Posted tagged ‘Janice Hough’
September 15, 2014
Jonathan Papelbon was ejected from yesterday’s game for making a lewd gesture to fans as he left the mound. The gesture was almost as obscene as the Phillies’ play this season. (Philadelphia, at $175 million, has the third highest payroll in MLB.)
MLB suspended Phillies closer Jonathan Papelbon seven games for his gesture and then bumping an umpire yesterday. So he misses half the team’s remaining games. Other Phillies players are wondering, how could we get so lucky?
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Apparently Miss Nebraska had a wardrobe malfunction during the evening gown competition for Miss America last night and accidentally flashed viewers. A few more incidents like that and Americans will actually tune into the pageant.
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Russell Pearce, a former Arizona state senator, resigned as the state’s GOPs 1st vice chair. After criticism from members of his own party for saying.”You put me in charge of Medicaid, the first thing I’d do is get [women recipients] Norplant, birth-control implants, or tubal ligations,” Now, were his fellow Republicans condemning him for being anti-women, or pro-birth control?
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Coca Cola is bringing back “Surge”, a “loaded” Mountain Dew knock-off from the 1990s. Because we don’t have enough overly caffeinated kids on sugar highs?
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As of today, #AdrianPeterson is playing next weekend in New Orleans. Are #Saints defenders allowed to use sticks?
From Michael Hayne “Adrian Peterson needs to know that if you want to abuse a kid, you make them dress in a pink bunny costume for Halloween.”Too true.
Or you do as a friend threatened her son starting in middle school, if he ever really misbehaved she would show up at his games and say “Hey sweetie, you forgot your lunch, and I cut the crusts off the sandwich just like you like it. Now come here and give mommy a big kiss.”
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Seriously though, regarding this #AdrianPeterson story and the debate over corporal punishment. Methinks the narrative has been sidetracked. I am from the generation that often got spanked. And many of us didn’t spank our own children. But there’s a difference between a spanking, even a hard spanking, and drawing blood and leaving visible injuries.
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Say what you want about the potential distraction of openly gay men in professional sports – and my guess is that in a generation it will be a non-issue – but at least they don’t father flocks of illegitimate children.
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University of Miami backup QB Kevin Olsen, 19, was arrested on charges of DUI and possession of a fake or stolen driver’s license. Olsen apparently had FIVE driver’s licenses with him. Wonder what tipped off the police that he was drunk…when he couldn’t figure out which license to show them?
Apparently some U.S. women are getting recruited to join the Islamic State. So what exactly do they get offered? Not seeing the allure of 72 virgins.
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Hillary Clinton was in Iowa this weekend, ostensibly to campaign for other Democrats, although she admitted “I’m thinking about it.” And this week no doubt she will slam Obama for not being able to make decisions.
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Mets rookie star Jacob deGrom tied a modern MLB record by striking out the first eight batters he faced today. Amazing. Especially since deGrom didn’t have the advantage of pitching against his own team.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Adrian Peterson jokes, Arizona jokes, Janice Hough, Miss America jokes, NFL jokes, Papelbon jokes, Surge jokes
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September 15, 2014
Before the Chargers’ game, Richard Sherman was bitching about Aaron Rodgers not throwing to receivers he covered: The Seattle CB said he “needed” the ball. SD QB Philip Rivers was 6-for-6 passing today for 60 yards while throwing to receivers Sherman was covering. #Missionaccomplished.
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Many 49ers fans who drove to tonight’s home opener were stuck for hours after the game. As opposed to the team, who apparently checked out after the third quarter. #SF49ers.
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Colin Kaepernick had an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for “inappropriate language.” Good thing fans couldn’t be heard talking to the television.
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NFL Refs missed a SF delay of game that would have negated a 49ers TD, And missed Percy Harvey stepping out of bounds on his way to what was called a Seahawks TD. And apparently messed up on a crucial time out call that cost the Jets a TD. So where are all those replacement guys again?
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Before today’s Dallas-Tennessee game today the Titans included the song “Fight Night” on their stadium warmup soundtrack. A song that includes the lyrics “Lil’ mamma, she keep looking at me (lil’ mama!) Im’a knock the p*ssy out like fight night. Hit it with the left Hit with the right Im’a knock the p*ssy out like fight night.”
Can’t imagine how the NFL gets the reputation for being tone deaf.
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RGIII was injured in the first quarter of the Redskins-Jaguars game. Wonder if Washington will send Jacksonville a thank you note.
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Greg Norman is recovering in a hospital after he nearly cut off his own hand in a chain saw accident. Apparently he had posted a picture of himself a week earlier holding that chain saw. “Time to trim the sea grapes today. Never ask someone to do something that you can do yourself.” Well, maybe not quite never.
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As a New Orleans fan, only good thing about Browns win over the Saints. At least maybe we don’t have to hear much about Johnny Manziel this year.
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Texas Solicitor General Jonathan Mitchell has asked a federal appeals court to allow the state to enforce a “surgical standards” law that will close more than half of Texas’s abortion facilities. Mitchell says that “the vast majority of the state’s reproductive-age women will live within 150 miles” of the remaining clinics.
Wonder how Texas would feel about the vast majority of the state’s men living within 150 miles of pharmacies selling Viagra?
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The Mets are out of the postseason, the Yankees are almost out, the Giants got solidly beaten and the Jets choked. So in New York they’re wondering “When does the Knicks preseason start?”
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No comment needed. From a Baseball Hall of Fame book from 2000, with last two pages “Return to the Glory Days. The last paragraph was about 1998. “The Yankees proved that this isn’t about money, but instead about commitment, pride and joy. That is the lesson that the Yankees, McGwire and Sosa taught America- and the world – in 1998. And that is exactly what baseball fans needed to see.”
As of midnight, Yahoo still has a “spoiler alert” on their story about the new Miss America? Really? So they think there are people who care enough to have recorded the pageant and still don’t know the winner.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Greg Norman jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, RGIII jokes, Richard Sherman jokes, Texas jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 13, 2014
Virginia Tech, who upset Ohio State last week, today lost to Eastern Carolina. Just thinking if you are a Big Ten fan, might be safe to make vacation plans during the BCS playoffs.
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In tonight’s UCLA-Texas football game, UCLA won the coin toss, and elected to defer. But then Texas chose to kick off. So the Bruins got the ball to start BOTH halves. Texas edukation at its finest.
To be fair, maybe the Longhorns wanted to receive in the third half?
