Cry me a river… Seine?

Lance Armstrong was reportedly in tears when he talked to his Livestrong staff today. So maybe he confessed, or maybe this is just the first step towards a new goal of becoming Speaker of the House.

Lance Armstrong apparently confessed his doping to Oprah in an interview taped today at a downtown Austin hotel. Wonder if the 7-time Tour de France winner stopped on the way at a stable to close the door and look for escaped horses.

Three straight wins for the Washington Wizards?! Quick, someone test for PEDs.

USC has fired their head coach. Trojan fans were sorry to hear it was for men’s basketball, and not Lane Kiffin.

Coca Cola is running a new anti-obesity ad. Isn’t that like John Boehner doing an ad on the dangers of tanning booths? Or John Edwards and Mark Sanford doing a bipartisan ad defending marriage

Ann Romney turned down a chance to be a contestant on “Dancing With the Stars.” Wonder if Ann was afraid she would hurt Mitt’s feelings if she won a national election.

The San Francisco Police Dept. said there were 92 people ejected from the 49ers playoff game Saturday, and 25 people more arrested for public intoxication. Responded Oakland Raiders fans -“Amateurs.”

Major League Baseball will allow interpreters on the mound this year to translate managers and coaches for their pitchers. Think maybe next the league will allow interpreters into the broadcast booth to translate Tim McCarver into less pretentious English?

Gov. Jan Brewer says now Arizona will agree to the Medicaid expansion that is part of Obamacare, saying that if she did not accept the Medicaid funds, other states would. Of course, it’s only wasteful government spending if it doesn’t benefit me.

A former Mafia underboss is saying that Jimmy Hoffa is buried in Detroit. Presumably somewhere that didn’t get a lot of traffic, like the Lions’ end zone.

MLB’s rules committee may declare this year that the fake-to-third, throw-to-first pickoff move is a balk. Well, not like it caught anyone but Barry Bonds anyway.

Since they’ve already cancelled so many NHL games why don’t they just declare the entire season at this point one big playoff and go from there?

Explore posts in the same categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized

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