Author Archive
August 14, 2014
The prosecution in Bob McDonnell’s trial has rested. They said the former Viriginia Governor and his wife took over $165,000 in illegal gifts. And down in Louisiana they’re thinking “Amateurs.”
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So now apparently MLB owners have elected Rob Manfred as their new commissioner. Which means Selig only has one more major task on his to-do list – how to expand the playoffs enough in 2014 to get Jeter in.
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Apparently there was lot of behind the scenes drama in the voting for a new MLB commissioner. Wonder how long it took until Bud Selig suggested “Oh, okay then, I’ll just stay on for a few more years?”
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Tiger Woods says he has taken himself out of consideration for a possible Ryder Cup pick. In related news, Brett Favre has taken himself out of consideration for the Packers’ starting QB position.
(and it was almost like when I told George Clooney no. The poor man is clearly making a rebound marriage.)
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A Flybe airlines flight from Birmingham to Belfast apparently made a hard landing this past February when the pilot’s prosthetic lower arm became detached just before touchdown. No one was injured. But many will say it’s a reminder that all airline pilots should be armed.
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Los Angeles won again today, 6-4 over the Braves, despite an Atlanta comeback. But for SF Giants fans, a little memory of torture in the 8th inning: Brian Wilson 0.2 innings, 3 hits, 3 earned runs……Hope Dodger fans are stocking up on beer and Valium.
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Oops, you think you made a stupid mistake at work: On July 30 at an Australian hospital someone faxed the wrong form to doctors and medical staff about patients who were discharged from the hospital. The forms said they had died.
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The original crew of the Love Boat is reuniting to christen Princess’s new ship the Regal Princess. And presumably they’ll be singing “Love, exciting and new. Come aboard, we would have been expecting you, if we could remember who you are again…..”
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Hal Steinbrenner says he is “confident” his team will make the playoffs, but that NY has “got to step it up.” But looking like the only “stepping up” the Yankees will be doing this October will be on the Stairmaster at resorts in Hawaii.
Everett Colson will be Notre Dame’s starting QB again this year. A year after what the senior was suspended for what he himself called “”poor academic judgment.” And in the SEC players are asking “what’s academic judgment?”
At New Jersey’s Six Flags Great Adventure, a Iraq war veteran says he was turned away for wearing a shirt supporting the Marine Reconnaissance Foundation. The shirt reads “Keep Calm and Return Fire” and has a picture of a red, white and blue M-16 rifle (He was told to take the shirt off or cover it, and declined.) Maybe if he wanted to wear a picture of a gun the guy should have gone to a Six Flags in Florida or Texas?
Categories: Uncategorized
Comments: 3 Comments
August 13, 2014
Washington Nationals outfielder Jayson Werth has been charged with reckless driving for doing 105 mph in a 55 mph zone in Virginia’s Fairfax County. Locals are shocked. With D.C. area traffic, they didn’t think there was anywhere you could get going that fast..
(Meanwhile in Los Angeles the Dodgers are thinking “Nobody tell Puig”)
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Justin Bieber avoided a DUI conviction by pleading guilty today to misdemeanor charges of careless driving and resisting arrest stemming from his run in with Miami Beach police this January. Is it too soon to start a pool on the date of Bieber’s next arrest?
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Apparently Kim, Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian think someone working on their TV show has been stealing jewelry and cash from their homes, and are saying if the thief isn’t caught they won’t film season 10 of “Keeping Up With the Kardashians.” Which could be the biggest incentive ever for lazy police work.
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White Sox announcer Hawk Harrelson, after a play was overturned for the Chicago catcher blocking the plate, and the SF Giants went on to score 7 runs in the inning. “Next thing you know we’ll have catchers wearing skirts out there.” Wonder if SF Giants fans can take up a collection to have Hunter Pence wear a skirt on Friday night.
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OK, so the plate blocking rule needs tweaking & it gave the #SFGiants a run today against the #Whitesox. But it didn’t give them the next 6.
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Airline customer service at its finest. American Airlines offers a traveler a $500 voucher to take a later flight. He accepts. Certificate can be redeemed by phone, where AA has a ticketing charge. Or at an AA ticket office. Except the airline has closed their ticket offices. Only humans who can issue ticket are at the airports.
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An American woman and her boyfriend were arrested when the body of the woman’s mother was found stuffed inside a suitcase at the St. Regis in Bali. What was the couple thinking? They’d have never gotten the suitcase on a plane without serious overweight baggage charges.
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Rush Limbaugh yesterday suggested that Robin Williams committed suicide because of his “leftist world view.” “What is the left’s world view in general?” “If you had to attach, not a philosophy, but an attitude to a leftist world view. It’s one of pessimism, and darkness, sadness. They’re never happy, are they?” Annie Savoy in Bull Durham got it right – “The world is made for people who aren’t cursed with self awareness.”
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Edward Snowden, interviewed on returning to the U.S. “I told the government I’d volunteer for prison, as long as it served the right purpose. I care more about the country than what happens to me.” And then Snowden presumably returned to his project of trying to sell the Brooklyn Bridge to the Russians.
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Rand Paul was asked to name one word for when he thinks of Chris Christie. His answer “Bridges.” Wonder if Paul will try to get Simon and Garfunkel at a campaign event.
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After a reported two-month long investigation, three women in Redwood City massage parlors were arrested today or alleged solicitation of prostitution, pimping and pandering. Because there’s so little crime in Northern California that police have nothing better to do?
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Tried a new hair gloss and decided actually to read the directions. “Caution. For external use only.” Wow, glad I saw that…
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: baseball jokes, Bieber jokess, bus to hell jokes, Hawk Harrelson jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 13, 2014
Two things that might be all the younger generation needs to know about Lauren Bacall who passed away today at 89. She was considered one of the sexiest women alive, without selfies, wardrobe malfunctions or sex tapes. And she was on People Magazine’s 50 most beautiful list. At the age of 72.
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And yes, youngsters, “just like Bogie and Bacall” was a real thing. Not just a song verse. #LaurenBacall. And they both were hot.
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Kate Upton used to be a NY Yankees fan, now she is dating Justin Verlander. But the Yankees are telling her she can’t wear any Tigers gear in the stadium. It’s that kind of generosity of spirit that has made the Yankees so beloved outside the Bronx.
