Author Archive
November 7, 2014
Star Wars VII now has a title “The Force Awakens.” And given the age of many in the cast, presume the subtitle is “Every Few Hours in the Middle of the Night to Pee.”
Madison Bumgarner just won the “Silver Slugger” award for being the best offensive player at his position. But the SF Giants lefty didn’t get a hit in the postseason, including the World Series. What a disappointment.
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San Diego shortstop Everth Cabrera was stopped for allegedly driving under the influence of marijuana, and ultimately charged with resisting arrest. Of course, being a Padre, if he pulled the “Do you know who I am?” card, the answer might have honestly been. “No.”
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A-Rod reportedly admitted to using PEDS during a meeting with the DEA earlier this year. Yep, baseball normalcy has returned: The World Series is over and the Yankees are back in the headlines.
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The first NFL 2015 “International Series” game at Wembley will be the Miami Dolphins vs. the NY Jets. And Jets fans are thinking, “Can London just keep them?”
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John Boehner said that executive actions by Obama on immigration would “poison the well” for legislation. As opposed to that great bipartisan effort Congress has made with the President so far?
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A court today upheld gay marriage bans in Michigan, Ohio, Kentucky and Tennessee. So in those last two states, men can still marry their sisters, just not their brothers?
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On Fox News, Condoleezza Rice criticized Democratic campaign ads aimed at African Americans in the South that featured Ferguson and the death of Michael Brown. She said she found the fear mongering “appalling” and “insulting.” Uh, okay Condi, but what about fear mongering in GOP ads aimed at whites about crime and immigration featuring minorities?
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Duke coach Mike Krzyzewski said of freshman Jahlil Okafor “We won’t have him long. We’ll have him this year and then he’ll be one of the top [NBA] picks.” In other words, Okafor’s second semester professors might as well forget about getting those papers turned in.
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Wonder if Okafor will stick around long enough to learn to spell “Krzyewski?”
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Let the fun begin. Sources told ESPN that Ravens GM Ozzie Newsome testified under oath Thursday that he heard Ray Rice in June tell Roger Goodell that he hit Janay in a casino hotel elevator. So let’s see, does the NFL commissioner claims amnesia or a concussion.
Jennifer Aniston apparently goes without makeup in her new film “Cake,” and called it “dreamy and empowering and liberating.” And yes, imagine what a shocking change it must have been – relying only on her personal assistants, trainer and esthetician.
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Lebron James is apparently “concerned” about the Cavaliers 1-3 start. Did he think it would be easy for the team to improve enough to be knocked off by the Spurs in the NBA finals?
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: #theforceawakens, A-Rod jokes, Congress jokes, election jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, Star Wars jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
November 6, 2014
Mitch McConnell claims that after last night’s election “The Senate is going to go back to work and actually pass legislation.” And somewhere Ted Cruz is just giggling.
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So how long until Mitch McConnell figures out that it is now his circus AND his monkeys? #Election2014
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Sounds like I posted too soon on the 2014 election fundraising emails ending. Just got the first asking for money for a recount. #itneverends
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Chris Christie says he will make a decision “sometime next year” on running for President. Well, not sure if he can beat Hillary Clinton. But Christie is proving to be her equal in being disingenuous.
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You think it didn’t matter if you voted? Right now the candidates vying for the last seat on Palo Alto City Council, candidates with very different views and “slates”, are separated by about 30 votes. In a city of almost 60,000 people.
Alex Rodriguez reportedly paid a cousin $1 million to keep quiet about his PED use. Well, that money worked out to be as good a value as the last few years of A-Rod’s own Yankees contract.
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Alfonso Soriano says he is retiring from major league baseball. Most fans are shocked. Soriano hadn’t ALREADY retired?
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November 5 was one of TWO National Doughnut Days. The other is the first Friday in June. Figures, not like Americans could stop at just one doughnut anything.
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A small plane with the banner “Fire John Idzik!” circled the NY Jets’ practice field for a short time this morning. Then the plane was presumably intercepted by another plane.
Ah, the holiday season is upon us. A Nebraska woman was arrested and charged with two felonies for allegedly hitting a fellow Wal-Mart shopper with her PT Cruiser last weekend, because the person took her parking spot in the lot.
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And no doubt many of these parents voted. A Louisville TV station is reporting a local teacher resigned when her Catholic school requested she take a precautionary 21-day leave AND produce a health note from her doctor, because parents raised concerns about her mission trip to Kenya. (Kenya is 3000 miles from West Africa)
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So according to her attorney the mother of Adrian Peterson’s son is happy with the plea deal and doesn’t want his career to be harmed by the child abuse case. Well, yeah, if for no other reason than she wants her child support.
The CMA awards tonight pre-empted ABC’s comedy “Blackish.” And co-host Brad Paisley said “If you were looking for Black-ish tonight, yeah, this ain’t it. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy White-ish.” African Americans might have been offended. IF any of them had been watching the CMAs.
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Mark Sanchez says he is excited about his first start for the Eagles, which will be on next week’s MNF. Many Americans are excited too, some to see the Panthers win big, some to see Sanchez lead Philadelphia to a big win, and most just hoping to see another butt fumble.
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Newly elected Utah congresswoman Mia Love is a major rising star in the Republican party. with her anti-immigrant, anti-birthright citizenship and anti-welfare stances. The daughter of Haitian immigrants, however, also said in 2011, “My parents have always told me I was a miracle and our family’s ticket to America.” Love has also said her parents came on a tourist visa and stayed.
Makes sense she’s a GOP star. She’s proving a woman of color can be as much a hypocrite as a white man.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, CMA jokes, election jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, Mitch McConnell jokes, NY Jets jokes, Republican jokes
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November 5, 2014
A very low turnout in this year’s midterm elections. Which must on some level make all the winners and incumbents very happy. Since all those people who didn’t vote have forfeited their bitching rights.
The polls are closed across the U.S. So finally the emails requesting money for the 2014 election will stop. The emails requesting money for 2016 start this morning.
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Not that I’m wishing harm on anyone, but it will be interesting to see what happens this winter the first time some natural disaster hits some state where a GOP leader has won election campaigning against the federal government.
What a country. Kim Kardashian Monday night posted “‘I’m standing w Obama in the midterm election 2morrow!’ Of course, since Kim probably didn’t take time to vote she probably didn’t even notice the President not being on the ballot.
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Not sure what Iowa’s Joni Ernst, who’s been downplaying her ties to Sarah Palin, might be like in the Senate. But her husband Gail at least looks like a gift for the comedy industry. This from his FB page last year: “What do you do if you see your ex running around in your front yard screaming and bloody? Stay calm. Reload. And try again.”
