Posted tagged ‘Janice Hough’
July 16, 2015
President Obama will be in New York City Friday night, and the FAA has issued a no fly zone over Manhattan. Which won’t affect commercial flights, but will force wealthy folks heading to the Hamptons to take ground transportation instead of private helicopters. “I feel so sorry for them,” said no one in 99.9% of the population.
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Interesting, all the talk about Caitlyn Jenner. But if we’re talking LGBT acceptance, the U.S. women’s soccer team has both gay and straight players, and it doesn’t seem to affect their chemistry OR performance.
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Apparently this season has seen a big increase in the number of NL managers who are batting their pitcher 8th in the lineup. The SF Giants’ Madison Bumgarner is not pleased with this trend. He thinks he should bat at least 6th.
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Here’s a serious idea for a change. Let’s change the MLB trade deadline to during the All-Star break. Would make it easier for players to get to their new teams. And would give sports fans something more interesting to follow during the break than NBA summer league scores.
Mark Cuban is now proposing that the NBA playoffs be expanded to 10 teams per conference. Right, so teams like the Indiana Pacers would be spared the heartache of just missing the playoffs with a 38-44 record.
Josh Smith has left the Rockets for the Clippers, signing for $1.5 million, the veteran minimum, and reportedly told a source he chose “winning over money?” So Smith is bad at history, statistics AND math?
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The Tennessee Highway Safety Office is pulling the “100 Days of Summer Heat Booze It and Lose It Campaign” which was intended to keep young men from drinking too much, with had posters and coasters with messages like this
“After a few drinks the girls look hotter and the music sounds better. Just remember: If your judgment is impaired, so is your driving.”
“Buy a drink for a marginally good looking girl only to find out she’s chatty, clingy and your boss’s daughter. If this sounds like something you would do, your judgment is impaired and so is your driving.”
The only question. Who thought this was a good idea in the first place?
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New Jersey is considering a lottery, open only to state college students and alumni, where the winner would get all their student loan debt paid off. Great, so if they don’t know enough already, students can go further into debt buying lottery tickets.
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As we approach the 2nd half of the MLB season, Vegas has updated their odds for this years World Series winner- with the favorites being the Royals, Cardinals, Nationals and Dodgers. The Phillies are last 5000-1.
Note to anything thinking of betting on the Phillies. try something with better odds. Like buying a Powerball lottery ticket.
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But really, a 5,000 to 1 bet on the Phillies now to win the World Series? Or for that matter 250 to 1 on the Brewers, or even 50-1 on the Red Sox? In all of these and more case, when they’re saying “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” clearly they’re talking about your money.
Apparently Vegas sports books are quite worried about the Royals and Astros, as they stand to pay out big bucks if either team, lightly regarded in the preseason, wins the World Series. But on the other hand, MGM properties report 4,000 bets placed on the Cubs, more than double that on any other team. #youlosesomeyouwinsome
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TLC has officially cancelled “19 kids and counting.” Anybody here actually watch the show in the first place?
From T.C. Russell Wilson’s new sweetie, Ciara, sang the anthem at All Star game. It was suggested that he could hand off the microphone to her.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: #Caitlyn Jenner jokes, baseball jokes, betting jokes, Cubs jokes, Duggars jokes, Janice Hough, jersey jokes, NBA jokes, trade deadline jokes, Vegas jokes
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July 15, 2015
Alabama coach Nick Saban, whose Crimson Tide lost to OSU in the college football playoffs, says his “team chemistry from the SEC Championship Game to the playoff was affected by something.” And Saban thinks it was the approaching deadline to declare for the NFL draft. Well, it sure wasn’t their studies.
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The reviews are in, and apparently Amazon’s #PrimeDay is a #Subprimeday.
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This trend is not in keeping with the God-like nature and dignity of cats. But, okay, it’s funny. #trumpyourcat
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Donald Trump was bragging today that he is worth $10 billion. That must give such a warm fuzzy feeling to creditors of his four companies that have declared bankruptcy.
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A Republican congressman from Florida is positing Trump’s candidacy is really a Democratic plot. Not likely. As if anyone thinks the Democratic party is that organized.
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The IRS reported the hold time for customers trying to reach customer service reps between Jan 1-April 18, 2015 was 23 minutes, and that only 37% of taxpayers who called actually got through. Wow Are they trying to run a government agency or an airline?
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Florida sure seems determined to win the internet this week. From my funny friend Alex Kaseberg: “A Florida man was arrested for having sex with bound and gagged alligator. He’s writing a book about it called: “50 Shades of Everglades.”
Dr. Steven Hotze, president of Conservative Republicans of Texas says that gay marriage is to “celebrate those that participate in anal sex.” And they will teach it to kids in schools. Kids will be encouraged to practice sodomy in kindergarten.”
So Hotze thinks that previously kids have been encouraged to practice vaginal sex in kindergarten?
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Nothing against Caitlyn Jenner. Absolutely respect her decision, and she made a very good speech. But the Arthur Ashe award on the ESPYs should have gone to Lauren Hill. Period.
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Not that anyone saves a prime space in their trophy room for an ESPY. But okay, Madison Bumgarner loses “Best Championship Performance” not to American Pharoah, but to LeBron James, who DIDN’T WIN A CHAMPIONSHIP. I call bullsh*t. Irrelevant bullsh*t, but bullsh*t nonetheless.
(and then they give best male athlete to Steph Curry. Not a bad choice. But so Lebron beats Madbum but doesn’t even win the best basketball player of the year…? #anythingbuthonoringabaseballplayerwhoisntDerekJeter
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #Caitlyn Jenner jokes, Amazon jokes, amazon prime jokes, baseball jokes, ESPY jokes, ESPYS jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
July 15, 2015
All those Los Angeles fans who were originally claiming that Clayton Kershaw wasn’t on the NL All Star team. Who knew, most of them were Angels fans with delusions of World Series /home field advantage grandeur?
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Now there’s no Major League Baseball for two more days. So the whole country gets to see what it’s like to be Phillies fans.
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Tiger Woods, rejecting retirement rumors at a news confererence at St. Andrews: “I know some of you guys think I’m buried and done, but I’m still right here in front of you.” Well, through Friday anyhow.
After Brittney Griner filed for annulment 28 days after their marriage, fellow WNBA player and soon to be ex-wife Glory Johnson is now asking for $20,000 a month in spousal support.
