Posted tagged ‘Oprah jokes’

Bo knows better?

August 13, 2013

The latest Obama “scandal” is the idea that the President chartered a fancy plane to bring Bo to Martha’s Vineyard. Apparently Bo did travel on the MV-22 Osprey, but it also carried White House staff, media, and the Secret Service. Of course if Romney had been elected the dog would have flown on the roof where he belonged.

Joe Biden is giving hints of a possible run for the Presidency in 2016? So what will his real contribution be to the race? Making Hillary look young?

The Texas State Board of Education is trying to get “intelligent design” into biology textbooks. Interesting thing…most of the folks arguing “intelligent design” are their own best arguments against it.

So maybe catcher A.J. Pierzynski’s ejection in the 6th inning was the reason Yu Darvish lost his perfect game in the 8th. Maybe not. But that’s okay. Because the real reason fans come to games is to see world-class umpiring from guys like home-plate umpire Ron Kulpa.

Want tickets to the Univ. of Florida vs. Georgia game this year in Jacksonville? A few are available, all you need is a contribution to the Florida Gator Boosters. The amounts needed? For 6 tickets, $14,500, for 2, $8,300. Hard to imagine how some of these players get that idea that the point of playing college football is money.

Apparently the first pictures of little Prince George after his brief appearance on the hospital steps are likely to be family photos sent out on Twitter by William and Kate. And somewhere the Kardashians are thinking ‘What, no multi-million $ contract?””

Personally I don’t get the handbag thing, (wouldn’t pay $380, let alone $38K), but the Swiss saleswoman is now trying to attack Oprah’s credibility by saying “I simply told her that it was like the one I held in my hand, only much more expensive, and that I could show her similar bags.” Maybe she should quit while she’s behind.

Mike Trout said anyone caught using PEDs should be banned from baseball for life. Which means either that he’s not using, or he doesn’t think he’ll get caught.

Allegedly Johnny Manziel signed autographs and memorabilia for dealers at at least two previously unreported off-season sessions. At this point wonder if Manziel will be signing autographs this fall as a quarterback for the Canadian Football League.

From T.C.  PGA Champion Jason Dufner’s final round scorecard will be sent to The World Golf Hall of Fame, but not until Johnny Manziel co-signs it.

A California man on a hunting trip was shot and killed in Marin County last weekend while riding in a car with other hunters. The Sheriff’s department is indicating a gun accidentally “went off.” Gosh, if only he had been armed.

(Augie wonders, “was Cheney in the car?”)

An SF Giants fan apologized to Adam Jones, saying he did not intend a racial insult, but was so frustrated with the Giants’ play against the Orioles that he just grabbed a banana off a catering cart at AT&T Park and threw it toward the field. The way the SF bullpen looked in that 10-2 loss, suppose it’s lucky that the fan didn’t pick up and throw the whole cart.

He’s back….

January 18, 2013

clint

Photo sent to me by a friend of Clint  back  at work. This time  interviewing Manti T’eo’s girlfriend.

One advantage to those imaginary girlfriend’s. They never ask you “Do these pants make me look fat?”

Notre Dame is in major damage control mode.  Rumor has it they first tried to prove the girlfriend’s existence, but soon realized that proof of her voting in Chicago wouldn’t count.

So what was Manti Te’o’s major at Notre Dame? Drama? Or Creative Writing?

Marc Ragovin wonders if Manti went to Notre Dame or No Dame?

This just in, as a way to cut down on illegitimate children and embarrassment to the league, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell is recommending all players start having fantasy girlfriends.

A silver lining for having a fantasy girlfriend? Manti T’eo will now forever be the favorite football player of a million Trekkies.

And just last week we thought the most embarrassing thing to happen to Notre Dame football this year would be their performance against Alabama….

Not sure if Lance Armstrong has any regrets after this week, but at least he has to be glad he didn’t plan to blame his doping on an imaginary girlfriend.

Also not sure how much truth was in Lance Armstrong’s interview with Oprah.   But as to these sentences…  “This is too late. It’s too late for probably most people. And that’s my fault…” Yeah, right on all three counts.

Things are getting contentious again in Washington. Fully expect House Republicans to ask President Obama to cut costs by exchanging Air Force One for a Dreamliner.

Boeing 787 Dreamliners around the world have been grounded due to potential fire risk with battery failures. United Airlines, the only U.S. carrier to fly the planes, says they will resume flying 787s when it is both deemed safe and they figure out how to charge a battery surcharge.

In a closed-door meeting Rep. Paul Ryan gave other House Republicans his advice about how to battle President Obama. Well yeah, and that worked so well last November.

Ah, priorities. Arnold Schwarzenegger introduced himself in an online post, in order as “Former Mr. Olympia, Conan, Terminator, and Governor of California.” Well, to be fair, Arnold had more success with the first three.

Fast food uproar after an Australia man posted a picture of a Subway foot-long sandwich that he measured at 11 inches. Women are rolling their eyes, figuring clearly it was a man who over-advertised the length in the first place.

Whole Foods founder and CEO John Mackey says now he regrets recently comparing Obamacare to “fascism.” Mostly because someone probably told him that most Whole Foods customers voted for the President.

(although speaking of feeling like being in  a fascist system, try going into Whole Foods without a reusable bag…oh the horror.  I think in Northern California you’d stand out less with a Romney-Ryan button.)

Cry me a river… Seine?

January 15, 2013

Lance Armstrong was reportedly in tears when he talked to his Livestrong staff today. So maybe he confessed, or maybe this is just the first step towards a new goal of becoming Speaker of the House.

Lance Armstrong apparently confessed his doping to Oprah in an interview taped today at a downtown Austin hotel. Wonder if the 7-time Tour de France winner stopped on the way at a stable to close the door and look for escaped horses.

Three straight wins for the Washington Wizards?! Quick, someone test for PEDs.

USC has fired their head coach. Trojan fans were sorry to hear it was for men’s basketball, and not Lane Kiffin.

Coca Cola is running a new anti-obesity ad. Isn’t that like John Boehner doing an ad on the dangers of tanning booths? Or John Edwards and Mark Sanford doing a bipartisan ad defending marriage

Ann Romney turned down a chance to be a contestant on “Dancing With the Stars.” Wonder if Ann was afraid she would hurt Mitt’s feelings if she won a national election.

The San Francisco Police Dept. said there were 92 people ejected from the 49ers playoff game Saturday, and 25 people more arrested for public intoxication. Responded Oakland Raiders fans -“Amateurs.”

Major League Baseball will allow interpreters on the mound this year to translate managers and coaches for their pitchers. Think maybe next the league will allow interpreters into the broadcast booth to translate Tim McCarver into less pretentious English?

Gov. Jan Brewer says now Arizona will agree to the Medicaid expansion that is part of Obamacare, saying that if she did not accept the Medicaid funds, other states would. Of course, it’s only wasteful government spending if it doesn’t benefit me.

A former Mafia underboss is saying that Jimmy Hoffa is buried in Detroit. Presumably somewhere that didn’t get a lot of traffic, like the Lions’ end zone.

MLB’s rules committee may declare this year that the fake-to-third, throw-to-first pickoff move is a balk. Well, not like it caught anyone but Barry Bonds anyway.

Since they’ve already cancelled so many NHL games why don’t they just declare the entire season at this point one big playoff and go from there?