Archive for the ‘political jokes’ category
September 12, 2016
If this keeps up Los Angeles is going to ask St. Louis if they would would take the Rams back.
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And the 49ers wonder why they can’t get fans to games, besides having a lousy team. ESPN’s Darren Rovell -“Two and half hours before Rams at 49ers, cheapest get-in ticket on StubHub is $35. Cheapest team parking spot? $69!”
Oakland 16, KC 3 on Monday. Wait, didn’t the Raiders play yesterday?
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After Saturday’s loss to CMU, Okla State coach Mike Gundy says he only wants to play nonconference home games with Big 12 officiating crews. Because his own conference refs NEVER make mistakes…? Or because they understand the importance of avoiding upsets of top teams who bring the conference money for bowl games.
Hope no #Samsung executive ever prayed for their #GalaxyNote7 to be the hottest phone in the world?
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Carrie Tolstedt, the woman who oversaw the Wells Fargo community banking unit where the fake account scam happened left the bank in July. She got a $124.6 million golden parachute.
“I am shocked” said nobody.
An Indiana fertility doctor has been charged with obstruction of justice. Prosecutors said the 1970s and 80s, he allegedly impregnated perhaps 50 women, who thought they were using medical school donors, with his own sperm. So will his defense be he wanted to be the next father of our country?
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Donald Trump says he will release his medical records “soon.” Like he released his tax returns “soon” after he promised them this January?
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Trump today said “this last week I took a physical I’ll be releasing – when the numbers come in, hopefully they’re gonna be good, I think they’re gonna be good.” Well of course, the bestest greatest numbers, they’re going to be huge.
No joke. Conspiracy theorists are now opining that Hillary Clinton is seriously ill or worse and has been replaced by a body-double. #BeammeupScottietheresnointelligentlifeonthisplanet
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As Trump and Clinton battle hard for the swing state of Virginia, thinking after tonight’s MNF game either of them would get a major boost if they promised on their first day in office to ban Dan Snyder from owning an NFL team.
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Think I’ve got it: Professional athletes regularly have illnesses and injuries. When they pretend they are fine and play through them for big games it’s proof of what heroic men they are. When a woman presidential candidate pretends she’s fine and shows up at an important event when she has pneumonia, it’s more proof of her duplicitous nature.
ESP from TC?
“Kaepernick will be the backup for tonight’s game. His role is to enter the game if it’s a blowout, take snaps and go down on one knee.”
Pay no attention to the man behind or in front of the curtain?
From Marc Ragovin “So Donald Trump is going to discuss his medical records this week with Dr. Oz. Trump and Oz is a very appropriate coupling.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: election jokes, Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, Trump jokes, wells fargo jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
September 11, 2016
ESPN’s fantasy football app was down today. The horror. Many viewers were left with only being able to care about whoever actually won the game.
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Nothing is certain but death, taxes, and the #Browns losing on #NFL opening week
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So as we honored all those who perished on September 11, and all of the first responders, etc, with ceremonies in MLB, perhaps we could make the date more significant going forward by having it be the ONLY time in the year teams play “God Bless America” during the 7th inning?
After watching #SFGiants revival in Arizona, looks like there’s at least one SF Bay Area team with chance of winning Monday night.
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Just maybe #SFGiants have decided to eliminate #Casilla discussions by not taking 1 run leads to the 9th? #HunterPence
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So Oklahoma State fell out of the top 25 after losing to Central Michigan even though officials admitted the game should have been over before the winning play. On the other hand, OSU shouldn’t have been that close to CMU at the end of the 4th quarter.
(ditto Clemson w/ Troy and Georgia with Nicholls.)
Kim Jong-Un has banned sarcasm. Yeah, right.
So @HillaryClinton has pneumonia. Waiting for @realDonaldTrump to say when he is President he will build a wall to keep out pneumonia.
Just imagine what would have happened if @HillaryClinton had followed her doctor’s advice & stayed home from 9/11 memorial service. #cantwin
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Meanwhile, Martin Shkreli showed up outside Chelsea’s Clinton’s apartment and actually heckled Hillary as she left after going there after the service. Very little bipartisan agreement in this country, but can we agree that Shkreli is a poor excuse for a human being?
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All of us are just guessing, really. But interesting how the same people who are positive Hillary is hiding something in her medical records are convinced there’s nothing to see in Trump’s tax returns.
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In Tampa, a man tried on a bulletproof vest last night while his cousin fired a shot to see if it worked. It didn’t. One Darwin, one manslaughter charge. #ifonlytheywerearmed No wait… back on your game, Florida.
My writing is mostly about sports and politics, and I don’t like playing the woman card. But give me a break, folks. Of course Hillary went to the 9/11 memorial today when she was sick. She’s a woman and a mom. Women go to important things when we are sick. We take care of our kids, significant others, we go to work if work needs to be done. Whereas men, at the risk of being “grossly generalistic….” Okay, rant’s over.
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: ESPN jokes, fantasy football jokes, hilary health jokes, Janice Hough, SF Giants jokes, Shkreli jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
September 10, 2016
Many SF Giants were shocked to see an unaccustomed sight in the dugout tonight during the team’s 11-3 win over the Arizona Diamondbacks – smiles.
Did #Northwestern decide to stop playing Division 1 #FBS football last offseason and just not tell anyone?
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Millions of Americans dislike both #Trump & #Clinton & think choosing the lesser evil is tough – what about when #Yankees play #Dodgers?
ESPN commenting on how old US Open women’s champion @AngeliqueKerber is…. she is 28 years old.
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Not sure who will with the Willie Mac award for this year’s most inspirational SF Giant. But the award for the Giant most likely to drive fans to scream, cry and/or drink has to go either to Santiago Casilla or the manager who keeps putting him out there.
Two games for USC, two players ejected in 1st half each game: LT Chuma Edoga today for pushing an official, LB Jabari Ruffin last week for stomping on an opponent’s groin.
So maybe coaches Sarkasian & Kiffin weren’t solely responsibly for all that Trojan embarrassment after all?
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Many of Hillary Clinton’s fundraisers are closed to the press, last night’s LGBT event WAS open to some media. And she said this – “To just be grossly generalistic, you could put half of Trump’s supporters into what I call the basket of deplorables. Right? The racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamaphobic — you name it,”
So was it a gaffe by a very cautious politician? Or a deliberate hand grenade tossed to set off an carefully-timed explosion?
Hillary has backed off the “half” of Trump’s supporters on the “basket of deplorables” line, but not the concept. As the old joke goes “We’ve already established that, now we’re haggling price.
Guessing @realDonaldTrump is furious at @HillaryClinton over #BasketofDeplorables – insulting millions of Americans is HIS job.
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Donald Trump yesterday “With Iran, when they circle our beautiful destroyers with their little boats and they make gestures at our people that they shouldn’t be allowed to make, they will be shot out of the water.” How Presidential of him.
