Author Archive

« Left Coast Sports Babe home page
« Older Entries
Newer Entries »

Hits by pitch?

October 12, 2015

Scoring 13 runs against the team that took out your starting shortstop really IS the best revenge.

–

Some of these MLB  Postseason‬ games are beginning to resemble those Little League games where teams all run out of pitching. ‪

–

So since MLB would not hear his appeal today, Chase Utley could have played tonight. Which might have brought a whole new audience to NLDS game 3, including those who felt gypped on Mayweather-Pacquiao.

–

Ouch, a 6-2 lead with 2 innings to go in a series clinching game. The 2015 ‪#‎Astros‬ are getting sympathy messages from 2002 ‪#‎SFGiants‬ ‪#‎ALDS‬

–

Donald Trump thinks Tuesday’s Democratic debate won’t be very well-rated because he isn’t in it, and “and people are gonna get bored and turn it off.”
Well, he is probably right. Because most Americans aren’t really ready to pay attention to the Presidential election. But we always love watching a good train wreck.

–

Gennifer Flowers is back, saying she has things in a safety deposit box to ensure her “safety, and that Bill’s infidelity “should come back up with the circumstances, with Hillary running. It should come back to the forefront again.”
Translation, someone might actually pay me money to talk again.

–

A day after USC ordered their coach to take a leave of absence,and AD Pat Haden says “it was very clear to me that he is not healthy,” the Trojans have fired Steve Sarkasian. That stampeding sound you hear is from a whole lot of rushing Los Angeles employment lawyers.

–

My friend Alex Kaseberg’s take on Sarkisian’s original leave of absence for “ an undisclosed condition.  ” I can disclose the condition: losing.”

In all seriousness, if USC had started 5-0 does anyone doubt that Sarkisian would not only still have a job, he’d be able to have a flask attached to his headset?

–

Texas Gov. Greg Abbott sent out a tweet today “congratulations to the @astros for advancing to the ALCS. Looking for an all-Texas ‪#‎ALCS‬. Looking at you @Rangers.” And somewhere W. and Rick Perry are thinking “And we’re supposed to be the stupid ones?”

–

An Alaska Airlines flight had to make an emergency landing today when a credit card reader on board caught fire. So how many snack boxes and drinks were they selling to get it that overheated?

–

Minnesota dentist Walter Palmer Minnesota will apparently not be charged for the shooting of Cecil the lion in Zimbabwe. Know Palmer paid $50,000 for the original hunting permit, wonder how much he paid for the verdict.

–

These days it’s harder to figure out what channel the playoff games are on than to explain the infield fly rule. ‪#‎MLBPostseason‬ ‪#‎ALDS‬ ‪#‎NLDS‬

–

Florida QB Will Grier has thrown for 10 TDs and 1,204 yards for the Gators. Today he was suspended for PED’s. Well, on the bright side, at least Grier may have proven he’s NFL ready.
–

.

In San Antonio, Texas, a husband fatally shot his wife last weekend in their house. He claims he mistook her in the middle of the night for an intruder. ‪#‎ifonlyshewasarmed‬

–

Apparently Pepsi is launching a new cellphone. Presume the phone won’t lose power, it will just go flat?

Some Democrats are looking forward to the first debate because “Democrats will finally be in the headlines.” Right, just below the headline of whatever insane thing Trump or Carson or Fiorina says tomorrow.

–

South Carolina coach Steve Spurrier said he is retiring effectively immediately. Now before the season Spurrier said “We were 11-2 and ranked fourth in the country this time a year ago, and nobody said a damn word. Now a year later I’m suddenly too old..” Amazing how much a 2-4 start will make a man feel his age.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Slip, sliding away

October 11, 2015

Give Chase Utley‬ credit, during the middle of football season he got a whole lot of U.S. sports fans talking about baseball ‪

–

Chase Utley suspended for two games. Might be safer than if Don Mattingly had dared to put him at Citifield in New York anyway  ‪

–

How much more perfect could it be if the NLDS series hero turns out to be Wilmer Flores? ‪

–

Not surprisingly, Mets fans tend to think Utley’s slide was dirty, Dodgers fans tend to think it was just good hard baseball.  So assume if Mets player injures Dodgers 2nd baseman Howie Kendrick with an Utley-like slide in game 3, LA will have no problem with it?

–

The ‪#‎Saints‬ may be interested in signing Chase Utley for defense. ‪#‎bettertackling‬

–

Houston ‪#‎Astros‬ were the lowest seeded team into the 2015 ‪#‎MLBPlayoffs‬. Lowest team in 2014? ‪#‎SFGiants‬

–

USC has apparently told coach Steve Sarkisian to take a leave of absence. Sort of like much of the Trojans football team has been doing all season?

–

Oregon’s football team has THREE losses? For some players it’s the first time they’ve had to count that high.

–

But okay, the Ducks might not even be the most disappointing football team in the Northwest  #SeattleSeahawks.

Apparently an increasing number of Canadians want to build a wall to keep Americans out. Maybe this is Trump’s grand plan. Not to win the presidency but to get the building contract.

–

Governor Jerry Brown signed a bill saying California schools will no longer be allowed to use “Redskins” as a mascot or team name. Professional teams aren’t mentioned, but, at least this won’t be an issue during the 2016 Super Bowl in Santa Clara.

–

A man was shot and seriously injured tonight in Arlington, TX, in a parking lot shared by the Rangers and Cowboys. A suspect is in custody with no further details. But just guessing he’s not one of those wacky Blue Jays fans.

–

Trump clearly is tired of Ben Carson getting all the headlines, saying today 200,000 Syrian migrants coming into the US “‘could make the Trojan horse look like peanuts if these people turned out to be a lot of ISIS”

–

President Obama said that John Boehner’s departure could worsen Congressional gridlock. You mean it’s possible to go slower than a dead stop?

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 5 Comments

Down and out?

October 11, 2015

So @MLB may let Chase Utley get away with that slide but @NFL may be fining him. ‪#‎Mets‬ ‪#‎Dodgers‬

–

Kelby Tomlinson was enough to make me glad ‪#‎SFGiants‬ didn’t sign Utley. Maybe now ‪#‎49ers‬ wish they had pursued him.

.

As if SF Giants fans didn’t have enough reason to hate Dodgers, Chase Utley in 2015 does to Tejada what Matt Holliday did to Scutaro in 2012. Time for karma to get in mean bitch mode.

Pedro Martinez said last week that the Mets need to keep Matt Harvey, due to his elbow issues, under five innings “no matter what the situation.” Hmm, thinking it could be real interesting if Utley comes up against Harvey in the fifth on Monday.

–

Just saying, Zack Greinke, neither of those home runs you gave up would have been out at AT&T Park. If you’re thinking of a change of scenery ‪#‎SFGiants‬

–

St Louis pitcher Jaime Garcia left after the 2nd inning with a stomach virus. Bet he wasn’t half as sick as Cardinals fans watching their team give up FIVE unearned runs in that inning.

–

As if anyone had doubts, Michigan’s Jim Harbaugh may not be an easy person to deal with, but,he is a damn good football coach ‪ (but hey, the 49ers don’t miss him at all, right?)

–

This is a rare “awww” story from the world of college football. After devastating floods, the University of South Carolina moved their game against LSU from Columbia to Baton Rouge, where LSU will give SC the revenue from tickets and concessions. And since the Gamecocks’ band can’t come, the Tigers’ marching band decided to learn South Carolina’s alma mater and fight song and played both at the game.

