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Gentlemen, and ladies, start your excuses…..

March 20, 2013

And if you are reading this, you are probably too late to change your brackets.

“One and done” has some disadvantages and advantages. Last year’s Kentucky players didn’t get to see them raise the NCAA championship banner, this year’s won’t be on campus for all the Robert Morris jokes.

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President Obama formally revealed all of this NCAA picks this morning on ESPN. Despite alleged GOP attempts to filibuster them.

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Apparently Derek Jeter may start the season on the DL. Though he still hopes to sit in the Yankees dugout, yelling at the other team’s punks to get off his field.

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Syracuse’s basketball program is apparently again under NCAA investigation. How will we know when the allegations are really serious? When Jim Boeheim resigns to spend more time with his family.

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James Madison won their play-in game for the right to play Indiana. Isn’t this a bit like winning the Christians competition for the right to go against the Lions?

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Lindsay Lohan, who reportedly hit the clubs after her rehab plea deal is now saying “It wasn’t me.” Maybe the “Parent Star” star is taking this “evil twin” thing a bit too seriously?

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Wisconsin will open their 2015 football season against Alabama. Guess the “Little Sisters of the Poor” aren’t available?

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The Tonight Show may be moving back to New York in late 2014. So first question, will all those Dodgers jokes become Yankees jokes or Mets jokes?

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Open note to Michelle Shocked: Just shut up and go away again. Your 15 minutes have expired.

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Neiman Marcus has paid an undisclosed fine to the FTC in a settlement. Apparently they were selling real fur products and pretending they were fake fur.

As opposed to many Neiman Marcus shoppers who pretend they have “real” faces and bodies when they are….nah, I don’t need to finish this sentence.

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At Knoxville airport, Delta workers ordered pizza to be delivered to passengers stuck on the tarmac for a flight diverted due to bad weather. The really shocking thing… the airline didn’t charge them by the slice.

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Hanley Ramirez injured his thumb in the WBC final, and may be out up to 10 weeks. At this point the Dodgers and Yankees may not end up in the World Series, but they could meet up in a special baseball edition of “Survivor.”

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From my friend Jim Barach, yeah, this just about sums it up.  “On the tenth anniversary of the invasion of Iraq, 53% of Americans say the war was a mistake. The other 47% are still debating between disaster, debacle and catastrophe.”

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All in the family trivia: If Indiana wins the NCAA tournament another Harbaugh will be celebrating with a trophy – Joanie Crean, wife of coach Tom Crean, is Jack and Jim’s sister.

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Okay, March Madness brackets aside – Angie or Kree to win American Idol. IMHO.

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Tuckered out?

March 15, 2013

The NFL is considering abandoning the tuck rule. And from the great beyond, some hear Al Davis’s voice yelling ‘So where are our retroactive 2002 Super Bowl Rings?”

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Riddle of the morning: What’s the difference between a dirty play and a good hard aggressive play? Answer: Whether or not it happens to YOUR team.

 

Nicki Minaj said of one of her favorite American Idol contestants on elimination night – “If you go home, I’m going home.” And most of America said “Promise?””

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Silver lining for Lakers fans. If the team doesn’t make the playoffs now, for all eternity you can say that they WOULD have been World Champions if not for Kobe’s injury.

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So allegedly Kris Humphries’ lawyers have obtained a deposition from a producer of “Keeping up with the Kardashians” saying Kim not only knew about the “surprise” proposal, she had them reshoot the scene to make her reaction look better. “I can’t believe she would be that tacky” said absolutely nobody.

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In a speech at CPAC, Marco Rubio today referred to liberals as “freeloaders.” Somehow I missed the part of the speech where he decried the rule that U.S. Senators get a pension for life after only one term.

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Unclear on concept? Ted Cruz, trying to connect 1st and 2nd amendments, asked Dianne Feinstein if she considered it constitutional for Congress to specify that the 1st Amendment would only apply to certain books. This from a senator whose state schools still ban books? #guncontrol

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Clearly don’t know all the details of the Steubenville, Ohio, rape case, where the question appears to be if a 16 year old girl was too drunk last August to give consent to sex with two high school football players. But seems like if they weren’t football players, the two would have made a plea bargain and already been in jail?