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Just to put things in perspective, BC, with a 37 to 31 win tonight over USC, was inside the Trojan 35 yard line 7 times. 2 times LESS than Stanford last week.
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Unlike Stanford, Boston College decided not to use the 30 yard line to go into their prevent offense.
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Although today, Army was shut out by #Stanford 35 to 0. Clearly this is Commander in Chief Obama’s fault.
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More “stuff” you cannot make up. Newt Gingrich has now signed the “Family Leader” group’s “Marriage Vow,” which includes a “pledge to uphold the institution of marriage through personal fidelity to my spouse and respect for the marital bonds of others.” So Newt will not cheat on Calista, the third wife he cheated with when he was married to his second wife, with whom he cheated with on this first wife….
Dan Snyder said of Roger Goodell- “We are fortunate to have him as our Commissioner. The entire Washington Redskins organization strongly endorses his efforts…” Well, yeah, no sh*t. With Goodell lately, the Redskins name drama has been knocked completely off the front page.
Some statements don’t even need a punchline: This advice to Ray Rice “To Ray, or anybody else… It’s all about how you control yourself.” From Chris Brown.
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Taylor Swift is now saying “I didn’t really love any of my exes’ So how long until she turns that sentiment into a song?
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New MLB slogan: When we suspend players, it’s because they only illegally hit baseballs.
So police were called to that brawl involving the Palins, and the family was asked to leave. No arrests have been made but the investigation is ongoing as apparently it was a “verbal and physical altercation” Guess it’s not just the President Sarah means when she says “Charge in, strike hard, get out. Win.”
The average space between airline seats in 1990 was about 34-36 inches, now it’s more like 30-32. Well, it’s a good thing that Americans are getting smaller too…. Oops, never mind.
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Police detained a man on a Southwest plane in Seattle because on 9/11 other passengers noticed he was using names for his wi-fi hot spot like “Southwest – Bomb on Board.” and “The Bomb is on this Seat.” Then something about the flight attendant being hot. No word on charges, but figure they should include felony stupidity.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: BCS jokes, Goodell jokes, Janice Hough, Newt Gingrich jokes, NFL jokes, Palin jokes, Texas jokes, USC jokes
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September 13, 2014
Mark Sanford has broken off his engagement to his Argentinian fiancee. So did he tell her “Happy Trails”?
Or did he tell her to take a hike?
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Los Angeles Dodgers’ pitcher Hyun-Jin left Fridays’ game against the #SFGiants after the first inning with shoulder irritation. Did he hurt it twisting around watching #Giants run bases?
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This isn’t an #NFL season, it’s a remake of “The Longest Yard” #RayRice #AdrianPeterson #RayMcDonald
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Roger Goodell has been so focused on making it a No Fun League when maybe he should have been focused on having a No Felons League . #NFL
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So how long until Bud Selig and MLB start marketing baseball as “the sport where only baseballs get hit.”?
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In a new survery, 55% of Americans said they do not believe Roger Goodell’s statement that “to his knowledge, no one in the league offices saw the video of the incident until Monday.” 21% had no opinion and 24% believe him. And somewhere in Nigeria princes are salivating over that 24%.
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My friend Alex B. points out that as of yesterday, NFL.com still had Ladies’ Ray Rice Baltimore Ravens Jerseys on sale through their website. Now there’s a potential Christmas gift that could make a vacuum cleaner look sensitive by comparison.
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Toronto Mayor Rob Ford, seeking treatment for a tumor, has withdrawn his re-election bid for mayor. Hoping he recovers. But it’s already tragic news, for comedy writers.
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The Orioles’ Chris Davis was suspended 25 games for using amphetamines, He says “I made a mistake by taking Adderall. I had permission to use it in the past, but do not have a therapeutic use exemption this year.” But the MLB drug agreement only results in followup testing for the 1st stimulant violation, the 2nd brings the suspension. And Davis still couldn’t figure out a way to get a new exemption? The 25 games is as much for stupidity as drugs.
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Oscar Pistorius was at least found guilty of “culpable homicide” in the shooting death of his girlfriend, (the equivalent of voluntary manslaughter.) Although no doubt some think “If only the young woman had been armed.”
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You are asleep and you wake up because you hear a scary noise. What’s the first thing you do if you are married or in a relationship where you share a bed? Uh, look over to your partner to say “did you hear that?” Maybe wake them up. But nobody doesn’t even look. Even Los Angeles juries have to be shaking their heads on the Pistorius trial.
A major investor claims that Olive Garden servers need to cut down on bringing out free breadsticks, because “after sitting just 7 minutes, the breadsticks deteriorate in quality.” Bringing to mind the question, “How low can you go?”
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From Bill Littlejohn “Looks like former FBI Chief Robert S. Mueller III is gathering people from all about to run a spread offense against Roger Goodell, the NFL, and what appears to be a Cover 4 Defense..”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Chris Davis jokes, Janice Hough, Mark Sanford jokes, NFL jokes, Pistorius jokes, Rob Ford jokes, Roger Goodell jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 11, 2014
In South Africa, verdicts can take two days. And in Thursday’s’s first day of the verdict in the Oscar Pistorius trial the judge says Pistorius is not guilty of murder. Wonder if she grew up in Los Angeles? Or if she wants to move there.
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In San Francisco, 49ers announcer Ted Robinson on KNBR-AM said Monday about Janay Rice, “How does she marry him after that? How does she go in front of Goodell? That’s pathetic to me.” And Robinson got suspended two games. The same original suspension Rice got…….
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So Ray MacDonald plays after his domestic violence arrest, as Aldon Smith did after his DUI arrest and announcer Ted Robinson gets suspended for his insensitive comments. So is the lesson here in the SF football world, we’ll give you due process on whatever you do as long as you keep your mouth shut?
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Indiana Pacers star Paul George “I don’t condone hittin women or think it’s coo BUT if SHE ain’t trippin then I ain’t trippin.. Lets keep it movin lol let that man play!” So where’s the app that says “You are a public figure, do you REALLY want to post that?”
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Tough Thursday night NFL game for women #SteelersRavens. – the team supporting the alleged rapist against the team that supported the wife beater.
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Now according to OTL, several sources are saying Ray Rice told Roger Goodell in June that he had punched his fiancee in an elevator, and “that he was sorry and that it wouldn’t happen again.”. Though the NFL commissioner just said “when we met with Ray Rice and his representatives, it was ambiguous about what actually happened.” Hard to believe, but Rice may come out of this looking better than Goodell.