So yeah, who’s to say gay marriages aren’t equal to “straight” marriages? #messy
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There were fortunately no injuries when a British woman crashed her car into the back of a van while, as the Daily Mail put it, “pleasuring herself with a vibrator.” Hmm, seems like maybe there’s a potential extra-cost option to be added to those self-driving cars.
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Another rant: After the tragic murder of a young woman in SF, GOP House members are blasting the Obama administration. And they are working on legislation to prevent detained illegal immigrants with criminal records from being released in future.
Okay, fine. Now, while they’re at it, Kathryn Steinle was shot with a gun that had been stolen from a Federal agent earlier in the week. How about legislation to require tracking devices in guns similar to cellphones, which would also prevent murders from happening.
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Scott Walker – “The left claims that they’re for American workers and they’ve just got just really lame ideas — things like the minimum wage.”
Well, yeah, if Americans would just start out for say, $1 an hour, there’d be no problem with unemployment or off-shoring jobs….
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How bad does it have to be with Bill Cosby when his wife Camille is DEFENDING him by saying his alleged victims “consented” to taking drugs and having sex with him.
The Oklahoma GOP posted this on their FB page Tuesday..
“The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing this year the greatest amount of free Meals and Food Stamps ever, to 46 million people.
Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S. Department of the Interior, asks us “Please Do Not Feed the Animals.” Their stated reason for the policy is because “The animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves.”
Thus ends today’s lesson in irony ?#OKGOP”
Wednesday the post was taken down. Thus ends today’s lesson in thinking before you post on social media. #cantfixmean #cantfixstupid
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And back to the sport rants.
An Oakland As season ticket holder has filed a class-action lawsuit to force Major League Baseball to extend the safety netting at its ballparks the entire length of the foul lines, saying there are 1,750 injuries a year now at games.
Okay, 162 times 15 (30 teams playing each other) is 2,430 games. Plus an large number of playoff games. So less than an injury a game. But how many fans now enjoy getting foul balls at games? How many of those injuries are serious? How many involve cellphones? And last but not least, how much do the fan’s lawyers hope to make out of this?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, baseball jokes, cosby jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
July 13, 2015
Congrats to Todd Frazier, who defeated Joc Pederson 14-13 to win the All-Star Home Run Derby. MLB next year may shoot for even higher totals. So instead of players inviting friends and relatives to throw potential home run balls to them, the league may give the job to the Red Sox pitching staff.
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There were actually worries that severe thunderstorms might have rained tonight out. So maybe even God was thinking He/She was getting a bit tired of the Home Run Derby.
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Even Gregg Popovich is impressed with this exchange between a FoxSports reporter and Zack Greinke.
“Matt Vasgergian: “Zack, you want to say a few words?”
Zack Greinke: “No.”
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Some SF Giants fans are unhappy that Bruce Bochy is starting Zack Greinke over Madison Bumgarner in the All-Star Game. But really, Greinke IS having a better year. Must have helped to have had most of last October off.
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All-Star Game starting pitchers, the Dodgers’ Zack Greinke and the Astros’ Dallas Keuchel. Top two questions from casual baseball fans: 1. Aren’t the Astros in the NL? and 2. Dallas who?
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Open note to Bruce Bochy. If the All-Star game is down to the bottom of the ninth and the NL is behind, save one of those Pirate players to pinch hit. #backtobackextrainningwalkoffs
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What’s a bigger sign of the apocalypse? That the AL All-Star game has no starters from either the Yankees or the Red Sox? Or that the Cubs are over .500 at the All-Star break?
(thanks to Neal for the idea that got the above started.)
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Not only did Mexican drug lord El Chapo escape, he did so via a lighted and ventilated tunnel, over a mile long, which he somehow had built while inside a maximum security prison. It’s a shame this guy is such a bad dude, Caltrans could use him to oversee some of their building projects.
FSU president John E. Thrasher met with the Semnoles’ football team today, and apparently gave them a lecture to remind them that playing for Florida State is a “privilege, not a right.”
Seems like three words would have done it. “Don’t get arrested.”
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This week is the SEC media days for football. Over 1,200 (not a typo) members of the media requested credentials. And some people really wonder why these players have trouble with the student-athlete concept….
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Fortunately there were no injuries when a 19 year-old-old crashed his car in Atherton, California Saturday night, totaling the car and wiping out fences and shubbery. He was allegedly drunk. The car was a 2014 Tesla. Another possible affluenza defense?
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Scott Walker officially announced he was running for President. Thereby surprising most people who figured he was already running for President.
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Joys of the modern age. When you need to change a password. And it’s got to be complicated with different cases, punctuation marks and numbers. And while you’re typing that new password it has to be encrypted so you can’t see what you’re typing.
THEN it asks you to confirm the new password. And says the confirmation doesn’t match, please correct. Except you have no idea if the error was in the first or the second typing because of the encryption. Okay I am done now. #therehastobeaneasierway
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Now it’s Marco Rubio reporting his fundraising – $12 million in the last 3 months. You know, if you’re someone who makes GOP commercials and campaign material, and you’re still unemployed at this point, you just might want to find another line of work.
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From T.C. “Russell Wilson’s new sweetie is singing the anthem at All Star game tomorrow. Wonder if he’ll show up to hand her the microphone.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, Allstar jokes, baseball jokes, Bochy jokes, Cincinnati jokes, Dodgers jokes, El Chapo jokes, home run derby jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 12, 2015
Lebron James says he still has “nightmares” over Cleveland’s loss to Golden State ” I can never get away from losing in the Finals.” Don’t they say practice makes perfect?
Bruce Bochy has added Clayton Kershaw to the NL All-Star SF Giants fans have no problem with this. Maybe Bochy can pitch him for 8 innings?
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Max Scherzer is pitching today and so will miss the All-Star game. And the Nationals, who saw Madison Bumgarner last year, are thinking, “If we win the NL and have Max Scherzer, we don’t need no stinking home field advantage.”
The Knicks beat the Spurs, 78-73 in their first Summer League game in Las Vegas yesterday. The game was also the head coaching debut of Becky Hammon. And everyone survived just fine. #Thetimestheyareachangin
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Buffalo Bills OL coach Aaron Kromer was arrested this morning in Florida for allegedly punching a boy in the face. And at NFL headquarters they’re thinking “At least it wasn’t a girl.”
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Jayson Tatum, the #2 ranked 2016 basketball recruit, has committed to join the Blue Devils, saying “I love the way the program is run and I love the way the academics are set up.” So Tatum is thinking Duke has the best 1 year high school post-graduate program in the country?
