Big night time Timmy Jim.

Posted July 22, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Okay Clayton Kershaw.   Tim Lincecum called your no-hitter and just raised you a save. #SFGiants #Dodgers

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If  Tim Lincecum becomes the the #SFGiants closer someday will his entrance music be “Last Dance with Mary Jane?”

SF Giants are undefeated in games that last at least 500 pitches.  (Tonight’s, 507.  14 innings)

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But back to #SFGiants reality.  So far in 2014, five players have played 2nd base for the SF Giants and combined for a .182 average. This statistic is pretty shocking to serious Giants fans. That high?

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“Estimate”, Queen Elizabeth’s filly who won the 2013 Gold Cup at Royal Ascot, has apparently tested positive for dope. This is what they get for letting the horse hang out with Prince Harry.

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Sarah Palin was caught speeding last week and fined $144. So she can see Russia from her house but apparently she can’t see a Wasilla Police Car.

(Jim Barach wonders,  “was she driving a Maverick?”)

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A 105 year old woman threw out the first pitch at a Padres game. Did she credit her ability from sandlot games as a child with Jamie Moyer?

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Two white flags mysteriously appeared in place of American flags on the Brooklyn Bridge Tuesday morning. Police say they have no suspects, but will be interviewing anyone in New York wearing a Cubs cap.

(Marc Ragovin, with a great minds, suggests that authorities should instead be looking for Mets fans.)

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Tony Dungy in damage control mode. “I do not believe Michael Sam’s sexual orientation will be a distraction to his teammates or his organization. I do, however, believe that the media attention that comes with it will be a distraction.”

Right, whereas players Dungy has supported like Vick, Tebow and Manziel, they weren’t and aren’t distractions….

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Meanwhile, the Cleveland Browns say they won’t name their starting QB until at least the 3rd preseason game. Does it make sense for the team in 2014? Maybe. Does it make sense for jersey sales? Absolutely.

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A new book about the Secret Service claims that Bill Clinton has another mistress. Shocking. And wonder how many Americans would re-elect him, bimbos and all, if it weren’t for the 22nd amendment.

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Ocala, Florida, about an hour from Orlando, has banned people from wearing pants that sag two inches below their waist on city property. Offenders will be fined $500 for face jail time. Can Ocala work on spandex next?

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Senior U.S. intelligence officials apparently say they have no evidence of direct Russian government involvement in the shooting down of MH 17.   Uh, did anyone actually think Putin would order something like that? Well, outside maybe of Fox News?

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Portrait in lack of courage?

Posted July 21, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Former NFL coach Tony Dungy said he wouldn’t have taken Michael Sam in the draft “Not because I don’t believe (he) should have a chance to play, but I wouldn’t want to deal with all of it. It’s not going to be totally smooth … things will happen.” But Dungy is also the man who does prison ministry, and who mentored Michael Vick while in prison. Somewhere Jesus really is weeping.

 

#RichardSherman‘s celebrity softball game drew over 22,000 to #SafecoField.   That’s only about 1,000 people less than the average Mariners home game.  #nojoke.

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New York Yankees just announced that the “official” game honoring Derek Jeter will be Sept. 7. Did no one in the front office see the All Star game?

 

The SF Giants were down 4-3 in the 4th inning, and the Phillies had runners on 1st and 3rd with no outs. Thinking not even Pete Rose would have bet that Philly was done scoring.

 

 

Box Score #SFGiants 7-15-1, #Phillies 4-14-0. Without watching you know this was not a thing of beauty. But #awinisawin

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#SFGiants have agreed to terms with Dan Uggla. Some concern as to whether he can still hit major league pitching. But hey, the Giants know for sure that some of their current lineup can’t.

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Odrisamer Despaigne came within four outs yesterday of throwing the first no-hitter in San Diego’s 46 year history. And Padres pitchers have the added handicap of not being able to pitch against own team.

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Jameis Winston said in an FSU pre-season press conference that this year he knows he has “to live up to the hype.” And presumably get his seafood from the training table.

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Facebook is adding a new “Facebook Save” feature for people to file interesting “items that you find on Facebook to check out later when you have more time.” “When you have more time?!” Translation for a lot of people, when they’ve retired and Facebook is long gone?

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A volunteer California policewoman was put on leave after she posted an-anti bike video rant on YouTube, including asking a man who much she’d have to pay him to run a cyclist over. The caption “Like you’ve never thought about it.” She has apologized and said it was satire. Fair enough, but for a COP to post it?   Apparently SHE never thought about it.

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Tough times in Washington. President Obama has to decide what actions to take against Russia, And then the GOP has to immediately decide how those actions are wrong.

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It was an American conspiracy to start a war with Russia. …The Ukraine military thought they were shooting down Putin’s plane…. Or MH17 is really MH370, and it took off “full of corpses….”

Even Fox News is bowing to the creativity of some Russian conspiracy theories….

Comments: 5 Comments

Based not in tranquility

Posted July 20, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Sunday was the 45th anniversary of Apollo 11’s landing on the moon. If it happened on Obama’s watch have to wonder what the Republican reaction would be…. Maybe a Congressional investigation for demonstrating American weakness by not focusing on our enemies on this planet? If the GOP said they believed the footage at all.

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Really? Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have spent $500,000 to hire a baby body double to protect their daughter North from photographers. Guess they don’t want anyone exploiting pictures of the child for money. Except her parents.

 

 

Equal gender opportunity “Crooks are Stupid” item: An Illinois woman posted pictures of herself on Facebook wearing a distinctive new dress. Police investigating a theft from a local boutique promptly arrested her as the dress was one of the items stolen.

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In the summer, the London Zoo has “Zoo Lates” on Friday nights, fund-raising events which feature music and beer tents. Last Friday apparently a man poured beer over a tiger. Sadly as far as fundraising,  the tiger was not able to climb out of its enclosure and reduce the Zoo’s food bill.

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Singapore Airlines is apologizing to people who thought their recent tweet was insensitive. “Customers may wish to note that Singapore Airlines flights are not using Ukraine airspace.” And yes, maybe a tweet wasn’t the way to do it. But have to wonder how many calls airlines are now getting about their Europe to Asia routes.