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So is there a 2014 unwritten rule that in Northern California one baseball team must s*ck at all times? #SFGiants #As
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Bud Selig today, asked about the Rice/ Goodell situations says that a domestic violence “has been discussed (by MLB), because we’re sensitive to all issues.” Right, another of Selig’s “blue ribbon committees.” Amazed the man hasn’t strained an arm patting himself so hard on the back.
Paloaltoonline.com notes that Stanford football is “not ready to push the panic button” after last week’s loss to USC. And based on last week, if the Cardinal offense got close to the panic button, they probably couldn’t hit it.
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Kanye West went to a hospital emergency room in Australia for “a pretty intense migraine.” About as big a headache as many Americans get hearing about him and Kim?
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Sarah Palin on the mess in the Mideast. “War is hell. So go big or go home, Mr. President. Big means bold, confident, wise assurance from a trustworthy Commander-in-Chief that it shall be worth it. Charge in, strike hard, get out. Win.” And just imagine, John McCain wanted this woman to be a heartbeat away from the Presidency.
A 6th-grade teacher in D.C. will apologize to students for asking them to draw comparisons between George W. Bush and Adolph Hitler. So they think she should have asked for comparisons between Cheney and Hitler?
(And yes, I know what she did was flat out wrong as a teacher and she should be reprimanded. Teachers should be held to a higher standard. Joke-writers on the other hand…..)
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cheney jokes, Janice Hough, Kanye West jokes, Palin jokes, ray rice jokes, Roger Goodell jokes, Stanford jokes
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September 10, 2014
40 + years after Watergate and folks still haven’t figured out, coverups are almost always worse than the crime. From the AP: ” A law enforcement official says he sent a video of Ray Rice punching his then-fiancee to an NFL executive three months ago, while league officers have insisted they didn’t see the violent images until this week. The person played The Associated Press a 12-second voicemail from an NFL office number on April 9 confirming the video arrived. A female voice expresses thanks and says: “You’re right. It’s terrible.”
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This #RayRice #Goodell mess shows what comes of allowing openly heterosexual men in the #NFL
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So the NFL may soon be looking for a new toady to do the owners’ bidding at all times. “I’m available soon” said Bud Selig.
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Roger Goodell says his job is not on the line. Because the NFL commissioner doesn’t think there is any video of him looking at the Ray Rice elevator video?
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Got to love targeted ads. I’ve been posting enough on Ray Rice that now I’m getting Facebook ads about men who are looking for girlfriends…..
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Scotland is voting on declaring independence from the United Kingdom next week. Whether it works or not maybe someone can give the instructions for such a referendum to Texas Governor Rick Perry.
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Jeremy Lin apparently pranked people last month at Madame Tussaud’s by pretending to be a wax statue. Even so Lin looked more mobile than James Harden.
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Five casinos in Atlantic City have closed or are planning to close by November of this year. And today Chris Christie announced he will issue a directive to allow sports betting in New Jersey. And they say President Obama is slow to react in a crisis.
The former Senior VP for ticket sales for the NY Mets is suing co-owner Jeff Wilpon of discriminating against her because she was having a baby without being married. But really, what was she thinking? That kind of behavior should be reserved for the players
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A new study links benzodiazepines like Xanax and Valium with dementia. Great, one more thing to feel anxious about.
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Budweiser is apparently testing a new campaign to allow people to send vouchers for free Bud Light on Facebook. Cool, now when people get in heated arguments on threads, they can be drunk too.
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Justin Bieber stripped down to his underwear during a NY Fashion Week event, to boos and some cheers. The cheers presumably were “Put it on, put it on, put it ALL back on.”
Wow. Client asks me for the latest flight of the day out of D.C. to her chosen destination. I suggest a flight at 729p. She says, great, but is there a later flight in case I miss it? #facepalm
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Arnold Schwarzenegger Monday at his portrait unveiling in Sacramento. “I didn’t accomplish everything I wanted to do in office.” Everything or everyone?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: bus to hell jokes, Goodell jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, PC jokes, ray rice jokes, Roger Goodell jokes, tapegate, Texas jokes
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September 9, 2014
In Northern California, they are hunting a mountain lion who apparently injured a 6 year old boy on a popular hiking trail. Officials said the cougar ambushed the boy “as if he was prey.” Uh, AS IF?.
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William and Kate are expecting another baby. Makes sense, now that Prince George is over a year old, they need another royal up in the middle of the night to keep Harry company.
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Apple’s new $349 smart watch acts as a remote control, a mobile payment device, and a pulse monitor. But can it tell time?
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Apparently a long-lost collection of Dr. Seuss stories is hitting the bookstores today. No doubt some in the younger generation are asking “Who’s Dr. Seuss?” And still others are asking “what’s a bookstore?”
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Seems like only a few days ago that the biggest PR worry the #NFL had was dealing with the #MichaelSam “distraction.”
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Since the #NFL tries to monetize everything how long until we have a Fantasy Football League with points scored based on suspensions and arrests?
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Perhaps a bright spot in the whole #RayRice saga is that people are paying attention. Back when Lawrence Phillips beat up his ex-girlfriend and was dragging her down the stairs by her hair when someone interceded, Nebraska coach Tom Osborn let him play in the national championship, And three NFL teams, including the 49ers signed him, despite more off-field “troubles” including a second arrest (and a no contest plea) for assaulting a woman.
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On a bright note for #NY sports the #RayRice situation has knocked Eli Manning and the Giants s*cking off the front page.
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I feel somewhat sorry for Janay Palmer, who is now angry at the MEDIA for turning her life into a “horrible nightmare.” There’s a lot that s*cks (technical term) about being a public figure. But the media didn’t knock her out in that elevator.
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Kentucky coach John Calipari is reportedly organizing a two-day scouting combine featuring Wildcat players only for NBA teams. Wonder if someone asked him if the combine would conflict with classes. (“Classes”?)
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Nicole Kidman recently said that the celebrity hacked photos story is “very superficial” and “why that would even make news astounds me, but a lot of what makes the news astounds me. I do think we need to be talking about the violence in the world, in terms of Iraq, violence towards women, education and women, what’s happening in Afghanistan.” Well, she got her wish on the “violence towards women” part.
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A preliminary investigation shows that Malaysia Airlines flight 17 was likely struck by multiple “high-energy objects from outside the aircraft,” which caused it to crash. What was their first clue?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Apple jokes, iPhone jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, ray rice jokes, Roger Goodell jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
September 8, 2014
But it sure can end an NFL career.
