Posted tagged ‘Janice Hough’
February 3, 2012
Even at 82, she’s still got it. Sandra Day O’Connor at the elite Alfalfa Club dinner Saturday in D.C. said of the top two GOP presidential candidates, “one is a practicing polygamist, and he’s not even the Mormon.”
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The GOP primary candidates have moved their circus to Nevada in advance of the caucuses Saturday. If “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas,” can we ask the state to keep all of them?
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13 passengers were injured, one seriously (fractured hip), when their open air bus collided with a parked vehicle on a Royal Caribbean shore excursion. The cruise line said they were on the “”Best of St. Thomas and Shopping” trip. I can see it now – “Honey, of course I think we should go shopping, I’m just concerned about your safety.”
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Another in the “You Might Need a Life” dept – For $25, fans were able to purchase headsets to sit in the stadium stands on Tuesday and listen to Super Bowl media day interviews. Even scarier, apparently at the last minute some of the tickets were being scalped.
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After previously criticizing Mitt Romney regularly, Donald Trump endorsed Mitt for President. When asked why, presumably Trump’s response was “He had me at ‘I like firing people.'”
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Another reason Trump might have endorsed Romney. Maybe in the Donald’s mind this keeps alive his dream of being the first President with at least three wives.
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Apparently prostitutes at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch in Nevada are donating their tips to Ron Paul. What a great country. And unlike some of the leveraged buyout types donating to Romney, these women actually provide value when they screw their fellow Americans.
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There are surprising rumors that Michele Bachmann might endorse Mitt Romney. While Bachmann has denied the rumors, a Boston Globe reporter suggested that her $1 million-plus campaign debt could be a factor in her deliberations. $1 million dollars! Or as Romney calls it “pocket change.”
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Not a big NY Giants fan but almost feeling sorry for Eli. Guy leads his 9-7 team to the Super Bowl, and this week he’s not even the Manning getting the most media attention.
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The NY Post apparently got hold of an email from Tom Brady’s supermodel wife Gisele to her friends and family, talking about how the Patriots “need us more than ever to send them positive energy so they can fulfill their dream of winning this super bowl. […] I feel Tommy really needs our prayer, our support and love at this time.” Even Mitt Romney says, “Talk about out of touch.”
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The NFL said they will give the 49ers a $200 million loan toward their new stadium in Santa Clara. Some worry when the team moves they will no longer be the San Francisco 49ers. And this could happen. On the other hand, the New York Giants don’t even play in the STATE of New York.
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Mitt Romney now says he misspoke when he said “I am not concerned about the very poor…. I am not concerned about the very rich.” I believe Mitt. I think he is concerned about the very rich. (They need those tax cuts.)
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His ego might be as big as Trump’s. And he’s richer than Romney. But here’s a billionaire I wouldn’t mind seeing some day running for higher office: NY Mayor Michael Bloomberg pledged up to $250,000 to Planned Parenthood to offset funds that were cut by the Susan G. Komen foundation, saying politics have “no place” in health care.
Categories: Uncategorized
Tags: Donald Trump jokes, Janice Hough, Romney I don't care about the poor, Ron Paul jokes
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February 1, 2012
Technicially, if you’re not an official sponsor, you’re not allowed to use the words “Super Bowl.” Yeah, hate to put a non-profit like the NFL at risk of losing money.
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Madonna says there will be “no nipple” in her Super Bowl halftime show. Not to say the former Material Girl is getting up there in years but the way NBC will assure this is by only showing Madonna above the waist.
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49ers coach Jim Harbaugh has signed up to play the A T & T Pebble Beach Pro-Am. Which means for the first time, CBS plans to schedule cameras every day on the course for the post-round handshakes.
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The Campaign Media Analysis Group (CMAG) analyzed political ads shown in Florida this past week and said 92% them were negative. As someone who just spent a weekend in Florida I am shocked – 8% were actually supposed to be positive?
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Sarah Palin has been saying “Annoy a liberal, vote for Newt.” Uh, actually not speaking for all liberals, but a number of us would be thrllled to see more in the GOP vote for Newt.
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Gingrich had a robocall in FL saying that as “Gov. of Mass, Romney vetoed a bill paying for kosher food for our seniors in nursing homes. Which meant Holocaust survivors were forced to eat non-kosher, because Romney thought $5 was too much to pay.” Newt may be doing the impossible, making Mitt appear the more likable candidate.
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Newt Gingrich seems like he’s on a mission to make us all forget about that Howard Dean scream.
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Now that the GOP primary is over, Florida residents who want to watch something embarrassing on TV will have to turn back to Orlando Magic games.
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Aaron Rodgers said on a radio interview that he was disappointed in some players’ effort during the Pro Bowl. “I felt like some of the guys on the NFC side embarrassed themselves.” Does that make them all honorary Oakland Raiders?
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This year the New York Giants are in the Super Bowl. Although at 9-7, barely over .500, many think the team didn’t deserve to be in the playoffs in the first place. And really, who does the NFL think it is? The NBA?
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Many changes on high school signing day for college football…. Sounds like some of these prior commitments had all the validity of a Kardashian marriage..
At Newt Gingrich’s Florida “Not-quite-Victory” Party, one of the tunes was “”Hit Me With Your Best Shot” by Pat Benatar Hearing that, Mitt Romney suggested Newt invite Dick Cheney.
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When a company says as part of their hold music-message “Thank you for your patience,” anyone else want to scream at them “What patience, a**holes?”
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Delta Airlines is apparently looking into the possibility of acquiring either US Airways or American. Thereby bringing airline travelers in the United States a step closer to one giant “Take it or Leave it Air Lines.”
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“You might need a life” story: A California woman and about 100 people who are fans of the Facebook game “Frontierville” reportedly posted 1,001,291 comments to a single post in order to break a Guinness World Record.
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From Bill Littlejohn: The Oakland Raiders have hired Greg Knapp as offensive coordinator, a position he held with the team in 2007 and 2008.I guess they want to re-capture the glory days of JaMarcus Russell”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Jim Harbaugh jokes, Madonna jokes, Super Bowl Jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
January 31, 2012
Newt Gingrich calls Mitt Romney a “liar.” Romney calls Gingrich a “loser.” How long until we graduate to “booger-face” and “poo-poo head?”
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The story of Mitt Romney putting his dog in a crate on the roof while driving to a family vacation is increasingly getting media attention. Suppose it is probably a good thing Mitt didn’t try to put the family cat in the crate on the roof – he wouldn’t be alive to run for anything.
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A new survey of smartphone owners finds only, 68% open only five or fewer apps at least once a week. Speaking for the, uh, mature users of smartphones, I’m not sure how many people over 40 can figure how to work five or more apps in the first place.
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Karma’s a bitch nonpolitical quote of the week from Madonna in the U.K. Times: “If I say to my daughter her outfit is a little bit too risque, she will look at me and say ‘that’s rich coming from you.”
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The Pro Bowl is over. Which means the Super Bowl pre-game show has begun.
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Romney and Gingrich are running Spanish language ads in Florida to appeal to Cuban-American voters, many of whom do not speak English. Then the candidates head off to Texas, Arizona and California, where they’ll bash Mexican-Americans who don’t speak English for their failure to assimilate.