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Two pigeons made it into Rogers Centre for the Toronto Blue Jays -Texas Rangers game. Had the pigeons been at Marlins Park today, Miami would have no doubt counted them to boost the supposed attendance..

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Bad news for ESPN. Tiger Woods had one of his worst Briish Opens ever. Good news for ESPN. At least most casual golf fans recognized winner Rory McIlroy’s name.

 

(of course, had McIlroy’s breakup with tennis star Caroline Wozniack just  involved a few waitresses and a mid night flight involving police, who knows what the ratings might have been.?)

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The Costa Concordia is upright and will be on its way to Genoa. The Concordia’s interior of the ship is kind of a mess after being underwater for over 2 years. But it would probably be unfair to compare conditions to being aboard a Carnival Cruise ship.

 

 

 

New Zealand’s Jack Bauer almost won a Tour de France stage but was overtaken at the end by Norway’s Alexander Kristoff . Presumably the last minute ending took place at 7:59.37 pm?

 

SNL won the Television Critics Association’s Heritage Award Sunday . “Heritage” as in ancient history for being funny?

 

 

 

Controversy now as New York City approved a new development by the Hudson River where affordable housing tenants will have to enter by a “poor door,” when regular tenants can use the main entrance. So while we’re at it, what about two doors for those paying higher prices, one for those who earned their money, and one for those who inherited it.

Comments: 1 Comment

Walking the line?

Posted July 20, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

The future King of England, Prince George, is upright. Probably more upright than Prince Harry after a night on the town.

Prince George Of Cambridge First Birthday

 

The Chicago Cubs have filed a lawsuit over “Billy Cub”, a fake mascot that allegedly has been engaging in bad behavior outside Wrigley Field. Wonder how long it will take some Cubs season ticket holders to file a lawsuit over bad behavior on the field inside Wrigley.

 

The Mariners and Angels have played two games since the All-Star Break, totaling 28 innings. Note to both teams, the World Cup is over, enough with the stoppage time.

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And if  the MLB season ended today, the Angels and Mariners would be in a one-game wild card playoff. Seattle is 6.5 games behind L.A.(Anaheim.) But if they could start Felix Hernandez, they’d be the favorites to advance. Another “gift” from Bud Selig.

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Giancarlo Stanton takes  Sergio Romo deep to lead off the bottom of the ninth in Miami. “I didn’t see that coming.” Said nobody.

 

In a 5-1 game that became a 5-3 game  #SFGiants manager Bruce Bochy removed Sergio Romo in the ninth after a home run and a double and apparently told Romo that it wasn’t about him finishing the game, but wanted Casilla to get the work. That’s his story and he’s sticking to it.

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Huston Street, after being traded from San Diego to the Angels “I believe in the Padres’ ownership. They want to win and they are not content with status quo. I blame the players for what’s happened here.” Right, all those high-priced superstars that just can’t gell as a team, like so-and-so, and him, and.., can anyone name a Padre? (More than one.)

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Newt Gingrich wrote an op-ed saying that President Obama hides in a fantasy world. Of course, Gingrich’s fantasy is that he’s still relevant.

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Vladimir Putin is retaliating against new sanctions against Russia by denying some Americans visas. Just thinking flying into Russia is not at the top of too many people’s wish lists right now.

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The NY Knicks may sign Metta World Peace again. Not sure if it will help the team. But this is good news for comedy writers.

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Rand Paul, who’s against raising the minimum wage, talked about his son happily delivering pizza,: “The minimum wage is a temporary thing. It’s a chance to get started.” Of course, if you’re the son of a senator, it probably is a way to get started….what about all those other grown-ups still working those jobs?

Comments: 1 Comment

The Selig era is almost basically over.

Posted July 19, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Bud Selig is actually supposed to retire in six months. He and baseball owners want former MLB deputy commissioner Steve Greenberg to be his replacement. But Greenberg says he doesn’t want the job, though he would be honored to follow Selig, who he calls “easily baseball’s greatest commissioner since Judge Landis.” Well, wishes aside, shouldn’t that statement disqualify Greenberg by reason of insanity?

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Only 30% of Los Angeles area residents can see Dodgers games on TV due to a cable dispute. And David Rone, president of Time Warner Cable Sports, which distributes the games, says “It is unlikely that we are going to get a deal done. Suffering Midwest fans are thinking “why couldn’t this happen with the Cubs?”

 

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Anyone else think Vladimir Putin is more likely to officiate at a gay wedding than he is to determine that MH17 was shot down by pro Russian-separatists?

 

 

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The Federal Government has charged FedEx with drug trafficking for delivering illegal prescription drugs, allegedly for over a decade. What took the Government this long? Maybe they figured FedEx is taking profitable business from the post office?

 

 

Lebron James announced his return to Cleveland last week, but still hasn’t chosen if he will wear #6 or #23. How long until ESPN dedicates a special edition of Sports Center to the decision?

 

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For all those who think the SFGiants have a problem at 2nd base, it could be worse. Dan Uggla, released by the Atlanta Braves, hit .162 with 2 home runs and is still owed over $18 million.

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Red Sox GM Ben Cherington says the last-place team is not giving up on 2014 yet. And even Cubs fans are thinking “I want some of what you’re smoking.”

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CNN had Michele Bachmann commented that Hillary Clinton “should be worried” about Elizabeth Warren in 2016. Michele Bachmann as a political prognosticator? Well, maybe since Paul the Octopus is no longer with us.

 

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From Jim Barach ”  Downtown Los Angeles is at its driest since record-keeping began in 1877. Which means at least there is something in L.A. with a longer dry spell than the one that takes the Dodgers back to 1988.”

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A Supreme Court injunction means that Utah has won at least a temporary delay in recognizing same-sex marriages. Guess the state figures if a man isn’t happy marrying a woman, he should just marry more women.

 

 

In Los Angeles, a man robbing a liquor store apparently accidentally shot and killed his accomplice. So sometimes the only thing that can stop a bad guy with a gun is another bad guy with a gun.

 

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The NY Yankees announced there will be  a Derek Jeter retirement ceremony on Sept 7. #FarewellCaptain Except that I thought the whole 2014 season was a Jeter retirement ceremony.