In Florida, Democrats had hoped a medical marijuana initiative would help Charlie Crist in Tuesday’s election. Alas wonder how many supporters of the amendment will show up to vote Wednesday.
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A statement that kind of sums up American priorities. This from Kristin Mavromatis with the Mecklenburg County Board of Elections in North Carolina: “There are lines all over the place Not quite as long as the line at the Cheesecake Factory but there are lines.”
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Wonder how many people who didn’t think they have time to vote had time to update their fantasy football teams. #ElectionDay
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Fox News’ Tucker Carlson. “We need, I think, an older white guy appreciation day, I think they have done a lot for this country.” With all due respect, in the U.S. EVERY day is “older white guy appreciation day.”
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A Virgin Australia flight bound for Sydney had to return to Los Angeles because of a plumbing problem that resulting in a nauseating smell on board. Ah for the good old days, when the most nauseating thing on a plane was the free food.
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President Obama just declared the lava flow from Hawaii’s Kilauea volcano to be a major disaster, which frees up federal money to help. Wonder how many people are thinking.”Yeah, just like Obama to send U.S. money overseas.”
Tony Romo says he is optimistic about Sunday’s game in London. Well, of course, who wouldn’t be optimistic with the prospect of playing the Jacksonville Jaguars?
Another why there is no satire: Dallas Cowboys hashtag for their London game is #CowboysUK Yes, they do.-
The LA Dodgers have hired Oakland A’s assistant GM Farhan Zaidi as their next GM. Right, okay, because the Athletics lasted so much longer than the Dodgers in recent playoffs.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, democrat jokes, election jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Obama jokes, Republican jokes, voting jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 4, 2014
An increasing number of #NFL teams seem to be playing like they’re auditioning for #TheWalkingDead
#NYGiants new slogan? “We s*ck less than the #NYJets.
Interesting matchup next Sunday. The #SF49ers, who after their start are furious at now being 4-4. Against the #Saints, who after their start are thrilled to be 4-4.
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#NYJets have a bye week. Which means that #GenoSmith will be about as productive as usual on fantasy teams.
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A last thought about #SF49ers goal line debacle yesterday. Some wonder why Harbaugh didn’t give the ball to Frank Gore. And Stanford fans remember Big Game 2009 and the Cardinal having a Heisman level RB and a chance to win at the end. Harbaugh didn’t give it to Gerhart either. #whatmebitter
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Carmelo Anthony says that the Knicks are over last year’s “bad energy.” So that means NY is ready to create some new bad energy.?
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A last thought about #SF49ers goal line debacle yesterday. Some wonder why Harbaugh didn’t give the ball to Frank Gore. And Stanford fans remember Big Game 2009 and the Cardinal having a Heisman level RB and a chance to win at the end. Harbaugh didn’t give it to Gerhart either. #whatmebitter
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Berkeley students are circulating a petition to get the university to cancel Bill Maher’s appearance at commencement. And somewhere the 1964 founders of the “Free Speech Movement” are weeping. Or they should be.
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A couple was actually married on a Southwest flight from Nashville to Dallas this weekend. Wonder if all was well until the bride reclined her seat into his and the groom filed for divorce?
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Red Lobster, which had added non-seafood items in hopes of attracting customers who didn’t like fish, is jettisoning some of those new dishes and adding more lobster. Makes sense. Because for those wanting mediocre chain food that isn’t seafood, the market is pretty saturated.
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Governor Jerry Brown is expected to win re-election handily tomorrow, despite having barely campaigned at all. Of course, one reason Brown might be so popular as that Californians haven’t seen him nonstop campaigning and running television ads.
From Marc Ragovin – ” Kenyan runners Wilson Kipsang and Mary Keitany won the NYC marathon. Upon crossing the finish line, Chris Christie ordered them to shut up as he and Andrew Cuomo threw them into quarantine tents.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, NY Giants jokes, NY Jets jokes, Red Lobster jokes, Southwest jokes
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November 3, 2014
As reported by the the SF Chronicle, apparently before the Giants World Series Parade the SF Police were chatting with Madison Bumgarner and along with all the congrats someone said “If there is anything we can do for you.” Madbum’s response, “Anything? Can I ride one of y’alls horses in the parade? After some discussion and risk assessment, the answer was something, well, not exactly DURING the parade.”
Meanwhile, the #SF49ers clearly needed #MadBum
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Small silver lining for #49ers fans? At least #Kaepernick ‘s last play wasn’t a butt fumble.
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Saddest thing for #NYJets fans about a sad season? That win against the #Raiders may have cost them #1 draft pick. Either that, or watching Mark Sanchez win in Philly?
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Washington coach Jay Gruden blasted an ESPN report today that said RG III has teammates who seem to disrespect him, saying it was “amateurish.” Well, if anyone should know about amateurish, it’s the coach of the Redskins.
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Silver lining with Stanford’s underwhelming football season. Players, coaches and fans get to celebrate New Year’s Eve at home.
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So one might think Oregon’s rout of Stanford might propel the Ducks into the top four for a projected BCS playoff spot. Nope, they’re still behind idle Alabama. #nopac12respect
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Clocks turned back last night. Meaning hard-core #Lakers fans had another hour to not sleep.
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Breaking news, a Kenyan has won the New York City Marathon” Wouldn’t it be more news if a Kenyan DIDN’T win the New York City Marathon?
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Not the Onion. A Tucson pastor was woken up by police at 2am because a member of his congregation said she thought she had Ebola and her pastor had returned from Africa in September. He had been to Zambia, which is further from West Africa than San Francisco is from Washington, D.C. #cantfixstupid
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Yet another example of why Trader Joe’s leaves other grocery stores in the dust. Saw a package of “Iced Cranberry Orange Scone Cookies” near the checkout. Told the cashier, those sound good. She said, “They are, want to try one?” Opened a box, gave me one, and offered them to anyone in the area. Sold about five boxes of cookies on the spot.
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Maybe there was too much hype for the #DENvsNE game? Peyton Manning might have thought he was back in the #SuperBowl?
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A new poll shows Charlie Crist 7 points ahead of Gov. Rick Scott in Florida. Wow. Might have to retire half my Florida jokes.