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Apparently the Pole Fitness Association and others are circulating petitions to make pole dancing a gymnastic event in the Olympics. Which could lead to words never before heard from straight men “Honey, what time is women’s gymnastics on?
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Something semi-serious for a change: A new federal rule requires airlines to include taxes and fees in the prices they advertise. One Congressman has introduced a bill to overturn the rule, Rep Tom Graves of Florida.
Now, I’m sure it’s just coincidence, but Wikipedia has this about Graves’ predecessor in the district, who is now Governor of Georgia: “After Governor Deal signed a 30 million dollar tax break for Delta Air Lines, the airline upgraded Deal and his wife to “Diamond” meda…llion status, which provides them perks such as “free upgrades when seats are available, Sky Club membership, bonus miles, priority check-in and boarding, fee waivers and more”. Deal’s spokesperson said Delta airlines’ gift had no connection with the tax break, describing the gift granted by the airline to Gov. Nathan Deal and his wife as a “contribution to the state of Georgia.”
Or maybe Graves really does think being honest about their prices is too big of an imposition on the airlines. Right….
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Back to silliness: Next year’s Bachelorette is going to be Emily Maynard, the blond single mom who “won” the Bachelor -season with Brad Womack only to have their engagement fall apart. Her daughter, Ricki, is going to be 7. Well, guess that gives Emily a few years to figure out where to hide the tapes of the show before the kid hits puberty.
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From Marc Ragovin: So Herman Cain has endorsed Newt Gingrich. That’s like the pilot of the Exxon Valdez endorsing the captain of the Costa Concordia
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Florida jokes, Janice Hough, Romney dog in crate on roof, Romney Gingrich jokes, Romney jokes
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January 29, 2012
Amazing that of the two leading GOP presidential contenders now, the Mormon is the one with only one wife.
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Several injuries were reported at a casino construction site in Cincinnati. when a floor fell into a V shape Friday and sent workers crashing to the ground. It was one of the more noteworthy collapses in town, well, not involving the Bengals.
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Great line from Bill Maher – appropriate to many nonpartisan occasions – “It’s very hard not to be condescending when you’re explaining something to an idiot.”
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Overhead on the Pro Bowl telecast in the third quarter. “We’ve got a football game.” No, we’ve got a close score in an exhibition no one cares about, but it’s something to do on a Sunday before baseball starts and while NBA games don’t really matter.
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Newt Gingrich says of Mitt Romney, “He would say thing after thing after thing that just plain wasn’t true.” Like “Honey, sorry I couldn’t make it home… I was working late”?
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NFL Commissioner Goodell says the recession has helped grow TV audiences. “People want to feel part of a group, feel like they’re connected, and now during these difficult times, they can turn on free television…and forget their worries for just a few hours.” Very warm and fuzzy. Unless enough fans can’t afford tickets so the NFL blacks out their teams non-sellout home games.
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Mitt Romney is leading in Florida polls, especially around Orlando. Makes sense, in the Disney area most people have developed fond feelings towards life-like creatures.
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An Arizona city council candidate, Alejandra Cabrera, is fighting a judge’s ruling that barred her from running for office because her English was too poor. She should instead have considered running for Governor of California.
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The woeful Washington Wizards won their first road game of the season Saturday night against the Charlotte Bobcats. Thereby postponing at least briefly their team name change to the Washington Generals.
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Novak Djokovic beat Rafael Nadal for the Australian Open in a 5 set, 5-hour, 53-minute final. 5 hours and 53 minutes? That’s almost as long as a Kardashian marriage.
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Although Robert Rock and Tiger Woods were tied going into today’s final round of the Abu Dhabi golf tournament, Rock shot a 70 and won by two strokes. Wow. nobody is Tiger Woods any more. Not even Tiger Woods.
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Florida primary jokes, Janice Hough, NFL jokes, Wizards jokes
Comments: 1 Comment
January 27, 2012
During tonight’s debate, Newt Gingrich gushed over Callista, that she was artistic and “played the French horn.” Was he saying she’s musical, or was that a euphemism for her talents that convinced him to make her his third wife?
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Not voting for Ron Paul. But kudos to him for the best debate line of the night: “I don’t think we should go to the moon; I think we should send some politicians up there.”
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Well it WAS a good story. Yale QB Patrick Witt said he decided not to interview for a Rhodes scholarship in order to prepare for the Harvard-Yale game. Except that the NY Times reports the Rhodes Trust had already suspended Witt’s candidacy because it learned that a female student had accused the QB of sexual assault in Sept….. (Sounds like Patrick has a future in politics.)
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These debates are getting old. Here’s an idea, since both Romney and Gingrich have each switched several positions and remade their own histories, let’s do two solo acts – i.e. give them both a chance to debate themselves.
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Not trying to be appear like a California wine snob but…. was thrown for a loop by Liberty Creek wines at Walgreen’s, on sale for $4.99 for 1.5 litres today. Not so much the first two varietals (Cabernet Sauvignon and Chardonnay) but the third -“Sweet Red.”
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After the SF 49ers were eliminated, Michael Crabtree, who was basically AWOL in the playoffs, suggested that Alex Smith didn’t give him enough chances – “All I do is run routes When you don’t get that many opportunities, it’s hard to talk.” Wow. Sounds like Crabtree really does want to be the next Terrell Owens.
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President Obama is downplaying his public tiff with Arizona’s governor Jan Brewer and said she may have been seeking out attention. Ya think? Even Sarah Palin is probably privately referring to Brewer as a “media whore.”
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Hillary Clinton said again that she is stepping down as Secretary of State after Obama’s first term. Bill Clinton immediately asked the President to consider him for an foreign ambassadorship.
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The Museum of London is currently displaying a newly found coin, believed to be a “brothel token” in circulation in London during the 1st century AD. Wonder if it was lost on vacation by a young Larry King?
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Some conservative pundits are cheering Jan Brewer’s waving her finger at President Obama. Wonder what they would have said if a Democratic governor had done that to President George W. Bush?
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Pat Sajak says he and Vanna White used to take margarita breaks in the early days of “Wheel of Fortune.” Which is surprising. I’ve always thought they gave the margaritas to the contestants to get them to jump up and down and shriek like they do.
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Newt Gingrich is ragging on Mitt Romney today as a guy “who has Swiss bank accounts, Cayman Island accounts, owns shares of Goldman Sachs….” Harsh words from a man with a $500,000 credit account at Tiffany’s.
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Josh Garnett, #15 on the Sporting News high school prospect list (guard or tackle) was quoted last year – ““To land my commitment, the school is going to need to have a great school legacy of football, great players and coaches … and a great bioengineering program.” Today he chose Stanford.
(In the SEC, coaches are saying, “Hey, some of our players can spell bioengineering.”)
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Taco Bell is rolling out a new breakfast menu. But haven’t most people in their younger years already done Taco Bell for breakfast? Usually about 230a.
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Clinton jokes, GOP debate jokes, Jan Brewer jokes, Janice Hough
Comments: 1 Comment
January 26, 2012
While campaigning in Florida, GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney said that Barack Obama’s SOTU address was “detached from reality.” Only in America can a man who makes $10,000 bets in a debate, and talks about being unemployed while making $21 million a year, accuse someone else about being “detached from reality.”