 

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And finally.   Aldon Smith,  after a D.A. decided not to press charges for alleged LAX bomb threats, was sentenced Friday for possessing illegal fire arms. Along with a separate case of DUI and marijuana possession after driving and hitting a tree.

Smith got 3 years of probation, and 12 days of work crew on Mondays. Which will end before the 49ers first Monday night game.

So let this be a lesson to the youth of America. Behave yourselves. Unless you are SURE you have NFL level talent.

 

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Comments: 1 Comment

Rocky Mountain Leftover High?

Posted July 17, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

CBS News reports that tourists are regularly leaving their leftover marijuana purchases inside rental cars at Denver International Airport, because they don’t want to be arrested when they head home. In related news, Hertz and Avis just reported a 1,000% increase in Colorado job applications..

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Chris Christie says that on a “case by case” basis, his state may consider housing some of the detained immigrant children. Makes sense, have them spend some time in New Jersey and they may go racing back home.

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So the MH17 black box has been sent to Moscow for Investigation. Great. Now we will get the real story because as Edward Snowden tells us, Russia is a great and open country and a champion of human rights….’

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We often ridicule U.S. government agencies over their rules and regulations. But it appears that they got this one right: In April, on the “Special Rules” section of its site, the U.S. Federal Aviation Administration put out an order prohibiting American pilots, airlines, charter carriers, and everyone else over whom the FAA has direct jurisdiction, from flying over southern parts of Ukraine.

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John McCain is already talking about “profound repercussions” against whoever shot down MH17. Surely we should be able to invade somebody….

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The finger pointing has begun between Russia and the Ukraine over MH17. It may take longer to figure out who’s really to blame than it does to find MH370.

(The GOP already no doubt  – has it figured out, it’s Obama’s fault.)

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Microsoft has announced they are cutting 18,000 jobs. Of course, the tech giant doesn’t “fire” people, they just tell them they are performing an illegal operation and will be shut down.

 

Cheerful story on a bad news day. My friend Linda M. Wilson reminds me that Disneyland opened 59 years ago  on July 17.. Although there’s a whole generation of Americans growing up with no concept of the phrase “E ticket ride.”

 

Okay, how slow a day was Thursday  in the sports world? ESPN has the headline that the 2015 NFL draft location has been narrowed down to Los Angeles and Chicago.

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You can’t make this “stuff” up. MLB and FOX’s excuse for not paying tribute to Tony Gwynn during the All Star Game- is that the “baseball family” had lost a “number of people” this year and they “did not want to slight anyone by singling out one individual.” Well, and that and it would have interrupted the flow of the Derek Jeter show.

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To be fair, maybe MLB and FOX made such of a big deal out of Derek Jeter’s farewell All-Star game because they knew he’d already played his last postseason game.

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But maybe all of the hype is getting to be overkill.  From Bill Littlejohn:  “A Yankee Stadium suite for Derek Jeter’s final home game is going for $244,000.  Why the discount?”

 

Comments: 4 Comments

Where in the world…?

Posted July 16, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

A TSA agent today at Orlando International Airport.  asked for a reporter’s passport when the man showed him a District of Columbia driver’s license. Not realizing D.C. is actually part of the U.S. Wonder if the TSA agent told the guy his team should have beaten Brazil….

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Okay, both Bud Selig and players association executive director Tony Clark both just said they would like to reduce and ultimately eliminate smokeless tobacco usage in MLB. Great, so with that goal, wouldn’t it have made sense to use the big stage of the All-Star Game for that message as part of a tribute to Tony Gwynn? Or would that have taken time away from “Pride of the Yankees -2 -the Derek Jeter show?”

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If someone turned into last night’s All-Star game who had never seen baseball before and didn’t know the players, they might have been forgiven for thinking “That poor Jeter guy, he must be dying?”

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At Target Field presume someone is interviewing the last stadium worker asking how it felt to clean up after #Jeter‘s last #AllStarGame?

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From Bill Littlejohn.  “I hear that Adam Wainwright’s new walk-up music just became ‘Groovin’ on a Sunday Afternoon'”

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Alabama and USC will kick off the 2016 college football season with a game at AT&T Stadium in Arlington, Texas. It will be the first regular season meeting in almost 40 years between two of the NCAA’s highest paid teams.

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With the new College Football Playoff system, the “Power Five” conferences will each receive about $50 million and the other FBS leagues will split $75 million. Just for this first year. Well, this should help the NCAA pay legal bills as they fight against paying players because it would ruin the game.

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Oscar Pistorius, whose trial is in a recess until August, got into a bar fight last weekend, but his family issued a statement it was only because he’s in ’emotional pain,’ and feels lonely. “I feel so sorry for him” said nobody.

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Another of those “Darwin – missed it by that much” stories. A West Seattle man decided to kill a spider with a can of spray paint and a lighter (huh?) He managed to set his house on fire, causing about $60,000 in damages. Although he, and possibly the spider, survived.

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In South Carolina, the KKK is handing out bags of candy as part of a recruiting effort. The bags have a phone number and a message inside .””Save Our Land, Join the Klan.” Is it too late to let the South secede?

(Dan St. Paul suggests, “Presumably the bags have two holes cut out for your eyes?”)

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Dwight Howard tweeted last weekend “FreePalestine.” Then deleted the message 15 min later “Previous tweet was a mistake, I have never commented on international politics and never will.” Did Howard run out of characters to end the message “again?”

 

 

Best team award at the #ESPYS to the Seattle Seahawks? Really . Even #ESPN doesn’t respect the #Spurs. #notenoughdrama?

 

 

–Would love to be a fly on the wall when athletes’ wives ask “So honey, what did you think of that #Sidepieces song? #ESPYS #nogoodanswer.

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Dick Cheney says that “Barack Obama is the worst President of my lifetime.” Now, President Obama hasn’t been perfect. But he’s not even the worst President of the last decade.

 

 

Majority ruled?. Senate Republicans today blocked a bill to restore free birth control for women whose health insurance comes from employers with religious objections. The losing vote? 56-43 in favor of the bill. (Three GOP Senators voted yes.. Two were women.)