Mike Pence “I think it’s inarguable that Vladimir Putin has been a stronger leader in his country than Barack Obama has been in this country. And that’s going to change the day that Donald Trump becomes president.”
So Trump’s first act is going to be to disband Congress?
Categories: political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baskets of deplorables jokes, battle at bristol jokes, ESPN jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, pence jokes, SF Giants jokes, Trump jokes
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September 8, 2016
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The New York Mets actually have signed Tim Tebow to a minor league contract. Is it for his baseball ability? Or are they hoping to get God on their side for a potential playoff run?
What’s all the #CARvsDEN stress, unlike in college football the first game doesn’t really matter as to making the playoffs.
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CEO Jed York, said today that the SF 49ers will give $1 million to two local groups to “help bridge the gap and create better collaboration between law enforcement and local communities.”
So who knew, maybe Colin Kaepernick could actually lead the team after all?
Ray Lewis, going after Colin Kaepenick on his protest. “I think Colin just needs to step back.” Although some might say if Ray had just stepped back in 2000, maybe Jacinth Baker and Richard Lollar might be alive today.
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So maybe Matt Lauer’s real goal is to become the first anchor on the Trump News Network?
If #MattLauer asks #TimTebow about #Aleppo it could break the internet.
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Somewhere #SarahPalin is really upset she got interviewed by #KatieCouric instead of #MattLauer #LaueringTheBar
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Embarrassing interview for Libertarian Presidential candidate Gary Johnson. But what are the odds that Donald Trump knows what Aleppo is either?
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So does #GaryJohnson‘s interview last night make him wish he had chosen #AdmiralStockdale as a running mate? #Aleppo
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A CNN report says an NBC executive “speaking anonymously” said the “Commander-in-chief” forum was a “disaster.” Wow. Usually disasters at NBC are with their prime-time fall lineup.
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Trump supporters are calling for a boycott of Starbucks after CEO Howard Schultz endorsed Hillary and slammed the Donald’s “vitriolic display of bigotry and hate and divisiveness.”
Well, it’s a free country, but weren’t many Trump supporters already boycotting Starbucks over things like LGBT rights? – or as my friend Erin says, the Christmas cups?
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Wells Fargo fired approx 5,300 employees for allegedly opening up additional accounts without their customers’ permission. Uh, over 5,000 people isn’t rogue employees, that’s company practice.
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Trump said last night that he was “pretty good with the body language,” in his supposedly top-secret intelligence briefing and “what I did learn is that our leadership, Barack Obama, did not follow what our experts, and our — truly, when they call it intelligence, it’s there for a reason — what our experts said to do,”
Uh, and we’re worried about Hillary’s email server compromising secrets and national security? #WTF?
Trump last night praised Vladimir Putin and talked of the Russan President’s “82 percent approval rating.” Well, by that token the Donald should be a really big fan of Kim Jong Un -whose approval rating is about 100%. Of living North Koreans polled.
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: aleppo jokes, gary johnson jokes, Janice Hough, kaerpernick jokes, matt lauer jokes, NFL jokes, Palin jokes
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September 8, 2016
Good news for San Francisco Bay Area sports fan. Soon with the 49ers season starting they’ll only expect to see one ugly loss a week.
When Posey got a two-out double after first two SF Giants made outs on the first pitch in 9th, Kruk said that we didn’t have to worry about Casilla because he was “now back in his regular rhythm.”
Uh, that’s what Giants fans were afraid of.
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Announced today #MattDuffy to have season-ending surgery with #Rays. Tonight’s #Casilla-started 9th sure felt season-ending for #SFGiants
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Atlanta Braves manager John Coppolella said there was “no risk” in signing Tim Tebow::”It’s similar to when Michael Jordan or others have wanted to play. It’s positive to draw this kind of interest to the game and make it a story because it’s good for baseball.”
He didn’t add “and how long has it been since ANYONE showed any interest in the Braves?
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Colin Kaepernick today said he would donate all the money he gets from his now-top selling NFL jersey “back into the communities.”
Is it just me or has the 49ers backup QB appeared to have grown up in a hurry after that first protest?
Roger Goodell on Kaerpernick: “we believe very strongly in patriotism in the NFL.. I think it’s important to have respect for our country, for our flag, for the people who make our country better; for law enforcement..,”
“For law enforcement.” That’s why so many players work so hard at keeping so many police officers busy?
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Art Briles, after being fired as football coach of Baylor over several sexual assault scandals involving players. “Hey, I made some mistakes. I was wrong. I’m sorry. I’m gonna learn. I’m gonna do better.”
Better at disciplining his players or better at keeping them from getting caught?
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Ryan Lochte, who already lost his four endorsement contracts, has now been suspended by USA swimming for 10 months. Talk about a high-priced pay toilet.
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Tiger Woods says he will return to competitive golf in October at the Safeway Open in Napa. Makes sense, then Tiger can go wine-tasting on his weekend off.
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So why did #Apple get rid of their iPhone jack? Might be 3 words – “cordless $159 earphones. #AppleEvent
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President Obama apparently met informally with Philippine President Duterte today, despite Duterte’s earlier disrespectful insults. Well, guess Obama has had plenty of practice with this sort of thing with Congress.
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A 17-year old Louisiana girl vented on social media “‘Just left albertsons. The woman behind the cake counter just refused to make me a birthday cake because I wanted “Trump 2016″ on it…” The store said it wasn’t about politics but for fear of being sued for copyright infringement with the logo.
Inclined to believe Albertson’s, Louisiana is not exactly a blue state. But allowing for the possibility of the decorator think that Trump is not a good Christian and she didn’t want to make the cake, where are the defenders of religious freedom on this one?
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Donald Trump on Phyllis Schlafly “She was a patriot, a champion for women…” Some statements can’t possibly be topped with a punchline.
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Donald Trump tonight “Under the leadership of Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton the generals have been reduced to rubble, reduced to a point where it is embarrassing for our country.”
But earlier today the Donald said that on day one of his Presidency, ““We are going to convey my top generals and give them a simple instruction They will have 30 days to submit to the Oval Office a plan for soundly and quickly defeating ISIS. We have no choice.”
These quotes are verbatim – so just wondering, how does Trump plan to FIND top generals out of the rubble?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: casilla jokes, debate jokes, duffy jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
September 1, 2016
Facebook just changed their relationship status with SpaceX to “it’s complicated.”
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At Cape Canaveral, a SpaceX rocket exploded on the launch pad this morning. SpaceX described the explosion as an “anomaly.” Fortunately there were no injuries. And airline spokespersons immediately filed “anomaly” away for future use.
Pamela Anderson, 49, has become an anti-porn crusader. Maybe because no one wants to see her sex tapes anymore?
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As Colin Kaepernick doubles down on his anthem protest, angering many other NFL players, here’s an interesting side note: Right now the 49ers only have to pay him guaranteed salary for 2016. But if Kaepernick suffers a career-ending injury, he also gets $14.5 million guaranteed in 2017 and $5.2 million in 2018.
