Scattered pictures

Posted March 5, 2014 by left coast sports babe
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Listening to the song “Kodachrome” on the radio and realizing the younger generation has no idea what “kodachrome” is. For that matter, few may soon recognize the term “Nikon camera.”

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At the Onion they must be throwing their hands in the air and saying “Can’t top this. We give up.” Vladimir Putin has been nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize.

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A teacher in England was suspended for taping her students’ mouths shut because they wouldn’t keep quiet. Wonder if she’s already been offered a job with several airlines?

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Ryan Braun has a .875 batting average in the Cactus League. Either the guy’s got a major chip on his shoulder to prove he can play clean, or he’s found a REALLY undetectable PED.

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So a young Travolta had “Saturday Night Fever.” Did he now have “Sunday Night Fever?” Symptoms including memory lapse and stumbling over words?

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The NCAA Football Rules Committee apparently has given up on a proposal that would have basically outlawed the “hurry-up” offense. Who knew, guess the NCAA is not a WHOLLY owned subsidiary of the SEC and Nick Saban.

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Nick Saban, still pushing an end to the hurry-up offense “”The fastball guys (up-tempo coaches) say there’s no data out there, and I guess you have to use some logic. What’s the logic? If you smoke one cigarette, do you have the same chances of getting cancer if you smoke 20? I guess there’s no study that specifically says that. But logically, we would say, ‘Yeah, there probably is.'” Hmm, after reading this have to wonder, what is Saban smoking?

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In an interview, Pope Francis reaffirmed the Catholic Church’s opposition to gay marriage but suggested it could support some types of civil unions. If Francis retires from the Vatican someday could the U.S. borrow him?

 

Michele Bachman, angry about Jan Brewer’s veto of SB 1062. “Right now, there’s a terrible intolerance afoot in the United States, and it’s against people who hold sincerely held religious beliefs.” Assume Michele would feel the same way if a Muslim refused to serve her because she’s a woman?

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Chipotle says there’s a chance it could stop selling guacamole temporarily due to an avocado shortage the chain blames partly on climate change. Finally, something that could get the state of Texas on board against global warming.

 

 

So Tennessee legislators just took the major step of passing a bill to allow grocery stores and super markets to sell wine. Which means that when you go to Walmart to pick up your food and guns, you can get a nice bottle to go with them.

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Putin on the Blitz?

Posted March 4, 2014 by left coast sports babe
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Russia watcher Sarah Palin “”People are looking at Putin as one who wrestles bears and drills for oil. They look at our president as one who wears mom jeans and equivocates and bloviates.” So who taught Sarah those new words?

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Nice to see spring training baseball scores on ESPN if they are basically meaningless. Sort of like the NBA regular season.

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Former Ranger Ian Kinsler, now with the Detroit Tigers, says he hopes Texas goes 0-162. Mark your calendars for June 24. The first game between the Tigers and Rangers in Arlington.

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In Ohio, a 10 year old boy was suspended 3 days from school for pretending his finger like a gun and pointing it at another boy’s head. Could have been a worse result, in Florida he might have been shot..

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Radio Shack has announced they are closing 1,100 stores. Shocking. Radio Shack still had 1,100 stores?.

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Syracuse’s men’s basketball team just had their fourth loss in five games. This former #1 team is falling faster than Russia’s warm fuzzy image after Sochi.

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Kentucky Gov. Steve Beshear announced he will hire outside counsel to appeal a judge’s ruling that the state must recognize same-sex marriages legally performed in other states. He says “It’s about placing people over politics.” Right. I guess this ruling could be harmful to traditional Kentucky marriages between heterosexual cousins, brothers, sisters etc….

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Hell has frozen over dept. The 49ers have to be thrilled with…the Dallas Cowboys?  While Kaepernick says wants to be paid Romo money, Dallas has restructured their QB’s contract, dropping his cap figure from $21.773 million to $11.773 million.

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Meanwhile, Clemson suspended four players including two returning starters due to a “team rules violation” for the football season opener at Georgia. Either it was a pretty big rule, or Clemson figures they were going to lose anyway.

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The NY Times today published a correction for originally misspelling the name of Solomon Northup, the man whose memoir was the basis for “12 Years a Slave. The article in question ran on January 20, 1853. So was the mistake discovered after Larry King found he had kept a copy of the paper?

 

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From Bill Littlejohn:  “Gold-medal-winning ice dancing couple Meryl Davis and Charlie White will be contestants on ‘Dancing With The Stars’.Isn’t that like Roger Federer entering a ping pong tournament?”

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Lost in Translation.

Posted March 4, 2014 by left coast sports babe
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It’s not just tourists who mangle language. During his Sunday blessing, Pope Francis apparently accidentally confused the Italian word “caso” — which means “case” — with “cazzo” — which can translate to “f–k.” Either that or the pontiff is going to new lengths to appeal to the younger generation.

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49ers QB Colin Kaepernick now wants a $18 million a year deal so he can get paid like Tony Romo. Is that because late in the NFL championship game Colin started playing like Tony Romo?

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Microsoft’s new CEO announced that Mark Penn, who has been with the company 2 years, will take on the new role of chief strategy officer. That same Mark Penn who ran the successful 2008 campaign of President Hillary Clinton… Oh, right. Never mind.

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The federal government was shut down today for yet another winter storm. . Meaning Congress got about as much done as normal.

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The Tampa Bay Buccaneers unveiled new uniforms to “establish a new, bolder identity moving forward.” Unfortunately for Bucs fans, the new uniforms will still contain the same players.

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Mark Cuban says he thinks it would be better for top prospects to to play in the NBA Development League instead of spending one season in college. And a lot of high school stars are thinking “What? You mean college isn’t a one year NBA Development League?”

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Dodgers pitcher Brian Wilson got a new tattoo on his left hand, of a handgun. Hope he keeps the hand covered while on road trips to the Marlins. In Florida seeing that tattoo could be enough excuse for someone to shoot him.