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From Jerry Perisho: Asked if she was going to the polls on Tuesday, Kim Kardashian said, “No, but I’m opening a new store in Warsaw, next spring.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, college football jokes, ESPN jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, madbum jokes, Stanford jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
November 1, 2014
Jake Peavy bought a duck boat when the Red Sox won the World Series, and reportedly is buying a cable car after the Giants’ win. Peavy did tell a reporter afterwards that while he loves SF, he and Jon Lester would love to be on the same team and “who wouldn’t want to play in Chicago?” Maybe Peavy decided he has enough vehicles.
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A cruise ship that was stuck when it ran aground Saturday in Norway managed to get free at high tide. Passengers were relieved. CNN was bitterly disappointed.
Royal Caribbean’s new cruise ship has a Bionic Bar, with two “bartenders” that are literally robots that mix drinks to order. Fun for passengers,maybe. But even more fun for the the cruise line, who can pocket the automatic 15% gratuities.
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When Pac 12 ,Big 12, ACC, and Big 10 teams beat up on each other intra-conference, it is viewed as a sign of the conferences being weak without dominant teams. When SEC teams beat up on each other, it’s just another example of their superiority and strength of schedule…..
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Texas A&M suspended QB Kenny Hill two games for “a violation of team rules and athletic department policies.” Wonder if that violation includes playing like crap for the past three games.
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#Michigan & #Florida both won today.. Hope this isn’t a sign of the apocalypse.
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So did someone design those gray UCLA uniforms or did the blue and gold original colors just run in the laundry? #UCLAVsAZ #ugly
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Florida, in fact, upset #11, Georgia. Bulldog fans are now furious #FireMuschamp movement didn’t succeed before today.
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Pittsburgh missed a 26 yard FG that would have beaten Duke at the end of regulation. The shocking thing to casual football fans. It would have been an upset.
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A new study indicates that chocolate may help people avoid memory loss as they age. Makes biological sense. Assume we’ve evolved not to forget eating really good chocolate.
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Cal vs Oregon State starting the 4th quarter Saturday about 1030p Pacific time. Forget the east coast, these games are too late for many WEST coast fans to stay awake.
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The Lakers are 0-4. Only good news for Los Angeles fans. Unlike the Dodgers the team seems pretty sure not to be a disappointment in the playoffs.
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From T.C. “According to baseball analysts, Madison Bumgarner won the World Series for the San Francisco Giants single-handedly. ‘Good to know,’ said Kobe Bryant.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: college football jokes, cruise jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, SEC jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
November 1, 2014
Lots of happy #SFGiants fans were taking pictures in the rain at #SFGiantsParade Over-under on folks needing new cellphones today?
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So many people think newspapers are irrelevant these days. But wonder how many are saving screen shots of the SF Giants World Series victory for their children and grandchildren.
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SF mayor Ed Lee, speaking at a post-parade ceremony “Panda, you own the postseason.” And the SFGiants are thinking, “Great, you just maybe cost us another $10-20 million?”
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Great post parade line from Buster Posey to #HunterPence “See those cameras back there? That means live TV.” #SFGiants
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The SF Giants used pictures from their last World Series Parade to advertise yesterday’s parade. If new manager Joe Maddon leads the Cubs to a title, they’ll need to find someone who’s an expert in reproducing cave paintings.
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Today, November 1. is “Day of the Dead.” This is a holiday in Mexico. Not the Michigan football homecoming.
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The Los Angeles Dodgers have 7 free agents. Hanley Ramirez,Chris Perez, Jamey Wright, Paul Maholm, Roberto Hernandez, Kevin Correia and Josh Beckett. “Gosh, I really really hope we can keep them” said no Dodgers fans
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Pablo Sandoval says he wants to remain a Giant, though the Red Sox are interested. So what will it take? Maybe $100 million over 5 years. And a copy of Boston’s weather report. (Freezing temperatures this weekend.)
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This would be funnier if it weren’t sad for the pilots. Still, euphemism of the year perhaps, Virgin Galactic’s SpaceShipTwo space tourism rocket crashing in Mojave desert. And Virgin Galactic reported it as an “in-flight anomaly.”
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Former Florida congressman Trey Radel, who pleaded guilty to cocaine possession in 2013, has had his criminal record expunged after completing “all conditions of his probation.” Expunged. Does this make him an honorary football player?
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If they gave away free candy at polling place would people make as much effort to vote as they do to trick or treat? #Halloween #Electionday
How scary was this on Halloween? A senator spoke honestly in public: Mary Landrieu, asked why Obama has such low approval ratings in Louisiana. “I’ll be very, very honest with you. The South has not always been the friendliest place for African-Americans. It’s been a difficult time for the president to present himself in a very positive light as a leader.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Florida jokes, football jokes, Janice Hough, Michigan jokes, Panda jokes, parade jokes, SFGiants jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 30, 2014
So what time do the SF Giants play today? Oh, wait…. never mind. #missingbaseballalready
Amazing how people who complain that the World Series was a game between two Wild Cards and thus a devaluation of the regular season seem to have had no problem with, say, the 2007 Super Bowl Champion NY Giants. Or the 2010 Packers. #NFLcandonowrong
Ok, who had the #NewOrleansSaints, starting 2-4, in 1st place in the AFC South after week 8? #WhoDat
Oops. Jets WR Eric Decker tweeted out “”tell me why you love the @nyjets using #jetsdiehardfan and I’ll send a signed prize to my favorite.” And with the team 1-7 he got a predictable result. Though have to figure a sincere response would have been “when OUR team has them on the schedule.”
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Question, who was the umpire at first base for game seven of the World Series? As my son points out, few people know the answer to that question, and thanks to instant replay, he won’t become as infamous as Don Denkinger.
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After Game 5 of the World Series, the Royals’ Jarrod Dyson said “One good thing for us, we don’t have to worry about Bumgarner no more.” Not exactly.
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Babies in San Jose.
From Alex Kaseberg “In San Francisco’s Castro district last night, men were ripping off their clothes, swilling champagne and dancing in the street. When asked how long they would celebrate the Giants win, they said; ‘What Giants win?”
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Now that the World Series is over, ESPN can get back to the news they really care about, like this headline story today: “A-Rod’s suspension ends. Back in play for Yanks.”
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And then all these ESPN headlines about LeBron James returning to Cleveland. Score of the game? Oh, you mean there’s a game?
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RG III will start for Washington this weekend against the Vikings. Good thing the game will be played in Minnesota. The boos from the stands will be less embarrassing than they would be at Fed Ex Field.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: A-Rod jokes, baseball jokes, bumgarner jokes, ESPN jokes, Janice Hough, Lebron jokes, SF Giants jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
October 30, 2014
After the SF Giants win, the folks at Kaufmann stadium turned the fountains to orange. And hey, since the Giants are an even year team, happy to root for the KC Royals in 2015.
