Can’t fix stupid.

Trayvon Reed had a 4 year basketball scholarship to play at Maryland. The Terps, however, withdrew the offer when Reed was charged with petty theft, resisting arrest and 2nd degree assault of a police officer, after he was allegedly seen shoplifting some ice cream and candy worth less than $6…. $6? You’d think if he’d risk a free ride to college the kid would at least have gone for crab legs?

In Mexico, a 21 year old man apparently tried to pose for a selfie with a loaded gun, and killed himself when the gun accidentally discharged. Call it “The Last Picture Show?”

#JonBonJovi took out an ad saying it was his objective to make the “#Bills successful in Buffalo.” Talk about “Living on a Prayer.”

Lane Kiffin, 39, now the offensive coordinator at Alabama, says he hopes to learn from his mistakes, adding “I’ve made more than anybody, probably.” Well, maybe not anybody. But maybe more than any other coach under 40.

The University of Miami already lost their projected starting QB to an ACL injury. And their current starter has now been suspended for the season opener against Louisville due to a failed drug test. If this keeps up the Hurricanes may be the first team to run a season-long Wildcat offense.

The Detroit Lions will wear recycled jerseys for their practice this Wednesday. The green jerseys will be made from plastic bottles. Although if they wanted to recycle AND give their fans a thrill, they could use old jerseys from teams that had won a Super Bowl.

Brett Favre, on entering the Packers Hall of Fame. “I will always be a Packer….I’ve always been a Packer.” And really, why would anyone doubt Favre’s word on anything?

Police were able to apprehend a 6-year-old boy who managed to drive his toy ATV onto the Bronx River Parkway. The boy was not injured. And no doubt he probably wasn’t close to the worst driver on the highway.

The Cheesecake Factory took 3 of the top 9 places for the “most unhealthy food in America” contest from the Center for Science in the Public Interest. One of the dishes was “Farfelle with Chicken and Roasted Garlic,” at 2,410 calories. Have to wonder, how many people ordered it, and cleaned their plates so they could have dessert?

Israel and Palestinian factions, including Hamas, have agreed to another 72-hour humanitarian cease-fire. This one was proposed by Egypt, so kudos to them if it holds. If things fall apart, of course it will be Obama’s fault.

It’s only the beginning of pre-season, but Richard Sherman’s mouth is in mid-season form. Sherman was asked today if he would have shaken Michael Crabtree’s hand had the 49er caught the game-winning touchdown. “Yeah, I would have shaken his hand. But that universe doesn’t exist. If ifs were fifths, we’d all be drunk.”

NY Mets fans taunted Hunter Pence at Citi Field this weekend with signs like “Hunter Pence eats pizza with a fork,” and “Hunter Pence cannot parallel park.” And Pence got six extra base hits with 7 RBI in the series. Can the #SFGiants hire these fans to follow the team around?

Explore posts in the same categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes

4 Comments on “Can’t fix stupid.”

  1. R. Nelson Says:

    Bon Jovi is BSing west. NY. Many think that he would honor the current agreement with the City and then move them first chance he has, to Toronto.

  2. TC in BC Says:

    “Hunter Pence cannot parallel park.” ?????. Didn’t know he was Oriental.

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