So if Kap plays this year, he’s one good hit away from a long paid vacation.
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Would have been ironic tonight if angry fans went after #Kaepernick in San Diego & he needed a police escort to get out of stadium safely. #SFvsSD
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Angry Mexican news anchor about Trump’s visit “The humiliation is now complete.” Which is the same sentiment felt by many rational members of the GOP.
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NY Jets WR Brandon Marshall said he believes the Chicago Bears traded him after the 2014 season because of his in-season television work on Showtime’s “Inside the NFL” Well, that and Marshall’s receiving stats falling off almost 50% from the 2013 season.
All this talk about scary clowns in #SouthCarolina. Weren’t the presidential primaries months ago?
Appalachian State had a chance to beat Tennessee in regulation, but neglected to call their 3rd and last time out when they might have been in field goal range. Sounds like they spend as much time in math class as members of top NCAA programs.
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Governor RIck Scott has issued a hurricane warning for Florida, saying that Hermine could be “life-threatening.” Surprised he didn’t add a warning to President Obama to stay out of the state’s business.
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Donald Trump believes that American-born children of illegals should be deported. So what does that mean IF it turns out Melania skirted immigration law with her visa?
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United Airlines says that 12 passengers were injured by “severe and unexpected turbulence” on an overnight flight to London while most were asleep. So what part of “keep your seatbelt fastened while you sleep” do most people not understand? #cantfixstupid #butyoucaninjurestupid
“Business Insider’ reports that Marco Gutierrez, who founded “Latinos for Trump’ said there could be “taco trucks on every corner” if the Donald isn’t elected.
Taco trucks? Hmm…Gutierrez might have just given a lot of Americans reasons to vote for Hillary.
From my friend Tony Alan Banks, who just may have solved one of the mysteries of the universe: I’m 100% convinced that every time a sock goes missing in the dryer it comes back as an extra tupperware lid.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, appalachian state, clown jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, Trump jokes, United jokes
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August 31, 2016
Twitter just gave me the “Who to follow” suggestion of @NBCOlympics Makes sense, the suggestion is as delayed as everything else about this summer’s games.
#Rockies can’t hold 6 run lead after 8 innings against #Dodgers. On brighter note #SFGiants next week at Coors should never feel out of a game.
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Congrats to #TyBlach, the newest pitcher promoted to #SFGiants, leads PCL w/ 14 wins. May or may not have major league stuff. But now neither do Cain & Peavy
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A’s traded #CocoCrisp to #Indians. Proving again most appropriate @Athletics bobblehead would have blank uniform & come with erasable pen.
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Some talk that Colin Kaepernick is being attacked for his sitting down during the National Anthem because he is black, or at least bi-racial. Though have to think if Russell Wilson did it we’d be having a very different discussion.
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Bleacher Report reporting that Colin Kaepernick has become persona non grata in the NFL.. One executive “In my career, I have never seen a guy so hated by front office guys as Kaepernick.”
Right, because he disrespected the flag. Murder, domestic violence, sexual assault, animal cruelty, those are all forgivable. #WTF?
On the other hand, just guessing #MuhammadAli and #JackieRobinson would not wear socks featuring caps wearing police caps. #ColinKaepernick #WTF?
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Congratulations to Rockies rookie Stephen Cardullo, who today on his 29th birthday got his 1st major league home run against the Dodgers in game 1, and a grand slam in game 2.
But maybe SFGiants pitchers might want to get some tape on him before heading to Coors next week.
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Loved Dallas Braden on KNBR this morning, talking about Tebow trying to play MLB. He was talking about strength and size really not mattering in baseball – said Jose Altuve is a likely MVP and “he couldn’t get on rides at Disneyland.”
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All of this outrage that donors to the Clinton Foundation might have done it to get access to the Clintons. As opposed to big campaign donors who give money to candidates out of the goodness of their hearts?
Yet another August 31 political fundraising email starting “I’m sorry to bother you twice on the same day…” Uh, no you aren’t, or you wouldn’t do it. #Justsayno
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Donald Trump was off to Mexico before a speech tonight on immigration. And Hillary Clinton today is tweeting about the mental health crisis in America. Coincidence?
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So while @realDonaldTrump was in Mexico did he try to teach them to make taco bowls as good as the ones in Trump Tower?
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Why does everyone care so much about what Donald Trump said tonight about immigration. No doubt he will probably will deny saying it tomorrow.
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Trump on his meeting with Mexico’s President Nieto “We did discuss the wall. We didn’t discuss payment of the wall.” Well, with all those corporate bankruptcies this is probably the way the Donald is used to doing business.
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Donald Trump “It’s our right as a sovereign nation to choose immigrants that we think are the likeliest to thrive and flourish and love us.” Spoken by a man who has chosen immigrants for two of his three wives.
Today Trump said “we discussed the wall, we did not discuss who would pay for the wall.” Then Nieto said “I made it clear that Mexico will not pay for the wall” Then Trump gave a speech saying Mexico would pay for the wall.
Maybe this is all preparation for the Donald’s next reality show “Dancing with the Truth.”
So is there a world leader @realDonaldTrump hasn’t insulted or accused of lying, besides #Putin?
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: A's jokes, colinkaepernick jokes, flag jokes, fundraising jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, Rockies jokes, wall jokes
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August 30, 2016
Increasing social media support for #ColinKaepernick. Wonder how many are #LARams fans wanting to make sure he starts season opener. #SFvsLA
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Okay, on some level isn’t the most shocking thing about the controversy that #ColinKaepernick is actually relevant again? #SF49ers
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#ColinKaepernick controversy was about him sitting during national anthem: The way he’s looked in preseason he was going to be sitting after it.
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Happiest people about this Kaepernick controversy have to be TV advertisers who have bought space for upcoming games right before the National Anthem.
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Tony Stewart now has called Colin Kaepernick an “idiot.” Right, because Kap shouldn’t have sat down to protest, he should have run someone over with his car?
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You know you’re having a bad week when you replaced #TonyRomo on your #FantasyFootball team with #TeddyBridgewater
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Senator #MarcoRubio, who is running for re-election, has refused to commit to serving a full six-year term. “Atta boy!” said #SarahPalin
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Sarah Palin gashed her forehead while running when she fell on a rock. No word on the condition of the rock.
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Bruce Bochy indicates that Joe Nathan might be a September call-up for SFGiants. Bonus is any medical costs would be covered by Medicare.
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Tim Tebow has been offered a baseball contract to play winter ball in Venezuela. No interest yet from any major league team. But maybe Tebow hasn’t heard from the Braves yet?
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Chris Brown has surrendered to police after an 11-hour standoff at his Southern California home. 11-hours? That’s probably longer than it will take Brown to write a song about it.