If poetry is “emotion recollected in tranquility,” then these World Series post game shows are indeed poetry. #SFGiants
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Doesn’t it seem sometimes like Joe #Panik has always been at 2nd for the #SFGiants? #realbaseballplayer
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But breathing plan for Game 7. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Ah screw it, so how long can you hold your breath anyway? #SFGiants #Game7 #WorldSeries
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Chicks dig the small ball #sfgiants #WorldSeries
SF Giants have accomplished a double mission. First, winning the World Series. Second, giving all their fans a free cardiac stress test.
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And yet, win or lose, Giamatti was right about baseball. Nonetheless, Go Giants.
“It breaks your heart. It is designed to break your heart. The game begins in the spring, when everything else begins again, and it blossoms in the summer, filling the afternoons and evenings, and then as soon as the chill rains come, it stops and leaves you to face the fall alone. ”
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Joe Maddon is the new manager of the Chicago Cubs, reportedly for about a 5 year, $25 million contract. Which might work out to over $8 million a year. #tradition #waituntilnextyear
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Jeb Bush has hit the metaphorical campaign trail, assailing Obama for his Ebola response, saying it “fueled fears that may not be justified.”So what the President really should have done to calm Americans was start shutting down the media? Starting with FOX News.
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Harold Reynolds last night during the World Series telecast called Bud Selig “the greatest (MLB) commissioner of all time.” Hard to imagine but someone did it. Proved they could be worse about baseball than Joe Buck,
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Not alas, the Onion. In Arizona, the Senate Judiciary Committee endorsed a bill that would allow employers to ask employees for proof that they are seeking contraceptives for purposes other than sex. (like acne, or hormone issues) and deny them coverage if they don’t comply. Where’s the bill to ban coverage for Viagra?
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Jerry Jones on whether Tony Romo will play next week. “This is a function of pain tolerance. And Cowboys fans during the Romo years are rolling their eyes and thinking “we know all about pain tolerance.”
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Poor Julius Randle. The Lakers rookie, who broke his leg in the season opener, will probably be out for the year. On a brighter note, next year Randle has a good chance of playing with a #1 draft pick.
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Bill Littlejohn, on Florida football coach Will Muschamp saying he’s adopting a bunker mentality: “Which one, Archie or Edith?”
Categories: baseball jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, janice houghgarner jokes, Lakers jokes, madison bumgarner jokes, Royals jokes, SF Giants jokes, World Series jokes
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October 28, 2014
This just in. ESPN experts predict winner of Wednesday’s SF Giants KC Royals game will win the World Series.
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SF Giants game 7 strategy? Wear out KC Royals bats in game 6?
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So ESPN wanted Derek Jeter to matter in the postseason. And who knows, the SF Giants, baseball’s most consistent unkillable cockroaches, may well win tomorrow. But home field advantage for this World Series was probably decided by Wainwright deciding to groove that farewell All-Star pitch….
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Only fun San Francisco fans are having tonight with #WorldSeries so far is thinking how dismal the ratings must be for #FOX at this point in Game 6. .#SFGiants
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Saddest story of this MLB postseason is of course Oscar Tavares. But his death apparently inspired two friends, Juan Perez and Yordano Ventura, to have the games of their lives. #WorldSeries
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Bus to hell time. TMZ is reporting that Jose Canseco blew his middle finger off his right hand while cleaning his handgun at home in Las Vegas. Well, not like he used it for fielding or anything.
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Taking time out from the World Series, send good wishes to Gordie Howe. Mr. Hockey, who at 86 is apparently recovering from a “serious stroke.” He was a dominant player in his sport longer than almost anyone. Yes, including Derek Jeter.-
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First NCAA playoff rankings out. 3 #SEC teams out of 4. Shocking to many. They expected 4 #SEC teams. #Collegefootballplayoff
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If NY & NJ really want to beat #Ebola, forget quarantine. Have folks returning from Africa join the #NYJets. None of them can catch anything.
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Dunkin’ Donuts is introducing a croissant-donut. But the chain maintains it is NOT a “Cronut.” Why? Because their lawyers said so.
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Sarah Palin “Those haters out there, they don’t understand that it invigorates me…. the more they’re pouring on the more I’m going to bug the crap out of them by being out there with a voice, with the message, hopefully running for office in the future, too.” Palin “haters” and comedy writers alike heard the last part and are thinking, “Promise?”
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At a Southern Baptist conference titled “The Gospel, Homosexuality and the Future of Marriage,” some speakers talked about being the voice of a moral minority because gay marriage is a “rejection of God’s law.” Wonder why some of these folks don’t also have conferences against heterosexual adultery and divorce?
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The #NBA season started Tuesday night. The Philadelphia #76ers will be eliminated from playoff contention tomorrow.
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Michael Jordan, majority owner of the Charlotte Hornets, says he is “dreaming” of a seventh NBA ring. Yep, “dreaming” is absolutely the correct word.
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Dwight Howard said today “I didn’t leave L.A. because I was afraid of Kobe Bryant.” More like Dwight was afraid of not making the playoffs.
Meanwhile, Lakers rookie Julius Randle, the team’s #1 pick, broke his right tibia during an opening night loss. Meaning alas Randle will likely be as helpful to this year’s team as Steve Nash.
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RG III might be ready to go back in as Washington’s quarterback for their next game as the team has a bye week coming up. And fans are now thinking, take a little more time to heal your ankle. A year or two to be safe.
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Dolly Parton, on her support of gay rights: “But as far as the Christians, if people want to pass judgment, they’re already sinning. The sin of judging is just as bad as any other sin they might say somebody else is committing. I try to love everybody.” As Dolly has also said, “I know I’m not dumb, and I know I’m not blonde.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: cronut jokes, Ebola jokes, Game 7 jokes, gay marriage jokes, Janice Hough, Jeter jokes, NBA jokes, Royals jokes, SEC jokes, SF Giants jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 28, 2014
American Airlines cancelled a Los Angeles to London flight Sunday and passengers were kept onboard for hours when someone on board picked up a wi-fi hot sport named “Al-Quida Free Terror Nettwork.” Police said today that “no crime was committed.” Shouldn’t someone be charged with felony stupidity?
So as we approach game six of the #WorldSeries, it makes so much sense that home field advantage was decided by a midsummer exhibition game where the only Royals and Giants involved were Salvador Perez and Hunter Pence, with one AB each, and Greg Holland who pitched one inning.