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TMZ posted a video this morning of Ray Rice knocking his fiancee out in the elevator, which has provoked new outrage over Rice’s light punishment And Roger Goodell and the NFL claim they never saw it until now. I think I like “tainted supplement” better.
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So yeah, makes perfect sense. The NFL reviews video tape in enough detail to know if someone is wearing the wrong brand of socks, but they claim they didn’t look at an available video involving alleged domestic violence. #priorities
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Now that the Ray Rice video is out no doubt other NFL players will think seriously about changing their lives. Starting by taking surveillance cameras out of their homes?
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“Fox & Friends” host co-host Brian Kilmeade said today that the lesson to be learned from the Ray Rice video was “take the stairs.” Scary thing is that a lot of NFL players probably think he is right.
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Not sure when and if Ray Rice will return to the NFL. But wonder how long it will take the now former Ravens RB to get a call from “Celebrity Boxing.”
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Wonder if Ray Rice’s wife knew he’d end up cut from the Ravens and suspended from the NFL if she’d have still married him?
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All aboard the bus to hell. At least NY Giants fans don’t have to worry about Eli Manning being arrested for domestic violence. 1. Archie raised him right. 2. If Eli DID throw a punch at a woman, no doubt it would be intercepted.
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Olive Garden just announced they will sell a ‘never-ending pasta pass’ for $100, which will allow buyers to eat as much of any of 150 pasta dishes they want once a day, every single day, between September 22 and November 9. Along with free breadsticks, soup and salad bar. Does the pass also come with a free diabetes test at the end?
Mets are basically eliminated from the postseason, the Yankees are getting close, and the Giants looked awful tonight. So in New York they’re thinking TGFR – “Thank God for The Raiders.”
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Raiders players said there was no need to panic after their season-opening loss to the Jets. Makes sense, many Raiders fans were panicked BEFORE the season started.
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Marin Cilic beat Kei Nishikori in Monday’s men’s singles final at the U.S. Open. And no doubt U.S television ratings were as great as a PGA tournament with neither Tiger, Phil or even Rory in contention.
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The wooden Colossus roller coaster at Six Flags Magic Mountain was closed for renovation a few weeks ago, today it caught fire and partially collapsed. Now that’s a potential thrill ride..
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More why there is no satire: Hartselle, Alabama, is the largest dry city in the state. And their mayor, Don Hall, has said he opposes the sale of booze within city limits. Last Friday Hall was arrested, driving back from a neighboring town, for alleged DUI….
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It’s rather silly to have a magic number for a potential one-game postseason. This having been said, the #SFGiants magic number for a playoff spot is 15.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Eli Manning jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Raiders jokes, Raves jokes, ray rice jokes, Rice jokes, Roger Goodell jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
September 8, 2014
Nice win for the #49ers over the #Cowboys. Looks like SF will be ready next week to start facing NFL competition.
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Although I have to say the 49ers game is looking good for Michael Sam. Looks like the #Cowboys defense could use help asap.
And have to wonder, how until #Cowboys fans will be rooting for Michael Sam to sack and injure Tony Romo in practice.
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Meanwhile, during the day on NFL opening Sunday, ESPN aired a Canadian Football League game. Guess they wanted to show viewers a higher quality game than the Raiders-Jets.
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Sunday was Derek Jeter Day at Yankee Stadium, with nearly an hour of pregame festivities honoring Jeter’s 20 year career. And then the 2014 Yankees went out and lost 2-0 to the Royals. #fitting
Mitt Romney said again that he would have done a better job than President Obama. Being a Mormon Mitt doesn’t drink wine. But he sure is an expert on sour grapes.
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Just a few days after Cleveland coach Mike Pettine said of QB Brian Hoyer “we have his back…. it’s not going to be a quick hook.”, he told ESPN the Browns have prepared Johnny Manziel to play in the season opener against the Steelers, but it would be a “feel thing.” Right, so they have Hoyer’s back, except it might have a knife in it.
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ESPN Sunday Night Baseball announcers said last night that the #SFGiants had a couple “mediocre” months. “Mediocre? In June and July they well and truly s*cked.
My friend Michael D. has the winning comment on yesterday’s Stanford-USC football game” “It’s just a crying shame the game did not end in a tie so Stanford could have become the first NCAA school to punt in overtime.”
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The saddest thing about Joan Rivers’ funeral:. We didn’t get to hear her say a very funny but completely un-PC and inappropriate comment about the deceased.
From T.C “According to ESPN, the highest price for a family of four to attend an NFL game is the new Santa Clara stadium of the SF 49ers at $641. The cheapest NFL tickets can be found at Buffalo, where the team might pay you $641 to tell your friends that you were at the game.” . . .
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, Dallas jokes, Janice Hough, Jeter jokes, Mitt Romney jokes, NFL jokes, Romo jokes, Yankees jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 6, 2014
Oops. ESPN headline “Runs could be scarce when David Price and the Tigers host Madison Bumgarner and the Giants this afternoon.” (Not only did the Giants win 5-4, it was 4 to 2 after the first.)
Nice win for #SFGiants vs Detroit. But Miguel Cabrera against Romo? You could probably have gotten better odds that Miggy WOULDN’T have hit a home run. #sfgiants #hangingslider.
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Beginning to think the 2014 SF Giants strategy is to save all their hits for the first and last two months of the season?
Too much bad stuff for one post after Stanford USC game today. But for starters. 6 Red Zone chances for the Cardinal, 10 points. And two PUNTS for Stanford from USC 32 and 29 year line. Closer than the Trojans were when they kicked their 53 yard game-winning FG. #choke
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Well at least that #stanford fumble saved fans the agony of watching Williamson miss another field goal. #uscvsstan
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Though to be honest, happiest people watching USC vs. Stanford game had to be #Oregon fans. Both teams looked bad.
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And USC athletic director Pat Haden actually left his spot in the press box and came down to the field to argue with referees during the Stanford game. Wonder if Haden gets equally involved if some professor is about to flunk his players?
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San Jose State made $1.5 million to travel to Auburn to play the Tigers, , where they were 31 point underdogs. So was one of the oddmakers in Vegas a Spartans alum?
Kei Nishikori upset Novak Djokovic. A match that fans of underdogs and Scrabble players must have loved. #usopen.
Karma’s a mean b*tch. Or maybe just likes blue. Before the Virginia Tech game, Urban Meyer made ESPN announcers who visited the Buckeyes’ practice change their blue shirts to red and white OSU shirts. Since blue is Michigan’s color….. (For non-college football fans, Virginia Tech upset Ohio State, in Columbus.)