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Great line from Alex Kaseberg “Well, the good news, amid the interminable sadness, is no comedian is going to die for a long time. Nobody in their right mind would try to follow Robin Williams.”
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So maybe after an open mike night in Heaven, Robin Williams is looking down and thinking about some of the things he will miss in San Francisco. The Giants seem to be trying hard not to be one of them.
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But on a brief serious note, this is originally a friend’s idea but the #SFGiants should have an annual #RobinWilliams mental health day at AT&T.
The Giants could fundraise with silent auctions of autographed stuff, and requests for donations. And in general try also to raise awareness. Like they do for other diseases. I think Robin would approve.
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Back to snark. Because doesn’t comedy come from pain. It’s not that the #SFGiants looked bad against Chris Sale, an All-Star. It’s them making any rookie or journeyman pitcher look like an All-Star
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#SFGiants are 7-22 in their last 29 home games but San Francisco still has the longest sell-out streak still in Major League Baseball. Well, not hard to guess where #50ShadesofGrey will have its biggest opening weekend.
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Shares of King Digital, the publisher of the Candy Crush mobile game, are down 20% after missing revenue projections. Wonder how big that fall is in “Level” terms.
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The Secret Service says it finally caught the gang behind the most convincing U.S. counterfeit dollars in the world. Well, the most convincing dollars that we KNOW are counterfeit.
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NASCAR driver Brad Keselowski said it would be almost impossible for NASCAR to keep drivers from exiting their cars on the track, even with a new rule forbidding it except in case of possible fire. Uh, suspension for the next race? Problem solved.
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The NFL gave Cowboys CB Orlando Scandrick a 4 game suspension for testing positive for Ecstasy. Scandrick’s defense is that his ex-girlfriend persuaded him to add something he didn’t realize was on the banned list into a cocktail. Amazing. All these guys somehow manage to memorize a playbook, but they can’t keep track of a simple list of drugs
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Facebook message. “add your phone number to help secure your account.” Right, and of course FB would never use your phone number in any way for marketing etc…..
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, lauren bacall jokes, NFL jokes, RIP Robin Williams, Robin Williams jokes, SFGiants jokes, Yankees jokes
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August 11, 2014
The world is kind of a depressing mess right now – Iraq, the Ukraine, Gaza…. So maybe at some point even God just said “We need the best comedian in the world up here pronto.”
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And yes, the news today just sucked. Robin Williams, dead at 63. A suicide. Apparently making millions of people laugh on a regular basis wasn’t enough to keep away his own tears.
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Some are already putting Robin Williams’ suicide down to drugs or alcohol. But a very smart psychologist in training I know made a very good point – “The scary thing about going sober when you’re depressed or bipolar. It’s a lot harder to cope with the pain.”
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It somehow would be easier to take if Robin Williams’ were an accidental overdose, a single car accident, some random chance. Because then it would be horrible luck. Instead of perhaps the funniest man of our time being unable to imagine a reason to smile any longer.
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Robin Williams- the Golf skit. This is one of those that it was always hard to watch without laughing so hard you cried. Even harder today. (note, adult language, so be careful playing this at work.) http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/8e441c0a24/robin-williams-drunk-scotsman-invents-golf-from-dirttron
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And now because the show must go on… Even the little shows.
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Rory McIlroy said this weekend that breaking up with Caroline Wozniacki “has been for the better in terms of my golf.” So maybe before he was nervous about being with an athletic woman who might have much better aim with a golf club than Elin Nordegren?
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Pitcher Mo’ne Davis who will play in the Little League World Series, throws a 70 MPH fastball. And somewhere Barry Zito is just weeping.
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Ryder Cup captain Tom Watson said today is Tiger Woods is still a possibility “It’s really going to have to come from him. I don’t make this comment loosely. He is Tiger Woods and he brings a lot to the team if he has the ability to play and he is healthy. And I would be a fool not to consider him.” Translation. “And if I don’t consider him, I’ll really be on NBC’s sh*t list.”
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Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, 71, says that the pictures of him with strippers are five years old, and a “misrepresentation.” “Misrepresentation” how, that Jones is now too old for even strippers to cuddle publicly?
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Two Steubenville Ohio football players were convicted last year of raping a 16-year-old girl at a party in August 2012. Now, WR Ma’lik Richmond, is free after serving a one-year sentence in a juvenile facility. And he is back on the high school football team. No joke. Sounds like Richmond is already prepared for big time college football and the NFL..
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A Polish couple touring Portugal died this weekend when they fell while trying to take a selfie with their children on top of a cliff. (The kids were not harmed) Sad. But the saddest thing, since they had already reproduced this wasn’t a Darwin Award.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Darwin jokes, Janice Hough, RIP Robin Williams, Robin Williams, Robin Williams Golf skit, Robin Williams jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
August 10, 2014
Two dozen people were stuck at the top of the “Joker’s Jinx” roller coaster at Six Flags America in Maryland. All were rescued unharmed, but after several hours. So the ride may be closed for a while. If for no other reason than to clean the seats.
At least two people were arrested for fighting in an autograph line for FSU QB Jameis Winston. Although if they end up in jail, at least the folks have a chance to meet other football players.
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The Angels and Red Sox go 19 last night, the Blue Jays and Tigers go 19 today. Wow. These games lasted longer than the Cubs’ pennant hopes.
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Never heard much about the movie “Draft Day.” But an excellent airplane movie. And to my mind a lot more fun to watch than pre-season football.
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In Northern California, a hunter was shot in a hunting accident and airlifted to a hospital. If only he had been armed.
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It’s a different world across the pond. England already has much tougher gun laws (and far fewer murders and accidental killings) than the U.S. But now there are proposed laws to require mandatory jail for anyone convicted twice of offences involving knives. And these laws passed overwhelming in the House of Commons and appear to have strong public support.
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Great quote from Sayeeda Warsi, who just resigned from the Conservative Cabinet in England over Gaza: “Some of the bitchiest women I’ve ever met are the men in politics.”
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40 years ago this weekend, Nixon resigned. The younger generation may find it hard to believe, but there was actually a time when we were shocked to learn that our leaders could be crooks.
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Ray Allen apparently plans to play in the NBA next season instead of retiring. Even Jamie Moyer is thinking “Wow, that dude is OLD.”