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Oops, country singer Aaron Lewis, who as Deadspin noted criticized Christina Aguilera’s version of the Star Spangled Banner (“I don’t understand how people that sing the national anthem can be so f— self-obsessed that they would try to change that f— song.”), forgot the words last night at A T& T Park, singing the second line as “What so proudly we hailed were so gallantly streaming.”
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And apologies to my Dodgers fan friends for this. But it was too funny to resist.
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“Bachelor” Juan Pablo and his girlfriend Nikki have broken up. “I’m shocked,” said none of the three people who cared.
A recent CNN poll found that 53% disapprove of President Obama’s performance. Which puts him well ahead of Congress, which has an 85% disapproval rating.
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Some think Chris Christie’s tough guy style might be just what America needs against the Russians etc. But as of today it’s Nurse 1, Governor 0.
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The Crimson Tide Foundation, Alabama boosters, paid off Nick Saban’s $3.1 million home last year and are paying property taxes each year. Of course if the NONPROFIT foundation bought dinner for some players the kids would be suspended.
University of Florida coach Will Muschamp complained today. “Well, you’ve got to get home and explain to your 9-year-old why they’re chanting to fire your dad.” So guess Muschamp’s 9-year-old doesn’t watch the games?
NY Jets GM John Idzik said in rambling press conference he is not concerned about his job security. That’s it. Forget the team’s record, that statement alone says that Idzik is too dumb to be GM.
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Meanwhile, add Colt McCoy to a long list of QBs who appear to be better than Geno Smith.
#Cowboys release #MichaelSam and promptly lose to #Washington? Maybe God isn’t that upset with gays in the locker room? #Rainbowkarma
Who says #Dodgers & #SFGiants fans can’t get along?. I think we all were thrilled tonight to see the #Cowboys lose.
So if we’re quarantining threats to the public, when can we start quarantining firearms owners who haven’t taken classes in gun safety?
So you think your parents messed you up. An unidentified person posted an Instagram photo this weekend of a small child wearing a Ray Rice costume and dragging a doll. The caption “Greatest costume ever.” The picture has been taken down.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: airline jokes, Alabama jokes, Chris Christie jokes, Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, SEC jokes, The Bachelor jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 27, 2014
The Reverend Hunter Pence, giving the field his pre-game blessing before World Series Game 5.
What was all this MVP chant late in game 5? Madison Bumgarner did go 0-4 tonight at the plate And he was not happy about it.
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And at one point tonight there was a nice play by Brandon Belt when Bumgarner forgot to cover first. Wonder if Madbum, a rancher in the off season, will offer Belt a cow as a thank you. #SFGiants. #WorldSeries
As a child fell seriously in love with baseball as #Detroit Tigers fan in 1968. So good to see #MADBUM channel #mickeylolich #WorldSeries
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Personally retired the “Automatic Out” nickname for #juanperez after the #NLDS. That nickname is now permanently retired. #Sfgiants #worldseries
Country singer Aaron Lewis forgot the words to the National Anthem tonight at A T& T Park, singing the second line as , “What so proudly we hailed were so gallantly streaming.” Jeff Passan of Yahoo Sports nailed this one. “For someone who has DON’T TREAD ON ME tattooed on his neck, Aaron Lewis might want to learn his national anthem before he tries it again.”
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Chicago DE Lamarr Houston injured himself celebrating a sack of New England’s backup QB in the 4th quarter of the Patriots’ rout of the Bears Sometimes the universe itself provides the best penalty for excessive celebration.
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The NFL has announced there will be 5 games in London next year. But NY Jets fans are asking if London will take all their remaining home games THIS year.
Michigan players put a spear into the field at Spartan Stadium before their 35-11 loss to MSU. Seems like the Wolverines might be better served by learning how to put the ball into the end zone.
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Breaking news, #NYJets fans ask Gov. Cuomo and Gov. Christie if they can quarantine #GenoSmith
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Jeb Bush’s son said today now it’s “more than likely” that his father will run for president in 2016. God Bless America. Thank goodness we don’t live in a banana republic where power is only in the hands of a few families.
Meanwhile, the New Orleans Saints staked their claim to be the best 3-4 team in the NFL, beating Green Bay 43-22. Though apparently both defenses took the night off – there were no punts by either team, the third time that’s happened in NFL history
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And now for a little sad perspective on the fact that it is after all just a game. St. Louis star rookie Oscar Taveras, dead in a car accident. Only 22 years old. He hit a game tying home run against the Giants in an NLCS game that the Cardinals ended up winning. His only postseason home run as it turned out. He and Juan Perez were good friends. Nice story here from Newsday.
http://www.newsday.com/sports/columnists/david-lennon/oscar-taveras-death-lessens-joy-of-world-series-1.9549640
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: bumgarner jokes, Janice Hough, Jets jokes, madbum jokes, NFL jokes, World Series jokes
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October 26, 2014
SF Giants are undefeated in games in which Mo’Ne Davis throws out the first pitch.
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My Twitter post at 430p today…. Lucky guess? .#Stanford‘s moribund offense woke up today against #oregonstate. Maybe a good omen for #SFGiants offense. #WorldSeries”
So who figured that the SF Giants would outscore both LSU and Ole Miss tonight.
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World Series game four did last four hours exactly. Hope this isn’t an omen for game five.
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USA Today’s Bob Nightengale led his game 4 World Series story about the SF Giants’ win “Those loveable little, pesky cockroaches, you just can’t kill ’em.”
How long until they start selling stuffed cockroaches at A T & T Park.?
The Kansas City Royals had them trapped
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One weird thing at #WorldSeries. The out-of-town scoreboard is blank. #SFGiants
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Need a reason to root for the #SFGiants?. Apparently their being in the World Series upset Kanye West’s plans to take over AT&T park for a private concert as a birthday present for Kim Kardashian.
(as my friend Marty B. said, then it would be T &A ballpark.)
And after a great sports day with Stanford and SF Giants both winning, saw USC lose to Utah 24-21 on a touchdown pass with 8 seconds left. #asgoodasitgets
(although, to be fair. Oregon State alums who live in Kansas City with kids going to USC were not happy today.)
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New York’s LaGuardia Airport was the only one in America to make the top ten in a list of the “World’s Worst Airports”. And LaGuardia came in at 10th. Another way in which we’re losing U.S. exceptionalism?