Aww part two, LSU Heisman hopeful Leonard Fournette said after the game that he would auction off his jersey for South Carolina flood relief. (his family lived on a bridge for several days after Katrina)
–
The RNC is criticizing Obama’s latest visit to California saying “the latest swing through the Golden State proves once again that President Obama only cares about causing traffic jams for fundraising for the failed Democrat agenda.” Right, the President should be like Chris Christie and only cause traffic jams for political revenge.
 –
Cal Ripken Jr. acknowledged he might be interested in managing the Washington Nationals. Because he always dreamed as a little boy of growing up and joining the circus?

–

In New Jersey, a burglar who accidentally butt-dialed 911 and ended up telling police his plans has pleaded guilty. He was given a plea deal of a minimum of 5 years, with presumably then being paroled to Florida?

–

Cal QB Jared Goff has been projected as a 1st round, maybe top ten draft pick. Maybe Saturday night he was trying a bit too hard to show he could be the next Colin Kaepernick..  (five interceptions.)

–

Two people (at least) have apparently been fatally shot this past week with a gun stolen from an unlocked car in San Francisco. The woman who was shot and killed in July on an SF pier allegedly by an illegal immigrant was also killed with a gun left in a car. Not keeping a dangerous dog safely secured is a crime. Can we at least talk about laws requiring gun owners to take care of their weapons?

–

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: 2 Comments

Not quite all wet.

October 9, 2015

General Motors is telling owners of some SUVs not to use their windshield wipers because an electrical short could cause the motor to catch fire. ‘Scary” said most Americans. “What are windshield wipers?” said Californians?”

It’s only the first week of the postseason, and I am so over playoff beards. ‪#‎MLBPostseason‬

–

Shocked at how many empty seats there were in 5th inning at ‪#‎Dodgers‬ Stadium. Were fans late for the 3rd or early for the 7th?

–

Bob Costas today during extra innings of the Rangers Blue Jays game “I’m hearing the rumor that Albert Belle may be going all Kirk Gibson on us.”– (Belle retired in 2000, so he meant injured Texas slugger Adrian Beltre)
To be fair, maybe seeing LaTroy Hawkins on the mound was giving Costas flashbacks.

–

Not true that ‪#‎LaTroyHawkins‬ was in majors the last time ‪#‎BlueJays‬ were in playoffs. (1993). But he was pitching for ‪#‎Twins‬ single A team.

–

Add Johnny ‪#‎Cueto‬ to the list of pitchers ‪#‎SFGiants‬ are now glad they didn’t give away the farm to get at the trade deadline ‪#‎HOUvsKC‬

–

MLB Commissioner Rob Manfred said yesterday it’s “not appropriate” to enforce pace-of-play rules as strictly during the playoffs. Well, of course, longer games mean more commercials. ‪#‎followthemoney‬

–

Ted Cruz just said that Trump won’t be the GOP nominee, and that he will pick up most of the Donald’s voters. So Cruz vs. Trump. Get some popcorn and pull up a chair, this could be fun.

–

Donald Trump today says Bowe Bergdahl should have been executed. Hey, can someone ask Trump about draft dodgers?

–

Texas Governor Greg Abbott signed a “campus carry” bill in June. “In general, what we’ve seen in the states that have campus carry, there haven’t been any problems on those campuses. I think that the way the Legislature worked this out [that] we will see that campus carry in the state of Texas will also pose no more problems.”

Three shootings on Texas campuses since then. Maybe he meant problems with overcrowding?

–

Many gun rights advocates say the Oregon shootings would not have happened if students were armed. Last night there was a fight between two groups of students near a fraternity dorm at Northern Arizona University.. An 18 year old freshman pulled out a gun, 1 student is dead, 3 injured. ‪#‎howmanymore‬ ‪#‎ifonlytheywereALLarmed‬

–

Not that I expect any privacy on the internet. But sometimes these targeted ad algorithms need work. As in I just have gotten a few ads for “California’s largest hunting and fishing stores” with all kinds of guns on sale. ‪#‎notthatkindofagal‬

–

The California Coastal Commission has banned SeaWorld from breeding killer whales in captivity. So what’s next,”Abstinence Only” sex education for orcas?

Chris Christie says of President Obama that he “should do all of us a favor [and] start building his library now and leave office early.” And a lot of New Jersey residents are thinking ‘Can you show him the way?”

–

A UCLA walk-on punter was arrested on suspicion of rape today, the 2nd Bruins player to be arrested this year, (the first was arrested for allegedly stealing a cellphone, although prosecutors decided not to press charges.)

Maybe UCLA is trying just a little too hard to prove they can compete with SEC and ACC teams?

–

John Kasich at a New Hampshire event asked those in the audience if it would both them if their future benefit were a little lower for the good of the country. When one person said it would be a problem Kasich replied “Well, you’d get over it, and you’re going to have to get over it.”
As my friend Michael Schibly says, “Keep them talking.”

–

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Home cooked?

October 8, 2015

What home field advantage? ‪#‎MLBPostseason‬

–

A pro-White Sox bar in Chicago is offering free beer after every St. Louis Cardinals home run against the Cubs. Okay, I see a potential promotion for San Francisco area bars for the Mets-Dodgers series.

–

Best wishes to Vin Scully. Los Angeles just announced that their 88-year-old announcer will miss the postseason after undergoing a “recommended medical procedure.” And SFGiants fans hope Dodgers have plenty of time starting next week to visit Vin in the hospital.

–

Some complain baseball doesn’t have a national TV audience anymore. One reason that most Americans aren’t familiar with any but their local teams and a handful of big name teams. So now in the playoffs, MLB has a chance to introduce us to the Blue Jays and Rangers. And they put ALDS games 1 and 2 on weekday at 330p and 1245p EST…..

–

Strangely fun to see orange in the postseason, even if it’s not Giants Orange. ‪#‎SFGiants‬.

–

The Cowboys’ Greg Hardy, about his impending return from a suspension for domestic violence “”I hope I come out guns blazing,”
(Hardy was actually convicted of the 2014 assault but had his case dismissed on appeal when Nicole Holder didn’t show up He had thrown her on a pile of guns, bragged they were loaded and threatened to kill her with one of them.) ‪#‎stayclassy‬

–

And maybe all you need to know about Roger Goodell and today’s NFL is that Goodell is pushing hard to make sure Tom Brady gets that full four-game suspension that matches Hardy’s.  (And I don’t even like the Patriots or Saint Brady)  #Priorities.

–

A video is going viral of the Pirates’ Sean Rodriguez attacking a water cooler during yesterday’s Wild Card game. Pity Pittsburgh batters didn’t hit Arrieta as hard as Rodriguez hit the cooler.

–

A frat at Indiana University has been suspended over a possible sexual assault, after they posted a video of the incident on Twitter. Not that we always didn’t have ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬, but social media has certainly expanded stupid’s reach.

–

Chris Burns, an assistant coach at Bryant University, is making headlines as the first Division 1 basketball coach to come out of the closet. Uh, that was Sheri Murrell at Portland State. But good for him, each announcement makes the next one a little less of a story. And maybe someday being gay in sports won’t be a story at all. ‪#‎wecandream‬

Kevin McCarthy has just withdrawn from the House Speaker’s race. Proving again that old adage “Better to keep silent and be thought a fool, than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

–

Injured Junior Bruins’ LB Myles Jack says he is dropping out UCLA and entering the 2016 NFL draft because he wants “compensation for what I have done.” Well, clearly Jack should have gone to USC.