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In Florida, Newt Gingrich said today that as President he would make sure the U.S. has a permanent moon base by the end of his second term. What’s more of a pipe dream? A base on the moon? Or a Gingrich second term?
(Alex Schubert says “a Gingrich first term?”)
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Frank McCourt has indicated he has already received over 20 bids, many of them with multiple potential investors, for the Los Angeles Dodgers. At this point the team may have more potential buyers than they have fans in the stands after the 7th inning.
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In a January 14 conversation with a friend wiretapped by Italian authorities, Costa Concordia Captain Schettino says, “I don’t ever want to go back on ship.” I think that can be arranged.
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Costa Captain Schettino’s wife apparently is standing by her man and defending him in an interview she gave to the magazine “Paris Match.” Sounds like someone got the number of Kobe Bryant’s jeweler.
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Terrell Owens said in a GQ interview that he’s nearly broke and “in Hell.” And the worst thing – there’s no quarterback he can currently blame it on.
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One thing that bothers many Americans about Mitt Romney’s tax returns is with the investment income he is now making all that money while currently doing nothing productive. Sort of like Barry Zito.
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Tim Lincecum signed with the SF Giants for $40.50 million for two years. Which means two years from now the Giants will either be idiots for not having locked him up longer, or brilliant for not getting into another Zito-like contract.
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Michele Bachmann announced today she will seek re-election to the House. And it was Jon Stewart’s turn to Tebow.
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Newt Gingrich told an interviewer for the Christian Broadcasting Network that Evangelicals like him because his affairs make him “more normal than somebody who wanders around seeming perfect.” And Bill Clinton said “Why didn’t I think of that?”
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In his response to the State of the Union, Indiana Gov. Mitch Daniels complained about Obama’s wasteful spending. Guess he feels the President hasn’t done enough to reverse the deficit explosion from George W.’s administration, when Bush’s budget director was… Mitch Daniels.
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Captain Schettino jokes, Concordia sinking jokes, Costa jokes, Janice Hough, Mitt Romney jokes, Newt Gingrich jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
January 25, 2012
President Obama’s speech tonight was very realistic in one regard. While he returned to the theme of Washington being broken, he offered no over-optimistic plans to fix the Wizards and Redskins.
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Another post State of the Union thought. President Obama was much more civil to the GOP than Newt Gingrich and Mitt Romney are to each other.
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And there’s some progress in the U.S.A after all. Watching the State of the Union reminds me that we now actually have both a President and a Speaker of the House who are men of color.
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Mitt Romney released his tax returns showing he will pay $6.2 million on income of over $42.5 million over the last two years. For a rate of 13.9% in 2010, and 15.4% in 2011. Well, gosh, with that kind of rate hike in 2011 I can see why Mitt thinks he needs a tax cut.
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Oscar nominations announced today. And all these politicians who disavow all knowledge of what their Super PACs are up to were somehow shut out of the “Best Actor Category.”
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Wonder if the Razzies will give a special award for “I fell into the lifeboat.”
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San Francisco Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi stated today that he will not take a leave of absence even though he has been charged with domestic violence – saying ““I will make sure, as I have been doing, (to) attend to the needs of the department.” At least he didn’t say he was a fighter.
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The Raiders have announced the hiring Dennis Allen as their new coach. Since he’s going to be their 10th head coach since 1995, shouldn’t they refer to him as their “interim head coach?”
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Costa Cruise Lines has offered passengers booked on future sailings of the Concordia a refund and a 30% discount on a future cruise. No exact word on the timeline for the discount. Which might matter as for several passengers no doubt they are thinking “when hell freezes over.”
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Oregon football coach Chip Kelly turned down the head coaching position with Tampa Bay, in order to stay with the Ducks. Guess even with all his self-confidence, Kelly didn’t think he could turn the Buccaneers into BCS contenders.
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The Indianapolis Colts are reportedly talking to 49ers Special Teams’ coach Brad Seeley. San Francisco is reportedly ready to let Seeley go, if he takes Kyle Williams with him.
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From T.C. SF punt returner Kyle Williams has been invited by all 4 NY area NHL teams to drop the puck at their next home game.
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Elizabeth Warren on the Daily Show in New York said the Patriots were going to “spank” the Giants in the Super Bowl. When asked by Jon Stewart, aren’t you supposed to waffle and say how much you respect the New York Giants, she responded “But I don’t.” Not a Patriots fan, but “You Go Girl!”
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In the South Carolina presidential primary, apparently 953 ballots were turned in that belonged to dead people. Said Chicagoans – “Amateurs!”
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Well, the SF Giants may not have signed any great hitters in the offseason. On the other hand, two of the best have gone to the AL. (Fielder and Pujols.) Does increase the likelihood of 2-1 wins over St. Louis and Milwaukee.
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Less than a week away from Super Bowl media day in Indianapolis. Just waiting for the first reporter to ask this year “Do you think the weather will be a factor?”
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Worst thing about the 49ers not making the Super Bowl. Not getting to hear Jim Harbaugh at Media Day. Especially after this response at a Monday press conference “Is it just California that everybody just wants to know how you feel? Care about what you thought, what you did, how you felt, how your pinky feels. Is that just a California thing? Back where I come from, nobody really cares.”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Costa jokes, Janice Hough, Oscars jokes, Romney jokes, state of the union jokes, Super Bowl Jokes
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January 24, 2012
Mitt Romney says Gingrich is “erratic,” Newt Gingrich says Romney “can’t be trusted.” Who’s winning? President Obama.
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Costa and their so-to-be-ex Captain are going at each other hot and heavy in the media as to assigning blame for the crash and sinking of the Concordia. Will the famous term for buck-passing be updated to “throwing someone under the cruise ship?”
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Who knew? The true MVP of the 2011 49ers might have been Ted Ginn. Jr.
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Open note to all spammers. Work on spelling. Doesn’t exactly inspire fear in your targets when they get an email supposedly from Paypal titled “account suspended, for your proection (sic).
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A rumor going around about Ryan Braun is that he says his failed drug test is the result of his taking medication for an STD. (Herpes.) Not that I want to impugn anyone’s good name unnecessarily but considering the number of children along with the reputations pro-athletes have…. does anyone really think he’s the only one taking such medication?
Or to put it another way, if meds for an STD made you test positive for PED’s, wouldn’t we have a lot more players on the 50 day shelf?
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All these folks ragging on Steven Tyler for his lousy rendition of the National Anthem. It could have been MUCH more painful to watch – Tyler could have had a wardrobe malfunction.
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Kia Motors said it is recalling 145,755 cars in the United States because of potentially faulty driver airbags. Wow. Kia has sold over 145,000 cars in the U.S?
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Two part joke with my comedy writer friend Paul Seaburn, who wrote the first joke below:
“India’s government wants an apology from Jay Leno for a joke where he said that the Golden Temple, which is India’s holiest shrine, could be Mitt Romney’s summer home. Romney wants an apology too for putting the idea into his wife’s head.