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NY Rep. Carolyn Maloney today cited the World Cup in calling for gender pay equality. “Women are being short-changed in soccer. We need to step up and work for equal pay.” The U.S. women’s national team received $2 million, whereas the men got $8 million for losing in the round of 16.
Well, and no doubt that’s because of TV ratings. The Women’s final had 25.4 million viewers, only about 2 million more than this year’s NBA finals game 6 and 2014’s World Series game 7. Oops, never mind.
Donald Trump is bragging that 15,000 supporters came to watch his Phoenix speech, and that tickets to ‘free’ event sold online for as much as $100. Right. But what’s more American than turning out for a really spectacular circus?
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Joaquin Guzman, “El Chapo”, who was the most wanted drug lord in the world until his 2014 arrest, apparently escaped from a Mexican maximum security prison for the second time.
Maybe they ought to rethink that “maximum security” part? #Whatsminimumsecurity?
Donald Trump, surprise, is seizing on the escape of drug lord “El Chapo” from a Mexican maximum security as proof of that country’s corruption. So what was the escape of two murderers from a U.S. maximum security prison proof of…?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, baseball jokes, Bills jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, soccer jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
July 12, 2015
There is a rumor that McDonald’s “Minions” toys, instead of spouting gibberish, actually speak in profanities. Is this a shameless ploy to sell more Happy Meals to pre-teens?
Once again it’s time for the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, which brings people from around the world to Spain. You know, for a lot less money these folks could stay home and play in traffic?
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Tiger Woods, back at St Andrews for the first time in years said “It’s totally changed.” “Thinking the same about you” responded the Old Course.
Mark Cuban, after DeAndre Jordan apologized on Twitter for backing out of a verbal agreement to join the Mavericks “When is an apology not an apology? When you didn’t write it yourself. Next.”
Thinking one of the most anticipated NBA games of the year may be when the Clippers come to Dallas.
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A new GOP presidential poll shows Donald Trump and Jeb Bush tied at the top with about 15% each. If this keeps up, Trump’s campaign will attract some serious donations. From Hillary Clinton.
Donald Trump at a speech in Phoenix today- “Don’t worry, we’ll take our country back.” Back to what, the 19th century?
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Three things that should never be seen at #ATTPark: The DH, Dodger Blue, and the wave #SFGiants
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Seeing the #Phillies on your upcoming MLB schedule is like seeing the #Astros used to be. #goodtimes #SFGiants
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Joel Embiid, the 76ers top pick and #3 overall in the 2014 draft, sat out last season with a foot injury. Now he needs another surgery and will probably miss next season as well. Guess it’s not too early for Philadephia to start scouting 2016 draft picks.
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Goldstar has the Raiders-Cardinals preseason NFL game on August 30 for $12.50 in Oakland. Hmm, are they offering to charge us or to pay us?
From Marc Ragovin “Jason Pierre-Paul on his fireworks fiasco and its aftermath: “There’s no need to point fingers.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, Janice Hough, McDonalds jokes, Phillies jokes, Running of the bulls jokes, Tiger Woods jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 10, 2015
An arbitrator has reduced the Cowboys’ Greg Hardy suspension from 10 to four games. This for assaulting his girlfriend and threatening to kill her. Well, not like Hardy did anything serious like smoking marijuana.
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Miss Nevada USA 2007 was arrested for alleged possession and sale of meth this week. Hmm, wonder if she told pageant officials that her career goal was to teach science?
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Ohio State QB Braxton Miller “As it stands right now, I know I am the best athlete in college football.” Uh, he might not even be the best athlete at OSU.
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A warrant has been issued for the arrest of FSU RB Dalvin Cook, 19, who is accused of repeatedly punching a 21-year-old woman in the face outside a bar in June. This after he completed pre-trial intervention for a bb-gun battle last June and was investigated for allegedly waving a gun at a neighbor in July of 2014.
Cook was the Seminoles’ leading rusher last season, gaining 1,008 yards with 8 TDs. Guessing he’ll be dismissed from the team. But is it too soon to start a pool on which SEC team will announce he’s a nice young man who deserves a second chance?
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RB Dalvin Cook, facing arrest for assault, has been cut from the Seminoles football team. FSU coach Jimbo Fisher – “It is important to me that our fans and the public be aware that I do not tolerate the type of behavior that was captured on video and that was most recently alleged.”
Well, at least he’s honest about the “captured on video” part”
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Happiest baseball people who are not #SFGiants fans tonight. Anyone whose team was hoping to trade for Cole Hamels and wanted a lower price. (Final score -SF 15- PHL 2.)
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#SFGiants are undefeated in 2015 when they score 15 runs.
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The Confederate flag has been removed from the South Carolina capitol. Let’s hope not too many people fired guns in the air to celebrate.
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Many men don’t get the fascination with “The Bachelorette,” especially this year where a woman tells a guy he is “the one,” then goes and sleeps with someone else, and may yet go back to the first guy. They’d rather deal with watching serious stuff like NFL free agency……
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A new study says that 10% of Americans take fish oil pills, but that the omega-3s in the pills may not be beneficial at all for heart health. Of course, have to wonder how many people take them along with meals featuring double-bacon-cheeseburgers….
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Today’s bus to hell moment courtesy of T. C. “Michael Sam is back with the Montreal Alouettes CFL team. He returned without much fanfare. It’s almost like he snuck in the back door.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: dalvin cook jokes, FSU jokes, Greg Hardy jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Phillies jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 9, 2015
Okay, Greece needs about a $53 billion dollar bailout. Here’s a way to kill two birds with one stone. Let’s move the U.S. Presidential Primary to Greece, along with all the consultants, media, etc. That should be well over a $53 billion injection of money into their economy. And we in America will only have to watch “plausibly live” highlights on tape delay..
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Reince Priebus, chair of the RNC, reportedly called Donald Trump and told him to “tone it down” on immigration. Wonder if DNC chair Debbie Wasserman Schultz called Trump to remind him of his first amendment right to free speech.
Donald Trump just said in a CNN interview “I don’t know. I really don’t know,” when asked about President Obama being born in this country. “I don’t know why he wouldn’t release his records.”
At this point many people are beginning to wonder if Trump was born on this planet.
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And Geoffrey Zakarian is the latest chef to drop out of Trump’s new hotel in Washington, D.C.. over those immigration comments. When Trump sorts out his restaurants, thinking he may have some REAL issues getting housekeeping staff.
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Miami Marlins have signed Casey McGehee after the SF Giants released him yesterday. Well, maybe with all their injuries the Marlins figure they won’t have many opportunities with runners on base for McGehee to hit into a double play.