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Donald Sterling, Dan Snyder, Michael Vick etc, almost had some real competition for the most-hated men in sports. As of Sunday morning, Tony Stewart planned to race as scheduled at Watkins Glen, and Greg Zipadelli, Stewart-Haas Racing competition director said “We’re business as usual today.”
A cooler head did prevail. Alas too late for Kevin Ward.
It’s going to be a while before the official investigation of the death of Kevin Ward, Jr. on the track last night is completed. One thing seems pretty sure, however, a contributory cause of death on both sides was testosterone poisoning.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: amusement park jokes, baseball jokes, Janice Hough, Tony Stewart
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August 9, 2014
And we think the 1% have no problems:. This tweet from golfer Ian Poulter: ‘Booked 6 business seats for my wife & nanny to fly home and British Airways downgrade my nanny so katie has no help for 10 hours with 4 kids.” Tragic, really.
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Get out more violins. Former Illinois Congressman Bobby Schilling, who made $174,000 a year for the 2 years he served in the house,, and over $100,000 in 2013 is running again. And Schilling is running against Obamacare saying “the folks that are living paycheck-to-paycheck, which is most Americans, including myself, is that, you know, this is not something that you want to be putting out when you’ve got a kid that wants to play sports or you want to take a trip for vacation.”
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With all the problems in the world right now, some criticize President Obama for still planning to take his 2 week vacation. Guess they’d prefer him to stay in Washington to do more things wrong?
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Kim Kardashian is putting out a book of “selfies” titled “Selfish” – Kim Kardashian. Isn’t that redundant?
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LeBron James – on staying in Cleveland long term- “”I don’t plan on going nowhere. I don’t have the energy to do it again.” Well, and another round of jersey burnings would be very bad for the environment.
Two women planning to be married in Pennsylvania were told by a bridal shop that they do not serve same-sex couples. The owner, Victoria Miller, told a reporter “We feel we have to answer to God for what we do, And providing those two girls dresses for a sanctified marriage would break God’s law.” Just wondering, does the owner also ask for proof of virginity with her heterosexual couples? And presume she only does second marriages for widows and widowers..
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And really, for a proper wedding, do you really want to potentially alienate all the florists, hairdressers, makeup artists and wait staff?
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In Oklahoma, a new teacher was arrested when she showed up on the first day of school, allegedly intoxicated and not wearing pants. Usually it takes a few weeks for a class to drive their teacher to drink.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 1% jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, Lebron jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
August 8, 2014
College instructors now use plagiarism software that can detect passages taken directly from the internet. So some students have taken to using “synonym swapping” to change phrases. At Middlesex University in England, however, a student was caught when he changed the words “left behind” to “sinister buttocks.”
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A judge ruled today that the NCAA is violating antitrust laws by restricting the compensation that major college football and men’s basketball athletes can receive for use of their names, images and likeness. So in the SEC and at USC, does this just mean athlete pay goes from under to on the table?
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Big 12 commissioner Bob Bowlsby on the NCAA allowing power conferences to set their own rules. “This (vote) is about higher education.” And he said it with a straight face.
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A toddler apparently got past security and through the White House fence yesterday. He was returned safely to his parents. Though President Obama probably had a more mature interaction with the boy than he has had with Congress.
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In Missouri, the CEO of Windemere Baptist Conference center was arrested for allegedly trying to arrange sex with a dog and an unnamed other animal on Craigslist. Hmm, when some of these anti-gay marriage folks are saying it will lead to people wanting to marry their pets, are they speaking from experience?
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Putin has decided to ban imports of many foods from EU members, the US and Canada into Russia, including meat, fish, cheese, fruits and vegetables. Whiskey, on the other hand, is exempt. #priorities.
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New backup 49ers QB Blaine Gabbert had a 1.7 passer rating in his debut preseason appearance. (3 of 11 for 20 yards.) Well, Tim Tebow is available….
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Seahawks CB Tharold Simon was ejected from the team’s first pre-season game for throwing a punch at one of the Broncos. Is Simon trying to get traded to the Ravens?
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As Hurricane Iselle swept through Hawaii, many surfers took to the waves. Alas for the long term betterment of humankind, there appear to have been no Darwin Awards.
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President Obama ordered U.S. jet fighters to strike ISIS militants in Iraq. This has to be a real problem for many in the GOP. How do they criticize Obama for bombing someone?
Headline on ESPN “Team USA adds Gay to roster.” Just waiting for the first moron to scream about a homosexual agenda.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Congress jokes, Janice Hough, NCAA jokes, Obama jokes, plagiarism jokes
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August 7, 2014
On September 18, Scotland will vote on whether they want to remain part of the United Kingdom, or become independent. Any chance we can get Florida, Arizona or Texas to have a similar referendum in the U.S.?
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ESPN is reporting that MLB officials are now trying to get names of more players who bought PEDs from the DEA and U.S. Attorney’s office in Southern Florida, Helluva job with the drug testing program, Selig.
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Former #1 NBA draft pick Greg Oden has been arrested for allegedly punching a woman in the face. And at ESPN presume they already duct-taped Stephen A. Smith’s mouth?
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The NCAA Division I board of directors today voted to allow the 65 schools in the top five conferences to write many of their own rules. Uh,haven’t those schools been doing that for decades?
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New jobless claims have fallen to an eight-year low. I blame Obama.
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Waiting for the sign “Hunter Pence still has a Blackberry. “. Because I love Pence, and my Blackberry. #SFGiants #dinosaurs
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The NY Mets gave away a toy truck as a promotion, and at least some of the trucks had the Phillies logo. Wow. Although this year the Phillies are one of the few teams that aspires to be the Mets.
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Troy Tulowitzki, upset about the Rockies losing: “Something needs to change. Hopefully that comes fairly quickly.”. Is he asking to be traded?
Zynga announced today that they have signed Tiger Woods for a series of video games for mobile devices. The games will presumably have a disclaimer now that they may suddenly stop working, especially on Saturday and Sunday.
An Ohio state senator wants the Cleveland Indians to drop their name and mascot, saying they’re “racially insensitive.” Now the word “Indians” itself is pretty nonjudgmental. Is it the name that’s offensive, or the way they play on the field?