My following joke. Wonder how long until we see a Leno joke about Britain’s crown jewels upsetting Newt Gingrich for the same reason.
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Chicago White Sox owner Jerry Reinsdorf on his former manager – “Regarding Ozzie Guillen’s departure last September, I want to make it clear that he left with our organization’s blessing.” Translate, Reinsdorf told Ozzie, don’t let the clubhouse door hit you in the “behind.”
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Quote of the night on “the Bachelor” from model Courtney ” “I’m a nice person, don’t f*ck with me.”
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Royal Caribbean sent a long email to past guests reassuring them on the cruise lines safety procedures and even including links to videos on the subject. Here’s a simpler idea – just send out an email “Our captains don’t joyride.”
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Rick Santorum’s spokesman said Mitt Romney called him to “concede victory” in Iowa. But Romney’s spokeswoman said his campaign didn’t concede, that “Gov. Romney (just) called Sen. Santorum to congratulate him on the Iowa results.” Can’t imagine where politicians get the reputation for doublespeak.
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Sarah Palin said that Chris Christie’s comment that Newt Gringrich was becoming an embarrassment “was reflective of a lack of self-discipline.” Well, if anyone is an expert on a lack of self-discipline….
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Sarah Palin also said of New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie that he got his “panties in a wad.” Sarah, really? Is that the visual you want to inflict upon the world?
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A new study published online by the New England Journal of Medicine finds that some people are allergic to cold. “See, I just cheated on Hillary for my health.” said Bill Clinton.”
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Costa Concordia jokes, Costa jokes, cruise jokes, GOP debate jokes, Janice Hough, Palin jokes, Romney jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
January 23, 2012
R.I.P. Joe Paterno – For his sake it was a shame the cancer didn’t kill him six months earlier. And remembering this Edmund Burke quote -“All that is necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing.”
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The cancer killed Paterno so quickly, you have to wonder, was part of the problem that he waited too long to report the symptoms?
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Jerry Sandusky’s statement on the passing of Joe Paterno: “This is a sad day!” Yes, agreed, sad that the passing wasn’t Sandusky’s
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Kyle Wlliams has now joined Tim Tebow as one of those rare players who can get 60,000 plus fans on their feet screaming “Jesus Christ!”
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Weather was so bad at Candlestick fans expected to see a baseball game break out.
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Alex Smith picked a bad time to start looking like Alex Smith.
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The worst thing about a Boston-New York Super Bowl. It will give ESPN an easy excuse again to start talking about the Red Sox-Yankees.
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Kyle Williams will never have to buy himself a drink in New York again.
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Baltimore fans watching that last drive? “tell me truly, I implore — Is there — is there balm in Gilette? — tell me — tell me, I implore!” Quoth the Ravens “Nevermore.”
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In accepting his MVP award, Ryan Braun said “we all deal with challenges we never expected to endure.” Wonder if that translates to “damn guy TOLD me the stuff was undetectable.”
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John Boehner is already referring to President Obama’s Tuesday State of the Union speech as “pathetic.” Presume he’s also already ordered the crying towels?
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Gabby Giffords has announced she is retiring from Congress effective Monday. Wish her all the best, and clearly Giffords needs to do what is best for her health. But she is already more articulate than many of her fellow Congresspeople.
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Simon Cowell has apparently called off his engagement to long-time girlfriend Mezhgan Hussainy. Poor Simon, looks like he’s never going to find anyone he loves as much as he loves himself..
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The Discovery Channel announced Saturday yesterday that they will air a documentary on the Costa Concordia crash this spring. So congratulations to all those who had “seven days” in the pool.
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Regarding Steven Tyler’s rendition of the National Anthem -Objectively, he wouldn’t have even given himself a ticket to Hollywood.
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Oregon head coach Chip Kelly is apparently talking to the Tampa Bay Buccaneers about their head coaching vacancy. Wonder if that means that NCAA investigation into the Ducks’ recruiting program is more serious than we thought.
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An Italian rescue official now says there is a possibility that “unregistered” passengers (i.e. stowaways) may have been aboard the Costa Concordia. And we thought our TSA was sloppy.
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Your bailout money at work: Goldman Sachs investment banker Jeffrey Verschleiser has been sued from illegally profiting from bad mortgages at Bear Stearns before the firm’s collapse. But now he’s apparently spending over $1 million to take over an entire Aspen hotel for four days for his daughter’s bat mitzah. Even Mitt Romney is saying “How tone deaf can you be?”
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Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Costa Concordia jokes, Janice Hough, Jerry Sandusky jokes, Joe Paterno jokes, Ravens jokes, Super Bowl Jokes
Comments: 4 Comments
January 21, 2012
The Cleveland Indians pitcher formerly known as Fausto Carmona apologized for lying about his name and his age. After Leo Nunez of the Marlins was caught doing the same thing. If they are ever traded for each other it could be the first trade solely involving two players to be named later.
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Brilliant analysis from New England Patriots QB Tom Brady on his website, “The team that’s going to win this weekend is the team that plays the best.”
How weird is this NBA season? Tonight the Lakers lost to the Magic, and the Clippers lost to the T’Wolves. And the Clippers’ loss was more surprising.
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Although he hasn’t read it and says he won’t read it, Tiger Woods is already ripping former coach Hank Haney’s upcoming book about him: “I think people understand that this book is about money.” And Tiger’s point is?
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Tiger Woods claims he has not read the upcoming book by his former coach Hank Haney, but he is already criticizing it.
Sort of like those GOP candidates who say they haven’t seen their Super PAC commercials but can describe them word for word.
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So in conservative South Carolina, Mitt Romney may lose to a serial adulterer who told one of his wives he wanted an open marriage. To paraphrase Sally Field, Mitt should be thinking – “You don’t like me, you REALLY don’t like me.”
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Newt Gingrich says he was just misunderstood. He still does mean that marriage is between one man and one woman. He just meant to qualify that with “in bed, at the same time.”
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All this controversy about Gingrich wanting an open marriage. Newt already HAD an open marriage, he just wanted Marianne’s permission.
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The St. Louis Rams have announced they will play a regular season game in London in each of the next three NFL seasons. And from “across the pond” come the cries “Hey mates, haven’t we suffered enough?”
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Only 30 days until pitchers and catchers report. So, okay Cubs fans, time to order those “Countdown to elimination clocks.”
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Newt Gingrich said of our President – “He’s likeable. I would never beat Obama in a personality contest.” Yes, but the scary thing for the GOP…Gingrich does beat Mitt Romney in a personality contest.
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The blond hostess who was seen drinking with the Costa captain the night the ship sank is denying rumors they were romantically involved. She told an Italian paper he always was showing pictures of his daughter and that “A man who wants a lover does not behave like that.”
Uh, not saying the two were or they weren’t involved. But Bill Clinton doted on Chelsea.
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From Michael Hayne: “If Mitt Romney wants to get rid of Newt Gingrich, he just needs to become seriously ill and Newt will leave.”
And from Marc Ragovin, a last word on Tim Tebow.