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The NFL, trying to make extra points more interesting, is thinking of placing the ball at the 25-yd line, making it a 42-yd attempt. Of course, there are other possibilities. Like making the QB, or a lineman try the kick?    Am sure readers can come up with even more funky solutions?

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Los Angeles coach Mike D’Antoni says he doesn’t think Steve Nash will play again before the season’s over. Although actually it’s been a few months since we knew the Lakers’ season was over.

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–#Oscars. #1 question at the Academy this morning. How the heck do we get #TinaFey and #AmyPoehler to host next year?

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#KimNovak at the #Oscars did answer one other question. “Could any human being make Joan Rivers look natural by comparison?

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A new bill in California would require bottled beverages with added sugars and fountain machines that dispense them to bear warning labels that say “STATE OF CALIFORNIA SAFETY WARNING: Drinking beverages with added sugar(s) contributes to obesity, diabetes, and tooth decay.” To reach the people who both didn’t know that and who actually read labels?

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Selfie overload.

Posted March 3, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, Uncategorized
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Ellen DeGeneres’s Oscar selfie with Meryl Streep, Jennifer Lawrence, Kevin Spacey, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt was retweeted so many times it disrupted Twitter service for 20 minutes. Gosh, does this mean that terrorists could shut down social media in the US if they find a cute enough group of cats?

 

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Jared Leto won an Oscar Sunday.. Either that or Jesus has shown up. #Oscars2014

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Add to the things that lasted longer than Russia’s post Olympics warm fuzzy feeling – Cate Blanchett’s Oscar acceptance speech #Oscars2014

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As long as the Oscars show is, they still don’t have time for all the potential awards. For best actor of the year in a political drama, we could have nominated Chris Christie – “I Had No Idea My Top Aides Were Involved In Payback Politics

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Jamie Foxx is with his lovely daughter at the Oscars. Note. Daughter. Casual views might think otherwise as the age difference is about the average that George Clooney has with his dates.

Congratulations to “12 years a slave.” And to non-movie fans, no, it’s not about an NFL player complaining about his contract.

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Jake Peavy was scratched from his first spring training start for the Red Sox when he cut a finger with a fishing knife this weekend. And in SF the Giants presumably added fishing to the list of prohibited dangerous activities for Jeremy Affeldt.

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#CateBlanchett deserved a Oscar for playing a  woman whose failing marriage made her crazier than any woman who didn’t actually marry Woody Alllen.

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$51 billion for the Olympics to show the world what a nice place Russia is, and Putin can’t wait a week to invade Ukraine. That warm fuzzy feeling lasted less time than the Cubs’ annual playoff hopes.

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Many in the GOP are urging President Obama to intervene in Ukraine. No doubt so they can then complain about him risking US lives and money in a war that is not our concern.

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Gov. Jerry Brown said he is not sure legalizing marijuana is a good idea in California. “And all of a sudden, if there’s advertising and legitimacy, how many people can get stoned and still have a great state or a great nation?” Right, because having pot illegal except for “medical” reasons has done such a good job of reducing the number of people who smoke now.

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Actually think this is kind of a cool compromise. In Boston, a deal has been reached to allow “MassEquality”, a gay advocacy group, to march in the St. Patrick’s Day parade. But no T-shirts or signs with the word “gay.” And no marchers can refer to sexual orientation. Of course this means no shirts or signs saying “straight” either.

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New NBA commission Adam Silver says he has considered having a play-in game for the last playoff spots. Right. Because 16 teams in the post season just aren’t enough.

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Missing Jean.

Posted March 1, 2014 by left coast sports babe
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A different sort of post today, after a memorial service for Jean Crawford, my dad’s partner of 26 years.  Since she was basically my step-mother, I can’t claim I inherited my twisted sense of humor from her. But she shared it.  And was always supportive.   A funny, fabulous woman who was with us only 67 years.

 

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And since she was more liberal than I am  – only political jokes tonight.  More sports tomorrow.

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What a scary situation with Putin’s potential invasion of the Ukraine.  Makes us long for those more innocent days when the  biggest mess in Russia was their Olympic hockey team.

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Headline “Putin-Obama relationship in deep freeze.”  This might be the frostiest interpersonal time for a U.S. President since Hillary found out about that blue dress.

 

Sarah Palin is in “Told Ya So” mode because she warned in 2008 that Obama’s reactions might lead to Putin invading Ukraine. And when asked about Crimea, Palin presumably responded, “well yeah, invading there too.”

 

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Joe Biden told an interviewer he was “given every sh*t job in the world” by Obama. Uh, isn’t “every sh*t job in the world” the Vice President’s job description?

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At least 28 people were killed by men wielding knives in China. Are they trying not to gloat too much at the NRA?

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An 8-year-old Cincinnati boy was shot and killed Saturday by one of his brothers. Police said the shooter was was playing with a loaded handgun that he thought was a BB gun.  If only the 8 year old had been armed.

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Forever young?

Posted February 28, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,
altimore Orioles minor leaguer Josh Hart revealed that he didn’t know who Frank Robinson was. In a related story, Seth Meyers revealed that he doesn’t know who Johnny Carson was. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/355622/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-February-28-2014-Edition-460#sthash.QPu3hmz7.dpuf

Jerry Brown, 75, running for a 4th term as Governor of California, now says someday he might want to run for Mayor of Oakland again. “Is this guy EVER going to quit?” asked Brett Favre.

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Richie Incognito has checked himself into a psychiatric facility. Yeah, in the NFL bullying, DUI’s, wife-beating, all of that is normal. But take a bat to a Ferrari and you know you need help.

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A Russian spy ship reportedly docked at Havana for no apparent reason. Maybe they were dropping off the Russian hockey team?

(or as my friend Michael said, maybe picking up the Cuban hockey team. Or both.)

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The NY Mets’ David Wright says 90 wins “is a good starting point” for this year’s team. Quick, check that man for concussions.

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If the Oakland As build a new stadium in the East Bay, the SF Giants have offered to share A T & T park during construction. Wonder if LA might complain, with that money the Giants could approach half the Dodgers’ payroll.

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United Airlines says they have cancelled 22,500 flights so far in 2014, mostly due to weather. You know what that means? Fare increases to make up for lost revenue.