Comments: 1 Comment

The Midsummer Jeter Show

Posted July 15, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

Tonight home field advantage was decided for the World Series by a largely meaningless game with many players chosen based on popularity and others because each team needs a representative. Why doesn’t baseball use the system followed by so many other sports – who can offer the biggest bribe? #AllStarGame.
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After watching the show now have to figure Bud Selig is staying up nights trying to figure out how to make sure the World Series includes Derek Jeter.

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Just in case anyone thought network news was no longer relevant. Nice job CBS News tweetng a REAL scoop “@CBSNews: Michael Jeter takes bow at his final All-Star game.” Wonder if Michael’s brother is any good.

 

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SF Giants All Star Hunter Pence, on his unorthodox style for doing, well, everything. “It’s just the way I am. I love it. I enjoy it. I just want to thank whatever it is that created me.” So does this mean Pence isn’t religious, or he figures God would say “Hey, don’t put this on me, I don’t understand Hunter either.”

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So how long until #Jeter gives his “Luckiest Man in America” speech? #AllStarGame

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Bud Selig said today that Montreal is an “excellent candidate” for another MLB team. But added that there’s “a lot of work to do” with them getting a new stadium. Why, Olympic Stadium is almost as bad as the Oakland A’s “O.Co Coliseum.”.

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A-Rod now is being sued by his attorneys for unpaid legal fees. Just how low do you have to go before your own lawyers think you’re a incorrigible scumbag?
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Okay, organizers at Blackfoot Pride Days in Idaho were chagrined when a pilot hired to drop 3,000 pingpong balls redeemable for prizes into a crowd missed, and instead dropped the balls on an nearby interstate highway. The pilot actually made the 2nd mistake. The 1st was thinking this was a good idea in the first place.

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Alabama once again has the top recruits for college football. But isn’t it an oxymoron to call it a “recruiting class?”
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Apparently this season’s ratings for the Bachelorette are not great. But to be fair, anyone who wants to watch a bunch of egotistical prima donnas compete for attention and “love” now has 24-7 coverage available of NBA free agency

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New SNL cast members Noël Wells and John Milhiser have been fired after 1 year. Surprising most Americans who didn’t realize either of them were on the show in the first place.
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In an interview, Marion Barry says Rob Ford is “making a fool of himself.” Guess that makes as much sense about Dick Cheney complaining about what President Obama is doing wrong with Iraq.
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In my email inbox. A Groupon half-price sky dive. Okay, of all the things in the world that maybe you wouldn’t want on a bargain basement deal, a sky-dive has to be up there, or rather down there. Maybe following a dinner of day-old sushi?

 

Dick Cheney – “Obama’s failure to provide for a stay-behind force is what created the havoc we see in Iraq today.” Because it’s not as if Iraq ever had a stable government before behind a strong leader…. Oops, never mind.

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NL Power outage.

Posted July 15, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

Seriously??!   ONE home run gets Todd Frazier to the Home Run Derby finals representing the NL? #ShouldhavepickedMadbum

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Thought after watching round one of the Home Run Derby;  Yasiel Puig is no Madison Bumgarner. #SFGiants. #Dodgers

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If they ever have an All-Star Game and Home Run derby in pitcher friendly Petco Park, is there a provision for ending it with penalty kicks?

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Apparently the SF Bay Area had some of the highest World Cup television ratings in the U.S. For that soccer can thank Northern California’s cultural diversity, advantageous game times with Brazil being only four hours ahead, and oh yeah, the fact the the SF Giants s*cked throughout the month that the tournament was on.

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Today begins a four day stretch without regular MLB games. So Cubs fans looking for their regular experience in the meantime will just have to bang their heads into the wall.

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So how long until other teams start intentionally walking Madison Bumgarner with the bases loaded? #SFGIants #Grandslam #MadBum

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Apparently Archie of comic book fame will be shot and die in the next issue while trying to protect a gay friend. Waiting to see how the GOP spins this as another reason to impeach Obama.

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High school basketball star Emmanuel Mudiay, who had committed to SMU, says he will instead play professionally overseas. What a shame. By skipping college Mudiay could be giving up some of the potential best few months of his life.

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The Cleveland Browns are planning to use a live bull-mastiff as their mascot this fall. Of course Browns fans are hoping the real dog doesn’t turn out to be Johnny Manziel.

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The 2016 campaign sniping is in fine form. Like this line about Texas Gov. Rick Perry: “Apparently his new glasses haven’t altered his perception of the world, or allowed him to see it any more clearly.” From Hillary Clinton or Joe Biden? Nope, fellow Republican Rand Paul.

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TSA surcharges on airline tickets are more than doubling July 21, from $2.50 to $5.60 per flight, with extra charges for layovers of more than 4 hours. As far as paying for misery, these fees are becoming the travel equivalent of alimony.

 

 

Happy belated Bastille Day. And we Americans think we celebrate violence. These lines translated from the first first and chorus of “La Marseillaise”. “The bloody flag is raised. Do you hear in the countryside, The roar of these savage soldiers They come right into our arms To cut the throats of your sons….,To arms, citizens! Form up your battalions Let us march, Let us march! That their impure blood Should water our fields….”

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Just call him Babe.

Posted July 13, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , , ,

madbum

Madison Bumgarner, leaving the mound in the 7th inning today in a game where he was not only the winning pitcher, but hit a double and a grand slam. The real shame of him leaving when he did. Madbum’s turn at bat was coming up.

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Is it too late to add Madison Bumgarner to the All Star Game home run derby roster? #SFGiants

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#Madbum was saying all week he wanted to hit in the All-Star game home run derby, and was texting NL Captain Troy Tulowitzki about it. Troy’s got to be second guessing that decision about now.

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Maybe now that the #WorldCup is over the SF Giants realized they were allowed to score without penalty kicks.

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(actually posted before today’s game that “You know it’s been a rough month when your starting pitcher comes into a game with a higher batting average than four of your starting lineup.” After his double and grand slam, Bumgarner now has a higher batting average than anyone on the team except Hunter Pence.
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Who’s done a better acting job in the last month? The floppers of the #WorldCup or millions of Americans who pretended to care about soccer?