Here’s a way to describe “passes completed/attempts” in a typical Tebow game: Tim 3:16
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Costa Captain jokes, Gingrich jokes, Janice Hough, Newt jokes, South Carolina jokes, Tiger Woods jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
January 20, 2012
Thirty minutes after the Costa Concordia hit the rocks, the captain is heard insisting that his cruise ship only had a blackout. That’s like Captain John Smith saying “it was only a little ice.”
According to an Italian newspaper, Costa Concordia Captain Schettino said to a judge that he miscalculated when steering the ship close to the island of Giglio to perform a sail-past salute to people onshore. But added “I’m a victim of my own kindness.” “A victim of his own kindness? I like “fell into the lifeboat” better.
As my friend Alex Schubert says, “He miscalculated steering a ship, but he somehow managed to make a dead on calculation when taking a giant plunge into a tiny lifeboat.”
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The story now is that the married 52 year old captain was drinking wine a dinner with a 25 year old blonde dancer, less than an hour before he put the ship on the rocks. Really? This guy wasn’t acting like a captain, he was acting like a future U.S. Presidential candidate.
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Let’s hope it doesn’t come out that the Captain called Rick Perry to ask the three things he should do in the event of a crash.
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Now the National Enquirer is reported that Khloe Kardashian’s father is O.J. Simpson. You know what this story coming out means? Ratings for their television show must be falling.
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All this talk about the potential damage that may come from Marianne Gingrich’s statement that Newt wanted an open marriage…. Did we forget that Americans elected Bill Clinton President twice?
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A 65 year old lawyer was arrested with a loaded handgun in her carryon as she boarded a flight at DFW Airport. Reportedly she “forgot” about the gun. TSA apparently saw the weapon but didn’t stop the woman so flights were delayed until they were able to find her. In TSA’s defense, they got everyone immediately with those illegal water bottles.
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So Rick Perry, another candidate who claimed God told him to run is out of the GOP Presidential race. Appears that God has recently lost interest in politics and American football.
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One of the hardest things to understand about Newt Gingrich and his affairs…. that there are actually three women who wanted to sleep with him.
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The latest vote count out of Iowa shows Rick Santorum winning by 34 votes, but GOP officials call it a “split decision.” Who was running these caucuses? The BCS?
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When told of Perry’s exit from the race, Mitt Romney said “We’re gonna miss him.” “Not half as much as we will”, responded Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert.
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Eastman Kodak has filed for bankruptcy. At one point the company was so iconic that their Kodachrome film was immortalized in a Paul Simon song. Said most under 30s – “What’s Kodachrome?” Said most under 20s – “What’s film?”
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Marianne Gingrich did an interview with ABC where she lambastes Newt for cheating on her with his future third wife. Right, as opposed to the cheating he did with Marianne on his first wife.
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Marianne Gingrich also said that Newt wanted an “open marriage.” Is the timing of this interview a shameless push for Bill Clinton’s endorsement.
Most unfortunate thing about tonight’s Lakers-Heat game? Someone had to win.
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A 65 year old lawyer was arrested with a loaded handgun in her carry-on as she boarded a flight at DFW Airport. Reportedly she “forgot” about the gun. TSA apparently saw the weapon but didn’t stop the woman so flights were delayed until they were able to find her. In TSA’s defense, they got everyone immediately with those illegal water bottles.
(and well, years ago Ann Richards did speak out about the concealed weapons law in Texas, which proponents said was for women’s protection, saying she didn’t presume to speak for all Texas women, but she didn’t think “most of us could find a gun in our purse”)
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Concordia captain jokes, Costa jokes, Gingrich jokes, Italian captain jokes, Janice Hough, Romney jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
January 19, 2012
(The Carnival- Costa theme song?)
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Poor Joe Biden. All these reported GOP speaking gaffes must have him missing the spotlight. Or at least that’s one explanation why he told San Francisco Democrats in a private fundraiser today that “the Giants are on their way to the Super Bowl.
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Actually posted this on Facebook last morning before Biden’s speech: You might be a S.F. bandwagon fan if….. You say you are excited about the Giants game this weekend but admit you hadn’t thought the Giants started playing until April.
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The Captain of the Concordia now said he fell into the lifeboat. I think I like I cheated on my wife because of “how passionately I felt about this country” better.
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The NY Post may not usually appear on the list of America’s top papers. But they do win the prize so far for the best headline on the Costa Concordia disaster- a picture of the captain on the front page of their paper edition with the caption “Chicken of the Sea.”
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Wonder if Captain Francesco Schettino has had time to change his Facebook status? Presumably from “At the helm of the Costa Concordia about to impress passengers with a beautiful island view,” to “It’s complicated.”
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And watching the television shots of the Concordia on its side with the deck steeply sloped towards the ocean, have to wonder if parent company Carnival will reconsider those ads of the “longest, fastest, waterslide” at sea.
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True fact: The Costa Concordia is a sister ship to Carnival’s Splendor. All of a sudden being adrift for three days off the coast of Mexico (which happened to the Splendor in 2010), doesn’t seem so bad.
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From my friend Jerry Perisho, “A member of the Italian Coast Guard told the captain of that cruise ship, who had already abandoned ship, “Get on board, dammit” That, of course, is the same message the Romney campaign team is screaming at Republican voters.”
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Now that Yu Darvish has signed with the Rangers, many of us have a whole new reason to look forward to interleague play. If Darvish can handle a bat or work a walk it means we can hear the announcer say “Yu’s on first.”
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Darvish’s name is actually pronounced “You duhr-veesh.” So will he be known to U.S. fans as a “Hurling Darvish?”
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Mitt Romney is having a tough few days talking about his 15% tax rate and making “only” about $375,000 a year from public speaking. I miss Ann Richards, who would no doubt be proclaiming “Poor Mitt, he was born with a platinum foot in his mouth.”
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Newt Gingrich has announced he pays a 31% percent tax rate, and is worth only about $6.7 million, much less than Mitt Romney. Wonder how much of that difference is Callista’s jewelry?
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Despite his positive PED test Ryan Braun will accept his NL MVP award at a banquet Saturday. Braun’s spokesman said “there are highly unusual circumstances surrounding this case which will support Ryan’s complete innocence.” Of course, aren’t there always?
My friend Karen wondered if he tripped and fell into a needle?
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Rob Lowe apparently tweeted that Peyton Manning is retiring. Could be true, or maybe Peyton is just floating a trial balloon to keep something awful from happening, like being traded to the Redskins.
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Some unfortunate stories of Saints fans being treated badly at Candlestick Park during the SF-New Orleans game. Well, this sort of harassment probably won’t happen if the team moves to expensive new digs in Santa Clara. The local folks who can afford tickets probably will be too busy with their cellphones.
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From Bill Littlejohn: It’s getting down to the wire for arbitration between Tim Lincecum and the San Francisco Giants. Lincecum demanded a Giants team batting average of .280 in arbitration—the Giants countered with .240″
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Carnival Cruise Line jokes, Concordia jokes, Costa Captain jokes, Costa jokes, Janice Hough
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January 18, 2012
Last week Jon Huntsman called Mitt Romney “unelectable” and “out-of-touch.” This week he endorsed him for President. I know Jon’s a Mormon but he changed his estimation faster than a man at a singles bar at closing time.