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Stay classy, Texas. This tweet from Ted Cruz’s Deputy Chief of Staff, Nick Muzin, tweeted Thursday “Before Obamacare there had never been a confirmed case of Ebola in the United States.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: cockroach jokes, Janice Hough, Royals jokes, SF Giants jokes, Texas jokes, World Series jokes
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October 25, 2014
Oops. Broncos practice squad player John Boyett, arrested for public intoxication in Denver, told police to “contact my boss, John Elway.” Make that “former boss.” The Broncos cut him yesterday.
If you smoke, don’t text…. A Georgia man, apparenty running low on his supply, sent a text asking “You have some weed?” He accidentally sent the text to his probation officer….. Oops. He is now back behind bars.
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As a Stanford grad, really hated to be rooting against a Cardinal pitcher in the World Series. (Jeremy Guthrie) But life is a series of tough choices. #SFGiants.
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A home run in the 6th inning for Pablo Sandoval with 1 on and San Francisco down 1 run might have priced the Panda out of the Giants league in 2015 as a free agent. But would have been okay with it. #oneyearatatime
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Tampa Bay manager Joe Maddon exercised his opt-out clause with the Rays, and is rumored to be going to the Cubs. Maybe now that he’s turned 60, Maddon just wants to be sure of having Octobers off.
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ToysRUs removes Breaking Bad Action Figures from stores. At least parents can still buy wholesome Mortal Kombat figures & video games. #WTF?
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Shocking, we’ve actually found a depth that reality TV won’t sink to….TLC has cancelled “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” because Mama June is dating a recently released convicted child molester. (Of course, there’s still time for another network to pick the show up.)
Hell is freezing over. I agree with #haroldreynolds . He said “The National League is a better game.” #WorldSeries #SFGiants
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So a health worker arriving from West Africa with no symptoms has been quarantined for 21 days under a new mandatory policy announced by Governors Andrew Cuomo and Chris Christie. Meanwhile, at least one student plus alleged shooter dead in at a high school near Seattle. Think there will be any changes with gun control?
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So while we are freaking out about Ebola, a San Diego State student died Saturday from meningitis, which is also spread by close contact. And apparently this poor young woman was in a sorority and went to two frat parties a few days before she had symptoms…. But we aren’t quarantining Southern California, yet.
T. C. on American tobacco company RJ Reynolds instituting a no-smoking policy at all its offices. “In related news, the manufacturer of ex-lax has removed all the restrooms from its buildings.”
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: crooks are stupid jokes, Ebola jokes, Janice Hough, marijuana jokes, NFL jokes, ToysRUs jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
October 23, 2014
“Experts” haven’t done very well with MLB postseason predictions. Though many of them are now confidently predicting that either the winner of game 1 or game 2 will end up World Series Champions.
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It’s not just baseball. USA Today announced their seven experts’ picks for this weekend in the NFL, along with their pre-season predictions for the Super Bowl. The picks? Two for the Patriots, two for the Seahawks, two for the Saints and one for the Packers. #throwingdarts?
In a Chevrolet commercial Mo’ne Davis talks about being a girl and throwing 70 mph. And somewhere Barry Zito is just weeping.
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So ratings are down for the World Series? Bummer for FOX. Of course, they could have done something radical like actually showing more than a few playoff games earlier this October on network television.
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Careerbuilders just released their list of the year’s Top 10 ridiculous excuses for calling in sick. #2. “Employee caught their uniform on fire by putting it in the microwave to dry.” And millions of Americans are thinking “Wow, okay, so you can’t do that?”
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Dogs tackled the latest White House fence jumper and police were able to arrest him. Hmm, if the Secret Service just upgrades the dog commands from “stop” we might have fewer security breaches and a reduced K-9 pet food bill.
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Michigan announced that their 2015 student season passes to all football games, now $280, will be $175. And many fans responded, “You’re paying us, right?”
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South Carolina House Speaker Bobby Harrell resigned today after pleading guilty to six counts of misconduct in office charges over taking campaign money for his personal use. The former speaker received a suspended sentence with probation and must pay the the $93,958 back plus a $30,000 fine. $93,958?!!. Theft of over $2000 is felony grand larceny in the state. So who does Harrell think he is, a football player?
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Oscar Pistorius is apparently crying himself to sleep in prison. “I feel so sorry for him.” said nobody.
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A Delta airplane and a Delta Connection plane clipped wings at Minneapolis Airport while one was taxiing and the other was backing out from the gate. No injuries, and the airline responded ” Safety is always Delta’s top priority.” Well, maybe second from the top, after saving money by outsourcing ground personnel jobs to near minimum wage workers.
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Lakers president Jeanie Buss says “Any free agent that would be afraid to play with Kobe Bryant is probably a loser.” Well, at this point either that or said player might have some crazy dream of going to the NBA playoffs.
Another thought about this substitute teacher accused of having sex with a high school student. Times have changed. Most fun we had in our day with a substitute was games with fake names for attendance. Mickey Mouse, Ima Nutt, etc. And the famous Dick Hertz. (Which would lead to the roll call and no one answering… then if we were lucky “Okay, who’s Dick Hertz?”) #TBT
Reports are that Steve Nash will be out for the entire 2014-15 NBA season with nerve issues. Shocking. You mean Steve Nash hasn’t already retired?
The first #Ebola case has been diagnosed in in #NewYorkCity. Uh oh, this could mean a media frenzy.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Fox jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Lakers jokes, Pistorious jokes, Steve Nash jokes, White House jokes, World Series jokes
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October 23, 2014
Would really be worth watching the in-game interviews if one day some ball player snaps and just says “STFU with the stupid questions and let’s just watch the game.” #WorldSeries
On a brighter note for #SFGiants #Posey wasn’t thrown out again at the plate tonight. #WorldSeries
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Giants reliever Hunter Strickland got into a shouting match with Royals catcher Santiago Perez. FOX was really disappointed. Had it escalated into a full scale brawl ratings would have been better.
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But okay, . So before game 1, the Royals seemed to be clear favorites with a bullpen that made the 7-9th innings irrelevant. Then it was going to be a Giants sweep. Tonight “the pesky Kansas City Royals fought back from a Game 1 flop to beat the San Francisco Giants’ brilliant bullpen.” ESPN and FOX analysis makes Brett Favre look decisive.
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#whythereisnosatire In 2015, Camel cigarette maker Reynolds American Inc. will start prohibiting the use of cigarettes, cigars or pipes in the company’s offices, conference rooms and elevators.
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Safari bookings in Kenya have apparently dropped up to 70% because of Ebola fears. Despite the fact that Kenya is over 3000 miles from Liberia. This is as if overseas tourists started avoiding New York because of earthquake fears in California. #lookataglobepeople!