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Clayton Kershaw hasn’t had a great 2015. But Wednesday night he threw a complete game shutout against Philadelphia. Good for him, but does pitching against the Phillies count as a rehab assignment?
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Thursday morning
#LeBron has to be reading news & thinking “And they thought my ESPN show was the worst way to handle a decision.”
#DeAndreJordan
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U.S. officials say now that they thwarted “a number” of terror plots timed to July 4. Can we blame Obama?
Wow, just wow. Jeb Bush on fixing the economy: “People need to work longer hours and through their productivity gain more income for their families. That’s the only way we are going to get out of this rut that we’re in.”
And they thought Jeb’s brother was out of touch?
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If Jeb Bush’s “work longer hours” comment is really aimed at all the people who want to work full-time but are stuck in part-time jobs, then where is his statement condemning big corporations who DELIBERATELY schedule as many workers as possible just under the full-time threshold to avoid paying benefits?
While he’s at it, Jeb can decry all the corporations, hotels and airlines for example, who fire full-time employees and replace them with low priced hourly contract workers who also don’t get full-time work and benefits.
#crickets
Taco Bell is testing home delivery in 200 locations in California and Texas. Wouldn’t it make more sense to try the idea out in say, Washington and Colorado?
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From Bill Littlejohn . “The Spurs’ Matt Bonner says that tennis elbow caused by his iPhone led to his poor shooting.Tennis elbow from an iPhone–is that a case of ‘server error'”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: DeAndre Jordan jokes, Donald Trump jokes, greece jokes, Janice Hough, jeb bush jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 8, 2015
Are we looking at the VP of Computer Operations at United Airlines or the NYSE?
The Department of Homeland Security says ‘No signs of malicious activity’ in NYSE and United Airline computer crashes. Yeah, makes sense, terrorism is no match for good old-fashioned incompetence.
#DeAndreJordan is now Brett Favre’s favorite NBA player.
San Antonio Spurs have to be sitting back and laughing at these emoji wars between the Clippers and Mavericks. Especially since they probably wooed LaMarcus Aldridge with smoke signals.
So #NBA schedule isn’t out yet, but just guessing #Clippers #Mavericks first 2015 matchup will be scheduled for national prime time television
You think while Clippers were hanging out at DeAndre Jordan’s house maybe they could have given him some free throw lessons?
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A 58 year old Florida woman who was at the Dayton Coke Zero 400 told an interviewer THROUGH HER LAWYER, “I thought I was going to die when that car came flying right at me “The whole event was just terrifying. I am happy to be alive.”
The woman and her adult son, who say they do not have health insurance, were treated at the track, and not sent to the hospital. But they are now talking to medical specialists.. Their lawyer says they just want current and future medical costs taken care of….
Two words. Yeah. Right.
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So the All-Star Game Home Run Derby will now be timed, with five minutes per batter per round, but bonus time for hitting home runs over 420 or 475 feet. This isn’t a batting contest, it’s a video game.
Baseball trivia of the day: The St. Louis Cardinals have 26 comeback wins this year. The Philadelphia Phillies have 29 wins, period.
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Spanish-born celebrity chef Jose Andres is pulling out of a deal to open a restaurant in Donald Trump’s new D.C. hotel, saying that the Donald’s “recent statements disparaging immigrants make it impossible for my company and I to move forward…. More than of my team is Hispanic, as are many of our guests.”
Seriously, does Trump have delusions that he can go into ANY restaurant these days and count on a decent meal?
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Jimmy Carter. “I believe Jesus would approve gay marriage,” he said. “That’s just my own personal opinion.” Well, Jesus DID hang around with 12 disciples.
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Can we start subtitling the 4th of July “Darwin Day”? #Fireworks
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Sigh, now it comes out that Tampa Bay CB C.J. Wilson may have lost two fingers in that fireworks accident. Just don’t get it. Aren’t you supposed to get someone in your posse to shoot off your illegal fireworks?
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So apparently when NY Giants officials flew to Florida to visit injured player Jason Pierre-Paul, they were not allowed into his hospital room. Clearly a cautionary move by the DE to keep the team from making quick decisions about his future. Were that he had been so cautious with the fireworks..
From T.C. , If C.J Wilson and Jason Pierre-Paul don’t resign with their current teams, they certainly won’t end up with Green Bay. The Packers are still trying to recruit players for their onside kicks “all hands” teams..
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Clippers jokes, computer jokes, DeAndre Jordan jokes, Janice Hough, Mavericks jokes, NYSE jokes, United Airlines jokes, United jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
July 7, 2015
At the Minnesota Zoo, a grizzly bear threw a rock into a five-layer barrier hard enough to shatter the glass. Fortunately, there were no injuries. And the bear has been offered a tryout to pitch for the Red Sox.
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Seahawks QB Russell Wilson says he and his singer girlfriend Ciara are following “Jesus’s playbook” and not having pre-martial sex. So even God is telling Wilson not to attempt a pass?
Coral Springs, Florida police say they have dropped an investigation into the NY Giants’ Jason Pierre-Paulafter, who badly injured his hands with illegal fireworks, because it was “outside their jurisdiction.”
Possible translation. “With all the crap going in this state, you think we have time to worry about some idiot who’s already punished himself more than our judicial system ever could?”
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The PGA said today that this year’s PGA Grand Slam tournament will be moved from Los Angeles’s Trump National Golf Club. Amazing. Who knew it was possible to be un-PC enough to upset an organization run primarily by and for rich white men?
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Paula Deen is back in the headlines, this time for tweeting an four-year-old picture with her son Bobby in “brownface”, dressed up as Ricky Ricardo. Well, it’s not as if Deen has had any experience with social media before… #cantfixstupid
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Donovan McNabb, 38, was arrested last night for his 2nd DUI in 2 years. Sounds like the former Eagles, Redskins and Vikings’ QB is trying just a bit too hard to act like he still belongs in the NFL
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From Marc Ragovin “One of the Mets’ upcoming promotions is “Emoji Tee Shirt Night.” With their offense I assume all the emojis will be frowny faces
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Rant time. Okay, again, the random shooting of a young woman on a San Francisco pier was awful. No question. But one woman is killed by a disturbed man who should have been deported and the GOP calls for a massive overhaul of immigration procedures.
Whereas nine people are killed in church by a disturbed man who should never have had a firearm, and the GOP sees no need to revisit gun control laws….