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In general, the Big Ten is looking like an oxymoron.
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Scotland is set to vote September 18 on breaking away from the United Kingdom. And a new Sunday Times poll shows independence winning 51% to 49%. If this secession happens can the US suggest it to Texas?
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Watching #Oregon football highlights. Still can’t pick out where they keep the generator to plug in those uniforms.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Big Ten jokes, college football jokes, Janice Hough, Ohio State jokes, SF Giants jokes, Stanford football jokes, USC jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
September 5, 2014
President Obama made an unscheduled stop at Stonehenge after a visit to Wales. How long until we see the Fox News headlines “Obama is a druid.”?
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The NY Daily News reports that the father of the 9 year-old girl who accidentally shot her instructor with an Uzi is a New Jersey “wealth adviser” who oversees more than $1.0 billion in investments. Proving again that money can’t buy common sense. #affluenza
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Apparently Washington Redskins merchandise sales are down this year with all the controversy. Of course, if the team really wants to sell the stuff, have them change the name, and then all the Redskins’ merchandise remaining becomes collector’s items.
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Johnny Manziel has filed for yet another trademark, this time “Johnny Cleveland.” At this rate he may end up the only QB with more trademarks than NFL passing touchdowns.
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FSU has apparently just begun an investigation into the 2012 rape accusations against Jameis Winston. And no doubt they will finish the investigation within a year after Winston heads to the NFL.
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From Bill Littlejohn “So if the Saints put a bounty on Wes Welker, do they call it a ‘Molly Hatchet’?
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CNN headlines are all about the unresponsive mystery plane that crashed off the coast of Jamaica. Now, while this is a sad story, apparently it was a small private aircraft with only two people aboard. But at least CNN knows where the plane is.
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Kim Kardashian, in a British magazine interview, denies that there will ever be another leaked sex tape. “I never want to make the same mistake twice.” Well, yeah, next time she’ll sell i
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Hillary Clinton hasn’t officially made a decision about running for President, but she’s made a decision about the decision: “I am going to be making a decision around, probably after the first of the year about whether I am going to run again.” “Geez, can you make up your mind already” responded Brett Favre.
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Hertz at Heathrow Airport charges 62.00 UKL for a week to rent a car, and 70 UKL additional to have a second person drive the car. Clearly car rental agencies are learning from the airlines.
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You may not root for Jake Peavy. But going back to pick up a win you started after 2 hrs and 41 minutes is seriously #oldschool #SFGiants
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A Northern California couple was arrested after sheriff’s deputies searched their home and found large quantities of marijuana and marijuana candy, along with a loaded shotgun and handgun, all accessible to their children, ages 2 and 4. And over at the NRA, their spokesmen’s heads are exploding.
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Thursday night in College Football, Texas A&M Commerce beat East Texas Baptist, 98-20. Today no doubt East Texas Baptist’s phones are ringing of the hook with potential $1 million paydays for future games from the SEC.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: affluenza jokes, college football jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, NFL jokes, SF Giants jokes
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September 4, 2014
Joan Rivers has passed away. What she is no doubt most upset about is that she can’t make inappropriate jokes at her own funeral.
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But if Rivers lost weight in her medically induced coma it could be her last dream come true – this after all is a woman who said of Karen Carpenter “I have no sympathy for anyone who gets thin enough to be buried in pleats.”
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Best comment though comes from Alex Kaseberg: “Big Joan Rivers fan. Why do I want to believe that her last words were; “Oh, super, I get to follow Robin Williams.”
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“Dancing with the Stars” has announced their 2015 “cast”. Although truthfully the show should be known as “Dancing With a Whole Lot of People You Vaguely Remember or Have Heard Of.”
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Former Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell, once considered a potential V.P candidate, was convicted along with his wife on multiple counts of conspiracy to defraud the citizens of Virginia, wire fraud, conspiracy and influence-peddling. Down in Louisiana they’re sniffing, “Amateurs.”
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Suspended Denver Broncos WR Wes Welker, still claiming innocence on how he could have been suspended for drug use, says maybe someone put something in his drink. I see a new business opportunity. Safety beverage lids for athletes? (To go along with something to test for tainted supplements.)
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Josh Gordon cannot play for the NFL or CFL this year due to his marijuana suspension, but the Browns receiver is going to work for an Ohio car dealer. So will their slogan be “At least our prices aren’t high?”
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Ah for the days when the only days that someone could get anything incriminating from a phone was to pick up an extension and listen in from another room…..
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In Oregon, a veterinarian who performed emergency surgery on a Great Dane found the dog had eaten 43 1/2 socks. And clothes dryers across the country are now saying they’re the victims of profiling.
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Why there is no satire. Bill O’Reilly warned his viewers “When you hear something on a partisan-driven program, do not believe it” And O’Reilly made the statement on Fox News.
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More “Why there is no satire.” Little League star Mo’ne Davis has said her first love is basketball and she’d love to be a UConn Husky. And after the LLWS Geno Auriemma called Davis to congratulate her. So now apparently another school has reported the call to the NCAA as a recruiting violation, because Mo’Ne is an 8th grader and student-athletes can’t be contacted until they are in 9th grade…..
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Malaysia Airlines has decided to change the name of a promotional competition they were running, called “My Ultimate Bucket List Challenge.” The real challenge is how anyone thought that was a good name in the first place.
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The Chicago Cubs announced SS Starlin Castro has a high ankle sprain and will probably miss the rest of the regular season. Uh, except for the Cubs is there anything BUT the regular season?
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The Oakland Raiders have settled a lawsuit with 90 cheerleaders who accused the team of not paying minimum wage. The team will pay out a total of $1.25 million. To put that in perspective, that’s about 3% of what the Raiders paid JaMarcus Russell.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bob McDonnell jokes, Cubs jokes, DWTS jokes, Janice Hough, joan rivers jokes, Josh Gordon jokes, Raiders jokes
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September 3, 2014
Michael Sam has joined the Cowboys practice squad. Suppose Brokeback Mountain jokes would be inappropriate.
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The Dallas Cowboys actually had a press conference to announce the signing of Michael Sam. Over the top? Maybe, but these are the Cowboys. it might be the only press conference all year where they have something positive to talk about.
It will be great when “openly gay” player joins “fill-in-the-blank” team becomes a non-story. The same way “openly black” player is now a non-story. But we need the stories to get to the non-story.
NY Jets practice squad WR Quincy Enunwa was arrested after an alleged domestic dispute last Sunday. Maybe Enunwa is trying too hard to prove he is really NFL ready.