 

Not saying the Notre Dame day-glo lime green basketball uniforms are ugly, but even Oregon football players are saying “What were you THINKING?”

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The USA fell to 33rd in FIFA rankings. Of course, part of the problem – most Americans said “What’s FIFA?”

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Oops, apparently they waited too long to embalm Hugo Chavez’s body, and acting Venezuela president Nicolas Maduro said the process now might be “quite difficult.” Waiting to see how they decide this is the U.S.’s fault.

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The Carnival Dream has mechanical problems and is stuck at the dock in St. Martin. Good thing they picked a Pope yesterday so CNN can devote the entire day again to this major story.

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from T.C.  “Japanese tsunami debris has been discovered washed up on the Hawaiian Islands this week. This is not to be confused with former MLB player Manny Ramirez who will be washed up in Taiwan in under 2 weeks.”

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Old Smokey?

March 13, 2013

Just wondering, how many of the 115 Cardinals theoretically choosing an infallible Pope couldn’t even choose law-abiding priests.

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At the Vatican, the Cardinals have been locked up until they decide on a Pope. Couldn’t we try something like this with Congress and the sequester?

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T.C.  says ” The Cardinals gathered at The Vatican have yet to elect the new Pope. Neither have the Saints, Rams or Falcons. However, the Jets are pushing to get Tebow elected, as they know it wouldn’t cost them a draft pick.”

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New York Mets utility player Jordany Valdespin took a 94-mph Justin Verlander pitch right to his, ahem, groin area yesterday. He wasn’t wearing a cup. Wonder if it’s still a Darwin award if the person survives but may not be able to reproduce.

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A California assemblyman has proposed a statewide bill banning smoking in apartments, condos and other.multi-unit residences. This could result in some bi-partisan revolt – if the bill goes beyond tobacco.

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A  golfer is glad to be alive after he was rescued when a sinkhole opened up beneath him Friday on a Illinois golf course. Does this make him golf’s first lucky one-in-hole?

(Chris E. says, “Please tell me someone was yelling ‘Get in the hole.'””)

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Does Paul Ryan not get the concept that if America had wanted his b.s. budget, we would have voted for him and Mitt?

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Is Baden-Powell spinning somewhere? The Boy Scouts have resisted allowing openly gay members because of tradition. And now they have (seriously) approved a video game merit badge. .

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Somewhere George W. Bush is giggling. Paul Ryan today on his budget: “This to us is something that we’re not going to give up on, because we’re not going to give up on destroying the health care system for the American people.”

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Yikes, the conservative Koch brothers may be interested in purchasing the L.A. Times. If true, this could mean something in Los Angeles San Franciscans hate more than the Dodgers.

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The NCAA has announced their new college football championship tournament will not have a sponsor. Translation, no one’s yet offered enough money.

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A serious thought,  if being serious about “the Bachelor” isn’t a contradiction in terms:  If you’re going to tell a girl goodbye when she thinks you’re going to propose….don’t start with a nice romantic speech.  KISS.   Keep it short, stupid.

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Peter Banks, the original guitarist for “Yes” died last week at the age of 65. By “Who” and “Rolling Stones” standards, a mere child.

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Stumbling forward into Spring?

March 10, 2013

Just thinking, if we’re going to lose an hour wouldn’t most Americans prefer it to be during working hours on Monday?

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Many Americans are worried about the hour they are losing out of their lives this weekend. So they are relieving stress by playing more online games and looking for additional pictures of cats to post.

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Marshmallow Peeps are celebrating their 60th anniversary this year. And some of the original products from 1953 no doubt taste as fresh as the day they were made.

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Ah nanny states. So starting this week in New York,due to the new surgary soda rule you won’t be able to order a pitcher of Coca Cola when you go out with friends. But you will be able to order a pitcher of beer or margaritas….

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Jim Carrey, who originally said he was out of a “Dumb and Dumber” sequel, now says he would consider it. In the meantime, there’s always C-Span.