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Understatement of the year. Eric Holder, in responding to Sarah Palin’s call for Obama’s impeachment. ““She wasn’t a particularly good vice presidential candidate.”

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So figure… the last game before the All-Star break between the Yankees and Orioles ended up in a rain delay…. and was called after midnight. Might have been the first game ever played Monday of All-Star week.
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Colin Kaepernick apparently has a new tattoo. How could anyone tell?

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Cornerback CB Jimmy Smith was arrested at a suburban Baltimore bar last night and charged with misdemeanor disorderly conduct. Smith is the 5th Raven to be arrested this off-season. How long until Baltimore changes their team color to orange?
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CNN has decided to make yesterday’s story of the United flight diverted to Midway Island today’s front page news. Standby for tomorrow’s story of all the islands where they COULD have diverted MH370.

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ESPN story talked about “bravery” with the “Running of the Bulls in Pamplona. Can think of a number of adjectives. “Bravery is not in the top ten. (If we’re going for “Bs” – “Braindead”, maybe.)

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Before the fall.

Posted July 13, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

About 30,000 fans showed up Saturday at Candlestick Park for the last game ever to be played before the stadium is demolished .  A meaningless SF 49ers flag football game. Wow. Almost as many at the Stick as any 10 random SF Giants weeknight games.

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Nice tribute to Dave Dravecky today at A T and T Park. Did someone tell the SF Giants they didn’t have to honor Dave by pretending to bat with only one arm?

 

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How long has Ryan Vogelsong gone without support? The last time the #SFGiants scored a run when he was on the mound, the #USA was undefeated in the #WorldCup.

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Even as a Giants fan, this is just wrong. As reported by Bruce Jenkins in the SF Chronicle, , if you live in the SF Bay Area, and subscribe to MLB’s TV package, you can watch the Dodgers Sports-Net telecasts with Vin Scully. But 70% of fans in LA are blacked out. #moneymoneymoney

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The Cleveland Indians placed DH Jason Giambi, 43, on the 60 day DL over his sore knee. Bummer. But at least most of Giambi’s medical bills should be paid by Medicare.

 

 

Tiger Woods, feeling good as he approaches the British Open, “I can do whatever I want ” And somewhere Elin Nordegren is thinking “Haven’t we seen this somewhere before?”

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Quite a number of no-shows at today’s #WorldCup third place game. Including apparently the Brazilian team. #BRAvsNED

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Okay, the Lebron Decision sequel is over. But doesn’t it seem like everyone is paying much more attention to all these NBA free agent machinations than they do to the actual season?

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Lebron James’ contract with Cleveland is for just two years? Meaning we could go through this all again in 2016?

 

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A United Airlines flight from Honolulu to Guam had to divert to Midway due to a mechanical problem. Passengers spent several hours on the Island before a replacement plane took them back to Honolulul, and then another plane took them to Guam. United says the passengers were given $500 travel vouchers. Well, that’s a start, but how about all those extra frequent flier miles?

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Rick Perry, attacking fellow Republican Rand Paul’s isolationist strategy called him “curiously blind.” Well if anyone is familiar with the concept of “curiously blind,” it’s the Governor of Texas.

 

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If immigrant children at US border said they were fleeing home because of oppressive gun control would be fun to watch  heads explode.

 

 

From T.C.  “North Korea state news reports that their country has reached the finals of the World Cup, and are preparing to announce victory tomorrow. They have a ready to use Photoshop picture of Kim Jong-un hoisting the trophy. Too bad it’s The Stanley Cup.”

Comments: 4 Comments

LeBron gone.

Posted July 11, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , , ,

Open note to Miami fans. There are children in Africa who need clothes. Just in case you were thinking of a jersey bonfire? #Lebron

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Most googled question in #Cleveland today? “How do you get burn marks out of a jersey? #Lebron

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Lebron James returning to the #Cavaliers. Best sure thing about this for #Cleveland fans? It knocks Johnny Manziel off the front page.

 

Miami Heat owner Micky Arison sent a classy ‘Thanks for the memories” tweet about Lebron James leaving, even though it’s not great news for his franchise. But Arison must be used to train wrecks by this point – he also owns Carnival and Costa Cruises.

 

“There are no second acts in American lives.” So somewhere maybe F. Scott Fitzgerald is saying “F**k you, Lebron James.”

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Suspended Uruguay soccer star Luis Suarez is leaving his professional team of Liverpool for Barcelona. Wonder how long he had to chew on that decision?

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Chad Johnson, now a member of the Montreal Alouettes, scored his first touchdown since 2011 and celebrated by hugging a CFL official. Out of habit Roger Goodell fined him.

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Forget #Lebron, the REAL breaking news is that Tim Lincecum got Paul Goldschmidt out #SFGiants

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Curtis Reeves Jr. the man charged with shooting a man for texting inside a movie theater, was released on bond today. Reeves will be allowed to leave home only for church, court, doctors’ appointments, and the GROCERY STORE. New catch  phrase in Florida: “Cover me, I’m going for a quart of milk..”

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Mashiro Tanaka, on being injured. “I want to apologize to the Yankees organization, my teammates and our fans for not being able to help during this time.” How long until the NY Yankees apologize to their fans for this season?

 

Brazil vs. the Netherlands for 3rd place in the World Cup Saturday. Have we finally found a sporting event where athletes care less than the NFL Pro Bowl?

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Consumer Reports just rated California-based “The Habit Burger Grill” as having the best (chain) burger in America. Uh, many people would say it’s not even the best burger in California.

 

 

From Alex  Kaseberg:  “100 years ago, Babe Ruth made his baseball debut. It was a big day, Larry King threw out the first pitch. “

 

(and I’m thinking, who could forget the Babe’st thrilling first hit off of Jamie Moyer?)

 

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Well, Jerry Brown may win re-election easily in California, but for 2012 Gubernatorial fun at least we have Florida. Where Gov. Rick Scott just criticized Charlie Crist as “elitist” for wearing a Rolex. Scott is worth about $150 million and has his own plane.

Comments: 2 Comments

Still no sign of news.

Posted July 10, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

So the Lebron James Indecision saga continues, with absolutely no real information. If this keeps up it’s only a matter of time until CNN sends out hourly “Breaking News” updates.
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Starting to think if the #NFLDraft happened at the same time #LebronJames was making his free agent decision that #ESPN heads would explode.