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Is it just me or are a lot of the people responding to the picture hacking scam by saying “Don’t take naked pictures” the same people who you really don’t want to see naked?
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Wow. Not the Onion. ESPN reports that 1.3% of fantasy football teams own Tim Tebow. Of course some of these fantasy owners who have Tebow are probably the same folks who win the NCAA March Madness pool by picking colors.
From my comedy writing friend Dhaya Lakshiminarayanan – I’d say George Clooney, but she might be onto something. “The reason we need more women in computer science is so female hackers can hack into icloud to give us hot naked pics of Channing Tatum.”
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CVS has stopped selling tobacco products. Not sure how it will affect their bottom line but at least it will eliminate the long slow lines getting longer and slower when the clerk has to go get the requested cigarettes out of the cases.
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Tom Brady on potential retirement ” ‘When I suck, I’ll retire.” Think we have a contender for the most likely sign to be seen in the stands when the Patriots are on the road.
The Cleveland Browns have apparently told Brian Hoyer he IS their starting QB, it’s “his offense,” and that it’s not going to be a quick hook.” Translation, Hoyer’s job is safe for at least one quarter.
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Duck Dynasty patriarch Phil Robertson on ISIS/ISIL “I’d much rather have a Bible study with all of them and show them the error of their ways and point them to Jesus Christ. However, if it’s a gunfight and a gunfight alone, if that’s what they’re looking for, me personally, I am prepared for either one.” Suppose it’s wrong of me to ask, anyone want to take up a collection to send Robertson over there to try?
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Ah September, when the sting of an ugly 9-2 #SFGiants loss can almost be erased by an 14 inning 8-5 #Dodgers loss.
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–All these pennant races and it was the #Diamondbacks vs #Padres on Wed. night baseball. #ESPN must really want to get us in the mood for #NFL football.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Browns jokes, Cowboys jokes, Janice Hough, Michael Sam jokes, naked picture jokes, NFL jokes, phone hacking jokes
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September 3, 2014
Leads are so unsafe at Coors Field that you don’t even need a voodoo cat. But one can help. (SF Giants down 6-0, won 12-7)
Meanwhile, anyone seen the #CoorsField humidor repairman? #SFGiants #Rockies
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ESPN reporting the Cowboys are is bringing in Michael Sam for a physical Wednesday, and they hope to sign him to the Dallas practice squad. Not sure who will have a harder time, Cowboys fans who are homophobic and can’t stand the idea of rooting for a gay man, or gay-friendly liberals who can’t stand the idea of rooting for Dallas.
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The NY Yankees announced that the entire team will wear a patch honoring Derek Jeter’s final-season logo on their hats and uniforms from Sept. 7 through the end of the season. Gosh. I know I’ve been busy and probably missed the initial coverage, but just how many months does poor Jeter have left to live?
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From Alex Kaseberg. “The New York Yankees will mark the rest of the year by wearing Derek Jeter patches on their hats and uniforms. In addition, the clubhouse will feature Alex Rodriguez toilet paper.”
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No joke, the owner of a shooting range where a 9 year old girl accidentally killed her instructor with an Uzi said shooting the gun was “something that was high on her bucket list to do.” A bucket list? At 9? Maybe because with this kind of stupidity from her parents none of them will live to be old?
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Another air rage incident over reclining seats results in a plane being diverted, this time Delta. Of course, the airlines could avoid these issues by putting their seats far enough apart for average humans…. Or more likely they’ll start training their flight crews in the use of handcuffs.
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The state of Colorado isn’t taking in as much in taxes on legalized marijuana as expected. On the other hand, law enforcement costs must be down. And is the state figuring in taxes from increased tourism, and sales taxes on junk food?
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SF 49ers coach Jim Harbaugh was asked if he had a comment on the 49ers’ NFL-leading 10 arrests since 2012, and responded, “We’re going to do everything in our power to make sure there isn’t a pattern forming.” Uh, coach, there’s ALREADY a pattern forming.
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Stanford beat UC Davis 45-0 last Saturday and fell two places in the Coaches’ Poll. Clearly they should have held the Aggies to negative points.
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The NFL has apparently suspended Wes Welker four games for use of amphetamines. Let the “tainted supplement” whining begin, again.
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So the story is that Wes Welker allegedly took MDMA (Molly) while attending the Kentucky Derby in May. How stupid can he be if so. The official mind-altering drug of choice during the Derby is always the Mint Julep.
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It’s now the “USA Today AMWAY Top 25 Coaches Poll.” Once again, can’t imagine how college football players get the idea playing the sport should be about money.
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My friend Jon N. says “Actually, Amway only named the top five. Then each of those five had to select five. Then, by adding more levels, everyone enjoys greater success!”
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Justin Bieber was arrested again this weekend while vacationing in Ontario, Canada. Bieber was charged for dangerous driving and assault after his ATV allegedly collided with a minivan. Clearly another international incident that is a failure of Obama’s leadership…. Time to secure that Northern Border.
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bieber jokes, college football jokes, Coors field jokes, Cowboys jokes, Janice Hough, Michael Sam jokes, SFGiants jokes, Wes Welker jokes
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September 1, 2014
Ricky Gervais sparked a controversy by tweeting: ‘Celebrities, make it harder for hackers to get nude pics of you from your computer by not putting nude pics of yourself on the computer.’ Must say, there are some advantages of being from the generation that grew up with Polaroid.
The FBI said today it is looking into the celebrity nude picture leaks. That stampeding sound you hear is all the agents volunteering to lead the investigation.
Kim Kardashian appears to be one of the few “celebrity” women whose photos haven’t been hacked. Either that or the hackers figured her nude pictures were old news.
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What’s next, the hackers demanding ransom? As in if we don’t all pay it they may leak nude photos of Rob Ford?
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So did even hackers decide they didn’t want to see V Stiviano nude pictures? #Sopasther15minutes
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Houston fired manager Bo Porter, although the Astros are ahead of the Texas Rangers and have a better record than the Arizona Diamondbacks and the Colorado Rockies. So was Porter fired for over achieving?
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Controversial “The Bachelor” couple Juan Pablo and Nikki Ferrell are still dating. But they’ve now signed up for “Couples Therapy” which is a VH1 reality show. Well, this ought to do wonders for the rumors they’re just in it for the publicity.
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Gov. Rick Perry deleted and then disavowed a tweet from his verified Twitter account which had a picture of D.A. Rosemary Lehmberg, “I don’t always drive drunk at 3x the legal blood alcohol limit… …but when I do, I indict Gov. Perry for calling me out about it. I am the most drunk Democrat in Texas.” So what, does Perry have 3 people in charge of his account and he only told 2 of them to “stay classy?”