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The new President and COO of Norwegian Cruise line came from Darden, where he was COO of Olive Garden restaurants. Well, that ought to do wonders for the image of cruise ships having mediocre food.
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Who says football isn’t educational. The Florida Gators have replaced their starting QB with a true freshman. And a number of players now may learn the historical story behind the phrase “replacing deck chairs on the Titanic.
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The NCAA just stated that the Mo’ne Davis’s Chevy commercial won’t affect her amateur status should the 13 year old want to play college sports. The statement concludes “While this situation is unusual, the flexible approach utilized in this decision is not.” In other words, we want to be at least as fair to Mo’ne as we would be to an SEC Heisman winner.
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A judge ruled that Roger Goodell must testify at the hearing on Ray Rice’s appeal of his indefinite suspension. So that will settle it, when he gets asked direct questions, why would anyone doubt Goodell’s honesty?
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Kim Kardashian, in an interview with ES magazine on daughter North West ‘She will have to work for what she wants’, just like Kim herself did. And she said it with a straight face.
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-In Washington, D.C., a 22 year-old substitute teacher allegedly had sex with a football player student, 17, on her first day of school. Wow. And here some say substitutes can never match up to regular teachers.
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How can you really top some statements with a punchline? Fox News’ Kimberly Guilfoyle, saying that young women don’t have the proper “life experience” such as having kids and paying bills that allows older women to make informed decisions, whether in the voting booth or the courtroom. “They’re like healthy and hot and running around without a care in the world, so they should be “excused” so “they can go back on Tinder or Match.com.”
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From Bill Littlejohn “Report–Texas is to pay scholarship athletes 10K per year.Why the pay cut?”
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Finally on a serious note, one of those times you hope there is a hell. Because there should be a special circle of it for someone who shoots an unarmed soldier guarding a war memorial. #Ottawa.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Ebola jokes, Giants jokes, Janice Hough, Kardashian jokes, NCAA jokes. Mo'ne Davis jokes, Strickland jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 21, 2014
Really good of #JoeBuck to educate us repeatedly on how the #SFGiants are without #AngelPagan, a vital part of their team. #WorldSeries
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A few weeks after Matt Cain’s perfect game in 2012 I got upgraded on a plane and seated next to Karl Ravech. Told him that as impressive as Cain was, along with Cy Young winner Lincecum, I didn’t think either of them would end up being the best of the Giants’ current pitchers. Might not have been my worst hunch ever. #Madbum.
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Really a shame #WorldSeries game 1 is in an American League park. #Madbum is probably upset that he hasn’t had a chance to bat. #SFGiants
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And we thought Jeter was precocious? #MadisonBumgarner turned 25 on Aug 1. he is pitching in his third #WorldSeries. #SFGiants
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Is #BusterPosey trying to set a record for being thrown out at home in the postseason?
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The Kansas City Royals are a great story. But as to the die-hard long-suffering fan narrative? The team ranked 25th in attendance this year. 25th. #bandwagon #Worldseries
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Dallas has waived #MichaelSam from their practice squad. Well, at least I can go back to hating the #Cowboys again.
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Taylor Swift is now doing marketing promos for Subway. How long until she breaks off the partnership and writes a song about it for Quiznos?
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Anthony Weiner told Politico that his career in politics “is probably over.”‘ What was his first clue?
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Tim Tebow, on the woeful Florida Gators: “One of the biggest problems on the offense is leadership.” And fans are thinking “What leadership?”
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In Florida, there’s a lot of voting by mail. One contentious issue this year is “Amendment 2,” which would legalize medical marijuana. It’s expected to be close — advocates are just hoping many supporters send their ballots back BEFORE the election.
(as my friend Jim M.. says “Dude, where’s my vote?”)
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Oscar Pistorius was sentenced to five years for killing his girlfriend. Under South African law, after 10 months, 1/6 of his sentence, he can ask for house arrest. When all this is over wonder Oscar’s friends have warned him not to come to the U.S. and steal any of his memorabilia…
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Love it. Rwanda’s Ministry of Health will screen all visitors who have been in the United States or Spain 22 days before arrival. Travelers will have their temperatures taken and anyone with a fever will be denied entry; others will have to report their health daily. Maybe to be safe the rest of the world should start quarantining Texans?
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Legendary Washington Post editor Ben Bradlee, 93, has died. For the younger generation, yes, there was a time when people actually got their news from newspapers, and when we were shocked that politicians really were crooks,
Had Renee Zellwegger had her work done during the filming of Jerry Maguire, the movie might have ended, “Hello, I’m looking for my wife…. Uh, who the hell are you?”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Joe Buck jokes, Michael Sam jokes, Renee Zellwegger jokes, Royals jokes, SFGiants jokes, World Series jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 20, 2014
Notre Dame coach Brian Kelly is still complaining about the pass interference call against his team, basically over an illegal “pick play” that sealed FSU’s win Saturday night. Can we start referring to this as a “sacramental whine?”
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There are reports that Bruce Jenner is dating Kris Jenner’s good friend Ronda Kamihira. Kris is reportedly shocked, she didn’t realize Ronda was a lesbian.
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Monica Lewinsky, speaking at the “Forbes’ Under 30 Summit”” against cyber-bullying – “Sixteen years ago, fresh out of college…I fell in love with my boss.” Well, yeah, cyber-bullying is awful. And poor girl, she had no way to know her boss was married…..
Oscar de la Renta has died at the age of 82. Most women are thinking, “Sad, it’s the end of an era.” Most men are thinking “What team did he play for?”
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After Peyton Manning’s 509th TD pass, Broncos receivers played “keep away” with the ball. Funny, that’s the same game Jets receivers usually seem to play when Geno Smith throws to them.
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Apparently after yesterday’s loss to the Miami Dolphins, Chicago Bears WR Brandon Marshall called out quarterback Jay Cutler. And long-time Bears fans said “What took you so long?”
(From my friend Alex B. “Responded Cutler: ‘Well if you’d just stand still, I could accurately throw you the ball!’!”
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On World Series Eve, trying to remember all the national derision when Wild Card teams made it to, and even won, the Super Bowl. Oh, that’s right…. there wasn’t any.
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Texans and Steelers were on Monday Night Football. Two teams that are about as appealing to a national audience as the Royals and Giants in the World Series.
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Louisville basketball coach Rick Pitino tweeted: “I truly believe we will beat Florida State (in football) … I haven’t been this excited for a football game in a long time.” Hmm, has anyone checked that man for concussions?
