Posted tagged ‘Raymond Felton jokes’

Sunday IS the most religious day..

February 27, 2014

The NFL reportedly was considering moving the 2015 Super Bowl from Glendale, Ariz., in the event SB 1062 became law. But Gov. Jan Brewer vetoed the bill, which would have allowed residents to cite religious beliefs as a reason to deny services to anybody. Good to know that in this case, religious intolerance bowed to the greater God of football.

A Texas judge today struck down the state’s gay marriage ban, saying it had no “rational relation to a legitimate government purpose.” So where are all the “small government” conservatives cheering this one?

An ESPN poll of the 128 FBS head college football coaches found only 25 who were in favor of changing the rules to slow down the game. Translation, Nick Saban and 24 other coaches who don’t think their teams can run the hurry-up offense.

The Los Angeles Dodgers announced that Larry King will host a series for the team’s 24/7 television network called “Larry King at Bat.” Presumably Larry hopes to get as a regular guest that nice young man Vin Scully.

Not the Onion. One of the Dodgers’ giveaways this year will be a Babe Ruth bobblehead in September. (After retiring the Babe spent a year in Brooklyn as a first base coach.) So is L.A. that worried about playing meaningful games to draw in fans in September?

Dallas owner Jerry Jones says it’s his fault, not Tony Romo’s, that the Cowboys haven’t gotten to the Super Bowl. What, because Jones didn’t trade Romo?

Raymond Felton, arrested on felony gun charges and for allegedly waving a loaded at his estranged wife during an argument, stated “This is not a distraction to this team.” Forget the “gay teammate” question, where’s the poll asking players how comfortable they are with this kind of idiot in the locker room?


From Marc Ragovin:  “One day after being charged with illegal gun possession, Raymond Felton of the NY Knicks briefly addressed the matter with reporters, then shifted the discussion to the team’s playoff push. Ahhh, so I see he’s laying the groundwork for an insanity defense.”



Jim Lange, former California radio icon, and host of “Name that Tune” and “The Dating Game”, passed away this week. At his service, mourners will be invited to name that hymn in only five, four, three notes…..

Apparenlty the world’s largest exchange for trading bitcoin currency shut down today, triggering a massive sell-off. So maybe the bitcoin era is ending before I even had to figure out what it was?

Ohio is ending early voting on Sundays and weekday evenings, leaving early voting only by absentee ballot, or in person for four weeks from 8a-5pm M-F, and two Saturdays. Secretary of State Jon Husted said – with a straight face – “Our goal is to make it easy to vote and hard to cheat and to ensure that everyone has an equal opportunity in the voting process.” Right, because cheaters only come out at night and on Sundays. And no one ever mails in someone else’s absentee ballot….


From my friend Jim Barach:  “Colorado is cracking down on DUIs from people driving while stoned. Recently a police officer was involved in a chase with a suspected pot smoker that reached speeds up to 7 mph.”

(Just thinking, if California ever legalizes marijuana, it ought to get real interesting with all our Priuses. (Prii?)



A really tough search.

February 26, 2014

A GOP lobbyist says he is preparing legislation to prevent gay players from joining the NFL. Jack Burkman says “If the NFL has no morals and no values then the Congress must find values for it.” Thinking that in Washington putting CONGRESS in charge of morals and finding values has less of a chance than Diogenes finding his honest man .


Steve Elkington, (Who? Yeah, he won the PGA in 1995) tweeted a homophobic joke about Michael Sam. Right, because we all know when it comes to tough male athletes, we think of golfers first.


So Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel has announced major cuts in the military budget, to just under $500 billion. Oh, the horror. Now the U.S. will only spend as much as the next seven countries beneath us combined….

Knicks PG Raymond Felton was arrested this morning three counts of criminal possession of a weapon. Well, we knew even the Nets’ signing of Jason Collins couldn’t mean Brooklyn had the New York NBA headlines for long.

#RaymondFelton has a court date of June 2. The NBA finals start June 5. So fortunately his arrest won’t affect this year’s #Knicks

Bachelorette season 8 winner Jef Holm told Us Weekly that Juan Pablo is “by far the sleaziest Bachelor.” Isn’t that statement kind of redundant?

One reason to watch the Bachelor: A few hours of these folks make all the people in your real life seem so much saner and more normal by comparison.

A Sonoma County man has been sentenced to six years in prison after his eighth DUI. Part of California’s 8 strikes and you’re out policy?


Ozzie Smith is leading a petition campaign to make MLB Opening Day a national holiday. With 100,000 signatures it would mean the Obama adminstation has to respond. Maybe Ozzie would have better luck if he made the petition say “create a holiday, and deport Bieber while you’re at it.”

The Washington Redskins posted a YouTube video congratulating Dale Earnhardt Jr. on his Daytona 500 win. Guess this is the closest the team thinks they will get to any kind of a championship.

Johan Santana threw for seven MLB scouts in Florida, and topped out at 81 mph. Maybe it wasn’t a great idea to get coaching on his fastball from Jamie Moyer?

Apparently Arizona Governor Jan Brewer will actually veto the anti-gay bill that would allow businesses not to serve customers based on religious beliefs. No doubt she has million$ of rea$on$ for her deci$ion.


My comedy writing friend Jerry Perisho asks “Could we lock Aaron Hernandez up with OJ Simpson?” I’m wondering if we could just lock him up for a little while with those douchebags who attacked Bryan Stow?