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A former NFL QB will be a contestant on “The Biggest Loser.” Alas, it’s Scott Mitchell. So much for the JaMarcus Russell and Mark Sanchez jokes
The NRA has apparently taken down a video on its site where a commentator argued ““Every law-abiding, blind individual should be able to have whatever guns they want. And if you disagree with that statement or you haven’t thought it all the way through, you don’t take your rights seriously enough. Do you think because they’re blind that they’re going to start shooting in every direction and kill everyone?” And even the Onion is saying “Nah, we don’t want the video. Too unbelievable.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Comments: 2 Comments
August 6, 2014
The Oakland A’s have apparently approached an architect about building a new stadium on their current Coliseum site. Which would presumably mean the team would need an alternate location for a year or two. Considering how well their relations with the SF Giants have been going have the A’s thought about asking for a hold on that demolition of Candlestick?
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Dan Snyder sensitivity award for the day goes to former Washington kicker Mark Moseley. Who says of the team name – “No red men have said anything derogatory to me about it.”
(my dad suggests changing the name to the “Washington Americans.” As a way to offend everyone.)
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Jack Nicklaus on Rory McIlroy: “I think Rory has an opportunity to win 15 or 20 majors… But you just don’t know what the guy’s priorities are going to be in life 10 years from now.” Possible translation, “can he keep it zipped?”
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The director of “Frozen” will adapt “A Wrinkle in Time” for Disney. Mostly a cool thing. A whole new generation will learn about a “Tesseract.” And would like to see what Disney does with the Mrs. Ws, the Happy Medium, and Aunt Beast. But they’d better not turn Meg into a princess!
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No injuries were reported when a United flight from Newark to Brussels made an emergency landing after a small fire in the galley. Shocking. A U.S. airline still actually cooks something in their galley?
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The odds are out for NFL Week 1 Preseason games. And if you really care, you just might have a gambling problem.
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The #SJSharks and #LAKings will match up at Levi’s Stadium Feb 21 for the first outdoor NHL game in Northern California. But wouldn’t a more appropriate venue have been Candlestick Park?.
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While on a panel with Roger Goodell, John Madden said that he did not think 6, 7 and 8 year olds should be playing tackle football. But Goodell responded that HE had started playing tackle football when he was 7. Might explain a lot
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#TigerWoods has announced he will play in the #PGAChampionship . Well for Thursday and Friday anyway.
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Supermodel Chrissy Teigen, who says she was “pretty drunk”, threw out a pretty decent first pitch at last night’s Dodgers game. Maybe they should start stockpiling beer in the Rockies bullpen.
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NBC Senior White House Correspondent Chris Jansing today, talking about Obama at the U.S.-Africa Leaders Summit. “Yeah, the fact that he’s from Kenya, and the fact that when he was elected there were expectations on the African continent that he would do great things for them.” Is Jansing angling for a job with FOX News?
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2 RBIs for Michael Morse in first is 25% of his RBI total for the past two months #SFGiants.
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From Bill Littlejohn: “Cleveland Browns receiver Josh Gordon has claimed that he has passed at least 70 drug tests. “Problem is, he’s taken more than 1,000.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: A's jokes, airline jokes, Candlestick jokes, Fox News jokes, Frozen jokes, Janice Hough, SFGiants jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
August 5, 2014
San Mateo County authorities said they intercepted two large vans carrying 180 bales of marijuana, 5.148 pounds, (worth $23 million). that had just been offloaded from a boat that had sailed from Mexico. Hmm.. Is there any way California can make a deal with Colorado here? Maybe trade the haul for water?
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Chrissie Hynde says that when John McEnroe was at Wimbledon he’d call her because she had pot and they would hang out and smoke. So Chrissie may be a great musician, but sounds like she’s a lousy judge of good marijuana.
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USA Today reports that MLB is down to three finalists to succeed Bud Selig as commissioner. Which means Bud will probably die of old age while in office.
A security firm named “Hold Security” says Russian criminals have stolen a total of 1.2 billion Internet user names and passwords. Of course, probably 1.1 billion of those passwords are 123456789.
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Last night Albert Pujols tagged up from first and went to second after Yasiel Puig nonchalantly caught a ball. Words were exchanged. The less than fleet-footed Pujols then mocked Puig afterward with gestures and facial expressions. But how long in LA until they start referring to “Puig being Puigy?”
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Really? This Fox News headline “Ebola outbreak fuels concerns over health risks along US-Mexico border.” Later in the article Fox does allow that “No case of an illegal immigrant carrying Ebola has been reported. But a Homeland Security report did say that “in two cases, the children of a border agent got chicken pox after their exposure to a child who had the illness.”
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A U.S. general was killed and 15 others injured when a shooter wearing an Afghan military uniform opened fire at a training facility in Afghanistan. Alas, once again even for experts, it can be hard to tell the difference between a good guy and a bad guy with a gun.
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Everyone’s favorite owner Dan Snyder talked about how those criticizing the Redskins name should focus instead on the difficulties many Native Americans face on reservations. And added that he learned during recent visits to Native American tribes that “they love” the team. Amongst things Snyder clearly has never learned – quit while you’re ahead.
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A 62 year old woman who has been arrested repeatedly at San Francisco International Airport trying to sneak onto flights, today made it onto a flight from San Jose to Los Angeles. This may not be what San Jose officials have had in mind when they tout their airport as a faster alternative.
The woman is now in jail in Los Angeles. Presume they will have to bring her back to the Bay Area to stand trial…. by plane?!
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So why didn’t we see this on Fox News? The GOP-led House Intelligence Committee just declassified a report on Benghazi. Rep. Mike Thompson says the report “confirms that no one was deliberately misled, no military assets were withheld and no stand-down order (to U.S. forces) was given.”
Time to start trying to repeal Obamacare again?’
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In New York, 11 people were injured when two double-decker tour buses collided today near Times Square. Good thing the bus companies aren’t run by the airlines. They’d charge the tourists extra for a thrill ride.
She’s baaaack. V. Stiviano now is hinting on Instagram that she will soon reveal the father of her 4 year old daughter. And somewhere Andy Warhol is thinking “She’s already had 14 minutes too many.”
