Posted tagged ‘Carnival Triumph jokes’

Wanna get away?

April 3, 2013

The Carnival Triumph, which was being repaired in Mobile, Ala after breaking down in February, has apparently broke loose Wednesday from its moorings. Maybe after all the coverage on CNN the ship just wanted to go away and hide.

Now that Mark Sanford is engaged to the woman he had an affair with, have to figure the chance of her letting him go hiking alone are about the same as Kobe Bryant’s wife suggesting he order room service.

Mark Sanford, who won the GOP primary for the House special election in South Carolina, has apologized to voters over his lies and affair. Wonder if he’s also issued an apology to Bill Clinton.

Dallas Mavericks’ owner Mark Cuban said that he’d draft Britney Griner and give her a chance to make the team. Hey, compared to most of the men in the NBA she’d whine less and pass more.

Not that any of my readers would have been upset, but two Florida DJs have been suspended after a number of listeners freaked out and called the Lee County water office because of an April Fool’s joke. Which was telling listeners that “dihydrogen monoxide” was coming out of their taps…..

Jay Leno has made it official, he is leaving the Tonight Show permanently. And somewhere Brett Favre is just giggling.

Okay, Dodgers and Giants fans, Clayton Kershaw and Madison Bumgarner have both had great starts, but when it comes to ESPN showing the pitcher of the week, guessing Yu’s on first.

Rutgers fired men’s basketball coach Mike Rice after tapes of him being abusive to players in practice were aired on ESPN. Originally Rutgers’ AD had just suspended the coach, but changed their mind due to public outrage, that and Rice not getting the team into March Madness.

My friend Ed Murrell pointed out that the Houston Astros struck out 43 times in their three games with Texas. Maybe it’s part of a cost-saving plan to reduce the number of broken bats?

Nice home run from Panda Sandoval. But this is not going to do much for the SF Giants’ “tell Panda he HAS to diet now” plan.

Sometimes best contracts are the ones you don’t sign. Remember the controversy when #SF Giants chose not to lock up #Lincecum long term?

A new report alleges that Auburn’s football program paid money to stars to stay in school and bypass the NFL draft, and changed players’ grades to keep them eligible before the 2011 BCS championship game. “I’m shocked,” said absolutely nobody.

Former Major League Baseball catcher Mike Piazza has announced he will be playing the role of a gangster in a production by the Miami City Ballet. Well, that ought to take care of the gay rumors.

After being turned down by Shaka Smart, Flip Saunders and Mick Cronin, Minnesota has hired Rick Pitino’s son Richard as their new men’s basketball coach. Can’t wait for the press conference where the Gophers announce how thrilled they were that their fourth choice accepted the job. –

Oscar Pistorius’s agent says Pistorius wants to train again, adding “it was clear and evident it’s going to take some time for him (to be ready to compete),” Van Zyl said. ”He’s trying to process this whole ordeal.” “I feel so sorry for him,” said absolutely no one.

From Jim Barach:   “The Associated Press has dropped the term “illegal immigrant” from their stylebook. The question is, when will they also eliminate other antiquated terms like “congressional ethics”?”


Stuff and bother.

February 15, 2013

Silver lining department: Never have so many people been so happy to arrive in Mobile, Alabama.

The Carnival Triumph cruise turned into days of some booze, limited food, overflowing toilets and foul odors. In other words, a floating frat house.

Understatement of the year award to Gerald R. Cahill, CEO of Carnival: “We pride ourselves on providing our guests a great vacation experience. Clearly, we failed in this particular case.”

Kevin Youkilis, who yesterday said “I’ll always be a Red Sock”, today came out with “I’m a Yankee today, and I’m excited.” Wow! Youkilis changed positions so fast you have to wonder if he has future plans to run for office.

Rabbits have been eating the wiring of cars parked at Denver International Airport by eating spark plug cables. Parking companies are building “better” fences and adding perches for predators like hawks and eagles. Large numbers of large birds near an airport, what could possibly go wrong?


All this hullabaloo about Chuck Hagel, a combat veteran. Can you imagine if President Obama had nominated a draft-dodger for Secretary of Defense, you know, someone like Dick Cheney?

Rough weekend decisions coming up for Congressional Republicans. Do they blame Obama for the Carnival Triumph fiasco or the meteorite hitting Russia?

Back aboard the bus, or rather, the ship to hell-   How about songs to play in honor of the Carnival Triumph? My starter suggestions: “Slip sliding away.” “Stuck in the middle with you.” “The Night the Lights Went out in Georgia,” “Where do we go from here?” “Stuck on you,” “Smoke on the water….”

Reports are that Harrison Ford will once again play Han Solo in an upcoming Star Wars movie. Only this time the quote would be “I’ve got a bad feeling about this, if I could remember what it is.”