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#ChrisBrown in 2013 “I finally learned that hitting a woman is wrong.” #ChrisBrown in 2016 “Pulling a gun on her, on the other hand….
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An inmate at a Northern California jail for petty theft, was scheduled to be released today, but he tried to escape over a fence yesterday, was caught, and now faces additional charges. #Crooksarestupid
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Another candidate for the “crooks are stupid” award of the week: A woman was arrested after she bailed her friend out of jail. With a stolen credit card. Back on your game, Florida.
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ISIS second-in-command and spokesman Abu Muhammad al-Adnani has been killed. #IblameObama
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As Trump criticizes Hillary Clinton over the Anthony Weiner mess, have to wonder, how happy is the Donald now that they didn’t have cellphones with cameras when he himself was in his younger days?
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Donald Trump is heading to Mexico for meeting with President Nieto Wednesday. Quick, can we get that wall built while he’s gone?
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From Marc Ragovin “Iowa Senator Jodi Ernst recently said that both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton should stop their nasty personal attacks and civilly and rationally address the important issues facing America. She then excused herself to film a commercial in which she castrates President Obama.”
Categories: baseball jokes, football jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Colin Kaepernick jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, kap jokes, Palin jokes, Rubio jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 29, 2016
Bummer, Gene Wilder, 83, has passed away. Although between him and Gilda Radnerthere should be some un-PC side-splitting shows in heaven coming up.
Hope it didn’t kill Wilder to face the possibility of an Oompa Loompa being elected president.
Interesting to hear commentators talk about how Colin Kaepernick’s protest might keep the suddenly desperate Dallas Cowboys from trading for him. Right, this is the same team that had no problem signing Greg Hardy. #priorities.
If #SF49ers want a less controversial backup QB than #ColinKaepernick, #MichaelVick is available. Or hey, so is #TimTebow.
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Sigh. Wasn’t that long ago that SF Giants thought Barry Bonds’ recliner was the biggest problem team could have with one of their players sitting.
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Absolutely respect #ColinKaepernick‘s views & desire to speak up. But think his execution has been as good his handling of #49ers offense.
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Figure @realDonaldTrump will soon go after #ColinKaepernick soon. Less for #49ers QB’s protest than for fact he’s stealing Trump’s headlines
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At the U.S. Open, tennis player CoCo Vandeweghe, who lost in 3 sets, refused to shake the official’s hand: “I’m frickin’ pissed. It sucks.”
Vandeweghe isn’t leaving the tournament yet: “I have doubles Doubles and mixed, that’s where I’m heading next.”
And after today I’m sure she’ll have no problems with officials going forward…..
#RickPerry is going to be on #DWTS?! Did someone warn him he will have to count steps?
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Ohio State suspended highly-recruited WR Torrance Gibson for the season “due to a violation of the school’s student code of conduct.” Urban Meyer says “I disagree” and adds that it was not a football or athletic dept decision.
Guess it’s time to open the pool on when Gibson will apply to transfer to an SEC school.
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Former Stanford student and convicted rapist Brock Turner will be released from prison Friday after 3 months. No word on where he will go.
Hmm, India might be a good fit, this from their tourism minister, while promoting a welcome kit to be handed out on arrival “There’s a card in there listing the do’s and don’ts. Basic things like, ‘Don’t go out at night alone.’ ‘Don’t wear skirts.'”
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The Princeton Review named University of Wisconsin-Madison the #1 party school in the USA. Well, no doubt that calls for an all-campus party tonight.
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Last Saturday night, the 911 system in Washington D.C. was down for two hours, when a contractor working on a water leak accidentally turned the master switch off. Proving again, sometimes terrorism is no match for good old fashioned stupidity.
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#AnthonyWeiner and #HumaAbedin are separating. Five words: What took her so long?
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Sure hope the people who have been attacking Hillary Clinton for not leaving Bill are nothing but supportive of Huma Abedin’s split from Anthony Weiner. #wecandream
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Donald Trump this morning “Huma is making a very wise decision. I know Anthony Weiner well, and she will be far better off without him.”
But then added “Hillary Clinton was careless and negligent in allowing Weiner to have such close proximity to highly classified information. Who knows what he learned and who he told? It’s just another example of Hillary Clinton’s bad judgment. It is possible that our country and its security have been greatly compromised by this.”
So for those who wondered how long the Donald could stay on the high road, the answer, about 15 seconds.
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So Donald Trump attacks Hillary Clinton over national security because of Huma Abedin & Anthony Weiner: Clearly a rant from a man who has no idea women can keep secrets from their husbands.
Categories: football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Cowboys jokes, gene wilder jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, Trump jokes, US open jokes, Weiner jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
August 28, 2016
Now 49ers fans are apparently burning Colin Kaepernick jerseys. Okay, but is this really for his not standing for the anthem, or for his play since signing that big contract?
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CNN.com headline “Star QB won’t stand for anthem.” And thinking “did someone else follow Kaepernick’s lead?” #49ers
Some are saying that Colin Kaepernick’s anthem protest could be a distraction from the 49ers play on the field this year. After a few games SF fans may be thinking “Promise?”
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Wonder what it would take for #TomBrady to do or say before #Patriots fans would burn his jersey?
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Maybe this was Kap’s way of making sure he wouldn’t be traded to Dallas.
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And what’s next for Chip Kelly? Trying to get the team to sign a less controversial backup QB? Like Michael Vick? And there’s always Tebow.
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Four home runs and four triples Sunday? Who are these players in #SFGiants uniforms?
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Somebody wasn’t in their happy place. Umpire Mike Everitt ejected four Detroit Tigers Saturday night during their game against the Angels. Wonder what happens if an ump ejects enough people that a team runs out of players.
Imagine what kind of a year the #Yankees might have had if they kicked #ARod to the curb earlier?
After today’s 13-3 game, maybe someone from #SFGiants organization needs to lie down in front of #Braves plane and keep them from leaving town.
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At least one terminal at LAX was evacuated after reports of a shooter tonight, which turned out to be a false alarm. If only other travelers at the airport were armed.
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The latest from #LAX is that panic & evacuation tonight was caused by someone in a Zorro costume with a plastic sword. #Fearitselfiswinning.
In New Mexico, a police officer wearing a lapel camera apparently accidentally filled himself stealing confiscated marijuana from his own office. Is there such a thing as a career Darwin?
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Two United Airlines pilots yesterday were arrested at Glasgow airport for allegedly being too drunk to fly their schedule flight to Newark. Will their defense be you need to be drunk to want to fly from Scotland to New Jersey?
Trump spokeswoman Katrina Pierson “He hasn’t changed his position on immigration. He’s changed the words that he is saying,”
And what are words anyway, except, for example, the U.S. Constitution.
Monday @realDonaldTrump has $25,000 fundraiser at undisclosed SF Peninsula location. Undisclosed because no one wants to be seen attending?