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Boston Red Sox jokes, Florida jokes, golf jokes, Janice Hough, Paula Deen jokes, Russell Wilson jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
July 7, 2015
All-Star starters are set. In the AL, there are four KC Royals, the leading vote getter is a Toronto Blue Jay, and there are NO players from the NY Yankees or Boston Red Sox. Not sure who those ballot box stuffers were, but they clearly don’t work for ESPN.
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Sportswriter Jeff Passan, lamenting the All-Star Game selections, complained about Clayton Kershaw being left off the team when he is the ‘Best Pitcher in the World.” With all due respect, this year Kershaw might not even be the best pitcher on the Dodgers. #Greinke
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David West signs with San Antonio for $1.5 million, turning down $12 million with the Indiana Pacers. Either West really wants a ring, or he’s really bad at math.
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Manu Ginoboli tweeted today “Happy to announce that I’m coming back next season. #gospursgo #TDwouldvemissedmetoomuch.” So the Spurs machine will just keep rolling along, albeit probably with its left blinker on.
So are the Spurs done with free agents? One or two more discount deals and their payroll on average may be lower than some SEC football teams.
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Lots of discussion in the media today about how the U.S. women’s “long 16 year World Cup drought is over.” And Cubs fans are just weeping.
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20 riders are out of the “Tour de France” after a horrific crash. Fortunately all should recover, although the leader fractured vertebrae in his back. But you have to think someone connected with bike racing is musing “so how regularly do we have to have these crashes to increase viewership?”
Greece’s finance minister has resigned. Now there’s a position right now that might be as unenviable as managing the Philadelphia Phillies.
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SC State Senator Lee Bright interrupted the Confederate flag debate to argue against gay marriage, saying the “devil is taking control of this land.” And adding “This country was founded on Judeo Christian principles….
Sounds like Senator Bright’s knowledge of history is as great as his empathy for same-sex couples.
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Re the release of Cosby’s deposition in his 2005 sexual assault case, looks like his lawyer was right – “It would be terribly embarrassing for this material to come out.”
“I’m shocked” said almost no women. #hesaidshesaidshesaidshesaidshesaid…..
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Many NASCAR drivers are complaining over “pack racing”, because with so many similar cars bunched tightly together in one place during the competition, wrecks are likely. Sort of like the stage for the first GOP Presidential debate?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, baseball allstars jokes, Janice Hough, MLB jokes, Spurs jokes, World Cup jokes
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July 6, 2015
Congrats to the U.S. Women on their World Cup win. Can we go back to ignoring soccer now?
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(Of course, those who only follow and support men’s sports would say that U.S. men, by getting knocked out earlier, allow Americans to get back to paying attention to “real” sports sooner.)
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And a lot of 1st time watchers for Women’s World Cup thinking “Wait a minute, I thought this was the sport where no one scored?
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Have to wonder about TV rates for the Women’s World Cup final. Japan played competitively after they ended up down 4-0. But for a while the women’s final looked to be a big enough train wreck to please even “Bachelorette’ fans.
Open note to #SFGiants, if you are trying to win, probably a better idea to score more in a 3 game series than the women’s team scores in the #WorldCup final.
NY Giants star DE Jason Pierre-Paul will live and at least “not lose the use of his hand, after a Fourth of July accident with fireworks. But clearly there should be a subcategory of Darwin Awards where all you kill is your career.
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The Nationals have put.Stephen Strasburg on the DL with an oblique strain. Feeling a bit old because I remember baseball before players had obliques.
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Proving again why the Fourth of July is one of Darwin’s favorite holidays. In Maine, a 22-year-old died when he apparently lit a firework and tried to launch it off the top of his head. Police say he had been drinking. Ya think?
(The poor young man in question apparently played “Gaston” from Beauty and the Beast at Walt Disney World. Alas, too much typecasting?)
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The Grateful Dead had three last shows at Soldier Field and despite their possible musical failings, apparently performed in front of very happy capacity crowds. Hmm, wonder if medical marijuana prescriptions might someday be the answer for Chicago Bears’ fans.
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The gift that keeps on giving. Donald Trump today tweeted “Miss Universe, Pauline Vega, criticized me for telling the truth about illegal immigration, but then said she would keep the crown. Hypocrite,”
Almost as much of a hypocrite as someone who defends “traditional marriage” and has himself been married three times?
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Coke Zero 400 at Daytona finishes after 2:30am Eastern time. Wow. Normally when a sporting event in the U.S. finishes this late into the evening/morning, the Red Sox or Yankees are involved.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Darwin awards, Janice Hough, women's world cup jokes, World Cup jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 5, 2015
Michael Eisner, former Disney CEO, said this week to Goldie Hawn at the Aspen Ideas Festival. “Boy I’m going to get in trouble, I know this goes online. But usually, unbelievably beautiful women – you being an exception – are not funny.”
Uh, one question, if you KNOW you’re going to get in trouble for a stupid remark, why say it?
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Major League Baseball outfitted all teams in blue hats with red and white starred numbers and letters on their jerseys for the Fourth of July. With replicas already available for sale on line. So the league both honored our country and demonstrated a true sense of what major U.S. sports are about -the ability to sell expensive stuff.
Donald Trump says that running for President is “bad for my brand.” Actually this is wrong, it’s not running for President, it’s the fact that Trump is opening his mouth and people are now paying attention to what’s coming out of it.
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More Trump. He said he didn’t realize that the corporate backlash to his comments about immigrants from Mexico would be “quite this severe.” If true, then the Donald has just admitted, again, that he’s too stupid to be president.
Matt Stonie, who ate 62 hot dogs to upset Joey Chestnut in this year’s Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating contest, told ESPN “I’ve trained hard for this. And millions of Americans at 4th of July BBQ’s are going “Yeah, yeah, I’m in training.”
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#HappyFourthofJuly. Where we celebrate USA independence by waving flags and shooting off fireworks that mostly are made in China.
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GB Packers TE Andrew Quarless was arrested this am after he allegedly fired a semi-automatic handgun into the air during an argument in Miami Beach. Although in Florida, unlike many states, discharging a firearm in public is only a misdemeanor instead of a felony. Hmm, wonder if the Dolphins and Buccaneers can use that law to lure free agents.
Billy Joel, 66, wed his 33-yr-old girlfriend on July 4. It’s the singer’s fourth marriage. Suppose Joel still probably didn’t serenade her with “Maybe this won’t last very long, But you feel so right, And I could be wrong…..
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Donald Trump is using the awful random killing shooting in SF as fodder for his anti-immigrant stance, tweeting “what do you say to the family of Kathryn Steinle in CA who was viciously killed b/c we can’t secure our border?”