–

An 22 year old man called 911 to report that he was “too high on weed” and “could not feel his hands.” Police found him laying on the floor surrounded by “a plethora of Doritos, Pepperidge Farm Goldfish and Chips Ahoy cookies.”

This story is from Ohio. Your move, Florida.

–

Volkswagen’s CEO, testifying before Congress, said it may take years to fix all the rigged cars. And it will take even longer to fix the company’s reputation.

–

USC coach Steve Sarkisian said late August he was going to rehab. The way Trojans have played the last two games at home you’d think Sarkisian wants most USC fans to need to join him.

–

Proving that it’s possible to do brain surgery without a working brain: Today’s gem from Ben Carson ” I have had a gun held on me when I was in a Popeyes [in Baltimore]. … A guy comes in, puts the gun in my ribs, and I just said, “I believe that you want the guy behind the counter.” … He said, “Oh, okay.” ‪#‎realAmericanhero‬ ‪#‎yeshesaidit‬

If this keeps up no telling what Trump will have to do to grab the headlines back. Later today on CNN Ben Carson said the holocaust would have been less likely had Jews been armed…. ‪#‎nottheOnion‬

–

–

From Bill Littlejohn:  “Four Russian missiles fired at targets in Syria instead landed in a remote part of Iran.So, you see, Colin Kaepernick, you are not alone.”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Walking the plank?

October 7, 2015

The 2015 98-win ‪#‎Pirates‬ are gone after 1 post-season game. The 1993 103-win ‪#‎Giants‬ would have liked 1 post-season game. ‪#‎Wildcard

–

‪For the second year in a row, the #‎Pirates‬ are out in post-season. But Pittsburgh is well on their way to becoming official MLB team of college basketball.  ‪#‎oneanddone‬

–

A new study found that Donald Trump supporters have the worst grammar on Facebook. And angry Trump fans are saying “Not true, my grammar is/was a great person, so is my grampa.”

–

Colin Kaepernick – “I don’t play for job security.” Good thing, as the 49ers QB isn’t playing like he’s going to have any.

–

A rainy June in Illinois wiped out a lot of this year’s U.S. pumpkin crop which may mean a canned pumpkin shortage by Thanksgiving. Stand by for Starbucks’ new “Zucchini Spice Latte.”

–

Sepp Blatter will reportedly be suspended for 90 days by FIFA’s ethics committee. Shocking. FIFA HAS an ethics committee?

–

The NFL is talking about playing some future games in Mexico. Talk about a way to undercut Trump’s allegations that criminals only come north across the border.

–

ESPN is reporting that NY Knicks coach Derek Fisher and Grizzlies forward Matt Barnes “were involved in an physical altercation” last weekend at the home of Barnes’ ex-wife. Who says the Knicks won’t make headlines this year?

–

The mother of the Oregon shooter is now saying when she was pregnant that she read “Trump’s Art of The Deal” to him as an unborn baby. Talk about a way to have a child start out thinking the world is an awful place.

–

Chuck E Cheese is going to expand their alcohol selection in order to appeal more to parents. Wonder how many drinks it will take before their food actually tastes like pizza?

–

Kevin McCarthy, backtracking on his comments implying that the Benghazi investigations in the House were a political weapon against Hillary Clinton: “I could have been more clear in my description of what was going forward.”
Uh, Rep. McCarthy. I think the problem was that you WERE crystal clear, and honest.

GOP House members today created a special committee on Wednesday to investigate Planned Parenthood. Could someone please ask Kevin McCarthy what the goals of the committee are?

–

Rupert Murdoch tweeted today in support of Ben Carson. “What about a real black President who can properly address the racial divide? And much else.” Assume Murdoch also considers Clarence Thomas a “real black” Supreme Court judge

-.

Ben Carson doubling down on his Oregon shooting comments: “I was chuckling at the silly reporters, at not being able to understand such a simple concept. If you know someone is going to kill you, and they’re going to systematically kill you one by one, why would you sit there and wait for them to do it?”
Can’t wait to hear someone ask him a question about rape.

–

Finally,  if you are reading this, guess the Rapture hasn’t happened yet. ‪#‎Doomsday‬

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

And then there were nine.

October 6, 2015

As pundits begin to opine on 2015 ‪#‎MLBPostseason‬, remember, there were 10 teams in the playoffs last year. The #10 seed was the ‪#‎SFGiants‬

–

The Yankees may be out of the playoffs, but they did accomplished something amazing this postseason: Got California sports fans rooting for a team from Texas. ‪#‎Astros‬ ‪

–

The Royals are good, the Blue Jays might be better. But today got to love this quote from when Astros’ GM Jeff Luhnow hired Stanford grad A.J. Hinch to manage the team, on Sept 29, 2014 “I think A.J. is going to be the manager that’s going to be here when we win the World Series.”

–

Jeff Passan tweeted “Yankees’ opening day payroll: $219,282,196, highest in the AL. Astros’ opening day payroll: $70,910,100, lowest in the AL.”

Well, hey, at least the Yankees will be able to afford those last minute October vacations.

–

DraftKings pulled its advertising from ESPN today after questions arose about possible insider trading at the company. Fantasy football could be fixed? It’s enough to make you long for the purity of pro wrestling.

–

I think I would have liked her. An 85 year old woman who passed away in NJ had the following obit in a local paper
“Devoted wife, mother, and grandmother, and lifelong Yankees fan Helen (Emanuel) Fowler, 85, passed away on Sept. 29, 2015, at the Chelsea in Fanwood, N.J. Mrs. Fowler was a former member of the Cranford First Aid Squad and a lifelong Yankees fan, with the exception of Alex Rodriguez.”

–

The NY Mets’ Matt Harvey, who talked about shutting it down this season to save his arm, today missed a mandatory team workout. Is Harvey trying to show he’s a big enough prima donna to compete with players in the NFL?

–

Many gun rights legislators like to point out that cars can be dangerous too. And then presuming they have insurance and a driver’s license, they get into their air-bag equipped cars, fasten their seat belts and drive the speed limit to vote against gun control.

–

“Community College of Philadelphia on lockdown after gun report.” Police have arrested a suspect and no one was actually shot this time. But this is getting to be way too much of a “fill-in-the-name-of-the-school” headline.

–

So I sometimes wonder, if natural disasters in Blue states are God’s wrath against immoral behavior, what are natural disasters in Red states? Thanks Michele Bachmann for clearing this up in a tweet today about the flooding in the South: “US turns its back on Israel, disasters following” ‪#‎NottheOnion‬

–

So can we rename referees in Seattle the 13th man? ‪#‎Seahawks ‬‪#‎Lions‬

–
In 2013, Senator Lindsey Graham voted against a federal bailout of NJ after Hurricane Sandy. So of course he would never dream of asking for federal emergency relief after Hurricane Joaquin hit South Carolina. Oops, wait….never mind. (He did say state officials would be “judicious” with the money. ‪#‎hypocrite‬)

Guess Ben Carson is bound and determined not to concede any of the crazy vote to Donald Trump. And he said it YESTERDAY. “I never saw a body with bullet holes that was more devastating than taking the right to arm ourselves away.”