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Comedian Marcus Tisdale released a video of him pretending to smoke crack on a San Francisco street, and getting a minimum reaction from passing people. Well, duh, it’s San Francisco. If he wanted the reaction to be outrage, he should have smoked a regular cigarette.

(Or held up a “Palin, 2016” sign.)

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Stories out of Boston indicate that the Red Sox designated A.J. Pierzynski in part because he was a serious negative influence in the club house. What did they expect from someone of whom Ozzie Guillen once said “If you play against him, you hate him. If you play with him, you hate him a little less.”
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The Brooklyn Nets will pay a record $90M luxury tax for last season. $90 million!? The team salary cap is only about $63 million. Who do they think they are, the Yankees?

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John Boehner delayed convening the House Thursday due to an early morning accident involving asbestos.. Yes, they actually may have found something at the U.S. Capitol more toxic than Congress.

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The Chicago Cubs have won approval for a $575 million renovation of Wrigley Field, which includes scoreboards that will block nearby rooftop seating. But owner Tom Ricketts says the team needs the added revenue to be competitive. Right. To bring the Cubs back to the glory days of 2011. When they had the 6th highest payroll in MLB and finished a sparkling 71-91.

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Boeing said today their new 737s will have overhead luggage bins that can store 6 carry-on bags instead of four, and will be easier to use. Wonder which U.S. carrier will get the planes first, and add a “bin surcharge?”

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General Mills says they will reformulate Trix cereal to make it taste “fruitier.” Wait, Trix was supposed to taste like fruit?

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Only good news for #TimHudson today. If he promised family a vacation over the All-Star break looks like he’ll be available.#SFGiants

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Todd Akin is taking back his apology over “legitimate rape.” “My comment about a woman’s body shutting the pregnancy down was directed to the impact of stress on fertilization. This is something fertility doctors debate and discuss “Doubt me? Google ‘stress and infertility,’ and you will find a library of research on the subject.” WTF? Is Akin angling for a job with Fox News?

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Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, who announced their “conscious uncoupling” in March, have been spotted together recently, leading to rumors of a reconciliation. “Oh, what great news, I’ve been so worried about them” said absolutely no one.

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The couple who were rescued by the U.S. Navy after being stranded at sea 900 miles off the Mexican coast with their 1 and 3 year old daughters now say they plan to sue their satellite phone carrier. Saying that they hope any monetary winnings will allow them to help repay the government for their rescue. Is this what Shakespeare anticipated when he said “First thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers”?

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President Obama is telling Israel that the USA is willing to negotiate a cease-fire between Israel and Hamas. If this works maybe Israel will negotiate a cease-fire for Obama with the GOP?

Comments: 2 Comments

And then there were two.

Posted July 9, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: , , , , , , ,

Argentina over the Netherlands 4-2 in a penalty kick shootout. Setting up a World Cup final with Germany. Over-under on Nazi War Criminal jokes in the next 4 days?

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On a brighter note for the World Cup host country, think of all the underprivileged children in Africa who will be be thrilled with their “Brazil, 2014 Champions” shirts.

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Heard the US has offered to have a ceremony honoring the Brazilian soccer team. Their suggested venue? Wrigley Field.

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So Germany vs. Argentina for the World Cup Championship Sunday in Rio De Janeiro. For Brazilians that must be like a World Series game 7 featuring the Yankees played at Fenway, or the Dodgers at A T & T, etc…..

 

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Headline “Last Year’s Champion Drops Out of Tour de France.” And the response across America “Who?”

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Sarah Palin is saying she would like to join “The View.” Good thing Barbara Walters has retired. This prospect might have killed her.

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After Hobby Lobby, some religious leaders have asked President Obama to be exempted from his forthcoming executive order prohibiting federal contractors from discriminating against LGBTs. But okay, folks, if the point is limiting birth control and abortions, what better sex than gay sex?

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An LA jury found the Dodgers partly liable for the injuries to Bryan Stow, ordering them to pay only $4.5 million of an $18 million verdict. $4.5 million!? That’s less than a half-year contract for an average rental player at the trade deadline.

 

Lebron James’ second free agency tour continues without a final decision.  Here we thought Lebron wanted to be Michael Jordan. Appears now he wants to be Brett Favre.

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Edward Snowden has asked for an extension on his one-year Russian visa. So, okay, people disagree on if he is guilty of a crime. Snowden CLAIMS, however, “If I could go any place in the world, that place would be home.” So if true wouldn’t you think he’d want to publicly defend himself back home in a trial?

 

 

President Obama today in Texas about the “immigration crisis.” “Are folks more interested in politics or are they more interested in solving the problem?” If Obama has to ask maybe he really hasn’t learned that much during four years in Washington.

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Joe Montana, playing in a flag football game which will be the final game at Candlestick Park this weekend “My jersey just got here. I’m pumped, it’s almost time for the game. #cantwait.” Flag football? Have news for Joe. Most of us CAN wait.  Forever if need be.

 

Former New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin, 58, was sentenced today to 10 years in federal prison on corruption and graft charges. Which in Louisiana means Nagin may be released just in time to run for Governor.

 

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“Can’t fix stupid” item of the day. A small Pennsylvania newspaper does a reader opinion feature on various topics, complete with a photo of the responders. And a Bloomsburg University student opined on the Redskins name controversy. Campus police saw the picture, recognized it and arrested him for jumping bail in a DUI case…..

 

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From Marc Ragovin, on the story about two members of one of the NY Mets’ Single A minor league teams being recently arrested for drag racing.  “I guess this gives new meaning to being on the fast track to the majors.”

 

 

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Just a few goals past ugly?

Posted July 9, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes
Tags: , , , , , , , ,

7-1 final. Germany hasn’t rolled over another country like this since…. oh, does this even need a punchline?
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This Brazil vs. Germany World Cup game should get us all ready for those thrilling September SEC-cupcake matchups.

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How ugly was it looking in Belo Horizonte against the Germans today? Wonder if the Brazilian team considered singing “Edelweiss” and trying to sneak out the back? #toosoon?