Driving the bus to hell badly is T.C. (Whose last name is Chong so he can get away with this.) “One of the signs at Citi Field said ‘Hunter Pence cannot parallel park.’ ?????. Didn’t know he was Oriental.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Bud Selig jokes, Fox News jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, password jokes, Puig jokes
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August 4, 2014
Trayvon Reed had a 4 year basketball scholarship to play at Maryland. The Terps, however, withdrew the offer when Reed was charged with petty theft, resisting arrest and 2nd degree assault of a police officer, after he was allegedly seen shoplifting some ice cream and candy worth less than $6…. $6? You’d think if he’d risk a free ride to college the kid would at least have gone for crab legs?
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In Mexico, a 21 year old man apparently tried to pose for a selfie with a loaded gun, and killed himself when the gun accidentally discharged. Call it “The Last Picture Show?”
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#JonBonJovi took out an ad saying it was his objective to make the “#Bills successful in Buffalo.” Talk about “Living on a Prayer.”
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Lane Kiffin, 39, now the offensive coordinator at Alabama, says he hopes to learn from his mistakes, adding “I’ve made more than anybody, probably.” Well, maybe not anybody. But maybe more than any other coach under 40.
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The University of Miami already lost their projected starting QB to an ACL injury. And their current starter has now been suspended for the season opener against Louisville due to a failed drug test. If this keeps up the Hurricanes may be the first team to run a season-long Wildcat offense.
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The Detroit Lions will wear recycled jerseys for their practice this Wednesday. The green jerseys will be made from plastic bottles. Although if they wanted to recycle AND give their fans a thrill, they could use old jerseys from teams that had won a Super Bowl.
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Brett Favre, on entering the Packers Hall of Fame. “I will always be a Packer….I’ve always been a Packer.” And really, why would anyone doubt Favre’s word on anything?
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Police were able to apprehend a 6-year-old boy who managed to drive his toy ATV onto the Bronx River Parkway. The boy was not injured. And no doubt he probably wasn’t close to the worst driver on the highway.
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The Cheesecake Factory took 3 of the top 9 places for the “most unhealthy food in America” contest from the Center for Science in the Public Interest. One of the dishes was “Farfelle with Chicken and Roasted Garlic,” at 2,410 calories. Have to wonder, how many people ordered it, and cleaned their plates so they could have dessert?
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Israel and Palestinian factions, including Hamas, have agreed to another 72-hour humanitarian cease-fire. This one was proposed by Egypt, so kudos to them if it holds. If things fall apart, of course it will be Obama’s fault.
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It’s only the beginning of pre-season, but Richard Sherman’s mouth is in mid-season form. Sherman was asked today if he would have shaken Michael Crabtree’s hand had the 49er caught the game-winning touchdown. “Yeah, I would have shaken his hand. But that universe doesn’t exist. If ifs were fifths, we’d all be drunk.”
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NY Mets fans taunted Hunter Pence at Citi Field this weekend with signs like “Hunter Pence eats pizza with a fork,” and “Hunter Pence cannot parallel park.” And Pence got six extra base hits with 7 RBI in the series. Can the #SFGiants hire these fans to follow the team around?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
August 4, 2014
The Green Bay Packers scheduled an announcement Monday regarding Brett Favre and the Packers Hall of Fame. Although if they really wanted to honor Favre they will change their mind about the announcement and reschedule it later.
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Yesterday at Penn Station, Amtrak accidentally sent over 200 passengers to the wrong platform and an Acela train headed for Washington without them. Even U.S. airlines were impressed.
Wonder what kind of odds you could have gotten in 2008 that Jack Nicklaus would hold off #TigerWoods for the lead with the most golf majors?
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In Hewitt, Texas, a firearms instructor for the Police Department will miss at least two months of work after shooting himself in the hand. He was trying to teach family members how to clear the chamber of a jammed semi-automatic pistol. Raising the question, how do you stop a stupid good guy with a gun?
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One of the anti-immigrant lines in the U.S. these days is about immigrants taking American jobs. Wonder why none of these folks has a problem with one of the only 100 positions in the U.S. Senate being taken in Texas by a man from Canada.
Arizona 1st baseman Paul Goldschmidt’s fractured left hand probably means he will miss the rest of the season. Except maybe for a couple Giants-Dbacks games. Even one-handed Goldschmidt probably can hit .500 against Tim Lincecum.
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Random scary thought if you are an MLB team with World Series aspirations. Right now the #5 starter on the Detroit Tigers is Justin Verlander.
Opening night at Levi’s Stadium, an MLS game, featured traffic gridlock, technology problems, and not enough parking. A little scary for season ticket holders and potential ticket re-sellers. But potentially great news for the NFL network
Apparently Prince Charles is “furious” about a new book coming out by a former Buckingham Palace press officer that supposedly will expose marital secrets between him and Diana. Shocking. There are any secrets about that mess of a marriage left?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Amtrak jokes, Brett Favre jokes, gun control jokes, janice hough Levi's stadium jokes, MLB jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
August 3, 2014
At a Swedish church. a woman found 80 skeletons stuffed into Ikea bags. Apparently they were excavated during a renovation five years ago and not reburied. Well, yeah, because presumably no one could figure out the instructions.
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Bristol Palin, who released a memoir, was on Dancing with the Stars twice, and had her only reality show, is now suing her baby daddy Levi for child support of $1750 a month dating back to 2012. Bristol claims zero income for 2013 and 2014. Guess she couldn’t do something unthinkable like go on welfare, or actually get a job?
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The #SFgiants are the only team in major league baseball with four different pitchers who have thrown a complete game. And many younger fans are thinking “what’s a complete game?”
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Michael Morse clearly turned a fly ball into a double tonight, but the SF Giants’ Jake Peavy let it get to him enough to give up four runs. So where do you go to find a “pitcher whisperer?”
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Jimmy Graham dunked a football over the goalposts today after a touchdown in the Saints scrimmage, a move that will be illegal this year this season. Wonder how many violations it will take to get a two-game suspension.
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A lot of angry, ignorant people were against bringing that American humanitarian doctor infected with Ebola to an isolation ward in an Atlanta hospital. Wonder how many of them are also anti-vaccine?