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Passengers on a BA Miami to London flight were awakened at 300am by an automated message saying “This is an emergency announcement. We may shortly need to make an emergency landing on water.”
A a cabin crew member had pushed the wrong button. Wonder if the employee might be terminated. If so, they are likely to get a job offer from Costa Cruise Lines.
But come on, really? You try to delete spam or a pop-up ad sometimes and get the response “Are you really sure you want to delete this message,” Or “Are you really sure you want to navigate away from this page?” Doesn’t it seem like there should be a “Are you SURE you want to push this button?” message.
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Dwight Howard has now apparently added the Clippers to his trade wish list. Wonder how long it will take Jack Nicholson to apply for season tickets.
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Highly-rated QB prospect Gunner Kiel has enrolled at Notre Dame, after first committing to Indiana, and then LSU. Who’s Kiel’s role model? Brett Favre?
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Celebrity chef Paula Deen announced she has Type 2 diabetes. For anyone who’s followed her cooking show or her books, there’s just one question – “What took so long?”
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High school QB Gunner Kiel, rated #2 in the country, has now committed to three different colleges. Now, former top prospect Andrew Luck called his own plays. Don’t think this will happen with Kiel. Coaches will have to figure he’ll never decide what play to call.
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Nick Montana, son of Joe, is transferring from the University of Washington to a junior college, in hopes of eventually finding another four year school where he can play more. And the BCS still says it’s all about protecting the “student-athletes.”
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n Santa Rosa, California, a police sting caught 9 people driving away from the courthouse, out of 18 who had JUST been told by a judge not to drive. Along with the original charges will the police add enhancements for stupidity?
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A final written tally of the Iowa caucus votes will be released Friday, and it turns out Rick Santorum may have actually beaten Mitt Romney. Who did the original counting? Rick Perry?
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The SF Giants have signed Pablo Sandoval to a 3-year contract. The contract is guaranteed unless the Panda does anything dangerous, like motorcycling, mountain climbing, or getting within 50 feet of a Taco Bell.
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Mitt Romney said today that he most of his income comes from investments (makes sense, since he’s been running for President for the last eight years) and currently pays taxes “close to the 15% rate.” 15%. Yeah, I can see why he thinks he needs a tax cut….
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More Romney: In discussing his probable 15% tax rate, he said it is because he has mostly investment income, adding “I get speakers fees from time to time, but not very much.” Last year, Romney earned only $374,327.62 in speaking fees. Can’t imagine how Mitt gets the image of being out of touch.
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A new PPP (Public Policy Polling) poll shows President Obama leading Mitt Romney 49-45. Now polls can vary but one interesting side note: Romney leads by 6 points with men, but Obama leads by 14 points with women. (Comments on this one especially encouraged.)
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, cruise ship sinking jokes, election jokes, Janice Hough, Mitt Romney jokes, primary jokes, SF Giants jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
January 16, 2012
The 49ers get another playoff home game, which should be at night. Will ticket holders be asked to bring flashlights?
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Lakers 73, Dallas 70? Or was that score left over from a Baylor football game?
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How long until we start seeing Costa Concordia cocktails? Presumably something Italian on the rocks, with a lot of water.
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And ah, perspective. Micky Arison, the owner of the Miami Heat, is also the CEO and majority owner of Carnival Cruise Lines, parent company of Costa. Last week if you asked him he might have said the biggest disaster he’d seen this year was Lebron’s performance in the NBA finals.
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George Clooney won a Golden Globes award for “The Descendants.” Probably because as unlikely as it seemed, he actually gave a believable performance as a man a woman might actually cheat on.
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Stephen Colbert, taking Mitt Romney’s “corporations are people” to its logical conclusion, now has a satiric commercial saying that Romney’s time doing leveraged buyouts makes him a serial killer. Wonder how long it will take President Obama to beg Colbert to run in more GOP primaries.
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South Carolina’s leading newspaper endorsed Jon Huntsman, saying that of the “two sensible, experienced grownups in the race, he was “more principled, has a far more impressive resume and offers a significantly more important message.” So, of course after that Huntsman knew he has no chance and had to quit.
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Whose endorsement was less enthusiastic? John Elway’s saying Tebow is next year’s Broncos starter? Or Jon Huntsman saying Mitt Romney is now the GOP’s best Presidential candidate?
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Marc Ragovin’s take on Jon’s Huntsman’s throwing his support to Mitt Romney. That is like the Cubs having “Go Yankees” night.
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Who’d a thunk it. Alex Smith this past weekend gave his best Aaron Rodgers impersonation, while Aaron Rodgers gave his best Alex Smith impersonation.
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Rick Perry last weekend compared himself to Moses. And a voice from the heavens boomed down “I knew Moses, Moses was a friend of mine, Governor, you’re no Moses.”
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Another in the long line of “you cannot make this ‘stuff’ up” items: Georgia Republican state Rep. Kip Smith, the sponsor of a bill that would “require random drug testing” for citizens on public assistance, was arrested early Friday morning in an Atlanta suburb and charged with DUI.
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A man in Southern California have arrested a man who they say added chemicals into his wife’s Rice Krispies cereal last week in attempt to kill her. What, as opposed to the chemicals already in the cereal?
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From my friend Alex Kaseberg: “Tim Tebow had a feeling he was in for a rough game against the Pats. When he prayed before the game, God told Tebow to take the Pats and give the 14.5 points.”
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: 49ers jokes, Concordia jokes, Costa jokes, Janice Hough, Jon Huntsman jokes, Romney jokes
Comments: 2 Comments
January 14, 2012
The Miami Heat have lost three in a row. “That’s such a shame.” said absolutely no one outside South Florida.
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Ohio State president Gordon Gee is apologizing after saying that coordinating the school’s 18 colleges was “kind of like the Polish army or something.”
Fortunately for Gee, he’s likely off the front page soon – Urban Meyer with his 30 plus players arrested in 6 years at the Univ. of Florida is taking over this week.
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John Edward’s criminal trial has been postponed because he apparently has a “life-threatening” condition. Sad. Being a douchebag is not usually fatal.
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A judge says John Edwards has a heart condition. Meaning he has joined Dick Cheney in that rare group who seem to have such problems without actually having a heart.
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The comedy gods taketh away and the comedy gods giveth. As the GOP presidential primary field shrinks, comes the report that Tiger Woods and Tim Tebow could end up playing together in the AT& T Pebble Beach Pro-Am.
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Starbucks is launching a new “Blonde Roast” and an employee has posted that they were advised “there are absolutely no blonde jokes to be told around the coffee what so ever.” Doesn’t mean we can’t post them.
Starting with only blondes will be stupid enough to pay more for weaker coffee?
The winner so far from my friend Alex Kaseberg “The blonde coffee has a much higher chance of ending up in a guy’s lap. (Readers are encouraged to add more.)
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Former Tennessee Titans coach Jeff Fisher may become the next coach of the St. Louis Rams. Fisher apparently is very optimistic, and says he hopes to have the Rams BCS eligible in 2012.
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Former interim MLB commissioner Bud Selig has been given a two year extension until 2014. He took the position temporarily in 1992. Even Brett Favre is saying, “Dude, give it up already.”
