Posted tagged ‘Dorner jokes’

Just stopped by for a drink of water?

February 14, 2013

NY Yankees catcher Francisco Cervelli is the latest player to deny getting PED’s from Biogenesis, the Florida anti-aging clinic currently under investigation by MLB.   Right, and most men found in brothels only stopped in to use the restrooms.

Scott Brown is joining Fox News. A decision that many in Massachusetts will view as a more embarrassing way to earn money than his college gig posing nude for Cosmo.

Bus to Hell time. So how long before some fried chicken restaurant offers a Chris Dorner “Extra Crispy” special?

My funny friend Abbe Nelson says “I think Christopher Dorner is taking Ash Wednesday a bit too seriously today.”

Way to go Marco Rubio. While he’s talking about the GOP plans to fix America, he’s drinking “Poland Spring” water, sold in the U.S., but bottled by a subsidiary of Swiss giant Nestle.

 

Steve Martin, 67, announced he became a first time father to a baby boy in December. There’s a certain symmetry – both father and son could end up in diapers at the same time.

UK freshman forward Nerlens Noel is out for the season and the NCAA tournament with a torn ACL. Since he’s a probable first round draft pick, wonder if Noel’s thinking “So I went to class for NOTHING?”

First reports said 4,000 passengers were on the stricken Carnival Triumph, today CNN reports there are 3,143 passengers. Let’s hope it’s just confusion, and 857 people didn’t decide to try to swim home.

 

Conditions are apparently far from ideal on that stricken Carnival Cruise ship, but they are giving out free booze. What could possibly go wrong?

Headline “Pope Benedict confident his resignation will not hurt Catholic Church.” What, more than his tenure as Pope already has?

So in last night’s SOTU drinking game, anyone get bonus points for predicting one of the speakers would actually also be drinking?

 

New York Mets’ owner Fred Wilpon says the team’s money woes are over. Their woes on the field on the other hand…..

The bigger hangover?

February 13, 2013

So who has bigger hangovers this Wednesday?   Folks who were at Mardi Gras,  or those who played State of the Union drinking games?

 

President Obama said that the American people expect us to put our Nation’s interests before Party. Some probably want to impeach him for that.

President Obama says he wants to fix bridges before they fall down. Okay, which GOP governor is going to stand up first and say we don’t need that wasteful government spending in our state?

So what SOTU drinking game was #MarcoRubio playing?

Note to Senator Marco Rubio: Government probably spent money to make sure that water tonight was safe for you to drink.

Marco Rubio says President Obama’s economic plans will hurt the middle class. Shocking. Rubio believes there still is a middle class?

LAPD reported late this afternoon that Chris Dorner is dead. Uh, did they see the last episode of “House?”

 

So while we wait to see for sure if  Chris Dorner is alive or dead, a question – How long until the made-for-tv movie comes out?

So many conflicting stories. Next I expect to hear that the body that was found or not found in that burning Big Bear cabin was Lennay Kekua.

 

For those who try to find a silver lining in everything, at least passengers on the Carnival Triumph out of Galveston won’t have gained weight on their cruise.

Darwin would be so proud. A 52 year old man who was a daily customer and unofficial spokesman for the Las Vegas restaurant “Heart Attack Grill” which serves things like an over 9,000 calorie “Quadruple Bypass Burger,” went into cardiac arrest in front of the restaurant and died..

 

Four freshmen on Alabama’s national champion football team were suspended today after being arrested and charged with 2nd-degree robbery and credit-card fraud. (One had been arrested 2 days before on a gun charge) Wonder if it’s too late for the players to apply for the NFL draft.

Robert Reich quotes an Economic Policy Institute study saying that the wealth of the Waltons  – Walmart’s founding family –  now exceeds the wealth of the bottom 40% of American families COMBINED. And some still think it’s a good idea for everyone to have guns.

Yes, he said it. John Boehner, when asked if he was ready to talk with President Obama about a path to citizenship for undocumented immigrants: “How about a little foreplay first?” Talk about an indecent proposal.

 

The IOC voted to drop wrestling from the 2020, instead of the rumored modern pentathlon, which combines shooting, running, swimming, fencing and horseback riding. Well, this ought to reassure those who think the IOC is focused on rich nations.