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Robert F. Kennedy Jr, whose first marriage ended in divorce, whose second wife killed herself while they were estranged, and who has allegedly been having a 2-year affair during his engagement, got married again today to Cheryl Hines. A smart woman, who knows? But she’s got the foolish choices part down.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: IKEA jokes, NFL jokes, Palin jokes, SF Giants jokes
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August 2, 2014
A Michigan woman says a lion at a small private zoo bit off the tip of her finger when she tried to pet it. She is upset. But perhaps not as upset as the lion who thought it was getting some serious human sushi.
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Life’s different in Colorado with legalized marijuana. Assume the Rockies are still hard at work trying to take advantage of this weekend’s trade deadline.
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Not only did the Dallas Cowboys send season-ticket holders their regular tickets this week, but they also included playoff tickets, including one for the NFC championship game. Well, to be fair, maybe the team figured it was the only way their fans would ever see playoff tickets.
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Bummer. That Mideast cease-fire lasted only about as long as the Cubs’ yearly pennant hopes.
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Roger Goodell today said that what while domestic violence is “not acceptable” the NFL’s two-game suspension of Ray Rice, is “consistent” with other punishments issued by the league, partly due to it being Rice’s 1st offense. Wonder how many games Goodell would have given O.J. Simpson if his acquittal on murder charges had happened while “the Juice” was active.
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SFGiants promoted Jarrett Parker & Matt Duffy from Double A to majors. Should fit right in, line-up has been hitting like Double-A team.
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Matt Duffy has already had a more productive #SFGiants career than Dan Uggla. (A hit, a HBP, an RBI, and no errors.)-
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Why the San Antonio Spurs will never be America’s Team. They just signed Tony Parker to a contract extension through 2017-18. Where’s the drama? Where’s the angst? Where’s the nonstop ESPN speculation?
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Golf.com reports that the PGA Tour has suspended Dustin Johnson for six months for cocaine use. Who says there’s no way to get golf headlines from Tiger Woods?
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The KC Royals’ Jeremy Guthrie had an ERA over 10 in his last four starts. Today he was masterful against Oakland in a 1 to 0 shutout. It’s as if the the As temporarily became the SF Giants.
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Obama today said Putin is ‘ignoring’ Russia’s long-term interests. Maybe the Russian President is trying to be declared an honorary GOP member of Congress.
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Two American humanitarian workers who caught Ebola while caring for patients in Liberia are being brought to Atlanta for treatment. And although the disease can only be passed by direct contact with bodily fluids, apparently many other Americans are freaking out on social media. Including Donald Trump, tweeting “KEEP THEM OUT OF HERE.” Ah, for the days that he was just ignorant about birth certificates.
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Six people were injured in Palo Alto yesterday when a driver in his 90s hit the gas instead of the brake and accelerated into a local cafe. I wonder how many of those calling for tighter regulations for elderly drivers also believe the government has no business tightening regulations for gun owners.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Cowboys jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, ray rice jokes, Roger Goodell jokes, Spurs jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
July 31, 2014
Assume Fenway Park just got shipment of “Hi, My Name Is…” stickers for #RedSox clubhouse.
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Two older men armed with a semi-automatic & a handgun held up a Chicago pharmacy for Viagra. Movie to be titled “Die Hard, the Final Sequel.
Bad news for the #SFGIants. No trades. Good news for the #SFGiants. The #Dodgers didn’t get Price.
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Some strong teams got stronger today. Although before we engrave the trophies, remembering that maybe the best team I ever saw regularly was the 1993 #SFGiants.
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The Oakland A’s traded #Cespedes to the #Redsox for Jon Lester. Might be time for Boston to reinforce the Green Monster.
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Since #Cespedes is now a member of the #Redsox ESPN announcers will have to learn to pronounce his name for all those #Yankees games.
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From Marc Ragovin; “Dan Uggla made three errors in only four games with the Giants? “Amateur,” said the NY Mets’ Daniel Murphy.”
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Israel and Gaza have accepted a 72-hour ceasefire. Okay, so it’s not much. But it’s longer than several celebrity marriages.
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House Republicans cancelled a vote on their OWN immigration bill because they couldn’t agree among themselves about it Waiting to see how they blame this on Obama.
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The House couldn’t get it together to vote on their own immigration bill but they found time for a resolution allowing Boehner to sue Obama. #priorities.
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Whole Foods stock fell about 2% after the store reported lower than expected earnings. Guessing those expensive grocery prices from yesterday will look like bargains tomorrow.
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Congress has headed off for a five-week summer “recess.” I’m confused, isn’t recess what you get at school as a break from actually learning something?
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From T.C. “86 year old Dodgers announcer Vin Scully has signed on for another year; his 66th. Vinny doesn’t travel with the team for the East Coast trips anymore. The team is afraid he may have a senior moment and start looking for Ebbets Field.”
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Ray Rice had an apologetic press conference today, using terms like ‘inexcusable” “biggest mistake of my life,” and talked about how he knew his 2 year old daughter would read about it some day. No idea if he really is contrite and if the domestic violence will be a “one-time incident,” but Rice does seem to be handling it better than the NFL, the Ravens and Stephen A. Smith.
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And regarding the Ray Rice situation. It’s not about what he said, and yes, he said all the right things and maybe he gets it. And yes, maybe he and his now-wife were both drunk. Not the point. And PC is not the point. The point is that his light NFL suspension, and Stephen A Smith’s comments, send a message. A message of mitigating circumstances. And “mitigating circumstances” is NEVER the message you want to send women and potential abusers.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: baseball trade jokes, cespedes jokes, Janice Hough, ray rice jokes, Red Sox jokes, SFGiants jokes, trade deadline jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
July 30, 2014
A Florida mother has been arrested for letting her seven-year-old son walk to a local park alone, and having the boy carry a cellphone in case of any problems. Well, duh, it’s Florida, she should have sent the kid with a gun.
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Red Lobster is trying to turn around their ailing business by focusing on more attractive plate presentation with their entrees. Right. Would like to see the Venn diagram between those who like to take pictures of their food and Red Lobster customers.
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As we near the trade deadline a lot of mediocre players suddenly look very attractive to desperate teams. It’s the MLB equivalent of 15 minutes before closing time.
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This just in. #DavidPrice and #JonLester have still not been traded. And Generalissmo Francisco Franco is still dead.
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Shocking. “The Bachelorette” apparently had sex with two different contestants on the show. Does that make her an honorary guy?