 

A major brawl broke out during Canada’s 10-3 WBC win today over Mexico. What did they think this was, a hockey game?

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Regarding this WBC brawl between Canada and Mexico, wonder how many baseball people are privately thinking “A few more of these would do wonders for ratings.”

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Mariano Rivera, who will retire at the end of 2013, says “The last game I hope will be throwing the last pitch in the World Series. Winning the World Series, that would be my ambition.” So the season hasn’t started, and Rivera already wants to be traded?

 

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RNC chairman Reince Priebus’s said this week that MSNBC contributed to GOP losses in the 2012 election. Shocking?  Someone thinks MSNBC actually has power?

(Maybe he should have complained that Fox didn’t have enough.)

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WTF moment. TSA now says bringing 3.5 ounces or more of liquids through security is still forbidden, but small knives including box cutters are okay. Although we have never actually had terrorists use liquids on planes….

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If anyone’s tried to bring a partially empty bottle through security, TSA will take it away, even if you have less than 3.5 ounces of liquid inside. Because they say terrorists could mix small amounts of stuff together in a larger container. Fair enough, so then post security – stores selling large water and soda bottles. Sigh.

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An JetBlue plane was taken out of service after it was clipped by an Air India jet this morning at JFK. Let the un-PC foreign driver jokes begin…..

First entry from Nick Coombs:   “Geez you’d think the one thing an air India flight could do properly would be the taxi.”

 

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Who are you going to believe, me or your lying ears?

March 3, 2013

Mitt Romney on his 47% statement, it was “unfortunate” and “what I said is not what I believe.” Guess the running mate Mitt should have chosen was Newt Gingrich – who himself said “Any ad which quotes what I said Sunday is a falsehood.”

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According to Dennis Rodman, Kim Jong Un doesn’t want war with the U.S, but he would like President Obama to pick up the phone to chat about, for starters, basketball. So where’s the SNL skit on this? To the tune of “Call me, maybe.”

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There’s a children’s book out called “A President from Hawaii.” Wonder how many folks look at it and say “See, proof, he isn’t from the United States.”

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No one has come up with a good catch phrase to describe this sequester. Shame “March Madness” is already taken.

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Two World Series titles in three years and I’ve yet to see a national writer or publication pick the SF Giants to win the west in 2013. Even Rodney Dangerfield thinks this team can’t get any respect.

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UCLA Freshman Shabazz Muhammad, who will declare for the NBA draft, played his last game at Pauley Pavilion today, saying “I’m really happy I came here and represented UCLA because it’s a great school and I just gained a lot of experience.” Give the guy credit, at least he didn’t pretend it was about the whole semester he got of education.

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No injuries were reported when a United Airlines flight from Vancouver had to make an emergency landing today at San Francisco International Airport. Wonder how long it will take United to bill the passengers with an “excitement surcharge.”

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The San Antonio Spurs’ star Tony Parker should be back for the playoffs, but will be sitting four weeks with a ankle sprain. Out of habit David Stern fined Gregg Popovich.

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Confused about this new “Catholic 7?” Guess it’s supposed to be a new NCAA basketball division. Sounds more like the semi-finalists in a reality show about electing the Pope.

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Really? From Politico: “Sec. of State John Kerry is calling on bickering Egyptian leaders and opposition politicians to forge a political consensus that will allow the country to emerge from economic crisis.” Does this even need a punchline?

 

From Bill Littlejohn:  The Milwaukee  Brewers’  Italian Sausage costume has been returned.  Just in time, the police were thinking of going after Joey Chestnut.”

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The bigger hangover?

February 13, 2013

So who has bigger hangovers this Wednesday?   Folks who were at Mardi Gras,  or those who played State of the Union drinking games?

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President Obama said that the American people expect us to put our Nation’s interests before Party. Some probably want to impeach him for that.

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President Obama says he wants to fix bridges before they fall down. Okay, which GOP governor is going to stand up first and say we don’t need that wasteful government spending in our state?

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So what SOTU drinking game was #MarcoRubio playing?