–

Ben Carson now saying, had he been in Oregon, he would have attacked the shooter. And the rest of the GOP field would no doubt today be eulogizing him.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Washed away

October 5, 2015

Oops. With “biblical” flooding in South Carolina, NBC’s weatherman Al Roker has now apologized for tweeting a selfie with him and his crew standing besides a flooded car. Guess it’s not just teenage girls who smartphones can make stupid.

–

The Supreme Court today denied to hear San Jose’s claim that MLB has illegally blocked the A’s attempt to move to the South Bay. Maybe the city would have done better if they framed the case as an issue of religious freedom. ‪#‎ibelieveinthechurchofbaseball‬

–

The CEO of Alaska said the airline lost his checked bag. And over at United they’re thinking “”For the first time? Amateurs.”

–

Yankees pitcher C.C. Sabathia has checked himself into alcohol rehab. Shocking. Not that an athlete goes to rehab, but he does it without being arrested first.

–

After the Saints OT win yesterday, Texas governor Greg Abbott said the Cowboys’ defense was “more porous than the Texas border.” Surprised he didn’t blame Obama.

–

Well, we now have the answer to the question – How are the ‪#‎Lions‬ going to screw up their chance to win tonight? ‪#‎MNF‬ ‪#‎DETvsSEA‬

–

So in close games in the 4th quarter should referees at CenturyLink Field just go ahead & put ‪#‎Seahawks‬ logo on their uniforms? ‪#‎DETvsSEA‬

–

American Apparel has filed for bankruptcy. American Apparel is still in business?

–

In Tennessee last Saturday, an 11-year-old boy shot and killed an 8-year-old neighbor when the girl wouldn’t let him play with her puppy. ‪#‎Ifonlyshewerearmed‬

–

So just wondering ,how long until even atheists in SF start calling for ‪#‎Tebow‬? ‪#‎SF49ers‬

–

Louisville men’s basketball coach Rick Pitino, doubling down on his denials of being aware of a former director of basketball operations paying escorts to have sex with players and recruits – “Not myself, not one player, not one trainer, not one assistant, not one person knew anything about any of this. If anyone did, it would have been stopped on a dime. Not one person knew anything about it.”

Not ONE person? Again I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.

–

Edward Snowden now is telling the BBC that he’d “volunteered to go to prison with the government many times,” if he returns to the US but had not received a formal plea-deal offer. Guess it says something about life in Russia these days if an American jail is more appealing.

–

Last week it came out that the Libertarian candidate for Senate in Florida had sacrificed a goat, now he also admits that in a pagan ritual he drank its blood. Where are the defenders of religious freedom on this one?

–

From Marc Ragovin –  “After only four games, the Miami Dolphins have axed head coach Bill Philbin. I guess Philbin now sleeps with the fishes.”

–

And guest driving on the bus to hell, T.C.  “Who knew that CC Sabathia was really CC & Seven Sabathia?”

An American Airlines pilot died last night in the cockpit of a red-eye flight to Boston. You know you’re on the bus to hell when the first thing you think of is “Airplane” jokes.

–

Serious thought for a change:

Jerry Brown, a former Jesuit seminarian, signed a bill in California today to allow terminally ill people to end their lives. The Catholic church opposes the bill, and the Governor said did not know what he would do if he were dying and in pain.
“But,I am certain, however, that it would be a comfort to be able to consider the options afforded by this bill. And I wouldn’t deny that right to others.”

Sometimes I think it’s a real shame Moonbeam is too old to run for President.

Categories: airline jokes, As jokes, baseball jokes, cellphone jokes, pitino jokes, snowden jokes, Supreme court jokes, texas jokes
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

A farewell to arms

October 4, 2015

Giants left-handed reliever Jeremy Affeldt gave a great emotional retirement speech at AT&T Park today. And amazingly he didn’t injure himself doing it.

–

Ichiro Suzuki pitched an inning during the Marlins final game of 2015, a 7-2 loss to the Phillies. He faced 5 batters, and gave up one earned run. After the game, Philadelphia reportedly offered him a chance to try out for their bullpen.

 –

Another thought about that Philadelphia loss to Washington today: Help could be available – tanned, rested and ready – Tim Tebow.

–

The award for interesting sense of proportion for the day goes to the Bears’ Martellus Bennett, asked after Chicago’s first win “Is Jay Cutler too often criticized?” His response “They threw rocks at Jesus, & Jesus was an excellent guy who did a lot of awesome stuff.”caped up pretty hard for him after the game.”

–

Probably not their year, but the Saints are probably the happiest 1-3 team in the NFL tonight.
 –
If there’s a twisted silver lining to today’s game and 9th inning meltdown, at least ‪#‎SFGiants‬ fans didn’t have to watch it happen in a one-game postseason playoff

(Should have let ‪#‎Affeldt‬ close. ‪#SFGiants)

–

The Red Sox have let strength and conditioning coach Pat Sandora go after four seasons. Who says Pandas aren’t dangerous?

.-

Meanwhile the Redskins and Bears both won.  Hope this is not a sign of the apocalypse. ‪#‎IblameObama‬
–
In London, the Jets and Dolphins both had double-digit penalties, And Ndamukong Suh was caught on video today kicking Jets’ QB Ryan Fitzpatrick in the head. Is this part of the NFL’s mission to make Brits feel better about their soccer hooligans?
–
Clay Matthews taunted Colin Kaepernick: “You ain’t Russell Wilson, bro.” Well to be fair, so far this year, even Russell Wilson ain’t Russell Wilson.
–
#‎Stanford‬ and ‪#‎Michigan‬. “I’ll take two college football teams that look a lot better than we thought they were after the first week, Alex”
–

Jeb Bush’s Presidential campaign is going so badly, they are thinking of bringing his brother George W. to help. Some statements don’t even need a punchline. ‪#‎nottheOnion‬

 –

New Mexico Secretary of State Dianna K. Duran is now facing 65 corruption charges including identity theft. She allegedly used her election fund for many personal uses, including jewelry purchases and casino visits. As Secretary of State Duran oversees campaign finance reporting…. ‪#‎youcannotmakethisstuffup‬

–

Utah Rep.Jason Chaffetz has announced he would like to succeed House Speaker John Boehner. Chaffetz is mostly known now for going after Planned Parenthood President Cecile Richards in her testimony before Congress. Makes sense, to lead today’s GOP you’ve got to show you can “Get Tough on Women.”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 5 Comments

Breaking up isn’t that hard to do.

October 4, 2015

The Steelers have just signed Chris Boswell, their fourth placekicker of the season. These relationships are so short-lived that Taylor Swift may be writing songs about them

–

A downtown Orlando bar is giving away free beer during UCF (University of Central Florida) games until the Golden Knights actually win a football game. Of course there is a hidden cost… actually having to watch UCF football games.

–

Regarding that “free beer until a win” offer. Pretty sure that offer won’t be repeated on NFL Sundays in Chicago.

–

Four teams in college football’s top ten lost today, and the top two, Ohio State and Michigan State, barely on.  The last time so many of the highly ranked fell like this,  the GOP presidential debates were involved.