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While I’m not exactly a Mitt Romney fan, the latest attack ad in South Carolina lambastes him for speaking French. After an anti-Jon Huntsman ad attacked him for speaking Chinese. And we wonder why Americans have the reputation for being ethnocentric and stupid.
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From Bill Littlejohn, a last word on the BCS championship. After Monday’s 21-0 shellacking at the hands of Alabama, LSU actually received a first place vote in the final poll. Isn’t that like Custer receiving a first place vote after Little Big Horn?
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Janice Hough, John Edwards jokes
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January 10, 2012
Okay, I apologize in advance for this first joke.
If only Hurricane Katrina had made as little forward progress in New Orleans as LSU’s offense.
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But really? Best two teams in the country? For most of the game both LSU and Alabama didn’t even look like the best teams in the SEC.
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Open note to BCS apologists – both of you. So LSU and Alabama had the best records by some determined strength of schedule and only one game was needed. By that token we should have eliminated the wild card games NFL games last weekend and the next two weeks – Just go directly to a Packers-Patriots Super Bowl after a month off.
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For the very casual football fan in Louisiana. Yes, the Saints and LSU play the same game. It just doesn’t look like it.
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Most embarrassing night for LSU where arrests were not involved.
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Question I would like to have seen asked by a sideline reporter to any of tonight’s players. “So, after this is all over, are you looking forward to getting back to classes?”
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Jerry Perisho’s great pre-game comment: “Monday night, it’s LSU versus Alabama in the OMG It’s Finally About To Be Done Bowl.”
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Whatever you think of Pac 12 football, does anyone think that Andrew Luck and the Stanford offense against Alabama wouldn’t have least been able to end up in the same zip code as the end zone?
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For anyone who wondered, is this the best matchup college football can do? The South may not have won the Civil War but they sure won with the BCS process.
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Battle cry of the unfortunate LSU offense tonight: “Occupy Alabama territory.” (In retrospect, the defenders of the Alamo looked less out-manned.)
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After switching over to “the Bachelor, must say, many of the women definitely look more aggressive tonight than the LSU offense.
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Todd Palin endorsed Newt Gingrich for President. This is a surprise to many people who didn’t realize Todd knew who was running.
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Apparently on the latest episode of the Kardashian reality show (isn’t that an oxymoron?), Kim complains: ” Sometimes I wish I’d have just one day of peace.” This will happen only when the Kardashians figure out how to make a profit on “one day of peace.”
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Tim Tebow gets a contract bonus of $250,000 for his playoff win. Another reason many men don’t like the guy, he probably won’t spend any of that money on beer and women.
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Okay this shouldn’t be funny, but. There is a story today about a leopard killing a man in a city in eastern India. According to the AP the victim was a 50-year-old lawyer who was outside talking on his cellphone.
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They’ve starting voted in New Hampshire. Mitt Romney looks likely to win. But his voters appear as enthusiastic as most people do about choosing to spend holidays with their in-laws.
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A alleged wannabe suicide bomber was arrested in Tampa over the weekend. The man apparently never got close to actually carrying out his plot. But wonder if local law enforcement and the FBI didn’t think about letting him have a go at an otherwise empty Tropicana Field.
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Big news in the White House, Bill Daley leaving his position to head back to Chicago. The big news. When anyone in politics from Chicago leaves a position without the police being involved.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Alabama jokes, BCS championship jokes, BCS jokes, Janice Hough, LSU jokes, Tebow jokes
Comments: 6 Comments
January 9, 2012
Yes, you cannot make this “stuff” up, Tim Tebow threw for 3 16 yards tonight. Coincidentally the number of his favorite bible verse.
Not to be confused with Ben Roethlisberger’s favorite 3 16 – three 16 year olds. (Okay, okay, so the alleged victim was 20. He was 28.)
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But really, First play in overtime. Okay, that’s it, God is just f*cking with us.
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John Elway has to be feeling pretty good about telling Tim Tebow to “”pull the trigger.” But if John’s going to toss around phrases like that, it’s probably a good thing the Broncos hadn’t traded for Plaxico Burress.
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Fortunately a Denver-New Orleans Super Bowl is still a longshot. Because what’s God going to do if and when Tebow faces the Saints?
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All this talk about Tim Tebow thinking he’s God. Clearly for much of Sunday the critics were wrong. Tebow didn’t think he is God, he though he was Steve Young.
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From T.C “Big Ben supposedly heard muttering to himself as he left the field after 1 play in OT – There is no God.”
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Anyone watch the Godaddy.com Bowl? Yeah, me neither.
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All this talk about if Atlanta had only not gone for those two 4th and inches plays…. The way I see it, that would have made the score 24-9.
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Kiefer Sutherland said that filming on the new “24” movie will start in the spring. Presumably the first scenes will be shot between 9:00 and 10:00am.
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Texas Gov. Rick Perry said today he’s not giving up on the GOP presidential primary. And compared himself to the fighters who rode back into the Alamo. Now, I wholeheartedly honor those brave Texans who fought in San Antonio, but does Perry know they all ended up dead?
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Beyonce named her baby girl, “Blue Ivy.” So when did they print the memo that says that if you’re a celebrity it’s your duty to name your kids something stupid?
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Poor Kristen Wiig. Not that her career is doing that badly with “Bridesmaids” and SNL. But watching her again on “Weekend Update” reminded me that her Michele Bachmann impersonation, which she won’t have much call to do now, is ALMOST as good as Tina Fey’s Sarah Palin.
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Think we can now safely rule out a Newt-Mitt ticket: Gingrich on Romney’s saying that he was a one-term Gov.in Mass. because he wanted to return to private life. “Could we drop a little bit of the pious baloney?? You had a very bad re-election rating; you dropped out…. You were running for president while you were governor, you were out of state consistently.”
(You do have to love a man who has been married three times but still endorses the Defense of Marriage Act telling ANYONE to “cut the pious baloney.”)
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And yes, we Stanford fans need to get over it. Eventually. But let’s see, in this past week at the end of a tie game, we’ve now seen a coach with the best QB in college go conservative and run, and a coach with one of the worst QBs in the NFL risk disaster by going for the big pass….
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Ben Roethlisberger jokes, Broncos jokes, Janice Hough, Perry jokes, Romney jokes, Tebow God jokes, Tim Tebow jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
January 8, 2012
For anyone who wanted to see what Andrew Luck would be like with really good receivers, I refer you to highlights of Drew Brees tonight against the Lions.
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Not to say the Saints were unstoppable. But in the second half, they were scoring faster than Tiger Woods during his marriage in a room full of waitresses.
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Barry J. Sanders, who committed today to Stanford, said he looks forward to playing with other great “student-athletes.” The number one response from most other top high-school football recruits? “What’s a student-athlete?”
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Amazing thought. When this season started, Houston QB T.J. Yates was further down the depth chart than Tim Tebow.
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By the time most people read this, Saturday night’s GOP debate will have been eclipsed by Sunday morning’s debate. If eclipsed is the right word. But for now, so much for the rest of the GOP field beating up on Mitt Romney. The Detroit Lions defense did a better job against Drew Brees.