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Note to Senator Marco Rubio: Government probably spent money to make sure that water tonight was safe for you to drink.

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Marco Rubio says President Obama’s economic plans will hurt the middle class. Shocking. Rubio believes there still is a middle class?

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LAPD reported late this afternoon that Chris Dorner is dead. Uh, did they see the last episode of “House?”

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So while we wait to see for sure if  Chris Dorner is alive or dead, a question – How long until the made-for-tv movie comes out?

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So many conflicting stories. Next I expect to hear that the body that was found or not found in that burning Big Bear cabin was Lennay Kekua.

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For those who try to find a silver lining in everything, at least passengers on the Carnival Triumph out of Galveston won’t have gained weight on their cruise.

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Darwin would be so proud. A 52 year old man who was a daily customer and unofficial spokesman for the Las Vegas restaurant “Heart Attack Grill” which serves things like an over 9,000 calorie “Quadruple Bypass Burger,” went into cardiac arrest in front of the restaurant and died..

 

Four freshmen on Alabama’s national champion football team were suspended today after being arrested and charged with 2nd-degree robbery and credit-card fraud. (One had been arrested 2 days before on a gun charge) Wonder if it’s too late for the players to apply for the NFL draft.

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Robert Reich quotes an Economic Policy Institute study saying that the wealth of the Waltons  – Walmart’s founding family –  now exceeds the wealth of the bottom 40% of American families COMBINED. And some still think it’s a good idea for everyone to have guns.

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Yes, he said it. John Boehner, when asked if he was ready to talk with President Obama about a path to citizenship for undocumented immigrants: “How about a little foreplay first?” Talk about an indecent proposal.

 

The IOC voted to drop wrestling from the 2020, instead of the rumored modern pentathlon, which combines shooting, running, swimming, fencing and horseback riding. Well, this ought to reassure those who think the IOC is focused on rich nations.

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Getting what you pay for?

February 8, 2013

As another blizzard bears down upon the East Coast, after dumping snow and ice on the Midwest, those high California tax rates are looking more and more like a bargain.

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Some might be surprised that Monopoly chose to add a cat token. But the Humane Society did note that 33% of U.S. households own at least one cat. Though they have said “are owned BY at least one cat.”

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Kobe Bryant, talking about Dwight Howard, says he should play with pain. As opposed to Bryant’s longtime Laker teammates who have played with a pain.

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Dwight Howard is firing back at teammates who say he should be playing. The Lakers center said before tonight that just as soon as his shoulder has healed he will be back on the court, regularly, and once again demanding a trade.

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After Dwight Howard returned for tonight’s Lakers-Celtics game,  which Boston won 116-95,  wonder if Kobe Bryant will tell Howard to relax and take more time off.

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For 5 weeks in a row, the #1 team in college basketball has lost. This title is getting to be as short-lived as #3 in Al-Qaeda.

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Chris Christie told the White House doctor who expressed concern about his weight to “shut up.” If not, the N.J. governor may threaten to sit on her.

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The Oakland Raiders are putting a tarp over “Mt. Davis,” the stadium section which destroyed views for As fans when it was built when the football team returned from L.A. A tarp?! Really!? Wouldn’t it be more effective to use dynamite?

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The Grammys have sent out a memo for stars and performers asking that “buttocks and female breasts” be “adequately covered…Bare sides or under curvature of the breasts is also problematic. Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples.” That crash you heard was ratings for potential straight male viewers.

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Kristin Cavallari, who is engaged to Jay Cutler, said the Bears QB proposed to her via text message. Well, that ought to do wonders for Cutler’s 4th place finish in the “most disliked” athlete poll.

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You can’t make this *stuff” up dept: The Rockies’ Todd Helton, who signed a $141.50 million contract in 2001, was arrested for DUI this weekend. According to police, Helton was arrested at a gas station, where he had gone to buy….lottery tickets.

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The times, they are a changin’…. Quote from Curt Schilling, a conservative who’s supported GOP candidate and toyed with running for Senate: “I’ve never understood this ‘issue’ with gay players? Who cares? I know I played with some, their sexual orientation never had much to to do with how they hit with RISP, or pitched in late & close situations, why the hell would what they do in the bedroom ever matter?”