 

The 12-year old son of two Oakland, California police officers accidentally shot himself in the arm today at home. The boy will recover. But was the family angling for a move to Florida?

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Open note to the NY #Knicks. The #NBA All-Star game is over, you can start playing defense now.

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Messy situation and tough decisions ahead for the US with Russia and the Ukraine. Republicans are just waiting for President Obama to do something so they can say he is wrong.

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Comedian George Lopez was reportedly arrested on last night at the Caesar’s casino in Windsor, Canada, for public intoxication. Isn’t that one of the purposes of being in a casino?

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Ohio State reported secondary violations to the NCAA for football, including pocket dials and Urban Meyer handing the phone to a recruit to say “Hi” to Tim Tebow. Of course, since they reported this silly stuff it means they couldn’t possibly be doing anything serious, right….?

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A judge ordered an grandmotherly looking woman to stay away from the airport and gave her time served for 8 days in jail after she tried to sneak onto flights to Hawaii from SFO three times this month. Who did she think she was, Helen Hayes?

(note, if you didn’t get the above joke you are either under 40 or not a fan of 1970’s disaster movies.)

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Rory McIlroy is leading the PGA Honda Classic after two rounds. Which makes ESPN happy. Since McIlroy is a name, that’s almost as Tiger Woods making the cut.

 

This week Buck Showalter made Orioles prospect Josh Hart write a research paper after he admitted he didn’t know who Frank Robinson was. From Bill Littlejohn:  “In related news, Seth Meyers admitted he didn’t know who Johnny Carson was.

e Orioles minor leaguer Josh Hart revealed that he didn’t know who Frank Robinson was. In a related story, Seth Meyers revealed that he doesn’t know who Johnny Carson was. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/home/hart_attack/news/v/Local/355622/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-February-28-2014-Edition-460#sthash.QPu3hmz7.dpuf

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Damages.

Posted February 27, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, Uncategorized
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Richie Incognito apparently bashed his own Ferrari with a baseball bat. Did he tell police responding to the report of a damaged vehicle that he and the car were the best of pals?

 

On March 15, the San Diego Padres are offering free season tickets to fans who can hit a home run at Petco Park off the team’s pitching machine. And considering the way the team has hit lately, winning fans may also be offered a free-agent contract.

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A $60 million Texas high school stadium located in a suburb of Dallas will be shutdown INDEFINITELY due to “extensive cracking” in the concourse concrete. Wow. This could be the biggest waste of football money in town not affiliated with the Cowboys roster.

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Paula Dean “I feel like ’embattled’ or ‘disgraced’ will always follow my name. It’s like that black football player who recently came out,” Even Duck Dynasty’s Phil Robertson is thinking “Sweet Jesus, that woman is dumb.”

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The folks behind Kentucky’s “Creation Museum” are now moving ahead with “Ark Encounter” a theme park built around a 510-foot replica of Noah’s Ark, which will also present a biblical version of history. How long until they run into copyright infringement from Disney? Isn’t “Fantasyland” already taken?

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The CFL Montreal Alouettes released WR Arland Bruce, after he was fined last month by the league for comments about Michael Sam. Bruce tweeted that Sam should “man up, get on his knees and submit to God fully.” Leaving aside the stupidity and homophobia, was that really the best choice of words? #bustohell

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United Airlines is now allowing passengers to pre-book Direct TV on flights for only $4.99, a savings of $3. No doubt the airline figures they’ll make bonus money when passengers don’t bother to ask for a refund on all the times the inflight TV doesn’t work.

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American Airlines is dropping bereavement fares, saying they are making the change “to have a single, consistent program for American and US Airways.” (US Airways didn’t have such fares.) Amazing how in airline mergers the new “consistent” program is always the one that costs consumers more…..

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The GOP is complaining about military budget cuts, but they just scuttled Bernie Sanders’ bill to improve services for veterans. Largely because the Democrats wouldn’t add sanctions to Iran as part of the bill. And because anything President Obama backs must be wrong.

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Finally, from Alex Kaseberg, an open letter:

“Dear Rest of the U.S:

We hear you have had some severe weather this winter, so we would like to ask you some questions. Today, we woke up and there was a liquid-like substance actually falling from the sky. Here is my question: Is it OK to leave the house?

Yours Truly,

California”

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Sunday IS the most religious day..

Posted February 27, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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The NFL reportedly was considering moving the 2015 Super Bowl from Glendale, Ariz., in the event SB 1062 became law. But Gov. Jan Brewer vetoed the bill, which would have allowed residents to cite religious beliefs as a reason to deny services to anybody. Good to know that in this case, religious intolerance bowed to the greater God of football.

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A Texas judge today struck down the state’s gay marriage ban, saying it had no “rational relation to a legitimate government purpose.” So where are all the “small government” conservatives cheering this one?

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An ESPN poll of the 128 FBS head college football coaches found only 25 who were in favor of changing the rules to slow down the game. Translation, Nick Saban and 24 other coaches who don’t think their teams can run the hurry-up offense.

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The Los Angeles Dodgers announced that Larry King will host a series for the team’s 24/7 television network called “Larry King at Bat.” Presumably Larry hopes to get as a regular guest that nice young man Vin Scully.

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Not the Onion. One of the Dodgers’ giveaways this year will be a Babe Ruth bobblehead in September. (After retiring the Babe spent a year in Brooklyn as a first base coach.) So is L.A. that worried about playing meaningful games to draw in fans in September?

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Dallas owner Jerry Jones says it’s his fault, not Tony Romo’s, that the Cowboys haven’t gotten to the Super Bowl. What, because Jones didn’t trade Romo?

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Raymond Felton, arrested on felony gun charges and for allegedly waving a loaded at his estranged wife during an argument, stated “This is not a distraction to this team.” Forget the “gay teammate” question, where’s the poll asking players how comfortable they are with this kind of idiot in the locker room?

 

From Marc Ragovin:  “One day after being charged with illegal gun possession, Raymond Felton of the NY Knicks briefly addressed the matter with reporters, then shifted the discussion to the team’s playoff push. Ahhh, so I see he’s laying the groundwork for an insanity defense.”