Okay, so what does he say to the families of everyone who was viciously killed in Charleston, Sandy Hook etc, because we can’t secure our guns?
From T.C. “Ballot stuffing has resulted in 5 Kansas City starters voted onto the AL All Star team. As the winner of the event gets World Series home field advantage, wouldn’t it be wiser for KC fans to vote in the entire Phillies team instead?”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 4th of July jokes, Donald Trump jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Trump jokes
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July 4, 2015
Today is Nathan’s Hot Dog East Contest. Fitting, on the 4th of July we have the one event where America can still prove our absolute superiority. #eating
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But got to love the Fourth of July. A holiday where Americans celebrate our Independence while buying things and shooting off fireworks from China.
George Takei has apologized for calling Clarence Thomas a “clown in blackface.” Is Takei apologizing for the “blackfare” reference, or for insulting clowns?
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ESPN reported Friday morning that the NY Mets had scored 23 runs in the last 17 days. Maybe they’re taking support of the US Women’s World Cup team a little too literally?
(And then the Mets won Friday night, 2-1. )
In late August, the NY Mets will play the Boston Red Sox, in the “Something’s got to give” series. As my friend Joseph passed on in a comment he read somewhere “The only thing the Red Sox pitching staff has retired this season is Pedro Martinez’s uniform number.”
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Not a mirage, lots of Los Angeles fans actually still in the stands in the 9th inning of #Dodgers loss to #Mets Friday night. Maybe they’ve actually decided they care more about the game than traffic…. Nah, it was Fireworks Night.
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The NBA free agent market is really heating up. All it needs to be a serious TV event might be some of these players starting to hand out roses to their suitors.
Whole Foods is apologizing after an investigation found incorrect weights and overcharging on many of their items – . “Straight up, we made some mistakes, we want to own that.” Of course what the chain probably considers their biggest mistake was getting caught?
At around 230a Friday morning, a man decided to ignore “No swimming – alligators ” signs at a Texas marina. A gator promptly dragged him under the water and killed him. #Darwinwouldbesoproud #Ifonlyhewasarmed
From Marc Ragovin “Joe Maddon is being credited with sparking the Cubs’ recent sweep of the Mets by bringing a magician into the clubhouse prior to the series. Although with the Mets offense a mortician would have done just as well.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, July 4th jokes, July Fourth jokes, Mets jokes, women's world cup jokes, World Cup jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
July 3, 2015
Who knew, one of the few ways to get bipartisan agreement in this country is to suggest putting peas in guacamole? #Justsayno
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Scary news for New Jersey residents – at least 30 toxic Portuguese man o’ wars have washed ashore on a state beach. Scary news for the man-o-wars – ending up somewhere as toxic as New Jersey.”
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So regarding this ex-CNN reporter who shot and killed an intruder when he and his ex-Headline News anchor wife were at a Motel 6 in Albuquerque. Motel 6?! Guess CNN doesn’t have much of a pension plan
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Tim Duncan announced he is returning to the San Antonio Spurs for a 19th season. What, no drama, no television show, no leaked contract issues, no public hang-wringing….? Can see why the Spurs never capture media attention.
Got to feel sorry for England’s Laura Bassett, whose “own goal” put Japan into the women’s World Cup Finals. On the bright side, ABC’s “Wide World of Sports” is off the air, so Bassett won’t forever be the fact of “The agony of defeat.”
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The St. Louis Post-Dispatch reports the Cardinals have fired their scouting director Chris Correa after he admitted to hacking into the Houston Astros’ database. Wonder how much of a “pension” he will get for falling on his sword and claiming no one else was involved.
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Milwaukee bullpen catcher Marcus Hanel set a Citizens Bank Park record yesterday by eating 18 cheesesteaks over a 3-game period. The Red Sox hope no one shows this story to Pablo Sandoval.
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David Sweat now insists from his hospital bed that he didn’t have sex with the female prison worker accused of helping him escape, and that it was her idea to kill her husband. Can they sell the movie rights to this to pay for the costs of Sweat’s future incarceration?
SFPD has been arresting people selling illegal fireworks in Chinatown. When they find the buyers, they cite them and confiscate the fireworks. Uh, really want to deal with the problem? Arrest the buyers too. The market is likely to dry up pretty fast if these morons figured they could end up in jail, even for a day, over their purchases.
(I’m against “nanny laws” in general, but in a drought year, fireworks could easily start a fire that ends up killing people.)
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Right about now the happiest people in England have to be those who were ridiculed for arguing against the United Kingdom switching to the Euro.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #peasinguacamole, Janice Hough, New Jersey jokes, Spurs jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
June 30, 2015
So what will Chris Christie’s campaign slogan be? Suggestion – “Put a real bully in the pulpit.”
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Chris Christie has joined the 2016 Presidential race. Guess he figured the field needed a heavy hitter?
(Yes, Chris Christie fat jokes are like shooting fish in a barrel. If the fish were deep fried and covered with a cream sauce.)
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Open note to both #ChrisChristie & #DonaldTrump – “That word does not mean what you think it means.” #Bullypulpit #princessbride
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Donald Trump has now filed a $500 million lawsuit against Univision after they dropped his pageants. So is that how the Donald plans to deal with all his opponents and our enemies aboard – sue them?
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Some day the NBA is really going to miss Coach Popovich. But fortunately not yet. Pop on free agency, which started at 12:01am Wednesday. “I’m not calling anyone at midnight, I’ll be in bed. And if that’s the difference in someone coming or not coming, then I don’t want them.”
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BJ’s Restaurant & Brewhouse, trying to promote their new quinoa dishes, is offering a $10,000 gift card to the first person who can prove, with a birth certificate, that they have named their baby “Quinoa.” $10,000?! That would barely cover a year’s therapy.
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Daytona International Speedway will give a free U.S. flag to any fan wishing to trade in their Confederate flag this weekend. Who’d a thunk that NASCAR would end up being more sensitive to symbols than the NFL? #Redskins
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At current count “only” five Royals are slated to start the MLB All-Star game. But whatever happens, maybe these Presidential candidates desperate for votes in 2016 should consider hiring a consultant from Kansas City.
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#SFGiants have DFA’d #CaseyMcGehee for a second time in 2015. Do we call this a “Double Play DFA?”
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QB Russell Wilson said in an interview “I’ll play hard for $25 million or for $1.5 million.” And Seahawks management is thinking “Are both of those offers?”