So with the latest allegations out of Florida, maybe fantasy baseball leagues should add a bonus category – first major leaguer to be suspended in 2013 for PEDs?  And readers, feel free to put your guess in comments – no prizes – just bragging rights:

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Countdown.

February 1, 2013

Only two days left until Super Bowl Sunday. Then most Americans can get back to our regular winter sports pastimes – ignoring the regular seasons for the NBA and NHL, and counting the days until March Madness and MLB Opening Day.

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The NY Post is reporting that Hall of Fame QB Dan Marino had a “love child” with a CBS employee in 2005. Just goes to show what can happen when you let heterosexual men play football.

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January 31 was Jackie Robinson’s birthday. And before Robinson joined the Dodgers, many thought a black man’s presence in the clubhouse would be as disruptive for his fellow teammates as some still think a openly gay man’s presence would be today.

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And wow, Randy Moss actually said something intelligent Thursday  morning. On having a gay teammate: “It’s not 1979 anymore, it’s 2013. We should accept everyone.” (Quote from my friend Art Spander.)

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Meanwhile the 49ers’ Chris Culliver now says his anti-gay remarks were “in a joking manner.”  Culliver went to University of South Carolina.  Guess you can take the man out of the SEC….

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Baltimore Ravens safety Ed Reed said today that the NFL is fining players for the wrong things. Wonder how long it will take the league to fine him for saying that.

 

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CNN.com reports Dutch airline Transavia is investigating a copilot who fell asleep in the cockpit when the pilot took a bathroom break. The article says “Laws regarding pilot breaks during flights vary from country to country. For U.S. carriers, sleeping while at the controls is a violation of FAA regulations.” Uh, could we get a list of countries where it’s NOT a violation?

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New Jersey Sen. Robert Menendez’s office said unsubstantiated allegations that the senator engaged in sex with prostitutes in the Dominican Republic are false. Wonder what that means about prostitutes outside of the Dominican Republic.

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Sources say Alex Rodriguez is unlikely to play again in a New York Yankees uniform. “What a shame” said absolutely no Yankees fans.

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While her crew and band will be paid, Beyonce herself apparently will not receive payment for her Super Bowl performance. But the NFL and Pepsi will pick up production costs. Wonder if that includes the costs of pre-recording a tape?

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From T.C.  “Beyonce is rehearsing the Super Bowl half time show by practising lip syncing both her own and Madonna’s songs. Just in case a malfunction plays last year’s soundtrack.”

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Phil Mickelson shot a 60 today, in a golf tournament called “Waste Management Phoenix Open.” “The Waste Management Open?” That’s almost as good as the late-lamented Poulan Weed Eater Bowl.

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On a serious note, for this statement today alone I’d like to see Chuck Hagel confirmed as Secretary of Defense: “Our war in Iraq I think was the most fundamentally bad, dangerous decision since Vietnam.”.

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West coast wimps.

January 27, 2013

Although San Diego weather is in the 60s, officials at the Farmers Insurance golf tournament  had to delay the third round for fog. And folks on the frozen east coast are thinking, just STFU.

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USC’s men’s basketball team lost to Arizona 74-50 Saturday night, and after being down by as much as 34. Normally when the Trojans are this embarrassed in a sporting event, Stanford football is involved.

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Paul Ryan told Republicans  “We have to stay united.” Shocking. Ryan thinks the GOP has been united?

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Now former Fox News commentator Sarah Palin said conservatives “can’t just preach to the choir” and must instead “broaden our reach.” Well, I’m sure Jon Stewart would have her on the Daily Show anytime….

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Many were surprised to see Hillary Clinton looking so comfortable with President Obama on “60 Minutes.” But on the other hand, Barack has done a lot more for Hillary’s reputation than the last Democratic president.

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Just how unwatchable a game is the Pro Bowl?   Many men probably decided Sunday they’d rather join their wives and watch the U.S. Figure Skating championships.