 

 

Jim Lange, former California radio icon, and host of “Name that Tune” and “The Dating Game”, passed away this week. At his service, mourners will be invited to name that hymn in only five, four, three notes…..

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Apparenlty the world’s largest exchange for trading bitcoin currency shut down today, triggering a massive sell-off. So maybe the bitcoin era is ending before I even had to figure out what it was?

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Ohio is ending early voting on Sundays and weekday evenings, leaving early voting only by absentee ballot, or in person for four weeks from 8a-5pm M-F, and two Saturdays. Secretary of State Jon Husted said – with a straight face – “Our goal is to make it easy to vote and hard to cheat and to ensure that everyone has an equal opportunity in the voting process.” Right, because cheaters only come out at night and on Sundays. And no one ever mails in someone else’s absentee ballot….

 

From my friend Jim Barach:  “Colorado is cracking down on DUIs from people driving while stoned. Recently a police officer was involved in a chase with a suspected pot smoker that reached speeds up to 7 mph.”

(Just thinking, if California ever legalizes marijuana, it ought to get real interesting with all our Priuses. (Prii?)

 

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A really tough search.

Posted February 26, 2014 by left coast sports babe
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A GOP lobbyist says he is preparing legislation to prevent gay players from joining the NFL. Jack Burkman says “If the NFL has no morals and no values then the Congress must find values for it.” Thinking that in Washington putting CONGRESS in charge of morals and finding values has less of a chance than Diogenes finding his honest man .

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Steve Elkington, (Who? Yeah, he won the PGA in 1995) tweeted a homophobic joke about Michael Sam. Right, because we all know when it comes to tough male athletes, we think of golfers first.

 

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So Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel has announced major cuts in the military budget, to just under $500 billion. Oh, the horror. Now the U.S. will only spend as much as the next seven countries beneath us combined….

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Knicks PG Raymond Felton was arrested this morning three counts of criminal possession of a weapon. Well, we knew even the Nets’ signing of Jason Collins couldn’t mean Brooklyn had the New York NBA headlines for long.

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#RaymondFelton has a court date of June 2. The NBA finals start June 5. So fortunately his arrest won’t affect this year’s #Knicks

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Bachelorette season 8 winner Jef Holm told Us Weekly that Juan Pablo is “by far the sleaziest Bachelor.” Isn’t that statement kind of redundant?

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One reason to watch the Bachelor: A few hours of these folks make all the people in your real life seem so much saner and more normal by comparison.

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A Sonoma County man has been sentenced to six years in prison after his eighth DUI. Part of California’s 8 strikes and you’re out policy?

 

Ozzie Smith is leading a petition campaign to make MLB Opening Day a national holiday. With 100,000 signatures it would mean the Obama adminstation has to respond. Maybe Ozzie would have better luck if he made the petition say “create a holiday, and deport Bieber while you’re at it.”

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The Washington Redskins posted a YouTube video congratulating Dale Earnhardt Jr. on his Daytona 500 win. Guess this is the closest the team thinks they will get to any kind of a championship.

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Johan Santana threw for seven MLB scouts in Florida, and topped out at 81 mph. Maybe it wasn’t a great idea to get coaching on his fastball from Jamie Moyer?

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Apparently Arizona Governor Jan Brewer will actually veto the anti-gay bill that would allow businesses not to serve customers based on religious beliefs. No doubt she has million$ of rea$on$ for her deci$ion.

 

My comedy writing friend Jerry Perisho asks “Could we lock Aaron Hernandez up with OJ Simpson?” I’m wondering if we could just lock him up for a little while with those douchebags who attacked Bryan Stow?

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If he’s really leaving, who can he take with him?

Posted February 24, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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Alec Baldwin says he is leaving New York and “It’s goodbye to public life.” Is it too soon to start a pool on his next headline-causing incident?

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That sinking feeling when it’s only February and you think the “Darwin Award Winner of the Year” competition might be over: Police are reporting a Michigan man fatally shot himself in the head Sunday, while demonstrating gun safety..

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Meanwhile, the geography award of the day goes to the client who asked me to send her all the flight options from Amsterdam to the Hague….

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Former San Diego State RB Adam Muema left the NFL combine early, telling a reporter that God told him if he quit, he’d play for the Seattle Seahawks. “(God) told me to sit down, be quiet, and enjoy the peace.” Sounds like Muema’s likely to enjoy the peace of a phone not ringing.

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Apparently McDonalds may start serving their breakfast items until 12n. And many Millenials are thinking. “Dudes, why stop so early in the day?”

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Taco Bell is introducing a waffle taco. Presumably the product will debut in Colorado and Washington?

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Now that the Sochi games are over, most casual American sports fans can stop ignoring the Olympics, and start ignoring the NHL and NBA regular seasons.

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Harold Ramis, co-writer of “Animal House” has passed away. Toga party in heaven tonight?

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For the second time in a year, Disney is raising prices for their Magic Kingdom Park in Florida, to $99 for a single day pass. Gosh, for the cost of taking a family of four, you could almost buy a bleacher seat at Yankee Stadium.

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A recent AP poll of Americans found that while 48% were against letting airline passengers make inflight cellphone calls, amongst those who’d flown at least 4 times in the last year, the opposition rate was 78%. Those other 22% are no doubt the reason most of us are so against the idea.

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Number one response across America this morning to CNN’s announcement of their cancellation of Piers Morgan’s prime time show. “Piers Morgan HAD a prime time show?

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NASCAR musings.

From T.C.  “Kazakhstan finished last in the medal count with 1 bronze at Sochi. Richard Petty said they would have won it all if no one else showed up.”

From Gary M.  “Richard Petty has accepted Tony Stewart’s challenge to race Danica Patrick. At 76, it’ll be interesting to see what wears out first: Richard or his turn signal.”

 

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One small step…

Posted February 24, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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It’s a big step that it now looks like we will have two openly gay male athletes play major US professional sports this year. The next big step – when we get to the point that such events aren’t even news.