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Andrew Susac singles and scores the winning run in today’s suspended SF Giants- Colorado Rockies May 22 game. How impressive is the Giants rookie catcher – he wins a game two months before he gets called up to the majors?
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Congratulations to the #SFGiants Gary Brown, who finally got his September call-up to the big leagues. The knock on Brown has been that he can’t hit major league pitching. But doesn’t that describe most of the Giants lineup for much of this season?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: celebrity nude picture jokes, hacker jokes, Janice Hough, Rick Perry jokes, SF Giants jokes
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August 31, 2014
Open note to #SF49ers. You may need a DE fast, and there’s one available who’s almost certain not to hit a woman #RayMcDonald #MichaelSam
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Leaving aside the fact that domestic violence is wrong, just how stupid did the 49ers Ray MacDonald have to be? As the DE has now volunteered to be the poster child for Roger Goodell’s mea culpa.
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Meanwhile in baseball, is there some unwritten rule in 2014 that there can only be one good MLB team in the San Francisco Bay Area at a time?
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For the younger generation who never went to Disneyland in the old days, the 2014 SF Giants are defining the term “E ticket ride.”
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And for anyone who might have been nervous, no, that was Not an earthquake in San Francisco today that ground shaking was just Pablo Sandoval running out a triple.
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Baylor has unveiled a new bronze statue of Robert Griffin III. The statue is impressive, but alas expected to start breaking down in the next couple years.
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A medical marijuana farmers market in L.A. has been temporarily closed by a judge. In related news, Southern California 7-11s have slashed their orders for Doritos.
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The Indians-Royals Sunday night baseball game was suspended in the 10th inning. What’s more surprising? That umps would suspend a game that late? Or that a Cleveland-Kansas City game would be ESPN’s Sunday night choice?
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Yankees lose to Toronto Blue Jays after having a 3 run lead in the 6. The race is on to sign Derek Jeter as a postseason commentator.
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Pro-democracy activists are upset because in the 2017 election to elect Hong Kong’s leader, the powers-that-be in Beijing will approve candidates and only allow two or three on the ballot. Yes, because that is so different from the American way.
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A Colorado woman admits to texting while driving when she hit a pole that went through her car, piercing her thigh and buttocks. Talk about a well-justified pain-in-the-a**.
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Would all these critics of President Obama please tell us which war they would like him to start first?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Janice Hough, Michael same jokes, NFL jokes, ray mcDonald jokes, SF Giants jokes
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August 30, 2014
Stanford Stadium, start of the second half. The stadium was about 2/3 full. But Stanford fans proving they are smart enough to get out of the sun. (Shady side was SRO.)
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38 to 0 Stanford over UCDavis at half time. 45 to 0 final. Not sure if there will be a rematch. At this point Davis is probably fielding half a dozen offers for future games from teams in the SEC .
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Good for Wisconsin for playing LSU opening weekend. But the Badgers’ 4th quarter collapse probably means their long shot hopes for this year’s BCS playoffs are already done. There has to be a better way. #Toomanycupcakes
Michael Sam released by the St. Louis Rams in their final cuts. Good news for #ESPN who can now make their story, “Same circus, different elephants.” #notrunkjokesplease
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Michael Sam’s dream isn’t over. He could still be picked up off waivers by another NFL team. Or maybe even the Raiders.
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Rep. Peter King said that Obama’s tan suit during a press conference was a metaphor for a “lack of seriousness.” Uh, and maybe really caring about the color of the President’s suit is a metaphor for a lack of a brain?
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Ghostbusters is having their 30th anniversary weekend. So now “Who you gonna call? really means “Do you remember who you were gonna call?
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The San Antonio Spurs are amongst the teams trying to sign Ray Allen, Guess the NBA champions figure it’s time for a youth movement.
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A mom from Bremerton, Washington, was sentenced to serve at least a year in jail after her 9-year-old son took a gun to his school, and had it go off in his backpack, injuring an 8-year-old classmate. More of this kind of sentence and just MAYBE more people will be more careful with their firearms? #wecandream
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In a NY Times story about Las Vegas tourist gun ranges, a “range safety officer” is quoted as saying that more than half the tourists “haven’t seen a gun before, much less handled one. You have to ease their fears and you do that by highlighting the safety features. If they do anything wrong, you will be there to correct them.” Yeah, that worked out so well last week.
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: ghostbusters jokes, Janice Hough, Michael Sam jokes, NCAA football jokes, Stanford jokes, tan suit jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 29, 2014
Joan Rivers is in a medically induced coma following cardiac arrest and at this point doctors aren’t sure if she will recover. If she doesn’t survive, however, at least they won’t need any additional embalming fluid.
5 cuts to go and Michael Sam is still on the #Rams roster. Of course, this would have been easier for Sam if he were drafted by a team with more arrests and suspensions.
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Hillary Clinton seems to be trying to distance herself from President Obama. Today she was saying “Don’t wear stupid suits.”
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With her first child due this fall, Chelsea Clinton has quit her reporter job. Many Americans are shocked. Chelsea Clinton had a reporter job?
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USC coach Steve Sarkisian indefinitely suspended Josh Shaw for lying, but today when asked if the star CB could be reinstated responded “”Potentially, sure. Potentially, sure.” As in potentially for the Sept 6. Stanford game?
The Indianapolis $tar reports that Colt$ owner Jim Ir$ay has reached a plea deal with his DUI and felony drug po$$e$$ion case. Now let’$ $ee what kind of deal Ir$ay can work out with NFL commi$$ioner Roger Goodell.
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The latest GOP attack in Louisiana is that Senator Mary Landrieu is apparently registered to vote at the New Orleans house where her parents live. Guess she have registered her address as a hotel like President George H.W. Bush, or a vacation home like Dick Cheney?
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Temple 37, Vanderbilt 7 last night? Vandy is actually part of the SEC. And looking like part of a plan where teams won’t have to go out of conference to schedule cupcakes.
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The NFL said they will not fine Ndamukong Suh for roughing Jacksonville QB Chad Henne last Friday. Guess they figure they’ll pull in enough money from Suh during the regular season.
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Tony Stewart will race again this weekend, and says that the “tragedy” of hitting Kevin Ward Jr. will “affect my life forever.” Well, it certainly affected Ward’s.