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Isn’t “Pro Bowl joke”   redundant?

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President Obama said that NFL players are grown men who are “well-compensated for the violence they do to their bodies”, but that college players with concussions “have nothing to fall back on. That’s something that I’d like to see the NCAA think about.” Responded the NCAA, sorry, we’re too busy looking into free meals and tattoos.

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In York PA, David Kime, who died at 88, loved Burger King so much that his funeral procession went through the drive-thru window. Family and friends all got a Whopper Jr., and one of the burgers was placed on his casket. But just think, had Kime avoided junk food he might have lived until 89.

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Remind me again why there are two weeks between the AFC/NFC Championships and the Super Bowl…    So we can have scintillating ESPN headlines like this? “Ravens wrap last home practice, pack gear.”

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Can we let Texas secede, please? Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Texas) dismissed Obama’s nominees Chuck Hagel and John Kerry as “very prominently less than ardent fans of the U.S. military.” Right, and neither of these combat VETERANS know anything about the military.

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From T.C.  on next year’s Super Bowl being played outdoors in New Jersey: “Watch for SB XLVIIIBRRRR.”

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Bust to hell time:

A Secret Service dog accidentally fell six stories off a roof and died last night in New Orleans while working an event featuring V.P. Joe Biden. Either that or the poor dog got so tired of listening to Biden that he committed suicide.

Alternative version:    “The Secret Service plans to teach their dogs never again to ask directions from the local cats…”

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If you’re unhappy and you know it….

January 26, 2013

New York Jets cornerback Antonio Cromartie supported QB Mark Sanchez by saying “When you don’t have a supporting cast, you’re going to get an average or below-average quarterback.” Well, actually the Jets had a great supporting cast, aka “Les Miserables.”

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Lance Armstrong’s lawyer told the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency that the cyclist will help ”clean up cycling.”    Makes as much sense as Bill Clinton signing the “Defense of Marriage Act.”

 

Titus Young, who has been sent home from the Detroit Lions 3 times in 2 years for insubordination, is now saying things on Twitter like “Oh I’m not done, if y’all going to cut me let me go” and threatening to retire if he doesn’t get the football. Even T.O. is thinking “Just STFU.”

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Dwight Howard on the Los Angeles Lakers: “Negativity just got to stop. I’m sick of hearing about it. We got to bring some positivity to the situation.” (And no doubt thinking “Especially because it’s harming my value on the free agent market when I’m out of here next season”)

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UCLA’s compliance department is investigating basketball star Shabazz Muhammad’s Gucci backpack, which the freshman wore it yesterday on television after the Arizona game. Uh, this one’s easy for Muhammad, just say he got the backpack on Canal Street on a trip to New York.

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This may only make sense to frequent fliers, but United Airlines has decided that 30 minutes is enough time at JFK airport to connect from their flight to a Swiss flight. Terminal 7 to Terminal 4. Really?! You’d have a better chance of seeing Tim Tebow lead the Jets to a Super Bowl.

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Sarah Palin, who has been a contributor to Fox News since 2010, is leaving the network, saying that it is her decision. Didn’t know Palin had signed a 6 year contract.

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Carl Pavano will be out for six to eight weeks after rupturing spleen shoveling show at home in Vermont. Hearing this the SF Giants breathed a sigh of relief that Jeremy Affeldt lives in Arizona.

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The California Highway Patrol says a naked woman has been arrested after allegedly driving her car into her fiance. How long until we can expect a made-for-tv movie starring Lindsay Lohan?

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Mark Zuckerberg is having a fundraiser at his home for Chris Christie. But given the New Jersey governor’s penchant for controversial statements, how long until Mark changes this relationship status to “It’s complicated.”

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Four U.S. men have now filed class action suits against Subway for fraud over their 11 inch “footlong” sandwiches. If these clowns don’t want to end up paying court costs for frivolous lawsuits they’d better hope no defense lawyer can find ex-girlfriends who might testify to their own exaggerated inches.