(Although some of the former Bachelors are thinking “only two?”)
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The NFL has indicated they will not accept Josh Gordon’s “secondhand marijuana smoke” defense. Probably as well that drug testing didn’t take place during the 1970s. Or the league might have suspended any player who went to Grateful Dead concerts.’
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Adam Silver wants to change the lottery format to allow all 14 teams a relatively equal chance at the #1 pick.. The 76ers are upset, as they were 19-63 last season and were planning to tank again. The rest of the league wonders how the NBA will make this work to give one more #1 pick to the Cavaliers.
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The Chicago Cubs (44-61) beat the Colorado Rockies (43-63 last night in 16 innings. And if you watched the entire game and aren’t related to one of the players, you just might have too much time on your hands.
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#Cubs catcher #JohnBaker pitched 2 innings tonight, got the win, & scored winning run. Could #SFGiants trade for Baker? Need his arm & bat.
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An Indiana man has won a $1 million in the lottery twice in the past three months. So he was still playing? Guess a million doesn’t go as far as it used to. Even in Indiana.
The “People’s Choice” awards just announced they will add a special achievement award next year just for Orlando Bloom.
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Eric Chavez retired today. He couldn’t have done it last year and let Yusmeiro Petit throw a perfect game? #SFGiants?
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The Dan Uggla era with the #SFGiants is over as Uggla was released today. It takes some work to have your tenure with a team include less hits (and walks) than errors. (0-11 with 3 errors.) Even pitchers are impressed.
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President Obama to Congressional Republicans in a speech today. Stop being mad all the time. Stop just hating all the time. Come on.” And the GOP responded “Hey, lay off our mission statement.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Bachelorette jokes, Cubs jokes, Florida jokes, GOP jokes, Janice Hough, trade deadline jokes, Uggla jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
July 29, 2014
Forget all these minor league players the #SFGiants are using to try to right the ship. Is Susan Sarandon busy? #bulldurham
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#SFGiants fans doing the wave? Is this a competition to see if folks in the stands can be as embarrassing as team on the field?
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With so many teams thinking they have a chance for a Wild Card, there’s a lot less action around the July 31 MLB trade deadline. Of course, if baseball wanted more media attention, they’d figure out a way to get Lebron James involved in some of these decisions.
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With the trade deadline approaching, players’ families on non-contending teams are anxiously awaiting possible moves. Which means in late July with the Cubs, most wives have real estate agents on speed dial.
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Donald Trump just said he won’t do anything ‘totally stupid’ in his bid to buy NFL’s Buffalo Bills. Why stop now?
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FSU will use GPS tracking devices on their football team this season during games. The school wants to monitor and track different analytics to prevent injuries. Tallahassee police presumably wonder if the players can keep them on 24-7?
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A new study found that more than 35 % of Americans have debts in collection. And Texas cities have some of the largest shares of their populations being reported to collection agencies: Dallas (44.3 %); El Paso (44.4 %), Houston (43.7 %), McAllen (51% and San Antonio (44%). Heck of a Texas Miracle, Rick Perry.
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Not the NFL. Apparently #ESPN actually worries about losing their female audience.. Steven A. Smith was suspended 5 shows for his comments…., more than #RayRice.
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Almost as creative as “Witness for the Prosecution.” Lawyers for former Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell and his wife Maureen McDonnell, on trial for corruption, are claiming that the couple couldn’t have conspired together, because they weren’t speaking to each other at the time.
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Robert McDonald, a former Army officer and corporate CEO was confirmed today as the new Veterans Affairs secretary by a 97-0 vote. 97-0?! And Obama nominated him? Where was the Ted Cruz filibuster?.
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Apparently Oakland Raiders owner Mark Davis has had preliminary talks with local officials about moving the team to San Antonio. Guess with just having the Spurs in town, the city feels in need of a sports train wreck?
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Passengers on a three-hour Boston Harbor whale watching tour were stuck on the boat overnight when it got entangled in the line attached to a lobster pot. Were there warning signs? Like two names on the manifest being “The Professor” and “Mary Ann?”
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It’s getting bad in Baltimore. The next Ravens’ arrest may be for impersonating a member of the Cincinnati Bengals.
From Alex Kaseberg. “The Baltimore Ravens have had five arrests in the off-season. It is so bad, “Netflix” is making a series about the Ravens called: “Orange is the New Purple and Black.”
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Rangers catcher J.P. #Arencibia had 7 RBI’s tonight. One more than #SFGiants have had in last six games combined.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cubs jokes, ESPN jokes, Janice Hough, Ravens jokes, SF Giants jokes, Susan Sarandon jokes, Texas jokes, trade deadline jokes
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July 29, 2014
Rand Paul, at the Urban League in Cincinnati, claimed solidarity with minorities because you can be unjustly accused “because of the color of your skin, or the shade of your ideology.” Can we title this speech “Fifty Shades of Stupid”?
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Tweet from Drew Brees “On Friday I said I thought I could play til age 45. I have been “randomly” selected for drug tests the last 2 days. What’s up with that! Lol.” Wonder if the NFL was testing him for PED’s or hallucinogens?
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NFL VP of Policy Adolpho Birch defending Ray Rice’s two game suspension. “So in terms of sending a message about what the league stands for, we’ve done that.” Yep. They have. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$.
Cowboys GM Jerry Jones says now that he almost drafted Johnny Manziel. But maybe he decided that there wasn’t room at A T & T Stadium for both their egos?
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New NY Giants QB coach Danny Langsdorf thinks Eli Manning could complete 70 percent of his passes in 2014. In related news, the NY Mets are printing playoff tickets.
A judge ruled today that Shelly Sterling can go ahead with the sale of the Clippers. Which means the nightmare is over. And if you believe that, the Brooklyn Bridge is on a Macy’s One Day Sale tomorrow.
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Stephen A Smith made yet another apology for his domestic violence comments last week. Better, although taped but not live. Here’s a suggestion for the ESPN commentator in future. Want not to “provoke?” Stick to sports and otherwise STFU.
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Near Tampa, a pregnant woman was shot in the head and died, along with the baby she was carrying. Apparently it was an accident when a friend was showing her and her husband his gun collection. If only the fetus had been armed.