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#Dodgers score 5 runs off Justin Verlander in 1st, now trail #Tigers 12-5. Are both teams are taking turns emulating Brazil vs. Germany?

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Rough day for the Brazilian team. Maybe a record day for Caipirinha sales.

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Meanwhile, what a waste. Madison Bumgarner in an AL park with the DH. He was more likely to get a clutch hit than at least a few batters in the #SFGiants lineup.
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Cleveland has been selected as the site for the 2016 Republican Convention. Stand by for “Mistake by the Lake” jokes.

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Sarah Palin recently referred to today’s politics as “incorrigibly disastrous.” Well, if anyone should be an expert on “incorrigibly disastrous…”

(My friend Julia Park Tracey “I didn’t know she was polysyllabic.”)

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Two University of Miami football players, both projected starters, were dismissed from the team after being arrested on sexual battery charges against a “physically helpless” 17-year-old girl. Wonder how long it will take for them to show up “rehabilitated” on another team or on an NFL practice squad?
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This summer TGI Fridays will offer “Endless Appetizers.” $10 a person – no sharing please – unlimited refills of choices including Potato Skins, , Mozzarella Sticks and Boneless Buffalo Wings. Presumably the offer also comes with a free test for Type 2 Diabetes.

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United Airlines has announced they will outsource 630 jobs at 12 U.S. airports in a cost-saving move. So you thought that customer service was bad at Albuquerque; Buffalo; Charleston, Charlotte; Columbus, Ohio; Des Moines,. Detroit, El Paso, Sioux Falls, Wichita, Pensacola and Salt Lake City before…..

Former “Baywatch” star Pamela Anderson has filed for divorce again. So guys, they’re available.
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John Boehner wants another $3.3 million for another House investigation of Benghazi. Not sure what they hope to find out this time, though it now seems pretty certain that if Congress put as much money and effort into protecting our Embassies and Consulates as they are now into “getting” Obama, Ambassador Stevens and the others would be alive today.

Comments: 2 Comments

Not such sweet dreams.

Posted July 7, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: , , , , , ,

A Yankees fan who was seen sleeping during a Red Sox-Yankees Sunday night game has now filed a $10 million defamation suit again ESPN and its announcers, largely due to some of the comments posted online after his picture went viral. $10 million! That’s almost enough to buy season tickets for a whole year at Yankee Stadium.

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Andrew Rector, the “Sleeping Yankees fan”, says the reason for his $10 million lawsuit is that John Kruk and Dan Shulman unleashed an “avalanche of disparaging words.” But okay, so the guy was briefly the butt of some internet jokes amongst some sports fans (personally, I missed it), until they moved on to the next thing. Now millions of Americans not only know Rector fell asleep at a game, they will think he’s an a**hole.
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At Target Field in Minneapolis, they’ve installed self-serve beer stands. What could possibly go wrong?
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So who needs a show titled “The Decision.” This time Lebron’s choice of teams appears to be a months long ESPN miniseries.

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In Fort Wayne, Indiana, a bird was killed when it was hit by a pitch thrown by Detroit Tigers’ minor league prospect Jon Maciel. Wonder if the poor bird had a mistaken sense of invincibility from surviving an earlier HBP from Barry Zito?
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Some teaser trailers have been released for “Gone Girl,” the new Ben Affleck thriller that will debut October 3. Of course, for anyone who really can’t wait to know what happens there’s always… reading the book.

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Two Mets prospects from Venezuela without U.S. drivers’ licenses were arrested for racing and driving over 100 mph on July 4 in Kingsport, TN. The young men were charged this morning with drag racing, presumably since Tennessee doesn’t have a statute on criminal stupidity?

( Presumably if they could THROW as well as drive over 100 MPH, they would have gotten better signing offers than the Mets.)
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Apparently a new danger at the Tour de France is people with their back to the riders, taking selfies while the race goes by. Said one rider “Everyone is out there having fun and a lot of people don’t realize we’re coming past at 37 mph and we use every inch of the roads.” Darwin would be so proud.
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#SFGiants All-Star Madison Bumgarner, with two home runs, says he has reached out to captain Troy Tulowitzki about joining the NL HR Derby team. Well, Madbum only has one home run less than both Hector Sanchez and Gregor Blanco.

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A ticket vendor who has won FIFA ticket contracts for 20 years was arrested in a World Cup scalping investigation. A remember of the FIFA team might be corrupt? Next someone will try to tell us there is gambling in Casablana.

Comments: 3 Comments

Jolly good show.

Posted July 6, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , , ,

That Djokovic Federer #Wimbledon2014 final lasted longer than many celebrity marriages.

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Roger Federer and Novak Djokovic both spoke during the awards ceremony after Wimbledon final. Nothing but class. Maybe they should record the ceremony and commentary as a training video for athletes in some other sports.

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And Wimbledon always brings to mind some of my favorite bathroom graffiti, seen years ago in London, on the side of the stall  – “Wimbledon spectator practice, see other wall.”  And of course on the other side-.  “Wimbledon spectator practice, see other wall.”

 

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Boris Diaw announced via Twitter that he is returning to the Spurs. After no rumors or public discussions with other teams. Once again, San Antonio falls down in the drama department.

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In two separate July 4 incidents in Northern California,  three people had part or all of their hands blown off while handling personal fireworks. Isn’t it redundant for the media to report all three people were men?

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Oops. the Houston Astros single-A affliliate Lancaster JetHawks had fireworks night Saturday, and ended up lighting the outfield wall on fire. (This after another fireworks accident in 2013.) Guess it’s not just their players who aren’t quite ready for the big leagues.

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Nelson Cruz was voted to start the All-Star Game a year after his 50-game PED suspension. If Cruz wins the game’s MVP award will Bud Selig smile and shake his hand by invoking the ABB “Anyone But Bonds” clause?.

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Buck Showalter, responding to Red Sox pitcher John Lackey’s insinuations about Nelson Cruz and PED’s, said that Lackey should be “careful” and look at his own team. Wonder which “Big” hitter the Orioles manager was referring to?