Categories: football jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, airline jokes, Chip Kelly jokes, Colin Kaepernick jokes, Janice Hough, Kaepernick jokes, kap jokes, lax jokes, Trump jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 26, 2016
The Oakland Raiders have filed to trademark the name “Las Vegas Raiders.” If they move will the team’s new motto be “Against all odds?”
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Now that the Olympics is over, NBC’s next big televised event is the first Presidential debate on September 26. Wonder if the network will show it some time before the actual election?
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Anyone who thinks baseball is boring wasn’t watching Thursday night’s Giants Dodgers game and Matt Moore’s near no-hitter.
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Former MLB pitcher David Aardsma said Tim Tebow impressed him in practice sessions, and made a lot of progress with his hitting and adjusments: “It actually really pissed me off.”
Of course, Tebow still may not be anywhere close to a major league hitter. Which means these days he’d fit right in on the SF Giants.
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Silver lining to the #SFGIants recent free fall? #Dodgers can no longer block any trades they make on the waiver wire.
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Ryan Lochte has a new sponsorship deal with Pine Brothers for throat lozenges – “Forgiving on your throat.”
What about Depends “When you gotta go…”
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Martin Shkreli is speaking out on behalf of Mylan, the company that raised EpiPens prices by over 500%, saying “Can’t someone succeed and not be shamed anymore?” #MakeAmericaIrateAgain
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All flights in and out of Ft. Lauderdale and Miami were halted today due to a power outrage at the Miami Terminal Radar Approach Control center. Standby for airlines instituting a new “back up battery fee.”
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A 59 year old woman who died falling from a Delaware zip line platform had apparently “disconnected herself from the safety system.” Sad, and her adult daughter posted a nice tribute online. But having a daughter means alas the woman was too late for a true Darwin award.
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It took a last minute scramble to get Donald Trump on the ballot in Minnesota as the party hadn’t submitted the required names of electors who officially cast the state’s votes. Even in his SNL days, Al Franken couldn’t make this “stuff” up.
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After a new ad was released with KKK images, a Trump spokesman said “Hillary Clinton and her campaign went to a disgusting new low today as they released a video tying the Trump Campaign with horrific racial images.”
Right, but videos demonizing refugees and immigrants, those are all just part of how we make America great again. #sarcasm
Donald Trump said tonight his great wall at the Mexican border will be 35-45 feet tall, it could be higher. The Great Wall of China, btw, averages 26 feet tall. Wonder how much of Trump’s wall height will be his name in neon?
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Trump tweet. “Hillary Clinton’s short speech is pandering to the worst instincts in our society. She should be ashamed of herself!”
Guess he didn’t have enough characters also to tweet “That’s MY job.”
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Bill Littlejohn on the Raiders potential move – “Two Las Vegas sites are preferred for NFL stadiums—but first, infared cameras had to make sure there weren’t any bodies buried in them.”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, lochte jokes, Raiders jokes, Tebow jokes
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August 23, 2016
American ingenuity in Boulder.
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Apparently 20 MLB teams will watch #TimTebow‘s workouts next week. Do they really believe he can play, or hoping to get God on their side?
Wonder if #SFGiants are attending Tim Tebow workouts? Right about now their offense could use a few prayers.
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Josh Norman was asked if he was the best cornerback in the NFL. He responded “I am the best cornerback on earth.”
No reaction from Seattle. is Richard Sherman taking a vacation from social media or something?
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Stanford has a new policy that forbids undergraduate students from drinking hard alcohol – more than 40 proof – at on-campus parties. Great, even more incentive for students to get drunk BEFORE going to a party..
(and uh, don’t they have a policy forbidding rape too?)
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Tesla has a new battery pack that will allow their cars to go zero to 60 in 2.5 seconds, about the speed of a Ferrari $1 million plus supercar. And a car with this “Ludicrous” (that’s what they are naming it) mode, will cost for only $135,000.
Well, it’s nice to know that millionaires will be able to keep up with billionaires.
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As a marketing promotion, KFC has been giving away 3,000 bottles of sunscreen that smell like fried chicken. Two words: “Shark bait.”
A Univ. of Pittsburgh student was rescued this morning, several hours after at about 2 a.m. he tried to jump from one roof to another to impress a woman. He fell, becoming trapped between two buildings.
This is worrisome. If they end up a couple the two are young enough to breed. #DarwinAward #misseditbythatmuch
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Three GOP legislators from Louisiana asked for and got federal disaster relief from President Obama . They all had voted against funding after Hurricane Sandy. “I am shocked,” said nobody.
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So is this really just about the Donald demonstrating he has business sense? A report in the Huffington Post says that after Trump started accepting donor funds, he increased this campaign rent from $35,458 in March to $169,758 in July.
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Trump had a big public rally tonight in Austin. A free big rally in Texas? That would be like Hillary taking time now for free rallies in California.
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Melania Trump’s lawyer says she is threatening to sue the UK Daily Mail, along with U.S. based Politico and at least eight other news outlets for defamation. Yeah, she may have been born in Slovenia, but she’s definitely become a Trump alright..
Donald Trump tonight on immigration “”I had a great meeting with great people, great Hispanic leaders, and there could certainly be a softening because we’re not looking to hurt people. We want people — we have some great people in this country. We have some great, great people in this country but we’re going to follow the laws of this country and what people don’t realize — we have very, very strong laws.”
Even Sarah Palin is going “huh?”
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A nice story for a change. Admittedly, I’ve been lukewarm on Hillary Clinton but while in Ohio decided to wear a Hillary button because it’s a close state, and IMHO the alternative is worse, much worse. But an older woman at a museum shop commented that she LOVED my button, and confided “I have blue nail polish on for her because that’s as political as I can be at work.”
I offered her my button, to wear after work, and she was just thrilled. Literally. “Are you sure, I’m so excited for her, thank you so much.”
Made me smile actually to see someone really happy about this election.
(comedy writers don’t count.)
Categories: baseball jokes, Hillary jokes, political jokes, texas jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: cat jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, KFC jokes, Tebow jokes, tesla jokes, Trump jokes
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August 21, 2016
The closing ceremony of #Rio2016 was tonight. Or if you are watching NBC, sometime next week.
Ryan Lochte said he “over-exaggerated” his robbery story. “Over-exaggerated?” Seven syllables to say “I lied?”
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On the other hand, for all the earlier worries about contamination, organizers of the Rio Games have to be happy that the biggest piece of trash in the water turned out to be an American swimmer.
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SF Chronicle reporting the Oakland A’s Billy Butler apparently missed games this weekend because he was injured in a fight with teammate Danny Valencia, This would never happen in the SF Giants clubhouse. These days none of them can hit anyone.
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Six Notre Dame players were arrested. Coach Brian Kelly kicked senior Max Redfield off the team, this after Redfield was sent home from last year’s Fiesta Bowl for a “failure to be punctual.” Senior Devon Butler was suspended “indefinitely,” although he was supposed to miss the beginning of the season with a broken foot. The other four will be subject to “internal discipline.”