–

Some sentences can not possibly be topped with a punchline. “The chairman of Florida’s Libertarian Party has resigned in protest of the party’s candidate for U.S. Senate who he said dismembered a goat as part of a cult ritual.”
‪#‎Floridaforthewin‬

–

Taylor Swift gave a shout-out to the Blue Jays during her concert last night in Toronto. And no doubt Kanye West immediately posted that the Dodgers were better.

–

Okay, since the Oregon shooter apparently shot Christians in the head, some are already labeling the killings religious persecution. The same folks are conveniently forgetting the shooter also labeled himself a conservative Republican. ‪#‎hewasacrazyasshole‬. Period.

UCLA’s kicker just hit a 53 yard field goal as time expired in the first half. He immediately got a call from the Pittsburgh Steelers.

–

Mean bitch Karma apparently doesn’t like taunting. After the Longhorns’ latest drubbing this morning, the Texas Rangers tweeted “Fire Charlie. ‪#‎bye‬” (in reference to Texas coach Charlie Strong.)
And then the Rangers, who were about to clinch the division, blew a 4 run lead in the 9th to lose 11-10 to the Angels.

–

35 points scored in the 3rd quarter. 21 for the Cardinal, 14 for Wildcats. When did Stanford and Arizona start playing arena football?

–

Rough week for some fans in Texas. Bad news that SMU’s men’s basketball team has been put on probation. Worse news that the University of Texas’s football team wasn’t.

–

11-15 inches of rain this weekend in some East Coast states. And out in California they’re just sobbing.

–

On ESPN, Joey Galloway, a former Ohio State and NFL WR argued against a player sitting out the season to save his health for the draft, and compared it to telling someone not to drive a car because of the risk of an accident. But did say the danger with a car is “you’ve got women driving.”
Is it too late to check Galloway for concussions? ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

(and no, as a certified bus-to-hell substitute driver, it’s not the joke, or even being un-PC, it’s the being on a major network and cheerfully telling the un-PC joke in public.)

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Missed it by THAT much.

October 2, 2015

Now it looks like Hurricane Joaquin will miss the U.S. In New Jersey, residents who panicked and stocked up on a week’s worth of extra food have been advised they can just drop it off at the Governor’s office.

–

September was the first month in six years where no NFL player was arrested. But no doubt the league will be up to mid-season form shortly.

Mike Huckabee lashed out at Obama after the latest mass shooting for the President’s ‘ignorantly inflammatory’ plea for gun control. So I guess it’s not being “ignorantly inflammatory” after the gay marriage ruling to talk about the “criminalization of Christianity.”

–

The Pope apparently held a private meeting in the U.S. with a gay couple. Have to wonder, with an all-male priesthood, how often has Francis done that in Vatican City without even realizing it?

–

In Spain, Burger King has introduced “Whopper Wine.” Makes sense, enough wine and their Whoppers taste pretty good.

–

Friday night’s baseball game between the 69-90 Miami Marlins and the 62-97 Philadelphia Phillies has been postponed due to rain. “What a shame” said both fans who cared.

–

#‎NottheOnion‬. Jeb Bush on the Oregon shootings. “Look stuff happens, there’s always a crisis and the impulse is always to do something and it’s not always the right thing to do.”
Stuff happens? ‪#‎andhessupposedtobethesmartone‬?

–

Some Cubs fans have started a GoFundMe account to send Steve Bartman to the NL Wild Card game in Pittsburgh. The Pirates will no doubt make sure he has seats in the front row.:

–

Turns out two people who worked with Carly Fiorina at Hewlett Packard have donated to her Presidential campaign. That many?

–

An upcoming book apparently alleges that a former director of basketball operations at the University of Louisville paid an escort service to provide sex for Cardinals recruits. In related news, inquiries from prospective players to Louisville have skyrocketed.

–

Regarding this pay-for-sex scandal at Louisville with players and recruits. A lot of big time men’s college basketball programs are saying it would never happen at THEIR schools- because they have women who would sleep with the athletes for free.

Houston may not have clinched a post-season spot with tonight’s 21-3 win over Arizona. But this weekend they probably did outscore the Texans.

–

I know a lot of people don’t want to use the name of the Washington NFL football team because it’s offensive. The name I don’t intend to use because it’s offensive is that of the Oregon shooter. Why give him or any a**hole like him even posthumous publicity? ‪#‎forgethisname‬

Categories: Uncategorized

Comments: Be the first to comment

Not in our pool?

October 1, 2015

The Houston Astros control their own playoff destiny this weekend in Arizona. So what are the D’backs doing about it – putting a shark in the pool?

–

On a lighter note, former SF Giants catcher and current Dbacks announcer Bob Brenly apparently had a good time with a sorority group taking nonstop selfies at last night’s game -“Better angle—that’s the best out of the 300 I’ve taken today—welcome to parenting 2015—oh wait, let me take a selfie with the hot dog…” I miss Brenly.

–

Apple watches are so far under-performing the company’s expectations. Makes some sense, the demographic that is old enough to think they need to wear a watch, is too old to figure out how to use the damn Apple things.

–

A new study says that “phubbing – (phone snubbing) a significant other frequently can damage romantic relationships and increase depression. Wonder how many people told their partners this and got “Honey, what did you say? I was answering a text.”

–

Jeremy ‪#‎Affeldt‬ says he will retire at end of season’s end. Guess he wants to spend more time getting injured with his family ‪#‎SFGiants‬

–

Staples says that they are going to resist the trend of opening on Thanksgiving and will remained closed this year on the holiday. Good of them. But really, who wakes up in the morning and says “Ooh, let’s go shopping for office supplies”?

–

Five-star forward Wenyen Gabriel announced today he is committing to Kentucky for basketball. Good news for John Calipari. But can we stop referring to them as “recruiting classes.” Nothing about Calipari’s recruiting is about classes..

–

The NCAA found that guard Keith Frazier passed an online course to meet NCAA initial eligibility standards and be admitted to the university, but that an admin had logged in as him and completed all the work. Frazier told ESPN “I didn’t even know what was going on. I didn’t know she was doing that class for me.I wasn’t aware of that.”
He might be telling the truth – “You mean I had course work?”

–

John Boehner has started damage control after Kevin McCarthy intimated that the Benghazi hearings were politically motivated. And I’ll bet the speaker is gleefully thinking “30 more days, 30 more days…..”

–

Kentucky Governor Steve Beshear is describing county clerk Kim Davis’ reasons for not granting marriage licenses to gay couples as ‘absurd’ and ‘obtuse.: Wonder how many critics are complaining about Beshear using foreign words.

–

From Bill Littlejohn: “September was the NFL’s first no-arrest month in six years.Except for the 49ers Super Bowl chances going into cardiac arrest.”

–

The ‪#‎Oregon‬ shooter was a 20 something white male. Surprisingly, alas, almost no one.  –

Maybe the law change we really need to make to reduce mass shootings in this country is to make it illegal for any man under 30 to own more than a single-shot hunting rifle.

–

It’s seriously a real shame that the serious mental health issues weren’t a major worry when the U.S. was founded. Because had something been put in an amendment, just MAYBE the GOP would be as fervent about mental health rights as they are about gun rights. Well, we can dream anyway.

–

Too many questions and too much we don’t know about today’s shooting in Oregon. One question for those who support gun rights: Okay,I get your right to hunt and to protect yourself. But how in the world does that necessitate having an assault weapon?

–

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Winners, eh?