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The Ku Klux Klan plans a July rally protest possibly removing the Confederate flag from South Carolina statehouse grounds. If they feel that strongly about the flag maybe the Klan should head overseas and try to raise it in an ISIS stronghold?
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Open note to anyone asking for a political contribution. “Urgent” in the subject line is effectively a synonym for “Hit the delete button.” #enoughalready
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The University of Missouri at Kansas City paid Chelsea Clinton $65,000, to speak, because they couldn’t afford Hilary’s fee of $275,000. Hmm, if the school could have held out for a few years maybe they could have gotten Charlotte for less.
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One escaped murderer is dead, the other in hospital and in custody. But the FBI is now apparently investigating a possible heroin ring in the New York prison where the two escaped from earlier this month. The surviving convict better stay alive at this point, they’ll need him as a consultant for the movie
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A Louisiana man, unhappy with Walmart’s removing Confederate flags from their stores, went in with a picture of an ISIS flag, and had it put on a cake, then complained in a Youtube video that went viral. Walmart has apologized. “It’s unfortunate one customer thought to take advantage of an associate who did not know the flag and its meaning,”
And some people think it doesn’t matter if all Americans are educated.
From Marc Ragovin “Dwyane Wade has opted out of his contract with the Heat. “I think a lot of teams are going to show interest in him,” said 2009.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: All-Star Game jokes, Chris Christie jokes, Christie jokes, Confederate flag jokes, Janice Hough, Nascar jokes, Royals jokes, Trump jokes, Walmart jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
June 29, 2015
Some may be shocked at the speed at which gay marriage became mainstream. For perhaps a bigger shock in terms of a fast change, yes, this week’s Astros Royals series really could be a preview of the American League Championship Series.
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Regarding this religious objection stuff to judges, clerks and gay marriage…. While I respect people’s right to their religion, what if you are a man whose religion teaches that women are subservient to men? Does that give you a right to disobey or refuse to work for a female boss?
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Donald Trump said that if he is elected President he will change his hair style, because it takes too much time to maintain. Well, that’s good news….. for the furry thing that lives on his head. #goingtoliveforever
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NBCUniversal says the the Miss USA and Miss Universe pageants will no longer air on the network. Both pageants have been jointly owned by NBC and Donald Trump. This may be in response to Trump’s recent anti-immigrant comments. Or maybe those pageant ratings were a lot lower than we thought.
Donald Trump’s ranting statement today included this – “If NBC is so weak and so foolish to not understand the serious illegal immigration problem in the United States….” Speaking of serious problems, could Trump not afford a ghostwriter who learned in school not to split an infinitive?
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There’s still talk about how disappointed some NY Knicks fans (and Carmelo Anthony) were with the team’s #1 pick, Kristaps Porzingis. How about a little discussion of how disappointed Pozingis might be to have been drafted by the Knicks?
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Veteran MLB executive Andy MacPhail apparently will join the Philadelphia front office and be introduced as part of “new Phillies’ leadership” today. Except isn’t “Phillies leadership” an oxymoron?
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Police say alcohol was involved in the death of a Michigan man who died when a firework he was holding to his head exploded. #Darwin #Ifonlyhewasarmed
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Oscar De La Hoya, announcing he is NOT coming back out of retirement. “My wife was all for it. But my kids didn’t want to see old Papa get hurt.” Hmm, does that mean his wife did want to see him get hurt…?
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Jimmy Fallon is saying he injured his left hand when he “tripped and caught my fall (good thing)! Ring caught on side of table almost ripped my finger off (bad thing).” And a whole lot of men who lost their marriage excuse because gays can now get married just got another reprieve – “I’d love to honey, but those rings are DANGEROUS.”
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Just wondering, where wasusually very outspoken Darth Vader, excuse me, #DickCheney, on subject of #SupremeCourt upholding gay marriage?
All of these stories and photos of Caitlyn Jenner, 65, in skimpy, and/or really tight clothes. How long before the transgender stuff fades and people start just telling her to dress her age?
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The Supreme Court voted 5-4 today to stay a recent lower court ruling that would have shuttered all but nine Texas abortion clinics. The state already has some of the toughest restrictions in the U.S, half have closed in the last two years.
Just for starters, maybe they could at least have an equivalent waiting period in Texas for having abortions and buying guns.
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BS detector post of the day: Texas Gov. Rick Perry, unhappy with the Supreme Court’s decision to keep abortion clinics open in face of new regulations requiring them to be constructed like surgical centers. “It unnecessarily puts lives in danger by allowing unsafe facilities to continue to perform abortions.”
Uh, if it’s about women’s health, Texas could a) drop “abstinence only” sex education, and cut down on unwanted pregnancies AND STDs, b) fund clinics for low-income women to prescribe and dispense birth control, and c) make it easier to get the “morning-after pill,” which is safer than any medical abortion.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball jokes, Donald Trump jokes, gay marriage jokes, Janice Hough, Phillies jokes, Supreme Court jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
June 29, 2015
Cleaning out the chokes of large steamed artichokes for dinner and thinking that light-colored fuzzy stuff in the center bears a striking resemblance to Donald Trump’s “hair.” #Coincidence?
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Sunday was the Gay Pride parade in S.F. And no doubt the requisite number of tourists will have proclaimed themselves shocked and appalled. So much so that they had to stay until the bitter end to see just how shocking and appalling the event is…..
Two shows lasting over four hours each total for the Grateful Dead at Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara. With more fans staying until the end each night than will probably be there in the 4th quarter of this year’s 49er games.
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On the Peninsula south of San Francisco today, Caltrain had plenty of Orange and Black and Rainbows going north for the Giants and Pride Day, then later all the Tie-Dye going south for the Grateful Dead. Not sure if the train set ridership records, but they sure did probably break all existing records for total colors.
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Bristol Palin today “I made a mistake but not the mistake all these giddy a$$holes have loved to assume. This pregnancy was actually planned.” Hmm.. does Bristol think she’s only 17 more children away from her own reality show?
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And let’s give her every benefit of the doubt and assume this “planned” pregnancy is from her former fiance. So the message is, “children need to be conceived within a tradtional marriage. But as soon as you have the engagement ring, it’s open season?”
So is Bristol counting on her children not knowing how to count to 9? Or not having enough sex ed to know gestation times?
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Madison Bumgarner has more home runs this year than Duane Kuiper had in his whole career. #SFGiants
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Maybe Madbum is the reason behind the SFGiants hitting renaissance. Who wants to be shown up by your own pitcher?
Lindsey Graham was the first Republican candidate to say that the GOP would be making a mistake to propose a Constitutional amendment against gay marriage. “I’m shocked,” said nobody.