Burlington Elementary School just banned students from bringing any food, including birthday cake, to school birthday celebrations. The rationale, sending a message “to the parents and kids, especially with the obesity rate being so high.” Another example of an overly PC blue state, right? Wrong. The school is in Kentucky.
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CNN headlines “Glimmers of hope in fight against Ebola: Nigeria and Senegal are Ebola-free. A Spanish nurse’s aide has beaten Ebola. And Dallas has cleared dozens from Ebola monitoring.” Does this mean it’s time for the GOP to start talking about Benghazi again?
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Too simplistic, but awfully tempting just to vote on propositions solely based just on who is paying for the ads for and against them.
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Ah Texas. Attorney General Greg Abbott, running for Governor, was asked about interracial marriage and gave a vague answer. When a reporter said she “wasn’t clear if he was saying he would have defended a ban on interracial marriage.” Abbott replied, “Actually, the reason why you’re uncertain about it is because I didn’t answer the question. And I can’t go back and answer some hypothetical question like that.’” I SO miss Molly Ivins…
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes
Tags: Bruce Jenner jokes, Cutler jokes, Janice Hough, MNF jokes, monica lewinsky jokes, Notre Dame jokes, Peyton Manning jokes, World Series joke
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October 19, 2014
The Cowboys’ Joseph Randle, arrested for shoplifting underwear last week, has now signed an endorsement deal with MeUndies, an underwear company. So how long until Jameis Winston signs with Red Lobster?
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Open note to haters. If God really is anti-gay, then how to explain the team that signed Michael Sam to their practice squad having a better season than even their hard core fans could have imagined? #Cowboys
(And no, I am STILL not a Dallas fan. But credit where credit is due.)
Will all these people complaining about an 88 win team playing a 87 win team in the World Series please consider that the “better” MLB teams have a 2 and 16 record in the 2014 postseason against the Kansas City Royals and the SF Giants..
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The Keene, NH, Pumpkin Festival turned into a riot last night, and police had to use tear gas and pepper spray to disperse the crowd. So do we add pumpkin to the list of gateway drugs?.
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Peyton Manning threw his 508th career TD pass today, tying Brett Favre’s NFL record. Asked to comment, especially after watching some other QBs today, Favre responded “well, 508 is my total, so far.”
FSU coach Jimbo Fisher after beating Notre Dame. “This team has tremendous what I call ‘adversity tolerance.” Over-under on how many Seminoles players can spell “adversity tolerance”?
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On a brighter note these days, especially after last’s night debacle in Tempe, at least Stanford fans don’t have to worry any more about all those “David Shaw being lured to the NFL rumors.”
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But on the other hand, Notre Dame is upset because their game comes down to a controversial referee decision. And the rest of college football is trying not to giggle.
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Spain’s “Special Ebola Committee” says that the nurse aide who had contracted Ebola is now free of the virus. Although why should we let a little good news get in the way of serious hysteria.
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Here we go again, now it’s Rep. Peter King demanding Obama must immediately ban on anyone traveling from West African countries with Ebola to the USA. Now, first, there are visa issues. But if anyone IS in one of those countries who is either a U.S. citizen or has a green card or U.S visa, well, of course they wouldn’t think of buying two or more separate tickets to get around such a ban, would they?
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Meanwhile from Alex Kaseberg: ” The Canadian Ebola vaccine looks very promising. If Canada can rid themselves of Justin Bieber, they can get rid of anything.”
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R.I.P. Nashville songwriter Paul Craft, 76. He wrote for the Eagles, Linda Ronstadt, and Ray Stevens. And he did write the country song with perhaps the greatest title ever, “Dropkick me Jesus. (Through the Goalposts of Life.)
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Cowboys jokes, Ebola jokes, Jameis Winston jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Notre Dame joke, Peyton Manning jokes, pumpkin jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
October 19, 2014
And some people still think football players don’t need math skills. Tulane QB Nick Montana spiked the ball today near the end of the first half to stop the clock. On fourth down….. #Oops
Texas A&M QB Kenny Hill has filed for the trademark Kenny Trill, “Trill” apparently being a new word meaning “true and real.” So after today’s 59-0 blowout by Alabama does that mean it’s “true” that A&M is “real”ly over-rated?
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Notre Dame game winning TD against FSU called back for offensive pass interference. Guess the Fighting Irish couldn’t bring their own officiating crew from South Bend
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#WestVirginia upsets Baylor. And the Mountaineers will be getting flower deliveries from every one-loss #SEC school. #BAYvsWVU .
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Oklahoma’s star senior kicker Michael Hunnicutt missed a potential game winning 19 yd field goal, after missing a 32 yd attempt earlier, and having a extra point blocked. If the Sooners end up playing Stanford in a bowl there won’t be enough Maalox in the country for fans of both teams during place kicks.
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Although be careful what you wish for. No doubt many Stanford football fans were hoping tonight’s game against ASU wouldn’t come down to a field goal attempt by Jordan Williamson..
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Blake Griffin said he is frustrated over continued hard fouls, and “probably” will start retaliating if they continue. Could result in a big jump in Clippers’ TV ratings….
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So its now harder to vote than to buy a gun in #Texas.
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If seniors weren’t traditionally conservative voters have to figure Republicans would be trying to stop all this early voting in Florida. With the excuse that some percentage of these voters won’t still be alive on election day.
Interesting #FSUvsND matchup, One QB coming off a year’s suspension, another looking like he deserves one.
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President Obama today on Ebola “This is a serious disease, but we can’t give in to hysteria or fear — because that only makes it harder to get people the accurate information they need. We have to be guided by the science.” Science? Really? That’s it. Now FOX News is really convinced the President isn’t a real American.
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Spectacular. According to Texas’s new Voter ID laws, a veteran’s ID or student ID will NOT be acceptable as identification, even with photos on them. A concealed handgun license IS acceptable. Can we just let them secede NOW?
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For all those who think baseball is boring, thanks to Dwight Perry for this from Vox.com – The breakdown of a Cincinnati-New England televised NFL game on Oct 6::
. Players standing around between plays: 35.5 percent
• Commercials: 24.5 percent
• Replays: 10.7 percent
• Coach shots: 4.9 percent
• Referee shots: 3.2 percent
• Halftime: 3.2 percent
• Sideline player shots: 2.2 percent
• On-screen promotions: 2 percent
• Other (crowd shots, cheerleaders): 5.5 percent
Actual football being played? 8.3 percent.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: BCS jokes, college football jokes, Janice Hough, Notre Dame jokes, Obama jokes, SEC jokes, Stanford jokes, Texas jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
Left Coast Sports Babe 