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Dollar Tree is buying their competitor Family Dollar Stores. Assume that means they will immediately raise all prices to two dollars.
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Seven members of U.S. Congress are trying to broker a deal between Time Warner Cable and other cable channels so that 70% of the LA market that is currently blacked out can see Dodger games. Where’s the outrage from anti-government Southern California conservatives?
An auction house expects an autographed 2012 game-used Texas A & M jersey from Johnny Manziel will go for at least $100,000. And a good thing too. Now that A & M is in the SEC they need the money to pay future players.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Mets jokes, NFL jokes, political jokes, Shades of Grey jokes
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July 28, 2014
Greg Maddux once threw a complete game in an 1 hour and 46 minutes, and threw another complete game in 76 pitches. (63 strikes.) Both records equaled in about two innings of an average Red Sox-Yankees game
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Another thought about the baseball Hall of Fame, and the steroid-era players. Have been hearing a lot about how the Veterans’ committee won’t put them in because so many of them are anti-PEDs. But of course, players from other eras don’t consider what THEY took to be PED’s. #greenies
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Two young men kayaking in Jamaica Bay, NY lost their paddles, and ended up washing up near a runway at JFK Airport, without being detected by the airport’s $100 million security system. But on the other hand, this weekend at JFK, TSA did confiscate probably 1,000 bottles of water.
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So did you hear who won the #tourdefrance ? Me neither
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Have heard some say if sanctions are lifted against Cuba that MLB will be full of Cuban players. On the other hand, thinking right now that many Cuban kids grow up completely focused on baseball without distractions. Give them fast food, U.S. television, smartphones and other tech toys…and who knows. Their fundamentals may end up as sloppy as those of many U.S. kids.
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Lebron James is going to go back to #23 with the Cleveland Cavaliers. Stand by for the ESPN miniseries on how he arrived at that decision.
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Byron Scott, 53, has signed a 4 year deal to become the Lakers new head coach. With all the LA “veterans” Scott would fit right in as a player coach.
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Will Clark is 50 years old. And were he in uniform he had a better chance of getting a hit Sunday night than #22 Dan Uggla #retire22 #SFGiants
Sarah Palin has a new subscription-based Internet network, #SarahPalinChannel, which will feature her commentary and the ability for subscribers to ask questions. Monthly subscriptions will cost $9.95, but the show will presumably suddenly stop halfway through each month.
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Former Florida Governor Charlie Crist, who’s running again against Rick Scott, about Scott’s and Marco Rubio’s “I’m not a scientist” dodge of the global warming question. ““I’m not a scientist either, but I can use my brain, and I can talk to one.
(Alas, in Florida sometimes it seems like open minds are more discouraged than open carry.)
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Carolina DE Greg Hardy was convicted this month of assaulting a female – his ex-girlfriend – and communicating threats. He was sentenced to 60-day suspended jail sentence and 18 months’ probation, and will not talk about the incident except to say “I hate that I have distracted my team.”
The Panthers said they will wait to see what the NFL does, and not suspend Hardy pending the outcome of his appeal in a jury trial. (Which will be after the season) I’m sure the fact that he’s a Pro Bowler has nothing to do with it….
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Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: baseball hall of fame jokes, baseball jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron James jokes, PED jokes, SF Giants jokes, TSA jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
July 26, 2014
The above picture is from Troy Tulowitzki jersey night at Coors Field.
(My friend Oscar B. says, “What are they smoking in Colorado…? Oops, never mind. )
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But Colorado IS a purple state. So maybe spelling really is one of those commie pinko liberal concepts.
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There’s a new reality show called “Dating Naked.” For all those who find “The Bachelor” and “Bachelorette” franchises too intellectual.
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A Colorado man was arrested for DUI. On a lawn mower. The cops said he was bar-hopping. He says he was just cutting some weeds. Maybe more like looking for some weed?
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As if women didn’t love George Clooney enough already. Quoted in People on his engagement to Amal Alamuddin:.”I’m marrying up.”
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Jay Paterno, explaining why his dad didn’t want to “wrongly accuse” Jerry Sandusky despite multiple allegations “When you know somebody for so long, it’s awfully hard to believe bad things about someone, when every sign in his life points the other way.” “Every” sign?! Guess denial is genetic.
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Carmelo Anthony told ESPN that his decision to return to the New York Knicks was about winning, and not about the five-year, $124 million contract. And then Melo left the interview to go back to work selling that bridge in Brooklyn.
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Headline at “The Onion” “Roger Goodell to NFL Players: Murdering your Wife Will Result in Automatic 4-Game Suspension. ” Of course, it has to be satire. Because if you’re a star the suspension would be reduced to three games max.
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So if the #SFGiants strategy is to lure the #Dodgers into a false sense of security before the trade deadline, the strategy is working.
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#NBA considering 7 day All-Star Break next season. Why not cut season from 82 to 60 games and make it a 1 month break? #toolong
Rough night for #SFGiants pitching but hard to win when your only chance to score might have been on penalty kicks. #kershaw
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Maybe it’s the curse of Will the Thrill. Uggla is wearing 22 #retire22 #SFGiants
Curt Clawson, a new GOP congressman, just assumed Nisha Biswal and Arun Kumar, two high level U.S. government officials, were from India. And told them what “their country” should do. Well, I suppose it could be worse. Clawson didn’t lecture them about Indian casinos.
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A SWAT team stormed a passenger plane at Toronto airport because of an alleged threat. Shockingly, this threat did not involve Rob Ford.
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Fox Sports says they will no longer be advertising with Entercom Communications Corp after Kevin Minhane, from their Boston station, blasted Erin Andrews with derogatory and sexist language after the All-Star game, and then blasted her again in his apology. So waiting for Stephen A. Smith to tell Erin Andrews not to provoke such insults?
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For the anti-Stephen A. Smith, I give you Keith Olbermann “Eventually after all the b-words and ho comments and penis remarks and nudity demands and waitress jokes, the most powerful national sports league in the world can then get away with suspending a wife-beater for just two games….. The message to the women who the league claims constitute 50% of its fan base is simple. The NFL wants your money. It will do nothing else for you.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Carmelo anthony jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Parterno jokes, Rockies jokes, stephen smith jokes, Tulowitzki jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
Left Coast Sports Babe 