September 30, 2015

Congrats to the Toronto ‪Blue Jays for winning AL East. Stand by for ‪#‎Trump‬ to complain about immigrants taking more from Americans.

–

Hurricane Joaquin could strengthen and hit the U.S. East Coast this weekend. If so, who will be the first GOP governor who rails against the federal government to ask Obama for aid.

–

The story out of Washington is the Nationals are absolutely done with Jonathan Papelbon after this season. Too soon to start a pool what what team is crazy enough to take him?
–
New MLB commissioner Rob Manfred wants to speed up games even more, with rule changes like limiting pitching changes and trips to the mound, or requiring each pitcher to face multiple batters. Well, he could leave the game alone and just cut out a minute of commercials between innings.
–
–
But okay, limiting trips to the mound.  Should we start letting pitchers communicate with coaches and teammates by text?
 –
 –
Think if ‪MLB‬ knew there might be 2 ‪NY‬ teams & 2 ‪LA‬ teams in playoffs maybe games would be on network TV?   ‪#‎dodgers‬ ‪#‎mets‬ ‪#‎angels‬ ‪#‎yankees

–

Again, who says I never post anything nice about the Dodgers? This was a classy quote from Adrian Gonzalez “I want first off to tip my cap to the Giants,” he said. “They had a ton of injuries. I know they won’t make that excuse for themselves, but they battled, they played hard all year and they’re a great team.”

And Clayton Kershaw had a great game last night.

Okay, being nice is over. Go Mets.

–

#‎Dodgers‬ now have won the West 3 times in the last 5 years to the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ 2 titles. ‪#‎Giants‬ fans can deal with it. ‪#‎Wegotrings‬

 –

The Angels, fighting for a playoff spot, gave a “tip of the hat” in their media game notes to Barry Zito, for making what would probably be his last major league start tonight. They were really hoping to give Zito an ovation if he lasts as long as he did in his penultimate start against the Giants- – 2 innings.

–

Jud McMillin, a “family values” Indiana lawmaker resigned over explicit sex videos that were reportedly found on his phone. McMillin is a married father-of-four, who now says he “wants to spend more time with his family.” Thinking at this point there’s a good chance that his family may not want to spend more time with him.

–

More from McMillin. He had sent a text message last week. “My phone was stolen in Canada and out of my control for about 24 hours. I have just been able to reactivate it under my control. Please disregard any messages you received recently. I am truly sorry for anything offensive you may have received.”

I think I like “pushed into a lifeboat” better.

–

The NY Times Square Task Force has decided to let topless painted women stay, but also to more than double the police force in the area from 46 to 107. So a win-win, more tourist dollars AND job creation?

–

Jeb Bush just said that he didn’t think the Washington Redskins should change their name. Well, if anyone is likely to be clueless on how many Americans might find a name offensive, it’s a Bush.

–

Who says there’s no such thing as an honest politician. Potential House Speaker Kevin McCarthy: “Everybody thought Hillary Clinton was unbeatable, right? But we put together a Benghazi special committee. A select committee. What are her numbers today? Her numbers are dropping. Why? Because she’s untrustable. But no one would have known that any of that had happened had we not fought to make that happen.”
Isn’t it nice to know we’ve spent years and $4.5 million of taxpayer money for the House to do their job of being GOP political consultants?

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Swimming time?

September 29, 2015

The Dodgers complained that when they clinched in Arizona the Diamondbacks got upset when players jumped in the pool to celebrate. But the Giants are classier than that. Heard SF told LA if they clinched at AT&T Park, the entire Dodgers team was invited to jump into McCovey Cove.

–

Well, to be fair, this has been largely a AAA lineup lately for the ‪#‎SFGiants‬. And tonight looked like regressing to the mean.

–

Think what angered ‪#‎Madbum‬ most, those last two home runs given up meant he didn’t get another AB against ‪#‎Kershaw‬ ‪#‎SFGiants‬

–

Last week, Donald Trump said he was boycotting Fox News. Tonight, he’s appearing on the O’Reilly Factor. Guess even the Donald knows there’s no such thing as bad (free) publicity.

–

A body was found wrapped in a plastic sheet on an Oakland street today. People say they have not determined a cause of death. Pretty sure we can rule out suicide. ‪#‎bustohell‬

–

Four MLB games tonight delayed or postponed due to rain. Well, cheer up baseball fans, due to the late start of the season to humor ESPN, maybe for this year’s World Series we could have games delayed by snow.

–

WTF? Jeb Bush says his tax plan will save middle-class Americans $2,000 a year, and “if a family were to invest the $2,000 they would save annually over a 20-year period and at compounded interest rate of 8%, they would accumulate a nest egg of $108,000 to help better prepare them for a comfortable retirement.”

8% compounded interest rate? Maybe Jeb hasn’t actually stopped smoking marijuana. ‪#‎andhessupposedtobethesmartone‬

–

More Jeb Bush, writing in USA today on his proposed $2,000 tax cut for the middle class: “Two thousand dollars is four mortgage payments for the median American household.” ‪#‎Yeshesaidit‬

–

QB Michael Vick, on starting Thursday in place of injured Ben Rothlisberger “This is a great opportunity for me because I don’t know if I’m going to have this opportunity ever again. ” Well, at least Vick didn’t say he felt like he was on a short leash.

–

Twitter is apparently working on a way for users to compose Tweets of longer than 140 characters. Joe Biden reportedly has just activated his account.

–

Carly Fiorina is already attacking the “liberal media” for accusing her of lying about Planned Parenthood and talking about an image that did not exist – “They’re trying to have a conversation about a TECHNICALITY (caps mine) about a video tape.”
Sarah Palin must be so proud. (Although she’s thinking, Carly, it’s “lamestream media.” )

–

A data scientist says he has found proof that Ashley Madison created 40,000 fake women’s profiles to get users into joining and paying for its website. And thousands of guys are now trying to convince their wives they faked men’s profiles too.

–

SMU’s men’s basketball team has been declared ineligible for the 2016 postseason and coach Larry Brown has been suspended 9 games for “multiple violations.” What’s Brown trying to prove at this point, that he can compete with John Calipari? .

–

Utah Rep Jason Chaffetz today went after Planned Parenthood president Cecile Richards about her $500,000 salary. Funny, never heard him complain about the $174,000 salary plus travel and other expenses that members of Congress get, or that $21 million (plus $19 million in stock) golden parachute Carly Fiorina got from HP.

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Comments: 2 Comments

The horror.

September 28, 2015

Facebook was down for about an hour Monday. The horror. Millions of Americans were forced actually to work.

–

Washington suspended Jonathan Papelbon 4 games for choking teammate Bryce Harper, and Papelbon accepted MLB’s 3 game suspension for throwing at Manny Machado, so the closer’s season is over. Of course, so was the Nationals’ the day they traded for him.

–

Who knew that Papelbon-Harper would turn out to be far more riveting than Mayweather-Pacquiao?

–

People Magazine is reporting Kris Jenner saying about Caitlyn Jenner “I wish I’d never met this man.” Funny, that’s what millions of Americans are saying about meeting Kris’s entire family.

–

The Washington Nationals pulled Papelbon’s jersey from their stadium shop today. Guessing kids in Africa may have a choice between them and more than a few overstocked Sandoval Red Sox jerseys.

(although the Sandoval jerseys have the added advantage of doubling as tents.)

–

It’s not even October 1. Anyone but me already tired of ‪#‎Pumpkin‬?