Well, the Catholic God is all about confession and forgiveness. Especially if you can play football.
A young woman who had just moved from Nevada became the third person in a week to die falling from a cliff in San Pedro, near Los Angeles. She hopped a wall for a “better view” and tripped on her flip flops. Apparently about a dozen people die at the cliff each year.
Maybe they need to change the warning sign, simply to say “x number of Darwin Award winners made here in 2016.”
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So regarding the new “focused and consistent” Trump, I think no one can top the late great Maya Angelou “When someone shows you who they are believe them; the first time.”
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New Trump campaign manager KellyAnne Conway says he “doesn’t hurl insults.”. Of course not. The insults spring fully formed from his mouth, and they are the bestest greatest insults.
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Will @realDonaldTrump take opportunity to be less controversial starting Mon, not having to work so hard to take headlines from #RyanLochte
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A NY Times report found that Donald Trump companies owe at least $650 million in debt. Waiting for the Donald to reply that the Times “doesn’t count good.”
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Rudy Giuliani is complaining that the media “fails to point out several signs of illness by (Hillary Clinton).” Once again, Rudy is inviting the media and psychologists to point out signs of mental illness in himself.
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New Trump campaign manager Kellyanne Conway said in 2005 “The fact is that Hillary Clinton could not stand up to a cheating husband, so how in the world would she stand up to North Korea and some of our other enemies around the globe?”
I must have missed when she said “Donald Trump cannot be faithful to his marriage vows, how in the world can he be faithful to the Constitution?”
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From T.C. – “The U.S. 4 x 100 men’s relay team didn’t win their appeal. On the other hand they stopped short of saying they were robbed in Rio.”
Categories: As jokes, baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Giants jokes, Janice Hough, lochte jokes, Olympics jokes, rio jokes, Trump jokes
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August 20, 2016
#Brazil wins soccer gold on penalty kick. Casual fans who only watch soccer in #Olympics or #WorldCup fans thinking “Is there any other way?
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Nine Australian athletes who wanted to see their basketball team play Serbia were charged with “tampering with their credentials” to get into the area. Police fined them about $3,000 each. Would have been a lot cheaper to use a scalper.
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Two of the U.S. swimmers involved in #Lochtegate released their own statements – Gunnar Bentz is insisting guns were drawn on them. Jack Conger apologized for the “trouble and embarrassment this event has brought to the people of Brazil and Rio de Janeiro, and the distraction to my fellow Olympicians, then added he was only a witness, not a suspect and was “completely truthful.”
What part of saying “We were wrong, I am sorry” and then shutting up do these guys not get?
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Six Notre Dame football players were arrested last night, one for “battery to law enforcement and resisting law enforcement” and five when they were stopped for speeding and police allegedly found a handgun and marijuana in the car.
So let’s figure out how coach Brian Kelly manages to suspend them for the first quarter of the Nevada game.
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Right about now the #Reds should be expecting nice gift baskets from the #SFGiants. #BeatLA
A self-proclaimed white supremacist is in jail after stabbing an inter-racial couple when he saw them kissing in Olympia, Washington. #ifonlytheywerearmed
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#Zika travel advisory for pregnant women to avoid Miami Beach. What about women who go to South Beach to party etc & come back pregnant?
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Trump supporter actress Kirstie Alley is ripping President Obama for not visiting Louisiana, and when told that state Gov. John Edwards had asked him to wait, responded “that wouldn’t stop me.”
Right, because what’s more important, rescuing people and property or a photo op?
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Political consultant Bill Briggs on CNN slamming President Obama for not going to Baton Rouge. Never heard of the guy so I googled him. One of his past jobs – “VP Advance Representative
Office of the Vice President – 2004 – 2009.” Yep, a completely impartial observer….. #sarcasm
Just imagine #Trump ad if #Obama had gone to Baton Rouge. “This guy cares more about image than people, wasted responder-police time….
Credit where credit is due from T.C. ” US 4×100 relay team stops short of saying they were robbed in Rio.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, lochte jokes, Notre Dame jokes, Olympics jokes
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August 14, 2016
Thousands of passengers were evacuated at JFK airport tonight over alleged gunshots that turned out to be nonexistent. The sound may just have been cheering for Usain Bolt.
Yep, fear itself is winning.
On a more mundane note, getting really tired of saying “Well, THAT was the worst loss of the year. #SFGiants
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Apparently closer Santiago Casilla was just lulling us into a comfortable state of delusion.
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It’s a long season, but pretty sure that if #Casilla is last #SFGiants pitcher in 2016 season he will not walk off mound a winner.
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But on a brighter note, clearly Johnny Cueto, 2-3 today with an RBI, has benefited and learned from being in the same clubhouse as Madison Bumgarner.
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Ryan Lochte and three other swimmers said they were robbed at gunpoint last night by fake Brazilian police, a report confirmed by the U.S. Olympic committee. The IOC says the reports are “absolutely not true,”
Gosh, hope this one blatant lie doesn’t tarnish the IOC’s credibility.
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So does anyone really care about #Olympics medals in tennis and golf? Even tennis and golf fans?
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Wikileaks founder Julian Assange hates Hillary Clinton, in part because he says she is against the media and freedom of speech. So he wants to help Trump get elected? #unclearontheconcept
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So with a team full of #NBA starters plus luxury ship accommodations , #TeamUSA barely wins games. Will their gold medal, if they get one, have asterisk? #Rio2016
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Donald Trump used free publicity as a major tool in his fight to win #GOP primary, now complains about media. Talk about biting hand that bottle fed you.
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Trump running mate Mike Pence now said he will publicly release his tax returns but did not say when. A GOP spokesman said it would be before the November election. Not of course specifying which year.
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Fox News’ Kimberly Guilfoyle said that Clinton and Barack Obama are “constantly making comments trying to bait Trump into saying something that will sidetrack him.”
Leaving aside the fact that the Donald doesn’t need any help, and if Trump is elected no opposition politician or world leader would ever do the same thing?
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, Olympics jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 9 Comments
August 12, 2016
A-Rod said today to Pedro Gomez he wants to be remembered as “someone who is madly in love with the game of baseball.”
Almost as much as he is in love with himself?!
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Katie Ledecky makes other swimmers feel like those other horses must have felt with Secretariat in the Belmont Stakes.
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Anthony Ervin, 35, won the 50M freestyle. At which point he probably turned around & said “You punks get out of my pool.” #Rio2016
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The US Women’s Soccer team has been knocked out before the medal round. Who do they think they are, the men? #USWNT #RIo2016
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Hope Solo after the US Women’s soccer team lost to Sweden – “I also think we played a bunch of cowards. But, you know, the best team did not win today.”
Once again, proving women can be the equal of men. Including in being sore losers.
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A CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) announcer called Ryan Lochte the winner of 200m medley instead of Michael Phelps. Well, that’s the trouble with Americans, we all look alike.
