 

Florida prosecutors just announce they will not file domestic violence charges against George Zimmerman after his girlfriend submitted an affidavit from Samantha Scheibe saying she did not want “my boyfriend” charged. Is it too soon to start a pool on the date of George’s next arrest?

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Pope Francis is Time’s “Person of the Year.” What’s more surprising? That he’s made the Papacy relevant? Or that Time is still around?

 

 

Interesting sidebar to the whole Obama-Castro handshake brouhaha. In 2012, the UN voted on a resolution to end the Cuban Embargo. The vote was 188 in favour to 3 against (United States, Israel, Palau) with 2 abstentions (Marshall Islands, the Federated States of Micronesia).

 

No more Sriracha can be shipped until next month because the California Dept. of Public Health is now enforcing stricter guidelines that require a 30-day hold on the product. Uh, as if any bacteria could survive a bath in the hot sauce….

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The lawyer for #JameisWinston‘s accuser is apparently going to hold a press conference Friday. Guessing not a #Heisman pep rally?

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NCAA President Mark Emmert said schools are still against the idea of “pay-for-play” for athletes: “There’s certainly no interest in turning college sports into the professional or semi-professional.” And Emmert said it with a straight face.

 

And follow up from last night.  As of tonight, Texas football coach Mack Brown is still leaving. But stay tuned.

 

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If it’s really about being the most valuable to your team, this year’s #NFL MVP alas should probably be Aaron Rodgers.

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At Fenway Park they have constructed a 20-ft high sledding and tubing ramp called “Monster Sled”, with five separate paths. Sounds like fun. But actually wouldn’t this make more sense at Wrigley? Because who better than the Cubs for
cold play with steep dropoffs

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From Bill Littlejohn:  At the end of one play on Sunday, Cardinal DT Darnell Dockett deliberately stomped on the hand of Rams OT Chris Williams   .Later, Darnell  reportedly told a sportswriter, ‘So, Suh me'”

 

And the “aww” story of the day. In the U.S. passengers might just have asked for their plane to be on time:  http://www.sfgate.com/technology/businessinsider/article/An-Airline-And-Santa-Claus-Gave-These-Passengers-5054800.php

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Smarter than the average bear?

December 11, 2012

In a recent survey, San Francisco was voted the second-smartest city in the U.S., finishing behind Boston. Well, except that folks from San Francisco are smart enough not to run losing campaigns for President.

 

Starbucks sold 5,000 limited-edition stainless steel gift cards for $450 each, which were loaded with just $400 in Starbucks credit. Now some of the cards are selling on EBay for over $1000. Because nothing says I like paying too much for fancy coffee like an overpriced gift card?

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The Colts, Seahawks,  and yes, even the Redskins have a good chance of all making the playoffs in 2012. So can we get rid of the rumor that rookie QB’s can’t lead an NFL team?

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Interesting, at this point it looks like Stanford will have more people attending the Rose Bowl than attending most of this year’s home games.

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Many Americans are wondering now who will be Time Magazine’s “Person of the Year.” Of course many in the younger generation are wondering “What’s ‘Time Magazine.’?”‘

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Some stories this morning trying to make a big deal out of the fact that Andrew Cuomo refused to endorse Hillary Clinton for President in 2016. Suppose it’s too much to ask that we at least not start the next campaign until after Obama’s second inauguration.

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So after Pete Carroll’s Seattle Seahawks demolished the Arizona Cardinals 58-0, wonder if Jim Harbaugh sent him a text asking “So what’s YOUR deal?”

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My friend Tony Alan Banks says “Many people are surprised by the success of the Seattle Seahawks. Not me, I watched as Pete Carroll coached professional football players here at USC.”

(but hey, isn’t it nice to see Pete can do as well with less highly paid talent?)

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A Santa in Toronto, Canada has been fired after told a 3 year old boy wearing a Maple Leafs hat that his team sucked. Presumably the man is now fielding several offers from stores on the North Side of Chicago.

(and moreover, this time Santa Claus was wrong. This year so far the Leafs do not suck.)

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The 37 year old Arizona man was a co-winner in the Nov. 28 Powerball lottery says he took the one-time payout of $192 million because of the potential upcoming fiscal cliff. Right. Now there’s someone who really has to worry about a tax increase.

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The Los Angeles Dodgers new ownership has now committed $650 million to players under contract. Forget “The Boys of Summer,” we’re now approaching “The Billionaire Boys Club.”

 

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Former Arkansas coach Bobby Petrino has now been hired at Western Kentucky. While NFL players are restricted from all sorts of things, wonder if Petrino will be the first coach to be banned from getting on a motorcycle. Or at least from riding with a passenger.

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Love and money.

December 16, 2010

 Mark Zuckerberg is Time’s 2010 Person of the Year for creating Facebook. Of course, with more and more people getting their news from social media, this means most Americans will hear about the award in a post, instead of reading the magazine.

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Senior citizens heard the Zuckerberg story and said “What’s Facebook?”

Young people heard the story and said “What’s a magazine?”

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Apparently Buckingham Palace has admitted that engagement pictures of Kate and William were slightly retouched before being released to the public.  This, however, is not a new practice.  Apparently when Charles and Camilla had their portrait done, especial attention was paid to Camilla’s mane.

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Carnival Cruise Line, which already cancelled two months of sailings to fix their damaged ship, the Carnival Splendor, announced Wednesday that they would cancel cruises for five more weeks into 2011, as repairs are taking longer than they thought. Which means the ship will be out of commission at least three months.  And you thought your mechanic kept your car in the shop too long.

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The University of Alaska at Fairbanks ranks 8th amongst U.S. colleges with the lowest graduation rates, with only 27 percent graduating. And Sarah Palin angrily responded “They’re not quitters, they’re fighters.” 

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My friend Jeff Klein recently heard a commercial for Hollywood Psychics. It said: We are not witches, gypsies, or pirates; we are you, just psychic.”  Well, that answers the question “Whatever became of Christine O’Donnell?

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The NCAA ruled Arizona State’s baseball team must vacate 44 of its wins from 2007. The team will also be banned from the 2011 postseason for multiple infractions under former head coach Pat Murphy, who “resigned” under pressure after the 2009 season. So what did Murphy think he was running at ASU? A football program?

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Mark Cuban, the flamboyant owner of the Dallas Mavericks, said he has a plan using his own money to entice college football teams into a playoff system instead of the BCS. So this would be a billionaire, fighting millionaires, over alleged amateur athletes, on behalf of the average sports fan. Is this a great country or what?

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Speaking of money, money, money, money, Cliff Lee is being lauded by many sports fans and media types for turning down the highest offer from the Yankees, and following his heart back to Philadelpha.   But, hey, folks, he DID sign for five year at $120 million. Not maybe exactly quite appropriate for a rousing chorus of “What I did for love.”

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Listening to Cliff Lee say it wasn’t about money, but he wanted to go to the team with the best chance of winning a championship. Yo, Cliff, I’m sure the SF Giants would have given you a few million to be their fifth starter.

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