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Apparently catcher Jorge Posada has decided to retire from playing Major League Baseball. Many fans who watched the Yankees play in 2010 think he already did.
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An actual serious post, Jan 8 is the one-year anniversary of the horrible shooting in Tucson that killed six people and critically injured Congresswoman Gabby Giffords. While recovering, Giffords hasn’t decided whether or not to run again in 2012. Here’s a thought, let her husband run, hold the seat for two years, and then step down assuming she has recovered sufficiently by 2014.
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Headline about newly published “The Obamas’: Book Reveals Friction Between Rahm Emanuel, Michelle Obama.” Uh, really? Wouldn’t it be more of a headline if Rahm Emanuel didn’t have friction with someone?
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Mitt Romney said Saturday night that it ‘pains him to fire workers in order to make a company more profitable.” Sounds like the grownup version of the old parents’ spanking comment “This hurts me more than it hurts you.” And about as believable.
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Meanwhile, in Washington, D.C., Barack Obama is working on his re-election strategy. Number one campaign objective: “More GOP debates.”
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Jon Huntsman appears to be a reasonable likable man who might, in spite of his conservative social views, get some independent and even Democratic votes in November. Yet he apparenly has no chance. Wonder if the 2012 GOP is considering changing their mascot from an elephant to a lemming.
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Ah lawyers, just got an email from a Vegas hotel titled “Score your seat to watch ‘the Big Game.'” (inside the email it says Big Game XVLI Feb. 5, 2012) Add “Super Bowl” to the list of terms that must be copyrighted.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Drew Brees jokes, GOP debate jokes, Janice Hough, New Orleans Saints jokes, Saints jokes
Comments: 3 Comments
January 7, 2012
Much buzz about the fact the Tiger’s ex-wife Elin bought, then knocked down, a $12 million Florida mansion. Wonder if she got a discount on the demolition for helping out with her own golf clubs?
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Regarding that $12 million mansion Elin Nordegren bought and has had demolished, the 17,000 sq. ft. home had six bedrooms with a pool, a beach, and eight bathrooms. According to North Palm Beach town planners – Elin’s reason, it didn’t have enough space for her and her family.
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Thirty two college football bowl games down. 3 to go. Maybe time to remake that old Chicago song. “Does anybody really know what time it is. Does anybody really care?
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There are rumors that this may be Ryan Seacrest’s last year “American Idol” host..” As Seacrest’s expiring $15 million a year contract extension may be viewed as too much money. Would Ryan re-negotiate? We’ll find out, after the break.
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The Letterman’s Club, a Penn State alumni group, is upset that newly hired football head coach Bill O’Brien has is not a “Penn Stater” (i.e., someone with a history at the school.) Uh, at this point, isn’t that the best chance the university has to actually hire someone clean?
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The Sugar Bowl had a chance to take any at-large teams, and passed on Stanford. Not to mention top-ten ranked Kansas State and Arkansas. They wanted Michigan and Virginia Tech because their fans “travelled.” Total Sugar Bowl attendance, about 64,500. Total Fiesta Bowl attendance, about 69.500.
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La Redoute, a French clothing company, had an “oops” moment with a new ad on their website. It showed a photo of four children in beach clothes, but in the background off in the distance…a naked man. Guess that answers the question – “What is Jerry Sandusky doing now?”
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NBC’s entertainment chairman said the network had “a really bad fall.” What, as opposed to their really bad winter, spring and summer?
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A 17-year old from South Carolina babysitter has been arrested after giving a Xanax to 4-year old girl. Her excuse was she wanted to get the child to calm down and take a nap. Millions of Americans just hope the babysitters’s arrest doesn’t stand in the way of her pursuing a career as a flight attendant.
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A British survey found that women tell on average 474 lies a year – nine a week, about the kinds of food they eat and the amount they drink. You know what that means – the women lied to the survey takers too.
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Oregon’s LaMichael James is going to declare for the NFL draft. Undaunted, the Ducks will no doubt go down to juvenile hall to recruit another replacement.
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Mattel is coming out with Kardashian Barbie dolls. The dolls will apparently be very realistic copies of the sisters – albeit with less plastic.
Categories: political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Elin Nordegren jokes, Janice Hough, Penn State jokes, Sandusky jokes, Tiger's ex wife jokes
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January 6, 2012
All these candidates, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry, Herman Cain, etc who said God told them to run. Is it possible that God just really wants to make sure Barack Obama gets re-elected?
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Or maybe God just needs a new cellphone plan?
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But really, Michele Bachmann, Rick Perry and Herman Cain all actually said God told them to run for President. Maybe the one with the direct line to God is really Jon Stewart.
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John McCain attacked Newt Gingrich for his recent attack on Romney – “I don’t think it’s appropriate to call your opponent a liar.” Actually, both McCain and Gingrich should be experts on the subject of lying – or does “Honey, I’ve been working late, I’ll be right home” not count?
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The Cubs have traded Carlos Zambrano to the Marlins. The deal requires Chicago to pay most of the temperamental pitcher’s salary, along presumably with money to cover the costs of increased clubhouse security.
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A friend sent me a message pointing out that Carlos Zambrano and Ozzie Guillen will now be in the same clubhouse. Wow. This means the Marlins could become the first MLB team with thermonuclear capability.
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Albert Pujols has signed a guaranteed 10 year $250 million deal at the age of 32, though some say he may be older. Which probably means that the Angels are paying big $$ to get at least a few really good years now, and will continue to pay when things fall apart. Sort of like an old rich guy marrying a trophy wife without a prenup.
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My friend Dallas forwards me this quote (he attributed it to Special Agent Mulder from the X-Files, but the original quote was from to Hungarian psychiatrist and SUNY professor Thomas S.Szasz.) “If you talk to God, you are praying. If God talks to you, you have schizophrenia.””
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No argument here with Senator John McCain, who made this statement (no joke) at a rally tonight for Mitt Romney. “I am confident, with the leadership and the backing of the American people, President Obama will turn this country around.”
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The Boston Globe endorsed Jon Huntsman for the GOP Presidental nomination. Wonder if they would have endorsed the man Mitt Romney was as Governor of Massachusetts.
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Tiger Woods’ ex-wife Elin Nordegren bought a $12 million mansion in North Palm Beach, Florida after her divorce, and has now demolished the place to build something new. Talk about class warfare, this is the kind of behavior that inflames the 1 percent against the 0.1 percent.
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According to USA Today, automakers are trying to outdo each other in apps for their cars, so that drivers can have more and more of the same apps that they have on their smart phones. What could possibly go wrong?
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Rick Santorum is now saying Congress should take President Obama to court for his recess appointments for the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau and the NLRB. (On the second, he appointed 2 Dems and 1 Republican, to keep a quorum.)
Fine, but where was Santorum when George W. Bush made his 171 recess appointments? Obama so far has made 28.
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Casey Anthony has now come out with a new look (short blond hair) and a public video diary. What, was she upset Jerry Sandusky was getting all the attention?
Categories: baseball jokes, political jokes, sports jokes, Uncategorized
Tags: Casey Anthony jokes, GOP primary jokes, Janice Hough, Rick Perry jokes, Zambrano jokes
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Left Coast Sports Babe 