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Most amazing thing about the Brandon McCarthy to the Yankees trade? The Diamondbacks will still pay most of McCarthy’s 2014 salary. #Richgetricher

 

From T.C.. “Most of the Italian, Spanish and Portuguese players promised they’d be back for the 2016 Summer Olympics.  Of course then they’ll be competing in men’s diving.”

Most of the World Cup Italian, Spanish and Portuguese players promised they’ll be back in 2016 for the Summer Olympics. Of course, they will then be representing their countries in Men’s Diving.

Comedy writer TC Chong of Vancouver (http://alwaysfunny.co

– See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/hartley-millers-hart-attack-july-4-2014-edition-478/#sthash.XbeHZGZK.dpuf

Most of the World Cup Italian, Spanish and Portuguese players promised they’ll be back in 2016 for the Summer Olympics. Of course, they will then be representing their countries in Men’s Diving.

Comedy writer TC Chong of Vancouver (http://alwaysfunny.co

– See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/hartley-millers-hart-attack-july-4-2014-edition-478/#sthash.XbeHZGZK.dpuf

Most of the World Cup Italian, Spanish and Portuguese players promised they’ll be back in 2016 for the Summer Olympics. Of course, they will then be representing their countries in Men’s Diving.

Comedy writer TC Chong of Vancouver (http://alwaysfunny.co

– See more at: http://hqprincegeorge.com/hartley-millers-hart-attack-july-4-2014-edition-478/#sthash.XbeHZGZK.dpuf

Comments: 4 Comments

We’ve got trouble.

Posted July 6, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: , , , ,

 

Browns WR Josh Gordon, already suspended for a year for violating the NFL drug policy, was arrested at 4am this morning for alleged DWI. Well, at least looks like Johnny Manziel will have one less person to party with in Cleveland.

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Toronto mayor Rob Ford says he won’t guarantee he will stay sober, and that he can’t make promises about something over which he has “no control.” Wow, an actual honest statement from a politician.

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in the US, July 4 was our bbq and fireworks day.    Making July 5  “so what do you put on a burn” day?

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Refereeing in the #WorldCup makes me long for the simplicity of baseball’s balk rule.

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You cannot make this “stuff” up, dept: Louisiana Congressman Bill Cassidy, who is running against U.S. Senator Mary Landrieu, and who co-sponsored the “Abstinence Education Reallocation Act of 2013”, announced that his unwed 17 year old daughter will have a baby “this summer”

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Foster Farms just recalled some chicken linked to a salmonella outbreak. The products have “use or freeze by” dates from March 21 to 29. Of course, if you still have chicken around from March, you might have other problems than salmonella.

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Ad for Eliquis with the usual side-effect mentions in small print “May cause paralysis – the inability to move.” Guess some lawyer decided Americans don’t know what paralysis means…..

 

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New Bucks coach Jason Kidd: “‘Why Milwaukee?’ My answer is simple: there is no place I’d rather be” Well, either that or there’s no place Kidd would rather be that would take him.

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Amber Battle, Texas Tech’s Lady Raiders’ basketball leading scorer, was involved in a fight with a football player that resulted in the police being called. She has been suspended, for the first month of the season. Good to see that women star players can now be slapped on the hand as hard as men.

 

Last night millions of baseball fans wondered if they needed to adjust their sets. That was an #SFGiant hitting a ball out of the park. Not an illusion.

(and it happened twice more.)

 

What’s more surprising? That the reeling #SFGiants beat the only team that hadn’t blown a lead after seven innings this season. Or that that team was the #SDPadres?

 

 

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Regarding illegal immigration: When living conditions are bad enough, people will do whatever it takes to leave their country in the hopes of something better.. And the idea that we can just stop that by making it harder…? Remember the Berlin Wall?

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Go fourth!

Posted July 4, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

Happy (now belated) Fourth of July. There are many things wrong with the USA. And we might disagree in both what they are on how and how to fix them. But hey, we can at least have an open discussion on Facebook without getting arrested or killing each other. And that’s one thing that’s very right about the USA.

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We may be out of the World Cup, but at least American dominance in our national sport is alive and well. Joey Chesnut won his 8th straight Nathan’s eating championship. USA! USA! USA!

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The Oakland A’s have apparently acquired Jeff Samardzija from the Cubs. Which means Samardzija is going to the only home stadium in MLB with more antiquated plumbing than Wrigley Field.
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Meanwhile, across the bay, these days #SFGiants get behind 2 to 0 and it feels like they have as much chance as a #WorldCup team down 2 to 0 in stoppage team.

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Johnny Damon last played in MLB in 2012, but he wants to come back. “When you feel you can still outhit at least half the league and you don’t get that call, it’s rough.” Half the league? Maybe not, though these days he might be able to outhit the #SFGIants.
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In the town of Rifle (no joke) Colorado, many of the waitresses at Shooters Grill wear holstered guns while they work. Bet they don’t get stiffed much on tips.

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Brazil’s star forward Neymar is out of the #WorldCup after suffering a broken vertebra in today’s game against Colombia. Absolutely shocking. A soccer player falling down because he was actually hurt?
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Yes. I often post about dumb men. But just to prove that stupidity is not tied to gender, a Peruvian gal has married Joran van der Sloot. Who is suspected in the murder of Natalee Holloway and currently in prison for killing another woman.

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Until and unless the #SFGiants offense starts showing up again Kruk and Kuip should be barred from saying “the big hitters are coming up”
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Joey Chesnut proposed to his girlfriend before today’s Nathan’s eating contest. Makes sense, because do you really want to hug someone hard after you’ve eaten 61 hot dogs?
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In Florida, Republicans have managed to get the “Charlie Crist for Florida” stickers off a NASCAR car competing in the Coke Zero 400 Saturday, claiming the value of the stickers exceeds the “in-kind” donation limits. Of course, in GOP eyes, “Governor Rick Scott” decals would have probably fallen under the category of protected free speech.

All this drama regarding the NBA free agent market. Anyone but me think it might be just a bit overblown since teams won’t be playing meaningful games until teams start playing meaningful games in next April’s playoffs?

Comments: 1 Comment

Happy Independence Day.

Posted July 4, 2014 by left coast sports babe
Categories: Uncategorized

But what’s the big deal.  For a cat, EVERY day is Independence Day.

 

july4

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