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Jason Collins signed with the Nets and played tonight against the Lakers at Staples.   If Brooklyn judges his play to be good enough, Jason should get a chance to be the first openly gay NBA player to play against a professional NBA team.

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So let’s start with the POSITIVES of having a gay player on your team. I’m sure my creative friends can make this a good list. 1. He might be the only teammate you can trust not to hit on your wife/girlfriend.

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So a supporter of Arizona’s bill allowing businesses to discriminate based on religious beliefs brought up the idea of a supermarket bakery worker not wanting to make a wedding cake for a gay couple. Leaving aside Jon Stewart’s brilliant question “What gay wedding has a supermarket cake?” why then should that worker not be able to ask if the bride and groom have had premarital relations? Or previously divorced? Etc. Because that could go against their religious beliefs too.

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CNN is going to end Piers Morgans’ show. “What a shame” said both of his viewers.

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Canada won men’s hockey gold in a game that started at 7am Toronto time. Does the city have someone chaperoning Rob Ford?

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I think a requirement for any American who professes to be upset by Canada’s hockey wins should be to name at least try NHL players. Current ones.

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The USA women’s hockey collapse against Canada was embarrassing. But in the long run suppose less embarrassing than being shut out for the last two games….

 

Sigh. Shows like Downton Abbey have their season flash by in an instant and stuff like “Keeping up with the Kardashians” apparently never ends? #qualitynotquantity

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The Daytona 500 was delayed several hours due to heavy rain. Sounds like Mother Nature is saying “Don’t gloat about this winter so fast, Florida.”

 

13 car crash on lap 146 of 200 Daytona. For millions of Americans, finally a reason to watch the race highlights on Sportscenter.

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Half expected when the race was over to have Fox interrupt with historic breaking news of the second Daytona 500 winner in a single day.

(during the rain delay, they showed the 2013 race on Fox. Someone at Fox News thought it was for 2014.  And announced the winner again accordingly.)

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Non-US carriers are different. ANA made a apologetic announcement today at the airport that boarding would be delayed due to cabin preparation. By FIVE minutes. And the guy sounded really sorry.

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Zack Greinke, on the Dodgers and Dbacks opening the MLB season in Australia “I would say there is absolutely zero excitement for it. There just isn’t any excitement to it. I can’t think of one reason to be excited for it.” I am thinking the league will quickly remind him of million$ of rea$on$ to be excited by it.

 

Justin Bieber, unhappy about the “Loser gets Bieber” billboard about the US vs. Canada hockey, tweeted. “I guess I’m an easy target for some. I’m still human. I will continue to meet hate with love. It’s all about the music. Much love” Uh, Justin, if you WERE all about the music, millions of Americans wouldn’t be so eager to send you back.

Comments: 8 Comments

As the flame burns out.

Posted February 23, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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USA hockey reaction after today: “Bummer that we didn’t get a medal.” Russia hockey reaction: “how the bleep did we lose to these guys?”

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Alas,  “Do you believe in Miracles?” has become “Do you believe in not being good enough for a Bronze Medal?”

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Team USA speed skating strategy for next Olympics? Expedited citizenship for more Dutch applicants.

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The Sochi Olympics are almost over. And March Madness is just around the corner. So most Americans can soon go from cheering for sports they’ve never cared about before, to cheering for teams they’ve never cared about before. #bracketology

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The NFL is apparently going to institute penalties for racial slurs. 15 yards for the first offense, and ejection for the second. So what will constitute a “racial slur?” Are players going to get a manual of words? And what about “Redskins?”

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Easter this year is 4 20. This is an advance warning to children in Colorado and Washington: Hide those chocolate bunnies from mom and dad.

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While the 49ers appear to have been talking to the Browns about a deal to send Jim Harbaugh to Cleveland, the coach appears to have vetoed the deal. So now we know the answer, yes there are some challenges too big even for Harbaugh’s ego.

 

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In Austin, a woman jogger was arrested for jaywalking and not having ID . Bummer. Had she only been armed she could have proved Texas residency

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A Duke University freshman who was outed as a porn star is defending her occupation as something she enjoys and more than pays her college expenses. Maybe the young woman should go into politics. At least her screwing people for money is providing some value.

 

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All that weight Pablo Sandoval lost, I think we just found some of it: Yasiel Puig showed up to Dodgers training camp weighing 251 pounds, 26 more than in 2013.

 

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NFL rules kept Jadeveon Clowney from entering the draft last year, and the DE said “Because I came off a great season. If it was a chance, I probably would have. “But right now, it’s over with. I had to stay a third year. I did what I had to do, took care of business with my team…”

Uh, considering how underwhelming his 2013 season was, wonder how motivated Clowney will be once he has $$$? (I still predict, he’ll be a bigger distraction for his team than Michael Sam.)

Comments: 2 Comments

He has his blinker on, she stops for directions?

Posted February 21, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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Ok, this could be fun. Tony Stewart, defending his driver Danica Patrick against Richard Petty, 76, who asserted that the only way she could win a Sprint Cup race is if no one else were on the track: “I think a race would settle it once and for all. I will supply the cars. I’ll make sure they have exactly the same setup in the car and give him the chance

 

 

Johnny Manziel “I feel like I play like I’m 10 feet tall.” That kind of cockiness is no doubt to inspire several defensive ends and linebackers to try to put him 6 feet under.

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The Arizona legislature has passed a bill allowing individuals to use religious beliefs as a defense against a lawsuit And of course, it would allow bigots not to serve gays and lesbians. But doesn’t it equally mean that gays, lesbians and Christians who believe we are all God’s children could refuse to serve bigots?

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Crooks are stupid item of the day: A California man was arrested when he went to the police to report he had been the victim of a hit-and-run. And the police recognized him and his car from surveillance videos from three recent robberies.

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Congratulations to Canada on their gold medal in men’s curling. Maybe a nation with strong gun control laws needs to get really good at throwing rocks?

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One of this year’s Olympic oxymorons: U.S. Speedskaters

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The situation in the Ukraine is bad enough that Putin may soon be telling Olympic reporters “Why don’t you ask me about gay rights?