–

Hillary Clinton, asked today if she’s”a Pumpkin Spice Latte kind of gal.” “Ha! The true answer is I used to be until I saw how many calories are in them”
Waiting for the GOP to condemn her for an elitist act like reading.

–

With all this talk about the ‪#‎Bloodmoon‬ it’s amazing Donald ‪#‎Trump‬ didn’t use the occasion once again to trash talk ‪#‎megynkelly‬

–

Former Australian rugby league player Jarryd Hayne had a 37 yd punt return for SF yesterday in their 47-7 loss against Arizona. Shocking. The 49ers actually got the Cardinals to punt?

–

Last weekend George Zimmerman retweeted a graphic photo of Trayvon Martin’s corpse sent to him by an admirer who called Zimmerman “a one man army.” Can’t we figure out a way for George to get in an argument with dentist Walter Palmer?

–

An Arizona woman says she found a 26-pound bundle of marijuana that had fallen from a drug smuggler’s plane into her dog house. And a whole lot of people serving time now are going “Why didn’t I think of that?”

–

Two Ohio alleged bank robbers were arrested after they posted selfies with money on Facebook. Your move, Florida. ‪#‎cantfixstupid‬

–

Another Arizona woman tried to fake an armed robbery by calling 911 to say she had been attacked and stabbed in her restaurant parking lot. She just didn’t notice the police car parked within sight. They arrested her and found the money in her car. ‪#‎morecompetitionforFlorida‬ ‪#‎Cantfixstupid‬

–

The Missouri Attorney General said his office has concluded an investigation and “the evidence reviewed supports Planned Parenthood’s representation that fetal tissue is handled in accordance with Missouri law.”
Waiting for the first GOP candidate to say “well what does an attorney general know about law?”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Choked up?

September 27, 2015

Hundreds of thousands people apparently showed up today in Philadelphia to see the Pope. It being Philly, you have to wonder how many who showed up to see Francis actually booed him.

–

Of course, the Pope is not a stupid man. He picked a time of year to visit Philadelphia when there was zero chance of snowballs.

–

So ‪#‎Papelbon‬ is looking like he’s through with the ‪#‎Nationals‬. Is the closer trying to earn a tryout with the ‪#‎Redskins‬ defense?

–

Although I suppose it could be said that by putting his hands on Harper’s neck,  Papelbon was just trying to do to Bryce what the Nats have done on the field since he arrived.

–

Colts‬ fans hoped their team would “Suck for Luck.” Time for ‪#‎49ers‬ fans to hope team will “Slack off for Goff? ‪

 –
Every time I hear Hillary Clinton talk about the email issues, just wonder why she didn’t come out and say “Look, you really think I understood any of this stuff at first? When it comes to computers my basic reaction has been ‘Does it turn on, can I log in?”
Thinking she’d have gotten a lot more sympathy from those of us whose kids roll their eyes at our ineptitude with technology. And from the younger generation who laughs at their parents.
–
Barry Zito, 37, and Tim Hudson, 40, were both given ovations in their short starts yesterday. “Well deserved for two nice young men” said Jamie Moyer.
–
Mark Zuckerberg at the UN said that expanding internet access to global communities could help ‘lift them out of poverty.” Possibly, although here in the U.S. internet access can keep people too busy playing games to find a job.
–
Congress is going to be a different place without John Boehner in November. For starters, the Kleenex consumption in the House will go way down ‪#‎nomoretears‬
–
A poll of Republicans at the Voting Values Summit said they preferred a Ted Cruz-Ben Carson ticket in 2016. Funny enough, a lot of Democrats would be happy if the GOP ran that ticket too.

–

So with the latest college football rankings, the highest ranked 1 loss team (at #13) is Alabama. “I’m shocked,” said nobody

–

Ben Carson now says that many immigrants sneaking across the Mexico border “are hardened criminals’’ not from Latin America but from Iraq, Somalia and Russia. USA Today, however, reports that DHS said in 2013, nearly 93% caught at the border came from Mexico, Guatemala, Honduras or El Salvador.

Maybe I’m wrong, but I always thought you needed math to get into med school.

–

#‎SFGiants‬ now have about a .01% chance of making the post season this year. So approximately the same chance as the ‪#‎SF49ers‬

–

Ted Cruz today made a rousing speech to a conservative group promising to end the “persecution of religious liberty.” Uh, Senator Cruz, to paraphrase Inigo Montoya “I do not think this phrase means what you think it means.”

–

From T.C.   “Martin Shkreli, the CEO of a pharmaceutical firm raised the price of a prescription drug from $13.50 to $750. In related news, Whole Foods said they may be interested in hiring him.”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Oldies but goodies.

September 26, 2015

Today ‪#‎SFGiants‬ pitcher Tim Hudson threw his first pitch at 87 mph. Barry Zito was clocked at 85. And the Warriors’ Klay Thompson threw out the ceremonial first pitch at 89 mph ‪#‎speedisnteverything‬

–

As disappointing as the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ season may be with all their injuries, interesting to note that if they were in the AL, they’d be basically tied for the 2nd Wild Card spot.

–

So is it too soon to open two pools on when Jim Harbaugh will take Michigan to their first major bowl game? And then when he will end up leaving after alienating most everyone at the school?

–

John Boehner’s resignation is effective October 30. Which means with only two months left it will be close if he can make that first million as a lobbyist in 2015.

–

Bad news for ‪#‎Saints‬ – Drew Brees will miss Sunday’s game. Good news for ‪#‎Bears‬ – so will Jay Cutler.

–

So at the same time ESPN is reporting on Pete Rose and his banishment from baseball for gambling, in talking about this weekend’s NFL games they are also posting players’ “DraftKings” prices. #$$$$$$

–

Eric Cantor wrote an op-ed in the NY Times calling for GOP restraint. Is it a sign of the apocalypse that Eric Cantor is the voice of reason?

–

You know you’re not really in touch with pop culture when you read something like “Kaley Cuoco and Ryan Sweeting are getting divorced,” and you think “who and who?”

–

Now Donald Trump has going after Marco Rubio, calling him a “clown.” Trump does realize if he actually wins this nomination he has to pick SOMEONE as a running mate?

–

There were amazingly no injuries when a man accidentally started a fire at a gas station while trying to kill a spider, with a lighter. This was in Center Line, Michigan. Catch up, Florida.

–

A Florida woman was arrested today and facing felony charges after posting pictures this July showing her riding on a sea turtle. If she’d only just gotten drunk and shot someone instead….

Categories: Uncategorized

Comments: Be the first to comment

If he can make it there, he’ll make it anywhere?

September 25, 2015

The Pope celebrated Mass at Madison Square Garden. And possibly broke the record for the most people praying in that august arena, previously set by the Knicks.

–

So what kind of a world do we live in when John Boehner is too moderate to lead Congress?

–

Not questioning John Boehner’s decision to resign. But wouldn’t you think as a good Catholic the Speaker would have picked a day to do it where he didn’t take headlines from the Pope?

–

A man was arrested after he stole a lottery ticket dispenser at 1a and later that morning tried to cash one of the tickets at the SAME STORE. — Do I even need to stay this was Florida?

–

Jeb Bush yesterday talking about African-Americans to a Republican group. “Our message is one of hope and aspiration. It isn’t one of division and ‘Get in line and we’ll take care of you with free stuff.” So Jeb said it because that message worked so well for Mitt Romney .