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So NBC decided to televise five swimming events live Friday night. Except on the West Coast. So swimming is a sport in most of the country and reality TV out west? #SMH
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#Olympics diving pool so green it was temporarily closed. At this point divers may hope worst they catch at #Rio2016 is Zika. #Poolgate
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A-Rod wanted to play 3rd base in his final game with the Yankees. Joe Girardi said no – “”We are still in the business of trying to win games.”
Right, that’s why New York traded away their star closer AND their star set-up man
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Burger King has a new “Whopperito,” basically ground beef with cheese sauce, lettuce, onion and tomato wrapped up in a tortilla. The company president said “We know Tex-Mex is growing a lot … and there are not that many national chains that sell burritos,”
Guess none of the names rang a bell?
When does #BruceBochy start saying postgame “They are who we thought they were.”? #SFGiants
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JetBlue is reporting that 24 people were hospitalized due to turbulence on one of their flights. Shouldn’t they say that 24 people were hospitalized due to not wearing their seat belts?
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American Airlines for the win today “Rather than wait on hold we can call you back when it’s your turn. Between 1 hour and 2 minutes and 1 hour and 20 minutes from now.”
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Now Donald Trump tweeted “Ratings challenged @CNN reports so seriously that I call President Obama (and Clinton) “the founder” of ISIS, & MVP. THEY DON’T GET SARCASM?’
So if he were to start WW3 by threatening to bomb Russia or China the Donald’s response would be “can’t they take a joke?”
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The NY Times has filed a request to unseal the records from Donald Trump’s first divorce, saying they could speak to his “credibility and character.” So the Times may not “write good” but maybe they “revenge good.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, Janice Hough, ledecky jokes, Olympics jokes, phelps jokes, rio jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 10, 2016
And now both an Olympic diving pool and swimming pool have turned green. Maybe we could have done with Michael Phelps’ saying that everyone pees in the pool.
So today the multi-millionaire NBA superstar players living on a secured luxury ship had a somewhat close win over a team with 2-3 NBA players living in dorm conditions. Ah, the Olympic dream. USA! USA! USA! #USAvsAustralia.
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Not sure the real explanation as to why the water in #Olympics diving pool is green. But it’s one way to get divers out of the pool promptly post dive.
Nice showing by #Switzerland against #USA But really “beach volleyball” in Switzerland? Makes as much sense as #AmericasCup there. #Rio2016
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Can we stop referring to #SFGiants on 2nd & 3rd base as “Runners In Scoring Position.” It’s just getting cruel.
But today the Giants did manage to win 1-0 without a single hit with runners in scoring position. (Crawford home run)
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My day job is in the travel business. Somebody just sent me an invitation to become a Trump hotel specialist. Somebody doesn’t know me very well.
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A partial power loss on the new light-rail line to Denver International Airport is causing delays. But I am sure the airlines will be as sympathetic to passengers as they expect travelers to be when carriers themselves have delays. #Sarcasm
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Let’s put what Trump said another way. What if Hillary Clinton stood up at a rally and said, “If we elect Donald Trump he will appoint judges to overturn Roe v. Wade. nothing you can do, ladies. Although you Second Amendment women, maybe there is, I don’t know….”
I’m sure the Donald would laugh it off.
One of many criticisms of Hillary Clinton is that she made money after leaving office, and now is running for President. Especially after when Giuliani, Romney, Jeb Bush all left office they never did anything for profit before they decided to run…. #moresarcasm
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So #MaliaObama might have smoked a joint at a Chicago concert. Kudos to @POTUS & @FLOTUS for raising a normal child.
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Man arrested today for climbing #TrumpTower. Waiting for @realDonaldTrump to tweet #TweetTower has best climbers ever, better than Everest.
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Donald Trump is blaming yet another controversy, the one involving “Second Amendment people” on the media. Yep, the dastardly media, who persist in reporting exactly what he says.
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This text exchange just was revealed between two of Chris Christie’s top aides during the New Jersey Governor’s 2013 press conference about Bridgegate:
“Are you listening? He just flat out lied about senior staff and Stepien not being involved.”
“I’m listening. Gov is doing fine. Holding his own up there.”
“Yes. But he lied. And if emails are found with the subpoena or emails are uncovered in discovery if it comes to that it could be bad.”
Time for the GOP to start talking about Hillary’s emails again.
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Bill Littlejohn reports that “Tim Tebow says he doesn’t want to be a ‘sideshow’ in baseball.Right–he’s not done being one in football”
Categories: baseball jokes, GOP jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Hillary jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Olympics jokes, phelps jokes, rio jokes
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August 9, 2016
Has @NBC figured out w/ women’s gymnastics only people who aren’t online enough to know results will be asleep by time show airs? #Rio2016
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Wonder which will come first, the NBC tape-delayed coverage of women’s gymnastics, or the Chinese women gymnasts hitting puberty?
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Apparently there are signs at the Rio Oympics saying you cannot fish in the toilets. Organizers were worried about that possibility why? – Because it’s the cleanest water in town?
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Tim Tebow has apparently been training and now hopes to pursue a career in professional baseball.Tebow hasn’t played the sport since high school so it’s probably crazy to think he could get to a major league level at this point. Though maybe Tim has a chance to catch on with the Atlanta Braves.
#TimTebow is now hoping to play pro baseball, although he hasn’t played since high school. Even God is thinking Tim doesn’t have a prayer.
#SFGiants manager #BruceBochy was out of the hospital and back on the bench today. Unfortunately the Giants offense is back on life support.
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After 7 hits last night, the Giants’ #BrandonCrawford went 0-4 today, and struck out on his first at-bat on 3 pitches. Hope his bat didn’t have all the hits taken out of it
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A man who was afraid his girlfriend would reunite with her ex called in a fake bomb threat last week before her flight to the Caribbean. He was released on bail, and apparently the couple is back together. These two just might be stupid enough to deserve each other.
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In Florida, two wild tortoises were found with their shells completely painted in bright colors, and the state Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission had to issue a warning “While to you it may seem harmless, painting the shells of turtles and tortoises can severely compromise their health….”
If only the tortoises were armed. #cantfixstupid
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Martin Shkreli claims he has diagnosed Hillary Clinton with Parkinson’s Disease, Well, and millions of Americans have diagnosed Shkreli with antisocial personality disorder, or in the vernacular, being a sociopath.
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Forget #ManyAreSaying. What Donald Trump really needs is to start using “Everybody’s talking”:
“Everybody’s talking at me
I don’t hear a word they’re saying
Only the echoes of my mind”
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Trump is dismissing a letter written by 50 GOP national security experts, who worked for presidents from Nixon to W. which said “None of us will vote for Donald Trump.:
The Donald said the letter was “politically motivated” and that the experts “deserve the blame for making the world such a dangerous place.” Wait a minute, I thought that was Hillary and Obama’s fault?