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Kobe Bryant said in an interview that he’s made some of his teammates cry.. Thought Kobe’s last two-year $48.5 million contract extension has made a LOT of Lakers’ fans cry.
Cincinnati Bengals defensive coordinator Paul Guenther told ESPN that Johnny Manziel should emulate Drew Brees. Well, sure, Manziel is only missing two things – temperament and talent.
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In Texas, the state attorney general said that clerks, judges and justices of the peace opposed to SCOTUS’s “lawless’ opinion still could refuse to issue licenses and perform weddings based on their religious beliefs. Hmm, wonder if those Texans would be more likely to support gay weddings if both participants requested conceal carry licenses at the same time?
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Or if the happy couple showed up with firearms. Talk about a shotgun wedding.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Bristol jokes, gay marriage jokes, Gay Pride jokes, GOP jokes, Grateful dead jokes, Janice Hough, madbum jokes, Palin jokes, Pride jokes
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June 27, 2015
A crowd of over 70,000 turned up for the Grateful Dead concert tonight in Santa Clara, California, including many original “Deadhead” fans from the 60s, 70s and 80s, Hope these graying fans weren’t too disappointed when they finally hear how bad the band sounded without benefit of drugs.
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In Las Vegas this morning the longest odds on any baseball team winning today was for the Miami Marlins without Giancarlo Stanton against the Los Angeles Dodgers with Clayton Kershaw on the mound #thatswhytheyplaythegame. (final score, 3-2 Marlins)
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But really? One of the “top stories” headlines on USAToday.com today is “Stanton injury a crushing blow for fantasy owners.” As opposed to a blow to the Marlins, Marlins fans, or baseball fans in general who just like to watch a great player?
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Meanwhile, there needs to be a constitutional amendment banning the wave at A T and T Park. #sfgiants. #thehorror
A Kuwait Airlines plane from New York to Kuwait was forced to make an emergency landing at Heathrow this morning, allegedly because passengers on board had food poisoning. Surely this can’t be serious. It is serious, and don’t call me Shirley…..
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I wanted the Confederate flag down at the South Carolina statehouse as much as anyone. But removing Civil War games because they have images of the flag? Seems a bit too uncomfortably close to banning the “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn” because of the language.
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Bill Cosby’s lawyer is arguing that it would be “terribly embarrassing” for the comedian if documents from a 2005 sex-assault lawsuit were unsealed. And his point is?
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And of course Donald Trump had to weigh in on the SCOTUS gay marriage decision – “Once again the Bush appointed Supreme Court Justice John Roberts has let us down. Jeb pushed him hard! Remember!” Well, yeah, because the Donald believes in traditional marriage so much he’s had three of them.
(as a few friends pointed out… Roberts dissented. It’s this kind of attention to detail that should make Trump such a formidable candidate…. for comedy writers at least.)
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30 years later there’s going to be a “Top Gun 2,” with Tom Cruise reprising his role as “Maverick.” So now he’ll be “ridin’ into the danger zone” with his left blinker on.
Bristol Palin’s ex-fiance, Dakota Meyer, had a rhetorical post asking why with three deadly ISIS/ISIL terrorist attacks this week, people are so interested in a “dog and pony show” that is “inconsequential compared to that which is truly relevant.”
Unfortunately for Mr. Meyer, it may be precisely because the “real” news is so awful sometimes, that people are interested in something ridiculous, even if it isn’t amusing to the parties involved. And also in Bristol’s case, because we like seeing Karma in mean bitch mode.
From my SF Giants fan friend Mike Pettengill: “After 76 games:
Pablo Sandoval – 24R + 65H + 6HR + 24RBI + .270Avg + 10E = $17.6m
Matt Duffy – 27R + 63H + 7HR + 36RBI + .294Avg + 6E = $509,000”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Confederate flag jokes, Dodgers jokes, Grateful dead jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, Top gun 2 jokes, Trump jokes
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June 27, 2015
The SF Giants posted this temporary change in their logo today. Clearly not aiming to have more games televised this season on Fox.
Think some of these GOP Presidential candidates might be thinking carefully about going off on the Supreme Court today. They never know when they might need #SCOTUS to deliver them an election.
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Scott Walker is upset about today’s Supreme Court gay marriage decision, lambasting “five unelected judges.” Right, it’s “five unelected judges,” when he doesn’t like the decision, and “defenders of our freedom” for things like Citizens United and Hobby Lobby.
Mike Huckabee “The Supreme Court can no more repeal the laws of nature and nature’s God on marriage than it can the law of gravity.” – Wait a minute, Huckabee believes in gravity?
So trying to think how this gay marriage decision really can hurt any heterosexual couples. Well, except for those procrastinators who were interested in planning last minute summer weddings at popular venues. #competition
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The latest public figure comment on the Confederate flag “I think it’s offensive to an entire race. It does nothing for anybody to be there flying, so I don’t see any reason. It belongs in the history books and that’s about it.”- Dale Earnhardt Jr.
Forget governors and senators, now we’re talking a man Southerners really respect.
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Anheuser-Busch lost a class-action lawsuit over Beck’s beer, and will have to pay customers up to $50 each. The company allegedly tricked customers into paying more for an actual import beer, because the Beck’s label says “originated in Bremen, Germany,” and only in the small print does it say brewed in the US.
Wonder how much Anheuser-Busch will have to pay when some one sues them for selling Bud Light as actual beer.
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Donald Trump will finally report for jury duty in August, after being fined for ignoring five summonses in nine years. Only the little people serve on juries?
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A a news conference, Philadelphia Phillies’ manager, Ryne Sandberg announced he is resigning and leaving the team. And Phillies’ season ticket holders are thinking “you can do that?”
From T.C. Ballot stuffing has resulted in 8 Kansas City starters voted onto the AL All Star team. As the winner of the event gets World Series home games advantage, wouldn’t it be wiser for KC fans to vote in the entire Phillies team instead?
Scott Walker on Wednesday signed two bills, one eliminating a 48 hour waiting period for buying a gun, allowing off-duty or retired police officers to carry concealed weapons at public schools.
Alas, while Google now allows you “un-send” an email sent in anger, they haven’t figured out how to “un-fire” a bullet.
And guess Walker never heard, for one example, of the retired officer in Florida who shot and killed a man for texting in the theater?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: gay marriage jokes, Huckabee jokes, Janice Hough, marriage jokes, rainbow jokes, scalia jokes, SF Giants jokes, Supreme Court jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 