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Have to love it. Ashley Wagner, who had a fall-plagued skate at US nationals and was named to Team USA based on her past record over a woman who skated better, is now complaining about the judging in the Olympics, claiming that higher scores were awarded based on reputation and favoritism. #irony

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Ok. I guess most Americans can now stop pretending to care about Hockey for another four years.

 

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Apparently angry parents who took their kids to see Miley Cyrus are calling to complain about too much sexual innuendo in her concerts. Uh, did any of these people see or read about the MTV awards before buying tickets?

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Michele Bachman told an interviewer that she thought many Americans “aren’t ready” for a female president. Uh, Michele, maybe they just aren’t ready for YOU to be president.

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So long, farewell. Auf wiedersehen, good bye. Maria Agatha Franziska Gobertina von Trapp, the second oldest and last surviving child of the Trapp family, (Louisa in the Sound of Music) died last week at 99. Let’s hope it wasn’t that NBC remake that killed her.

Comments: 1 Comment

The iStamp?

Posted February 20, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

The USPS has announced a new Steve Jobs postage stamp for 2015. Actually presume it will be a series of stamps, each one getting smaller, and smaller, and smaller….

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Considering how the figure skaters are doing relative to the hockey team, Vladimir Putin may have to rethink support for gays in Russia.

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For starters, however, how fabulous would the ratings be if we could only get  Johnny Weir to do an on-air Olympic interview of Putin?

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Although with all the newfangled events in the Olympics suppose it’s good to see some traditionalism – like controversy with the women’s figure skating scores.

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German figure skater Nathalie Weinzierl had a rough free skate performance skating to “Rhapsody in Blue.” Maybe if you are trying to achieve perfection not a great idea to use the music of United Airlines?

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President Obama and Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper bet cases of beer on the USA-Canada hockey games. Guess they didn’t want to wager with some real stakes. Like with a USA win we send back Bieber and with a Canada win they send us Rob Ford?

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Guess what. The prevent defense doesn’t work well in hockey either. #USAvsCAN #Sochi2014

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Wonder if the USA Women’s hockey team got a post-game phone call from Bill Buckner?

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Actually, for hockey afficionados Bill Littlejohn has a better line,” the team has just been made honorary Toronto Maple Leafs.”

(for non-hockey fans who are curious, google  “leafs” “bruins” “game 7.”)

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Kobe Bryant says he’s “not cool” that the Lakers shipped Steve Blake to the Warriors. Of course, wonder how many Lakers fans are “not cool” with Los Angeles spending $30 million this year on Kobe.

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Police say that during an argument at a casino in Atlantic City, Baltimore Ravens RB Ray Rice knocked his fiancee unconscious. Bet no one’s doing a poll of NFL players to see if they’d feel comfortable with HIM in their locker room..

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At a NJ Town Hall today, Chris Christie blamed Superstorm Sandy recovery problems on the Obama administration, saying “I’m not the king of New Jersey. I’m just the governor.” Well, duh, if Christie were king he would have had those responsible for exposing the Bridgegate scandal beheaded.’

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Ted Cruz, after Ted Nugent called Obama a “subhuman mongrel” said he didn’t share Nugent’s views but “there’s a reason… people listen to him. He has been fighting passionately for Second Amendment rights . And this administration has demonstrated an incredible hostility to the Second Amendment rights of law abiding citizens.” Ah, so passion justifies all speech? How did I miss Cruz’s defense of Martin Bashir?

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The two men who beat up Bryan Stow were only sentenced to 8 and 4 years respectively. Which for one of them will be barely more than time served. Wonder how much time someone might get for beating them up in prison?

Bus to Hell time. Regarding the men who pleaded guilty to attacking Bryan Stow, and who will be out of jail soon. Couldn’t the judge make a condition of their eventual parole be visiting Florida while wearing hoodies?

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President Obama sent an apology to an art history professor for saying “folks can make a lot more potentially with skilled manufacturing or the trades than they might with an art history degree.’ Now Marco Rubio has tweeted “Pathetic Obama apology to art history prof. We do need more degrees that lead to jobs.” What, like Rubio’s own undergraduate degree in political science?

Comments: 3 Comments

Putin on the not so Ritz

Posted February 20, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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This just in from Sochi. President Putin has announced that all bomb-sniffing dogs for the remainder of the Olympics will be replaced by the Russian men’s hockey team.

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But give Putin time.  Maybe he can blame this on Obama.

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A West Virginia Pizza Hut has been shut by the authorities after a surveillance video showed a manager peeing into a sink. So presume at Domino’s and Papa John’s, they’ve just updated the rules in their employee manuals?

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26% of Americans got this question wrong in a recent survey “Does the Earth go around the sun, or does the sun go around the Earth? Wonder how many of that 26% thought the whole question was silly, because of course they know the Earth goes around the moon.

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In Chandler, police are deciding whether or not to charge a man who fatally shot an unarmed man during a fight that started with an argument at a Walmart service counter. The shooter is claiming self-defense. What, is Arizona jealous that Florida’s getting all the headlines?

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A Seattle burglar who was still in the apartment when police showed up implied to police he had taken LSD but also told them he was Jack Bauer of “24.” Presume the cops’ first clue was when the thief said he had broken in between 900a and 1000a.

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Washington TE Fred Davis today was suspended indefinitely for violation of the NFL’s substance abuse policy. Apparently the substance was marijuana. Makes sense, no one watching the Redskins play last year would believe any of them used performance enhancing drugs.

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Louisville coach Rick Pitino banned his players from tweeting, and would prefer they don’t use any other social media either “I’m trying to get our players to read more, pay attention to important things.” Of course if players are spending all their spare time with social media they won’t have time to have affairs with say, equipment manager’s wives….

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Remember Bonnie Blair? Hey, whatever happened to speedskating anyway? Didn’t it used to be a Olympic Prime Time Sport? #sarcasm

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The company behind #CandyCrush” has filed for an IPO. Will their opening price be known as “Level 1?:

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The Los Angeles Lakers traded Steve Blake to the Golden State Warriors tonight. That’s perhaps less of a surprising story than the idea that Blake had to think “Thank God I’m going to a playoff team.”