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Donald Trump at a rally today, “Hillary wants to abolish the 2nd amendment. ..If she gets to pick her judges, nothing you can do, folks — although the 2nd Amendment people, maybe there is.”
If this guy were anything other than the Presidential nominee of a major political party the Secret Service would have made sure he was locked up a long time ago.
Possible @RealDonaldTrump is tired of this president thing; just trying to see how outrageous he can be before he is forced out of race?
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Okay, I am generally liberal and proud of it. But a Muslim flight attendant is suing ExpressJet, a commuter airline that works with United Airlines and others, saying they suspended her for refusing to serve alcohol. Uh, so what’s next, she will apply for a job in a bar and then sue them too?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Janice Hough, NBC jokes, Olympics jokes, Shkreli jokes, tape delay jokes, Tebow jokes, Trump jokes
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August 7, 2016
Guessing #MichaelPhelps‘ next retirement speech will be breaking news before @NBC shows most of his #Rio2016 performances.
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Just wonder, if NBC is so sure that women prefer packaged events, why don’t they do two Sunday Night Footballs? One for guys, and another Monday night with twice as many commercials and edited highlights along with personal stories about the players?
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Olympic rowing has been canceled today due to high winds. On a brighter note maybe the wind will blow some of the sewage away.
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An Olympic kayaker apparently capsized today when he ran into a sofa. Well, at least the sofa didn’t have a body on it.
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So @NBC thinks women don’t care about live sports. or might need to get up early. Top #Rio2016 events tape delayed past 1130p. #cantfixstupid
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Serena and Venus Williams were bounced in the first round of the women’s doubles at the Rio 2016 Olympics. Although by the time NBC gets around showing it on tape delay no doubt one of them will already have won another tournament.
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#MadisonBumgarner has lost 2 complete games 1-0 in 2016. More complete games than most pitchers throw all season. #SFGiants
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#ARod will retire Friday. So he’ll be contributing about as much to the #Yankees offense as he has been all season.
#ARod released by #Yankees. He will serve as an “advisor”but technically he could sign w/ another team. #SFGiants not that desperate. Yet.
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Having traded two star relievers and with A-Rod retiring, the Yankees are becoming a team of no-names. But those no-names will still get a lot more national TV exposure than the players on the division leading Orioles, Indians and Rangers.
Quite a love fest from former 49ers players etc for Eddie Debartolo on his election to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. But not much mention of 1992 allegations of him sexually assaulting a waitress in California, and the reported $200,000 out-of-court settlement. Boys will be boys and owners will be owners?
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Jeb Bush’s son George P. Bush, a Texas Land Commissioner, is now saying his fellow Republicans should support Donald Trump. And somewhere W. is thinking, “now who’s the stupid one?”
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Oliver North is attacking Obama over an alleged ransom payment to Iran for hostages. So Ollie thinks the President was too wimpy to send them arms instead?
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John Kasich has indicated he can’t support Donald Trump, and it will be “very very difficult” for Trump to win Ohio. But Kasich also says he thinks a Clinton White House would result in “total gridlock.”
As opposed to what we have now?
Donald Trump announced that he would ‘walk’ from Japan, Germany, South Korea and other allies if they don’t commit to defending America and or paying their “fair share” of NATO fees.
This guy is gunning for a new game “Trump Insult Bingo.” Wouldn’t be hard to win.
From T.C., as it approaches football season: “Seattle head coach Pete Carroll has been given a three-year extension with the Seahawks. Owner Paul Allen figures that should be more than enough time for Carroll to design a play that will score a TD from the one-yard line.” . . .
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, madbum jokes, Olympic jokes, rio jokes, tape delay jokes
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August 5, 2016
NBC not only tape delays #Rio2016 they’re broadcasting at different times across US. Good luck if you talk to friends in other time zones.
Viewers unhappy at @NBC tape-delaying #Rio2016 an hour w/ commercials. Except on West Coast #OpeningCeremony will be OVER before they start.
At least 3 NBA players in Rio were seen going into a brothel. Clearly Rio is not ready for the Olympics. Shouldn’t the groupies be in place by now?
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A Moroccan boxer has been arrested for allegedly sexually assaulting two maids at the Olympic Village. And presumably also for stupidity – he couldn’t find thousands of women happy to sleep with an Olympic athlete?
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The USA men’s and women’s basketball teams are staying on a luxury cruise ship docked in Rio, instead of at the Olympic Village where Andrew Bogut has tweeted about no shower curtains and bed issues.
Carmelo Anthony was asked about it “We have the same amenities as if we’re staying in a hotel, so I don’t really see what the (discussion is about). The beds are not big. The rooms are small. There’s some disadvantages to staying on the ship.” And Carmelo said all this with a straight face
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Some Olympic swimmers have been practicing with snorkels as the water looks “cloudy.” So when the events begin will we see the first ever hazmat wetsuits?
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Brazil has become the butt of jokes before the 2016 Olympics. #ThirdWorldProblems. But then there’s the US, where NBC still won’t show events live. #Firstworldproblems
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The new head of ABC has vowed there will be more “diversity” on “The Bachelor.” So this means instead of blond and brunette men, they might go for a redhead?
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The #Yankees have a press conference today about an impending retirement. Unfortunately for Yankee fans, it’s Mark Teixeira, not #ARod
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Mike Henriques, the Oakland A’s strength and conditioning coach, was suspended for allegedly putting a hidden camera in the Coliseum weight room to spy on players. Well, and looking at the A’s record, a lot of good it did him.
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Go #redsox. But at some point #Dodgers losing has to stop being @SFGiants strategy for winning NLWest.
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Scott Silverthorne, the mayor of Fairfax, VA, was arrested today for an alleged “meth-for-sex” scheme. SIlverthorne is also a substitute teacher. Wonder if he did his training in Albuquerque?
From my funny friend Jerry Perisho: “There’s good news concerning the contaminated water at the Olympics in Rio. The Zika mosquitoes are dying of Dysentery.”
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Tom Brady told reporters his decision finally to accept the NFL’s suspension was a “personal decision.” As in personally Brady figured he was spending more money on lawyers than he would lose in the suspension?
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Here’s another commie pinko journalist attacking Donald Trump: “Here is a truth of life. When you act as if you’re insane, people are liable to think you’re insane…. There’s a clueless quality about him. It’s not that he doesn’t get advice; it’s that he can’t hear advice, can’t process it or turn it into action.”
The writer? Peggy Noonan.
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The last line of an Los Angeles Times op-ed. Pass it on. The writer is Bernie Sanders: “I understand that many of my supporters are disappointed by the final results of the nominating process, but being despondent and inactive is not going to improve anything. Going forward and continuing the struggle is what matters. And, in that struggle, the most immediate task we face is to defeat Donald Trump.”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: brazil jokes, Janice Hough, NBA jokes, Olympic jokes, Olympics jokes, opening ceremony jokes, Team USA jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 