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Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal yesterday ” We’ve got to stop being the stupid party. It’s time for a new Republican Party that talks like adults.” Looks like he’s racing Chris Christie to see who can get thrown out of the GOP first.

 

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Yankees GM Brian Cashman thinks there’s “a chance” Alex Rodriguez could miss the whole season. Which means the third baseman could come as close to leading New York to another World Championship as he did in 2012.

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Cry me a river… Seine?

January 15, 2013

Lance Armstrong was reportedly in tears when he talked to his Livestrong staff today. So maybe he confessed, or maybe this is just the first step towards a new goal of becoming Speaker of the House.

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Lance Armstrong apparently confessed his doping to Oprah in an interview taped today at a downtown Austin hotel. Wonder if the 7-time Tour de France winner stopped on the way at a stable to close the door and look for escaped horses.

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Three straight wins for the Washington Wizards?! Quick, someone test for PEDs.

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USC has fired their head coach. Trojan fans were sorry to hear it was for men’s basketball, and not Lane Kiffin.

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Coca Cola is running a new anti-obesity ad. Isn’t that like John Boehner doing an ad on the dangers of tanning booths? Or John Edwards and Mark Sanford doing a bipartisan ad defending marriage

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Ann Romney turned down a chance to be a contestant on “Dancing With the Stars.” Wonder if Ann was afraid she would hurt Mitt’s feelings if she won a national election.

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The San Francisco Police Dept. said there were 92 people ejected from the 49ers playoff game Saturday, and 25 people more arrested for public intoxication. Responded Oakland Raiders fans -“Amateurs.”

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Major League Baseball will allow interpreters on the mound this year to translate managers and coaches for their pitchers. Think maybe next the league will allow interpreters into the broadcast booth to translate Tim McCarver into less pretentious English?

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Gov. Jan Brewer says now Arizona will agree to the Medicaid expansion that is part of Obamacare, saying that if she did not accept the Medicaid funds, other states would. Of course, it’s only wasteful government spending if it doesn’t benefit me.

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A former Mafia underboss is saying that Jimmy Hoffa is buried in Detroit. Presumably somewhere that didn’t get a lot of traffic, like the Lions’ end zone.

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MLB’s rules committee may declare this year that the fake-to-third, throw-to-first pickoff move is a balk. Well, not like it caught anyone but Barry Bonds anyway.

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Since they’ve already cancelled so many NHL games why don’t they just declare the entire season at this point one big playoff and go from there?

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Over the cliff?

December 27, 2012

A commercial during the Holiday Bowl is from online Ashford University. Well, it got some results. At the University of Alabama, they immediately contacted the school to see about arranging a game on their 2013 football schedule.

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West Coast teams often complain about their games taking place too late at night for the East Coast media to pay attention. After tonight I’m predicting we will not hear that complaint from the UCLA Bruins.

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We could solve this fiscal cliff issue real fast if Congress met at a real cliff. And if every 15 minutes after the deadline members of each party took turns pushing a Congressperson from the other party off of it.

 

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Remember all those jokes early this year when Stanford barely beat San Jose State? The Spartans just won the Military Bowl to finish 11-2…. (Now, about some of those SEC cupcake games…)

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Richard Sherman won his “contaminated sample” PED appeal. So will he be sending a bottle of champagne to Ryan Braun?

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USC’s Matt Barkley is still nursing a shoulder injury and will not play in the Sun Bowl. But he hopes to follow in the great tradition of Trojan QBs and be healthy enough in 2013 to hold an NFL clipboard.

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The Brooklyn Nets have fired coach Avery Johnson after a 14-14 start. The Washington Wizards wonder if the team has something against overachievers.

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President Obama left his family in Hawaii and cut his vacation short to head back to Washington and work on avoiding the fiscal cliff. Waiting for the GOP to accuse him of wasting money by making Air Force One take an extra trip.

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From my friend Jim Barach:  Starbucks baristas in Washington, D.C. are writing “come together” on cups in order to get Congress to avert the fiscal cliff. Of course, the fiscal cliff wouldn’t be an issue if the federal government could figure out a way to get as much money out of people every day as they do at Starbucks.

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