Comments: 3 Comments

Wipe out?

Posted February 19, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

If it’s all about ratings, why don’t they have an Olympic snowboard event with medals for the most spectacular wipeouts?

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Many baby boomers have come full circle. From begging their parents to stay up to watch “The Tonight Show With Johnny Carson. To trying to stay up to watch “The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon.”

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Norwegian mass killer Anders Behring Breivik, convicted of killing 8 people in a 2011 bombing and fatally shooting 69 more at a youth camp, says if he doesn’t get better video games, a sofa and a larger gym, he will go on a hunger strike until his demands are met or he dies. Uh, and the problem here is…?

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Some boxes of Hot Pockets were recalled after their maker said they found some of the sandwich meat came from the Northern California slaughterhouse that was closed this month during a federal investigation into unsanitary meat. Shocking! Hot Pockets contain meat?

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Simon Cowell says he is “giddy” over his new baby boy. Of course this is the man who once said “I only put myself in a situation where I know I am confident in what I am talking about.” Give the new dad about 13 years….

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Both the top Canadian and U.S. ice dancing teams use the same coach, and after the competition silver medalists Tessa Virtue & Scott Moir complained that they felt sometime she “wasn’t in their corner.” What are the couple trying to do – whine enough to be made honorary Americans.

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Apparently LeBron James is amongst a group of players lobbying for a longer NBA All-Star break, so the All-Stars themselves “enjoy some semblance of respite from the grind of the (82 game) regular season.” And MLB players are just giggling.

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The Clowns of America president says that membership numbers are plummeting because the younger generation isn’t going into the profession, and that the country may be facing a clown shortage. Well, we can always borrow some from Congress.

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Falcons wide receiver Roddy White was arrested and briefly jailed near Atlanta this am for failing to appear in court on a ticket for illegally tinted windows. Two things. Isn’t your posse supposed to take care of those details? And don’t Georgia police have anything better to do?

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Tonight’s men’s basketball game between # 15 Iowa and Indiana was postponed when a piece of metal fell from the ceiling at the Assembly Hall in Bloomington. The antithesis of “raise the roof?”

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In jailhouse recordings just released, Michael Dunn, the shooter in the “loud music” case is heard telling his fiancee: “I’m the f—–g victim here. I was the one who was victimized. I’m the victor but I was the victim too.” Even George Zimmerman is beginning to think this guy is an a**hole.

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On the other hand, forget #CelebrityBoxing, can we match up #GeorgeZimmerman and #MichaelDunn in a real life version of the #HungerGames?

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Comments: 1 Comment

Taste of America?

Posted February 18, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
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Those Ralph Lauren limited-edition Team USA sweaters, originally $595, are now selling for THOUSANDS on Ebay. Sounds like some folks are getting very expensive Christmas sweaters to put at the back of their closets.

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Wonder how many people watched the Russian ice dancers skate to Swan Lake and thought “Cool, they’re using the music from Billy Elliott.”

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The U.S. two man bobsled had not won a medal in 62 years. Or as Cubs fans call that “Only Yesterday.” #BMWBobsled

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Johnny Manziel, saying that Russell Wilson is proof that shorter QBs can succeed in the NFL – “I think he’s kicked the door wide open.” And Doug Flutie and Drew Brees are just giggling.

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So a hijacked Ethopian Airlines plane ended up landing in Geneva instead of Rome. No reported injuries, but many passengers on board no doubt have one very important question – “Does the detour mean I get extra frequent flier miles?”

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Paris Hilton had a major wardrobe malfunction at the 33rd birthday party bash she threw for herself Saturday, when she showed the world she was going commando with an overly slit dress. Or maybe Paris is just trying to take some headlines back from Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus?

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The Downton Abbey US season finale is NEXT WEEK?! #toosoon

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Not the Onion: In Georgia, some legislators are pushing for a law that would allow licensed gun-owners to avoid arrest if they accidentally bring their firearms to the airport and into security lines. Two questions: “What could possibly go wrong?” And “How did they beat Florida to it?”

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George Zimmerman told CNN “I’d like to to continue my education and hopefully become an attorney.” So much for anyone who said it’s not possible for the legal profession to have a worse reputation.

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A “number” of passengers and three crew members were injured today when a United Airlines flight from Denver to Billings encountered “severe” turbulence. Coming soon, a “premium seat belt” for a fee?

(Or as Bill D. says, “an E ticket fee?”)

From my friend comedy writer Jerry Perisho “Good news. Simon Cowell’s milk came in.”

(I’m wondering, does that mean Simon will soon be wearing a black nursing t-shirt?)

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From T.C.  “Some of the stray Russian dogs are being adopted by the visiting Olympic athletes. One American is arranging to bring one home and has already named it “Sochi”. A British guy wants to adopt one as well. Name? “Eddie the Beagle” of course.”

(My Bus to Hell thought.  Probably a good thing for the dogs that there are no Vietnamese athletes at these games.)

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Comments: 2 Comments

Winter wonderland?

Posted February 17, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

pier39

Life is so stressful for winter visitors in California….

Okay, before this Olympics, who in America had ever heard the word “twizzles?”

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And maybe you have to be of the original Star Trek generation. Although anyone but me waiting for the headline “The trouble with Twizzles?”

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In his reality show “Snake Salvation,” Jamie Coots, a Pentecostal preacher, said that he believed that a Bible passage in the Bible meant poisonous snakebites will not harm believers as long as they are anointed by God. Coots died last night, of a snakebite. So guessing he was either wrong about the Bible, or wrong about being anointed.

(As my friend Melodi says – give that man a Darwin, except he probably didn’t believe in Darwin either.)

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NBA All-Star game today. A lot of showboating and not much defense. In other words, pretty much like the regular season.

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The Powerball jackpot is back up to $400 million. Although most Americans are much less likely to win than they are to be struck by a car while walking and daydreaming about their potential winnings.