–

Jeb Bush says Pope Francis shouldn’t be talking about fighting climate change he “is not a scientist, he’s a religious leader.” Fine, so can we await Jeb’s statement that he and other candidates shouldn’t talk about climate change and other scientific issues because they are political leaders?

–

So in the NY Giants finally won their first game of the season Thursday night. Who says no good ever comes from dealings with Washington?

–

October will be “Breast Cancer Awareness” month. Wouldn’t it be nice if the only cancerous boob we worried about getting rid of was Ted Cruz?

–

Already seeing some conservative media criticism over Michelle Obama’s wearing a $2,300 dress to meet the Pope, who has spoken against materialism. Right. And had she shown up in a $23 Target dress it would have been criticized as showing a lack of respect. ‪#‎cantwin‬

–

17 second stare down between umpire Joe West & ‪#‎MadBum‬ during Thursday night’s Padres-Giants game.   Don’t blame West. After all 31,000 paid their way in to see him call balls & strikes.

–

Paul Pierce, about to start his 18th season in the NBA, says he will probably retire if the Clippers win the championship. So wonder where Pierce hopes to play in 2016-17?

–

Pete Rose met with Rob Manfred yesterday and the MLB commissioner reportedly told baseball’s all-time hits leader he will make a decision on reinstatement by the end of the year. Hope Rose didn’t ask “Can you give me odds on that?”

–

A baby boy was born at Petco Field during the third inning of Thursday night’s Padres-Giants game. This would never have happened in Los Angeles, in the third inning Dodgers fans are still in the car on the way to the stadium.

–

Donald Trump said at the Value Voters Summit “I brought my Bible. You know, it’s the First Presbyterian Church, Jamaica (Queens) and this was written by my mother, with my name, with my address, with everything.”
He didn’t add, “and maybe someday I’ll read beyond the inscription.”

Former Astros star Lance Berkman in a radio ad against the “Houston Equal Rights Ordinance,” which provides protection for LGBTs. “I played professional baseball for 15 years, but family is more important. My wife and I have four daughters. Proposition 1, the bathroom ordinance, would allow troubled men to enter women’s public bathrooms, showers and locker rooms….”
Right, as opposed to fine upstanding heterosexual men like Ben Rothlisberger?

–

Kim Davis announced she is becoming a Republican. “I’ve always been a Democrat, but the party left me.” And Democrats are thinking “Not only left but shut the door and changed the locks. Amen.”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

Flowing robes.

September 24, 2015

Pope-mania has really taken hold in the U.S. Nice to see the country so excited about an older person in a skirt who isn’t Caitlyn Jenner.

–

Pope Francis’s visit and the resulting security has meant many businesses just closing for a few days. Waiting for the first GOP candidate to complain about another immigrant hurting American jobs.

–

The original CSI is finally coming to an end Sunday with a 2 hour finale, after 15 years. Guess they didn’t wanted to change the title to “CSI – Assisted Living.”

After Elton John was pranked earlier this month he now got a REAL call from the Russian President. Have to wonder if the singer’s initial response this time was. “Are you Putin me on?”

–

The NBA has promised that for next year’s Finals, they will mandate at least two days between games any time teams have to change cities. So expect the 2016 champion to be crowned about the 4th of July.

They’re expecting gridlock in Manhattan because of the Pope’s visit. Or as New Yorkers call it, Friday.

–

Supreme Court judges Scalia, Alito and Thomas skipped the Pope’s address to Congress. Well, it’s not like they are Catholic or anything. Oops, never mind….

–

Tom Brady’s jersey is the number one seller in the NFL this year. That’s really going to inflate his ego.

–

For the first time in a decade, the number of children in foster care in the U.S has risen, and is now over 415,000. You’d think maybe just a few of these “pro-life” types would spend time and money on trying to help them….

Republicans are so sure they will hold Congress and win the White House in 2016, wouldn’t you think that they’d maybe ease up on this minority-shutting-down-the-government concept, so as not to give Democrats ideas?

–

In Texas, with the case where two football players attacked a referee, the University Interscholastic League, which is in charge of high school sports, says they are not making any decisions about punishments at least until they can hold another hearing next month.

Sounds like they learned their concept of swift justice from the NFL.

–

Bill Littlejohn.  “An extra point kicked by Midland Lee High School (TX) bounced off of a referee’s head and went through the uprights.  So was the ref any relation to Jose Canseco?”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Comments: Be the first to comment

Artificial intelligence.

September 23, 2015

Martin Shkreli, who announced plans to raise the price of an AIDS drug from $13,50 to $750 a pill, is CEO of Turing Technologies.  Not sure how he named the company, but oddly enough, the “Turing test” is a test of a machine’s ability to exhibit intelligent behavior equivalent to, or indistinguishable from, that of a human.

Shkreli failed.

–

The CEO of Volkswagen has resigned. Guessing soon he’ll have the rare opportunity to be making license plates for his own cars.

–

A DC man has started a Change.org petition “Dear Pope Francis. Our Metro system is having some troubles. All of DC would be grateful if you could find the time to bless it during your upcoming stay. Maybe a Papal Blessing is just what it needs.”

Hmm, any chance he could also have the Pope bless Congress?

–

The Blue Jays won tonight to push their AL East lead over the Yankees to 3.5 game. So how long until some GOP candidate blames a potential Toronto win on Obama’s failure to maintain American supremacy?

–

Anne Hathaway says now that it was hard to be taken seriously as an actress after “The Princess Diaries.” Just thinking she’s not going to get too much sympathy from her co-star Julie Andrews.

–

Donald Trump says Fox News has been treating him “very unfairly”, and he’s done appearing on Fox News shows for the “foreseeable future.” Well, to be fair, the Donald is really a better fit for Comedy Central.

–

Mike Huckabee said today that President Obama is just “pretending to be a Christian. I’m thinking at this point that Huckabee is just pretending to be a plausible human being.

–

Now it’s ‪#‎Adrianza‬ who joins ‪#‎Belt‬ and ‪#‎Aoki‬ on the ‪#‎SFGiants‬ concussion list. Who expected ‪#‎Giants‬ to have more concussions than ‪#‎49ers‬?

–

Well, at this point if the ‪#‎SFGIants‬ ended up in the post season they probably couldn’t field a healthy 25 man roster.

–

The SF Chronicle is reporting that the SF Board of Supervisors is about to pass an ordinance that would make “strict enforcement of stop signs for cyclists the lowest priority for the SFPD”
And many cyclists in San Francisco are thinking “What stop signs?”

–

QB Colin Kaepernick, praising new SF coach Tomsula, says that this year is “a comfort zone for me. It’s a situation where I’m not being asked to do things outside of my character.”
Because Jim is a nice guy, or because the 49ers have designs on drafting high enough to get Jared Goff?

–

A terminal in Amsterdam’s Schiphol airport was evacuated over what turned out to be an iPhone in a gun shaped case. Not sure what the owner of the phone will be charged with, but assume included will be felony criminal stupidity.

–

R.I.P Yogi Berra. Nobody goes to heaven anymore, it’s too crowded.

Another sad thing for some about the death of ‪#‎YogiBerra‬. We can probably retire the phrase “Beloved ‪#‎Yankee‬.”

Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Comments: 1 Comment

« Older Entries
Newer Entries »