Ah the laws of unintended conseqences. The Satanic Temple just announced that based on the Supreme Court’s Hobby Lobby decision, their believers should be exempt from any state’s informed consent laws that require women considering abortions to read pro-life material.
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From Bill Littlejohn. ” This year, Jacksonville Jaguars season ticket holders get a half-price concealed weapon permit deal. I think we can all hope they don’t offer that deal to Raider fans.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, joan rivers jokes, Michael Sam jokes, NFL jokes, SEC jokes, USC jokes
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August 28, 2014
Dodgers LF Scott Van Slyke sprained his ankle yesterday night while playing in Arizona, and claimed it was because “They’ve got bad grass here.” Dude! You want good grass, sign with the Colorado Rockies.
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Athletic director Pat Haden says USC officials vetted Josh Shaw’s story 12 times. Who was in charge of the investigation, O.J. Simpson? And is he still looking for the real hero?
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It’s midnight. Does anyone know where Josh Shaw’s latest story on his injury is?
Five Easy Pieces moment in Palo Alto: Wanting a glass of sparkling wine while waiting for a table at Delfina. Not on the menu. But but they have a Bellini. Asked nice young man if they could do prosecco. “He didn’t know what prosecco was but said no. Asked what was in Bellini. He checked and said, “peach and prosecco.” Okay, can you do prosecco? “No.” Alas, a woman coworker who overheard overruled him before I got to ask for the “Bellini, hold the Peach.”
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USC CB Josh Shaw was suspended indefinitely for lying to explain an injury, now senior RB Anthony Brown quit the Trojans saying “Can’t play for a racist MAN!!!!!”” And just guessing somewhere that Lane Kiffin is cackling.
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46 batters retired in a row. A major league baseball all-time record for Yusmeiro Petit. Your move, Kershaw? #Dodgers #SFGiants
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Vikings star RB Adrian Peterson apparently told Dallas owner Jerry Jones he would like to play for him and the Cowboys. Quick, check Peterson for concussions.
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Apple apparently will unveil iPhones with bigger screens next month. So at least when people look at their screens while walking and driving they won’t have to squint as much.
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An internal GOP poll shows that most women are “barely receptive” to Republicans and believe they are “stuck in the past.” Which no doubt will motivate many in the party – to try to repeal the 19th amendment.
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Roger Goodell, citing precedent for his two-game suspension for Ray Rice, has now announced that the NFL will suspend players and personnel six games for domestic violence, with a lifetime ban from the league for a second offense. So if it’s about precedents and rules, should the league put in writing what a first offense ban might be for say, actually killing someone?
An American Airlines flight from Miami to Paris was diverted to Boston over an argument over a passenger reclining his seat. If this keeps happening presumably airlines will try to prevent such issues, by making all seats non-reclining.
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Obama said at a press conference today that “we don’t have a strategy yet’ in Syria. Critics are furious, they want the President to spell out what he intends to do so they can say it is wrong.
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Joan Rivers is apparently in a medically induced coma after she stopped breathing during throat surgery. In her honor assume other comedians will rush to make inappropriate jokes?
From Alex Kaseberg. ” In Malibu, 50-year-old surfing legend, Laird Hamilton, rescued a surfer from drowning. Immediately afterward, Hamilton was offered a spot on the USC football team.”
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From T.C. “Texas A&M QB Kenny Hill passed for 511 yds and broke Johnny Manziel’s single game passing record tonight. In related news, the patent office says that the name Kenny Football has not yet been copyrighted.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Janice Hough, joan rivers jokes, Josh Shaw jokes, marijuana jokes, NFL jokes, Republican jokes, SF Giants jokes
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August 27, 2014
In July, a South Carolina working mother of a 9 year old girl was arrested for letting her daughter go to the park alone, with a cellphone, during daylight hours. The mom was booked for “unlawful conduct towards a child. ” Anyone but me having a problem with the fact that she was charged with a crime, but we have no rules for parents who figure it’s okay to let their daughter of the same age learn to shoot an submachine gun?
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The story of the 9 year old girl who lost control of an Uzi and fatally shot her instructor at a shooting range outside Las Vegas has gone national. Millions of Americans are appalled. But wonder how many are thinking well, they should have started her with guns younger…
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A new survey of NFL players found that 75% said they agree with President Obama’s statement that he does not think marijuana is more dangerous than alcohol. And presumably the other 25% responded “Dude, what was that question again?”
Hurricane Cristobal and Tropical Storm Marie are creating huge waves and high surf on both coasts. Is it too soon to start a pool on the over-under for Darwin Awards?
Josh Shaw admitted today that he made up the story about spraining his ankles while rescuing his nephew from drowning. USC suspended him indefinitely – translation “at least the first half of the Fresno State game.” And wonder how long it will take Shaw to attempt to use the story for credit in a Creative Writing course?
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Rumors are flying that USC CB Josh Shaw actually broke his ankles in an altercation with his girlfriend, but his attorney insists “There is absolutely NO domestic violence.” And why should we doubt anything Shaw says?
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Mark your calendars. September 6, USC plays Stanford, in Palo Alto. Forget the game. The half time show should be memorable. Wonder how many members of the band will show up on crutches.
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Parents are suing a Texas day care for allegedly duct taping their fidgety toddlers to nap mats. Millions of Americans read this story and are appalled. But wonder how many others are thinking “could that be arranged with airline seats?”
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Police near Houston are looking for a man who abandoned a cellphone with a selfie on it at a 4-acre marijuana farm they recently raided. Doesn’t do much to dispel that marijuana and short term memory issue….
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Apparently there’s a glitch in Madden 15 that makes players fly around the field like they have stepped on a land mine or something. Let’s hope this isn’t a trial balloon for the NFL trying to increase viewship numbers.
ESPN now regrets’ the SportsCenter report Michael Sam that focused on shower habits. More like they regret finding out that most Americans are considerably more mature on the subject than the network is….
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The NFL upheld Josh Gordon’s year-long suspension for using marijuana and violating the league’s substance-abuse policy. So the message is clear to young men, if you get stressed, put down the joint and take it out on your girlfriend.
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A man has lost his $34,000 suit against British Airways after he and his partner were flown to Grenada in the Caribbean instead of Granada in Spain. He claims he asked the airline for the correct city and didn’t notice the mistake until he was on the connecting flight from London. Uh, and he didn’t notice the flight time as several hours from England to what he thought would be Spain? #cantfixstupid
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: hurricane jokes, Janice Hough, Josh Shaw jokes, marijuana jokes, Stanford band jokes, USC jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 