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A different thought about the “loud music” shooting in Florida: The easy availabilty of guns doesn’t just mean too many people are armed, it means it’s easy for people to claim they think everyone else is also armed.

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Mitt Romney, disagreeing with Rand Paul about a possible Hillary Clinton run: “I don’t imagine that Bill Clinton is going to be a big part of it” Uh, maybe because Mitt is smart enough to know the GOP doesn’t want to remind people of what many Americans now consider eight overall very good years?

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Forty degrees and sunny for the cross-country skiing relay today in Sochi? Heck, that”s warmer weather than most Candlestick Park night baseball games.

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Comments: 1 Comment

Three one-thousandth of a second….

Posted February 16, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Very cute Carnival Cruise lines Olympic commercial featuring kids and a waterslide about the team that “just met yesterday.” Wonder how many people can read the small print “Unless you are a professional bobsledder only one person may go down the slide at a time.”

 

Three one thousandth of a second was the difference today in the 1500 meters men’s speed skating event. Men think “Wow!”  And women think, “I’ve known men who’ve lasted less than that.”

 

Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell, defending his decision to allow a debt-ceiling vote. “I believe I have to act in the best interest of the country.” And he said it with a straight face.

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Sad news. John Henson, 48, who followed his late father into puppetry, has died of a heart attack. Jim Henson was only 53 when he died. Hope this doesn’t mean Muppets are hazardous to your health.

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USA men’s hockey wins in a shoot out. USA Women’s curling elminated after they fall just short of an extra end. And millions of people are thinking “I have no idea what either of those sentences mean.”

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Curling would be a lot more fun to watch if they could run the competition simultaneously on the ice with figure skating. #demolitionderby

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Just thinking that “do you believe in miracles?” call wouldn’t have been the same with a shootout.

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So it’s not the suits? What will the U.S. Speedskating team blame next?

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Roger Goodell made $44.2 million last year. Could you imagine how much he would have made if he weren’t working as the head of a nonprofit?

 

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The military says they now have a pizza for soldiers that can stay on the shelf for as long as three years and still remain edible. Did they just borrow the recipe from Domino’s?

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A Northern California Radio Shack was robbed at gunpoint this week. Shocking! There’s anything at a Radio Shack crooks think is worth stealing?

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So to sum up, a white guy in Florida opened fire on a SUV with four black teenagers inside because he felt “threatened” after an argument that he started by complaining about their music. (The teenagers were unarmed.) And a jury says he’s guilty of trying to murder the kids he missed, but not guilty of murdering the kid he actually shot?

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George Zimmerman just told an interviewer: “I suffer from PTSD.” I feel so sorry for him” said nobody.

 

A top South Korean speed skater decided to move and switch his allegiance to Russia in order to improve his medal changes in Sochi. Hmm. Think we can convince Justin Bieber that his best chance of another Grammy is to move back to Canada?

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From Marc Ragovin. ” Actress Ellen Page has announced that she is gay. Well there goes her NFL career.”

(of course, for nervous men,  Page could be the perfect locker room reporter.)

 

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Too many options?

Posted February 15, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Fox News hosts were apparently mocking Facebook’s decision to provide users with over 50 new options for their gender, other than simply “male” or “female.” That’s not nice. Considering that several of those options were probably designed to give choices to Ann Coulter.

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Vladimir Putin visited Team USA headquarters yesterday, though did not meet with any of the men’s slopestyler medalists. Maybe he’d been told to “leave the children alone.”

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So who knew men’s figure skating was going to turn into short track speed skating? #sochi14 #crashes

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Nice job by the U.S. men’s slopestyling team. But even the Chinese women gymnasts are thinking “Those boys are YOUNG.”

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From Marc Ragovin  “I think Hansen won the Slopestyle Skiing competition yesterday”
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The U.S. speedskating team is switching uniforms, blaming the new suits they brought to Sochi for their so-far lackluster Olympic performance. Hmm, wonder if the Denver Broncos had new uniforms for the Super Bowl?

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Tom Perkins said yesterday that only taxpayers should vote (has he thought that even children pay sales tax..?) He added that those who pay more should get more votes. “You pay a million dollars in taxes you get a million votes.” I think we’re discovering the answer to a question. “What happens when “affuenza” meets dementia?

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On Valentine’s Day, hope all men  who valued their health remembered those three little words that mean so much to women: “Where’s my chocolate?”

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Oops.  A Groupon promotion today offered $10 off any Groupon deal of $40 or more in honor of President Alexander Hamilton, who’s on the $10 bill. But millions of Americans said, “and your point is?
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Nothing against Derek Jeter and Mariano Rivera but didn’t it used to be possible to retire without taking a victory lap?
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Meanwhile, wonder if at this point Roger Goodell is wishing the Saints put out a bounty on Richie Incognito?
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Carmelo Anthony says he is willing to accept less money to re-sign with the Knicks. Maybe it’s about getting more free agents. Or maybe Melo just really doesn’t like playoff pressure.
Last year, Newark Airport finished dead last in the U.S., with 70% of flights arriving on time. And regular Newark fliers responded “How dd they over-inflate those results?”
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Actress Ellen Page, who in Juno played a pregnant girl who decided to give her baby up for adoption, has come out as gay. And conservative Republicans immediately responded “Exactly, adoption is the option that all gay women who get pregnant should choose….. Oops, never mind.”
From Bill Littlejohn:   “Recently, Japan’s Olympic womens hockey team scored its first goal in 16 years.Boy, and you thought California was in a drought”
Guiness confirms that two men at a Las Vegas electronics store set a world record by watching TV for 87 consecutive hours—it turned out to be the last two minutes of an NBA game. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/news/local/news/v/Local/348766/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-February-14-2014-Edition-458#sthash.SxKxxzAe.dpuf
Guiness confirms that two men at a Las Vegas electronics store set a world record by watching TV for 87 consecutive hours—it turned out to be the last two minutes of an NBA game. – See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/news/local/news/v/Local/348766/Hartley-Miller-s-Hart-Attack-February-14-2014-Edition-458#sthash.SxKxxzAe.dpuf

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