In his new book, “Long Shot,” Mike Piazza is now blaming Vin Scully, (Vin Scully?!) for causing Dodgers fans to boo him in his final weeks with the team. Forget steroids, the “S” that will keep Piazza from ending up a beloved Los Angeles icon is “stupid.”



From  T.C.   “American Airlines and US Airways have formally announced they plan to merge. This deal was supposed to finalize sometime in 2009, but it’s been delay after delay after delay……”




First Manny Ramirez, now Mark McGwire is wearing Dodger Blue as a hitting coach…. SF Giants fans are accepting apologies for all those steroid remarks Los Angeles fans made about Barry Bonds.

A three hour, oops, 175 hour, cruise…..

February 14, 2013

Okay, someone somewhere with time on their hands is going to rewrite the Gilligan’s Island song….

“Oh this is a tale of our Carnival, we’re here for a long long while… Have to make the best of things, it’s a poop-filled time…” Etc.  (folks feel free to add.)

One couple on the stricken Carnival Triumph was married aboard the ship Saturday. Well, they’re certainly getting the “for worse” out of the way in a hurry.

RGIII’s rehab from reconstructive knee surgery is going so well that the Washington Redskins officials believe he has a legitimate chance to be injured again in the 2013 opener.

Only two games on the NBA schedule Feb 14 going into All-Star Weekend. This is actually unfortunate for many players. Means they had to make the tough choice about spending Valentine’s Day with which one of the mothers of their children.

President Obama spent part of of his day hanging out with preschoolers at an Early Childhood Learning Center in Georgia. Must have been a nice change to deal with people who are more mature than Congress.

Had enough of being tagged in all of these “Two free tickets on Southwest scam” photos. Presumably anyone who tries to claim them can go with Manti Teo’s girlfriend?

Okay Mark Zuckerberg, if you can get the Governor of New Jersey to your house for a fundraiser (as happened last night) then you can hire someone competent enough to block the “Free Southwest Tickets” spammer  on Facebook. Have gotten four or five today.

Kevin Youkilis said in an interview at Spring Training that he’ll “always be a Red Sock”, and he’ll “never be Alex Rodriguez.” New York Yankees fans are thinking they’ll forgive him for the former if he’ll promise the latter.


West coast problems: Trying to decide whether or not to turn on office air conditioning in February.

Generally there are few things less special than anything referenced in an email titled “A special offer just for you.”

A last serious thought for the night.     While I know Carnival will be giving all kinds of compensation to passengers on the Triumph, I hope the cruise line also remembers to give some serious extra compensation to the crew.   Because while minimum-wage and immigration are also in the news, here’s something travelers may not know: Cruise line employees aren’t illegal. But because those lines register ships in foreign countries, they don’t even have to pay U.S. minimum wage – housekeeping and restaurant staff are basically working for tips.

Just stopped by for a drink of water?

February 14, 2013

NY Yankees catcher Francisco Cervelli is the latest player to deny getting PED’s from Biogenesis, the Florida anti-aging clinic currently under investigation by MLB.   Right, and most men found in brothels only stopped in to use the restrooms.

Scott Brown is joining Fox News. A decision that many in Massachusetts will view as a more embarrassing way to earn money than his college gig posing nude for Cosmo.

Bus to Hell time. So how long before some fried chicken restaurant offers a Chris Dorner “Extra Crispy” special?

My funny friend Abbe Nelson says “I think Christopher Dorner is taking Ash Wednesday a bit too seriously today.”

Way to go Marco Rubio. While he’s talking about the GOP plans to fix America, he’s drinking “Poland Spring” water, sold in the U.S., but bottled by a subsidiary of Swiss giant Nestle.


Steve Martin, 67, announced he became a first time father to a baby boy in December. There’s a certain symmetry – both father and son could end up in diapers at the same time.

UK freshman forward Nerlens Noel is out for the season and the NCAA tournament with a torn ACL. Since he’s a probable first round draft pick, wonder if Noel’s thinking “So I went to class for NOTHING?”

First reports said 4,000 passengers were on the stricken Carnival Triumph, today CNN reports there are 3,143 passengers. Let’s hope it’s just confusion, and 857 people didn’t decide to try to swim home.


Conditions are apparently far from ideal on that stricken Carnival Cruise ship, but they are giving out free booze. What could possibly go wrong?

Headline “Pope Benedict confident his resignation will not hurt Catholic Church.” What, more than his tenure as Pope already has?

So in last night’s SOTU drinking game, anyone get bonus points for predicting one of the speakers would actually also be drinking?


New York Mets’ owner Fred Wilpon says the team’s money woes are over. Their woes on the field on the other hand…..